PrefaceI

TheHostelryofMr。SmithII

TheSpeculationsofJeffersonThorpeIIITheMarineExcursionoftheKnightsofPythiasIVTheMinistrationsoftheRev。Mr。DroneVTheWhirlwindCampaigninMariposaVITheBeaconontheHillVIITheExtraordinaryEntanglementofMr。PupkinVIIITheFore—ordainedAttachmentofZenaPepperleighandPeterPupkinIXTheMariposaBankMysteryXTheGreatElectioninMissinabaCountyXITheCandidacyofMr。SmithXIIL’Envoi。TheTraintoMariposaPrefaceIknownowayinwhichawritermaymorefittinglyintroducehisworktothepublicthanbygivingabriefaccountofwhoandwhatheis。

Bythismeanssomeoftheblameforwhathehasdoneisveryproperlyshiftedtotheextenuatingcircumstancesofhislife。

IwasbornatSwanmoor，Hants，England，onDecember30，1869。Iamnotawarethattherewasanyparticularconjunctionoftheplanetsatthetime，butshouldthinkitextremelylikely。MyparentsmigratedtoCanadain1876，andIdecidedtogowiththem。MyfathertookupafarmnearLakeSimcoe，inOntario。ThiswasduringthehardtimesofCanadianfarming，andmyfatherwasjustablebygreatdiligencetopaythehiredmenand，inyearsofplenty，toraiseenoughgraintohaveseedforthenextyear’scropwithoutbuyingany。BythisprocessmybrothersandIwereinevitablydrivenofftheland，andhavebecomeprofessors，businessmen，andengineers，insteadofbeingabletogrowupasfarmlabourers。YetIsawenoughoffarmingtospeakexuberantlyinpoliticaladdressesofthejoyofearlyrisingandthedeepsleep，bothofbodyandintellect，thatisinducedbyhonestmanualtoil。

IwaseducatedatUpperCanadaCollege，Toronto，ofwhichIwasheadboyin1887。FromthereIwenttotheUniversityofToronto，whereI

graduatedin1891。AttheUniversityIspentmyentiretimeintheacquisitionoflanguages，living，dead，andhalf—dead，andknewnothingoftheoutsideworld。InthisdiligentpursuitofwordsI

spentaboutsixteenhoursofeachday。VerysoonaftergraduationI

hadforgottenthelanguages，andfoundmyselfintellectuallybankrupt。InotherwordsIwaswhatiscalledadistinguishedgraduate，and，assuch，ItooktoschoolteachingastheonlytradeI

couldfindthatneedneitherexperiencenorintellect。Ispentmytimefrom1891to1899onthestaffofUpperCanadaCollege，anexperiencewhichhasleftmewithaprofoundsympathyforthemanygiftedandbrilliantmenwhoarecompelledtospendtheirlivesinthemostdreary，themostthankless，andtheworstpaidprofessionintheworld。Ihavenotedthatofmypupils，thosewhoseemedthelaziestandtheleastenamouredofbooksarenowrisingtoeminenceatthebar，inbusiness，andinpubliclife;thereallypromisingboyswhotookalltheprizesarenowablewithdifficultytoearnthewagesofaclerkinasummerhoteloradeckhandonacanalboat。

In1899Igaveupschoolteachingindisgust，borrowingenoughmoneytoliveuponforafewmonths，andwenttotheUniversityofChicagotostudyeconomicsandpoliticalscience。IwassoonappointedtoaFellowshipinpoliticaleconomy，andbymeansofthisandsometemporaryemploymentbyMcGillUniversity，IsurviveduntilItookthedegreeofDoctorofPhilosophyin1903。Themeaningofthisdegreeisthattherecipientofinstructionisexaminedforthelasttimeinhislife，andispronouncedcompletelyfull。Afterthis，nonewideascanbeimpartedtohim。

Fromthistime，andsincemymarriage，whichhadoccurredatthisperiod，IhavebelongedtothestaffofMcGillUniversity，firstaslecturerinPoliticalScience，andlaterasheadofthedepartmentofEconomicsandPoliticalScience。Asthispositionisoneoftheprizesofmyprofession，Iamabletoregardmyselfassingularlyfortunate。Theemolumentissohighastoplacemedistinctlyabovethepolicemen，postmen，street—carconductors，andothersalariedofficialsoftheneighbourhood，whileIamabletomixwiththepoorerofthebusinessmenofthecityontermsofsomethinglikeequality。Inpointofleisure，Ienjoymoreinthefourcornersofasingleyearthanabusinessmanknowsinhiswholelife。Ithushavewhatthebusinessmancanneverenjoy，anabilitytothink，and，whatisstillbetter，tostopthinkingaltogetherformonthsatatime。

Ihavewrittenanumberofthingsinconnectionwithmycollegelife——abookonPoliticalScience，andmanyessays，magazinearticles，andsoon。IbelongtothePoliticalScienceAssociationofAmerica，totheRoyalColonialInstitute，andtotheChurchofEngland。Thesethings，surely，areaproofofrespectability。Ihavehadsomesmallconnectionwithpoliticsandpubliclife。AfewyearsagoIwentallroundtheBritishEmpiredeliveringaddressesonImperialorganization。WhenIstatethattheselectureswerefollowedalmostimmediatelybytheUnionofSouthAfrica，theBananaRiotsinTrinidad，andtheTurco—Italianwar，Ithinkthereadercanformsomeideaoftheirimportance。InCanadaIbelongtotheConservativeparty，butasyetIhavefailedentirelyinCanadianpolitics，neverhavingreceivedacontracttobuildabridge，ormakeawharf，nortoconstructeventhesmallestsectionoftheTranscontinentalRailway。

This，however，isaformofnationalingratitudetowhichonebecomesaccustomedinthisDominion。

Apartfrommycollegework，Ihavewrittentwobooks，onecalled"LiteraryLapses"andtheother"NonsenseNovels。"EachoftheseispublishedbyJohnLane（LondonandNewYork），andeitherofthemcanbeobtained，absurdthoughitsounds，forthemeresumofthreeshillingsandsixpence。Anyreaderofthispreface，forexample，ridiculousthoughitappears，couldwalkintoabookstoreandbuybothofthesebooksforsevenshillings。Yettheseworksareofsohumorousacharacterthatformanyyearsitwasfoundimpossibletoprintthem。Thecompositorsfellbackfromtheirtasksuffocatedwithlaughterandgaspingforair。Nothingbuttheinterventionofthelinotypemachine——orrather，ofthekindofmenwhooperateit——madeitpossibletoprintthesebooks。Evennowpeoplehavetobeverycarefulincirculatingthem，andthebooksshouldneverbeputintothehandsofpersonsnotinrobusthealth。

ManyofmyfriendsareundertheimpressionthatIwritethesehumorousnothingsinidlemomentswhentheweariedbrainisunabletoperformtheseriouslaboursoftheeconomist。Myownexperienceisexactlytheotherway。Thewritingofsolid，instructivestufffortifiedbyfactsandfiguresiseasyenough。Thereisnotroubleinwritingascientifictreatiseonthefolk—loreofCentralChina，orastatisticalenquiryintothedecliningpopulationofPrinceEdwardIsland。Buttowritesomethingoutofone’sownmind，worthreadingforitsownsake，isanarduouscontrivanceonlytobeachievedinfortunatemoments，fewandfarbetween。Personally，Iwouldsoonerhavewritten"AliceinWonderland"thanthewholeEncyclopaediaBritannica。

InregardtothepresentworkImustdisclaimatonceallintentionsoftryingtodoanythingsoridiculouslyeasyaswritingaboutarealplaceandrealpeople。Mariposaisnotarealtown。Onthecontrary，itisaboutseventyoreightyofthem。YoumayfindthemallthewayfromLakeSuperiortothesea，withthesamesquarestreetsandthesamemapletreesandthesamechurchesandhotels，andeverywherethesunshineofthelandofhope。

Similarly，theReverendMr。Droneisnotonepersonbutabouteightorten。TomakehimIclappedthegaitersofoneecclesiasticroundthelegsofanother，addedthesermonsofathirdandthecharacterofafourth，andsolethimstartonhiswayinthebooktopickupsuchindividualattributesashemightfindforhimself。MullinsandBagshawandJudgePepperleighandtherestare，itistrue，personalfriendsofmine。ButIhaveknowntheminsuchavarietyofforms，withsuchalternationsoftallandshort，darkandfair，that，individually，Ishouldhavemuchadotoknowthem。Mr。PupkinisfoundwheneveraCanadianbankopensabranchinacountytownandneedsateller。AsforMr。Smith，withhistwohundredandeightypounds，hishoarsevoice，hisloudchecksuit，hisdiamonds，theroughnessofhisaddressandthegoodnessofhisheart，——allofthisisknownbyeverybodytobeanecessaryanduniversaladjunctofthehotelbusiness。

Theinspirationofthebook，——alandofhopeandsunshinewherelittletownsspreadtheirsquarestreetsandtheirtrimmapletreesbesideplacidlakesalmostwithinechooftheprimevalforest，——islargeenough。Ifitfailsinitsportrayalofthescenesandthecountrythatitdepictsthefaultliesratherwithanartthatisdeficientthaninanaffectionthatiswanting。

StephenLeacock。McGillUniversity，June，1912。

ONE

TheHostelryofMr。SmithIdon’tknowwhetheryouknowMariposa。Ifnot，itisofnoconsequence，forifyouknowCanadaatall，youareprobablywellacquaintedwithadozentownsjustlikeit。

Thereitliesinthesunlight，slopingupfromthelittlelakethatspreadsoutatthefootofthehillsideonwhichthetownisbuilt。

Thereisawharfbesidethelake，andlyingalongsideofitasteamerthatistiedtothewharfwithtworopesofaboutthesamesizeastheyuseontheLusitania。Thesteamergoesnowhereinparticular，forthelakeislandlockedandthereisnonavigationfortheMariposaBelleexceptto"runtrips"onthefirstofJulyandtheQueen’sBirthday，andtotakeexcursionsoftheKnightsofPythiasandtheSonsofTemperancetoandfromtheLocalOptionTownships。

InpointofgeographythelakeiscalledLakeWissanottiandtheriverrunningoutofittheOssawippi，justasthemainstreetofMariposaiscalledMissinabaStreetandthecountyMissinabaCounty。

Butthesenamesdonotreallymatter。Nobodyusesthem。Peoplesimplyspeakofthe"lake"andthe"river"andthe"mainstreet，"muchinthesamewayastheyalwayscalltheContinentalHotel，"PeteRobinson’s"andthePharmaceuticalHall，"Eliot’sDrugStore。"ButI

supposethisisjustthesameineveryoneelse’stownasinmine，soIneedlaynostressonit。

Thetown，Isay，hasonebroadstreetthatrunsupfromthelake，commonlycalledtheMainStreet。Thereisnodoubtaboutitswidth。

WhenMariposawaslaidouttherewasnoneofthatshortsightednesswhichisseeninthecrampeddimensionsofWallStreetandPiccadilly。MissinabaStreetissowidethatifyouweretorollJeffThorpe’sbarbershopoveronitsfaceitwouldn’treachhalfwayacross。UpanddowntheMainStreetaretelegraphpolesofcedarofcolossalthickness，standingatavarietyofanglesandcarryingrathermorewiresthanarecommonlyseenatatransatlanticcablestation。

OntheMainStreetitselfareanumberofbuildingsofextraordinaryimportance，——Smith’sHotelandtheContinentalandtheMariposaHouse，andthetwobanks（theCommercialandtheExchange），tosaynothingofMcCarthy’sBlock（erectedin1878），andGlover’sHardwareStorewiththeOddfellows’Hallaboveit。Thenonthe"cross"streetthatintersectsMissinabaStreetatthemaincornerthereisthePostOfficeandtheFireHallandtheYoungMen’sChristianAssociationandtheofficeoftheMariposaNewspacket，——infact，totheeyeofdiscernmentaperfectjostleofpublicinstitutionscomparableonlytoThreadneedleStreetorLowerBroadway。Onallthesidestreetstherearemapletreesandbroadsidewalks，trimgardenswithuprightcallalilies，houseswithverandahs，whicharehereandtherebeingreplacedbyresidenceswithpiazzas。

TothecarelesseyethesceneontheMainStreetofasummerafternoonisoneofdeepandunbrokenpeace。Theemptystreetsleepsinthesunshine。ThereisahorseandbuggytiedtothehitchingpostinfrontofGlover’shardwarestore。Thereis，usuallyandcommonly，theburlyfigureofMr。Smith，proprietorofSmith’sHotel，standinginhischequeredwaistcoatonthestepsofhishostelry，andperhaps，furtherupthestreet，LawyerMacartneygoingforhisafternoonmail，ortheRev。Mr。Drone，theRuralDeanoftheChurchofEnglandChurch，goinghometogethisfishingrodafteramothers’auxiliarymeeting。

Butthisquietismereappearance。Inreality，andtothosewhoknowit，theplaceisaperfecthiveofactivity。Why，atNetley’sbutchershop（establishedin1882）therearenolessthanfourmenworkingonthesausagemachinesinthebasement;attheNewspacketofficethereareasmanymorejob—printing;thereisalongdistancetelephonewithfourdistractinggirlsonhighstoolswearingsteelcapsandtalkingincessantly;intheofficesinMcCarthy’sblockaredentistsandlawyerswiththeircoatsoff，readytoworkatanymoment;andfromthebigplaningfactorydownbesidethelakewheretherailroadsidingis，youmayhearallthroughthehoursofthesummerafternoonthelong—drawnmusicoftherunningsaw。

Busy——well，Ishouldthinkso！AskanyofitsinhabitantsifMariposaisn’tabusy，hustling，thrivingtown。AskMullins，themanageroftheExchangeBank，whocomeshustlingovertohisofficefromtheMariposaHouseeverydayat10。30andhasscarcelytimeallmorningtogooutandtakeadrinkwiththemanageroftheCommercial;orask——well，forthematterofthat，askanyofthemiftheyeverknewamorerushinggo—a—headtownthanMariposa。

OfcourseifyoucometotheplacefreshfromNewYork，youaredeceived。Yourstandardofvisionisallastray，Youdothinktheplaceisquiet。YoudoimaginethatMr。Smithisasleepmerelybecausehecloseshiseyesashestands。ButliveinMariposaforsixmonthsorayearandthenyouwillbegintounderstanditbetter;thebuildingsgethigherandhigher;theMariposaHousegrowsmoreandmoreluxurious;McCarthy’sblocktowerstothesky;the’busesroarandhumtothestation;thetrainsshriek;thetrafficmultiplies;

thepeoplemovefasterandfaster;adensecrowdswirlstoandfrointhepost—officeandthefiveandtencentstore——andamusements！

well，now！lacrosse，baseball，excursions，dances，theFireman’sBalleverywinterandtheCatholicpicniceverysummer;andmusic——thetownbandintheparkeveryWednesdayevening，andtheOddfellows’

brassbandonthestreeteveryotherFriday;theMariposaQuartette，theSalvationArmy——why，afterafewmonths’residenceyoubegintorealizethattheplaceisameremadroundofgaiety。

Inpointofpopulation，ifonemustcomedowntofigures，theCanadiancensusputsthenumberseverytimeatsomethingroundfivethousand。ButitisverygenerallyunderstoodinMariposathatthecensusislargelytheoutcomeofmaliciousjealousy。ItisusualthatafterthecensustheeditoroftheMariposaNewspacketmakesacarefulreestimate（basedonthedataofrelativenon—paymentofsubscriptions），andbringsthepopulationupto6，000。AfterthattheMariposaTimes—Heraldmakesanestimatethatrunsthefiguresupto6，500。ThenMr。Gingham，theundertaker，whocollectsthevitalstatisticsfortheprovincialgovernment，makesanestimatefromthenumberofwhathecallsthe"demised"ascomparedwiththelessinterestingpersonswhoarestillalive，andbringsthepopulationto7，000。Afterthatsomebodyelseworksitoutthatit’s7，500;thenthemanbehindthebaroftheMariposaHouseofferstobetthewholeroomthatthereare9，000peopleinMariposa。Thatsettlesit，andthepopulationiswellonthewayto10，000，whendownswoopsthefederalcensustakeronhisnextroundandthetownhastobeginalloveragain。

Still，itisathrivingtownandthereisnodoubtofit。Eventhetranscontinentalrailways，asanytownsmanwilltellyou，runthroughMariposa。Itistruethatthetrainsmostlygothroughatnightanddon’tstop。ButinthewakefulsilenceofthesummernightyoumayhearthelongwhistleofthethroughtrainforthewestasittearsthroughMariposa，rattlingovertheswitchesandpastthesemaphoresandendinginalong，sullenroarasittakesthetrestlebridgeovertheOssawippi。Or，betterstill，onawintereveningabouteighto’clockyouwillseethelongrowofthePullmansanddinersofthenightexpressgoingnorthtotheminingcountry，thewindowsflashingwithbrilliantlight，andwithinthemavistaofcutglassandsnow—whitetablelinen，smilingnegroesandmillionaireswithnapkinsattheirchinswhirlingpastinthedrivingsnowstorm。

IcantellyouthepeopleofMariposaareproudofthetrains，eveniftheydon’tstop！ThejoyofbeingonthemainlineliftstheMariposapeopleabovetheleveloftheirneighboursinsuchplacesasTecumsehandNicholsCornersintothecosmopolitanatmosphereofthroughtrafficandthelargerlife。Ofcourse，theyhavetheirowntrain，too——theMariposaLocal，madeuprightthereinthestationyard，andrunningsouthtothecityahundredmilesaway。That，ofcourse，isarealtrain，withaboxstoveonendinthepassengercar，fedwithcordwoodupsidedown，andwithseventeenflatcarsofpinelumbersetbetweenthepassengercarandthelocomotivesoastogivethetrainitsfullimpactwhenshunting。

OutsideofMariposatherearefarmsthatbeginwellbutgetthinnerandmeanerasyougoon，andendsoonerorlaterinbushandswampandtherockofthenorthcountry。Andbeyondthatagain，asthebackgroundofitall，thoughit’sfaraway，youaresomehowawareofthegreatpinewoodsofthelumbercountryreachingendlesslyintothenorth。

Notthatthelittletownisalwaysgayoralwaysbrightinthesunshine。Thereneverwassuchaplaceforchangingitscharacterwiththeseason。Darkenoughanddullitseemsofawinternight，thewoodensidewalkscreakingwiththefrost，andthelightsburningdimbehindtheshopwindows。Inoldentimesthelightswerecoaloillamps;now，ofcourse，theyare，oraresupposedtobe，electricity，broughtfromthepowerhouseonthelowerOssawippinineteenmilesaway。But，somehow，thoughitstartsoffaselectricityfromtheOssawippirapids，bythetimeitgetstoMariposaandfiltersintothelittlebulbsbehindthefrostywindowsoftheshops，ithasturnedintocoaloilagain，asyellowandblearedasever。

Afterthewinter，thesnowmeltsandtheicegoesoutofthelake，thesunshineshighandtheshanty—mencomedownfromthelumberwoodsandlierounddrunkonthesidewalkoutsideofSmith’sHotel——andthat’sspringtime。Mariposaisthenafierce，dangerouslumbertown，calculatedtoterrorizethesoulofanewcomerwhodoesnotunderstandthatthisalsoisonlyanappearanceandthatpresentlytherough—lookingshanty—menwillchangetheirclothesandturnbackagainintofarmers。

ThenthesunshineswarmerandthemapletreescomeoutandLawyerMacartneyputsonhistennistrousers，andthat’ssummertime。Thelittletownchangestoasortofsummerresort。Therearevisitorsupfromthecity。Everyoneofthesevencottagesalongthelakeisfull。TheMariposaBellechurnsthewatersoftheWissanottiintofoamasshesailsoutfromthewharf，inacloudofflags，thebandplayingandthedaughtersandsistersoftheKnightsofPythiasdancinggailyonthedeck。

Thatchangestoo。Thedaysshorten。Thevisitorsdisappear。Thegoldenrodbesidethemeadowdroopsandwithersonitsstem。Themaplesblazeingloryanddie。Theeveningclosesdarkandchill，andinthegloomofthemaincornerofMariposatheSalvationArmyaroundanaphthalampliftuptheconfessionoftheirsins——andthatisautumn。Thustheyearrunsitsround，movingandchanginginMariposa，muchasitdoesinotherplaces。

If，then，youfeelthatyouknowthetownwellenoughtobeadmittedintotheinnerlifeandmovementofit，walkdownthisJuneafternoonhalfwaydowntheMainStreet——or，ifyoulike，halfwayupfromthewharf——towhereMr。Smithisstandingatthedoorofhishostelry。

Youwillfeelasyoudrawnearthatitisnoordinarymanthatyouapproach。ItisnotalonethehugebulkofMr。Smith（twohundredandeightypoundsastestedonNetley’sscales）。Itisnotmerelyhiscostume，thoughthechequeredwaistcoatofdarkbluewithafloweredpatternforms，withhisshepherd’splaidtrousers，hisgreyspatsandpatent—leatherboots，acolourschemeofnomeanorder。NorisitmerelyMr。Smith’sfinelymottledface。Theface，nodoubt，isanotableone，——solemn，inexpressible，unreadable，thefaceoftheheaven—bornhotelkeeper。Itismorethanthat。Itisthestrangedominatingpersonalityofthemanthatsomehowholdsyoucaptive。I

knownothinginhistorytocomparewiththepositionofMr。Smithamongthosewhodrinkoverhisbar，except，thoughinalesserdegree，therelationoftheEmperorNapoleontotheImperialGuard。

WhenyoumeetMr。Smithfirstyouthinkhelookslikeanover—dressedpirate。Thenyoubegintothinkhimacharacter。Youwonderathisenormousbulk。ThentheutterhopelessnessofknowingwhatSmithisthinkingbymerelylookingathisfeaturesgetsonyourmindandmakestheMonaLisaseemanopenbookandtheordinaryhumancountenanceassuperficialasapuddleinthesunlight。AfteryouhavehadadrinkinMr。Smith’sbar，andhehascalledyoubyyourChristianname，yourealizethatyouaredealingwithoneofthegreatestmindsinthehotelbusiness。

Take，forinstance，thebigsignthatsticksoutintothestreetaboveMr。Smith’sheadashestands。Whatisonit？"JOS。SMITH，PROP。"Nothingmore，andyetthethingwasaflashofgenius。OthermenwhohadhadthehotelbeforeMr。SmithhadcalleditbysuchfeeblenamesastheRoyalHotelandtheQueen’sandtheAlexandria。

Everyoneofthemfailed。WhenMr。Smithtookoverthehotelhesimplyputupthesignwith"JOS。SMITH，PROP。，"andthenstoodunderneathinthesunshineasalivingproofthatamanwhoweighsnearlythreehundredpoundsisthenaturalkingofthehotelbusiness。

Butonthisparticularafternoon，inspiteofthesunshineanddeeppeace，therewassomethingasneartoprofoundconcernandanxietyasthefeaturesofMr。Smithwereeverknowntoexpress。

Themomentwasindeedananxiousone。Mr。Smithwasawaitingatelegramfromhislegaladviserwhohadthatdayjourneyedtothecountytowntorepresenttheproprietor’sinterestbeforetheassembledLicenseCommissioners。Ifyouknowanythingofthehotelbusinessatall，youwillunderstandthatasbesidethedecisionsoftheLicenseCommissionersofMissinabaCounty，theopinionsoftheLordsofthePrivyCouncilaremeretrifles。

Thematterinquestionwasverygrave。TheMariposaCourthadjustfinedMr。Smithforthesecondtimeforsellingliquorsafterhours。

TheCommissioners，therefore，wereentitledtocancelthelicense。

Mr。Smithknewhisfaultandacknowledgedit。Hehadbrokenthelaw。

Howhehadcometodoso，itpassedhisimaginationtorecall。Crimealwaysseemsimpossibleinretrospect。Bywhatsheermadnessofthemomentcouldhehaveshutupthebaronthenightinquestion，andshutJudgePepperleigh，thedistrictjudgeinMissinabaCounty，outsideofit？Themoresoinasmuchastheclosingupofthebarundertherigidlicenselawoftheprovincewasamatterthattheproprietornevertrustedtoanyhandsbuthisown。Punctuallyeverynightat11o’clockMr。Smithstrolledfromthedeskofthe"rotunda"tothedoorofthebar。Ifitseemedproperlyfullofpeopleandallwasbrightandcheerful，thenheclosedit。Ifnot，hekeptitopenafewminuteslongertillhehadenoughpeopleinsidetowarrantclosing。Butnever，neverunlesshewasassuredthatPepperleigh，thejudgeofthecourt，andMacartney，theprosecutingattorney，werebothsafelyinthebar，orthebarparlour，didtheproprietorventuretocloseup。YetonthisfatalnightPepperleighandMacartneyhadbeenshutout——actuallyleftonthestreetwithoutadrink，andcompelledtohammerandbeatatthestreetdoorofthebartogainadmittance。

Thiswasthekindofthingnottobetolerated。Eitherahotelmustberundecentlyorquit。AninformationwaslaidnextdayandMr。

Smithconvictedinfourminutes，——hislawyerspracticallyrefusingtoplead。TheMariposacourt，whenthepresidingjudgewascoldsober，andithadtheforceofpublicopinionbehindit，wasaterribleengineofretributivejustice。

SonowonderthatMr。Smithawaitedwithanxietythemessageofhislegaladviser。

Helookedalternatelyupthestreetanddownitagain，hauledouthiswatchfromthedepthsofhisembroideredpocket，andexaminedthehourhandandtheminutehandandthesecondhandwithfrowningscrutiny。

Thenwearily，andasonemindfulthatahotelmanisevertheservantofthepublic，heturnedbackintothehotel。

"Billy，"hesaidtothedeskclerk，"ifawirecomesbringitintothebarparlour。"

ThevoiceofMr。SmithisofadeepgutturalsuchasPlanconorEdouarddeReskemighthaveobtainedhadtheyhadtheadvantagesofthehotelbusiness。Andwiththat，Mr。Smith，aswashiscustominoffmoments，joinedhisguestsinthebackroom。Hisappearance，totheuntrainedeye，wasmerelythatofanextremelystouthotelkeeperwalkingfromtherotundatothebackbar。Inreality，Mr。Smithwasontheeveofoneofthemostbrilliantanddaringstrokesevereffectedinthehistoryoflicensedliquor。WhenIsaythatitwasoutoftheagitationofthissituationthatSmith’sLadies’andGent’sCafeoriginated，anybodywhoknowsMariposawillunderstandthemagnitudeofthemoment。

Mr。Smith，then，movedslowlyfromthedoorwayofthehotelthroughthe"rotunda，"ormoresimplythefrontroomwiththedeskandthecigarcaseinit，andsotothebarandthencetothelittleroomorbackbarbehindit。Inthisroom，asIhavesaid，thebrightestmindsofMariposamightcommonlybefoundinthequieterpartofasummerafternoon。

To—daytherewasagroupoffourwholookedupasMr。Smithentered，somewhatsympathetically，andevidentlyawareoftheperplexitiesofthemoment。

HenryMullinsandGeorgeDuff，thetwobankmanagers，werebothpresent。Mullinsisarathershort，ratherround，smooth—shavenmanoflessthanforty，wearingoneofthoseroundbankingsuitsofpepperandsalt，witharoundbankinghatofhardstraw，andwiththekindofgoldtie—pinandheavywatch—chainandsealsnecessarytoinspireconfidenceinmattersofforeignexchange。Duffisjustasroundandjustasshort，andequallysmoothlyshaven，whilehissealsandstrawhatarecalculatedtoprovethattheCommercialisjustassoundabankastheExchange。Fromthetechnicalpointofviewofthebankingbusiness，neitherofthemhadanyobjectiontobeinginSmith’sHotelortotakingadrinkaslongastheotherwaspresent。

This，ofcourse，wasoneofthecardinalprinciplesofMariposabanking。

ThentherewasMr。Diston，thehighschoolteacher，commonlyknownasthe"onewhodrank。"Noneoftheotherteacherseverenteredahotelunlessaccompaniedbyaladyorprotectedbyachild。ButasMr。

DistonwasknowntodrinkbeeronoccasionsandtogoinandoutoftheMariposaHouseandSmith’sHotel，hewaslookeduponasamanwhoselifewasamerewreck。WhenevertheSchoolBoardraisedthesalariesoftheotherteachers，fiftyorsixtydollarsperannumatonelift，itwaswellunderstoodthatpublicmoralitywouldn’tpermitofanincreaseforMr。Diston。

Stillmorenoticeable，perhaps，wasthequiet，sallowlookingmandressedinblack，withblackglovesandwithblacksilkhatheavilycrapedandplacedhollow—side—uponachair。ThiswasMr。GolgothaGingham，theundertakerofMariposa，andhisdresswasduetothefactthathehadjustcomefromwhathecalledan"interment。"Mr。

Ginghamhadthetruespiritofhisprofession，andsuchwordsas"funeral"or"coffin"or"hearse"neverpassedhislips。Hespokealwaysof"interments，"of"caskets，"and"coaches，"usingtermsthatwerecalculatedrathertobringoutthemajestyandsublimityofdeaththantoparadeitshorrors。

TobepresentatthehotelwasinaccordwithMr。Gingham’sgeneralconceptionofhisbusiness。NomanhadevergraspedthetrueprinciplesofundertakingmorethoroughlythanMr。Gingham。Ihaveoftenheardhimexplainthattoassociatewiththeliving，uninterestingthoughtheyappear，istheonlywaytosecurethecustomofthedead。

"Gettoknowpeoplereallywellwhiletheyarealive，"saidMr。

Gingham;"befriendswiththem，closefriendsandthenwhentheydieyoudon’tneedtoworry。You’llgettheordereverytime。"

So，naturally，asthemomentwasoneofsympathy，itwasMr。

Ginghamwhospokefirst。

"What’llyoudo，Josh，"hesaid，"iftheCommissionersgoagainstyou？"

"Boys，"saidMr。Smith，"Idon’trightlyknow。IfIhavetoquit，thenextmoveistothecity。ButIdon’treckonthatIwillhavetoquit。I’vegotanideethatIthink’sgoodeverytime。"

"Couldyourunahotelinthecity？"askedMullins。

"Icould，"saidMr。Smith。"I’lltellyou。There’sbigthingsdoin’

inthehotelbusinessrightnow，bigchancesifyougointoitright。

Hotelsinthecityisbranchingout。Why，youtakethedining—roomsideofit，"continuedMr。Smith，lookingroundatthegroup，"there’sthousandsinit。Theoldplan’sallgone。Folkswon’teatnowinanordinarydining—roomwithahighceilingandwindows。Youhavetoget’emdownundergroundinaroomwithnowindowsandlotsofsawdustroundandwaitersthatcan’tspeakEnglish。IseenthemplaceslasttimeIwasinthecity。Theycall’emRats’Coolers。AndforlightmealstheywantaCaff，arealFrenchCaff，andforfolksthatcomeinlateanotherplacethattheycallaGirlRoomthatdon’tshutupatall。IfIgotothecitythat’sthekindofplaceImeantorun。What’syours，Gol？It’sonthehouse？"

AnditwasjustatthemomentwhenMr。SmithsaidthisthatBilly，thedesk—clerk，enteredtheroomwiththetelegraminhishand。

Butstop——itisimpossibleforyoutounderstandtheanxietywithwhichMr。SmithandhisassociatesawaitedthenewsfromtheCommissioners，withoutfirstrealizingtheastoundingprogressofMr。

Smithinthethreepastyears，andthepinnacleofpubliceminencetowhichhehadattained。

Mr。SmithhadcomedownfromthelumbercountryoftheSpanishRiver，wherethedivideistowardtheHudsonBay，——"backnorth"astheycalleditinMariposa。

Hehadbeen，itwassaid，acookinthelumbershanties。TothisdayMr。Smithcanfryaneggonbothsideswithalightnessoftouchthatisthedespairofhisown"help。"

Afterthat，hehadrunariverdriver’sboarding—house。

Afterthat，hehadtakenafoodcontractforagangofrailroadnavviesonthetranscontinental。

Afterthat，ofcourse，thewholeworldwasopentohim。

HecamedowntoMariposaandboughtoutthe"inside"ofwhathadbeentheRoyalHotel。

Thosewhoareeducatedunderstandthatbythe"inside"ofahotelismeanteverythingexceptthefourouterwallsofit——thefittings，thefurniture，thebar，Billythedesk—clerk，thethreedining—roomgirls，andaboveallthelicensegrantedbyKingEdwardVII。，andratifiedfurtherbyKingGeorge，forthesaleofintoxicatingliquors。

TillthentheRoyalhadbeenamerenothing。As"Smith’sHotel"itbrokeintoablazeofeffulgence。

Fromthefirst，Mr。Smith，asaproprietor，wasawild，rapturoussuccess。

Hehadallthequalifications。

Heweighedtwohundredandeightypounds。

Hecouldhaultwodrunkenmenoutofthebareachbythescruffoftheneckwithoutthefaintestangerorexcitement。

Hecarriedmoneyenoughinhistrouserspocketstostartabank，andspentitonanything，betitonanything，andgaveitawayinhandfuls。

Hewasneverdrunk，and，asapointofchivalrytohiscustomers，neverquitesober。Anybodywasfreeofthehotelwhocaredtocomein。Anybodywhodidn’tlikeitcouldgoout。Drinksofallkindscostfivecents，orsixforaquarter。Mealsandbedswerepracticallyfree。Anypersonsfoolishenoughtogotothedeskandpayforthem，Mr。Smithchargedaccordingtotheexpressionoftheirfaces。

Atfirsttheloafersandtheshantymensettleddownontheplaceinashower。Butthatwasnotthe"trade"thatMr。Smithwanted。Heknewhowtogetridofthem。Anarmyofcharwomen，turnedintothehotel，scrubbeditfromtoptobottom。Avacuumcleaner，thefirstseeninMariposa，hissedandscreamedinthecorridors。Fortybrassbedswereimportedfromthecity，not，ofcourse，forthegueststosleepin，buttokeepthemout。Abar—tenderwithastarchedcoatandwickersleeveswasputbehindthebar。

Theloaferswereputoutofbusiness。Theplacehadbecometoo"hightoned"forthem。

Togetthehighclasstrade，Mr。Smithsethimselftodressthepart。

Heworewidecutcoatsoffilmyserge，lightasgossamer;chequeredwaistcoatswithapatternforeverydayintheweek;fedorahatslightasautumnleaves;four—in—handtiesofsaffronandmyrtlegreenwithadiamondpinthesizeofahazelnut。OnhisfingerstherewereasmanygemsaswouldgraceanativeprinceofIndia;acrosshiswaistcoatlayagoldwatch—chaininhugesquarelinksandinhispocketagoldwatchthatweighedapoundandahalfandmarkedminutes，secondsandquarterseconds。JusttolookatJoshSmith’swatchbroughtatleasttenmentothebareveryevening。

EverymorningMr。SmithwasshavedbyJeffersonThorpe，acrosstheway。Allthatartcoulddo，allthatFloridawatercouldeffect，waslavishedonhisperson。

Mr。Smithbecamealocalcharacter。Mariposawasathisfeet。Allthereputablebusiness—mendrankatMr。Smith’sbar，andinthelittleparlourbehindityoumightfindatanytimeagroupofthebrightestintellectsinthetown。

Notbutwhattherewasoppositionatfirst。Theclergy，forexample，whoacceptedtheMariposaHouseandtheContinentalasanecessaryandusefulevil，lookedaskanceattheblazinglightsandthesurgingcrowdofMr。Smith’ssaloon。Theypreachedagainsthim。WhentheRev。

DeanDroneledoffwithasermononthetext"LordbemercifulevenuntothispublicanMatthewSix，"itwasgenerallyunderstoodasaninvitationtostrikeMr。Smithdead。InthesamewaythesermonatthePresbyterianchurchtheweekafterwasonthetext"LowhatnowdoethAbiraminthelandofMelchisideckKingsEightandNine？"anditwasperfectlyplainthatwhatwasmeantwas，"Lo，whatisJoshSmithdoinginMariposa？"

Butthisoppositionhadbeencounteredbyawideandsagaciousphilanthropy。IthinkMr。Smithfirstgottheideaofthatonthenightwhenthesteammerry—go—roundcametoMariposa。Justbelowthehostelry，onanemptylot，itwhirledandwhistled，steamingforthitstunesonthesummereveningwhilethechildrencrowdedrounditinhundreds。DownthestreetstrolledMr。Smith，wearingasoftfedoratoindicatethatitwasevening。

"Whatd’youchargeforaride，boss？"saidMr。Smith。

"Twoforanickel，"saidtheman。

"Takethat，"saidMr。Smith，handingoutaten—dollarbillfromarollofmoney，"andridethelittlefolksfreeallevening。"

Thatnightthemerry—go—roundwhirledmadlytillaftermidnight，freightedtocapacitywithMariposachildren，whileupinSmith’sHotel，parents，friendsandadmirers，asthenewsspread，werestandingfourdeepalongthebar。Theysoldfortydollars’worthoflageralonethatnight，andMr。Smithlearned，ifhehadnotalreadysuspectedit，theblessednessofgiving。

Theusesofphilanthropywentfurther。Mr。Smithsubscribedtoeverything，joinedeverything，gavetoeverything。HebecameanOddfellow，aForester，AKnightofPythiasandaWorkman。HegaveahundreddollarstotheMariposaHospitalandahundreddollarstotheYoungMen’sChristianAssociation。

HesubscribedtotheBallClub，theLacrosseClub，theCurlingClub，toanything，infact，andespeciallytoallthosethingswhichneededpremisestomeetinandgrewthirstyintheirdiscussions。

AsaconsequencetheOddfellowsheldtheirannualbanquetatSmith’sHotelandtheOysterSupperoftheKnightsofPythiaswascelebratedinMr。Smith’sdining—room。

Evenmoreeffective，perhaps，wereMr。Smith’ssecretbenefactions，thekindofgivingdonebystealthofwhichnotasoulintownknewanything，often，foraweekafteritwasdone。ItwasinthiswaythatMr。SmithputthenewfontinDeanDrone’schurch，andhandedoverahundreddollarstoJudgePepperleighfortheunrestraineduseoftheConservativeparty。

Soitcameaboutthat，littlebylittle，theantagonismhaddieddown。Smith’sHotelbecameanacceptedinstitutioninMariposa。EventhetemperancepeoplewereproudofMr。Smithasasortofcharacterwhoaddeddistinctiontothetown。Thereweremoments，intheearlierquietofthemorning，whenDeanDronewouldgosofarastostepintothe"rotunda"andcollectasubscription。AsfortheSalvationArmy，theyraninandoutallthetimeunreproved。

Ononlyonepointdifficultystillremained。Thatwastheclosingofthebar。Mr。Smithcouldneverbringhismindtoit，——notasamatterofprofit，butasapointofhonour。ItwastoomuchforhimtofeelthatJudgePepperleighmightbeoutonthesidewalkthirstyatmidnight，thatthenighthandsoftheTimes—HeraldonWednesdaymightbecompelledtogohomedry。OnthispointMr。Smith’smoralcodewassimplicityitself，——dowhatisrightandtaketheconsequences。Sothebarstayedopen。

Everytown，Isuppose，hasitsmeanerspirits。Ineverygenialbosomsomesnakeiswarmed，——or，asMr。SmithputittoGolgothaGingham——"therearesomefellerseveninthistownskunksenoughtoinform。"

AtfirsttheMariposacourtquashedallindictments。Thepresidingjudge，withhisspectaclesonandapileofbooksinfrontofhim，threatenedtheinformerwiththepenitentiary。ThewholebarofMariposawaswithMr。Smith。Butbysheeriterationtheinformationshadprovedsuccessful。JudgePepperleighlearnedthatMr。SmithhadsubscribedahundreddollarsfortheLiberalpartyandatoncefinedhimforkeepingopenafterhours。Thatmadeoneconviction。Onthetopofthishadcometheuntowardincidentjustmentionedandthatmadetwo。Beyondthatwasthedeluge。ThisthenwastheexactsituationwhenBilly，thedeskclerk，enteredthebackbarwiththetelegraminhishand。

"Here’syourwire，sir，"hesaid。

"Whatdoesitsay？"saidMr。Smith。

Healwaysdealtwithwrittendocumentswithafineairofdetachment。

Idon’tsupposethereweretenpeopleinMariposawhoknewthatMr。

Smithcouldn’tread。

Billyopenedthemessageandread，"Commissionersgiveyouthreemonthstoclosedown。"

"Letmereadit，"saidMr。Smith，"that’sright，threemonthstoclosedown。"

Therewasdeadsilencewhenthemessagewasread。EverybodywaitedforMr。Smithtospeak。Mr。Ginghaminstinctivelyassumedtheprofessionalairofhopelessmelancholy。

Asitwasafterwardsrecorded，Mr。Smithstoodand"studied"withthetrayinhishandforatleastfourminutes。Thenhespoke。

"Boys，"hesaid，"I’llbedarnedifIclosedowntillI’mreadytoclosedown。I’vegotanidee。YouwaitandI’llshowyou。"

Andbeyondthat，notanotherworddidMr。Smithsayonthesubject。

Butwithinforty—eighthoursthewholetownknewthatsomethingwasdoing。Thehotelswarmedwithcarpenters，bricklayersandpainters。

Therewasanarchitectupfromthecitywithabundleofblueprintsinhishand。Therewasanengineertakingthestreetlevelwithatheodolite，andagangofnavvieswithshovelsdigginglikefuryasiftodigoutthebackfoundationsofthehotel。

"That’llfool’em，"saidMr。Smith。

Halfthetownwasgatheredroundthehotelcrazywithexcitement。Butnotawordwouldtheproprietorsay。Greatdrayloadsofsquaretimber，andtwo—by—eightpinejoistskeptarrivingfromtheplaningmill。Therewasapileofmatchedsprucesixteenfeethighlyingbythesidewalk。

Thentheexcavationdeepenedandthedirtflew，andthebeamswentupandthejoistsacross，andallthedayfromdawntillduskthehammersofthecarpentersclatteredaway，workingovertimeattimeandahalf。

"Itdon’tmatterwhatitcosts，"saidMr。Smith;"getitdone。"

Rapidlythestructuretookform。Itextendeddownthesidestreet，joiningthehotelatarightangle。Spaciousandgracefulitlookedasitreareditsuprightsintotheair。

Alreadyyoucouldseetheplacewheretherowofwindowswastocome，averitablepalaceofglass，itmustbe，sowideandcommodiouswerethey。Belowit，youcouldseethebasementshapingitself，withalowceilinglikeavaultandbigbeamsrunningacross，dressed，smoothed，andreadyforstaining。Alreadyinthestreetthereweresevencratesofredandwhiteawning。

Andeventhennobodyknewwhatitwas，anditwasnottilltheseventeenthdaythatMr。Smith，intheprivacyofthebackbar，brokethesilenceandexplained。

"Itellyou，boys，"hesays，"it’sacaff——likewhattheyhaveinthecity——aladies’andgent’scaff，andthatunderneath（what’syours，Mr。Mullins？）isaRats’Cooler。AndwhenIgetherstarted，I’llhireaFrenchChieftodothecooking，andforthewinterIwillputina’girlroom，’likewhattheyhaveinthecityhotels。AndI’dliketoseewho’sgoingtocloseherupthen。"

Withintwomoreweekstheplanwasinoperation。Notonlywasthecaffbuiltbuttheveryhotelwastransformed。Awningshadbrokenoutinaredandwhiteclouduponitsface，itseverywindowcarriedaboxofhangingplants，andaboveingloryfloatedtheUnionJack。

Theverystationerywaschanged。TheplacewasnowSmith’sSummerPavilion。ItwasadvertisedinthecityasSmith’sTourists’

Emporium，andSmith’sNorthernHealthResort。Mr。SmithgottheeditoroftheTimes—HeraldtowriteupacircularallaboutozoneandtheMariposapinewoods，withillustrationsofthemaskinonge（piscismariposis）ofLakeWissanotti。

TheSaturdayafterthatcircularhitthecityinJuly，thereweremenwithfishingrodsandlandingnetspouringinoneverytrain，almosttoofasttoregister。Andif，inthefaceofthat，afewlittledropsofwhiskeyweresoldoverthebar，whothoughtofit？

Butthecaff！that，ofcourse，wasthecrowninggloryofthething，thatandtheRats’Coolerbelow。

Lightandcool，withswingingwindowsopentotheair，tableswithmarbletops，palms，waitersinwhitecoats——itwasthestandingmarvelofMariposa。NotasoulinthetownexceptMr。Smith，whoknewitbyinstinct，everguessedthatwaitersandpalmsandmarbletablescanberentedoverthelongdistancetelephone。

Mr。Smithwasasgoodashisword。HegotaFrenchChiefwithanaristocraticsaturninecountenance，andamoustacheandimperialthatrecalledthelateNapoleonIII。NooneknewwhereMr。Smithgothim。

SomepeopleinthetownsaidhewasaFrenchmarquis。Otherssaidhewasacountandexplainedthedifference。

NooneinMariposahadeverseenanythinglikethecaff。Alldownthesideofitwerethegrillfires，withgreatpewterdishcoversthatwentupanddownonachain，andyoucouldwalkalongtherowandactuallypickoutyourowncutletandthenseetheFrenchmarquisthrowitontothebroilingiron;youcouldwatchabuckwheatpancakewhirledintoexistenceunderyoureyesandseefowls’legsdevilled，peppered，grilled，andtormentedtilltheylostallsemblanceoftheoriginalMariposachicken。

Mr。Smith，ofcourse，wasinhisglory。

"Whathaveyougotto—day，Alf？"hewouldsay，ashestrolledovertothemarquis。ThenameoftheChiefwas，IbelieveAlphonse，but"Alf"

wasnearenoughforMr。Smith。

Themarquiswouldextendtotheproprietorthemenu，"Voila，m’sieu，lacartedujour。"

Mr。Smith，bytheway，encouragedtheuseoftheFrenchlanguageinthecaff。Heviewedit，ofcourse，solelyinitsrelationtothehotelbusiness，and，Ithink，regardeditasarecentinvention。

"It’scomin’inallthetimeinthecity，"hesaid，"andy’aintexpectedtounderstandit。"

Mr。Smithwouldtakethecartebetweenhisfingerandthumbandstareatit。ItwasallcoveredwithsuchdevicesasPotagelaMariposa——FiletMignonalaproprietaire——CotelletealaSmith，andsoon。

Butthegreatestthingaboutthecaffweretheprices。Thereinlay，aseverybodysawatonce，thehopelesssimplicityofMr。Smith。

Thepricesstoodfastat25centsameal。Youcouldcomeinandeatalltheyhadinthecaffforaquarter。

"No，sir，"Mr。Smithsaidstoutly，"Iain’tgoingtotrytoraisenopricesonthepublic。Thehotel’salwaysbeenaquarterandthecaff’saquarter。"

Full？Fullofpeople？

Well，Ishouldthinkso！Fromthetimethecaffopenedat11tillitclosedat8。30，youcouldhardlyfindatable。Tourists，visitors，travellers，andhalfthepeopleofMariposacrowdedatthelittletables;crockeryrattling，glassestinklingontrays，corkspopping，thewaitersintheirwhitecoatsflyingtoandfro，Alphonsewhirlingthecutletsandpancakesintotheair，andinandthroughitall，Mr。

Smith，inawhiteflannelsuitandabroadcrimsonsashabouthiswaist。Crowdedandgayfrommorningtonight，andevennoisyinitshilarity。

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