Thereader，however，willreadilyconceivethattheymusthaveaprodigioussuperiorityoverthepebblesandsand，whichwecallgoldandpreciousstones。
TwentybeautifulyoungvirginsinwaitingreceivedCandideandCacamboontheiralightingfromthecoach，conductedthemtothebathandcladtheminrobeswovenofthedownofhummingbirds;afterwhichtheywereintroducedbythegreatofficersofthecrownofbothsexestotheKing’sapartment，betweentwofilesofmusicians，eachfileconsistingofathousand，agreeabletothecustomofthecountry。
Whentheydrewneartothepresence-chamber，CacamboaskedoneoftheofficersinwhatmannertheyweretopaytheirobeisancetoHisMajesty;
whetheritwasthecustomtofallupontheirknees，ortoprostratethemselvesupontheground;whethertheyweretoputtheirhandsupontheirheads，orbehindtheirbacks;whethertheyweretolickthedustoffthefloor;inshort，whatwastheceremonyusualonsuchoccasions。
"Thecustom"，saidthegreatofficer，"istoembracetheKingandkisshimoneachcheek。"
CandideandCacamboaccordinglythrewtheirarmsroundHisMajesty’sneck，whoreceivedtheminthemostgraciousmannerimaginable，andverypolitelyaskedthemtosupwithhim。
Whilesupperwaspreparing，ordersweregiventoshowthemthecity，wheretheysawpublicstructuresthatrearedtheirloftyheadstotheclouds;
themarketplacesdecoratedwithathousandcolumns;fountainsofspringwater，besidesothersofrosewater，andofliquorsdrawnfromthesugarcane，incessantlyflowinginthegreatsquares，whichwerepavedwithakindofpreciousstonesthatemittedanodorlikethatofclovesandcinnamon。
CandideaskedtoseetheHighCourtofjustice，theParliament;
butwasansweredthattheyhadnoneinthatcountry，beingutterstrangerstolawsuits。Hetheninquirediftheyhadanyprisons;theyrepliednone。ButwhatgavehimatoncethegreatestsurpriseandpleasurewasthePalaceofSciences，wherehesawagallerytwothousandfeetlong，filledwiththevariousapparatusinmathematicsandnaturalphilosophy。
Afterhavingspentthewholeafternooninseeingonlyaboutthethousandthpartofthecity，theywerebroughtbacktotheKing’spalace。CandidesatdownatthetablewithHisMajesty，hisvaletCacambo，andseveralladiesofthecourt。Neverwasentertainmentmoreelegant，norcouldanyonepossiblyshowmorewitthanHisMajestydisplayedwhiletheywereatsupper。CacamboexplainedalltheKing’sbonsmotstoCandide，and，althoughtheyweretranslated，theystillappearedtobebonsmots。OfallthethingsthatsurprisedCandide，thiswasnottheleast。
Theyspentawholemonthinthishospitableplace，duringwhichtimeCandidewascontinuallysayingtoCacambo，"Iown，myfriend，oncemore，thatthecastlewhereIwasbornisamerenothingincomparisontotheplacewherewenoware;butstillMissCunegondeisnothere，andyouyourselfhavedoubtlesssomefaironeinEuropeforwhomyousigh。Ifweremainhereweshallonlybeasothersare;whereasifwereturntoourownworldwithonlyadozenofElDoradosheep，loadedwiththepebblesofthiscountry，weshallbericherthanallthekingsinEurope;
weshallnolongerneedtostandinaweoftheInquisitors;andwemayeasilyrecoverMissCunegonde。"
ThisspeechwasperfectlyagreeabletoCacambo。Afondnessforroving，formakingafigureintheirowncountry，andforboastingofwhattheyhadseenintheirtravels，wassopowerfulinourtwowanderersthattheyresolvedtobenolongerhappy;anddemandedpermissionoftheKingtoquitthecountry。
"Youareabouttodoarashandsillyaction"，saidtheKing。"Iamsensiblemykingdomisaninconsiderablespot;butwhenpeoplearetolerablyattheireaseinanyplace，Ishouldthinkitwouldbetotheirinteresttoremainthere。
Mostassuredly，Ihavenorighttodetainyou，oranystrangers，againstyourwills;thisisanactoftyrannytowhichourmannersandourlawsareequallyrepugnant。Allmenarebynaturefree;youhavethereforeanundoubtedlibertytodepartwheneveryouplease，butyouwillhavemanyandgreatdifficultiestoencounterinpassingthefrontiers。
Itisimpossibletoascendthatrapidriverwhichrunsunderhighandvaultedrocks，andbywhichyouwereconveyedhitherbyakindofmiracle。Themountainsbywhichmykingdomarehemmedinonallsides，aretenthousandfeethigh，andperfectlyperpendicular;theyareabovetenleaguesacross，andthedescentfromthemisonecontinuedprecipice。
"However，sinceyouaredeterminedtoleaveus，Iwillimmediatelygiveorderstothesuperintendentofmycarriagestocauseonetobemadethatwillconveyyouverysafely。Whentheyhaveconductedyoutothebackofthemountains，nobodycanattendyoufarther;formysubjectshavemadeavownevertoquitthekingdom，andtheyaretooprudenttobreakit。Askmewhateverelseyouplease。"
"AllweshallaskofYourMajesty"，saidCacambo，"isonlyafewsheepladenwithprovisions，pebbles，andtheclayofyourcountry。"
TheKingsmiledattherequestandsaid，"IcannotimaginewhatpleasureyouEuropeansfindinouryellowclay;buttakeawayasmuchofitasyouwill，andmuchgoodmayitdoyou。"
Heimmediatelygaveorderstohisengineerstomakeamachinetohoistthesetwoextraordinarymenoutofthekingdom。Threethousandgoodmachinistswenttoworkandfinisheditinaboutfifteendays，anditdidnotcostmorethantwentymillionssterlingofthatcountry’smoney。CandideandCacambowereplacedonthismachine，andtheytookwiththemtwolargeredsheep，bridledandsaddled，torideupon，whentheygotontheothersideofthemountains;twentyotherstoserveassumptersforcarryingprovisions;thirtyladenwithpresentsofwhateverwasmostcuriousinthecountry，andfiftywithgold，diamonds，andotherpreciousstones。TheKing，atpartingwithourtwoadventurers，embracedthemwiththegreatestcordiality。
Itwasacurioussighttobeholdthemanneroftheirsettingoff，andtheingeniousmethodbywhichtheyandtheirsheepwerehoistedtothetopofthemountains。Themachinistsandengineerstookleaveofthemassoonastheyhadconveyedthemtoaplaceofsafety，andCandidewaswhollyoccupiedwiththethoughtsofpresentinghissheeptoMissCunegonde。
"Now"，criedhe，"thankstoHeaven，wehavemorethansufficienttopaytheGovernorofBuenosAyresforMissCunegonde，ifsheisredeemable。LetusmakethebestofourwaytoCayenne，wherewewilltakeshippingandthenwemayatleisurethinkofwhatkingdomweshallpurchasewithourriches。"
chapter19CHAPTERXIX
WHATHAPPENEDTOTHEMATSURINAM，ANDHOW
CANDIDEBECAMEACQUAINTED
WITHMARTIN
Ourtravelers’firstday’sjourneywasverypleasant;
theywereelatedwiththeprospectofpossessingmorerichesthanweretobefoundinEurope，Asia，andAfricatogether。Candide，inamoroustransports，cutthenameofMissCunegondeonalmosteverytreehecameto。Theseconddaytwooftheirsheepsunkinamorass，andwereswallowedupwiththeirJading;twomorediedoffatigue;somefewdaysafterwardssevenoreightperishedwithhungerinadesert，andothers，atdifferenttimes，tumbleddownprecipices，orwereotherwiselost，sothat，aftertravelingaboutahundreddaystheyhadonlytwosheepleftofthehundredandtwotheybroughtwiththemfromElDorado。
SaidCandidetoCacambo，"Yousee，mydearfriend，howperishabletherichesofthisworldare;thereisnothingsolidbutvirtue。"
"Verytrue"，saidCacambo，"butwehavestilltwosheepremaining，withmoretreasurethanevertheKingofSpainwillbepossessedof;andIespyatownatadistance，whichItaketobeSurinam，atownbelongingtotheDutch。Wearenowattheendofourtroubles，andatthebeginningofhappiness。"
AstheydrewnearthetowntheysawaNegrostretchedonthegroundwithonlyonehalfofhishabit，whichwasakindoflinenfrock;forthepoormanhadlosthisleftlegandhisrighthand。
"GoodGod"，saidCandideinDutch，"whatdostthouhere，friend，inthisdeplorablecondition？"
"Iamwaitingformymaster，MynheerVanderdendur，thefamoustrader"，answeredtheNegro。
"WasitMynheerVanderdendurthatusedyouinthiscruelmanner？"
"Yes，sir"，saidtheNegro;"itisthecustomhere。Theygivealinengarmenttwiceayear，andthatisallourcovering。Whenwelaborinthesugarworks，andthemillhappenstosnatchholdofafinger，theyinstantlychopoffourhand;andwhenweattempttorunaway，theycutoffaleg。Boththesecaseshavehappenedtome，anditisatthisexpensethatyoueatsugarinEurope;andyetwhenmymothersoldmefortenpatacoonsonthecoastofGuinea，shesaidtome，’Mydearchild，blessourfetishes;
adorethemforever;theywillmaketheelivehappy;thouhastthehonortobeaslavetoourlordsthewhites，bywhichthouwiltmakethefortuneofusthyparents。’
"Alas！IknownotwhetherIhavemadetheirfortunes;buttheyhavenotmademine;dogs，monkeys，andparrotsareathousandtimeslesswretchedthanI。TheDutchfetisheswhoconvertedmetellmeeverySundaythattheblacksandwhitesareallchildrenofonefather，whomtheycallAdam。Asforme，Idonotunderstandanythingofgenealogies;
butifwhatthesepreacherssayistrue，weareallsecondcousins;
andyoumustallowthatitisimpossibletobeworsetreatedbyourrelationsthanweare。"
"OPangloss！"criedoutCandide，"suchhorriddoingsneverenteredthyimagination。Hereisanendofthematter。Ifindmyself，afterall，obligedtorenouncethyOptimism。"
"Optimism"，saidCacambo，"whatisthat？"
"Alas！"repliedCandide，"itistheobstinacyofmaintainingthateverythingisbestwhenitisworst。"
AndsosayingheturnedhiseyestowardsthepoorNegro，andshedafloodoftears;andinthisweepingmoodheenteredthetownofSurinam。
ImmediatelyupontheirarrivalourtravelersinquirediftherewasanyvesselintheharborwhichtheymightsendtoBuenosAyres。ThepersontheyaddressedthemselvestohappenedtobethemasterofaSpanishbark，whoofferedtoagreewiththemonmoderateterms，andappointedthemameetingatapublichouse。ThitherCandideandhisfaithfulCacambowenttowaitforhim，takingwiththemtheirtwosheep。
Candide，whowasallfranknessandsincerity，madeaningenuousrecitalofhisadventurestotheSpaniard，declaringtohimatthesametimehisresolutionofcarryingoffMissCunegondefromtheGovernorofBuenosAyres。
"Oh，ho！"saidtheshipmaster，"ifthatisthecase，getwhomyoupleasetocarryyoutoBuenosAyres;formypart，Iwashmyhandsoftheaffair。Itwouldproveahangingmattertousall。ThefairCunegondeistheGovernor’sfavoritemistress。"
ThesewordswerelikeaclapofthundertoCandide;heweptbitterlyforalongtime，and，takingCacamboaside，hesaidtohim，"I’lltellyou，mydearfriend，whatyoumustdo。Wehaveeachofusinourpocketstothevalueoffiveorsixmillionsindiamonds;youareclevereratthesemattersthanI;youmustgotoBuenosAyresandbringoffMissCunegonde。
IftheGovernormakesanydifficultygivehimamillion;ifheholdsout，givehimtwo;asyouhavenotkilledanInquisitor，theywillhavenosuspicionofyou。I’llfitoutanothershipandgotoVenice，whereIwillwaitforyou。
Veniceisafreecountry，whereweshallhavenothingtofearfromBulgarians，Abares，JewsorInquisitors。"
Cacambogreatlyapplaudedthiswiseresolution。Hewasinconsolableatthethoughtsofpartingwithsogoodamaster，whotreatedhimmorelikeanintimatefriendthanaservant;butthepleasureofbeingabletodohimaservicesoongotthebetterofhissorrow。Theyembracedeachotherwithafloodoftears。Candidechargedhimnottoforgettheoldwoman。Cacambosetoutthesameday。ThisCacambowasaveryhonestfellow。
CandidecontinuedsomedayslongeratSurinam，waitingforanycaptaintocarryhimandhistworemainingsheeptoItaly。Hehireddomestics，andpurchasedmanythingsnecessaryforalongvoyage;atlengthMynheerVanderdendur，skipperofalargeDutchvessel，cameandofferedhisservice。
"Whatwillyouhave"，saidCandide，"tocarryme，myservants，mybaggage，andthesetwosheepyouseehere，directlytoVenice？"
Theskipperaskedtenthousandpiastres，andCandideagreedtohisdemandwithouthestitation。
"Ho，ho！"saidthecunningVanderdendurtohimself，"thisstrangermustbeveryrich;heagreestogivemetenthousandpiastreswithouthesitation。"
Returningalittlewhileafter，hetoldCandidethatuponsecondconsiderationhecouldnotundertakethevoyageforlessthantwentythousand。
"Verywell;youshallhavethem"，saidCandide。
"Zounds！"saidtheskippertohimself，"thismanagreestopaytwentythousandpiastreswithasmucheaseasten。"
Accordinglyhewentbackagain，andtoldhimroundlythathewouldnotcarryhimtoVeniceforlessthanthirtythousandpiastres。
"Thenyoushallhavethirtythousand"，saidCandide。
"Odso！"saidtheDutchmanoncemoretohimself，"thirtythousandpiastresseematrifletothisman。Thosesheepmustcertainlybeladenwithanimmensetreasure。I’lle’enstophereandasknomore;
butmakehimpaydownthethirtythousandpiastres，andthenwemayseewhatistobedonefarther。"
Candidesoldtwosmalldiamonds，theleastofwhichwasworthmorethanalltheskipperasked。Hepaidhimbeforehand，thetwosheepwereputonboard，andCandidefollowedinasmallboattojointhevesselintheroad。
Theskippertookadvantageofhisopportunity，hoistedsail，andputouttoseawithafavorablewind。Candide，confoundedandamazed，soonlostsightoftheship。
"Alas！"saidhe，"thisisatricklikethoseinouroldworld！"
Hereturnedbacktotheshoreoverwhelmedwithgrief;and，indeed，hehadlostwhatwouldhavemadethefortuneoftwentymonarchs。
StraightwayuponhislandingheappliedtotheDutchmagistrate;
beingtransportedwithpassionhethunderedatthedoor，whichbeingopened，hewentin，toldhiscase，andtalkedalittlelouderthanwasnecessary。Themagistratebeganwithfininghimtenthousandpiastresforhispetulance，andthenlistenedverypatientlytowhathehadtosay，promisedtoexamineintotheaffairontheskipper’sreturn，andorderedhimtopaytenthousandpiastresmoreforthefeesofthecourt。
ThistreatmentputCandideoutofallpatience;itistrue，hehadsufferedmisfortunesathousandtimesmoregrievous，butthecoolinsolenceofthejudge，andthevillainyoftheskipperraisedhischolerandthrewhimintoadeepmelancholy。Thevillainyofmankindpresenteditselftohismindinallitsdeformity，andhissoulwasapreytothemostgloomyideas。Aftersometime，hearingthatthecaptainofaFrenchshipwasreadytosetsailforBordeaux，ashehadnomoresheeploadedwithdiamondstoputonboard，hehiredthecabinattheusualprice;andmadeitknowninthetownthathewouldpaythepassageandboardofanyhonestmanwhowouldgivehimhiscompanyduringthevoyage;besidesmakinghimapresentoftenthousandpiastres，onconditionthatsuchpersonwasthemostdissatisfiedwithhiscondition，andthemostunfortunateinthewholeprovince。
Uponthisthereappearedsuchacrowdofcandidatesthatalargefleetcouldnothavecontainedthem。Candide，willingtochoosefromamongthosewhoappearedmostlikelytoanswerhisintention，selectedtwenty，whoseemedtohimthemostsociable，andwhoallpretendedtomeritthepreference。Heinvitedthemtohisinn，andpromisedtotreatthemwithasupper，onconditionthateverymanshouldbindhimselfbyanoathtorelatehisownhistory;declaringatthesametime，thathewouldmakechoiceofthatpersonwhoshouldappeartohimthemostdeservingofcompassion，andthemostjustlydissatisfiedwithhisconditioninlife;andthathewouldmakeapresenttotherest。
Thisextraordinaryassemblycontinuedsittingtillfourinthemorning。
Candide，whilehewaslisteningtotheiradventures，calledtomindwhattheoldwomanhadsaidtohimintheirvoyagetoBuenosAyres，andthewagershehadlaidthattherewasnotapersononboardtheshipbuthadmetwithgreatmisfortunes。EverystoryheheardputhiminmindofPangloss。
"Myoldmaster"，saidhe，"wouldbeconfoundedlyputtoittodemonstratehisfavoritesystem。Wouldhewerehere！Certainlyifeverythingisforthebest，itisinElDorado，andnotintheotherpartsoftheworld。"
Atlengthhedeterminedinfavorofapoorscholar，whohadlaboredtenyearsforthebooksellersatAmsterdam：beingofopinionthatnoemploymentcouldbemoredetestable。
Thisscholar，whowasinfactaveryhonestman，hadbeenrobbedbyhiswife，beatenbyhisson，andforsakenbyhisdaughter，whohadrunawaywithaPortuguese。Hehadbeenlikewisedeprivedofasmallemploymentonwhichhesubsisted，andhewaspersecutedbytheclergyofSurinam，whotookhimforaSocinian。Itmustbeacknowledgedthattheothercompetitorswere，atleast，aswretchedashe;butCandidewasinhopesthatthecompanyofamanofletterswouldrelievethetediousnessofthevoyage。AlltheothercandidatescomplainedthatCandidehaddonethemgreatinjustice，buthestoppedtheirmouthsbyapresentofahundredpiastrestoeach。
chapter20CHAPTERXX
WHATBEFELLCANDIDEANDMARTIN
ONTHEIR
PASSAGE
Theoldphilosopher，whosenamewasMartin，tookshippingwithCandideforBordeaux。Bothhadseenandsufferedagreatdeal，andhadtheshipbeengoingfromSurinamtoJapanroundtheCapeofGoodHope，theycouldhavefoundsufficiententertainmentforeachotherduringthewholevoyage，indiscoursinguponmoralandnaturalevil。
Candide，however，hadoneadvantageoverMartin：helivedinthepleasinghopesofseeingMissCunegondeoncemore;whereas，thepoorphilosopherhadnothingtohopefor。Besides，Candidehadmoneyandjewels，and，notwithstandinghehadlostahundredredsheepladenwiththegreatesttreasureoutsideofElDorado，andthoughhestillsmartedfromthereflectionoftheDutchskipper’sknavery，yetwhenheconsideredwhathehadstillleft，andrepeatedthenameofCunegonde，especiallyaftermealtimes，heinclinedtoPangloss’sdoctrine。
"Andpray"，saidhetoMartin，"whatisyouropinionofthewholeofthissystem？Whatnotionhaveyouofmoralandnaturalevil？"
"Sir"，repliedMartin，"ourpriestaccusedmeofbeingaSocinian;buttherealtruthis，IamaManichaean。"
"Nay，nowyouarejesting"，saidCandide;"therearenoManichaeansexistingatpresentintheworld。"
"AndyetIamone"，saidMartin;"butIcannothelpit。
Icannotforthesoulofmethinkotherwise。"
"SurelytheDevilmustbeinyou"，saidCandide。
"Heconcernshimselfsomuch"，repliedMartin，"intheaffairsofthisworldthatitisveryprobablehemaybeinmeaswellaseverywhereelse;butI
mustconfess，whenIcastmyeyeonthisglobe，orratherglobule，IcannothelpthinkingthatGodhasabandonedittosomemalignantbeing。IalwaysexceptElDorado。Iscarceeverknewacitythatdidnotwishthedestructionofitsneighboringcity;norafamilythatdidnotdesiretoexterminatesomeotherfamily。Thepoorinallpartsoftheworldbearaninveteratehatredtotherich，evenwhiletheycreepandcringetothem;andtherichtreatthepoorlikesheep，whosewoolandfleshtheybarterformoney;amillionofregimentedassassinstraverseEuropefromoneendtotheother，togettheirbreadbyregulardepredationandmurder，becauseitisthemostgentlemanlikeprofession。Eveninthosecitieswhichseemtoenjoytheblessingsofpeace，andwheretheartsflourish，theinhabitantsaredevouredwithenvy，care，andinquietudes，whicharegreaterplaguesthananyexperiencedinatownbesieged。Privatechagrinsarestillmoredreadfulthanpubliccalamities。Inaword"，concludedthephilosopher，"IhaveseenandsufferedsomuchthatIamaManichaean。"
"Andyetthereissomegoodintheworld"，repliedCandide。
"Maybeso"，saidMartin，"butithasescapedmyknowledge。"
Whiletheyweredeeplyengagedinthisdisputetheyheardthereportofcannon，whichredoubledeverymoment。Eachtookouthisglass，andtheyspiedtwoshipswarmlyengagedatthedistanceofaboutthreemiles。ThewindbroughtthembothsoneartheFrenchshipthatthoseonboardherhadthepleasureofseeingthefightwithgreatease。
Afterseveralsmartbroadsidestheonegavetheotherashotbetweenwindandwaterwhichsunkheroutright。ThencouldCandideandMartinplainlyperceiveahundredmenonthedeckofthevesselwhichwassinking，who，withhandsupliftedtoHeaven，sentforthpiercingcries，andwereinamomentswallowedupbythewaves。
"Well"，saidMartin，"younowseeinwhatmannermankindtreatoneanother。"
"Itiscertain"，saidCandide，"thatthereissomethingdiabolicalinthisaffair。"Ashewasspeakingthushespiedsomethingofashiningredhue，whichswamclosetothevessel。Theboatwashoistedouttoseewhatitmightbe，whenitprovedtobeoneofhissheep。Candidefeltmorejoyattherecoveryofthisoneanimalthanhedidgriefwhenhelosttheotherhundred，thoughladenwiththelargediamondsofElDorado。
TheFrenchcaptainquicklyperceivedthatthevictoriousshipbelongedtothecrownofSpain;thattheotherwasaDutchpirate，andtheverysamecaptainwhohadrobbedCandide。Theimmensericheswhichthisvillainhadamassed，wereburiedwithhiminthedeep，andonlythisonesheepsavedoutofthewhole。
"Yousee"，saidCandidetoMartin，"thatviceissometimespunished。Thisvillain，theDutchskipper，hasmetwiththefatehedeserved。"
"Verytrue"，saidMartin，"butwhyshouldthepassengersbedoomedalsotodestruction？Godhaspunishedtheknave，andtheDevilhasdrownedtherest。"
TheFrenchandSpanishshipscontinuedtheircruise，andCandideandMartintheirconversation。Theydisputedfourteendayssuccessively，attheendofwhichtheywerejustasfaradvancedasthefirstmomenttheybegan。However，theyhadthesatisfactionofdisputing，ofcommunicatingtheirideas，andofmutuallycomfortingeachother。Candideembracedhissheepwithtransport。
"SinceIhavefoundtheeagain"，saidhe，"ImaypossiblyfindmyCunegondeoncemore。"
chapter21CHAPTERXXI
CANDIDEANDMARTIN，WHILETHUSREASONINGWITH
EACHOTHER，DRAWNEARTOTHECOASTOFFRANCE
AtlengththeydescriedthecoastofFrance，whenCandidesaidtoMartin，"PrayMonsieurMartin，wereyoueverinFrance？"
"Yes，sir"，saidMartin，"Ihavebeeninseveralprovincesofthatkingdom。Insome，onehalfofthepeoplearefoolsandmadmen;insome，theyaretooartful;inothers，again，theyare，ingeneral，eitherverygood-naturedorverybrutal;whileinothers，theyaffecttobewitty，andinall，theirrulingpassionislove，thenextisslander，andthelastistotalknonsense。"
"But，pray，MonsieurMartin，wereyoueverinParis？"
"Yes，sir，Ihavebeeninthatcity，anditisaplacethatcontainstheseveralspeciesjustdescribed;itisachaos，aconfusedmultitude，whereeveryoneseeksforpleasurewithoutbeingabletofindit;atleast，asfarasIhaveobservedduringmyshortstayinthatcity。AtmyarrivalIwasrobbedofallI
hadintheworldbypickpocketsandsharpers，atthefairofSaint-Germain。I
wastakenupmyselfforarobber，andconfinedinprisonawholeweek;
afterwhichIhiredmyselfascorrectortoapressinordertogetalittlemoneytowardsdefrayingmyexpensesbacktoHollandonfoot。Iknewthewholetribeofscribblers，malcontents，andfanatics。
Itissaidthepeopleofthatcityareverypolite;Ibelievetheymaybe。"
"Formypart，IhavenocuriositytoseeFrance"，saidCandide。"Youmayeasilyconceive，myfriend，thatafterspendingamonthinElDorado，IcandesiretobeholdnothinguponearthbutMissCunegonde。
IamgoingtowaitforheratVenice。IintendtopassthroughFrance，onmywaytoItaly。Willyounotbearmecompany？"
"Withallmyheart"，saidMartin。"TheysayVeniceisagreeabletononebutnobleVenetians，butthat，nevertheless，strangersarewellreceivedtherewhentheyhaveplentyofmoney;nowIhavenone，butyouhave，thereforeI
willattendyouwhereveryouplease。"
"Nowweareuponthissubject"，saidCandide，"doyouthinkthattheearthwasoriginallysea，aswereadinthatgreatbookwhichbelongstothecaptainoftheship？"
"Ibelievenothingofit"，repliedMartin，"anymorethanIdoofthemanyotherchimeraswhichhavebeenrelatedtousforsometimepast。"
"Butthen，towhatend"，saidCandide，"wastheworldformed？"
"Tomakeusmad"，saidMartin。
"Areyounotsurprised"，continuedCandide，"atthelovewhichthetwogirlsinthecountryoftheOreillonshadforthosetwomonkeys？-
YouknowI
havetoldyouthestory。"
"Surprised？"repliedMartin，"notintheleast。Iseenothingstrangeinthispassion。Ihaveseensomanyextraordinarythingsthatthereisnothingextraordinarytomenow。"
"Doyouthink"，saidCandide，"thatmankindalwaysmassacredoneanotherastheydonow？Weretheyalwaysguiltyoflies，fraud，treachery，ingratitude，inconstancy，envy，ambition，andcruelty？
Weretheyalwaysthieves，fools，cowards，gluttons，drunkards，misers，calumniators，debauchees，fanatics，andhypocrites？"
"Doyoubelieve"，saidMartin，"thathawkshavealwaysbeenaccustomedtoeatpigeonswhentheycameintheirway？"
"Doubtless"，saidCandide。
"Wellthen"，repliedMartin，"ifhawkshavealwayshadthesamenature，whyshouldyoupretendthatmankindchangetheirs？"
"Oh"，saidCandide，"thereisagreatdealofdifference;
forfreewill-"andreasoningthustheyarrivedatBordeaux。
chapter22CHAPTERXXII
WHATHAPPENEDTOCANDIDE
ANDMARTININ
FRANCE
CandidestayednolongeratBordeauxthanwasnecessarytodisposeofafewofthepebbleshehadbroughtfromElDorado，andtoprovidehimselfwithapost-chaisefortwopersons，forhecouldnolongerstirastepwithouthisphilosopherMartin。Theonlythingthatgivehimconcernwasbeingobligedtoleavehissheepbehindhim，whichheintrustedtothecareoftheAcademyofSciencesatBordeaux，whoproposed，asaprizesubjectfortheyear，toprovewhythewoolofthissheepwasred;
andtheprizewasadjudgedtoanorthernsage，whodemonstratedbyAplusB，minusC，dividedbyZ，thatthesheepmustnecessarilybered，anddieofthemange。
Inthemeantime，alltravelerswhomCandidemetwithintheinns，orontheroad，toldhimtoaman，thattheyweregoingtoParis。
Thisgeneraleagernessgavehimlikewiseagreatdesiretoseethiscapital;anditwasnotmuchoutofhiswaytoVenice。
HeenteredthecitybythesuburbsofSaint-Marceau，andthoughthimselfinoneofthevilesthamletsinallWestphalia。
Candidehadnotbeenlongathisinn，beforehewasseizedwithaslightdisorder，owingtothefatiguehehadundergone。Asheworeadiamondofanenormoussizeonhisfingerandhadamongtherestofhisequipageastrongboxthatseemedveryweighty，hesoonfoundhimselfbetweentwophysicians，whomhehadnotsentfor，anumberofintimatefriendswhomhehadneverseen，andwhowouldnotquithisbedside，andtwowomendevotees，whowereverycarefulinprovidinghimhotbroths。
"Iremember"，saidMartintohim，"thatthefirsttimeIcametoParisIwaslikewisetakenill。Iwasverypoor，andaccordinglyI
hadneitherfriends，nurses，norphysicians，andyetIdidverywell。"
However，bydintofpurgingandbleeding，Candide’sdisorderbecameveryserious。Thepriestoftheparishcamewithallimaginablepolitenesstodesireanoteofhim，payabletothebearerintheotherworld。Candiderefusedtocomplywithhisrequest;butthetwodevoteesassuredhimthatitwasanewfashion。Candidereplied，thathewasnotonethatfollowedthefashion。Martinwasforthrowingthepriestoutofthewindow。TheclerksworeCandideshouldnothaveChristianburial。Martinsworeinhisturnthathewouldburytheclerkaliveifhecontinuedtoplaguethemanylonger。Thedisputegrewwarm;Martintookhimbytheshouldersandturnedhimoutoftheroom，whichgavegreatscandal，andoccasionedaproces-verbal。
Candiderecovered，andtillhewasinaconditiontogoabroadhadagreatdealofgoodcompanytopasstheeveningswithhiminhischamber。Theyplayeddeep。Candidewassurprisedtofindhecouldneverturnatrick;andMartinwasnotatallsurprisedatthematter。
AmongthosewhodidhimthehonorsoftheplacewasalittlespruceabbeofPerigord，oneofthoseinsinuating，busy，fawning，impudent，necessaryfellows，thatlaywaitforstrangersontheirarrival，tellthemallthescandalofthetown，andoffertoministertotheirpleasuresatvariousprices。ThismanconductedCandideandMartintotheplayhouse;theywereactinganewtragedy。Candidefoundhimselfplacednearaclusterofwits：this，however，didnotpreventhimfromsheddingtearsatsomepartsofthepiecewhichweremostaffecting，andbestacted。
Oneofthesetalkerssaidtohimbetweenacts，"Youaregreatlytoblametoshedtears;thatactressplayshorribly，andthemanthatplayswithherstillworse，andthepieceitselfisstillmoreexecrablethantherepresentation。
TheauthordoesnotunderstandawordofArabic，andyethehaslaidhissceneinArabia，andwhatismore，heisafellowwhodoesnotbelieveininnateideas。TomorrowIwillbringyouascoreofpamphletsthathavebeenwrittenagainsthim。"
"Pray，sir"，saidCandidetotheabbe，"howmanytheatricalpieceshaveyouinFrance？"
"Fiveorsixthousand"，repliedtheabbe。
"Indeed！thatisagreatnumber"，saidCandide，"buthowmanygoodonesmaytherebe？"
"Aboutfifteenorsixteen。"
"Oh！thatisagreatnumber"，saidMartin。
Candidewasgreatlytakenwithanactress，whoperformedthepartofQueenElizabethinadullkindoftragedythatisplayedsometimes。
"Thatactress"，saidhetoMartin，"pleasesmegreatly;
shehassomesortofresemblancetoMissCunegonde。Ishouldbeverygladtopaymyrespectstoher。"
TheabbeofPerigordofferedhisservicetointroducehimtoheratherownhouse。Candide，whowasbroughtupinGermany，desiredtoknowwhatmightbetheceremonialusedonthoseoccasions，andhowaqueenofEnglandwastreatedinFrance。
"Thereisanecessarydistinctiontobeobservedinthesematters"，saidtheabbe。"Inacountrytownwetakethemtoatavern;hereinParis，theyaretreatedwithgreatrespectduringtheirlifetime，providedtheyarehandsome，andwhentheydiewethrowtheirbodiesuponadunghill。"
"How？"saidCandide，"throwaqueen’sbodyuponadunghill！"
"Thegentlemanisquiteright"，saidMartin，"hetellsyounothingbutthetruth。IhappenedtobeatPariswhenMissMonimiamadeherexit，asonemaysay，outofthisworldintoanother。Shewasrefusedwhattheycallheretheritesofsepulture;thatistosay，shewasdeniedtheprivilegeofrottinginachurchyardbythesideofallthebeggarsintheparish。
TheyburiedheratthecornerofBurgundyStreet，whichmustcertainlyhaveshockedherextremely，asshehadveryexaltednotionsofthings。"
"Thisisactingveryimpolitely"，saidCandide。
"Lord！"saidMartin，"whatcanbesaidtoit？Itisthewayofthesepeople。
Figuretoyourselfallthecontradictions，alltheinconsistenciespossible，andyoumaymeetwiththeminthegovernment，thecourtsofjustice，thechurches，andthepublicspectaclesofthisoddnation。"
"Isittrue"，saidCandide，"thatthepeopleofParisarealwayslaughing？"
"Yes"，repliedtheabbe，"butitiswithangerintheirhearts;theyexpressalltheircomplaintsbyloudburstsoflaughter，andcommitthemostdetestablecrimeswithasmileontheirfaces。"
"Whowasthatgreatovergrownbeast"，saidCandide，"whospokesoilltomeofthepiecewithwhichIwassomuchaffected，andoftheplayerswhogavemesomuchpleasure？"
"Averygood-for-nothingsortofamanIassureyou"，answeredtheabbe，"onewhogetshislivelihoodbyabusingeverynewbookandplaythatiswrittenorperformed;hedislikesmuchtoseeanyonemeetwithsuccess，likeeunuchs，whodetesteveryonethatpossessesthosepowerstheyaredeprivedof;heisoneofthosevipersinliteraturewhonourishthemselveswiththeirownvenom;apamphlet-monger。"
"Apamphlet-manger！"saidCandide，"whatisthat？"
"Why，apamphlet-manger"，repliedtheabbe，"isawriterofpamphlets-afool。"
Candide，Martin，andtheabbeofPerigordarguedthusonthestaircase，whiletheystoodtoseethepeoplegooutoftheplayhouse。
"ThoughIamveryanxioustoseeMissCunegondeagain"，saidCandide，"yetIhaveagreatinclinationtosupwithMissClairon，forIamreallymuchtakenwithher。"
Theabbewasnotapersontoshowhisfaceatthislady’shouse，whichwasfrequentedbynonebutthebestcompany。
"Sheisengagedthisevening"，saidhe，"butIwilldomyselfthehonortointroduceyoutoaladyofqualityofmyacquaintance，atwhosehouseyouwillseeasmuchofthemannersofParisasifyouhadlivedhereforfortyyears。"
Candide，whowasnaturallycurious，sufferedhimselftobeconductedtothislady’shouse，whichwasinthesuburbsofSaint-Honore。
Thecompanywasengagedatbasser;twelvemelancholypuntersheldeachinhishandasmallpackofcards，thecornersofwhichweredoubleddown，andweresomanyregistersoftheirillfortune。Aprofoundsilencereignedthroughouttheassembly，apalliddreadhadtakenpossessionofthecountenancesofthepunters，andrestlessinquietudestretchedeverymuscleofthefaceofhimwhokeptthebank;andtheladyofthehouse，whowasseatednexttohim，observedwithlynx’seyeseveryplaymade，andnotedthosewhotallied，andmadethemundoubletheircardswithasevereexactness，thoughmixedwithapoliteness，whichshethoughtnecessarynottofrightenawayhercustomers。ThisladyassumedthetitleofMarchionessofParolignac。Herdaughter，agirlofaboutfifteenyearsofage，wasoneofthepunters，andtookcaretogivehermammaahint，bysigns，whenanyoneoftheplayersattemptedtorepairtherigoroftheirillfortunebyalittleinnocentdeception。
ThecompanywerethusoccupiedwhenCandide，Martin，andtheabbemadetheirentrance;notacreaturerosetosalutethem，orindeedtooktheleastnoticeofthem，beingwhollyintentuponthebusinessathand。
"Ah！"saidCandide，"MyLadyBaronessofThunder-ten-tronckhwouldhavebehavedmorecivilly。"
However，theabbewhisperedintheearoftheMarchioness，whohalfraisingherselffromherseat，honoredCandidewithagracioussmile，andgaveMartinanodofherhead，withanairofinexpressibledignity。ShethenorderedaseatforCandide，anddesiredhimtomakeoneoftheirpartyatplay;hedidso，andinafewdealslostnearathousandpieces;afterwhichtheysuppedveryelegantly，andeveryonewassurprisedatseeingCandidelosesomuchmoneywithoutappearingtobetheleastdisturbedatit。Theservantsinwaitingsaidtoeachother，"ThisiscertainlysomeEnglishlord。"
ThesupperwaslikemostothersofitskindinParis。Atfirsteveryonewassilent;thenfollowedafewconfusedmurmurs，andafterwardsseveralinsipidjokespassedandrepassed，withfalsereports，falsereasonings，alittlepolitics，andagreatdealofscandal。Theconversationthenturneduponthenewproductionsinliterature。
"Pray"，saidtheabbe，"goodfolks，haveyouseentheromancewrittenbyacertainGauchat，DoctorofDivinity？"
"Yes"，answeredoneofthecompany，"butIhadnotpatiencetogothroughit。Thetownispesteredwithaswarmofimpertinentproductions，butthisofDr。Gauchat’soutdoesthemall。Inshort，IwassocursedlytiredofreadingthisvilestuffthatIevenresolvedtocomehere，andmakeapartyatbasset。"
"ButwhatsayyoutothearchdeaconT-’smiscellaneouscollection"，saidtheabbe。
"OhmyGod！"criedtheMarchionessofParolignac，"nevermentionthetediouscreature！Onlythinkwhatpainsheisattotellonethingsthatalltheworldknows;andhowhelaborsanargumentthatishardlyworththeslightestconsideration！howabsurdlyhemakesuseofotherpeople’swit！
howmiserablyhemangleswhathehaspilferedfromthem！
Themanmakesmequitesick！Afewpagesofthegoodarchdeaconareenoughinconsciencetosatisfyanyone。"
Therewasatthetableapersonoflearningandtaste，whosupportedwhattheMarchionesshadadvanced。Theynextbegantotalkoftragedies。Theladydesiredtoknowhowitcameaboutthattherewereseveraltragedies，whichstillcontinuedtobeplayed，thoughtheywouldnotbearreading？Themanoftasteexplainedveryclearlyhowapiecemaybeinsomemannerinterestingwithouthavingagrainofmerit。Heshowed，inafewwords，thatitisnotsufficienttothrowtogetherafewincidentsthataretobemetwithineveryromance，andthattodazzlethespectatorthethoughtsshouldbenew，withoutbeingfarfetched;frequentlysublime，butalwaysnatural;theauthorshouldhaveathoroughknowledgeofthehumanheartandmakeitspeakproperly;heshouldbeacompletepoet，withoutshowinganaffectationofitinanyofthecharactersofhispiece;heshouldbeaperfectmasterofhislanguage，speakitwithallitspurity，andwiththeutmostharmony，andyetsoasnottomakethesenseaslavetotherhyme。
"Whoever"，addedhe，"neglectsanyoneoftheserules，thoughhemaywritetwoorthreetragedieswithtolerablesuccess，willneverbereckonedinthenumberofgoodauthors。Thereareveryfewgoodtragedies;
someareidylls，inverywell-writtenandharmoniousdialogue;
andothersachainofpoliticalreasoningsthatsetoneasleep，orelsepompousandhigh-flownamplification，thatdisgustratherthanplease。Othersagainaretheravingsofamadman，inanuncouthstyle，unmeaningflights，orlongapostrophestothedeities，forwantofknowinghowtoaddressmankind;
inawordacollectionoffalsemaximsanddullcommonplace。"
Candidelistenedtothisdiscoursewithgreatattention，andconceivedahighopinionofthepersonwhodeliveredit;andastheMarchionesshadtakencaretoplacehimnearherside，hetookthelibertytowhisperhersoftlyintheearandaskwhothispersonwasthatspokesowell。
"Heisamanofletters"，repliedHerLadyship，"whoneverplays，andwhomtheabbebringswithhimtomyhousesometimestospendanevening。Heisagreatjudgeofwriting，especiallyintragedy;hehascomposedonehimself，whichwasdamned，andhaswrittenabookthatwasneverseenoutofhisbookseller’sshop，exceptingonlyonecopy，whichhesentmewithadedication，towhichhehadprefixedmyname。"
"Ohthegreatman"，criedCandide，"heisasecondPangloss。"
Thenturningtowardshim，"Sir"，saidhe，"youaredoubtlessofopinionthateverythingisforthebestinthephysicalandmoralworld，andthatnothingcouldbeotherwisethanitis？"
"I，sir！"repliedthemanofletters，"Ithinknosuchthing，Iassureyou;Ifindthatallinthisworldissetthewrongenduppermost。
Nooneknowswhatishisrank，hisoffice，norwhathedoes，norwhatheshoulddo。Withtheexceptionofourevenings，whichwegenerallypasstolerablymerrily，therestofourtimeisspentinidledisputesandquarrels，JansenistsagainstMolinists，theParliamentagainsttheChurch，andonearmedbodyofmenagainstanother;courtieragainstcourtier，husbandagainstwife，andrelationsagainstrelations。Inshort，thisworldisnothingbutonecontinuedsceneofcivilwar。"
"Yes"，saidCandide，"andIhaveseenworsethanallthat;
andyetalearnedman，whohadthemisfortunetobehanged，taughtmethateverythingwasmarvelouslywell，andthattheseevilsyouarespeakingofwereonlysomanyshadesinabeautifulpicture。"
"Yourhempensage"，saidMartin，"laughedatyou;theseshades，asyoucallthem，aremosthorribleblemishes。"
"Themenmaketheseblemishes"，rejoinedCandide，"andtheycannotdootherwise。"
"Thenitisnottheirfault"，addedMartin。
Thegreatestpartofthegamesters，whodidnotunderstandasyllableofthisdiscourse，amusedthemselveswithdrinking，whileMartinreasonedwiththelearnedgentlemanandCandideentertainedtheladyofthehousewithapartofhisadventures。
AftersuppertheMarchionessconductedCandideintoherdressingroom，andmadehimsitdownunderacanopy。
"Well"，saidshe，"areyoustillsoviolentlyfondofMissCunegondeofThunder-ten-tronckh？"
"Yes，madam"，repliedCandide。
TheMarchionesssaidtohimwithatendersmile，"YouanswermelikeayoungmanborninWestphalia;aFrenchmanwouldhavesaid，’Itistrue，madam，IhadagreatpassionforMissCunegonde;butsinceIhaveseenyou，IfearIcannolongerloveherasIdid。’"
"Alas！madam"，repliedCandide，"Iwillmakeyouwhatansweryouplease。"
"Youfellinlovewithher，Ifind，instoopingtopickupherhandkerchiefwhichshehaddropped;youshallpickupmygarter。"
"Withallmyheart，madam"，saidCandide，andhepickeditup。
"Butyoumusttieitonagain"，saidthelady。
Candidetieditonagain。
"Lookye，youngman"，saidtheMarchioness，"youareastranger;ImakesomeofmylovershereinParislanguishformeawholefortnight;butI
surrendertoyouatfirstsight，becauseIamwillingtodothehonorsofmycountrytoayoungWestphalian。"
Thefaironehavingcasthereyeontwoverylargediamondsthatwereupontheyoungstranger’sfinger，praisedtheminsoearnestamannerthattheywereinaninstanttransferredfromhisfingertohers。
AsCandidewasgoinghomewiththeabbehefeltsomequalmsofconscienceforhavingbeenguiltyofinfidelitytoMissCunegonde。Theabbetookpartwithhiminhisuneasiness;hehadbutaninconsiderableshareinthethousandpiecesCandidehadlostatplay，andthetwodiamondswhichhadbeeninamannerextortedfromhim;andthereforeveryprudentlydesignedtomakethemosthecouldofhisnewacquaintance，whichchancehadthrowninhisway。HetalkedmuchofMissCunegonde，andCandideassuredhimthathewouldheartilyaskpardonofthatfaironeforhisinfidelitytoher，whenhesawheratVenice。
TheabberedoubledhiscivilitiesandseemedtointeresthimselfwarmlyineverythingthatCandidesaid，did，orseemedinclinedtodo。
"Andso，sir，youhaveanengagementatVenice？"
"Yes，Monsieurl’Abbe"，answeredCandide，"ImustabsolutelywaituponMissCunegonde"，andthenthepleasurehetookintalkingabouttheobjectheloved，ledhiminsensiblytorelate，accordingtocustom，partofhisadventureswiththatillustriousWestphalianbeauty。
"Ifancy"，saidtheabbe，"MissCunegondehasagreatdealofwit，andthatherlettersmustbeveryentertaining。"
"Ineverreceivedanyfromher"，saidCandide;"foryouaretoconsiderthat，beingexpelledfromthecastleuponheraccount，Icouldnotwritetoher，especiallyassoonaftermydepartureIheardshewasdead;butthankGodIfoundafterwardsshewasliving。Ileftheragainafterthis，andnowIhavesentamessengertoherneartwothousandleaguesfromhere，andwaithereforhisreturnwithananswerfromher。"
Theartfulabbeletnotawordofallthisescapehim，thoughheseemedtobemusinguponsomethingelse。Hesoontookhisleaveofthetwoadventurers，afterhavingembracedthemwiththegreatestcordiality。
Thenextmorning，almostassoonashiseyeswereopen，Candidereceivedthefollowingbillet：
"MyDearestLover-Ihavebeenillinthiscitytheseeightdays。Ihaveheardofyourarrival，andshouldflytoyourarmswereIabletostir。IwasinformedofyourbeingonthewayhitheratBordeaux，whereIleftthefaithfulCacambo，andtheoldwoman，whowillsoonfollowme。TheGovernorofBuenosAyreshastakeneverythingfrommebutyourheart，whichIstillretain。Cometomeimmediatelyonthereceiptofthis。Yourpresencewilleithergivemenewlife，orkillmewiththepleasure。"
Atthereceiptofthischarming，thisunexpectedletter，Candidefelttheutmosttransportsofjoy;though，ontheotherhand，theindispositionofhisbelovedMissCunegondeoverwhelmedhimwithgrief。Distractedbetweenthesetwopassionshetookhisgoldandhisdiamonds，andprocuredapersontoconducthimandMartintothehousewhereMissCunegondelodged。Uponenteringtheroomhefelthislimbstremble，hisheartflutter，histonguefalter;heattemptedtoundrawthecurtain，andcalledforalighttothebedside。
"Lordsir"，criedamaidservant，whowaswaitingintheroom，"takecarewhatyoudo，Misscannotbeartheleastlight"，andsosayingshepulledthecurtaincloseagain。
"Cunegonde！mydearcriedCandide，bathedintears，"howdoyoudo？Ifyoucannotbearthelight，speaktomeatleast。"
"Alas！shecannotspeak"，saidthemaid。
ThesickladythenputaplumphandoutofthebedandCandidefirstbatheditwithtears，thenfilleditwithdiamonds，leavingapurseofgoldupontheeasychair。
Inthemidstofhistransportscameanofficerintotheroom，followedbytheabbe，andafileofmusketeers。
"There"，saidhe，"arethetwosuspectedforeigners。"Atthesametimeheorderedthemtobeseizedandcarriedtoprison。
"TravelersarenottreatedinthismannerinthecountryofElDorado"，saidCandide。
"IammoreofaManichaeannowthanever"，saidMartin。
"Butpray，goodsir，whereareyougoingtocarryus？"
saidCandide。
"Toadungeon，mydearsir"，repliedtheofficer。
WhenMartinhadalittlerecoveredhimself，soastoformacooljudgmentofwhathadpassed，heplainlyperceivedthatthepersonwhohadactedthepartofMissCunegondewasacheat;thattheabbeofPerigordwasasharperwhohadimposeduponthehonestsimplicityofCandide，andthattheofficerwasaknave，whomtheymighteasilygetridof。
CandidefollowingtheadviceofhisfriendMartin，andburningwithimpatiencetoseetherealMissCunegonde，ratherthanbeobligedtoappearatacourtofjustice，proposedtotheofficertomakehimapresentofthreesmalldiamonds，eachofthemworththreethousandpistoles。
"Ah，sir"，saidtheunderstrapperofjustice，"hadyoucommitedeversomuchvillainy，thiswouldrenderyouthehonestestmanliving，inmyeyes。
Threediamondsworththreethousandpistoles！Why，mydearsir，sofarfromcarryingyoutojail，Iwouldlosemylifetoserveyou。Thereareordersforstoppingallstrangers;butleaveittome，IhaveabrotheratDieppe，inNormandy。Imyselfwillconductyouthither，andifyouhaveadiamondlefttogivehimhewilltakeasmuchcareofyouasImyselfshould。"
"Butwhy"，saidCandide，"dotheystopallstrangers？"
TheabbeofPerigordmadeanswerthatitwasbecauseapoordevilofthecountryofAtrebataheardsomebodytellfoolishstories，andthisinducedhimtocommitaparricide;notsuchaoneasthatinthemonthofMay，1610，butsuchasthatinthemonthofDecemberintheyear1594，andsuchasmanythathavebeenperpetratedinothermonthsandyears，byotherpoordevilswhohadheardfoolishstories。
Theofficerthenexplainedtothemwhattheabbemeant。
"Horridmonsters"，exclaimedCandide，"isitpossiblethatsuchscenesshouldpassamongapeoplewhoareperpetuallysinginganddancing？Istherenoflyingthisabominablecountryimmediately，thisexecrablekingdomwheremonkeysprovoketigers？Ihaveseenbearsinmycountry，butmenI
havebeheldnowherebutinElDorado。InthenameofGod，sir"，saidhetotheofficer，"domethekindnesstoconductmetoVenice，whereIamtowaitforMissCunegonde。"
"Really，sir"，repliedtheofficer，"IcannotpossiblywaitonyoufartherthanLowerNormandy。"
Sosaying，heorderedCandide’sironstobestruckoff，acknowledgedhimselfmistaken，andsenthisfollowersabouttheirbusiness，afterwhichheconductedCandideandMartintoDieppe，andleftthemtothecareofhisbrother。
TherehappenedjustthentobeasmallDutchshipintheharbor。TheNorman，whomtheotherthreediamondshadconvertedintothemostobliging，serviceablebeingthateverbreathed，tookcaretoseeCandideandhisattendantssafeonboardthisvessel，thatwasjustreadytosailforPortsmouthinEngland。ThiswasnotthenearestwaytoVenice，indeed，butCandidethoughthimselfescapedoutofHell，anddidnot，intheleast，doubtbutheshouldquicklyfindanopportunityofresuminghisvoyagetoVenice。
chapter23CHAPTERXXIII
CANDIDEANDMARTINTOUCHUPONTHEENGLISH
COAST。WHATTHEYSEEHERE
AhPangloss！Pangloss！ahMartin！ahmydearMissCunegonde！
Whatsortofaworldisthis？"ThusexclaimedCandideassoonashegotonboardtheDutchship。
"Whysomethingveryfoolish，andveryabominable"，saidMartin。
"YouareacquaintedwithEngland"，saidCandide;"aretheyasgreatfoolsinthatcountryasinFrance？"
"Yes，butinadifferentmanner"，answeredMartin。"YouknowthatthesetwonationsareatwaraboutafewacresofbarrenlandintheneighborhoodofCanada，andthattheyhaveexpendedmuchgreatersumsinthecontestthanallCanadaisworth。Tosayexactlywhetherthereareagreaternumberfittobeinhabitantsofamadhouseintheonecountrythantheother，exceedsthelimitsofmyimperfectcapacity;Iknowingeneralthatthepeoplewearegoingtovisitareofaverydarkandgloomydisposition。"
AstheywerechattingthustogethertheyarrivedatPortsmouth。
Theshoreoneachsidetheharborwaslinedwithamultitudeofpeople，whoseeyesweresteadfastlyfixedonalustymanwhowaskneelingdownonthedeckofoneofthemen-of-war，withsomethingtiedbeforehiseyes。Oppositetothispersonagestoodfoursoldiers，eachofwhomshotthreebulletsintohisskull，withallthecomposureimaginable;andwhenitwasdone，thewholecompanywentawayperfectlywellsatisfied。
"Whatthedevilisallthisfor？"saidCandide，"andwhatdemon，orfoeofmankind，lordsitthustyrannicallyovertheworld？"
Hethenaskedwhowasthatlustymanwhohadbeensentoutoftheworldwithsomuchceremony。Whenhereceivedforanswer，thatitwasanadmiral。
"Andpraywhydoyouputyouradmiraltodeath？"
"Becausehedidnotputasufficientnumberofhisfellowcreaturestodeath。
Youmustknow，hehadanengagementwithaFrenchadmiral，andithasbeenprovedagainsthimthathewasnotnearenoughtohisantagonist。"
"But"，repliedCandide，"theFrenchadmiralmusthavebeenasfarfromhim。"
"Thereisnodoubtofthat;butinthiscountryitisfoundrequisite，nowandthen，toputanadmiraltodeath，inordertoencouragetheotherstofight。"
Candidewassoshockedatwhathesawandheard，thathewouldnotsetfootonshore，butmadeabargainwiththeDutchskipper（wereheeventorobhimlikethecaptainofSurinam）tocarryhimdirectlytoVenice。
Theskipperwasreadyintwodays。TheysailedalongthecoastofFrance，andpassedwithinsightofLisbon，atwhichCandidetrembled。
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