"Iamtall，withablackbeard，andIhatepublicity。Ihavenomoneytospeakof；Idonotlikeoatmeal，anditistheoneambitionofmylifetodierich。Iamofacoldandheartlessdisposition。IdonotcareformyfellowmenandInevergiveacenttobeggarsorcharity。
"Now，mydeardoctor，thatisthetruedescriptionofmyself，themanwhomthatshrewddetectivewastohuntdown。YouwhoarefamiliarwiththehistoryofcrimeinNewYorkoflateshouldbeabletoforetelltheresult。WhenIpromisedyoutoexhibittoyourincredulousgazethesleuthwhowassetuponme，youlaughedatmebecauseyousaidthatdetectivesandmurderersnevermetinNewYork。
Ihavedemonstratedtoyouthatthetheoryispossible。"
"Buthowdidyoudoit？"Iaskedagain。
"Itwasverysimple，"repliedthedistinguishedmurderer。"I
assumedthatthedetectivewouldgoexactlyoppositetotheclueshehad。Ihavegivenyouadescriptionofmyself。Therefore，hemustnecessarilysettoworkandtrailashortmanwithawhitebeardwholikestobeinthepapers，whoisverywealthy，isfond’ofoatmeal，wantstodiepoor，andisofanextremelygenerousandphilanthropicdisposition。Whenthusfarisreachedthemindhesitatesnolonger。IconveyedyouatoncetothespotwhereShamrockJolneswaspipingoffAndrewCarnegie’sresidence。"
"Knight，"saidI，"you’reawonder。Iftherewasnodangerofyourreforming，whataroundsmanyou’dmakefortheNineteenthPrecinct!"
THEDOGANDTHEPLAYLET
[Thisstoryhasbeenrewrittenandpublishedin"StrictlyBusiness"
underthetitle，TheProofofthePudding。]
UsuallyitisacolddayinJulywhenyoucanstrollupBroadwayinthatmonthandgetastoryoutofthedrama。Ifoundoneafewbreathless，parboilingdaysago，anditseemstodecideaseriousquestioninart。
TherewasnotasoulleftinthecityexceptHollisandme——andtwoorthreemillionsunworshipperswhoremainedatdesksandcounters。
Theelecthadfledtoseashore，lake，andmountain，andhadalreadybeguntodrawforadditionalfunds。EveryeveningHollisandI
prowledaboutthedesertedtownsearchingforcoolnessinemptycafes，dining—rooms，androofgardens。WeknewtothetenthpartofarevolutionthespeedofeveryelectricfaninGotham，andwefollowedtheswiftestastheyvaried。Hollis’sfiancee。MissLorisSherman，hadbeenintheAdirondacks，atLowerSaranacLake，foramonth。Inanotherweekhewouldjoinherpartythere。Inthemeantime，hecursedthecitycheerfullyandoptimistically，andsoughtmysocietybecauseIsufferedhimtoshowmeherphotographduringtheblackcoffeeeverytimewedinedtogether。
Myrevengewastoreadtohimmyone—actplay。
Itwasoneinsufferableeveningwhentheoverplusoftheday’sheatwasbeinghurledquiveringlybacktotheheavensbyeverysurchargedbrickandstoneandinchofironinthepantingtown。Butwiththecunningofthetwo—leggedbeastswehadfoundanoasiswherethehoofsofApollo’ssteedhadnotbeenallowedtostrike。Ourseatswereonanoceanofcool，polishedoak；thewhitelinenoffiftydesertedtablesflappedlikeseagullsintheartificialbreeze；amileawayawaiterlingeredforaheliographicsignal——wemighthaveroaredsongsthereorfoughtaduelwithoutmolestation。
OutcameMissLoris’sphotowiththecoffee，andIoncemorepraisedtheelegantpoiseoftheneck，theextremelylow—coiledmassofheavyhair，andtheeyesthatfollowedone，likethoseinanoilpainting。
"She’sthegreatestever，"saidHollis，withenthusiasm。"GoodasGreatNorthernPreferred，andadispositionbuiltlikeawatch。OneweekmoreandI’llbehappyJonny—on—the—spot。OldTomTolliver，mybestcollegechum，wentuptheretwoweeksago。HewritesmethatLorisdoesn’ttalkaboutanythingbutme。Oh，IguessRipVanWinkledidn’thaveallthegoodluck!"
"Yes，yes，"saidI，hurriedly，pullingoutmytypewrittenplay。
"She’snodoubtacharminggirl。Now，here’sthatlittlecurtain—
raiseryoupromisedtolistento。"
"Everbeentriedonthestage？"askedHollis。
"Notexactly，"Ianswered。"IreadhalfofittheotherdaytoafellowwhosebrotherknowsRobertEdeson；buthehadtocatchatrainbeforeIfinished。"
"Goon，"saidHollis，slidingbackinhischairlikeagoodfellow。
"I’mnostagecarpenter，butI’lltellyouwhatIthinkofitfromafirst—rowbalconystandpoint。I’matheatrebugduringtheseason，andIcansizeupafakeplayalmostasquickasthegallerycan。
Flagthewaiteroncemore，andthengoaheadashardasyoulikewithit。I’llbethedog。"
Ireadmylittleplaylovingly，and，Ifear，notwithoutsomeelocution。TherewasonesceneinitthatIbelievedingreatly。
Thecomedyswiftlyrisesintothrillingandunexpectedlydevelopeddrama。Capt。Marchmontsuddenlybecomescognizantthathiswifeisanunscrupulousadventuress，whohasdeceivedhimfromthedayoftheirfirstmeeting。Therapidandmortalduelbetweenthemfromthatmoment——shewithhermagnificentliesandsirencharm，windingabouthimlikeaserpent，tryingtorecoverherlostground；hewithhisman’sagonyandscornandlostfaith，tryingtotearherfromhisheart。ThatsceneIalwaysthoughtwasacrackerjack。WhenCapt。
MarchmontdiscoversherduplicitybyreadingonablotterinamirrortheimpressionofanotethatshehaswrittentotheCount，heraiseshishandtoheavenandexclaims："OGod，whocreatedwomanwhileAdamslept，andgavehertohimforacompanion，takebackThygiftandreturninsteadthesleep，thoughitlastforever!"
"Rot，"saidHollis，rudely，whenIhadgiventhoselineswithproperemphasis。
"Ibegyourpardon!"Isaid，assweetlyasIcould。
"Comenow，"wentonHollis，"don’tbeanidiot。Youknowverywellthatnobodyspoutsanystufflikethatthesedays。Thatsketchwentalongallrightuntilyourangintheskyrockets。Cutoutthatright—armexerciseandtheAdamandEvestunt，andmakeyourcaptaintalkasyouorIorBillJoneswould。"
"I’lladmit，"saidI，earnestly（formytheorywasbeingtouchedupon），"thatonallordinaryoccasionsallofususecommonplacelanguagetoconveyourthoughts。Youwillrememberthatuptothemomentwhenthecaptainmakeshisterriblediscoveryallthecharactersonthestagetalkprettymuchastheywould，inreallife。
ButIbelievethatIamrightinallowinghimlinessuitabletothestrongandtragicsituationintowhichhefalls。"
"Tragic，myeye!"saidmyfriend，irreverently。"InShakespeare’sdayhemighthavesputteredoutsomehigh—cockalorumnonsenseofthatsort，becauseinthosedaystheyorderedhamandeggsinblankverseanddischargedthecookwithanepic。ButnotforB’wayinthesummerof1905!"
"Itismyopinion，"saidI，"thatgreathumanemotionsshakeupourvocabularyandleavethewordsbestsuitedtoexpressthemontop。A
suddenviolentgrieforlossordisappointmentwillbringexpressionsoutofanordinarymanasstrongandsolemnanddramaticasthoseusedinfictionoronthestagetoportraythoseemotions。"
"That’swhereyoufellowsarewrong，"saidHollis。"Plain，every—daytalkiswhatgoes。Yourcaptainwouldverylikelyhavekickedthecat，litacigar，stirredupahighball，andtelephonedforalawyer，insteadofgettingoffthoseRobertMantellpyrotechnics。"
"Possibly，alittlelater，"Icontinued。"Butjustatthetime——justastheblowisdelivered，ifsomethingScripturalortheatricalanddeep—tonguedisn’twrungfromamaninspiteofhismodernandpracticalwayofspeaking，thenI’mwrong。"
"Ofcourse，"saidHollis，kindly，"you’vegottowhoopherupsomedegreesforthestage。Theaudienceexpectsit。WhenthevillainkidnapslittleEffieyouhavetomakehermotherclawsomechunksoutoftheatmosphere，andscream："Mechee—ild，mechee—ild!"Whatshewouldactuallydowouldbetocallupthepoliceby’phone，ringforsomestrongtea，andgetthelittledarling’sphotoout，readyforthereporters。Whenyougetyourvillaininacorner——astagecorner——it’sallrightforhimtoclaphishandtohisforeheadandhiss：
"Allislost!"Offthestagehewouldremark："Thisisaconspiracyagainstme——Ireferyoutomylawyers。’"
"Igetnoconsolation，"saidI，gloomily，"fromyourconcessionofanaccentuatedstagetreatment。InmyplayIfondlyhopedthatIwasfollowinglife。Ifpeopleinreallifemeetgreatcrisesinacommonplaceway，theyshoulddothesameonthestage。"
Andthenwedrifted，liketwotrout，outofourcoolpoolinthegreathotelandbegantonibblelanguidlyatthegayfliesintheswiftcurrentofBroadway。Andourquestionofdramaticartwasunsettled。
Wenibbledattheflies，andavoidedthehooks，aswisetroutdo；butsoonthewearinessofManhattaninsummerovercameus。Ninestoriesup，facingthesouth，wasHollis’sapartment，andwesoonsteppedintoanelevatorboundforthatcoolerhaven。
Iwasfamiliarinthosequarters，andquicklymyplaywasforgotten，andIstoodatasideboardmixingthings，withcrackediceandglassesallaboutme。Abreezefromthebaycameinthewindowsnotaltogetherblightedbytheasphaltfurnaceoverwhichithadpassed。
Hollis，whistlingsoftly，turnedoveralate—arrivedletterortwoonhistable，anddrewaroundthecoolestwickerarmchairs。
IwasjustmeasuringtheVermouthcarefullywhenIheardasound。
Someman’svoicegroanedhoarsely："False，oh，God!——false，andLoveisalieandfriendshipbutthebywordofdevils!"
Ilookedaroundquickly。Hollislayacrossthetablewithhisheaddownuponhisoutstretchedarms。Andthenhelookedupatmeandlaughedinhisordinarymanner。
Iknewhim——hewaspokingfunatmeaboutmytheory。Anditdidseemsounnatural，thoseswellingwordsduringourquietgossip，thatI
halfbegantobelieveIhadbeenmistaken——thatmytheorywaswrong。
Hollisraisedhimselfslowlyfromthetable。
"Youwererightaboutthattheatricalbusiness，oldman，"hesaid，quietly，ashetossedanotetome。
Ireadit。
LorishadrunawaywithTomTolliver。
ALITTLETALKABOUTMOBS
"Isee，"remarkedthetallgentlemaninthefrockcoatandblackslouchhat，"thatanotherstreetcarmotormaninyourcityhasnarrowlyexcapedlynchingatthehandsofaninfuriatedmobbylightingacigarandwalkingacoupleofblocksdownthestreet。"
"Doyouthinktheywouldhavelynchedhim？"askedtheNewYorker，inthenextseatoftheferrystation，whowasalsowaitingfortheboat。
"Notuntilaftertheelection，"saidthetallman，cuttingacorneroffhisplugoftobacco。"I’vebeeninyourcitylongenoughtoknowsomethingaboutyourmobs。Themotorman’smobisabouttheleastdangerousofthemall，excepttheNationalGuardandtheDressmakers’
Convention。
"Yousee，whenlittleWillieGoldsteinissentbyhismotherforpigs’
knuckles，withanickeltightlygraspedinhischubbyfist，healwayscrossesthestreetcartracksafelytwentyfeetaheadofthecar；andthensuddenlyturnsbacktoaskhisinotherwhetheritwaspalealeoraspoolof80whitecottonthatshewanted。Themotormanyellsandthrowshimselfonthebrakeslikeafootballplayer。Thereisahorriblegrindingandthenarippingsound，andapiercingshriek，andWillieissitting，withpartofhistrouserstornawaybythefender，screamingforhislostnickel。
"Intensecondsthecarissurroundedby600infuriatedcitizens，crying，’Lynchthemotorman!Lynchthemotorman!’atthetopoftheirvoices。Someofthemruntothenearestcigarstoretogetarope；buttheyfindthelastonehasjustbeencutupandlabelled。
Hundredsoftheexcitedmobpressclosetothecoweringmotorman，whosehandisobservedtotrembleperceptiblyashetransfersastickofpepsingumfromhispockettohismouth。
"Whenthebloodthirstymobofmaddenedcitizenshasclosedinonthemotorman，somebringingcampstoolsandsittingquiteclosetohim，andallshouting，’Lynchhim!’PolicemanFogartyforceshiswaythroughthemtothesideoftheirprospectivevictim。
"’Hello，Mike，’saysthemotormaninalowvoice，’niceday。ShallIsneakoffablockorso，orwouldyouliketorescueme？’
"’Well，Jerry，ifyoudon’tmind，’saysthepoliceman，’I’dliketodispersetheinfuriatedmobsinglehanded。Ihaven’tdefeatedalynchingmobsincelastTuesday；andthatwasasmalloneofonly300，thatwantedtostringupaDagoboyforsellingwormypears。
Itwouldboostmesomedownatthestation。’
"’Allright，Mike，’saysthemotorman，’anythingtooblige。I’llturnpaleandtremble。’
"Andhedoesso；andPolicemanFogartydrawshisclubandsays，’G’wanwidyez!’andineightsecondsthedesperatemobhasscatteredandgoneaboutitsbusiness，exceptaboutahundredwhoremaintosearchforWillie’snickel。"
"Ineverheardofamobinourcitydoingviolencetoamotormanbecauseofanaccident，"saidtheNewYorker。
"Youarenotliableto，"saidthetallman。"Theyknowthemotorman’sallright，andthathewouldn’tevenrunoverastraydogifhecouldhelpit。Andtheyknowthatnotamanamong’emwouldtietheknottohangevenaThomascatthathadbeentriedandcondemnedandsentencedaccordingtolaw。"
"Thenwhydotheybecomeinfuriatedandmakethreatsoflynching？"
askedtheNewYorker。
"Toassurethemotorman，"answeredthetallman，"thatheissafe。
Iftheyreallywantedtodohimuptheywouldgointothehousesanddropbricksonhimfromthethird—storywindows。"
"NewYorkersarenotcowards，"saidtheotherman，alittlestiffly。
"Notoneatatime，"agreedthetallman，promptly。"You’vegotafinelotofsingle—handedscrappersinyourtown。I’dratherfightthreeofyouthanone；andI’dgoupagainstalltheGasTrust’svictimsinabunchbeforeI’dpasstwocitizensonadarkcorner，withmywatchchainshowing。Whenyougetroundedupinabunchyouloseyournerve。Getyouincrowdsandyou’reeasy。Askthe’L’
roadguardsandGeorgeB。CortelyouandthetintypeboothsatConeyIsland。Dividedyoustand，unitedyoufall。~Epluribusnihil。~
Wheneveroneofyourmobssurroundsamanandbeginstoholler，"Lynchhim!’hesaystohimself，"Oh，dear，IsupposeImustlookpaletopleasetheboys，butIwill，forsooth，letmylifeinsurancepremiumlapseto—morrow。ThisisasuretipformetoplayMethuselahstraightacrosstheboardinthenexthandicap。’
"IcanimaginethetorturedfeelingsofaprisonerinthehandsofNewYorkpolicemenwhenaninfuriatedmobdemandsthathebeturnedovertothemforlynching。"ForGod’ssake，officers，’criesthedistractedwretch，’haveyeheartsofstone，thatyewillnotletthemwrestmefromye？’
"’Sorry，Jimmy，’saysoneofthepolicemen，’butitwon’tdo。There’sthreeofus——meandDarrelandtheplain—clothesman；andthere’sonlysivinthousandofthemob。How’dweexplainitattheofficeiftheytookye？Jistchasetheinfuriatedaggregationaroundthecorner，Darrel，andwe’llbemovin’alongtothestation。’"
"Someofourgatheringsofexcitedcitizenshavenotbeensoharmless，"saidtheNewYorker，withafaintnoteofcivicpride。
"I’lladmitthat，"saidthetallman。"Acousinofminewhowasonavisithereoncehadanarmbrokenandlostanearinoneofthem。"
"ThatmusthavebeenduringtheCooperUnionriots，"remarkedtheNewYorker。
"NottheCooperUnion，"explainedthetallman——"butitwasaunionriot——attheVanastorwedding。"
"Youseemtobeinfavoroflynchlaw，"saidtheNewYorker，severely。
"No，sir，Iamnot。Nointelligentmanis。But，sir，therearecertaincaseswhenpeopleriseintheirjustmajestyandtakearighteousvengeanceforcrimesthatthelawisslowinpunishing。
Iamanadvocateoflawandorder，butIwillsaytoyouthatlessthansixmonthsagoImyselfassistedatthelynchingofone"ofthatracethatiscreatingawidechasmbetweenyoursectionofcountryandmine，sir。"
"Itisadeplorablecondition，"saidtheNewYorker，"thatexistsintheSouth，but——"
"IamfromIndiana，sir，"saidthetallman，takinganotherchew；
"andIdon’tthinkyouwillcondemnmycoursewhenItellyouthatthecoloredmaninquestionhadstolen$9。60incash，sir，frommyownbrother。"
THESNOWMAN
EDITORIALNOTE。——~BeforethefatalillnessofWilliamSydneyPorter（knownthroughhisliteraryworkas"O。Henry"）thisAmericanmasterofshort—storywritinghadbegunforHampton’sMagazinethestoryprintedbelow。Illnesscreptuponhimrapidlyandhewascompelledtogiveupwritingaboutatthepointwherethegirlentersthestory。
Whenherealizedthathecoulddonomore{itwashislifelonghabittowritewithapencil，neverdictatingtoastenographer），O。HenrytoldindetailtheremainderofTheSnowMantoHarrisMertonLyon，whomhehadoftenspokenofasoneofthemosteffectiveshort—storywritersofthepresenttime。Mr。Porterhaddelineatedallofthecharacters，leavingonlytheroundingoutoftheplotinthefinalpagestoMr。Lyon。~
Housedandwindowpanedfromit，thegreatestwondertolittlechildrenisthesnow。Tomen，itissomethinglikeacrucibleinwhichtheirworldmeltsintoawhitestartenmillionmilesaway。
ThemanwhocanstandthetestisaSnowMan；andthisishisreadingbyFahrenheit，Reaumur，orMoses’scarventabletsofstone。
NighthadflutteredasablepinionabovethecanyonofBigLostRiver，andIurgedmyhorsetowardtheBayHorseRanchbecausethesnowwasdeepening。Theflakeswereaslargeasanhour’scirculartattingbyMissWilkins’sablestspinster，betokeningaheavysnowfallandlessentertainmentandmoreadventurethanthecompletionofthetattingcouldpromise。IknewRossCurtisoftheBayHorse，andthatIwouldbewelcomeasasnow—boundpilgrim，bothforhospitality’ssakeandbecauseRosshadfewchancestoconfideinlivingcreatureswhodidnotneigh，bellow，bleat，yelp，orhowlduringhisdiscourse。
TheranchhousewasjustwithinthejawsofthecanyonwhereitsbuildermayhavefatuouslyfanciedthatthetimberedandrockywallsonbothsideswouldhaveprotecteditfromthewintryColoradowinds；
butIfearedthedrift。Evennowthroughtheendless，bottomlessriftinthehills——thespeakingtubeofthefourwinds——cameroaringthevoiceoftheproprietortothelittleroomonthetopfloor。
Atmy"hello，"aranchhandcamefromanouterbuildingandreceivedmythankfulhorse。Inanotherminute，RossandIsatbyastoveinthedining—roomofthefour—roomranchhouse，whilethebig，simplewelcomeofthehouseholdlayatmydisposal。Fannedbythewhizzingnorther，thefine，drysnowwassiftedandboltedthroughthecracksandknotholesofthelogs。Thecookroom，withoutaseparatingdoor，appended。
InthereIcouldseeashort，sturdy，leisurelyandweather—beatenmanmovingwithprofessionalsurenessabouthisred—hotstove。
Hisfacewasstolidandunreadable——somethinglikethatofagreatthinker，orofonewhohadnothoughtstoconceal。Ithoughthiseyeseemedunwarrantablysuperiortotheelementsandtotheman，butquicklyattributedthattothecharacteristicself—importanceofapettychef。"Campcook"wasthenichethatIgavehimintheHallofTypes；andhefitteditasanapplefitsadumpling。
Colditwasinspiteoftheglowingstove；andRossandIsatandtalked，shudderingfrequently，halffromnervesandhalffromthefreezingdraughts。Sohebroughtthebottleandthecookbroughtboilingwater，andwemadeprodigioushottoddiesagainsttheattacksofBoreas。Weclinkedglassesoften。Theysoundedlikeiciclesdroppingfromtheeaves，orlikethetinkleofathousandprismsonaLouisXIVchandelierthatIonceheardataboarder’sdanceintheparlorofaten—a—weekboarding—houseinGramercySquare。~Sictransit。~
SilenceintheterriblebeautyofthesnowandoftheSphinxandofthestars；buttheywhobelievethatallthings，fromawithout—winetabled’hotetothecrucifixion，maybeinterpretedthroughmusic，mighthavefoundanocturneorasymphonytoexpresstheisolationofthatblotted—outworld。Theclinkofglassandbottle，theaeolianchorusofthewindinthehousecrannies，itsdeepertrombonethroughthecanyonbelow，andtheWagneriancrashofthecook’spotsandpans，unitedinafit，discordantmelody，Ithought。NolesswelcomeanaccompanimentwasthesizzlingofbroilinghamandvenisoncutletindorsedbythesolventfumesoftrueJava，bringingrichpromisesofcomforttoouryearningsouls。
Thecookbroughtthesmokingsuppertothetable。Henoddedtomedemocraticallyashecasttheheavyplatesaroundasthoughhewerepitchingquoitsorhurlingthediscus。Ilookedathimwithsomeappraisementandcuriosityandmuchconciliation。Therewasnoprophettotelluswhenthatdriftingeviloutsidemightceasetofall；anditiswell，whensnow—bound，tostandsomewherewithintheradiusofthecook’sfavorableconsideration。ButIcouldreadneitherfavornordisapprovalinthefaceandmannerofourpot—wrestler。
Hewasaboutfivefeetnineinches，andtwohundredpoundsofcommonplace，bull—necked，pink—faced，callouscalm。Heworebrownducktrouserstootightandtooshort，andablueflannelshirtwithsleevesrolledabovehiselbows。Therewasasortofgrim，steadyscowlonhisfeaturesthatlookedtomeasthoughhehadfixedittherepurposelyasaprotectionagainsttheweaknessofaninherentamiabilitythat，hefancied，werebetterconcealed。AndthenIletsupperusurphisbriefoccupancyofmythoughts。
"Drawup，George，"saidRoss。"Let’salleatwhilethegrub’shot。"
"Youfellowsgoonandchew，"answeredthecook。"Iatemineinthekitchenbeforesun—down。"
"Thinkit’llbeabigsnow，George？"askedtheranchman。
Georgehadturnedtoreenterthecookroom。Hemovedslowlyaroundand，lookingathisface，itseemedtomethathewasturningoverthewisdomandknowledgeofcenturiesinhishead。
"Itmight，"washisdelayedreply。
Atthedoorofthekitchenhestoppedandlookedbackatus。BothRossandIheldourknivesandforkspoisedandgavehimourregard。
Somemenhavethepowerofdrawingtheattentionofotherswithoutspeakingaword。Theirattitudeismoreeffectivethanashout。
"Andagainitmightn’t，"saidGeorge，andwentbacktohisstove。
Afterwehadeaten，hecameinandgatheredtheemptieddishes。Hestoodforamoment，whilehisspuriousfrowndeepened。
"Itmightstopanyminute，"hesaid，"oritmightkeepupfordays。"
AtthefartherendofthecookroomIsawGeorgepourhotwaterintohisdishpan，lighthispipe，andputthetablewarethroughitsrequiredlavation。Hethencarefullyunwrappedfromapieceofoldsaddleblanketapaperbackbook，andsettledhimselftoreadbyhisdimoillamp。
Andthentheranchmanthrewtobaccoontheclearedtableandsetforthagainthebottlesandglasses；andIsawthatIstoodinadeepchannelthroughwhichthelongdammedfloodofhisdiscoursewouldsoonbebooming。ButIwashalfcontent，comparingmyfatewiththatofthelateThomasTucker，whohadtosingforhissupper，thusdoublingtheburdensofbothhimselfandhishost。
"Snowisahellofathing，"saidRoss，bywayofaforeword。"Itain’t，somehow，itseemstome，salubrious。Icanstandwaterandmudandtwoinchesbelowzeroandahundredandtenintheshadeandmedium—sizedcyclones，butthisherefuzzywhitestuffnaturallygetsmealllocoed。Ireckonthereasonitrattlesyouisbecauseitchangesthelookofthingssomuch。It’slikeyouhadawifeandleftherinthemorningwiththesameoldbluecottonwrapperon，andridesinofanightandrunsacrossheralloutfittedinawhitesilkeveningfrock，wavinganostrich—featherfan，andmonkeyingwithaposyoflilyflowers。Wouldn’titmakeyoulookforyourpocketcompass？You’dbeliabletokissherbeforeyoucollectedyourpresenceofmind。"
Byandby，thefloodofRoss’stalkwasdrawnupintotheclouds（soitpleasedmetofancy）andtherecondensedintothefinersnowflakesofthought；andwesatsilentaboutthestove，asgoodfriendsandbitterenemieswilldo。IthoughtofBoss’spreambleaboutthemysteriousinfluenceuponmanexertedbythatermine—linedmonsterthatnowcoveredourlittleworld，andknewhewasright。
Ofallthecuriousknickknacks，mysteries，puzzles，Indiangifts，rat—traps，andwell—disguisedblessingsthatthegodschuckdowntousfromtheOlympianpeaks，themostdisquietingandevil—bringingisthesnow。Byscientificanalysisitisabsolutebeautyandpurity——so，atthebeginningwelookdoubtfullyatchemistry。
Itfallsupontheworld，andlo!weliveinanother。Ithidesinanighttheoldscarsandfamiliarplaceswithwhichwehavegrownheart—sickorenamored。So，asquietlyaswecan，wehustleonourembroideredrobesandhieusonPrinceCamaralzaman’shorseorinthereindeersleighintothewhitecountrywherethesevencolorsconverge。
Thisiswhenourfancycanovercomethebaneofit。
Butincertainspotsoftheearthcomesthesnow—madness，madeknownbypeopleturnedwildanddistractedbythebewilderingveilthathasobscuredtheonlyworldtheyknow。Inthecities，thewhitefairywhosetsthebrainsofherdupeswhirlingbyawaveofherwandiscastforthecomedyrole。Herdiamondshoebucklesglitterlikefrost；
withapirouettesheinvitesthespotlesscarnival。
Butinthewasteplacesthesnowissardonic。Spongingouttheworldoftheoutliers，itgivesnofootholdonanothersphereinreturn。
Itmakesoftheearthafirmamentunderfoot；itleavesusclawingandstumblinginspaceinaninimicalfifthelementwhoseeviloutdoesitsstrangenessandbeauty，ThereNature，lowcomedienne，playshertricksonman。Thoughshehasputhimforthasherhighestproduct，itappearsthatshehasfashionedhimwithwhatseemsalmostincrediblecarelessnessandindexterity。One—sidedandwithoutbalance，withhistwohalvesunequallyfashionedandjoined，mustheeverjoghiseccentricway。Thesnowfalls，thedarknesscapsit，andtheridiculousman—bipedstraysinaccuratecirclesuntilhesuccumbsintheruinsofhisdefectivearchitecture。
Inthethroatofthethirstythesnowisvitriol。Inappearanceasplausibleasthebreakfastfoodoftheangels，itisashotinthemouthasginger，increasingthepangsofthewater—famished。Itisaderivativefromwater，air，andsomecold，uncannyfirefromwhichthecalorichasbeenextracted。Goodhasbeensaidofit；eventhepoets，crazedbyitsspellandshiveringintheiratticsunderitstouch，haveinditedpermanentmelodiescommemorativeofitsbeauty。
Still，tothesaddestovercoatedoptimistitisaplague——acorrodingplaguethatPharaohsuccessfullyside—stepped。Itbeneficentlycoversthewheatfields，swellingthecrop——andtheFlourTrustgetsusbythethroatlikeasuddenquinsy。Itspreadsthetailofitswhitekirtleovertheredseamsoftheruggednorth——andtheAlaskanshortstoryisborn。Etiolatedperfidy，itsheltersthemountaintravelerburrowingfromtheicyair——and，meltingto—morrow，drownshisbrotherinthevalleybelow。
Atitsworstitislockandkeyandcrucible，andthewandofCirce。
Whenitcorralsmaninlonelyranches，mountaincabins，andforesthuts，thesnowmakesapesandtigersofthehardiest。Itturnsthebosomsofweakeronestoglass，theirtonguestoinfants’rattles，theirheartstolawlessnessandspleen。Itisnotallfromtheisolation；thesnowisnotmerelyablockader；itisaChemicalTest。
Itisagoodmanwhocanshowareactionthatisnotchieflycomposedofadrachmortwoofpotashandmagnesia，withtracesofAdam，Ananias，Nebuchadnezzar，andthefretfulporcupine。
Thisisnostory，yousay；well，letitbegin。
Therewasaknockatthedoor（istheopeningnotfullofcontextandreminiscenceoh，bestbuyersofbestsellers？）。
Wedrewthelatch，andinstumbledEtienneGirod（asheafterwardnamedhimself）。Butjustthenhewasnomorethanawormstrugglingforlife，envelopedinakillingwhitechrysalis。
Wedugdownthroughsnow，overcoats，mufflers，andwaterproofs，anddraggedforthalivingthingwithaVanDyckbeardandmarvellousdiamondrings。Weputitthroughtheapprovedcurriculumofsnow—
rubbing，hotmilk，andteaspoonfuldosesofwhiskey，workinghimuptoagraduatingclassentitledtoadiplomaofthreefingersofryeinhalfaglassfulofhotwater。OneoftheranchboyshadalreadycomefromthequartersatRoss’sbugle—likeyellandkickedthestranger’sstaggeringponytosomeshelteredcorralwherebeastswereentertained。
LetaparagraphicbiographyofGirodintervene。
Etiennewasanoperasingeroriginally，wegathered；butadversityandthesnowhadmadehim~noncomposvocis~。TheadversityconsistedofthestrandedSanSalvadorOperaCompany，aperiodofhotelsecond—
storywork，andthenacareerasaprofessionalpalmist，jumpingfromtowntotown。For，likeotherprofessionalpalmists，everytimeheworkedtheHeartLinetoostronglyheimmediatelymovedalongtheLineofLeastResistance。ThoughEtiennedidnotconfidethistous，wesurmisedthathehadmovedoutintotheduskabouttwentyminutesaheadofaconstable，andhadthusencounteredthesnow。Inhismostsacredbluelanguagehedilateduponthesubjectofsnow；forEtiennewasParis—bornandlovedthesnowwiththesamepassionthatanorchiddoes。
"Mee—ser—rhable!"commentedEtienne，andtookanotherthreefingers。
"Complete，cast—iron，pussy—footed，blank……blank!"saidRoss，andfollowedsuit。
"Rotten，"saidI。
Thecooksaidnothing。Hestoodinthedoorweighingouroutburst；
andinsistentlyfrombehindthatfrozenvisageIgottwomessages（viatheM。A。Mwireless）。OnewasthatGeorgeconsideredourvituperationagainstthesnowchildish；theotherwasthatGeorgedidnotloveDagoes。InasmuchasEtiennewasaFrenchman，IconcludedI
hadthemessagewrong。SoIqueriedtheother："Brighteyes，youdon’treallymeanDagoes，doyou？"andoverthewirelesscamethreedeathly，psychictaps："Yes。"ThenIreflectedthattoGeorgeallforeignerswereprobably"Dagoes。"IhadonceknownanothercampcookwhohadthoughtMons。，Sig。，andMillie（Trans—MississippiforMlle。）wereItaliangivennames；thiscookusedtomarvelthereforeatthepaucityofNeo—Romanprecognomens，andthereforewhynot——
Ihavesaidthatsnowisatestofmen。Foroneday，twodays，Etiennestoodatthewindow，Fletcherizinghisfingernailsandshriekingandmoaningatthemonotony。Tome，Etiennewasjustaboutasunbearableasthesnow；andso，seekingrelief，Iwentoutontheseconddaytolookatmyhorse，slippedonastone，brokemycollarbone，andthereafterunderwentnotthesnowtest，butthetestofflat—on—the—back。Atestthatcomesoncetoooftenforanymantostand。
However，Iboreupcheerfully。Iwasnowmerelyaspectator，andfrommycouchinthebigroomIcouldlieandwatchthehumaninterplaywiththatdetached，impassive，impersonalfeelingwhichFrenchwriterstellusissovaluabletothelitterateur，andAmericanwriterstothefaro—dealer。
"Ishallgocrazyinthisabominable，mee—ser—rhableplace!"wasEtienne’sconstantprediction。
"NeverknewMarkTwaintoboremebefore，"saidRoss，overandover。
Hesatbytheotherwindow，hourafterhour，aboxofPittsburgstogiesofthelength，strength，andodorofaPittsburggraftscandaldepositedononesideofhim，and"RoughingIt，""TheJumpingFrog，"
and"LifeontheMississippi"ontheother。Foreverychapterhelitanewstogy，puffingfuriously。Thisintime，gavehimarecurrentpremonitionofcramps，gastritis，smoker’scolicorwhateveritistheyhaveinPittsburgafteratoodeepindulgenceingraftscandals。
Tofendoffthecolic，RossresortedtimeandagaintoOldDoctorStill’sAmber—ColoredU。S。A。ColicCure。Result，afterforty—eighthours——nerves。
"PositivefactIneverknewMarkTwaintomakemetiredbefore。
Positivefact。"Rossslammed"RoughingIt"onthefloor。"Whenyou’resnowboundthis—awayyouwanttragedy，Iguess。Humorjustseemstobringoutallyourcussedness。Youreadaman’spoor，pitifulattemptstobefunnyanditmakesyousonervousyouwanttotearthebookup，getoutyourbandana，andhaveagood，longcry。"
Attheotherendoftheroom，theFrenchmantookhisfingernailsoutofhismouthlongenoughtoexclaim："Humor!Humoratsuchatimeasthees!MyGod，Ishallgocrazyintheesabominable——"
"Supper，"announcedGeorge。
ThesemealswerenotthemealsofRabelaiswhosaid，"thegreatGodmakestheplanetsandwemaketheplattersneat。"Bythattime，theranch—housemealswerenotaffairsofgusto；theywerementaldistraction，notbodilyprovender。WhattheyweretobelatershallneverbeforgottenbyRossormeorEtienne。
Aftersupper，thestogiesandfingernailsbeganagain。Myshoulderachedwretchedly，andwithhalf—closedeyesItriedtoforgetitbywatchingthedeftmovementsofthestolidcook。
SuddenlyIsawhimcockhisear，likeadog。Then，withaswiftstep，hemovedtothedoor，threwitopen，andstoodthere。
Therestofushadheardnothing。
"Whatisit，George？"askedRoss。
Thecookreachedouthishandintothedarknessalongsidethejamb。
Withcarefulprecisionheproddedsomething。Thenhemadeonecarefulstepintothesnow。Hisbackmusclesbulgedalittleunderthearmsashestoopedandlightlyliftedaburden。Anotherstepinsidethedoor，whichheshutmethodicallybehindhim，andhedumpedtheburdenatasafedistancefromthefire。
Hestoodupandfixeduswithasolemneye。NoneofusmovedunderthatOrphicsuspenseuntil，"Awoman，"remarkedGeorge。
MissWillieAdamswashername。Vocation，school—teacher。Presentavocation，gettinglostinthesnow。Age，yum—yum（thePersianfortwenty）。TaketothewoodsifyouwoulddescribeMissAdams。
Awillowforgrace；ahickoryforfibre；abirchfortheclearwhitenessofherskin；foreyes，theblueskyseenthroughtreetops；
thesilkincocoonsforherhair；hervoice，themurmuroftheeveningJunewindintheleaves；hermouth，theberriesofthewintergreen；
fingersaslightasferns；hertoeassmallasadeertrack。Generalimpressionuponthedazedbeholder——youcouldnotseetheforestforthetrees。
Psychology，withacapitalPandthefootofalynx，atthisjuncturestalksintotheranchhouse。Threemen，acook，aprettyyoungwoman——allsnowbound。Countmeoutofit，asIdidnotcount，anyway。I
neverdid，withwomen。Countthecookout，ifyoulike。ButnotetheeffectuponRossandEtienneGirod。
RossdumpedMarkTwaininatrunkandlockedthetrunk。Also，hediscardedthePittsburgscandals。Also，heshavedoffathreedays’
beard。
Etienne，beingFrench，beganonthebeardfirst。Hepomadedit，fromalittletubeofgreaseHongroiseinhisvestpocket。Hecombeditwithalittlealuminumcombfromthesamevestpocket。Hetrimmeditwithmanicurescissorsfromthesamevestpocket。HislightandGallicspiritsunderwentasudden，miraculouschange。HehummedablitheSanSalvadorOperaCompanytune；hegrinned，smirked，bowed，pirouetted，twiddled，twaddled，twisted，andtooralooed。Gayly，thenotorioustroubadour，couldnothaveequalledEtienne。
Ross’smethodofadvancewasbrusque，domineering。"Littlewoman，"
hesaid，"you’rewelcomehere!"——andwithwhathethoughtsubtledoublemeaning——"welcometostayhereaslongasyoulike，snowornosnow。"
MissAdamsthankedhimalittlewildly，someofthewintergreenberriescreepingintothebirchbark。Shelookedaroundhurriedlyasifseekingescape。Buttherewasnone，savethekitchenandtheroomallottedher。Shemadeanexcuseanddisappearedintoherownroom。
LaterI，feigningsleep，heardthefollowing：
"MeesAdams，Iwasalmosttoperislh—die—ofmonotonyw’enyourfairandbeautifulfaceappearintheesmee—ser—rhablehouse。"Iopenedmystarboardeye。Thebeardwasbeingcurledfuriouslyaroundafinger，theSvengalieyewasrolling，thechairwasbeinghunchedclosertotheschool—teacher’s。"IamFrench——yousee——temperamental——nervous!
Icannotenduretheesdullhoursintheesranchhouse；but——awomancomes!Ah!"Theshouldersgavenine’rahsandatiger。"Whatadifference!Allislightandgay；ever’tingsmilew’enyousmile。
Youhave’eart，beauty，grace。My’eartcomesbacktomew’enIfeelyour’eart。So!"Helaidhishanduponhisvestpocket。Fromthisvantagepointhesuddenlysnatchedattheschool—teacher’sownhand，"Ah!MeesAdams，ifIcouldonlytellyouhowIad——"
"Dinner，"remarkedGeorge。HewasstandingjustbehindtheFrenchman’sear。Hiseyeslookedstraightintotheschool—teacher’seyes。Afterthirtysecondsofsurvey，hislipsmoved，deepintheflinty，frozenmaelstromofhisface："Dinner，"heconcluded，"willbereadyintwominutes。"
MissAdamsjumpedtoherfeet，relieved。"Imustgetreadyfordinner，"shesaidbrightly，andwentintoherroom。
Rosscameinfifteenminuteslate。Afterthedisheshadbeencleanedaway，Iwaiteduntilapropitioustimewhentheroomwastemporarilyoursalone，andtoldhimwhathadhappened。
Hebecamesoexcitedthathelitastogywithoutthinking。"Yeller—
hided，unwashed，palm—readin’skunk，"hesaidunderhisbreath。"I’llshoothimfullo’holesifhedon’twatchout——talkin’thatwaytomywife!"
Igaveajumpthatsetmycollarbonebackanotherweek。"Yourwife!"
Igasped。
"Well，Imeantomakeherthat，"heannounced。
Theairintheranchhousetherestofthatdaywastensewithpent—upemotions，oh，bestbuyersofbestsellers。
RosswatchedMissAdamsasahawkdoesahen；hewatchedEtienneasahawkdoesascarecrow，EtiennewatchedMissAdamsasaweaseldoesahenhouse。HepaidnoattentiontoRoss。
TheconditionofMissAdams，intheroleofsought—after，wasfeverish。Latelyescapedfromtheagonyandlongtortureofthewhitecold，whereforhoursNaturehadkeptthelittleschool—teacher’svisionlockedinandturneduponherself，nobodyknowsthroughwhatprofoundfeminineintrospectionsshehadgone。Now，suddenlycastamongmen，insteadoffindingreliefandsecurity，shebeheldherselfplungedanewintootherdiscomforts。Eveninherownroomshecouldheartheloudvoicesofherimposedsuitors。"I’llblowyoufullo’
holes!"shoutedRoss。"Witnesses，"shriekedEtienne，wavinghishandatthecookandme。Shecouldnothaveknownthepreviousharassedconditionofthemen，frettingunderindoorconditions。Allsheknewwas，thatwhereshehadexpectedthefrankfreemasonryoftheWest，shefoundthesubtletangleoftwomen’sminds，bentuponexactingwhateverromancetheremightbeinhersituation。
ShetriedtododgeRossandtheFrenchmanbyspellsofnursingme。
Theyalsocameovertohelpnurse。Thiscombinationarousedsuchanaturalstateofinvalidcussednessonmypartthattheywereallforcedtoretire。Onceshedidmanagetowhisper："Iamsoworriedhere。Idon’tknowwhattodo。"
TowhichIreplied，gently，hitchingupmyshoulder，thatIwasahunch—savantandthattheEighthHouseunderthissign，theMoonbeinginVirgo，showedthateverythingwouldturnoutallright。
ButtwentyminuteslaterIsawEtiennereadingherpalmandfeltthatperhapsImighthavetorecastherhoroscope，andtryforadarkmancomingwithabundle。
Towardsunset，EtienneleftthehouseforafewmomentsandRoss，whohadbeensittingtaciturnandmorose，havingunlockedMarkTwain，madeanotherdash。ItwastypicalRosstalk。
HestoodinfrontofherandlookeddownmajesticallyatthatcoolandperfectspotwhereMissAdams’foreheadmettheneatpartinherfragranthair。First，however，hecastadesperateglanceatme。I
wasinaprofoundslumber。
"Littlewoman，"hebegan，"it’scertainlytoughforamanlikemetoseeyoubotheredthisway。You"——gulp——"youhavebeenaloneinthisworldtoolong。Youneedaprotector。Imightsaythatatatimelikethisyouneedaprotectortheworstkind——aprotectorwhowouldtakeathree—ringdelightinsmashingthesaffron—coloredkisseroffofanyyeller—skinnedskunkthatmadehimselfobnoxioustoyou。Hem。
Hem。Iamalonelyman，MissAdams。Ihavesofarhadtocarryonmylifewithoutthe"——gulp——"sweetradiance"——gulp——"ofawomanaroundthehouse。Ifeelespeciallydoggonedlonelyatatimelikethis，whenIamprettynearlocoedfromhavin’tostallindoors，andhenceitwaswithdelightIwelcomedyourfirstappearanceinthishereshack。SincethenIhavebeenpackedjamfullofmoredifferentkindsoffeelings，ornery，mean，dizzy，andsuperb，thanhasfallenmywayinyears。"
MissAdamsmadeauselessmovementtowardescape。TheRosschinstuckfirm。"Idon’twanttoannoyyou，MissAdams，but，byheck，ifitcomestothatyou’llhavetobeannoyed。AndI’llhavetohavemysay。Thispalm—ticklin’slobofaFrenchmanoughttobekickedofftheplaceandifyou’llsaytheword，offhegoes。ButIdon’twanttodothewrongthing。You’vegottoshowapreference。I’mgettin’
aroundtothepoint，Miss——MissWillie，inmyownbrickfashion。I’vestoodaboutallIcanstandtheselasttwodaysandsomethin’sgottohappen。Thesuspensehereaboutsisenoughtohangasheepherder。
MissWillie"——helassooedherhandbymainforce——"justsaytheword。
Youneedsomebodytotakeyourpartallyourlifelong。Willyoumar——"
"Supper，"remarkedGeorge，tersely，fromthekitchendoor。
MissAdamshurriedaway。
Rossturnedangrily。"You——"
"Ihavebeenrevolvingitinmyhead，"saidGeorge。
Hebroughtthecoffeepotforwardheavily。Thenbravelythebigplatterofporkandbeans。Thensomberlythepotatoes。Thenprofoundlythebiscuits。"Ihavebeenrevolvingitinmymind。
Thereain’tnousewaitin’anylongerforSwengalley。Mightaswelleatnow。"
>Frommyexcellentvantage—pointonthecouchIwatchedtheprogressofthatmeal。Ross，muddled，glowering，disappointed；Etienne，eternallyblandishing，attentive，ogling；MissAdams，nervous，pickingatherfood，hesitantaboutansweringquestions，almosthysterical；
nowandthenthesolid，flittingshadowofthecook，passingbehindtheirbackslikeaDreadnaughtinafog。
Iusedtoownaclockwhichgurgledinitsthroatthreeminutesbeforeitstruckthehour。Iknow，therefore，theslowfreightofAnticipation。ForIhaveawakenedatthreeinthemorning，heardtheclockgurgle，andwaitedthosethreeminutesforthethreestrokesI
knewweretocome。~Alors~。InRoss’sranchhousethatnighttheslowfreightofClimaxwhistledinthedistance。
Etiennebeganitaftersupper。MissAclamshadsuddenlydisplayedalivelyinterestinthekitchenlayoutandIcouldseeherinthere，chattingbrightlyatGeorge——notwithhim——thewhileheduckedhisheadandrattledhispans。
"Myfren’，"saidEtienne，exhalingalargecloudfromhiscigaretteandpattingRosslightlyontheshoulderwithabediamondedhandwhich，hunglimpfromayardormoreofbonyarm，"IseeImus’befrankwithyou。Firs’，becausewearerivals；second，becauseyoutakethesematterssoserious。I——IamFrenchman。Ilovethewomen"
——hethrewbackhiscurls，baredhisyellowteeth，andblewanunsavorykisstowardthekitchen。"Itis，Isuppose，atraitofmynation。AllFrenchmenlovethewomen——prettywomen。Now，look：
HereIam!"Hespreadouthisarms。"Coldoutside!Idetes’thecol—l—l!Snow!Iabominatethemees—ser—rhablesnow!Twomen!
This——"pointingtome——"an’this!"Pointingto’Ross。"Iamdistracted!FortwowholedaysIstan’atthewindowan’tearmy’air!Iamnervous，upset，pr—r—ro—foun’lydistressinsidemy’ead!
An’suddenly——be’old!Awoman，anice，pretty，charming，innocen’
youngwoman!I，naturally，rejoice。Ibecomemyselfagain——gay，light—’earted，"appy。Iaddressmyselftomademoiselle；itpassesthetime。That，m’sieu’，iswotthewomenarefor——passthetime!
Entertainment——likethemusic，likethewine!
"Theyappealtothemood，thecaprice，thetemperamen’。Toplaywiththeeswoman，followherthroughherhumor，pursueher——ah!thatisthemos’delightfulwaytosen’thehoursabouttheirbusiness。"
Rossbangedthetable。"Shutup，youmiserableyellerpup!"heroared。"Iobjecttoyourpursuin’anythingoranybodyinmyhouse。
Now，youlistentome，you——"Hepickeduptheboxofstogiesanduseditonthetableasanemphasizer。Thenoiseofitawoketheattentionofthegirlinthekitchen。Unheeded，shecreptintotheroom。"Idon’tknowanythingaboutyourFrenchwaysoflovemakin’an’
Idon’tcare。Inmysectionofthecountry，it’sthebestmanwins。
AndI’mthebestmanhere，anddon’tyouforgetit!Thisgirl’sgoin’
tobemine。Thereain’tg’oingtobeanyplaying，orphilandering，orpalmreadingaboutit。I’vemadeupmymindI’llhavethisgirl，andthatsettlesit。Mywordisthelawinthisnecko’thewoods。
She’smine，andassoonasshesaysshe’smine，youpullout。"Theboxmadeonefinal，tremendouspunctuationpoint。
Etienne’sbravadowasunruffled。"Ah!thatisnowaytowinawoman，"
hesmiled，easily。"Imakeprophecyyouwillneverwin’erthatway。
No。Nottheeswoman。Shemus’beplayedalongan’thenkeessed，thischarming，deliciouslittlecreature。Onekees!An’thenyou’aveher。"Againhedisplayedhisunpleasantteeth。"ImakeyouabetI
willkeesher——"
Asacheerfulchroniclerofdeedsdonewell，itjoysmetorelatethatthehandwhichfelluponEtienne’samorouslipswasnothisown。
Therewasonesuddensound，asofamulekickingalathfence，andthen——throughtheswingingdoorsofoblivionforEtienne。
Ihadseenthisblowdelivered。Itwasanaloof，unstudied，almostabsent—mindedaffair。Ihadthoughtthecookwasrehearsingthepropermethodofturningaflapjack。
Silently，lostinthought，hestoodtherescratchinghishead。Thenhebeganrollingdownhissleeves。
"You’dbettergetyourthingson，Miss，andwe’llgetoutofhere，"
hedecided。"Wrapupwarm。"
Iheardherheavealittlesighofreliefasshewenttogethercloak，sweater，andhat。
Rossjumpedtohisfeet，andsaid："George，whatareyougoin’
todo？"
George，whohadbeenheadedinmydirection，slowlyswivelledaroundandfacedhisemployer。"Bein’acampcook，Iain’tover—burdenedwithhosses，"Georgeenlightenedus。"Therefore，Iamgoingtotrytoborrowthisfeller’shere。"
Forthefirsttimeinfourdaysmysoulgaveagenuinecheer。"Ifit’sforLochinvarpurposes，goasfarasyoulike，"Isaid，grandly。
Thecookstudiedmeamoment，asiftryingtofindaninsultinmywords。"No，"hereplied。"It’sformineandtheyounglady’spurposes，andwe’llgoonlythreemiles——toHicksville。Nowletmetellyousomethin’，Ross。"SuddenlyIwasconfrontedwiththecook’schunkybackandIheardalow，curt，carryingvoiceshootthroughtheroomatmyhost。GeorgehadwheeledjustasRossstartedtospeak。
"You’renutty。That’swhat’sthematterwithyou。Youcan’tstandthesnow。You’regettingnervouser，andnuttiereveryday。ThatandthisDago"——hejerkedathumbatthehalf—deadFrenchmaninthecorner——"hasgotyoutothepointwhereIthoughtIbetterhornin。
IgottorevolvingitaroundinmymindandIseenifsomethin’
wasn’tdone，anddonesoon，there’dbemurderaroundhereandmaybe"
——hisheadgaveanimperceptiblelisttowardthegirl’sroom——"worse。"
Hestopped，butheheldupastubbyfingertokeepanyoneelsefromspeaking。Thenheplowedslowlythroughthedriftofhisideas。
"Aboutthisherewoman。Iknowyou，Ross，andIknowwhatyoureelythinkaboutwomen。Ifshehadn’thappenedinheredurin’thisheresnow，you’dneverhavegiventwothoughtstothewholewomanquestion。
Likewise，whenthestormclears，andyouandtheboysgohustlin’out，thisherewholebusiness’llclearoutofyourheadandyouwon’tthinkofaskirtagainuntilKingdomCome。Justbecauseo’thissnowhere，don’tforgetyou’relivingintheselfsameworldyouwasinfourdaysago。Andyou’rethesameman，too。Now，what’stheuseo’
gettingallsnarledupoverfourdaysofstickin’inthehouse？Thatthere’swhatIbeenrevolvin’inmymindandthishere’sthedecisionI’vecometo。"
Heploddedtothedoorandshoutedtooneoftheranchhandstosaddlemyhorse。
Rosslitastogyandstoodthoughtfulinthemiddleoftheroom。Thenhebegan："I’veadurngoodnotion，George，toknockyourconfoundedheadoffandthrowyouintothatsnowbank，if——"
"You’rewrong，mister。Thatain’tadurnedgoodnotionyou’vegot。
It’sdurnedbad。Lookhere!"Hepointedsteadilyoutofdoorsuntilwewerebothforcedtofollowhisfinger。"You’reinhereformore’naweekyet。"Afterallowingthisfacttosinkin，hebarkedoutatRoss："Canyoucook？"Thenatme："Canyoucook？"ThenhelookedatthewreckofEtienneandsniffed。
TherewasanembarrassingsilenceasRossandIthoughtsolemnlyofafoodlessweek。
"Ifyoujustusehosssense，"concludedGeorge，"anddon’tgofortohurtmyfeelin’s，allIwanttodoistotakethisyounggaldowntoHicksville；andthenI’llheadbackhereandcookferyou。"
ThehorseandMissAdamsarrivedsimultaneously，bothofthemveryseriousandquiet。Thehorsebecauseheknewwhathehadbeforehiminthatweather；thegirlbecauseofwhatshehadleftbehind。
ThenallatonceIawoketoarealizationofwhatthecookwasdoing。
"MyGod，man!"Icried，"aren’tyouafraidtogooutinthatsnow？"
BehindmybackIheardRossmutter，"Nothim。"
Georgeliftedthegirldaintilyupbehindthesaddle，drewonhisgloves，puthisfootinthestirrup，andturnedtoinspectmeleisurely。
AsIpassedslowlyinhisreview，Isawinmymind’seyethealgebraicequationofSnow，theequalssign，andtheanswerinthemanbeforeme。
"Snowismylastname，"saidGeorge。HeswungintothesaddleandtheystartedcautiouslyoutintothedarkeningswirloffreshnewcurrencyjustissuingfromtheSnowdropMint。Thegirl，tokeepherplace，clunghappilytothesturdyfigureofthecampcook。
IbroughtthreethingsawayfromRossCurtis’sranchhouse——yes，four。Onewastheappreciationofsnow，whichIhavesohumblytriedheretorender；（2）wasacollarbone，ofwhichIamextracareful；（3）wasamemoryofwhatitistoeatveryextremelybadfoodforaweek；and（4）wasthecauseof（3）alittlenotedeliveredattheendoftheweekandhand—paintedinbluepencilonasheetofmeatpaper。
"Icannotcomebacktheretothattherejob。Mrs。Snowsayno，George。Ibeenrevolvin’itinmymind；considerin’circumstancesshe’sright。"
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