Resident-Engineer，Boughtlikeabullock，hoofandhide，BytheLittleTinGodsontheMountainSide。
BytheLawsoftheFamilyCircle’tiswritteninlettersofbrassThatonlyaColonelfromChathamcanmanagetheRailwaysofState，Becauseofthegoldonhisbreeks，andthesubjectswhereinhemustpass；
BecauseinallmattersthatdealnotwithRailwayshisknowledgeisgreat。
NowExeterBattlebyTringhadlabouredfromboyhoodtoeldOntheLinesoftheEastandtheWest，andekeoftheNorthandSouth；
ManyLineshadhebuiltandsurveyed——importantthepostswhichheheld；
AndtheLordsoftheIronHorseweredumbwhenheopenedhismouth。
Blackastheravenhisgarb，andhisheresiesjettierstill——
HintingthatRailwaysrequiredlifetimesofstudyandknowledge——
Neverclankedswordbyhisside——Vaubanheknewnotnordrill——
Norwashisnameonthelistofthemenwhohadpassedthroughthe“College。”
WhereforetheLittleTinGodsharriedtheirlittletinsouls，SeeinghecamenotfromChatham，jinglednospursathisheels，Knowingthat，nevertheless，washefirstontheGovernmentrollsForthebilletof“RailwayInstructortoLittleTinGodsonWheels。”
Lettersnotseldomtheywrotehim，“havingthehonourtostate。”
Itwouldbebetterforallmenifhewerelaidontheshelf。
Muchwouldaccruetohisbank-book，anheconsentedtowaitUntiltheLittleTinGodsbuilthimaberthforhimself，“Special，wellpaid，andexemptfromtheLawoftheFiftyandFive，EventoNinetyandNine“——thesewerethetermsofthepact：
ThusdidtheLittleTinGods(lonmayTheirHighnessesthrive！)
Silencehismouthwithrupees，keepingtheirCircleintact；
AppointingaColonelfromChathamwhomanagedtheBhamoStateLine(Thewichwasonmileandonefurlong——aguaranteedtwenty-inchgauge)，SoExeterBattlebyTringconsentedhisclaimstoresign，Anddied，onfourthousandamonth，intheninetiethyearofhisage！
DELILAH
Wehaveanotherviceroynow，——thosedaysaredeadanddoneOfDelilahAberyswithanddepravedUlyssesGunne。
DelilahAberyswithwasalady——nottooyoung——
Withaperfecttasteindressesandabadly-bittedtongue，Withathirstforinformation，andagreaterthirstforpraise，AndalittlehouseinSimlainthePrehistoricDays。
Byreasonofhermarriagetoagentlemaninpower，Delilahwasacquaintedwiththegossipofthehour；
Andmanylittlesecrets，ofthehalf-officialkind，WerewhisperedtoDelilah，andsheborethemallinmind。
Shepatronizedextensivelyaman，UlyssesGunne，Whosemodeofearningmoneywasalowandshamefulone。
Hewroteforcertainpapers，which，aseverybodyknows，Isworsethanservinginashoporscaringoffthecrows。
Hepraisedher“queenlybeauty“first；and，lateron，hehintedAtthe“vastnessofherintellect“withcomplimentunstinted。
Hewentwithhera-riding，andhisloveforherwassuchThathelentherallhishorsesand——shegalledthemverymuch。
Oneday，THEYbrewedasecretofafinefinancialsort；
ItrelatedtoAppointments，toaManandaReport。
’Twasalmostwortththekeeping，——onlysevenpeopleknewit——
AndGunneroseuptoseekthetruthandpatientlyensueit。
ItwasaViceroy’sSecret，but——perhapsthewinewasred——
PerhapsanAgedConcillorhadlosthisagedhead——
PerhapsDelilah’seyeswerebright——Delilah’swhisperssweet——
TheAgedMembertoldherwhat’tweretreasontorepeat。
Ulysseswenta-riding，andtheytalkedofloveandflowers；
Ulysseswenta-calling，andhecalledforseveralhours；
Ulysseswenta-waltzing，andDelilahhelpedhimdance——
Ulyssesletthewaltzesgo，andwaitedforhischance。
Thesummersunwassetting，andthesummerairwasstill，Thecouplewenta-walkingintheshadeofSummerHill。
Thewastefulsunsetfadedoutinturkis-greenandgold，Ulyssespleadedsoftly，andthatbadDelilahtold！
Nextmorn，astartledEmpirelearnttheall-importantnews；
Nextweek，theAgedCouncillorwasshakinginhisshoes。
Nextmonth，ImetDelilahandshedidnotshowtheleastHesitationinaffirmingthatUlysseswasa“beast。”
*
WehaveanotherViceroynow，thosedaysaredeadanddone——
Off，DelilahAberyswithandmostmeanUlyssesGunne！
WHATHAPPENED
HurreeChunderMookerjee，prideofBowBazaar，Ownerofanativepress，“Barrishter-at-Lar。”
WaitedontheGovernmentwithaclaimtowearSabresbythebucketful，riflesbythepair。
ThentheIndianGovernmentwinkedawickedwink，SaidtoChunderMookerjee：“Sticktopenandink。
Theyaresaferimplements，but，ifyouinsist，Wewillletyoucarryarmswheresoe’eryoulist。”
HurreeChunderMookerjeesoughtthegunsmithandBoughtthetubesofLancaster，Ballard，Dean，andBland，Boughtashinybowie-knife，boughtatown-madesword，Jingledlikeacarriage-horsewhenhewentabroad。
ButtheIndianGovernment，alwayskeentoplease，Alsogavepermissiontohorridmenlikethese——
YarMahommedYusufzai，downtokillorsteal，ChimbuSinghfromBikaneer，TantiatheBhil；
KillarKhantheMarrichief，JowarSinghtheSikh，NubbeeBakshPunjabiJat，AbdulHuqRafiq——
HewasaWahabi；last，littleBohHla-ooTookadvantageoftheAct——tookaSnidertoo。
Theywereunenlightenedmen，Ballardknewthemnot。
Theyprocuredtheirswordsandgunschieflyonthespot；
Andtheloreofcenturies，plusahundredfights，Madethemslowtodisregardoneanother’srights。
WithaunanimitydeartopatriotheartsAllthosehairygentlemenoutofforeignpartsSaid：“Thegoodolddaysareback——letusgotowar！”
SwaggereddowntheGrandTrunkRoadintoBowBazaar，NubbeeBakshPunjabiJatfoundahide-boundflail；
ChimbuSinghfromBikaneeroiledhisTonkjezail；
YarMahommedYusufzaispatandgrinnedwithgleeAshegroundthebutcher-knifeoftheKhyberee。
JowarSinghtheSikhprocuredsabre，quoit，andmace，AbdulHuq，Wahabi，jerkedhisdaggerfromitsplace，Whileamidthejungle-grassdancedandgrinnedandjabberedLittleBohHla-ooandclearedhisdah-bladefromthescabbard。
WhatbecameofMookerjee？Smoothly，whocansay？
YarMahommedonlygrinsinanastyway，JowarSinghisreticent，ChimbuSinghismute。
Butthebeltsofallofthemsimplybulgewithloot。
WhatbecameofBallard’sguns？AfghansblackandgrubbySellthemfortheirsilverweighttothemenofPubbi；
Andtheshinybowie-knifeandthetown-madeswordareHanginginaMarricampjustacrosstheBorder。
WhatbecameofMookerjee？AskMahommedYarProddingSiva’ssacredbulldowntheBowBazaar。
SpeaktoplacidNubbeeBaksh——questionlandandsea——
AsktheIndianCongressmen——onlydon’taskme！
PINKDOMINOES
Theyarefoolswhokissandtell“——
Wiselyhasthepoetsung。
ManmayholdallsortsofpostsIfhe’llonlyholdhistongue。
JennyandMewereengaged，yousee，OntheeveoftheFancyBall；
SoakissortwowasnothingtoyouOranyoneelseatall。
Mennywouldgoinadomino——
Prettyandpinkbutwarm；
WhileIattended，cladinasplendidAustrianuniform。
Nowwehadarranged，throughnotesexchangedEarlythatafternoon，AtNumberFourtowaltznomore，Buttositintheduskandspoon。
IwithyoutoseethatJennyandMeHadbarelyexchangedourtroth；
SoakissortwowasstrictlydueBy，from，andbetweenusboth。
WhenThreewasover，aneagerlover，Ifledtothegloomoutside；
AndaDominocameoutalsoWhomItookformyfuturebride。
Thatistosay，inacasualway，Islippedmyarmaroundher；
Withakissortwo(whichisnothingtoyou)，AndreadytokissIfoundher。
SheturnedherheadandthenameshesaidWascertainlynotmyown；
ButereIcouldspeak，withasmotheredshriekShefledandleftmealone。
ThenJennycame，andIsawwithshameShe’ddoffedherdomino；
AndIhadembracedanalienwaist——
ButIdidnottellherso。
NextmornIknewthatthereweretwoDominoespink，andoneHadcloakedthespouseofSirJulianVouse，OurbigPoliticalgun。
SirJwasold，andherhairwasgold，Andhereyewasabluecerulean；
AndthenameshesaidwhensheturnedherheadWasnotintheleastlike“Julian。”
THEMANWHOCOULDWRITE
Shun——shuntheBowl！Thatfatal，faciledrinkHasruinedmanygeesewhodippedtheirquillsin’t；
Bribe，murder，marry，butsteerclearofInkSavewhenyouwritereceiptsforpaid-upbillsin’t。
Theremaybesilverinthe“blue-black“——allIknowofistheironandthegall。
BoanergesBlitzen，servantoftheQueen，Isadismalfailure——isaMight-have-been。
InalucklessmomenthediscoveredmenRisetohighpositionthroughareadypen。
BoanergesBlitzenarguedtherefore——“I，Withtheselfsameweapon，canattainashigh。”
Onlyhedidnotpossesswhenhemadethetrial，WickedwitofC-lv-n，ironyofL——l。
[MenwhosparwithGovernmentneed，tobacktheirblows，Somethingmorethanordinaryjournalisticprose。]
NeveryoungCivilian’sprospectsweresobright，TillanIndianpaperfoundthathecouldwrite：
NeveryoungCivilian’sprospectsweresodark，WhenthewretchedBlitzenwrotetomakehismark。
Certainlyhescoredit，bold，andblack，andfirm，InthatIndianpaper——madehisseniorssquirm，Quatedofficescandals，wrotethetactlesstruth——
Wasthereeverknownamoremisguidedyouth？
WhentheRaghewroteforpraisedhispluckygame，BoanergesBlitzenfeltthatthiswasFame；
Whenthemenhewroteofshooktheirheadsandswore，BoanergesBlitzenonlywrotethemore：
PosedasYoungIthuriel，resoluteandgrim，Tillhefoundpromotiondidn’tcometohim；
Tillhefoundthatreprimandsweeklywerehislot，AndhismanyDistrictscuriouslyhot。
Tillhefoundhisfurloughstrangelyhardtowin，BoanergesBlitzendidn’tcaretopin：
Thenitseemedtodawnonhimsomethingwasn’tright——
BoanergesBlitzenputitdownto“spite“；
LanguishedinaDistrictdesolateanddry；
WatchedtheLocalGovernmentyearlypasshimby；
Wonderedwherethehitchwas；calleditmostunfair。
*
Thatwassevenyearsago——andhestillisthere！
MUNICIPAL
“WhyismyDistrictdeath-ratelow？”
SaidBinksofHezabad。
“Well，drains，andsewage-outfallsare“Myownpeculiarfad。
“Ilearntalessononce，Itran“Thus。”quoththatmostveraciousman：——
ItwasanAugusteveningand，insnowygarmentsclad，IpaidaroundofvisitsinthelinesofHezabad；
When，presently，myWalersaw，anddidnotlikeatall，ACommissariatelephantcareeringdowntheMall。
Icouldn’tseehedriver，andacrossmyminditrushedThatthatCommissariatelephanthadsuddenlygonemusth。
Ididn’tcaretomeethim，andIcouldn’twellgetdown，SoIlettheWalerhaveit，andweheadedforthetown。
Thebuggywasanewoneand，praiseDykes，itstoodthestrain，TillheWalerjumpedabullockjustabovetheCityDrain；
AndthenextthatIrememberwasahurricaneofsqueals，Andthecreaturemakingtoothpicksofmyfive-footpatentwheels。
Heseemedtowanttheowner，soIfled，distraughtwithfear，TotheMainDrainsewage-outfallwhilehesnortedinmyear——
Reachedthefour-footdrain-headsafelyand，indarknessanddespair，Feltthebrute’sproboscisfingeringmyterror-stiffenedhair。
Heardittrumpetonmyshoulder——triedtocrawlalittlehigher——
FoundtheMainDrainsewageoutfallblocked，someeightfeetup，withmire；
And，fortwentyreekingminutes，Sir，myverymarrowfroze，Whilethetrunkwasfeelingblindlyforapurchaseonmytoes！
Itmissedmebyafraction，butmyhairwasturninggreyBeforetheycalledthedriversupanddraggedthebruteaway。
ThenIsoughttheCityElders，andmywordswereveryplain。
Theyflushedthatfour-footdrain-headand——itneverchokedagain！
Youmayholdwithsurface-drainage，andthesun-for-garbagecure，Tillyou’vebeenaperiwinkleshrinkingcoylyupasewer。
Ibelieveinwell-flushedculverts。
Thisiswhythedeath-rate’ssmall；
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