Whydidheloveher？
Curiousfool，bestill！
Ishumanlovethefruitofhumanwill？
BYRON。
JustaboutsixmonthsbeforemydepartureforSpain，IfirstmettheChevalierdesGrieux。ThoughIrarelyquittedmyretreat，stilltheinterestIfeltinmychild’swelfareinducedmeoccasionallytoundertakeshortjourneys，which，however，Itookgoodcaretoabridgeasmuchaspossible。
IwasonedayreturningfromRouen，whereIhadbeen，atherrequest，toattendacausethenpendingbeforetheParliamentofNormandy，respectinganinheritancetowhichIhadclaimsderivedfrommymaternalgrandfather。HavingtakentheroadbyEvreux，whereIsleptthefirstnight，Ionthefollowingday，aboutdinner-time，reachedPassy，adistanceoffiveorsixleagues。I
wasamazed，onenteringthisquiettown，toseealltheinhabitantsincommotion。Theywerepouringfromtheirhousesincrowds，towardsthegateofasmallinn，immediatelybeforewhichtwocoveredvansweredrawnup。Theirhorsesstillinharness，andreekingfromfatigueandheat，showedthatthecortegehadonlyjustarrived。Istoppedforamomenttolearnthecauseofthetumult，butcouldgainlittleinformationfromthecuriousmobastheyrushedby，heedlessofmyenquiries，andhasteningimpatientlytowardstheinnintheutmostconfusion。Atlengthanarcherofthecivicguard，wearinghisbandolier，andcarryingacarbineonhisshoulder，appearedatthegate；so，beckoninghimtowardsme，Ibeggedtoknowthecauseoftheuproar。
"Nothing，sir，"saidhe，"butadozenofthefrailsisterhood，thatIandmycomradesareconductingtoHavre-de-Grace，whencewearetoshipthemforAmerica。Thereareoneortwoofthemprettyenough；anditisthat，apparently，whichattractsthecuriosityofthesegoodpeople。"
Ishouldhavepassedon，satisfiedwiththisexplanation，ifmyattentionhadnotbeenarrestedbythecriesofanoldwoman，whowascomingoutoftheinnwithherhandsclasped，andexclaiming：
"Adownrightbarbarity！——Ascenetoexcitehorrorandcompassion！""Whatmaythismean？"Ienquired。"Oh！sir；gointothehouseyourself，"saidthewoman，andseeifitisnotasighttorendyourheart！"Curiositymademedismount；andleavingmyhorsetothecareoftheostler，Imademywaywithsomedifficultythroughthecrowd，anddidindeedbeholdascenesufficientlytouching。
Amongthetwelvegirls，whowerechainedtogetherbythewaistintworows，therewasone，whosewholeairandfigureseemedsoill-suitedtoherpresentcondition，thatunderothercircumstancesIshouldnothavehesitatedtopronounceherapersonofhighbirth。Herexcessivegrief，andeventhewretchednessofherattire，detractedsolittlefromhersurpassingbeauty，thatatfirstsightofherIwasinspiredwithamingledfeelingofrespectandpity。
Shetried，aswellasthechainwouldpermither，toturnherselfaway，andhideherfacefromtherudegazeofthespectators。
Therewassomethingsounaffectedintheeffortshemadetoescapeobservation，thatitcouldbuthavesprungfromnaturalandinnatemodestyalone。
Asthesixmenwhoescortedtheunhappytrainweretogetherintheroom，Itookthechiefoneasideandaskedforinformationrespectingthisbeautifulgirl。Allthathecouldsupplywasofthemostvaguekind。"Webroughther，"hesaid，"fromtheHospital，byorderofthelieutenant-generalofpolice。Thereisnoreasontosupposethatshewasshutupthereforgoodconduct。
Ihavequestionedheroftenupontheroad；butshepersistsinrefusingeventoanswerme。Yet，althoughIreceivednoorderstomakeanydistinctionbetweenherandtheothers，Icannothelptreatingherdifferently，forsheseemstomesomewhatsuperiortohercompanions。Yonderisayoungman，"continuedthearcher，"whocantellyou，betterthanIcan，thecauseofhermisfortunes。HehasfollowedherfromParis，andhasscarcelydriedhistearsforasinglemoment。Hemustbeeitherherbrotherorherlover。"
Iturnedtowardsthecorneroftheroom，wherethisyoungmanwasseated。Heseemedburiedinaprofoundreverie。NeverdidI
beholdamoreaffectingpictureofgrief。Hewasplainlydressed；butonemaydiscoveratthefirstglanceamanofbirthandeducation。AsIapproachedhimherose，andtherewassorefinedandnobleanexpressioninhiseyes，inhiswholecountenance，inhiseverymovement，thatIfeltaninvoluntaryimpulsetorenderhimanyserviceinmypower。"Iamunwillingtointrudeuponyoursorrows，"saidI，takingaseatbesidehim，"butyouwill，perhaps，gratifythedesireIfeeltolearnsomethingaboutthatbeautifulgirl，whoseemslittleformedbynatureforthemiserableconditioninwhichsheisplaced。"
Heansweredmecandidly，thathecouldnotcommunicateherhistorywithoutmakinghimselfknown，andthathehadurgentreasonsforpreservinghisownincognito。"Imay，however，tellyouthismuch，foritisnolongerasecrettothesewretches，"
hecontinued，pointingtotheguards，——"thatIadoreherwithapassionsoardentandabsorbingastorendermethemostunhappyofhumanbeings。ItriedeverymeansatParistoeffectherliberty。Petitions，artifice，force——allfailed。Gowhereshemay，Ihaveresolvedtofollowher——totheextremityoftheworld。IshallembarkwithherandcrosstoAmerica。
Butthinkofthebrutalinhumanityofthesecowardlyruffians，"
headded，speakingoftheguards；"theywillnotallowmetoapproachher！IhadplannedanopenattackuponthemsomeleaguesfromParis；havingsecured，asIthought，theaidoffourmen，whoforaconsiderablesumhiredmetheirservices。Thetraitors，however，leftmetoexecutemyschemesingle-handed，anddecampedwithmymoney。Theimpossibilityofsuccessmademeofcourseabandontheattempt，Ithenimploredoftheguardspermissiontofollowintheirtrain，promisingthemarecompense。
Theloveofmoneyprocuredtheirconsent；butastheyrequiredpaymenteverytimeIwasallowedtospeaktoher，mypursewasspeedilyemptied；andnowthatIamutterlypenniless，theyarebarbarousenoughtorepulsemebrutally，wheneverImaketheslightestattempttoapproachher。Itisbutamomentsince，thatventuringtodoso，inspiteoftheirthreats，oneofthefellowsraisedthebutt-endofhismusket。Iamnowdrivenbytheirexactionstodisposeofthemiserablehorsethathasbroughtmehither，andampreparingtocontinuethejourneyonfoot。"
Althoughheseemedtorecitethisstorytranquillyenough，I
observedthetearsstarttohiseyesasheconcluded。Thisadventurestruckmeasbeingnotlesssingularthanitwasaffecting。"Idonotpressyou，"saidItohim，tomakemetheconfidantofyoursecrets；butifIcanbeofusetoyouinanyway，Igladlytenderyoumyservices。""Alas！"repliedhe，"Iseenottheslightestrayofhope。Imustreconcilemyselftomydestinyinallitsrigour。IshallgotoAmerica：there，atleast，ImaybefreetolivewithherIlove。Ihavewrittentoafriend，whowillsendmemoneytoHavre-de-Grace。Myonlydifficultyistogetsofar，andtosupplythatpoorcreature，"
addedhe，ashecastalookofsorrowathismistress，"withsomefewcomfortsupontheway。""Well！"saidItohim，"I
shallrelieveyoufromthatdifficulty。Hereissomemoney，ofwhichIentreatyouracceptance：IamonlysorrythatIcanbeofnogreaterservicetoyou。"
Igavehimfourlouis-d’orswithoutbeingperceivedbytheguards；forIthoughtthatiftheyknewhehadthismoney，theymighthaveraisedthepriceoftheirconcessions。Itoccurredtome，even，tocometoanunderstandingwiththem，inordertosecurefortheyoungmantheprivilegeofconversingwithhismistress，duringtherestofthejourneytoHavre，withouthindrance。Ibeckonedthechieftoapproach，andmadethepropositiontohim。Itseemedtoabashtheruffian，inspiteofhishabitualeffrontery。"Itisnot，sir，"saidhe，inanembarrassedtone，"thatwerefusetolethimspeaktothegirl，buthewishestobealwaysnearher，whichputsustoinconvenience；anditisjustthatweshouldbepaidforthetroubleheoccasions。""Letussee！"saidItohim，"whatwouldsufficetopreventyoufromfeelingtheinconvenience？"
Hehadtheaudacitytodemandtwolouis。Igavethemtohimonthespot。"Buthaveacare，"saidItohim，"thatwehavenofoulplay：forIshallgivetheyoungmanmyaddress，inorderthathemaywritetomeonhisarrival；andbeassuredthatIamnotwithoutthepowertopunishyou。"Itcostmealtogethersixlouis-d’ors。
Thegracefulmannerandheartfeltgratitudewithwhichtheyoungunknownthankedme，confirmedmynotionthathewasofgoodbirthandmeritedmykindness。IaddressedafewwordstohismistressbeforeIlefttheroom。SherepliedtomewithamodestysogentleandsocharmingthatIcouldnothelpmaking，asIwentout，athousandreflectionsupontheincomprehensiblecharacterofwomen。
Returnedtomyretreat，Iremainedinignoranceoftheresultofthisadventure；anderetwoyearshadpassed，itwascompletelyblottedfrommyrecollection，whenchancebroughtmeanopportunityoflearningallthecircumstancesfrombeginningtoend。
IarrivedatCalais，fromLondon，withmypupil，theMarquisof————。Welodged，ifIrememberrightly，atthe"GoldenLion，"
where，forsomereason，wewereobligedtospendthefollowingdayandnight。Walkingalongthestreetsintheafternoon，I
fanciedIsawthesameyoungmanwhomIhadformerlymetatPassy。Hewasmiserablydressed，andmuchpalerthanwhenI
firstsawhim。Hecarriedonhisarmanoldportmanteau，havingonlyjustarrivedinthetown。However，therewasanexpressioninhiscountenancetooamiablenottobeeasilyrecognised，andwhichimmediatelybroughthisfeaturestomyrecollection。
"Observethatyoungman，"saidItotheMarquis；"wemustaccosthim。"
Hisjoywasbeyondexpressionwhen，inhisturn，herecognisedme。
"Ah，sir！"hecried，kissingmyhand，"Ihavethenonceagainanopportunityoftestifyingmyeternalgratitudetoyou！"I
enquiredofhimwhencehecame。Hereplied，thathehadjustarrived，bysea，fromHavre，wherehehadlatelylandedfromAmerica。"Youdonotseemtobetoowelloffformoney，"saidItohim；"goontothe`GoldenLion，’whereIamlodging；I
willjoinyouinamoment。"
Ireturned，infact，fullofimpatiencetolearnthedetailsofhismisfortunes，andthecircumstancesofhisvoyagetoAmerica。
Igavehimathousandwelcomes，andorderedthattheyshouldsupplyhimwitheverythinghewanted。Hedidnotwaittobesolicitedforthehistoryofhislife。"Sir，"saidhetome，"yourconductissogenerous，thatIshouldconsideritbaseingratitudetomaintainanyreservetowardsyou。Youshalllearnnotonlymymisfortunesandsufferings，butmyfaultsandmostculpableweaknesses。Iamsurethat，evenwhileyoublameme，youwillnotrefusemeyoursympathy。"
IshouldhereinformthereaderthatIwrotedownthestoryalmostimmediatelyafterhearingit；andhemay，therefore，beassuredofthecorrectnessandfidelityofthenarrative。Iusethewordfidelitywithreferencetothesubstanceofreflectionsandsentiments，whichtheyoungmanconveyedinthemostgracefullanguage。Here，then，ishisstory，whichinitsprogressI
shallnotencumberwithasingleobservationthatwasnothisown。
II
IlovedOphelia！fortythousandbrothersCouldnot，withalltheirquantityoflove，Makeupmysum。
SHAKESPERE。
"Iwasseventeenyearsold，andwasfinishingmystudiesatAmiens，whithermyparents，whobelongedtooneofthefirstfamiliesinPicardy，hadsentme。Iledalifesostudiousandwellregulated，thatmymasterspointedtomeasamodelofconductfortheotherscholars。NotthatImadeanyextraordinaryeffortstoacquirethisreputation，butmydispositionwasnaturallytractableandtranquil；myinclinationsledmetoapplytostudy；andeventhenaturaldislikeIfeltforvicewasplacedtomycreditaspositiveproofofvirtue。Thesuccessfulprogressofmystudies，mybirth，andsomeexternaladvantagesofperson，mademeageneralfavouritewiththeinhabitantsofthetown。
"Icompletedmypublicexerciseswithsuchgeneralapprobation，thatthebishopofthediocese，whowaspresent，proposedtometoenterthechurch，whereIcouldnotfail，hesaid，toacquiremoredistinctionthanintheOrderofMalta，forwhichmyparentshaddestinedme。IwasalreadydecoratedwiththeCross，andcalledtheChevalierdesGrieux。Thevacationhavingarrived，I
waspreparingtoreturntomyfather，whohadpromisedtosendmesoontotheAcademy。
"MyonlyregretonquittingAmiensarosefrompartingwithafriend，someyearsolderthanmyself，towhomIhadalwaysbeentenderlyattached。Wehadbeenbroughtuptogether；butfromthestraitenedcircumstancesofhisfamily，hewasintendedtotakeorders，andwastoremainaftermeatAmienstocompletetherequisitestudiesforhissacredcalling。Hehadathousandgoodqualities。Youwillrecogniseinhimtheverybestduringthecourseofmyhistory，andaboveall，azealandfervouroffriendshipwhichsurpassthemostillustriousexamplesofantiquity。IfIhadatthattimefollowedhisadvice，Ishouldhavealwayscontinuedadiscreetandhappyman。IfIhadeventakencounselfromhisreproaches，whenonthebrinkofthatgulfintowhichmypassionsafterwardsplungedme，Ishouldhavebeensparedthemelancholywreckofbothfortuneandreputation。Buthewasdoomedtoseehisfriendlyadmonitionsdisregarded；nay，evenattimesrepaidbycontemptfromanungratefulwretch，whooftendaredtotreathisfraternalconductasoffensiveandofficious。
"IhadfixedthedayformydeparturefromAmiens。Alas！thatI
hadnotfixeditonedaysooner！Ishouldthenhavecarriedtomyfather’shousemyinnocenceuntarnished。
"Theveryeveningbeforemyexpecteddeparture，asIwaswalkingwithmyfriend，whosenamewasTiberge，wesawtheArrasdiligencearrive，andsaunteredafterittotheinn，atwhichthesecoachesstop。Wehadnoothermotivethancuriosity。Somewornmenalighted，andimmediatelyretiredintotheinn。Oneremainedbehind：shewasveryyoung，andstoodbyherselfinthecourt，whileamanofadvancedage，whoappearedtohavechargeofher，wasbusyingettingherluggagefromthevehicle。Shestruckmeasbeingsoextremelybeautiful，thatI，whohadneverbeforethoughtofthedifferencebetweenthesexes，orlookedonwomanwiththeslightestattention——I，whoseconducthadbeenhithertothethemeofuniversaladmiration，feltmyself，ontheinstant，deprivedofmyreasonandself-control。Ihadbeenalwaysexcessivelytimid，andeasilydisconcerted；butnow，insteadofmeetingwithanyimpedimentfromthisweakness，I
advancedwithouttheslightestreservetowardsher，whohadthusbecome，inamoment，themistressofmyheart。
"Althoughyoungerthanmyself，shereceivedmycivilitieswithoutembarrassment。IaskedthecauseofherjourneytoAmiens，andwhethershehadanyacquaintancesinthetown。Sheingenuouslytoldmethatshehadbeensenttherebyherparents，tocommencehernovitiatefortakingtheveil。Lovehadsoquickenedmyperception，evenintheshortmomentithadbeenenthroned，thatIsawinthisannouncementadeath-blowtomyhopes。Ispoketoherinawaythatmadeheratonceunderstandwhatwaspassinginmymind；forshehadmoreexperiencethanmyself。Itwasagainstherconsentthatshewasconsignedtoaconvent，doubtlesstorepressthatinclinationforpleasurewhichhadalreadybecometoomanifest，andwhichcaused，inthesequel，allhermisfortunesandmine。Icombatedthecruelintentionofherparentswithalltheargumentsthatmynew-bornpassionandschoolboyeloquencecouldsuggest。Sheaffectedneitherausteritynorreserve。Shetoldme，afteramoment’ssilence，thatsheforesawtooclearly，whatherunhappyfatemustbe；butthatitwas，apparently，thewillofHeaven，sincetherewerenomeanslefthertoavertit。Thesweetnessofherlook，theairofsorrowwithwhichshepronouncedthesewords，orratherperhapsthecontrollingdestinywhichledmeontoruin，allowedmenotaninstanttoweighmyanswer。Iassuredherthatifshewouldplacerelianceonmyhonour，andonthetenderinterestwithwhichshehadalreadyinspiredme，Iwouldsacrificemylifetodeliverherfromthetyrannyofherparents，andtorenderherhappy。Ihavesincebeenathousandtimesastonishedinreflectinguponit，tothinkhowIcouldhaveexpressedmyselfwithsomuchboldnessandfacility；butlovecouldneverhavebecomeadivinity，ifhehadnotoftenworkedmiracles。
"Imademanyotherpressingandtenderspeeches；andmyunknownfaironewasperfectlyawarethatminewasnottheagefordeceit。SheconfessedtomethatifIcouldseebutareasonablehopeofbeingabletoeffectherenfranchisement，sheshoulddeemherselfindebtedformykindnessinmorethanlifeitselfcouldpay。IrepeatedthatIwasreadytoattemptanythinginherbehalf；but，nothavingsufficientexperienceatoncetoimagineanyreasonableplanofservingher，Ididnotgobeyondthisgeneralassurance，fromwhichindeedlittlegoodcouldariseeithertoherortomyself。Heroldguardianhavingbythistimejoinedus，myhopeswouldhavebeenblighted，butthatshehadtactenoughtomakeamendsformystupidity。Iwassurprised，onhisapproachingus，tohearhercallmehercousin，andsay，withoutbeingintheslightestdegreedisconcerted，thatasshehadbeensofortunateastofallinwithmeatAmiens，shewouldnotgointotheconventuntilthenextmorning，inordertohavethepleasureofmeetingmeatsupper。InnocentasIwas，Iatoncecomprehendedthemeaningofthisruse；andproposedthatsheshouldlodgeforthenightatthehouseofaninnkeeper，who，afterbeingmanyyearsmyfather’scoachman，hadlatelyestablishedhimselfatAmiens，andwhowassincerelyattachedtome。
"Iconductedhertheremyself，atwhichtheoldArgusappearedtogrumblealittle；andmyfriendTiberge，whowaspuzzledbythewholescene，followed，withoututteringaword。Hehadnotheardourconversation，havingwalkedupanddownthecourtwhileIwastalkingoflovetomyangelicmistress。AsIhadsomedoubtsofhisdiscretion，Igotridofhim，bybeggingthathewouldexecuteacommissionforme。Ihadthusthehappiness，onarrivingattheinn，ofentertainingalonethesovereignofmyheart。
"IsoonlearnedthatIwaslessachildthanIhadbeforeimagined。Myheartexpandedtoathousandsentimentsofpleasure，ofwhichIhadnotbeforetheremotestidea。A
deliciousconsciousnessofenjoymentdiffuseditselfthroughmywholemindandsoul。Isankintoakindofecstasy，whichdeprivedmeforatimeofthepowerofutterance，andwhichfoundventonlyinafloodoftears。
"ManonLescaut（thisshetoldmewashername）seemedgratifiedbythevisibleeffectofherowncharms。Sheappearedtomenotlessexcitedthanmyself。Sheacknowledgedthatshewasgreatlypleasedwithme，andthatsheshouldbeenchantedtoowetomeherfreedomandfuturehappiness。ShewouldinsistonhearingwhoIwas，andtheknowledgeonlyaugmentedheraffection；for，beingherselfofhumblebirth，shewasflatteredbysecuringforherloveramanoffamily。
Aftermanyreflectionswecoulddiscovernootherresourcethaninflight。ToeffectthisitwouldberequisitetocheatthevigilanceofManon’sguardian，whorequiredmanagement，althoughhewasbutaservant。Wedetermined，therefore，that，duringthenight，Ishouldprocureapost-chaise，andreturnwithitatbreakofdaytotheinn，beforehewasawake；thatweshouldstealawayquietly，andgostraighttoParis，wherewemightbemarriedonourarrival。Ihadaboutfiftycrownsinmypocket，thefruitofmylittlesavingsatschool；andshehadabouttwiceasmuch。Weimagined，likeinexperiencedchildren，thatsuchasumcouldneverbeexhausted，andwecounted，withequalconfidence，uponthesuccessofourotherschemes。
"Afterhavingsupped，withcertainlymoresatisfactionthanI
hadeverbeforeexperienced，Iretiredtoprepareforourproject。Allmyarrangementswerethemoreeasy，because，forthepurposeofreturningonthemorrowtomyfather’s，myluggagehadbeenalreadypacked。Ihad，therefore，nodifficultyinremovingmytrunk，andhavingachaisepreparedforfiveo’clockinthemorning，atwhichhourthegatesofthetownwouldbeopened；butIencounteredanobstaclewhichIwaslittlepreparedfor，andwhichnearlyupsetallmyplans。
"Tiberge，althoughonlythreeyearsolderthanmyself，wasayouthofunusuallystrongmind，andofthebestregulatedconduct。Helovedmewithsingularaffection。ThesightofsolovelyagirlasManon，myill-disguisedimpatiencetoconducthertotheinn，andtheanxietyIbetrayedtogetridofhim，hadexcitedinhismindsomesuspicionsofmypassion。Hehadnotventuredtoreturntotheinnwherehehadleftme，forfearofmybeingannoyedathisdoingso；butwenttowaitformeatmylodgings，where，althoughitwasteno’clockatnight，Ifoundhimonmyarrival。Hispresenceannoyedme，andhesoonperceivedtherestraintwhichitimposed。`Iamcertain，’hesaidtome，withoutanydisguise，`thatyouhavesomeplanincontemplationwhichyouwillnotconfidetome；Iseeitbyyourmanner。’Iansweredhimratherabruptly，thatIwasnotboundtorenderhimanaccountofallmymovements。`Certainlynot！’hereplied；`butyouhavealways，hitherto，treatedmeasafriend，andthatappellationimpliesacertaindegreeofconfidenceandcandour。’Hepressedmesomuchandsoearnestlytodiscovermysecret，that，havingneveruptothatmomentfelttheslightestreservetowardshim，Iconfidedtohimnowthewholehistoryofmypassion。Hehearditwithanappearanceofdisapprobation，whichmademetremble；andIimmediatelyrepentedofmyindiscretion，intellinghimofmyintendedelopement。Hetoldmehewastoosincerelymyfriendnottoopposeeveryobstacleinhispowertosuchascheme；thathewouldfirsttryallothermeansofturningmefromsuchapurpose，butthatifIrefusedtorenouncesofatalaresolution，heassuredlywouldinformsomepersonsofmyintention，whowouldbeabletodefeatit。Heheldforthuponthesubjectforafullquarterofanhour，inthemostserioustone，andendedbyagainthreateningtoinformagainstme，ifIdidnotpledgehimmywordthatIwouldreturntothepathsofdiscretionandreason。
"Iwasindespairathavingsoawkwardlybetrayedmyself。
However，lovehavingwonderfullysharpenedmyintellectduringthelasttwoorthreehours，IrecollectedthatIhadnotyettoldhimofitsbeingmyintentiontoexecutemyprojectonthefollowingmorning，andIatoncedeterminedtodeceivehimbyalittleequivocation。
"`Tiberge，’saidItohim，`uptothepresentmomentIthoughtyouweremyfriend；andIwishedtoproveitbythetestofconfidence。Itistrue，Iaminlove；Ihavenotdeceivedyou：
butwithregardtomyflight，thatisaprojectnottobeundertakenwithoutdeliberation。Callformetomorrowatnineo’clock：youshallseemymistress，ifitbepossible，andthenjudgewhethersheisnotworthyofanyriskorsacrificeonmypart。’Heleftme，withathousandprotestationsoffriendship。
Iemployedthenightinpreparingforthejourney，andonrepairingtotheinnatearlydawn，IfoundManonwaitingmyarrival。Shewasatherwindow，whichlookeduponthestreet，andperceivingmyapproach，shecamedownandopenedthedoorherself。Wetookourdeparturesilently，andwithoutcreatingtheleastalarm。Shemerelybroughtawayasmallportionofherapparel，ofwhichItookcharge。Thechaisewasinreadiness，andweweresoonatadistancefromthetown。
"YouwilllearninthesequelwhatwastheconductofTibergewhenhediscoveredthatIhaddeceivedhim；thathiszealtoservemesufferednodiminution；andyouwillobservetowhatlengthshisdevotioncarriedhim。HowoughtItogrieve，whenI
reflectonthebaseingratitudewithwhichhisaffectionwasalwaysrepaid！
"WemadesuchspeedonourjourneythatbeforenightwereachedSt。Denis。Irodealongsideofthechaise，whichgaveuslittleopportunityforconversation，exceptwhilechanginghorses；butwhenwefoundourselvessonearParis，andoutofthereachofdanger，weallowedourselvestimeforrefreshment，nothavingtastedfoodsincewequittedAmiens。PassionatelyinloveasI
feltwithManon，sheknewhowtoconvincemethatshewasequallysowithme。Solittledidwerestrainourfondness，thatwehadnotevenpatiencetoreserveourcaressestillwewerealone。
Thepostilionsandinnkeepersstaredatuswithwonder，andI
remarkedthattheyappearedsurprisedatsuchuncontrollableloveinchildrenofourage。
"OurprojectofmarriagewasforgottenatSt。Denis；wedefraudedtheChurchofherrights；andfoundourselvesunitedasmanandwifewithoutreflectingontheconsequences。Itiscertainthatwithmyeasyandconstantdisposition，Ishouldhavebeenhappyformywholelife，ifManonhadremainedfaithfultome。ThemoreIsawofher，themoreIdiscoveredinhernewperfections。Hermind，herheart，hergentlenessandbeauty，formedachainatoncesobindingandsoagreeable，thatIcouldhavefoundperfecthappinessinitsenduringinfluence。Terriblefatality？thatwhichhasbeenthesourceofmydespair，might，underaslightchangeofcircumstances，haveconstitutedmyhappiness。Ifindmyselfthemostwretchedofmankind，bytheforceofthatveryconstancyfromwhichImighthavefairlyexpectedtoderivethemostsereneofhumanblisses，andthemostperfectrecompenseoflove。
WetookafurnishedapartmentatParis。intheRueV————，and，asitafterwardsturnedout，tomysorrow，closetothehouseofM。
deB————，thefamousFermier-general。Threeweekspassed，duringwhichIwassoabsorbedinmypassion，thatInevergaveathoughttomyfamily，nordreamedofthedistresswhichmyfatherprobablyfeltatmyabsence。However，astherewasyetnothingofprofligacyaboutme，andasManonconductedherselfwiththestrictestpropriety，thetranquillifeweledservedtorestoremebydegreestoasenseofduty。
Iresolvedtoeffect，ifpossible，areconciliationwithmyparent。Mymistresswastomesoperfectlylovable，thatIcouldnotadoubtherpowerofcaptivatingmyfather，ifIcouldonlyfindthemeansofmakinghimacquaintedwithhergoodconductandmerit。Inaword，Ireliedonobtaininghisconsenttoourmarriage，havinggivenupallideaofaccomplishingitwithouthisapproval。ImentionedtheprojecttoManon，andexplainedtoherthat，besideseverymotiveoffilialloveandduty，theweightieroneofnecessityshouldalsohavesomeinfluence；forourfinancesweresadlyreduced，andIbegantoseethefollyofthinkingthem，asIoncedid，inexhaustible。
"Manonreceivedthepropositionwithconsiderablecoldness。
However，thedifficultiesshemade，beingapparentlythesuggestionsoftendernessalone，orasarisingfromthenaturalfearoflosingme，ifmyfather，afterlearningouraddress，shouldrefusehisassenttoourunion，Ihadnotthesmallestsuspicionofthecruelblowshewasattheverytimepreparingtoinflict。Astotheargumentofnecessity，sherepliedthatwehadstillabundantmeansoflivingforsomeweekslonger，andthatshewouldthenfindaresourceinthekindnessofsomerelationsinthecountry，towhomsheshouldwrite。Shetemperedheroppositionbycaressessotenderandimpassioned，thatI，wholivedonlyforher，andwhoneverhadtheslightestmisgivingastoherlove，applaudedatonceherargumentsandherresolutions。
"ToManonIhadcommittedthecareofourfinances，andthehouse-holdarrangements。Inashorttime，Iobservedthatourstyleoflivingwasimproved，andthatshehadtreatedherselftomoreexpensivedresses。AsIcalculatedthatwecouldhardlyhaveatthisperiodmorethanfifteenortwentycrownsremaining，Ididnotconcealmysurpriseatthismysteriousaugmentationofourwealth。Shebeggedofme，withasmile，togivemyselfnotroubleonthathead。`DidInotpromiseyou，’saidshe，`thatI
wouldfindresources？’Ilovedhertoopurelytoexperiencetheslightestsuspicion。
"Oneday，havinggoneoutintheafternoon，andtoldherthatI
shouldnotbeathomesoearlyasusual，Iwasastonished，onmyreturn，atbeingdetainedseveralminutesatthedoor。Ouronlyservantwasayounggirlaboutourownage。Onherlettingmeinatlast，Iaskedwhyshehaddetainedmesolong？Sherepliedinanembarrassedtone，thatshedidnothearmeknock。`Ionlyknockedonce，’saidI；`soifyoudidnothearme，whycometoopenthedooratall？’Thisquerydisconcertedhersovisibly，thatlosingherpresenceofmind，shebegantocry，assuringmethatitwasnotherfault；andthathermistresshaddesiredhernottoopenthedooruntilM。deB————hadhadtimetogodownbythebackstaircase。Iwassoconfoundedbythisinformationastobeutterlyunabletoproceedtoourapartment；andwasobligedtoleavethehouse，underthepretextofanappointment。I
desiredthegirl，therefore，tolethermistressknowthatI
shouldreturninafewminutes，butonnoaccounttosaythatshehadspokentomeofM。deB————。
"Myhorrorwassogreat，thatIshedtearsasIwentalong，hardlyknowingfromwhatfeelingtheyflowed。Ienteredacoffee-housecloseby，andplacingmyselfatatable，Iburiedmyfacebetweenmyhands，asthoughIwouldturnmyeyesinwardtoascertainwhatwaspassinginmyheart。Still，IdarednotrecallwhatIhadheardthemomentbefore。Istrovetolookuponitasadream；andwasmorethanonceonthepointofreturningtomylodgings，determinedtoattachnoimportancetowhatIhadheard。
ItappearedtomesoimpossiblethatManoncouldhavebeenunfaithful，thatIfearedeventowrongherbyasuspicion。I
adoredher——thatwastoocertain；IhadnotonmypartgivenhermoreproofsofmylovethanIhadreceivedofhers；whythenshouldIchargeherwithbeinglesssincereandconstantthanmyself？Whatreasoncouldshehavetodeceiveme？Notthreehoursbefore，shehadlavisheduponmethemosttendercaresses，andhadreceivedminewithtransport：Iknewherheartasthoroughlyasmyown。`No，no！’Isaid，`itisnotpossiblethatManoncanhavedeceivedme。ShewellknowsthatIlivebutforher；thatIadoreher：uponthatpointIcanhavenoreasontobeunhappy。’
"Notwithstandingthesereflections，thevisitofM。deB————，andhissecretdeparture，gavemesomeuneasiness。Iremembered，too，thelittlepurchasesshehadlatelymade，whichseemedbeyondourpresentmeans。Thislookedliketheliberalityofanewlover。Andtheconfidencewithwhichshehadforetoldresourceswhichweretomeunknown？Ihadsomedifficultyinsolvingthesemysteriesinasfavourableamannerasmyheartdesired。
"Ontheotherhand，shehadbeenhardlyoutofmysightsinceweenteredParis。Howeveroccupied，inourwalks，inallouramusements，shewaseveratmyside。Heavens！evenamomentaryseparationwouldhavebeentoopainful。IcouldnotthereforeimaginehowManoncould，toanyotherperson，havedevotedasingleinstant。
"AtlastIthoughtIhaddiscoveredacluetothemystery。`M。
deB————’saidItomyself，`isamanextensivelyengagedincommercialaffairs；andManon’srelationshavenodoubtremittedhermoneythroughhishouse。Shehasprobablyalreadyreceivedsomefromhim，andheiscometodaytobringhermore。Shewishes，perhaps，toderiveamusementbyandby，fromanagreeablesurprise，bykeepingmeatpresentinthedark。Shewoulddoubtlesshaveatoncetoldmeall，ifIhadgoneinasusual，insteadofcomingheretodistressmyself：atallevents，shewillnotconcealitfrommewhenIbroachthesubjectmyself。’
"Icherishedthisideasowillingly，thatitconsiderablylightenedmygrief。Iimmediatelyreturnedtomylodgings，andembracedManonastenderlyasever。Shereceivedmeasusual。
AtfirstIwastemptedtomentionmyconjectures，whichInow，morethanever，lookeduponascertain；butIrestrainedmyselfinthehopethatshemightrenderitunnecessarybyinformingmeofallthathadpassed。
"Supperwasserved。Assuminganairofgaiety，Itookmyseatattable；butbythelightofthecandleswhichwerebetweenus，IfanciedIperceivedanairofmelancholyabouttheeyesandcountenanceofmybelovedmistress。Theverythoughtsoondampedmygaiety。Iremarkedthatherlooksworeanunusualexpression，andalthoughnothingcouldbemoresoftorlanguishing，Iwasatalosstodiscoverwhethertheyconveyedmoreoflovethanofcompassion。Igazedatherwithequalearnestness，andsheperhapshadnolessdifficultyincomprehendingfrommycountenancewhatwaspassinginmyheart。"Weneitherspokenorate。AtlengthIsawtearsstartingfromherbeauteouseyes——perfidioustears！`Ohheavens！’Icried，`mydearestManon，whyallowyoursorrowstoafflictyoutothisdegreewithoutimpartingtheircausetome？’Sheansweredmeonlywithsighs，whichincreasedmymisery。Iarosetremblingfrommyseat：Iconjuredher，withalltheurgentearnestnessoflove，toletmeknowthecauseofhergrief：Iweptinendeavouringtosoothehersorrows：Iwasmoredeadthanalive。AbarbarianwouldhavepitiedmysufferingsasIstoodtremblingwithgriefandapprehension。
"Whilemyattentionwasthusconfinedtoher，Iheardpeoplecomingupstairs。Theytappedgentlyatthedoor。Manongavemeakiss，andescapingfrommyarms，quicklyenteredtheboudoir，turningthekeyafterher。Iimaginedthat，notbeingdressedtoreceivestrangers，shewasunwillingtomeetthepersonswhohadknocked；Iwenttoletthemin。
"Ihadhardlyopenedthedoor，whenIfoundmyselfseizedbythreemen，whomIrecognisedasmyfather’sservants。Theyofferednottheleastviolence，buttwoofthemtakingmebythearms，thethirdexaminedmypockets，andtookoutasmallknife，theonlyweaponIhadaboutme。Theybeggedpardonforthenecessitytheywereunderoftreatingmewithapparentdisrespect；tellingmefranklythattheywereactingbytheordersofmyfather，andthatmyeldestbrotherwasinacarriagebelowwaitingtoreceiveme。Myfeelingsweresooverpowered，thatIallowedmyselftobeledawaywithoutmakingeitherreplyorresistance。Ifoundmybrotherwaitingformeastheyhadstated。Theyplacedmebyhisside，andthecoachmanimmediatelydrove，byhisorders，towardsSt。Denis。
Mybrotherembracedmemostaffectionately，butduringourride，heutterednotaword，sothat，asIwasnotinclinedforconversation，IhadasmuchleisureasIcoulddesiretoreflectuponmymisfortunes。
III
Thatwecancallthesedelicatecreaturesours，Andnottheirappetites。
SHAKESPEARE。
"ThewholeaffairwassoinvolvedinobscuritythatIcouldnotseemywayeventoareasonableconjecture。Iwascruellybetrayed——thatwascertain；butbywhom？Tibergefirstoccurredtome。`Tiberge！’saidI，`itisasmuchasthylifeisworth，ifmysuspicionsturnouttobewellfounded。’However，I
recollectedthathecouldnotbypossibilityknowmyabode；andtherefore，hecouldnothavefurnishedtheinformation。ToaccuseManonwasmorethanmyheartwascapableof。Theunusualmelancholywithwhichshehadlatelyseemedweigheddown，hertears，thetenderkissshegavemeinparting，madeitallasyetamysterytome。Icouldonlylookuponherrecentmelancholyasapresentimentofourcommonmisfortune；andwhileIwasdeploringtheeventwhichtoremefromher，Iwascredulousenoughtoconsiderherfateasmuchdeservingofpityasmyown。
"Theresultofmyreflectionswas，thatIhadbeenseenandfollowedinthestreetsofParisbysomepersonsofmyacquaintance，whohadconveyedtheinformationtomyfather。
Thisideacomfortedme。Imadeupmymindtoencountersomereproaches，orperhapsharshtreatment，forhavingoutragedthepaternalauthority。Iresolved，however，tosufferwithpatience，andtopromiseallthatmightberequiredofme，inordertofacilitatemyspeedyreturntoParis，thatImightrestorelifeandhappinesstomydearManon。
"WesoonarrivedatSt。Denis。Mybrother，surprisedatmylongsilence，thoughtittheeffectoffear。HeassuredmethatIhadnothingtoapprehendfrommyfather’sseverity，providedIshowedadispositiontoreturnquietlytothepathofduty，andprovemyselfworthyofhisaffection。HemademepassthenightatSt。
Denis，merelytakingtheprecautionofputtingthethreelackeystosleepinmyroom。ItcostmeapangtofindmyselfinthesameinnwhereIhadstoppedwithManononourwayfromAmienstoParis。Theinnkeeperandhisservantsrecognisedme，andguessedatoncethetruthofmyhistory。Ioverheardthemsay，`Ah！
that’sthehandsomeyounggentlemanwhotravelledthisroadaboutamonthago，withthebeautifulgirlheappearedsomuchinlovewith！Howprettyshewas！Thepooryoungthings，howtheycaressedeachother！Pityiftheyhavebeenseparated！’I
pretendednottohear，andkeptasmuchoutofsightaspossible。
"AtSt。Denismybrotherhadachariotwaitingforus，inwhichwestartedearlythenextmorning，andarrivedathomebeforenight。
Hesawmyfatherfirst，inordertomakeafavourableimpressionbytellinghimhowquietlyIhadallowedmyselftobebroughtaway，sothathisreceptionofmewaslessausterethanIhadexpected。HemerelyrebukedmeingeneraltermsfortheoffenceIhadcommitted，byabsentingmyselfwithouthispermission。Asformymistress，hesaidIrichlydeservedwhathadhappenedtome，forabandoningmyselftoapersonutterlyunknown；thathehadentertainedabetteropinionofmydiscretion；butthathehopedthislittleadventurewouldmakemewiser。Itookthewholelectureonlyinthesensethataccordedwithmyownnotions。Ithankedmyfatherforhisindulgence，andpromisedthatIwouldinfutureobserveabetterregulatedandmoreobedientcourseofconduct。IfeltthatIhadsecuredatriumph；
for，fromthepresentaspectofaffairs，therewasnodoubtthatIshouldbefreetoeffectmyescapefromthehouseevenbeforethenightwasover。
"Wesatdowntosupper。TheyralliedmeaboutmyAmiensconquest，andmyflightwiththatparagonoffidelity。Itooktheirjokesingoodpart，gladenoughatbeingpermittedtorevolveinmymindtheplansIhadmeditated；butsomewordswhichfellfrommyfathermademelistenwithearnestattention。
Hespokeofperfidy，andthenotdisinterestedkindnesshehadreceivedatthehandsofM。deB————。Iwasalmostparalysedonhearingthename，andbeggedofmyfathertoexplainhimself。Heturnedtomybrother，toaskifhehadnottoldmethewholestory。Mybrotheranswered，thatIappearedtohimsotranquilupontheroad，thathedidnotsupposeIrequiredthisremedytocuremeofmyfolly。Iremarkedthatmyfatherwasdoubtfulwhetherheshouldgivemetheexplanationornot。Ientreatedhimsoearnestlythathesatisfiedme，orIshouldrathersaytorturedme，withthefollowingmosthorriblenarration。
"HebeganbyaskingmewhetherIwasreallysimpleenoughtobelievethatIhadbeenreallylovedbythegirl。ItoldhimconfidentlythatIwasperfectlysureofit，andthatnothingcouldmakemeforamomentdoubtit。`Ha，ha，ha！’saidhe，withaloudlaugh；`thatisexcellent！youareaprettydupe！
Admirableidea！’Twouldbeathousandpities，mypoorchevalier，tomakeyouaKnightofMalta，withalltherequisitesyoupossessforapatientandaccommodatinghusband。’Hecontinuedinthesametonetoridiculewhathewaspleasedtocallmydullnessandcredulity。
"Heconcluded，whileImaintainedaprofoundsilence，bysayingthat，accordingtothenicestcalculationhecouldmakeofthetimesincemydeparturefromAmiens，Manonmusthavebeeninlovewithmeabouttwelvedays；`for，’saidhe，`IknowthatyouleftAmiensonthe28thoflastmonth；thisis，the29thofthepresent；itiselevendayssinceM。deB————wrotetome；I
supposeherequiredeightdaystoestablishaperfectunderstandingwithyourmistress；sothat，takeeightandelevenfromthirty-onedays，thetimebetweenthe28thofonemonthandthe29thofthenext，thereremainstwelve，moreorless！’Thisjokewar，followedbyshoutsoflaughter。
"IhearditallwithakindofsinkingoftheheartthatI
thoughtIcouldnotbearupagainst，untilhefinished。`Youmustknowthen，’continuedmyfather，`sinceyouappearasyetignorantofit，thatM。deB————haswontheaffectionsofyouridol；forhecan’tbeseriousinpretendingthatitishisdisinterestedregardformethathasinducedhimtotakeherfromyou。Itwouldbeabsurdtoexpectsuchnoblesentimentsfromamanofhisdescription，andone，besides，whoisaperfectstrangertome。Heknewthatyouweremyson，andinordertogetridofyou，hewrotetoinformmeofyourabode，andofthelifeyouled；saying，atthesametime，thatstrongmeasureswouldbenecessarytosecureyou。
Heofferedtoprocuremethemeansoflayingholdofyou；anditwasbyhisdirection，aswellasthatofyourmistressherself，thatyourbrotherhituponthemomentforcatchingyouunawares。
Now，youmaycongratulateyourselfuponthedurationofyourtriumph。Youknowhowtoconquer，rapidenough；butyouhaveyettolearnhowtosecureyourconquests。’
"Icouldnolongerenduretheseremarks，everyoneofwhichstruckadaggertomyheart。Iarosefromthetable，andhadnotadvancedfourstepstowardsthedoor，whenIfelluponthefloor，perfectlysenseless。Bypromptapplicationstheysoonbroughtmetomyself。Myeyesopenedonlytoshedatorrentoftears，andmylipstoutterthemostsorrowfulandheartrendingcomplaints。
Myfather，whoalwayslovedmemostaffectionately，triedeverymeanstoconsoleme。Ilistenedtohim，buthiswordswerewithouteffect。Ithrewmyselfathisfeet，intheattitudeofprayer，conjuringhimtoletmereturntoParis，anddestroythemonsterB————。`No！’criedI；`hehasnotgainedManon’sheart；
hemayhaveseducedherbycharms，orbydrugs；hemayhaveevenbrutallyviolatedher。Manonlovesme。DoInotknowthatwell？
Hemusthaveterrifiedherwithaponiard，toinducehertoabandonme。’Whatmusthenothavedonetohaverobbedmeofmyangelicmistress？OhHeaven！Heaven！canitbepossiblethatManondeceivedme，orthatshehasceasedtoloveme！
"AsIcontinuedtoraveaboutreturningatoncetoParis，andwasperpetuallystartingupwiththatpurpose，myfatherclearlysawthatwhiletheparoxysmlasted，noargumentscouldpacifyme。
Heconductedmetooneoftheupperrooms，andlefttwoservantstokeepconstantwatchoverme。Iwascompletelybewildered。I
wouldhavegivenathousandlivestobebutforonequarterofanhourinParis。Ihadsenseenough，however，toknowthathavingsoopenlydeclaredmyintention，theywouldnoteasilyallowmetoquitmychamber。Ilookedattheheightofthewindows。
Seeingnopossibilityofescapingthatway，Iaddressedtheservantsinthemosttranquiltone。Ipromised，withthemostsolemnvows，tomakeatsomefuturedaytheirfortunes，iftheywouldbutconsenttomyescape。Ientreatedthem；Itriedcaresses，andlastlythreats；butallwereunavailing。Igavemyselfuptodespair。Iresolvedtodie；andthrewmyselfuponthebed，withafirmdeterminationtoquititonlywithmylife。
InthissituationIpassedthenightandthefollowingday。I
refusedthenourishmentthatwasbroughttomenextmorning。
"Myfathercametoseemeintheafternoon。Hetriedinthemostaffectionatemanner，tosoothemygrief。Hedesiredmesourgentlytotakesomerefreshment，that，togratifyhim，Iobeyedhiswishes。Severaldayspassed，duringwhichItooknothingbutinhispresence，andathisspecialrequest。Hecontinuedtofurnishnewargumentstorestoremetomypropersenses，andtoinspiremewithmeritedcontemptforthefaithlessManon。I
certainlyhadlostallesteemforher：howcouldIesteemthemostfickleandperfidiousofcreatedbeings！Butherimage——thoseexquisitefeatures，whichwereengravenonmyheart’score，werestilluneffaced。Iunderstoodmyownfeelings：`Imaydie，’saidI，`andIoughttodieaftersomuchshameandgrief；butImightsufferathousanddeathswithoutbeingabletoforgettheingrateManon。’
"Myfatherwassurprisedatmystillcontinuingsopowerfullyaffected。HeknewthatIwasimbuedwiththeprinciplesofhonour；andnotdoubtingthatherinfidelitymustmakemedespiseher，fanciedthatmyobstinacyproceededlessfromthisparticularpassion，thanfromageneralinclinationtowardsthesex。Thisideasotookpossessionofhismind，that，promptedonlybyhisaffectionforme，hecameonedaytorevealhisthoughts。`Chevalier，’saidhetome，`ithasbeenhithertomyintentiontomakeyoubeartheCrossofMalta：Inowseethatyourinclinationsdonotbendthatway。Youareanadmirerofbeauty。Ishallbeabletofindyouawifetoyourtaste。Letmecandidlyknowhowyoufeeluponthesubject。’
"IansweredthatIcouldneveragainseetheslightestdifferenceamongstwomen，andthatafterthemisfortuneIhadexperienced，Idetestedthemallequally。`Iwillfindyouone，’
repliedmyfather，smiling，`whoshallresembleManoninbeauty，butwhoshallbemorefaithful。’`Ah！ifyouhaveanymercy，’
saidI，`youwillrestoremyManontome。Beassured，mydearfather，thatshehasnotbetrayedme；sheisincapableofsuchbaseandcrueltreachery。ItistheperfidiousB————whodeceivesbothherandme。Ifyoucouldformanideaofhertendernessandhersincerity——ifyouonlyknewher，youyourselfwouldloveher！’`Youareabsolutelyachild，’repliedmyfather。`Howcanyousodeludeyourself，afterwhatIhavetoldyouabouther？Itwasshewhoactuallydeliveredyouuptoyourbrother。Yououghttoobliterateevenhernamefromyourmemory，andtakeadvantage，ifyouarewise，oftheindulgenceIamshowingyou。’
"Iveryclearlyperceivedthatmyfatherwasright。Itwasaninvoluntaryemotionthatmademethustakepartwiththetraitor。
`Alas！’repliedI，afteramoment’ssilence，`itisbuttootruethatIamtheunhappyvictimofthevilestperfidy。Yes，’I
continued，whilesheddingtearsofanger，`ItooclearlyperceivethatIamindeedbutachild。Credulitylikeminewaseasilygulled；butIshallbeatnolosstorevengemyself。’Myfatherenquiredofmemyintentions：`IwillgotoParis，’Isaid，`setfiretoB————’shouse，andimmolatehimandtheperfidiousManontogether。’Thisburstmademyfatherlaugh，andhadonlytheeffectofcausingmetobemorevigilantlywatchedinmycell。
Ithuspassedsixlongmonths；duringthefirstofwhichmymindunderwentlittlechange。Myfeelingswereinastateofperpetualalternationbetweenhateandlove；betweenhopeanddespair；accordingas，thetendencyofeachpassingthoughtbroughtManonbacktomyrecollection。Atonetime，Icouldseeinherthemostdelightfulofwomenonly，andsighforthepleasureofbeholdingheroncemore；atanother，Ifeltshewasthemostunworthyandperfidiousofmistresses，andIwouldontheseoccasionsswearneveragaintoseekher，butforthepurposeofrevenge。
"Iwassuppliedwithbooks，whichservedtorestoremypeaceofmind。Ireadonceagainallmyfavouriteauthors；andIbecameacquaintedwithnewones。Allmyformertasteforstudywasrevived。Youwillseeofwhatusethiswastomeinthesequel。
ThelightIhadalreadyderivedfromlove，enabledmetocomprehendmanypassagesinHoraceandVirgilwhichhadbeforeappearedobscure。IwroteanamatorycommentaryuponthefourthbookoftheAEneid。Iintendonedaytopublishit，andI
flattermyselfitwillbepopular。
"`Alas！’Iusedtoexclaim，whilstemployedonthatwork，itwasforaheartlikeminethefaithfulDidosighed，andsighedinvain！’
IV
Now，bythestrangeenchantmentthatsurroundsthee，There’snothing——nothingthoushaltaskinvain。
ESSEX。
"WhileinmyconfinementTibergecameonedaytoseeme。Iwassurprisedattheaffectionatejoywithwhichhesalutedme。I
hadnever，hitherto，observedanypeculiarwarmthinhisfriendshipthatcouldleadmetolookuponitasanythingmorethanthepartialitycommonamongboysofthesameage。Hewassoaltered，andhadgrownsomanlyduringthefiveorsixmonthssinceIhadlastseenhim，thathisexpressivefeaturesandhismannerofaddressingmeinspiredmewithafeelingofrespect。
Hespokemoreinthecharacterofamentorthanaschoolfellow，lamentedthedelusionintowhichIhadfallen，congratulatedmeonmyreformation，whichhebelievedwasnowsincere，andendedbyexhortingmetoprofitbymyyouthfulerror，andopenmyeyestothevanityofworldlypleasures。Ilookedathimwithsomeastonishment，whichheatonceperceived。
"`Mydearchevalier，’saidhetome，`youshallhearnothingbutthestricttruth，ofwhichIhaveassuredmyselfbythemostseriousexamination。Ihad，perhaps，asstronganinclinationforpleasureasyou，butHeavenhadatthesametime，initsmercy，blessedmewithatasteforvirtue。Iexercisedmyreasonincomparingtheconsequencesoftheonewiththoseoftheother，andthedivineaidwasgraciouslyvouchsafedtomyreflections。
Iconceivedfortheworldacontemptwhichnothingcanequal。
Canyouguesswhatitisretainsmeinitnow，’headded，`andthatpreventsmefromembracingalifeofsolitude？SimplythesincerefriendshipIbeartowardsyou。Iknowtheexcellentqualitiesofbothyourheartandhead。Thereisnogoodofwhichyoumaynotrenderyourselfcapable。Theblandishmentsofpleasurehavemomentarilydrawnyouaside。Whatdetrimenttothesacredcauseofvirtue！YourflightfromAmiensgavemesuchintensesorrow，thatIhavenotsinceknownamoment’shappiness。
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