AftercarefullystudyingthefieldofopportunitiesopentocapitalhehadsoldhislittlepropertythereforeighthundreddollarsandinvesteditinoneoftheenterprisesopenedupbythebookinOkochee。
"MightIinquire，sir，"saidMr。Bloom，"inwhatparticularlineofbusinessyouinsertedyourcoin？IknowthattownaswellasIknowtheregulationsforillegaluseofthemails。Imightgiveyouahunchastowhetheryoucanmakethegamegoornot。"
J。Pinkney，somehow，hadakindlyfeelingtowardtheseunsophisticatedrepresentativesofby—gonedays。Theyweresosimple，impractical，andunsuspecting。HewasgladthathehappenednottohaveagoldbrickorablockofthatwesternBadBoySilverMinestockalongwithhim。Hewouldhavedislikedtounloadonpeoplehelikedsowellashedidthese；buttherearesometemptationstoeenticingtoberesisted。
"No，sir，"saidColonelBlaylock。pausingtoarrangethequeen’swrap。
"IdidnotinvestinOkochee。Ihavemadeanexhaustivestudyofbusinessconditions，andIregardoldsettledtownsasunfavorablefieldsinwhichtoplacecapitalthatislimitedinamount。Somemonthsago，throughthekindnessofafriend，therecameintomyhandsamapanddescriptionofthisnewtownofSkylandthathasbeenbuiltuponthelake。Thedescriptionwassopleasing，thefutureofthetownsetforthinsuchconvincingarguments，anditsincreasingprosperityportrayedinsuchanattractivestylethatIdecidedtotakeadvantageoftheopportunityitoffered。I
carefullyselectedalotinthecentreofthebusinessdistrict，althoughitspricewasthehighestintheschedule——fivehundreddollars——andmadethepurchaseatonce。"
"Areyoutheman——Imean，didyoupayfivehundreddollarsforalotinSkyland"askedJ。PinkneyBloom。
"Idid，sir，"answeredtheColonel，withtheairofamodestmillionaireexplaininghissuccess；"alotmostexcellentlysituatedonthesamesquarewiththeoperahouse，andonlytwosquaresfromtheboardoftrade。Iconsiderthepurchaseamostfortuitousone。
Itismyintentiontoerectasmallbuildinguponitatonce，andopenamodestbookandstationerystore。DuringpastyearsIhavemetwithmanypecuniaryreverses，andInowfinditnecessarytoengageinsomecommercialoccupationthatwillfurnishmewithalivelihood。Thebookandstationerybusiness，thoughanhumbleone，seemstomenotinaptnoraltogetheruncongenial。IamagraduateoftheUniversityofVirginia；andMrs。Blaylock’sreallywonderfulacquaintancewithbelles—lettresandpoeticliteratureshouldgofartowardinsuringsuccess。Ofcourse，Mrs。Blaylockwouldnotpersonallyservebehindthecounter。WiththenearlythreehundreddollarsIhaveremainingIcanmanagethebuildingofahouse，bygivingalienonthelot。IhaveanoldfriendinAtlantawhoisapartnerinalargebookstore，andhehasagreedtofurnishmewithastockofgoodsoncredit，onextremelyeasyterms。Iampleasedtohope，sir，thatMrs。Blaylock’shealthandhappinesswillbeincreasedbythechangeoflocality。AlreadyIfancyIcanperceivethereturnofthoserosesthatwereoncethehopeanddespairofGeorgiacavaliers。"
Againfollowedthatwonderfulbow，astheColonellightlytouchedthepalecheekofthepoetess。Mrs。Blaylock，blushinglikeagirl，shookhercurlandgavetheColonelanarch，reprovingtap。Secretofeternalyouth——whereartthou？Everysecondtheanswercomes——"Here，here，here。"Listentothineownheartbeats，0wearyseekerafterexternalmiracles。
"Thoseyears，"saidMrs。Blaylock，"inHollySpringswerelong，long，long。Butnowisthepromisedlandinsight。Skyland!——alovelyname。"
"Doubtless，"saidtheColonel，"weshallbeabletosecurecomfortableaccommodationsatsomemodesthotelatreasonablerates。OurtrunksareinOkochee，tobeforwardedwhenweshallhavemadepermanentarrangements。"
J。PinkneyBloomexcusedhimself，wentforward，andstoodbythecaptainatthewheel。
"Mac，"saidhe，"doyouremembermytellingyouoncethatIsoldoneofthosefive—hundred—dollarlotsinSkyland？"
"SeemsIdo，"grinnedCaptainMacFarland。
"I’mnotacoward，asageneralrule，"wentonthepromoter，"butIalwayssaidthatifIevermetthesuckerthatboughtthatlotI’drunlikeaturkey。Now，youseethatoldbabe—in—the—woodoverthere？Well，he’stheboythatdrewtheprize。Thatwastheonlyfive—hundred—dollarlotthatwent。Therestrangedfromtendollarstotwohundred。Hiswifewritespoetry。She’sinventedoneaboutthehighgroundsofGeorgia，that’swayupinG。They’regoingtoSkylandtoopenabookstore。"
"Well，"saidMacFarland，withanothergrin，"it’sagoodthingyouarealong，J。P。；youcanshow’emaroundtownuntiltheybegintofeelathome。"
"He’sgotthreehundreddollarslefttobuildahouseandstorewith，"wentonJ。Pinkney，asifheweretalkingtohimself。"Andhethinksthere’sanopenhouseupthere。"
CaptainMacFarlandreleasedthewheellongenoughtogivehislegaroguishslap。
"Youoldfatrascal!"hechuckled，withawink。
"Mac，you’reafool，"saidJ。PinkneyBloom，coldly。HewentbackandjoinedtheBlaylocks，wherehesat，lesstalkative，withthatstraightfurrowbetweenhisbrowsthatalwaysstoodasasignalofschemesbeingshapedwithin。
"There’sagoodmanyswindlesconnectedwiththesebooms，"hesaidpresently。"WhatifthisSkylandshouldturnouttobeone——thatis，supposebusinessshouldbesortofdullthere，andnospecialsaleforbooks？"
"Mydearsir，"saidColonelBlaylock，restinghishanduponthebackofhiswife’schair，"threetimesIhavebeenreducedtoalmostpenurybytheduplicityofothers，butIhavenotyetlostfaithinhumanity。
IfIhavebeendeceivedagain，stillwemaygleanhealthandcontent，ifnotworldlyprofit。Iamawarethattherearedishonestschemersintheworldwhosettrapsfortheunwary，buteventheyarenotaltogetherbad。Mydear，canyourecallthoseversesentitled’HeGiveththeIncrease，’thatyoucomposedforthechoirofourchurchinHollySprings？"
"Thatwasfouryearsago，"saidMrs。Blaylock；"perhansIcanrepeataverseortwo。
"Thelilyspringsfromtherottingmould；
Pearlsfromthedeepseaslime；
GoodwillcomeoutofNazarethAllinGod’sowntime。
"TothehardestheartthesofteninggraceCometh，atlast，tobless；
GuidingitrighttohelpandcheerAndsuccorindistress。
"Icannotremembertherest。Thelineswerenotambitious。Theywerewrittentothemusiccomposedbyadearfriend。"
"It’safinerhyme，justthesame，"declaredMr。Bloom。"Itseemstoringthebell，allright。IguessIgatherthesenseofit。Itmeansthattherankestkindofaphonywillgiveyouthebestendofitonceinawhile。"
Mr。Bloomstrayedthoughtfullybacktothecaptain，andstoodmeditating。
"OughttobeinsightofthespiresandgildeddomesofSkylandnowinafewminutes，"chirrupedMacFarland，shakingwithenjoyment。
"Gotothedevil，"saidMr。Bloom，stillpensive。
Andnow，upontheleftbank，theycaughtaglimpseofawhitevillage，highuponthehills，smotheredamonggreentrees。ThatwasColdBranch——noboomtown，buttheslowgrowthofmanyyears。ColdBranchlayontheedgeofthegrapeandcornlands。Thebigcountryroadranjustbackoftheheights。ColdBranchhadnothingincommonwiththefriskyambitionofOkocheewithitsimpertinentlake。
"Mac，"saidJ。Pinkneysuddenly，"IwantyoutostopatColdBranch。
There’salandingtherethattheymadetousesometimeswhentheriverwasup。"
"Can’t，"saidthecaptain，grinningmorebroadly。"I’vegottheUnitedStatesmailsonboard。Rightto—daythisboat’sinthegovernmentservice。DoyouwanttohavethepooroldcaptainkeelhauledbyUncleSam？AndthegreatcityofSkyland，alldisconsolate，waitingforitsmail？I’mashamedofyourextravagance，J。P。"
"Mac，"almostwhisperedJ。Pinkney，inhisdanger—linevoice，"I
lookedintotheengineroomofthe~DixieBelle~awhileago。Don’tyouknowofsomebodythatneedsanewboiler？CementandblackJapancan’thideflawsfromme。Andthen，thosesharesofbuildingandloanthatyoutradedforrepairs——theywereallyours，ofcourse。Ihatetomentionthesethings，but——"
"Oh，comenow，J。P。，"saidthecaptain。"YouknowIwasjustfooling。I’llputyouoffatColdBranch，ifyousayso。"
"Theotherpassengersgetoffthere，too，"saidMr。Bloom。
Furtherconversationwasheld，andintenminutesthe~DixieBelle~
turnedhernosetowardalittle，crankywoodenpierontheleftbank，andthecaptain，relinquishingthewheeltoaroustabout，cametothepassengerdeckandmadetheremarkableannouncement："AlloutforSkyland。"
TheBlaylocksandJ。PinkneyBloomdisembarked，andthe~DixieBelle~
proceededonherwayupthelake。Guidedbytheindefatigablepromoter，theyslowlyclimbedthesteephillside，pausingoftentorestandadmiretheview。FinallytheyenteredthevillageofColdBranch。WarmlyboththeColonelandhiswifepraiseditforitshomelikeandpeacefulbeauty。Mr。Bloomconductedthemtoatwo—storybuildingonashadystreetthatborethelegend，"Pine—topInn。"Herehetookhisleave，receivingthecordialthanksofthetwoforhisattentions，theColonelremarkingthathethoughttheywouldspendtheremainderofthedayinrest，andtakealookathispurchaseonthemorrow。
J。PinkneyBloomwalkeddownColdBranch’smainstreet。Hedidnotknowthistown，butheknewtowns，andhisfeetdidnotfalter。
Presentlyhesawasignoveradoor："FrankE。Cooly，Attorney—at—LawandNotaryPublic。"AyoungmanwasMr。Cooly，andawaitingbusiness。
"Getyourhat，son，"saidMr。Bloom，inhisbreezyway，"andablankdeed，andcomealong。It’sajobforyou。"
"Now，"hecontinued，whenMr。Coolyhadrespondedwithalacrity，"isthereabookstoreintown？"
"One，"saidthelawyer。"HenryWilliams’s。"
"Getthere，"saidMr。Bloom。"We’regoingtobuyit。"
HenryWilliamswasbehindhiscounter。Hisstorewasasmallone，containingamixtureofbooks，stationery，andfancyrubbish。
AdjoiningitwasHenry’shome——adecentcottage，vine—emboweredandcosy。Henrywaslankandsoporific，andnotinclinedtorushhisbusiness。
"Iwanttobuyyourhouseandstore，"saidMr。Bloom。"Ihaven’tgottimetodicker——nameyourprice。"
"It’swortheighthundred，"saidHenry，toomuchdazedtoaskmorethanitsvalue。
"Shutthatdoor，"saidMr。Bloomtothelawyer。Thenhetoreoffhiscoatandvest，andbegantounbuttonhisshirt。
"Wanterfightaboutit，doyer？"saidHenryWilliams，jumpingupandcrackinghisheelstogethertwice。"Allright，hunky——sailinandcutyercapers。"
"Keepyourclotheson，"saidMr。Bloom。"I’monlygoingdowntothebank。"
Hedreweightone—hundred—dollarbillsfromhismoneybeltandplankedthemdownonthecounter。Mr。Coolyshowedsignsoffuturepromise，forhealreadyhadthedeedspreadout，andwasreachingacrossthecounterfortheinkbottle。NeverbeforeorsincewassuchquickactionhadinColdBranch。
"Yourname，please？"askedthelawyer。
"MakeitouttoPeytonBlaylock，"saidMr。Bloom。"Godknowshowtospellit。"
WithinthirtyminutesHenryWilliamswasoutofbusiness，andMr。
BloomstoodonthebricksidewalkwithMr。Cooly，whoheldinhishandthesignedandattesteddeed。
"You’llfindthepartyatthePinetopInn，"saidJ。PinkneyBloom。
"Getitrecorded，andtakeitdownandgiveittohim。He’llaskyouahell’smintofquestions；sohere’stendollarsforthetroubleyou’llhaveinnotbeingabletoanswer’em。Neverrunmuchtopoetry，didyou，youngman？"
"Well，"saidthereallytalentedCooly，whoevenyetretainedhisrightmind，"nowandthen。"
"Digintoit，"saidMr。Bloom，"it’llpayyou。Neverheardapoem，now，thatrunsomethinglikethis，didyou？——
AgoodthingoutofNazarethComesupsometimes，Iguess，Onhand，allright，tohelpandcheerAsuckerindistress。"
"Ibelievenot，"saidMr。Cooly。
"It’sahymn，"saidJ。PinkneyBloom。"Now，showmethewaytoaliverystable，son，forI’mgoingtohitthedirtroadbacktoOkochee。"
CONFESSIONSOFAHUMORIST
Therewasapainlessstageofincubationthatlastedtwenty—fiveyears，andthenitbrokeoutonme，andpeoplesaidIwasIt。
Buttheycalledithumorinsteadofmeasles。
Theemployeesinthestoreboughtasilverinkstandfortheseniorpartneronhisfiftiethbirthday。Wecrowdedintohisprivateofficetopresentit。Ihadbeenselectedforspokesman，andImadealittlespeechthatIhadbeenpreparingforaweek。
Itmadeahit。Itwasfullofpunsandepigramsandfunnytwiststhatbroughtdownthehouse——whichwasaverysolidoneinthewholesalehardwareline。OldMarlowehimselfactuallygrinned，andtheemployeestooktheircueandroared。
Myreputationasahumoristdatesfromhalf—pastnineo’clockonthatmorning。Forweeksafterwardmyfellowclerksfannedtheflameofmyself—esteem。Onebyonetheycametome，sayingwhatanawfullycleverspeechthatwas，oldman，andcarefullyexplainedtomethepointofeachoneofmyjokes。
GraduallyIfoundthatIwasexpectedtokeepitup。Othersmightspeaksanelyonbusinessmattersandtheday’stopics，butfrommesomethinggamesomeandairywasrequired。
Iwasexpectedtocrackjokesaboutthecrockeryandlightenupthegranitewarewithpersiflage。Iwassecondbookkeeper，andifI
failedtoshowupabalancesheetwithoutsomethingcomicaboutthefootingsorcouldfindnocauseforlaughterinaninvoiceofplows，theotherclerksweredisappointed。Bydegreesmyfamespread，andIbecamealocal"character。"Ourtownwassmallenoughtomakethispossible。Thedailynewspaperquotedme。AtsocialgatheringsIwasindispensable。
IbelieveIdidpossessconsiderablewitandafacilityforquickandspontaneousrepartee。ThisgiftIcultivatedandimprovedbypractice。Andthenatureofitwaskindlyandgenial，notrunningtosarcasmoroffendingothers。Peoplebegantosmilewhentheysawmecoming，andbythetimewehadmetIgenerallyhadthewordreadytobroadenthesmileintoalaugh。
Ihadmarriedearly。Wehadacharmingboyofthreeandagirloffive。Naturally，welivedinavine—coveredcottage，andwerehappy。
Mysalaryasbookkeeperinthehardwareconcernkeptatadistancethoseillsattendantuponsuperfluouswealth。
AtsundrytimesIhadwrittenoutafewjokesandconceitsthatI
consideredpeculiarlyhappy，andhadsentthemtocertainperiodicalsthatprintsuchthings。Allofthemhadbeeninstantlyaccepted。
Severaloftheeditorshadwrittentorequestfurthercontributions。
OnedayIreceivedaletterfromtheeditorofafamousweeklypublication。HesuggestedthatIsubmittohimahumorouscompositiontofillacolumnofspace；hintingthathewouldmakeitaregularfeatureofeachissueiftheworkprovedsatisfactory。Ididso，andattheendoftwoweeksheofferedtomakeacontractwithmeforayearatafigurethatwasconsiderablyhigherthantheamountpaidmebythehardwarefirm。
Iwasfilledwithdelight。Mywifealreadycrownedmeinhermindwiththeimperishableevergreensofliterarysuccess。Wehadlobstercroquettesandabottleofblackberrywineforsupperthatnight。
Herewasthechancetoliberatemyselffromdrudgery。ItalkedoverthematterveryseriouslywithLouisa。WeagreedthatImustresignmyplaceatthestoreanddevotemyselftohumor。
Iresigned。Myfellowclerksgavemeafarewellbanquet。ThespeechImadetherecoruscated。ItwasprintedinfullbytheGazette。ThenextmorningIawokeandlookedattheclock。
"Late，byGeorge!"Iexclaimed，andgrabbedformyclothes。LouisaremindedmethatIwasnolongeraslavetohardwareandcontractors’
supplies。Iwasnowaprofessionalhumorist。
Afterbreakfastsheproudlyledmetothelittleroomoffthekitchen。
Deargirl!Therewasmytableandchair，writingpad，ink，andpipetray。Andalltheauthor’strappings——thecelerystandfulloffreshrosesandhoneysuckle，lastyear’scalendaronthewall，thedictionary，andalittlebagofchocolatestonibblebetweeninspirations。Deargirl!
Isatmetowork。Thewallpaperispatternedwitharabesquesorodalisksor——perhaps——itistrapezoids。UpononeofthefiguresI
fixedmyeyes。Ibethoughtmeofhumor。
Avoicestartledme——Louisa’svoice。
"Ifyouaren’ttoobusy，dear，"itsaid，"cometodinner。"
Ilookedatmywatch。Yes，fivehourshadbeengatheredinbythegrimscytheman。Iwenttodinner。
"Youmustn’tworktoohardatfirst，"saidLouisa。"Goethe——orwasitNapoleon？——saidfivehoursadayisenoughformentallabor。Couldn’tyoutakemeandthechildrentothewoodsthisafternoon？"
"Iamalittletired，"Iadmitted。Sowewenttothewoods。
ButIsoongottheswingofit。WithinamonthIwasturningoutcopyasregularasshipmentsofhardware。
AndIhadsuccess。Mycolumnintheweeklymadesomestir，andIwasreferredtoinagossipywaybythecriticsassomethingfreshinthelineofhumorists。Iaugmentedmyincomeconsiderablybycontributingtootherpublications。
Ipickedupthetricksofthetrade。Icouldtakeafunnyideaandmakeatwo—linejokeofit，earningadollar。Withfalsewhiskerson，itwouldserveupcoldasaquatrain，doublingitsproducingvalue。Byturningtheskirtandaddingaruffleofrhymeyouwouldhardlyrecognizeitas~versdesociete~withneatlyshodfeetandafashion—plateillustration。
Ibegantosaveupmoney，andwehadnewcarpets，andaparlororgan。
MytownspeoplebegantolookuponmeasacitizenofsomeconsequenceinsteadofthemerrytrifierIhadbeenwhenIclerkedinthehardwarestore。
Afterfiveorsixmonthsthespontanietyseemedtodepartfrommyhumor。Quipsanddrollsayingsnolongerfellcarelesslyfrommylips。Iwassometimeshardrunformaterial。Ifoundmyselflisteningtocatchavailableideasfromtheconversationofmyfriends。SometimesIchewedmypencilandgazedatthewallpaperforhourstryingtobuildupsomegaylittlebubbleofunstudiedfun。
AndthenIbecameaharpy，aMoloch，aJonah，avampire，tomyacquaintances。Anxious，haggard，greedy，Istoodamongthemlikeaveritablekilljoy。Letabrightsaying，awittycomparison，apiquantphrasefallfromtheirlipsandIwasafteritlikeahoundspringinguponabone。Idarednottrustmymemory；but，turningasideguiltilyandmeanly，Iwouldmakeanoteofitinmyever—presentmemorandumbookoruponmycuffformyownfutureuse。
Myfriendsregardedmeinsorrowandwonder。Iwasnotthesameman。
WhereonceIhadfurnishedthementertainmentandjollity，Inowpreyeduponthem。Nojestsfrommeeverbidfortheirsmilesnow。
Theyweretooprecious。Icouldnotaffordtodispensegratuitouslythemeansofmylivelihood。
Iwasalugubriousfoxpraisingthesingingofmyfriends，thecrow’s，thattheymightdropfromtheirbeaksthemorselsofwitthatI
coveted。
Nearlyeveryonebegantoavoidme。Ievenforgothowtosmile，notevenpayingthatmuchforthesayingsIappropriated。
Nopersons，places，times，orsubjectswereexemptfrommyplunderinginsearchofmaterial。Eveninchurchmydemoralizedfancywenthuntingamongthesolemnaislesandpillarsforspoil。
Didtheministergiveoutthelong—meterdoxology，atonceIbegan：
"Doxology——sockdology——sockdolager——meter——meether。"
Thesermonranthroughmymentalsieve，itspreceptsfilteringunheeded，couldIbutgleanasuggestionofapunora~bonmot~。
ThesolemnestanthemsofthechoirwerebutanaccompanimenttomythoughtsasIconceivednewchangestoringupontheancientcomicalitiesconcerningthejealousiesofsoprano，tenor，andbasso。
Myownhomebecameahuntingground。Mywifeisasingularlyfemininecreature，candid，sympathetic，andimpulsive。Onceherconversationwasmydelight，andherideasasourceofunfailingpleasure。NowI
workedher。Shewasagoldmineofthoseamusingbutlovableinconsistenciesthatdistinguishthefemalemind。
Ibegantomarketthosepearlsofunwisdomandhumorthatshouldhaveenrichedonlythesacredprecinctsofhome。WithdevilishcunningI
encouragedhertotalk。Unsuspecting，shelaidherheartbare。Uponthecold，conspicuous，common，printedpageIofferedittothepublicgaze。
AliteraryJudas，Ikissedherandbetrayedher。ForpiecesofsilverIdressedhersweetconfidencesinthepantalettesandfrillsoffollyandmadethemdanceinthemarketplace。
DearLouisa!OfnightsIhavebentoverhercruelasawolfaboveatenderlamb，hearkeningeventohersoftwordsmurmuredinsleep，hopingtocatchanideaformynextday’sgrind。Thereisworsetocome。
Godhelpme!Nextmyfangswereburieddeepintheneckofthefugitivesayingsofmylittlechildren。
GuyandViolaweretwobrightfountainsofchildish，quaintthoughtsandspeeches。Ifoundareadysaleforthiskindofhumor，andwasfurnishingaregulardepartmentinamagazinewith"FunnyFanciesofChildhood。"IbegantostalkthemasanIndianstalkstheantelope。
Iwouldhidebehindsofasanddoors，orcrawlonmyhandsandkneesamongthebushesintheyardtoeavesdropwhiletheywereatplay。
Ihadallthequalitiesofaharpyexceptremorse。
Once，whenIwasbarrenofideas，andmycopymustleaveinthenextmail，Icoveredmyselfinapileofautumnleavesintheyard，whereIknewtheyintendedtocometoplay。IcannotbringmyselftobelievethatGuywasawareofmyhidingplace，butevenifhewas，Iwouldbeloathtoblamehimforhissettingfiretotheleaves，causingthedestructionofmynewsuitofclothes，andnearlycrematingaparent。
Soonmyownchildrenbegantoshunmeasapest。Often，whenIwascreepinguponthemlikeamelancholyghoul，Iwouldhearthemsaytoeachother："Herecomespapa，"andtheywouldgathertheirtoysandscurryawaytosomesaferhidingplace。MiserablewretchthatIwas!
AndyetIwasdoingwellfinancially。BeforethefirstyearhadpassedIhadsavedathousanddollars，andwehadlivedincomfort。
Butatwhatacost!Iamnotquiteclearastowhatapariahis，butIwaseverythingthatitsoundslike。Ihadnofriends，noamusements，noenjoymentoflife。Thehappinessofmyfamilyhadbeensacrificed。Iwasabee，suckingsordidhoneyfromlife’sfairestflowers，dreadedandshunnedonaccountofmystingo。
Onedayamanspoketome，withapleasantandfriendlysmile。Notinmonthshadthethinghappened。IwaspassingtheundertakingestablishmentofPeterHeffelbower。Peterstoodinthedoorandsalutedme。Istopped，strangelywrunginmyheartbyhisgreeting。
Heaskedmeinside。
Thedaywaschillandrainy。Wewentintothebackroom，whereafireburned，inalittlestove。Acustomercame，andPeterleftmealoneforawhile。PresentlyIfeltanewfeelingstealingoverme——asenseofbeautifulcalmandcontent，Ilookedaroundtheplace。
Therewererowsofshiningrosewoodcaskets，blackpalls，trestles，hearseplumes，mourningstreamers，andalltheparaphernaliaofthesolemntrade。Herewaspeace，order，silence，theabodeofgraveanddignifiedreflections。Here，onthebrinkoflife，wasalittlenichepervadedbythespiritofeternalrest。
WhenIenteredit，thefolliesoftheworldabandonedmeatthedoor。
Ifeltnoinclinationtowrestahumorousideafromthosesombreandstatelytrappings。Mymindseemedtostretchitselftogratefulreposeuponacouchdrapedwithgentlethoughts。
AquarterofanhouragoIwasanabandonedhumorist。NowIwasaphilosopher，fullofserenityandease。Ihadfoundarefugefromhumor，fromthehotchaseoftheshyquip，fromthedegradingpursuitofthepantingjoke，fromtherestlessreachafterthenimblerepartee。
IhadnotknownHeffelbowerwell。Whenhecameback，Ilethimtalk，fearfulthathemightprovetobeajarringnoteinthesweet，dirgelikeharmonyofhisestablishment。
But，no。Hechimedtruly。Igavealongsighofhappiness。NeverhaveIknownaman’stalktobeasmagnificentlydullasPeter’swas。
ComparedwithittheDeadSeaisageyser。Neverasparkleoraglimmerofwitmarredhiswords。Commonplacesastriteandasplentifulasblackberriesflowedfromhislipsnomorestirringinqualitythanalastweek’staperunningfromaticker。Quakingalittle，Itrieduponhimoneofmybestpointedjokes。Itfellbackineffectual，withthepointbroken。Ilovedthatmanfromthenon。
TwoorthreeeveningseachweekIwouldstealdowntoHeffelbower’sandrevelinhisbackroom。Thatwasmyonlyjoy。Ibegantoriseearlyandhurrythroughmywork，thatImightspendmoretimeinmyhaven。InnootherplacecouldIthrowoffmyhabitofextractinghumorousideasfrommysurroundings。Peter’stalkleftmenoopeninghadIbesiegediteversohard。
UnderthisinfluenceIbegantoimproveinspirits。Itwastherecreationfromone’slaborwhicheverymanneeds。IsurprisedoneortwoofmyformerfriendsbythrowingthemasmileandacheerywordasIpassedthemonthestreets。SeveraltimesIdumfoundedmyfamilybyrelaxinglongenoughtomakeajocoseremarkintheirpresence。
IhadsolongbeenriddenbytheincubusofhumorthatIseizedmyhoursofholidaywithaschoolboy’szest。
Mvworkbegantosuffer。Itwasnotthepainandburdentomethatithadbeen。Ioftenwhistledatmydesk，andwrotewithfarmorefluencythanbefore。Iaccomplishedmytasksimpatiently，asanxioustobeofftomyhelpfulretreatasadrunkardistogettohistavern。
MywifehadsomeanxioushoursinconjecturingwhereIspentmyafternoons。Ithoughtitbestnottotellher；womendonotunderstandthesethings。Poorgirl!——shehadoneshockoutofit。
OnedayIbroughthomeasilvercoffinhandleforapaperweightandafine，fluffyhearseplumetodustmypaperswith。
Ilovedtoseethemonmydesk，andthinkofthebelovedbackroomdownatHeffelbower’s。ButLouisafoundthem，andsheshriekedwithhorror。Ihadtoconsoleherwithsomelameexcuseforhavingthem，butIsawinhereyesthattheprejudicewasnotremoved。Ihadtoremovethearticles，though，atdouble—quicktime。
OnedayPeterHeffelbowerlaidbeforemeatemptationthatsweptmeoffmyfeet。Inhissensible，uninspiredwayheshowedmehisbooks，andexplainedthathisprofitsandhisbusinesswereincreasingrapidly。Hehadthoughtoftakinginapartnerwithsomecash。Hewouldratherhavemethananyoneheknew。WhenIlefthisplacethatafternoonPeterhadmycheckforthethousanddollarsIhadinthebank，andIwasapartnerinhisundertakingbusiness。
Iwenthomewithfeelingsofdeliriousjoy，mingledwithacertainamountofdoubt。Iwasdreadingtotellmywifeaboutit。ButI
walkedonair。Togiveupthewritingofhumorousstuff，oncemoretoenjoytheapplesoflife，insteadofsqueezingthemtoapulpforafewdropsofhardcidertomakethepubicfeelfunny——whataboonthatwouldbe!
AtthesuppertableLouisahandedmesomelettersthathadcomeduringmyabsence。Severalofthemcontainedrejectedmanuscript。EversinceIfirstbegangoingtoHeffelbower’smystuffhadbeencomingbackwithalarmingfrequency。LatelyIhadbeendashingoffmyjokesandarticleswiththegreatestfluency。PreviouslyIhadlaboredlikeabricklayer，slowlyandwithagony。
PresentlyIopenedaletterfromtheeditoroftheweeklywithwhichI
hadaregularcontract。Thechecksforthatweeklyarticlewerestillourmaindependence。Theletterranthus：
DEARSIR：
Asyouareaware，ourcontractfortheyearexpireswiththepresentmonth。Whileregrettingthenecessityforsodoing，wemustsaythatwedonotcaretorenewsameforthecomingyear。Wewerequitepleasedwithyourstyleofhumor，whichseemstohavedelightedquitealargeproportionofourreaders。Butforthepasttwomonthswehavenoticedadecidedfallingoffinitsquality。Yourearlierworkshowedaspontaneous，easy，naturalflowoffunandwit。Oflateitislabored，studied，andunconvincing，givingpainfulevidenceofhardtoilanddrudgingmechanism。
Againregrettingthatwedonotconsideryourcontributionsavailableanylonger，weare，yourssincerely，THEEDITOR。
Ihandedthislettertomywife。Aftershehadreaditherfacegrewextremelylong，andthereweretearsinhereyes。
"Themeanoldthing!"sheexclaimedindignantly。"I’msureyourpiecesarejustasgoodastheyeverwere。Anditdoesn’ttakeyouhalfaslongtowritethemasitdid。"Andthen，Isuppose，Louisathoughtofthechecksthatwouldceasecoming。"Oh，John，"shewailed，"whatwillyoudonow？"
ForananswerIgotupandbegantodoapolkasteparoundthesuppertable。IamsureLouisathoughtthetroublehaddrivenmemad；andIthinkthechildrenhopedithad，fortheytoreafterme，yellingwithgleeandemulatingmysteps。Iwasnowsomethingliketheiroldplaymateasofyore。
"Thetheatreforusto—night!"Ishouted；"nothingless。Andalate，wild，disreputablesupperforallofusatthePalaceRestaurant。
Lumpty—diddle—de—dee—de—dum!"
AndthenIexplainedmygleebydeclaringthatIwasnowapartnerinaprosperousundertakingestablishment，andthatwrittenjokesmightgohidetheirheadsinsackclothandashesforallme。
Withtheeditor’sletterinherhandtojustifythedeedIhaddone，mywifecouldadvancenoobjectionssaveafewmildonesbasedonthefeminineinabilitytoappreciateagoodthingsuchasthelittlebackroomofPeterHef——no，ofHeffelbower&Co’s。undertakingestablishment。
Inconclusion，Iwillsaythatto—dayyouwillfindnomaninourtownaswellliked，asjovial，andfullofmerrysayingsasI。Myjokesareagainnoisedaboutandquoted；oncemoreItakepleasureinmywife’sconfidentialchatterwithoutamercenarythought，whileGuyandViolaplayatmyfeetdistributinggemsofchildishhumorwithoutfearoftheghastlytormentorwhousedtodogtheirsteps，notebookinhand。
Ourbusinesshasprosperedfinely。Ikeepthebooksandlookaftertheshop，whilePeterattendstooutsidematters。HesaysthatmylevityandhighspiritswouldsimplyturnanyfuneralintoaregularIrishwake。
THESPARROWSINMADISONSQUARE
TheyoungmaninstraitenedcircumstanceswhocomestoNewYorkCitytoenterliteraturehasbutonethingtodo，providedhehasstudiedcarefullyhisfieldinadvance。HemustgostraighttoMadisonSquare，writeanarticleaboutthesparrowsthere，andsellittothe~Sun~for$15。
Icannotrecalleitheranovelorastorydealingwiththepopularthemeoftheyoungwriterfromtheprovinceswhocomestothemetropolistowinfameandfortunewithhispeninwhichtheherodoesnotgethisstartthatway。Itdoesseemstrangethatsomeauthor，incastingaboutforstartlinglyoriginalplots，hasnothitupontheideaofhavinghisherowriteaboutthebluebirdsinUnionSquareandsellittothe~Herald~。ButasearchthroughthefilesofmetropolitanfictioncountsupoverwhelminglyforthesparrowsandtheoldGardenSquare，andthe~Sun~alwayswritesthecheck。
Ofcourseitiseasytounderstandwhythisfirstcityventureofthebuddingauthorisalwayssuccessful。Heisprimedbynecessitytoasuperlativeeffort；midtheironandstoneandmarbleoftheroaringcityhehasfoundthisspotofsingingbirdsandgreengrassandtrees；everytendersentimentinhisnatureisbafflingwiththesweetpainofhomesickness；hisgeniusisarousedasitnevermaybeagain；
thebirdschirp，thetreebranchessway，thenoiseofwheelsisforgotten；hewriteswithhissoulinhispen——andhesellsittothe~Sun~for$15。
IhadreadofthiscustomduringmanyyearsbeforeIcametoNewYork。
Whenmyfriendswereusingtheirstrongestargumentstodissuademefromcoming，Ionlysmiledserenely。TheydidnotknowofthatsparrowgraftIhadupmysleeve。
WhenIarrivedinNewYork，andthecartookmestraightfromtheferryupTwenty—thirdStreettoMadisonSquare，Icouldhearthat$15checkrustlinginmyinsidepocket。
Iobtainedlodgingatanunhyphenatedhostelry，andthenextmorningIwasonabenchinMadisonSquarealmostbythetimethesparrowswereawake。Theirmelodiouschirping，thebenignantspringfoliageofthenobletreesandtheclean，fragrantgrassremindedmesopotentlyoftheoldfarmIhadleftthattearsalmostcameintomyeyes。
Then，allinamoment，Ifeltmyinspiration。Thebrave，piercingnotesofthosecheerfulsmallbirdsformedakeynotetoawonderful，light，fancifulsongofhopeandjoyandaltruism。Likemyself，theywerecreatureswithheartspitchedtothetuneofwoodsandfields；
asIwas，soweretheycaptivesbycircumstanceinthediscordant，dullcity——yetwithhowmuchgraceandgleetheyboretherestraint!
Andthentheearlymorningpeoplebegantopassthroughthesquaretotheirwork——sullenpeople，withsidelongglancesandglumfaces，hurrying，hurrying，hurrying。AndIgotmythemecutoutclearfromthebirdnotes，andwroughtitintoalesson，andapoem，andacarnivaldance，andalullaby；andthentranslateditallintoproseandbegantowrite。
Fortwohoursmypenciltraveledovermypadwithscarcelyarest。
ThenIwenttothelittleroomIhadrentedfortwodays，andthereIcutittohalf，andthenmailedit，white—hot，tothe~Sun~。
ThenextmorningIwasupbydaylightandspenttwocentsofmycapitalforapaper。Iftheword"sparrow"wasinitIwasunabletofindit。Itookituptomyroomandspreaditoutonthebedandwentoverit，columnbycolumn。Somethingwaswrong。
ThreehoursafterwardthepostmanbroughtmealargeenvelopecontainingmyMS。andapieceofinexpensivepaper，about3inchesby4——Isupposesomeofyouhaveseenthem——uponwhichwaswritteninvioletink，"Withthe~Sun’s~thanks。"
Iwentovertothesquareandsatuponabench。No；Ididnotthinkitnecessarytoeatanybreakfastthatmorning。Theconfoundedpestsofsparrowsweremakingthesquarehideouswiththeiridiotic"cheep，cheep。"Ineversawbirdssopersistentlynoisy，impudent，anddisagreeableinallmylife。
Bythistime，accordingtoalltraditions，Ishouldhavebeenstandingintheofficeoftheeditorofthe~Sun~。Thatpersonage——atall，grave，white—hairedman——wouldstrikeasilverbellashegraspedmyhandandwipedasuspiciousmoisturefromhisglasses。
"Mr。McChesney，"hewouldbesayingwhenasubordinateappeared，"thisisMr。Henry，theyoungmanwhosentinthatexquisitegemaboutthesparrowsinMadisonSquare。Youmaygivehimadeskatonce。Yoursalary，sir，willbe$80aweek，tobeginwith。"
ThiswaswhatIhadbeenledtoexpectbyallwriterswhohaveevolvedromancesofliteraryNewYork。
Somethingwasdecidedlywrongwithtradition。Icouldnotassumetheblame，soIfixedituponthesparrows。Ibegantohatethemwithintensityandheat。
Atthatmomentanindividualwearinganexcessofwhiskers，twohats，andapestilentialairslidintotheseatbesideme。
"Say，Willie，"hemutteredcajolingly，"couldyoucoughupadimeoutofyourcoffersforacupofcoffeethismorning？"
"I’mlung—weary，myfriend，"saidI。"ThebestIcandoisthreecents。"
"Andyoulooklikeagentleman，too，"saidhe。"Whatbrungyoudown？——boozer？"
"Birds，"Isaidfiercely。"Thebrown—throatedsongsterscarollingsongsofhopeandcheertowearymantoilingamidthecity’sdustanddin。Thelittlefeatheredcouriersfromthemeadowsandwoodschirpingsweetlytousofblueskiesandfloweringfields。Theconfoundedlittlesquint—eyednuisancesyawpinglikeaflockofsteampianos，andstuffingthemselveslikealdermenwithgrassseedsandbugs，whileamansitsonabenchandgoeswithouthisbreakfast。
Yes，sir，birds!lookatthem!"
AsIspokeIpickedupadeadtreebranchthatlaybythebench，andhurleditwithallmyforceintoaclosecongregationofthesparrowsonthegrass。Theflockflewtothetreeswithababelofshrillcries；buttwoofthemremainedprostrateupontheturf。
Inamomentmyunsavoryfriendhadleapedovertherowofbenchesandsecuredtheflutteringvictims，whichhethrusthurriedlyintohispockets。Thenhebeckonedmewithadirtyforefinger。
"Comeon，cully，"hesaidhoarsely。"You’reinonthefeed。"
Thankyouverymuch!
WeaklyIfollowedmydingyacquaintance。Heledmeawayfromtheparkdownasidestreetandthroughacrackinafenceintoavacantlotwheresomeexcavatinghadbeengoingon。Behindapileofoldstonesandlumberhepaused，andtookouthisbirds。
"Igotmatches，"saidhe。"Yougotanypapertostartafirewith？"
Idrewforthmymanuscriptstoryofthesparrows，andoffereditforburntsacrifice。Therewereoldplanks，splinters，andchipsforourfire。Myfrowsyfriendproducedfromsomeinteriorofhisfrayedclothinghalfaloafofbread，pepper，andsalt。
Intenminuteseachofuswasholdingasparrowspitteduponastickovertheleapingflames。
"Say，"saidmyfellowbivouacker，"thisain’tsobadwhenafellow’shungry。ItremindsmeofwhenIstruckNewYorkfirst——aboutfifteenyearsago。IcomeinfromtheWesttoseeifIcouldgetajobonanewspaper。IhittheMadisonSquareParkthefirstmornin’after，andwassittingaroundonthebenches。Inoticedthesparrowschirpin’，andthegrassandtreessoniceandgreenthatIthoughtIwasbackinthecountryagain。ThenIgotsomepapersoutofmypocket，and——"
"Iknow，"Iinterrupted。"Yousentittothe~Sun~andgot$15。"
"Say，"saidmyfriend，suspiciously，"youseemtoknowagooddeal。
Wherewasyou？Iwenttosleeponthebenchthere，inthesun，andsomebodytouchedmeforeverycentIhad——$15。"
HEARTSANDHANDS
AtDenvertherewasaninfluxofpassengersintothecoachesontheeastboundB。&M。express。Inonecoachtheresataveryprettyyoungwomandressedineleganttasteandsurroundedbyalltheluxuriouscomfortsofanexperiencedtraveler。Amongthenewcomersweretwoyoungmen，oneofhandsomepresencewithabold，frankcountenanceandmanner；theotheraruffled，glum—facedperson，heavilybuiltandroughlydressed。Thetwowerehandcuffedtogether。
Astheypasseddowntheaisleofthecoachtheonlyvacantseatofferedwasareversedonefacingtheattractiveyoungwoman。Herethelinkedcoupleseatedthemselves。Theyoungwoman’sglancefelluponthemwithadistant，swiftdisinterest；thenwithalovelysmilebrighteninghercountenanceandatenderpinktingeingherroundedcheeks，sheheldoutalittlegray—glovedhand。Whenshespokehervoice，full，sweet，anddeliberate，proclaimedthatitsownerwasaccustomedtospeakandbeheard。
"Well，Mr。Easton，ifyou~will~makemespeakfirst，IsupposeI
must。Don’tvoueverrecognizeoldfriendswhenyoumeetthemintheWest？"
Theyoungermanrousedhimselfsharplyatthesoundofhervoice，seemedtostrugglewithaslightembarrassmentwhichhethrewoffinstantly，andthenclaspedherfingerswithhislefthand。
"It’sMissFairchild，"hesaid，withasmile。"I’llaskyoutoexcusetheotherhand；"it’sotherwiseengagedjustatpresent。"
Heslightlyraisedhisrighthand，boundatthewristbytheshining"bracelet"totheleftoneofhiscompanion。Thegladlookinthegirl’seyesslowlychangedtoabewilderedhorror。Theglowfadedfromhercheeks。Herlipspartedinavague，relaxingdistress。
Easton，withalittlelaugh，asifamused，wasabouttospeakagainwhentheotherforestalledhim。Theglum—facedmanhadbeenwatchingthegirl’scountenancewithveiledglancesfromhiskeen，shrewdeyes。
"You’llexcusemeforspeaking，miss，but，Iseeyou’reacquaintedwiththemarshallhere。Ifyou’llaskhimtospeakawordformewhenwegettothepenhe’lldoit，andit’llmakethingseasierformethere。He’stakingmetoLeavenworthprison。It’ssevenyearsforcounterfeiting。"
"Oh!"saidthegirl，withadeepbreathandreturningcolor。"Sothatiswhatyouaredoingouthere？Amarshal!"
"MydearMissFairchild，"saidEaston，calmly，"Ihadtodosomething。
Moneyhasawayoftakingwingsuntoitself，andyouknowittakesmoneytokeepstepwithourcrowdinWashington。IsawthisopeningintheWest，and——well，amarshalshipisn’tquiteashighapositionasthatofambassador，but——"
"Theambassador，"saidthegirl，warmly，"doesn’tcallanymore。Heneedn’teverhavedoneso。Yououghttoknowthat。AndsonowyouareoneofthesedashingWesternheroes，andyourideandshootandgointoallkindsofdangers。That’sdifferentfromtheWashingtonlife。
Youhavebeenmissedfromtheoldcrowd。"
Thegirl’seyes，fascinated，wentback，wideningalittle，torestupontheglitteringhandcuffs。
"Don’tyouworryaboutthem，miss，"saidtheotherman。"Allmarshalshandcuffthemselvestotheirprisonerstokeepthemfromgettingaway。
Mr。Eastonknowshisbusiness。"
"WillweseeyouagainsooninWashington？"askedthegirl。
"Notsoon，Ithink，"saidEaston。"Mybutterflydaysareover，I
fear。"
"IlovetheWest，"saidthegirlirrelevantly。Hereyeswereshiningsoftly。Shelookedawayoutthecarwindow。Shebegantospeaktrulyandsimplywithouttheglossofstyleandmanner：
"MammaandIspentthesummerinDenver。Shewenthomeaweekagobecausefatherwasslightlyill。IcouldliveandbehappyintheWest。Ithinktheairhereagreeswithme。Moneyisn’teverything。
Butpeoplealwaysmisunderstandthingsandremainstupid——"
"Say，Mr。Marshal，"growledtheglum—facedman。"Thisisn’tquitefair。I’mneedingadrink，andhaven’thadasmokeallday。Haven’tyoutalkedlongenough？Takemeinthesmokernow，won’tyou？I’mhalfdeadforapipe。"
Theboundtravelersrosetotheirfeet，Eastonwiththesameslowsmileonhisface。
"Ican’tdenyapetitionfortobacco，"hesaid，lightly。"It’stheonefriendoftheunfortunate。Good—bye，MissFairchild。Dutycalls，youknow。"Heheldouthishandforafarewell。
"It’stoobadyouarenotgoingEast，"shesaid，reclothingherselfwithmannerandstyle。"ButyoumustgoontoLeavenworth，I
suppose？"
"Yes，"saidEaston，"ImustgoontoLeavenworth。"
Thetwomensidleddowntheaisleintothesmoker。
Thetwopassengersinaseatnearbyhadheardmostoftheconversation。Saidoneofthem："Thatmarshal’sagoodsortofchap。SomeoftheseWesternfellowsareallright。"
"Prettyyoungtoholdanofficelikethat，isn’the？"askedtheother。
"Young!"exclaimedthefirstspeaker，"why——Oh!didn’tyoucatchon？
Say——didyoueverknowanofficertohandcuffaprisonertohis~right~hand？"
THECACTUS
ThemostnotablethingaboutTimeisthatitissopurelyrelative。Alargeamountofreminiscenceis，bycommonconsent，concededtothedrowningman；anditisnotpastbeliefthatonemayreviewanentirecourtshipwhileremovingone’sgloves。
ThatiswhatTrysdalewasdoing，standingbyatableinhisbachelorapartments。Onthetablestoodasingular—lookinggreenplantinaredearthenjar。Theplantwasoneofthespeciesofcacti，andwasprovidedwithlong，tentacularleavesthatperpetuallyswayedwiththeslightestbreezewithapeculiarbeckoningmotion。
Trysdale’sfriend，thebrotherofthebride，stoodatasideboardcomplainingatbeingallowedtodrinkalone。Bothmenwereineveningdress。Whitefavorslikestarsupontheircoatsshonethroughthegloomoftheapartment。
Asheslowlyunbuttonedhisgloves，therepassedthroughTrysdale’smindaswift，scarifyingretrospectofthelastfewhours。Itseemedthatinhisnostrilswasstillthescentoftheflowersthathadbeenbankedinodorousmassesaboutthechurch，andinhisearsthelowpitchedhumofathousandwell—bredvoices，therustleofcrispgarments，and，mostinsistentlyrecurring，thedrawlingwordsoftheministerirrevocablybindinghertoanother。
>Fromthislasthopelesspointofviewhestillstrove，asifithadbecomeahabitofhismind，toreachsomeconjectureastowhyandhowhehadlosther。Shakenrudelybytheuncompromisingfact，hehadsuddenlyfoundhimselfconfrontedbyathinghehadneverbeforefaced——hisowninnermost，unmitigated，aridunbedeckedself。Hesawallthegarbsofpretenceandegoismthathehadwornnowturntoragsoffolly。Heshudderedatthethoughtthattoothers，beforenow，thegarmentsofhissoulmusthaveappearedsorryandthreadbare。
Vanityandconceit？Thesewerethejointsinhisarmor。Andhowfreefromeithershehadalwaysbeen——Butwhy——
Asshehadslowlymoveduptheaisletowardthealtarhehadfeltanunworthy，sullenexultationthathadservedtosupporthim。Hehadtoldhimselfthatherpalenesswasfromthoughtsofanotherthanthemantowhomshewasabouttogiveherself。Buteventhatpoorconsolationhadbeenwrenchedfromhim。For，whenhesawthatswift，limpid，upwardlookthatshegavethemanwhenhetookherhand，heknewhimselftobeforgotten。Oncethatsamelookhadbeenraisedtohim，andhehadgaugeditsmeaning。Indeed，hisconceithadcrumbled；itslastpropwasgone。Whyhaditendedthus？Therehadbeennoquarrelbetweenthem，nothing——
Forthethousandthtimeheremarshalledinhismindtheeventsofthoselastfewdaysbeforethetidehadsosuddenlyturned。
Shehadalwaysinsisteduponplacinghimuponapedestal，andhehadacceptedherhomagewithroyalgrandeur。Ithadbeenaverysweetincensethatshehadburnedbeforehim；somodest（hetoldhimself）；
sochildlikeandworshipful，and（hewouldoncehavesworn）sosincere。Shehadinvestedhimwithanalmostsupernaturalnumberofhighattributesandexcellenciesandtalents，andhehadabsorbedtheoblationasadesertdrinkstherainthatcancoaxfromitnopromiseofblossomorfruit。
AsTrysdalegrimlywrenchedaparttheseamofhislastglove，thecrowninginstanceofhisfatuousandtardilymournedegoismcamevividlybacktohim。Thescenewasthenightwhenhehadaskedhertocomeuponhispedestalwithhimandsharehisgreatness。Hecouldnot，now，forthepainofit，allowhismindtodwelluponthememoryofherconvincingbeautythatnight——thecarelesswaveofherhair，thetendernessandvirginalcharmofherlooksandwords。Buttheyhadbeenenough，andtheyhadbroughthimtospeak。Duringtheirconversationshehadsaid：
"AndCaptainCarrutherstellsmethatyouspeaktheSpanishlanguagelikeanative。Whyhaveyouhiddenthisaccomplishmentfromme？Isthereanythingyoudonotknow？"
Now，Carrutherswasanidiot。Nodoubthe（Trysdale）hadbeenguilty（hesometimesdidsuchthings）ofairingattheclubsomeold，cantingCastilianproverbdugfromthehotchpotchatthebackofdictionaries。
Carruthers，whowasoneofhisincontinentadmirers，wastheverymantohavemagnifiedthisexhibitionofdoubtfulerudition。
But，alas!theincenseofheradmirationhadbeensosweetandflattering。Heallowedtheimputationtopasswithoutdenial。
Withoutprotest，heallowedhertotwineabouthisbrowthisspuriousbayofSpanishscholarship。Heletitgracehisconqueringhead，and，amongitssoftconvolutions，hedidnotfeeltheprickofthethornthatwastopiercehimlater。
Howglad，howshy，howtremulousshewas!Howsheflutteredlikeasnaredbirdwhenhelaidhismightinessatherfeet!Hecouldhavesworn，andhecouldswearnow，thatunmistakableconsentwasinhereyes，but，coyly，shewouldgivehimnodirectanswer。"Iwillsendyoumyanswerto—morrow，"shesaid；andhe，theindulgent，confidentvictor，smilinglygrantedthedelay。Thenextdayhewaited，impatient，inhisroomsfortheword。Atnoonhergroomcametothedoorandleftthestrangecactusintheredearthenjar。Therewasnonote，nomessage，merelyatagupontheplantbearingabarbarousforeignorbotanicalname。Hewaiteduntilnight，butheranswerdidnotcome。Hislargeprideandhurtvanitykepthimfromseekingher。
Twoeveningslatertheymetatadinner。Theirgreetingswereconventional，butshelookedathim，breathless，wondering，eager。
Hewascourteous，adamant，waitingherexplanation。Withwomanlyswiftnessshetookhercuefromhismanner，andturnedtosnowandice。Thus，andwiderfromthison，theyhaddriftedapart。Wherewashisfault？Whohadbeentoblame？Humblednow，hesoughttheansweramidtheruinsofhisself—conceit。If——
Thevoiceoftheothermanintheroom，querulouslyintrudinguponhisthoughts，arousedhim。
"Isay，Trysdale，whatthedeuceisthematterwithyou？Youlookunhappyasifyouyourselfhadbeenmarriedinsteadofhavingactedmerelyasanaccomplice。Lookatme，anotheraccessory，cometwothousandmilesonagarlicky，cockroachybananasteamerallthewayfromSouthAmericatoconniveatthesacrifice——pleasetoobservehowlightlymyguiltrestsuponmyshoulders。OnlylittlesisterIhad，too，andnowshe’sgone。Comenow!takesomethingtoeaseyourconscience。"
"Idon’tdrinkjustnow，thanks，"saidTrysdale。
"Yourbrandy，"resumedtheother，comingoverandjoininghim，"isabominable。RundowntoseemesometimeatPuntaRedonda，andtrysomeofourstuffthatoldGarciasmugglesin。It’sworththe，trip。
Hallo!here’sanoldacquaintance。Whereverdidyourakeupthiscactus，Trysdale？"
"Apresent，"saidTrysdale，"fromafriend。Knowthespecies？"
"Verywell。It’satropicalconcern。Seehundredsof’emaroundPuntaeveryday。Here’sthenameonthistagtiedtoit。KnowanySpanish，Trysdale？"
"No，"saidTrysdale，withthebitterwraithofasmile——"IsitSpanish？"
"Yes。Thenativesimaginetheleavesarereachingoutandbeckoningtoyou。Theycallitbythisname——Ventomarme。NamemeansinEnglish，’Comeandtakeme。’"
THEDETECTIVEDETECTOR
IwaswalkinginCentralParkwithAveryKnight，thegreatNewYorkburglar，highwayman，andmurderer。
"But，mydearKnight，"saidI，"itsoundsincredible。Youhaveundoubtedlyperformedsomeofthemostwonderfulfeatsinyourprofessionknowntomoderncrime。Youhavecommittedsomemarvellousdeedsundertheverynosesofthepolice——youhaveboldlyenteredthehomesofmillionairesandheldthemupwithanemptygunwhileyoumadefreewiththeirsilverandjewels；youhavesandbaggedcitizensintheglareofBroadway’selectriclights；youhavekilledandrobbedwithsuperbopennessandabsoluteimpunity——butwhenyouboastthatwithinforty—eighthoursaftercommittingamurderyoucanrundownandactuallybringmefacetofacewiththedetectiveassignedtoapprehendyou，Imustbegleavetoexpressmydoubts——remember，youareinNewYork。"
AveryKnightsmiledindulgently。
"Youpiquemyprofessionalpride，doctor，"hesaidinanettledtone。"Iwillconvinceyou。"
Abouttwelveyardsinadvanceofusaprosperous—lookingcitizenwasroundingaclumpofbusheswherethewalkcurved。Knightsuddenlydrewarevolverandshotthemanintheback。Hisvictimfellandlaywithoutmoving。
Thegreatmurdererwentuptohimleisurelyandtookfromhisclotheshismoney，watch，andavaluableringandcravatpin。Hethenrejoinedmesmilingcalmly，andwecontinuedourwalk。
Tenstepsandwemetapolicemanrunningtowardthespotwheretheshothadbeenfired。AveryKnightstoppedhim。
"Ihavejustkilledaman，"heannounced，seriously，"androbbedhimofhispossessions。"
"G’wan，"saidthepoliceman，angrily，"orI’llrunyezin!Wantyernameinthepapers，don’tyez？Ineverknewthecrankstocomearoundsoquickafterashootin’before。Outofth’park，now，foryours，orI’llfanyez。"
"Whatyouhavedone，"Isaid，argumentatively，asKnightandIwalkedon，"waseasy。Butwhenyoucometothetaskofhuntingdownthedetectivethattheysenduponyourtrailyouwillfindthatyouhaveundertakenadifficultfeat。"
"Perhapsso，"saidKnight，lightly。"Iwilladmitthatmysuccessdependsinadegreeuponthesortofmantheystartafterme。Ifitshouldbeanordinaryplain—clothesmanImightfailtogainasightofhim。IftheyhonormebygivingthecasetosomeoneoftheircelebratedsleuthsIdonotfeartomatchmycunningandpowersofinductionagainsthis。"
OnthenextafternoonKnightenteredmyofficewithasatisfiedlookonhiskeencountenance。
"Howgoesthemysteriousmurder？"Iasked。
"Asusual，"saidKnight，smilingly。"Ihaveputinthemorningatthepolicestationandattheinquest。Itseemsthatacardcaseofminecontainingcardswithmynameandaddresswasfoundnearthebody。
Theyhavethreewitnesseswhosawtheshootingandgaveadescriptionofme。ThecasehasbeenplacedinthehandsofShamrockJolnes，thefamousdetective。HeleftHeadquartersat11：30ontheassignment。
Iwaitedatmyaddressuntiltwo，thinkinghemightcallthere。"
Ilaughed，tauntingly。
"YouwillneverseeJolnes，"Icontinued，"untilthismurderhasbeenforgotten，twoorthreeweeksfromnow。Ihadabetteropinionofyourshrewdness，Knight。Duringthethreehoursandahalfthatyouwaitedhehasgotoutofyourken。Heisafteryouontrueinductiontheoriesnow，andnowrongdoerhasyetbeenknowntocomeuponhimwhilethusengaged。Iadviseyoutogiveitup。"
"Doctor，"saidKnight，withasuddenglintinhiskeengrayeyeandasquaringofhischin，"inspiteoftherecordyourcityholdsofsomethinglikeadozenhomicideswithoutasubsequentmeetingoftheperpetrator，andthesleuthinchargeofthecase，Iwillundertaketobreakthatrecord。To—morrowIwilltakeyoutoShamrockJolnes——
Iwillunmaskhimbeforeyouandprovetoyouthatitisnotanimpossibilityforanofficerofthelawandamanslayertostandfacetofaceinyourcity。"
"Doit，"saidI，"andyou’llhavethesincerethanksofthePoliceDepartment。"
OnthenextdayKnightcalledformeinacab。
"I’vebeenononeortwofalsescents，doctor，"headmitted。"Iknowsomethingofdetectives’methods，andIfollowedoutafewofthem，expectingtofindJolnesattheotherend。Thepistolbeinga。45—
caliber，IthoughtsurelyIwouldfindhimatworkontheclueinForty—fifthStreet。Then，again，IlookedforthedetectiveattheColumbiaUniversity，astheman’sbeingshotinthebacknaturallysuggestedhazing。ButIcouldnotfindatraceofhim。"
"——Norwillyou，"Isaid，emphatically。
"Notbyordinarymethods，"saidKnight。"ImightwalkupanddownBroadwayforamonthwithoutsuccess。Butyouhavearousedmypride，doctor；andifIfailtoshowyouShamrockJolnesthisday，IpromiseyouIwillneverkillorrobinyourcityagain。"
"Nonsense，man，"Ireplied。"Whenourburglarswalkintoourhousesandpolitelydemand，thousandsofdollars’worthofjewels，andthendineandbangthepianoanhourortwobeforeleaving，howdoyou，ameremurderer，expecttocomeincontactwiththedetectivethatislookingforyou？"
AveryKnight，satlostinthoughtforawhile。Atlengthhelookedupbrightly。
"Doc，"saidhe，"Ihaveit。Putonyourhat，andcomewithme。InhalfanhourIguaranteethatyoushallstandinthepresenceofShamrockJolnes。"
IenteredacabwithAveryKnight。Ididnothearhisinstructionstothedriver，butthevehiclesetoutatasmartpaceupBroadway，turningpresentlyintoFifthAvenue，andproceedingnorthwardagain。
ItwaswitharapidlybeatingheartthatIaccompaniedthiswonderfulandgiftedassassin，whoseanalyticalgeniusandsuperbself—
confidencehadpromptedhimtomakemethetremendouspromiseofbringingmeintothepresenceofamurdererandtheNewYorkdetectiveinpursuitofhimsimultaneously。EvenyetIcouldnotbelieveitpossible。
"Areyousurethatyouarenotbeingledintosometrap？"Iasked。
"Supposethatyourclue，whateveritis，shouldbringusonlyintothepresenceoftheCommissionerofPoliceandacoupleofdozencops!"
"Mydeardoctor，"saidKnight，alittlestiffly。"IwouldremindyouthatIamnogambler。"
"Ibegyourpardon，"saidI。"ButIdonotthinkyouwillfindJolnes。"
Thecabstoppedbeforeoneofthehandsomestresidencesontheavenue。
Walkingupanddowninfrontofthehousewasamanwithlongredwhiskers，withadetective’sbadgeshowingonthelapelofhiscoat。
Nowandthenthemanwouldremovehiswhiskerstowipehisface，andthenIwouldrecognizeatoncethewell—knownfeaturesofthegreatNewYorkdetective。Jolneswaskeepingasharpwatchuponthedoorsandwindowsofthehouse。
"Well，doctor，"saidKnight，unabletorepressanoteoftriumphinhisvoice，"haveyouseen？"
"Itiswonderful——wonderful!"Icouldnothelpexclaimingasourcabstartedonitsreturntrip。"Buthowdidyoudoit？Bywhatprocessofinduction——"
"Mydeardoctor，"interruptedthegreatmurderer，"theinductivetheoryiswhatthedetectivesuse。Myprocessismoremodern。I
callitthesaltatorialtheory。Withoutbotheringwiththetediousmentalphenomenanecessarytothesolutionofamysteryfromslightclues，Ijumpatoncetoaconclusion。IwillexplaintoyouthemethodIemployedinthiscase。
"Inthefirstplace，IarguedthatasthecrimewascommittedinNewYorkCityinbroaddaylight，inapublicplaceandunderpeculiarlyatrociouscircumstances，andthatasthemostskilfulsleuthavailablewasletlooseuponthecase，theperpetratorwouldneverbediscovered。Doyounotthinkmypostulationjustifiedbyprecedent？"
"Perhapsso，"Ireplied，doggedly。"ButifBigBillDev——"
"Stopthat，"interruptedKnight，withasmile，"I’veheardthatseveraltimes。It’stoolatenow。Iwillproceed。
"IfhomicidesinNewYorkwentundiscovered，Ireasoned，althoughthebestdetectivetalentwasemployedtoferretthemout，itmustbetruethatthedetectiveswentabouttheirworkinthewrongway。
Andnotonlyinthewrongway，butexactlyoppositefromtherightway。Thatwasmyclue。
"IslewthemaninCentralPark。Now，letmedescribemyselftoyou。
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