AthisreturnIaskedhowtheaffairended。"Why，"saidhe，"Iwasafiercefellow，andpretendedtobeveryangry;andThomaswasagood—naturedfellow，andpretendedtobeverysorry;soTHEREthematterended。Ibelievethedoglovesmedearly。Mr。Thrale，"turningtomyhusband，"whatshallyouandIdothatisgoodforTomDavies？Wewilldosomethingforhim，tobesure。"
OfPopeasawriterhehadthehighestopinion，andoncewhenaladyatourhousetalkedofhisprefacetoShakespeareassuperiortoPope’s，"Ifearnot，madam，"saidhe，"thelittlefellowhasdonewonders。"HissuperiorreverenceofDryden，notwithstanding，stillappearedinhistalkasinhiswritings;andwhensomeonementionedtheridiculethrownonhiminthe’Rehearsal，’ashavinghurthisgeneralcharacterasanauthor，"Onthecontrary，"saysMr。Johnson，"thegreatnessofDryden’sreputationisnowtheonlyprincipleofvitalitywhichkeepstheDukeofBuckingham’splayfromputrefaction。"
Itwasnotveryeasy，however，forpeoplenotquiteintimatewithDr。
Johnsontogetexactlyhisopinionofawriter’smerit，ashewouldnowandthendiverthimselfbyconfoundingthosewhothoughtthemselvesobligedtosayto—morrowwhathehadsaidyesterday;andevenGarrick，whooughttohavebeenbetteracquaintedwithhistricks，professedhimselfmortifiedthatonetimewhenhewasextollingDrydeninarapturethatIsupposedisgustedhisfriend，Mr。Johnsonsuddenlychallengedhimtoproducetwentylinesinaseriesthatwouldnotdisgracethepoetandhisadmirer。
GarrickproducedapassagethathehadonceheardtheDoctorcommend，inwhichheNOWfound，ifIrememberrightly，sixteenfaults，andmadeGarricklooksillyathisowntable。WhenItoldMr。Johnsonthestory，"Why，whatamonkeywasDavidnow，"sayshe，"totellofhisowndisgrace！"Andinthecourseofthathour’schathetoldmehowheusedtoteaseGarrickbycommendationsofthetomb—sceneinCongreve’s’MourningBride，’
protesting，thatShakespearehadinthesamelineofexcellencenothingasgood。"AllwhichisstrictlyTRUE，"saidhe;"butthatisnoreasonforsupposingCongreveistostandincompetitionwithShakespeare：thesefellowsknownothowtoblame，norhowtocommend。"Iforcedhimoneday，inasimilarhumour，topreferYoung’sdescriptionof"Night"tothesomuchadmiredonesofDrydenandShakespeare，asmoreforcibleandmoregeneral。Everyreaderisnoteitheraloveroratyrant，buteveryreaderisinterestedwhenhehearsthat"Creationsleeps;’tisasthegeneralpulseOflifestoodstill，andnaturemadeapause;
Anawfulpause——propheticofitsend。"
"This，"saidhe，"istrue;butrememberthat，takingthecompositionsofYoungingeneral，theyarebutlikebrightstepping—stonesoveramiryroad。Youngfrothsandfoams，andbubblessometimesveryvigorously;butwemustnotcomparethenoisemadebyyourtea—kettleherewiththeroaringoftheocean。"
SomebodywaspraisingCorneilleonedayinoppositiontoShakespeare。
"CorneilleistoShakespeare，"repliedMr。Johnson，"asaclippedhedgeistoaforest。"WhenwetalkedofSteele’sEssays，"Theyaretoothin，"saysourcritic，"foranEnglishman’staste：meresuperficialobservationsonlifeandmanners，withouteruditionenoughtomakethemkeep，likethelightFrenchwines，whichturnsourwithstandingawhileforwantofBODY，aswecallit。"
Ofamuch—admiredpoem，whenextolledasbeautiful，hereplied，"Thatithadindeedthebeautyofabubble。Thecoloursaregay，"saidhe，"butthesubstanceslight。"OfJamesHarris’sDedicationtohis"Hermes，"Ihaveheardhimobservethat，thoughbutfourteenlineslong，thereweresixgrammaticalfaultsinit。AfriendwaspraisingthestyleofDr。Swift;
Mr。Johnsondidnotfindhimselfinthehumourtoagreewithhim：thecriticwasdrivenfromoneofhisperformancestotheother。Atlength，"YouMUSTallowme，"saidthegentleman，"thatthereareSTRONGFACTSintheaccountof’TheFourLastYearsofQueenAnne。’""Yes，surely，sir，"
repliesJohnson，"andsothereareintheOrdinaryofNewgate’saccount。"
ThiswaslikethestorywhichMr。Murphytells，andJohnsonalwaysacknowledged：howMr。RoseofHammersmith，contendingforthepreferenceofScotchwritersovertheEnglish，afterhavingsetuphisauthorslikeninepins，whiletheDoctorkeptbowlingthemdownagain;atlast，tomakesureofvictory，henamedFergusonupon"CivilSociety，"andpraisedthebookforbeingwritteninaNEWmanner。"Idonot，"saysJohnson，"perceivethevalueofthisnewmanner;itisonlylikeBuckinger，whohadnohands，andsowrotewithhisfeet。"OfamodernMartial，whenitcameout："Thereareintheseverses，"saysDr。Johnson，"toomuchfollyformadness，Ithink，andtoomuchmadnessforfolly。"If，however，Mr。
Johnsonlamentedthatthenearerheapproachedtohisowntimes，themoreenemiesheshouldmake，bytellingbiographicaltruthsinhis"LivesoftheLaterPoets，"whatmayInotapprehend，who，ifIrelateanecdotesofMr。
Johnson，amobligedtorepeatexpressionsofseverity，andsentencesofcontempt？Letmeatleastsoftenthemalittlebysayingthathedidnothatethepersonshetreatedwithroughness，ordespisethemwhomhedrovefromhimbyapparentscorn。Hereallylovedandrespectedmanywhomhewouldnotsuffertolovehim。Andwhenherelatedtomeashortdialoguethatpassedbetweenhimselfandawriterofthefirsteminenceintheworld，whenhewasinScotland，Iwasshockedtothinkhowhemusthavedisgustedhim。"Dr。————askedme，"saidhe，"whyIdidnotjoinintheirpublicworshipwhenamongthem？for，"saidhe，"IwenttoyourchurchesoftenwheninEngland。""So，"repliedJohnson，"IhavereadthattheSiamesesentambassadorstoLouisQuatorze，butIneverheardthattheKingofFrancethoughtitworthhiswhiletosendambassadorsfromhiscourttothatofSIAM。"Hewasnogentlerwithmyself，orthoseforwhomIhadthegreatestregard。WhenIonedaylamentedthelossofafirstcousinkilledinAmerica，"Prithee，mydear，"saidhe，"havedonewithcanting。Howwouldtheworldbeworseforit，Imayask，ifallyourrelationswereatoncespittedlikelarks，androastedforPresto’ssupper？"Prestowasthedogthatlayunderthetablewhilewetalked。WhenwewentintoWalestogether，andspentsometimeatSirRobertCotton’s，atLleweny，onedayatdinnerImeanttopleaseMr。Johnsonparticularlywithadishofveryyoungpeas。"Arenottheycharming？"saidItohim，whilehewaseatingthem。"Perhaps，"saidhe，"theywouldbeso——toaPIG。"
Ionlyinstancethesereplies，toexcusemymentioningthosehemadetoothers。
Whenawell—knownauthorpublishedhispoemsintheyear1777："Suchaone’sversesarecomeout，"saidI。"Yes，"repliedJohnson，"andthisfrosthasstrucktheminagain。HerearesomelinesIhavewrittentoridiculethem;butrememberthatIlovethefellowdearlynow，forallI
laughathim：——
"’Wheresoe’erIturnmyview，Allisstrange，yetnothingnew;
Endlesslabourallalong，Endlesslabourtobewrong;
PhrasethatTimehasflungaway;
Uncouthwordsindisarray，Trickedinantiqueruffandbonnet，Ode，andelegy，andsonnet。’"
Whenheparodiedtheversesofanothereminentwriter，itwasdonewithmoreprovocation，Ibelieve，andwithsomemerrymalice。Aserioustranslationofthesamelines，whichIthinkarefromEuripides，maybefoundinBurney’s"HistoryofMusic。"Herearetheburlesqueones：——
"Errshalltheynot，whoresoluteexploreTime’sgloomybackwardwithjudiciouseyes;
Andscanningrightthepracticesofyore，Shalldeemourhoarprogenitorsunwise。
"TheytothedomewheresmokewithcurlingplayAnnouncedthedinnertotheregionsround，Summonedthesingerblithe，andharpergay，Andaidedwinewithdulcetstreamingsound。
"Thebetteruseofnotes，orsweetorshrill，Byquiveringstring，ormodulatedwind;
Trumpetorlyre——totheirharshbosomschill，Admissionne’erhadsought，orcouldnotfind。
"Oh！sendthemtothesullenmansionsdun，HerbalefuleyeswhereSorrowrollsaround;
Wheregloom—enamouredMischieflovestodwell，AndMurder，allblood—boltered，schemesthewound。
"Whencatesluxuriantpilethespaciousdish，Andpurplenectargladsthefestivehour;
Theguest，withoutawant，withoutawish，CanyieldnoroomtoMusic’ssoothingpower。"
SomeoftheoldlegendarystoriesputinversebymodernwritersprovokedhimtocaricaturethemthusonedayatStreatham;buttheyarealreadywellknown，Iamsure。
"Thetenderinfant，meekandmild，Felldownuponthestone;
Thenursetookupthesquealingchild，Butstillthechildsquealedon。"
Afamousballadalso，beginning’Rioverde，Rioverde，’whenIcommendedthetranslationofit，hesaidhecoulddoitbetterhimself——asthus：
"Glassywater，glassywater，Downwhosecurrentclearandstrong，Chiefsconfusedinmutualslaughter，MoorandChristianrollalong。"
"But，sir，"saidI，"thisisnotridiculousatall。""Why，no，"repliedhe，"whyshouldIalwayswriteridiculously？PerhapsbecauseImadetheseversestoimitatesuchaone，"naminghim：
"’Hermithoar，insolemncellWearingoutlife’seveninggrey;
Strikethybosom，sage！andtellWhatisbliss，andwhichtheway？’
"ThusIspoke，andspeakingsighed，Scarcerepressedthestartingtear，Whenthehoarysagereplied，’Come，mylad，anddrinksomebeer。’"
Icouldgiveanothercomicalinstanceofcaricaturaimitation。
Recollectingsomeday，whenpraisingtheseversesofLopezdeVega——
"Seacquienlosleonesvence，Venceunamugerhermosa，Oeldeflacoaverguence，Oelladisermasfuriosa，"
morethanhethoughttheydeserved，Mr。Johnsoninstantlyobserved"thattheywerefoundedonatrivialconceit，andthatconceitill—explainedandill—expressedbesides。Thelady，weallknow，doesnotconquerinthesamemannerastheliondoes。’Tisamereplayofwords，"addedhe，"andyoumightaswellsaythat"’Ifthemanwhoturnipscries，Crynotwhenhisfatherdies，’TisaproofthathehadratherHaveaturnipthanhisfather。’"
Andthishumourisofthesamesortwithwhichheansweredthefriendwhocommendedthefollowingline：——
"Whoruleso’erfreemenshouldhimselfbefree。"
"Tobesure，"saidDr。Johnson——
"’Whodrivesfatoxenshouldhimselfbefat。’"
Thisreadinessoffindingaparallel，ormakingone，wasshownbyhimperpetuallyinthecourseofconversation。WhentheFrenchversesofacertainpantomimewerequotedthus：
"JesuisCassandredescenduedescieux，Pourvousfaireentendre，mesdamesetmessieurs，QuejesuisCassandredescenduedescieux，"
hecriedoutgailyandsuddenly，almostinamoment——
"IamCassandracomedownfromthesky，Totelleachbystanderwhatnonecandeny，ThatIamCassandracomedownfromthesky。"
TheprettyItalianverses，too，attheendofBaretti’sbookcalled"EasyPhraseology，"hedidall’improviso，inthesamemanner：
"Viva！vivalapadrona！
Tuttabella，etuttabuona，LapadronaeunangiolellaTuttabuonaetuttabella;
Tuttabellaetuttabuona;
Viva！vivalapadrona！"
"LongmaylivemylovelyHetty！
Alwaysyoungandalwayspretty，Alwayspretty，alwaysyoung，LivemylovelyHettylong！
Alwaysyoungandalwayspretty！
LongmaylivemylovelyHetty！"
Thefamousdistich，too，ofanItalianimprovisatore，whentheDukeofModenaranawayfromthecometintheyear1742or1743：
"Sealvenirvestroiprincipisen’vanno，Dehvengaognidi————durateunanno;"
"which，"saidhe，"woulddojustaswellinourlanguagethus：
"’Ifatyourcomingprincesdisappear，Comets！comeeveryday——andstayayear。’"
WhensomeoneincompanycommendedtheversesofM。deBenseradeasonLit：
"Theatredesrisetdespleurs，Lit！onjenais，etoujemeurs，TunousfaisvoircommentvoisinsSontnosplaisirsetnoschagrins。"
Towhichherepliedwithouthesitating——
"’Inbedwelaugh，inbedwecry，Andborninbed，inbedwedie;
ThenearapproachabedmayshowOfhumanblisstohumanwoe。’"
TheinscriptiononthecollarofSirJosephBanks’sgoat，whichhadbeenontwoofhisadventurousexpeditionswithhim，andwasthen，bythehumanityofheramiablemaster，turnedouttograzeinKentasarecompenseforherutilityandfaithfulservice，wasgivenmebyJohnsonintheyear1777，I
think，andIhaveneveryetseenitprinted：
"Perpetui，ambita，bisterra，premialactis，HaechabetaltriciCaprasecundaJovis。"
TheepigramwrittenatLordAnson’shousemanyyearsago，"where，"saysMr。
Johnson，"Iwaswellreceivedandkindlytreated，andwiththetruegratitudeofawitridiculedthemasterofthehousebeforeIhadleftitanhour，"hasbeenfalselyprintedinmanypaperssincehisdeath。IwroteitdownfromhisownlipsoneeveninginAugust，1772，notneglectingthelittleprefaceaccusinghimselfofmakingsogracelessareturnforthecivilitiesshownhim。Hehad，amongothereleganciesabouttheparkandgardens，beenmadetoobserveatempletothewinds，whenthisthoughtnaturallypresenteditselfTOAWIT：
"Gratumanimumlaudo;Quidebuitomniaventis，Quambeneventorum，surgeretemplajubet！"
AtranslationofDryden’sepigram，too，IusedtofancyIhadtomyself：
"Quoslaudetvates，Graius，Romanus，etAnglus，Trestriatemporibussecladederesuis：
Sublimeingenium，Graius，——RomanushabebatCarmengrandesonans，Anglusutrumquetulit。
Nilmajusnaturacapit：clarareprioresQuaepotuereduos，tertiusunushabet："
fromthefamouslineswrittenunderMilton’spicture：
"Threepoetsinthreedistantagesborn，Greece，Italy，andEnglanddidadorn;
Thefirstinloftinessofthoughtsurpassed，Thenextinmajesty;inboththelast。
TheforceofNaturecouldnofurthergo，Tomakeathirdshejoinedtheformertwo。"
Oneeveningintheoratorioseasonoftheyear1771Mr。JohnsonwentwithmetoCoventGardenTheatre，andthoughhewasforthemostpartanexceedinglybadplayhousecompanion，ashispersondrewpeople’seyesuponthebox，andtheloudnessofhisvoicemadeitdifficultformetohearanybodybuthimself，hesatsurprisinglyquiet，andIflatteredmyselfthathewaslisteningtothemusic。Whenweweregothome，however，herepeatedtheseverses，whichhesaidhehadmadeattheoratorio，andhebademetranslatethem：
INTHEATRO。
"TertiiversoquaterorbelustriQuidtheatralestibicrispepompae！
QuamdecetcanosmaleliteratosSeravoluptas！
"Tenemulcerifidibuscanoris？
Tenecantorummodulisstupere？
TeneperpictasoculoeleganteCurrereformas？
"Interequalessinefelleliber，CodicesveristudiosusinterRectiusvives，suaquisquecarpatGaudiagratus。
"LusibusgaudetpuerotiosisLuxusoblectatjuvenemtheatri，AtsenifluxosapienterutiTemporerestat。"
Igavehimthefollowinglinesinimitation，whichhelikedwellenough，I
think：
"Whenthreescoreyearshavechilledtheequite，Stillcantheatricscenesdelight？
Illsuitsthisplacewithlearnedwight，MayBatesorCoulsoncry。
"Thescholar’spridecanBrentdisarm？
HisheartcansoftGuadagniwarm？
OrsceneswithsweetdelusioncharmTheclimactericeye？
"Thesocialclub，thelonelytower，Farbettersuitthymidnighthour;
LeteachaccordingtohispowerInworthorwisdomshine！
"Andwhileplaypleasesidleboys，Andwantonmirthfondyouthemploys，Tofixthesoul，andfreefromtoys，Thatusefultaskbethine。"
ThecopyofversesinLatinhexameters，aswellasIremember，whichhewrotetoDr。Lawrence，Iforgottokeepacopyof;andheobligedmetoresignhistranslationofthesongbeginning，"Busy，curious，thirstyfly，"
forhimtogiveMr。Langton，withapromiseNOTtoretainacopy。I
concludedheknewwhy，soneverinquiredthereason。HehadthegreatestpossiblevalueforMr。Langton，ofLangtonHall，Lincoln，ofwhosevirtueandlearninghedelightedtotalkinveryexaltedterms;andpoorDr。
Lawrencehadlongbeenhisfriendandconfident。TheconversationIsawthemholdtogetherinEssexStreetoneday，intheyear1781or1782，wasamelancholyone，andmadeasingularimpressiononmymind。Hewashimselfexceedinglyill，andIaccompaniedhimthitherforadvice。Thephysicianwas，however，insomerespectsmoretobepitiedthanthepatient。Johnsonwaspantingunderanasthmaanddropsy，butLawrencehadbeenbroughthomethatverymorningstruckwiththepalsy，fromwhichhehad，twohoursbeforewecame，strovetoawakenhimselfbyblisters。Theywerebothdeaf，andscarceabletospeakbesides：onefromdifficultyofbreathing，theotherfromparalyticdebility。Togiveandreceivemedicalcounsel，therefore，theyfairlysatdownoneachsideatableinthedoctor’sgloomyapartment，adornedwithskeletons，preservedmonsters，etc。，andagreedtowriteLatinbilletstoeachother。SuchascenedidIneversee。"You，"
saidJohnson，"aretimideandgelide，"findingthathisfriendhadprescribedpalliative，notdrastic，remedies。"ItisnotME，"repliespoorLawrence，inaninterruptedvoice，"’tisnaturethatisgelideandtimide。"
Infact，helivedbutfewmonthsafter，Ibelieve，andretainedhisfacultiesstillashortertime。Hewasamanofstrictpietyandprofoundlearning，butlittleskilledintheknowledgeoflifeormanners，anddiedwithouthavingeverenjoyedthereputationhesojustlydeserved。
Mr。Johnson’shealthhadbeenalwaysextremelybadsinceIfirstknewhim，andhisover—anxiouscaretoretainwithoutblemishtheperfectsanityofhismindcontributedmuchtodisturbit。Hehadstudiedmedicinediligentlyinallitsbranches，buthadgivenparticularattentiontothediseasesoftheimagination，whichhewatchedinhimselfwithasolicitudedestructiveofhisownpeace，andintolerabletothosehetrusted。Dr。
Lawrencetoldhimonedaythatifhewouldcomeandbeathimonceaweekhewouldbearit，buttohearhiscomplaintswasmorethanMANcouldsupport。
’Twasthereforethathetried，Isuppose，andineighteenyearscontrivedtowearythepatienceofaWOMAN。WhenMr。Johnsonfelthisfancy，orfanciedhefeltit，disordered，hisconstantrecurrencewastothestudyofarithmetic，andonedaythathewastotallyconfinedtohischamber，andI
inquiredwhathehadbeendoingtodiverthimself，heshowedmeacalculationwhichIcouldscarcebemadetounderstand，sovastwastheplanofit，andsoveryintricatewerethefigures：noother，indeed，thanthatthenationaldebt，computingitatonehundredandeightymillionssterling，would，ifconvertedintosilver，servetomakeameridianofthatmetal，Iforgothowbroad，fortheglobeofthewholeearth，therealGLOBE。OnasimilaroccasionIaskedhim，knowingwhatsubjecthewouldlikebesttotalkupon，howhisopinionstoodtowardsthequestionbetweenPaschalandSoameJenningsaboutnumberandnumeration？astheFrenchphilosopherobservesthatinfinity，thoughonallsidesastonishing，appearsmostsowhentheideaisconnectedwiththeideaofnumber;forthenotionofinfinitenumber——andinfinitenumberweknowthereis——stretchesone’scapacitystillmorethantheideaofinfinitespace。"Suchanotion，indeed，"addshe，"canscarcelyfindroominthehumanmind。"OurEnglishauthor，ontheotherhand，exclaims，letnomangivehimselfleavetotalkaboutinfinitenumber，forinfinitenumberisacontradictioninterms;
whateverisoncenumbered，weallsee，cannotbeinfinite。"Ithink，"saidMr。Johnson，afterapause，"wemustsettlethematterthus：numerationiscertainlyinfinite，foreternitymightbeemployedinaddingunittounit;
buteverynumberisinitselffinite，asthepossibilityofdoublingiteasilyproves;besides，stopatwhatpointyouwill，youfindyourselfasfarfrominfinitudeasever。"ThesepassagesIwrotedownassoonasIhadheardthem，andrepentthatIdidnottakethesamemethodwithadissertationhemadeoneotherdaythathewasveryill，concerningthepeculiarpropertiesofthenumbersixteen，whichIafterwardstried，butinvain，tomakehimrepeat。
Asethicsorfigures，ormetaphysicalreasoning，wasthesortoftalkhemostdelightedin，sonokindofconversationpleasedhimless，Ithink，thanwhenthesubjectwashistoricalfactorgeneralpolity。"WhatshallwelearnfromTHATstuff？"saidhe。"Letusnotfancy，likeSwift，thatweareexaltingawoman’scharacterbytellinghowshe"’Couldnametheancientheroesround，Explainforwhattheywererenowned，’etc。"
Imustnot，however，leadmyreaderstosupposethathemeanttoreservesuchtalkformen’scompanyasaproofofpre—eminence。"Henever，"asheexpressedit，"desiredtohearofthePunicWarwhilehelived;suchconversationwaslosttime，"hesaid，"andcarriedoneawayfromcommonlife，leavingnoideasbehindwhichcouldserveLIVINGWIGHTaswarningordirection。"
"HowIshouldactisnotthecase，ButhowwouldBrutusinmyplace。"
"Andnow，"criesMr。Johnson，laughingwithobstreperousviolence，"ifthesetwofoolishlinescanbeequalledinfolly，exceptbythetwosucceedingones——showthemme。"
IaskedhimonceconcerningtheconversationpowersofagentlemanwithwhomIwasmyselfunacquainted。"Hetalkedtomeatcluboneday，"repliesourDoctor，"concerningCatiline’sconspiracy，soIwithdrewmyattention，andthoughtaboutTomThumb。"
Modernpoliticsfarednobetter。Iwasonetimeextollingthecharacterofastatesman，andexpatiatingontheskillrequiredtodirectthedifferentcurrents，reconcilethejarringinterests，etc。"Thus，"replieshe，"amillisacomplicatedpieceofmechanismenough，butthewaterisnopartoftheworkmanship。"Onanotheroccasion，whensomeonelamentedtheweaknessofathenpresentminister，andcomplainedthathewasdullandtardy，andknewlittleofaffairs："Youmayaswellcomplain，sir，"saysJohnson，"thattheaccountsoftimearekeptbytheclock;forhecertainlydoesstandstilluponthestair—head——andweallknowthatheisnogreatchronologer。"Intheyear1777，orthereabouts，whenallthetalkwasofaninvasion，hesaidmostpatheticallyoneafternoon，"Alas！alas！howthisunmeaningstuffspoilsallmycomfortinmyfriends’conversation！Willthepeoplehavedonewithit;andshallIneverhearasentenceagainwithouttheFRENCHinit？Hereisnoinvasioncoming，andyouKNOWthereisnone。Letthevexatiousandfrivoloustalkalone，orsufferitatleasttoteachyouONEtruth;andlearnbythisperpetualechoofevenunapprehendeddistresshowhistoriansmagnifyeventsexpectedorcalamitiesendured;whenyouknowtheyareatthisverymomentcollectingallthebigwordstheycanfind，inwhichtodescribeaconsternationneverfelt，foramisfortunewhichneverhappened。Amongallyourlamentations，whoeatstheless——whosleepstheworse，foronegeneral’sill—success，oranother’scapitulation？OH，PRAYletushearnomoreofit！"Noman，however，wasmorezealouslyattachedtohisparty;henotonlylovedaToryhimself，buthelovedamanthebetterifheheardhehatedaWhig。"DearBathurst，"
saidhetomeoneday，"wasamantomyveryheart’scontent：hehatedafool，andhehatedarogue，andhehatedaWHIG;hewasaverygoodHATER。"
Someonementionedagentlemanofthatpartyforhavingbehavedoddlyonanoccasionwherefactionwasnotconcerned："IshenotacitizenofLondon，anativeofNorthAmerica，andaWhig？"saysJohnson。"Lethimbeabsurd，Ibegyouofyou;whenamonkeyisTOOlikeaman，itshocksone。"
Severitytowardsthepoorwas，inDr。Johnson’sopinion（asisvisibleinhis"LifeofAddison"particularly），anundoubtedandconstantattendantorconsequenceuponWhiggism;andhewasnotcontentedwithgivingthemrelief，hewishedtoaddalsoindulgence。HelovedthepoorasIneveryetsawanyoneelsedo，withanearnestdesiretomakethemhappy。"Whatsignifies，"sayssomeone，"givinghalfpencetocommonbeggars？theyonlylayitoutinginortobacco。""Andwhyshouldtheybedeniedsuchsweetenersoftheirexistence？"saysJohnson;"itissurelyverysavagetorefusethemeverypossibleavenuetopleasure，reckonedtoocoarseforourownacceptance。Lifeisapillwhichnoneofuscanbeartoswallowwithoutgilding;yetforthepoorwedelightinstrippingitstillbarer，andarenotashamedtoshowevenvisibledispleasureifeverthebittertasteistakenfromtheirmouths。"Inconsequenceoftheseprincipleshenursedwholenestsofpeopleinhishouse，wherethelame，theblind，thesick，andthesorrowfulfoundasureretreatfromalltheevilswhencehislittleincomecouldsecurethem：andcommonlyspendingthemiddleoftheweekatourhouse，hekepthisnumerousfamilyinFleetStreetuponasettledallowance;butreturnedtothemeverySaturday，togivethemthreegooddinners，andhiscompany，beforehecamebacktousontheMondaynight——treatingthemwiththesame，orperhapsmoreceremoniouscivilitythanhewouldhavedonebyasmanypeopleoffashion——makingtheHolyScripturesthustheruleofhisconduct，andonlyexpectingsalvationashewasabletoobeyitsprecepts。
WhileDr。Johnsonpossessed，however，thestrongestcompassionforpovertyorillness，hedidnotevenpretendtofeelforthosewholamentedthelossofachild，aparent，orafriend。"Thesearethedistressesofsentiment，"hewouldreply，"whichamanwhoisreallytobepitiedhasnoleisuretofeel。Thesightofpeoplewhowantfoodandraimentissocommoningreatcities，thatasurlyfellowlikemehasnocompassiontospareforwoundsgivenonlytovanityorsoftness。"Noman，therefore，whosmartedfromtheingratitudeofhisfriends，foundanysympathyfromourphilosopher。"Lethimdogoodonhighermotivesnexttime，"wouldbetheanswer;"hewillthenbesureofhisreward。"Itiseasytoobservethatthejusticeofsuchsentencesmadethemoffensive;butwemustbecarefulhowwecondemnamanforsayingwhatweknowtobetrue，onlybecauseitIS
so。Ihopethatthereasonourheartsrebelledalittleagainsthisseveritywaschieflybecauseitcamefromalivingmouth。Bookswereinventedtotakeofftheodiumofimmediatesuperiority，andsoftentherigourofdutiesprescribedbytheteachersandcensorsofhumankind——
settingatleastthosewhoareacknowledgedwiserthanourselvesatadistance。Whenwerecollect，however，thatforthisveryreasonTHEYareseldomconsultedandlittleobeyed，howmuchcauseshallhiscontemporarieshavetorejoicethattheirlivingJohnsonforcedthemtofeelthereproofsduetoviceandfolly，whileSenecaandTillotsonwerenolongerabletomakeimpression——exceptonourshelves！Fewthings，indeed，whichpasswellenoughwithotherswoulddowithhim：hehadbeenagreatreaderofMandeville，andwaseveronthewatchtospyoutthosestainsoforiginalcorruptionsoeasilydiscoveredbyapenetratingobservereveninthepurestminds。Imentionedanevent，whichifithadhappenedwouldgreatlyhaveinjuredMr。Thraleandhisfamily——"andthen，dearsir，"saidI，"howsorryyouwouldhavebeen！""IHOPE，"repliedhe，afteralongpause，"I
shouldhavebeenVERYsorry;butrememberRochefoucault’smaxim。"
"Iwouldrather，"answeredI，"rememberPrior’sverses，andask——
’Whatneedofbooksthesetruthstotell，Whichfolksperceivethatcannotspell？
Andmustwespectaclesapply，Toseewhathurtsournakedeye？’
WillANYBODY’Smindbearthiseternalmicroscopethatyouplaceuponyourownso？""Inever，"repliedhe，"sawonethatWOULD，exceptthatofmydearMissReynolds——andhersisveryneartopurityitself。"Ofslighterevils，andfriendsmoredistantthanourownhousehold，hespokelesscautiously。Anacquaintancelostthealmostcertainhopeofagoodestatethathadbeenlongexpected。"Suchaonewillgrieve，"saidI，"atherfriend’sdisappointment。""Shewillsufferasmuch，perhaps，"saidhe，"asyourhorsedidwhenyourcowmiscarried。"IprofessedmyselfsincerelygrievedwhenaccumulateddistressescrushedSirGeorgeColebrook’sfamily;
andIwasso。"Yourownprosperity，"saidhe，"maypossiblyhavesofarincreasedthenaturaltendernessofyourheart，thatforaughtIknowyouMAYbeaLITTLESORRY;butitissufficientforaplainmanifhedoesnotlaughwhenheseesafinenewhousetumbledownallonasudden，andasnugcottagestandbyreadytoreceivetheowner，whosebirthentitledhimtonothingbetter，andwhoselimbsarelefthimtogotoworkagainwith。"
Itriedtotellhiminjestthathismoralitywaseasilycontented，andwhenIhavesaidsomethingasifthewickednessoftheworldgavemeconcern，hewouldcryoutaloudagainstcanting，andprotestthathethoughttherewasverylittlegrosswickednessintheworld，andstilllessofextraordinaryvirtue。Nothing，indeed，moresurelydisgustedDr。
Johnsonthanhyperbole;helovednottobetoldofsalliesofexcellence，whichhesaidwereseldomvaluable，andseldomtrue。"Heroicvirtues，"
saidhe，"arethebonsmotsoflife;theydonotappearoften，andwhentheydoappeararetoomuchprized，Ithink，likethealoe—tree，whichshootsandflowersonceinahundredyears。Butlifeismadeupoflittlethings;andthatcharacteristhebestwhichdoeslittlebutrepeatedactsofbeneficence;asthatconversationisthebestwhichconsistsinelegantandpleasingthoughtsexpressedinnaturalandpleasingterms。Withregardtomyownnotionsofmoralvirtue，"continuedhe，"IhopeIhavenotlostmysensibilityofwrong;butIhope，likewise，thatIhavelivedlongenoughintheworldtopreventmefromexpectingtofindanyactionofwhichboththeoriginalmotiveandallthepartsweregood。"
ThepietyofDr。Johnsonwasexemplaryandedifying;hewaspunctiliouslyexacttoperformeverypublicdutyenjoinedbytheChurch，andhisspiritofdevotionhadanenergythataffectedallwhoeversawhimprayinprivate。ThecoldestandmostlanguidheareroftheWordmusthavefeltthemselvesanimatedbyhismannerofreadingtheHolyScriptures;andtopraybyhissick—bedrequiredstrengthofbodyaswellasofmind，sovehementwerehismanners，andhistonesofvoicesopathetic。IhavemanytimesmadeitmyrequesttoHeaventhatImightbesparedthesightofhisdeath;andIwassparedit。
Mr。Johnson，thoughingeneralagrossfeeder，keptfastinLent，particularlytheHolyWeek，witharigourverydangeroustohisgeneralhealth;butthoughhehadleftoffwine（forreligiousmotives，asIalwaysbelieved，thoughhedidnotownit），yethedidnotholdthecommutationofoffencesbyvoluntarypenance，orencourageotherstopractiseseverityuponthemselves。Heevenoncesaid"thathethoughtitanerrortoendeavouratpleasingGodbytakingtherodofreproofoutofHishands。"
Andwhenwetalkedofconvents，andthehardshipssufferedinthem：
"Rememberalways，"saidhe，"thataconventisanidleplace，andwherethereisnothingtobeDONEsomethingmustbeENDURED：mustardhasabadtasteperse，youmayobserve，butveryinsipidfoodcannotbeeatenwithoutit。"
Hisrespect，however，forplacesofreligiousretirementwascarriedtothegreatestdegreeofearthlyveneration;theBenedictineconventatParispaidhimallpossiblehonoursinreturn，andthePriorandhepartedwithtearsoftenderness。TwoofthatcollegebeingsenttoEnglandonthemissionsomeyearsafter，spentmuchoftheirtimewithhimatBoltCourt，Iknow，andhewaseverearnesttoretaintheirfriendship;butthoughbelovedbyallhisRomanCatholicacquaintance，particularlyDr。Nugent，forwhoseesteemhehadasingularvalue，yetwasMr。JohnsonamostunshakenChurchofEnglandman;andIthink，oratleastIonceDIDthink，thataletterwrittenbyhimtoMr。Barnard，theKing’sLibrarian，whenhewasinItalycollectingbooks，containedsomeveryparticularadvicetohisfriendtobeonhisguardagainsttheseductionsoftheChurchofRome。
ThesettledaversionDr。Johnsonfelttowardsaninfidelheexpressedtoallranks，andatalltimes，withoutthesmallestreserve;forthoughoncommonoccasionshepaidgreatdeferencetobirthortitle，yethisregardfortruthandvirtuenevergavewaytomeanerconsiderations。Wetalkedofadeadwitoneevening，andsomebodypraisedhim。"Letusneverpraisetalentssoillemployed，sir;wefoulourmouthsbycommendingsuchinfidels，"saidhe。"Allowhimthelumieresatleast，"entreatedoneofthecompany。"Idoallowhim，sir，"repliedJohnson，"justenoughtolighthimtohell。"OfaJamaicagentleman，thenlatelydead："Hewillnot，whitherheisnowgone，"saidJohnson，"findmuchdifference，Ibelieve，eitherintheclimateorthecompany。"TheAbbeReynalprobablyremembersthat，beingatthehouseofacommonfriendinLondon，themasterofitapproachedJohnsonwiththatgentlemansomuchcelebratedinhishand，andthisspeechinhismouth："Willyoupermitme，sir，topresenttoyoutheAbbeReynal？""NO，SIR，"repliedtheDoctorveryloud，andsuddenlyturnedawayfromthemboth。
ThoughMr。Johnsonhadbutlittlereverenceeitherfortalentsorfortunewhenhefoundthemunsupportedbyvirtue，yetitwassufficienttotellhimamanwasverypious，orverycharitable，andhewouldatleastBEGINwithhimongoodterms，howevertheconversationmightend。Hewouldsometimes，too，good—naturedlyenterintoalongchatfortheinstructionorentertainmentofpeoplehedespised。Iperfectlyrecollecthiscondescendingtodelightmydaughter’sdancing—masterwithalongargumentaboutHISart，whichthemanprotested，atthecloseofthediscourse，theDoctorknewmoreofthanhimself，whoremainedastonished，enlightened，andamusedbythetalkofapersonlittlelikelytomakeagooddisquisitionupondancing。Ihavesometimes，indeed，beenratherpleasedthanvexedwhenMr。Johnsonhasgivenaroughanswertoamanwhoperhapsdeservedoneonlyhalfasrough，becauseIknewhewouldrepentofhishastyreproof，andmakeusallamendsbysomeconversationatonceinstructiveandentertaining，asinthefollowingcases。Ayoungfellowaskedhimabruptlyoneday，"Pray，sir，whatandwhereisPalmyra？IheardsomebodytalklastnightoftheruinsofPalmyra。""’TisahillinIreland，"repliesJohnson，"withpalmsgrowingonthetop，andabogatthebottom，andsotheycallitPALM—MIRA。"Seeing，however，thattheladthoughthimserious，andthankedhimfortheinformation，heundeceivedhimverygentlyindeed：
toldhimthehistory，geography，andchronologyofTadmorinthewilderness，witheveryincidentthatliteraturecouldfurnish，Ithink，oreloquenceexpress，fromthebuildingofSolomon’spalacetothevoyageofDawkinsandWood。
Onanotheroccasion，whenhewasmusingoverthefireinourdrawing—roomatStreatham，ayounggentlemancalledtohimsuddenly，andIsupposehethoughtdisrespectfully，inthesewords："Mr。Johnson，wouldyouadvisemetomarry？""Iwouldadvisenomantomarry，sir，"returnsforanswerinaveryangrytoneDr。Johnson，"whoisnotlikelytopropagateunderstanding，"andsolefttheroom。Ourcompanionlookedconfounded，andIbelievehadscarcerecoveredtheconsciousnessofhisownexistence，whenJohnsoncameback，anddrawinghischairamongus，withalteredlooksandasoftenedvoice，joinedinthegeneralchat，insensiblyledtheconversationtothesubjectofmarriage，wherehelaidhimselfoutinadissertationsouseful，soelegant，sofoundedonthetrueknowledgeofhumanlife，andsoadornedwithbeautyofsentiment，thatnooneeverrecollectedtheoffence，excepttorejoiceinitsconsequences。Herepentedjustascertainly，however，ifhehadbeenledtopraiseanypersonorthingbyaccidentmorethanhethoughtitdeserved;andwasonsuchoccasionscomicallyearnesttodestroythepraiseorpleasurehehadunintentionallygiven。
SirJoshuaReynoldsmentionedsomepictureasexcellent。"Ithasoftengrievedme，sir，"saidMr。Johnson，"toseesomuchmindasthescienceofpaintingrequireslaidoutuponsuchperishablematerials。Whydonotyouoftenermakeuseofcopper？Icouldwishyoursuperiorityintheartyouprofesstobepreservedinstuffmoredurablethancanvas。"SirJoshuaurgedthedifficultyofprocuringaplatelargeenoughforhistoricalsubjects，andwasgoingtoraisefurtherobservations。"Whatfoppishobstaclesarethese！"exclaimsonasuddenDr。Johnson。"HereisThralehasathousandtunofcopper;youmaypaintitallroundifyouwill，I
suppose;itwillservehimtobrewinafterwards。Willitnot，sir？"（tomyhusband，whosatby）。Indeed，Dr。Johnson’sutterscornofpaintingwassuchthatIhaveheardhimsaythatheshouldsitveryquietlyinaroomhungroundwiththeworksofthegreatestmasters，andneverfeeltheslightestdispositiontoturnthemiftheirbackswereoutermost，unlessitmightbeforthesakeoftellingSirJoshuathatheHADturnedthem。Suchspeechesmayappearoffensivetomany，butthosewhoknewhewastooblindtodiscerntheperfectionsofanartwhichappliesitselfimmediatelytooureyesightmustacknowledgehewasnotinthewrong。
Hedelightednomoreinmusicthaninpainting;hewasalmostasdeafashewasblind;travellingwithDr。Johnsonwasforthesereasonstiresomeenough。Mr。Thralelovedprospects，andwasmortifiedthathisfriendcouldnotenjoythesightofthosedifferentdispositionsofwoodandwater，hillandvalley，thattravellingthroughEnglandandFranceaffordsaman。Butwhenhewishedtopointthemouttohiscompanion："Neverheedsuchnonsense，"wouldbethereply;"abladeofgrassisalwaysabladeofgrass，whetherinonecountryoranother。Letus，ifweDOtalk，talkaboutsomething;menandwomenaremysubjectsofinquiry;letusseehowthesedifferfromthosewehaveleftbehind。"
WhenwewereatRouentogether，hetookagreatfancytotheAbbeRoffette，withwhomheconversedaboutthedestructionoftheorderofJesuits，andcondemneditloudlyasablowtothegeneralpoweroftheChurch，andlikelytobefollowedwithmanyanddangerousinnovations，whichmightatlengthbecomefataltoreligionitself，andshakeeventhefoundationofChristianity。Thegentlemanseemedtowonderanddelightinhisconversation。ThetalkwasallinLatin，whichbothspokefluently，andMr。JohnsonpronouncedalongeulogiumuponMiltonwithsomuchardour，eloquence，andingenuity，thattheAbberosefromhisseatandembracedhim。Myhusband，seeingthemapparentlysocharmedwiththecompanyofeachother，politelyinvitedtheAbbetoEngland，intendingtoobligehisfriend，who，insteadofthanking，reprimandedhimseverelybeforethemanforsuchasuddenburstoftendernesstowardsapersonhecouldknownothingatallof，andthusputasuddenfinishtoallhisownandMr。
Thrale’sentertainmentfromthecompanyoftheAbbeRoffette。
WhenatVersaillesthepeopleshowedusthetheatre。Aswestoodonthestagelookingatsomemachineryforplayhousepurposes："Nowwearehere，whatshallweact，Mr。Johnson——TheEnglishmanatParis？""No，no，"
repliedhe，"wewilltrytoactHarrytheFifth。"HisdisliketotheFrenchwaswellknowntobothnations，Ibelieve;butheapplaudedthenumberoftheirbooksandthegracesoftheirstyle。"Theyhavefewsentiments，"saidhe，"buttheyexpressthemneatly;theyhavelittlemeat，too，buttheydressitwell。"Johnson’sownnotionsabouteating，however，werenothinglessthandelicate：alegofporkboiledtillitdroppedfromthebone，avealpiewithplumsandsugar，ortheoutsidecutofasaltbuttockofbeef，werehisfavouritedainties。Withregardtodrink，hislikingwasforthestrongest，asitwasnottheflavour，buttheeffect，hesoughtfor，andprofessedtodesire;andwhenIfirstknewhim，heusedtopourcapillaireintohisportwine。Forthelasttwelveyears，however，heleftoffallfermentedliquors。Tomakehimselfsomeamends，indeed，hetookhischocolateliberally，pouringinlargequantitiesofcream，orevenmeltedbutter;andwassofondoffruit，thatthoughheusuallyatesevenoreightlargepeachesofamorningbeforebreakfastbegan，andtreatedthemwithproportionateattentionafterdinneragain，yetIhaveheardhimprotestthatheneverhadquiteasmuchashewishedofwall—fruit，exceptonceinhislife，andthatwaswhenwewerealltogetheratOmbersley，theseatofmyLordSandys。Iwassayingtoafriendoneday，thatIdidnotlikegoose;"onesmellsitsowhileitisroasting，"saidI。"Butyou，madam，"repliestheDoctor，"havebeenatalltimesafortunatewoman，havingalwayshadyourhungersoforestalledbyindulgence，thatyouneverexperiencedthedelightofsmellingyourdinnerbeforehand。""Whichpleasure，"answeredIpertly，"istobeenjoyedinperfectionbysuchashavethehappinesstopassthroughPorridgeIslandofamorning。""Come，come，"sayshe，gravely，"let’shavenosneeringatwhatisserioustosomany。Hundredsofyourfellow—creatures，dearlady，turnanotherway，thattheymaynotbetemptedbytheluxuriesofPorridgeIslandtowishforgratificationstheyarenotabletoobtain。YouarecertainlynotbetterthanallofTHEM;giveGodthanksthatyouarehappier。"
IreceivedonanotheroccasionasjustarebukefromMr。Johnson，foranoffenceofthesamenature，andhopeItookcarenevertoprovokeathird;
forafteraverylongsummer，particularlyhotanddry，IwaswishingnaturallybutthoughtlesslyforsomeraintolaythedustaswedrovealongtheSurreyroads。"Icannotbear，"repliedhe，withmuchasperityandanalteredlook，"whenIknowhowmanypoorfamilieswillperishnextwinterforwantofthatbreadwhichthepresentdroughtwilldenythem，tohearladiessighingforrain，onlythattheircomplexionsmaynotsufferfromtheheat，ortheirclothesbeincommodedbythedust。Forshame！leaveoffsuchfoppishlamentations，andstudytorelievethosewhosedistressesarereal。"
Withadvisingotherstobecharitable，however，Dr。Johnsondidnotcontenthimself。Hegaveawayallhehad，andallheeverhadgotten，exceptthetwothousandpoundsheleftbehind;andtheverysmallportionofhisincomewhichhespentonhimself，withallourcalculation，wenevercouldmakemorethanseventy，oratmostfour—scorepoundsayear，andhepretendedtoallowhimselfahundred。Hehadnumberlessdependentsoutofdoorsaswellasin，who，asheexpressedit，"didnotliketoseehimlatterlyunlesshebrought’emmoney。"Forthosepeopleheusedfrequentlytoraisecontributionsonhisricherfriends;"andthis，"sayshe，"isoneofthethousandreasonswhichoughttorestrainamanfromdronysolitudeanduselessretirement。Solitude，"addedheoneday，"isdangeroustoreason，withoutbeingfavourabletovirtue：pleasuresofsomesortarenecessarytotheintellectualastothecorporealhealth;andthosewhoresistgaietywillbelikelyforthemostparttofallasacrificetoappetite;forthesolicitationsofsensearealwaysathand，andadramtoavacantandsolitarypersonisaspeedyandseducingrelief。Remember，"
concludedhe，"thatthesolitarymortaliscertainlyluxurious，probablysuperstitious，andpossiblymad：themindstagnatesforwantofemployment，growsmorbid，andisextinguishedlikeacandleinfoulair。"
ItwasonthisprinciplethatJohnsonencouragedparentstocarrytheirdaughtersearlyandmuchintocompany："forwhatharmcanbedonebeforesomanywitnesses？Solitudeisthesurestnurseofallprurientpassions，andagirlinthehurryofpreparation，ortumultofgaiety，hasneitherinclinationnorleisuretolettenderexpressionssoftenorsinkintoherheart。Theball，theshow，arenotthedangerousplaces：no，itistheprivatefriend，thekindconsoler，thecompanionoftheeasy，vacanthour，whosecompliancewithheropinionscanflatterhervanity，andwhoseconversationcanjustsoothe，withouteverstretchinghermind，thatisthelovertobefeared。Hewhobuzzesinherearatcourtorattheoperamustbecontentedtobuzzinvain。"ThesenotionsDr。Johnsoncarriedsoveryfar，thatIhaveheardhimsay，"Ifyoushutupanymanwithanywoman，soastomakethemderivetheirwholepleasurefromeachother，theywouldinevitablyfallinlove，asitiscalled，witheachother;butatsixmonths’end，ifyouwouldthrowthembothintopubliclife，wheretheymightchangepartnersatpleasure，eachwouldsoonforgetthatfondnesswhichmutualdependenceandthepaucityofgeneralamusementalonehadcaused，andeachwouldseparatelyfeeldelightedbytheirrelease。"
IntheseopinionsRousseauapparentlyconcurswithhimexactly;andMr。
Whitehead’spoem，called"Variety，"iswrittensolelytoelucidatethissimpleproposition。Priorlikewiseadvisesthehusbandtosendhiswifeabroad，andletherseetheworldasitreallystands：——
"Powder，andpocket—glass，andbeau。"
Mr。Johnsonwasindeedunjustlysupposedtobealoverofsingularity。Fewpeoplehadamoresettledreverencefortheworldthanhe，orwaslesscaptivatedbynewmodesofbehaviourintroduced，orinnovationsonthelong—receivedcustomsofcommonlife。Hehatedthewayofleavingacompanywithouttakingnoticetotheladyofthehousethathewasgoing，anddidnotmuchlikeanyofthecontrivancesbywhicheasehadlatelybeenintroducedintosocietyinsteadofceremony，whichhadmoreofhisapprobation。Cards，dress，anddancing，however，allfoundtheiradvocateinDr。Johnson，whoinculcated，uponprinciple，thecultivationofthoseartswhichmanyamoralistthinkshimselfboundtoreject，andmanyaChristianholdsunfittobepractised。"Noperson，"saidheoneday，"goesunder—dressedtillhethinkshimselfofconsequenceenoughtoforbearcarryingthebadgeofhisrankuponhisback。"AndinanswertotheargumentsurgedbyPuritans，Quakers，etc。，againstshowydecorationsofthehumanfigure，Ionceheardhimexclaim，"Oh，letusnotbefound，whenourMastercallsus，rippingthelaceoffourwaistcoats，butthespiritofcontentionfromoursoulsandtongues！Letusallconforminoutwardcustoms，whichareofnoconsequence，tothemannersofthosewhomweliveamong，anddespisesuchpaltrydistinctions。Alas，sir！"continuedhe，"amanwhocannotgettoheaveninagreencoat，willnotfindhiswaythithersoonerinagreyone。"Onanoccasionoflessconsequence，whenheturnedhisbackonLordBolingbrokeintheroomsatBrighthelmstone，hemadethisexcuse，"Iamnotobliged，sir，"saidhetoMr。Thrale，whostoodfretting，"tofindreasonsforrespectingtherankofhimwhowillnotcondescendtodeclareitbyhisdressorsomeothervisiblemark。Whatarestarsandothersignsofsuperioritymadefor？"
Thenextevening，however，hemadeuscomicalamends，bysittingbythesamenobleman，andharanguingveryloudlyaboutthenatureanduseandabuseofdivorces。Manypeoplegatheredroundthemtohearwhatwassaid，andwhenmyhusbandcalledhimaway，andtoldhimtowhomhehadbeentalking，receivedananswerwhichIwillnotwritedown。
Thoughnoman，perhaps，madesuchroughrepliesasDr。Johnson，yetnobodyhadamorejustaversiontogeneralsatire;healwayshatedandcensuredSwiftforhisunprovokedbitternessagainsttheprofessorsofmedicine，andusedtochallengehisfriends，whentheylamentedtheexorbitancyofphysicians’fees，toproducehimoneinstanceofanestateraisedbyphysicinEngland。Whenanacquaintance，too，wasonedayexclaimingagainstthetediousnessofthelawanditspartiality："Letushear，sir，"saidJohnson，"nogeneralabuse;thelawisthelastresultofhumanwisdomactinguponhumanexperienceforthebenefitofthepublic。"
AsthemindofDr。Johnsonwasgreatlyexpanded，sohisfirstcarewasforgeneral，notparticularorpettymorality;andthoseteachershadmoreofhisblamethanpraise，Ithink，whoseektooppresslifewithunnecessaryscruples。"Scrupleswould，"asheobserved，"certainlymakemenmiserable，andseldommakethemgood。Letusever，"hesaid，"studiouslyflyfromthoseinstructorsagainstwhomourSaviourdenouncesheavyjudgments，forhavingboundupburdensgrievoustobeborne，andlaidthemontheshouldersofmortalmen。"Noonehad，however，highernotionsofthehardtaskoftrueChristianitythanJohnson，whosedailyterrorlesthehadnotdoneenough，originatedinpiety，butendedinlittlelessthandisease。
Reasonablewithregardtoothers，hehadformedvainhopesofperformingimpossibilitieshimself;andfindinghisgoodworkseverbelowhisdesiresandintent，filledhisimaginationwithfearsthatheshouldneverobtainforgivenessforomissionsofdutyandcriminalwasteoftime。Theseideaskepthiminconstantanxietyconcerninghissalvation;andthevehementpetitionsheperpetuallymadeforalongercontinuanceonearth，weredoubtlessthecauseofhissoprolongedexistence：forwhenIcarriedDr。
Pepystohimintheyear1782，itappearedwhollyimpossibleforanyskillofthephysicianoranystrengthofthepatienttosavehim。Hewassavedthattime，however，bySirLucas’sprescriptions;andlessskillononeside，orlessstrengthontheother，Iammorallycertain，wouldnothavebeenenough。Hehad，however，possessedanathleticconstitution，ashesaidthemanwhodippedpeopleintheseaatBrighthelmstoneacknowledged;
forseeingMr。Johnsonswim，intheyear1766，"Why，sir，"saysthedipper，"youmusthavebeenastout—heartedgentlemanfortyyearsago。"
Mr。Thraleandheusedtolaughaboutthatstoryveryoften：butGarricktoldabetter，forhesaidthatintheiryoungdays，whensomestrollingplayerscametoLichfield，ourfriendhadfixedhisplaceuponthestage，andgothimselfachairaccordingly;whichleavingforafewminutes，hefoundamaninitathisreturn，whorefusedtogiveitbackatthefirstentreaty。Mr。Johnson，however，whodidnotthinkitworthhiswhiletomakeasecond，tookchairandmanandalltogether，andthrewthemallatonceintothepit。IaskedtheDoctorifthiswasafact。"GarrickhasnotSPOILEDitinthetelling，"saidhe，"itisveryNEARtrue，tobesure。"
Mr。Beauclerc，too，relatedonedayhowonsomeoccasionheorderedtwolargemastiffsintohisparlour，toshowafriendwhowasconversantincaninebeautyandexcellencehowthedogsquarrelled，andfasteningoneachother，alarmedallthecompanyexceptJohnson，whoseizingoneinonehandbythecuffoftheneck，theotherintheotherhand，saidgravely，"Come，gentlemen！where’syourdifficulty？putonedogoutatthedoor，andI
willshowthisfiercegentlemanthewayoutofthewindow："which，liftingupthemastiffandthesash，hecontrivedtodoveryexpeditiously，andmuchtothesatisfactionoftheaffrightedcompany。Weinquiredastothetruthofthiscuriousrecital。"Thedogshavebeensomewhatmagnified，I
believe，sir，"wasthereply："theywere，asIremember，twostoutyoungpointers;butthestoryhasgainedbutlittle。"
OnereasonwhyMr。Johnson’smemorywassoparticularlyexact，mightbederivedfromhisrigidattentiontoveracity;beingalwaysresolvedtorelateeveryfactasitstood，helookedevenonthesmallerpartsoflifewithminuteattention，andrememberedsuchpassagesasescapecursoryandcommonobservers。"Astory，"sayshe，"isaspecimenofhumanmanners，andderivesitssolevaluefromitstruth。WhenFootehastoldmesomething，I
dismissitfrommymindlikeapassingshadow：whenReynoldstellsmesomething，Iconsidermyselfaspossessedofanideathemore。"
Mr。Johnsonlikedafrolicorajestwellenough，thoughhehadstrangeseriousrulesaboutittoo：andveryangrywasheifanybodyofferedtobemerrywhenhewasdisposedtobegrave。"Youhaveanill—foundednotion，"
saidhe，"thatitisclevertoturnmattersoffwithajoke（asthephraseis）;whereasnothingproducesenmitysocertainasonepersonsshowingadispositiontobemerrywhenanotherisinclinedtobeeitherseriousordispleased。"
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