Atanyrateweloved，andoneeveningintheshelterofthesolemnwallsofthegreatColiseumatRome，whichatthathourwereshuttoallexceptourselves，weconfessedourlove。I
reallythinkwemusthavechosenthespotbytacitbutmutualconsentbecausewefeltittobefitting。Itwassoold，soimpregnatedwitheveryhumanexperience，fromthedirestcrimeofthetyrantwhothoughthimselfagod，tothesublimestsacrificeofthemartyrwhoalreadywashalfagod；witheveryviceandvirtuealsowhichliesbetweentheseextremes，thatitseemedtobethemostfittingaltarwhereontoofferourheartsandallthatcausedthemtobeat，eachtotheother。
SoNatalieandIwerebetrothedwithinamonthofourfirstmeeting。Withinthreeweweremarried，forwhatwastheretopreventordelay？NaturallySirAlfredwasdelighted，seeingthathepossessedbutsmallprivateresourcesandIwasabletomakeampleprovisionforhisdaughterwhohadhithertoshownherselfsomewhatdifficultinthisbusinessofmatrimonyandnowwasborderingonhertwenty—seventhyear。Everybodywasdelighted，everythingwentsmoothlyasasledgeslidingdownaslopeoffrozensnowandthemistsoftimehidwhatevermightbeattheendofthatslope。Probablyaplain；attheworsttheupwardriseofordinarylife。
Thatiswhatwethought，ifwethoughtatall。Certainlyweneverdreamedofaprecipice。Whyshouldwe，whowereyoung，bycomparison，quitehealthyandveryrich？Whothinksofprecipicesundersuchcircumstances，whendisasterseemstobeeliminatedanddeathisyetalongwayoff？
Andyetweoughttohavedoneso，becauseweshouldhaveknownthatsmoothsurfaceswithoutimpedimenttotherunnersoftenendinsomethingofthekind。
IamboundtosaythatwhenwereturnedhometoFulcombe，whereofcoursewemetwithagreatreception，includingtheringing（outoftune）ofthenewpealofbellsthatIhadgiventothechurch，Bastinmadehastetopointthisout。
"Yourwifeseemsaveryniceandbeautifullady，Arbuthnot，"hereflectedaloudafterdinner，whenMrs。Bastin，gloweringasusual，thoughwhatatIdonotknow，hadbeenescortedfromtheroombyNatalie，"andreally，whenIcometothinkofit，youareanunusuallyfortunateperson。Youpossessagreatdealofmoney，muchmorethanyouhaveanyrightto；whichyouseemtohavedoneverylittletoearnanddonotspendquiteasIshouldlikeyoutodo，andthisniceproperty，thatoughttobeownedbyagreatnumberofpeople，as，accordingtotheviewsyouexpress，I
shouldhavethoughtyouwouldacknowledge，andeverythingelsethatamancanwant。Itisverystrangethatyoushouldbesofavouredandnotbecauseofanyparticularmeritsofyourownwhichonecansee。However，Ihavenodoubtitwillallcomeevenintheendandyouwillgetyourshareoftroubles，likeothers。
PerhapsMrs。Arbuthnotwillhavenochildrenasthereissomuchforthemtotake。Orperhapsyouwillloseallyourmoneyandhavetoworkforyourliving，whichmightbegoodforyou。Or，"
headded，stillthinkingaloudafterhisfashion，"perhapsshewilldieyoung——shehasthatkindofface，although，ofcourse，I
hopeshewon’t，"headded，wakingup。
Idonotknowwhy，buthiswanderingwordsstruckmecold；theproverbialfuneralbellatthemarriagefeastwasnothingtothem。IsupposeitwasbecauseinaflashofintuitionIknewthattheywouldcometrueandthathewasanappointedCassandra。
Perhapsthisuncannyknowledgeovercamemynaturalindignationatsuchsuper—gaucherieofwhichnoonebutBastincouldhavebeencapable，andevenpreventedmefromreplyingatall，sothatI
merelysatstillandlookedathim。
ButBickleydidreplywithsomevigour。
"Forgivemeforsayingso，Bastin，"hesaid，bristlingalloverasitwere，"butyourremarks，whichmayormaynotbeinaccordancewiththeprinciplesofyourreligion，seemtometobeinsingularlybadtaste。TheywouldhaveturnedthestomachsofagatheringofearlyChristians，whoappeartohavebeentheworstmanneredpeopleintheworld，andatanydecentheathenfeastyourneckwouldhavebeenwrungasthatofabirdofillomen。"
"Why？"askedBastinblankly。"IonlysaidwhatIthoughttobethetruth。Thetruthisbetterthanwhatyoucallgoodtaste。"
"ThenIwillsaywhatIthinkalsotobethetruth，"repliedBickley，growingfurious。"ItisthatyouuseyourChristianityasacloakforbadmanners。Itteachesconsiderationandsympathyforothersofwhichyouseemtohavenone。Moreover，sinceyoutalkofthedeathofpeople’swives，Iwilltellyousomethingaboutyourown，asadoctor，whichIcandoasIneverattendedher。Itishighlyprobable，inmyopinion，thatshewilldiebeforeMrs。Arbuthnot，whoisquiteahealthypersonwithagoodprospectoflife。"
"Perhaps，"saidBastin。"Ifso，itwillbeGod’swillandI
shallnotcomplain"（hereBickleysnorted），"thoughIdonotseewhatyoucanknowaboutit。ButwhyshouldyoucastreflectionsontheearlyChristianswhowerepeopleofstrongprinciplelivinginroughtimes，andhadtowagewaragainstanestablisheddevil—worship？IknowyouareangrybecausetheysmashedupthestatuesofVenusandsoforth，buthadIbeenintheirplaceI
shouldhavedonethesame。"
"Ofcourseyouwould，whodoubtsit？ButasfortheearlyChristiansandtheiriconoclasticperformances——well，cursethem，that’sall！"andhesprangupandlefttheroom。
Ifollowedhim。
Letitnotbesupposedfromtheabovescenethattherewasanyill—feelingbetweenBastinandBickley。Onthecontrarytheyweremuchattachedtoeachother，andthiskindofquarrelmeantnomorethanthestrongexpressionoftheirindividualviewstowhichtheywereaccustomedfromtheircollegedays。ForinstanceBastinwasalwaystalkingabouttheearlyChristiansandmissionaries，whileBickleyloathedboth，theearlyChristiansbecauseofthedestructionwhichtheyhadwroughtinEgypt，Italy，Greeceandelsewhere，ofallthatwasbeautiful；andthemissionariesbecause，ashesaid，theyweredegradingandspoilingthenativeracesandbyinducingthemtowearclothes，renderingthemliabletodisease。Bastinwouldanswerthattheirsoulsweremoreimportantthantheirbodies，towhichBickleyrepliedthatastherewasnosuchthingasasoulexceptinthestupidimaginationofpriests，hedifferedentirelyonthepoint。
Asitwasquiteimpossibleforeithertoconvincetheother，theretheconversationwouldend，ordriftintosomethinginwhichtheyweremutuallyinterested，suchasnaturalhistoryandthehygieneoftheneighbourhood。
HereImaystatethatBickley’skeenprofessionaleyewasnotmistakenwhenhediagnosedMrs。Bastin’sstateofhealthasdangerous。Asamatteroffactshewassufferingfromheartdiseasethatadoctorcanoftenrecognisebythecolourofthelips，etc。，whichbroughtaboutherdeathunderthefollowingcircumstances：
Herhusbandattendedsomeecclesiasticalfunctionatatownovertwentymilesawayandwastohavereturnedbyatrainwhichwouldhavebroughthimhomeaboutfiveo’clock。Ashedidnotarriveshewaitedatthestationforhimuntilthelasttraincameinaboutseveno’clock——withoutthebelovedBasil。Then，onawinter’snightshetoreuptothePrioryandbeggedmetolendheradog—cartinwhichtodrivetothesaidtowntolookforhim。Iexpostulatedagainstthefollyofsuchaproceeding，sayingthatnodoubtBasilwassafeenoughbuthadforgottentotelegraph，orthoughtthathewouldsavethesixpencewhichthewirecost。
Thenitcameout，toNatalie’sandmyintenseamusement，thatallthiswastheresultofherjealousnatureofwhichIhavespoken。Shesaidshehadneversleptanightawayfromherhusbandsincetheyweremarriedandwithsomany"designingpersons"aboutshecouldnotsaywhatmighthappenifshedidso，especiallyashewas"suchafavouriteandsohandsome。"（Bastinwasafinelookingmaninhisruggedway。）
Isuggestedthatshemighthavealittleconfidenceinhim，towhichshereplieddarklythatshehadnoconfidenceinanybody。
TheendofitwasthatIlentherthecartwithafasthorseandagooddriver，andoffshewent。Reachingthetowninquestionsometwoandahalfhourslater，shesearchedhighandlowthroughwindandsleet，butfoundnoBasil。He，itappeared，hadgoneontoExeter，tolookatthecathedralwheresomebuildingwasbeingdone，andmissingthelasttrainhadtheresleptthenight。
Aboutoneinthemorning，afterbeingnearlylockedupasamadwoman，shedrovebacktotheVicarage，againtofindnoBasil。
Eventhenshedidnotgotobedbutragedaboutthehouseinherwetclothes，untilshefelldownutterlyexhausted。Whenherhusbanddidreturnonthefollowingmorning，fullofinformationaboutthecathedral，shewasdangerouslyill，andactuallypassedawaywhileutteringaviolenttiradeagainsthimforhissupposedsuspiciousproceedings。
ThatwastheendofthistrulyodiousBritishmatron。
InafterdaysBastin，bysomepeculiarmentalprocess，canonisedherinhisimaginationasakindofsaint。"Soloving，"
hewouldsay，"suchadevotedwife！Why，mydearHumphrey，Icanassureyouthateveninthemidstofherdeath—struggleherlastthoughtswereofme，"wordsthatcausedBickleytosnortwithmorethanusualvigour，untilIkickedhimtosilencebeneaththetable。
ChapterIV
DeathandDepartureNowImusttellofmyownterriblesorrow，whichturnedmylifetobitternessandmyhopestoashes。
NeverwereamanandawomanhappiertogetherthanIandNatalie。Mentally，physically，spirituallywewereperfectlymated，andwelovedeachotherdearly。Trulywewereasone。Yettherewassomethingaboutherwhichfilledmewithvaguefears，especiallyaftershefoundthatshewastobecomeamother。I
wouldtalktoherofthechild，butshewouldsighandshakeherhead，hereyesfillingwithtears，andsaythatwemustnotcountonthecontinuanceofsuchhappinessasours，foritwastoogreat。
Itriedtolaughawayherdoubts，thoughwheneverIdidsoI
seemedtohearBastin’sslowvoiceremarkingcasuallythatshemightdie，ashemighthavecommentedonthequalityoftheclaret。Atlast，however，Igrewterrifiedandaskedherbluntlywhatshemeant。
"Idon’tquiteknow，dearest，"shereplied，"especiallyasIamwonderfullywell。But——but——"
"Butwhat？"Iasked。
"ButIthinkthatourcompanionshipisgoingtobebrokenforalittlewhile。"
"Foralittlewhile！"Iexclaimed。
"Yes，Humphrey。IthinkthatIshallbetakenawayfromyou——
youknowwhatImean，"andshenoddedtowardsthechurchyard。
"Oh，myGod！"Igroaned。
"Iwanttosaythis，"sheaddedquickly，"thatifsuch’athingshouldhappen，asithappenseveryday，Iimploreyou，dearestHumphrey，nottobetoomuchdistressed，sinceIamsurethatyouwillfindmeagain。No，Ican’texplainhoworwhenorwhere，becauseIdonotknow。Ihaveprayedforlight，butithasnotcometome。AllIknowisthatIamnottalkingofreunioninMr。
Bastin’skindofconventionalheaven，whichhespeaksaboutasthoughtoreachitonestumbledthroughdarknessforaminuteintoafinenewhousenextdoor，whereexcellentservantshadmadeeverythingreadyforyourarrivalandallthelightswereturnedup。Itissomethingquitedifferentfromthatandverymuchmorereal。"
ThenshebentdownostensiblytopattheheadofalittleblackcockerspanielcalledTommywhichhadbeengiventoherasapuppy，ahighlyintelligentandaffectionateanimalthatwebothadoredandthatlovedherasonlyadogcanlove。Really，Iknew，itwastohidehertears，andfledfromtheroomlestsheshouldseemine。
AsIwentIheardthedogwhimperinginapeculiarway，asthoughsomesympatheticknowledgehadbeencommunicatedtoitswonderfulanimalintelligence。
ThatnightIspoketoBickleyaboutthematter，repeatingexactlywhathadpassed。AsIexpected，hesmiledinhisgrave，rathersarcasticway，andmadelightofit。
"MydearHumphrey，"hesaid，"don’ttormentyourselfaboutsuchfancies。Theyareofeverydayoccurrenceamongwomeninyourwife’scondition。Sometimestheytakeoneform，sometimesanother。Whenshehasgotherbabyyouwillhearnomoreofthem。"
Itriedtobecomfortedbutinvain。
Thedaysandweekswentbylikealongnightmareandinduecoursetheeventhappened。Bickleywasnotattendingthecase；itwasnotinhisline，hesaid，andhepreferredthatwhereafriend’swifewasconcerned，somebodyelseshouldbecalledin。
Soitwasputinchargeofaverygoodlocalmanwithalargeexperienceinsuchdomesticmatters。
HowamItotellofit？Everythingwentwrong；asforthedetails，letthembe。UltimatelyBickleydidoperate，andifsurpassingskillcouldhavesavedher，itwouldhavebeendone。
Buttheothermanhadmisjudgedtheconditions；itwastoolate，nothingcouldhelpeithermotherorchild，alittlegirlwhodiedshortlyaftershewasbornbutnotbeforeshehadbeenchristened，alsobythenameofNatalie。
Iwascalledintosayfarewelltomywifeandfoundherradiant，triumphanteveninherweakness。
"Iknownow，"shewhisperedinafaintvoice。"Iunderstoodasthechloroformpassedaway，butIcannottellyou。Everythingisquitewell，mydarling。Gowhereyouseemcalledtogo，faraway。
Oh！thewonderfulplaceinwhichyouwillfindme，notknowingthatyouhavefoundme。Good—byeforalittlewhile；onlyforalittlewhile，myown，myown！"
Thenshedied。AndforatimeItooseemedtodie，butcouldnot。IburiedherandthechildhereatFulcombe；orratherI
buriedtheirashessinceIcouldnotendurethatherbelovedbodyshouldseecorruption。
Afterwards，whenallwasover，IspokeoftheselastwordsofNatalie’swithbothBickleyandBastin，forsomehowIseemedtowishtolearntheirseparateviews。
ThelatterImayexplain，hadbeenpresentattheendinhisspiritualcapacity，butIdonotthinkthatheintheleastunderstoodthenatureofthedramawhichwaspassingbeforehiseyes。Hisprayersandthechristeningabsorbedallhisattention，andheneverwasamanwhocouldthinkofmorethanonethingatatime。
WhenItoldhimexactlywhathadhappenedandrepeatedthewordsthatNataliespoke，hewasmuchinterestedinhisownnebulousway，andsaidthatitwasdelightfultomeetwithanexampleofagoodChristian，suchasmywifehadbeen，whoactuallysawsomethingofHeavenbeforeshehadgonethere。Hisownfaithwas，hethankedGod，fairlyrobust，butstillanundoubtedoccurrenceofthesortactedasarefreshment，"likerainonapasturewhenitisratherdry，youknow，"headded，breakingintosimile。
Iremarkedthatshehadnotseemedtospeakinthesenseheindicated，butappearedtoalludetosomethingquitenearathandandmoreorlessimmediate。
"Idon’tknowthatthereisanythingnearerathandthantheHereafter，"heanswered。"IexpectshemeantthatyouwillprobablysoondieandjoinherinParadise，ifyouareworthytodoso。Butofcourseitisnotwisetoputtoomuchrelianceuponwordsspokenbypeopleatthelast，becauseoftentheydon’tquiteknowwhattheyaresaying。IndeedsometimesIthinkthiswassointhecaseofmyownwife，whoreallyseemedtometotalkagooddealofrubbish。Good—bye，IpromisedtoseeWidowJenkinsthisafternoonabouthavinghervaricoseveinscutout，andImustn’tstopherewastingtimeinpleasantconversation。
Shethinksjustasmuchofhervaricoseveinsaswedoofthelossofourwives。"
IwonderwhatBastin’sideasofunpleasantconversationmaybe，thoughtItomyself，asIwatchedhimdepartalreadywool—gatheringonsomeothersubject，probablytheheresyofoneofthose"earlyfathers"whooccupiedmostofhisthoughts。
Bickleylistenedtomytaleinsympatheticsilence，asadoctordoestoapatient。Whenhewasobligedtospeak，hesaidthatitwasinterestingasanexampleofatendencyofcertainmindstowardsromanticvisionwhichsometimesassertsitself，eveninthethroesofdeath。
"Youknow，"headded，"thatIputfaithinnoneofthesethings。IwishthatIcould，butreasonandsciencebothshowmethattheylackfoundation。Theworldonthewholeisasadplace，wherewearrivethroughthepassionsofothersimplantedinthembyNature，which，althoughitcaresnothingforindividualdeath，istendertowardstheimpulseofracesofeverysorttopreservetheircollectivelife。IndeedtheimpulseisNature，oratleastitschiefmanifestation。Consequently，whetherwebegnatsorelephants，oranythingbetweenandbeyond，evenstarsforaughtI
know，wemustmakethebestofthingsastheyare，takingthegoodandtheevilastheycomeandgettingallwecanoutoflifeuntilitleavesus，afterwhichweneednottrouble。Youhadagoodtimeforalittlewhileandwerehappyinit；nowyouarehavingabadtimeandarewretched。Perhapsinthefuture，whenyourmentalbalancehasre—asserteditself，youwillhaveothergoodtimesintheafternoonofyourdays，andthenfollowtwilightandthedark。Thatisallthereistohopefor，andwemayaswelllookthethingintheface。OnlyIconfess，mydearfellow，thatyourexperienceconvincesmethatmarriageshouldbeavoidedatwhateverinconvenience。IndeedIhavelongwonderedthatanyonecantaketheresponsibilityofbringingachildintotheworld。Butprobablynobodydoesincoldblood，exceptmisguidedidiotslikeBastin，"headded。"Hewouldhavetwenty，hadnothisluckintervened。"
"Thenyoubelieveinnothing，Friend，"Isaid。
"Nothing，Iamsorrytosay，exceptwhatIseeandmyfivesensesappreciate。"
"Yourejectallpossibilityofmiracle，forinstance？"
"Thatdependsonwhatyoumeanbymiracle。Scienceshowsusallkindsofwonderswhichourgreatgrandfatherswouldhavecalledmiracles，butthesearenothingbutlawsthatwearebeginningtounderstand。Givemeaninstance。"
"Well，"Irepliedathazard，"ifyouwereassuredbysomeonethatamancouldliveforathousandyears？"
"Ishouldtellhimthathewasafooloraliar，thatisall。
Itisimpossible。"
"Orthatthesameidentity，spirit，animatingprinciple——callitwhatyouwill——canflitfrombodytobody，sayinsuccessiveages？Orthatthedeadcancommunicatewiththeliving？"
"Convincemeofanyofthesethings，Arbuthnot，andmindyouI
desiretobeconvinced，andIwilltakebackeverywordIhavesaidandwalkthroughFulcombeinawhitesheetproclaimingmyselfthefool。Now，ImustgetofftotheCottageHospitaltocutoutWidowJenkins’svaricoseveins。Theyaretangibleandrealatanyrate；aboutthelargestIeversaw，indeed。Giveupdreams，oldboy，andtaketosomethinguseful。Youmightgobacktoyourfictionwriting；youseemtohaveleaningsthatway，andyouknowyouneednotpublishthestories，exceptprivatelyfortheedificationofyourfriends。"
WiththisParthianshaftBickleytookhisdeparturetomakeajobofWidowJenkins’slegs。
Itookhisadvice。DuringthenextfewmonthsIdidwritesomethingwhichoccupiedmythoughtsforawhile，moreorless。
Itliesinmysafetothisminute，forsomehowIhaveneverbeenabletomakeupmymindtoburnwhatcostmesomuchphysicalandmentaltoil。
Whenitwasfinishedmymelancholyreturnedtomewithaddedforce。Everythinginthehousetookatongueandcriedtomeofpastdays。ItswallsechoedavoicethatIcouldneverhearagain；intheverylooking—glassesIsawthereflectionofalostpresence。AlthoughIhadmovedmyselfforthepurposesofsleeptoalittleroomatthefurtherendofthebuilding，footstepsseemedtocreepaboutmybedatnightandIheardtherustleofaremembereddresswithoutthedoor。Theplacegrewhatefultome。
IfeltthatImustgetawayfromitorIshouldgomad。
OneafternoonBastinarrivedcarryingabookandinastateofhighindignation。Thiswork，written，ashesaid，bysomeribaldtraveller，grosslytraducedthecharacterofmissionariestotheSouthSeaIslands，especiallyofthoseoftheSocietytowhichhesubscribed，andhethrewitonthetableinhisrighteouswrath。
BickleypickeditupandopeneditataphotographofaveryprettySouthSeaIslandgirlcladinafewflowersandnothingelse，whichheheldtowardsBastin，saying：
"IsittothischildofNature。thatyouobject？Icallherdistinctlyattractive，thoughperhapsshedoeswearherhibiscusbloomswithadifferencetoourwomen——alittlelowerdown。"
"Thedevilisalwaysattractive，"repliedBastingloomily。
"ChildofNatureindeed！IcallherChildofSin。ThatphotographisenoughtomakemypoorSarahturninhergrave。"
"Why？"askedBickley；"seeingthatwideseasrollbetweenyouandthisduskyVenus。AlsoIthoughtthataccordingtoyourHebrewlegendsincameinwithbarkgarments。"
"YoushouldsearchtheScriptures，Bickley，"Ibrokein，"andcultivateaccuracy。Itwasfig—leavesthatsymboliseditsarrival。Thegarments，whichIthinkwereofskin，developedlater。"
"Perhaps，"wentonBickley，whohadturnedthepage，"she"（hereferredtothelateMrs。Bastin）"wouldhavepreferredherthus，"andheheldupanotherillustrationofthesamewoman。
Inthisthenativebelleappearedafterconversion，cladinbroken—downstays——Isupposetheywerestays——outofwhichsheseemedtobulgeandflowineverydirection，adirtywhitedressseveralsizestoosmall，akindofSalvationArmybonnetwithoutacrownandaprayer—bookwhichsheheldpressedtohermiddle；
thegeneraleffectbeinghideous，andinsomecuriousway，improper。
"Certainly，"saidBastin，"thoughIadmitherclothesdonotseemtofitandshehasnotbuttonedthemupassheought。Butitisnotofthepicturessomuchasoftheletterpresswithitsfalseandscandalousaccusations，thatIcomplain。"
"Whydoyoucomplain？"askedBickley。"Probablyitisquitetrue，thoughthatwecouldneverascertainwithoutvisitingthelady’shome。"
"IfIcouldaffordit，"exclaimedBastinwithrisinganger，"I
shouldliketogothereandexposethisviletraducerofmycloth。"
"SoshouldI，"answeredBickley，"andexposetheseintroducersofconsumption，measlesandotherEuropeandiseases，tosaynothingofgin，amonganinnocentandArcadianpeople。"
"Howcanyoucalltheminnocent，Bickley，whentheymurderandeatmissionaries？"
"Idaresayweshouldalleatamissionary，Bastin，ifwewerehungryenough，"wastheanswer，afterwhichsomethingoccurredtochangetheconversation。
ButIkeptthebookandreaditasaneutralobserver，andcametotheconclusionthattheseSouthSeaIslands，alandwhereitwasalwaysafternoon，mustbeacharmingplace，inwhichperhapsthestarsoftheTropicsandthescentoftheflowersmightenableonetoforgetalittle，oratleasttaketheedgeoffmemory。WhyshouldInotvisitthemandescapeanotherlonganddrearyEnglishwinter？No，Icouldnotdosoalone。IfBastinandBickleywerethere，theireternalargumentsmightamuseme。Well，whyshouldtheynotcomealso？Whenonehasmoneythingscanalwaysbearranged。
Theidea，whichhaditsrootinthisabsurdconversation，tookacuriousholdonme。Ithoughtofitalltheevening，beingalone，andthatnightitre—arosemmydreams。IdreamedthatmylostNatalieappearedtomeandshowedmeapicture。Itwasofalong，lowland，acurvingshoreofwhichtheendswereoutofthepicture，whereongrewtallpalms，andwheregreatcombersbrokeupongleamingsand。
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