PreludeGeneralSummaryArmyHeadquartersStudyofanElevation，inIndianInkALegendoftheForeignOfficeTheStoryofUriahThePostthatFittedPublicWasteDelilahWhatHappenedPinkDominoesTheManWhoCouldWriteMunicipalACodeofMoralsTheLastDepartmentOTHERVERSES
RecessionalTheVampireTotheUnknownGoddessTheRupaiyatofOmarKal’vinLaNuitBlancheMyRivalTheLovers’LitanyABalladofBurialDividedDestiniesTheMasqueofPlentyTheMare’sNestPossibilitiesChristmasinIndiaPagett，MP。
TheSongoftheWomenABalladofJakkoHillThePleaoftheSimlaDancersBalladofFisher’sBoarding-House“AstheBellClinks“
AnOldSongCertainMaximsofHafizTheGraveoftheHundredHeadTheMoonofOtherDaysTheOverlandMailWhatthePeopleSaidTheUndertaker’sHorseTheFallofJockGillespieArithmeticontheFrontierOneViceroyResignsTheBetrothedATaleofTwoCitiesVOLUMEIIBALLADSANDBARRACK-ROOMBALLADS
BALLADS
TheBalladofEastandWestTheLastSutteeTheBalladoftheKing’sMercyTheBalladoftheKing’sJestTheBalladofBohDaThoneTheLamentoftheBorderCattleThiefTheRhymeoftheThreeCaptainsTheBalladofthe“Clampherdown“
TheBalladofthe“Bolivar“
TheEnglishFlagClearedAnImperialRescriptTomlinsonDannyDeeverTommyFuazy-WuzzvSoldier，SoldierScrew-GunsGungaDinOontsLoot“Snarleyow“
TheWidowatWindsorBeltsTheYoungBritishSoldierMandalayTroopin’
FordO’KabulRiverRoute-Marchin’
VOLUMEIIITHEPHANTOM’RICKSHAWANDOTHER
GHOSTSTORIES
ThePhantom’RickshawMyOwnTrueGhostStoryTheStrangeRideofMorrowbieJukesTheManWhoWouldBeKing“TheFinestStoryinTheWorld“
VOLUMEIVUNDERTHEDEODARS
TheEducationofOtisYeereAtthePit’sMouthAWaysideComedyTheHillofIllusionASecond-rateWomanOnlyaSubalternIntheMatterofaPrivateTheEnlightenmentsofPagettMP。
VOLUMEVPLAINTALESFROMTHEHILLS
LispethThreeAnd-anExtraThrownAwayMissVoughal’sSais“YokedWithanUnbeliever“
FalseDawnTheRescueofPlufflesCupid’sArrowsHisChanceinLifeWatchesofTheNightTheOtherManConsequencesTheConversionofAurellanMcGogginAGerm-destroyerKidnappedTheArrestofLieutenantGolightlyInTheHouseofSuddhooHisWeddedWifeTheBroken-linkHandicapBevondThePaleInErrorABankFraudTods’AmendmentInThePrideofHisYouthPigTheRoutofTheWhiteHussarsTheBronckhorstDivorce-caseVenusAnnodominiTheBisaraofPooreeAFriend’sFriendTheGateofTheHundredSorrowsTheStoryofMuhammadDinOnTheStrengthofaLikenessWressleyofTheForeignOfficeByWordofMouthToFeFiledForReferenceTheLastReliefBittersNeatHauntedSubalternsVOLUMEVITHELIGHTTHATFAILED
VOLUMEVIITHESTORYOFTHEGADSBYS
PrefacePoorDearMammaTheWorldWithoutTheTentsofKedarWithAnyAmazementTheGardenofEdenFatimaTheValleyoftheShadowTheSwellingofJordanVOLUMEVIIIfromMINEOWNPEOPLE
BimiNamgayDoolaTheRecrudescenceOfImrayMotiGuj-MutineerVOLUMEIDEPARTMENTALDITTIESANDOTHER
VERSES
Ihaveeatenyourbreadandsalt，Ihavedrunkyourwaterandwine，ThedeathsyediedIhavewatchedbe-side，Andthelivesthatyeledweremine。
WasthereaughtthatIdidnotshareInvigilortoilorease，-
OnejoyorwoethatIdidnotknow，Dearheartsacrosstheseas？
IhavewrittenthetaleofourlifeForashelteredpeople’smirth，Injestingguise-butyearewise，Andyeknowwhatthejestisworth。
GENERALSUMMARY
WEareveryslightlychangedFromthesemi-apeswhorangedIndia’sprehistoricclay；
Whosodrewthelongestbow，Ranhisbrotherdown，youknow，Aswerunmendownto-day。
“Dowb。”thefirstofallhisrace，MettheMammothfacetofaceOnthelakeorinthecave，Stolethesteadiestcanoe，Atethequarryothersslew，Died-andtookthefinestgrave。
Whentheyscratchedthereindeer-bone。
Someonemadethesketchhisown，Filcheditfromtheartist-then，Eveninthoseearlydays，WonasimpleViceroy’spraiseThroughthetoilofothermen。
EretheyhewedtheSphinx’svisageFavoritismgovernedkissage，Evenasitdoesinthisage。
WboshalldoubtthesecrethidUnderCheops’pyramidWasthatthecontractordidCheopsoutofseveralmillions？
OrthatJoseph’ssuddenriseToComptrollerofSuppliesWasafraudofmonstroussizeOnKingPharoab’sswartCivilians？
Thus，theartlesssongsIsingDonotdealwithanythingNeworneversaidbefore。
Asitwasinthebeginning，Isto-dayofficialsinning，Andshallbeforevermore。
ARMYHEADQUARTERS
OldisthesongthatIsing-
Oldasmyunpaidbills-
OldasthechickenthatkitmutgarsbringMenatdik-bungalows-oldastheHills。
AHASUERUSJENKINSofthe“OperaticOwn“
Wasdoweredwithatenorvoiceofsuper-Santleytone。
Hisviewsonequitationwere，perhaps，atriflequeer；
Hehadnoseatworthmentioning，butoh！hehadanear。
Heclubbedhiswretchedcompanyadozentimesaday，Heusedtoquithischargerinaparabolicway，Hismethodofsalutingwasthejoyofallbeholders，ButAhasuerusJenkinshadaheaduponhisshoulders。
HetooktwomonthstoSimlawhentheyearwasatthespring，Andunderneaththedeodarseternallydidsing。
Hewarbledlikeabulbul，butparticularlyatCorneliaAgrippinawhowasmusicalandfat。
Shecontrolledahumblehusband，who，inturn，controlledaDept。，WhereCorneliaAgrippina’shumansinging-birdswerekeptFromApriltoOctoberonaplumpretainingfee，Supplied，ofcourse，permensem，bytheIndianTreasury。
Comeliausedtosingwithhim，andJenkinsusedtoplay；
Hepraisedunblushinglyhernotes，forhewasfalseasthey：
SowhenthewindsofAprilturnedthebuddingrosesbrown，Corneliatoldherhusband：’Tom，youmustn’tsendhimdown。”
Theyhaledhimfromhisregimentwhichdidn’tmuchregrethim；
Theyfoundforhimanoffice-stool，andonthatstooltheysethim，Toplaywithmapsandcataloguesthreeidlehoursaday，Anddrawhisplumpretainingfee-whichmeanshisdoublepay。
Now，everafterdinner，whenthecoffeecupsarebrought，Ahasueruswailetho’erthegrandpianoforte；
And，thankstofairCornelia，hisfamehathwaxengreat，AndAhasuerusJenkinsisapowerintheState。
STUDYOFANELEVATION，ININDIANINK
Thisdittyisastringoflies。
But-howthedeucedidGubbinsrise？
POTIPHARGUBBINS，CE。，Standsatthetopofthetree；
AndImuseinmybedonthereasonsthatledTothehoistingofPotipharG。
PotipharGubbins，CE。，IssevenyearsjuniortoMe；
Eachbridgethathemakesheeitherbucklesorbreaks，Andhisworkisasroughashe。
PotipharGubbins，CE。，Iscoarseasachimpanzee；
AndIcan’tunderstandwhyyougavehimyourhand，LovelyMehitabelLee。
PotipharGubbins，CE。，IsdeartothePowersthatBe；
ForTheybowandTheysmileinanaffablestyleWhichisseldomaccordedtoMe。
PotipharGubbins，CE。，IscertainascertaincanbeOfahighly-paidpostwhichisclaimedbyahostOfseniors-includingMe。
Carelessandlazyishe，GreatlyinferiortoMe。
Whatisthespellthatyoumanagesowell，CommonplacePotipharG。？
LovelyMehitabelLee。
Letmeinquireofthee，ShouldIhaveriztowhatPotipharis，Hadstthoubeenmatedtome？
ALegendThisisthereasonwhyRustumBeg，RajahofKolazai，Drinkeththe“simpkin“andbrandypeg，Makeththemoneytofly，VexethaGovernment，tenderandkind，Also-butthisisadetail-blind。
RUSTUMBEGofKolazai-slightlyback-wardnativestateLustedforaCSI。，-sobegantosanitate。
BuiltaJailandHospital-nearlybuiltaCitydrain-
TillhisfaithfulsubjectsallthoughttheirRulerwasinsane。
Strangedeparturesmadehethen-yea，Departmentsstrangerstill，HalfadozenEnglishmenhelpedtheRajahwithawill，Talkedofnobleaimsandhigh，hintedofafuturefineForthestateofKolazai，onastrictlyWesternline。
RajabRustumheldhispeace；
loweredoctroiduesahalf；
OrganizedaStatePolice；purifiedtheCivilStaff；
Settledcessandtaxafreshinaveryliberalway；
Cuttemptationsoftheflesh-alsocuttheBukhshi’spay；
RousedhisSecretariattoafineMahrattafury，ByaHookumhintingatsupervisionofdasturi；
TurnedtheStateofKolazaiverynearlyupside-down；
WhentheendofMaywasnigh，waitedhisachievementcrown。
WhentheBirthdayHonorscame。
Sadtostateandsadtosee，StoodagainsttheRajah’snamenothingmorethan
ThingswerelivelyforaweekintheStateofKolazai。
Evennowthepeoplespeakofthattimeregretfully。
HowhedisendowedtheJail-stoppedatoncetheCitydrain；
Turnedtobeautyfairandfrail-gothissensesbackagain；
Doubledtaxes，cesses，all；clearedawayeachnew-builtthana；
Turnedthetwo-lakhHospitalintoasuperbZenana；
HeapedupontheBukhshiSahibwealthandhonorsmanifold；
CladhimselfinEasterngarb-squeezedhispeopleasofold。
Happy，happyKolazai！NevermorewillRustumBegPlaytocatchtheViceroy’seyeHeprefersthe“simpkin“peg。
THESTORYOFURIAH
“Nowthereweretwomeninonecity；
theonerichandtheotherpoor。”
JACKBARRETTwenttoQuettaBecausetheytoldhimto。
HelefthiswifeatSimlaOnthree-fourthshismonthlyscrew：
JackBarrettdiedatQuettaErethenextmonth’spayhedrew。
JackBarrettwenttoQuetta。
Hedidn’tunderstandreasonofhistransferFromthepleasantmountain-land：
TheseasonwasSeptember，Anditkilledhimoutofhand。
JackBarrettwenttoQuetta，Andtheregaveuptheghost，Attemptingtwomen’sdutyInthatveryhealthypost；
AndMrsBarrettmournedforhimFivelivelymonthsatmost。
JackBarrett’sbonesatQuettaEnjoyprofoundrepose；
ButIshouldn’tbeastonishedIfnowhisspiritknowsThereasonofhistransferFromtheHimalayansnows。
And，whentheLastGreatBugleCallAdowntheHurnalthrobs，WhenthelastgrimjokeisenteredInthebigblackBookofJobs，AndQuettagraveyardsgiveagainTheirvictimstotheair，Ishouldn’tliketobethemanWhosentJackBarrettthere。
THEPOSTTHATFITTED
ThoughtangledandtwistedthecourseoftrueloveThisdittyexplains，Notangle’ssotangleditcannotimproveIftheLoverhasbrains。
EretheseamerborehimEastward，SlearywasengagedtomarryAnattractivegirlatTunbridge，whomhecalled“mylittleCarrie。”
Sleary’spaywasverymodest；Slearywastheotherway。
Whocancookatwo-platedinneroneightpoorrupeesaday？
Longheponderedo’erthequestioninhisscantlyfurnishedquarters——
ThenproposedtoMinnieBoffkin，eldestofJudgeBoffkin’sdaughters。
CertainlyanimpecuniousSubalternwasnotacatch，ButtheBoffkinsknewthatMinniemightn’tmakeanothermatch。
Sotheyrecognisedthebusinessand，tofeedandclothethebride，GothimmadeaSomethingSomethingsomewhereontheBombayside。
Anyhow，thebilletcarriedpayenoughforhimtomarry——
AstheartlessSlearyputit：——“JustthethingformeandCarrie。”
Didhe，therefore，jiltMissBoffkin——impulseofabasermind？
No！Hestartedepilepticfitsofanappallingkind。
[OfhismodusoperandionlythismuchIcouldgather：——
“Pears’sshavingstickswillgiveyoulittletasteandlotsoflather。”]
FrequentlyinpublicplaceshisafflictionusedtosmiteSlearywithdistressingvigour——alwaysintheBoffkins’sight。
EreaweekwasoverMinnieweepinglyreturnedhisring，Toldhimhis“unhappyweakness“stoppedallthoughtofmarrying。
Slearyboretheinformationwithachastenedholyjoy，——
Epilepticfitsdon’tmatterinPoliticalemploy，——
WiredthreeshortwordstoCarrie——tookhisticket，packedhiskit——
BadefarewelltoMinnieBoffkininonelast，long，lingeringfit。
Fourweekslater，CarrieSlearyread——andlaugheduntilshewept——
MrsBoffkin’swarningletteronthe“wretchedepilept。”。
Yearbyyear，inpiouspatience，vengefulMrsBoffkinsitsWaitingfortheSlearybabiestodevelopSleary’sfits。
PUBLICWASTE
Walpoletalksof“amanandhisprice。”
Listtoadittyqueer——
ThesaleofaDeputy-Acting-Vice-
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