notimetowatchthewindyshadowsskimminglightlyo'ertheshallows，ortheglitteringsunbeamsflittinginandoutamongtheripples，orthegreattreesbythemarginlookingdownattheirownimage，orthewoodsallgreenandgolden，orthelilieswhiteandyellow，orthesombre-
wavingrushes，orthesedges，ortheorchis，ortheblueforget-me-nots。
Throwthelumberover，man！Letyourboatoflifebelight，packedwithonlywhatyouneed-ahomelyhomeandsimplepleasures，oneortwofriends，worththename，someonetoloveandsomeonetoloveyou，acat，adog，andapipeortwo，enoughtoeatandenoughtowear，andalittlemorethanenoughtodrink；forthirstisadangerousthing。
Youwillfindtheboateasiertopullthen，anditwillnotbesoliabletoupset，anditwillnotmattersomuchifitdoesupset；good，plainmerchandisewillstandwater。Youwillhavetimetothinkaswellastowork。Timetodrinkinlife'ssunshine-timetolistentotheAEolianmusicthatthewindofGoddrawsfromthehumanheart-stringsaroundus-
timeto-
Ibegyourpardon，really。Iquiteforgot。
Well，weleftthelisttoGeorge，andhebeganit。
"Wewon'ttakeatent，suggestedGeorge；"wewillhaveaboatwithacover。Itiseversomuchsimpler，andmorecomfortable。"
Itseemedagoodthought，andweadoptedit。IdonotknowwhetheryouhaveeverseenthethingImean。Youfixironhoopsupovertheboat，andstretchahugecanvasoverthem，andfastenitdownallround，fromstemtostern，anditconvertstheboatintoasortoflittlehouse，anditisbeautifullycosy，thoughatriflestuffy；butthere，everythinghasitsdrawbacks，asthemansaidwhenhismother-in-lawdied，andtheycamedownuponhimforthefuneralexpenses。
Georgesaidthatinthatcasewemusttakearugeach，alamp，somesoap，abrushandcomb（betweenus），atoothbrush（each），abasin，sometooth-
powder，someshavingtackle（soundslikeaFrenchexercise，doesn'tit？），andacoupleofbig-towelsforbathing。Inoticethatpeoplealwaysmakegiganticarrangementsforbathingwhentheyaregoinganywherenearthewater，butthattheydon'tbathemuchwhentheyarethere。
Itisthesamewhenyougotothesea-side。Ialwaysdetermine-whenthinkingoverthematterinLondon-thatI'llgetupearlyeverymorning，andgoandhaveadipbeforebreakfast，andIreligiouslypackupapairofdrawersandabathtowel。Ialwaysgetredbathingdrawers。
Iratherfancymyselfinreddrawers。Theysuitmycomplexionso。ButwhenIgettotheseaIdon'tfeelsomehowthatIwantthatearlymorningbathenearlysomuchasIdidwhenIwasintown。
Onthecontrary，IfeelmorethatIwanttostopinbedtillthelastmoment，andthencomedownandhavemybreakfast。Onceortwicevirtuehastriumphed，andIhavegotoutatsixandhalf-dressedmyself，andhavetakenmydrawersandtowel，andstumbleddismallyoff。ButI
haven'tenjoyedit。Theyseemtokeepaspeciallycuttingeastwind，waitingforme，whenIgotobatheintheearlymorning；andtheypickoutallthethree-corneredstones，andputthemonthetop，andtheysharpenuptherocksandcoverthepointsoverwithabitofsandsothatIcan'tseethem，andtheytaketheseaandputittwomilesout，sothatIhavetohuddlemyselfupinmyarmsandhop，shivering，throughsixinchesofwater。AndwhenIdogettothesea，itisroughandquiteinsulting。
Onehugewavecatchesmeupandchucksmeinasittingposture，ashardaseveritcan，downontoarockwhichhasbeenputthereforme。And，beforeI'vesaid"Oh！Ugh！"andfoundoutwhathasgone，thewavecomesbackandcarriesmeouttomid-ocean。Ibegintostrikeoutfranticallyfortheshore，andwonderifIshalleverseehomeandfriendsagain，andwishI'dbeenkindertomylittlesisterwhenaboy（whenIwasaboy，I
mean）。JustwhenIhavegivenupallhope，awaveretiresandleavesmesprawlinglikeastar-fishonthesand，andIgetupandlookbackandfindthatI'vebeenswimmingformylifeintwofeetofwater。Ihopbackanddress，andcrawlhome，whereIhavetopretendIlikedit。
Inthepresentinstance，wealltalkedasifweweregoingtohavealongswimeverymorning。
Georgesaiditwassopleasanttowakeupintheboatinthefreshmorning，andplungeintothelimpidriver。Harrissaidtherewasnothinglikeaswimbeforebreakfasttogiveyouanappetite。Hesaiditalwaysgavehimanappetite。GeorgesaidthatifitwasgoingtomakeHarriseatmorethanHarrisordinarilyate，thenheshouldprotestagainstHarrishavingabathatall。
HesaidtherewouldbequiteenoughhardworkintowingsufficientfoodforHarrisupagainststream，asitwas。
IurgeduponGeorge，however，howmuchpleasanteritwouldbetohaveHarriscleanandfreshabouttheboat，evenifwedidhavetotakeafewmorehundredweightofprovisions；andhegottoseeitinmylight，andwithdrewhisoppositiontoHarris'sbath。
Agreed，finally，thatweshouldtakeTHREEbathtowels，soasnottokeepeachotherwaiting。
Forclothes，Georgesaidtwosuitsofflannelwouldbesufficient，aswecouldwashthemourselves，intheriver，whentheygotdirty。Weaskedhimifhehadevertriedwashingflannelsintheriver，andhereplied：
"No，notexactlyhimselflike；butheknewsomefellowswhohad，anditwaseasyenough；"andHarrisandIwereweakenoughtofancyheknewwhathewastalkingabout，andthatthreerespectableyoungmen，withoutpositionorinfluence，andwithnoexperienceinwashing，couldreallycleantheirownshirtsandtrousersintheriverThameswithabitofsoap。
Weweretolearninthedaystocome，whenitwastoolate，thatGeorgewasamiserableimpostor，whocouldevidentlyhaveknownnothingwhateveraboutthematter。Ifyouhadseentheseclothesafter-but，astheshillingshockerssay，weanticipate。
Georgeimpresseduponustotakeachangeofunder-thingsandplentyofsocks，incasewegotupsetandwantedachange；alsoplentyofhandkerchiefs，astheywoulddotowipethings，andapairofleatherbootsaswellasourboatingshoes，asweshouldwantthemifwegotupset。
CHAPTERIV。
THEFOODQUESTION-OBJECTIONSTOPARAFFINEOILASANATMOSPHERE-
ADVANTAGESOFCHEESEASATRAVELLINGCOMPANION-AMARRIEDWOMANDESERTS
HERHOME-FURTHERPROVISIONFORGETTINGUPSET-IPACK-CUSSEDNESS
OFTOOTH-BRUSHES-GEORGEANDHARRISPACK-AWFULBEHAVIOUROF
MONTMORENCY-WERETIRETOREST。
THENwediscussedthefoodquestion。Georgesaid：
"Beginwithbreakfast。"（Georgeissopractical。）"Nowforbreakfastweshallwantafrying-pan"-（Harrissaiditwasindigestible；butwemerelyurgedhimnottobeanass，andGeorgewenton）-"atea-potandakettle，andamethylatedspiritstove。"
"Nooil，"saidGeorge，withasignificantlook；andHarrisandIagreed。
Wehadtakenupanoil-stoveonce，but"neveragain。"Ithadbeenlikelivinginanoil-shopthatweek。Itoozed。Ineversawsuchathingasparaffineoilistoooze。Wekeptitinthenoseoftheboat，and，fromthere，itoozeddowntotherudder，impregnatingthewholeboatandeverythinginitonitsway，anditoozedovertheriver，andsaturatedthesceneryandspoilttheatmosphere。Sometimesawesterlyoilywindblew，andatothertimesaneasterlyoilywind，andsometimesitblewanortherlyoilywind，andmaybeasoutherlyoilywind；butwhetheritcamefromtheArcticsnows，orwasraisedinthewasteofthedesertsands，itcamealiketousladenwiththefragranceofparaffineoil。
Andthatoiloozedupandruinedthesunset；andasforthemoonbeams，theypositivelyreekedofparaffine。
WetriedtogetawayfromitatMarlow。Welefttheboatbythebridge，andtookawalkthroughthetowntoescapeit，butitfollowedus。Thewholetownwasfullofoil。Wepassedthroughthechurch-yard，anditseemedasifthepeoplehadbeenburiedinoil。TheHighStreetstunkofoil；wewonderedhowpeoplecouldliveinit。AndwewalkedmilesuponmilesoutBirminghamway；butitwasnouse，thecountrywassteepedinoil。
Attheendofthattripwemettogetheratmidnightinalonelyfield，underablastedoak，andtookanawfuloath（wehadbeenswearingforawholeweekaboutthethinginanordinary，middle-classway，butthiswasaswellaffair）-anawfuloathnevertotakeparaffineoilwithusinaboatagain-except，ofcourse，incaseofsickness。
Therefore，inthepresentinstance，weconfinedourselvestomethylatedspirit。Eventhatisbadenough。Yougetmethylatedpieandmethylatedcake。Butmethylatedspiritismorewholesomewhentakenintothesysteminlargequantitiesthanparaffineoil。
Forotherbreakfastthings，Georgesuggestedeggsandbacon，whichwereeasytocook，coldmeat，tea，breadandbutter，andjam。Forlunch，hesaid，wecouldhavebiscuits，coldmeat，breadandbutter，andjam-butNOCHEESE。Cheese，likeoil，makestoomuchofitself。Itwantsthewholeboattoitself。Itgoesthroughthehamper，andgivesacheesyflavourtoeverythingelsethere。Youcan'ttellwhetheryouareeatingapple-pieorGermansausage，orstrawberriesandcream。Itallseemscheese。Thereistoomuchodouraboutcheese。
Irememberafriendofmine，buyingacoupleofcheesesatLiverpool。
Splendidcheesestheywere，ripeandmellow，andwithatwohundredhorse-powerscentaboutthemthatmighthavebeenwarrantedtocarrythreemiles，andknockamanoverattwohundredyards。IwasinLiverpoolatthetime，andmyfriendsaidthatifIdidn'tmindhewouldgetmetotakethembackwithmetoLondon，asheshouldnotbecomingupforadayortwohimself，andhedidnotthinkthecheesesoughttobekeptmuchlonger。
"Oh，withpleasure，dearboy，"Ireplied，"withpleasure。"
Icalledforthecheeses，andtookthemawayinacab。Itwasaramshackleaffair，draggedalongbyaknock-kneed，broken-windedsomnambulist，whichhisowner，inamomentofenthusiasm，duringconversation，referredtoasahorse。Iputthecheesesonthetop，andwestartedoffatashamblethatwouldhavedonecredittotheswifteststeam-rollereverbuilt，andallwentmerryasafuneralbell，untilweturnedthecorner。There，thewindcarriedawhifffromthecheesesfullontooursteed。Itwokehimup，and，withasnortofterror，hedashedoffatthreemilesanhour。Thewindstillblewinhisdirection，andbeforewereachedtheendofthestreethewaslayinghimselfoutattherateofnearlyfourmilesanhour，leavingthecripplesandstoutoldladiessimplynowhere。
Ittooktwoportersaswellasthedrivertoholdhiminatthestation；
andIdonotthinktheywouldhavedoneit，eventhen，hadnotoneofthemenhadthepresenceofmindtoputahandkerchiefoverhisnose，andtolightabitofbrownpaper。
Itookmyticket，andmarchedproudlyuptheplatform，withmycheeses，thepeoplefallingbackrespectfullyoneitherside。Thetrainwascrowded，andIhadtogetintoacarriagewheretherewerealreadysevenotherpeople。Onecrustyoldgentlemanobjected，butIgotin，notwithstanding；and，puttingmycheesesupontherack，squeezeddownwithapleasantsmile，andsaiditwasawarmday。
Afewmomentspassed，andthentheoldgentlemanbegantofidget。
"Verycloseinhere，"hesaid。
"Quiteoppressive，"saidthemannexthim。
Andthentheybothbegansniffing，and，atthethirdsniff，theycaughtitrightonthechest，androseupwithoutanotherwordandwentout。
Andthenastoutladygotup，andsaiditwasdisgracefulthatarespectablemarriedwomanshouldbeharriedaboutinthisway，andgatheredupabagandeightparcelsandwent。Theremainingfourpassengerssatonforawhile，untilasolemn-lookingmaninthecorner，who，fromhisdressandgeneralappearance，seemedtobelongtotheundertakerclass，saiditputhiminmindofdeadbaby；andtheotherthreepassengerstriedtogetoutofthedooratthesametime，andhurtthemselves。
Ismiledattheblackgentleman，andsaidIthoughtweweregoingtohavethecarriagetoourselves；andhelaughedpleasantly，andsaidthatsomepeoplemadesuchafussoveralittlething。Butevenhegrewstrangelydepressedafterwehadstarted，andso，whenwereachedCrewe，Iaskedhimtocomeandhaveadrink。Heaccepted，andweforcedourwayintothebuffet，whereweyelled，andstamped，andwavedourumbrellasforaquarterofanhour；andthenayoungladycame，andaskedusifwewantedanything。
"What'syours？"Isaid，turningtomyfriend。
"I'llhavehalf-a-crown'sworthofbrandy，neat，ifyouplease，miss，"heresponded。
Andhewentoffquietlyafterhehaddrunkitandgotintoanothercarriage，whichIthoughtmean。
FromCreweIhadthecompartmenttomyself，thoughthetrainwascrowded。
Aswedrewupatthedifferentstations，thepeople，seeingmyemptycarriage，wouldrushforit。"Herey'are，Maria；comealong，plentyofroom。""Allright，Tom；we'llgetinhere，"theywouldshout。Andtheywouldrunalong，carryingheavybags，andfightroundthedoortogetinfirst。Andonewouldopenthedoorandmountthesteps，andstaggerbackintothearmsofthemanbehindhim；andtheywouldallcomeandhaveasniff，andthendroopoffandsqueezeintoothercarriages，orpaythedifferenceandgofirst。
FromEuston，Itookthecheesesdowntomyfriend'shouse。Whenhiswifecameintotheroomshesmeltroundforaninstant。Thenshesaid：
"Whatisit？Tellmetheworst。"
Isaid：
"It'scheeses。TomboughttheminLiverpool，andaskedmetobringthemupwithme。"
AndIaddedthatIhopedsheunderstoodthatithadnothingtodowithme；andshesaidthatshewassureofthat，butthatshewouldspeaktoTomaboutitwhenhecameback。
MyfriendwasdetainedinLiverpoollongerthanheexpected；and，threedayslater，ashehadn'treturnedhome，hiswifecalledonme。Shesaid：
"WhatdidTomsayaboutthosecheeses？"
Irepliedthathehaddirectedtheyweretobekeptinamoistplace，andthatnobodywastotouchthem。
Shesaid：
"Nobody'slikelytotouchthem。Hadhesmeltthem？"
Ithoughthehad，andaddedthatheseemedgreatlyattachedtothem。
"Youthinkhewouldbeupset，"shequeried，"ifIgaveamanasovereigntotakethemawayandburythem？"
IansweredthatIthoughthewouldneversmileagain。
Anideastruckher。Shesaid：
"Doyoumindkeepingthemforhim？Letmesendthemroundtoyou。"
"Madam，"Ireplied，"formyselfIlikethesmellofcheese，andthejourneytheotherdaywiththemfromLiverpoolIshalleverlookbackuponasahappyendingtoapleasantholiday。But，inthisworld，wemustconsiderothers。TheladyunderwhoseroofIhavethehonourofresidingisawidow，and，forallIknow，possiblyanorphantoo。Shehasastrong，Imaysayaneloquent，objectiontobeingwhatsheterms`putupon。'Thepresenceofyourhusband'scheesesinherhouseshewould，Iinstinctivelyfeel，regardasa`putupon'；anditshallneverbesaidthatIputuponthewidowandtheorphan。"
"Verywell，then，"saidmyfriend'swife，rising，"allIhavetosayis，thatIshalltakethechildrenandgotoanhoteluntilthosecheesesareeaten。Ideclinetoliveanylongerinthesamehousewiththem。"
Shekeptherword，leavingtheplaceinchargeofthecharwoman，who，whenaskedifshecouldstandthesmell，replied，"Whatsmell？"andwho，whentakenclosetothecheesesandtoldtosniffhard，saidshecoulddetectafaintodourofmelons。Itwasarguedfromthisthatlittleinjurycouldresulttothewomanfromtheatmosphere，andshewasleft。
Thehotelbillcametofifteenguineas；andmyfriend，afterreckoningeverythingup，foundthatthecheeseshadcosthimeight-and-sixpenceapound。Hesaidhedearlylovedabitofcheese，butitwasbeyondhismeans；sohedeterminedtogetridofthem。Hethrewthemintothecanal；buthadtofishthemoutagain，asthebargemencomplained。Theysaiditmadethemfeelquitefaint。And，afterthat，hetookthemonedarknightandleftthemintheparishmortuary。Butthecoronerdiscoveredthem，andmadeafearfulfuss。
Hesaiditwasaplottodeprivehimofhislivingbywakingupthecorpses。
Myfriendgotridofthem，atlast，bytakingthemdowntoasea-sidetown，andburyingthemonthebeach。Itgainedtheplacequiteareputation。Visitorssaidtheyhadnevernoticedbeforehowstrongtheairwas，andweak-chestedandconsumptivepeopleusedtothrongthereforyearsafterwards。
FondasIamofcheese，therefore，IholdthatGeorgewasrightindecliningtotakeany。
"Weshan'twantanytea，"saidGeorge（Harris'sfacefellatthis）；"butwe'llhaveagoodround，square，slap-upmealatseven-dinner，tea，andsuppercombined。"
Harrisgrewmorecheerful。Georgesuggestedmeatandfruitpies，coldmeat，tomatoes，fruit，andgreenstuff。Fordrink，wetooksomewonderfulstickyconcoctionofHarris's，whichyoumixedwithwaterandcalledlemonade，plentyoftea，andabottleofwhisky，incase，asGeorgesaid，wegotupset。
ItseemedtomethatGeorgeharpedtoomuchonthegetting-upsetidea。
Itseemedtomethewrongspirittogoaboutthetripin。
ButI'mgladwetookthewhisky。
Wedidn'ttakebeerorwine。Theyareamistakeuptheriver。Theymakeyoufeelsleepyandheavy。Aglassintheeveningwhenyouaredoingamouchroundthetownandlookingatthegirlsisallrightenough；butdon'tdrinkwhenthesunisblazingdownonyourhead，andyou'vegothardworktodo。
Wemadealistofthethingstobetaken，andaprettylengthyoneitwas，beforewepartedthatevening。Thenextday，whichwasFriday，wegotthemalltogether，andmetintheeveningtopack。WegotabigGladstonefortheclothes，andacoupleofhampersforthevictualsandthecookingutensils。Wemovedthetableupagainstthewindow，piledeverythinginaheapinthemiddleofthefloor，andsatroundandlookedatit。
IsaidI'dpack。
Iratherpridemyselfonmypacking。PackingisoneofthosemanythingsthatIfeelIknowmoreaboutthananyotherpersonliving。（Itsurprisesmemyself，sometimes，howmanyofthesesubjectsthereare。）I
impressedthefactuponGeorgeandHarris，andtoldthemthattheyhadbetterleavethewholematterentirelytome。Theyfellintothesuggestionwithareadinessthathadsomethinguncannyaboutit。Georgeputonapipeandspreadhimselfovertheeasy-chair，andHarriscockedhislegsonthetableandlitacigar。
ThiswashardlywhatIintended。WhatIhadmeant，ofcourse，was，thatIshouldbossthejob，andthatHarrisandGeorgeshouldpotteraboutundermydirections，Ipushingthemasideeverynowandthenwith，"Oh，you-！""Here，letmedoit。""Thereyouare，simpleenough！"-reallyteachingthem，asyoumightsay。Theirtakingitinthewaytheydidirritatedme。ThereisnothingdoesirritatememorethanseeingotherpeoplesittingaboutdoingnothingwhenI'mworking。
Ilivedwithamanoncewhousedtomakememadthatway。Hewouldlollonthesofaandwatchmedoingthingsbythehourtogether，followingmeroundtheroomwithhiseyes，whereverIwent。Hesaiditdidhimrealgoodtolookonatme，messingabout。Hesaiditmadehimfeelthatlifewasnotanidledreamtobegapedandyawnedthrough，butanobletask，fullofdutyandsternwork。Hesaidheoftenwonderednowhowhecouldhavegoneonbeforehemetme，neverhavinganybodytolookatwhiletheyworked。
Now，I'mnotlikethat。Ican'tsitstillandseeanothermanslavingandworking。Iwanttogetupandsuperintend，andwalkroundwithmyhandsinmypockets，andtellhimwhattodo。Itismyenergeticnature。
Ican'thelpit。
However，Ididnotsayanything，butstartedthepacking。ItseemedalongerjobthanIhadthoughtitwasgoingtobe；butIgotthebagfinishedatlast，andIsatonitandstrappedit。
"Ain'tyougoingtoputthebootsin？"saidHarris。
AndIlookedround，andfoundIhadforgottenthem。That'sjustlikeHarris。Hecouldn'thavesaidaworduntilI'dgotthebagshutandstrapped，ofcourse。AndGeorgelaughed-oneofthoseirritating，senseless，chuckle-headed，crack-jawedlaughsofhis。Theydomakemesowild。
Iopenedthebagandpackedthebootsin；andthen，justasIwasgoingtocloseit，ahorribleideaoccurredtome。HadIpackedmytooth-
brush？Idon'tknowhowitis，butIneverdoknowwhetherI'vepackedmytooth-brush。
Mytooth-brushisathingthathauntsmewhenI'mtravelling，andmakesmylifeamisery。IdreamthatIhaven'tpackedit，andwakeupinacoldperspiration，andgetoutofbedandhuntforit。And，inthemorning，IpackitbeforeIhaveusedit，andhavetounpackagaintogetit，anditisalwaysthelastthingIturnoutofthebag；andthenI
repackandforgetit，andhavetorushupstairsforitatthelastmomentandcarryittotherailwaystation，wrappedupinmypocket-
handkerchief。
OfcourseIhadtoturneverymortalthingoutnow，and，ofcourse，I
couldnotfindit。Irummagedthethingsupintomuchthesamestatethattheymusthavebeenbeforetheworldwascreated，andwhenchaosreigned。Ofcourse，IfoundGeorge'sandHarris'seighteentimesover，butIcouldn'tfindmyown。Iputthethingsbackonebyone，andheldeverythingupandshookit。ThenIfounditinsideaboot。Irepackedoncemore。
WhenIhadfinished，Georgeaskedifthesoapwasin。IsaidIdidn'tcareahangwhetherthesoapwasinorwhetheritwasn't；andIslammedthebagtoandstrappedit，andfoundthatIhadpackedmytobacco-pouchinit，andhadtore-openit。Itgotshutupfinallyat10。5p。m。，andthenthereremainedthehamperstodo。Harrissaidthatweshouldbewantingtostartinlessthantwelvehours'time，andthoughtthatheandGeorgehadbetterdotherest；andIagreedandsatdown，andtheyhadago。
Theybeganinalight-heartedspirit，evidentlyintendingtoshowmehowtodoit。Imadenocomment；Ionlywaited。WhenGeorgeishanged，Harriswillbetheworstpackerinthisworld；andIlookedatthepilesofplatesandcups，andkettles，andbottlesandjars，andpies，andstoves，andcakes，andtomatoes，&c。，andfeltthatthethingwouldsoonbecomeexciting。
Itdid。Theystartedwithbreakingacup。Thatwasthefirstthingtheydid。TheydidthatjusttoshowyouwhattheyCOULDdo，andtogetyouinterested。
ThenHarrispackedthestrawberryjamontopofatomatoandsquashedit，andtheyhadtopickoutthetomatowithateaspoon。
AndthenitwasGeorge'sturn，andhetrodonthebutter。Ididn'tsayanything，butIcameoverandsatontheedgeofthetableandwatchedthem。ItirritatedthemmorethananythingIcouldhavesaid。Ifeltthat。Itmadethemnervousandexcited，andtheysteppedonthings，andputthingsbehindthem，andthencouldn'tfindthemwhentheywantedthem；andtheypackedthepiesatthebottom，andputheavythingsontop，andsmashedthepiesin。
Theyupsetsaltovereverything，andasforthebutter！Ineversawtwomendomorewithone-and-twopenceworthofbutterinmywholelifethantheydid。AfterGeorgehadgotitoffhisslipper，theytriedtoputitinthekettle。Itwouldn'tgoin，andwhatWASinwouldn'tcomeout。
Theydidscrapeitoutatlast，andputitdownonachair，andHarrissatonit，anditstucktohim，andtheywentlookingforitallovertheroom。
"I'lltakemyoathIputitdownonthatchair，"saidGeorge，staringattheemptyseat。
"Isawyoudoitmyself，notaminuteago，"saidHarris。
Thentheystartedroundtheroomagainlookingforit；andthentheymetagaininthecentre，andstaredatoneanother。
"MostextraordinarythingIeverheardof，"saidGeorge。
"Somysterious！"saidHarris。
ThenGeorgegotroundatthebackofHarrisandsawit。
"Why，hereitisallthetime，"heexclaimed，indignantly。
"Where？"criedHarris，spinninground。
"Standstill，can'tyou！"roaredGeorge，flyingafterhim。
Andtheygotitoff，andpackeditintheteapot。
Montmorencywasinitall，ofcourse。Montmorency'sambitioninlife，istogetinthewayandbeswornat。Ifhecansquirminanywherewhereheparticularlyisnotwanted，andbeaperfectnuisance，andmakepeoplemad，andhavethingsthrownathishead，thenhefeelshisdayhasnotbeenwasted。
Togetsomebodytostumbleoverhim，andcursehimsteadilyforanhour，ishishighestaimandobject；and，whenhehassucceededinaccomplishingthis，hisconceitbecomesquiteunbearable。
Hecameandsatdownonthings，justwhentheywerewantedtobepacked；
andhelabouredunderthefixedbeliefthat，wheneverHarrisorGeorgereachedouttheirhandforanything，itwashiscold，dampnosethattheywanted。Heputhislegintothejam，andheworriedtheteaspoons，andhepretendedthatthelemonswererats，andgotintothehamperandkilledthreeofthembeforeHarriscouldlandhimwiththefrying-pan。
HarrissaidIencouragedhim。Ididn'tencouragehim。Adoglikethatdon'twantanyencouragement。It'sthenatural，originalsinthatisborninhimthatmakeshimdothingslikethat。
Thepackingwasdoneat12。50；andHarrissatonthebighamper，andsaidhehopednothingwouldbefoundbroken。Georgesaidthatifanythingwasbrokenitwasbroken，whichreflectionseemedtocomforthim。Healsosaidhewasreadyforbed。
Wewereallreadyforbed。Harriswastosleepwithusthatnight，andwewentupstairs。
Wetossedforbeds，andHarrishadtosleepwithme。Hesaid：
"Doyouprefertheinsideortheoutside，J。？"
IsaidIgenerallypreferredtosleepINSIDEabed。
Harrissaiditwasold。
Georgesaid：
"WhattimeshallIwakeyoufellows？"
Harrissaid：
"Seven。"
Isaid：
"No-six，"becauseIwantedtowritesomeletters。
HarrisandIhadabitofarowoverit，butatlastsplitthedifference，andsaidhalf-pastsix。
"Wakeusat6。30，George，"wesaid。
Georgemadenoanswer，andwefound，ongoingover，thathehadbeenasleepforsometime；soweplacedthebathwherehecouldtumbleintoitongettingoutinthemorning，andwenttobedourselves。
CHAPTERV。
MRS。P。AROUSESUS-GEORGE，THESLUGGARD-THE"WEATHERFORECAST"
SWINDLE-OURLUGGAGE-DEPRAVITYOFTHESMALLBOY-THEPEOPLEGATHER
ROUNDUS-WEDRIVEOFFINGREATSTYLE，ANDARRIVEATWATERLOO-
INNOCENCEOFSOUTHWESTERNOFFICIALSCONCERNINGSUCHWORLDLYTHINGSAS
TRAINS-WEAREAFLOAT，AFLOATINANOPENBOAT。
ITwasMrs。Poppetsthatwokemeupnextmorning。
Shesaid：
"Doyouknowthatit'snearlynineo'clock，sir？"
"Nineo'what？"Icried，startingup。
"Nineo'clock，"shereplied，throughthekeyhole。"Ithoughtyouwasa-
oversleepingyourselves。"
IwokeHarris，andtoldhim。Hesaid：
"Ithoughtyouwantedtogetupatsix？"
"SoIdid，"Ianswered；"whydidn'tyouwakeme？"
"HowcouldIwakeyou，whenyoudidn'twakeme？"heretorted。"Nowweshan'tgetonthewatertillaftertwelve。Iwonderyoutakethetroubletogetupatall。"
"Um，"Ireplied，"luckyforyouthatIdo。IfIhadn'twokeyou，you'dhavelainthereforthewholefortnight。"
Wesnarledatoneanotherinthisstrainforthenextfewminutes，whenwewereinterruptedbyadefiantsnorefromGeorge。
Itremindedus，forthefirsttimesinceourbeingcalled，ofhisexistence。
Therehelay-themanwhohadwantedtoknowwhattimeheshouldwakeus-onhisback，withhismouthwideopen，andhiskneesstuckup。
Idon'tknowwhyitshouldbe，Iamsure；butthesightofanothermanasleepinbedwhenIamup，maddensme。Itseemstomesoshockingtoseetheprecioushoursofaman'slife-thepricelessmomentsthatwillnevercomebacktohimagain-beingwastedinmerebrutishsleep。
TherewasGeorge，throwingawayinhideoussloththeinestimablegiftoftime；hisvaluablelife，everysecondofwhichhewouldhavetoaccountforhereafter，passingawayfromhim，unused。Hemighthavebeenupstuffinghimselfwitheggsandbacon，irritatingthedog，orflirtingwiththeslavey，insteadofsprawlingthere，sunkinsoul-cloggingoblivion。
Itwasaterriblethought。HarrisandIappearedtobestruckbyitatthesameinstant。Wedeterminedtosavehim，and，inthisnobleresolve，ourowndisputewasforgotten。Weflewacrossandslungtheclothesoffhim，andHarrislandedhimonewithaslipper，andIshoutedinhisear，andheawoke。
"Wasermarrer？"heobserved，sittingup。
"Getup，youfat-headedchunk！"roaredHarris。"It'squartertoten。"
"What！"heshrieked，jumpingoutofbedintothebath；"Whothethunderputthisthinghere？"
Wetoldhimhemusthavebeenafoolnottoseethebath。
Wefinisheddressing，and，whenitcametotheextras，werememberedthatwehadpackedthetooth-brushesandthebrushandcomb（thattooth-brushofminewillbethedeathofme，Iknow），andwehadtogodownstairs，andfishthemoutofthebag。AndwhenwehaddonethatGeorgewantedtheshavingtackle。Wetoldhimthathewouldhavetogowithoutshavingthatmorning，asweweren'tgoingtounpackthatbagagainforhim，norforanyonelikehim。
Hesaid：
"Don'tbeabsurd。HowcanIgointotheCitylikethis？"
ItwascertainlyratherroughontheCity，butwhatcaredweforhumansuffering？AsHarrissaid，inhiscommon，vulgarway，theCitywouldhavetolumpit。
Wewentdownstairstobreakfast。Montmorencyhadinvitedtwootherdogstocomeandseehimoff，andtheywerewhilingawaythetimebyfightingonthedoorstep。Wecalmedthemwithanumbrella，andsatdowntochopsandcoldbeef。
Harrissaid：
"Thegreatthingistomakeagoodbreakfast，"andhestartedwithacoupleofchops，sayingthathewouldtakethesewhiletheywerehot，asthebeefcouldwait。
Georgegotholdofthepaper，andreadusouttheboatingfatalities，andtheweatherforecast，whichlatterprophesied"rain，cold，wettofine"
（whatevermorethanusuallyghastlythinginweatherthatmaybe），"occasionallocalthunder-storms，eastwind，withgeneraldepressionovertheMidlandCounties（LondonandChannel）。Bar。falling。"
Idothinkthat，ofallthesilly，irritatingtomfoolishnessbywhichweareplagued，this"weather-forecast"fraudisaboutthemostaggravating。
It"forecasts"preciselywhathappenedyesterdayorathedaybefore，andpreciselytheoppositeofwhatisgoingtohappento-day。
Irememberaholidayofminebeingcompletelyruinedonelateautumnbyourpayingattentiontotheweatherreportofthelocalnewspaper。
"Heavyshowers，withthunderstorms，maybeexpectedto-day，"itwouldsayonMonday，andsowewouldgiveupourpicnic，andstopindoorsallday，waitingfortherain-Andpeoplewouldpassthehouse，goingoffinwagonettesandcoachesasjollyandmerryascouldbe，thesunshiningout，andnotacloudtobeseen。
"Ah！"wesaid，aswestoodlookingoutatthemthroughthewindow，"won'ttheycomehomesoaked！"
Andwechuckledtothinkhowwettheyweregoingtoget，andcamebackandstirredthefire，andgotourbooks，andarrangedourspecimensofseaweedandcockleshells。Bytwelveo'clock，withthesunpouringintotheroom，theheatbecamequiteoppressive，andwewonderedwhenthoseheavyshowersandoccasionalthunderstormsweregoingtobegin。
"Ah！they'llcomeintheafternoon，you'llfind，"wesaidtoeachother。
"Oh，WON'Tthosepeoplegetwet。Whatalark！"
Atoneo'clock，thelandladywouldcomeintoaskifweweren'tgoingout，asitseemedsuchalovelyday。
"No，no，"wereplied，withaknowingchuckle，"notwe。WEdon'tmeantogetwet-no，no。"
Andwhentheafternoonwasnearlygone，andstilltherewasnosignofrain，wetriedtocheerourselvesupwiththeideathatitwouldcomedownallatonce，justasthepeoplehadstartedforhome，andwereoutofthereachofanyshelter，andthattheywouldthusgetmoredrenchedthanever。Butnotadropeverfell，anditfinishedagrandday，andalovelynightafterit。
Thenextmorningwewouldreadthatitwasgoingtobea"warm，finetoset-fairday；muchheat；"andwewoulddressourselvesinflimsythings，andgoout，and，half-an-hourafterwehadstarted，itwouldcommencetorainhard，andabitterlycoldwindwouldspringup，andbothwouldkeeponsteadilyforthewholeday，andwewouldcomehomewithcoldsandrheumatismalloverus，andgotobed。
Theweatherisathingthatisbeyondmealtogether。Inevercanunderstandit。Thebarometerisuseless：itisasmisleadingasthenewspaperforecast。
TherewasonehangingupinahotelatOxfordatwhichIwasstayinglastspring，and，whenIgotthere，itwaspointingto"setfair。"Itwassimplypouringwithrainoutside，andhadbeenallday；andIcouldn'tquitemakemattersout。Itappedthebarometer，anditjumpedupandpointedto"verydry。"TheBootsstoppedashewaspassing，andsaidheexpecteditmeantto-morrow。Ifanciedthatmaybeitwasthinkingoftheweekbeforelast，butBootssaid，No，hethoughtnot。
Itappeditagainthenextmorning，anditwentupstillhigher，andtheraincamedownfasterthanever。OnWednesdayIwentandhititagain，andthepointerwentroundtowards"setfair，""verydry，"and"muchheat，"untilitwasstoppedbythepeg，andcouldn'tgoanyfurther。Ittrieditsbest，buttheinstrumentwasbuiltsothatitcouldn'tprophesyfineweatheranyharderthanitdidwithoutbreakingitself。Itevidentlywantedtogoon，andprognosticatedrought，andwaterfamine，andsunstroke，andsimooms，andsuchthings，butthepegpreventedit，andithadtobecontentwithpointingtothemerecommonplace"verydry。"
Meanwhile，theraincamedowninasteadytorrent，andthelowerpartofthetownwasunderwater，owingtotheriverhavingoverflowed。
BootssaiditwasevidentthatweweregoingtohaveaprolongedspellofgrandweatherSOMETIME，andreadoutapoemwhichwasprintedoverthetopoftheoracle，about"Longforetold，longlast；
Shortnotice，soonpast。"
Thefineweathernevercamethatsummer。Iexpectthatmachinemusthavebeenreferringtothefollowingspring。
Thentherearethosenewstyleofbarometers，thelongstraightones。I
nevercanmakeheadortailofthose。Thereisonesidefor10a。m。
yesterday，andonesidefor10a。m。to-day；butyoucan'talwaysgetthereasearlyasten，youknow。Itrisesorfallsforrainandfine，withmuchorlesswind，andoneendis"Nly"andtheother"Ely"（what'sElygottodowithit？），andifyoutapit，itdoesn'ttellyouanything。
Andyou'vegottocorrectittosea-level，andreduceittoFahrenheit，andeventhenIdon'tknowtheanswer。
Butwhowantstobeforetoldtheweather？Itisbadenoughwhenitcomes，withoutourhavingthemiseryofknowingaboutitbeforehand。Theprophetwelikeistheoldmanwho，ontheparticularlygloomy-lookingmorningofsomedaywhenweparticularlywantittobefine，looksroundthehorizonwithaparticularlyknowingeye，andsays：
"Ohno，sir，Ithinkitwillclearupallright。Itwillbreakallrightenough，sir。"
"Ah，heknows"，wesay，aswewishhimgood-morning，andstartoff；
"wonderfulhowtheseoldfellowscantell！"
AndwefeelanaffectionforthatmanwhichisnotatalllessenedbythecircumstancesofitsNOTclearingup，butcontinuingtorainsteadilyallday。
"Ah，well，"wefeel，"hedidhisbest。"
Forthemanthatprophesiesusbadweather，onthecontrary，weentertainonlybitterandrevengefulthoughts。
"Goingtoclearup，d'yethink？"weshout，cheerily，aswepass。
"Well，no，sir；I'mafraidit'ssettleddownfortheday，"hereplies，shakinghishead。
"Stupidoldfool！"wemutter，"what'sHEknowaboutit？"And，ifhisportentprovescorrect，wecomebackfeelingstillmoreangryagainsthim，andwithavaguenotionthat，somehoworother，hehashadsomethingtodowithit。
ItwastoobrightandsunnyonthisespecialmorningforGeorge'sblood-
curdlingreadingsabout"Bar。falling，""atmosphericdisturbance，passinginanobliquelineoverSouthernEurope，"and"pressureincreasing，"toverymuchupsetus：andso，findingthathecouldnotmakeuswretched，andwasonlywastinghistime，hesneakedthecigarettethatIhadcarefullyrolledupformyself，andwent。
ThenHarrisandI，havingfinishedupthefewthingsleftonthetable，cartedoutourluggageontothedoorstep，andwaitedforacab。
Thereseemedagooddealofluggage，whenweputitalltogether。TherewastheGladstoneandthesmallhand-bag，andthetwohampers，andalargerollofrugs，andsomefourorfiveovercoatsandmacintoshes，andafewumbrellas，andthentherewasamelonbyitselfinabag，becauseitwastoobulkytogoinanywhere，andacoupleofpoundsofgrapesinanotherbag，andaJapanesepaperumbrella，andafryingpan，which，beingtoolongtopack，wehadwrappedroundwithbrownpaper。
Itdidlookalot，andHarrisandIbegantofeelratherashamedofit，thoughwhyweshouldbe，Ican'tsee。Nocabcameby，butthestreetboysdid，andgotinterestedintheshow，apparently，andstopped。
Biggs'sboywasthefirsttocomeround。Biggsisourgreengrocer，andhischieftalentliesinsecuringtheservicesofthemostabandonedandunprinciplederrand-boysthatcivilisationhasasyetproduced。Ifanythingmorethanusuallyvillainousintheboy-linecropsupinourneighbourhood，weknowthatitisBiggs'slatest。Iwastoldthat，atthetimeoftheGreatCoramStreetmurder，itwaspromptlyconcludedbyourstreetthatBiggs'sboy（forthatperiod）wasatthebottomofit，andhadhenotbeenable，inreplytotheseverecross-examinationtowhichhewassubjectedbyNo。19，whenhecalledthereforordersthemorningafterthecrime（assistedbyNo。21，whohappenedtobeonthestepatthetime），toproveacompleteALIBI，itwouldhavegonehardwithhim。Ididn'tknowBiggs'sboyatthattime，but，fromwhatIhaveseenofthemsince，IshouldnothaveattachedmuchimportancetothatALIBImyself。
Biggs'sboy，asIhavesaid，cameroundthecorner。Hewasevidentlyinagreathurrywhenhefirstdawneduponthevision，but，oncatchingsightofHarrisandme，andMontmorency，andthethings，heeasedupandstared。HarrisandIfrownedathim。Thismighthavewoundedamoresensitivenature，butBiggs'sboysarenot，asarule，touchy。Hecametoadeadstop，ayardfromourstep，and，leaningupagainsttherailings，andselectingastrawtochew，fixeduswithhiseye。Heevidentlymeanttoseethisthingout。
Inanothermoment，thegrocer'sboypassedontheoppositesideofthestreet。Biggs'sboyhailedhim：
"Hi！groundflooro'42'sa-moving。"
Thegrocer'sboycameacross，andtookupapositionontheothersideofthestep。Thentheyounggentlemanfromtheboot-shopstopped，andjoinedBiggs'sboy；whiletheempty-cansuperintendentfrom"TheBluePosts"tookupanindependentpositiononthecurb。
"Theyain'ta-goingtostarve，arethey？"saidthegentlemanfromtheboot-shop。
"Ah！you'dwanttotakeathingortwowithYOU，"retorted"TheBluePosts，""ifyouwasa-goingtocrosstheAtlanticinasmallboat。"
"Theyain'ta-goingtocrosstheAtlantic，"struckinBiggs'sboy；
"they'rea-goingtofindStanley。"
Bythistime，quiteasmallcrowdhadcollected，andpeoplewereaskingeachotherwhatwasthematter。Oneparty（theyoungandgiddyportionofthecrowd）heldthatitwasawedding，andpointedoutHarrisasthebridegroom；whiletheelderandmorethoughtfulamongthepopulaceinclinedtotheideathatitwasafuneral，andthatIwasprobablythecorpse'sbrother。
Atlast，anemptycabturnedup（itisastreetwhere，asarule，andwhentheyarenotwanted，emptycabspassattherateofthreeaminute，andhangabout，andgetinyourway），andpackingourselvesandourbelongingsintoit，andshootingoutacoupleofMontmorency'sfriends，whohadevidentlyswornnevertoforsakehim，wedroveawayamidstthecheersofthecrowd，Biggs'sboyshyingacarrotafterusforluck。
WegottoWaterlooateleven，andaskedwheretheeleven-fivestartedfrom。Ofcoursenobodyknew；nobodyatWaterlooeverdoesknowwhereatrainisgoingtostartfrom，orwhereatrainwhenitdoesstartisgoingto，oranythingaboutit。Theporterwhotookourthingsthoughtitwouldgofromnumbertwoplatform，whileanotherporter，withwhomhediscussedthequestion，hadheardarumourthatitwouldgofromnumberone。Thestation-master，ontheotherhand，wasconvinceditwouldstartfromthelocal。
Toputanendtothematter，wewentupstairs，andaskedthetrafficsuperintendent，andhetoldusthathehadjustmetaman，whosaidhehadseenitatnumberthreeplatform。Wewenttonumberthreeplatform，buttheauthoritiestheresaidthattheyratherthoughtthattrainwastheSouthamptonexpress，orelsetheWindsorloop。Buttheyweresureitwasn'ttheKingstontrain，thoughwhytheyweresureitwasn'ttheycouldn'tsay。
Thenourportersaidhethoughtthatmustbeitonthehigh-levelplatform；saidhethoughtheknewthetrain。Sowewenttothehigh-
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