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Jane Eyre
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第1章
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CharlotteBront(1816—1855)。—Novelist,daughteroftheRev。PatrickB。,aclergymanofIrishdescentandofeccentrichabitswhoembitteredthelivesofhischildrenbyhispeculiartheoriesofeducation。Broughtupinasmallparsonageclosetothegraveyardofableak,windsweptvillageontheYorkshiremoors,andleftmotherlessinearlychildhood,shewas“themotherlyfriendandguardianofheryoungersisters,”ofwhomtwo,EmilyandAnne,shared,butinalessdegree,hertalents。Aftervariouseffortsasschoolmistressesandgovernesses,thesisterstooktoliteratureandpublishedavol。ofpoemsunderthenamesofCurrer,Ellis,andActonBell,which,however,fellflat。Charlottethenwroteherfirstnovel,TheProfessor,whichdidnotappearuntilafterherdeath,andbeganJaneEyre,which,appearingin1847,tookthepublicbystorm。ItwasfollowedbyShirleyin1849,andVillettein1852。In1854shewasmarriedtoherfather’scurate,theRev。A。Nicholls,butafterashortthoughhappymarriedlifeshediedin1855。AnneB。(1820—1849)wastheauthoressofTheTenantofWildfellHallandAgnesGrey(1848)。Shehadnottheintellectualforceofhersisters。ThenovelsofCharlotteespeciallycreatedastrongimpressionfromthefirst,andthepublishedofJaneEyregaverisetomuchcuriosityandspeculationastoitsauthorship。TheirstrengthandoriginalityhaveretainedforthemahighplaceinEnglishfictionwhichislikelytoprovepermanent。ThereisabiographyofCharlottebyMrs。Gaskell(q。v。)。

EmilyBront?(1818—1848)。—Novelistandpoet。SistertoCharlotte

andAnne。WroteastoryofextraordinaryrealityandimaginationinWutheringHeights;inwhosepagestheYorkshiremoorsaregivenawildandtragicpersonalreality。Thesameemotionalforcemarksthebestofherpoems,thoughwrittenwithanapparentlyheedlesspenforherownrelief。

Preface

Aprefacetothefirsteditionof“JaneEyre”beingunnecessary,Igavenone:thissecondeditiondemandsafewwordsbothofacknowledgmentandmiscellaneousremark。

Mythanksaredueinthreequarters。

TothePublic,fortheindulgentearithasinclinedtoaplaintalewithfewpretensions。

TothePress,forthefairfielditshonestsuffragehasopenedtoanobscureaspirant。

TomyPublishers,fortheaidtheirtact,theirenergy,theirpracticalsenseandfrankliberalityhaveaffordedanunknownandunrecommendedAuthor。

ThePressandthePublicarebutvaguepersonificationsforme,andImustthanktheminvagueterms;butmyPublishersaredefinite:soarecertaingenerouscriticswhohaveencouragedmeasonlylarge—heartedandhigh—mindedmenknowhowtoencourageastrugglingstranger;tothem,i。e。,tomyPublishersandtheselectReviewers,Isaycordially,Gentlemen,Ithankyoufrommyheart。

HavingthusacknowledgedwhatIowethosewhohaveaidedandapprovedme,Iturntoanotherclass;asmallone,sofarasIknow,butnot,therefore,tobeoverlooked。Imeanthetimorousorcarpingfewwhodoubtthetendencyofsuchbooksas“JaneEyre:”inwhoseeyeswhateverisunusualiswrong;whoseearsdetectineachprotestagainstbigotry—thatparentofcrime—aninsulttopiety,thatregentofGodonearth。Iwouldsuggesttosuchdoubterscertainobviousdistinctions;Iwouldremindthemofcertainsimpletruths。

Conventionalityisnotmorality。Self—righteousnessisnotreligion。Toattackthefirstisnottoassailthelast。TopluckthemaskfromthefaceofthePharisee,isnottoliftanimpioushandtotheCrownofThorns。

Thesethingsanddeedsarediametricallyopposed:theyareasdistinctasisvicefromvirtue。Mentoooftenconfoundthem:theyshouldnotbeconfounded:appearanceshouldnotbemistakenfortruth;narrowhumandoctrines,thatonlytendtoelateandmagnifyafew,shouldnotbesubstitutedfortheworld—redeemingcreedofChrist。Thereis—Irepeatit—adifference;anditisagood,andnotabadactiontomarkbroadlyandclearlythelineofseparationbetweenthem。

Theworldmaynotliketoseetheseideasdissevered,forithasbeenaccustomedtoblendthem;findingitconvenienttomakeexternalshowpassforsterlingworth—toletwhite—washedwallsvouchforcleanshrines。Itmayhatehimwhodarestoscrutiniseandexpose—torasethegilding,andshowbasemetalunderit—topenetratethesepulchre,andrevealcharnelrelics:buthateasitwill,itisindebtedtohim。

AhabdidnotlikeMicaiah,becauseheneverprophesiedgoodconcerninghim,butevil;probablyhelikedthesycophantsonofChenaannahbetter;yetmightAhabhaveescapedabloodydeath,hadhebutstoppedhisearstoflattery,andopenedthemtofaithfulcounsel。

Thereisamaninourowndayswhosewordsarenotframedtotickledelicateears:who,tomythinking,comesbeforethegreatonesofsociety,muchasthesonofImlahcamebeforethethronedKingsofJudahandIsrael;andwhospeakstruthasdeep,withapowerasprophet—likeandasvital—amienasdauntlessandasdaring。Isthesatiristof“VanityFair”admiredinhighplaces?Icannottell;butIthinkifsomeofthoseamongstwhomhehurlstheGreekfireofhissarcasm,andoverwhomheflashesthelevin—brandofhisdenunciation,weretotakehiswarningsintime—theyortheirseedmightyetescapeafatalRimoth—Gilead。

WhyhaveIalludedtothisman?Ihavealludedtohim,Reader,becauseIthinkIseeinhimanintellectprofounderandmoreuniquethanhiscontemporarieshaveyetrecognised;becauseIregardhimasthefirstsocialregeneratoroftheday—astheverymasterofthatworkingcorpswhowouldrestoretorectitudethewarpedsystemofthings;becauseIthinknocommentatoronhiswritingshasyetfoundthecomparisonthatsuitshim,thetermswhichrightlycharacterisehistalent。TheysayheislikeFielding:theytalkofhiswit,humour,comicpowers。HeresemblesFieldingasaneagledoesavulture:Fieldingcouldstooponcarrion,butThackerayneverdoes。Hiswitisbright,hishumourattractive,butbothbearthesamerelationtohisseriousgeniusthatthemerelambentsheet—lightningplayingundertheedgeofthesummer—clouddoestotheelectricdeath—sparkhidinitswomb。Finally,IhavealludedtoMr。Thackeray,becausetohim—ifhewillacceptthetributeofatotalstranger—Ihavededicatedthissecondeditionof“JANEEYRE。”

CURRERBELL。

December21st,1847。

NotetotheThirdEdition

Iavailmyselfoftheopportunitywhichathirdeditionof“JaneEyre”affordsme,ofagainaddressingawordtothePublic,toexplainthatmyclaimtothetitleofnovelistrestsonthisoneworkalone。If,therefore,theauthorshipofotherworksoffictionhasbeenattributedtome,anhonourisawardedwhereitisnotmerited;andconsequently,deniedwhereitisjustlydue。

Thisexplanationwillservetorectifymistakeswhichmayalreadyhavebeenmade,andtopreventfutureerrors。

CURRERBELL。

April13th,1848。

Chapter1

Therewasnopossibilityoftakingawalkthatday。Wehadbeenwandering,indeed,intheleaflessshrubberyanhourinthemorning;butsincedinner(Mrs。Reed,whentherewasnocompany,dinedearly)thecoldwinterwindhadbroughtwithitcloudssosombre,andarainsopenetrating,thatfurtherout—doorexercisewasnowoutofthequestion。

Iwasgladofit:Ineverlikedlongwalks,especiallyonchillyafternoons:dreadfultomewasthecominghomeintherawtwilight,withnippedfingersandtoes,andaheartsaddenedbythechidingsofBessie,thenurse,andhumbledbytheconsciousnessofmyphysicalinferioritytoEliza,John,andGeorgianaReed。

ThesaidEliza,John,andGeorgianawerenowclusteredroundtheirmamainthedrawing—room:shelayreclinedonasofabythefireside,andwithherdarlingsabouther(forthetimeneitherquarrellingnorcrying)lookedperfectlyhappy。Me,shehaddispensedfromjoiningthegroup;saying,“Sheregrettedtobeunderthenecessityofkeepingmeatadistance;butthatuntilsheheardfromBessie,andcoulddiscoverbyherownobservation,thatIwasendeavouringingoodearnesttoacquireamoresociableandchildlikedisposition,amoreattractiveandsprightlymanner—somethinglighter,franker,morenatural,asitwere—shereallymustexcludemefromprivilegesintendedonlyforcontented,happy,littlechildren。”

“WhatdoesBessiesayIhavedone?”Iasked。

“Jane,Idon’tlikecavillersorquestioners;besides,thereissomethingtrulyforbiddinginachildtakinguphereldersinthatmanner。Beseatedsomewhere;anduntilyoucanspeakpleasantly,remainsilent。”

Abreakfast—roomadjoinedthedrawing—room,Islippedinthere。Itcontainedabookcase:Isoonpossessedmyselfofavolume,takingcarethatitshouldbeonestoredwithpictures。Imountedintothewindow—seat:gatheringupmyfeet,Isatcross—legged,likeaTurk;and,havingdrawntheredmoreencurtainnearlyclose,Iwasshrinedindoubleretirement。

Foldsofscarletdraperyshutinmyviewtotherighthand;totheleftweretheclearpanesofglass,protecting,butnotseparatingmefromthedrearNovemberday。Atintervals,whileturningovertheleavesofmybook,Istudiedtheaspectofthatwinterafternoon。Afar,itofferedapaleblankofmistandcloud;nearasceneofwetlawnandstorm—beatshrub,withceaselessrainsweepingawaywildlybeforealongandlamentableblast。

Ireturnedtomybook—Bewick’sHistoryofBritishBirds:theletterpressthereofIcaredlittlefor,generallyspeaking;andyettherewerecertainintroductorypagesthat,childasIwas,Icouldnotpassquiteasablank。Theywerethosewhichtreatofthehauntsofsea—fowl;of“thesolitaryrocksandpromontories”bythemonlyinhabited;ofthecoastofNorway,studdedwithislesfromitssouthernextremity,theLindeness,orNaze,totheNorthCape—

“WheretheNorthernOcean,invastwhirls,

Boilsroundthenaked,melancholyisles

OffarthestThule;andtheAtlanticsurge

PoursinamongthestormyHebrides。”

NorcouldIpassunnoticedthesuggestionofthebleakshoresofLapland,Siberia,Spitzbergen,NovaZembla,Iceland,Greenland,with“thevastsweepoftheArcticZone,andthoseforlornregionsofdrearyspace,—thatreservoiroffrostandsnow,wherefirmfieldsofice,theaccumulationofcenturiesofwinters,glazedinAlpineheightsaboveheights,surroundthepole,andconcentrethemultipliedrigoursofextremecold。”Ofthesedeath—whiterealmsIformedanideaofmyown:shadowy,likeallthehalf—comprehendednotionsthatfloatdimthroughchildren’sbrains,butstrangelyimpressive。Thewordsintheseintroductorypagesconnectedthemselveswiththesucceedingvignettes,andgavesignificancetotherockstandingupaloneinaseaofbillowandspray;tothebrokenboatstrandedonadesolatecoast;tothecoldandghastlymoonglancingthroughbarsofcloudatawreckjustsinking。

Icannottellwhatsentimenthauntedthequitesolitarychurchyard,withitsinscribedheadstone;itsgate,itstwotrees,itslowhorizon,girdledbyabrokenwall,anditsnewly—risencrescent,attestingthehourofeventide。

Thetwoshipsbecalmedonatorpidsea,Ibelievedtobemarinephantoms。

Thefiendpinningdownthethief’spackbehindhim,Ipassedoverquickly:itwasanobjectofterror。

Sowastheblackhornedthingseatedaloofonarock,surveyingadistantcrowdsurroundingagallows。

Eachpicturetoldastory;mysteriousoftentomyundevelopedunderstandingandimperfectfeelings,yeteverprofoundlyinteresting:asinterestingasthetalesBessiesometimesnarratedonwinterevenings,whenshechancedtobeingoodhumour;andwhen,havingbroughtherironing—tabletothenurseryhearth,sheallowedustositaboutit,andwhileshegotupMrs。Reed’slacefrills,andcrimpedhernightcapborders,fedoureagerattentionwithpassagesofloveandadventuretakenfromoldfairytalesandotherballads;or(asatalaterperiodIdiscovered)fromthepagesofPamela,andHenry,EarlofMoreland。

WithBewickonmyknee,Iwasthenhappy:happyatleastinmyway。Ifearednothingbutinterruption,andthatcametoosoon。Thebreakfast—roomdooropened。

“Boh!MadamMope!”criedthevoiceofJohnReed;thenhepaused:hefoundtheroomapparentlyempty。

“Wherethedickensisshe!”hecontinued。“Lizzy!Georgy!(callingtohissisters)Joanisnothere:tellmamasheisrunoutintotherain—badanimal!”

“ItiswellIdrewthecurtain,”thoughtI;andIwishedferventlyhemightnotdiscovermyhiding—place:norwouldJohnReedhavefounditouthimself;hewasnotquickeitherofvisionorconception;butElizajustputherheadinatthedoor,andsaidatonce—

“Sheisinthewindow—seat,tobesure,Jack。”

AndIcameoutimmediately,forItrembledattheideaofbeingdraggedforthbythesaidJack。

“Whatdoyouwant?”Iasked,withawkwarddiffidence。

“Say,‘Whatdoyouwant,MasterReed?’”wastheanswer。“Iwantyoutocomehere;”andseatinghimselfinanarm—chair,heintimatedbyagesturethatIwastoapproachandstandbeforehim。

JohnReedwasaschoolboyoffourteenyearsold;fouryearsolderthanI,forIwasbutten:largeandstoutforhisage,withadingyandunwholesomeskin;thicklineamentsinaspaciousvisage,heavylimbsandlargeextremities。Hegorgedhimselfhabituallyattable,whichmadehimbilious,andgavehimadimandblearedeyeandflabbycheeks。Heoughtnowtohavebeenatschool;buthismamahadtakenhimhomeforamonthortwo,“onaccountofhisdelicatehealth。”Mr。Miles,themaster,affirmedthathewoulddoverywellifhehadfewercakesandsweetmeatssenthimfromhome;butthemother’sheartturnedfromanopinionsoharsh,andinclinedrathertothemorerefinedideathatJohn’ssallownesswasowingtoover—applicationand,perhaps,topiningafterhome。

Johnhadnotmuchaffectionforhismotherandsisters,andanantipathytome。Hebulliedandpunishedme;nottwoorthreetimesintheweek,noronceortwiceintheday,butcontinually:everynerveIhadfearedhim,andeverymorseloffleshinmybonesshrankwhenhecamenear。ThereweremomentswhenIwasbewilderedbytheterrorheinspired,becauseIhadnoappealwhateveragainsteitherhismenacesorhisinflictions;theservantsdidnotliketooffendtheiryoungmasterbytakingmypartagainsthim,andMrs。Reedwasblindanddeafonthesubject:sheneversawhimstrikeorheardhimabuseme,thoughhedidbothnowandtheninherverypresence,morefrequently,however,behindherback。

HabituallyobedienttoJohn,Icameuptohischair:hespentsomethreeminutesinthrustingouthistongueatmeasfarashecouldwithoutdamagingtheroots:Iknewhewouldsoonstrike,andwhiledreadingtheblow,Imusedonthedisgustinganduglyappearanceofhimwhowouldpresentlydealit。Iwonderifhereadthatnotioninmyface;for,allatonce,withoutspeaking,hestrucksuddenlyandstrongly。Itottered,andonregainingmyequilibriumretiredbackasteportwofromhischair。

“Thatisforyourimpudenceinansweringmamaawhilesince,”saidhe,“andforyoursneakingwayofgettingbehindcurtains,andforthelookyouhadinyoureyestwominutessince,yourat!”

AccustomedtoJohnReed’sabuse,Ineverhadanideaofreplyingtoit;mycarewashowtoenduretheblowwhichwouldcertainlyfollowtheinsult。

“Whatwereyoudoingbehindthecurtain?”heasked。

“Iwasreading。”

“Showthebook。”

Ireturnedtothewindowandfetcheditthence。

“Youhavenobusinesstotakeourbooks;youareadependent,mamasays;youhavenomoney;yourfatherleftyounone;yououghttobeg,andnottoliveherewithgentlemen’schildrenlikeus,andeatthesamemealswedo,andwearclothesatourmama’sexpense。Now,I’llteachyoutorummagemybookshelves:fortheyaremine;allthehousebelongstome,orwilldoinafewyears。Goandstandbythedoor,outofthewayofthemirrorandthewindows。”

Ididso,notatfirstawarewhatwashisintention;butwhenIsawhimliftandpoisethebookandstandinacttohurlit,Iinstinctivelystartedasidewithacryofalarm:notsoonenough,however;thevolumewasflung,ithitme,andIfell,strikingmyheadagainstthedoorandcuttingit。Thecutbled,thepainwassharp:myterrorhadpasseditsclimax;otherfeelingssucceeded。

“Wickedandcruelboy!”Isaid。“Youarelikeamurderer—youarelikeaslave—driver—youareliketheRomanemperors!”

IhadreadGoldsmith’sHistoryofRome,andhadformedmyopinionofNero,Caligula,&c。AlsoIhaddrawnparallelsinsilence,whichIneverthoughtthustohavedeclaredaloud。

“What!what!”hecried。“Didshesaythattome?Didyouhearher,ElizaandGeorgiana?Won’tItellmama?butfirst—”

Heranheadlongatme:Ifelthimgraspmyhairandmyshoulder:hehadclosedwithadesperatething。Ireallysawinhimatyrant,amurderer。Ifeltadroportwoofbloodfrommyheadtrickledownmyneck,andwassensibleofsomewhatpungentsuffering:thesesensationsforthetimepredominatedoverfear,andIreceivedhiminfranticsort。Idon’tverywellknowwhatIdidwithmyhands,buthecalledme“Rat!Rat!”andbellowedoutaloud。Aidwasnearhim:ElizaandGeorgianahadrunforMrs。Reed,whowasgoneupstairs:shenowcameuponthescene,followedbyBessieandhermaidAbbot。Wewereparted:Iheardthewords—

“Dear!dear!WhatafurytoflyatMasterJohn!”

“Dideveranybodyseesuchapictureofpassion!”

ThenMrs。Reedsubjoined—

“Takeherawaytothered—room,andlockherinthere。”Fourhandswereimmediatelylaiduponme,andIwasborneupstairs。

Chapter2

Iresistedalltheway:anewthingforme,andacircumstancewhichgreatlystrengthenedthebadopinionBessieandMissAbbotweredisposedtoentertainofme。Thefactis,Iwasatriflebesidemyself;orratheroutofmyself,astheFrenchwouldsay:Iwasconsciousthatamoment’smutinyhadalreadyrenderedmeliabletostrangepenalties,and,likeanyotherrebelslave,Ifeltresolved,inmydesperation,togoalllengths。

“Holdherarms,MissAbbot:she’slikeamadcat。”

“Forshame!forshame!”criedthelady’s—maid。“Whatshockingconduct,MissEyre,tostrikeayounggentleman,yourbenefactress’sson!Youryoungmaster。”

“Master!Howishemymaster?AmIaservant?”

“No;youarelessthanaservant,foryoudonothingforyourkeep。There,sitdown,andthinkoveryourwickedness。”

TheyhadgotmebythistimeintotheapartmentindicatedbyMrs。Reed,andhadthrustmeuponastool:myimpulsewastorisefromitlikeaspring;theirtwopairofhandsarrestedmeinstantly。

“Ifyoudon’tsitstill,youmustbetieddown,”saidBessie。“MissAbbot,lendmeyourgarters;shewouldbreakminedirectly。”

MissAbbotturnedtodivestastoutlegofthenecessaryligature。Thispreparationforbonds,andtheadditionalignominyitinferred,tookalittleoftheexcitementoutofme。

“Don’ttakethemoff,”Icried;“Iwillnotstir。”

Inguaranteewhereof,Iattachedmyselftomyseatbymyhands。

“Mindyoudon’t,”saidBessie;andwhenshehadascertainedthatIwasreallysubsiding,sheloosenedherholdofme;thensheandMissAbbotstoodwithfoldedarms,lookingdarklyanddoubtfullyonmyface,asincredulousofmysanity。

“Sheneverdidsobefore,”atlastsaidBessie,turningtotheAbigail。

“Butitwasalwaysinher,”wasthereply。“I’vetoldMissisoftenmyopinionaboutthechild,andMissisagreedwithme。She’sanunderhandlittlething:Ineversawagirlofheragewithsomuchcover。”

Bessieanswerednot;buterelong,addressingme,shesaid—“Yououghttobeaware,Miss,thatyouareunderobligationstoMrs。Reed:shekeepsyou:ifsheweretoturnyouoff,youwouldhavetogotothepoorhouse。”

Ihadnothingtosaytothesewords:theywerenotnewtome:myveryfirstrecollectionsofexistenceincludedhintsofthesamekind。Thisreproachofmydependencehadbecomeavaguesing—songinmyear:verypainfulandcrushing,butonlyhalfintelligible。MissAbbotjoinedin—

“AndyououghtnottothinkyourselfonanequalitywiththeMissesReedandMasterReed,becauseMissiskindlyallowsyoutobebroughtupwiththem。Theywillhaveagreatdealofmoney,andyouwillhavenone:itisyourplacetobehumble,andtotrytomakeyourselfagreeabletothem。”

“Whatwetellyouisforyourgood,”addedBessie,innoharshvoice,“youshouldtrytobeusefulandpleasant,then,perhaps,youwouldhaveahomehere;butifyoubecomepassionateandrude,Missiswillsendyouaway,Iamsure。”

“Besides,”saidMissAbbot,“Godwillpunishher:Hemightstrikeherdeadinthemidstofhertantrums,andthenwherewouldshego?Come,Bessie,wewillleaveher:Iwouldn’thaveherheartforanything。Sayyourprayers,MissEyre,whenyouarebyyourself;forifyoudon’trepent,somethingbadmightbepermittedtocomedownthechimneyandfetchyouaway。”

Theywent,shuttingthedoor,andlockingitbehindthem。

Thered—roomwasasquarechamber,veryseldomsleptin,Imightsaynever,indeed,unlesswhenachanceinfluxofvisitorsatGatesheadHallrendereditnecessarytoturntoaccountalltheaccommodationitcontained:yetitwasoneofthelargestandstateliestchambersinthemansion。Abedsupportedonmassivepillarsofmahogany,hungwithcurtainsofdeepreddamask,stoodoutlikeatabernacleinthecentre;thetwolargewindows,withtheirblindsalwaysdrawndown,werehalfshroudedinfestoonsandfallsofsimilardrapery;thecarpetwasred;thetableatthefootofthebedwascoveredwithacrimsoncloth;thewallswereasoftfawncolourwithablushofpinkinit;thewardrobe,thetoilet—table,thechairswereofdarklypolishedoldmahogany。Outofthesedeepsurroundingshadesrosehigh,andglaredwhite,thepiled—upmattressesandpillowsofthebed,spreadwithasnowyMarseillescounterpane。Scarcelylessprominentwasanamplecushionedeasy—chairneartheheadofthebed,alsowhite,withafootstoolbeforeit;andlooking,asIthought,likeapalethrone。

Thisroomwaschill,becauseitseldomhadafire;itwassilent,becauseremotefromthenurseryandkitchen;solemn,becauseitwasknowntobesoseldomentered。Thehouse—maidalonecamehereonSaturdays,towipefromthemirrorsandthefurnitureaweek’squietdust:andMrs。Reedherself,atfarintervals,visitedittoreviewthecontentsofacertainsecretdrawerinthewardrobe,wherewerestoreddiversparchments,herjewel—casket,andaminiatureofherdeceasedhusband;andinthoselastwordsliesthesecretofthered—room—thespellwhichkeptitsolonelyinspiteofitsgrandeur。

Mr。Reedhadbeendeadnineyears:itwasinthischamberhebreathedhislast;herehelayinstate;hencehiscoffinwasbornebytheundertaker’smen;and,sincethatday,asenseofdrearyconsecrationhadguardeditfromfrequentintrusion。

Myseat,towhichBessieandthebitterMissAbbothadleftmeriveted,wasalowottomannearthemarblechimney—piece;thebedrosebeforeme;tomyrighthandtherewasthehigh,darkwardrobe,withsubdued,brokenreflectionsvaryingtheglossofitspanels;tomyleftwerethemuffledwindows;agreatlooking—glassbetweenthemrepeatedthevacantmajestyofthebedandroom。Iwasnotquitesurewhethertheyhadlockedthedoor;andwhenIdaredmove,Igotupandwenttosee。Alas!yes:nojailwasevermoresecure。Returning,Ihadtocrossbeforethelooking—glass;myfascinatedglanceinvoluntarilyexploredthedepthitrevealed。Alllookedcolderanddarkerinthatvisionaryhollowthaninreality:andthestrangelittlefiguretheregazingatme,withawhitefaceandarmsspeckingthegloom,andglitteringeyesoffearmovingwhereallelsewasstill,hadtheeffectofarealspirit:Ithoughtitlikeoneofthetinyphantoms,halffairy,halfimp,Bessie’seveningstoriesrepresentedascomingoutoflone,fernydellsinmoors,andappearingbeforetheeyesofbelatedtravellers。Ireturnedtomystool。

Superstitionwaswithmeatthatmoment;butitwasnotyetherhourforcompletevictory:mybloodwasstillwarm;themoodoftherevoltedslavewasstillbracingmewithitsbittervigour;IhadtostemarapidrushofretrospectivethoughtbeforeIquailedtothedismalpresent。

AllJohnReed’sviolenttyrannies,allhissisters’proudindifference,allhismother’saversion,alltheservants’partiality,turnedupinmydisturbedmindlikeadarkdepositinaturbidwell。WhywasIalwayssuffering,alwaysbrowbeaten,alwaysaccused,forevercondemned?WhycouldIneverplease?Whywasituselesstotrytowinanyone’sfavour?Eliza,whowasheadstrongandselfish,wasrespected。Georgiana,whohadaspoiledtemper,averyacridspite,acaptiousandinsolentcarriage,wasuniversallyindulged。Herbeauty,herpinkcheeksandgoldencurls,seemedtogivedelighttoallwholookedather,andtopurchaseindemnityforeveryfault。Johnnoonethwarted,muchlesspunished;thoughhetwistedthenecksofthepigeons,killedthelittlepea—chicks,setthedogsatthesheep,strippedthehothousevinesoftheirfruit,andbrokethebudsoffthechoicestplantsintheconservatory:hecalledhismother“oldgirl,”too;sometimesreviledherforherdarkskin,similartohisown;bluntlydisregardedherwishes;notunfrequentlytoreandspoiledhersilkattire;andhewasstill“herowndarling。”Idaredcommitnofault:Istrovetofulfileveryduty;andIwastermednaughtyandtiresome,sullenandsneaking,frommorningtonoon,andfromnoontonight。

MyheadstillachedandbledwiththeblowandfallIhadreceived:noonehadreprovedJohnforwantonlystrikingme;andbecauseIhadturnedagainsthimtoavertfartherirrationalviolence,Iwasloadedwithgeneralopprobrium。

“Unjust!—unjust!”saidmyreason,forcedbytheagonisingstimulusintoprecociousthoughtransitorypower:andResolve,equallywroughtup,instigatedsomestrangeexpedienttoachieveescapefrominsupportableoppression—asrunningaway,or,ifthatcouldnotbeeffected,nevereatingordrinkingmore,andlettingmyselfdie。

Whataconsternationofsoulwasminethatdrearyafternoon!Howallmybrainwasintumult,andallmyheartininsurrection!Yetinwhatdarkness,whatdenseignorance,wasthementalbattlefought!Icouldnotanswertheceaselessinwardquestion—whyIthussuffered;now,atthedistanceof—Iwillnotsayhowmanyyears,Iseeitclearly。

IwasadiscordinGatesheadHall:Iwaslikenobodythere;IhadnothinginharmonywithMrs。Reedorherchildren,orherchosenvassalage。Iftheydidnotloveme,infact,aslittledidIlovethem。Theywerenotboundtoregardwithaffectionathingthatcouldnotsympathisewithoneamongstthem;aheterogeneousthing,opposedtothemintemperament,incapacity,inpropensities;auselessthing,incapableofservingtheirinterest,oraddingtotheirpleasure;anoxiousthing,cherishingthegermsofindignationattheirtreatment,ofcontemptoftheirjudgment。IknowthathadIbeenasanguine,brilliant,careless,exacting,handsome,rompingchild—thoughequallydependentandfriendless—Mrs。Reedwouldhaveenduredmypresencemorecomplacently;herchildrenwouldhaveentertainedformemoreofthecordialityoffellow—feeling;theservantswouldhavebeenlesspronetomakemethescapegoatofthenursery。

Daylightbegantoforsakethered—room;itwaspastfouro’clock,andthebecloudedafternoonwastendingtodreartwilight。Iheardtherainstillbeatingcontinuouslyonthestaircasewindow,andthewindhowlinginthegrovebehindthehall;Igrewbydegreescoldasastone,andthenmycouragesank。Myhabitualmoodofhumiliation,self—doubt,forlorndepression,felldampontheembersofmydecayingire。AllsaidIwaswicked,andperhapsImightbeso;whatthoughthadIbeenbutjustconceivingofstarvingmyselftodeath?Thatcertainlywasacrime:andwasIfittodie?OrwasthevaultunderthechancelofGatesheadChurchaninvitingbourne?InsuchvaultIhadbeentolddidMr。Reedlieburied;andledbythisthoughttorecallhisidea,Idweltonitwithgatheringdread。Icouldnotrememberhim;butIknewthathewasmyownuncle—mymother’sbrother—thathehadtakenmewhenaparentlessinfanttohishouse;andthatinhislastmomentshehadrequiredapromiseofMrs。Reedthatshewouldrearandmaintainmeasoneofherownchildren。Mrs。Reedprobablyconsideredshehadkeptthispromise;andsoshehad,Idaresay,aswellashernaturewouldpermither;buthowcouldshereallylikeaninterlopernotofherrace,andunconnectedwithher,afterherhusband’sdeath,byanytie?Itmusthavebeenmostirksometofindherselfboundbyahard—wrungpledgetostandinthesteadofaparenttoastrangechildshecouldnotlove,andtoseeanuncongenialalienpermanentlyintrudedonherownfamilygroup。

【推荐阅读】幽幽深宫,醒来一梦似千年,重生于下堂妃身躯中的她,将如何手刃仇人? 点击阅读

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