OnemaygatherfromthishowhefeltwhenhisIrishfriendGrierson，hearinghimenumeratethequalitiesnecessarytotheformationofapoet，beganacomicalparodyuponhisornamentedharangueinpraiseofacook，concludingwiththisobservation，thathewhodressedagooddinnerwasamoreexcellentandamoreusefulmemberofsocietythanhewhowroteagoodpoem。"Andinthisopinion，"saidMr。Johnsoninreply，"allthedogsinthetownwilljoinyou。"
OfthisMr。GriersonIhaveheardhimrelatemanydrollstories，muchtohisadvantageasawit，togetherwithsomefactsmoredifficulttobeaccountedfor;asavariceneverwasreckonedamongthevicesofthelaughingworld。ButJohnson’svariouslife，andspiritofvigilancetolearnandtreasureupeverypeculiarityofmanner，sentiment，orgeneralconduct，madehiscompany，whenhechosetorelateanecdotesofpeoplehehadformerlyknown，exquisitelyamusingandcomical。Itisindeedinconceivablewhatstrangeoccurrenceshehadseen，andwhatsurprisingthingshecouldtellwheninacommunicativehumour。Itisbynomeansmybusinesstorelatememoirsofhisacquaintance;butitwillservetoshowthecharacterofJohnsonhimself，whenIinformthosewhoneverknewhimthatnomantoldastorywithsogoodagrace，orknewsowellwhatwouldmakeaneffectuponhisauditors。Whenheraisedcontributionsforsomedistressedauthor，orwitinwant，heoftenmadeusallmorethanamendsbydivertingdescriptionsofthelivestheywerethenpassingincornersunseenbyanybodybuthimself;andthatoddoldsurgeonwhomhekeptinhishousetotendtheout—pensioners，andofwhomhesaidmosttrulyandsublimelythat——
"Inmisery’sdarkestcavernsknown，Hisusefulcarewasevernigh，Wherehopelessanguishpourshergroan，Andlonelywantretirestodie。"
Ihaveforgottentheyear，butitcouldscarcelyIthinkbelaterthan1765
or1766，thathewascalledabruptlyfromourhouseafterdinner，andreturninginaboutthreehours，saidhehadbeenwithanenragedauthor，whoselandladypressedhimforpaymentwithindoors，whilethebailiffsbesethimwithout;thathewasdrinkinghimselfdrunkwithMadeiratodrowncare，andfrettingoveranovelwhich，whenfinished，wastobehiswholefortune;buthecouldnotgetitdonefordistraction，norcouldhestepoutofdoorstoofferittosale。Mr。Johnsonthereforesetawaythebottle，andwenttothebookseller，recommendingtheperformance，anddesiringsomeimmediaterelief;whichwhenhebroughtbacktothewriter，hecalledthewomanofthehousedirectlytopartakeofpunch，andpasstheirtimeinmerriment。
Itwasnottilltenyearsafter，Idaresay，thatsomethinginDr。
Goldsmith’sbehaviourstruckmewithanideathathewastheveryman，andthenJohnsonconfesseditwasso;thenovelwasthecharming"VicarofWakefield。"
TherewasaMr。Boyce，too，whowrotesomeveryelegantversesprintedinthemagazinesoffive—and—twentyyearsago，ofwhoseingenuityanddistressIhaveheardDr。Johnsontellsomecuriousanecdotes，particularlythatwhenhewasalmostperishingwithhunger，andsomemoneywasproducedtopurchasehimadinner，hegotapieceofroastbeef，butcouldnoteatitwithoutketchup，andlaidoutthelasthalf—guineahepossessedintrufflesandmushrooms，eatingtheminbed，too，forwantofclothes，orevenashirttositupin。
Anotherman，forwhomheoftenbegged，madeaswilduseofhisfriend’sbeneficenceasthese，spendinginpunchthesolitaryguineawhichhadbeenbroughthimonemorning;whenresolvingtoaddanotherclaimanttoashareofthebowl，besidesawomanwhoalwayslivedwithhim，andafootmanwhousedtocarryoutpetitionsforcharity，heborrowedachairman’swatch，andpawningitforhalf—a—crown，paidaclergymantomarryhimtoafellow—lodgerinthewretchedhousetheyallinhabited，andgotsodrunkovertheguineabowlofpunchtheeveningofhiswedding—day，thathavingmanyyearslosttheuseofoneleg，henowcontrivedtofallfromthetopofthestairstothebottom，andbreakhisarm，inwhichconditionhiscompanionslefthimtocallMr。Johnson，who，relatingtheseriesofhistragi—comicaldistressesobtainedfromtheLiteraryClubaseasonablerelief。
OfthatrespectablesocietyIhaveheardhimspeakinthehighestterms，andwithamagnificentpanegyriconeachmember，whenitconsistedonlyofadozenorfourteenfriends;butassoonasthenecessityofenlargingitbroughtinnewfaces，andtookofffromhisconfidenceinthecompany，hegrewlessfondofthemeeting，andloudlyproclaimedhiscarelessnessWHO
mightbeadmitted，whenitwasbecomeameredinnerclub。ITHINKtheoriginalnames，whenIfirstheardhimtalkwithfervourofeverymember’speculiarpowersofinstructingordelightingmankind，wereSirJohnHawkins，Mr。Burke，Mr。Langton，Mr。Beauclerc，Dr。Percy，Dr。Nugent，Dr。
Goldsmith，SirRobertChambers，Mr。Dyer，andSirJoshuaReynolds，whomhecalledtheirRomulus，orsaidsomebodyelseofthecompanycalledhimso，whichwasmorelikely：butthiswas，Ibelieve，intheyear1775or1776。
Itwasasuppermeetingthen，andIfancyDr。NugentorderedanomeletsometimesonaFridayorSaturdaynight;forIrememberMr。Johnsonfeltverypainfulsensationsatthesightofthatdishsoonafterhisdeath，andcried，"Ah，mypoordearfriend！IshallnevereatomeletwithTHEE
again！"quiteinanagony。Thetruthis，nobodysufferedmorefrompungentsorrowatafriend’sdeaththanJohnson，thoughhewouldsuffernooneelsetocomplainoftheirlossesinthesameway;"for，"sayshe，"wemusteitheroutliveourfriends，youknow，orourfriendsmustoutliveus;andI
seenomanthatwouldhesitateaboutthechoice。"
Mr。Johnsonlovedlatehoursextremely，ormoreproperlyhatedearlyones。
Nothingwasmoreterrifyingtohimthantheideaofretiringtobed，whichheneverwouldcallgoingtorest，orsufferanothertocallso。"Iliedown，"saidhe，"thatmyacquaintancemaysleep;butIliedowntoendureoppressivemisery，andsoonriseagaintopassthenightinanxietyandpain。"Bythispatheticmanner，whichnooneeverpossessedinsoeminentadegree，heusedtoshockmefromquittinghiscompany，tillIhurtmyownhealthnotalittlebysittingupwithhimwhenIwasmyselffarfromwell;
norwasitaneasymattertoobligehimevenbycompliance，forhealwaysmaintainedthatnooneforboretheirowngratificationsforthesakeofpleasinganother，andifoneDIDsitupitwasprobablytoamuseoneself。
Someright，however，hecertainlyhadtosayso，ashemadehiscompanyexceedinglyentertainingwhenhehadonceforcedone，byhisvehementlamentationsandpiercingreproofs，nottoquittheroom，buttositquietlyandmaketeaforhim，asIoftendidinLondontillfouro’clockinthemorning。AtStreatham，indeed，Imanagedbetter，havingalwayssomefriendwhowaskindenoughtoengagehimintalk，andfavourmyretreat。
ThefirsttimeIeversawthisextraordinarymanwasintheyear1764，whenMr。Murphy，whohadbeenlongthefriendandconfidentialintimateofMr。
Thrale，persuadedhimtowishforJohnson’sconversation，extollingitintermswhichthatofnootherpersoncouldhavedeserved，tillwewereonlyindoubthowtoobtainhiscompany，andfindanexcusefortheinvitation。
ThecelebrityofMr。Woodhouse，ashoemaker，whoseverseswereatthattimethesubjectofcommondiscourse，soonaffordedapretence，andMr。MurphybroughtJohnsontomeethim，givingmegeneralcautionsnottobesurprisedathisfigure，dress，orbehaviour。WhatIrecollectbestoftheday’stalkwashisearnestlyrecommendingAddison’sworkstoMr。Woodhouseasamodelforimitation。"Givenightsanddays，sir，"saidhe，"tothestudyofAddison，ifyoumeaneithertobeagoodwriter，orwhatismoreworth，anhonestman。"WhenIsawsomethinglikethesameexpressioninhiscriticismonthatauthor，latelypublished，Iputhiminmindofhispastinjunctionstotheyoungpoet，towhichhereplied，"thathewishedtheshoemakermighthaverememberedthemaswell。"Mr。Johnsonlikedhisnewacquaintancesomuch，however，that，fromthattimehedinedwithuseveryThursdaythroughthewinter，andintheautumnofthenextyearhefollowedustoBrighthelmstone，whenceweweregonebeforehisarrival;sohewasdisappointedandenraged，andwroteusaletterexpressiveofanger，whichwewereverydesiroustopacify，andtoobtainhiscompanyagain，ifpossible。Mr。Murphybroughthimbacktousagainverykindly，andfromthattimehisvisitsgrewmorefrequent，tillintheyear1766hishealth，whichhehadalwayscomplainedof，grewsoexceedinglybad，thathecouldnotstiroutofhisroominthecourtheinhabitedformanyWEEKStogether—
—IthinkMONTHS。
Mr。Thrale’sattentionsandmyownnowbecamesoacceptabletohim，thatheoftenlamentedtousthehorribleconditionofhismind，whichhesaidwasnearlydistracted;andthoughhechargedUStomakehimoddsolemnpromisesofsecrecyonsostrangeasubject，yetwhenwewaitedonhimonemorning，andheardhim，inthemostpatheticterms，begtheprayersofDr。Delap，whohadlefthimaswecamein，Ifeltexcessivelyaffectedwithgrief，andwellremembermyhusbandinvoluntarilylifteduponehandtoshuthismouth，fromprovocationathearingamansowildlyproclaimwhathecouldatlastpersuadenoonetobelieve，andwhat，iftrue，wouldhavebeensoveryunfittoreveal。
Mr。Thralewentawaysoonafter，leavingmewithhim，andbiddingmeprevailonhimtoquithisclosehabitationinthecourtandcomewithustoStreatham，whereIundertookthecareofhishealth，andhadthehonourandhappinessofcontributingtoitsrestoration。Thistask，thoughdistressingenoughsometimes，wouldhavebeenlesssohadnotmymotherandhedislikedoneanotherextremely，andteasedmeoftenwithperverseopposition，pettycontentions，andmutualcomplaints。Hersuperfluousattentiontosuchaccountsoftheforeignpoliticsasaretransmittedtousbythedailyprints，andherwillingnesstotalkonsubjectshecouldnotendure，begantheaversion;andwhen，bythepeculiarityofhisstyle，shefoundoutthatheteasedherbywritinginthenewspapersconcerningbattlesandplotswhichhadnoexistence，onlytofeedherwithnewaccountsofthedivisionofPoland，perhaps，orthedisputesbetweentheStatesofRussiaandTurkey，shewasexceedinglyangry，tobesure，andscarcely，Ithink，forgavetheoffencetillthedomesticdistressesoftheyear1772reconciledthemtoandtaughtthemthetruevalueofeachother，excellentasTHEYBOTHwere，farbeyondtheexcellenceofanyothermanandwomanIeveryetsaw。Asherconduct，too，extortedhistruestesteem，hercruelillnessexcitedallhistenderness，norwasthesightofbeauty，scarcetobesubduedbydisease，andwit，flashingthroughtheapprehensionofevil，ascenewhichDr。Johnsoncouldseewithoutsensibility。Heacknowledgedhimselfimprovedbyherpiety，andastonishedatherfortitude，andhungoverherbedwiththeaffectionofaparent，andthereverenceofason。Nordiditgivemelesspleasuretoseehersweetmindclearedofallitslatentprejudices，andleftatlibertytoadmireandapplaudthatforceofthoughtandversatilityofgenius，thatcomprehensivesoulandbenevolentheart，whichattractedandcommandedvenerationfromall，butinspiredpeculiarsensationsofdelightmixedwithreverenceinthosewho，likeher，hadtheopportunitytoobservethesequalitiesstimulatedbygratitude，andactuatedbyfriendship。WhenMr。Thrale’sperplexitiesdisturbedhispeace，dearDr。Johnsonlefthimscarceamoment，andtriedeveryartificetoamuseaswellaseveryargumenttoconsolehim：norisitmorepossibletodescribethantoforgethisprudent，hispiousattentionstowardsthemanwhohadsomeyearsbeforecertainlysavedhisvaluablelife，perhapshisreason，byhalfobliginghimtochangethefoulairofFleetStreetforthewholesomebreezesoftheSussexDowns。
Theepitaphengravedonmymother’smonumentshowshowdeservingshewasofgeneralapplause。IaskedJohnsonwhyhenamedherpersonbeforehermind。
Hesaiditwas"becauseeverybodycouldjudgeoftheone，andbutfewoftheother。"
JuxtasepultaestHESTERAMARIA
ThomaeCottondeCombermerebaronettiCestriensisfilia，JohannisSalusburyarmigeriFlintiensisuxor。
Formafelix，felixingenio：
Omnibusjucunda，suorumamantissima。
LinguisartibusqueitaexcultaUtloquentinunquamdeessentSermonisnitor，sententiarumflosculi，Sapientiaegravitas，leporumgratia：
Modumservandiadeoperita，Utdomesticainternegotialiterisoblectaretur。
Literaruminterdelicias，remfamiliaremsedulocuraret，Multisillimultosannosprecantibusdiricarcinomatisvenenocontabuit，nexibusquevitaepaulatimresolutis，eterris——meliorasperans——emigravit。
Nata17O7。Nupta1739。Obiit1773。
Mr。Murphy，whoadmiredhertalentsanddelightedinhercompany，didmethefavourtoparaphrasethiselegantinscriptioninverseswhichIfancyhaveneveryetbeenpublished。Hisfamehaslongbeenoutofmypowertoincreaseasapoet：asamanofsensibilityperhapstheselinesmaysethimhigherthanhenowstands。Irememberwithgratitudethefriendlytearswhichpreventedhimfromspeakingasheputthemintomyhand。
NearthisplaceAredepositedtheremainsofHESTERMARIA，ThedaughterofSirThomasCottonofCombermere，inthecountyofCheshire，Bart。，thewifeofJohnSalusbury，ofthecountyofFlint，Esquire。Shewasbornintheyear17O7，marriedin1739，anddiedin1773。
Apleasingform，whereeverygracecombined，Withgeniusblest，apureenlightenedmind;
Benevolenceonallthatsmilesbestowed，Aheartthatforherfriendswithloveo’erflowed：
Inlanguageskilled，byscienceformedtoplease，Hermirthwaswit，hergravitywasease。
Gracefulinall，thehappymiensheknew，Whicheventovirtuegivesthelimitsdue;
Whate’eremployedher，thatsheseemedtochoose，Herhouse，herfriends，herbusiness，orthemuse。
Admiredandloved，thethemeofgeneralpraise，Alltosuchvirtuewishedalengthofdays。
Butsadreverse！withslow—consumingpains，Th’envenomedcancerrevelledinherveins;
Preyedonherspirits——stoleeachpoweraway;
Gradualshesank，yetsmilingindecay;
Shesmiledinhope，bysoreafflictiontried，AndinthathopethepiousChristiandied。
ThefollowingepitaphonMr。Thrale，whohasnowamonumentclosebyhersinStreathamChurch，IhaveseenprintedandcommendedinMaty’sReviewforApril，1784;andafriendhasfavouredmewiththetranslation：——
HicconditurquodreliquumestHENRICITHRALE，Quiresseuciviles，seudomesticas，itaegit，Utvitamillilongioremmultioptarent;
Itasacras，Utquambrevemessethabituruspraescirevideretur。
Simplex，apertus，sibiquesempersimilis，NihilostentavitautartefictumautcuraElaboratum。
Insenatu，regipatriaequeFideliterstuduit;
Vulgiobstrepentiscontemptoranimosus，DomiintermillemercaturaenegotiaLiterarumelegantiamminimeneglexit。
Amicisquocunquemodolaborantibus，Conciliis，auctoritate，muneribusadfuit。
Interfamiliares，comites，convivas，hospites，TamfacilifuitmorumsuavitateUtomniumanimosadsealliceret;
TamfelicisermonislibertateUtnulliadulatus，omnibusplaceret。
Natus1724。Ob。1781。
ConsortestumulihabetRodolphumpatrem，strenuumfortemquevirum，etHenricumfiliumunicum，quemspeiparentummorsinopinadecennempraeripuit。
ItaDomusfelixetopulenta，quamerexitAvus，auxitquepater，cumnepotedecidit。
Abiviator！
Etvicibusrerumhumanarumperspectis，AEternitatemcogita！
HerearedepositedtheremainsofHENRYTHRALE，Whomanagedallhisconcernsinthepresentworld，publicandprivate，insuchamannerastoleavemanywishinghehadcontinuedlongerinit;
Andallthatrelatedtoafutureworld，asifhehadbeensensiblehowshortatimehewastocontinueinthis。
Simple，open，anduniforminhismanners，hisconductwaswithouteitherartoraffectation。
Inthesenatesteadilyattentivetothetrueinterestsofhiskingandcountry，Helookeddownwithcontemptontheclamoursofthemultitude：
Thoughengagedinaveryextensivebusiness，HefoundsometimetoapplytopoliteliteratureAndwaseverreadytoassisthisfriendslabouringunderanydifficulties，withhisadvice，hisinfluence，andhispurse。
Tohisfriends，acquaintance，andguests，hebehavedwithsuchsweetnessofmannersastoattachthemalltohisperson：
Sohappyinhisconversationwiththem，astopleaseall，thoughheflatterednone。
Hewasbornintheyear1724，anddiedin1781。
Inthesametomblieinterredhisfather，RalphThrale，amanofvigourandactivity，AndhisonlysonHenry，whodiedbeforehisfather，Agedtenyears。
Thusahappyandopulentfamily，Raisedbythegrandfather，andaugmentedbythefather，becameextinguishedwiththegrandson。
Go，Reader！
Andreflectingonthevicissitudesofallhumanaffairs，Meditateoneternity。
IneverrecollecttohaveheardthatDr。JohnsonwroteinscriptionsforanysepulchralstonesexceptDr。Goldsmith’s，inWestminsterAbbey，andthesetwoinStreathamChurch。HemadefourlinesonceonthedeathofpoorHogarth，whichwereequallytrueandpleasing。IknownotwhyGarrick’swerepreferredtothem。
"Thehandofhimheretorpidlies，Thatdrewth’essentialformofgrace;
Hereclos’dindeathth’attentiveeyes，Thatsawthemannersintheface。"
Mr。Hogarth，amongthevarietyofkindnessesshowntomewhenIwastooyoungtohaveapropersenseofthem，wasusedtobeveryearnestthatI
shouldobtaintheacquaintance，andifpossiblethefriendship，ofDr。
Johnson，whoseconversationwas，tothetalkofothermen，"likeTitian’spaintingcomparedtoHudson’s，"hesaid："butdon’tyoutellpeople，now，thatIsayso，"continuedhe，"fortheconnoisseursandIareatwar，youknow;andbecauseIhateTHEM，theythinkIhateTITIAN——andletthem！"
ManywereindeedthelecturesIusedtohaveinmyveryearlydaysfromdearMr。Hogarth，whoseregardformyfatherinducedhim，perhaps，totakenoticeofhislittlegirl，andgivehersomeoddparticulardirectionsaboutdress，dancing，andmanyothermatters，interestingnowonlybecausetheywerehis。Ashemadeallhistalents，however，subservienttothegreatpurposesofmorality，andtheearnestdesirehehadtomendmankind，hisdiscoursecommonlyendedinanethicaldissertation，andaseriouschargetome，nevertoforgethispictureofthe"Lady’slastStake。"OfDr。Johnson，whenmyfatherandheweretalkingtogetherabouthimoneday，"Thatman，"saysHogarth，"isnotcontentedwithbelievingtheBible，buthefairlyresolves，Ithink，tobelievenothingBUTtheBible。Johnson，"
addedhe，"thoughsowiseafellow，ismorelikeKingDavidthanKingSolomon;forhesaysinhishastethat’allmenareliars。’"Thischarge，asIafterwardscametoknow，wasbuttoowellfounded。Mr。Johnson’sincredulityamountedalmosttodisease，andIhaveseenitmortifyhiscompanionsexceedingly。Butthetruthis，Mr。ThralehadaverypowerfulinfluenceovertheDoctor，andcouldmakehimsuppressmanyroughanswers。
Hecouldlikewiseprevailonhimtochangehisshirt，hiscoat，orhisplate，almostbeforeitcameindispensablynecessarytothecomfortofhisfriends。ButasIneverhadanyascendencyatalloverMr。Johnson，exceptjustinthethingsthatconcernedhishealth，itgrewextremelyperplexinganddifficulttoliveinthehousewithhimwhenthemasterofitwasnomore;theworse，indeed，becausehisdislikesgrewcapricious;andhecouldscarcebeartohaveanybodycometothehousewhomitwasabsolutelynecessaryformetosee。Twogentlemen，Iperfectlywellremember，diningwithusatStreathaminthesummer，1782，whenElliot’sbravedefenceofGibraltarwasasubjectofcommondiscourse，oneofthesemennaturallyenoughbegansometalkaboutred—hotballsthrownwithsurprisingdexterityandeffect，whichDr。Johnsonhavinglistenedsometimeto，"Iwouldadviseyou，sir，"saidhe，withacoldsneer，"nevertorelatethisstoryagain;
youreallycanscarceimaginehowVERYPOORafigureyoumakeinthetellingofit。"OurguestbeingbredaQuaker，and，Ibelieve，amanofanextremelygentledisposition，needednomorereproofsforthesamefolly;
soifheeverdidspeakagain，itwasinalowvoicetothefriendwhocamewithhim。Thecheckwasgivenbeforedinner，andaftercoffeeIlefttheroom。Whenintheevening，however，ourcompanionswerereturnedtoLondon，andMr。Johnsonandmyselfwereleftalone，withonlyourusualfamilyaboutus，"IdidnotquarrelwiththoseQuakerfellows，"saidhe，veryseriously。"Youdidperfectlyright，"repliedI，"fortheygaveyounocauseofoffence。""Nooffence！"returnedhe，withanalteredvoice;
"andisitnothing，then，tositwhisperingtogetherwhen_I_ampresent，withouteverdirectingtheirdiscoursetowardsme，orofferingmeashareintheconversation？""Thatwasbecauseyoufrightedhimwhospokefirstaboutthosehotballs。""Why，madam，ifacreatureisneithercapableofgivingdignitytofalsehood，norwillingtoremaincontentedwiththetruth，hedeservesnobettertreatment。"
Mr。Johnson’sfixedincredulityofeverythingheheard，andhislittlecaretoconcealthatincredulity，wasteasingenough，tobesure;andIsawMr。
SharpwaspainedexceedinglywhenrelatingthehistoryofahurricanethathappenedaboutthattimeintheWestIndies，where，foraughtIknow，hehadhimselflostsomefriendstoo，heobservedDr。Johnsonbelievednotasyllableoftheaccount。"For’tisSOeasy，"sayshe，"foramantofillhismouthwithawonder，andrunabouttellingtheliebeforeitcanbedetected，thatIhavenohearttobelievehurricaneseasilyraisedbythefirstinventor，andblownforwardsbythousandsmore。"IaskedhimonceifhebelievedthestoryofthedestructionofLisbonbyanearthquakewhenitfirsthappened。"Oh！notforsixmonths，"saidhe，"atleast。IDIDthinkthatstorytoodreadfultobecredited，andcanhardlyyetpersuademyselfthatitwastruetothefullextentweallofushaveheard。"
Amongthenumberlesspeople，however，whomIheardhimgrosslyandflatlycontradict，IneveryetsawanyonewhodidnottakeitpatientlyexceptingDr。Burney，fromwhosehabitualsoftnessofmannersIlittleexpectedsuchanexertionofspirit;theeventwasaslittletobeexpected。Mr。Johnsonaskedhispardongenerouslyandgenteelly，andwhenhelefttheroom，roseuptoshakehandswithhim，thattheymightpartinpeace。Onanotheroccasion，whenhehadviolentlyprovokedMr。Pepys，inadifferentbutperhapsnotalessoffensivemanner，tillsomethingmuchtoolikeaquarrelwasgrownupbetweenthem，themomenthewasgone，"Now，"saysDr。Johnson，"isPepysgonehomehatingme，wholovehimbetterthanIdidbefore。Hespokeindefenceofhisdeadfriend;butthoughIhope_I_spokebetterwhospokeagainsthim，yetallmyeloquencewillgainmenothingbutanhonestmanformyenemy！"Hedidnot，however，cordiallyloveMr。Pepys，thoughherespectedhisabilities。"Iknowthedogwasascholar，"saidhewhentheyhadbeendisputingabouttheclassicsforthreehourstogetheronemorningatStreatham，"butthathehadsomuchtasteandsomuchknowledgeIdidNOTbelieve。ImighthavetakenBarnard’swordthough，forBarnardwouldnotlie。"
WehadgotalittleFrenchprintamongusatBrighthelmstone，inNovember，1782，ofsomepeopleskating，withtheselineswrittenunder：——
"Surunmincechrystall’hyverconduitleurspas，Leprecipiceestsouslaglace;
Telleestdenosplaisirslalegeresurface，Glissezmortels;n’appayezpas。"
AndIbeggedtranslationfromeverybody。Dr。Johnsongavemethis：——
"O’ericetherapidskaterflies，Withsportaboveanddeathbelow;
Wheremischieflurksingaydisguise，Thuslightlytouchandquicklygo。"
Hewas，however，mostexceedinglyenragedwhenheknewthatinthecourseoftheseasonIhadaskedhalf—a—dozenacquaintancetodothesamething;
andsaid，"itwasapieceoftreachery，anddonetomakeeverybodyelselooklittlewhencomparedtomyfavouritefriendsthePEPYSES，whosetranslationswereunquestionablythebest。"Iwillinsertthem，becauseheDIDsayso。ThisisthedistichgivenmebySirLucas，towhomIowemoresolidobligations，nolessthanthepowerofthankinghimforthelifehesaved，andwhoseleastvaluablepraiseisthecorrectnessofhistaste：——
"O’ertheiceaso’erpleasureyoulightlyshouldglide，Bothhavegulfswhichtheirflatteringsurfaceshide。"
Thisothermoreseriousonewaswrittenbyhisbrother：——
"Swifto’erthelevelhowtheskatersslide，Andskimtheglitt’ringsurfaceastheygo：
Thuso’erlife’sspeciouspleasureslightlyglide，Butpausenot，pressnotonthegulfbelow。"
Dr。Johnsonseeingthislast，andthinkingamoment，repeated：——
"O’ercracklingice，o’ergulfsprofound，Withnimbleglidetheskatersplay;
O’ertreacherouspleasure’sflow’rygroundThuslightlyskim，andhasteaway。"
Thoughthusuncommonlyreadybothtogiveandtakeoffence，Mr。Johnsonhadmanyrigidmaximsconcerningthenecessityofcontinuedsoftnessandcomplianceofdisposition：andwhenIoncementionedShenstone’sideathatsomelittlequarrelamonglovers，relations，andfriendswasuseful，andcontributedtotheirgeneralhappinessuponthewhole，bymakingthesoulfeelherelasticforce，andreturntothebelovedobjectwithreneweddelight："Why，whataperniciousmaximisthisnow，"criesJohnson，"ALL
quarrelsoughttobeavoidedstudiously，particularlyconjugalones，asnoonecanpossiblytellwheretheymayend;besidesthatlastingdislikeisoftentheconsequenceofoccasionaldisgust，andthatthecupoflifeissurelybitterenoughwithoutsqueezinginthehatefulrindofresentment。"
Itwasuponsomethinglikethesameprinciple，andfromhisgeneralhatredofrefinement，thatwhenItoldhimhowDr。Collier，inordertokeeptheservantsinhumourwithhisfavouritedog，byseemingroughwiththeanimalhimselfonmanyoccasions，andcryingout，"Whywillnobodyknockthiscur’sbrainsout？"meanttoconciliatetheirtendernesstowardsPompey;hereturnedmeforanswer，"thatthemaximwasevidentlyfalse，andfoundedonignoranceofhumanlife：thattheservantswouldkickthedogsoonerforhavingobtainedsuchasanctiontotheirseverity。AndIonce，"addedhe，"chidmywifeforbeatingthecatbeforethemaid，whowillnow，"saidI，"treatpusswithcruelty，perhaps，andpleadhermistress’sexample。"
Iaskedhimuponthisifheeverdisputedwithhiswife？（Ihadheardthathelovedherpassionately。）"Perpetually，"saidhe："mywifehadaparticularreverenceforcleanliness，anddesiredthepraiseofneatnessinherdressandfurniture，asmanyladiesdo，tilltheybecometroublesometotheirbestfriends，slavestotheirownbesoms，andonlysighforthehourofsweepingtheirhusbandsoutofthehouseasdirtanduselesslumber。’A
cleanfloorisSOcomfortable，’shewouldsaysometimes，bywayoftwitting;tillatlastItoldherthatIthoughtwehadhadtalkenoughabouttheFLOOR，wewouldnowhaveatouchattheCEILING。"
OnanotheroccasionIhaveheardhimblameherforafaultmanypeoplehave，ofsettingthemiseriesoftheirneighbourshalfunintentionally，halfwantonlybeforetheireyes，showingthemthebadsideoftheirprofession，situation，etc。Hesaid，"Shewouldlamentthedependenceofpupilagetoayoungheir，etc。，andoncetoldawatermanwhorowedheralongtheThamesinawherry，thathewasnohappierthanagalley—slave，onebeingchainedtotheoarbyauthority，theotherbywant。Ihad，however，"saidhe，laughing，"thewittogetherdaughteronmysidealwaysbeforewebeganthedispute。Shereadcomedybetterthananybodyheeverheard，"hesaid;"intragedyshemouthedtoomuch。"
GarricktoldMr。Thrale，however，thatshewasalittlepaintedpuppet，ofnovalueatall，andquitedisguisedwithaffectation，fullofoddairsofruralelegance;andhemadeoutsomecomicalscenes，bymimickingherinadialoguehepretendedtohaveoverheard。Idonotknowwhetherhemeantsuchstufftobebelievedorno，itwassocomical;nordidIindeedeverseehimrepresentherridiculously，thoughmyhusbanddid。TheintelligenceIgainedofherfromoldLevettwasonlyperpetualillnessandperpetualopium。ThepictureIfoundofheratLichfieldwasverypretty，andherdaughter，Mrs。LucyPorter，saiditwaslike。Mr。Johnsonhastoldmethatherhairwaseminentlybeautiful，quiteblonde，likethatofababy;butthatshefrettedaboutthecolour，andwasalwaysdesiroustodyeitblack，whichheveryjudiciouslyhinderedherfromdoing。Hisaccountoftheirweddingweusedtothinkludicrousenough。"Iwasridingtochurch，"saysJohnson，"andshefollowingonanothersinglehorse。Shehungback，however，andIturnedabouttoseewhethershecouldgethersteedalong，orwhatwasthematter。Ihad，however，soonoccasiontoseeitwasonlycoquetry，andTHATIDESPISED，soquickeningmypacealittle，shemendedhers;butIbelievetherewasatearortwo——prettydearcreature！"
Johnsonlovedhisdinnerexceedingly，andhasoftensaidinmyhearing，perhapsformyedification，"thatwhereverthedinnerisillgotthereispovertyorthereisavarice，orthereisstupidity;inshort，thefamilyissomehowgrosslywrong：for，"continuedhe，"amanseldomthinkswithmoreearnestnessofanythingthanhedoesofhisdinner，andifhecannotgetthatwelldressed，heshouldbesuspectedofinaccuracyinotherthings。"
Oneday，whenhewasspeakinguponthesubject，Iaskedhimifheeverhuffedhiswifeabouthisdinner？"Sooften，"repliedhe，"thatatlastshecalledtome，andsaid，’Nay，hold，Mr。Johnson，anddonotmakeafarceofthankingGodforadinnerwhichinafewminutesyouwillprotestnoteatable。’"
Whenanydisputesarosebetweenourmarriedacquaintance，however，Mr。
Johnsonalwayssidedwiththehusband，"whom，"hesaid，"thewomanhadprobablyprovokedsooften，shescarceknewwhenorhowshehaddisobligedhimfirst。Women，"saysDr。Johnson，"givegreatoffencebyacontemptuousspiritofnon—complianceonpettyoccasions。Themancallshiswifetowalkwithhimintheshade，andshefeelsastrangedesirejustatthatmomenttositinthesun：heofferstoreadheraplay，orsingherasong，andshecallsthechildrenintodisturbthem，oradviseshimtoseizethatopportunityofsettlingthefamilyaccounts。Twentysuchtrickswillthefaithfullestwifeintheworldnotrefusetoplay，andthenlookastonishedwhenthefellowfetchesinamistress。Boarding—schoolswereestablished，"continuedhe，"fortheconjugalquietoftheparents。Thetwopartnerscannotagreewhichchildtofondle，norhowtofondlethem，sotheyputtheyoungonestoschool，andremovethecauseofcontention。Thelittlegirlpokesherhead，themotherreproveshersharply。’Donotmindyourmamma，’saysthefather，’mydear，butdoyourownway。’Themothercomplainstomeofthis。’Madam，’saidI，’yourhusbandisrightallthewhile;heiswithyoubuttwohoursoftheday，perhaps，andthenyouteasehimbymakingthechildcry。Arenottenhoursenoughfortuition？andarethehoursofpleasuresofrequentinlife，thatwhenamangetsacoupleofquietonestospendinfamiliarchatwithhiswife，theymustbepoisonedbypettymortifications？Putmissytoschool;shewilllearntoholdherheadlikeherneighbours，andyouwillnolongertormentyourfamilyforwantofothertalk。’"。
ThevacuityoflifehadatsomeearlyperiodofhislifestrucksoforciblyonthemindofMr。Johnson，thatitbecamebyrepeatedimpressionhisfavouritehypothesis，andthegeneraltenorofhisreasoningscommonlyendedthere，wherevertheymightbegin。Suchthings，therefore，asotherphilosophersoftenattributetovariousandcontradictorycauses，appearedtohimuniformenough;allwasdonetofillupthetime，uponhisprinciple。Iusedtotellhimthatitwasliketheclown’sanswerinAsYouLikeIt，of"Oh，lord，sir！"forthatitsuitedeveryoccasion。Oneman，forexample，wasprofligateandwild，aswecallit，followedthegirls，orsatstillatthegaming—table。"Why，lifemustbefilledup，"
saysJohnson，"andthemanwhoisnotcapableofintellectualpleasuresmustcontenthimselfwithsuchashissensescanafford。"Anotherwasahoarder。"Why，afellowmustdosomething;andwhat，soeasytoanarrowmindashoardinghalfpencetilltheyturnintosixpences。"Avaricewasaviceagainstwhich，however，InevermuchheardMr。Johnsondeclaim，tillonerepresentedittohimconnectedwithcruelty，orsomesuchdisgracefulcompanion。"Donot，"saidhe，"discourageyourchildrenfromhoardingiftheyhaveatastetoit：whoeverlaysuphispennyratherthanpartwithitforacake，atleastisnottheslaveofgrossappetite，andshowsbesidesapreferencealwaystobeesteemed，ofthefuturetothepresentmoment。Suchamindmaybemadeagoodone;butthenaturalspendthrift，whograspshispleasuresgreedilyandcoarsely，andcaresfornothingbutimmediateindulgence，isverylittletobevaluedaboveanegro。"WetalkedofLadyTavistock，whogrievedherselftodeathforthelossofherhusband——"Shewasrich，andwantedemployment，"saysJohnson，"soshecriedtillshelostallpowerofrestraininghertears：otherwomenareforcedtooutlivetheirhusbands，whowerejustasmuchbeloved，dependonit;buttheyhavenotimeforgrief：andIdoubtnot，ifwehadputmyLadyTavistockintoasmallchandler’sshop，andgivenheranurse—childtotend，herlifewouldhavebeensaved。Thepoorandthebusyhavenoleisureforsentimentalsorrow。"Wewerespeakingofagentlemanwholovedhisfriend——"MakehimPrimeMinister，"saysJohnson，"andseehowlonghisfriendwillberemembered。"Buthehadarougheranswerforme，whenI
commendedasermonpreachedbyanintimateacquaintanceofourownatthetradingendofthetown。"Whatwasthesubject，madam？"saysDr。Johnson。
"Friendship，sir，"repliedI。"Why，now，isitnotstrangethatawiseman，likeourdearlittleEvans，shouldtakeitinhisheadtopreachonsuchasubject，inaplacewherenoonecanbethinkingofit？""Why，whataretheythinkingupon，sir？"saidI。"Why，themenarethinkingontheirmoney，Isuppose，andthewomenarethinkingoftheirmops。"
Dr。Johnson’sknowledgeandesteemofwhatwecallloworcoarselifewasindeedprodigious;andhedidnotlikethattheupperranksshouldbedignifiedwiththenameofTHEWORLD。SirJoshuaReynoldssaidonedaythatnobodyWORElacedcoatsnow;andthatonceeverybodyworethem。"See，now，"saysJohnson，"howabsurdthatis;asifthebulkofmankindconsistedoffinegentlementhatcametohimtositfortheirpictures。Ifeverymanwhowearsalacedcoat（thathecanpayfor）wasextirpated，whowouldmissthem？"Withallthishaughtycontemptofgentility，nopraisewasmorewelcometoDr。Johnsonthanthatwhichsaidhehadthenotionsormannersofagentleman：whichcharacterIhaveheardhimdefinewithaccuracy，anddescribewithelegance。"Officers，"hesaid，"werefalselysupposedtohavethecarriageofgentlemen;whereasnoprofessionleftastrongerbrandbehinditthanthatofasoldier;anditwastheessenceofagentleman’scharactertobearthevisiblemarkofnoprofessionwhatever。"HeoncenamedMr。Berengerasthestandardoftrueelegance;
butsomeoneobjectingthathetoomuchresembledthegentlemaninCongreve’scomedies，Mr。Johnsonsaid，"WemustfixthemuponthefamousThomasHervey，whosemannerswerepolishedeventoacutenessandbrilliancy，thoughhelostbutlittleinsolidpowerofreasoning，andingenuineforceofmind。"Mr。Johnsonhad，however，anavowedandscarcelylimitedpartialityforallwhoborethenameorboastedtheallianceofanAstonoraHervey;andwhenMr。Thraleonceaskedhimwhichhadbeenthehappiestperiodofhispastlife？hereplied，"ItwasthatyearinwhichhespentonewholeeveningwithM———yAs——n。That，indeed，"saidhe，"wasnothappiness，itwasrapture;butthethoughtsofitsweetenedthewholeyear。"Imustaddthattheeveningalludedtowasnotpassedtete—a—tete，butinaselectcompany，ofwhichthepresentLordKillmoreywasone。
"Molly，"saysDr。Johnson，"wasabeautyandascholar，andawitandaWhig;andshetalkedallinpraiseofliberty：andsoImadethisepigramuponher。ShewastheloveliestcreatureIeversaw！！！
"’Liberutessevelim，suasistipulchraMaria，Utmaneamliber——pulchraMaria，vale！’"
"WillitdothiswayinEnglish，sir？"saidI。
"Persuasionstofreedomfalloddlyfromyou;
Iffreedomweseek——fairMaria，adieu！"
"Itwilldowellenough，`repliedhe，"butitistranslatedbyalady，andtheladiesneverlovedM———yAs——n。"Iaskedhimwhathiswifethoughtofthisattachment？"Shewasjealous，tobesure，"saidhe，"andteasedmesometimeswhenIwouldlether;andoneday，asafortune—tellinggipsypasseduswhenwewerewalkingoutincompanywithtwoorthreefriendsinthecountry，shemadethewenchlookatmyhand，butsoonrepentedhercuriosity;’for，’saysthegipsy，’yourheartisdivided，sir，betweenaBettyandaMolly：Bettylovesyoubest，butyoutakemostdelightinMolly’scompany。’WhenIturnedabouttolaugh，Isawmywifewascrying。
Prettycharmer！shehadnoreason！"
Itwas，Ibelieve，longafterthecurrentsoflifehaddrivenhimtoagreatdistancefromthislady，thathespentmuchofhistimewithMrs。
F—tzh——b——t，ofwhomhealwaysspokewithesteemandtenderness，andwithavenerationverydifficulttodeserve。"Thatwoman，"saidhe，"lovedherhusbandaswehopeanddesiretobelovedbyourguardianangel。F—tzh——b—
—twasagay，good—humouredfellow，generousofhismoneyandofhismeat，anddesirousofnothingbutcheerfulsocietyamongpeopledistinguishedinSOMEway，inANYWAY，Ithink;forRousseauandSt。Austinwouldhavebeenequallywelcometohistableandtohiskindness。Thelady，however，wasofanotherwayofthinking：herfirstcarewastopreserveherhusband’ssoulfromcorruption;hersecond，tokeephisestateentirefortheirchildren：andIowedmygoodreceptioninthefamilytotheideashehadentertained，thatIwasfitcompanyforF—tzh——b——t，whomIlovedextremely。’Theydarenot，’saidshe，’swear，andtakeotherconversation—libertiesbeforeYOU。’"Iaskedifherhusbandreturnedherregard？"Hefeltherinfluencetoopowerfully，"repliedMr。Johnson;"nomanwillbefondofwhatforceshimdailytofeelhimselfinferior。ShestoodatthedoorofherparadiseinDerbyshire，liketheangelwithaflamingsword，tokeepthedevilatadistance。Butshewasnotimmortal，poordear！shedied，andherhusbandfeltatonceafflictedandreleased。"
Iinquiredifshewashandsome？"Shewouldhavebeenhandsomeforaqueen，"repliedthepanegyrist;"herbeautyhadmoreinitofmajestythanofattraction，moreofthedignityofvirtuethanthevivacityofwit。"
Thefriendofthislady，MissB——thby，succeededherinthemanagementofMr。F—tzh——b——t’sfamily，andintheesteemofDr。Johnson，thoughhetoldmeshepushedherpietytobigotry，herdevotiontoenthusiasm，thatshesomewhatdisqualifiedherselfforthedutiesofTHISlife，byherperpetualaspirationsaftertheNEXT。Suchwas，however，thepurityofhermind，hesaid，andsuchthegracesofhermanner，thatLordLytteltonandheusedtostriveforherpreferencewithanemulationthatoccasionedhourlydisgust，andendedinlastinganimosity。"Youmaysee，"saidhetome，whenthe"Poets’Lives"wereprinted，"thatdearB——thbyisatmyheartstill。SheWOULDdelightinthatfellowLyttelton’scompanythough，allthatIcoulddo;andIcannotforgiveevenhismemorythepreferencegivenbyamindlikehers。"IhaveheardBarettisaythatwhenthisladydied，Dr。Johnsonwasalmostdistractedwithhisgrief，andthatthefriendsabouthimhadmuchadotocalmtheviolenceofhisemotion。Dr。Taylor，too，relatedoncetoMr。Thraleandme，thatwhenhelosthiswife，thenegroFrancisranaway，thoughinthemiddleofthenight，toWestminster，tofetchDr。
Taylortohismaster，whowasallbutwildwithexcessofsorrow，andscarceknewhimwhenhearrived。Aftersomeminutes，however，theDoctorproposedtheirgoingtoprayers，astheonlyrationalmethodofcalmingthedisorderthismisfortunehadoccasionedinboththeirspirits。Time，andresignationtothewillofGod，curedeverybreachinhisheartbeforeI
madeacquaintancewithhim，thoughhealwayspersistedinsayingheneverrightlyrecoveredthelossofhiswife。Itisinallusiontoherthatherecordstheobservationofafemalecritic，ashecallsher，inGay’s"Life;"andtheladyofgreatbeautyandelegance，mentionedinthecriticismsuponPope’sepitaphs，wasMissMollyAston。ThepersonspokenofinhisstricturesuponYoung’spoetryisthewriteroftheseanecdotes，towhomhelikewiseaddressedthefollowingverseswhenhewasintheIsleofSkyewithMr。Boswell。Theletterswritteninhisjourney，Iusedtotellhim，werebetterthantheprintedbook;andhewasnotdispleasedatmyhavingtakenthepainstocopythemallover。HereistheLatinode：——
"Permeoterras，ubinudarupesSaxeasmiscetnebulisruinas，TorvaubiridentsterilescoloniRuralabores。
"Pervagorgentes，hominumferorumVitaubinullodecoratacultu，Squalletinformis，tiguriquefumisFaedalatescit。
"Intererrorissalebrosalongi，Interignotaestrepitusloquelae，Quotmodismecum，quidagatrequiroThraliadulcis？
"Seuviricuraspianuptamulcet，Seufovetmatersobolembenigna，SivecumlibrisnovitatepascitSedulamentem：
"Sitmemornostri，fideiquemerces，Stetfidesconstans，meritoqueblandumThraliaediscantresonarenomenLittoraSkiae。"
OnanotheroccasionIcanboastversesfromDr。Johnson。AsIwentintohisroomthemorningofmybirthdayonce，andsaidtohim，"Nobodysendsmeanyversesnow，becauseIamfive—and—thirtyyearsold，andStellawasfedwiththemtillforty—six，Iremember。"Mybeingjustrecoveredfromillnessandconfinementwillaccountforthemannerinwhichheburstout，suddenly，forsohedidwithouttheleastprevioushesitationwhatsoever，andwithouthavingentertainedthesmallestintentiontowardsithalfaminutebefore：
"Oftindanger，yetalive，Wearecometothirty—five;
Longmaybetteryearsarrive，Betteryearsthanthirty—five。
CouldphilosopherscontriveLifetostopatthirty—five，TimehishoursshouldneverdriveO’ertheboundsofthirty—five。
Hightosoar，anddeeptodive，Naturegivesatthirty—five。
Ladies，stockandtendyourhive，Triflenotatthirty—five：
Forhowe’erweboastandstrive，Lifedeclinesfromthirty—five。
HethateverhopestothriveMustbeginbythirty—five;
AndallwhowiselywishtowiveMustlookonThraleatthirty—five。"
"Andnow，"saidhe，asIwaswritingthemdown，"youmayseewhatitistocomeforpoetrytoadictionary—maker;youmayobservethattherhymesruninalphabeticalorderexactly。"Andsotheydo。
Mr。JohnsondidindeedpossessanalmostTuscanpowerofimprovisation。
Whenhecalledtomydaughter，whowasconsultingwithafriendaboutanewgownanddressedhatshethoughtofwearingtoanassembly，thussuddenly，whileshehopedhewasnotlisteningtotheirconversation——
"Wearthegownandwearthehat，Snatchthypleasureswhiletheylast;
Hadstthounineliveslikeacat，Soonthosenineliveswouldbepast。"
ItisimpossibletodenytosuchlittlesalliesthepoweroftheFlorentines，whodonotpermittheirversestobeeverwrittendown，thoughtheyoftendeserveit，because，astheyexpressit，Cosiseperde—rebbelapocagloria。
Asfortranslations，weusedtomakehimsometimesrunoffwithoneortwoinagoodhumour。HewaspraisingthissongofMetastasio：——
"Deh，sepiacermivuoi，Lasciaisospettituoi，NonmiturbarconquestoMolestodubitar：
Chiciecamentecrede，Impegnaaserbarfede：
Chisempreingannoaspetta，Allettaadingannar。"
"ShouldyoulikeitinEnglish，"saidhe，"thus？"
"Wouldyouhopetogainmyheart，Bidyourteasingdoubtsdepart;
Hewhoblindlytrusts，willfindFaithfromeverygenerousmind：
Hewhostillexpectsdeceit，Onlyteacheshowtocheat。"
Mr。BaretticoaxedhimlikewiseonedayatStreathamoutofatranslationofEmirena’sspeechtothefalsecourtierAquileius，anditisprobablyprintedbeforenow，asIthinktwoorthreepeopletookcopies;butperhapsithasslippedtheirmemories。
"Ah！tuincorteinvecchiasti，egiurereiChefraipochinonseitenaceancoraDell’anticaonesta：quandobisogna，SapraiserenoinvoltoVezzeggiareunnemico：acciovicada，Aprirgliinnanziunprecipizio，epoiPiangernelacaduta。OffrirtiatuttiEnonesserchetuo;difalselodiVestirleaccuse，edaggravarlecolpeNelfarneladifesa，ognordaltronoIbuoniallontanar;d’ognicastigoLasciarVodioalloseettro，cd’ognidonoIlmeritousurpar：tenernascostoSottounzeloapparenteunempiofine，Nefabbricarchesullealtruirouine。"
"Grownoldincourts，thouartnotsurelyoneWhokeepstherigidrulesofancienthonour;
Wellskilledtosootheafoewithlooksofkindness，Tosinkthefatalprecipicebeforehim，Andthenlamenthisfallwithseemingfriendship：
Opentoall，trueonlytothyself，Thouknow’stthoseartswhichblastwithenviouspraise，Whichaggravateafaultwithfeignedexcuses，Anddrivediscountenancedvirtuefromthethrone;
Thatleaveblameofrigourtotheprince，Andofhiseverygiftusurpthemerit;
Thathideinseemingzealawickedpurpose，Andonlybuilduponanother’sruin。"
ThesecharactersDr。Johnson，however，didnotdelightinreading，orinhearingof：healwaysmaintainedthattheworldwasnothalfsowickedasitwasrepresented;andhemightverywellcontinueinthatopinion，asheresolutelydrovefromhimeverystorythatcouldmakehimchangeit;andwhenMr。Bickerstaff’sflightconfirmedthereportofhisguilt，andmyhusbandsaid，inanswertoJohnson’sastonishment，thathehadlongbeenasuspectedman："Bythosewholookclosetotheground，dirtwillbeseen，sir，"wastheloftyreply。"IhopeIseethingsfromagreaterdistance。"
Hisdesiretogoabroad，particularlytoseeItaly，wasverygreat;andhehadalongingwish，too，toleavesomeLatinversesattheGrandChartreux。
Heloved，indeed，theveryactoftravelling，andIcannottellhowfaronemighthavetakenhiminacarriagebeforehewouldhavewishedforrefreshment。Hewasthereforeinsomerespectsanadmirablecompanionontheroad，ashepiquedhimselfuponfeelingnoinconvenience，andondespisingnoaccommodations。Ontheotherhand，however，heexpectednooneelsetofeelany，andfeltexceedinglyinflamedwithangerifanyonecomplainedoftherain，thesun，orthedust。"How，"saidhe，"dootherpeoplebearthem？"Asforgeneraluneasiness，orcomplaintsofloneconfinementinacarriage，heconsideredalllamentationsontheiraccountasproofsofanemptyhead，andatonguedesiroustotalkwithoutmaterialsofconversation。"Amillthatgoeswithoutgrist，"saidhe，"isasgoodacompanionassuchcreatures。"
Ipitiedafriendbeforehim，whohadawhiningwifethatfoundeverythingpainfultoher，andnothingpleasing。"Hedoesnotknowthatshewhimpers，"saysJohnson;"whenadoorhascreakedforafortnighttogether，youmayobserve——themasterwillscarcelygivesixpencetogetitoiled。"
Ofanotherlady，moreinsipidthanoffensive，Ionceheardhimsay，"Shehassomesoftnessindeed，butsohasapillow。"Andwhenoneobserved，inreply，thatherhusband’sfidelityandattachmentwereexemplary，notwithstandingthislowaccountatwhichherperfectionswererated——"Why，sir，"criestheDoctor，"beingmarriedtothosesleepy—souledwomenisjustlikeplayingatcardsfornothing：nopassionisexcited，andthetimeisfilledup。Idonot，however，envyafellowoneofthosehoneysucklewivesformypart，astheyarebutCREEPERSatbest，andcommonlydestroythetreetheysotenderlyclingabout。"
Foraladyofquality，sincedead，whoreceivedusatherhusband’sseatinWaleswithlessattentionthanhehadlongbeenaccustomedto，hehadarougherdenunciation。"Thatwoman，"criesJohnson，"islikesoursmall—beer，thebeverageofhertable，andproduceofthewretchedcountryshelivesin：likethat，shecouldneverhavebeenagoodthing，andeventhatbadthingisspoiled。"Thiswasinthesameveinofasperity，andI
believewithsomethinglikethesameprovocation，thatheobservedofaScotchlady，"thatsheresembledadeadnettle;wereshealive，"saidhe，"shewouldsting。"
Mr。Johnson’shatredoftheScotchissowellknown，andsomanyofhisbonsmotsexpressiveofthathatredhavebeenalreadyrepeatedinsomanybooksandpamphlets，that’tisperhapsscarcelyworthwhiletowritedowntheconversationbetweenhimandafriendofthatnationwhoalwaysresidesinLondon，andwhoathisreturnfromtheHebridesaskedhim，withafirmtoneofvoice，"Whathethoughtofhiscountry？""Thatitisaveryvilecountry，tobesure，sir，"returnedforanswerDr。Johnson。"Well，sir！"
repliestheother，somewhatmortified，"Godmadeit。""CertainlyHedid，"
answersMr。Johnsonagain，"butwemustalwaysrememberthatHemadeitforScotchmen，andcomparisonsareodious，Mr。S————;butGodmadehell。"
Dr。Johnsondidnot，Ithink，muchdelightinthatkindofconversationwhichconsistsintellingstories。"Everybody，"saidhe，"tellsstoriesofme，andItellstoriesofnobody。Idonotrecollect，"addedhe，"thatI
haveevertoldYOU，thathavebeenalwaysfavourites，abovethreestories;
butIhopeIdonotplaytheOldFool，andforcepeopletohearuninterestingnarratives，onlybecauseIoncewasdivertedwiththemmyself。"Hewas，however，noenemytothatsortoftalkfromthefamousMr。Foote，"whosehappinessofmannerinrelatingwassuch，"hesaid，"assubduedarroganceandrousedstupidity。HISstoriesweretrulylikethoseofBironinLove’sLabour’sLost，soVERYattractive——
’Thatagedearsplayedtruantwithhistales，Andyoungerhearingswerequiteravished，Sosweetandvolublewashisdiscourse。’
Ofallconversers，however，"addedhe，"thelateHawkinsBrownewasthemostdelightfulwithwhomIeverwasincompany：histalkwasatoncesoelegant，soapparentlyartless，sopure，sopleasing，itseemedaperpetualstreamofsentiment，enlivenedbygaiety，andsparklingwithimages。"WhenIaskedDr。Johnsonwhowasthebestmanhehadeverknown？"Psalmanazar，"
wastheunexpectedreply。Hesaid，likewise，"thatthoughanativeofFrance，ashisfriendimagined，hepossessedmoreoftheEnglishlanguagethananyoneoftheotherforeignerswhohadseparatelyfalleninhisway。"
Thoughtherewasmuchesteem，however，therewas，Ibelieve，butlittleconfidencebetweenthem;theyconversedmerelyaboutgeneraltopics，religionandlearning，ofwhichbothwereundoubtedlystupendousexamples;
and，withregardtotrueChristianperfection，IhaveheardJohnsonsay，"ThatGeorgePsalmanazar’spiety，penitence，andvirtueexceededalmostwhatwereadaswonderfuleveninthelivesofsaints。"
IforgetinwhatyearitwasthisextraordinarypersonlivedanddiedatahouseinOldStreet，whereMr。Johnsonwaswitnesstohistalentsandvirtues，andtohisfinalpreferenceoftheChurchofEngland，afterhavingstudied，disgraced，andadornedsomanymodesofworship。Thenamehewentbywasnotsupposedbyhisfriendtobethatofhisfamily，butallinquirieswerevain。Hisreasonsforconcealinghisoriginalwerepenitentiary;hedeservednoothernamethanthatoftheimpostor，hesaid。
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