CHAPTERI
Threemenneedchange——Anecdoteshowingevilresultofdeception——
MoralcowardiceofGeorge——Harrishasideas——YarnoftheAncientMarinerandtheInexperiencedYachtsman——Aheartycrew——Dangerofsailingwhenthewindisofftheland——Impossibilityofsailingwhenthewindisoffthesea——TheargumentativenessofEthelbertha—
—Thedampnessoftheriver——Harrissuggestsabicycletour——Georgethinksofthewind——HarrissuggeststheBlackForest——Georgethinksofthehills——PlanadoptedbyHarrisforascentofhills——
InterruptionbyMrs。Harris。
"Whatwewant，"saidHarris，"isachange。"
Atthismomentthedooropened，andMrs。HarrisputherheadintosaythatEthelberthahadsenthertoremindmethatwemustnotbelategettinghomebecauseofClarence。Ethelbertha，Iaminclinedtothink，isunnecessarilynervousaboutthechildren。Asamatteroffact，therewasnothingwrongwiththechildwhatever。Hehadbeenoutwithhisauntthatmorning；andifhelookswistfullyatapastrycook’swindowshetakeshiminsideandbuyshimcreambunsand"maids—of—honour"untilheinsiststhathehashadenough，andpolitely，butfirmly，refusestoeatanotheranything。Then，ofcourse，hewantsonlyonehelpingofpuddingatlunch，andEthelberthathinksheissickeningforsomething。Mrs。Harrisaddedthatitwouldbeaswellforustocomeupstairssoon，onourownaccountalso，asotherwiseweshouldmissMuriel’srenderingof"TheMadHatter’sTeaParty，"outofAliceinWonderland。MurielisHarris’ssecond，ageeight：sheisabright，intelligentchild；
butIpreferhermyselfinseriouspieces。Wesaidwewouldfinishourcigarettesandfollowalmostimmediately；wealsobeggedhernottoletMurielbeginuntilwearrived。Shepromisedtoholdthechildbackaslongaspossible，andwent。Harris，assoonasthedoorwasclosed，resumedhisinterruptedsentence。
"YouknowwhatImean，"hesaid，"acompletechange。"
Thequestionwashowtogetit。
Georgesuggested"business。"ItwasthesortofsuggestionGeorgewouldmake。Abachelorthinksamarriedwomandoesn’tknowenoughtogetoutofthewayofasteam—roller。Iknewayoungfellowonce，anengineer，whothoughthewouldgotoVienna"onbusiness。"
Hiswifewantedtoknow"whatbusiness？"HetoldheritwouldbehisdutytovisittheminesintheneighbourhoodoftheAustriancapital，andtomakereports。Shesaidshewouldgowithhim；shewasthatsortofwoman。Hetriedtodissuadeher：hetoldherthataminewasnoplaceforabeautifulwoman。Shesaidshefeltthatherself，andthatthereforeshedidnotintendtoaccompanyhimdowntheshafts；shewouldseehimoffinthemorning，andthenamuseherselfuntilhisreturn，lookingroundtheViennashops，andbuyingafewthingsshemightwant。Havingstartedtheidea，hedidnotseeverywellhowtogetoutofit；andfortenlongsummerdayshedidvisittheminesintheneighbourhoodofVienna，andintheeveningwrotereportsaboutthem，whichshepostedforhimtohisfirm，whodidn’twantthem。
IshouldbegrievedtothinkthateitherEthelberthaorMrs。Harrisbelongedtothatclassofwife，butitisaswellnottooverdo"business"——itshouldbekeptforcasesofrealemergency。
"No，"Isaid，"thethingistobefrankandmanly。IshalltellEthelberthathatIhavecometotheconclusionamannevervalueshappinessthatisalwayswithhim。Ishalltellherthat，forthesakeoflearningtoappreciatemyownadvantagesasIknowtheyshouldbeappreciated，Iintendtotearmyselfawayfromherandthechildrenforatleastthreeweeks。Ishalltellher，"I
continued，turningtoHarris，"thatitisyouwhohaveshownmemydutyinthisrespect；thatitistoyouweshallowe——"
Harrisputdownhisglassratherhurriedly。
"Ifyoudon’tmind，oldman，"heinterrupted，"I’dreallyratheryoudidn’t。She’lltalkitoverwithmywife，and——well，Ishouldnotbehappy，takingcreditthatIdonotdeserve。"
"Butyoudodeserveit，"Iinsisted；"itwasyoursuggestion。"
"Itwasyougavemetheidea，"interruptedHarrisagain。"Youknowyousaiditwasamistakeforamantogetintoagroove，andthatunbrokendomesticitycloyedthebrain。"
"Iwasspeakinggenerally，"Iexplained。
"Itstruckmeasveryapt，"saidHarris。"IthoughtofrepeatingittoClara；shehasagreatopinionofyoursense，Iknow。Iamsurethatif——"
"Wewon’triskit，"Iinterrupted，inmyturn；"itisadelicatematter，andIseeawayoutofit。WewillsayGeorgesuggestedtheidea。"
ThereisalackofgenialhelpfulnessaboutGeorgethatitsometimesvexesmetonotice。Youwouldhavethoughthewouldhavewelcomedthechanceofassistingtwooldfriendsoutofadilemma；
instead，hebecamedisagreeable。
"Youdo，"saidGeorge，"andIshalltellthemboththatmyoriginalplanwasthatweshouldmakeaparty——childrenandall；thatI
shouldbringmyaunt，andthatweshouldhireacharmingoldchateauIknowofinNormandy，onthecoast，wheretheclimateispeculiarlyadaptedtodelicatechildren，andthemilksuchasyoudonotgetinEngland。Ishalladdthatyouover—rodethatsuggestion，arguingweshouldbehappierbyourselves。"
WithamanlikeGeorgekindnessisofnouse；youhavetobefirm。
"Youdo，"saidHarris，"andI，forone，willclosewiththeoffer。
Wewilljusttakethatchateau。Youwillbringyouraunt——Iwillseetothat，——andwewillhaveamonthofit。Thechildrenareallfondofyou；J。andIwillbenowhere。You’vepromisedtoteachEdgarfishing；anditisyouwhowillhavetoplaywildbeasts。
SincelastSundayDickandMurielhavetalkedofnothingelsebutyourhippopotamus。Wewillpicnicinthewoods——therewillonlybeelevenofus，——andintheeveningswewillhavemusicandrecitations。Murielismasterofsixpiecesalready，asperhapsyouknow；andalltheotherchildrenarequickstudies。"
Georgeclimbeddown——hehasnorealcourage——buthedidnotdoitgracefully。Hesaidthatifweweremeanandcowardlyandfalse—
heartedenoughtostooptosuchashabbytrick，hesupposedhecouldn’thelpit；andthatifIdidn’tintendtofinishthewholebottleofclaretmyself，hewouldtroublemetosparehimaglass。
Healsoadded，somewhatillogically，thatitreallydidnotmatter，seeingbothEthelberthaandMrs。Harriswerewomenofsensewhowouldjudgehimbetterthantobelieveforamomentthatthesuggestionemanatedfromhim。
Thislittlepointsettled，thequestionwas：Whatsortofachange？
Harris，asusual，wasforthesea。Hesaidheknewayacht，justtheverything——onethatwecouldmanagebyourselves；noskulkinglotoflubbersloafingabout，addingtotheexpenseandtakingawayfromtheromance。Givehimahandyboy，hewouldsailithimself。
Weknewthatyacht，andwetoldhimso；wehadbeenonitwithHarrisbefore。Itsmellsofbilge—waterandgreenstotheexclusionofallotherscents；noordinaryseaaircanhopetoheadagainstit。Sofarassenseofsmellisconcerned，onemightbespendingaweekinLimehouseHole。Thereisnoplacetogetoutoftherain；thesaloonistenfeetbyfour，andhalfofthatistakenupbyastove，whichfallstopieceswhenyougotolightit。Youhavetotakeyourbathondeck，andthetowelblowsoverboardjustasyoustepoutofthetub。Harrisandtheboydoalltheinterestingwork——theluggingandthereefing，thelettinghergoandtheheelingherover，andallthatsortofthing，——leavingGeorgeandmyselftodothepeelingofthepotatoesandthewashingup。
"Verywell，then，"saidHarris，"let’stakeaproperyacht，withaskipper，anddothethinginstyle。"
ThatalsoIobjectedto。Iknowthatskipper；hisnotionofyachtingistolieinwhathecallsthe"offing，"wherehecanbewellintouchwithhiswifeandfamily，tosaynothingofhisfavouritepublic—house。
Yearsago，whenIwasyoungandinexperienced，Ihiredayachtmyself。Threethingshadcombinedtoleadmeintothisfoolishness：Ihadhadastrokeofunexpectedluck；Ethelberthahadexpressedayearningforseaair；andtheverynextmorning，intakingupcasuallyattheclubacopyoftheSportsman，Ihadcomeacrossthefollowingadvertisement：—
TOYACHTSMEN。——UniqueOpportunity。——"Rogue，"28—tonYawl。——Owner，calledawaysuddenlyonbusiness，iswillingtoletthissuperbly—
fitted"greyhoundofthesea"foranyperiodshortorlong。Twocabinsandsaloon；pianette，byWoffenkoff；newcopper。Terms，10
guineasaweek。——ApplyPertweeandCo。，3ABucklersbury。
Ithadseemedtomeliketheanswertoaprayer。"Thenewcopper"
didnotinterestme；whatlittlewashingwemightwantcouldwait，Ithought。Butthe"pianettebyWoffenkoff"soundedalluring。I
picturedEthelberthaplayingintheevening——somethingwithachorus，inwhich，perhaps，thecrew，withalittletraining，mightjoin——whileourmovinghomebounded，"greyhound—like，"overthesilverybillows。
Itookacabanddrovedirectto3ABucklersbury。Mr。Pertweewasanunpretentious—lookinggentleman，whohadanunostentatiousofficeonthethirdfloor。Heshowedmeapictureinwater—coloursoftheRogueflyingbeforethewind。Thedeckwasatanangleof95totheocean。Inthepicturenohumanbeingswererepresentedonthedeck；Isupposetheyhadslippedoff。Indeed，Idonotseehowanyonecouldhavekepton，unlessnailed。Ipointedoutthisdisadvantagetotheagent，who，however，explainedtomethatthepicturerepresentedtheRoguedoublingsomethingorotheronthewell—knownoccasionofherwinningtheMedwayChallengeShield。
Mr。PertweeassumedthatIknewallabouttheevent，sothatIdidnotliketoaskanyquestions。Twospecksneartheframeofthepicture，whichatfirstIhadtakenformoths，represented，itappeared，thesecondandthirdwinnersinthiscelebratedrace。A
photographoftheyachtatanchoroffGravesendwaslessimpressive，butsuggestedmorestability。Allanswerstomyinquiriesbeingsatisfactory，Itookthethingforafortnight。
Mr。PertweesaiditwasfortunateIwanteditonlyforafortnight—
—lateronIcametoagreewithhim，——thetimefittinginexactlywithanotherhiring。HadIrequireditforthreeweekshewouldhavebeencompelledtorefuseme。
Thelettingbeingthusarranged，Mr。PertweeaskedmeifIhadaskipperinmyeye。ThatIhadnotwasalsofortunate——thingsseemedtobeturningoutluckilyformeallround，——becauseMr。
PertweefeltsureIcouldnotdobetterthankeeponMr。Goyles，atpresentincharge——anexcellentskipper，soMr。Pertweeassuredme，amanwhoknewtheseaasamanknowshisownwife，andwhohadneverlostalife。
Itwasstillearlyintheday，andtheyachtwaslyingoffHarwich。
Icaughtthetenforty—fivefromLiverpoolStreet，andbyoneo’clockwastalkingtoMr。Goylesondeck。Hewasastoutman，andhadafatherlywaywithhim。Itoldhimmyidea，whichwastotaketheoutlyingDutchislandsandthencreepuptoNorway。Hesaid，"Aye，aye，sir，"andappearedquiteenthusiasticaboutthetrip；
saidheshouldenjoyithimself。Wecametothequestionofvictualling，andhegrewmoreenthusiastic。TheamountoffoodsuggestedbyMr。Goyles，Iconfess，surprisedme。HadwebeenlivinginthedaysofDrakeandtheSpanishMain，Ishouldhavefearedhewasarrangingforsomethingillegal。However，helaughedinhisfatherlyway，andassuredmewewerenotoverdoingit。
Anythingleftthecrewwoulddivideandtakehomewiththem——itseemedthiswasthecustom。ItappearedtomethatIwasprovidingforthiscrewforthewinter，butIdidnotliketoappearstingy，andsaidnomore。Theamountofdrinkrequiredalsosurprisedme。
IarrangedforwhatIthoughtweshouldneedforourselves，andthenMr。Goylesspokeupforthecrew。Imustsaythatforhim，hedidthinkofhismen。
"Wedon’twantanythinginthenatureofanorgie，Mr。Goyles，"I
suggested。
"Orgie！"repliedMr。Goyles；"whythey’lltakethatlittledropintheirtea。"
Heexplainedtomethathismottowas，Getgoodmenandtreatthemwell。
"Theyworkbetterforyou，"saidMr。Goyles；"andtheycomeagain。"
Personally，Ididn’tfeelIwantedthemtocomeagain。IwasbeginningtotakeadisliketothembeforeIhadseenthem；I
regardedthemasagreedyandguzzlingcrew。ButMr。Goyleswassocheerfullyemphatic，andIwassoinexperienced，thatagainIlethimhavehisway。Healsopromisedthateveninthisdepartmenthewouldseetoitpersonallythatnothingwaswasted。
Ialsolefthimtoengagethecrew。Hesaidhecoulddothething，andwould，forme，withthehelptwomenandaboy。Ifhewasalludingtotheclearingupofthevictualsanddrink，Ithinkhewasmakinganunder—estimate；butpossiblyhemayhavebeenspeakingofthesailingoftheyacht。
Icalledatmytailorsonthewayhomeandorderedayachtingsuit，withawhitehat，whichtheypromisedtobustleupandhavereadyintime；andthenIwenthomeandtoldEthelberthaallIhaddone。
Herdelightwascloudedbyonlyonereflection——wouldthedressmakerbeabletofinishayachtingcostumeforherintime？
Thatissolikeawoman。
Ourhoneymoon，whichhadtakenplacenotverylongbefore，hadbeensomewhatcurtailed，sowedecidedwewouldinvitenobody，buthavetheyachttoourselves。AndthankfulIamtoHeaventhatwedidsodecide。OnMondayweputonallourclothesandstarted。IforgetwhatEthelberthawore，but，whateveritmayhavebeen，itlookedveryfetching。Myowncostumewasadarkbluetrimmedwithanarrowwhitebraid，which，Ithink，wasrathereffective。
Mr。Goylesmetusondeck，andtoldusthatlunchwasready。I
mustadmitGoyleshadsecuredtheservicesofaveryfaircook。
ThecapabilitiesoftheothermembersofthecrewIhadnoopportunityofjudging。Speakingoftheminastateofrest，however，Icansayofthemtheyappearedtobeacheerfulcrew。
Myideahadbeenthatsosoonasthemenhadfinishedtheirdinnerwewouldweighanchor，whileI，smokingacigar，withEthelberthabymyside，wouldleanoverthegunwaleandwatchthewhitecliffsoftheFatherlandsinkimperceptiblyintothehorizon。EthelberthaandIcarriedoutourpartoftheprogramme，andwaited，withthedecktoourselves。
"Theyseemtobetakingtheirtime，"saidEthelbertha。
"If，inthecourseoffourteendays，"Isaid，"theyeathalfofwhatisonthisyacht，theywillwantafairlylongtimeforeverymeal。Wehadbetternothurrythem，ortheywon’tgetthroughaquarterofit。"
"Theymusthavegonetosleep，"saidEthelbertha，lateron。"Itwillbetea—timesoon。"
Theywerecertainlyveryquiet。Iwentfor’ard，andhailedCaptainGoylesdowntheladder。Ihailedhimthreetimes；thenhecameupslowly。HeappearedtobeaheavierandoldermanthanwhenIhadseenhimlast。Hehadacoldcigarinhismouth。
"Whenyouareready，CaptainGoyles，"Isaid，"we’llstart。"
CaptainGoylesremovedthecigarfromhismouth。
"Notto—daywewon’t，sir，"hereplied，"WITHyourpermission。"
"Why，what’sthematterwithto—day？"Isaid。Iknowsailorsareasuperstitiousfolk；IthoughtmaybeaMondaymightbeconsideredunlucky。
"Theday’sallright，"answeredCaptainGoyles，"it’sthewindI’ma—thinkingof。Itdon’tlookmuchlikechanging。"
"Butdowewantittochange？"Iasked。"Itseemstometobejustwhereitshouldbe，deadbehindus。"
"Aye，aye，"saidCaptainGoyles，"dead’stherightwordtouse，fordeadwe’dallbe，barProvidence，ifwewastoputoutinthis。
Yousee，sir，"heexplained，inanswertomylookofsurprise，"thisiswhatwecalla’landwind，’thatis，it’sa—blowing，asonemightsay，directofftheland。"
WhenIcametothinkofitthemanwasright；thewindwasblowingofftheland。
"Itmaychangeinthenight，"saidCaptainGoyles，morehopefully"anyhow，it’snotviolent，andsherideswell。"
CaptainGoylesresumedhiscigar，andIreturnedaft，andexplainedtoEthelberthathereasonforthedelay。Ethelbertha，whoappearedtobelesshighspiritedthanwhenwefirstboarded，wantedtoknowWHYwecouldn’tsailwhenthewindwasofftheland。
"Ifitwasnotblowingofftheland，"saidEthelbertha，"itwouldbeblowingoffthesea，andthatwouldsendusbackintotheshoreagain。Itseemstomethisisjusttheverywindwewant。"
Isaid："Thatisyourinexperience，love；itSEEMStobetheverywindwewant，butitisnot。It’swhatwecallalandwind，andalandwindisalwaysverydangerous。"
EthelberthawantedtoknowWHYalandwindwasverydangerous。
Herargumentativenessannoyedmesomewhat；maybeIwasfeelingabitcross；themonotonousrollingheaveofasmallyachtatanchordepressesanardentspirit。
"Ican’texplainittoyou，"Ireplied，whichwastrue，"buttosetsailinthiswindwouldbetheheightoffoolhardiness，andIcareforyoutoomuch，dear，toexposeyoutounnecessaryrisks。"
Ithoughtthisratheraneatconclusion，butEthelberthamerelyrepliedthatshewished，underthecircumstances，wehadn’tcomeonboardtillTuesday，andwentbelow。
Inthemorningthewindveeredroundtothenorth；Iwasupearly，andobservedthistoCaptainGoyles。
"Aye，aye，sir，"heremarked；"it’sunfortunate，butitcan’tbehelped。"
"Youdon’tthinkitpossibleforustostartto—day？"Ihazarded。
Hedidnotgetangrywithme，heonlylaughed。
"Well，sir，"saidhe，"ifyouwasa—wantingtogotoIpswich，I
shouldsayasitcouldn’tbebetterforus，butourdestinationbeing，asyousee，theDutchcoast——whythereyouare！"
IbrokethenewstoEthelbertha，andweagreedtospendthedayonshore。Harwichisnotamerrytown，towardseveningyoumightcallitdull。WehadsometeaandwatercressatDovercourt，andthenreturnedtothequaytolookforCaptainGoylesandtheboat。Wewaitedanhourforhim。Whenhecamehewasmorecheerfulthanwewere；ifhehadnottoldmehimselfthatheneverdrankanythingbutoneglassofhotgrogbeforeturninginforthenight，Ishouldhavesaidhewasdrunk。
Thenextmorningthewindwasinthesouth，whichmadeCaptainGoylesratheranxious，itappearingthatitwasequallyunsafetomoveortostopwherewewere；ouronlyhopewasitwouldchangebeforeanythinghappened。Bythistime，Ethelberthahadtakenadisliketotheyacht；shesaidthat，personally，shewouldratherbespendingaweekinabathingmachine，seeingthatabathingmachinewasatleaststeady。
WepassedanotherdayinHarwich，andthatnightandthenext，thewindstillcontinuinginthesouth，wesleptatthe"King’sHead。"
OnFridaythewindwasblowingdirectfromtheeast。ImetCaptainGoylesonthequay，andsuggestedthat，underthesecircumstances，wemightstart。Heappearedirritatedatmypersistence。
"Ifyouknewabitmore，sir，"hesaid，"you’dseeforyourselfthatit’simpossible。Thewind’sa—blowingdirectoffthesea。"
Isaid："CaptainGoyles，tellmewhatisthisthingIhavehired？
Isitayachtorahouse—boat？"
Heseemedsurprisedatmyquestion。
Hesaid："It’sayawl。"
"WhatImeanis，"Isaid，"canitbemovedatall，orisitafixturehere？Ifitisafixture，"Icontinued，"tellmesofrankly，thenwewillgetsomeivyinboxesandtrainovertheport—holes，sticksomeflowersandanawningondeck，andmakethethinglookpretty。If，ontheotherhand，itcanbemoved——"
"Moved！"interruptedCaptainGoyles。"YougettherightwindbehindtheRogue——"
Isaid："Whatistherightwind？"
CaptainGoyleslookedpuzzled。
"Inthecourseofthisweek，"Iwenton，"wehavehadwindfromthenorth，fromthesouth，fromtheeast，fromthewest——withvariations。Ifyoucanthinkofanyotherpointofthecompassfromwhichitcanblow，tellme，andIwillwaitforit。Ifnot，andifthatanchorhasnotgrownintothebottomoftheocean，wewillhaveitupto—dayandseewhathappens。"
HegraspedthefactthatIwasdetermined。
"Verywell，sir，"hesaid，"you’remasterandI’mman。I’veonlygotonechildasisstilldependentonme，thankGod，andnodoubtyourexecutorswillfeelittheirdutytodotherightthingbytheoldwoman。"
Hissolemnityimpressedme。
"Mr。Goyles，"Isaid，"behonestwithme。Isthereanyhope，inanyweather，ofgettingawayfromthisdamnedhole？"
CaptainGoyles’skindlygenialityreturnedtohim。
"Yousee，sir，"hesaid，"thisisaverypeculiarcoast。We’dbeallrightifwewereonceout，butgettingawayfromitinacockle—shelllikethat——well，tobefrank，sir，itwantsdoing。"
IleftCaptainGoyleswiththeassurancethathewouldwatchtheweatherasamotherwouldhersleepingbabe；itwashisownsimile，anditstruckmeasrathertouching。Isawhimagainattwelveo’clock；hewaswatchingitfromthewindowofthe"ChainandAnchor。"
Atfiveo’clockthateveningastrokeofluckoccurred；inthemiddleoftheHighStreetImetacoupleofyachtingfriends，whohadhadtoputinbyreasonofastrainedrudder。Itoldthemmystory，andtheyappearedlesssurprisedthanamused。CaptainGoylesandthetwomenwerestillwatchingtheweather。Iranintothe"King’sHead，"andpreparedEthelbertha。Thefourofuscreptquietlydowntothequay，wherewefoundourboat。Onlytheboywasonboard；mytwofriendstookchargeoftheyacht，andbysixo’clockwewerescuddingmerrilyupthecoast。
WeputinthatnightatAldborough，andthenextdayworkeduptoYarmouth，where，asmyfriendshadtoleave，Idecidedtoabandontheyacht。WesoldthestoresbyauctiononYarmouthsandsearlyinthemorning。Imadealoss，buthadthesatisfactionof"doing"
CaptainGoyles。IlefttheRogueinchargeofalocalmariner，who，foracoupleofsovereigns，undertooktoseetoitsreturntoHarwich；andwecamebacktoLondonbytrain。TheremaybeyachtsotherthantheRogue，andskippersotherthanMr。Goyles，butthatexperiencehasprejudicedmeagainstboth。
Georgealsothoughtayachtwouldbeagooddealofresponsibility，sowedismissedtheidea。
"Whatabouttheriver？"suggestedHarris。
"Wehavehadsomepleasanttimesonthat。"
Georgepulledinsilenceathiscigar，andIcrackedanothernut。
"Theriverisnotwhatitusedtobe，"saidI；"Idon’tknowwhat，butthere’sasomething——adampness——abouttheriverairthatalwaysstartsmylumbago。"
"It’sthesamewithme，"saidGeorge。"Idon’tknowhowitis，butInevercansleepnowintheneighbourhoodoftheriver。IspentaweekatJoe’splaceinthespring，andeverynightIwokeupatseveno’clockandnevergotawinkafterwards。"
"Imerelysuggestedit，"observedHarris。"Personally，Idon’tthinkitgoodforme，either；ittouchesmygout。"
"Whatsuitsmebest，"Isaid，"ismountainair。WhatsayyoutoawalkingtourinScotland？"
"It’salwayswetinScotland，"saidGeorge。"IwasthreeweeksinScotlandtheyearbeforelast，andwasneverdryonceallthetime—
—notinthatsense。"
"It’sfineenoughinSwitzerland，"saidHarris。
"TheywouldneverstandourgoingtoSwitzerlandbyourselves，"I
objected。"Youknowwhathappenedlasttime。Itmustbesomeplacewherenodelicatelynurturedwomanorchildcouldpossiblylive；acountryofbadhotelsandcomfortlesstravelling；whereweshallhavetoroughit，toworkhard，tostarveperhaps——"
"Easy！"interruptedGeorge，"easy，there！Don’tforgetI’mcomingwithyou。"
"Ihaveit！"exclaimedHarris；"abicycletour！"
Georgelookeddoubtful。
"There’salotofuphillaboutabicycletour，"saidhe，"andthewindisagainstyou。"
"Sothereisdownhill，andthewindbehindyou，"saidHarris。
"I’venevernoticedit，"saidGeorge。
"Youwon’tthinkofanythingbetterthanabicycletour，"persistedHarris。
Iwasinclinedtoagreewithhim。
"AndI’lltellyouwhere，"continuedhe；"throughtheBlackForest。"
"Why，that’sALLuphill，"saidGeorge。
"Notall，"retortedHarris；"saytwo—thirds。Andthere’sonethingyou’veforgotten。"
Helookedroundcautiously，andsunkhisvoicetoawhisper。
"Therearelittlerailwaysgoingupthosehills，littlecogwheelthingsthat——"
Thedooropened，andMrs。Harrisappeared。ShesaidthatEthelberthawasputtingonherbonnet，andthatMuriel，afterwaiting，hadgiven"TheMadHatter’sTeaParty"withoutus。
"Club，to—morrow，atfour，"whisperedHarristome，asherose，andIpasseditontoGeorgeaswewentupstairsCHAPTERII
Adelicatebusiness——WhatEthelberthamighthavesaid——Whatshedidsay——WhatMrs。Harrissaid——WhatwetoldGeorge——WewillstartonWednesday——Georgesuggeststhepossibilityofimprovingourminds——
HarrisandIaredoubtful——Whichmanonatandemdoesthemostwork？——Theopinionofthemaninfront——Viewsofthemanbehind——
HowHarrislosthiswife——Theluggagequestion——ThewisdomofmylateUnclePodger——Beginningofstoryaboutamanwhohadabag。
IopenedtheballwithEthelberthathatsameevening。Icommencedbybeingpurposelyalittleirritable。MyideawasthatEthelberthawouldremarkuponthis。Ishouldadmitit，andaccountforitbyoverbrainpressure。Thiswouldnaturallyleadtotalkaboutmyhealthingeneral，andtheevidentnecessitytherewasformytakingpromptandvigorousmeasures。IthoughtthatwithalittletactImightevenmanagesothatthesuggestionshouldcomefromEthelberthaherself。Iimaginedhersaying："No，dear，itischangeyouwant；completechange。Nowbepersuadedbyme，andgoawayforamonth。No，donotaskmetocomewithyou。IknowyouwouldratherthatIdid，butIwillnot。Itisthesocietyofothermenyouneed。TryandpersuadeGeorgeandHarristogowithyou。Believeme，ahighlystrungbrainsuchasyoursdemandsoccasionalrelaxationfromthestrainofdomesticsurroundings。
Forgetforalittlewhilethatchildrenwantmusiclessons，andboots，andbicycles，withtinctureofrhubarbthreetimesaday；
forgettherearesuchthingsinlifeascooks，andhousedecorators，andnext—doordogs，andbutchers’bills。Goawaytosomegreencorneroftheearth，whereallisnewandstrangetoyou，whereyourover—wroughtmindwillgatherpeaceandfreshideas。Goawayforaspaceandgivemetimetomissyou，andtoreflectuponyourgoodnessandvirtue，which，continuallypresentwithme，Imay，human—like，beapttoforget，asone，throughuse，growsindifferenttotheblessingofthesunandthebeautyofthemoon。Goaway，andcomebackrefreshedinmindandbody，abrighter，betterman——ifthatbepossible——thanwhenyouwentaway。"
Butevenwhenweobtainourdesirestheynevercometousgarbedaswewouldwish。Tobeginwith，EthelberthadidnotseemtoremarkthatIwasirritable；Ihadtodrawherattentiontoit。Isaid：
"Youmustforgiveme，I’mnotfeelingquitemyselfto—night。"
Shesaid："Oh！Ihavenotnoticedanythingdifferent；what’sthematterwithyou？"
"Ican’ttellyouwhatitis，"Isaid；"I’vefeltitcomingonforweeks。"
"It’sthatwhisky，"saidEthelbertha。"YounevertouchitexceptwhenwegototheHarris’s。Youknowyoucan’tstandit；youhavenotastronghead。"
"Itisn’tthewhisky，"Ireplied；"it’sdeeperthanthat。Ifancyit’smorementalthanbodily。"
"You’vebeenreadingthosecriticismsagain，"saidEthelbertha，moresympathetically；"whydon’tyoutakemyadviceandputthemonthefire？"
"Anditisn’tthecriticisms，"Ianswered；"they’vebeenquiteflatteringoflate——oneortwoofthem。"
"Well，whatisit？"saidEthelbertha；"theremustbesomethingtoaccountforit。"
"No，thereisn’t，"Ireplied；"that’stheremarkablethingaboutit；Icanonlydescribeitasastrangefeelingofunrestthatseemstohavetakenpossessionofme。"
Ethelberthaglancedacrossatmewithasomewhatcuriousexpression，Ithought；butasshesaidnothing，Icontinuedtheargumentmyself。
"Thisachingmonotonyoflife，thesedaysofpeaceful，uneventfulfelicity，theyappalone。"
"Ishouldnotgrumbleatthem，"saidEthelbertha；"wemightgetsomeoftheothersort，andlikethemstillless。"
"I’mnotsosureofthat，"Ireplied。"Inalifeofcontinuousjoy，Icanimagineevenpaincomingasawelcomevariation。I
wondersometimeswhetherthesaintsinheavendonotoccasionallyfeelthecontinualserenityaburden。Tomyselfalifeofendlessbliss，uninterruptedbyasinglecontrastingnote，would，Ifeel，growmaddening。Isuppose，"Icontinued，"Iamastrangesortofman；Icanhardlyunderstandmyselfattimes。Therearemoments，"
Iadded，"whenIhatemyself。"
Oftenalittlespeechlikethis，hintingathiddendepthsofindescribableemotionhastouchedEthelbertha，butto—nightsheappearedstrangelyunsympathetic。Withregardtoheavenanditspossibleeffectuponme，shesuggestedmynotworryingmyselfaboutthat，remarkingitwasalwaysfoolishtogohalf—waytomeettroublethatmightnevercome；whileastomybeingastrangesortoffellow，that，shesupposed，Icouldnothelp，andifotherpeoplewerewillingtoputupwithme，therewasanendofthematter。Themonotonyoflife，sheadded，wasacommonexperience；
thereshecouldsympathisewithme。
"Youdon’tknowIlong，"saidEthelbertha，"togetawayoccasionally，evenfromyou；butIknowitcanneverbe，soIdonotbrooduponit。"
IhadneverheardEthelberthaspeaklikethisbefore；itastonishedandgrievedmebeyondmeasure。
"That’snotaverykindremarktomake，"Isaid，"notawifelyremark。"
"Iknowitisn’t，"shereplied；"thatiswhyIhaveneversaiditbefore。Youmennevercanunderstand，"continuedEthelbertha，"that，howeverfondawomanmaybeofaman，therearetimeswhenhepallsuponher。Youdon’tknowhowIlongtobeablesometimestoputonmybonnetandgoout，withnobodytoaskmewhereIamgoing，whyIamgoing，howlongIamgoingtobe，andwhenIshallbeback。Youdon’tknowhowIsometimeslongtoorderadinnerthatIshouldlikeandthatthechildrenwouldlike，butatthesightofwhichyouwouldputonyourhatandbeofftotheClub。
Youdon’tknowhowmuchIfeelinclinedsometimestoinvitesomewomanherethatIlike，andthatIknowyoudon’t；togoandseethepeoplethatIwanttosee，togotobedwhen_I_amtired，andtogetupwhen_I_feelIwanttogetup。Twopeoplelivingtogetherareboundbothtobecontinuallysacrificingtheirowndesirestotheotherone。Itissometimesagoodthingtoslackenthestrainabit。"
OnthinkingoverEthelbertha’swordsafterwards，havecometoseetheirwisdom；butatthetimeIadmitIwashurtandindignant。
"Ifyourdesire，"Isaid，"istogetridofme——"
"Now，don’tbeanoldgoose，"saidEthelbertha；"Ionlywanttogetridofyouforalittlewhile，justlongenoughtoforgetthereareoneortwocornersaboutyouthatarenotperfect，justlongenoughtoletmerememberwhatadearfellowyouareinotherrespects，andtolookforwardtoyourreturn，asIusedtolookforwardtoyourcomingintheolddayswhenIdidnotseeyousooftenastobecome，perhaps，alittleindifferenttoyou，asonegrowsindifferenttothegloryofthesun，justbecauseheisthereeveryday。"
IdidnotlikethetonethatEthelberthatook。Thereseemedtobeafrivolityabouther，unsuitedtothethemeintowhichwehaddrifted。Thatawomanshouldcontemplatecheerfullyanabsenceofthreeorfourweeksfromherhusbandappearedtometobenotaltogethernice，notwhatIcallwomanly；itwasnotlikeEthelberthaatall。Iwasworried，IfeltIdidn’twanttogothistripatall。IfithadnotbeenforGeorgeandHarris，Iwouldhaveabandonedit。Asitwas，Icouldnotseehowtochangemymindwithdignity。
"Verywell，Ethelbertha，"Ireplied，"itshallbeasyouwish。Ifyoudesireaholidayfrommypresence，youshallenjoyit；butifitbenotimpertinentcuriosityonthepartofahusband，Ishouldliketoknowwhatyouproposedoinginmyabsence？"
"WewilltakethathouseatFolkestone，"answeredEthelbertha，"andI’llgodowntherewithKate。AndifyouwanttodoClaraHarrisagoodturn，"addedEthelbertha，"you’llpersuadeHarristogowithyou，andthenClaracanjoinus。Wethreeusedtohavesomeveryjollytimestogetherbeforeyoumenevercamealong，anditwouldbejustdelightfultorenewthem。Doyouthink，"continuedEthelbertha，"thatyoucouldpersuadeMr。Harristogowithyou？"
IsaidIwouldtry。
"There’sadearboy，"saidEthelbertha；"tryhard。YoumightgetGeorgetojoinyou。"
IrepliedtherewasnotmuchadvantageinGeorge’scoming，seeinghewasabachelor，andthatthereforenobodywouldbemuchbenefitedbyhisabsence。Butawomanneverunderstandssatire。
Ethelberthamerelyremarkeditwouldlookunkindleavinghimbehind。Ipromisedtoputittohim。
ImetHarrisattheClubintheafternoon，andaskedhimhowhehadgoton。
Hesaid，"Oh，that’sallright；there’snodifficultyaboutgettingaway。"
Buttherewasthatabouthistonethatsuggestedincompletesatisfaction，soIpressedhimforfurtherdetails。
"Shewasassweetasmilkaboutit，"hecontinued；"saiditwasanexcellentideaofGeorge’s，andthatshethoughtitwoulddomegood。"
"Thatseemsallright，"Isaid；"what’swrongaboutthat？"
"There’snothingwrongaboutthat，"heanswered，"butthatwasn’tall。Shewentontotalkofotherthings。"
"Iunderstand，"Isaid。
"There’sthatbathroomfadofhers，"hecontinued。
"I’veheardofit，"Isaid；"shehasstartedEthelberthaonthesameidea。"
"Well，I’vehadtoagreetothatbeingputinhandatonce；I
couldn’targueanymorewhenshewassoniceabouttheotherthing。
Thatwillcostmeahundredpounds，attheveryleast。"
"Asmuchasthat？"Iasked。
"Everypennyofit，"saidHarris；"theestimatealoneissixty。"
Iwassorrytohearhimsaythis。
"Thenthere’sthekitchenstove，"continuedHarris；"everythingthathasgonewronginthehouseforthelasttwoyearshasbeenthefaultofthatkitchenstove。"
"Iknow，"Isaid。"Wehavebeeninsevenhousessinceweweremarried，andeverykitchenstovehasbeenworsethanthelast。Ourpresentoneisnotonlyincompetent；itisspiteful。Itknowswhenwearegivingaparty，andgoesoutofitswaytodoitsworst。"
"WEaregoingtohaveanewone，"saidHarris，buthedidnotsayitproudly。"Clarathoughtitwouldbesuchasavingofexpense，havingthetwothingsdoneatthesametime。Ibelieve，"saidHarris，"ifawomanwantedadiamondtiara，shewouldexplainthatitwastosavetheexpenseofabonnet。"
"Howmuchdoyoureckonthestoveisgoingtocostyou？"Iasked。
Ifeltinterestedinthesubject。
"Idon’tknow，"answeredHarris；"anothertwenty，Isuppose。Thenwetalkedaboutthepiano。Couldyouevernotice，"saidHarris，"anydifferencebetweenonepianoandanother？"
"Someofthemseemtobeabitlouderthanothers，"Ianswered；
"butonegetsusedtothat。"
"Oursisallwrongaboutthetreble，"saidHarris。"Bytheway，whatISthetreble？"
"It’stheshrillendofthething，"Iexplained；"thepartthatsoundsasifyou’dtrodonitstail。Thebrilliantselectionsalwaysendupwithaflourishonit。"
"Theywantmoreofit，"saidHarris；"ouroldonehasn’tgotenoughofit。I’llhavetoputitinthenursery，andgetanewoneforthedrawing—room。"
"Anythingelse？"Iasked。
"No，"saidHarris；"shedidn’tseemabletothinkofanythingelse。"
"You’llfindwhenyougethome，"Isaid，"shehasthoughtofoneotherthing。"
"What’sthat？"saidHarris。
"AhouseatFolkestonefortheseason。"
"WhatshouldshewantahouseatFolkestonefor？"saidHarris。
"Tolivein，"Isuggested，"duringthesummermonths。"
"She’sgoingtoherpeopleinWales，"saidHarris，"fortheholidays，withthechildren；we’vehadaninvitation。"
"Possibly，"Isaid，"she’llgotoWalesbeforeshegoestoFolkestone，ormaybeshe’lltakeWalesonherwayhome；butshe’llwantahouseatFolkestonefortheseason，notwithstanding。Imaybemistaken——IhopeforyoursakethatIam——butIfeelapresentimentthatI’mnot。"
"Thistrip，"saidHarris，"isgoingtobeexpensive。"
"Itwasanidioticsuggestion，"Isaid，"fromthebeginning。"
"Itwasfoolishofustolistentohim，"saidHarris；"he’llgetusintorealtroubleoneofthesedays。"
"Healwayswasamuddler，"Iagreed。
"Soheadstrong，"addedHarris。
Weheardhisvoiceatthatmomentinthehall，askingforletters。
"Betternotsayanythingtohim，"Isuggested；"it’stoolatetogobacknow。"
"Therewouldbenoadvantageindoingso，"repliedHarris。"I
shouldhavetogetthatbathroomandpianoinanycasenow。"
Hecameinlookingverycheerful。
"Well，"hesaid，"isitallright？Haveyoumanagedit？"
TherewasthatabouthistoneIdidnotaltogetherlike；InoticedHarrisresenteditalso。
"Managedwhat？"Isaid。
"Why，togetoff，"saidGeorge。
IfeltthetimewascometoexplainthingstoGeorge。
"Inmarriedlife，"Isaid，"themanproposes，thewomansubmits。
Itisherduty；allreligionteachesit。"
Georgefoldedhishandsandfixedhiseyesontheceiling。
"Wemaychaffandjokealittleaboutthesethings，"Icontinued；
"butwhenitcomestopractice，thatiswhatalwayshappens。Wehavementionedtoourwivesthatwearegoing。Naturally，theyaregrieved；theywouldprefertocomewithus；failingthat，theywouldhaveusremainwiththem。Butwehaveexplainedtothemourwishesonthesubject，and——there’sanendofthematter。"
Georgesaid，"Forgiveme；Ididnotunderstand。Iamonlyabachelor。Peopletellmethis，that，andtheother，andIlisten。"
Isaid，"Thatiswhereyoudowrong。WhenyouwantinformationcometoHarrisormyself；wewilltellyouthetruthaboutthesequestions。"
Georgethankedus，andweproceededwiththebusinessinhand。
"Whenshallwestart？"saidGeorge。
"SofarasIamconcerned，"repliedHarris，"thesoonerthebetter。"
Hisidea，Ifancy，wastogetawaybeforeMrs。H。thoughtofotherthings。WefixedthefollowingWednesday。
"Whataboutroute？"saidHarris。
"Ihaveanidea，"saidGeorge。"Itakeityoufellowsarenaturallyanxioustoimproveyourminds？"
Isaid，"Wedon’twanttobecomemonstrosities。Toareasonabledegree，yes，ifitcanbedonewithoutmuchexpenseandwithlittlepersonaltrouble。"
"Itcan，"saidGeorge。"WeknowHollandandtheRhine。Verywell，mysuggestionisthatwetaketheboattoHamburg，seeBerlinandDresden，andworkourwaytotheSchwarzwald，throughNurembergandStuttgart。"
"TherearesomeprettybitsinMesopotamia，soI’vebeentold，"
murmuredHarris。
GeorgesaidMesopotamiawastoomuchoutofourway，butthattheBerlin—Dresdenroutewasquitepracticable。Forgoodorevil，hepersuadedusintoit。
"Themachines，Isuppose，"saidGeorge，"asbefore。HarrisandI
onthetandem，J。——"
"Ithinknot，"interruptedHarris，firmly。"YouandJ。onthetandem，Ionthesingle。"
"Allthesametome，"agreedGeorge。"J。andIonthetandem，Harris——"
"Idonotmindtakingmyturn，"Iinterrupted，"butIamnotgoingtocarryGeorgeALLtheway；theburdenshouldbedivided。"
"Verywell，"agreedHarris，"we’lldivideit。Butitmustbeonthedistinctunderstandingthatheworks。"
"Thathewhat？"saidGeorge。
"Thatheworks，"repeatedHarris，firmly；"atallevents，uphill。"
"GreatScott！"saidGeorge；"don’tyouwantANYexercise？"
Thereisalwaysunpleasantnessaboutthistandem。Itisthetheoryofthemaninfrontthatthemanbehinddoesnothing；itisequallythetheoryofthemanbehindthathealoneisthemotivepower，themaninfrontmerelydoingthepuffing。Themysterywillneverbesolved。ItisannoyingwhenPrudenceiswhisperingtoyouontheonesidenottooverdoyourstrengthandbringonheartdisease；
whileJusticeintotheotherearisremarking，"Whyshouldyoudoitall？Thisisn’tacab。He’snotyourpassenger："tohearhimgruntout：
"What’sthematter——lostyourpedals？"
Harris，inhisearlymarrieddays，mademuchtroubleforhimselfononeoccasion，owingtothisimpossibilityofknowingwhatthepersonbehindisdoing。HewasridingwithhiswifethroughHolland。Theroadswerestony，andthemachinejumpedagooddeal。
"Sittight，"saidHarris，withoutturninghishead。
WhatMrs。Harristhoughthesaidwas，"Jumpoff。"Whysheshouldhavethoughthesaid"Jumpoff，"whenhesaid"Sittight，"neitherofthemcanexplain。
Mrs。Harrisputsitinthisway，"Ifyouhadsaid，’Sittight，’whyshouldIhavejumpedoff？"
Harrisputsit，"IfIhadwantedyoutojumpoff，whyshouldIhavesaid’Sittight！’？"
Thebitternessispast，buttheyargueaboutthemattertothisday。
Betheexplanationwhatitmay，however，nothingaltersthefactthatMrs。Harrisdidjumpoff，whileHarrispedalledawayhard，undertheimpressionshewasstillbehindhim。Itappearsthatatfirstshethoughthewasridingupthehillmerelytoshowoff。
Theywerebothyounginthosedays，andheusedtodothatsortofthing。Sheexpectedhimtospringtoearthonreachingthesummit，andleaninacarelessandgracefulattitudeagainstthemachine，waitingforher。When，onthecontrary，shesawhimpassthesummitandproceedrapidlydownalongandsteepincline，shewasseized，firstwithsurprise，secondlywithindignation，andlastlywithalarm。Sherantothetopofthehillandshouted，butheneverturnedhishead。Shewatchedhimdisappearintoawoodamileandahalfdistant，andthensatdownandcried。Theyhadhadaslightdifferencethatmorning，andshewonderedifhehadtakenitseriouslyandintendeddesertion。Shehadnomoney；sheknewnoDutch。Peoplepassed，andseemedsorryforher；shetriedtomakethemunderstandwhathadhappened。Theygatheredthatshehadlostsomething，butcouldnotgraspwhat。Theytookhertothenearestvillage，andfoundapolicemanforher。Heconcludedfromherpantomimethatsomemanhadstolenherbicycle。Theyputthetelegraphintooperation，anddiscoveredinavillagefourmilesoffanunfortunateboyridingalady’smachineofanobsoletepattern。Theybroughthimtoherinacart，butasshedidnotappeartowanteitherhimorhisbicycletheylethimgoagain，andresignedthemselvestobewilderment。
Meanwhile，Harriscontinuedhisridewithmuchenjoyment。Itseemedtohimthathehadsuddenlybecomeastronger，andineverywayamorecapablecyclist。SaidhetowhathethoughtwasMrs。
Harris：
"Ihaven’tfeltthismachinesolightformonths。It’sthisair，I
think；it’sdoingmegood。"
Thenhetoldhernottobeafraid，andhewouldshowherhowfastheCOULDgo。Hebentdownoverthehandles，andputhisheartintohiswork。Thebicycleboundedovertheroadlikeathingoflife；
farmhousesandchurches，dogsandchickenscametohimandpassed。
Oldfolksstoodandgazedathim，thechildrencheeredhim。
Inthiswayhespedmerrilyonwardforaboutfivemiles。Then，asheexplainsit，thefeelingbegantogrowuponhimthatsomethingwaswrong。Hewasnotsurprisedatthesilence；thewindwasblowingstrongly，andthemachinewasrattlingagooddeal。Itwasasenseofvoidthatcameuponhim。Hestretchedouthishandbehindhim，andfelt；therewasnothingtherebutspace。Hejumped，orratherfelloff，andlookedbackuptheroad；itstretchedwhiteandstraightthroughthedarkwood，andnotalivingsoulcouldbeseenuponit。Heremounted，androdebackupthehill。Intenminuteshecametowheretheroadbrokeintofour；therehedismountedandtriedtorememberwhichforkhehadcomedown。
Whilehewasdeliberatingamanpassed，sittingsidewaysonahorse。Harrisstoppedhim，andexplainedtohimthathehadlosthiswife。Themanappearedtobeneithersurprisednorsorryforhim。Whiletheyweretalkinganotherfarmercamealong，towhomthefirstmanexplainedthematter，notasanaccident，butasagoodstory。WhatappearedtosurprisethesecondmanmostwasthatHarrisshouldbemakingafussaboutthething。Hecouldgetnosenseoutofeitherofthem，andcursingthemhemountedhismachineagain，andtookthemiddleroadonchance。Half—wayup，hecameuponapartyoftwoyoungwomenwithoneyoungmanbetweenthem。Theyappearedtobemakingthemostofhim。Heaskedthemiftheyhadseenhiswife。Theyaskedhimwhatshewaslike。HedidnotknowenoughDutchtodescribeherproperly；allhecouldtellthemwasshewasaverybeautifulwoman，ofmediumsize。
Evidentlythisdidnotsatisfythem，thedescriptionwastoogeneral；anymancouldsaythat，andbythismeansperhapsgetpossessionofawifethatdidnotbelongtohim。Theyaskedhimhowshewasdressed；forthelifeofhimhecouldnotrecollect。
Idoubtifanymancouldtellhowanywomanwasdressedtenminutesafterhehadlefther。Herecollectedablueskirt，andthentherewassomethingthatcarriedthedresson，asitwere，uptotheneck。Possibly，thismayhavebeenablouse；heretainedadimvisionofabelt；butwhatsortofablouse？Wasitgreen，oryellow，orblue？Haditacollar，orwasitfastenedwithabow？
Weretherefeathersinherhat，orflowers？Orwasitahatatall？Hedarednotsay，forfearofmakingamistakeandbeingsentmilesafterthewrongparty。Thetwoyoungwomengiggled，whichinhisthenstateofmindirritatedHarris。Theyoungman，whoappearedanxioustogetridofhim，suggestedthepolicestationatthenexttown。Harrismadehiswaythere。Thepolicegavehimapieceofpaper，andtoldhimtowritedownafulldescriptionofhiswife，togetherwithdetailsofwhenandwherehehadlosther。
Hedidnotknowwherehehadlosther；allhecouldtellthemwasthenameofthevillagewherehehadlunched。Heknewhehadherwithhimthen，andthattheyhadstartedfromtheretogether。
Thepolicelookedsuspicious；theyweredoubtfulaboutthreematters：Firstly，wasshereallyhiswife？Secondly，hadhereallylosther？Thirdly，whyhadhelosther？Withtheaidofahotel—keeper，however，whospokealittleEnglish，heovercametheirscruples。Theypromisedtoact，andintheeveningtheybroughthertohiminacoveredwagon，togetherwithabillforexpenses。Themeetingwasnotatenderone。Mrs。Harrisisnotagoodactress，andalwayshasgreatdifficultyindisguisingherfeelings。Onthisoccasion，shefranklyadmits，shemadenoattempttodisguisethem。
Thewheelbusinesssettled，therearosetheever—lastingluggagequestion。
"Theusuallist，Isuppose，"saidGeorge，preparingtowrite。
ThatwaswisdomIhadtaughtthem；IhadlearneditmyselfyearsagofrommyUnclePodger。
"Alwaysbeforebeginningtopack，"myUnclewouldsay，"makealist。"
Hewasamethodicalman。
"Takeapieceofpaper"——healwaysbeganatthebeginning——"putdownoniteverythingyoucanpossiblyrequire，thengooveritandseethatitcontainsnothingyoucanpossiblydowithout。Imagineyourselfinbed；whathaveyougoton？Verywell，putitdown——
togetherwithachange。Yougetup；whatdoyoudo？Washyourself。Whatdoyouwashyourselfwith？Soap；putdownsoap。
Goontillyouhavefinished。Thentakeyourclothes。Beginatyourfeet；whatdoyouwearonyourfeet？Boots，shoes，socks；putthemdown。Workuptillyougettoyourhead。Whatelsedoyouwantbesidesclothes？Alittlebrandy；putitdown。Acorkscrew，putitdown。Putdowneverything，thenyoudon’tforgetanything。"
Thatistheplanhealwayspursuedhimself。Thelistmade，hewouldgooveritcarefully，ashealwaysadvised，toseethathehadforgottennothing。Thenhewouldgooveritagain，andstrikeouteverythingitwaspossibletodispensewith。
Thenhewouldlosethelist。
SaidGeorge："Justsufficientforadayortwowewilltakewithusonourbikes。Thebulkofourluggagewemustsendonfromtowntotown。"
"Wemustbecareful，"Isaid；"Iknewamanonce——"
Harrislookedathiswatch。
"We’llhearabouthimontheboat，"saidHarris；"IhavegottomeetClaraatWaterlooStationinhalfanhour。"
"Itwon’ttakehalfanhour，"Isaid；"it’satruestory，and——"
"Don’twasteit，"saidGeorge："IamtoldtherearerainyeveningsintheBlackForest；wemayhegladofit。Whatwehavetodonowistofinishthislist。"
NowIcometothinkofit，Ineverdidgetoffthatstory；
somethingalwaysinterruptedit。Anditreallywastrue。
CHAPTERIII
Harris’sonefault——HarrisandtheAngel——Apatentbicyclelamp——
Theidealsaddle——The"Overhauler"——Hiseagleeye——Hismethod——Hischeeryconfidence——Hissimpleandinexpensivetastes——Hisappearance——Howtogetridofhim——Georgeasprophet——Thegentleartofmakingoneselfdisagreeableinaforeigntongue——Georgeasastudentofhumannature——Heproposesanexperiment——HisPrudence——
Harris’ssupportsecured，uponconditions。
OnMondayafternoonHarriscameround；hehadacyclingpaperinhishand。
Isaid："Ifyoutakemyadvice，youwillleaveitalone。"
Harrissaid："Leavewhatalone？"
Isaid："Thatbrand—new，patent，revolutionincycling，record—
breaking，Tomfoolishness，whateveritmaybe，theadvertisementofwhichyouhavethereinyourhand。"
Hesaid："Well，Idon’tknow；therewillbesomesteephillsforustonegotiate；Iguessweshallwantagoodbrake。"
Isaid："Weshallwantabrake，Iagree；whatweshallnotwantisamechanicalsurprisethatwedon’tunderstand，andthatneveractswhenitiswanted。"
"Thisthing，"hesaid，"actsautomatically。"
"Youneedn’ttellme，"Isaid。"Iknowexactlywhatitwilldo，byinstinct。Goinguphillitwilljambthewheelsoeffectivelythatweshallhavetocarrythemachinebodily。Theairatthetopofthehillwilldoitgood，anditwillsuddenlycomerightagain。
Goingdownhillitwillstartreflectingwhatanuisanceithasbeen。Thiswillleadtoremorse，andfinallytodespair。Itwillsaytoitself：’I’mnotfittobeabrake。Idon’thelpthesefellows；Ionlyhinderthem。I’macurse，that’swhatIam；’and，withoutawordofwarning，itwill’chuck’thewholebusiness。
Thatiswhatthatbrakewilldo。Leaveitalone。Youareagoodfellow，"Icontinued，"butyouhaveonefault。"
"What？"heasked，indignantly。
"Youhavetoomuchfaith，"Ianswered。"Ifyoureadanadvertisement，yougoawayandbelieveit。Everyexperimentthateveryfoolhasthoughtofinconnectionwithcyclingyouhavetried。Yourguardianangelappearstobeacapableandconscientiousspirit，andhithertoshehasseenyouthrough；takemyadviceanddon’ttryhertoofar。Shemusthavehadabusytimesinceyoustartedcycling。Don’tgoontillyoumakehermad。"
Hesaid："Ifeverymantalkedlikethattherewouldbenoadvancementmadeinanydepartmentoflife。Ifnobodyevertriedanewthingtheworldwouldcometoastandstill。Itisby——"
"Iknowallthatcanbesaidonthatsideoftheargument，"I
interrupted。"Iagreeintryingnewexperimentsuptothirty—five；
AFTERthirty—fiveIconsideramanisentitledtothinkofhimself。
YouandIhavedoneourdutyinthisdirection，youespecially。
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