chapter01CHAPTERI
HOWCANDIDEWASBROUGHTUPINAMAGNIFICIENT
CASTLEANDHOW
HEWASDRIVENTHENCE
InthecountryofWestphalia，inthecastleofthemostnobleBaronofThunder-ten-tronckh，livedayouthwhomNaturehadendowedwithamostsweetdisposition。Hisfacewasthetrueindexofhismind。Hehadasolidjudgmentjoinedtothemostunaffectedsimplicity;andhence，Ipresume，hehadhisnameofCandide。TheoldservantsofthehousesuspectedhimtohavebeenthesonoftheBaron’ssister，byaverygoodsortofagentlemanoftheneighborhood，whomthatyoungladyrefusedtomarry，becausehecouldproducenomorethanthreescoreandelevenquarteringsinhisarms;
therestofthegenealogicaltreebelongingtothefamilyhavingbeenlostthroughtheinjuriesoftime。
TheBaronwasoneofthemostpowerfullordsinWestphalia，forhiscastlehadnotonlyagate，butevenwindows，andhisgreathallwashungwithtapestry。Heusedtohuntwithhismastiffsandspanielsinsteadofgreyhounds;hisgroomservedhimforhuntsman;andtheparsonoftheparishofficiatedashisgrandalmoner。Hewascalled"MyLord"byallhispeople，andhenevertoldastorybuteveryonelaughedatit。
MyLadyBaroness，whoweighedthreehundredandfiftypounds，consequentlywasapersonofnosmallconsideration;andthenshedidthehonorsofthehousewithadignitythatcommandeduniversalrespect。Herdaughterwasaboutseventeenyearsofage，fresh-colored，comely，plump，anddesirable。TheBaron’ssonseemedtobeayouthineveryrespectworthyofthefatherhesprungfrom。Pangloss，thepreceptor，wastheoracleofthefamily，andlittleCandidelistenedtohisinstructionswithallthesimplicitynaturaltohisageanddisposition。
MasterPanglosstaughtthemetaphysico-theologo-cosmolonigology。
Hecouldprovetoadmirationthatthereisnoeffectwithoutacause;and，thatinthisbestofallpossibleworlds，theBaron’scastlewasthemostmagnificentofallcastles，andMyLadythebestofallpossiblebaronesses。
"Itisdemonstrable"，saidhe，"thatthingscannotbeotherwisethanastheyare;forasallthingshavebeencreatedforsomeend，theymustnecessarilybecreatedforthebestend。Observe，forinstance，thenoseisformedforspectacles，thereforewewearspectacles。Thelegsarevisiblydesignedforstockings，accordinglywewearstockings。Stonesweremadetobehewnandtoconstructcastles，thereforeMyLordhasamagnificentcastle;forthegreatestbaronintheprovinceoughttobethebestlodged。
Swinewereintendedtobeeaten，thereforeweeatporkalltheyearround：andthey，whoassertthateverythingisright，donotexpressthemselvescorrectly;theyshouldsaythateverythingisbest。"
Candidelistenedattentivelyandbelievedimplicitly，forhethoughtMissCunegondeexcessivelyhandsome，thoughheneverhadthecouragetotellherso。HeconcludedthatnexttothehappinessofbeingBaronofThunder-ten-tronckh，thenextwasthatofbeingMissCunegonde，thenextthatofseeinghereveryday，andthelastthatofhearingthedoctrineofMasterPangloss，thegreatestphilosopherofthewholeprovince，andconsequentlyofthewholeworld。
OnedaywhenMissCunegondewenttotakeawalkinalittleneighboringwoodwhichwascalledapark，shesaw，throughthebushes，thesageDoctorPanglossgivingalectureinexperimentalphilosophytohermother’schambermaid，alittlebrownwench，verypretty，andverytractable。AsMissCunegondehadagreatdispositionforthesciences，sheobservedwiththeutmostattentiontheexperimentswhichwererepeatedbeforehereyes;sheperfectlywellunderstoodtheforceofthedoctor’sreasoninguponcausesandeffects。Sheretiredgreatlyflurried，quitepensiveandfilledwiththedesireofknowledge，imaginingthatshemightbeasufficingreasonforyoungCandide，andheforher。
Onherwaybackshehappenedtomeettheyoungman;sheblushed，heblushedalso;shewishedhimagoodmorninginaflatteringtone，hereturnedthesalute，withoutknowingwhathesaid。Thenextday，astheywererisingfromdinner，CunegondeandCandideslippedbehindthescreen。Themissdroppedherhandkerchief，theyoungmanpickeditup。
Sheinnocentlytookholdofhishand，andheasinnocentlykissedherswithawarmth，asensibility，agrace-allveryparticular;
theirlipsmet;theireyessparkled;theirkneestrembled;theirhandsstrayed。TheBaronchancedtocomeby;hebeheldthecauseandeffect，and，withouthesitation，salutedCandidewithsomenotablekicksonthebreechanddrovehimoutofdoors。
ThelovelyMissCunegondefaintedaway，and，assoonasshecametoherself，theBaronessboxedherears。Thusageneralconsternationwasspreadoverthismostmagnificentandmostagreeableofallpossiblecastles。
chapter02CHAPTERII
WHATBEFELLCANDIDEAMONGTHEBULGARIANS
Candide，thusdrivenoutofthisterrestrialparadise，rambledalongtimewithoutknowingwherehewent;sometimesheraisedhiseyes，allbedewedwithtears，towardsheaven，andsometimeshecastamelancholylooktowardsthemagnificentcastle，wheredweltthefairestofyoungbaronesses。Helaidhimselfdowntosleepinafurrow，heartbroken，andsupperless。Thesnowfellingreatflakes，and，inthemorningwhenheawoke，hewasalmostfrozentodeath;however，hemadeshifttocrawltothenexttown，whichwascalledWald-berghoff-trarbkdikdorff，withoutapennyinhispocket，andhalfdeadwithhungerandfatigue。
Hetookuphisstandatthedoorofaninn。Hehadnotbeenlongtherebeforetwomendressedinbluefixedtheireyessteadfastlyuponhim。
"Faith，comrade"，saidoneofthemtotheother，"yonderisawellmadeyoungfellowandoftherightsize。"UponwhichtheymadeuptoCandideandwiththegreatestcivilityandpolitenessinvitedhimtodinewiththem。
"Gentlemen"，repliedCandide，withamostengagingmodesty，youdomemuchhonor，butuponmywordIhavenomoney。"
"Money，sir！"saidoneofthebluestohim，"youngpersonsofyourappearanceandmeritneverpayanything;why，arenotyoufivefeetfiveincheshigh？"
"Yes，gentlemen，thatisreallymysize"，repliedhe，withalowbow。
"Comethen，sir，sitdownalongwithus;wewillnotonlypayyourreckoning，butwillneversuffersuchacleveryoungfellowasyoutowantmoney。Menwereborntoassistoneanother。"
"Youareperfectlyright，gentlemen"，saidCandide，"thisispreciselythedoctrineofMasterPangloss;andIamconvincedthateverythingisforthebest。"
Hisgenerouscompanionsnextentreatedhimtoacceptofafewcrowns，whichhereadilycompliedwith，atthesametimeofferingthemhisnoteforthepayment，whichtheyrefused，andsatdowntotable。
"Haveyounotagreataffectionfor-"
"Oyes！IhaveagreataffectionforthelovelyMissCunegonde。"
"Maybeso"，repliedoneoftheblues，"butthatisnotthequestion！WeaskyouwhetheryouhavenotagreataffectionfortheKingoftheBulgarians？"
"FortheKingoftheBulgarians？"saidCandide。"Oh，Lord！
notatall，whyI
neversawhiminmylife。"
"Isitpossible？Oh，heisamostcharmingking！Come，wemustdrinkhishealth。"
"Withallmyheart，gentlemen"，saidCandide，andoffhetossedhisglass。
"Bravo！"criedtheblues;"youarenowthesupport，thedefender，theherooftheBulgarians;yourfortuneismade;youareinthehighroadtoglory。"
Sosaying，theyhandcuffedhim，andcarriedhimawaytotheregiment。
Therehewasmadetowheelabouttotheright，totheleft，todrawhisrammer，toreturnhisrammer，topresent，tofire，tomarch，andtheygavehimthirtyblowswithacane;thenextdayheperformedhisexercisealittlebetter，andtheygavehimbuttwenty;thedayfollowinghecameoffwithten，andwaslookeduponasayoungfellowofsurprisinggeniusbyallhiscomrades。
Candidewasstruckwithamazement，andcouldnotforthesoulofhimconceivehowhecametobeahero。Onefinespringmorning，hetookitintohisheadtotakeawalk，andhemarchedstraightforward，conceivingittobeaprivilegeofthehumanspecies，aswellasofthebrutecreation，tomakeuseoftheirlegshowandwhentheypleased。Hehadnotgoneabovetwoleagueswhenhewasovertakenbyfourotherheroes，sixfeethigh，whoboundhimneckandheels，andcarriedhimtoadungeon。
Acourtmartialsatuponhim，andhewasaskedwhichhelikedbetter，torunthegauntletsixandthirtytimesthroughthewholeregiment，ortohavehisbrainsblownoutwithadozenmusket-balls？
Invaindidheremonstratetothemthatthehumanwillisfree，andthathechoseneither;theyobligedhimtomakeachoice，andhedetermined，invirtueofthatdivinegiftcalledfreewill，torunthegauntletsixandthirtytimes。
Hehadgonethroughhisdisciplinetwice，andtheregimentbeingcomposedof2，000men，theycomposedforhimexactly4，000strokes，whichlaidbareallhismusclesandnervesfromthenapeofhisnecktohisstern。Astheywerepreparingtomakehimsetoutthethirdtimeouryounghero，unabletosupportitanylonger，beggedasafavorthattheywouldbesoobligingastoshoothimthroughthehead;thefavorbeinggranted，abandagewastiedoverhiseyes，andhewasmadetokneeldown。
Atthatveryinstant，HisBulgarianMajestyhappeningtopassbymadeastop，andinquiredintothedelinquent’scrime，andbeingaprinceofgreatpenetration，hefound，fromwhatheheardofCandide，thathewasayoungmetaphysician，entirelyignorantoftheworld;andtherefore，outofhisgreatclemency，hecondescendedtopardonhim，forwhichhisnamewillbecelebratedineveryjournal，andineveryage。AskillfulsurgeonmadeacureoftheflagellatedCandideinthreeweeksbymeansofemollientunguentsprescribedbyDioscorides。Hissoreswerenowskimmedoverandhewasabletomarch，whentheKingoftheBulgariansgavebattletotheKingoftheAbares。
chapter03CHAPTERIII
HOWCANDIDEESCAPEDFROMTHEBULGARIANSAND
WHATBEFELLHIMAFTERWARDS
Neverwasanythingsogallant，sowellaccoutred，sobrilliant，andsofinelydisposedasthetwoarmies。Thetrumpets，fifes，hautboys，drums，andcannonmadesuchharmonyasneverwasheardinHellitself。
Theentertainmentbeganbyadischargeofcannon，which，inthetwinklingofaneye，laidflatabout6，000menoneachside。Themusketbulletssweptaway，outofthebestofallpossibleworlds，nineortenthousandscoundrelsthatinfesteditssurface。Thebayonetwasnextthesufficientreasonofthedeathsofseveralthousands。Thewholemightamounttothirtythousandsouls。Candidetrembledlikeaphilosopher，andconcealedhimselfaswellashecouldduringthisheroicbutchery。
Atlength，whilethetwokingswerecausingTeDeumstobesungintheircamps，Candidetookaresolutiontogoandreasonsomewhereelseuponcausesandeffects。Afterpassingoverheapsofdeadordyingmen，thefirstplacehecametowasaneighboringvillage，intheAbarianterritories，whichhadbeenburnedtothegroundbytheBulgarians，agreeablytothelawsofwar。Herelayanumberofoldmencoveredwithwounds，whobeheldtheirwivesdyingwiththeirthroatscut，andhuggingtheirchildrentotheirbreasts，allstainedwithblood。Thereseveralyoungvirgins，whosebodieshadbeenrippedopen，aftertheyhadsatisfiedthenaturalnecessitiesoftheBulgarianheroes，breathedtheirlast;
whileothers，half-burnedintheflames，beggedtobedispatchedoutoftheworld。Thegroundaboutthemwascoveredwiththebrains，arms，andlegsofdeadmen。
Candidemadeallthehastehecouldtoanothervillage，whichbelongedtotheBulgarians，andtherehefoundtheheroicAbareshadenactedthesametragedy。Thencecontinuingtowalkoverpalpitatinglimbs，orthroughruinedbuildings，atlengthhearrivedbeyondthetheaterofwar，withalittleprovisioninhisbudget，andMissCunegonde’simageinhisheart。WhenhearrivedinHollandhisprovisionfailedhim;buthavingheardthattheinhabitantsofthatcountrywereallrichandChristians，hemadehimselfsureofbeingtreatedbytheminthesamemannerastheBaron’scastle，beforehehadbeendriventhencethroughthepowerofMissCunegonde’sbrighteyes。
Heaskedcharityofseveralgrave-lookingpeople，whooneandallansweredhim，thatifhecontinuedtofollowthistradetheywouldhavehimsenttothehouseofcorrection，whereheshouldbetaughttogethisbread。
Henextaddressedhimselftoapersonwhohadjustcomefromharanguinganumerousassemblyforawholehouronthesubjectofcharity。Theorator，squintingathimunderhisbroadbrimmedhat，askedhimsternly，whatbroughthimthitherandwhetherhewasforthegoodoldcause？
"Sir"，saidCandide，inasubmissivemanner，"Iconceivetherecanbenoeffectwithoutacause;everythingisnecessarilyconcatenatedandarrangedforthebest。ItwasnecessarythatIshouldbebanishedfromthepresenceofMissCunegonde;thatIshouldafterwardsrunthegauntlet;anditisnecessaryIshouldbegmybread，tillIamabletogetit。Allthiscouldnothavebeenotherwise。"
"Harkye，friend"，saidtheorator，"doyouholdthePopetobeAntichrist？"
"Truly，Ineverheardanythingaboutit"，saidCandide，"butwhetherheisornot，Iaminwantofsomethingtoeat。"
"Thoudeservestnottoeatortodrink"，repliedtheorator，"wretch，monster，thatthouart！hence！avoidmysight，norevercomenearmeagainwhilethoulivest。"
Theorator’swifehappenedtoputherheadoutofthewindowatthatinstant，when，seeingamanwhodoubtedwhetherthePopewasAntichrist，shedischargeduponhisheadautensilfullofwater。Goodheavens，towhatexcessdoesreligiouszealtransportwomankind！
Amanwhohadneverbeenchristened，anhonestAnabaptistnamedJames，waswitnesstothecruelandignominioustreatmentshowedtooneofhisbrethren，toarational，two-footed，unfledgedbeing。Movedwithpityhecarriedhimtohisownhouse，causedhimtobecleaned，gavehimmeatanddrink，andmadehimapresentoftwoflorins，atthesametimeproposingtoinstructhiminhisowntradeofweavingPersiansilks，whicharefabricatedinHolland。
Candide，penetratedwithsomuchgoodness，threwhimselfathisfeet，crying，"NowIamconvincedthatmyMasterPanglosstoldmetruthwhenhesaidthateverythingwasforthebestinthisworld;forIaminfinitelymoreaffectedwithyourextraordinarygenerositythanwiththeinhumanityofthatgentlemanintheblackcloakandhiswife。"
chapter04CHAPTERIV
HOWCANDIDEFOUNDHISOLDMASTERPANGLOSS
AGAINANDWHATHAPPENEDTOHIM
Thenextday，asCandidewaswalkingout，hemetabeggarallcoveredwithscabs，hiseyessunkinhishead，theendofhisnoseeatenoff，hismouthdrawnononeside，histeethasblackasacloak，snufflingandcoughingmostviolently，andeverytimeheattemptedtospitoutdroppedatooth。
Candide，dividedbetweencompassionandhorror，butgivingwaytotheformer，bestowedonthisshockingfigurethetwoflorinswhichthehonestAnabaptist，James，hadjustbeforegiventohim。Thespecterlookedathimveryearnestly，shedtearsandthrewhisarmsabouthisneck。Candidestartedbackaghast。
"Alas！"saidtheonewretchtotheother，"don’tyouknowdearPangloss？"
"WhatdoIhear？Isityou，mydearmaster！youIbeholdinthispiteousplight？Whatdreadfulmisfortunehasbefallenyou？Whathasmadeyouleavethemostmagnificentanddelightfulofallcastles？
WhathasbecomeofMissCunegonde，themirrorofyoungladies，andNature’smasterpiece？"
"Oh，Lord！"criedPangloss，"IamsoweakIcannotstand"，uponwhichCandideinstantlyledhimtotheAnabaptist’sstable，andprocuredhimsomethingtoeat。
AssoonasPanglosshadalittlerefreshedhimself，CandidebegantorepeathisinquiriesconcerningMissCunegonde。
"Sheisdead"，repliedtheother。
"Dead！"criedCandide，andimmediatelyfaintedaway;hisfriendrestoredhimbythehelpofalittlebadvinegar，whichhefoundbychanceinthestable。
Candideopenedhiseyes，andagainrepeated："Dead！isMissCunegondedead？Ah，whereisthebestofworldsnow？Butofwhatillnessdidshedie？
Wasitofgriefonseeingherfatherkickmeoutofhismagnificentcastle？"
"No"，repliedPangloss，"herbodywasrippedopenbytheBulgariansoldiers，aftertheyhadsubjectedhertoasmuchcrueltyasadamselcouldsurvive;theyknockedtheBaron，herfather，ontheheadforattemptingtodefendher;MyLady，hermother，wascutinpieces;mypoorpupilwasservedjustinthesamemannerashissister;andasforthecastle，theyhavenotleftonestoneuponanother;theyhavedestroyedalltheducks，andsheep，thebarns，andthetrees;butwehavehadourrevenge，fortheAbareshavedonetheverysamethinginaneighboringbarony，whichbelongedtoaBulgarianlord。"
Athearingthis，Candidefaintedawayasecondtime，but，notwithstanding，havingcometohimselfagain，hesaidallthatitbecamehimtosay;heinquiredintothecauseandeffect，aswellasintothesufficingreasonthathadreducedPanglosstosomiserableacondition。
"Alas"，repliedthepreceptor，"itwaslove;love，thecomfortofthehumanspecies;love，thepreserveroftheuniverse;thesoulofallsensiblebeings;
love！tenderlove！"
"Alas"，criedCandide，"Ihavehadsomeknowledgeoflovemyself，thissovereignofhearts，thissoulofsouls;yetitnevercostmemorethanakissandtwentykicksonthebackside。Buthowcouldthisbeautifulcauseproduceinyousohideousaneffect？"
Panglossmadeanswerintheseterms：
"OmydearCandide，youmustrememberPacquette，thatprettywench，whowaitedonournobleBaroness;inherarmsItastedthepleasuresofParadise，whichproducedtheseHelltormentswithwhichyouseemedevoured。Shewasinfectedwithanailment，andperhapshassincediedofit;shereceivedthispresentofalearnedFranciscan，whoderiveditfromthefountainhead;hewasindebtedforittoanoldcountess，whohaditofacaptainofhorse，whohaditofamarchioness，whohaditofapage，thepagehaditofaJesuit，who，duringhisnovitiate，haditinadirectlinefromoneofthefellowadventurersofChristopherColumbus;
formypartIshallgiveittonobody，Iamadyingman。"
"OsagePangloss"，criedCandide，"whatastrangegenealogyisthis！Isnotthedeviltherootofit？"
"Notatall"，repliedthegreatman，"itwasathingunavoidable，anecessaryingredientinthebestofworlds;forifColumbushadnotcaughtinanislandinAmericathisdisease，whichcontaminatesthesourceofgeneration，andfrequentlyimpedespropagationitself，andisevidentlyopposedtothegreatendofnature，weshouldhavehadneitherchocolatenorcochineal。Itisalsotobeobserved，that，eventothepresenttime，inthiscontinentofours，thismalady，likeourreligiouscontroversies，ispeculiartoourselves。TheTurks，theIndians，thePersians，theChinese，theSiamese，andtheJapaneseareentirelyunacquaintedwithit;butthereisasufficingreasonforthemtoknowitinafewcenturies。Inthemeantime，itismakingprodigioushavocamongus，especiallyinthosearmiescomposedofwelldisciplinedhirelings，whodeterminethefateofnations;
forwemaysafelyaffirm，that，whenanarmyofthirtythousandmenengagesanotherequalinsize，thereareabouttwentythousandinfectedwithsyphilisoneachside。"
"Verysurprising，indeed"，saidCandide，"butyoumustgetcured。"
"Lordhelpme，howcanI？"saidPangloss。"Mydearfriend，Ihavenotapennyintheworld;andyouknowonecannotbebledorhaveanenemawithoutmoney。"
ThislastspeechhaditseffectonCandide;heflewtothecharitableAnabaptist，James;heflunghimselfathisfeet，andgavehimsostrikingapictureofthemiserableconditionofhisfriendthatthegoodmanwithoutanyfurtherhesitationagreedtotakeDr。Panglossintohishouse，andtopayforhiscure。Thecurewaseffectedwithonlythelossofoneeyeandanear。Asbewroteagoodhand，andunderstoodaccountstolerablywell，theAnabaptistmadehimhisbookkeeper。Attheexpirationoftwomonths，beingobligedbysomemercantileaffairstogotoLisbonhetookthetwophilosopherswithhiminthesameship;Pangloss，duringthecourseofthevoyage，explainedtohimhoweverythingwassoconstitutedthatitcouldnotbebetter。Jamesdidnotquiteagreewithhimonthispoint。
"Men"，saidhe"must，insomethings，havedeviatedfromtheiroriginalinnocence;fortheywerenotbornwolves，andyettheyworryoneanotherlikethosebeastsofprey。Godnevergavethemtwenty-fourpoundersnorbayonets，andyettheyhavemadecannonandbayonetstodestroyoneanother。TothisaccountImightaddnotonlybankruptcies，butthelawwhichseizesontheeffectsofbankrupts，onlytocheatthecreditors。"
"Allthiswasindispensablynecessary"，repliedtheone-eyeddoctor，"forprivatemisfortunesarepublicbenefits;sothatthemoreprivatemisfortunesthereare，thegreateristhegeneralgood。"
Whilehewasarguinginthismanner，theskywasovercast，thewindsblewfromthefourquartersofthecompass，andtheshipwasassailedbyamostterribletempest，withinsightoftheportofLisbon。
chapter05CHAPTERV
ATEMPEST，ASHIPWRECK，ANEARTHQUAKE，AND
WHATELSEBEFELLDRPANGLOSS，CANDIDE，AND
JAMES，THEANABAPTIST
Onehalfofthepassengers，weakenedandhalf-deadwiththeinconceivableanxietyandsicknesswhichtherollingofavesselatseaoccasionsthroughthewholehumanframe，werelosttoallsenseofthedangerthatsurroundedthem。Theothersmadeloudoutcries，orbetookthemselvestotheirprayers;
thesailswereblownintoshreds，andthemastswerebroughtbytheboard。
Thevesselwasatotalwreck。Everyonewasbusilyemployed，butnobodycouldbeeitherheardorobeyed。TheAnabaptist，beingupondeck，lentahelpinghandaswellastherest，whenabrutishsailorgavehimablowandlaidhimspeechless;but，notwithstanding，withtheviolenceoftheblowthetarhimselftumbledheadforemostoverboard，andfelluponapieceofthebrokenmast，whichheimmediatelygrasped。
HonestJames，forgettingtheinjuryhehadsolatelyreceivedfromhim，flewtohisassistance，and，withgreatdifficulty，hauledhiminagain，but，notwithstanding，intheattempt，was，byasuddenjerkoftheship，thrownoverboardhimself，insightoftheveryfellowwhomhehadriskedhislifetosaveandwhotooknottheleastnoticeofhiminthisdistress。Candide，whobeheldallthatpassedandsawhisbenefactoronemomentrisingabovewater，andthenextswallowedupbythemercilesswaves，waspreparingtojumpafterhim，butwaspreventedbythephilosopherPangloss，whodemonstratedtohimthattheroadsteadofLisbonhadbeenmadeonpurposefortheAnabaptisttobedrownedthere。Whilehewasprovinghisargumentapriori，theshipfoundered，andthewholecrewperished，exceptPangloss，Candide，andthesailorwhohadbeenthemeansofdrowningthegoodAnabaptist。Thevillainswamashore;butPanglossandCandidereachedthelanduponaplank。
AssoonastheyhadrecoveredfromtheirsurpriseandfatiguetheywalkedtowardsLisbon;withwhatlittlemoneytheyhadlefttheythoughttosavethemselvesfromstarvingafterhavingescapeddrowning。
Scarcelyhadtheyceasedtolamentthelossoftheirbenefactorandsetfootinthecity，whentheyperceivedthattheearthtrembledundertheirfeet，andthesea，swellingandfoamingintheharbor，wasdashinginpiecesthevesselsthatwereridingatanchor。Largesheetsofflamesandcinderscoveredthestreetsandpublicplaces;thehousestottered，andweretumbledtopsy-turvyeventotheirfoundations，whichwerethemselvesdestroyed，andthirtythousandinhabitantsofbothsexes，youngandold，wereburiedbeneaththeruins。
Thesailor，whistlingandswearing，cried，"Damnit，there’ssomethingtobegothere。"
"Whatcanbethesufficingreasonofthisphenomenon？"
saidPangloss。
"Itiscertainlythedayofjudgment"，saidCandide。
Thesailor，defyingdeathinthepursuitofplunder，rushedintothemidstoftheruin，wherehefoundsomemoney，withwhichhegotdrunk，and，afterhehadslepthimselfsoberhepurchasedthefavorsofthefirstgood-naturedwenchthatcameinhisway，amidsttheruinsofdemolishedhousesandthegroansofhalf-buriedandexpiringpersons。
Panglosspulledhimbythesleeve。"Friend"，saidhe，"thisisnotright，youtrespassagainsttheuniversalreason，andhavemistakenyourtime。"
"Deathandzounds！"answeredtheother，"IamasailorandwasbornatBatavia，andhavetrampledfourtimesuponthecrucifixinasmanyvoyagestoJapan;youhavecometoagoodhandwithyouruniversalreason。"
Inthemeantime，Candide，whohadbeenwoundedbysomepiecesofstonethatfellfromthehouses，laystretchedinthestreet，almostcoveredwithrubbish。
"ForGod’ssake"，saidhetoPangloss，"getmealittlewineandoil！Iamdying。"
"Thisconcussionoftheearthisnonewthing"，saidPangloss，"thecityofLimainSouthAmericaexperiencedthesamelastyear;
thesamecause，thesameeffects;thereiscertainlyatrainofsulphurallthewayundergroundfromLimatoLisbon。"
"Nothingismoreprobable"，saidCandide;"butfortheloveofGodalittleoilandwine。"
"Probable！"repliedthephilosopher，"Imaintainthatthethingisdemonstrable。"
Candidefaintedaway，andPanglossfetchedhimsomewaterfromaneighboringspring。Thenextday，insearchingamongtheruins，theyfoundsomeeatableswithwhichtheyrepairedtheirexhaustedstrength。Afterthistheyassistedtheinhabitantsinrelievingthedistressedandwounded。Some，whomtheyhadhumanelyassisted，gavethemasgoodadinnerascouldbeexpectedundersuchterriblecircumstances。Therepast，indeed，wasmournful，andthecompanymoistenedtheirbreadwiththeirtears;butPanglossendeavoredtocomfortthemunderthisafflictionbyaffirmingthatthingscouldnotbeotherwisethattheywere。
"For"，saidhe，"allthisisfortheverybestend，forifthereisavolcanoatLisbonitcouldbeinnootherspot;anditisimpossiblebutthingsshouldbeastheyare，foreverythingisforthebest。"
Bythesideofthepreceptorsatalittlemandressedinblack，whowasoneofthefamiliarsoftheInquisition。Thisperson，takinghimupwithgreatcomplaisance，said，"Possibly，mygoodsir，youdonotbelieveinoriginalsin;for，ifeverythingisbest，therecouldhavebeennosuchthingasthefallorpunishmentofman。"
YourExcellencywillpardonme"，answeredPangloss，stillmorepolitely;"forthefallofmanandthecurseconsequentthereuponnecessarilyenteredintothesystemofthebestofworlds。"
"Thatisasmuchastosay，sir"，rejoinedthefamiliar，"youdonotbelieveinfreewill。"
"YourExcellencywillbesogoodastoexcuseme"，saidPangloss，"freewillisconsistentwithabsolutenecessity;foritwasnecessaryweshouldbefree，forinthatthewill-"
Panglosswasinthemidstofhisproposition，whenthefamiliarbeckonedtohisattendanttohelphimtoaglassofportwine。
chapter06CHAPTERVI
HOWTHEPORTUGUESEMADEASUPERBAUTO-DE-FE
TOPREVENTANYFUTUREEARTHQUAKES，ANDHOW
CANDIDEUNDERWENTPUBLIC
FLAGELLATION
Aftertheearthquake，whichhaddestroyedthree-fourthsofthecityofLisbon，thesagesofthatcountrycouldthinkofnomeansmoreeffectualtopreservethekingdomfromutterruinthantoentertainthepeoplewithanauto-da-fe，ithavingbeendecidedbytheUniversityofCoimbra，thattheburningofafewpeoplealivebyaslowfire，andwithgreatceremony，isaninfalliblepreventiveofearthquakes。
InconsequencethereoftheyhadseizedonaBiscayanformarryinghisgodmother，andontwoPortuguesefortakingoutthebaconofalardedpullettheywereeating;afterdinnertheycameandsecuredDr。Pangloss，andhispupilCandide，theoneforspeakinghismind，andtheotherforseemingtoapprovewhathehadsaid。Theywereconductedtoseparateapartments，extremelycool，wheretheywereneverincommodedwiththesun。Eightdaysafterwardstheywereeachdressedinasanbenito，andtheirheadswereadornedwithpapermitres。ThemitreandsanbenitowornbyCandidewerepaintedwithflamesreversedandwithdevilsthathadneithertailsnorclaws;butDr。Pangloss’sdevilshadbothtailsandclaws，andhisflameswereupright。Inthesehabitstheymarchedinprocession，andheardaverypatheticsermon，whichwasfollowedbyananthem，accompaniedbybagpipes。Candidewasfloggedtosometune，whiletheanthemwasbeingsung;theBiscayanandthetwomenwhowouldnoteatbaconwereburned，andPanglosswashanged，whichisnotacommoncustomatthesesolemnities。Thesamedaytherewasanotherearthquake，whichmademostdreadfulhavoc。
Candide，amazed，terrified，confounded，astonished，allbloody，andtremblingfromheadtofoot，saidtohimself，"Ifthisisthebestofallpossibleworlds，whataretheothers？IfIhadonlybeenwhipped，Icouldhaveputupwithit，asIdidamongtheBulgarians;but，notwithstanding，ohmydearPangloss！mybelovedmaster！thougreatestofphilosophers！
thateverI
shouldlivetoseetheehanged，withoutknowingforwhat！
OmydearAnabaptist，thoubestofmen，thatitshouldbethyfatetobedrownedintheveryharbor！OMissCunegonde，youmirrorofyoungladies！
thatitshouldbeyourfatetohaveyourbodyrippedopen！"
Hewasmakingthebestofhiswayfromtheplacewherehehadbeenpreachedto，whipped，absolvedandblessed，whenhewasaccostedbyanoldwoman，whosaidtohim，"Takecourage，child，andfollowme。"
chapter07CHAPTERVII
HOWTHEOLDWOMANTOOKCAREOFCANDIDE，AND
HOWHEFOUND
THEOBJECTOFHISLOVE
Candidefollowedtheoldwoman，thoughwithouttakingcourage，toadecayedhouse，whereshegavehimapotofpomatumtoanointhissores，showedhimaveryneatbed，withasuitofclotheshangingbyit;andsetvictualsanddrinkbeforehim。
"There"，saidshe，"eat，drink，andsleep，andmayOurLadyofAtocha，andthegreatSt。AnthonyofPadua，andtheillustriousSt。
JamesofCompostella，takeyouundertheirprotection。Ishallbebacktomorrow。"
Candide，struckwithamazementatwhathehadseen，atwhathehadsuffered，andstillmorewiththecharityoftheoldwoman，wouldhaveshownhisacknowledgmentbykissingherhand。
"Itisnotmyhandyououghttokiss"，saidtheoldwoman。
"Ishallbebacktomorrow。Anointyourback，eat，andtakeyourrest。"
Candide，notwithstandingsomanydisasters，ateandslept。
Thenextmorning，theoldwomanbroughthimhisbreakfast;examinedhisback，andrubbeditherselfwithanotherointment。Shereturnedatthepropertime，andbroughthimhisdinner;andatnight，shevisitedhimagainwithhissupper。
Thenextdaysheobservedthesameceremonies。
"Whoareyou？"saidCandidetoher。"Whohasinspiredyouwithsomuchgoodness？WhatreturncanImakeyouforthischaritableassistance？"
Thegoodoldbeldamekeptaprofoundsilence。Intheeveningshereturned，butwithouthissupper。
"Comealongwithme"，saidshe，"butdonotspeakaword。"
Shetookhimbythearm，andwalkedwithhimaboutaquarterofamileintothecountry，tilltheycametoalonelyhousesurroundedwithmoatsandgardens。Theoldconductressknockedatalittledoor，whichwasimmediatelyopened，andsheshowedhimupapairofbackstairs，intoasmall，butrichlyfurnishedapartment。Thereshemadehimsitdownonabrocadedsofa，shutthedooruponhim，andlefthim。Candidethoughthimselfinatrance;helookeduponhiswholelife，hitherto，asafrightfuldream，andthepresentmomentasaveryagreeableone。
Theoldwomansoonreturned，supporting，withgreatdifficulty，ayounglady，whoappearedscarceabletostand。Shewasofamajesticmienandstature，herdresswasrich，andglitteringwithdiamonds，andherfacewascoveredwithaveil。
"Takeoffthatveil"，saidtheoldwomantoCandide。
Theyoungmanapproached，and，withatremblinghand，tookoffherveil。
Whatahappymoment！Whatsurprise！HethoughthebeheldMissCunegonde;hedidbeholdher-itwassheherself。Hisstrengthfailedhim，hecouldnotutteraword，hefellatherfeet。Cunegondefainteduponthesofa。Theoldwomanbedewedthemwithspirits;theyrecovered-theybegantospeak。Atfirsttheycouldexpressthemselvesonlyinbrokenaccents;
theirquestionsandanswerswerealternatelyinterruptedwithsighs，tears，andexclamations。Theoldwomandesiredthemtomakelessnoise，andafterthisprudentadmonitionleftthemtogether。
"Goodheavens！"criedCandide，"isityou？IsitMissCunegondeIbehold，andalive？DoIfindyouagaininPortugal？thenyouhavenotbeenravished？theydidnotripopenyourbody，asthephilosopherPanglossinformedme？"
"Indeedbuttheydid"，repliedMissCunegonde;"butthesetwoaccidentsdonotalwaysprovemortal。"
"Butwereyourfatherandmotherkilled？"
"Alas！"answeredshe，"itisbuttootrue！"andshewept。
"Andyourbrother？"
"Andmybrotheralso。"
"AndhowcameyouintoPortugal？Andhowdidyouknowofmybeinghere？Andbywhatstrangeadventuredidyoucontrivetohavemebroughtintothishouse？Andhow-"
"Iwilltellyouall"，repliedthelady，"butfirstyoumustacquaintmewithallthathasbefallenyousincetheinnocentkissyougaveme，andtherudekickingyoureceivedinconsequenceofit。"
Candide，withthegreatestsubmission，preparedtoobeythecommandsofhisfairmistress;andthoughhewasstillfilledwithamazement，thoughhisvoicewaslowandtremulous，thoughhisbackpainedhim，yethegaveheramostingenuousaccountofeverythingthathadbefallenhim，sincethemomentoftheirseparation。Cunegonde，withhereyesupliftedtoheaven，shedtearswhenherelatedthedeathofthegoodAnabaptist，James，andofPangloss;afterwhichshethusrelatedheradventurestoCandide，wholostnotonesyllablesheuttered，andseemedtodevourherwithhiseyesallthetimeshewasspeaking。
chapter08CHAPTERVIII
CUNEGONDE’SSTORY
Iwasinbed，andfastasleep，whenitpleasedHeaventosendtheBulgarianstoourdelightfulcastleofThunder-ten-tronckh，wheretheymurderedmyfatherandbrother，andcutmymotherinpieces。
AtallBulgariansoldier，sixfeethigh，perceivingthatIhadfaintedawayatthissight，attemptedtoravishme;theoperationbroughtmetomysenses。I
cried，Istruggled，Ibit，Iscratched，IwouldhavetornthetallBulgarian’seyesout，notknowingthatwhathadhappenedatmyfather’scastlewasacustomarything。Thebrutalsoldier，enragedatmyresistance，gavemeawoundinmyleftlegwithhishanger，themarkofwhichIstillcarry。"
"MethinksIlongtoseeit"，saidCandide，withallimaginablesimplicity。
"Youshall"，saidCunegonde，"butletmeproceed。"
"Praydo"，repliedCandide。
Shecontinued。"ABulgariancaptaincamein，andsawmewelteringinmyblood，andthesoldierstillasbusyasifnoonehadbeenpresent。Theofficer，enragedatthefellow’swantofrespecttohim，killedhimwithonestrokeofhissabreashelayuponme。Thiscaptaintookcareofme，hadmecured，andcarriedmeasaprisonerofwartohisquarters。
Iwashedwhatlittlelinenhepossessed，andcookedhisvictuals：
hewasveryfondofme，thatwascertain;neithercanIdenythathewaswellmade，andhadasoft，whiteskin，buthewasverystupid，andknewnothingofphilosophy：itmightplainlybeperceivedthathehadnotbeeneducatedunderDr。
Pangloss。Inthreemonths，havinggambledawayallhismoney，andhavinggrowntiredofme，hesoldmetoaJew，namedDonIssachar，whotradedinHollandandPortugal，andwaspassionatelyfondofwomen。
ThisJewshowedmegreatkindness，inhopesofgainingmyfavors;
buthenevercouldprevailonmetoyield。Amodestwomanmaybeonceravished;buthervirtueisgreatlystrengthenedthereby。Inordertomakesureofme，hebroughtmetothiscountryhouseyounowsee。IhadhithertobelievedthatnothingcouldequalthebeautyofthecastleofThunder-ten-tronckh;
butI
foundIwasmistaken。
"TheGrandInquisitorsawmeonedayatMass，ogledmeallthetimeofservice，andwhenitwasover，senttoletmeknowhewantedtospeakwithmeaboutsomeprivatebusiness。Iwasconductedtohispalace，whereItoldhimallmystory;herepresentedtomehowmuchitwasbeneathapersonofmybirthtobelongtoacircumcisedIsraelite。HecausedaproposaltobemadetoDonIssachar，thatheshouldresignmetoHisLordship。DonIssachar，beingthecourtbankerandamanofcredit，wasnoteasytobeprevailedupon。HisLordshipthreatenedhimwithanauto-da-fe;
inshort，myJewwasfrightenedintoacompromise，anditwasagreedbetweenthem，thatthehouseandmyselfshouldbelongtobothincommon;
thattheJewshouldhaveMonday，Wednesday，andtheSabbathtohimself;
andtheInquisitortheotherfourdaysoftheweek。Thisagreementhassubsistedalmostsixmonths;butnotwithoutseveralcontests，whetherthespacefromSaturdaynighttoSundaymorningbelongedtotheoldorthenewlaw。Formypart，Ihavehithertowithstoodthemboth，andtrulyIbelievethisistheveryreasonwhytheyarebothsofondofme。
"Atlengthtoturnasidethescourgeofearthquakes，andtointimidateDonIssachar，MyLordInquisitorwaspleasedtocelebrateanauto-da-fe。Hedidmethehonortoinvitemetotheceremony。Ihadaverygoodseat;andrefreshmentsofallkindswereofferedtheladiesbetweenMassandtheexecution。IwasdreadfullyshockedattheburningofthetwoJews，andthehonestBiscayanwhomarriedhisgodmother;buthowgreatwasmysurprise，myconsternation，andconcern，whenIbeheldafiguresolikePangloss，dressedinasanbenitoandmitre！Irubbedmyeyes，Ilookedathimattentively。Isawhimhanged，andIfaintedaway：
scarcehadI
recoveredmysenses，whenIsawyoustrippedofclothing;
thiswastheheightofhorror，grief，anddespair。Imustconfesstoyouforatruth，thatyourskiniswhiterandmorebloomingthanthatoftheBulgariancaptain。
Thisspectacleworkedmeuptoapitchofdistraction。
Iscreamedout，andwouldhavesaid，’Hold，barbarians！’butmyvoicefailedme;andindeedmycrieswouldhavesignifiednothing。Afteryouhadbeenseverelywhipped，I
saidtomyself，’HowisitpossiblethatthelovelyCandideandthesagePanglossshouldbeatLisbon，theonetoreceiveahundredlashes，andtheothertobehangedbyorderofMyLordInquisitor，ofwhomIamsogreatafavorite？Panglossdeceivedmemostcruelly，insayingthateverythingisforthebest。’
"Thusagitatedandperplexed，nowdistractedandlost，nowhalfdeadwithgrief，Irevolvedinmymindthemurderofmyfather，mother，andbrother，committedbeforemyeyes;theinsolenceoftherascallyBulgariansoldier;
thewoundhegavemeinthegroin;myservitude;mybeingacook-wenchtomyBulgariancaptain;mysubjectiontothehatefulJew，andmycruelInquisitor;thehangingofDoctorPangloss;theMisereresungwhileyouwerebeingwhipped;andparticularlythekissIgaveyoubehindthescreen，thelastdayIeverbeheldyou。IreturnedthankstoGodforhavingbroughtyoutotheplacewhereIwas，aftersomanytrials。I
chargedtheoldwomanwhoattendsmetobringyouhitherassoonaswasconvenient。
Shehaspunctuallyexecutedmyorders，andInowenjoytheinexpressiblesatisfactionofseeingyou，hearingyou，andspeakingtoyou。Butyoumustcertainlybehalf-deadwithhunger;Imyselfhaveagreatinclinationtoeat，andsoletussitdowntosupper。"
Uponthisthetwoloversimmediatelyplacedthemselvesattable，and，afterhavingsupped，theyreturnedtoseatthemselvesagainonthemagnificentsofaalreadymentioned，wheretheywereinamorousdalliance，whenSenorDonIssachar，oneofthemastersofthehouse，enteredunexpectedly;itwastheSabbathday，andhecametoenjoyhisprivilege，andsighforthhispassionatthefeetofthefairCunegonde。
chapter09CHAPTERIX
WHATHAPPENEDTOCUNEGONDE，CANDIDE，THE
GRANDINQUISITOR，ANDTHEJEWS
ThissameIssacharwasthemostcholericlittleHebrewthathadeverbeeninIsraelsincethecaptivityofBabylon。
"What"，saidhe，"thouGalileanslut？TheInquisitorwasnotenoughforthee，butthisrascalmustcomeinforasharewithme？"
Inutteringthesewords，hedrewoutalongponiard，whichhealwayscarriedabouthim，andneverdreamingthathisadversaryhadanyarms，heattackedhimmostfuriously;butourhonestWestphalianhadreceivedfromtheoldwomanahandsomeswordwiththesuitofclothes。
Candidedrewhisrapier，andthoughhewasverygentleandsweet-tempered，helaidtheIsraelitedeadontheflooratthefairCunegonde’sfeet。
"HolyVirgin！"criedshe，"whatwillbecomeofus？Amankilledinmyapartment！Ifthepeace-officerscome，weareundone。"
"HadnotPanglossbeenhanged"，repliedCandide，"hewouldhavegivenusmostexcellentadvice，inthisemergency;forhewasaprofoundphilosopher。But，sinceheisnothere，letusconsulttheoldwoman。"
Shewasverysensible，andwasbeginningtogiveheradvice，whenanotherdooropenedonasudden。Itwasnowoneo’clockinthemorning，andofcoursethebeginningofSunday，which，byagreement，felltothelotofMyLordInquisitor。EnteringhediscoveredtheflagellatedCandidewithhisdrawnswordinhishand，adeadbodystretchedonthefloor，Cunegondefrightenedoutofherwits，andtheoldwomangivingadvice。
Atthatverymoment，asuddenthoughtcameintoCandide’shead。"Ifthisholyman"，thoughthe，"shouldcallassistance，Ishallmostundoubtedlybeconsignedtotheflames，andMissCunegondemayperhapsmeetwithnobettertreatment：besides，hewasthecauseofmybeingsocruellywhipped;
heismyrival;andasIhavenowbeguntodipmyhandsinblood，Iwillkillaway，forthereisnotimetohesitate。"
Thiswholetrainofreasoningwasclearandinstantaneous;
sothat，withoutgivingtimetotheInquisitortorecoverfromhissurprise，heranhimthroughthebody，andlaidhimbythesideoftheJew。
"Here’sanotherfinepieceofwork！"criedCunegonde。"Nowtherecanbenomercyforus，weareexcommunicated;ourlasthouriscome。Buthowcouldyou，whoareofsomildatemper，despatchaJewandanInquisitorintwominutes’time？"
"Beautifulmaiden"，answeredCandide，"whenamanisinlove，isjealous，andhasbeenfloggedbytheInquisition，hebecomeslosttoallreflection。"
Theoldwomanthenputinherword：
"TherearethreeAndalusianhorsesinthestable，withasmanybridlesandsaddles;letthebraveCandidegetthemready。Madamhasaparcelofmoidoresandjewels，letusmountimmediately，thoughIhavelostonebuttock;letussetoutforCadiz;itisthefinestweatherintheworld，andthereisgreatpleasureintravelinginthecoolofthenight。"
Candide，withoutanyfurtherhesitation，saddledthethreehorses;andMissCunegonde，theoldwoman，andhe，setout，andtraveledthirtymileswithoutoncehalting。Whiletheyweremakingthebestoftheirway，theHolyBrotherhoodenteredthehouse。MyLord，theInquisitor，wasinterredinamagnificentmanner，andMasterIssachar’sbodywasthrownuponadunghill。
Candide，Cunegonde，andtheoldwoman，hadbythistimereachedthelittletownofAvacena，inthemidstofthemountainsofSierraMorena，andwereengagedinthefollowingconversationinaninn，wheretheyhadtakenuptheirquarters。
chapter10CHAPTERX
INWHATDISTRESSCANDIDE，CUNEGONDE，ANDTHE
OLDWOMANARRIVEATCADIZ，ANDOFTHEIR
EMBARKATION
Whocoulditbethathasrobbedmeofmymoidoresandjewels？"exclaimedMissCunegonde，allbathedintears。"Howshallwelive？
Whatshallwedo？
WhereshallIfindInquisitorsandJewswhocangivememore？"
"Alas！"saidtheoldwoman，"IhaveashrewdsuspicionofareverendFranciscanfather，wholaylastnightinthesameinnwithusatBadajoz。
GodforbidIshouldcondemnanyonewrongfully，buthecameintoourroomtwice，andhesetoffinthemorninglongbeforeus。"
"Alas！"saidCandide，"Panglosshasoftendemonstratedtomethatthegoodsofthisworldarecommontoallmen，andthateveryonehasanequalrighttotheenjoymentofthem;but，notwithstanding，accordingtotheseprinciples，theFranciscanoughttohaveleftusenoughtocarryustotheendofourjourney。Haveyounothingatallleft，mydearMissCunegonde？"
"Notamaravedi"，repliedshe。
"Whatistobedonethen？"saidCandide。
"Selloneofthehorses"，repliedtheoldwoman。"IwillgetupbehindMissCunegonde，thoughIhaveonlyonebuttocktorideon，andweshallreachCadiz。"
InthesameinntherewasaBenedictinefriar，whoboughtthehorseverycheap。Candide，Cunegonde，andtheoldwoman，afterpassingthroughLucina，Chellas，andLetrixa，arrivedatlengthatCadiz。
Afleetwasthengettingready，andtroopswereassemblinginordertoinducethereverendfathers，JesuitsofParaguay，whowereaccusedofhavingexcitedoneoftheIndiantribesintheneighborhoodofthetownoftheHolySacrament，torevoltagainsttheKingsofSpainandPortugal。
Candide，havingbeenintheBulgarianservice，performedthemilitaryexerciseofthatnationbeforethegeneralofthislittlearmywithsointrepidanair，andwithsuchagilityandexpedition，thathereceivedthecommandofacompanyoffoot。Beingnowmadeacaptain，heembarkedwithMissCunegonde，theoldwoman，twovalets，andthetwoAndalusianhorses，whichhadbelongedtotheGrandInquisitorofPortugal。
DuringtheirvoyagetheyamusedthemselveswithmanyprofoundreasoningsonpoorPangloss’sphilosophy。
"Wearenowgoingintoanotherworld，andsurelyitmustbetherethateverythingisforthebest;forImustconfessthatwehavehadsomelittlereasontocomplainofwhatpassesinours，bothastothephysicalandmoralpart。ThoughIhaveasincereloveforyou"，saidMissCunegonde，"yetIstillshudderatthereflectionofwhatIhaveseenandexperienced。"
"Allwillbewell"，repliedCandide，"theseaofthisnewworldisalreadybetterthanourEuropeanseas：itissmoother，andthewindsblowmoreregularly。"
"Godgrantit"，saidCunegonde，"butIhavemetwithsuchterribletreatmentinthisworldthatIhavealmostlostallhopesofabetterone。"
"Whatmurmuringandcomplainingishereindeed！"criedtheoldwoman。"IfyouhadsufferedhalfwhatIhave，theremightbesomereasonforit。"
MissCunegondecouldscarcerefrainfromlaughingatthegoodoldwoman，andthoughtitdrollenoughtopretendtoagreatershareofmisfortunesthanherown。
"Alas！mygooddame"，saidshe，"unlessyouhadbeenravishedbytwoBulgarians，hadreceivedtwodeepwoundsinyourbelly，hadseentwoofyourowncastlesdemolished，hadlosttwofathers，andtwomothers，andseenbothofthembarbarouslymurderedbeforeyoureyes，andtosumupall，hadtwoloverswhippedatanauto-da-fe，IcannotseehowyoucouldbemoreunfortunatethanI。Addtothis，thoughbornabaroness，andbearingseventy-twoquarterings，Ihavebeenreducedtothestationofacook-wench。"
"Miss"，repliedtheoldwoman，"youdonotknowmyfamilyasyet;butifI
weretoshowyoumyposteriors，youwouldnottalkinthismanner，butsuspendyourjudgment。"ThisspeechraisedahighcuriosityinCandideandCunegonde;andtheoldwomancontinuedasfollows。
chapter11CHAPTERXI
THEHISTORYOFTHEOLDWOMAN
Ihavenotalwaysbeenblear-eyed。Mynosedidnotalwaystouchmychin;
norwasIalwaysaservant。YoumustknowthatIamthedaughterofPopeUrbanX，andofthePrincessofPalestrina。TotheageoffourteenIwasbroughtupinacastle，comparedwithwhichallthecastlesoftheGermanbaronswouldnothavebeenfitforstabling，andoneofmyrobeswouldhaveboughthalftheprovinceofWestphalia。Igrewup，andimprovedinbeauty，wit，andeverygracefulaccomplishment;andinthemidstofpleasures，homage，andthehighestexpectations。Ialreadybegantoinspirethemenwithlove。Mybreastbegantotakeitsrightform，andsuchabreast！white，firm，andformedlikethatoftheVenusde’Medici;myeyebrowswereasblackasjet，andasformyeyes，theydartedflamesandeclipsedthelusterofthestars，asIwastoldbythepoetsofourpartoftheworld。Mymaids，whentheydressedandundressedme，usedtofallintoanecstasyinviewingmebeforeandbehind;andallthemenlongedtobeintheirplaces。
"IwascontractedinmarriagetoasovereignprinceofMassaCarrara。Suchaprince！ashandsomeasmyself，sweet-tempered，agreeable，witty，andinlovewithmeoverheadandears。Ilovedhim，too，asoursexgenerallydoforthefirsttime，withrapture，transport，andidolatry。
Thenuptialswerepreparedwithsurprisingpompandmagnificence;theceremonywasattendedwithfeasts，carousals，andburlesques：allItalycomposedsonnetsinmypraise，thoughnotoneofthemwastolerable。
"Iwasonthepointofreachingthesummitofbliss，whenanoldmarchioness，whohadbeenmistresstothePrince，myhusband，invitedhimtodrinkchocolate。Inlessthantwohoursafterhereturnedfromthevisit，hediedofmostterribleconvulsions。
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