"Butstop，"saysI。"Oladies，Oladies!Ogentlemen，gentlemen!

thatyoushouldeverhavecometothequartersofGoliahGahagan，andhebeenwithout——"

"What？"saidthey，inabreath。

"Alas!alas!Ihavenotgotasinglestickofchocolateinthewholehouse。"

"Well，well，wecandowithoutit。"

"Orasinglepoundofcoffee。"

"Nevermind；letthatpasstoo。"（Mrs。Vanandtherestwerebeginningtolookalarmed。）

"Andaboutthekidneys——nowIremember，theblackdivvlesoutsidetheforthaveseizeduponallthesheep；andhowarewetohavekidneyswithoutthem？"（Heretherewasaslighto—o—o!）

"Andwithregardtothemilkandcrame，itmayberemarkedthatthecowsarelikewiseinpawn，andnotasingledropcanbehadformoneyorlove：butwecanbeatupeggs，youknow，inthetay，whichwillbejustasgood。"

"Oh!justasgood。"

"Onlythedivvle’sintheluck，there’snotafresheggtobehad——

no，norafreshchicken，"continuedI，"norastaleoneeither；notatayspoonfulofsouchong，norathimblefulofbohay；northelastetasteinlifeofbutther，saltorfresh；norhotrowlsorcowld!"

"InthenameofHeaven!"saidMrs。Van，growingverypale，"whatisthere，then？"

"Ladiesandgentlemen，I’lltellyouwhatthereisnow，"shoutedI。

"There’s"Twodrumsticksoffowls，andaboneofham。

Fourteenbottlesofginger—beer，"&c。&c。&c。

AndIwentthroughthewholelistofeatablesasbefore，endingwiththeham—sandwichesandthepotofjelly。

"Law!Mr。Gahagan，"saidMrs。ColonelVandegobbleschroy，"givemetheham—sandwiches——Imustmanagetobreakfastoffthem。"

Andyoushouldhaveheardtheprettyto—dotherewasatthismodestproposition!OfcourseIdidnotaccedetoit——whyshouldI？I

wasthecommanderofthefort，andintendedtokeepthesethreeverysandwichesfortheuseofmyselfandmydearBelinda。

"Ladies，"saidI，"thereareinthisfortonehundredandtwenty—

sixsouls，andthisisallthefoodwhichistolastusduringthesiege。Meatthereisnone——ofdrinkthereisatolerablequantity；

andatoneo’clockpunctually，aglassofwineandoneoliveshallbeservedouttoeachwoman：themenwillreceivetwoglasses，andanoliveandafig——andthismustbeyourfoodduringthesiege。

LordLakecannotbeabsentmorethanthreedays；andifhebe——why，stillthereisachance——whydoIsayachance？——aCERTAINTYofescapingfromthehandsoftheseruffians。"

"Oh，nameit，nameit，dearCaptainGahagan!"screechedthewholecoveyatabreath。

"Itlies，"answeredI，"inthepowdermagazine。Iwillblowthisfort，andallitcontains，toatoms，ereitbecomesthepreyofHolkar。"

Thewomen，atthis，raisedasquealthatmighthavebeenheardinHolkar’scamp，andfaintedindifferentdirections；butmydearBelindawhisperedinmyear，"Welldone，thounobleknight!bravelysaid，myheart’sGoliah!"IfeltIwasright：Icouldhaveblownheruptwentytimesfortheluxuryofthatsinglemoment!"Andnow，ladies，"saidI，"Imustleaveyou。Thetwochaplainswillremainwithyoutoadministerprofessionalconsolation——theothergentlemenwillfollowmeupstairstotheramparts，whereIshallfindplentyofworkforthem。"

CHAPTERVII：THEESCAPE

Lothastheywere，thesegentlemenhadnothingforitbuttoobey，andtheyaccordinglyfollowedmetotheramparts，whereIproceededtoreviewmymen。Thefort，inmyabsence，hadbeenleftincommandofLieutenantMacgillicuddy，acountrymanofmyown（withwhom，asmaybeseeninanearlychapterofmymemoirs，Ihadanaffairofhonour）；andtheprisonerBobbachyBahawder，whomIhadonlystunned，neverwishingtokillhim，hadbeenleftinchargeofthatofficer。Threeofthegarrison（oneofthemamanoftheAhmednuggarIrregulars，myownbody—servant，Ghorumsaugabovenamed）wereappointedtowatchthecaptivebyturns，andneverleavehimoutoftheirsight。Thelieutenantwasinstructedtolooktothemandtotheirprisoner；andasBobbachywasseverelyinjuredbytheblowwhichIhadgivenhim，andwas，moreover，boundhandandfoot，andgaggedsmartlywithcords，Iconsideredmyselfsureofhisperson。

MacgillicuddydidnotmakehisappearancewhenIreviewedmylittleforce，andthethreehavildarswerelikewiseabsent：thisdidnotsurpriseme，asIhadtoldthemnottoleavetheirprisoner；butdesiroustospeakwiththelieutenant，Idespatchedamessengertohim，andorderedhimtoappearimmediately。

Themessengercameback；hewaslookingghastlypale：hewhisperedsomeinformationintomyear，whichinstantlycausedmetohastentotheapartmentswhereIhadcausedBobbachyBahawdertobeconfined。

Themenhadfled；——Bobbachyhadfled；andinhisplace，fancymyastonishmentwhenIfound——witharopecuttinghisnaturallywidemouthalmostintohisears——withadreadfulsabre—cutacrosshisforehead——withhislegstiedoverhishead，andhisarmstiedbetweenhislegs——myunhappy，myattachedfriend——MortimerMacgillicuddy!

Hehadbeeninthispositionforaboutthreehours——itwastheverypositioninwhichIhadcausedBobbachyBahawdertobeplaced——anattitudeuncomfortable，itistrue，butonewhichrendersescapeimpossible，unlesstreasonaidtheprisoner。

Irestoredthelieutenanttohisnaturalerectposition；Ipouredhalf—a—bottleofwhiskydowntheimmenselyenlargedorificeofhismouth；andwhenhehadbeenreleased，heinformedmeofthecircumstancesthathadtakenplace。

FoolthatIwas!idiot!——uponmyreturntothefort，tohavebeenanxiousaboutmypersonalappearance，andtohavespentacoupleofhoursinremovingtheartificialblackeningfrommybeardandcomplexion，insteadofgoingtoexaminemyprisoner——whenhisescapewouldhavebeenprevented。Ofoppery，foppery!——itwasthatcursedloveofpersonalappearancewhichhadledmetoforgetmydutytomygeneral，mycountry，mymonarch，andmyownhonour!

Thusitwasthattheescapetookplace：—MyownfellowoftheIrregulars，whomIhadsummonedtodressme，performedtheoperationtomysatisfaction，investedmewiththeelegantuniformofmycorps，andremovedthePitan’sdisguise，whichIhadtakenfromthebackoftheprostrateBobbachyBahawder。Whatdidtheroguedonext？——Why，hecarriedbackthedresstotheBobbachy——heputit，oncemore，onitsrightowner；heandhisinfernalblackcompanions（whohadbeenwonoverbytheBobbachywithpromisesofenormousreward）gaggedMacgillicuddy，whowasgoingtherounds，andthenmarchedwiththeIndiancoollyuptotheoutergate，andgavetheword。Thesentinel，thinkingitwasmyself，whohadfirstcomein，andwasaslikelytogooutagain——（indeedmyrascallyvaletsaidthatGahaganSahibwasabouttogooutwithhimandhistwocompanionstoreconnoitre）——openedthegates，andofftheywent!

ThisaccountedfortheconfusionofmyvaletwhenIentered!——andforthescoundrel’sspeech，thatthelieutenanthadJUSTBEENTHE

ROUNDS；——heHAD，poorfellow，andhadbeenseizedandboundinthiscruelway。Thethreemen，withtheirliberatedprisoner，hadjustbeenonthepointofescape，whenmyarrivaldisconcertedthem：I

hadchangedtheguardatthegate（whomtheyhadwonoverlikewise）；andyet，althoughtheyhadovercomepoorMac，andalthoughtheywerereadyforthestart，theyhadpositivelynomeansforeffectingtheirescape，untilIwasassenoughtoputmeansintheirway。Fool!fool!thricebesottedfoolthatIwas，tothinkofmyownsillypersonwhenIshouldhavebeenoccupiedsolelywithmypublicduty。

FromMacgillicuddy’sincoherentaccounts，ashewasgaspingfromtheeffectsofthegagandthewhiskyhehadtakentorevivehim，andfrommyownsubsequentobservations，Ilearnedthissadstory。

Asuddenandpainfulthoughtstruckme——mypreciousbox!——Irushedback，Ifoundthatbox——Ihaveitstill。Openingit，there，whereIhadleftingots，sacksofbrighttomauns，kopeksandrupees，stringsofdiamondsasbigasducks’eggs，rubiesasredasthelipsofmyBelinda，countlessstringsofpearls，amethysts，emeralds，pilesuponpilesofbank—notes——Ifound——apieceofpaper!withafewlinesintheSanscritlanguage，whicharethus，wordforword，translated：—

"EPIGRAM。

（OndisappointingacertainMajor。）

"Theconqueringlionreturn’dwithhisprey，Andsafeinhiscavernhesetit；

Theslylittlefoxstolethebootyaway，And，asheescaped，totheliondidsay，’AHA!don’tyouwishyoumaygetit？’"

Confusion!Oh，howmybloodboiledasIreadthesecuttinglines。

Istamped，——Iswore，——Idon’tknowtowhatinsanelengthsmyragemighthavecarriedme，hadnotatthismomentasoldierrushedin，screaming，"Theenemy，theenemy!"

CHAPTERVIII：THECAPTIVE

Itwashightime，indeed，thatIshouldmakemyappearance。Wavingmyswordwithonehandandseizingmytelescopewiththeother，I

atoncefrightenedandexaminedtheenemy。Welltheyknewwhentheysawthatflamingo—plumefloatinginthebreeze——thatawfulfigurestandinginthebreach——thatwavingwar—swordsparklinginthesky——well，Isay，theyknewthenameofthehumbleindividualwhoownedthesword，theplume，andthefigure。Theruffiansweremusteredinfront，thecavalrybehind。Theflagswereflying，thedrums，gongs，tambourines，violoncellos，andotherinstrumentsofEasternmusic，raisedintheairastrangebarbaricmelody；theofficers（yatabals），mountedonwhitedromedaries，wereseengallopingtoandfro，carryingtotheadvancinghoststheordersofHolkar。

YouseethattwosidesofthefortofFuttyghur（risingasitdoesonarockthatisalmostperpendicular）aredefendedbytheBurrumpooterriver，twohundredfeetdeepatthispoint，andathousandyardswide，sothatIhadnofearaboutthemattackingmeinthatquarter。Myguns，therefore（withtheirsix—and—thirtymiserablechargesofshot），weredraggedroundtothepointatwhichIconceivedHolkarwouldbemostlikelytoattackme。IwasinasituationthatIdidnotdaretofire，exceptatsuchtimesasIcouldkillahundredmenbyasingledischargeofacannon；sotheattackingpartymarchedandmarched，verystrongly，aboutamileandahalfoff，theelephantsmarchingwithoutreceivingtheslightestdamagefromus，untiltheyhadcometowithinfourhundredyardsofourwalls（theroguesknewallthesecretsofourweakness，throughthebetrayalofthedastardlyGhorumsaug，ortheyneverwouldhaveventuredsonear）。Atthatdistance——itwasaboutthespotwheretheFuttyghurhillbegangraduallytorise——theinvadingforcestopped；theelephantsdrewupinaline，atrightangleswithourwall（thefools!theythoughttheyshouldexposethemselvestoomuchbytakingapositionparalleltoit）；thecavalryhaltedtoo，and——afterthedeuce’sownflourishoftrumpetsandbangingofgongs，tobesure，——somebody，inaflame—colouredsatindress，withanimmensejewelblazinginhispugree（thatlookedthroughmytelescopelikeasmallbutverybrightplanet），gotupfromthebackofoneoftheverybiggestelephants，andbeganaspeech。

Theelephantswere，asIsaid，inalineformedwithadmirableprecision，aboutthreehundredofthem。Thefollowinglittlediagramwillexplainmatters：—……G|

E|

|F

Eisthelineofelephants。Fisthewallofthefort。Gaguninthefort。NowthereaderwillseewhatIdid。

Theelephantswerestanding，theirtrunkswagglingtoandfrogracefullybeforethem；andI，withsuperhumanskillandactivity，broughtthegunG（adevilishlongbrassgun）tobearuponthem。I

pointeditmyself；bang!itwent，andwhatwastheconsequence？

Why，this：—

x……G|

E|

|F

Fisthefort，asbefore。Gisthegun，asbefore。E，theelephants，aswehavepreviouslyseenthem。Whatthenisx？xisthelinetakenbytheballfiredfromG，whichtookoffONEHUNDRED

ANDTHIRTY—FOURELEPHANTS’TRUNKS，andonlyspentitselfinthetuskofaveryoldanimal，thatstoodthehundredandthirty—fifth!

Isaythatsuchashotwasneverfiredbeforeorsince；thatagunwasneverpointedinsuchaway。SupposeIhadbeenacommonman，andcontentedmyselfwithfiringbangattheheadofthefirstanimal？Anasswouldhavedoneit，pridedhimselfhadhehithismark，andwhatwouldhavebeentheconsequence？Why，thattheballmighthavekilledtwoelephantsandwoundedathird；buthere，probably，itwouldhavestopped，anddonenofurthermischief。Thetrunkwastheplaceatwhichtoaim；therearenobonesthere；andaway，consequently，wentthebullet，shearing，asIhavesaid，throughonehundredandthirty—fiveprobosces。Heavens!whatahowltherewaswhentheshottookeffect!WhatasuddenstoppageofHolkar’sspeech!Whatahideoussnortingofelephants!Whatarushbackwardswasmadebythewholearmy，asifsomedemonwaspursuingthem!

Awaytheywent。NosoonerdidIseetheminfullretreat，than，rushingforwardmyself，Ishoutedtomymen，"Myfriends，yonderliesyourdinner!"Weflungopenthegates——wetoredowntothespotwheretheelephantshadfallen：sevenofthemwerekilled；

andofthosethatescapedtodieoftheirhideouswoundselsewhere，mosthadlefttheirtrunksbehindthem。Agreatquantityofthemweseized；andImyself，cuttingupwithmyscimitaracoupleofthefallenanimals，asabutcherwouldacalf，motionedtothementotakethepiecesbacktothefort，wherebarbecuedelephantwasservedroundfordinner，insteadofthemiserableallowanceofanoliveandaglassofwine，whichIhadpromisedtomyfemalefriends，inmyspeechtothem。Theanimalreservedfortheladieswasayoungwhiteone——thefattestandtenderestIeverateinmylife：theyareveryfaireating，butthefleshhasanIndia—rubberflavour，which，untiloneisaccustomedtoit，isunpalatable。

ItwaswellthatIhadobtainedthissupply，for，duringmyabsenceontheworks，Mrs。Vandegobbleschroyandoneortwoothershadforcedtheirwayintothesupper—room，anddevouredeverymorselofthegarrisonlarder，withtheexceptionofthecheeses，theolives，andthewine，whichwerelockedupinmyownapartment，beforewhichstoodasentinel。DisgustingMrs。Van!WhenIheardofhergluttony，IhadalmostamindtoeatHER。However，wemadeaverycomfortabledinneroffthebarbecuedsteaks，andwheneverybodyhaddone，hadthecomfortofknowingthattherewasenoughforonemealmore。

Thenextday，asIexpected，theenemyattackedusingreatforce，attemptingtoescaladethefort；butbythehelpofmyguns，andmygoodsword，bythedistinguishedbraveryofLieutenantMacgillicuddyandtherestofthegarrison，webeatthisattackoffcompletely，theenemysustainingalossofsevenhundredmen。Wewerevictorious；butwhenanotherattackwasmade，whatwerewetodo？Wehadstillalittlepowderleft，buthadfiredoffalltheshot，stones，iron—bars，&c。inthegarrison!Onthisday，too，wedevouredthelastmorselofourfood：IshallneverforgetMrs。

Vandegobbleschroy’sdespairinglook，asIsawhersittingalone，attemptingtomakesomeimpressiononthelittlewhiteelephant’sroastedtail。

Thethirddaytheattackwasrepeated。Theresourcesofgeniusareneveratanend。YesterdayIhadnoammunition；to—day，I

discoveredchargessufficientfortwoguns，andtwoswivels，whichweremuchlonger，buthadboresofaboutblunderbusssize。

ThistimemyfriendLollMahommed，whohadreceived，asthereadermayremember，suchabastinadoingformysake，headedtheattack。

Thepoorwretchcouldnotwalk，buthewascarriedinanopenpalanquin，andcameonwavinghissword，andcursinghorriblyinhisHindustanjargon。Behindhimcametroopsofmatchlock—men，whopickedoffeveryoneofourmenwhoshowedtheirnosesabovetheramparts；andagreathostofblackamoorswithscaling—ladders，bundlestofilltheditch，fascines，gabions，culverins，demilunes，counterscarps，andalltheotherappurtenancesofoffensivewar。

Ontheycame；mygunsandmenwerereadyforthem。Youwillaskhowmypieceswereloaded？Ianswer，thatthoughmygarrisonwerewithoutfood，Iknewmydutyasanofficer，andHADPUTTHETWO

DUTCHCHEESESINTOTHETWOGUNS，ANDHADCRAMMEDTHECONTENTSOFA

BOTTLEOFOLIVESINTOEACHSWIVEL。

Theyadvanced，——whish!wentoneoftheDutchcheeses，——bang!wenttheother。Alas!theydidlittleexecution。Intheirfirstcontactwithanopposingbody，theycertainlyflooredit；buttheybecameatoncelikesomuchWelsh—rabbit，anddidnoexecutionbeyondthemanwhomtheystruckdown。

"Hogree，pogree，wongree—fum（praisetoAllahandtheforty—nineImaums!）"shoutedouttheferociousLollMahommedwhenhesawthefailureofmyshot。"Onward，sonsoftheProphet!theinfidelhasnomoreammunition。AhundredthousandlakhsofrupeestothemanwhobringsmeGahagan’shead!"

Hismensetupashout，andrushedforward——he，todohimjustice，wasattheveryhead，urgingonhisownpalanquin—bearers，andpokingthemwiththetipofhisscimitar。Theycamepantingupthehill：Iwasblackwithrage，butitwasthecoldconcentratedrageofdespair。"Macgillicuddy，"saidI，callingthatfaithfulofficer，"youknowwherethebarrelsofpowderare？"Hedid。"Youknowtheusetomakeofthem？"Hedid。Hegraspedmyhand。

"Goliah，"saidhe，"farewell!Iswearthatthefortshallbeinatoms，assoonasyonderunbelievershavecarriedit。Oh，mypoormother!"addedthegallantyouth，assighing，yetfearless，heretiredtohispost。

Igaveonethoughttomyblessed，mybeautifulBelinda，andthen，steppingintothefront，tookdownoneoftheswivels；——ashowerofmatchlockballscamewhizzingroundmyhead。Ididnotheedthem。

Itooktheswivel，andaimedcoolly。LollMahommed，hispalanquin，andhismen，werenownotabovetwohundredyardsfromthefort。

Lollwasstraightbeforeme，gesticulatingandshoutingtohismen。

Ifired——bang!!!

Iaimedsotrue，thatONEHUNDREDANDSEVENTEENBESTSPANISHOLIVES

WERELODGEDINALUMPINTHEFACEOFTHEUNHAPPYLOLLMAHOMMED。

Thewretch，utteringayellthemosthideousandunearthlyIeverheard，fellbackdead；thefrightenedbearersflungdownthepalanquinandran——thewholehostranasoneman：theirscreamsmightbeheardforleagues。"Tomasha，tomasha，"theycried，"itisenchantment!"Awaytheyfled，andthevictoryathirdtimewasours。Soonasthefightwasdone，IflewbacktomyBelinda。Wehadeatennothingfortwenty—fourhours，butIforgothungerinthethoughtofoncemorebeholdingher!

ThesweetsoulturnedtowardsmewithasicklysmileasIentered，andalmostfaintedinmyarms；butalas!itwasnotlovewhichcausedinherbosomanemotionsostrong——itwashunger!"Oh!myGoliah，"whisperedshe，"forthreedaysIhavenottastedfood——I

couldnoteatthathorridelephantyesterday；butnow——oh!

Heaven!——"Shecouldsaynomore，butsankalmostlifelessonmyshoulder。Iadministeredtoheratriflingdramofrum，whichrevivedherforamoment，andthenrusheddownstairs，determinedthatifitwereapieceofmyownleg，sheshouldstillhavesomethingtosatisfyherhunger。LuckilyIrememberedthatthreeorfourelephantswerestilllyinginthefield，havingbeenkilledbyusinthefirstaction，twodaysbefore。Necessity，thoughtI，hasnolaw；myadorablegirlmusteatelephant，untilshecangetsomethingbetter。

Irushedintothecourtwherethemenwere，forthemostpart，assembled。"Men，"saidI，"ourlarderisempty；wemustfillitaswedidthedaybeforeyesterday。WhowillfollowGahaganonaforagingparty？"Iexpectedthat，asonformeroccasions，everymanwouldoffertoaccompanyme。

Tomyastonishment，notasoulmoved——amurmuraroseamongthetroops；andatlastoneoftheoldestandbravestcameforward。

"Captain，"hesaid，"itisofnouse；wecannotfeeduponelephantsforever；wehavenotagrainofpowderleft，andmustgiveupthefortwhentheattackismadeto—morrow。Wemayaswellbeprisonersnowasthen，andwewon’tgoelephant—huntinganymore。"

"Ruffian!"Isaid，"hewhofirsttalksofsurrender，dies!"andI

cuthimdown。"Isthereanyoneelsewhowishestospeak？"

Noonestirred。

"Cowards!miserablecowards!"shoutedI；"what，youdarenotmoveforfearofdeathatthehandsofthosewretcheswhoevennowfledbeforeyourarms——what，doIsayyourarms？——beforeMINE!——aloneI

didit；andasaloneIroutedthefoe，aloneIwillvictualthefortress!Ho!openthegate!"

Irushedout；notasinglemanwouldfollow。Thebodiesoftheelephantsthatwehadkilledstilllayonthegroundwheretheyhadfallen，aboutfourhundredyardsfromthefort。Idescendedcalmlythehill，averysteepone，andcomingtothespot，tookmypickoftheanimals，choosingatolerablysmallandplumpone，ofaboutthirteenfeethigh，whichthevultureshadrespected。Ithrewthisanimalovermyshoulders，andmadeforthefort。

AsImarcheduptheacclivity，whizz——piff——whirr!cametheballsovermyhead；andpitter—patter，pitter—patter!theyfellonthebodyoftheelephantlikedropsofrain。Theenemywerebehindme；

Iknewit，andquickenedmypace。Iheardthegallopoftheirhorse：theycamenearer，nearer；Iwaswithinahundredyardsofthefort——seventy——fifty!Istrainedeverynerve；Ipantedwiththesuperhumanexertion——Iran——couldamanrunveryfastwithsuchatremendousweightonhisshoulders？

Upcametheenemy；fiftyhorsemenwereshoutingandscreamingatmytail。OHeaven!fiveyardsmore——onemoment——andIamsaved。Itisdone——Istrainthelaststrain——Imakethelaststep——Iflingforwardmypreciousburdenintothegateopenedwidetoreceivemeandit，and——Ifall!Thegatethundersto，andIamleftontheoutside!Fiftyknivesaregleamingbeforemybloodshoteyes——fiftyblackhandsareatmythroat，whenavoiceexclaims，"Stop!——killhimnot，itisGujputi!"Afilmcameovermyeyes——exhaustednaturewouldbearnomore。

CHAPTERIX：SURPRISEOFFUTTYGHUR

WhenIawokefromthetranceintowhichIhadfallen，Ifoundmyselfinabath，surroundedbyinnumerableblackfaces；andaHindoopothukoor（whenceourwordapothecary）feelingmypulseandlookingatmewithanairofsagacity。

"WhereamI？"Iexclaimed，lookingroundandexaminingthestrangefaces，andthestrangeapartmentwhichmetmyview。"Bekhusm!"

saidtheapothecary。"Silence!GahaganSahibisinthehandsofthosewhoknowhisvalour，andwillsavehislife。"

"Knowmyvalour，slave？Ofcourseyoudo，"saidI；"butthefort——

thegarrison——theelephant——Belinda，mylove——mydarling——

Macgillicuddy——thescoundrellymutineers——thedealbo—"

Icouldsaynomore；thepainfulrecollectionspressedsoheavilyuponmypoorshatteredmindandframe，thatbothfailedoncemore。

Ifaintedagain，andIknownothowlongIlayinsensible。

Again，however，Icametomysenses：thepothukoorappliedrestoratives，andafteraslumberofsomehoursIawoke，muchrefreshed。Ihadnowound；myrepeatedswoonshadbeenbroughton（asindeedwelltheymight）bymygiganticeffortsincarryingtheelephantupasteephillaquarterofamileinlength。Walking，thetaskisbadenough：butrunning，itisthedeuce；andIwouldrecommendanyofmyreaderswhomaybedisposedtotryandcarryadeadelephant，never，onanyaccount，togoapaceofmorethanfivemilesanhour。

ScarcelywasIawake，whenIheardtheclashofarmsatmydoor（plainlyindicatingthatsentinelswerepostedthere），andasingleoldgentleman，richlyhabited，enteredtheroom。Didmyeyesdeceiveme？Ihadsurelyseenhimbefore。No——yes——no——yes——itwashe：thesnowywhitebeard，themildeyes，thenoseflattenedtoajelly，andlevelwiththerestofthevenerableface，proclaimedhimatoncetobe——SaadutAleeBegBimbukchee，Holkar’sPrimeVizier；whosenose，asthereadermayrecollect，hisHighnesshadflattenedwithhiskaleawnduringmyinterviewwithhiminthePitan’sdisguise。Inowknewmyfatebuttoowell——IwasinthehandsofHolkar。

SaadutAleeBegBimbukcheeslowlyadvancedtowardsme，andwithamildairofbenevolencewhichdistinguishedthatexcellentman（hewastorntopiecesbywildhorsestheyearafter，onaccountofadifferencewithHolkar），hecametomybedsideand，takinggentlymyhand，said，"Lifeanddeath，myson，arenotours。Strengthisdeceitful，valourisunavailing，fameisonlywind——thenightingalesingsoftheroseallnight——whereistheroseinthemorning？

Booch，booch!itiswitheredbyafrost。Therosemakesremarksregardingthenightingale，andwhereisthatdelightfulsong—bird？

Pena—bekhoda，heisnetted，plucked，spitted，androasted!Whoknowshowmisfortunecomes？IthascometoGahaganGujputi!"

"Itiswell，"saidI，stoutly，andintheMalaylanguage。"GahaganGujputiwillbearitlikeaman。"

"Nodoubt——likeawisemanandabraveone；butthereisnolanesolongtowhichthereisnotaturning，nonightsoblacktowhichtherecomesnotamorning。Icywinterisfollowedbymerryspringtime——griefisoftensucceededbyjoy。"

"Interpret，Oriddler!"saidI；"GahaganKhanisnoreaderofpuzzles——nopratingmollah。Gujputilovesnotwords，butswords。"

"Listenthen，OGujputi：youareinHolkar’spower。"

"Iknowit。"

"Youwilldiebythemosthorribletorturesto—morrowmorning。"

"Idaresay。"

"Theywilltearyourteethfromyourjaws，yournailsfromyourfingers，andyoureyesfromyourhead。"

"Verypossibly。"

"Theywillflayyoualive，andthenburnyou。"

"Well；theycan’tdoanymore。"

"Theywillseizeuponeverymanandwomaninyonderfort"——itwasnotthentaken!——"andrepeatuponthemthesametortures。"

"Ha!Belinda!Speak——howcanallthisbeavoided？"

"Listen。Gahaganlovesthemoon—facecalledBelinda。"

"Hedoes，Vizier，todistraction。"

"OfwhatrankisheintheKoompani’sarmy？"

"Acaptain。"

"Amiserablecaptain——oh，shame!Ofwhatcreedishe？"

"IamanIrishman，andaCatholic。"

"Buthehasnotbeenveryparticularabouthisreligiousduties？"

"Alas，no!"

"Hehasnotbeentohismosqueforthesetwelveyears？"

"’Tistootrue。"

"Hearkennow，GahaganKhan。HisHighnessPrinceHolkarhassentmetothee。Youshallhavethemoon—faceforyourwife——yoursecondwife，thatis；——thefirstshallbetheincomparablePutteeRooge，wholovesyoutomadness；——withPutteeRooge，whoisthewife，youshallhavethewealthandrankofBobbachyBahawder，ofwhomhisHighnessintendstogetrid。YoushallbesecondincommandofhisHighness’sforces。Look，hereishiscommissionsignedwiththecelestialseal，andattestedbythesacrednamesoftheforty—nineImaums。Youhavebuttorenounceyourreligionandyourservice，andalltheserewardsareyours。"

Heproducedaparchment，signedashesaid，andgaveittome（itwasbeautifullywritteninIndianink：Ihaditforfourteenyears，butarascallyvalet，seeingitverydirty，washedit，forsooth，andwashedoffeverybitofthewriting）。Itookitcalmly，andsaid，"Thisisatemptingoffer。OVizier，howlongwiltthougivemetoconsiderofit？"

Afteralongparley，heallowedmesixhours，whenIpromisedtogivehimananswer。Mymind，however，wasmadeup——assoonashewasgone，Ithrewmyselfonthesofaandfellasleep。

***

AttheendofthesixhourstheViziercameback：twopeoplewerewithhim；one，byhismartialappearance，IknewtobeHolkar，theotherIdidnotrecognise。Itwasaboutmidnight。

"Haveyouconsidered？"saidtheVizier，ashecametomycouch。

"Ihave，"saidI，sittingup，——Icouldnotstand，formylegsweretied，andmyarmsfixedinaneatpairofsteelhandcuffs。"I

have，"saidI，"unbelievingdogs!Ihave。DoyouthinktopervertaChristiangentlemanfromhisfaithandhonour？Ruffianblackamoors!doyourworst；heaptorturesonthisbody，theycannotlastlong。Tearmetopieces：afteryouhavetornmeintoacertainnumberofpieces，Ishallnotfeelit；andifIdid，ifeachtorturecouldlastalife，ifeachlimbweretofeeltheagoniesofawholebody，whatthen？Iwouldbearall——all——all——

all——all——ALL!"Mybreastheaved——myformdilated——myeyeflashedasIspokethesewords。"Tyrants!"saidI，"dulceetdecorumestpropatriamori。"Havingthusclinchedtheargument，Iwassilent。

Thevenerable。GrandVizierturnedaway；Isawateartricklingdownhischeeks。

"Whataconstancy!"saidhe。"Oh，thatsuchbeautyandsuchbraveryshouldbedoomedsosoontoquittheearth!"

Histallcompaniononlysneeredandsaid，"ANDBELINDA——？"

"Ha!"saidI，"ruffian，bestill!——Heavenwillprotectherspotlessinnocence。Holkar，Iknowthee，andthouknowestmetoo!Who，withhissinglesword，destroyedthyarmies？Who，withhispistol，cleftintwainthynose—ring？Whoslewthygenerals？Whoslewthyelephants？Threehundredmightybeastswentforthtobattle：oftheseIslewonehundredandthirty—five!Dog，coward，ruffian，tyrant，unbeliever!Gahaganhatesthee，spurnsthee，spitsonthee!"

Holkar，asImadetheseuncomplimentaryremarks，gaveascreamofrage，and，drawinghisscimitar，rushedontodespatchmeatonce（itwastheverythingIwishedfor），whenthethirdpersonsprangforwardand，seizinghisarm，cried—

"Papa!oh，savehim!"ItwasPutteeRooge!"Remember，"continuedshe，"hismisfortunes——remember，oh，remembermy——love!"——andheresheblushed，andputtingonefingerintohermouth，andhangingdownherhead，lookedtheverypictureofmodestaffection。

Holkarsulkilysheathedhisscimitar，andmuttered，"’Tisbetterasitis；hadIkilledhimnow，Ihadsparedhimthetorture。Noneofthisshamelessfooling，PutteeRooge，"continuedthetyrant，draggingheraway。"CaptainGahagandiesthreehoursfromhence。"

PutteeRoogegaveonescreamandfainted——herfatherandtheViziercarriedheroffbetweenthem；norwasIlothtopartwithher，for，withallherlove，shewasasuglyasthedeuce。

Theyweregone——myfatewasdecided。Ihadbutthreehoursmoreoflife：soIflungmyselfagainonthesofa，andfellprofoundlyasleep。Asitmayhappentoanyofmyreaderstobeinthesamesituation，andtobehangedthemselves，letmeearnestlyentreatthemtoadoptthisplanofgoingtosleep，whichIformyparthaverepeatedlyfoundtobesuccessful。Itsavesunnecessaryannoyance，itpassesawayagreatdealofunpleasanttime，anditpreparesonetomeetlikeamanthecomingcatastrophe。

***

Threeo’clockcame：thesunwasatthistimemakinghisappearanceintheheavens，andwithitcametheguards，whowereappointedtoconductmetothetorture。Iwoke，rose，wascarriedout，andwassetontheverywhitedonkeyonwhichLollMahommedwasconductedthroughthecampafterhewasbastinadoed。BobbachyBahawderrodebehindme，restoredtohisrankandstate；troopsofcavalryhemmedusinonallsides；myasswasconductedbythecommonexecutioner：

acrierwentforward，shoutingout，"Makewayforthedestroyerofthefaithful——hegoestobearthepunishmentofhiscrimes。"Wecametothefatalplain：itwastheveryspotwhenceIhadborneawaytheelephant，andinfullsightofthefort。Ilookedtowardsit。ThankHeaven!KingGeorge’sbannerwavedonitstill——acrowdweregatheredonthewalls——themen，thedastardswhohaddesertedme——andwomen，too。AmongthelatterIthoughtIdistinguishedONE

who——Ogods!thethoughtturnedmesick——Itrembledandlookedpaleforthefirsttime。

"Hetrembles!heturnspale，"shoutedoutBobbachyBahawder，ferociouslyexultingoverhisconqueredenemy。

"Dog!"shoutedI——（Iwassittingwithmyheadtothedonkey’stail，andsolookedtheBobbachyfullintheface）——"notsopaleasyoulookedwhenIfelledyouwiththisarm——notsopaleasyourwomenlookedwhenIenteredyourharem!"Completelychop—fallen，theIndianruffianwassilent：atanyrate，IhaddoneforHIM。

Wearrivedattheplaceofexecution。Astake，acoupleoffeetthickandeighthigh，wasdriveninthegrass：roundthestake，aboutsevenfeetfromtheground，wasanironring，towhichwereattachedtwofetters；inthesemywristswereplaced。Twoorthreeexecutionersstoodnear，withstrange—lookinginstruments：otherswereblowingatafire，overwhichwasacauldron，andintheemberswerestuckprongsandotherinstrumentsofiron。

Thecriercameforwardandreadmysentence。ItwasthesameineffectasthatwhichhadbeenhintedtomethedaypreviousbytheGrandVizier。IconfessIwastooagitatedtocatcheverywordthatwasspoken。

Holkarhimself，onatalldromedary，wasatalittledistance。TheGrandViziercameuptome——itwashisdutytostandby，andseethepunishmentperformed。"Itisyettime!"saidhe。

Inoddedmyhead，butdidnotanswer。

TheViziercastuptoheavenalookofinexpressibleanguish，andwithavoicechokingwithemotion，said，"EXECUTIONER——DO——YOUR——

DUTY!"

Thehorridmanadvanced——hewhisperedsulkilyintheearsoftheGrandVizier，"Gugglykaghee，humkhedgeree，"saidhe，"THEOIL

DOESNOTBOILYET——waitoneminute。"Theassistantsblew，thefireblazed，theoilwasheated。TheVizierdrewafewfeetaside：

takingalargeladlefulloftheboilingliquid，headvanced—

***

"Whish!bang，bang!pop!"theexecutionerwasdeadatmyfeet，shotthroughthehead；theladleofscaldingoilhadbeendashedinthefaceoftheunhappyGrandVizier，wholayontheplain，howling。

"Whish!bang!pop!Hurrah!——charge!——forwards!——cutthemdown!——noquarter!"

Isaw——yes，no，yes，no，yes!——IsawregimentuponregimentofgallopingBritishhorsemenridingovertheranksoftheflyingnatives。Firstofthehost，Irecognised，OHeaven!myAHMEDNUGGAR

IRREGULARS!Oncamethegallantlineofblacksteedsandhorsemen；

swiftswiftbeforethemrodemyofficersinyellow——Glogger，Pappendick，andStuffle；theirsabresgleamedinthesun，theirvoicesrungintheair。"D—them!"theycried，"giveitthem，boys!"Astrengthsupernaturalthrilledthroughmyveinsatthatdeliciousmusic：byonetremendouseffort，Iwrestedthepostfromitsfoundation，fivefeetintheground。Icouldnotreleasemyhandsfromthefetters，itistrue；but，graspingthebeamtightly，Isprungforward——withoneblowIlevelledthefiveexecutionersinthemidstofthefire，theirfallupsettingthescaldingoil—can；

withthenext，IsweptthebearersofBobbachy’spalanquinofftheirlegs；withthethird，Icaughtthatchiefhimselfinthesmalloftheback，andsenthimflyingontothesabresofmyadvancingsoldiers!

Thenextminute，GloggerandStufflewereinmyarms，PappendickleadingontheIrregulars。Friendandfoeinthatwildchasehadsweptfaraway。Wewerealone：Iwasfreedfrommyimmensebar；

andtenminutesafterwards，whenLordLaketrottedupwithhisstaff，hefoundmesittingonit。

"LookatGahagan，"saidhisLordship。"Gentlemen，didInottellyouweshouldbesuretofindhimATHISPOST？"

Thegallantoldnoblemanrodeon：andthiswasthefamousBATTLE

OFFURRUCKABAD，orSURPRISEOFFUTTYGHUR，foughtonthe17thofNovember，1804。

***

Aboutamonthafterwards，thefollowingannouncementappearedintheBoggleywollahHurkaruandotherIndianpapers：—

"Married，onthe25thofDecember，atFuttyghur，bytheRev。Dr。

Snorter，CaptainGoliahO’GradyGahagan，CommandingIrregularHorse，Ahmednuggar，toBelinda，seconddaughterofMajor—GeneralBulcher，C。B。HisExcellencytheCommander—in—Chiefgaveawaythebride；and，afterasplendiddejeuner，thehappypairsetofftopasstheMangoseasonatHurrygurrybang。Venusmustrecollect，however，thatMarsmustnotalwaysbeatherside。TheIrregularsarenothingwithouttheirleader。"

Suchwastheparagraph——suchtheevent——thehappiestintheexistenceofG。O’G。G。，M。H。E。I。C。S。，C。I。H。A。

Footnotes：

{1}Soadmirablearetheperformancesofthesewatches，whichwillstandinanyclimate，thatIrepeatedlyheardpoorMacgillicuddyrelatethefollowingfact。Thehours，asitisknown，countinItalyfromonetotwenty—four：THEDAYMACLANDEDATNAPLESHIS

REPEATERRUNGTHEITALIANHOURS，FROMONETOTWENTY—FOUR；assoonashecrossedtheAlpsitonlysoundedasusual。——G。O’G。G。

{2}InmyaffairwithMacgillicuddy，Iwasfoolenoughtogooutwithsmallswords：—miserableweapons，onlyfitfortailors。——G。

O’G。G。

{3}TheMajorcertainlyofferedtoleaveanoldsnuff—boxatMr。

Cunningham’soffice；butitcontainednoextractfromanewspaper，anddoesnotquiteprovethathekilledarhinocerosandstormedfourteenentrenchmentsatthesiegeofAllyghur。

{4}Thedouble—jointedcamelofBactria，whichtheclassicreadermayrecollectismentionedbySuidas（inhisCommentaryontheFlightofDarius），issocalledbytheMahrattas。

{5}ThereissometriflinginconsistencyontheMajor’spart。

ShahAllumwasnotoriouslyblind：how，then，couldhehaveseenGahagan？Thethingismanifestlyimpossible。

{6}Idonotwishtobragofmystyleofwriting，ortopretendthatmygeniusasawriterhasnotbeenequalledinformertimes；

butif，intheworksofByron，Scott，Goethe，orVictorHugo，thereadercanfindamorebeautifulsentencethantheabove，Iwillbeobligedtohim，thatisall——Isimplysay，Iwillbeobligedtohim。——G。O’G。G。，M。H。E。I。C。S。，C。I。H。A。

{7}TheMajorhasputthemostapprovedlanguageintothemouthsofhisIndiancharacters。Bismillah，Barikallah，andsoon，accordingtothenovelists，formtheveryessenceofEasternconversation。

【推荐阅读】幽幽深宫，醒来一梦似千年，重生于下堂妃身躯中的她，将如何手刃仇人? 点击阅读