Chapter1。XIII。

HowGargantua'swonderfulunderstandingbecameknowntohisfatherGrangousier，bytheinventionofatorcheculorwipebreech。

Abouttheendofthefifthyear，GrangousierreturningfromtheconquestoftheCanarians，wentbythewaytoseehissonGargantua。Therewashefilledwithjoy，assuchafathermightbeatthesightofsuchachildofhis:andwhilsthekissedandembracedhim，heaskedmanychildishquestionsofhimaboutdiversmatters，anddrankveryfreelywithhimandwithhisgovernesses，ofwhomingreatearnestheasked，amongstotherthings，whethertheyhadbeencarefultokeephimcleanandsweet。TothisGargantuaanswered，thathehadtakensuchacourseforthathimself，thatinallthecountrytherewasnottobefoundacleanlierboythanhe。Howisthat？saidGrangousier。Ihave，answeredGargantua，byalongandcuriousexperience，foundoutameanstowipemybum，themostlordly，themostexcellent，andthemostconvenientthateverwasseen。Whatisthat？

saidGrangousier，howisit？Iwilltellyouby-and-by，saidGargantua。

OnceIdidwipemewithagentle-woman'svelvetmask，andfoundittobegood；forthesoftnessofthesilkwasveryvoluptuousandpleasanttomyfundament。Anothertimewithoneoftheirhoods，andinlikemannerthatwascomfortable。Atanothertimewithalady'sneckerchief，andafterthatIwipedmewithsomeear-piecesofhersmadeofcrimsonsatin，buttherewassuchanumberofgoldenspanglesinthem(turdyroundthings，apoxtakethem)thattheyfetchedawayalltheskinofmytailwithavengeance。

NowIwishSt。Antony'sfireburnthebum-gutofthegoldsmiththatmadethem，andofherthatworethem！ThishurtIcuredbywipingmyselfwithapage'scap，garnishedwithafeatheraftertheSwitzers'fashion。

Afterwards，indungingbehindabush，IfoundaMarch-cat，andwithitI

wipedmybreech，butherclawsweresosharpthattheyscratchedandexulceratedallmyperinee。OfthisIrecoveredthenextmorningthereafter，bywipingmyselfwithmymother'sgloves，ofamostexcellentperfumeandscentoftheArabianBenin。AfterthatIwipedmewithsage，withfennel，withanet，withmarjoram，withroses，withgourd-leaves，withbeets，withcolewort，withleavesofthevine-tree，withmallows，wool-

blade，whichisatail-scarlet，withlettuce，andwithspinachleaves。Allthisdidverygreatgoodtomyleg。Thenwithmercury，withparsley，withnettles，withcomfrey，butthatgavemethebloodyfluxofLombardy，whichIhealedbywipingmewithmybraguette。ThenIwipedmytailinthesheets，inthecoverlet，inthecurtains，withacushion，witharrashangings，withagreencarpet，withatable-cloth，withanapkin，withahandkerchief，withacombing-cloth；inallwhichIfoundmorepleasurethandothemangydogswhenyourubthem。Yea，but，saidGrangousier，whichtorcheculdidyoufindtobethebest？Iwascomingtoit，saidGargantua，andby-and-byshallyouhearthetuautem，andknowthewholemysteryandknotofthematter。Iwipedmyselfwithhay，withstraw，withthatch-

rushes，withflax，withwool，withpaper，but，Whohisfoultailwithpaperwipes，Shallathisballocksleavesomechips。

What，saidGrangousier，mylittlerogue，hastthoubeenatthepot，thatthoudostrhymealready？Yes，yes，mylordtheking，answeredGargantua，I

canrhymegallantly，andrhymetillIbecomehoarsewithrheum。Hark，whatourprivysaystotheskiters:

Shittard，Squirtard，Crackard，Turdous，ThybungHathflungSomedungOnus:

Filthard，Cackard，Stinkard，St。Antony'sfireseizeonthytoane(bone？)，IfthyDirtyDounbyThoudonotwipe，erethoubegone。

Willyouhaveanymoreofit？Yes，yes，answeredGrangousier。Then，saidGargantua，ARoundelay。

Inshittingyes'dayIdidknowThesessItomyarsedidowe:

Thesmellwassuchcamefromthatslunk，ThatIwaswithitallbestunk:

OhadbutthensomebraveSignorBroughthertomeIwaitedfor，Inshitting！

Iwouldhavecleftherwatergap，Andjoin'ditclosetomyflipflap，WhilstshehadwithherfingersguardedMyfoulnockandrow，allbemerdedInshitting。

NowsaythatIcandonothing！BytheMerdi，theyarenotofmymaking，butIheardthemofthisgoodoldgrandam，thatyouseehere，andeversincehaveretainedtheminthebudgetofmymemory。

Letusreturntoourpurpose，saidGrangousier。What，saidGargantua，toskite？No，saidGrangousier，buttowipeourtail。But，saidGargantua，willnotyoubecontenttopayapuncheonofBretonwine，ifIdonotblankandgravelyouinthismatter，andputyoutoanon-plus？Yes，truly，saidGrangousier。

Thereisnoneedofwipingone'stail，saidGargantua，butwhenitisfoul；

foulitcannotbe，unlessonehavebeena-skiting；skitethenwemustbeforewewipeourtails。Omyprettylittlewaggishboy，saidGrangousier，whatanexcellentwitthouhast？Iwillmaketheeveryshortlyproceeddoctorinthejovialquirksofgaylearning，andthat，byG——，forthouhastmorewitthanage。Now，Iprithee，gooninthistorcheculative，orwipe-bummatorydiscourse，andbymybeardIswear，foronepuncheon，thoushalthavethreescorepipes，ImeanofthegoodBretonwine，notthatwhichgrowsinBritain，butinthegoodcountryofVerron。

AfterwardsIwipedmybum，saidGargantua，withakerchief，withapillow，withapantoufle，withapouch，withapannier，butthatwasawickedandunpleasanttorchecul；thenwithahat。Ofhats，notethatsomeareshorn，andothersshaggy，somevelveted，otherscoveredwithtaffeties，andotherswithsatin。Thebestofalltheseistheshaggyhat，foritmakesaveryneatabstersionofthefecalmatter。

AfterwardsIwipedmytailwithahen，withacock，withapullet，withacalf'sskin，withahare，withapigeon，withacormorant，withanattorney'sbag，withamontero，withacoif，withafalconer'slure。But，toconclude，Isayandmaintain，thatofalltorcheculs，arsewisps，bumfodders，tail-napkins，bungholecleansers，andwipe-breeches，thereisnoneintheworldcomparabletotheneckofagoose，thatiswelldowned，ifyouholdherheadbetwixtyourlegs。Andbelievemethereinuponminehonour，foryouwilltherebyfeelinyournockholeamostwonderfulpleasure，bothinregardofthesoftnessofthesaiddownandofthetemporateheatofthegoose，whichiseasilycommunicatedtothebum-gutandtheresttheinwards，insofarastocomeeventotheregionsoftheheartandbrains。AndthinknotthatthefelicityoftheheroesanddemigodsintheElysianfieldsconsistetheitherintheirasphodel，ambrosia，ornectar，asouroldwomenhereusedtosay；butinthis，accordingtomyjudgment，thattheywipetheirtailswiththeneckofagoose，holdingherheadbetwixttheirlegs，andsuchistheopinionofMasterJohnofScotland，aliasScotus。

Chapter1。XIV。

HowGargantuawastaughtLatinbyaSophister。

ThegoodmanGrangousierhavingheardthisdiscourse，wasravishedwithadmiration，consideringthehighreachandmarvellousunderstandingofhissonGargantua，andsaidtohisgovernesses，Philip，kingofMacedon，knewthegreatwitofhissonAlexanderbyhisskilfulmanagingofahorse；forhishorseBucephaluswassofierceandunrulythatnonedurstadventuretoridehim，afterthathehadgiventohisriderssuchdevilishfalls，breakingtheneckofthisman，theotherman'sleg，brainingone，andputtinganotheroutofhisjawbone。ThisbyAlexanderbeingconsidered，onedayinthehippodrome(whichwasaplaceappointedforthebreakingandmanagingofgreathorses)，heperceivedthatthefuryofthehorseproceededmerelyfromthefearhehadofhisownshadow，whereupongettingonhisback，herunhimagainstthesun，sothattheshadowfellbehind，andbythatmeanstamedthehorseandbroughthimtohishand。Wherebyhisfather，knowingthedivinejudgmentthatwasinhim，causedhimmostcarefullytobeinstructedbyAristotle，whoatthattimewashighlyrenownedaboveallthephilosophersofGreece。AfterthesamemannerI

tellyou，thatbythisonlydiscourse，whichnowIhaveherehadbeforeyouwithmysonGargantua，Iknowthathisunderstandingdothparticipateofsomedivinity，andthat，ifhebewelltaught，andhavethateducationwhichisfitting，hewillattaintoasupremedegreeofwisdom。ThereforewillIcommithimtosomelearnedman，tohavehimindoctrinatedaccordingtohiscapacity，andwillsparenocost。Presentlytheyappointedhimagreatsophister-doctor，calledMasterTubalHolofernes，whotaughthimhisABCsowell，thathecouldsayitbyheartbackwards；andaboutthishewasfiveyearsandthreemonths。ThenreadhetohimDonat，LeFacet，Theodolet，andAlanusinparabolis。Aboutthishewasthirteenyears，sixmonths，andtwoweeks。ButyoumustremarkthatinthemeantimehedidlearntowriteinGothiccharacters，andthathewroteallhisbooks——forartofprintingwasnottheninuse——anddidordinarilycarryagreatpenandinkhorn，weighingaboutseventhousandquintals(thatis，700，000poundweight)，thepennerwhereofwasasbigandaslongasthegreatpillarsofEnay，andthehornwashangingtoitingreatironchains，itbeingofthewidenessofatunofmerchantware。Afterthathereaduntohimthebookdemodissignificandi，withthecommentariesofHurtbise，ofFasquin，ofTropdieux，ofGualhaut，ofJohnCalf，ofBillonio，ofBerlinguandus，andarabbleofothers；andhereinhespentmorethaneighteenyearsandelevenmonths，andwassowellversedinitthat，totrymasteriesinschooldisputeswithhiscondisciples，hewouldreciteitbyheartbackwards，anddidsometimesproveonhisfinger-endstohismother，quoddemodissignificandinoneratscientia。Thendidhereadtohimthecompostforknowingtheageofthemoon，theseasonsoftheyear，andtidesofthesea，onwhichhespentsixteenyearsandtwomonths，andthatjustlyatthetimethathissaidpreceptordiedoftheFrenchpox，whichwasintheyearonethousandfourhundredandtwenty。Afterwardshegotanoldcoughingfellowtoteachhim，namedMasterJobelinBride，ormuzzleddolt，whoreaduntohimHugutio，Hebrard('s)Grecism，theDoctrinal，theParts，theQuidest，theSupplementum，Marmotretus，Demoribusinmensaservandis，Senecadequatuorvirtutibuscardinalibus，Passavantuscumcommento，andDormisecurefortheholidays，andsomeotherofsuchlikemealystuff，byreadingwhereofhebecameaswiseasanyweeversincebakedinanoven。

Chapter1。XV。

HowGargantuawasputunderotherschoolmasters。

Atthelasthisfatherperceivedthatindeedhestudiedhard，andthat，althoughhespentallhistimeinit，hedidneverthelessprofitnothing，butwhichisworse，grewtherebyfoolish，simple，doted，andblockish，whereofmakingaheavyregrettoDonPhilipofMarays，ViceroyorDeputeKingofPapeligosse，hefoundthatitwerebetterforhimtolearnnothingatall，thantobetaughtsuch-likebooks，undersuchschoolmasters；

becausetheirknowledgewasnothingbutbrutishness，andtheirwisdombutbluntfoppishtoys，servingonlytobastardizegoodandnoblespirits，andtocorruptalltheflowerofyouth。Thatitisso，take，saidhe，anyyoungboyofthistimewhohathonlystudiedtwoyears，——ifhehavenotabetterjudgment，abetterdiscourse，andthatexpressedinbettertermsthanyourson，withacompletercarriageandcivilitytoallmannerofpersons，accountmeforeverhereafteraveryclounchandbacon-slicerofBrene。ThispleasedGrangousierverywell，andhecommandedthatitshouldbedone。Atnightatsupper，thesaidDesMaraysbroughtinayoungpageofhis，ofVille-gouges，calledEudemon，soneat，sotrim，sohandsomeinhisapparel，sospruce，withhishairinsogoodorder，andsosweetandcomelyinhisbehaviour，thathehadtheresemblanceofalittleangelmorethanofahumancreature。ThenhesaidtoGrangousier，Doyouseethisyoungboy？Heisnotasyetfulltwelveyearsold。Letustry，ifitpleaseyou，whatdifferencethereisbetwixttheknowledgeofthedotingMateologiansofoldtimeandtheyoungladsthatarenow。ThetrialpleasedGrangousier，andhecommandedthepagetobegin。ThenEudemon，askingleaveofthevice-kinghismastersotodo，withhiscapinhishand，aclearandopencountenance，beautifulandruddylips，hiseyessteady，andhislooksfixeduponGargantuawithayouthfulmodesty，standingupstraightonhisfeet，beganverygracefullytocommendhim；

first，forhisvirtueandgoodmanners；secondly，forhisknowledge，thirdly，forhisnobility；fourthly，forhisbodilyaccomplishments；and，inthefifthplace，mostsweetlyexhortedhimtoreverencehisfatherwithalldueobservancy，whowassocarefultohavehimwellbroughtup。Intheendheprayedhim，thathewouldvouchsafetoadmitofhimamongsttheleastofhisservants；forotherfavouratthattimedesiredhenoneofheaven，butthathemightdohimsomegratefulandacceptableservice。Allthiswasbyhimdeliveredwithsuchpropergestures，suchdistinctpronunciation，sopleasantadelivery，insuchexquisitefineterms，andsogoodLatin，thatheseemedratheraGracchus，aCicero，anAemiliusofthetimepast，thanayouthofthisage。ButallthecountenancethatGargantuakeptwas，thathefelltocryinglikeacow，andcastdownhisface，hidingitwithhiscap，norcouldtheypossiblydrawonewordfromhim，nomorethanafartfromadeadass。WhereathisfatherwassogrievouslyvexedthathewouldhavekilledMasterJobelin，butthesaidDesMarayswithheldhimfromitbyfairpersuasions，sothatatlengthhepacifiedhiswrath。ThenGrangousiercommandedheshouldbepaidhiswages，thattheyshouldwhittlehimupsoundly，likeasophister，withgooddrink，andthengivehimleavetogotoallthedevilsinhell。Atleast，saidhe，todayshallitnotcosthishostmuchifbychanceheshoulddieasdrunkasaSwitzer。MasterJobelinbeinggoneoutofthehouse，GrangousierconsultedwiththeViceroywhatschoolmastertheyshouldchooseforhim，anditwasbetwixtthemresolvedthatPonocrates，thetutorofEudemon，shouldhavethecharge，andthattheyshouldgoaltogethertoParis，toknowwhatwasthestudyoftheyoungmenofFranceatthattime。

Chapter1。XVI。

HowGargantuawassenttoParis，andofthehugegreatmarethatherodeon；howshedestroyedtheoxfliesoftheBeauce。

InthesameseasonFayoles，thefourthKingofNumidia，sentoutofthecountryofAfricatoGrangousierthemosthideouslygreatmarethateverwasseen，andofthestrangestform，foryouknowwellenoughhowitissaidthatAfricaalwaysisproductiveofsomenewthing。Shewasasbigassixelephants，andhadherfeetclovenintofingers，likeJuliusCaesar'shorse，withslouch-hangingears，likethegoatsinLanguedoc，andalittlehornonherbuttock。Shewasofaburntsorrelhue，withalittlemixtureofdapple-greyspots，butaboveallshehadhorribletail；foritwaslittlemoreorlessthaneverywhitasgreatasthesteeple-pillarofSt。

MarkbesideLanges:andsquaredasthatis，withtuffsandennicrochesorhair-plaitswroughtwithinoneanother，nootherwisethanasthebeardsareupontheearsofcorn。

Ifyouwonderatthis，wonderratheratthetailsoftheScythianrams，whichweighedabovethirtypoundseach；andoftheSuriansheep，whoneed，ifTenaudsaytrue，alittlecartattheirheelstobearuptheirtail，itissolongandheavy。Youfemalelechersintheplaincountrieshavenosuchtails。AndshewasbroughtbyseainthreecarricksandabrigantineuntotheharbourofOloneinThalmondois。WhenGrangousiersawher，Hereis，saidhe，whatisfittocarrymysontoParis。Sonow，inthenameofGod，allwillbewell。Hewillintimescomingbeagreatscholar。Ifitwerenot，mymasters，forthebeasts，weshouldlivelikeclerks。Thenextmorning——aftertheyhaddrunk，youmustunderstand——theytooktheirjourney；Gargantua，hispedagoguePonocrates，andhistrain，andwiththemEudemon，theyoungpage。Andbecausetheweatherwasfairandtemperate，hisfathercausedtobemadeforhimapairofdunboots，——Babincallsthembuskins。Thusdidtheymerrilypasstheirtimeintravellingontheirhighway，alwaysmakinggoodcheer，andwereverypleasanttilltheycamealittleaboveOrleans，inwhichplacetherewasaforestoffive-and-thirtyleagueslong，andseventeeninbreadth，orthereabouts。Thisforestwasmosthorriblyfertileandcopiousindorflies，hornets，andwasps，sothatitwasaverypurgatoryforthepoormares，asses，andhorses。ButGargantua'smaredidavengeherselfhandsomelyofalltheoutragesthereincommitteduponbeastsofherkind，andthatbyatrickwhereoftheyhadnosuspicion。Forassoonasevertheywereenteredintothesaidforest，andthatthewaspshadgiventheassault，shedrewoutandunsheathedhertail，andtherewithskirmishing，didsosweepthemthatsheoverthrewallthewoodalongstandathwart，hereandthere，thiswayandthatway，longwiseandsidewise，overandunder，andfelledeverywherethewoodwithasmucheaseasamowerdoththegrass，insuchsortthatneversincehaththerebeenthereneitherwoodnordorflies:forallthecountrywastherebyreducedtoaplainchampaignfield。WhichGargantuatookgreatpleasuretobehold，andsaidtohiscompanynomorebutthis:Jetrouvebeauce(I

findthispretty)；whereuponthatcountryhathbeeneversincethattimecalledBeauce。Butallthebreakfastthemaregotthatdaywasbutalittleyawningandgaping，inmemorywhereofthegentlemenofBeaucedoasyettothisdaybreaktheirfastwithgaping，whichtheyfindtobeverygood，anddospitthebetterforit。AtlasttheycametoParis，whereGargantuarefreshedhimselftwoorthreedays，makingverymerrywithhisfolks，andinquiringwhatmenoflearningthereweretheninthecity，andwhatwinetheydrunkthere。

Chapter1。XVII。

HowGargantuapaidhiswelcometotheParisians，andhowhetookawaythegreatbellsofOurLady'sChurch。

Somefewdaysafterthattheyhadrefreshedthemselves，hewenttoseethecity，andwasbeheldofeverybodytherewithgreatadmiration；forthepeopleofParisaresosottish，sobadot，sofoolishandfondbynature，thatajuggler，acarrierofindulgences，asumpter-horse，ormulewithcymbalsortinklingbells，ablindfiddlerinthemiddleofacrosslane，shalldrawagreaterconfluenceofpeopletogetherthananevangelicalpreacher。AndtheypressedsoharduponhimthathewasconstrainedtoresthimselfuponthetowersofOurLady'sChurch。Atwhichplace，seeingsomanyabouthim，hesaidwithaloudvoice，Ibelievethatthesebuzzardswillhavemetopaythemheremywelcomehither，andmyProficiat。Itisbutgoodreason。Iwillnowgivethemtheirwine，butitshallbeonlyinsport。Thensmiling，heuntiedhisfairbraguette，anddrawingouthismentulintotheopenair，hesobitterlyall-to-bepissedthem，thathedrownedtwohundredandsixtythousand，fourhundredandeighteen，besidesthewomenandlittlechildren。Some，nevertheless，ofthecompanyescapedthispiss-floodbymerespeedoffoot，who，whentheywereatthehigherendoftheuniversity，sweating，coughing，spitting，andoutofbreath，theybegantoswearandcurse，someingoodhotearnest，andothersinjest。Carimari，carimara:golynoly，golynolo。BymysweetSanctess，wearewashedinsport，asporttrulytolaughat；——inFrench，Parris，forwhichthatcityhathbeeneversincecalledParis；whosenameformerlywasLeucotia，asStrabotestifieth，lib。quarto，fromtheGreekwordGreek，whiteness，——becauseofthewhitethighsoftheladiesofthatplace。Andforasmuchas，atthisimpositionofanewname，allthepeoplethatweretheresworeeveryonebytheSanctsofhisparish，theParisians，whicharepatchedupofallnationsandallpiecesofcountries，arebynaturebothgoodjurorsandgoodjurists，andsomewhatoverweening；whereuponJoanninusdeBarrauco，librodecopiositatereverentiarum，thinksthattheyarecalledParisiansfromtheGreekwordGreek，whichsignifiesboldnessandlibertyinspeech。Thisdone，heconsideredthegreatbells，whichwereinthesaidtowers，andmadethemsoundveryharmoniously。Whichwhilsthewasdoing，itcameintohismindthattheywouldserveverywellfortinglingtantansandringingcampanelstohangabouthismare'sneckwhensheshouldbesentbacktohisfather，asheintendedtodo，loadedwithBriecheeseandfreshherring。Andindeedheforthwithcarriedthemtohislodging。InthemeanwhiletherecameamasterbeggarofthefriarsofSt。

Anthonytodemandinhiscantingwaytheusualbenevolenceofsomehoggishstuff，who，thathemightbeheardafaroff，andtomakethebaconhewasinquestofshakeintheverychimneys，madeaccounttofilchthemawayprivily。Nevertheless，heleftthembehindveryhonestly，notforthattheyweretoohot，butthattheyweresomewhattooheavyforhiscarriage。

ThiswasnotheofBourg，forhewastoogoodafriendofmine。Allthecitywasrisenupinsedition，theybeing，asyouknow，uponanyslightoccasion，soreadytouproarsandinsurrections，thatforeignnationswonderatthepatienceofthekingsofFrance，whodonotbygoodjusticerestrainthemfromsuchtumultuouscourses，seeingthemanifoldinconvenienceswhichthencearisefromdaytoday。WouldtoGodIknewtheshopwhereinareforgedthesedivisionsandfactiouscombinations，thatI

mightbringthemtolightintheconfraternitiesofmyparish！Believeforatruth，thattheplacewhereinthepeoplegatheredtogether，werethussulphured，hopurymated，moiled，andbepissed，wascalledNesle，wherethenwas，butnowisnomore，theoracleofLeucotia。Therewasthecaseproposed，andtheinconvenienceshowedofthetransportingofthebells。

Aftertheyhadwellergotedproandcon，theyconcludedinbaralipton，thattheyshouldsendtheoldestandmostsufficientofthefacultyuntoGargantua，tosignifyuntohimthegreatandhorribleprejudicetheysustainbythewantofthosebells。Andnotwithstandingthegoodreasonsgiveninbysomeoftheuniversitywhythischargewasfitterforanoratorthanasophister，therewaschosenforthispurposeourMasterJanotusdeBragmardo。

Chapter1。XVIII。

HowJanotusdeBragmardowassenttoGargantuatorecoverthegreatbells。

MasterJanotus，withhishaircutroundlikeadishalaCaesarine，inhismostantiqueaccoutrementliripipionatedwithagraduate'shood，andhavingsufficientlyantidotedhisstomachwithoven-marmalades，thatis，breadandholywaterofthecellar，transportedhimselftothelodgingofGargantua，drivingbeforehimthreered-muzzledbeadles，anddraggingafterhimfiveorsixartlessmasters，allthoroughlybedaggledwiththemireofthestreets。AttheirentryPonocratesmetthem，whowasafraid，seeingthemsodisguised，andthoughttheyhadbeensomemasquersoutoftheirwits，whichmovedhimtoinquireofoneofthesaidartlessmastersofthecompanywhatthismummerymeant。Itwasansweredhim，thattheydesiredtohavetheirbellsrestoredtothem。AssoonasPonocratesheardthat，heraninallhastetocarrythenewsuntoGargantua，thathemightbereadytoanswerthem，andspeedilyresolvewhatwastobedone。Gargantuabeingadvertisedhereof，calledaparthisschoolmasterPonocrates，Philotimus，stewardofhishouse，Gymnastes，hisesquire，andEudemon，andverysummarilyconferredwiththem，bothofwhatheshoulddoandwhatanswerheshouldgive。Theywereallofopinionthattheyshouldbringthemuntothegoblet-office，whichisthebuttery，andtheremakethemdrinklikeroystersandlinetheirjacketssoundly。Andthatthiscoughermightnotbepuffedupwithvain-glorybythinkingthebellswererestoredathisrequest，theysent，whilsthewaschopiningandplyingthepot，forthemayorofthecity，therectorofthefaculty，andthevicarofthechurch，untowhomtheyresolvedtodeliverthebellsbeforethesophisterhadpropoundedhiscommission。Afterthat，intheirhearing，heshouldpronouncehisgallantoration，whichwasdone；andtheybeingcome，thesophisterwasbroughtinfullhall，andbeganasfolloweth，incoughing。

Chapter1。XIX。

TheorationofMasterJanotusdeBragmardoforrecoveryofthebells。

Hem，hem，gud-day，sirs，gud-day。Etvobis，mymasters。Itwerebutreasonthatyoushouldrestoretousourbells；forwehavegreatneedofthem。Hem，hem，aihfuhash。WehaveoftentimesheretoforerefusedgoodmoneyforthemofthoseofLondoninCahors，yeaandthoseofBourdeauxinBrie，whowouldhaveboughtthemforthesubstantificqualityoftheelementarycomplexion，whichisintronificatedintheterrestreityoftheirquidditativenature，toextraneizetheblastingmistsandwhirlwindsuponourvines，indeednotours，buttheseroundaboutus。Forifwelosethepiotandliquorofthegrape，weloseall，bothsenseandlaw。Ifyourestorethemuntousatmyrequest，Ishallgainbyitsixbasketfulsofsausagesandafinepairofbreeches，whichwilldomylegsagreatdealofgood，orelsetheywillnotkeeptheirpromisetome。Hobygob，Domine，apairofbreechesisgood，etvirsapiensnonabhorrebiteam。Ha，ha，apairofbreechesisnotsoeasilygot；Ihaveexperienceofitmyself。

Consider，Domine，Ihavebeentheseeighteendaysinmatagrabolizingthisbravespeech。RedditequaesuntCaesaris，Caesari，etquaesuntDei，Deo。

Ibijacetlepus。Bymyfaith，Domine，ifyouwillsupwithmeincameris，bycoxbody，charitatis，nosfaciemusbonumcherubin。Egoocciditunumporcum，etegohabetbonumvino:butofgoodwinewecannotmakebadLatin。Well，departeDeidatenobisbellasnostras。Hold，IgiveyouinthenameofthefacultyaSermonesdeUtino，thatutinamyouwouldgiveusourbells。Vultisetiampardonos？Perdiemvoshabebitis，etnihilpayabitis。O，sir，Domine，bellagivaminornobis；verily，estbonumvobis。

Theyareusefultoeverybody。Iftheyfityourmarewell，sodotheydoourfaculty；quaecomparataestjumentisinsipientibus，etsimilisfactaesteis，Psalmonescioquo。YetdidIquoteitinmynote-book，etestunumbonumAchilles，agooddefendingargument。Hem，hem，hem，haikhash！

ForIproveuntoyou，thatyoushouldgivemethem。Egosicargumentor。

Omnisbellabellabilisinbelleriobellando，bellans，bellativo，bellarefacit，bellabiliterbellantes。Parisiushabetbellas。Ergogluc，Ha，ha，ha。Thisisspokentosomepurpose。Itisintertioprimae，inDarii，orelsewhere。Bymysoul，IhaveseenthetimethatIcouldplaythedevilinarguing，butnowIammuchfailed，andhenceforwardwantnothingbutacupofgoodwine，agoodbed，mybacktothefire，mybellytothetable，andagooddeepdish。Hei，Domine，Ibeseechyou，innominePatris，Filii，etSpiritussancti，Amen，torestoreuntousourbells:andGodkeepyoufromevil，andourLadyfromhealth，quivivitetregnatperomniaseculaseculorum，Amen。Hem，hashchehhawksash，qzrchremhemhash。

Verumenimvero，quandoquidem，dubioprocul。Edepol，quoniam，itacerte，mediusfidius；atownwithoutbellsislikeablindmanwithoutastaff，anasswithoutacrupper，andacowwithoutcymbals。Thereforebeassured，untilyouhaverestoredthemuntous，wewillneverleavecryingafteryou，likeablindmanthathathlosthisstaff，brayinglikeanasswithoutacrupper，andmakinganoiselikeacowwithoutcymbals。Acertainlatinisator，dwellingnearthehospital，saidsince，producingtheauthorityofoneTaponnus，——Ilie，itwasonePontanusthesecularpoet，——

whowishedthosebellshadbeenmadeoffeathers，andtheclapperofafoxtail，totheendtheymighthavebegotachronicleinthebowelsofhisbrain，whenhewasaboutthecomposingofhiscarminiformallines。Butnacpetetinpetetac，tic，torchelorgne，orrotkipipurkipipotputpantsemalf，hewasdeclaredanheretic。Wemakethemasofwax。Andnomoresaiththedeponent。Valeteetplaudite。Calepinusrecensui。

Chapter1。XX。

HowtheSophistercarriedawayhiscloth，andhowhehadasuitinlawagainsttheothermasters。

Thesophisterhadnosoonerended，butPonocratesandEudemonburstoutinalaughingsoheartily，thattheyhadalmostsplitwithit，andgivenuptheghost，inrenderingtheirsoulstoGod:evenjustasCrassusdid，seeingalubberlyasseatthistles；andasPhilemon，who，forseeinganasseatthosefigswhichwereprovidedforhisowndinner，diedwithforceoflaughing。TogetherwiththemMasterJanotusfella-laughingtooasfastashecould，inwhichmoodoflaughingtheycontinuedsolong，thattheireyesdidwaterbythevehementconcussionofthesubstanceofthebrain，bywhichtheselachrymalhumidities，beingpressedout，glidedthroughtheopticnerves，andsotothefullrepresentedDemocritusHeraclitizingandHeraclitusDemocritizing。

Whentheyhaddonelaughing，Gargantuaconsultedwiththeprimeofhisretinuewhatshouldbedone。TherePonocrateswasofopinionthattheyshouldmakethisfairoratordrinkagain；andseeinghehadshowedthemmorepastime，andmadethemlaughmorethananaturalsoulcouldhavedone，thattheyshouldgivehimtenbasketsfullofsausages，mentionedinhispleasantspeech，withapairofhose，threehundredgreatbilletsoflogwood，five-and-twentyhogsheadsofwine，agoodlargedown-bed，andadeepcapaciousdish，whichhesaidwerenecessaryforhisoldage。Allthiswasdoneastheydidappoint:onlyGargantua，doubtingthattheycouldnotquicklyfindoutbreechesfitforhiswearing，becauseheknewnotwhatfashionwouldbestbecomethesaidorator，whetherthemartingalefashionofbreeches，whereinisaspungholewithadrawbridgeforthemoreeasycaguing:orthefashionofthemariners，forthegreatersolaceandcomfortofhiskidneys:orthatoftheSwitzers，whichkeepswarmthebedondaineorbelly-tabret:orroundbreecheswithstraightcannions，havingintheseatapiecelikeacod'stail，forfearofover-heatinghisreins:——allwhichconsidered，hecausedtobegivenhimsevenellsofwhiteclothforthelinings。Thewoodwascarriedbytheporters，themastersofartscarriedthesausagesandthedishes，andMasterJanotushimselfwouldcarrythecloth。Oneofthesaidmasters，calledJousseBandouille，showedhimthatitwasnotseemlynordecentforoneofhisconditiontodoso，andthatthereforeheshoulddeliverittooneofthem。Ha，saidJanotus，baudet，baudet，orblockhead，blockhead，thoudostnotconcludeinmodoetfigura。Forlo，tothisendservethesuppositionsandparvalogicalia。

Pannus，proquosupponit？Confuse，saidBandouille，etdistributive。Idonotaskthee，saidJanotus，blockhead，quomodosupponit，butproquo？Itis，blockhead，protibiismeis，andthereforeIwillcarryit，Egomet，sicutsuppositumportatappositum。Sodidhecarryitawayverycloseandcovertly，asPatelinthebuffoondidhiscloth。Thebestwas，thatwhenthiscougher，inafullactorassemblyheldattheMathurins，hadwithgreatconfidencerequiredhisbreechesandsausages，andthattheywereflatlydeniedhim，becausehehadthemofGargantua，accordingtotheinformationsthereuponmade，heshowedthemthatthiswasgratis，andoutofhisliberality，bywhichtheywerenotinanysortquitoftheirpromises。Notwithstandingthis，itwasansweredhimthatheshouldbecontentwithreason，withoutexpectationofanyotherbribethere。Reason？

saidJanotus。Weusenoneofithere。Unluckytraitors，youarenotworththehanging。Theearthbearethnotmorearrantvillainsthanyouare。I

knowitwellenough；haltnotbeforethelame。Ihavepractisedwickednesswithyou。ByGod'srattle，Iwillinformthekingoftheenormousabusesthatareforgedhereandcarriedunderhandbyyou，andletmebealeper，ifhedonotburnyoualivelikesodomites，traitors，hereticsandseducers，enemiestoGodandvirtue。

Uponthesewordstheyframedarticlesagainsthim:heontheothersidewarnedthemtoappear。Insum，theprocesswasretainedbythecourt，andisthereasyet。Hereuponthemagistersmadeavownevertodecrottthemselvesinrubbingoffthedirtofeithertheirshoesorclothes:

MasterJanotuswithhisadherentsvowednevertobloworsnufftheirnoses，untiljudgmentweregivenbyadefinitivesentence。

Bythesevowsdotheycontinueuntothistimebothdirtyandsnotty；forthecourthathnotgarbled，sifted，andfullylookedintoallthepiecesasyet。ThejudgmentordecreeshallbegivenoutandpronouncedatthenextGreekkalends，thatis，never。Asyouknowthattheydomorethannature，andcontrarytotheirownarticles。ThearticlesofParismaintainthattoGodalonebelongsinfinity，andnatureproducethnothingthatisimmortal；

forsheputtethanendandperiodtoallthingsbyherengendered，accordingtothesaying，Omniaortacadunt，&c。Butthesethickmist-

swallowersmakethesuitsinlawdependingbeforethembothinfiniteandimmortal。Indoingwhereof，theyhavegivenoccasionto，andverifiedthesayingofChilotheLacedaemonian，consecratedtotheoracleatDelphos，thatmiseryistheinseparablecompanionoflaw-debates；andthatpleadersaremiserable；forsoonershalltheyattaintotheendoftheirlives，thantothefinaldecisionoftheirpretendedrights。

Chapter1。XXI。

ThestudyofGargantua，accordingtothedisciplineofhisschoolmasterstheSophisters。

Thefirstdaybeingthusspent，andthebellsputupagainintheirownplace，thecitizensofParis，inacknowledgmentofthiscourtesy，offeredtomaintainandfeedhismareaslongashepleased，whichGargantuatookingoodpart，andtheysenthertograzeintheforestofBiere。Ithinksheisnottherenow。Thisdone，hewithallhisheartsubmittedhisstudytothediscretionofPonocrates；whoforthebeginningappointedthatheshoulddoashewasaccustomed，totheendhemightunderstandbywhatmeans，insolongtime，hisoldmastershadmadehimsosottishandignorant。Hedisposedthereforeofhistimeinsuchfashion，thatordinarilyhedidawakebetwixteightandnineo'clock，whetheritwasdayornot，forsohadhisancientgovernorsordained，allegingthatwhichDavidsaith，Vanumestvobisantelucemsurgere。Thendidhetumbleandtoss，waghislegs，andwallowinthebedsometime，thebettertostirupandrousehisvitalspirits，andapparelledhimselfaccordingtotheseason:butwillinglyhewouldwearagreatlonggownofthickfrieze，furredwithfox-skins。AfterwardshecombedhisheadwithanAlmaincomb，whichisthefourfingersandthethumb。Forhispreceptorsaidthattocombhimselfotherwise，towashandmakehimselfneat，wastolosetimeinthisworld。Thenhedunged，pissed，spewed，belched，cracked，yawned，spitted，coughed，yexed，sneezedandsnottedhimselflikeanarchdeacon，and，tosuppressthedewandbadair，wenttobreakfast，havingsomegoodfriedtripes，fairrashersonthecoals，excellentgammonsofbacon，storeoffinemincedmeat，andagreatdealofsippetbrewis，madeupofthefatofthebeef-pot，laiduponbread，cheese，andchoppedparsleystrewedtogether。Ponocratesshowedhimthatheoughtnottoeatsosoonafterrisingoutofhisbed，unlesshehadperformedsomeexercisebeforehand。

Gargantuaanswered，What！havenotIsufficientlywellexercisedmyself？I

havewallowedandrolledmyselfsixorseventurnsinmybedbeforeIrose。

Isnotthatenough？PopeAlexanderdidso，bytheadviceofaJewhisphysician，andlivedtillhisdyingdayindespiteofhisenemies。Myfirstmastershaveusedmetoit，sayingthattobreakfastmadeagoodmemory，andthereforetheydrankfirst。Iamverywellafterit，anddinebutthebetter。AndMasterTubal，whowasthefirstlicenciateatParis，toldmethatitwasnotenoughtorunapace，buttosetforthbetimes:sodothnotthetotalwelfareofourhumanitydependuponperpetualdrinkinginaribblerabble，likeducks，butondrinkingearlyinthemorning；undeversus，Torisebetimesisnogoodhour，Todrinkbetimesisbettersure。

Afterthathehadthoroughlybrokehisfast，hewenttochurch，andtheycarriedtohim，inagreatbasket，ahugeimpantoufledorthick-coveredbreviary，weighing，whatingrease，clasps，parchmentandcover，littlemoreorlessthanelevenhundredandsixpounds。Thereheheardsix-and-

twentyorthirtymasses。Thiswhile，tothesameplacecamehisorison-

muttererimpaletocked，orlappedupaboutthechinlikeatuftedwhoop，andhisbreathprettywellantidotedwithstoreofthevine-tree-syrup。Withhimhemumbledallhiskirielsanddunsicalbreborions，whichhesocuriouslythumbedandfingered，thattherefellnotsomuchasonegraintotheground。Ashewentfromthechurch，theybroughthim，uponadraydrawnwithoxen，aconfusedheapofpaternostersandavesofSt。Claude，everyoneofthembeingofthebignessofahat-block；andthuswalkingthroughthecloisters，galleries，orgarden，hesaidmoreinturningthemoverthansixteenhermitswouldhavedone。Thendidhestudysomepaltryhalf-hourwithhiseyesfixeduponhisbook；but，asthecomicsaith，hismindwasinthekitchen。Pissingthenafullurinal，hesatdownattable；

andbecausehewasnaturallyphlegmatic，hebeganhismealwithsomedozensofgammons，driedneat'stongues，hardroesofmullet，calledbotargos，andouillesorsausages，andsuchotherforerunnersofwine。Inthemeanwhile，fourofhisfolksdidcastintohismouthoneafteranothercontinuallymustardbywholeshovelfuls。Immediatelyafterthat，hedrankahorribledraughtofwhitewinefortheeaseofhiskidneys。Whenthatwasdone，heateaccordingtotheseasonmeatagreeabletohisappetite，andthenleftoffeatingwhenhisbellybegantostrout，andwasliketocrackforfulness。Asforhisdrinking，hehadinthatneitherendnorrule。Forhewaswonttosay，Thatthelimitsandboundsofdrinkingwere，whenthecorkoftheshoesofhimthatdrinkethswellethuphalfafoothigh。

Chapter1。XXII。

ThegamesofGargantua。

Thenblockishlymumblingwithasetoncountenanceapieceofscurvygrace，hewashedhishandsinfreshwine，pickedhisteethwiththefootofahog，andtalkedjoviallywithhisattendants。Thenthecarpetbeingspread，theybroughtplentyofcards，manydice，withgreatstoreandabundanceofchequersandchessboards。

Thereheplayed。

Atflush。Atlove。

Atprimero。Atthechess。

Atthebeast。AtReynardthefox。

Attherifle。Atthesquares。

Attrump。Atthecows。

Attheprickandsparenot。Atthelottery。

Atthehundred。Atthechanceormumchance。

Atthepeeny。Atthreediceormaniestbleaks。

Attheunfortunatewoman。Atthetables。

Atthefib。Atnivinivinack。

Atthepassten。Atthelurch。

Atone-and-thirty。Atdoubletsorqueen'sgame。

Atpostandpair，orevenandAtthefaily。

sequence。AttheFrenchtrictrac。

Atthreehundred。Atthelongtablesorferkeering。

Attheunluckyman。Atfeldown。

Atthelastcoupleinhell。Attod'sbody。

Atthehock。Atneedsmust。

Atthesurly。Atthedamesordraughts。

Atthelansquenet。Atbobandmow。

Atthecuckoo。Atprimussecundus。

Atpuff，orlethimspeakthatAtmark-knife。

hathit。Atthekeys。

Attakenothingandthrowout。Atspan-counter。

Atthemarriage。Atevenorodd。

Atthefrolicorjackdaw。Atcrossorpile。

Attheopinion。Atballandhuckle-bones。

Atwhodoththeone，doththeAtivoryballs。

other。Atthebilliards。

Atthesequences。Atbobandhit。

Attheivorybundles。Attheowl。

Atthetarots。Atthecharmingofthehare。

Atlosingloadhim。Atpullyetalittle。

Athe'sgulledandesto。Attrudgepig。

Atthetorture。Atthemagatapies。

Atthehandruff。Atthehorn。

Attheclick。AtthefloweredorShrovetideox。

Athonours。Atthemadge-owlet。

Atpinchwithoutlaughing。Attiltatweeky。

Atpricklemetickleme。Atninepins。

Attheunshoeingoftheass。Atthecockquintin。

Atthecocksess。Attipandhurl。

Atharihohi。Attheflatbowls。

AtIsetmedown。Attheveerandturn。

Atearlbeardy。Atrogueandruffian。

Attheoldmode。Atbumbatchtouch。

Atdrawthespit。Atthemysterioustrough。

Atputout。Attheshortbowls。

Atgossiplendmeyoursack。Atthedapple-grey。

Attheramcodball。Atcockandcrankit。

Atthrustouttheharlot。Atbreak-pot。

AtMarseillesfigs。Atmydesire。

Atnicknamry。Attwirlywhirlytrill。

Atstickandhole。Attherushbundles。

Atbokeorhim，orflayingthefox。Attheshortstaff。

Atthebranchingit。Atthewhirlinggig。

Attrillmadam，orgrapplemylady。Athideandseek，orareyouallAtthecatselling。hid？

Atblowthecoal。Atthepicket。

Atthere-wedding。Attheblank。

Atthequickanddeadjudge。Atthepilferers。

Atunoventheiron。Atthecaveson。

Atthefalseclown。Atprisonbars。

Attheflints，orattheninestones。Athaveatthenuts。

Attothecrutchhulchback。Atcherry-pit。

AttheSanctisfound。Atrubandrice。

Athinch，pinchandlaughnot。Atwhiptop。

Attheleek。Atthecastingtop。

Atbumdockdousse。Atthehobgoblins。

Attheloosegig。AttheOwonderful。

Atthehoop。Atthesoilysmutchy。

Atthesow。Atfastandloose。

Atbellytobelly。Atscutchbreech。

Atthedalesorstraths。Atthebroom-besom。

Atthetwigs。AtSt。Cosme，IcometoadoreAtthequoits。thee。

AtI'mforthat。Atthelustybrownboy。

AtItakeyounapping。Atgreedyglutton。

AtfairandsoftlypassethLent。Atthemorrisdance。

Attheforkedoak。Atfeeby。

Attruss。Atthewholefriskandgambol。

Atthewolf'stail。Atbattabum，orridingoftheAtbumtobuss，ornoseinbreech。wildmare。

AtGeordie，givememylance。AtHindtheploughman。

Atswaggy，waggyorshoggyshou。Atthegoodmawkin。

Atstookandrook，shearandAtthedeadbeast。

threave。Atclimbtheladder，Billy。

Atthebirch。Atthedyinghog。

Atthemuss。Atthesaltdoup。

Atthedillydillydarling。Attheprettypigeon。

Atoxmoudy。Atbarleybreak。

Atpurposeinpurpose。Atthebavine。

Atnineless。Atthebushleap。

Atblind-man-buff。Atcrossing。

Atthefallenbridges。Atbo-peep。

Atbridlednick。Attheharditarsepursy。

Atthewhiteatbutts。Attheharrower'snest。

Atthwackswingehim。Atforwardhey。

Atapple，pear，plum。Atthefig。

Atmumgi。Atgunshotcrack。

Atthetoad。Atmustardpeel。

Atcricket。Atthegome。

Atthepoundingstick。Attherelapse。

Atjackandthebox。Atjogbreech，orprickhimfor-

Atthequeens。ward。

Atthetrades。Atknockpate。

Atheadsandpoints。AttheCornishc(h)ough。

Atthevine-treehug。Atthecrane-dance。

Atblackbethyfall。Atslashandcut。

Athothedistaff。Atbobbing，orflirtontheAtJoanThomson。nose。

Attheboltingcloth。Atthelarks。

Attheoat'sseed。Atfillipping。

Afterhehadthuswellplayed，revelled，pastandspenthistime，itwasthoughtfittodrinkalittle，andthatwaselevenglassfulstheman，and，immediatelyaftermakinggoodcheeragain，hewouldstretchhimselfuponafairbench，oragoodlargebed，andtheresleeptwoorthreehourstogether，withoutthinkingorspeakinganyhurt。Afterhewasawakenedhewouldshakehisearsalittle。Inthemeantimetheybroughthimfreshwine。Therehedrankbetterthanever。Ponocratesshowedhimthatitwasanilldiettodrinksoaftersleeping。Itis，answeredGargantua，theverylifeofthepatriarchsandholyfathers；fornaturallyIsleepsalt，andmysleephathbeentomeinsteadofsomanygammonsofbacon。Thenbeganhetostudyalittle，andoutcamethepaternostersorrosaryofbeads，whichthebetterandmoreformallytodespatch，hegotuponanoldmule，whichhadservedninekings，andsomumblingwithhismouth，noddinganddoddlinghishead，wouldgoseeaconeyferretedorcaughtinagin。

Athisreturnhewentintothekitchentoknowwhatroastmeatwasonthespit，andwhatotherwisewastobedressedforsupper。Andsuppedverywell，uponmyconscience，andcommonlydidinvitesomeofhisneighboursthatweregooddrinkers，withwhomcarousinganddrinkingmerrily，theytoldstoriesofallsortsfromtheoldtothenew。AmongstothershehadfordomesticstheLordsofFou，ofGourville，ofGriniot，andofMarigny。

Aftersupperwerebroughtinupontheplacethefairwoodengospelsandthebooksofthefourkings，thatistosay，manypairsoftablesandcards——orthefairflush，one，two，three——oratall，tomakeshortwork；orelsetheywenttoseethewenchesthereabouts，withlittlesmallbanquets，intermixedwithcollationsandrear-suppers。Thendidhesleep，withoutunbridling，untileighto'clockinthenextmorning。

Chapter1。XXIII。

HowGargantuawasinstructedbyPonocrates，andinsuchsortdisciplinated，thathelostnotonehouroftheday。

WhenPonocratesknewGargantua'sviciousmannerofliving，heresolvedtobringhimupinanotherkind；butforawhileheborewithhim，consideringthatnaturecannotendureasuddenchange，withoutgreatviolence。

Therefore，tobeginhisworkthebetter，herequestedalearnedphysicianofthattime，calledMasterTheodorus，seriouslytoperpend，ifitwerepossible，howtobringGargantuaintoabettercourse。ThesaidphysicianpurgedhimcanonicallywithAnticyrianhellebore，bywhichmedicinehecleansedallthealterationandperversehabitudeofhisbrain。BythismeansalsoPonocratesmadehimforgetallthathehadlearnedunderhisancientpreceptors，asTimotheusdidtohisdisciples，whohadbeeninstructedunderothermusicians。Todothisthebetter，theybroughthimintothecompanyoflearnedmen，whichwerethere，inwhoseimitationhehadagreatdesireandaffectiontostudyotherwise，andtoimprovehisparts。Afterwardsheputhimselfintosucharoadandwayofstudying，thathelostnotanyonehourintheday，butemployedallhistimeinlearningandhonestknowledge。Gargantuaawaked，then，aboutfouro'clockinthemorning。Whilsttheywereinrubbingofhim，therewasreaduntohimsomechapteroftheholyScripturealoudandclearly，withapronunciationfitforthematter，andhereuntowasappointedayoungpageborninBasche，namedAnagnostes。Accordingtothepurposeandargumentofthatlesson，heoftentimesgavehimselftoworship，adore，pray，andsenduphissupplicationstothatgoodGod，whoseWorddidshowhismajestyandmarvellousjudgment。Thenwentheuntothesecretplacestomakeexcretionofhisnaturaldigestions。Therehismasterrepeatedwhathadbeenread，expoundinguntohimthemostobscureanddifficultpoints。Inreturning，theyconsideredthefaceofthesky，ifitwassuchastheyhadobserveditthenightbefore，andintowhatsignsthesunwasentering，asalsothemoonforthatday。Thisdone，hewasapparelled，combed，curled，trimmed，andperfumed，duringwhichtimetheyrepeatedtohimthelessonsofthedaybefore。Hehimselfsaidthembyheart，anduponthemwouldgroundsomepracticalcasesconcerningtheestateofman，whichhewouldprosecutesometimestwoorthreehours，butordinarilytheyceasedassoonashewasfullyclothed。Thenforthreegoodhourshehadalecturereaduntohim。

Thisdonetheywentforth，stillconferringofthesubstanceofthelecture，eitheruntoafieldneartheuniversitycalledtheBrack，oruntothemeadows，wheretheyplayedattheball，thelong-tennis，andatthepiletrigone(whichisaplaywhereinwethrowatriangularpieceofironataring，topassit)，mostgallantlyexercisingtheirbodies，asformerlytheyhaddonetheirminds。Alltheirplaywasbutinliberty，fortheyleftoffwhentheypleased，andthatwascommonlywhentheydidsweatoveralltheirbody，orwereotherwiseweary。Thenweretheyverywellwipedandrubbed，shiftedtheirshirts，and，walkingsoberly，wenttoseeifdinnerwasready。Whilsttheystayedforthat，theydidclearlyandeloquentlypronouncesomesentencesthattheyhadretainedofthelecture。

InthemeantimeMasterAppetitecame，andthenveryorderlysattheydownattable。Atthebeginningofthemealtherewasreadsomepleasanthistoryofthewarlikeactionsofformertimes，untilhehadtakenaglassofwine。Then，iftheythoughtgood，theycontinuedreading，orbegantodiscoursemerrilytogether；speakingfirstofthevirtue，propriety，efficacy，andnatureofallthatwasservedinatthetable；ofbread，ofwine，ofwater，ofsalt，offleshes，fishes，fruits，herbs，roots，andoftheirdressing。BymeanswhereofhelearnedinalittletimeallthepassagescompetentforthisthatweretobefoundinPliny，Athenaeus，Dioscorides，JuliusPollux，Galen，Porphyry，Oppian，Polybius，Heliodore，Aristotle，Aelian，andothers。Whilsttheytalkedofthesethings，manytimes，tobethemorecertain，theycausedtheverybookstobebroughttothetable，andsowellandperfectlydidheinhismemoryretainthethingsabovesaid，thatinthattimetherewasnotaphysicianthatknewhalfsomuchashedid。Afterwardstheyconferredofthelessonsreadinthemorning，and，endingtheirrepastwithsomeconserveormarmaladeofquinces，hepickedhisteethwithmastictooth-pickers，washedhishandsandeyeswithfairfreshwater，andgavethanksuntoGodinsomefinecantiques，madeinpraiseofthedivinebountyandmunificence。Thisdone，theybroughtincards，nottoplay，buttolearnathousandprettytricksandnewinventions，whichwereallgroundeduponarithmetic。Bythismeanshefellinlovewiththatnumericalscience，andeverydayafterdinnerandsupperhepassedhistimeinitaspleasantlyashewaswonttodoatcardsanddice；sothatatlastheunderstoodsowellboththetheoryandpracticalpartthereof，thatTunstalltheEnglishman，whohadwrittenverylargelyofthatpurpose，confessedthatverilyincomparisonofhimhehadnoskillatall。Andnotonlyinthat，butintheothermathematicalsciences，asgeometry，astronomy，music，&c。Forinwaitingontheconcoctionandattendingthedigestionofhisfood，theymadeathousandprettyinstrumentsandgeometricalfigures，anddidinsomemeasurepractisetheastronomicalcanons。

Afterthistheyrecreatedthemselveswithsingingmusically，infourorfiveparts，oruponasetthemeorgroundatrandom，asitbestpleasedthem。Inmatterofmusicalinstruments，helearnedtoplayuponthelute，thevirginals，theharp，theAlmainflutewithnineholes，theviol，andthesackbut。Thishourthusspent，anddigestionfinished，hedidpurgehisbodyofnaturalexcrements，thenbetookhimselftohisprincipalstudyforthreehourstogether，ormore，aswelltorepeathismatutinallecturesastoproceedinthebookwhereinhewas，asalsotowritehandsomely，todrawandformtheantiqueandRomanletters。Thisbeingdone，theywentoutoftheirhouse，andwiththemayounggentlemanofTouraine，namedtheEsquireGymnast，whotaughthimtheartofriding。Changingthenhisclothes，herodeaNaplescourser，aDutchroussin，aSpanishjennet，abardedortrappedsteed，thenalightfleethorse，untowhomhegaveahundredcarieres，madehimgothehighsaults，boundingintheair，freetheditchwithaskip，leapoverastileorpale，turnshortinaringbothtotherightandlefthand。Therehebrokenothislance；foritisthegreatestfooleryintheworldtosay，Ihavebrokentenlancesattiltsorinfight。Acarpentercandoevenasmuch。Butitisagloriousandpraise-worthyactionwithonelancetobreakandoverthrowtenenemies。

Therefore，withasharp，stiff，strong，andwell-steeledlancewouldheusuallyforceupadoor，pierceaharness，beatdownatree，carryawaythering，liftupacuirassiersaddle，withthemail-coatandgauntlet。Allthishedidincompletearmsfromheadtofoot。Asfortheprancingflourishesandsmackingpopismsforthebettercherishingofthehorse，commonlyusedinriding，nonedidthembetterthanhe。ThecavallerizeofFerrarawasbutasanapecomparedtohim。Hewassingularlyskilfulinleapingnimblyfromonehorsetoanotherwithoutputtingfoottoground，andthesehorseswerecalleddesultories。Hecouldlikewisefromeitherside，withalanceinhishand，leaponhorsebackwithoutstirrups，andrulethehorseathispleasurewithoutabridle，forsuchthingsareusefulinmilitaryengagements。Anotherdayheexercisedthebattle-axe，whichhesodexterouslywielded，bothinthenimble，strong，andsmoothmanagementofthatweapon，andthatinallthefeatspracticablebyit，thathepassedknightofarmsinthefield，andatallessays。

Thentossedhethepike，playedwiththetwo-handedsword，withthebacksword，withtheSpanishtuck，thedagger，poniard，armed，unarmed，withabuckler，withacloak，withatarget。Thenwouldhehuntthehart，theroebuck，thebear，thefallowdeer，thewildboar，thehare，thepheasant，thepartridge，andthebustard。Heplayedattheballoon，andmadeitboundintheair，bothwithfistandfoot。Hewrestled，ran，jumped——notatthreestepsandaleap，calledthehops，noratclochepied，calledthehare'sleap，noryetattheAlmains；for，saidGymnast，thesejumpsareforthewarsaltogetherunprofitable，andofnouse——butatoneleaphewouldskipoveraditch，springoverahedge，mountsixpacesuponawall，rampandgrappleafterthisfashionupagainstawindowofthefullheightofalance。Hedidswimindeepwatersonhisbelly，onhisback，sideways，withallhisbody，withhisfeetonly，withonehandintheair，whereinheheldabook，crossingthusthebreadthoftheriverofSeinewithoutwettingit，anddraggedalonghiscloakwithhisteeth，asdidJuliusCaesar；thenwiththehelpofonehandheenteredforciblyintoaboat，fromwhencehecasthimselfagainheadlongintothewater，soundedthedepths，hollowedtherocks，andplungedintothepitsandgulfs。Thenturnedhetheboatabout，governedit，leditswiftlyorslowlywiththestreamandagainstthestream，stoppeditinhiscourse，guideditwithonehand，andwiththeotherlaidhardabouthimwithahugegreatoar，hoistedthesail，hiedupalongthemastbytheshrouds，ranupontheedgeofthedecks，setthecompassinorder，tackledthebowlines，andsteeredthehelm。Comingoutofthewater，heranfuriouslyupagainstahill，andwiththesamealacrityandswiftnessrandownagain。Heclimbedupattreeslikeacat，andleapedfromtheonetotheotherlikeasquirrel。HedidpulldownthegreatboughsandbrancheslikeanotherMilo；thenwithtwosharpwell-steeleddaggersandtwotriedbodkinswouldherunupbythewalltotheverytopofahouselikearat；thensuddenlycamedownfromthetoptothebottom，withsuchanevencompositionofmembersthatbythefallhewouldcatchnoharm。

Hedidcastthedart，throwthebar，putthestone，practisethejavelin，theboar-spearorpartisan，andthehalbert。Hebrokethestrongestbowsindrawing，bendedagainsthisbreastthegreatestcrossbowsofsteel，tookhisaimbytheeyewiththehand-gun，andshotwell，traversedandplantedthecannon，shotatbutt-marks，atthepapgayfrombelowupwards，ortoaheightfromabovedownwards，ortoadescent；thenbeforehim，sideways，andbehindhim，liketheParthians。Theytiedacable-ropetothetopofahightower，byoneendwhereofhangingnearthegroundhewroughthimselfwithhishandstotheverytop；thenuponthesametrackcamedownsosturdilyandfirmthatyoucouldnotonaplainmeadowhaverunwithmoreassurance。Theysetupagreatpolefixedupontwotrees。Therewouldhehangbyhishands，andwiththemalone，hisfeettouchingatnothing，wouldgobackandforealongtheforesaidropewithsogreatswiftnessthathardlycouldoneovertakehimwithrunning；andthen，toexercisehisbreastandlungs，hewouldshoutlikeallthedevilsinhell。IheardhimoncecallEudemonfromSt。Victor'sgatetoMontmartre。StentorhadneversuchavoiceatthesiegeofTroy。Thenforthestrengtheningofhisnervesorsinewstheymadehimtwogreatsowsoflead，eachofthemweighingeightthousandandsevenhundredquintals，whichtheycalledalteres。Thosehetookupfromtheground，ineachhandone，thenliftedthemupoverhishead，andheldthemsowithoutstirringthreequartersofanhourandmore，whichwasaninimitableforce。Hefoughtatbarrierswiththestoutestandmostvigorouschampions；andwhenitcametothecope，hestoodsosturdilyonhisfeetthatheabandonedhimselfuntothestrongest，incasetheycouldremovehimfromhisplace，asMilowaswonttodoofold。Inwhoseimitation，likewise，heheldapomegranateinhishand，togiveituntohimthatcouldtakeitfromhim。Thetimebeingthusbestowed，andhimselfrubbed，cleansed，wiped，andrefreshedwithotherclothes，hereturnedfairandsoftly；andpassingthroughcertainmeadows，orothergrassyplaces，beheldthetreesandplants，comparingthemwithwhatiswrittenoftheminthebooksoftheancients，suchasTheophrast，Dioscorides，Marinus，Pliny，Nicander，Macer，andGalen，andcarriedhometothehousegreathandfulsofthem，whereofayoungpagecalledRizotomoshadcharge；togetherwithlittlemattocks，pickaxes，grubbing-hooks，cabbies，pruning-knives，andotherinstrumentsrequisiteforherborizing。

Beingcometotheirlodging，whilstsupperwasmakingready，theyrepeatedcertainpassagesofthatwhichhathbeenread，andsatdowntotable。Hereremark，thathisdinnerwassoberandthrifty，forhedidtheneatonlytopreventthegnawingsofhisstomach，buthissupperwascopiousandlarge，forhetookthenasmuchaswasfittomaintainandnourishhim；which，indeed，isthetruedietprescribedbytheartofgoodandsoundphysic，althougharabbleofloggerheadedphysicians，nuzzeledinthebrabblingshopofsophisters，counselthecontrary。Duringthatrepastwascontinuedthelessonreadatdinneraslongastheythoughtgood；therestwasspentingooddiscourse，learnedandprofitable。Afterthattheyhadgiventhanks，hesethimselftosingvocally，andplayuponharmoniousinstruments，orotherwisepassedhistimeatsomeprettysports，madewithcardsordice，orinpractisingthefeatsoflegerdemainwithcupsandballs。Theretheystayedsomenightsinfrolickingthus，andmakingthemselvesmerrytillitwastimetogotobed；andonothernightstheywouldgomakevisitsuntolearnedmen，ortosuchashadbeentravellersinstrangeandremotecountries。Whenitwasfullnightbeforetheyretiredthemselves，theywentuntothemostopenplaceofthehousetoseethefaceofthesky，andtherebeheldthecomets，ifanywere，aslikewisethefigures，situations，aspects，oppositions，andconjunctionsofboththefixedstarsandplanets。

Thenwithhismasterdidhebrieflyrecapitulate，afterthemannerofthePythagoreans，thatwhichhehadread，seen，learned，done，andunderstoodinthewholecourseofthatday。

ThenprayedtheyuntoGodtheCreator，infallingdownbeforehim，andstrengtheningtheirfaithtowardshim，andglorifyinghimforhisboundlessbounty；and，givingthanksuntohimforthetimethatwaspast，theyrecommendedthemselvestohisdivineclemencyforthefuture。Whichbeingdone，theywenttobed，andbetookthemselvestotheirreposeandrest。

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