"Oh，weweresentfor；andStalkyaskedtohavethe’depositions’readout，andtheHeadknockedhimspinningintoawaste—paperbasket。Thenhegaveuseightcutsapiece——welters——for——for——takin’unheard—oflibertieswithanewmaster。Isawhisshouldersshakingwhenwewentout。Doyouknow，"saidBeetle，pensively，"thatMasoncan’tlookatusnowinsecondlessonwithoutblushing？Wethreestareathimsometimestillheregularlytrickles。He’sanawfullysensitivebeast。"
"Heread’Eric，orLittlebyLittle，’"saidMcTurk；"sowegavehim’St。Winifred’s，ortheWorldofSchool。’TheyspentalltheirsparetimestealingatSt。Winifred’s，whentheyweren’tprayingorgettingdrunkatpubs。Well，thatwasonlyaweekago，andtheHead’salittlebitshyofus。Hecalleditconstructivedeviltry。Stalkyinventeditall。"
"Nottheleastgoodhavingarowwithamasterunlessyoucanmakeanassofhim，"
saidStalky，extendedateaseonthehearth—rug。"IfMasondidn’tknowNumberFive——well，he’slearnt，that’sall。Now，mydearlybeloved’earers"——Stalkycurledhislegsunderhimandaddressedthecompany——"we’vegotthatstrong’，perseverin’
manKingonourhands。Hewentmilesoutofhiswaytoprovokeaconflict。"
（HereStalkysnappeddowntheblacksilkdominoandassumedtheairofajudge。）"HehasoppressedBeetle，McTurk，andme，_privatim_et_seriatim_，onebyone，ashecouldcatchus。Butnow，hehasinsultedNumberFiveupinthemusic—room，andinthepresenceofthese——theseossifersoftheNinety—third，wotlooklikehairdressers。Binjimin，wemustmakehimcry’Capivi！’"
Stalky’sreadingdidnotincludeBrowningorRuskin。
"And，besides，"saidMcTurk，"he’saPhilistine，abasket—hanger。Hewearsatartantie。Ruskinsaysthatanymanwhowearsatartantiewill，withoutdoubt，bedamnedeverlastingly。"
"Bravo，McTurk，"saidTertius；"Ithoughthewasonlyabeast。"
"He’sthat，too，ofcourse，buthe’sworse。Hohasachinabasketwithblueribbonsandapinkkittenonit，hungupinhiswindowtogrowmuskin。YouknowwhenIgotallthatoldoakcarvin’outofBidefordChurch，whentheywererestoringit（Ruskinsaysthatanymanwho’llrestoreachurchisanunmitigatedsweep），andstuckitupherewithglue？Well，Kingcameinandwantedtoknowwhetherwe’ddoneitwithafret—saw！Yah！HeistheKingofbasket—hangers！"
DownwentMcTurk’sinkythumboveranimaginaryarenafullofbleedingKings。
"_Placete_，childofagenerousrace！"hecriedtoBeetle。
"Well，"beganBeetle，doubtfully，"hecomesfromBalliol，butI’mgoingtogivethebeastachance。YouseeIcanalwaysmakehimhopwithsomemorepoetry。Hecan’treportmetotheHead，becauseitmakeshimridiculous。（Stalky’squiteright。）Butheshallhavehischance。"
Beetleopenedthebookonthetable，ranhisfingerdownapage，andbeganatrandom：
"OrwhoinMoscowtowardtheCzarWiththedemurestoffootfalls，OvertheKremlin’spavementwhiteWithserpentineandsyenite，Stepswithfiveothergenerals——"
"That’snogood。Tryanother，"saidStalky。
"Holdonashake；Iknowwhat’scoming。"McTurkwasreadingoverBeetle’sshoulder。
"Thatsimultaneouslytakesnuff，ForeachtohavepretextenoughAndkerchiefwiseunfoldhissash，Which——softness’self——isyetthestuff（Gummy！Whatasentence！）
ToholdfastwhereasteelchainsnapsAndleavethegrandwhitenecknogash。
（Fullstop。）"
"’Don’tunderstandawordofit，"saidStalky。
"Morefoolyou！Construe，"saidMcTurk。"ThosesixbargeesscraggedtheCzar，andleftnoevidence。_Actum_est_withKing。"
"Hegavemethatbook，too，"saidBeetle，lickinghislips：
"There’sagreattextinGalatians，OnceyoutriponitentailsTwenty—ninedistinctdamnations，Onesureifanotherfails。"
Thenirrelevantly：
"Setebos！Setebos！andSetebos！
Thinkethhelivethinthecoldofthemoon。"
"He’sjustcomeinfromdinner，"saidDickFour，lookingthroughthewindow。
"Mandersminoriswithhim。"
"’SafestplaceforMandersminorjustnow，"saidBeetle。
"Thenyouchapshadbetterclearout，"saidStalkypolitelytothevisitors。
"’Tisn’tfairtomixyouupinastudyrow。Besides，wecan’taffordtohaveevidence。"
"Areyougoingtobeginatonce？’saidAladdin。
"Immediately，ifnotsooner，"saidStalky，andturnedoutthegas。
"Strong，perseverin’man——King。Makehimcry’Capivi。’G’way，Binjimin。"
Thecompanyretreatedtotheirownneatandspaciousstudywithexpectantsouls。
"WhenStalkyblowsouthisnostrilslikeahorse，"saidAladdintotheEmperorofChina，"he’sonthewar—path。’WonderwhatKingwillget。"
"Beans，"saidtheEmperor。"NumberFivegenerallypaysinfull。"
"WonderifIoughttotakeanynoticeofitofficially，"saidAbanazar，whohadjustrememberedhewasaprefect。
"It’snoneofyourbusiness，Pussy。Besides，ifyoudid，we’dhavethemhostiletous；andweshouldn’tbeabletodoanywork，"saidAladdin。"They’vebegunalready。"
NowthatWest—Africanwar—drumhadbeenmadetosignalacrossestuariesanddeltas。
NumberFivewasforbiddentowaketheenginewithinearshotoftheschool。Butadeep，devastatingdronefilledthepassagesasMcTurkandBeetlescientificallyrubbeditstop。Anonitchangedtotheblareoftrumpets——ofsavagepursuingtrumpets。Then，asMcTurkslappedoneside，smoothwiththebloodofancientsacrifice，theroarbrokeintoshortcoughinghowlssuchasthewoundedgorillathrowsinhisnativeforest。ThesewerefollowedbythewrathofKing——threestepsatatime，upthestaircase，withadrywhirofthegown。Aladdinandcompany，listening，squeakedwithexcitementasthedoorcrashedopen。Kingstumbledintothedarkness，andcursedthoseperformersbythegodsofBalliolandquietrepose。
"Turnedoutforaweek，"saidAladdin，holdingthestudydooronthecrack。"Keytobebroughtdowntohisstudyinfiveminutes。’Brutes！Barbarians！Savages！
Children！’He’sratheragitated。’Arrah，Patsy，mindthebaby，’"hesanginawhisperasheclungtothedoor—knob，dancinganoiselesswar—dance。
Kingwentdown—stairsagain，andBeetleandMcTurklitthegastoconferwithStalky。ButStalkyhadvanished。
"Lookslikenoendofamess，"saidBeetle，collectinghisbooksandmathematicalinstrumentcase。"Aweekintheform—roomsisn’tanyadvantagetous。"
"Yes，butdon’tyouseethatStalkyisn’there，youowl！"saidMcTurk。"Takedownthekey，andlooksorrowful。King’llonlyjawyouforhalfanhour。I’mgoingtoreadinthelowerform—room。"
"Butit’salwaysme，"mournedBeetle。
"Waittillwesee，"saidMcTurk，hopefully。"Idon’tknowanymorethanyoudowhatStalkymeans，butit’ssomething。GodownanddrawKing’sfire。You’reusedtoit。"
Nosoonerhadthekeyturnedinthedoorthanthelidofthecoal—box，whichwasalsothewindow—seat，liftedcautiously。Ithadbeenatightfit，evenforthelitheStalky，hisheadbetweenhisknees，andhisstomachunderhisrightear。Fromadrawerinthetablehetookawell—worncatapult，ahandfulofbuckshot，andaduplicatekeyofthestudy；noiselesslyheraisedthewindowandkneeledbyit，hisfaceturnedtotheroad，thewind—slopedtrees，thedarklevelsoftheBurrows，andthewhitelineofbreakersfallingnine—deepalongthePebbleridge。Fardownthesteep—bankedDevonshirelaneheheardthehuskyhootofthecarrier’shorn。Therewasaghostofmelodyinit，asitmighthavebeenthewindinagin—bottleessayingtosing，"It’sawaywehaveintheArmy。"
Stalkysmiledatight—lippedsmile，andatextremerangeopenedfire：theoldhorsehalfwheeledintheshafts。
"Wherehegwainetu？"hiccoughedRabbits—Eggs。Anotherbuckshottorethroughtherottencanvastiltwithaviciouszipp。
"_Habet_！"murmuredStalky，asRabbits—Eggssworeintothepatientnight，protestingthathesawthe"dommedcolleger"whowasassaultinghim。
"Andso，"KingwassayinginahighheadvoicetoBeetle，whomhehadkepttoplaywithbeforeMandersminor，wellknowingthatithurtsaFifth—formboytobehelduptoafag’sderision，"andso，MasterBeetle，inspiteofallourverses，whichwearesoproudof，whenwepresumetocomeintodirectconflictwithevensohumblearepresentativeofauthorityasmyself，forinstance，weareturnedoutofourstudies，arewenot？"
"Yes，sir，"saidBeetle，withasheepishgrinonhislipsandmurderinhisheart。
Hopehadnearlylefthim，butheclungtoawell—establishedfaiththatneverwasStalkysodangerousaswhenhewasinvisible。
"Youare_not_requiredtocriticise，thankyou。Turnedoutofourstudies，weare，justasifwewerenobetterthanlittleMandersminor。Onlyinkyschoolboysweare，andmustbetreatedassuch。"
Beetleprickeduphisears，forRabbits—Eggswasswearingsavagelyontheroad，andsomeofthelanguageenteredattheuppersash。Kingbelievedinventilation。Hestrodetothewindowgownedandmajestic，veryvisibleinthegaslight。
"Izee’un！Izee’un！"roaredRabbits—Eggs，nowthathehadfoundavisiblefoe——anothershotfromthedarknessabove。"Yiss，yeou，yeoulong—nosed，fower—eyed，gingy—whiskeredbeggar！Yeu’mtuoldforsuchgoin’son。Aie！Poulticeyeournose，I
tall’ee！Poulticeyeourlongnose！"
Beetle’sheartleapedupwithinhim。Somewhere，somehow，heknew，Stalkymovedbehindthesemanifestations。Therewerehopeandtheprospectofrevenge。Hewouldembodythesuggestionaboutthenoseindeathlessverse。Kingthrewupthewindow，andsternlyrebukedRabbits—Eggs。Butthecarrierwasbeyondfearorfawning。Hehaddescendedfromthecart，andwasstoopingbytheroadside。
Itallfellswiftlyasadream。Mandersminorraisedhishandtohisheadwithacry，asajaggedflintcannonedontosomerichtree—calfbindingsinthebookshelf。
Anotherquoitedalongthewriting—table。Beetlemadezealousfeinttostopit，andinthatendeavoroverturnedastudent’slamp，whichdripped，_via_King’spapersandsomechoicebooks，greasilyontoaPersianrug。Therewasmuchbrokenglassonthewindow—seat；thechinabasket——McTurk’saversion——crackedtoflinders，haddroppedhermuskplantanditsearthovertheredrepcushions；Mandersminorwasbleedingprofuselyfromacutonthecheek—bone；andKing，usingstrangewords，everyoneofwhichBeetletreasured，ranforthtofindtheschool—sergeant，thatRabbits—Eggsmightbeinstantlycastintojail。
"Poorchap！"saidBeetle，withafalse，feignedsympathy。"Letitbleedalittle。
That’llpreventapoplexy，"andheheldtheblindheadskilfullyoverthetable，andthepapersonthetable，asheguidedthehowlingManderstothedoor。
ThendidBeetle，alonewiththewreckage，returngoodforevil。How，inthatoffice，acompletesetof"Gibbon"wasscarredallalongthebackasbyaflint；howsomuchblackandcopyinginkcametobemingledwithManders’sgoreonthetable—cloth；whythebiggum—bottle，unstoppered，hadrolledsemicircularlyacrossthefloor；andinwhatmannerthewhitechinadoor—knobgrewtobepaintedwithyetmoreofManders’syoungblood，werematterswhichBeetledidnotexplainwhentherabidKingreturnedtofindhimstandingpolitelyoverthereekinghearth—rug。
"Younevertoldmetogo，sir，"hesaid，withtheairofCasabianca，andKingconsignedhimtotheouterdarkness。
Butitwastoaboot—cupboardunderthestaircaseonthegroundfloorthathehastened，toloosethemirththatwasdestroyinghim。Hehadnotdrawnbreathforafirstwhoopoftriumphwhentwohandschokedhimdumb。
"Gotothedormitoryandgetmemythings。Bring’emtoNumberFivelavatory。I’mstillintights，"hissedStalky，sittingonhishead。"Don’trun。Walk。"
ButBeetlestaggeredintotheform—roomnextdoor，anddelegatedhisdutytotheyetunenlightenedMcTurk，withanhystericalprecisofthecampaignthusfar。SoitwasMcTurk，ofthewoodenvisage，whobroughttheclothesfromthedormitorywhileBeetlepantedonaform。ThenthethreeburiedthemselvesinNumberFivelavatory，turnedonallthetaps，filledtheplacewithsteam，anddroppedweepingintothebaths，wheretheypiecedoutthewar。
"_Moi_！_Je_！_Ich_！_Ego_！"gaspedStalky。"IwaitedtillIcouldn’thearmyselfthink，whileyouplayedthedrum！Hidinthecoal—locker——andtweakedRabbits—Eggs——andRabbits—EggsrockedKing。Wasn’titbeautiful？Didyouheartheglass？"
"Why，he——he——he，"shriekedMcTurk，onetremblingfingerpointedatBeetle。
"Why，I——I——Iwasthroughitall，"Beetlehowled；"inhisstudy，beingjawed。"
"Oh，mysoul！"saidStalkywithayell，disappearingunderwater。
"The——theglasswasnothing。Mandersminor’shead’scutopen。La——la——lampupsetallovertherug。Bloodonthebooksandpapers。Thegum！Thegum！Thegum！Theink！Theink！Theink！Oh，Lord！"
ThenStalkyleapedout，allpinkashewas，andshookBeetleintosomesortofcoherence；buthistaleprostratedthemafresh。
"Ibunkedfortheboot—cupboardthesecondIheardKinggodown—stairs。Beetletumbledinontopofme。Thesparekey’shidbehindthelooseboard。Thereisn’tashadowofevidence，"saidStalky。Theywereallchantingtogether。
"Andheturnedusouthimself——himself——himself！"ThisfromMcTurk。"Hecan’tbegintosuspectus。Oh，Stalky，it’stheloveliestthingwe’veeverdone。"
"Gum！Gum！Dollopsofgum！"shoutedBeetle，hisspectaclesgleamingthroughaseaoflather。"Inkandbloodallmixed。Iheldthelittlebeast’sheadallovertheLatinprosesforMonday。Golly，howtheoilstunk！AndRabbits—EggstoldKingtopoulticehisnose！DidyouhitRabbits—Eggs，Stalky？"
"DidIjollywellnot。？Tweakedhimallover。Didyouhearhimcurse？Oh，IshallbesickinaminuteifIdon’tstop。"
Butdressingwasaslowprocess，becauseMcTurkwasobligedtodancewhenheheardthatthemuskbasketwasbroken，and，moreover，BeetleretailedallKing’slanguagewithemendationsandpurpleinsets。
"Shockin’！’saidStalky，collapsinginahelplesswelterofhalf—hitchedtrousers。
"Sodam’bad，too，forinnocentboyslikeus！Wonderwhatthey’dsayat’St。
Winifred’s，ortheWorldofSchool。’——Bygum！ThatremindsmeweowetheLowerThirdoneforassaultin’BeetlewhenhechiviedMandersminor。Comeon！It’sanalibi，Samivel；and，besides，ifwelet’emoffthey’llbeworsenexttime。"
TheLowerThirdhadsetaguardupontheirform—roomforthespaceofafullhour，whichtoaboyisalifetime。NowtheywerebusywiththeirSaturdayeveningbusinesses——cookingsparrowsoverthegaswithrustynibs；brewingunholydrinksingallipots；skinningmoleswithpocket—knives；attendingtopapertraysfullofsilkworms，ordiscussingtheiniquitiesoftheirelderswithafreedom，fluency，andpointthatwouldhaveamazedtheirparents。Theblowfellwithoutwarning。Stalkyupsetaformcrowdedwithsmallboysamongtheirowncookingutensils，McTurkraidedtheuntidylockersasaterrierdigsatarabbit—hole，whileBeetlepouredinkuponsuchheadsashecouldnotappealtowithaSmith’sClassicalDictionary。Threebriskminutesaccountedformanysilkworms，petlarvae，Frenchexercises，schoolcaps，half—preparedbonesandskulls，andadozenpotsofhome—madesloejam。Itwasagreatwreckage，andtheform—roomlookedasthoughthreeconflictingtempestshadsmittenit。
"Phew！"saidStalky，drawingbreathoutsidethedoor（amidgroansof"Oh，youbeastlyca—ads！Youthinkyourselvesawfulfunny，"andsoforth）。"_That’s_allright。Neverletthesungodownuponyourwrath。Rummylittledevils，fags。Gotnonotiono’combinin’。"
"Sixof’emsatonmyheadwhenIwentinafterMandersminor，"saidBeetle。"I
warned’emwhatthey’dget，though。"
"Everybodypaidinfull——beautifulfeelin’，"saidMcTurkabsently，astheystrolledalongthecorridor。"Don’tthinkwe’dbettersaymuchaboutKing，though，doyou，Stalky？"
"Not_much_。Ourlineisinjuredinnocence，ofcourse——sameaswhentheSergeantreportedusonsuspicionofsmokinginthebunkers。IfIhadn’tthoughtofbuyin’
thepepperandspillin’italloverourclothes，he’dhavesmeltus。Kingwasgha—astlyfacetiousaboutthat。’Calledusbird—stuffersinformforaweek。"
"Ah，KinghatestheNaturalHistorySocietybecauselittleHartoppispresident。
Mustn’tdoanythingintheColl。withoutglorifyin’King，"saidMcTurk。"Buthemustbeaputridass，know，tosupposeatourtimeo’lifewe’dgoandstuffbirdslikefags。"
"PooroldKing！"saidBeetle。"He’sunpopularinCommon—room，andthey’llchaffhisheadoffaboutRabbits—Eggs。Golly！Howlovely！Howbeautiful！Howholy！Butyoushouldhaveseenhisfacewhenthefirstrockcamein！_And_theearthfromthebasket！"
Sotheywereallstrickenhelplessforfiveminutes。
TheyrepairedatlasttoAbanazar’sstudy，andwerereceivedreverently。
"What’sthematter？"saidStalky，quicktorealizenewatmospheres。
"Youknowjollywell，"saidAbanazar。"You’llbeexpelledifyougetcaught。Kingisagibberingmaniac。"
"Who？Which？What？Expelledforhow？Weonlyplayedthewar—drum。We’vegotturnedoutforthatalready。"
"Doyouchapsmeantosayyoudidn’tmakeRabbits—EggsdrunkandbribehimtorockKing’srooms？"
"Bribehim？No，thatI’llswearwedidn’t，"saidStalky，witharelievedheart，forhelovednottotelllies。"Whatalowmindyou’vegot，Pussy！We’vebeendownhavingabath。DidRabbits—EggsrockKing？Strong，perseverin’manKing？Shockin’！"
"Awf’ly。King’sfrothingatthemouth。There’sbellforprayers。Comeon。"
"Waitasec，"saidStalky，continuingtheconversationinaloudandcheerfulvoice，astheydescendedthestairs。"WhatdidRabbits—EggsrockKingfor？"
"Iknow，"saidBeetle，astheypassedKing’sopendoor。"Iwasinhisstudy。"
"Hush，youass！"hissedtheEmperorofChina。"Oh，he’sgonedowntoprayers，"saidBeetle，watchingtheshadowofthehouse—masteronthewall。"Rabbits—Eggswasonlyabitdrunk，swearin’athishorse，andKingjawedhimthroughthewindow，andthen，ofcourse，herockedKing。"
"Doyoumeantosay，"saidStalky，"thatKingbeganit？"
Kingwasbehindthem，andeverywell—weighedwordwentupthestaircaselikeanarrow。"Icanonlyswear，"saidBeetle，"thatKingcursedlikeabargee。Simplydisgustin’。I’mgoin’towritetomyfatheraboutit。"
"BetterreportittoMason，"suggestedStalky。"Heknowsourtenderconsciences。
Holdonashake。I’vegottotiemybootlace。"
Theotherstudyhurriedforward。Theydidnotwishtobedraggedintostageasidesofthisnature。SoitwaslefttoMcTurktosumupthesituationbeneaththegunsoftheenemy。
"Yousee，"saidtheIrishman，hangingonthebanister，"hebeginsbybullyinglittlechaps；thenhebulliesthebigchaps；thenhebulliessomeonewhoisn’tconnectedwiththeCollege，andthencatchesit。Serveshimjollywellright……Ibegyourpardon，sir。Ididn’tseeyouwerecomingdownthestaircase。"
Theblackgowntorepastlikeathunder—storm，andinitswake，threeabreast，armslinked，theAladdincompanyrolledupthebigcorridortoprayers，singingwithmostinnocentintention：
"Arrah，Patsy，mindthebaby！Arrah，Patsy，mindthechild！
Wraphimupinanovercoat，he’ssurelygoin’wild！
Arrah，Patsy，mindthebaby；justyemindthechildawhile！
He’llkickan’bitean’cryallnight！Arrah，Patsy，mindthechild！"
ANUNSAVORYINTERLUDE。
ItwasamaidenauntofStalkywhosenthimbothbooks，withtheinscription，"TodearestArtie，onhissixteenthbirthday；"itwasMcTurkwhoorderedtheirhypothecation；anditwasBeetle，returnedfromBideford，whoflungthemonthewindow—sillofNumberFivestudywithnewsthatBastablewouldadvancebutninepenceonthetwo；"Eric；or，LittlebyLittle，"beingalmostasgreatadrugas"St。
Winifred’s。""An’Idon’tthinkmuchofyouraunt。We’renearlyoutofcartridges，too——Artie，dear。"
WhereuponStalkyroseuptograpplewithhim，butMcTurksatonStalky’shead，callinghima"pure—mindedboy"tillpeacewasdeclared。AstheyweregrievouslyinarrearswithaLatinprose，asitwasablazingJulyafternoon，andastheyoughttohavebeenatahousecricket—match，theybegantorenewtheiracquaintance，intimateandunholy，withthevolumes。
"Hereweare！"saidMcTurk。"’CorporalpunishmentproducedonErictheworsteffects。Heburned_not_withremorseorregret’——makeanoteo’that，Beetle——’butwithshameandviolentindignation。Heglared’——oh，naughtyEric！Let’sgettowherehegoesinfordrink。"
"Holdonhalfashake。Here’sanothersample。’TheSixth，’hesays，’isthepalladiumofallpublicschools。’Butthislot——"Stalkyrappedthegildedbook——"can’tpreventfellowsdrinkin’andstealin’，an’lettin’fagsoutofwindowatnight，an’——an’doin’whattheyplease。Golly，whatwe’vemissed——notgoin’toSt。
Winifred’s！……"
"I’msorrytoseeanyboysofmyhousetakingsolittleinterestintheirmatches。"
Mr。Proutcouldmoveverysilentlyifhepleased，thoughthatisnomeritinaboy’seyes。Hehadflungopenthestudy—doorwithoutknocking——anothersin——andlookedatthemsuspiciously。"Verysorry，indeed，Iamtoseeyoufrowstinginyourstudies。"
"We’vebeenouteversincedinner，sir，"said。McTurkwearily。Onehouse—matchisjustlikeanother，andtheir"ploy"ofthatweekhappenedtoberabbit—shootingwithsaloon—pistols。
"Ican’tseeaballwhenit’scoming，sir，"saidBeetle。"I’vehadmygig—lampssmashedattheNetstillIgotexcused。Iwasn’tanygoodevenasafag，then，sir。"
"Tuckisprobablyyourform。Tuckandbrewing。Whycan’tyouthreetakeanyinterestinthehonorofyourhouse？"
Theyhadheardthatphrasetilltheywerewearied。The"honorofthehouse"wasProut’sweakpoint，andtheyknewwellhowtoflickhimontheraw。
"Ifyouorderustogodown，sir，ofcoursewe’llgo，"saidStalky，withmaddeningpoliteness。ButProutknewbetterthanthat。Hehadtriedtheexperimentonceatabigmatch，whenthethree，self—isolated，stoodtoattentionforhalfanhourinfullviewofallthevisitors，towhomfags，subsidizedforthatend，pointedthemoutasvictimsofProut’styranny。AndProutwasasensitiveman。
IntheinfinitelypettyconfederaciesoftheCommon—room，KingandMacrea，fellowhouse—masters，hadborneitinuponhimthatbygames，andgamesalone，wassalvationwrought。Boysneglectedwereboyslost。Theymustbedisciplined。Lefttohimself，Proutwouldhavemadeasympathetichouse—master；buthewasneversoleft，andwiththedevilishinsightofyouth，theboysknewtowhomtheywereindebtedforhiszeal。
"Mustwegodown，sir？’saidMcTurk。
"Idon’twanttoorderyoutodowhataright—thinkingboyshoulddogladly。I’msorry。"Andhelurchedoutwithsomehazyimpressionthathehadsowngoodseedonpoorground。
"Nowwhatdoeshesupposeistheuseofthat？"saidBeetle。
"Oh，he’scracked。KingjawshiminCommon—roomaboutnotkeepin’usuptothemark，an’Macreaburblesabout’dithcipline，’an’oldHeffysitsbetween’emsweatin’bigdrops。IheardOke（theCommon—roombutler）talkingtoRichards（Prout’shouse—servant）aboutitdowninthebasementtheotherdaywhenIwentdowntobagsomebread，"saidStalky。
"WhatdidOkesay？"demandedMcTurk，throwing"Eric"intoacorner。
"Oh，hesaid，’Theymakemorenisenoranestfullo’jackdaws，an’halfofitlikewe’dnoearstoourheadsthatwaitedon’em。TheytalksoveroldProut——whathe’vedonean’leftundoneabouthisboys。An’howtheirboysbefineboys，an’his’nbedombad。’Well，Oketalkedlikethat，youknow，andRichardsgotawf’lywrathy。HehasadownonKingforsomethingorother。Wonderwhy？"
"Why，KingtalksaboutProutinform—room——makesallusions，an’allthat——onlyhalfthechapsaresuchassestheycan’tseewhathe’sdrivin’at。Andd’yourememberwhathesaidaboutthe’CasualHouse’lastTuesday？Hemeantus。Theysayhesaysperfectlybeastlythingstohisownhouse，makingfunofProut’s，"saidBeetle。
"Well，wedidn’tcomeheretomixupintheirrows，"McTurksaidwrathfully。"Who’llbatheaftercall—over？King’stakin’itinthecricket—field。Comeon。"Turkeyseizedhisstrawandledtheway。
Theyreachedthesun—blisteredpavilionoveragainstthegrayPebbleridgejustbeforeroll—call，and，askingnoquestions，gatheredfromKing’svoiceandmannerthathishousewasontheroadtovictory。
"Ah，ha！"saidhe，turningtoshowthelightofhiscountenance。"HerewehavetheornamentsoftheCasualHouseatlast。Youconsidercricketbeneathyou，Ibelieve"——thecrowd，flannelled，sniggered"andfromwhatIhaveseenthisafternoon，I
fancymanyothersofyourhouseholdthesameview。AndmayIaskwhatyoupurposetodowithyournobleselvestilltea—time？"
"Goingdowntobathe，sir，"saidStalky。
"Andwhencethissuddenzealforcleanliness？Thereisnothingaboutyouthatparticularlysuggestsit。Indeed，sofarasIremember——Imaybeatfault——butashorttimeago——"
"Fiveyears，sir，"saidBeetlehotly。
Kingscowled。"_One_ofyouwasthatthingcalledawater—funk。Yes，awater—funk。
Sonowyouwishtowash？Itiswell。Cleanlinessneverinjuredaboyor——ahouse。Wewillproceedtobusiness，"andheaddressedhimselftothecall—overboard。
"Whatthedeucedidyousayanythingtohimfor，Beetle？"saidMcTurkangrily，astheystrolledtowardsthebig，opensea—baths。
"’Twasn’tfair——remindin’oneofbein’awater—funk。Myfirstterm，too。Heapsofchapsare——whentheycan’tswim。"
"Yes，youass；buthesawhe’dfetchedyou。YououghtnevertoanswerKing。"
"Butitwasn’tfair，Stalky。"
"MyHat！You’vebeenheresixyears，andyouexpectfairness。Well，youareaditheringidiot。"
AknotofKing’sboys，alsoboundforthebaths，hailedthem，beseechingthemtowash——forthehonoroftheirhouse。
"That’swhatcomesofKing’sjawin’andmessin’。Thoseyounganimalswouldn’thavethoughtofitunlesshe’dputitintotheirheads。Nowthey’llbefunnyaboutitforweeks，"saidStalky。"Don’ttakeanynotice。"
Theboyscamenearer，shoutinganopprobriousword。Atlasttheymovedtowindward，ostentatiouslyholdingtheirnoses。
"That’spretty，"saidBeetle。"They’llbesayin’ourhousestinksnext。"
Whentheyreturnedfromthebaths，damp—headed，languid，atpeacewiththeworld，Beetle’sforecastcameonlytootrue。Theyweremetinthecorridorbyafag——acommon，Lower—Secondfag——whoatarm’slengthhandedthemacarefullywrappedpieceofsoap"withthecomplimentsofKing’sHouse。"
"Holdon，"saidStalky，checkingimmediateattack。"Whoputyouuptothis，Nixon？
RattrayandWhite？（ThoseweretwoleadersinKing’shouse。）Thankyou。There’snoanswer。"
"Oh，it’stoosickeningtohavethiskindo’rotshovedontoachap。What’sthesenseofit？What’sthefunofit？"saidMcTurk。
"Itwillgoontotheendoftheterm，though，"Beetlewaggedhisheadsorrowfully。
Hehadwornmanyjeststhreadbareonhisownaccount。
InafewdaysitbecameanestablishedlegendoftheschoolthatProut’shousedidnotwashandwerethereforenoisome。Mr。KingwaspleasedtosmilesucculentlyinformwhenoneofhisboysdrewasidefromBeetlewithcertaingestures。
"Thereseemstobesomedisabilityattachingtoyou，myBeetle，orelsewhyshouldBurtonmajorwithdraw，sotospeak，thehemofhisgarments？IconfessIamstillinthedark。Willsomeonebegoodenoughtoenlightenme？"
Naturally，hewasenlightenedbyhalftheform。
"Extraordinary！Mostextraordinary！However，eachhousehasitstraditions，withwhichIwouldnotfortheworldinterfere。_We_haveaprejudiceinfavorofwashing。Goon，Beetle——from’_jugurtha_tamen_’——and，ifyoucan，avoidthemoreflagrantformsofguessing。"
Prout’shousewasfuriousbecauseMacrea’sandHartopp’shousesjoinedKing’stoinsultthem。Theycalledahouse—meetingafterdinner——anexcitedandangrymeetingofallsavetheprefects，whosedignity，thoughtheysympathized，didnotallowthemtoattend。Theyreadungrammaticalresolutions，andmadespeechesbeginning，"Gentlemen，wehavemetonthisoccasion，"andendingwith，"It’sabeastlyshame，"
preciselyashouseshavedonesincetimeandschoolsbegan。
NumberFivestudyattended，withitsusualairofblandpatronage。AtlastMcTurk，ofthelanthornjaws，deliveredhimself：
"Youjabberandjawandburble，andthat’saboutallyoucando。What’sthegoodofit？King’shouse’llonlygloatbecausethey’vedrawnyou，andKingwillgloat，too。
Besides，thatresolutionofOrrin’sischock—fullofbadgrammar，andKing’llgloatoverthat。"
"Ithoughtyouan’Beetlewouldputitright，an’——an’we’dpostitinthecorridor，"saidthecomposermeekly。
"_Par_si_je_le_connai_。I’mnotgoin’tomeddlewiththebiznai，"saidBeetle。"It’sagloatforKing’shouse。Turkey’squiteright。"
"Well，won’tStalky，then？"
ButStalkypuffedouthischeeksandsquinteddownhisnoseinthestyleofPanurge，andallhesaidwas，"Oh，youabjectburblers！"
"You’rethreebeastlyscabs！"wastheinstantretortofthedemocracy，andtheywentoutamidexecrations。
"Thisispiffling，"saidMcTurk。"Let’sgetoursallies，andgoandshootbunnies。"
Threesaloon—pistols，withasupplyofbulletedbreech—caps，werestoredinStalky’strunk，andthistrunkwasintheirdormitory，andtheirdormitorywasathree—bedatticone，openingoutofaten—bedestablishment，which，inturn，communicatedwiththegreatrangeofdormitoriesthatranpracticallyfromoneendoftheCollegetotheother。Macrea’shouselaynexttoProut’s，King’snexttoMacrea’s，andHartopp’sbeyondthatagain。Carefullylockeddoorsdividedhousefromhouse，buteachhouse，initsinternalarrangements——theCollegehadoriginallybeenaterraceoftwelvelargehouses——wasareplicaofthenext；onestraightroofcoveringall。
TheyfoundStalky’sbeddrawnoutfromthewalltotheleftofthedormerwindow，andthelatterendofRichardsprotrudingfromatwo—foot—squarecupboardinthewall。
"What’sallthis？I’venevernoticeditbefore。Whatareyoutryin’todo，Fatty？"
"Fillin’basins，MusterCorkran。"Richards’svoicewashollowandmuffled。"They’vebeensavin’metrouble。Yiss。"
"’Lookslikeit，"saidMcTurk。"Hi！You’llstickifyoudon’ttakecare。"
Richardsbackedpuffing。
"Ican’tracheun。Yiss，’tessaturncock，MusterMcTurk。They’vetookan’runnedallthewatter—pipesastoreyhigherinthehouses——runned’emallalongunderthe’angoftheheaves，like。Runned’eminlastholidays。_I_can’trachetheturncock。"
"Letmetry，"saidStalky，divingintotheaperture。
"Slip’eetotheleft，then，MusterCorkran。Slip’eetotheleft，an’feelinthedark。"
TotheleftStalkywriggled，andsawalonglineofleadpipedisappearingupatriangulartunnel，whoseroofwastheraftersandboardingofthecollegeroof，whosefloorwassharp—edgedjoists，andwhosesidewastheroughstuddingofthelathandplasterwallunderthedormer。
"Rummyshow。Howfardoesitgo？"
"Rightalong，MusterCorkran——rightalongfromendtoend。Herrunsunderthe’angoftheheaves。Have’eerachedthestopcockyet？Mr。Kinggotunputintosaveuscarryin’watterfromdown—stairstofillthebasins。NoplaceforalustymanlikeoldRichards。I’mtuthickabouttogoferritin’。Thank’ee，MusterCorkran。"
Thewatersquirtedthroughthetapjustinsidethecupboard，and，havingfilledthebasins，thegratefulRichardswaddledaway。
Theboyssatround—eyedontheirbedsconsideringthepossibilitiesofthistrove。
Twofloorsbelowthemtheycouldhearthehumoftheangryhouse；fornothingissostillasadormitoryinmid—afternoonofamidsummerterm。
"Ithasbeenpaperedovertillnow。"McTurkexaminedthelittledoor。"Ifwe’donlyknownbefore！"
"Ivotewegodownandexplore。Noonewillcomeupthistimeo’day。Weneedn’tkeep_cave’_。"
Theycrawledin，Stalkyleading，drewthedoorbehindthem，andonallfoursembarkedonadarkanddirtyroadfullofplaster，oddshavings，andalltherafflethatbuildersleaveinthewasteroomofahouse。Thepassagewasperhapsthreefeetwide，and，exceptforthestrugglinglightroundtheedgesofthecupboards（therewasonetoeachdormer），almostpitchydark。
"Here’sMacrea’shouse，"saidStalky，hiseyeatthecrackofthethirdcupboard。"I
canseeBarnes’snameonhistrunk。Don’tmakesucharow，Beetle！WecangetrighttotheendoftheColl。Comeon！……We’reinKing’shousenow——IcanseeabitofRattray’strunk。Howthesebeastlyboardshurtone’sknees！"Theyheardhisnailsscraping，onplaster。
"That’stheceilingbelow。Lookout！Ifwesmashedthattheplaster’udfalldowninthelowerdormitory，"saidBeetle。
"Let’s，"whisperedMcTurk。
"An’becollaredfirstthing？Notmuch。Why，Icanshovemyhandeversofarupbetweentheseboards。"
Stalkythrustanarmtotheelbowbetweenthejoists。
"Nogoodstayin’here。Ivotewegobackandtalkitover。It’sacrummyplace。
’MustsayI’mgratefultoKingforhiswater—works。"
Theycrawledout，brushedoneanotherclean，slidthesaloon—pistolsdownatrouser—leg，andhurriedforthtoadeepandsolitaryDevonshirelaneinwhoseflanksaboymightsometimesslayayoungrabbit。Theythrewthemselvesdownundertherankelderbushes，andbegantothinkaloud。
"Youknow，"saidStalkyatlast，sightingatadistantsparrow，"wecouldhideoursalliesintherelikeanything。"
"Huh！"Beetlesnorted，choked，andgurgled。Hehadbeensilentsincetheyleftthedormitory。"Didyoueverreadabookcalled’TheHistoryofaHouse’orsomething？I
gotitoutofthelibrarytheotherday。AFrenchwomanwroteit——Violetsomebody。
Butit’stranslated，youknow；andit’sveryinterestin’。Tellsyouhowahouseisbuilt。"
"Well，ifyou’reinasweattofindoutthat，youcangodowntothenewcottagesthey’rebuildingforthecoastguard。"
"MyHat！Iwill。"Hefeltinhispockets。"Givemetuppence，someone。"
"Rot！Stayhere，anddon’tmessaboutinthesun。"
"Gi’metuppence。"
"Isay，Beetle，youaren’tstuffyaboutanything，areyou？"saidMcTurk，handingoverthecoppers。Histonewasserious，forthoughStalkyoften，andMcTurkoccasionally，manoeuvredonhisownaccount，Beetlehadneverbeenknowntodosoinallthehistoryoftheconfederacy。
"No，I’mnot。I’mthinking。"
"Well，we’llcome，too，"saidStalky，withageneral’ssuspicionofhisaides。
"Don’twantyou。"
"Oh，leavehimalone。He’sbeentakenworsewithapoem，"saidMcTurk。"He’llgoburblingdowntothePebbleridgeandspititallupinthestudywhenhecomesback。"
"Thenwhydidhewantthetuppence，Turkey？He’sgettin’toobeastlyindependent。
Hi！There’sabunny。No，itain’t。It’sacat，byJove！Youplugfirst。"
Twentyminuteslateraboywithastrawhatatthebackofhishead，andhishandsinhispockets，wasstaringatworkmenastheymovedaboutahalf—finishedcottage。
Heproducedsomeferocioustobacco，andwaspassedfromtheforecourtintotheinterior，whereheaskedmanyquestions。
"Well，let’shaveyourbeastlyepic，"saidTurkey，astheyburstintothestudy，tofindBeetledeepinViollet—le—Ducandsomedrawings。"We’vehadnoendofalark。"
"Epic？Whatepic？I’vebeendowntothecoastguard。"
"Noepic？Thenwewillslayyou，OBeetle，"saidStalky，movingtotheattack。
"You’vegotsomethingupyoursleeve。_I_know，whenyoutalkinthattone！"
"YourUncleBeetle"——withanattempttoimitateStalky’swar—voice——"isagreatman。"
"Oh，no；hejollywellisn’tanythingofthekind。Youdeceiveyourself，Beetle。
Scraghim，Turkey！"
"Agreatman，"Beetlegurgledfromthefloor。"_You_arefutile——lookoutformytie！——futileburblers。IamtheGreatMan。Igloat。Ouch！Hearme！"
"Beetle，de—ah"——StalkydroppedunreservedlyonBeetle’schest——"weloveyou，an’
you’reapoet。IfIeversaidyouwereadoggaroo，Iapologize；butyouknowaswellaswedothatyoucan’tdoanythingbyyourselfwithoutmuckingit。"
"I’vegotanotion。"
"Andyou’llspoilthewholeshowifyoudon’ttellyourUncleStalky。Coughitup，ducky，andwe’llseewhatwecando。Notion，youfatimpostor——Iknewyouhadanotionwhenyouwentaway！Turkeysaiditwasapoem。"
"I’vefoundouthowhousesarebuilt。Le’megetup。Thefloor—joistsofoneroomaretheceiling—joistsoftheroombelow。"
"Don’tbesofilthytechnical。"
"Well，themantoldme。Thefloorislaidontopofthosejoists——thoseboardsonedgethatwecrawledover——butthefloorstopsatapartition。Well，ifyougetbehindapartition，sameasyoudidintheattic，don’tyouseethatyoucanshoveanythingyoupleaseunderthefloorbetweenthefloor—boardsandthelathandplasteroftheceilingbelow？Lookhere。I’vedrawnit。"
Heproducedarudesketch，sufficienttoenlightentheallies。Thereisnopartofthemodernschoolcurriculumthatdealswitharchitecture，andnoneofthemhadyetreflectedwhetherfloorsandceilingswereholloworsolid。Outsidehisownimmediateintereststheboyisasignorantasthesavagehesoadmires；buthehasalsothesavage’sresource。
"Isee，"saidStalky。"Ishovedmyhandthere。An’then？"
"An’thenThey’vebeencallingusstinkers，youknow。Wemightshovesomethin’
under——sulphur，orsomethingthatstunkprettybad——an’stink’emout。Iknowitcanbedonesomehow。"Beetle’seyesturnedtoStalkyhandlingthediagrams。
"Stinks？"saidStalkyinterrogatively。Thenhisfacegrewluminouswithdelight。"Bygum！I’vegotit。Horridstinks！Turkey！"HeleapedattheIrishman。"Thisafternoon——justafterBeetlewentaway！_She’s_theverything！"
"Cometomyarms，mybeamishboy，"caroledMcTurk，andtheyfellintoeachother’sarmsdancing。"Oh，frabjousday！Calloo，callay！Shewill！Shewill！"
"Holdon，"saidBeetle。"Idon’tunderstand。"
"Dearrman！Itshall，though。Oh，Artie，mypure—souledyouth，letustellourdarlingReggieaboutPestiferousStinkadores。"
"Notuntilaftercall—over。Comeon！"
"Isay，"saidOrrin，stiffly，astheyfellintotheirplacesalongthewallsofthegymnasium。"Thehousearegoin’toholdanothermeeting。"
"Holdaway，then。"Stalky’smindwaselsewhere。
"It’saboutyouthreethistime。"
"Allright，give’emmylove……_Here，_sir_，"andhetoredownthecorridor。
Gambolinglikekidsatplay，withboundsandsidestarts，withcaperingsandcurvetings，theyledthealmostburstingBeetletotherabbit—lane，andfromunderapileofstonesdrewforththenew—slaincorpseofacat。ThendidBeetleseetheinnermeaningofwhathadgonebefore，andlifteduphisvoiceinthanksgivingforthattheworldheldwarriorssowiseasStalkyandMcTurk。
"Well—nourishedoldlady，ain’tshe？"saidStalky。"Howlongd’yousupposeit’lltakehertogetabitwhiffinaconfinedspace？"
"Bitwhiff！Whatacoarsebruteyouare！"saidMcTurk。"Can’tapoorpussy—catgetunderKing’sdormitoryfloortodiewithoutyourpursuin’herwithyourfoulinnuendoes？"
"Whatdidshedieunderthefloorfor？’saidBeetle，lookingtothefuture。
"Oh，theywon’tworryaboutthatwhentheyfindher，"saidStalky。
"Acatmaylookataking。"McTurkrolleddownthebankathisownjest。"Pussy，youdon’tknowhowusefulyou’regoin’tobetothreepure—souled，high—mindedboys。"
"They’llhavetotakeupthefloorforher，sameastheydidinNumberNinewhentheratcroaked。Bigmedicine——heapbigmedicine！Phew！Oh，Lord，IwishIcouldstoplaughin’，"saidBeetle。
"Stinks！Hi，stinks！Clammyones！"McTurkgaspedasheregainedhisplace。"And"
——theexquisitehumorofitbroughtthemslidingdowntogetherinatangle——"it’sallforthehonorofthehouse，too！"
"An’they’reholdin’anothermeeting——onus，"Stalkypanted，hiskneesintheditchandhisfaceinthelonggrass。"Well，let’sgetthebulletoutofherandhurryup。
Thesoonershe’sbeddedoutthebetter。"
Betweenthemtheydidsomegrislyworkwithapenknife；betweenthem（asknotwhobuttonedhertohisbosom）theytookupthecorpseandhastenedback，Stalkyarrangingtheirplanofactionatthefulltrot。
Theafternoonsun，lyinginbroadpatchesonthebed—rugs，sawthreeboysandanumbrelladisappearintoadormitorywall。Infiveminutestheyemerged，brushedthemselvesallover，washedtheirhands，combedtheirhair，anddescended。
"Areyousureyoushovedherfarenoughunder？"saidMcTurksuddenly。
"Hangit，man，IshovedherthefulllengthofmyarmandBeetle’sbrolly。Thatmustbeaboutsixfeet。She’sbunginthemiddleofKing’sbigupperten—bedder。Eligiblecentralsituation，_I_callit。She’llstinkouthischaps，andHartopp’sandMacrea’s，whenshereallybeginstofume。IswearyourUncleStalkyisagreatman。
Doyourealizewhatagreatmanheis，Beetle？"
"Well，Ihadthenotionfirst，hadn’tI——？only——"
"Youcouldn’tdoitwithoutyourUncleStalky，couldyou？"
"They’vebeencallingusstinkersforaweeknow，"saidMcTurk。"Oh，_won’t_theycatchit！"
"Stinker！Yah！Stink—ah！"rangdownthecorridor。
"Andshe’sthere，"saidStalky，ahandoneitherboy’sshoulder。"She——is——there，gettin’readytosurprise’em。Presentlyshe’llbegintowhisperto’emintheirdreams。Thenshe’llwhiff。Golly，howshe’llwhiff！Obligemebythinkin’ofitfortwominutes。"
Theywenttotheirstudyinmoreorlessofsilence。Theretheybegantolaugh——laughasonlyboyscan。Theylaughedwiththeirforeheadsonthetables，oronthefloor；laughedatlength，curledoverthebacksofchairsorclingingtoabook—shelf；laughedthemselveslimp。
AndinthemiddleofitOrrinenteredonbehalfofthehouse。"Don’tmindus，Orrin；
sitdown。Youdon’tknowhowwerespectandadmireyou。There’ssomethingaboutyourpure，highyoungforehead，fullofthedreamsofinnocentboyhood，that’snoendfetchin’。Itis，indeed。"
"Thehousesentmetogiveyouthis。"Helaidafoldedsheetofpaperonthetableandretiredwithanawfulfront。
"It’stheresolution！Oh，readit，someone。I’mtoosilly—sickwithlaughin’tosee，"saidBeetle。Stalkyjerkeditopenwithaprecautionarysniff。"Phew！Phew！
Listen。’_The_house_notices_with_pain_and_contempt_the_attitude_of_indiference_’
——howmanyf’sinindifference，Beetle？"
"Twoforchoice。"
"Onlyonehere——’_adopted_by_the_occupants_of_Number_Five_study_in_relation_to_
_the_insults_offered_to_Mr。_Prout’s_house_at_the_recent_meeting_in_Number_Twelve_
_form—room，_and_the_House_hereby_pass_a_vote_of_censure__on_the_said_study。_That’sall。"
"Andshebledalldownmyshirt，too！"saidBeetle。
"An’I’mcattyallover，"saidMcTurk，"thoughIwashedtwice。"
"An’InearlybrokeBeetle’sbrollyplantin’herwhereshewouldblossom！"
Thesituationwasbeyondspeech，butnotlaughter。Therewassomeattemptthatnighttodemonstrateagainstthethreeintheirdormitory；sotheycameforth。
"Yousee，"Beetlebegansuavelyasheloosenedhisbraces，"thetroublewithyouisthatyou’reasetofunthinkin’asses。You’venomorebrainsthanspidgers。We’vetoldyouthatheapsoftimes，haven’twe。？"
"We’llgivethethreeofyouadormitorylickin’。Youalwaysjawatusasifyouwereprefects，"criedone。
"Oh，no，youwon’t，"saidStalky，"becauseyouknowthatifyoudidyou’dgettheworstofitsoonerorlater。_We_aren’tinanyhurry。Wecanaffordtowaitforourlittlerevenges。You’vemadehowlin’assesofyourselves，andjustassoonasKinggetsholdofyourpreciousresolutionsto—morrowyou’llfindthatout。Ifyouaren’tsickan’sorrybyto—morrownight，I’ll——I’lleatmyhat。"
Butoreverthedinner—bellrangthenextdayProut’sweresadlyawareoftheirerror。Kingreceivedstraymembersofthathousewithanexaggeratedattitudeoffear。DidtheypurposetocausehimtobedismissedfromtheCollegebyunanimousresolution？Whatweretheirviewsconcerningthegovernmentoftheschool，thathemighthastentogiveeffecttothem？hewouldnotoffendthemforworlds；buthefeared——hesadlyfeared——thathisownhouse，whodidnotpassresolutions（butwashed），mightsomewhatderide。
Kingwasahappyman，andhishouse，baskinginthefavorofhissmile，madethatafternoonalongpenancetothemisledProuts。AndProuthimself，withadullandloweringvisage，triedtothinkouttherightsandwrongsofitall，onlyplungingdeeperintobewilderment。Whyshouldhishousebecalled"Stinkers"？Truly，itwasasmallthing，buthehadbeentrainedtobelievethatstrawsshowwhichwaythewindblows，andthatthereisnosmokewithoutfire。HeapproachedKinginCommon—roomwithasenseofinjustice，butKingwaspleasedtobefullofairypersiflagethattide，andbrilliantlydanceddialecticalringsroundProut。
"Now，"saidStalkyatbedtime，makingpilgrimagethroughthedormitoriesbeforetheprefectscameby，"_now_whathaveyougottosayforyourselves？Foster，Carton，Finch，Longbridge，Marlin，Brett！Iheardyouchapscatchin’itfromKing——hemadehayofyou——an’allyoucoulddowastowrigglean’grinan’say，’Yes，sir，’an’
’No，sir，’’an’’O，sir，’an’’Please，sir’！Youan’yourresolution！Urh！"
"Oh，shutup，Stalky。"
"Notabitofit。You’reagaudylotofresolutionists，youare！You’vemadeasweetmessofit。Perhapsyou’llhavethedecencytoleaveusalonenexttime。"
Herethehousegrewangry，andinmanyvoicespointedouthowthisblunderwouldneverhavecometopassifNumberFivestudyhadhelpedthemfromthefirst。
"Butyouchapsaresobeastlyconceited，an’——an’youswaggeredintothemeetin’asifwewerealotofidiots，"growledOrrinoftheresolution。
"That’spreciselywhatyouare！That’swhatwe’vebeentryin’tohammerintoyourthickheadsallthistime，"saidStalky。"Nevermind，we’llforgiveyou。Cheerup。
Youcan’thelpbein’asses，youknow，"and，theenemy’sflankdeftlyturned，Stalkyhoppedintobed。
ThatnightwasthefirstofsorrowamongthejubilantKing’s。Bysomeaccidentofunder—floordraftsthecatdidnotvexthedormitorybeneathwhichshelay，butthenextonetotheright；stealingontheairratherasapale—bluesensationthanasanypoignantoffense。Butthemereadumbrationofanodorisenoughforthesensitivenoseandcleantongueofyouth。DecencydemandsthatwedrawseveralcarbolizedsheetsoverwhatthedormitorysaidtoMr。KingandwhatMr。Kingreplied。Hewasgenuinelyproudofhishouseandfastidiousinallthatconcernedtheirwell—being。Hecame；hesniffed；hesaidthings。Nextmorningaboyinthatdormitoryconfidedtohisbosomfriend，afagofMacrea’s，thattherewastroubleintheirmidstwhichKingwouldfainkeepsecret。
ButMacrea’sboyhadalsoabosomfriendinProut’s，ashock—headedfagofmalignantdisposition，who，whenhehadwormedoutthesecret，told——tolditinahigh—pitchedtreblethatrangalongthecorridorlikeabat’ssqueak。
"An’——an’they’vebeencallingus’stinkers’allthisweek。Why，Harlandminorsaystheysimplycan’tsleepinhisdormitoryforthestink。Comeon！"
"Withoneshoutandwithonecry"Prout’sjuniorshurledthemselvesintothewar，andthroughtheintervalbetweenfirstandsecondlessonsomefiftytwelve—year—oldswereembroiledonthegraveloutsideKing’swindowstoatunewhose_leit—motif_wastheword"stinker。"
"Harktotheminute—gunatsea！"saidStalky。Theywereintheirstudycollectingbooksforsecondlesson——Latin，withKing。"Ithoughthisazurebrowwasabitcloudyatprayers。’Sheiscomin’，sisterMary。Sheis——’"
"Iftheymakesucharownow，whatwilltheydowhenshereallybeginstolookupan’takenotice？"
"Well，novulgarrepartee，Beetle。Aliwewantistokeepoutofthisrowlikegentlemen。"
"’Tisbutalittlefadedflower。’Where’smyHorace？Lookhere，Idon’tunderstandwhatshemeansbystinkin’outRattray’sdormitoryfirst。WeholedinunderWhite’s，didn’twe？"askedMcTurk，withawrinkledbrow。
"Skittishlittlething。She’srompin’aboutallovertheplace，Isuppose。"
"MyAunt！King’llbeacheerfulcustomeratsecondlesson。Ihaven’tpreparedmyHoraceonelittlebit，either，"saidBeetle。"Comeon！"
Theywereoutsidetheform—roomdoornow。Itwaswithinfiveminutesofthebell，andKingmightarriveatanymoment。
Turkeyelbowedintoacohortofscufflingfags，cutoutThorntontertius（hethathadbeenHarland’sbosomfriend），andbadehimtellhistale。
Itwasasimpleone，interruptedbytears。ManyofKing’shousetrodalreadybatteredhimforlibel。
"Oh，it’snothing，"McTurkcried。"HesaysthatKing’shousestinks。That’sall。"
"Stale！"Stalkyshouted。"Weknewthatyearsago，onlywedidn’tchoosetorunaboutshoutin’’stinker。’We’vegotsomemanners，irtheyhaven’t。Catchafag，Turkey，andmakesureofit。"
Turkey’slongarmclosedonahurriedandanxiousornamentoftheLowerSecond。
"Oh，McTurk，pleaseletmego。Idon’tstink——IswearIdon’t！"
"Guiltyconscience！"criedBeetle。"Whosaidyoudid？"
"Whatd’youmakeofit？"StalkypuntedthesmallboyintoBeetle’sarms。
"Snf！Snf！Hedoes，though。Ithinkit’sleprosy——orthrush。P’rapsit’sboth。Takeitaway。"
"Indeed，MasterBeetle"——Kinggenerallycametothehouse—doorforaminuteortwoasthebellrang——"wearevastlyindebtedtoyouforyourdiagnosis，whichseemstoreflectalmostasmuchcreditonthenaturalunwholesomenessofyourmindasitdoesuponyourpitifulignoranceofthediseasesofwhichyoudiscoursesoglibly。Wewill，however，testyourknowledgeinotherdirections。"
Thatwasamerrylesson，but，inhishastetoscarifyBeetle，Kingcleanneglectedtogivehimanimposition，andsinceatthesametimehesuppliedhimwithmanypricelessadjectivesforlateruse，Beetlewaswellcontent，andappliedhimselfmostseriouslythroughoutthirdlesson（algebrawithlittleHartopp）tocomposingapoementitled"TheLazar—house。"
AfterdinnerKingtookhishousetobatheintheseaoffthePebbleridge。Itwasanoldpromise；buthewishedhecouldhaveevadedit，forallProut’slinedupbytheFivesCourtandcheeredwithintention。Inhisabsencenotlessthanhalftheschoolinvadedtheinfecteddormitorytodrawtheirownconclusions。Thecathadgainedinthelasttwelvehours，butabattlefieldofthefifthdaycouldnothavebeensoflamboyantasthespiesreported。
"Myword，she_is_doin’herselfproud，"saidStalky。"Didyoueversmellanythinglikeit？Ah，an’sheisn’tunderWhite’sdormitoryatallyet。"
"Butshewillbe。Givehertime，"saidBeetle。"She’lltwinelikeagiddyhoneysuckle。Whathowlin’Lazaritestheyare！Nohouseisjustifiedinmakin’itselfastenchinthenostrilsofdecent——"
"High—minded，pure—souledboys。Doyouburnwithremorseandregret？"saidMcTurk，astheyhastenedtomeetthehousecomingupfromthesea。Kinghaddesertedit，sospeechwasunfettered。Rounditsfrontplayedacrowdofskirmishers——allhousesmixed——flying，reforming，shriekinginsults。OnitstorturedflanksmarchedtheHoplites，seniorshurlingjestsoneafteranother——simpleandprimitivejestsoftheStoneAge。Tothesethethreeaddedthemselves，dispassionately，withanairofaloofness，almostsadly。
"Andtheylookallright，too，"saidStalky。"Itcan’tbeRattray，canit？Rattray？"
Noanswer。
"Rattray，dear？Heseemsstuffyaboutsomethingorother。Lookhere，oldman，wedon’tbearanymaliceaboutyoursendingthatsoaptouslastweek，dowe？Becheerful，Rat。Youcanlivethisdownallright。Idaresayit’sonlyafewfags。
Yourhouseissobeastlyslack，though。"
"Youaren’tgoingbacktothehouse，areyou？"saidMcTurk。Thevictimsdesirednothingbetter。"You’vesimplynoconceptionofthereekupthere。Ofcourse，frowzin’asyoudo，youwouldn’tnoticeit；but，afterthisnicewashandtheclean，freshair，evenyou’dbeupset。’MuchbettercampontheBurrows。We’llgetyousomestraw。Shallwe"？"Thehousehurriedintothetuneof"JohnBrown’sbody，"sungbylovingschoolmates，andbarricadedthemselvesintheirform—room。StraightwayStalkychalkedalargecross，with"Lord，havemercyuponus，"onthedoor，andleftKingtofindit。
Thewindshiftedthatnightandwaftedacarrion—reekintoMacrea’sdormitories；sothatboysinnightgownspoundedonthelockeddoorbetweenthehouses，entreatingKing’stowash。NumberFivestudywenttosecondlessonwithnotmorethanhalfapoundofcamphorapieceintheirclothing；andKing，toowarytoaskforexplanations，gibberedawhileandhurledthemforth。SoBeetlefinishedyetanotherpoematpeaceinthestudy。
"They’reusin’carbolicnow。Malpastoldme，"saidStalky。"Kingthinksit’sthedrains。"
"She’llneedaloto’carbolic，"saidMcTurk。"Noharmtryin’，Isuppose。ItkeepsKingoutofmischief。"
"IswearIthoughthewasgoin’tokillmewhenIsniffedjustnow。Hedidn’tmindBurtonmajorsniffin’atmetheotherday，though。HeneverstoppedAlexanderhowlin’’Stinker！’intoourform—roombefore——beforewedoctored’em。Hejustgrinned，"saidStalky。"Whatwashefrothingoveryoufor，Beetle？"
"Aha！That，wasmysubtlejape。Ihadhimontoast。YouknowhealwaysjawsaboutthelearnedLipsius。"
"’Whoattheageoffour’——thatchap？"saidMcTurk。
"Yes。WheneverhehearsI’vewrittenapoem。Well，justasIwassittin’down，I
whispered，’HowisourlearnedLepsius？’toBurtonmajor。OldButtgrinnedlikeanowl。_He_didn’tknowwhatIwasdrivin’at；butKingjollywelldid。Thatwasreallywhyhehoveusout。Ain’tyougrateful？Nowshutup。I’mgoin’towritethe’BalladoftheLearnedLipsius。’"
"Keepclearofanythingcoarse，then，"saidStalky。"Ishouldn’tliketobecoarseonthishappyoccasion。"
"Notforwo—orlds。Whatrhymesto’stenches，’someone？"
InCommon—roomatlunchKingdiscoursedacridlytoProutofboyswithprurientminds，whopervertedtheirfewandbalefultalentstosapdisciplineandcorrupttheirequals，todealinfoulimageryanddestroyreverence。
"Butyoudidn’tseemtoconsiderthiswhenyourhousecalledus——ah——stinkers。Ifyouhadn’tassuredmethatyouneverinterferewithanotherman’shouse，Ishouldalmostbelievethatitwasafewcasualremarksofyoursthatstartedallthisnonsense。"
Prouthadenduredmuch，forKingalwaystookhistempertomeals。
"YouspoketoBeetleyourself，didn’tyou？Somethingaboutnotbathing，andbeingawater—funk？"theschoolchaplainputin。"Iwasscoringinthepavilionthatday。"
"Imayhave——jestingly。Ireallydon’tpretendtoremembereveryremarkIletfallamongsmallboys；andfullwellIknowtheBeetlehasnofeelingstobehurt。"
"Maybe；buthe，orthey——itcomestotosamething——havethefiend’sownknackofdiscoveringaman’sweakplace。IconfessIrathergooutofmywaytoconciliateNumberFivestudy。Itmaybesoft，butsofar，Ibelieve，Iamtheonlymanherewhomtheyhaven’tmaddenedbytheir——well——attentions。"
"Thatisallbesidethepoint。IflattermyselfIcandealwiththemaloneasoccasionarises。Butiftheyfeelthemselvesmorallysupportedbythosewhoshouldwieldanabsoluteandopen—handedjustice，thenIsaythatmylotisindeedahardone。OfallthingsIdetest，Iadmitthatanythingvergingondisloyaltyamongourselvesisthefirst。"
TheCommon—roomlookedatoneanotheroutofthecornersoftheireyes，andProutblushed。
"Idenyitabsolutely，"hesaid。"Er——infact，IownthatIpersonallyobjecttoallthreeofthem。Itisnotfair，therefore，to——"
"Howlongdoyouproposetoallowit？"saidKing。
"Butsurely，"saidMacrea，desertinghisusualally，"theblame，iftherebeany，restswithyou，King。Youcan’tholdthemresponsibleforthe——youpreferthegoodoldAnglo—Saxon，Ibelieve——stinkinyourhouse。Myboysarccomplainingofitnow。"
"Whatcanyouexpect？Youknowwhatboysare。Naturallytheytakeadvantageofwhattothemisaheaven—sentopportunity，"saidlittleHartopp。"What_is_thetroubleinyourdormitories，King？"
Mr。Kingexplainedthatashehadmadeittheoneruleofhislifenevertointerferewithanotherman’shouse，soheexpectednottobetoopatentlyinterferedwith。Theymightbeinterestedtolearn——herethechaplainheavedawearysigh——thathehadtakenallstepsthat，inhispoorjudgment，wouldmeettheneedsofthecase。Nay，further，hehadhimselfexpended，withnothoughtofreimbursement，sums，theamountofwhichhewouldnotspecify，ondisinfectants。
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