首页
The Second Thoughts of An Idle Fellow
书架
书页 | 目录
加书签

第2章
18448字

No,Cinderella,youwerehuman,thatisall。Theartist,shiveringinhisconventionalattic,dreamingofFame!-doyouthinkheisnothopingshewillcometohislovingarmsintheformJovecametoDanae?Doyouthinkheisnotreckoningalsouponthegooddinnersandthebigcigars,thefurcoatandthediamondstuds,thathervisitswillenablehimtopurchase?

Thereisacertainpictureverypopularjustnow。Youmayseeit,Cinderella,inmanyoftheshop-windowsofthetown。Itiscalled"TheDreamofLove,"anditrepresentsabeautifulyounggirl,sleepinginaverybeautifulbutsomewhatdisarrangedbed。Indeed,onehopes,forthesleeper’ssake,thatthenightiswarm,andthattheroomisfairlyfreefromdraughts。Aladderoflightstreamsdownfromtheskyintotheroom,anduponthisladdercrowdandjostleoneanotherasmallarmyofplumpCupids,eachoneladenwithsomepledgeoflove。TwooftheImpsareemptyingasackofjewelsuponthefloor。Fourothersarebearing,welldisplayed,amagnificentdress(a"confection,"Ibelieve,istheproperterm)

cutsomewhatlow,butmakingupintrainwhatislackingelsewhere。

Othersbearbonnetboxesfromwhichpeepstylishtoquesandbewitchinghoods。Some,representingevidentlywholesalehouses,staggerundersilksandsatinsinthepiece。Cupidsaretherefromtheshoemakerswiththedaintiestofbottines。Stockings,garters,andevenlessmentionablearticles,arenotforgotten。Caskets,mirrors,twelve-buttonedgloves,scent-bottlesandhandkerchiefs,hair-pins,andthegayestofparasols,hastheGodofLovepiledintothearmsofhismessengers。Reallyamostpractical,up-to-

dateGodofLove,movingwiththetimes!OnefeelsthatthemodernTempleofLovemustbeasortofSwanandEdgar’s;thegodhimselfakindofcelestialshop-walker;whilehismother,Venus,nodoubtsuperintendsthecostumedepartment。QuiteanOlympianWhiteley,thislatter-dayEros;hehasforgottennothing,for,atthebackofthepicture,InoticeoneCupidcarryingaratherfatheartattheendofastring。

You,Cinderella,couldgivegoodcounseltothatsleepingchild。

Youwouldsaytoher——"Awakefromsuchdreams。Thecontentsofapawnbroker’sstore-roomwillnotbringyouhappiness。Dreamofloveifyouwill;thatisawisedream,evenifitremaineveradream。

Butthesecolouredbeads,theseManchestergoods!areyouthen——you,heiressofalltheages——stillatheartonlyassomepoorsavagemaidenbutlittleremovedabovethemonkeysthatsharetheprimevalforestwithher?WillyousellyourgoldtothefirsttraderthatbringsyouTHISbarter?Thesethings,child,willonlydazzleyoureyesforafewdays。DoyouthinktheBurlingtonArcadeisthegateofHeaven?"

Ah,yes,Itoocouldtalklikethat——I,writerofbooks,totheyounglad,sickofhisofficestool,dreamingofaliterarycareerleadingtofameandfortune。"Anddoyouthink,lad,thatbythatroadyouwillreachHappinesssoonerthanbyanother?Doyouthinkinterviewswithyourselfinpennyweeklieswillbringyouanysatisfactionafterthefirsthalfdozen?Doyouthinkthegushingfemalewhohasreadallyourbooks,andwhowonderswhatitmustfeelliketobesoclever,willbewelcometoyouthetenthtimeyoumeether?Doyouthinkpresscuttingswillalwaysconsistofwonderingadmirationofyourgenius,ofparagraphsaboutyourcharmingpersonalappearanceundertheheading,’OurCelebrities’?

HaveyouthoughtoftheUncomplimentarycriticisms,ofthespitefulparagraphs,oftheeverlastingfearofslippingafewinchesdownthegreasypolecalled’populartaste,’towhichyouarecondemnedtoclingforlife,assomelessercriminaltohiswearytread-mill,strugglingwithnohopebutnottofall!Makeahome,lad,forthewomanwholovesyou;gatheroneortwofriendsaboutyou;work,think,andplay,thatwillbringyouhappiness。Shunthisroaringgingerbreadfairthatcallsitself,forsooth,the’Worldofartandletters。’Letitsclownsanditscontortionistsfightamongthemselvesfortheplauditsandthehalfpenceofthemob。Letitbewithitsshoutinganditssurging,itsblareanditscheapflare。

Comeaway,thesummer’snightisjusttheothersideofthehedge,withitssilenceanditsstars。"

YouandI,Cinderella,areexperiencedpeople,andcanthereforeoffergoodadvice,butdoyouthinkweshouldbelistenedto?

"Ah,no,myPrinceisnotasyours。Minewilllovemealways,andI

ampeculiarlyfittedforthelifeofapalace。Ihavetheinstinctandtheabilityforit。IamsureIwasmadeforaprincess。Thankyou,Cinderella,foryourwell-meantcounsel,butthereismuchdifferencebetweenyouandme。"

Thatistheansweryouwouldreceive,Cinderella;andmyyoungfriendwouldsaytome,"Yes,IcanunderstandYOURfindingdisappointmentintheliterarycareer;butthen,yousee,ourcasesarenotquitesimilar。_I_amnotlikelytofindmuchtroubleinkeepingmyposition。_I_shallnotfearreadingwhatthecriticssayofME。Nodoubttherearedisadvantages,whenyouareamongtheruck,butthereisalwaysplentyofroomatthetop。Sothankyou,andgoodbye。"

Besides,Cinderelladear,weshouldnotquitemeanit——thisexcellentadvice。Wehavegrownaccustomedtothesegew-gaws,andweshouldmisstheminspiteofourknowledgeoftheirtrashiness:

you,yourpalaceandyourlittlegoldcrown;I,mymountebank’scap,andtheansweringlaughthatgoesupfromthecrowdwhenIshakemybells。Wewanteverything。Allthehappinessthatearthandheavenarecapableofbestowing。Creaturecomforts,andheartandsoulcomfortsalso;and,proud-spiritedbeingsthatweare,wewillnotbeputoffwithapart。Giveusonlyeverything,andwewillbecontent。And,afterall,Cinderella,youhavehadyourday。Somelittledogsnevergettheirs。Youmustnotbegreedy。YouhaveKNOWNhappiness。ThepalacewasParadiseforthosefewmonths,andthePrince’sarmswereaboutyou,Cinderella,thePrince’skissesonyourlips;thegodsthemselvescannottakeTHATfromyou。

Thecakecannotlastforeverifwewilleatofitsogreedily。

Theremustcomethedaywhenwehavepickedhungrilythelastcrumb——

whenwesitstaringattheemptyboard,nothingleftofthefeast,Cinderella,butthepainthatcomesoffeasting。

Itisanaiveconfession,poorHumanNaturehasmadetoitself,inchoosing,asithas,thisstoryofCinderellaforitsleadingmoral:——Begood,littlegirl。Bemeekunderyourmanytrials。Begentleandkind,inspiteofyourhardlot,andoneday——youshallmarryaprinceandrideinyourowncarriage。Bebraveandtrue,littleboy。Workhardandwaitwithpatience,andintheend,withGod’sblessing,youshallearnrichesenoughtocomebacktoLondontownandmarryyourmaster’sdaughter。

YouandI,gentleReader,couldteachtheseyoungfolksatruerlesson,anwewould。Weknow,alas!thattheroadofallthevirtuesdoesnotleadtowealth,ratherthecontrary;elsehowexplainourlimitedincomes?Butwoulditbewell,thinkyou,totellthembluntlythetruth——thathonestyisthemostexpensiveluxuryamancanindulgein;thatvirtue,ifpersistedin,leads,generallyspeaking,toasix-roomedhouseinanoutlyingsuburb?

Maybetheworldiswise:thefictionhasitsuses。

Iamacquaintedwithafairlyintelligentyounglady。Shecanreadandwrite,knowshertablesuptosixtimes,andcanargue。I

regardherasrepresentativeofaverageHumanityinitsattitudetowardsFate;andthisisadialogueIlatelyoverheardbetweenherandanolderladywhoisgoodenoughtooccasionallyimparttoherthewisdomoftheworld——

"I’vebeengoodthismorning,haven’tI?"

"Yes——ohyes,fairlygood,foryou。"

"YouthinkPapaWILLtakemetothecircusto-night?"

"Yes,ifyoukeepgood。Ifyoudon’tgetnaughtythisafternoon。"

Apause。

"IwasgoodonMonday,youmayremember,nurse。"

"Tolerablygood。"

"VERYgood,yousaid,nurse。"

"Well,yes,youweren’tbad。"

"AndIwastohavegonetothepantomime,andIdidn’t。"

"Well,thatwasbecauseyourauntcameupsuddenly,andyourPapacouldn’tgetanotherseat。Poorauntiewouldn’thavegoneatallifshehadn’tgonethen。"

"Oh,wouldn’tshe?"

"No。"

Anotherpause。

"Doyouthinkshe’llcomeupsuddenlyto-day?"

"Ohno,Idon’tthinkso。"

"No,Ihopeshedoesn’t。Iwanttogotothecircusto-night。

Because,yousee,nurse,ifIdon’titwilldiscourageme。"

So,perhapstheworldiswiseinpromisingusthecircus。Webelieveheratfirst。Butafterawhile,Ifear,wegrowdiscouraged。

ONTHEEXCEPTIONALMERITATTACHINGTOTHETHINGSWEMEANTTODO

Icanremember——butthenIcanrememberalongtimeago。You,gentleReader,justenteringupontheprimeoflife,thatagebythoughtlessyouthcalledmiddle,Icannot,ofcourse,expecttofollowme——whentherewasingreatdemandacertainperiodicalyclepedTheAmateur。Itsaimwasnoble。Itsoughttoteachthebeautifullessonofindependence,toinculcatethefinedoctrineofself-help。Onechapterexplainedtoamanhowhemightmakeflower-potsoutofAustralianmeatcans;anotherhowhemightturnbutter-tubsintomusic-stools;athirdhowhemightutilizeoldbonnetboxesforVenetianblinds:thatwastheprincipleofthewholescheme,youmadeeverythingfromsomethingnotintendedforit,andasill-suitedtothepurposeaspossible。

Twopages,Idistinctlyrecollect,weredevotedtotheencouragementofthemanufactureofumbrellastandsoutofoldgaspiping。

Anythinglessadaptedtothereceiptofhatsandumbrellasthangas-pipingIcannotmyselfconceive:hadtherebeen,Ifeelsuretheauthorwouldhavethoughtofit,andwouldhaverecommendedit。

Picture-framesyoufashionedoutofgingerbeercorks。Yousavedyourginger-beercorks,youfoundapicture——andthethingwascomplete。Howmuchginger-beeritwouldbenecessarytodrink,preparatorytothemakingofeachframe;andtheeffectofitupontheframe-maker’sphysical,mentalandmoralwell-being,didnotconcernTheAmateur。Icalculatethatforafair-sizedpicturesixteendozenbottlesmightsuffice。Whether,aftersixteendozenofginger-beer,amanwouldtakeanyinterestinframingapicture——

whetherhewouldretainanyprideinthepictureitself,isdoubtful。Butthis,ofcourse,wasnotthepoint。

Oneyounggentlemanofmyacquaintance——thesonofthegardenerofmysister,asfriendOllendorffwouldhavedescribedhim——didsucceedingettingthroughsufficientginger-beertoframehisgrandfather,buttheresultwasnotencouraging。Indeed,thegardener’swifeherselfwasbutillsatisfied。

"What’sallthemcorksroundfather?"washerfirstquestion。

"Can’tyousee,"wasthesomewhatindignantreply,"that’stheframe。"

"Oh!butwhycorks?"

"Well,thebooksaidcorks。"

Stilltheoldladyremainedunimpressed。

"Somehowitdon’tlooklikefathernow,"shesighed。

Hereldestborngrewirritable:noneofusappreciatecriticism!

"Whatdoesitlooklike,then?"hegrowled。

"Well,Idunno。Seemstometolooklikenothingbutcorks。"

Theoldlady’sviewwascorrect。Certainschoolsofartpossiblylendthemselvestothismethodofframing。Imyselfhaveseenafuneralcardimprovedbyit;but,generallyspeaking,theconsequencewasapredominanceofframeattheexpenseofthethingframed。Themorehonestandtastefuloftheframemakerswouldadmitasmuchthemselves。

"Yes,itisuglywhenyoulookatit,"saidonetome,aswestoodsurveyingitfromthecentreoftheroom。"Butwhatonefeelsaboutitisthatonehasdoneitoneself。"

Whichreflection,Ihavenoticed,reconcilesustomanyotherthingsbesidecorkframes。

Anotheryounggentlemanfriendofmine——forIamboundtoadmititwasyouththatprofitedmostbytheadviceandcounselofTheAmateur:Isupposeasonegrowsolderonegrowslessdaring,lessindustrious——madearocking-chair,accordingtotheinstructionsofthisbook,outofacoupleofbeerbarrels。Fromeverypracticalpointofviewitwasabadrocking-chair。Itrockedtoomuch,anditrockedintoomanydirectionsatoneandthesametime。Itakeit,amansittingonarocking-chairdoesnotwanttobecontinuallyrocking。Therecomesatimewhenhesaystohimself——"NowIhaverockedsufficientlyforthepresent;nowIwillsitstillforawhile,lestaworsethingbefallme。"Butthiswasoneofthoseheadstrongrocking-chairsthatareadangertohumanity,andanuisancetothemselves。Itsnotionwasthatitwasmadetorock,andthatwhenitwasnotrocking,itwaswastingitstime。Oncestartednothingcouldstopit——nothingeverdidstopit,untilitfounditselftopsyturvyonitsownoccupant。Thatwastheonlythingthateversoberedit。

Ihadcalled,andhadbeenshownintotheemptydrawing-room。Therocking-chairnoddedinvitinglyatme。Ineverguesseditwasanamateurrocking-chair。Iwasyounginthosedays,withfaithinhumannature,andIimaginedthat,whateverelseamanmightattemptwithoutknowledgeorexperience,noonewouldbefoolenoughtoexperimentuponarocking-chair。

Ithrewmyselfintoitlightlyandcarelessly。Iimmediatelynoticedtheceiling。Imadeaninstinctivemovementforward。Thewindowandamomentaryglimpseofthewoodedhillsbeyondshotupwardsanddisappeared。Thecarpetflashedacrossmyeyes,andI

caughtsightofmyownbootsvanishingbeneathmeattherateofabouttwohundredmilesanhour。Imadeaconvulsiveefforttorecoverthem。IsupposeIover-didit。Isawthewholeoftheroomatonce,thefourwalls,theceiling,andtheflooratthesamemoment。Itwasasortofvision。Isawthecottagepianoupsidedown,andIagainsawmyownbootsflashpastme,thistimeovermyhead,solesuppermost。NeverbeforehadIbeeninapositionwheremyownbootshadseemedsoall-pervading。ThenextmomentIlostmyboots,andstoppedthecarpetwithmyheadjustasitwasrushingpastme。Atthesameinstantsomethinghitmeviolentlyinthesmalloftheback。Reason,whenrecovered,suggestedthatmyassailantmustbetherocking-chair。

Investigationprovedthesurmisecorrect。FortunatelyIwasstillalone,andinconsequencewasable,afewminuteslater,tomeetmyhostesswithcalmanddignity。Isaidnothingabouttherocking-chair。Asamatteroffact,Iwashopingtohavethepleasure,beforeIwent,ofseeingsomeotherguestarriveandsampleit:Ihadpurposelyreplaceditinthemostprominentandconvenientposition。ButthoughIfeltcapableofschoolingmyselftosilence,Ifoundmyselfunabletoagreewithmyhostesswhenshecalledformyadmirationofthething。Myrecentexperienceshadtoodeeplyembitteredme。

"Williemadeithimself,"explainedthefondmother。"Don’tyouthinkitwasverycleverofhim?"

"Ohyes,itwasclever,"Ireplied,"Iamwillingtoadmitthat。"

"Hemadeitoutofsomeoldbeerbarrels,"shecontinued;sheseemedproudofit。

Myresentment,thoughItriedtokeepitundercontrol,wasmountinghigher。

"Oh!didhe?"Isaid;"Ishouldhavethoughthemighthavefoundsomethingbettertodowiththem。"

"What?"sheasked。

"Oh!well,manythings,"Iretorted。"Hemighthavefilledthemagainwithbeer。"

Myhostesslookedatmeastonished。Ifeltsomereasonformytonewasexpected。

"Yousee,"Iexplained,"itisnotawell-madechair。Theserockersaretooshort,andtheyaretoocurved,andoneofthem,ifyounotice,ishigherthantheotherandofasmallerradius;thebackisattooobtuseanangle。Whenitisoccupiedthecentreofgravitybecomes——"

Myhostessinterruptedme。

"Youhavebeensittingonit,"shesaid。

"Notforlong,"Iassuredher。

Hertonechanged。Shebecameapologetic。

"Iamsosorry,"shesaid。"Itlooksallright。"

"Itdoes,"Iagreed;"thatiswherethedearlad’sclevernessdisplaysitself。Itsappearancedisarmssuspicion。Withjudgmentthatchairmightbemadetoserveareallyusefulpurpose。Therearemutualacquaintancesofours——Imentionnonames,youwillknowthem——pompous,self-satisfied,superiorpersonswhowouldbeimprovedbythatchair。IfIwereWillieIshoulddisguisethemechanismwithsomeartisticdrapery,baitthethingwithacoupleofexceptionallyinvitingcushions,andemployittoinculcatemodestyanddiffidence。Idefyanyhumanbeingtogetoutofthatchair,feelingasimportantaswhenhegotintoit。Whatthedearboyhasdonehasbeentoconstructanautomaticexponentofthetransitorynatureofhumangreatness。Asamoralagencythatchairshouldproveablessingindisguise。"

Myhostesssmiledfeebly;more,Ifear,frompolitenessthangenuineenjoyment。

"Ithinkyouaretoosevere,"shesaid。"Whenyourememberthattheboyhasnevertriedhishandatanythingofthekindbefore,thathehasnoknowledgeandnoexperience,itreallyisnotsobad。"

ConsideringthematterfromthatpointofviewIwasboundtoconcur。IdidnotliketosuggesttoherthatbeforeenteringuponadifficulttaskitwouldbebetterforyoungmentoACQUIRE

knowledgeandexperience:thatissounpopularatheory。

ButthethingthatTheAmateurputinthefrontandforemostofitspropagandawasthemanufactureofhouseholdfurnitureoutofegg-boxes。Whyegg-boxesIhaveneverbeenabletounderstand,butegg-boxes,accordingtotheprescriptionofTheAmateur,formedthefoundationofhouseholdexistence。Withasufficientsupplyofegg-boxes,andwhatTheAmateurtermeda"naturaldeftness,"noyoungcoupleneedhesitatetofacethefurnishingproblem。Threeegg-boxesmadeawriting-table;onanotheregg-boxyousattowrite;

yourbookswererangedinegg-boxesaroundyou——andtherewasyourstudy,complete。

Forthedining-roomtwoegg-boxesmadeanovermantel;fouregg-boxesandapieceoflooking-glassasideboard;whilesixegg-boxes,withsomewaddingandayardorsoofcretonne,constitutedaso-called"cosycorner。"Aboutthe"corner"therecouldbenopossibledoubt。

Yousatonacorner,youleantagainstacorner;whicheverwayyoumovedyoustruckafreshcorner。The"cosiness,"however,Ideny。

Egg-boxesIadmitcanbemadeuseful;Iamevenpreparedtoimaginethemornamental;but"cosy,"no。Ihavesampledegg-boxesinmanyshapes。Ispeakofyearsago,whentheworldandwewereyounger,whenourfortunewastheFuture;secureinwhich,wehesitatednottosetuphouseuponincomesfolkswithlesserexpectationsmighthavedeemedinsufficient。Undersuchcircumstances,thesolealternativetotheegg-box,orsimilarschooloffurniture,wouldhavebeenthestrictlyclassical,consistingofadoorwayjoinedtoarchitecturalproportions。

IhavefromSaturdaytoMonday,ashonouredguest,hungmyclothesinegg-boxes。

Ihavesatonanegg-boxatanegg-boxtotakemydishoftea。I

havemadeloveonegg-boxes。——Aye,andtofeelagainthebloodrunningthroughmyveinsasthenitran,Iwouldbecontenttositonlyonegg-boxestillthetimeshouldcomewhenIcouldbeburiedinanegg-box,withanegg-boxrearedabovemeastombstone。——Ihavespentmanyaneveningonanegg-box;Ihavegonetobedinegg-boxes。Theyhavetheirpoints——Iamintendingnopun——buttoclaimforthemcosinesswouldbebuttodeceive。

Howquainttheywere,thosehome-maderooms!Theyriseoutoftheshadowsandshapethemselvesagainbeforemyeyes。Iseetheknobblysofa;theeasy-chairsthatmighthavebeendesignedbytheGrandInquisitorhimself;thedentedsettlethatwasabedbynight;

thefewblueplates,purchasedintheslumsoffWardourStreet;theenamelledstooltowhichonealwaysstuck;themirrorframedinsilk;thetwoJapanesefanscrossedbeneatheachcheapengraving;

thepianoclothembroideredinpeacock’sfeathersbyAnnie’ssister;

thetea-clothworkedbyCousinJenny。Wedreamt,sittingonthoseegg-boxes——forwewereyoungladiesandgentlemenwithartistictaste——ofthedayswhenwewouldeatinChippendaledining-rooms;

sipourcoffeeinLouisQuatorzedrawing-rooms;andbehappy。Well,wehavegoton,someofus,sincethen,asMr。Bumpususedtosay;

andInotice,whenonvisits,thatsomeofushavecontrivedsothatwedositonChippendalechairs,atSheratondining-tables,andarewarmedfromAdam’sfireplaces;but,ahme,wherearethedreams,thehopes,theenthusiasmsthatclunglikethescentofaMarchmorningaboutthosegim-cracksecondfloors?Inthedustbin,Ifear,withthecretonne-coveredegg-boxesandthepennyfans。Fateissoterriblyeven-handed。Asshegivessheevertakesaway。Sheflungusafewshillingsandhope,wherenowshedolesusoutpoundsandfears。Whydidnotweknowhowhappywewere,sittingcrownedwithsweetconceituponouregg-boxthrones?

Yes,Dick,youhaveclimbedwell。Youeditagreatnewspaper。Youspreadabroadthemessage——well,themessagethatSirJosephGoldbug,yourproprietor,instructsyoutospreadabroad。YouteachmankindthelessonsthatSirJosephGoldbugwishesthemtolearn。

Theysayheistohaveapeeragenextyear。Iamsurehehasearnedit;andperhapstheremaybeaknighthoodforyou,Dick。

Tom,youaregettingonnow。Youhaveabandonedthoseunsaleableallegories。WhatrichartpatroncarestobetoldcontinuallybyhisownwallsthatMidashadass’sears;thatLazarussitseveratthegate?Youpaintportraitsnow,andeverybodytellsmeyouarethecomingman。That"Impression"ofoldLadyJezebelwasreallywonderful。Thewomanlooksquitehandsome,andyetitisherladyship。Yourtouchistrulymarvellous。

Butintoyoursuccess,Tom——Dick,oldfriend,donottherecreepmomentswhenyouwouldthatwecouldfishupthoseoldegg-boxesfromthepast,refurnishwiththemthedingyroomsinCamdenTown,andfindthereouryouth,ourloves,andourbeliefs?

Anincidentbroughtbacktomymind,theotherday,thethoughtofallthesethings。Icalledforthefirsttimeuponaman,anactor,whohadaskedmetocomeandseehiminthelittlehomewhereheliveswithhisoldfather。Tomyastonishment——forthecraze,I

believe,haslongsincediedout——Ifoundthehousehalffurnishedoutofpackingcases,buttertubs,andegg-boxes。Myfriendearnshistwentypoundsaweek,butitwastheoldfather’shobby,soheexplainedtome,themakingofthesemonstrosities;andofthemhewasasproudasthoughtheywerespecimenfurnitureoutoftheSouthKensingtonMuseum。

Hetookmeintothedining-roomtoshowmethelatestoutrage——anewbook-case。Agreaterdisfigurementtotheroom,whichwasotherwiseprettilyfurnished,couldhardlybeimagined。Therewasnoneedforhimtoassureme,ashedid,thatithadbeenmadeoutofnothingbutegg-boxes。Onecouldseeataglancethatitwasmadeoutofegg-boxes,andbadlyconstructedegg-boxesatthat——egg-boxesthatwereadisgracetothefirmthathadturnedthemout;egg-boxesnotworthythestorageof"shop’uns"ateighteentheshilling。

Wewentupstairstomyfriend’sbedroom。Heopenedthedoorasamanmightopenthedoorofamuseumofgems。

"Theoldboy,"hesaid,ashestoodwithhishanduponthedoor-knob,"madeeverythingyouseehere,everything,"andweentered。Hedrewmyattentiontothewardrobe。"NowIwillholditup,"hesaid,"whileyoupullthedooropen;Ithinkthefloormustbeabituneven,itwobblesifyouarenotcareful。"Itwobblednotwithstanding,butbycoaxingandhumouringwesucceededwithoutmishap。Iwassurprisedtonoticeaverysmallsupplyofclotheswithin,althoughmyfriendisadressyman。

"Yousee,"heexplained,"IdarenotuseitmorethanIcanhelp。I

amaclumsychap,andaslikelyasnot,ifIhappenedtobeinahurry,I’dhavethewholethingover:"whichseemedprobable。

Iaskedhimhowhecontrived。"Idressinthebath-roomasarule,"

hereplied;"Ikeepmostofmythingsthere。Ofcoursetheoldboydoesn’tknow。"

Heshowedmeachestofdrawers。Onedrawerstoodhalfopen。

"I’mboundtoleavethatdraweropen,"hesaid;"IkeepthethingsI

useinthat。Theydon’tshutquiteeasily,thesedrawers;orrather,theyshutallright,butthentheywon’topen。Itistheweather,Ithink。Theywillopenandshutallrightinthesummer,Idaresay。"Heisofahopefuldisposition。

Buttheprideoftheroomwasthewashstand。

"Whatdoyouthinkofthis?"criedheenthusiastically,"realmarbletop——"

Hedidnotexpatiatefurther。Inhisexcitementhehadlaidhishanduponthething,withthenaturalresultthatitcollapsed。

MorebyaccidentthandesignIcaughtthejuginmyarms。Ialsocaughtthewateritcontained。Thebasinrolledonitsedgeandlittledamagewasdone,excepttomeandthesoap-box。

Icouldnotpumpupmuchadmirationforthiswashstand;Iwasfeelingtoowet。

"Whatdoyoudowhenyouwanttowash?"Iasked,astogetherweresetthetrap。

Therefelluponhimthemannerofaconspiratorrevealingsecrets。

Heglancedguiltilyroundtheroom;then,creepingontip-toe,heopenedacupboardbehindthebed。Withinwasatinbasinandasmallcan。

"Don’ttelltheoldboy,"hesaid。"Ikeepthesethingshere,andwashonthefloor。"

ThatwasthebestthingImyselfevergotoutofegg-boxes——thatpictureofadeceitfulsonstealthilywashinghimselfuponthefloorbehindthebed,tremblingateveryfootsteplestitmightbethe"oldboy"comingtothedoor。

OnewonderswhethertheTenCommandmentsaresoall-sufficientaswegoodfolkdeemthem——whethertheeleventhisnotworththewholepackofthem:"thatyeloveoneanother"withjustacommon-place,human,practicallove。Couldnottheothertenbecomfortablystowedawayintoacornerofthat!Oneisinclined,inone’sanarchicmoments,toagreewithLouisStevenson,thattobeamiableandcheerfulisagoodreligionforawork-a-dayworld。WearesobusyNOTkilling,NOTstealing,NOTcovetingourneighbour’swife,wehavenottimetobeevenjusttooneanotherforthelittlewhilewearetogetherhere。Needwebesococksurethatourpresentlistofvirtuesandvicesistheonlypossiblycorrectandcompleteone?

Isthekind,unselfishmannecessarilyavillainbecausehedoesnotalwayssucceedinsuppressinghisnaturalinstincts?Isthenarrow-hearted,sour-souledman,incapableofagenerousthoughtoract,necessarilyasaintbecausehehasnone?Havewenot——weuncoguid——arrivedatawrongmethodofestimatingourfrailerbrothersandsisters?Wejudgethem,ascriticsjudgebooks,notbythegoodthatisinthem,butbytheirfaults。PoorKingDavid!WhatwouldthelocalVigilanceSocietyhavehadtosaytohim?

Noah,accordingtoourplan,wouldbedenouncedfromeveryteetotalplatforminthecountry,andHamwouldheadtheLocalVestrypollasarewardforhavingexposedhim。AndSt。Peter!weak,frailSt。

Peter,howluckyforhimthathisfellow-disciplesandtheirMasterwerenotasstrictintheirnotionsofvirtueasareweto-day。

Havewenotforgottenthemeaningoftheword"virtue"?Onceitstoodforthegoodthatwasinaman,irrespectiveoftheevilthatmightlietherealso,astaresamongthewheat。Wehaveabolishedvirtue,andforitsubstitutedvirtues。Notthehero——hewastoofulloffaults——buttheblamelessvalet;notthemanwhodoesanygood,butthemanwhohasnotbeenfoundoutinanyevil,isourmodernideal。Themostvirtuousthinginnature,accordingtothisnewtheory,shouldbetheoyster。Heisalwaysathome,andalwayssober。Heisnotnoisy。Hegivesnotroubletothepolice。I

cannotthinkofasingleoneoftheTenCommandmentsthatheeverbreaks。Heneverenjoyshimself,andhenever,solongashelives,givesamoment’spleasuretoanyotherlivingthing。

Icanimaginetheoysterlecturingaliononthesubjectofmorality。

"Youneverhearme,"theoystermightsay,"howlingroundcampsandvillages,makingnighthideous,frighteningquietfolkoutoftheirlives。Whydon’tyougotobedearly,asIdo?Ineverprowlroundtheoyster-bed,fightingothergentlemenoysters,makinglovetoladyoystersalreadymarried。Ineverkillantelopesormissionaries。Whycan’tyouliveasIdoonsaltwaterandgerms,orwhateveritisthatIdoliveon?Whydon’tyoutrytobemorelikeme?"

Anoysterhasnoevilpassions,thereforewesayheisavirtuousfish。Weneveraskourselves——"Hasheanygoodpassions?"Alion’sbehaviourisoftensuchasnojustmancouldcondone。Hashenothisgoodpointsalso?

Willthefat,sleek,"virtuous"manbeasWelcomeatthegateofheavenashesupposes?

"Well,"St。Petermaysaytohim,openingthedooralittlewayandlookinghimupanddown,"whatisitnow?"

"It’sme,"thevirtuousmanwillreply,withanoily,self-satisfiedsmile;"Ishouldsay,I——I’vecome。"

"Yes,Iseeyouhavecome;butwhatisyourclaimtoadmittance?

Whathaveyoudonewithyourthreescoreyearsandten?"

"Done!"thevirtuousmanwillanswer,"Ihavedonenothing,Iassureyou。"

"Nothing!"

"Nothing;thatismystrongpoint;thatiswhyIamhere。Ihaveneverdoneanywrong。"

"Andwhatgoodhaveyoudone?"

"Whatgood!"

"Aye,whatgood?Donotyouevenknowthemeaningoftheword?

Whathumancreatureisthebetterforyourhavingeatenanddrunkandslepttheseyears?Youhavedonenoharm——noharmtoyourself。

Perhaps,ifyouhadyoumighthavedonesomegoodwithit;thetwoaregenerallytobefoundtogetherdownbelow,Iremember。Whatgoodhaveyoudonethatyoushouldenterhere?Thisisnomummychamber;thisistheplaceofmenandwomenwhohavelived,whohavewroughtgood——andevilalso,alas!——forthesinnerswhofightfortheright,nottherighteouswhorunwiththeirsoulsfromthefight。"

Itwasnot,however,tospeakofthesethingsthatIrememberedTheAmateuranditslessons。Myintentionwasbuttoleaduptothestoryofacertainsmallboy,whointhedoingoftasksnotrequiredofhimwasexceedinglyclever。Iwishtotellyouhisstory,because,asdomosttruetales,itpossessesamoral,andstorieswithoutamoralIdeemtobebutfoolishliterature,resemblingroadsthatleadtonowhere,suchassickfolktrampforexercise。

Ihaveknownthislittleboytotakeanexpensiveeight-dayclocktopieces,andmakeofitatoysteamboat。True,itwasnot,whenmade,verymuchofasteamboat;buttakingintoconsiderationallthedifficulties——theinadaptabilityofeight-dayclockmachinerytosteamboatrequirements,thenecessityofgettingtheworkaccomplishedquickly,beforeconservatively-mindedpeoplewithnoenthusiasmforsciencecouldinterfere——agoodenoughsteamboat。

Withmerelyanironing-boardandafewdozenmeat-skewers,hewould——providedtheironing-boardwasnotmissedintime——turnoutquiteapracticablerabbit-hutch。Hecouldmakeagunoutofanumbrellaandagas-bracket,which,ifnotsoaccurateasaMartini-Henry,was,atallevents,moredeadly。Withhalfthegarden-hose,acopperscalding-panoutofthedairy,andafewDresdenchinaornamentsoffthedrawing-roommantelpiece,hewouldbuildafountainforthegarden。Hecouldmakebookshelvesoutofkitchentables,andcrossbowsoutofcrinolines。Hecoulddamyouastreamsothatallthewaterwouldflowoverthecroquetlawn。Heknewhowtomakeredpaintandoxygengas,togetherwithmanyothersuchlikecommoditieshandytohaveaboutahouse。Amongotherthingshelearnedhowtomakefireworks,andafterafewexplosionsofanunimportantcharacter,cametomakethemverywellindeed。

Theboywhocanplayagoodgameofcricketisliked。Theboywhocanfightwellisrespected。Theboywhocancheekamasterisloved。Buttheboywhocanmakefireworksisreveredaboveallothersasaboybelongingtoasuperiororderofbeings。ThefifthofNovemberwasathand,andwiththeconsentofanindulgentmother,hedeterminedtogivetotheworldaproofofhispowers。A

largepartyoffriends,relatives,andschool-mateswasinvited,andforafortnightbeforehandthescullerywasconvertedintoamanufactoryforfireworks。Thefemaleservantswentaboutinhourlyterroroftheirlives,andthevilla,didwejudgeexclusivelybysmell,onemighthaveimaginedhadbeentakenoverbySatan,hismainpremisesbeinginconvenientlycrowded,asanannex。Bytheeveningofthefourthallwasinreadiness,andsamplesweretestedtomakesurethatnocontretempsshouldoccurthefollowingnight。

Allwasfoundtobeperfect。

Therocketsrushedheavenwardanddescendedinstars,theRomancandlestossedtheirfieryballsintothedarkness,theCatherinewheelssparkledandwhirled,thecrackerscracked,andthesquibsbanged。Thatnighthewenttobedaproudandhappyboy,anddreamedoffame。Hestoodsurroundedbyblazingfireworks,andthevastcrowdcheeredhim。Hisrelations,mostofwhom,heknew,regardedhimasthecomingidiotofthefamily,weretheretowitnesshistriumph;sotoowasDickeyBowles,wholaughedathimbecausehecouldnotthrowstraight。Thegirlatthebun-shop,shealsowasthere,andsawthathewasclever。

Thenightofthefestivalarrived,andwithittheguests。Theysat,wrappedupinshawlsandcloaks,outsidethehalldoor——uncles,cousins,aunts,littleboysandbigboys,littlegirlsandbiggirls,with,asthetheatreposterssay,villagersandretainers,somefortyoftheminall,andwaited。

Butthefireworksdidnotgooff。WhytheydidnotgooffIcannotexplain;nobodyeverCOULDexplain。Thelawsofnatureseemedtobesuspendedforthatnightonly。Therocketsfelldownanddiedwheretheystood。Nohumanagencyseemedabletoignitethesquibs。Thecrackersgaveonebangandcollapsed。TheRomancandlesmighthavebeenEnglishrushlights。TheCatherinewheelsbecamemererevolvingglow-worms。Thefieryserpentscouldnotcollectamongthemthespiritofatortoise。Thesetpiece,ashipatsea,showedonemastandthecaptain,andthenwentout。Oneortwoitemsdidtheirduty,butthisonlyservedtorenderthefoolishnessofthewholemorestriking。Thelittlegirlsgiggled,thelittleboyschaffed,theauntsandcousinssaiditwasbeautiful,theunclesinquiredifitwasallover,andtalkedaboutsupperandtrains,the"villagersandretainers"dispersedlaughing,theindulgentmothersaid"nevermind,"andexplainedhowwelleverythinghadgoneoffyesterday;thecleverlittleboycreptupstairstohisroom,andblubberedhisheartoutinthedark。

Hourslater,whenthecrowdhadforgottenhim,hestoleoutagainintothegarden。Hesatdownamidtheruinsofhishope,andwonderedwhatcouldhavecausedthefiasco。Stillpuzzled,hedrewfromhispocketaboxofmatches,and,lightingone,heheldittothesearedendofarockethehadtriedinvaintolightfourhoursago。Itsmoulderedforaninstant,thenshotwithaswishintotheairandbrokeintoahundredpointsoffire。Hetriedanotherandanotherwiththesameresult。Hemadeafreshattempttofirethesetpiece。Pointbypointthewholepicture——minusthecaptainandonemast——cameoutofthenight,andstoodrevealedinallthemajestyofflame。Itssparksfelluponthepiled-upheapofcandles,wheels,androcketsthatalittlewhilebeforehadobstinatelyrefusedtoburn,andthat,oneafteranother,hadbeenthrownasideasuseless。Nowwiththenightfrostuponthem,theyleapedtolightinonegrandvolcaniceruption。Andinfrontofthegorgeousspectaclehestoodwithonlyoneconsolation——hismother’shandinhis。

Thewholethingwasamysterytohimatthetime,but,ashelearnedtoknowlifebetter,hecametounderstandthatitwasonlyoneexampleofasolidbutinexplicablefact,rulingallhumanaffairs——YOURFIREWORKSWON’TGOOFFWHILETHECROWDISAROUND。

Ourbrilliantreparteesdonotoccurtoustillthedooriscloseduponusandwearealoneinthestreet,or,astheFrenchwouldsay,arecomingdownthestairs。Ourafter-dinneroratory,thatsoundedsotellingaswedelivereditbeforethelooking-glass,fallsstrangelyflatamidsttheclinkingoftheglasses。Thepassionatetorrentofwordswemeanttopourintoherearbecomesahaltingrigmarole,atwhich——smallblametoher——sheonlylaughs。

Iwould,gentleReader,youcouldhearthestoriesthatImeanttotellyou。Youjudgeme,ofcourse,bythestoriesofminethatyouhaveread——bythissortofthing,perhaps;butthatisnotjusttome。ThestoriesIhavenottoldyou,thatIamgoingtotellyouoneday,Iwouldthatyoujudgemebythose。

Theyaresobeautiful;youwillsayso;overthem,youwilllaughandcrywithme。

Theycomeintomybrainunbidden,theyclamourtobewritten,yetwhenItakemypeninhandtheyaregone。Itisasthoughtheywereshyofpublicity,asthoughtheywouldsaytome——"Youalone,youshallreadus,butyoumustnotwriteus;wearetooreal,tootrue。

Wearelikethethoughtsyoucannotspeak。Perhapsalittlelater,whenyouknowmoreoflife,thenyoushalltellus。"

NexttotheseinmeritIwouldplace,wereIwritingacriticalessayonmyself,thestoriesIhavebeguntowriteandthatremainunfinished,whyIcannotexplaintomyself。Theyaregoodstories,mostofthem;betterfarthanthestoriesIhaveaccomplished。

Anothertime,perhaps,ifyoucaretolisten,Iwilltellyouthebeginningofoneortwoandyoushalljudge。Strangelyenough,forIhavealwaysregardedmyselfasapractical,commonsensedman,somanyofthesestill-bornchildrenofmymindIfind,onlookingthroughthecupboardwheretheirthinbodieslie,areghoststories。

Isupposethehopeofghostsiswithusall。Theworldgrowssomewhatinterestingtousheirsofalltheages。Yearbyyear,Sciencewithbroomanddustertearsdownthemoth-worntapestry,forcesthedoorsofthelockedchambers,letslightintothesecretstairways,cleansoutthedungeons,exploresthehiddenpassages——

findingeverywhereonlydust。Thisechoingoldcastle,theworld,sofullofmysteryinthedayswhenwewerechildren,islosingsomewhatitscharmforusaswegrowolder。Thekingsleepsnolongerinthehollowofthehills。Wehavetunnelledthroughhismountainchamber。Wehaveshiveredhisbeardwithourpick。WehavedriventhegodsfromOlympus。Nowandererthroughthemoonlitgrovesnowfearsorhopesthesweet,death-givinggleamofAphrodite’sface。Thor’shammerechoesnotamongthepeaks——’tisbutthethunderoftheexcursiontrain。Wehavesweptthewoodsofthefairies。Wehavefilteredtheseaofitsnymphs。Eventheghostsareleavingus,chasedbythePsychicalResearchSociety。

Perhapsofall,theyaretheleast,however,toberegretted。Theyweredulloldfellows,clankingtheirrustychainsandgroaningandsighing。Letthemgo。

Andyethowinterestingtheymightbe,ifonlytheywould。Theoldgentlemaninthecoatofmail,wholivedinKingJohn’sreign,whowasmurdered,sotheysay,ontheoutskirtsoftheverywoodIcanseefrommywindowasIwrite——stabbedintheback,poorgentleman,ashewasridinghome,hisbodyflungintothemoatthattothisdayiscalledTor’stomb。Dryenoughitisnow,andtheprimrosesloveitssteepbanks;butagloomyenoughplaceinthosedays,nodoubt,withitstwentyfeetofstagnantwater。Whydoeshehaunttheforestpathsatnight,astheytellmehedoes,frighteningthechildrenoutoftheirwits,blanchingthefacesandstillingthelaughterofthepeasantladsandlasses,slouchinghomefromthevillagedance?Instead,whydoeshenotcomeuphereandtalktome?Heshouldhavemyeasy-chairandwelcome,wouldheonlybecheerfulandcompanionable。

Whatbravetalescouldhenottellme。HefoughtinthefirstCrusade,heardtheclarionvoiceofPeter,metthegreatGodfreyfacetoface,stood,handonsword-hilt,atRunny-mede,perhaps。

Betterthanawholelibraryofhistoricalnovelswouldanevening’schatbewithsuchaghost。Whathashedonewithhiseighthundredyearsofdeath?wherehashebeen?whathasheseen?MaybehehasvisitedMars;hasspokentothestrangespiritswhocanliveintheliquidfiresofJupiter。Whathashelearnedofthegreatsecret?

Hashefoundthetruth?orishe,evenasI,awandererstillseekingtheunknown?

You,poor,pale,greynun——theytellmethatofmidnightsonemayseeyourwhitefacepeeringfromtheruinedbelfrywindow,heartheclashofswordandshieldamongthecedar-treesbeneath。

Itwasverysad,Iquiteunderstand,mydearlady。Yourloversbothwerekilled,andyouretiredtoaconvent。Believeme,Iamsincerelysorryforyou,butwhywasteeverynightrenewingthewholepainfulexperience?Woulditnotbebetterforgotten?GoodHeavens,madam,supposewelivingfolkweretospendourliveswailingandwringingourhandsbecauseofthewrongsdonetouswhenwewerechildren?Itisallovernow。Hadhelived,andhadyoumarriedhim,youmightnothavebeenhappy。Idonotwishtosayanythingunkind,butmarriagesfoundeduponthesincerestmutuallovehavesometimesturnedoutunfortunately,asyoumustsurelyknow。

Dotakemyadvice。Talkthematteroverwiththeyoungmenthemselves。Persuadethemtoshakehandsandbefriends。Comein,allofyou,outofthecold,andletushavesomereasonabletalk。

Whyseekyoutotroubleus,youpoorpaleghosts?Arewenotyourchildren?Beourwisefriends。Tellme,howlovedtheyoungmeninyouryoungdays?howansweredthemaidens?Hastheworldchangedmuch,doyouthink?Hadyounotnewwomeneventhen?girlswhohatedtheeverlastingtapestryframeandspinning-wheel?Yourfather’sservants,weretheysomuchworseoffthanthefreemenwholiveinourEast-endslumsandsewslippersforfourteenhoursadayatawageofnineshillingsaweek?DoyouthinkSocietymuchimprovedduringthelastthousandyears?Isitworse?isitbetter?

orisit,onthewhole,aboutthesame,savethatwecallthingsbyothernames?Tellme,whathaveYOUlearned?

Yetmightnotfamiliaritybreedcontempt,evenforghosts。

Onehashadatiringday’sshooting。Oneislookingforwardtoone’sbed。Asoneopensthedoor,however,aghostlylaughcomesfrombehindthebed-curtains,andonegroansinwardly,knowingwhatisinstoreforone:atwoorthreehours’talkwithrowdyoldSirLanval——heofthelance。Weknowallhistalesbyheart,andhewillshoutthem。Supposeouraunt,fromwhomwehaveexpectations,andwhosleepsinthenextroom,shouldwakeandoverhear!Theywerefitandproperenoughstories,nodoubt,fortheRoundTable,butwefeelsureourauntwouldnotappreciatethem:——thatstoryaboutSirAgravainandthecooper’swife!andhealwayswilltellthatstory。

Orimaginethemaidenteringafterdinnertosay——

"Oh,ifyouplease,sir,hereistheveiledlady。"

"What,again!"saysyourwife,lookingupfromherwork。

"Yes,ma’am;shallIshowherupintothebedroom?"

"Youhadbetteraskyourmaster,"isthereply。Thetoneissuggestiveofanunpleasantfiveminutessosoonasthegirlshallhavewithdrawn,butwhatareyoutodo?

"Yes,yes,showherup,"yousay,andthegirlgoesout,closingthedoor。

Yourwifegathersherworktogether,andrises。

"Whereareyougoing?"youask。

"Tosleepwiththechildren,"isthefrigidanswer。

"Itwilllooksorude,"youurge。"Wemustbeciviltothepoorthing;andyouseeitreallyisherroom,asonemightsay。Shehasalwayshauntedit。"

"Itisverycurious,"returnsthewifeofyourbosom,stillmoreicily,"thatsheneverhauntsitexceptwhenyouaredownhere。

WhereshegoeswhenyouareintownI’msureIdon’tknow。"

Thisisunjust。Youcannotrestrainyourindignation。

【推荐阅读】幽幽深宫,醒来一梦似千年,重生于下堂妃身躯中的她,将如何手刃仇人? 点击阅读

精品推荐