首页
Under Western Eyes
书架
书页 | 目录
加书签

第3章
17544字

Razumovranforwardunsteadily,withparted,voicelesslips。Theouterdoorstoodopen。Staggeringoutonthelanding,heleanedfaroverthebanister。Gazingdownintothedeepblackshaftwithatinyglimmeringflameatthebottom,hetracedbyeartherapidspiraldescentofsomebodyrunningdownthestairsontiptoe。Itwasalight,swift,patteringsound,whichsankawayfromhimintothedepths:afleetingshadowpassedovertheglimmer——awinkofthetinyflame。Thenstillness。

Razumovhungover,breathingthecoldrawairtaintedbytheevilsmellsoftheuncleanstaircase。Allquiet。

Hewentbackintohisroomslowly,shuttingthedoorsafterhim。

Thepeacefulsteadylightofhisreading—lampshoneonthewatch。

Razumovstoodlookingdownatthelittlewhitedial。Itwantedyetthreeminutestomidnight。Hetookthewatchintohishandfumblingly。

"Slow,"hemuttered,andastrangefitofnervelessnesscameoverhim。Hiskneesshook,thewatchandchainslippedthroughhisfingersinaninstantandfellonthefloor。Hewassostartledthathenearlyfellhimself。Whenatlastheregainedenoughconfidenceinhislimbstostoopforitheheldittohisearatonce。Afterawhilehegrowled——

"Stopped,"andpausedforquitealongtimebeforehemutteredsourly——

"It’sdone……Andnowtowork。"

Hesatdown,reachedhaphazardforabook,openeditinmiddleandbegantoread;butaftergoingconscientiouslyovertwolineshelosthisholdontheprintcompletelyanddidnottrytoregainit。Hethought——

"Therewastoacertaintyapoliceagentofsomesortwatchingthehouseacrossthestreet。"

Heimaginedhimlurkinginadarkgateway,goggle—eyed,muffledupinacloaktothenoseandwithaGeneral’splumed,cockedhatonhishead。Thisabsurditymadehimstartinthechairconvulsively。

Heliterallyhadtoshakehisheadviolentlytogetridofit。

Themanwouldbedisguisedperhapsasapeasant……abeggar……

Perhapshewouldbejustbuttonedupinadarkovercoatandcarryingaloadedstick——ashifty—eyedrascal,smellingofrawonionsandspirits。

Thisevocationbroughtonpositivenausea。"WhydoIwanttobotheraboutthis?"thoughtRazumovwithdisgust。"AmIagendarme?

Moreover,itisdone。"

Hegotupingreatagitation。Itwasnotdone。Notyet。Nottillhalf—pasttwelve。Andthewatchhadstopped。Thisreducedhimtodespair。Impossibletoknowthetime!Theandladyandallthepeopleacrossthelandingwereasleep。Howcouldhegoand……Godknowswhattheywouldimagine,orhowmuchtheywouldguess。Hedarednotgointothestreetstofindout。

"Iamasuspectnow。There’snouseshirkingthatfact,"hesaidtohimselfbitterly。IfHaldinfromsomecauseoranothergavethemtheslipand。failedtoturnupintheKarabelnayathepolicewouldbeinvadinghislodging。Andifhewerenotinhecouldneverclearhimself。Never。Razumovlookedwildlyaboutasifforsomemeansofseizingupontimewhichseemedtohaveescapedhimaltogether。Hehadnever,asfarashecouldremember,heardthestrikingofthattownclockinhisroomsbeforethisnight。

Andhewasnotevensurenowwhetherhehadhearditreallyonthisnight。

Hewenttothewindowandstoodtherewithslightlybentheadonthewatchforthefaintsound。’IwillstayheretillIhearsomething,"hesaidtohimself。Hestoodstill,hisearturnedtothepanes。Anatrociousachingnumbnesswithshootingpainsinhisbackandlegstorturedhim。Hedidnotbudge。Hismindhoveredonthebordersofdelirium。Heheardhimselfsuddenlysaying,"Iconfess,"asapersonmightdoontherack。"Iamontherack,"hethought。Hefeltreadytoswoon。Thefaintdeepboomofthedistantclockseemedtoexplodeinhishead——hehearditsoclearly……One!

IfHaldinhadnotturnedupthepolicewouldhavebeenalreadyhereransackingthehouse。Nosoundreachedhim。Thistimeitwasdone。

Hedraggedhimselfpainfullytothetableanddroppedintothechair。Heflungthebookawayandtookasquaresheetofpaper。

Itwaslikethepileofsheetscoveredwithhisneatminutehandwriting,onlyblank。Hetookapenbrusquelyanddippeditwithavaguenotionofgoingonwiththewritingofhisessay——buthispenremainedpoisedoverthesheet。Ithungthereforsometimebeforeitcamedownandformedlongscrawlyletters。

Still—facedandhislipssethard,Razumovbegantowrite。Whenhewrotealargehandhisneatwritinglostitscharacteraltogether——becameunsteady,almostchildish。Hewrotefivelinesoneundertheother。

HistorynotTheory。

PatriotismnotInternationalism。

EvolutionnotRevolution。

DirectionnotDestruction。

UnitynotDisruption。

Hegazedatthemdully。ThenhiseyesstrayedtothebedandreInajnedfixedthereforagoodmanyminutes,whilehisrighthandgropedalloverthetableforthepenknife。

Heroseatlast,andwalkingupwithmeasuredstepsstabbedthepaperwiththepenknifetothelathandplasterwallattheheadofthebed。Thisdonehesteppedbackapaceandflourishedhishandwithaglanceroundtheroom。

Afterthatheneverlookedagainatthebed。Hetookhisbigcloakdownfromitspegand,wrappinghimselfupclosely,wenttoliedownonthehardhorse—hairsofaattheothersideofhisroom。Aleadensleepclosedhiseyelidsatonce。SeveraltimesthatnighthewokeupshiveringfromadreamofwalkingthroughdriftsofsnowinaRussiawherehewasascompletelyaloneasanybetrayedautocratcouldbe;animmense,wintryRussiawhich,somehow,hisviewcouldembraceinallitsenormousexpanseasifitwereamap。Butaftereachshudderingstarthisheavyeyelidsfelloverhisglazedeyesandhesleptagain。

III

ApproachingthispartofMr。Razumov’sstory,mymind,thedecentmindofanoldteacheroflanguages,feelsmoreandmorethedifficultyofthetask。

Thetaskisnotintruththewritinginthenarrativeforma_precis_ofastrangehumandocument,buttherendering——I

perceiveitnowclearly——ofthemoralconditionsrulingoveralargeportionofthisearth’ssurface;conditionsnoteasilytobeunderstood,muchlessdiscoveredinthelimitsofastory,tillsomekey—wordisfound;awordthatcouldstandatthebackofallthewordscoveringthepages;awordwhich,ifnottruthitself,mayperchanceholdtruthenoughtohelpthemoraldiscoverywhichshouldbetheobjectofeverytale。

IturnoverforthehundredthtimetheleavesofMr。Razumov’srecord,Ilayitaside,Itakeupthepen——andthepenbeingreadyforitsofficeofsettingdownblackonwhiteIhesitate。Forthewordthatpersistsincreepingunderitspointisnootherwordthan"cynicism。"

ForthatisthemarkofRussianautocracyandofRussianrevolt。

Initsprideofnumbers,initsstrangepretensionsofsanctity,andinthesecretreadinesstoabaseitselfinsuffering,thespiritofRussiaisthespiritofcynicism。Itinformsthedeclarationsofherstatesmen,thetheoriesofherrevolutionists,andthemysticvaticinationsofprophetstothepointofmakingfreedomlooklikeaformofdebauch,andtheChristianvirtuesthemselvesappearactuallyindecent……

ButImustapologizeforthedigression。ItproceedsfromtheconsiderationofthecoursetakenbythestoryofMr。Razumovafterhisconservativeconvictions,dilutedinavagueliberalismnaturaltotheardourofhisage,hadbecomecrystallizedbytheshockofhiscontactwithHaldin。

Razumovwokeupforthetenthtimeperhapswithaheavyshiver。

Seeingthelightofdayinhiswindow,heresistedtheinclinationtolayhimselfdownagain。Hedidnotrememberanything,buthedidnotthinkitstrangetofindhimselfonthesofainhiscloakandchilledtothebone。Thelightcomingthroughthewindowseemedstrangelycheerless,containingnopromiseasthelightofeachnewdayshouldforayoungman。Itwastheawakeningofamanmortallyill,orofamanninetyyearsold。Helookedatthelampwhichhadburntitselfout。Itstoodthere,theextinguishedbeaconofhislabours,acoldobjectofbrassandporcelain,amongstthescatteredpagesofhisnotesandsmallpilesofbooks——amerelitterofblackenedpaper——deadmatter——withoutsignificanceorinterest。

Hegotonhisfeet,anddivestinghimselfofhiscloakhungitonthepeg,goingthroughallthemotionsmechanically。Anincredibledullness,aditch—waterstagnationwassensibletohisperceptionsasthoughlifehadwithdrawnitselffromallthingsandevenfromhisownthoughts。Therewasnotasoundinthehouse。

Turningawayfromthepeg,hethoughtinthatsamelifelessmannerthatitmustbeveryearlyyet;butwhenhelookedatthewatchonhistablehesawbothhandsarrestedattwelveo’clock。

"Ah!yes,"hemumbledtohimself,andasifbeginningtogetrousedalittlehetookasurveyofhisroom。Thepaperstabbedtothewallarrestedhisattention。Heeyeditfromthedistancewithoutapprovalorperplexity;butwhenheheardtheservant—girlbeginningtobustleaboutintheouterroomwiththe_samovar_forhismorningtea,hewalkeduptoitandtookitdownwithanairofprofoundindifference。

Whiledoingthisheglanceddownatthebedonwhichhehadnotsleptthatnight。ThehollowinthepillowmadebytheweightofHaldin’sheadwasverynoticeable。

Evenhisangeratthissignoftheman’spassagewasdull。Hedidnottrytonurseitintolife。Hedidnothingallthatday;

heneglectedeventobrushhishair。Theideaofgoingoutneveroccurredtohim——andifhedidnotstartaconnectedtrainofthoughtitwasnotbecausehewasunabletothink。Itwasbecausehewasnotinterestedenough。

Heyawnedfrequently。Hedranklargequantitiesoftea,hewalkedaboutaimlessly,andwhenhesatdownhedidnotbudgeforalongtime。Hespentsometimedrummingonthewindowwithhisfinger—tipsquietly。Inhislistlesswanderingsroundaboutthetablehecaughtsightofhisownfaceinthelooking—glassandthatarrestedhim。Theeyeswhichreturnedhisstarewerethemostunhappyeyeshehadeverseen。Andthiswasthefirstthingwhichdisturbedthementalstagnationofthatday。

Hewasnotaffectedpersonally。Hemerelythoughtthatlifewithouthappinessisimpossible。Whatwashappiness?Heyawnedandwentonshufflingaboutandaboutbetweenthewallsofhisroom。Lookingforwardwashappiness——that’sall——nothingmore。

Tolookforwardtothegratificationofsomedesire,tothegratificationofsomepassion,love,ambition,hate——hatetooindubitably。Loveandhate。Andtoescapethedangersofexistence,tolivewithoutfear,wasalsohappiness。Therewasnothingelse。Absenceoffear——lookingforward。"Oh!themiserablelotofhumanity!"heexclaimedmentally;andaddedatonceinhisthought,"Ioughttobehappyenoughasfarasthatgoes。"Buthewasnotexcitedbythatassurance。Onthecontrary,heyawnedagainashehadbeenyawningallday。Hewasmildlysurprisedtodiscoverhimselfbeingovertakenbynight。

Theroomgrewdarkswiftlythoughtimehadseemedtostandstill。

Howwasitthathehadnotnoticedthepassingofthatday?Ofcourse,itwasthewatchbeingstopped……

Hedidnotlighthislamp,butwentovertothebedandthrewhimselfonitwithoutanyhesitation。Lyingonhisback,heputhishandsunderhisheadandstaredupward。Afteramomenthethought,"Iamlyingherelikethatman。IwonderifhesleptwhileIwasstrugglingwiththeblizzardinthestreets。No,hedidnotsleep。ButwhyshouldInotsleep?"andhefeltthesilenceofthenightpressuponallhislimbslikeaweight。

Inthecalmofthehardfrostoutside,theclear—cutstrokesofthetownclockcountingoffmidnightpenetratedthequietnessofhissuspendedanimation。

Againhebegantothink。Itwastwenty—fourhourssincethatmanlefthisroom。RazumovhadadistinctfeelingthatHaldininthefortresswassleepingthatnight。ItwasacertitudewhichmadehimangrybecausehedidnotwanttothinkofHaldin,buthejustifiedittohimselfbyphysiologicalandpsychologicalreasons。Thefellowhadhardlysleptforweeksonhisownconfession,andnoweveryincertitudewasatanendforhim。Nodoubthewaslookingforwardtotheconsummationofhismartyrdom。Amanwhoresignshimselftokillneednotgoveryfarforresignationtodie。HaldinsleptperhapsmoresoundlythanGeneralT———,whosetask——wearyworktoo——wasnotdone,andoverwhoseheadhungtheswordofrevolutionaryvengeance。

Razumov,rememberingthethick—setmanwithhisheavyjowlrestingonthecollarofhisuniform,thechampionofautocracy,whohadletnosignofsurprise,incredulity,orjoyescapehim,butwhosegoggleeyescouldexpressamortalhatredofallrebellion——Razumovmoveduneasilyonthebed。

"Hesuspectedme,"hethought。"Isupposehemustsuspecteverybody。Hewouldbecapableofsuspectinghisownwife,ifHaldinhadgonetoherboudoirwithhisconfession。"

Razumovsatupinanguish。Washetoremainapoliticalsuspectallhisdays?Washetogothroughlifeasamannotwhollytobetrusted——withabadsecretpolicenotetackedontohisrecord?Whatsortoffuturecouldhelookforwardto?

"Iamnowasuspect,"hethoughtagain;butthehabitofreflectionandthatdesireofsafety,ofanorderedlife,whichwassostronginhimcametohisassistanceasthenightworeon。Hisquiet,steady,andlaboriousexistencewouldvouchatlengthforhisloyalty。Thereweremanypermittedwaystoserveone’scountry。Therewasanactivitythatmadeforprogresswithoutbeingrevolutionary。Thefieldofinfluencewasgreatandinfinitelyvaried——onceonehadconqueredaname。

Histhoughtlikeacirclingbirdrevertedafterfourand—twentyhourstothesilvermedal,andasitwerepoiseditselfthere。

Whenthedaybrokehehadnotslept,notforamoment,buthegotupnotverytiredandquitesufficientlyself—possessedforallpracticalpurposes。

Hewentoutandattendedthreelecturesinthemorning。Buttheworkinthelibrarywasameredumbshowofresearch。Hesatwithmanyvolumesopenbeforehimtryingtomakenotesandextracts。

Hisnewtranquillitywaslikeaflimsygarment,andseemedtofloatatthemercyofacasualword。Betrayal!Why!thefellowhaddoneallthatwasnecessarytobetrayhimself。Preciouslittlehadbeenneededtodeceivehim。

"Ihavesaidnowordtohimthatwasnotstrictlytrue。

Notoneword,"Razumovarguedwithhimself。

Onceengagedonthislineofthoughttherecouldbenoquestionofdoingusefulwork。Thesameideaswentonpassingthroughhismind,andhepronouncedmentallythesamewordsoverandoveragain。Heshutupallthebooksandrammedallhispapersintohispocketwithconvulsivemovements,raginginwardlyagainstHaldin。

Ashewasleavingthelibraryalongbonystudentinathreadbareovercoatjoinedhim,steppingmoodilybyhisside。Razumovansweredhismumbledgreetingwithoutlookingathimatall。

"Whatdoeshewantwithme?"hethoughtwithastrangedreadoftheunexpectedwhichhetriedtoshakeofflestitshouldfastenitselfuponhislifeforgoodandall。Andtheother,mutteringcautiouslywithdowncasteyes,supposedthathiscomradehadseenthenewsofdeP———’sexecutioner——thatwastheexpressionheused——havingbeenarrestedthenightbeforelast……

"I’vebeenill——shutupinmyrooms,"Razumovmumbledthroughhisteeth。

Thetallstudent,raisinghisshoulders,shovedhishandsdeepintohispockets。Hehadahairless,square,tallowychinwhichtrembledslightlyashespoke,andhisnosenippedbrightredbythesharpairlookedlikeafalsenoseofpaintedcardboardbetweenthesallowcheeks。Hiswholeappearancewasstampedwiththemarkofcoldandhunger。HestalkeddeliberatelyatRazumov’selbowwithhiseyesontheground。

"It’sanofficialstatement,"hecontinuedinthesamecautiousmutter。"Itmaybealie。ButtherewassomebodyarrestedbetweenmidnightandoneinthemorningonTuesday。

Thisiscertain。"

Andtalkingrapidlyunderthecoverofhisdowncastair,hetoldRazumovthatthiswasknownthroughaninferiorGovernmentclerkemployedattheCentralSecretariat。Thatmanbelongedtooneoftherevolutionarycircles。"Thesame,infact,Iamaffiliatedto,"remarkedthestudent。

Theywerecrossingawidequadrangle。AninfinitedistresspossessedRazumov,annihilatedhisenergy,andbeforehiseyeseverythingappearedconfusedandasifevanescent。Hedarednotleavethefellowthere。"Hemaybeaffiliatedtothepolice,"

wasthethoughtthatpassedthroughhismind。"Whocouldtell?"

Buteyeingthemiserablefrost—nipped,famine—struckfigureofhiscompanionheperceivedtheabsurdityofhissuspicion。

"ButI——youknow——Idon’tbelongtoanycircle。I……"

Hedarednotsayanymore。Neitherdaredhemendhispace。Theother,raisingandsettingdownhislamentablyshodfeetwithexactdeliberation,protestedinalowtonethatitwasnotnecessaryforeverybodytobelongtoanorganization。Themostvaluablepersonalitiesremainedoutside。Someofthebestworkwasdoneoutsidetheorganization。Thenveryfast,withwhispering,feverishlips——

"ThemanarrestedinthestreetwasHaldin。"

AndacceptingRazumov’sdismayedsilenceasnaturalenough,heassuredhimthattherewasnomistake。ThatGovernmentclerkwasonnightdutyattheSecretariat。Hearingagreatnoiseoffootstepsinthehallandawarethatpoliticalprisonerswerebroughtoversometimesatnightfromthefortress,heopenedthedooroftheroominwhichhewasworking,suddenly。Beforethegendarmeondutycouldpushhimbackandslamthedoorinhisface,hehadseenaprisonerbeingpartlycarried,partlydraggedalongthehallbyalotofpolicemen。Hewasbeingusedverybrutally。AndtheclerkhadrecognizedHaldinperfectly。LessthanhalfanhourafterwardsGeneralT——arrivedattheSecretariattoexaminethatprisonerpersonally。

"Aren’tyouastonished?"concludedthegauntstudent。

"No,"saidRazumovroughly——andatonceregrettedhisanswer。

"EverybodysupposedHaldinwasintheprovinces——withhispeople。Didn’tyou?"

ThestudentturnedhisbigholloweyesuponRazumov,whosaidunguardedly——

"Hispeopleareabroad。"

Hecouldhavebittenhistongueoutwithvexation。

Thestudentpronouncedinatoneofprofoundmeaning——

"So!Youalonewereaware……"andstopped。

"Theyhaveswornmyruin,"thoughtRazumov。"HaveYouspokenofthistoanyoneelse?"heaskedwithbittercuriosity。

Theothershookhishead。

"No,onlytoyou。OurcirclethoughtthatasHaldinhadbeenoftenheardexpressingawarmappreciationofyourcharacter……"

Razumovcouldnotrestrainagestureofangrydespairwhichtheothermusthavemisunderstoodinsomeway,becauseheceasedspeakingandturnedawayhisblack,lack—lustreeyes。

Theymovedsidebysideinsilence。Thenthegauntstudentbegantowhisperagain,withavertedgaze——

"Aswehaveatpresentnooneaffiliatedinsidethefortresssoastomakeitpossibletofurnishhimwithapacketofpoison,wehaveconsideredalreadysomesortofretaliatoryaction——tofollowverysoon……"

Razumovtrudgingoninterrupted——

"WereyouacquaintedwithHaldin?Didheknowwhereyoulive?"

"Ihadthehappinesstohearhimspeaktwice,"hiscompanionansweredinthefeverishwhispercontrastingwiththegloomyapathyofhisfaceandbearing。"HedidnotknowwhereIlive……Iamlodgingpoorlywithanartisanfamily……

Ihavejustacornerinaroom。Itisnotverypracticabletoseemethere,butifyoushouldneedmeforanythingIamready……

Razumovtrembledwithrageandfear。Hewasbesidehimself,butkepthisvoicelow。

"Youarenottocomenearme。Youarenottospeaktome。Neveraddressasinglewordtome。Iforbidyou。"

"Verywell,"saidtheothersubmissively,showingnosurprisewhateveratthisabruptprohibition。"Youdon’twishforsecretreasons……perfectly……Iunderstand。"

Heedgedawayatonce,notlookingupeven;andRazumovsawhisgaunt,shabby,famine—strickenfigurecrossthestreetobliquelywithloweredheadandthatpeculiarexactmotionofthefeet。

Hewatchedhimasonewouldwatchavisionoutofanightmare,thenhecontinuedonhisway,tryingnottothink。Onhislandingthelandladyseemedtobewaitingforhim。Shewasashort,thick,shapelesswomanwithalargeyellowfacewrappedupeverlastinglyinablackwoollenshawl。Whenshesawhimcomeupthelastflightofstairssheflungbothherarmsupexcitedly,thenclaspedherhandsbeforeherface。

"KiryloSidorovitch——littlefather——whathaveyoubeendoing?

Andsuchaquietyoungman,too!Thepolicearejustgonethismomentaftersearchingyourrooms。"

Razumovgazeddownatherwithsilent,scrutinizingattention。

Herpuffyyellowcountenancewasworkingwithemotion。Shescreweduphereyesathimentreatingly。

"Suchasensibleyoungman!Anybodycanseeyouaresensible。

Andnow——likethis——allatonce……WhatisthegoodofmixingyourselfupwiththeseNihilists?Dogiveover,littlefather。

Theyareunluckypeople。"

Razumovmovedhisshouldersslightly。

"Orisitthatsomesecretenemyhasbeencalumniatingyou,KiryloSidorovitch?Theworldisfullofblackheartsandfalsedenunciationsnowadays。Thereismuchfearabout。"

"HaveyouheardthatIhavebeendenouncedbysomeone?"

askedRazumov,withouttakinghiseyesoffherquiveringface。

Butshehadnotheardanything。Shehadtriedtofindoutbyaskingthepolicecaptainwhilehismenwereturningtheroomupsidedown。Thepolicecaptainofthedistricthadknownherforthelastelevenyearsandwasahumaneperson。Buthesaidtoheronthelanding,lookingveryblackandvexed——

"Mygoodwoman,donotaskquestions。Idon’tknowanythingmyself。Theordercomesfromhigherquarters。"

Andindeedtherehadappeared,shortlyafterthearrivalofthepolicemenofthedistrict,averysuperiorgentlemaninafurcoatandashinyhat,whosatdownintheroomandlookedthroughallthepapershimself。Hecamealoneandwentawaybyhimself,takingnothingwithhim。Shehadbeentryingtoputthingsstraightalittlesincetheyleft。

Razumovturnedawaybrusquelyandenteredhisrooms。

Allhisbookshadbeenshakenandthrownonthefloor。Hislandladyfollowedhim,andstoopingpainfullybegantopickthemupintoherapron。Hispapersandnoteswhichwerekeptalwaysneatlysorted(theyallrelatedtohisstudies)hadbeenshuffledupandheapedtogetherintoaraggedpileinthemiddleofthetable。

ThisdisorderaffectecIhimprofoundly,unreasonably。Hesatdownandstared。Hehadadistinctsensationofhisveryexistencebeingunderminedinsomemysteriousmanner,ofhismoralsupportsfallingawayfromhimonebyone。Heevenexperiencedaslightphysicalgiddinessandmadeamovementasiftoreachforsomethingtosteadyhimselfwith。

Theoldwoman,risingtoherfeetwithalowgroan,shotallthebooksshehadcollectedinherapronontothesofaandlefttheroommutteringandsighing。

Itwasonlythenthathenoticedthatthesheetofpaperwhichforonenighthadremainedstabbedtothewallabovehisemptybedwaslyingontopofthepile。

Whenhehadtakenitdownthedaybeforehehadfoldeditinfour,absent—mindedly,beforedroppingitonthetable。Andnowhesawitlyinguppermost,spreadout,smoothedoutevenandcoveringalltheconfusedpileofpages,therecordofhisintellectuallifeforthelastthreeyears。Ithadnotbeenflungthere。Ithadbeenplacedthere——smoothedout,too!Heguessedinthatanintentionofprofoundmeaning——orperhapssomeinexplicablemockery。

Hesatstaringatthepieceofpapertillhiseyesbegantosmart。Hedidnotattempttoputhispapersinorder,eitherthateveningorthenextday——whichhespentathomeinastateofpeculiarirresolution。ThisirresoIutionboreuponthequestionwhetherheshouldcontinuetolive——neithermorenorless。Butitsnaturewasveryfarremovedfromthehesitationofamancontemplatingsuicide。TheideaoflayingviolenthandsuponhisbodydidnotoccurtoRazumov。Theunrelatedorganismbearingthatlabel,walking,breathing,wearingtheseclothes,wasofnoimportancetoanyone,unlessmaybetothelandlady。

ThetrueRazumovhadhisbeinginthewilled,inthedeterminedfuture——inthatfuturemenacedbythelawlessnessofautocracy——forautocracyknowsnolaw——andthelawlessnessofrevolution。Thefeelingthathismoralpersonalitywasatthemercyoftheselawlessforceswassostrongthatheaskedhimselfseriouslyifitwereworthwhiletogoonaccomplishingthementalfunctionsofthatexistencewhichseemednolongerhisown。

"Whatisthegoodofexertingmyintelligence,ofpursuingthesystematicdevelopmentofmyfacultiesandallmyplansofwork?"

heaskedhimself。"Iwanttoguidemyconductbyreasonableconvictions,butwhatsecurityhaveIagainstsomething——somedestructivehorror——

walkinginuponmeasIsithere?……

Razumovlookedapprehensivelytowardsthedooroftheouterroomasifexpectingsomeshapeofeviltoturnthehandleandappearbeforehimsilently。

"Acommonthief,"hesaidtohimself,"findsmoreguaranteesinthelawheisbreaking,andevenabrutelikeZiemianitchhashisconsolation。"Razumovenviedthematerialismofthethiefandthepassionoftheincorrigiblelover。Theconsequencesoftheiractionswerealwaysclearandtheirlivesremainedtheirown。

ButhesleptassoundlythatnightasthoughhehadbeenconsolinghimselfinthemannerofZiemianitch。Hedroppedoffsuddenly,laylikealog,rememberednodreamonwaking。Butitwasasifhissoulhadgoneoutinthenighttogathertheflowersofwrathfulwisdom。Hegotupinamoodofgrimdeterminationandasifwithanewknowledgeofhisownnature。

Helookedmockinglyontheheapofpapersonhistable;andlefthisroomtoattendthelectures,mutteringtohimself,"Weshallsee。"

Hewasinnohumourtotalktoanybodyorhearhimselfquestionedastohisabsencefromlecturesthedaybefore。Butitwasdifficulttorepulserudelyaverygoodcomradewithasmoothpinkfaceandfairhair,bearingthenicknameamongsthisfellow—studentsof"MadcapKostia。"HewastheidolizedonlysonofaverywealthyandilliterateGovernmentcontractor,andattendedthelecturesonlyduringtheperiodicalfitsofcontritionfollowingupontearfulpaternalremonstrances。

Noisilyblunderinglikearetrieverpuppy,hiselatedvoiceandgreatgesturesfilledthebareacademycorridorswiththejoyofthoughtlessanimallife,provokingindulgentsmilesatagreatdistance。Hisusualdiscoursestreatedoftrottinghorses,wine—partiesinexpensiverestaurants,andthemeritsofpersonsofeasyvirtue,withadisarmingartlessnessofoutlook。HepounceduponRazumovaboutmidday,somewhatlessuproariouslythanhishabitwas,andledhimaside。

"Justamoment,KiryloSidorovitch。Afewwordshereinthisquietcorner。"

HefeltRazumov’sreluctance,andinsinuatedhishandunderhisarmcaressingly。

"No——praydo。Idon’twanttotalktoyouaboutanyofmysillyscrapes。Whataremyscrapes?Absolutelynothing。Merechildishness。TheothernightIflungafellowoutofacertainplacewhereIwashavingafairlygoodtime。Atyrannicallittlebeastofaquill—driverfromtheTreasurydepartment。Hewasbullyingthepeopleofthehouse。Irebukedhim。’YouarenotbehavinghumanelytoGod’screaturesthatareajollysightmoreestimablethanyourself,’Isaid。Ican’tbeartoseeanytyranny,KiryloSidorovitch。UponmywordIcan’t。Hedidn’ttakeitingoodpartatall。’Who’sthatimpudentpuppy?’

hebeginstoshout。Iwasinexcellentformasithappened,andhewentthroughtheclosedwindowverysuddenly。Heflewquitealongwayintotheyard。Iragedlike——likea——minotaur。

Thewomenclungtomeandscreamed,thefiddlersgotunderthetable……Suchfun!Mydadhadtoputhishandprettydeepintohispocket,Icantellyou。"Hechuckled。

"Mydadisaveryusefulman。Jollygoodthingitisforme,too。

Idogetintounholyscrapes。"

Hiselationfell。Thatwasjustit。Whatwashislife?

Insignificant;nogoodtoanyone;amerefestivity。Itwouldendsomefinedayinhisgettinghisskullsplitwithachampagnebottleinadrunkenbrawl。Atsuchtimes,too,whenmenweresacrificingthemselvestoideas。Buthecouldnevergetanyideasintohishead。Hisheadwasn’tworthanythingbetterthantobesplitbyachampagnebottle。

Razumov,protestingthathehadnotime,madeanattempttogetaway。Theother’stonechangedtoconfidentialearnestness。

"ForGod’ssake,Kirylo,mydearsoul,letmemakesomesortofsacrifice。Itwouldnotbeasacrificereally。Ihavemyrichdadbehindme。There’spositivelynogettingtothebottomofhispocket。"

AndrejectingindignantlyRazumov’ssuggestionthatthiswasdrunkenraving,heofferedtolendhimsomemoneytoescapeabroadwith。Hecouldalwaysgetmoneyfromhisdad。Hehadonlytosaythathehadlostitatcardsorsomethingofthatsort,andatthesametimepromisesolemnlynottomissasinglelectureforthreemonthsonend。Thatwouldfetchtheoldman;

andhe,Kostia,wasquiteequaltothesacrifice。Thoughhereallydidnotseewhatwasthegoodforhimtoattendthelectures。Itwasperfectlyhopeless。

"Won’tyouletmebeofsomeuse?"hepleadedtothesilentRazumov,whowithhiseyesonthegroundandutterlyunabletopenetratetherealdriftoftheother’sintention,feltastrangereluctancetoclearupthepoint。

"WhatmakesyouthinkIwanttogoabroad?"heaskedatlastveryquietly。

Kostialoweredhisvoice。

"Youhadthepoliceinyourroomsyesterday。Therearethreeorfourofuswhohaveheardofthat。Nevermindhowweknow。Itissufficientthatwedo。Sowehavebeenconsultingtogether。"

"Ah!Yougottoknowthatsosoon,"mutteredRazumovnegligently。

"Yes。Wedid。Anditstruckusthatamanlikeyou……"

"Whatsortofamandoyoutakemetobe?"Razumovinterruptedhim。

"Amanofideas——andamanofactiontoo。Butyouareverydeep,Kirylo。There’snogettingtothebottomofyourmind。Notforfellowslikeme。Butweallagreedthatyoumustbepreservedforourcountry。Ofthatwehavenodoubtwhatever——ImeanallofuswhohaveheardHaldinspeakofyouoncertainoccasions。

Amandoesn’tgetthepoliceransackinghisroomswithouttherebeingsomedevilryhangingoverhishead……Andsoifyouthinkthatitwouldbebetterforyoutoboltatonce……"

Razumovtorehimselfawayandwalkeddownthecorridor,leavingtheothermotionlesswithhismouthopen。ButalmostatoncehereturnedandstoodbeforetheamazedKostia,whoshuthismouthslowly。Razumovlookedhimstraightintheeyes,beforesayingwithmarkeddeliberationandseparatinghiswords——

"Ithank——you——very——much。"

Hewentawayagainrapidly。Kostia,recoveringfromhissurpriseatthesemanoeuvres,ranupbehindhimpressingly。

"No!Wait!Listen。Ireallymeanit。Itwouldbelikegivingyourcompassiontoastarvingfellow。Doyouhear,Kirylo?Andanydisguiseyoumaythinkof,thattooIcouldprocurefromacostumier,aJewIknow。Letafoolbemadeserviceableaccordingtohisfolly。Perhapsalsoafalsebeardorsomethingofthatkindmaybeneeded。

Razumovturnedatbay。

"Therearenofalsebeardsneededinthisbusiness,Kostia——yougood—heartedlunatic,you。Whatdoyouknowofmyideas?Myideasmaybepoisontoyou。"Theotherbegantoshakehisheadinenergeticprotest。

"Whathaveyougottodowithideas?Someofthemwouldmakeanendofyourdad’smoney—bags。Leaveoffmeddlingwithwhatyoudon’tunderstand。Gobacktoyourtrottinghorsesandyourgirls,andthenyou’llbesureatleastofdoingnoharmtoanybody,andhardlyanytoyourself。"

Theenthusiasticyouthwasovercomebythisdisdain。

"You’resendingmebacktomypig’strough,Kirylo。Thatsettlesit。Iamanunluckybeast——andIshalldielikeabeasttoo。

Butmind——it’syourcontemptthathasdoneforme。"

Razumovwentoffwithlongstrides。Thatthissimpleandgrosslyfestivesoulshouldhavefallentooundertherevolutionarycurseaffectedhimasanominoussymptomofthetime。Hereproachedhimselfforfeelingtroubled。Personallyheoughttohavefeltreassured。Therewasanobviousadvantageinthisconspiracyofmistakenjudgmenttakinghimforwhathewasnot。Butwasitnotstrange?

AgainheexperiencedthatsensationofhisconductbeingtakenoutofhishandsbyHaldin’srevolutionarytyranny。Hissolitaryandlaboriousexistencehadbeendestroyed——theonlythinghecouldcallhisownonthisearth。Bywhatright?heaskedhimselffuriously。Inwhatname?

Whatinfuriatedhimmostwastofeelthatthe"thinkers"oftheUniversitywereevidentlyconnectinghimwithHaldin——asasortofconfidantinthebackgroundapparently。Amysteriousconnexion!

Haha!……Hehadbeenmadeapersonagewithoutknowinganythingaboutit。HowthatwretchHaldinmusthavetalkedabouthim!

YetitwaslikelythatHaldinhadsaidverylittle。Thefellow’scasualutteranceswerecaughtupandtreasuredandponderedoverbyalltheseimbeciles。Andwasnotallsecretrevolutionaryactionbaseduponfolly,self—deception,andlies?

"Impossibletothinkofanythingelse,"mutteredRazumovtohimself。"I’llbecomeanidiotifthisgoeson。Thescoundrelsandthefoolsaremurderingmyintelligence。"

Helostallhopeofsavinghisfuture,whichdependedonthefreeuseofhisintelligence。

Hereachedthedoorwayofhishouseinastateofmentaldiscouragementwhichenabledhimtoreceivewithapparentindifferenceanofficial—lookingenvelopefromthedirtyhandofthedvornik。

"Agendarmebroughtit,"saidtheman。"Heaskedifyouwereathome。Itoldhim’No,he’snotathome。’Soheleftit。

’Giveitintohisownhands,’sayshe。Nowyou’vegotit——eh?"

Hewentbacktohissweeping,andRazumovclimbedhisstairs,envelopeinhand。Onceinhisroomhedidnothastentoopenit。

Ofcoursethisofficialmissivewasfromthesuperiordirectionofthepolice。Asuspect!Asuspect!

Hestaredindrearyastonishmentattheabsurdityofhisposition。Hethoughtwithasortofdry,unemotionalmelancholy;

threeyearsofgoodworkgone,thecourseoffortymoreperhapsjeopardized——turnedfromhopetoterror,becauseeventsstartedbyhumanfollylinkthemselvesintoasequencewhichnosagacitycanforeseeandnocouragecanbreakthrough。Fatalityentersyourroomswhileyourlandlady’sbackisturned;youcomehomeandfinditinpossessionbearingaman’sname,clothedinflesh——wearingabrownclothcoatandlongboots——loungingagainstthestove。Itasksyou,"Istheouterdoorclosed?"——andyoudon’tknowenoughtotakeitbythethroatandflingitdownstairs。Youdon’tknow。Youwelcomethecrazyfate。"Sitdown,"yousay。Anditisallover。Youcannotshakeitoffanymore。Itwillclingtoyouforever。Neitherhalternorbulletcangiveyoubackthefreedomofyourlifeandthesanityofyourthought……Itwasenoughtodashone’sheadagainstawall。

Razumovlookedslowlyallroundthewallsasiftoselectaspottodashhisheadagainst。Thenheopenedtheletter。ItdirectedthestudentKiryloSidorovitchRazumovtopresenthimselfwithoutdelayattheGeneralSecretariat。

RazumovhadavisionofGeneralT———’sgoggleeyeswaitingforhim——theembodiedpowerofautocracy,grotesqueandterrible。Heembodiedthewholepowerofautocracybecausehewasitsguardian。Hewastheincarnatesuspicion,theincarnateanger,theincarnateruthlessnessofapoliticalandsocialregimeonitsdefence。Heloathedrebellionbyinstinct。AndRazumovreflectedthatthemanwassimplyunabletounderstandareasonableadherencetothedoctrineofabsolutism。

"Whatcanhewantwithmeprecisely——Iwonder?"heaskedhimself。

Asifthatmentalquestionhadevokedthefamiliarphantom,Haldinstoodsuddenlybeforehimintheroomwithanextraordinarycompletenessofdetail。Thoughtheshortwinterdayhadpassedalreadyintothesinistertwilightofalandburiedinsnow,RazumovsawplainlythenarrowleatherstraproundtheTcherkesscoat。Theillusionofthathatefulpresencewassoperfectthathehalfexpectedittoask,"Istheouterdoorclosed?"Helookedatitwithhatredandcontempt。Soulsdonottakeashapeofclothing。Moreover,Haldincouldnotbedeadyet。Razumovsteppedforwardmenacingly;thevisionvanished——andturningshortonhisheelhewalkedoutofhisroomwithinfinitedisdain。

ButaftergoingdownthefirstflightofstairsitoccurredtohimthatperhapsthesuperiorauthoritiesofpolicemeanttoconfronthimwithHaldinintheflesh。Thisthoughtstruckhimlikeabullet,andhadhenotclungwithbothhandstothebanisterhewouldhaverolleddowntothenextlandingmostlikely。Hislegswereofnouseforaconsiderabletime……

Butwhy?Forwhatconceivablereason?Towhatend?

Therecouldbenorationalanswertothesequestions;butRazumovrememberedthepromisemadebytheGeneraltoPrinceK———。Hisactionwastoremainunknown。

Hegotdowntothebottomofthestairs,loweringhimselfasitwerefromsteptostep,bythebanister。Underthegateheregainedmuchofhisfirmnessofthoughtandlimb。Hewentoutintothestreetwithoutstaggeringvisibly。Everymomenthefeltsteadiermentally。AndyethewassayingtohimselfthatGeneralT———wasperfectlycapableofshuttinghimupinthefortressforanindefinitetime。Histemperamentfittedhisremorselesstask,andhisomnipotencemadehiminaccessibletoreasonableargument。

ButwhenRazumovarrivedattheSecretariathediscoveredthathewouldhavenothingtodowithGeneralT———。ItisevidentfromMr。Razumov’sdiarythatthisdreadedpersonalitywastoremaininthebackground。Acivilianofsuperiorrankreceivedhiminaprivateroomafteraperiodofwaitinginouterofficeswherealotofscribblingwentonatmanytablesinaheatedandstuffyatmosphere。

Theclerkinuniformwhoconductedhimsaidinthecorridor——

"YouaregoingbeforeGregorMatvieitchMikulin。"

Therewasnothingformidableaboutthemanbearingthatname。

Hismild,expectantglancewasturnedonthedooralreadywhenRazumoventered。Atonce,withthepenholderhewasholdinginhishand,hepointedtoadeepsofabetweentwowindows。HefollowedRazumovwithhiseyeswhilethatlastcrossedtheroomandsatdown。Themildgazerestedonhim,notcurious,notinquisitive——certainlynotsuspicious——almostwithoutexpression。

Initspassionlesspersistencetherewassomethingresemblingsympathy。

Razumov,whohadpreparedhiswillandhisintelligencetoencounterGeneralT———himself,wasprofoundlytroubled。Allthemoralbracingupagainstthepossibleexcessesofpowerandpassionwentfornothingbeforethissallowman,whoworeafullunclippedbeard。Itwasfair,thin,andveryfine。Thelightfellincopperygleamsontheprotuberancesofahigh,ruggedforehead。Andtheaspectofthebroad,softphysiognomywassohomelyandrusticthatthecarefulmiddlepartingofthehairseemedapretentiousaffectation。

ThediaryofMr。Razumovtestifiestosomeirritationonhispart。ImayremarkherethatthediaryproperconsistingofthemoreorlessdailyentriesseemstohavebeenbegunonthatveryeveningafterMr。Razumovhadreturnedhome。

Mr。Razumov,then,wasirritated。Hisstrung—upindividualityhadgonetopieceswithinhimverysuddenly。

"Imustbeveryprudentwithhim,"hewarnedhimselfinthesilenceduringwhichtheysatgazingateachother。Itlastedsomelittletime,andwascharacterized(forsilenceshavetheircharacter)byasortofsadnessimpartedtoitperhapsbythemildandthoughtfulmannerofthebeardedofficial。RazumovlearnedlaterthathewasthechiefofadepartmentintheGeneralSecretariat,witharankinthecivilserviceequivalenttothatofacolonelinthearmy。

Razumov’smistrustbecameacute。Themainpointwas,nottobedrawnintosayingtoomuch。Hehadbeencalledthereforsomereason。Whatreason?Tobegiventounderstandthathewasasuspect——andalsonodoubttobepumped。Astowhatprecisely?

Therewasnothing。OrperhapsHaldinhadbeentellinglies……

EveryalarminguncertaintybesetRazumov。Hecouldbearthesilencenolonger,andcursinghimselfforhisweaknessspokefirst,thoughhehadpromisedhimselfnottodosoonanyaccount。

"Ihaven’tlostamoment’stime,"hebeganinahoarse,provokingtone;andthenthefacultyofspeechseemedtoleavehimandenterthebodyofCouncillorMikulin,whochimedinapprovingly——

"Veryproper。Veryproper。Thoughasamatteroffact……

Butthespellwasbroken,andRazumovinterruptedhimboldly,underasuddenconvictionthatthiswasthesafestattitudetotake。Withagreatflowofwordshecomplainedofbeingtotallymisunderstood。Evenashetalkedwithaperceptionofhisownaudacityhethoughtthattheword"misunderstood"wasbetterthantheword"mistrusted,"andherepeateditagainwithinsistence。

Suddenlyheceased,beingseizedwithfrightbeforetheattentiveimmobilityoftheofficial。"WhatamItalkingabout?"hethought,eyeinghimwithavaguegaze。Mistrusted——notmisunderstood——wastherightsymbolforthesepeople。

Misunderstoodwastheotherkindofcurse。BothhadbeenbroughtonhisheadbythatfellowHaldin。Andhisheadachedterribly。

Hepassedhishandoverhisbrow——aninvoluntarygestureofsuffering,whichhewastoocarelesstorestrain。

【推荐阅读】幽幽深宫,醒来一梦似千年,重生于下堂妃身躯中的她,将如何手刃仇人? 点击阅读

精品推荐