Thegirllaugheddelightedly，andhereeyesfilledwithpleasanttears，asheputbothhisarmsroundherwaistandsoheldher。

'Thereareyouandme，Charley，whenfatherwasawayatworkandlockedusout，forfearweshouldsetourselvesafireorfalloutofwindow，sittingonthedoor-sill，sittingonotherdoor-steps，sittingonthebankoftheriver，wanderingabouttogetthroughthetime。

Youareratherheavytocarry，Charley，andIamoftenobligedtorest。Sometimeswearesleepyandfallasleeptogetherinacorner，sometimesweareveryhungry，sometimeswearealittlefrightened，butwhatisoftenestharduponusisthecold。Youremember，Charley?'

'Iremember，'saidtheboy，pressinghertohimtwiceorthrice，'thatIsnuggledunderalittleshawl，anditwaswarmthere。'

'Sometimesitrains，andwecreepunderaboatorthelikeofthat:

sometimesit'sdark，andwegetamongthegaslights，sittingwatchingthepeopleastheygoalongthestreets。Atlast，upcomesfatherandtakesushome。Andhomeseemssuchashelterafteroutofdoors！Andfatherpullsmyshoesoff，anddriesmyfeetatthefire，andhasmetositbyhimwhilehesmokeshispipelongafteryouareabed，andInoticethatfather'sisalargehandbutneveraheavyonewhenittouchesme，andthatfather'sisaroughvoicebutneveranangryonewhenitspeakstome。So，Igrowup，andlittlebylittlefathertrustsme，andmakesmehiscompanion，and，lethimbeputoutashemay，neveroncestrikesme。'

Thelisteningboygaveagrunthere，asmuchastosay'ButhestrikesMEthough！'

'Thosearesomeofthepicturesofwhatispast，Charley。'

'Cutawayagain，'saidtheboy，'andgiveusafortune-tellingone；afutureone。'

'Well！ThereamI，continuingwithfatherandholdingtofather，becausefatherlovesmeandIlovefather。Ican'tsomuchasreadabook，because，ifIhadlearned，fatherwouldhavethoughtIwasdesertinghim，andIshouldhavelostmyinfluence。IhavenottheinfluenceIwanttohave，IcannotstopsomedreadfulthingsItrytostop，butIgooninthehopeandtrustthatthetimewillcome。InthemeanwhileIknowthatIaminsomethingsastaytofather，andthatifIwasnotfaithfultohimhewould——inrevenge-like，orindisappointment，orboth——gowildandbad。'

'Giveusatouchofthefortune-tellingpicturesaboutme。'

'Iwaspassingontothem，Charley，'saidthegirl，whohadnotchangedherattitudesinceshebegan，andwhonowmournfullyshookherhead；'theotherswereallleadingup。Thereareyou——'

'WhereamI，Liz?'

'Stillinthehollowdownbytheflare。'

'Thereseemstobethedeuce-and-allinthehollowdownbytheflare，'saidtheboy，glancingfromhereyestothebrazier，whichhadagrislyskeletonlookonitslongthinlegs。

'Thereareyou，Charley，workingyourway，insecretfromfather，attheschool；andyougetprizes；andyougoonbetterandbetter；andyoucometobea——whatwasityoucalleditwhenyoutoldmeaboutthat?'

'Ha，ha！Fortune-tellingnotknowthename！'criedtheboy，seemingtoberatherrelievedbythisdefaultonthepartofthehollowdownbytheflare。'Pupil-teacher。'

'Youcometobeapupil-teacher，andyoustillgoonbetterandbetter，andyourisetobeamasterfulloflearningandrespect。Butthesecrethascometofather'sknowledgelongbefore，andithasdividedyoufromfather，andfromme。'

'Noithasn't！'

'Yesithas，Charley。Isee，asplainasplaincanbe，thatyourwayisnotours，andthateveniffathercouldbegottoforgiveyourtakingit(whichhenevercouldbe)，thatwayofyourswouldbedarkenedbyourway。ButIseetoo，Charley——'

'Stillasplainasplaincanbe，Liz?'askedtheboyplayfully。

'Ah！Still。Thatitisagreatworktohavecutyouawayfromfather'slife，andtohavemadeanewandgoodbeginning。SothereamI，Charley，leftalonewithfather，keepinghimasstraightasI

can，watchingformoreinfluencethanIhave，andhopingthatthroughsomefortunatechance，orwhenheisill，orwhen——Idon'tknowwhat——Imayturnhimtowishtodobetterthings。'

'Yousaidyoucouldn'treadabook，Lizzie。Yourlibraryofbooksisthehollowdownbytheflare，Ithink。'

'Ishouldbeverygladtobeabletoreadrealbooks。Ifeelmywantoflearningverymuch，Charley。ButIshouldfeelitmuchmore，ifIdidn'tknowittobeatiebetweenmeandfather——Hark！Father'stread！'

Itbeingnowpastmidnight，thebirdofpreywentstraighttoroost。

Atmid-dayfollowinghereappearedattheSixJollyFellowshipPorters，inthecharacter，notnewtohim，ofawitnessbeforeaCoroner'sJury。

MrMortimerLightwood，besidessustainingthecharacterofoneofthewitnesses，doubledthepartwiththatoftheeminentsolicitorwhowatchedtheproceedingsonbehalfoftherepresentativesofthedeceased，aswasdulyrecordedinthenewspapers。MrInspectorwatchedtheproceedingstoo，andkepthiswatchingcloselytohimself。MrJuliusHandfordhavinggivenhisrightaddress，andbeingreportedinsolventcircumstancesastohisbill，thoughnothingmorewasknownofhimathishotelexceptthathiswayoflifewasveryretired，hadnosummonstoappear，andwasmerelypresentintheshadesofMrInspector'smind。

Thecasewasmadeinterestingtothepublic，byMrMortimerLighiwood'sevidencetouchingthecircumstancesunderwhichthedeceased，MrJohnHarmon，hadreturnedtoEngland；exclusiveprivateproprietorshipinwhichcircumstanceswassetupatdinner-

tablesforseveraldays，byVeneering，Twemlow，Podsnap，andalltheBuffers:whoallrelatedthemirreconcilablywithoneanother，andcontradictedthemselves。ItwasalsomadeinterestingbythetestimonyofJobPotterson，theship'ssteward，andoneMrJacobKibble，afellow-passenger，thatthedeceasedMrJohnHarmondidbringover，inahand-valisewithwhichhediddisembark，thesumrealizedbytheforcedsaleofhislittlelandedproperty，andthatthesumexceeded，inreadymoney，sevenhundredpounds。Itwasfurthermadeinteresting，bytheremarkableexperiencesofJesseHexaminhavingrescuedfromtheThamessomanydeadbodies，andforwhosebehoofarapturousadmirersubscribinghimself'A

friendtoBurial'(perhapsanundertaker)，senteighteenpostagestamps，andfive'NowSir'stotheeditoroftheTimes。

Upontheevidenceadducedbeforethem，theJuryfound，ThatthebodyofMrJohnHarmonhadbeendiscoveredfloatingintheThames，inanadvancedstateofdecay，andmuchinjured；andthatthesaidMrJohnHarmonhadcomebyhisdeathunderhighlysuspiciouscircumstances，thoughbywhoseactorinwhatprecisemannertherewasnoevidencebeforethisJurytoshow。Andtheyappendedtotheirverdict，arecommendationtotheHomeOffice(whichMrInspectorappearedtothinkhighlysensible)，toofferarewardforthesolutionofthemystery。Withineight-and-fortyhours，arewardofOneHundredPoundswasproclaimed，togetherwithafreepardontoanypersonorpersonsnottheactualperpetratororperpetrators，andsoforthindueform。

ThisProclamationrenderedMrInspectoradditionallystudious，andcausedhimtostandmeditatingonriver-stairsandcauseways，andtogolurkingaboutinboats，puttingthisandthattogether。

But，accordingtothesuccesswithwhichyouputthisandthattogether，yougetawomanandafishapart，oraMermaidincombination。AndMrInspectorcouldturnoutnothingbetterthanaMermaid，whichnoJudgeandJurywouldbelievein。

Thus，likethetidesonwhichithadbeenbornetotheknowledgeofmen，theHarmonMurder——asitcametobepopularlycalled——wentupanddown，andebbedandflowed，nowinthetown，nowinthecountry，nowamongpalaces，nowamonghovels，nowamonglordsandladiesandgentlefolks，nowamonglabourersandhammerersandballast-heavers，untilatlast，afteralongintervalofslackwateritgotouttoseaanddriftedaway。

Chapter4

THER。WILFERFAMILY

ReginaldWilferisanamewithratheragrandsound，suggestingonfirstacquaintancebrassesincountrychurches，scrollsinstained-glasswindows，andgenerallytheDeWilferswhocameoverwiththeConqueror。For，itisaremarkablefactingenealogythatnoDeAnyonesevercameoverwithAnybodyelse。

But，theReginaldWilferfamilywereofsuchcommonplaceextractionandpursuitsthattheirforefathershadforgenerationsmodestlysubsistedontheDocks，theExciseOffice，andtheCustomHouse，andtheexistingR。Wilferwasapoorclerk。Sopooraclerk，thoughhavingalimitedsalaryandanunlimitedfamily，thathehadneveryetattainedthemodestobjectofhisambition:whichwas，towearacompletenewsuitofclothes，hatandbootsincluded，atonetime。Hisblackhatwasbrownbeforehecouldaffordacoat，hispantaloonswerewhiteattheseamsandkneesbeforehecouldbuyapairofboots，hisbootshadwornoutbeforehecouldtreathimselftonewpantaloons，and，bythetimeheworkedroundtothehatagain，thatshiningmodernarticleroofed-inanancientruinofvariousperiods。

IftheconventionalCherubcouldevergrowupandbeclothed，hemightbephotographedasaportraitofWilfer。Hischubby，smooth，innocentappearancewasareasonforhisbeingalwaystreatedwithcondescensionwhenhewasnotputdown。Astrangerenteringhisownpoorhouseataboutteno'clockP。M。mighthavebeensurprisedtofindhimsittinguptosupper。Soboyishwasheinhiscurvesandproportions，thathisoldschoolmastermeetinghiminCheapside，mighthavebeenunabletowithstandthetemptationofcaninghimonthespot。Inshort，hewastheconventionalcherub，afterthesupposititiousshootjustmentioned，rathergrey，withsignsofcareonhisexpression，andindecidedlyinsolventcircumstances。

Hewasshy，andunwillingtoowntothenameofReginald，asbeingtooaspiringandself-assertiveaname。InhissignatureheusedonlytheinitialR。，andimpartedwhatitreallystoodfor，tononebutchosenfriends，underthesealofconfidence。Outofthis，thefacetioushabithadarisenintheneighbourhoodsurroundingMincingLaneofmakingchristiannamesforhimofadjectivesandparticiplesbeginningwithR。Someoftheseweremoreorlessappropriate:asRusty，Retiring，Ruddy，Round，Ripe，Ridiculous，Ruminative；others，derivedtheirpointfromtheirwantofapplication:asRaging，Rattling，Roaring，Raffish。But，hispopularnamewasRumty，whichinamomentofinspirationhadbeenbestoweduponhimbyagentlemanofconvivialhabitsconnectedwiththedrug-markets，asthebeginningofasocialchorus，hisleadingpartintheexecutionofwhichhadledthisgentlemantotheTempleofFame，andofwhichthewholeexpressiveburdenran:

'Rumtyiddity，rowdowdow，Singtoodlely，teedlely，bowwowwow。'

Thushewasconstantlyaddressed，eveninminornotesonbusiness，as'DearRumty'；inanswertowhich，hesedatelysignedhimself，'Yourstruly，R。Wilfer。'

Hewasclerkinthedrug-houseofChicksey，Veneering，andStobbles。ChickseyandStobbles，hisformermasters，hadbothbecomeabsorbedinVeneering，oncetheirtravellerorcommissionagent:whohadsignalizedhisaccessiontosupremepowerbybringingintothebusinessaquantityofplate-glasswindowandFrench-polishedmahoganypartition，andagleamingandenormousdoorplate。

R。Wilferlockeduphisdeskoneevening，and，puttinghisbunchofkeysinhispocketmuchasifitwerehispeg-top，madeforhome。HishomewasintheHollowayregionnorthofLondon，andthendividedfromitbyfieldsandtrees。BetweenBattleBridgeandthatpartoftheHollowaydistrictinwhichhedwelt，wasatractofsuburbanSahara，wheretilesandbrickswereburnt，boneswereboiled，carpetswerebeat，rubbishwasshot，dogswerefought，anddustwasheapedbycontractors。Skirtingtheborderofthisdesert，bythewayhetook，whenthelightofitskiln-firesmadeluridsmearsonthefog，R。Wilfersighedandshookhishead。

'Ahme！'saidhe，'whatmighthavebeenisnotwhatis！'

Withwhichcommentaryonhumanlife，indicatinganexperienceofitnotexclusivelyhisown，hemadethebestofhiswaytotheendofhisjourney。

MrsWilferwas，ofcourse，atallwomanandanangular。Herlordbeingcherubic，shewasnecessarilymajestic，accordingtotheprinciplewhichmatrimoniallyunitescontrasts。Shewasmuchgiventotyingupherheadinapocket-handkerchief，knottedunderthechin。Thishead-gear，inconjunctionwithapairofgloveswornwithindoors，sheseemedtoconsiderasatonceakindofarmouragainstmisfortune(invariablyassumingitwheninlowspiritsordifficulties)，andasaspeciesoffulldress。Itwasthereforewithsomesinkingofthespiritthatherhusbandbeheldherthusheroicallyattired，puttingdownhercandleinthelittlehall，andcomingdownthedoorstepsthroughthelittlefrontcourttoopenthegateforhim。

Somethinghadgonewrongwiththehouse-door，forR。Wilferstoppedonthesteps，staringatit，andcried:

'Hal-loa?'

'Yes，'saidMrsWilfer，'themancamehimselfwithapairofpincers，andtookitoff，andtookitaway。Hesaidthatashehadnoexpectationofeverbeingpaidforit，andashehadanorderforanotherLADIES'SCHOOLdoor-plate，itwasbetter(burnishedup)fortheinterestsofallparties。'

'Perhapsitwas，mydear；whatdoyouthink?'

'Youaremasterhere，R。W。，'returnedhiswife。'Itisasyouthink；

notasIdo。Perhapsitmighthavebeenbetterifthemanhadtakenthedoortoo?'

'Mydear，wecouldn'thavedonewithoutthedoor。'

'Couldn'twe?'

'Why，mydear！Couldwe?'

'Itisasyouthink，R。W。；notasIdo。'Withthosesubmissivewords，thedutifulwifeprecededhimdownafewstairstoalittlebasementfrontroom，halfkitchen，halfparlour，whereagirlofaboutnineteen，withanexceedinglyprettyfigureandface，butwithanimpatientandpetulantexpressionbothinherfaceandinhershoulders(whichinhersexandatherageareveryexpressiveofdiscontent)，satplayingdraughtswithayoungergirl，whowastheyoungestoftheHouseofWilfer。NottoencumberthispagebytellingofftheWilfersindetailandcastingthemupinthegross，itisenoughforthepresentthattherestwerewhatiscalled'outintheworld，'invariousways，andthattheywereMany。Somany，thatwhenoneofhisdutifulchildrencalledintoseehim，R。Wilfergenerallyseemedtosaytohimself，afteralittlementalarithmetic，'Oh！here'sanotherof'em！'beforeaddingaloud，'Howdedo，John，'

orSusan，asthecasemightbe。

'WellPiggywiggies，'saidR。W。，'howdedoto-night?WhatIwasthinkingof，mydear，'toMrsWilferalreadyseatedinacornerwithfoldedgloves，'was，thataswehaveletourfirstfloorsowell，andaswehavenownoplaceinwhichyoucouldteachpupilsevenifpupils——'

'Themilkmansaidheknewoftwoyoungladiesofthehighestrespectabilitywhowereinsearchofasuitableestablishment，andhetookacard，'interposedMrsWilfer，withseveremonotony，asifshewerereadinganActofParliamentaloud。'TellyourfatherwhetheritwaslastMonday，Bella。'

'Butweneverheardanymoreofit，ma，'saidBella，theeldergirl。

'Inadditiontowhich，mydear，'herhusbandurged，'ifyouhavenoplacetoputtwoyoungpersonsinto——'

'Pardonme，'MrsWilferagaininterposed；'theywerenotyoungpersons。Twoyoungladiesofthehighestrespectability。Tellyourfather，Bella，whetherthemilkmansaidso。'

'Mydear，itisthesamething。'

'Noitisnot，'saidMrsWilfer，withthesameimpressivemonotony。

'Pardonme！'

'Imean，mydear，itisthesamethingastospace。Astospace。Ifyouhavenospaceinwhichtoputtwoyouthfulfellow-creatures，howevereminentlyrespectable，whichIdonotdoubt，wherearethoseyouthfulfellow-creaturestobeaccommodated?Icarryitnofurtherthanthat。Andsolelylookingatit，'saidherhusband，makingthestipulationatonceinaconciliatory，complimentary，andargumentativetone——'asIamsureyouwillagree，mylove——

fromafellow-creaturepointofview，mydear。'

'Ihavenothingmoretosay，'returnedMrsWilfer，withameekrenunciatoryactionofhergloves。'Itisasyouthink，R。W。；

notasIdo。'

Here，thehuffingofMissBellaandthelossofthreeofhermenataswoop，aggravatedbythecoronationofanopponent，ledtothatyounglady'sjerkingthedraught-boardandpiecesoffthetable:

whichhersisterwentdownonherkneestopickup。

'PoorBella！'saidMrsWilfer。

'AndpoorLavinia，perhaps，mydear?'suggestedR。W。

'Pardonme，'saidMrsWilfer，'no！'

Itwasoneoftheworthywoman'sspecialitiesthatshehadanamazingpowerofgratifyingherspleneticorwordly-mindedhumoursbyextollingherownfamily:whichshethusproceeded，inthepresentcase，todo。

'No，R。W。LaviniahasnotknownthetrialthatBellahasknown。

ThetrialthatyourdaughterBellahasundergone，is，perhaps，withoutaparallel，andhasbeenborne，Iwillsay，Nobly。WhenyouseeyourdaughterBellainherblackdress，whichshealoneofallthefamilywears，andwhenyourememberthecircumstanceswhichhaveledtoherwearingit，andwhenyouknowhowthosecircumstanceshavebeensustained，then，R。W。，layyourheaduponyourpillowandsay，“PoorLavinia！“'

Here，MissLavinia，fromherkneelingsituationunderthetable，putinthatshedidn'twanttobe'pooredbypa'，oranybodyelse。

'Iamsureyoudonot，mydear，'returnedhermother，'foryouhaveafinebravespirit。AndyoursisterCeciliahasafinebravespiritofanotherkind，aspiritofpuredevotion，abeau-ti-fulspirit！Theself-sacrificeofCeciliarevealsapureandwomanlycharacter，veryseldomequalled，neversurpassed。IhavenowinmypocketaletterfromyoursisterCecilia，receivedthismorning——receivedthreemonthsafterhermarriage，poorchild！——inwhichshetellsmethatherhusbandmustunexpectedlyshelterundertheirroofhisreducedaunt。“ButIwillbetruetohim，mamma，“shetouchinglywrites，“Iwillnotleavehim，Imustnotforgetthatheismyhusband。Lethisauntcome！“Ifthisisnotpathetic，ifthisisnotwoman'sdevotion——！'Thegoodladywavedherglovesinasenseoftheimpossibilityofsayingmore，andtiedthepocket-

handkerchiefoverherheadinatighterknotunderherchin。

Bella，whowasnowseatedontherugtowarmherself，withherbrowneyesonthefireandahandfulofherbrowncurlsinhermouth，laughedatthis，andthenpoutedandhalfcried。

'Iamsure，'saidshe，'thoughyouhavenofeelingforme，pa，Iamoneofthemostunfortunategirlsthateverlived。Youknowhowpoorweare'(itisprobablehedid，havingsomereasontoknowit！)，'andwhataglimpseofwealthIhad，andhowitmeltedaway，andhowIamhereinthisridiculousmourning——whichIhate！——akindofawidowwhoneverwasmarried。Andyetyoudon'tfeelforme——Yesyoudo，yesyoudo。'

Thisabruptchangewasoccasionedbyherfather'sface。Shestoppedtopullhimdownfromhischairinanattitudehighlyfavourabletostrangulation，andtogivehimakissandapatortwoonthecheek。

'Butyououghttofeelforme，youknow，pa。'

'Mydear，Ido。'

'Yes，andIsayyououghtto。Iftheyhadonlyleftmealoneandtoldmenothingaboutit，itwouldhavematteredmuchless。ButthatnastyMrLightwoodfeelsithisduty，ashesays，towriteandtellmewhatisinreserveforme，andthenIamobligedtogetridofGeorgeSampson。'

Here，Lavinia，risingtothesurfacewiththelastdraughtmanrescued，interposed，'YounevercaredforGeorgeSampson，Bella。'

'AnddidIsayIdid，miss?'Then，poutingagain，withthecurlsinhermouth；'GeorgeSampsonwasveryfondofme，andadmiredmeverymuch，andputupwitheverythingIdidtohim。'

'Youwererudeenoughtohim，'Laviniaagaininterposed。

'AnddidIsayIwasn't，miss?IamnotsettinguptobesentimentalaboutGeorgeSampson。IonlysayGeorgeSampsonwasbetterthannothing。'

'Youdidn'tshowhimthatyouthoughteventhat，'Laviniaagaininterposed。

'Youareachitandalittleidiot，'returnedBella，'oryouwouldn'tmakesuchadollyspeech。Whatdidyouexpectmetodo?Waittillyouareawoman，anddon'ttalkaboutwhatyoudon'tunderstand。Youonlyshowyourignorance！'Then，whimperingagain，andatintervalsbitingthecurls，andstoppingtolookhowmuchwasbittenoff，'It'sashame！Thereneverwassuchahardcase！Ishouldn'tcaresomuchifitwasn'tsoridiculous。Itwasridiculousenoughtohaveastrangercomingovertomarryme，whetherhelikeditornot。Itwasridiculousenoughtoknowwhatanembarrassingmeetingitwouldbe，andhowwenevercouldpretendtohaveaninclinationofourown，eitherofus。ItwasridiculousenoughtoknowIshouldn'tlikehim——howCOULDI

likehim，lefttohiminawill，likeadozenofspoons，witheverythingcutanddriedbeforehand，likeorangechips。Talkoforangeflowersindeed！Ideclareagainit'sashame！Thoseridiculouspointswouldhavebeensmoothedawaybythemoney，forIlovemoney，andwantmoney——wantitdreadfully。Ihatetobepoor，andwearedegradinglypoor，offensivelypoor，miserablypoor，beastlypoor。ButhereIam，leftwithalltheridiculouspartsofthesituationremaining，and，addedtothemall，thisridiculousdress！Andifthetruthwasknown，whentheHarmonmurderwasalloverthetown，andpeoplewerespeculatingonitsbeingsuicide，Idaresaythoseimpudentwretchesattheclubsandplacesmadejokesaboutthemiserablecreature'shavingpreferredawaterygravetome。It'slikelyenoughtheytooksuchliberties；Ishouldn'twonder！Ideclareit'saveryhardcaseindeed，andIamamostunfortunategirl。Theideaofbeingakindofawidow，andneverhavingbeenmarried！Andtheideaofbeingaspooraseverafterall，andgoingintoblack，besides，foramanIneversaw，andshouldhavehated——asfarasHEwasconcerned——ifIhadseen！'

Theyounglady'slamentationswerecheckedatthispointbyaknuckle，knockingatthehalf-opendooroftheroom。Theknucklehadknockedtwoorthreetimesalready，buthadnotbeenheard。

'Whoisit?'saidMrsWilfer，inherAct-of-Parliamentmanner。

'Enter！'

Agentlemancomingin，MissBella，withashortandsharpexclamation，scrambledoffthehearth-rugandmassedthebittencurlstogetherintheirrightplaceonherneck。

'TheservantgirlhadherkeyinthedoorasIcameup，anddirectedmetothisroom，tellingmeIwasexpected。IamafraidIshouldhaveaskedhertoannounceme。'

'Pardonme，'returnedMrsWilfer。'Notatall。Twoofmydaughters。R。W。，thisisthegentlemanwhohastakenyourfirst-

floor。Hewassogoodastomakeanappointmentforto-night，whenyouwouldbeathome。'

Adarkgentleman。Thirtyattheutmost。Anexpressive，onemightsayhandsome，face。Averybadmanner。Inthelastdegreeconstrained，reserved，diffident，troubled。HiseyeswereonMissBellaforaninstant，andthenlookedatthegroundasheaddressedthemasterofthehouse。

'SeeingthatIamquitesatisfied，MrWilfer，withtherooms，andwiththeirsituation，andwiththeirprice，Isupposeamemorandumbetweenusoftwoorthreelines，andapaymentdown，willbindthebargain?Iwishtosendinfurniturewithoutdelay。'

Twoorthreetimesduringthisshortaddress，thecherubaddressedhadmadechubbymotionstowardsachair。Thegentlemannowtookit，layingahesitatinghandonacornerofthetable，andwithanotherhesitatinghandliftingthecrownofhishattohislips，anddrawingitbeforehismouth。

'Thegentleman，R。W。，'saidMrsWilfer，'proposestotakeyourapartmentsbythequarter。Aquarter'snoticeoneitherside。'

'ShallImention，sir，'insinuatedthelandlord，expectingittobereceivedasamatterofcourse，'theformofareference?'

'Ithink，'returnedthegentleman，afterapause，'thatareferenceisnotnecessary；neither，tosaythetruth，isitconvenient，forIamastrangerinLondon。Irequirenoreferencefromyou，andperhaps，therefore，youwillrequirenonefromme。Thatwillbefaironbothsides。Indeed，Ishowthegreaterconfidenceofthetwo，forIwillpayinadvancewhateveryouplease，andIamgoingtotrustmyfurniturehere。Whereas，ifyouwereinembarrassedcircumstances——thisismerelysupposititious——'

ConsciencecausingR。Wilfertocolour，MrsWilfer，fromacorner(shealwaysgotintostatelycorners)cametotherescuewithadeep-toned'Per-fectly。'

'——WhythenI——mightloseit。'

'Well！'observedR。Wilfer，cheerfully，'moneyandgoodsarecertainlythebestofreferences。'

'DoyouthinktheyAREthebest，pa?'askedMissBella，inalowvoice，andwithoutlookingoverhershoulderasshewarmedherfootonthefender。

'Amongthebest，mydear。'

'Ishouldhavethought，myself，itwassoeasytoaddtheusualkindofone，'saidBella，withatossofhercurls。

Thegentlemanlistenedtoher，withafaceofmarkedattention，thoughheneitherlookedupnorchangedhisattitude。Hesat，stillandsilent，untilhisfuturelandlordacceptedhisproposals，andbroughtwritingmaterialstocompletethebusiness。Hesat，stillandsilent，whilethelandlordwrote。

Whentheagreementwasreadyinduplicate(thelandlordhavingworkedatitlikesomecherubicscribe，inwhatisconventionallycalledadoubtful，whichmeansanotatalldoubtful，OldMaster)，itwassignedbythecontractingparties，Bellalookingonasscornfulwitness。ThecontractingpartieswereR。Wilfer，andJohnRokesmithEsquire。

WhenitcametoBella'sturntosignhername，MrRokesmith，whowasstanding，ashehadsat，withahesitatinghanduponthetable，lookedatherstealthily，butnarrowly。Helookedattheprettyfigurebendingdownoverthepaperandsaying，'WhereamItogo，pa?Here，inthiscorner?'Helookedatthebeautifulbrownhair，shadingthecoquettishface；helookedatthefreedashofthesignature，whichwasaboldoneforawoman's；andthentheylookedatoneanother。

'Muchobligedtoyou，MissWilfer。'

'Obliged?'

'Ihavegivenyousomuchtrouble。'

'Signingmyname?Yes，certainly。ButIamyourlandlord'sdaughter，sir。'

Astherewasnothingmoretodobutpayeightsovereignsinearnestofthebargain，pockettheagreement，appointatimeforthearrivalofhisfurnitureandhimself，andgo，MrRokesmithdidthatasawkwardlyasitmightbedone，andwasescortedbyhislandlordtotheouterair。WhenR。Wilferreturned，candlestickinhand，tothebosomofhisfamily，hefoundthebosomagitated。

'Pa，'saidBella，'wehavegotaMurdererforatenant。'

'Pa，'saidLavinia，'wehavegotaRobber。'

'Toseehimunableforhislifetolookanybodyintheface！'saidBella。'Thereneverwassuchanexhibition。'

'Mydears，'saidtheirfather，'heisadiffidentgentleman，andI

shouldsayparticularlysointhesocietyofgirlsofyourage。'

'Nonsense，ourage！'criedBella，impatiently。'What'sthatgottodowithhim?'

'Besides，wearenotofthesameage:——whichage?'demandedLavinia。

'NeverYOUmind，Lavvy，'retortedBella；'youwaittillyouareofanagetoasksuchquestions。Pa，markmywords！BetweenMrRokesmithandme，thereisanaturalantipathyandadeepdistrust；

andsomethingwillcomeofit！'

'Mydear，andgirls，'saidthecherub-patriarch，'betweenMrRokesmithandme，thereisamatterofeightsovereigns，andsomethingforsuppershallcomeofit，ifyou'llagreeuponthearticle。'

Thiswasaneatandhappyturntogivethesubject，treatsbeingrareintheWilferhousehold，whereamonotonousappearanceofDutch-cheeseatteno'clockintheeveninghadbeenratherfrequentlycommentedonbythedimpledshouldersofMissBella。

Indeed，themodestDutchmanhimselfseemedconsciousofhiswantofvariety，andgenerallycamebeforethefamilyinastateofapologeticperspiration。Aftersomediscussionontherelativemeritsofveal-cutlet，sweetbread，andlobster，adecisionwaspronouncedinfavourofveal-cutlet。MrsWilferthensolemnlydivestedherselfofherhandkerchiefandgloves，asapreliminarysacrificetopreparingthefrying-pan，andR。W。himselfwentouttopurchasetheviand。Hesoonreturned，bearingthesameinafreshcabbage-leaf，whereitcoylyembracedarasherofham。Melodioussoundswerenotlonginrisingfromthefrying-panonthefire，orinseeming，asthefirelightdancedinthemellowhallsofacoupleoffullbottlesonthetable，toplayappropriatedance-music。

TheclothwaslaidbyLavvy。Bella，astheacknowledgedornamentofthefamily，employedbothherhandsingivingherhairanadditionalwavewhilesittingintheeasiestchair，andoccasionallythrewinadirectiontouchingthesupper:as，'Verybrown，ma；'or，tohersister，'Putthesaltcellarstraight，miss，anddon'tbeadowdylittlepuss。'

Meantimeherfather，chinkingMrRokesmith'sgoldashesatexpectantbetweenhisknifeandfork，remarkedthatsixofthosesovereignscamejustintimefortheirlandlord，andstoodtheminalittlepileonthewhitetableclothtolookat。

'Ihateourlandlord！'saidBella。

But，observingafallinherfather'sface，shewentandsatdownbyhimatthetable，andbegantouchinguphishairwiththehandleofafork。Itwasoneofthegirl'sspoiltwaystobealwaysarrangingthefamily'shair——perhapsbecauseherownwassopretty，andoccupiedsomuchofherattention。

'Youdeservetohaveahouseofyourown；don'tyou，poorpa?'

'Idon'tdeserveitbetterthananother，mydear。'

'AtanyrateI，forone，wantitmorethananother，'saidBella，holdinghimbythechin，asshestuckhisflaxenhaironend，'andI

grudgethismoneygoingtotheMonsterthatswallowsupsomuch，whenweallwant——Everything。Andifyousay(asyouwanttosay；

Iknowyouwanttosayso，pa)“that'sneitherreasonablenorhonest，Bella，“thenIanswer，“Maybenot，pa——verylikely——butit'soneoftheconsequencesofbeingpoor，andofthoroughlyhatinganddetestingtobepoor，andthat'smycase。”Now，youlooklovely，pa；whydon'tyoualwayswearyourhairlikethat?Andhere'sthecutlet！Ifitisn'tverybrown，ma，Ican'teatit，andmusthaveabitputbacktobedoneexpressly。'

However，asitwasbrown，eventoBella'staste，theyoungladygraciouslypartookofitwithoutreconsignmenttothefrying-pan，andalso，induecourse，ofthecontentsofthetwobottles:whereofoneheldScotchaleandtheotherrum。Thelatterperfume，withthefosteringaidofboilingwaterandlemon-peel，diffuseditselfthroughouttheroom，andbecamesohighlyconcentratedaroundthewarmfireside，thatthewindpassingoverthehouseroofmusthaverushedoffchargedwithadeliciouswhiffofit，afterbuzzinglikeagreatbeeatthatparticularchimneypot。

'Pa，'saidBella，sippingthefragrantmixtureandwarmingherfavouriteankle；'whenoldMrHarmonmadesuchafoolofme(nottomentionhimself，asheisdead)，whatdoyousupposehediditfor?'

'Impossibletosay，mydear。AsIhavetoldyoutimeoutofnumbersincehiswillwasbroughttolight，IdoubtifIeverexchangedahundredwordswiththeoldgentleman。Ifitwashiswhimtosurpriseus，hiswhimsucceeded。Forhecertainlydidit。'

'AndIwasstampingmyfootandscreaming，whenhefirsttooknoticeofme；wasI?'saidBella，contemplatingtheanklebeforementioned。

'Youwerestampingyourlittlefoot，mydear，andscreamingwithyourlittlevoice，andlayingintomewithyourlittlebonnet，whichyouhadsnatchedoffforthepurpose，'returnedherfather，asiftheremembrancegavearelishtotherum；'youweredoingthisoneSundaymorningwhenItookyouout，becauseIdidn'tgotheexactwayyouwanted，whentheoldgentleman，sittingonaseatnear，said，“That'sanicegirl；that'saVERYnicegirl；apromisinggirl！“

Andsoyouwere，mydear。'

'Andthenheaskedmyname，didhe，pa?'

'Thenheaskedyourname，mydear，andmine；andonotherSundaymornings，whenwewalkedhisway，wesawhimagain，and——andreallythat'sall。'

Asthatwasalltherumandwatertoo，or，inotherwords，asR。W。

delicatelysignifiedthathisglasswasempty，bythrowingbackhisheadandstandingtheglassupsidedownonhisnoseandupperlip，itmighthavebeencharitableinMrsWilfertosuggestreplenishment。Butthatheroinebrieflysuggesting'Bedtime'

instead，thebottleswereputaway，andthefamilyretired；shecherubicallyescorted，likesomeseveresaintinapainting，ormerelyhumanmatronallegoricallytreated。

'Andbythistimeto-morrow，'saidLaviniawhenthetwogirlswerealoneintheirroom，'weshallhaveMrRokesmithhere，andshallbeexpectingtohaveourthroatscut。'

'Youneedn'tstandbetweenmeandthecandleforallthat，'retortedBella。'Thisisanotheroftheconsequencesofbeingpoor！Theideaofagirlwithareallyfineheadofhair，havingtodoitbyoneflatcandleandafewinchesoflooking-glass！'

'YoucaughtGeorgeSampsonwithit，Bella，badasyourmeansofdressingitare。'

'Youlowlittlething。CaughtGeorgeSampsonwithit！Don'ttalkaboutcatchingpeople，miss，tillyourowntimeforcatching——asyoucallit——comes。'

'Perhapsithascome，'mutteredLavvy，withatossofherhead。

'Whatdidyousay?'askedBella，verysharply。'Whatdidyousay，miss?'

Lavvydecliningequallytorepeatortoexplain，Bellagraduallylapsedoverherhair-dressingintoasoliloquyonthemiseriesofbeingpoor，asexemplifiedinhavingnothingtoputon，nothingtogooutin，nothingtodressby，onlyanastyboxtodressatinsteadofacommodiousdressing-table，andbeingobligedtotakeinsuspiciouslodgers。Onthelastgrievanceasherclimax，shelaidgreatstress——andmighthavelaidgreater，hadsheknownthatifMrJuliusHandfordhadatwinbrotheruponearth，MrJohnRokesmithwastheman。

Chapter5

BOFFIN'SBOWER

OveragainstaLondonhouse，acornerhousenotfarfromCavendishSquare，amanwithawoodenleghadsatforsomeyears，withhisremainingfootinabasketincoldweather，pickingupalivingonthiswise:——Everymorningateighto'clock，hestumpedtothecorner，carryingachair，aclothes-horse，apairoftrestles，aboard，abasket，andanumbrella，allstrappedtogether。

Separatingthese，theboardandtrestlesbecameacounter，thebasketsuppliedthefewsmalllotsoffruitandsweetsthatheofferedforsaleuponitandbecameafoot-warmer，theunfoldedclothes-horsedisplayedachoicecollectionofhalfpennyballadsandbecameascreen，andthestoolplantedwithinitbecamehispostfortherestoftheday。Allweatherssawthemanatthepost。

Thisistobeacceptedinadoublesense，forhecontrivedabacktohiswoodenstool，byplacingitagainstthelamp-post。Whentheweatherwaswet，heputuphisumbrellaoverhisstockintrade，notoverhimself；whentheweatherwasdry，hefurledthatfadedarticle，tieditroundwithapieceofyarn，andlaiditcross-wiseunderthetrestles:whereitlookedlikeanunwholesomely-forcedlettucethathadlostincolourandcrispnesswhatithadgainedinsize。

Hehadestablishedhisrighttothecorner，byimperceptibleprescription。Hehadnevervariedhisgroundaninch，buthadinthebeginningdiffidentlytakenthecorneruponwhichthesideofthehousegave。Ahowlingcornerinthewintertime，adustycornerinthesummertime，anundesirablecorneratthebestoftimes。Shelterlessfragmentsofstrawandpapergotuprevolvingstormsthere，whenthemainstreetwasatpeace；andthewater-

cart，asifitweredrunkorshort-sighted，cameblunderingandjoltingroundit，makingitmuddywhenallelsewasclean。

Onthefrontofhissale-boardhungalittleplacard，likeakettle-

holder，bearingtheinscriptioninhisownsmalltext:

ErrandsgoneOnwithfiDelityByLadiesandGentlemenIremainYourhumbleServt:

SilasWeggHehadnotonlysettleditwithhimselfincourseoftime，thathewaserrand-goerbyappointmenttothehouseatthecorner(thoughhereceivedsuchcommissionsnothalfadozentimesinayear，andthenonlyassomeservant'sdeputy)，butalsothathewasoneofthehouse'sretainersandowedvassalagetoitandwasboundtolealandloyalinterestinit。Forthisreason，healwaysspokeofitas'OurHouse，'and，thoughhisknowledgeofitsaffairswasmostlyspeculativeandallwrong，claimedtobeinitsconfidence。Onsimilargroundsheneverbeheldaninmateatanyoneofitswindowsbuthetouchedhishat。Yet，heknewsolittleabouttheinmatesthathegavethemnamesofhisowninvention:as'MissElizabeth'，'MasterGeorge'，'AuntJane'，'UncleParker'——havingnoauthoritywhateverforanysuchdesignations，butparticularlythelast——towhich，asanaturalconsequence，hestuckwithgreatobstinacy。

Overthehouseitself，heexercisedthesameimaginarypowerasoveritsinhabitantsandtheiraffairs。Hehadneverbeeninit，thelengthofapieceoffatblackwater-pipewhichtraileditselfoverthearea-doorintoadampstonepassage，andhadrathertheairofaleechonthehousethathad'taken'wonderfully；butthiswasnoimpedimenttohisarrangingitaccordingtoaplanofhisown。Itwasagreatdingyhousewithaquantityofdimsidewindowandblankbackpremises，anditcosthismindaworldoftroublesotolayitoutastoaccountforeverythinginitsexternalappearance。

But，thisoncedone，wasquitesatisfactory，andherestedpersuaded，thatheknewhiswayaboutthehouseblindfold:fromthebarredgarretsinthehighroof，tothetwoironextinguishersbeforethemaindoor——whichseemedtorequestalllivelyvisitorstohavethekindnesstoputthemselvesout，beforeentering。

Assuredly，thisstallofSilasWegg'swasthehardestlittlestallofallthesterilelittlestallsinLondon。Itgaveyoutheface-achetolookathisapples，thestomach-achetolookathisoranges，thetooth-achetolookathisnuts。Ofthelattercommodityhehadalwaysagrimlittleheap，onwhichlayalittlewoodenmeasurewhichhadnodiscernibleinside，andwasconsideredtorepresentthepenn'orthappointedbyMagnaCharta。Whetherfromtoomucheastwindorno——itwasaneasterlycorner——thestall，thestock，andthekeeper，wereallasdryastheDesert。Weggwasaknottyman，andaclose-grained，withafacecarvedoutofveryhardmaterial，thathadjustasmuchplayofexpressionasawatchman'srattle。Whenhelaughed，certainjerksoccurredinit，andtherattlesprung。Soothtosay，hewassowoodenamanthatheseemedtohavetakenhiswoodenlegnaturally，andrathersuggestedtothefancifulobserver，thathemightbeexpected——ifhisdevelopmentreceivednountimelycheck——tobecompletelysetupwithapairofwoodenlegsinaboutsixmonths。

MrWeggwasanobservantperson，or，ashehimselfsaid，'tookapowerfulsightofnotice'。Hesalutedallhisregularpassers-byeveryday，ashesatonhisstoolbackedupbythelamp-post；andontheadaptablecharacterofthesesaluteshegreatlyplumedhimself。Thus，totherector，headdressedabow，compoundedoflaydeference，andaslighttouchoftheshadypreliminarymeditationatchurch；tothedoctor，aconfidentialbow，astoagentlemanwhoseacquaintancewithhisinsidehebeggedrespectfullytoacknowledge；beforetheQualityhedelightedtoabasehimself；andforUncleParker，whowasinthearmy(atleast，sohehadsettledit)，heputhisopenhandtothesideofhishat，inamilitarymannerwhichthatangry-eyedbuttoned-upinflammatory-facedoldgentlemanappearedbutimperfectlytoappreciate。

TheonlyarticleinwhichSilasdealt，thatwasnothard，wasgingerbread。Onacertainday，somewretchedinfanthavingpurchasedthedampgingerbread-horse(fearfullyoutofcondition)，andtheadhesivebird-cage，whichhadbeenexposedfortheday'ssale，hehadtakenatinboxfromunderhisstooltoproducearelayofthosedreadfulspecimens，andwasgoingtolookinatthelid，whenhesaidtohimself，pausing:'Oh！Hereyouareagain！'

Thewordsreferredtoabroad，round-shouldered，one-sidedoldfellowinmourning，comingcomicallyamblingtowardsthecorner，dressedinapeaover-coat，andcarryingalargestick。Heworethickshoes，andthickleathergaiters，andthickgloveslikeahedger's。Bothastohisdressandtohimself，hewasofanoverlappingrhinocerosbuild，withfoldsinhischeeks，andhisforehead，andhiseyelids，andhislips，andhisears；butwithbright，eager，childishly-inquiring，greyeyes，underhisraggedeyebrows，andbroad-brimmedhat。Averyodd-lookingoldfellowaltogether。

'Hereyouareagain，'repeatedMrWegg，musing。'Andwhatareyounow?AreyouintheFunns，orwhereareyou?Haveyoulatelycometosettleinthisneighbourhood，ordoyouowntoanotherneighbourhood?Areyouinindependentcircumstances，orisitwastingthemotionsofabowonyou?Come！I'llspeculate！

I'llinvestabowinyou。'

WhichMrWegg，havingreplacedhistinbox，accordinglydid，asherosetobaithisgingerbread-trapforsomeotherdevotedinfant。

Thesalutewasacknowledgedwith:

'Morning，sir！Morning！Morning！'

('CallsmeSir！'saidMrWegg，tohimself；'HEwon'tanswer。A

bowgone！')

'Morning，morning，morning！'

'Appearstoberathera'artyoldcock，too，'saidMrWegg，asbefore；'GoodmorningtoYOU，sir。'

'Doyourememberme，then?'askedhisnewacquaintance，stoppinginhisamble，one-sided，beforethestall，andspeakinginapoundingway，thoughwithgreatgood-humour。

'Ihavenoticedyougopastourhouse，sir，severaltimesinthecourseofthelastweekorso。'

'Ourhouse，'repeatedtheother。'Meaning——?'

'Yes，'saidMrWegg，nodding，astheotherpointedtheclumsyforefingerofhisrightgloveatthecornerhouse。

'Oh！Now，what，'pursuedtheoldfellow，inaninquisitivemanner，carryinghisknottedstickinhisleftarmasifitwereababy，'whatdotheyallowyounow?'

'It'sjobworkthatIdoforourhouse，'returnedSilas，drily，andwithreticence；'it'snotyetbroughttoanexactallowance。'

'Oh！It'snotyetbroughttoanexactallowance?No！It'snotyetbroughttoanexactallowance。Oh！——Morning，morning，morning！'

'Appearstoberatheracrackedoldcock，'thoughtSilas，qualifyinghisformergoodopinion，astheotherambledoff。But，inamomenthewasbackagainwiththequestion:

'Howdidyougetyourwoodenleg?'

MrWeggreplied，(tartlytothispersonalinquiry)，'Inanaccident。'

'Doyoulikeit?'

'Well！Ihaven'tgottokeepitwarm，'MrWeggmadeanswer，inasortofdesperationoccasionedbythesingularityofthequestion。

'Hehasn't，'repeatedtheothertohisknottedstick，ashegaveitahug；'hehasn'tgot——ha！——ha！——tokeepitwarm！DidyoueverhearofthenameofBoffin?'

'No，'saidMrWegg，whowasgrowingrestiveunderthisexamination。'IneverdidhearofthenameofBoffin。'

'Doyoulikeit?'

'Why，no，'retortedMrWegg，againapproachingdesperation；'I

can'tsayIdo。'

'Whydon'tyoulikeit?'

'Idon'tknowwhyIdon't，'retortedMrWegg，approachingfrenzy，'butIdon'tatall。'

'Now，I'lltellyousomethingthat'llmakeyousorryforthat，'saidthestranger，smiling。'Myname'sBoffin。'

'Ican'thelpit！'returnedMrWegg。Implyinginhismannertheoffensiveaddition，'andifIcould，Iwouldn't。'

'Butthere'sanotherchanceforyou，'saidMrBoffin，smilingstill，'DoyoulikethenameofNicodemus?Thinkitover。Nick，orNoddy。'

'Itisnot，sir，'MrWeggrejoined，ashesatdownonhisstool，withanairofgentleresignation，combinedwithmelancholycandour；itisnotanameasIcouldwishanyonethatIhadarespectfor，tocallMEby；buttheremaybepersonsthatwouldnotviewitwiththesameobjections——Idon'tknowwhy，'MrWeggadded，anticipatinganotherquestion。

'NoddyBoffin，'saidthatgentleman。'Noddy。That'smyname。

Noddy——orNick——Boffin。What'syourname?'

'SilasWegg——Idon't，'saidMrWegg，bestirringhimselftotakethesameprecautionasbefore，'Idon'tknowwhySilas，andIdon'tknowwhyWegg。'

'Now，Wegg，'saidMrBoffin，hugginghisstickcloser，'Iwanttomakeasortofoffertoyou。Doyourememberwhenyoufirstseeme?'

ThewoodenWegglookedathimwithameditativeeye，andalsowithasoftenedairasdescryingpossibilityofprofit。'Letmethink。

Iain'tquitesure，andyetIgenerallytakeapowerfulsightofnotice，too。WasitonaMondaymorning，whenthebutcher-boyhadbeentoourhousefororders，andboughtaballadofme，which，beingunacquaintedwiththetune，Irunitovertohim?'

'Right，Wegg，right！Butheboughtmorethanone。'

'Yes，tobesure，sir；heboughtseveral；andwishingtolayouthismoneytothebest，hetookmyopiniontoguidehischoice，andwewentoverthecollectiontogether。Tobesurewedid。Herewashimasitmightbe，andherewasmyselfasitmightbe，andtherewasyou，MrBoffin，asyouidenticallyare，withyourself-samestickunderyourverysamearm，andyourverysamebacktowardsus。To——be——sure！'addedMrWegg，lookingalittleroundMrBoffin，totakehimintherear，andidentifythislastextraordinarycoincidence，'yourweryself-sameback！'

'WhatdoyouthinkIwasdoing，Wegg?'

'Ishouldjudge，sir，thatyoumightbeglancingyoureyedownthestreet。'

'No，Wegg。Iwasalistening。'

'Wasyou，indeed?'saidMrWegg，dubiously。

'Notinadishonourableway，Wegg，becauseyouwassingingtothebutcher；andyouwouldn'tsingsecretstoabutcherinthestreet，youknow。'

'ItneverhappenedthatIdidsoyet，tothebestofmyremembrance，'saidMrWegg，cautiously。'ButImightdoit。A

mancan'tsaywhathemightwishtodosomedayoranother。'

(This，nottoreleaseanylittleadvantagehemightderivefromMrBoffin'savowal。)

'Well，'repeatedBoffin，'Iwasalisteningtoyouandtohim。Andwhatdoyou——youhaven'tgotanotherstool，haveyou?I'mratherthickinmybreath。'

'Ihaven'tgotanother，butyou'rewelcometothis，'saidWegg，resigningit。'It'satreattometostand。'

'Lard！'exclaimedMrBoffin，inatoneofgreatenjoyment，ashesettledhimselfdown，stillnursinghissticklikeababy，'it'sapleasantplace，this！Andthentobeshutinoneachside，withtheseballads，likesomanybook-leafblinkers！Why，itsdelightful！'

'IfIamnotmistaken，sir，'MrWeggdelicatelyhinted，restingahandonhisstall，andbendingoverthediscursiveBoffin，'youalludedtosomeofferoranotherthatwasinyourmind?'

'I'mcomingtoit！Allright。I'mcomingtoit！IwasgoingtosaythatwhenIlistenedthatmorning，Ilistenedwithhadmirationamountingtohaw。Ithoughttomyself，“Here'samanwithawoodenleg——aliterarymanwith——“'

'N——notexactlyso，sir，'saidMrWegg。

'Why，youknoweveryoneofthesesongsbynameandbytune，andifyouwanttoreadortosinganyoneon'emoffstraight，you'veonlytowhiponyourspectaclesanddoit！'criedMrBoffin。

'Iseeyouatit！'

'Well，sir，'returnedMrWegg，withaconsciousinclinationofthehead；'we'llsayliterary，then。'

'“Aliteraryman——WITHawoodenleg——andallPrintisopentohim！“That'swhatIthoughttomyself，thatmorning，'pursuedMrBoffin，leaningforwardtodescribe，uncrampedbytheclotheshorse，aslargeanarcashisrightarmcouldmake；'“allPrintisopentohim！“Anditis，ain'tit?'

'Why，truly，sir，'MrWeggadmitted，withmodesty；'Ibelieveyoucouldn'tshowmethepieceofEnglishprint，thatIwouldn'tbeequaltocollaringandthrowing。'

'Onthespot?'saidMrBoffin。

'Onthespot。'

'Iknow'dit！Thenconsiderthis。HereamI，amanwithoutawoodenleg，andyetallprintisshuttome。'

'Indeed，sir?'MrWeggreturnedwithincreasingself-complacency。

'Educationneglected?'

'Neg——lected！'repeatedBoffin，withemphasis。'Thatain'tnowordforit。Idon'tmeantosaybutwhatifyoushowedmeaB，Icouldsofargiveyouchangeforit，astoanswerBoffin。'

'Come，come，sir，'saidMrWegg，throwinginalittleencouragement，'that'ssomething，too。'

'It'ssomething，'answeredMrBoffin，'butI'lltakemyoathitain'tmuch。'

'Perhapsit'snotasmuchascouldbewishedbyaninquiringmind，sir，'MrWeggadmitted。

'Now，lookhere。I'mretiredfrombusiness。MeandMrsBoffin——

HeneriettyBoffin——whichherfather'snamewasHenery，andhermother'snamewasHetty，andsoyougetit——weliveonacompittance，underthewillofadiseasedgovernor。'

'Gentlemandead，sir?'

'Manalive，don'tItellyou?Adiseasedgovernor?Now，it'stoolateformetobeginshovellingandsiftingatalphabedsandgrammar-books。I'mgettingtobeaoldbird，andIwanttotakeiteasy。ButIwantsomereading——somefineboldreading，somesplendidbookinagorgingLord-Mayor's-Showofwollumes'

(probablymeaninggorgeous，butmisledbyassociationofideas)；

'as'llreachrightdownyourpintofview，andtaketimetogobyyou。HowcanIgetthatreading，Wegg?By，'tappinghimonthebreastwiththeheadofhisthickstick，'payingamantrulyqualifiedtodoit，somuchanhour(saytwopence)tocomeanddoit。'

'Hem！Flattered，sir，Iamsure，'saidWegg，beginningtoregardhimselfinquiteanewlight。'Hew！Thisistheofferyoumentioned，sir?'

'Yes。Doyoulikeit?'

'Iamconsideringofit，MrBoffin。'

'Idon't，'saidBoffin，inafree-handedmanner，'wanttotiealiteraryman——WITHawoodenleg——downtootight。Ahalfpennyanhourshan'tpartus。Thehoursareyourowntochoose，afteryou'vedoneforthedaywithyourhousehere。IliveoverMaiden-Laneway——

outHollowaydirection——andyou'veonlygottogoEast-and-by-

Northwhenyou'vefinishedhere，andyou'rethere。Twopencehalfpennyanhour，'saidBoffin，takingapieceofchalkfromhispocketandgettingoffthestooltoworkthesumonthetopofitinhisownway；'twolong'unsandashort'un——twopencehalfpenny；

twoshort'unsisalong'unandtwotwolong'unsisfourlong'uns——

makingfivelong'uns；sixnightsaweekatfivelong'unsanight，'

scoringthemalldownseparately，'andyoumountuptothirtylong'uns。Around'un！Halfacrown！'

Pointingtothisresultasalargeandsatisfactoryone，MrBoffinsmeareditoutwithhismoistenedglove，andsatdownontheremains。

'Halfacrown，'saidWegg，meditating。'Yes。(Itain'tmuch，sir。)

Halfacrown。'

'Perweek，youknow。'

'Perweek。Yes。Astotheamountofstrainupontheintellectnow。

Wasyouthinkingatallofpoetry?'MrWegginquired，musing。

'Woulditcomedearer?'MrBoffinasked。

'Itwouldcomedearer，'MrWeggreturned。'Forwhenapersoncomestogrindoffpoetrynightafternight，itisbutrightheshouldexpecttobepaidforitsweakeningeffectonhismind。'

'TotellyouthetruthWegg，'saidBoffin，'Iwasn'tthinkingofpoetry，exceptinsofurasthis:——IfyouwastohappennowandthentofeelyourselfinthemindtotipmeandMrsBoffinoneofyourballads，whythenweshoulddropintopoetry。'

'Ifollowyou，sir，'saidWegg。'Butnotbeingaregularmusicalprofessional，Ishouldbeloathtoengagemyselfforthat；andthereforewhenIdroppedintopoetry，Ishouldasktobeconsideredsofur，inthelightofafriend。'

Atthis，MrBoffin'seyessparkled，andheshookSilasearnestlybythehand:protestingthatitwasmorethanhecouldhaveasked，andthathetookitverykindlyindeed。

'Whatdoyouthinkoftheterms，Wegg?'MrBoffinthendemanded，withunconcealedanxiety。

Silas，whohadstimulatedthisanxietybyhishardreserveofmanner，andwhohadbeguntounderstandhismanverywell，repliedwithanair；asifheweresayingsomethingextraordinarilygenerousandgreat:

'MrBoffin，Ineverbargain。'

'SoIshouldhavethoughtofyou！'saidMrBoffin，admiringly。'No，sir。Ineverdid'aggleandIneverwill'aggle。ConsequentlyImeetyouatonce，freeandfair，with——Done，fordoublethemoney！'

MrBoffinseemedalittleunpreparedforthisconclusion，butassented，withtheremark，'YouknowbetterwhatitoughttobethanIdo，Wegg，'andagainshookhandswithhimuponit。

'Couldyoubegintonight，Wegg?'hethendemanded。

'Yes，sir，'saidMrWegg，carefultoleavealltheeagernesstohim。

'Iseenodifficultyifyouwishit。Youareprovidedwiththeneedfulimplement——abook，sir?'

'Boughthimatasale，'saidMrBoffin。'Eightwollumes。Redandgold。Purpleribbonineverywollume，tokeeptheplacewhereyouleaveoff。Doyouknowhim?'

'Thebook'sname，sir?'inquiredSilas。

'Ithoughtyoumighthaveknow'dhimwithoutit，'saidMrBoffinslightlydisappointed。'HisnameisDecline-And-Fall-Off-The-

Rooshan-Empire。'(MrBoffinwentoverthesestonesslowlyandwithmuchcaution。)

'Ayindeed！'saidMrWegg，noddinghisheadwithanairoffriendlyrecognition。

'Youknowhim，Wegg?'

'Ihaven'tbeennottosayrightslapthroughhim，verylately，'MrWeggmadeanswer，'havingbeenotherwaysemployed，MrBoffin。

Butknowhim?OldfamiliardecliningandfallingofftheRooshan?Rather，sir！EversinceIwasnotsohighasyourstick。

Eversincemyeldestbrotherleftourcottagetoenlistintothearmy。

Onwhichoccasion，astheballadthatwasmadeaboutitdescribes:

'Besidethatcottagedoor，MrBoffin，Agirlwasonherknees；

Sheheldaloftasnowyscarf，Sir，Which(myeldestbrothernoticed)flutteredinthebreeze。

Shebreathedaprayerforhim，MrBoffin；

Aprayerhecooldnothear。

Andmyeldestbrotherlean'duponhissword，MrBoffin，Andwipedawayatear。'

Muchimpressedbythisfamilycircumstance，andalsobythefriendlydispositionofMrWegg，asexemplifiedinhissosoondroppingintopoetry，MrBoffinagainshookhandswiththatligneoussharper，andbesoughthimtonamehishour。MrWeggnamedeight。

'WhereIlive，'saidMrBoffin，'iscalledTheBower。Boffin'sBoweristhenameMrsBoffinchristeneditwhenwecomeintoitasaproperty。Ifyoushouldmeetwithanybodythatdon'tknowitbythatname(whichhardlyanybodydoes)，whenyou'vegotnighuponaboutaoddmile，orsayandaquarterifyoulike，upMaidenLane，BattleBridge，askforHarmonyJail，andyou'llbeputright。

Ishallexpectyou，Wegg，'saidMrBoffin，clappinghimontheshoulderwiththegreatestenthusiasm，'mostjoyfully。Ishallhavenopeaceorpatiencetillyoucome。Printisnowopeningaheadofme。Thisnight，aliteraryman——WITHawoodenleg——'hebestowedanadmiringlookuponthatdecoration，asifitgreatlyenhancedtherelishofMrWegg'sattainments——'willbegintoleadmeanewlife！Myfistagain，Wegg。Morning，morning，morning！'

Leftaloneathisstallastheotherambledoff，MrWeggsubsidedintohisscreen，producedasmallpocket-handkerchiefofapenitentially-scrubbingcharacter，andtookhimselfbythenosewithathoughtfulaspect。Also，whilehestillgraspedthatfeature，hedirectedseveralthoughtfullooksdownthestreet，aftertheretiringfigureofMrBoffin。But，profoundgravitysatenthronedonWegg'scountenance。For，whileheconsideredwithinhimselfthatthiswasanoldfellowofraresimplicity，thatthiswasanopportunitytobeimproved，andthatheremighthemoneytobegotbeyondpresentcalculation，stillhecompromisedhimselfbynoadmissionthathisnewengagementwasatalloutofhisway，orinvolvedtheleastelementoftheridiculous。MrWeggwouldevenhavepickedahandsomequarrelwithanyonewhoshouldhavechallengedhisdeepacquaintancewiththoseaforesaideightvolumesofDeclineandFall。Hisgravitywasunusual，portentous，andimmeasurable，notbecauseheadmittedanydoubtofhimselfbutbecauseheperceiveditnecessarytoforestallanydoubtofhimselfinothers。Andhereinherangedwiththatverynumerousclassofimpostors，whoarequiteasdeterminedtokeepupappearancestothemselves，astotheirneighbours。

Acertainloftiness，likewise，tookpossessionofMrWegg；acondescendingsenseofbeinginrequestasanofficialexpounderofmysteries。Itdidnotmovehimtocommercialgreatness，butrathertolittleness，insomuchthatifithadbeenwithinthepossibilitiesofthingsforthewoodenmeasuretoholdfewernutsthanusual，itwouldhavedonesothatday。But，whennightcame，andwithherveiledeyesbeheldhimstumpingtowardsBoffin'sBower，hewaselatedtoo。

TheBowerwasasdifficulttofind，asFairRosamond'swithouttheclue。MrWegg，havingreachedthequarterindicated，inquiredfortheBowerhalfadozentimeswithouttheleastsuccess，untilherememberedtoaskforHarmonyJail。Thisoccasionedaquickchangeinthespiritsofahoarsegentlemanandadonkey，whomhehadmuchperplexed。

'Why，yermeanOldHarmon's，doyer?'saidthehoarsegentleman，whowasdrivinghisdonkeyinatruck，withacarrotforawhip。

'Whydidn'tyerniversayso?Eddardandmeisagoin'byHIM！

Jumpin。'

MrWeggcomplied，andthehoarsegentlemaninvitedhisattentiontothethirdpersonincompany，thus；

'Now，youlookatEddard'sears。Whatwasitasyounamed，agin?

Whisper。'

MrWeggwhispered，'Boffin'sBower。'

'Eddard！(keepyerhionhisears)cutawaytoBoffin'sBower！'

Edward，withhisearslyingback，remainedimmoveable。

'Eddard！(keepyerhionhisears)cutawaytoOldHarmon's。'

Edwardinstantlyprickeduphisearstotheirutmost，andrattledoffatsuchapacethatMrWegg'sconversationwasjoltedoutofhiminamostdislocatedstate。

'Was-it-Ev-verajail?'askedMrWegg，holdingon。

'Notaproperjail，wotyouandmewouldgetcommittedto，'

returnedhisescort；'theygiv'itthename，onaccountsofOldHarmonlivingsolitarythere。'

'And-why-did-they-callitharm-Ony?'askedWegg。

'Onaccountsofhisneveragreeingwithnobody。Likeaspeechesofchaff。Harmon'sJail；HarmonyJail。Workingitroundlike。'

'Doyouknow-Mist-Erboff-in?'askedWegg。

'Ishouldthinkso！Everybodydoabouthere。Eddardknowshim。

(Keepyerhionhisears。)NoddyBoffin，Eddard！'

Theeffectofthenamewassoveryalarming，inrespectofcausingatemporarydisappearanceofEdward'shead，castinghishindhoofsintheair，greatlyacceleratingthepaceandincreasingthejolting，thatMrWeggwasfaintodevotehisattentionexclusivelytoholdingon，andtorelinquishhisdesireofascertainingwhetherthishomagetoBoffinwastobeconsideredcomplimentaryorthereverse。

Presently，Edwardstoppedatagateway，andWeggdiscreetlylostnotimeinslippingoutatthebackofthetruck。Themomenthewaslanded，hislatedriverwithawaveofthecarrot，said'Supper，Eddard！'andhe，thehindhoofs，thetruck，andEdward，allseemedtoflyintotheairtogether，inakindofapotheosis。

Pushingthegate，whichstoodajar，Wegglookedintoanenclosedspacewherecertaintalldarkmoundsrosehighagainstthesky，andwherethepathwaytotheBowerwasindicated，asthemoonlightshowed，betweentwolinesofbrokencrockerysetinashes。Awhitefigureadvancingalongthispath，provedtobenothingmoreghostlythanMrBoffin，easilyattiredforthepursuitofknowledge，inanundressgarmentofshortwhitesmock-frock。

Havingreceivedhisliteraryfriendwithgreatcordiality，heconductedhimtotheinterioroftheBowerandtherepresentedhimtoMrsBoffin:——astoutladyofarubicundandcheerfulaspect，dressed(toMrWegg'sconsternation)inalowevening-dressofsablesatin，andalargeblackvelvethatandfeathers。

'MrsBoffin，Wegg，'saidBoffin，'isahighflyeratFashion。Andhermakeissuch，thatshedoesitcredit。AstomyselfIain'tyetasFash'nableasImaycometobe。Henerietty，oldlady，thisisthegentlemanthat'sagoingtodeclineandfallofftheRooshanEmpire。'

'AndIamsureIhopeit'lldoyoubothgood，'saidMrsBoffin。

Itwasthequeerestofrooms，fittedandfurnishedmorelikealuxuriousamateurtap-roomthananythingelsewithinthekenofSilasWegg。Thereweretwowoodensettlesbythefire，oneoneithersideofit，withacorrespondingtablebeforeeach。Ononeofthesetables，theeightvolumeswererangedflat，inarow，likeagalvanicbattery；ontheother，certainsquatcase-bottlesofinvitingappearanceseemedtostandontiptoetoexchangeglanceswithMrWeggoverafrontrowoftumblersandabasinofwhitesugar。Onthehob，akettlesteamed；onthehearth，acatreposed。Facingthefirebetweenthesettles，asofa，afootstool，andalittletable，formedacentrepiecedevotedtoMrsBoffin。Theyweregarishintasteandcolour，butwereexpensivearticlesofdrawing-roomfurniturethathadaveryoddlookbesidethesettlesandtheflaringgaslightpendentfromtheceiling。Therewasaflowerycarpetonthefloor；but，insteadofreachingtothefireside，itsglowingvegetationstoppedshortatMrsBoffin'sfootstool，andgaveplacetoaregionofsandandsawdust。MrWeggalsonoticed，withadmiringeyes，that，whiletheflowerylanddisplayedsuchhollowornamentationasstuffedbirdsandwaxenfruitsunderglass-

shades，therewere，intheterritorywherevegetationceased，compensatoryshelvesonwhichthebestpartofalargepieandlikewiseofacoldjointwereplainlydiscernibleamongothersolids。Theroomitselfwaslarge，thoughlow；andtheheavyframesofitsold-fashionedwindows，andtheheavybeamsinitscrookedceiling，seemedtoindicatethatithadoncebeenahouseofsomemarkstandingaloneinthecountry。

'Doyoulikeit，Wegg?'askedMrBoffin，inhispouncingmanner。

'Iadmireitgreatly，sir，'saidWegg。'Peculiarcomfortatthisfireside，sir。'

'Doyouunderstandit，Wegg?'

'Why，inageneralway，sir，'MrWeggwasbeginningslowlyandknowingly，withhisheadstuckononeside，asevasivepeopledobegin，whentheothercuthimshort:

'YouDON'Tunderstandit，Wegg，andI'llexplainit。ThesearrangementsismadebymutualconsentbetweenMrsBoffinandme。MrsBoffin，asI'vementioned，isahighflyeratFashion；atpresentI'mnot。Idon'tgohigherthancomfort，andcomfortofthesortthatI'mequaltotheenjoymentof。Wellthen。WherewouldbethegoodofMrsBoffinandmequarrellingoverit?Weneverdidquarrel，beforewecomeintoBoffin'sBowerasaproperty；whyquarrelwhenweHAVEcomeintoBoffin'sBowerasaproperty?

SoMrsBoffin，shekeepsupherpartoftheroom，inherway；I

keepupmypartoftheroominmine。Inconsequenceofwhichwehaveatonce，Sociability(IshouldgomelancholymadwithoutMrsBoffin)，Fashion，andComfort。IfIgetbydegreestobeahigher-

flyeratFashion，thenMrsBoffinwillbydegreescomefor'arder。IfMrsBoffinshouldeverbelessofadabatFashionthansheisatthepresenttime，thenMrsBoffin'scarpetwouldgoback'arder。Ifweshouldbothcontinnyasweare，whythenHEREweare，andgiveusakiss，oldlady。'

MrsBoffinwho，perpetuallysmiling，hadapproachedanddrawnherplumparmthroughherlord's，mostwillinglycomplied。

Fashion，intheformofherblackvelvethatandfeathers，triedtopreventit；butgotdeservedlycrushedintheendeavour。

'Sonow，Wegg，'saidMrBoffin，wipinghismouthwithanairofmuchrefreshment，'youbegintoknowusasweare。Thisisacharmingspot，istheBower，butyoumustgettoapprechiateitbydegrees。It'saspottofindoutthemeritsof；littlebylittle，andanew'uneveryday。There'saserpentiningwalkupeachofthemounds，thatgivesyoutheyardandneighbourhoodchangingeverymoment。Whenyougettothetop，there'saviewoftheneighbouringpremises，nottobesurpassed。ThepremisesofMrsBoffin'slatefather(CanineProvisionTrade)，youlookdowninto，asiftheywasyourown。AndthetopoftheHighMoundiscrownedwithalattice-workArbour，inwhich，ifyoudon'treadoutloudmanyabookinthesummer，ay，andasafriend，dropmanyatimeintopoetrytoo，itshan'tbemyfault。Now，what'llyoureadon?'

'Thankyou，sir，'returnedWegg，asiftherewerenothingnewinhisreadingatall。'Igenerallydoitonginandwater。'

'Keepstheorganmoist，doesit，Wegg?'askedMrBoffin，withinnocenteagerness。

'N-no，sir，'repliedWegg，coolly，'Ishouldhardlydescribeitso，sir。

Ishouldsay，mellersit。Mellersit，isthewordIshouldemploy，MrBoffin。'

Hiswoodenconceitandcraftkeptexactpacewiththedelightedexpectationofhisvictim。Thevisionsrisingbeforehismercenarymind，ofthemanywaysinwhichthisconnexionwastobeturnedtoaccount，neverobscuredtheforemostideanaturaltoadulloverreachingman，thathemustnotmakehimselftoocheap。

MrsBoffin'sFashion，asalessinexorabledeitythantheidolusuallyworshippedunderthatname，didnotforbidhermixingforherliteraryguest，oraskingifhefoundtheresulttohisliking。Onhisreturningagraciousanswerandtakinghisplaceattheliterarysettle，MrBoffinbegantocomposehimselfasalistener，attheoppositesettle，withexultanteyes。

'Sorrytodepriveyouofapipe，Wegg，'hesaid，fillinghisown，'butyoucan'tdobothtogether。Oh！andanotherthingIforgottoname！

Whenyoucomeinhereofanevening，andlookroundyou，andnoticeanythingonashelfthathappenstocatchyourfancy，mentionit。'

Wegg，whohadbeengoingtoputonhisspectacles，immediatelylaidthemdown，withthesprightlyobservation:

'Youreadmythoughts，sir。DOmyeyesdeceiveme，oristhatobjectuptherea——apie?Itcan'tbeapie。'

'Yes，it'sapie，Wegg，'repliedMrBoffin，withaglanceofsomelittlediscomfitureattheDeclineandFall。

'HAVEIlostmysmellforfruits，orisitaapplepie，sir?'askedWegg。

'It'savealandhampie，'saidMrBoffin。

'Isitindeed，sir?Anditwouldbehard，sir，tonamethepiethatisabetterpiethanawealandhammer，'saidMrWegg，noddinghisheademotionally。

'Havesome，Wegg?'

'Thankyou，MrBoffin，IthinkIwill，atyourinvitation。Iwouldn'tatanyotherparty's，atthepresentjuncture；butatyours，sir！——Andmeatyjellytoo，especiallywhenalittlesalt，whichisthecasewherethere'sham，ismelleringtotheorgan，isverymelleringtotheorgan。'MrWeggdidnotsaywhatorgan，butspokewithacheerfulgenerality。

So，thepiewasbroughtdown，andtheworthyMrBoffinexercisedhispatienceuntilWegg，intheexerciseofhisknifeandfork，hadfinishedthedish:onlyprofitingbytheopportunitytoinformWeggthatalthoughitwasnotstrictlyFashionabletokeepthecontentsofalarderthusexposedtoview，he(MrBoffin)consideredithospitable；forthereason，thatinsteadofsaying，inacomparativelyunmeaningmanner，toavisitor，'Therearesuchandsuchediblesdownstairs；willyouhaveanythingup?'youtooktheboldpracticalcourseofsaying，'Castyoureyealongtheshelves，and，ifyouseeanythingyoulikethere，haveitdown。'

Andnow，MrWeggatlengthpushedawayhisplateandputonhisspectacles，andMrBoffinlightedhispipeandlookedwithbeamingeyesintotheopeningworldbeforehim，andMrsBoffinreclinedinafashionablemanneronhersofa:asonewhowouldbepartoftheaudienceifshefoundshecould，andwouldgotosleepifshefoundshecouldn't。

'Hem！'beganWegg，'This，MrBoffinandLady，isthefirstchapterofthefirstwollumeoftheDeclineandFalloff——'herehelookedhardatthebook，andstopped。

'What'sthematter，Wegg?'

'Why，itcomesintomymind，doyouknow，sir，'saidWeggwithanairofinsinuatingfrankness(havingfirstagainlookedhardatthebook)，'thatyoumadealittlemistakethismorning，whichIhadmeanttosetyourightin，onlysomethingputitoutofmyhead。I

thinkyousaidRooshanEmpire，sir?'

'ItisRooshan；ain'tit，Wegg?'

'No，sir。Roman。Roman。'

'What'sthedifference，Wegg?'

'Thedifference，sir?'MrWeggwasfalteringandindangerofbreakingdown，whenabrightthoughtflasheduponhim。'Thedifference，sir?Thereyouplacemeinadifficulty，MrBoffin。

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