IremembermywifeandIsawtheNewYearin。Wesatattable，chewedlazily，andheardthedeaftelegraphclerkmonotonouslytappingonhisapparatusinthenextroom。Ihadalreadydrunkfiveglassesofdruggedvodka，and，proppingmyheavyheadonmyfist，thoughtofmyoverpoweringboredomfromwhichtherewasnoescape，whilemywifesatbesidemeanddidnottakehereyesoffme。Shelookedatmeasnoonecanlookbutawomanwhohasnothinginthisworldbutahandsomehusband。Shelovedmemadly，slavishly，andnotmerelymygoodlooks，ormysoul，butmysins，myill-humorandboredom，andevenmycrueltywhen，indrunkenfury，notknowinghowtoventmyill-humor，Itormentedherwithreproaches。
Inspiteoftheboredomwhichwasconsumingme，wewerepreparingtoseetheNewYearinwithexceptionalfestiveness，andwereawaitingmidnightwithsomeimpatience。Thefactis，wehadinreservetwobottlesofchampagne，therealthing，withthelabelofVeuveClicquot；thistreasureIhadwonthepreviousautumninabetwiththestation-masterofD。whenIwasdrinkingwithhimatachristening。Itsometimeshappensduringalessoninmathematics，whentheveryairisstillwithboredom，abutterflyfluttersintotheclass-room；theboystosstheirheadsandbeginwatchingitsflightwithinterest，asthoughtheysawbeforethemnotabutterflybutsomethingnewandstrange；inthesamewayordinarychampagne，chancingtocomeintoourdrearystation，rousedus。Wesatinsilencelookingalternatelyattheclockandatthebottles。
WhenthehandspointedtofiveminutestotwelveIslowlybeganuncorkingabottle。Idon’tknowwhetherIwasaffectedbythevodka，orwhetherthebottlewaswet，butallIrememberisthatwhenthecorkflewuptotheceilingwithabang，mybottleslippedoutofmyhandsandfellonthefloor。Notmorethanaglassofthewinewasspilt，asImanagedtocatchthebottleandputmythumboverthefoamingneck。
"Well，maytheNewYearbringyouhappiness！"Isaid，fillingtwoglasses。"Drink！"
Mywifetookherglassandfixedherfrightenedeyesonme。Herfacewaspaleandworealookofhorror。
"Didyoudropthebottle？"sheasked。
"Yes。Butwhatofthat？"
"It’sunlucky，"shesaid，puttingdownherglassandturningpalerstill。"It’sabadomen。Itmeansthatsomemisfortunewillhappentousthisyear。"
"Whatasillythingyouare，"Isighed。"Youareacleverwoman，andyetyoutalkasmuchnonsenseasanoldnurse。Drink。"
"Godgrantitisnonsense，but……somethingissuretohappen！
You’llsee。"
Shedidnotevensipherglass，shemovedawayandsankintothought。Iutteredafewstalecommonplacesaboutsuperstition，drankhalfabottle，pacedupanddown，andthenwentoutoftheroom。
Outsidetherewasthestillfrostynightinallitscold，inhospitablebeauty。Themoonandtwowhitefluffycloudsbesideithungjustoverthestation，motionlessasthoughgluedtothespot，andlookedasthoughwaitingforsomething。Afainttransparentlightcamefromthemandtouchedthewhiteearthsoftly，asthoughafraidofwoundinghermodesty，andlightedupeverything——thesnowdrifts，theembankment……Itwasstill。
Iwalkedalongtherailwayembankment。
"Sillywoman，"Ithought，lookingattheskyspangledwithbrilliantstars。"Evenifoneadmitsthatomenssometimestellthetruth，whatevilcanhappentous？Themisfortuneswehaveenduredalready，andwhicharefacingusnow，aresogreatthatitisdifficulttoimagineanythingworse。Whatfurtherharmcanyoudoafishwhichhasbeencaughtandfriedandservedupwithsauce？"
Apoplarcoveredwithhoarfrostlookedinthebluishdarknesslikeagiantwraptinashroud。Itlookedatmesullenlyanddejectedly，asthoughlikemeitrealizeditsloneliness。Istoodalongwhilelookingatit。
"Myyouthisthrownawayfornothing，likeauselesscigaretteend，"Iwentonmusing。"MyparentsdiedwhenIwasalittlechild；Iwasexpelledfromthehighschool，Iwasbornofanoblefamily，butIhavereceivedneithereducationnorbreeding，andIhavenomoreknowledgethanthehumblestmechanic。Ihavenorefuge，norelations，nofriends，noworkIlike。Iamnotfittedforanything，andintheprimeofmypowersIamgoodfornothingbuttobestuffedintothislittlestation；Ihaveknownnothingbuttroubleandfailureallmylife。Whatcanhappenworse？"
Redlightscameintosightinthedistance。Atrainwasmovingtowardsme。Theslumberingsteppelistenedtothesoundofit。MythoughtsweresobitterthatitseemedtomethatIwasthinkingaloudandthatthemoanofthetelegraphwireandtherumbleofthetrainwereexpressingmythoughts。
"Whatcanhappenworse？Thelossofmywife？"Iwondered。"Eventhatisnotterrible。It’snogoodhidingitfrommyconscience：
Idon’tlovemywife。ImarriedherwhenIwasonlyawretchedboy；nowIamyoungandvigorous，andshehasgoneoffandgrownolderandsillier，stuffedfromherheadtoherheelswithconventionalideas。Whatcharmisthereinhermaudlinlove，inherhollowchest，inherlusterlesseyes？Iputupwithher，butIdon’tloveher。Whatcanhappen？Myyouthisbeingwasted，asthesayingis，forapinchofsnuff。Womenflitbeforemyeyesonlyinthecarriagewindows，likefallingstars。LoveIneverhadandhavenot。Mymanhood，mycourage，mypoweroffeelingaregoingtoruin……Everythingisbeingthrownawaylikedirt，andallmywealthhereinthesteppeisnotworthafarthing。"
Thetrainrushedpastmewitharoarandindifferentlycasttheglowofitsredlightsuponme。Isawitstopbythegreenlightsofthestation，stopforaminuteandrumbleoffagain。AfterwalkingamileandahalfIwentback。Melancholythoughtshauntedmestill。Painfulasitwastome，yetIrememberItriedasitweretomakemythoughtsstillgloomierandmoremelancholy。Youknowpeoplewhoarevainandnotverycleverhavemomentswhentheconsciousnessthattheyaremiserableaffordsthempositivesatisfaction，andtheyevencoquetwiththeirmiseryfortheirownentertainment。TherewasagreatdealoftruthinwhatIthought，buttherewasalsoagreatdealthatwasabsurdandconceited，andtherewassomethingboyishlydefiantinmyquestion："Whatcouldhappenworse？"
"Andwhatistheretohappen？"Iaskedmyself。"IthinkIhaveenduredeverything。I’vebeenill，I’velostmoney，Igetreprimandedbymysuperiorseveryday，andIgohungry，andamadwolfhasrunintothestationyard。Whatmoreisthere？Ihavebeeninsulted，humiliated，……andIhaveinsultedothersinmytime。Ihavenotbeenacriminal，itistrue，butIdon’tthinkI
amcapableofcrime——Iamnotafraidofbeinghauledupforit。"
Thetwolittlecloudshadmovedawayfromthemoonandstoodatalittledistance，lookingasthoughtheywerewhisperingaboutsomethingwhichthemoonmustnotknow。Alightbreezewasracingacrossthesteppe，bringingthefaintrumbleoftheretreatingtrain。
Mywifemetmeatthedoorway。Hereyeswerelaughinggailyandherwholefacewasbeamingwithgood-humor。
"Thereisnewsforyou！"shewhispered。"Makehaste，gotoyourroomandputonyournewcoat；wehaveavisitor。"
"Whatvisitor？"
"AuntNatalyaPetrovnahasjustcomebythetrain。"
"WhatNatalyaPetrovna？"
"ThewifeofmyuncleSemyonFyodoritch。Youdon’tknowher。Sheisaverynice，goodwoman。"
ProbablyIfrowned，formywifelookedgraveandwhisperedrapidly：
"Ofcourseitisqueerherhavingcome，butdon’tbecross，Nikolay，anddon’tbehardonher。Sheisunhappy，youknow；
UncleSemyonFyodoritchreallyisill-naturedandtyrannical，itisdifficulttolivewithhim。Shesaysshewillonlystaythreedayswithus，onlytillshegetsaletterfromherbrother。"
Mywifewhisperedagreatdealmorenonsensetomeaboutherdespoticuncle；abouttheweaknessofmankindingeneralandofyoungwivesinparticular；aboutitsbeingourdutytogivesheltertoall，evengreatsinners，andsoon。Unabletomakeheadortailofit，Iputonmynewcoatandwenttomakeacquaintancewithmy"aunt。"
Alittlewomanwithlargeblackeyeswassittingatthetable。Mytable，thegraywalls，myroughly-madesofa，everythingtothetiniestgrainofdustseemedtohavegrownyoungerandmorecheerfulinthepresenceofthisnew，young，beautiful，anddissolutecreature，whohadamostsubtleperfumeabouther。AndthatourvisitorwasaladyofeasyvirtueIcouldseefromhersmile，fromherscent，fromthepeculiarwayinwhichsheglancedandmadeplaywithhereyelashes，fromthetoneinwhichshetalkedwithmywife——arespectablewoman。Therewasnoneedtotellmeshehadrunawayfromherhusband，thatherhusbandwasoldanddespotic，thatshewasgood-naturedandlively；Itookitallinatthefirstglance。Indeed，itisdoubtfulwhetherthereisamaninallEuropewhocannotspotatthefirstglanceawomanofacertaintemperament。
"IdidnotknowIhadsuchabignephew！"saidmyaunt，holdingoutherhandtomeandsmiling。
"AndIdidnotknowIhadsuchaprettyaunt，"Ianswered。
Supperbeganoveragain。Thecorkflewwithabangoutofthesecondbottle，andmyauntswallowedhalfaglassfulatagulp，andwhenmywifewentoutoftheroomforamomentmyauntdidnotscrupletodrainafullglass。Iwasdrunkbothwiththewineandwiththepresenceofawoman。Doyourememberthesong？
"Eyesblackaspitch，eyesfullofpassion，Eyesburningbrightandbeautiful，HowIloveyou，HowIfearyou！"
Idon’trememberwhathappenednext。Anyonewhowantstoknowhowlovebeginsmayreadnovelsandlongstories；Iwillputitshortlyandinthewordsofthesamesillysong：
"ItwasanevilhourWhenfirstImetyou。"
Everythingwentheadoverheelstothedevil。Irememberafearful，franticwhirlwindwhichsentmeflyingroundlikeafeather。Itlastedalongwhile，andsweptfromthefaceoftheearthmywifeandmyauntherselfandmystrength。Fromthelittlestationinthesteppeithasflungme，asyousee，intothisdarkstreet。
Nowtellmewhatfurtherevilcanhappentome？
AFTERTHETHEATRE
NADYAZELENINhadjustcomebackwithhermammafromthetheatrewhereshehadseenaperformanceof"YevgenyOnyegin。"Assoonasshereachedherownroomshethrewoffherdress，letdownherhair，andinherpetticoatandwhitedressing-jackethastilysatdowntothetabletowritealetterlikeTatyana’s。
"Iloveyou，"shewrote，"butyoudonotloveme，donotloveme！"
Shewroteitandlaughed。
Shewasonlysixteenanddidnotyetloveanyone。SheknewthatanofficercalledGornyandastudentcalledGruzdevlovedher，butnowaftertheoperashewantedtobedoubtfuloftheirlove。
Tobeunlovedandunhappy——howinterestingthatwas。Thereissomethingbeautiful，touching，andpoeticalaboutitwhenonelovesandtheotherisindifferent。Onyeginwasinterestingbecausehewasnotinloveatall，andTatyanawasfascinatingbecauseshewassomuchinlove；butiftheyhadbeenequallyinlovewitheachotherandhadbeenhappy，theywouldperhapshaveseemeddull。
"Leaveoffdeclaringthatyouloveme，"Nadyawentonwriting，thinkingofGorny。"Icannotbelieveit。Youareveryclever，cultivated，serious，youhaveimmensetalent，andperhapsabrilliantfutureawaitsyou，whileIamanuninterestinggirlofnoimportance，andyouknowverywellthatIshouldbeonlyahindranceinyourlife。Itistruethatyouwereattractedbymeandthoughtyouhadfoundyouridealinme，butthatwasamistake，andnowyouareaskingyourselfindespair：’WhydidI
meetthatgirl？’Andonlyyourgoodnessofheartpreventsyoufromowningittoyourself……"
Nadyafeltsorryforherself，shebegantocry，andwenton：
"Itishardformetoleavemymotherandmybrother，orIshouldtakeanun’sveilandgowhitherchancemayleadme。Andyouwouldbeleftfreeandwouldloveanother。Oh，ifIweredead！"
Shecouldnotmakeoutwhatshehadwrittenthroughhertears；
littlerainbowswerequiveringonthetable，onthefloor，ontheceiling，asthoughshewerelookingthroughaprism。Shecouldnotwrite，shesankbackinhereasy-chairandfelltothinkingofGorny。
MyGod！howinteresting，howfascinatingmenwere！Nadyarecalledthefineexpression，ingratiating，guilty，andsoft，whichcameintotheofficer’sfacewhenonearguedaboutmusicwithhim，andtheefforthemadetopreventhisvoicefrombetrayinghispassion。Inasocietywherecoldhaughtinessandindifferenceareregardedassignsofgoodbreedingandgentlemanlybearing，onemustconcealone’spassions。Andhedidtrytoconcealthem，buthedidnotsucceed，andeveryoneknewverywellthathehadapassionateloveofmusic。Theendlessdiscussionsaboutmusicandtheboldcriticismsofpeoplewhoknewnothingaboutitkepthimalwaysonthestrain；hewasfrightened，timid，andsilent。Heplayedthepianomagnificently，likeaprofessionalpianist，andifhehadnotbeeninthearmyhewouldcertainlyhavebeenafamousmusician。
Thetearsonhereyesdried。NadyarememberedthatGornyhaddeclaredhisloveataSymphonyconcert，andagaindownstairsbythehatstandwheretherewasatremendousdraughtblowinginalldirections。
"IamverygladthatyouhaveatlastmadetheacquaintanceofGruzdev，ourstudentfriend，"shewentonwriting。"Heisaverycleverman，andyouwillbesuretolikehim。Hecametoseeusyesterdayandstayedtilltwoo’clock。Wewerealldelightedwithhim，andIregrettedthatyouhadnotcome。Hesaidagreatdealthatwasremarkable。"
Nadyalaidherarmsonthetableandleanedherheadonthem，andherhaircoveredtheletter。Sherecalledthatthestudent，too，lovedher，andthathehadasmuchrighttoaletterfromherasGorny。Wouldn’titbebetterafteralltowritetoGruzdev？
Therewasastirofjoyinherbosomfornoreasonwhatever；atfirstthejoywassmall，androlledinherbosomlikeanindia-rubberball；thenitbecamemoremassive，bigger，andrushedlikeawave。NadyaforgotGornyandGruzdev；herthoughtswereinatangleandherjoygrewandgrew；fromherbosomitpassedintoherarmsandlegs，anditseemedasthoughalight，coolbreezewerebreathingonherheadandrufflingherhair。Hershouldersquiveredwithsubduedlaughter，thetableandthelampchimneyshook，too，andtearsfromhereyessplashedontheletter。Shecouldnotstoplaughing，andtoprovetoherselfthatshewasnotlaughingaboutnothingshemadehastetothinkofsomethingfunny。
"Whatafunnypoodle，"shesaid，feelingasthoughshewouldchokewithlaughter。"Whatafunnypoodle！"
Shethoughthow，afterteatheeveningbefore，GruzdevhadplayedwithMaximthepoodle，andafterwardshadtoldthemaboutaveryintelligentpoodlewhohadrunafteracrowintheyard，andthecrowhadlookedroundathimandsaid："Oh，youscamp！"
Thepoodle，notknowinghehadtodowithalearnedcrow，wasfearfullyconfusedandretreatedinperplexity，thenbeganbarking……
"No，IhadbetterloveGruzdev，"Nadyadecided，andshetoreupthelettertoGorny。
Shefelltothinkingofthestudent，ofhislove，ofherlove；
butthethoughtsinherheadinsistedonflowinginalldirections，andshethoughtabouteverything——abouthermother，aboutthestreet，aboutthepencil，aboutthepiano……Shethoughtofthemjoyfully，andfeltthateverythingwasgood，splendid，andherjoytoldherthatthiswasnotall，thatinalittlewhileitwouldbebetterstill。Soonitwouldbespring，summer，goingwithhermothertoGorbiki。Gornywouldcomeforhisfurlough，wouldwalkaboutthegardenwithherandmakelovetoher。Gruzdevwouldcometoo。Hewouldplaycroquetandskittleswithher，andwouldtellherwonderfulthings。Shehadapassionatelongingforthegarden，thedarkness，thepuresky，thestars。Againhershouldersshookwithlaughter，anditseemedtoherthattherewasascentofwormwoodintheroomandthatatwigwastappingatthewindow。
Shewenttoherbed，satdown，andnotknowingwhattodowiththeimmensejoywhichfilledherwithyearning，shelookedattheholyimagehangingatthebackofherbed，andsaid：
"Oh，LordGod！Oh，LordGod！"
ALADY’SSTORY
NINEyearsagoPyotrSergeyitch，thedeputyprosecutor，andI
wereridingtowardseveninginhay-makingtimetofetchthelettersfromthestation。
Theweatherwasmagnificent，butonourwaybackweheardapealofthunder，andsawanangryblackstorm-cloudwhichwascomingstraighttowardsus。Thestorm-cloudwasapproachingusandwewereapproachingit。
Againstthebackgroundofitourhouseandchurchlookedwhiteandthetallpoplarsshonelikesilver。Therewasascentofrainandmownhay。Mycompanionwasinhighspirits。Hekeptlaughingandtalkingallsortsofnonsense。Hesaiditwouldbeniceifwecouldsuddenlycomeuponamedievalcastlewithturretedtowers，withmossonitandowls，inwhichwecouldtakeshelterfromtherainandintheendbekilledbyathunderbolt……
Thenthefirstwaveracedthroughtheryeandafieldofoats，therewasagustofwind，andthedustflewroundandroundintheair。PyotrSergeyitchlaughedandspurredonhishorse。
"It’sfine！"hecried，"it’ssplendid！"
Infectedbyhisgaiety，ItoobeganlaughingatthethoughtthatinaminuteIshouldbedrenchedtotheskinandmightbestruckbylightning。
Ridingswiftlyinahurricanewhenoneisbreathlesswiththewind，andfeelslikeabird，thrillsoneandputsone’sheartinaflutter。Bythetimewerodeintoourcourtyardthewindhadgonedown，andbigdropsofrainwerepatteringonthegrassandontheroofs。Therewasnotasoulnearthestable。
PyotrSergeyitchhimselftookthebridlesoff，andledthehorsestotheirstalls。Istoodinthedoorwaywaitingforhimtofinish，andwatchingtheslantingstreaksofrain；thesweetish，excitingscentofhaywasevenstrongerherethaninthefields；
thestorm-cloudsandtherainmadeitalmosttwilight。
"Whatacrash！"saidPyotrSergeyitch，cominguptomeafteraveryloudrollingpealofthunderwhenitseemedasthoughtheskyweresplitintwo。"Whatdoyousaytothat？"
Hestoodbesidemeinthedoorwayand，stillbreathlessfromhisrapidride，lookedatme。Icouldseethathewasadmiringme。
"NatalyaVladimirovna，"hesaid，"Iwouldgiveanythingonlytostayherealittlelongerandlookatyou。Youarelovelyto-day。"
Hiseyeslookedatmewithdelightandsupplication，hisfacewaspale。Onhisbeardandmustachewereglitteringraindrops，andthey，too，seemedtobelookingatmewithlove。
"Iloveyou，"hesaid。"Iloveyou，andIamhappyatseeingyou。
Iknowyoucannotbemywife，butIwantnothing，Iasknothing；
onlyknowthatIloveyou。Besilent，donotanswerme，takenonoticeofit，butonlyknowthatyouaredeartomeandletmelookatyou。"
Hisraptureaffectedmetoo；Ilookedathisenthusiasticface，listenedtohisvoicewhichmingledwiththepatteroftherain，andstoodasthoughspellbound，unabletostir。
Ilongedtogoonendlesslylookingathisshiningeyesandlistening。
"Yousaynothing，andthatissplendid，"saidPyotrSergeyitch。
"Goonbeingsilent。"
Ifelthappy。Ilaughedwithdelightandranthroughthedrenchingraintothehouse；helaughedtoo，and，leapingashewent，ranafterme。
Bothdrenched，panting，noisilyclatteringupthestairslikechildren，wedashedintotheroom。Myfatherandbrother，whowerenotusedtoseeingmelaughingandlight-hearted，lookedatmeinsurpriseandbeganlaughingtoo。
Thestorm-cloudshadpassedoverandthethunderhadceased，buttheraindropsstillglitteredonPyotrSergeyitch’sbeard。Thewholeeveningtillsupper-timehewassinging，whistling，playingnoisilywiththedogandracingabouttheroomafterit，sothathenearlyupsettheservantwiththesamovar。Andatsupperheateagreatdeal，talkednonsense，andmaintainedthatwhenoneeatsfreshcucumbersinwinterthereisthefragranceofspringinone’smouth。
WhenIwenttobedIlightedacandleandthrewmywindowwideopen，andanundefinedfeelingtookpossessionofmysoul。I
rememberedthatIwasfreeandhealthy，thatIhadrankandwealth，thatIwasbeloved；aboveall，thatIhadrankandwealth，rankandwealth，myGod！hownicethatwas！……Then，huddlingupinbedatatouchofcoldwhichreachedmefromthegardenwiththedew，ItriedtodiscoverwhetherIlovedPyotrSergeyitchornot，……andfellasleepunabletoreachanyconclusion。
AndwheninthemorningIsawquiveringpatchesofsunlightandtheshadowsofthelimetreesonmybed，whathadhappenedyesterdayrosevividlyinmymemory。Lifeseemedtomerich，varied，fullofcharm。Humming，Idressedquicklyandwentoutintothegarden……
Andwhathappenedafterwards？Why——nothing。InthewinterwhenwelivedintownPyotrSergeyitchcametoseeusfromtimetotime。Countryacquaintancesarecharmingonlyinthecountryandinsummer；inthetownandinwintertheylosetheircharm。Whenyoupouroutteafortheminthetownitseemsasthoughtheyarewearingotherpeople’scoats，andasthoughtheystirredtheirteatoolong。Inthetown，too，PyotrSergeyitchspokesometimesoflove，buttheeffectwasnotatallthesameasinthecountry。Inthetownweweremorevividlyconsciousofthewallthatstoodbetweenus。Ihadrankandwealth，whilehewaspoor，andhewasnotevenanobleman，butonlythesonofadeaconandadeputypublicprosecutor；webothofus——Ithroughmyyouthandheforsomeunknownreason——thoughtofthatwallasveryhighandthick，andwhenhewaswithusinthetownhewouldcriticizearistocraticsocietywithaforcedsmile，andmaintainasullensilencewhentherewasanyoneelseinthedrawing-room。
Thereisnowallthatcannotbebrokenthrough，buttheheroesofthemodernromance，sofarasIknowthem，aretootimid，spiritless，lazy，andoversensitive，andaretooreadytoresignthemselvestothethoughtthattheyaredoomedtofailure，thatpersonallifehasdisappointedthem；insteadofstrugglingtheymerelycriticize，callingtheworldvulgarandforgettingthattheircriticismpasseslittlebylittleintovulgarity。
Iwasloved，happinesswasnotfaraway，andseemedtobealmosttouchingme；Iwentonlivingincarelesseasewithouttryingtounderstandmyself，notknowingwhatIexpectedorwhatIwantedfromlife，andtimewentonandon……Peoplepassedbymewiththeirlove，brightdaysandwarmnightsflashedby，thenightingalessang，thehaysmeltfragrant，andallthis，sweetandoverwhelminginremembrance，passedwithmeaswitheveryonerapidly，leavingnotrace，wasnotprized，andvanishedlikemist……Whereisitall？
Myfatherisdead，Ihavegrownolder；everythingthatdelightedme，caressedme，gavemehope——thepatteroftherain，therollingofthethunder，thoughtsofhappiness，talkoflove——
allthathasbecomenothingbutamemory，andIseebeforemeaflatdesertdistance；ontheplainnotonelivingsoul，andoutthereonthehorizonitisdarkandterrible……
Aringatthebell……ItisPyotrSergeyitch。WheninthewinterIseethetreesandrememberhowgreentheywereformeinthesummerIwhisper：
"Oh，mydarlings！"
AndwhenIseepeoplewithwhomIspentmyspring-time，Ifeelsorrowfulandwarmandwhisperthesamething。
Hehaslongagobymyfather’sgoodofficesbeentransferredtotown。Helooksalittleolder，alittlefallenaway。Hehaslonggivenupdeclaringhislove，hasleftofftalkingnonsense，dislikeshisofficialwork，isillinsomewayanddisillusioned；hehasgivenuptryingtogetanythingoutoflife，andtakesnointerestinliving。Nowhehassatdownbythehearthandlooksinsilenceatthefire……
NotknowingwhattosayIaskhim：
"Well，whathaveyoutotellme？"
"Nothing，"heanswers。
Andsilenceagain。Theredglowofthefireplaysabouthismelancholyface。
Ithoughtofthepast，andallatoncemyshouldersbeganquivering，myheaddropped，andIbeganweepingbitterly。Ifeltunbearablysorryformyselfandforthisman，andpassionatelylongedforwhathadpassedawayandwhatliferefusedusnow。AndnowIdidnotthinkaboutrankandwealth。
Ibrokeintoloudsobs，pressingmytemples，andmuttered：
"MyGod！myGod！mylifeiswasted！"
Andhesatandwassilent，anddidnotsaytome："Don’tweep。"
HeunderstoodthatImustweep，andthatthetimeforthishadcome。
Isawfromhiseyesthathewassorryforme；andIwassorryforhim，too，andvexedwiththistimid，unsuccessfulmanwhocouldnotmakealifeforme，norforhimself。
WhenIsawhimtothedoor，hewas，Ifancied，purposelyalongwhileputtingonhiscoat。Twicehekissedmyhandwithoutaword，andlookedalongwhileintomytear-stainedface。I
believeatthatmomentherecalledthestorm，thestreaksofrain，ourlaughter，myfacethatday；helongedtosaysomethingtome，andhewouldhavebeengladtosayit；buthesaidnothing，hemerelyshookhisheadandpressedmyhand。Godhelphim！
Afterseeinghimout，Iwentbacktomystudyandagainsatonthecarpetbeforethefireplace；theredemberswerecoveredwithashandbegantogrowdim。Thefrosttappedstillmoreangrilyatthewindows，andthewinddronedinthechimney。
Themaidcameinand，thinkingIwasasleep，calledmyname。
INEXILE
OLDSEMYON，nicknamedCanny，andayoungTatar，whomnooneknewbyname，weresittingontheriver-bankbythecamp-fire；theotherthreeferrymenwereinthehut。Semyon，anoldmanofsixty，leanandtoothless，butbroadshoulderedandstillhealthy-looking，wasdrunk；hewouldhavegoneintosleeplongbefore，buthehadabottleinhispocketandhewasafraidthatthefellowsinthehutwouldaskhimforvodka。TheTatarwasillandweary，andwrappinghimselfupinhisragswasdescribinghowniceitwasintheSimbirskprovince，andwhatabeautifulandcleverwifehehadleftbehindathome。Hewasnotmorethantwentyfive，andnowbythelightofthecamp-fire，withhispaleandsick，mournfulface，helookedlikeaboy。
"Tobesure，itisnotparadisehere，"saidCanny。"Youcanseeforyourself，thewater，thebarebanks，clay，andnothingelse……Easterhaslongpassedandyetthereisiceontheriver，andthismorningtherewassnow……"
"It’sbad！it’sbad！"saidtheTatar，andlookedroundhiminterror。
Thedark，coldriverwasflowingtenpacesaway；itgrumbled，lappedagainstthehollowclaybanksandracedonswiftlytowardsthefar-awaysea。Closetothebanktherewasthedarkblurofabigbarge，whichtheferrymencalleda"karbos。"Farawayonthefurtherbank，lights，dyingdownandflickeringupagain，zigzaggedlikelittlesnakes；theywereburninglastyear’sgrass。Andbeyondthelittlesnakestherewasdarknessagain。
TherelittleiciclescouldbeheardknockingagainstthebargeItwasdampandcold……
TheTatarglancedatthesky。Therewereasmanystarsasathome，andthesameblacknessallround，butsomethingwaslacking。AthomeintheSimbirskprovincethestarswerequitedifferent，andsowasthesky。
"It’sbad！it’sbad！"herepeated。
"Youwillgetusedtoit，"saidSemyon，andhelaughed。"Nowyouareyoungandfoolish，themilkishardlydryonyourlips，anditseemstoyouinyourfoolishnessthatyouaremorewretchedthananyone；butthetimewillcomewhenyouwillsaytoyourself：’Iwishnooneabetterlifethanmine。’Youlookatme。Withinaweekthefloodswillbeoverandweshallsetuptheferry；youwillallgowanderingoffaboutSiberiawhileIshallstayandshallbegingoingfrombanktobank。I’vebeengoinglikethatfortwenty-twoyears，dayandnight。ThepikeandthesalmonareunderthewaterwhileIamonthewater。AndthankGodforit，Iwantnothing；Godgiveeveryonesuchalife。"
TheTatarthrewsomedrytwigsonthecamp-fire，laydownclosertotheblaze，andsaid：
"Myfatherisasickman。Whenhediesmymotherandwifewillcomehere。Theyhavepromised。"
"Andwhatdoyouwantyourwifeandmotherfor？"askedCanny。
"That’smerefoolishness，mylad。It’sthedevilconfoundingyou，damnhissoul！Don’tyoulistentohim，thecursedone。Don’tlethimhavehisway。Heisatyouaboutthewomen，butyouspitehim；say，’Idon’twantthem！’Heisonatyouaboutfreedom，butyoustanduptohimandsay：’Idon’twantit！’Iwantnothing，neitherfathernormother，norwife，norfreedom，norpost，norpaddock；Iwantnothing，damntheirsouls！"
Semyontookapullatthebottleandwenton：
"Iamnotasimplepeasant，notoftheworkingclass，butthesonofadeacon，andwhenIwasfreeIlivedatKursk；Iusedtowearafrockcoat，andnowIhavebroughtmyselftosuchapassthatI
cansleepnakedonthegroundandeatgrass。AndIwishnooneabetterlife。IwantnothingandIamafraidofnobody，andthewayIlookatitisthatthereisnobodyricherandfreerthanI
am。WhentheysentmeherefromRussiafromthefirstdayIstuckitout；Iwantnothing！Thedevilwasatmeaboutmywifeandaboutmyhomeandaboutfreedom，butItoldhim：’Iwantnothing。’Istucktoit，andhereyouseeIlivewell，andI
don’tcomplain，andifanyonegiveswaytothedevilandlistenstohim，ifbutonce，heislost，thereisnosalvationforhim：
heissunkinthebogtothecrownofhisheadandwillnevergetout。
"Itisnotonlyafoolishpeasantlikeyou，butevengentlemen，well-educatedpeople，arelost。FifteenyearsagotheysentagentlemanherefromRussia。Hehadn’tsharedsomethingwithhisbrothersandhadforgedsomethinginawill。Theydidsayhewasaprinceorabaron，butmaybehewassimplyanofficial——whoknows？Well，thegentlemanarrivedhere，andfirstthingheboughthimselfahouseandlandinMuhortinskoe。’Iwanttolivebymyownwork，’sayshe，’inthesweatofmybrow，forIamnotagentlemannow，’sayshe，’butasettler。’’Well，’saysI，’Godhelpyou，that’stherightthing。’Hewasayoungmanthen，busyandcareful；heusedtomowhimselfandcatchfishandridesixtymilesonhorseback。Onlythisiswhathappened：fromtheveryfirstyearhetooktoridingtoGyrinoforthepost；heusedtostandonmyferryandsigh：’Ech，Semyon，howlongitissincetheysentmeanymoneyfromhome！’’Youdon’twantmoney，VassilySergeyitch，’saysI。’Whatuseisittoyou？Youcastawaythepast，andforgetitasthoughithadneverbeenatall，asthoughithadbeenadream，andbegintoliveanew。Don’tlistentothedevil，’saysI；’hewillbringyoutonogood，he’lldrawyouintoasnare。Nowyouwantmoney，’saysI，’butinaverylittlewhileyou’llbewantingsomethingelse，andthenmoreandmore。Ifyouwanttobehappy，’saysI，thechiefthingisnottowantanything。Yes……If，’saysI，’ifFatehaswrongedyouandmecruellyit’snogoodaskingforherfavorandbowingdowntoher，butyoudespiseherandlaughather，orelseshewilllaughatyou。’That’swhatIsaidtohim……
"TwoyearslaterIferriedhimacrosstothisside，andhewasrubbinghishandsandlaughing。’IamgoingtoGyrinotomeetmywife，’sayshe。’Shewassorryforme，’sayshe；’shehascome。
Sheisgoodandkind。’Andhewasbreathlesswithjoy。Soadaylaterhecamewithhiswife。Abeautifulyoungladyinahat；inherarmswasababygirl。Andlotsofluggageofallsorts。AndmyVassilySergeyitchwasfussingroundher；hecouldn’ttakehiseyesoffherandcouldn’tsayenoughinpraiseofher。’Yes，brotherSemyon，eveninSiberiapeoplecanlive！’’Oh，allright，’thinksI，’itwillbeadifferenttalepresently。’AndfromthattimeforwardhewentalmosteveryweektoinquirewhethermoneyhadnotcomefromRussia。Hewantedalotofmoney。’SheislosingheryouthandbeautyhereinSiberiaformysake，’sayshe，’andsharingmybitterlotwithme，andsoI
ought，’sayshe，’toprovideherwitheverycomfort……’
"Tomakeitlivelierfortheladyhemadeacquaintancewiththeofficialsandallsortsofriff-raff。Andofcoursehehadtogivefoodanddrinktoallthatcrew，andtherehadtobeapianoandashaggylapdogonthesofa——plaguetakeit！……Luxury，infact，self-indulgence。Theladydidnotstaywithhimlong。
Howcouldshe？Theclay，thewater，thecold，novegetablesforyou，nofruit。Allaroundyouignorantanddrunkenpeopleandnosortofmanners，andshewasaspoiltladyfromPetersburgorMoscow……Tobesureshemoped。Besides，herhusband，saywhatyoulike，wasnotagentlemannow，butasettler——notthesamerank。
"Threeyearslater，Iremember，ontheeveoftheAssumption，therewasshoutingfromthefurtherbank。Iwentoverwiththeferry，andwhatdoIseebutthelady，allwrappedup，andwithherayounggentleman，anofficial。Asledgewiththreehorses……Iferriedthemacrosshere，theygotinandawaylikethewind。Theyweresoonlosttosight。AndtowardsmorningVassilySergeyitchgallopeddowntotheferry。’Didn’tmywifecomethiswaywithagentlemaninspectacles，Semyon？’’Shedid，’saidI；
’youmaylookforthewindinthefields！’Hegallopedinpursuitofthem。Forfivedaysandnightshewasridingafterthem。WhenIferriedhimovertotheothersideafterwards，heflunghimselfontheferryandbeathisheadontheboardsoftheferryandhowled。’Sothat’showitis，’saysI。Ilaughed，andremindedhim’peoplecanliveeveninSiberia！’Andhebeathisheadharderthanever……
"Thenhebeganlongingforfreedom。HiswifehadslippedofftoRussia，andofcoursehewasdrawntheretoseeherandtogetherawayfromherlover。Andhetook，mylad，togallopingalmosteveryday，eithertothepostorthetowntoseethecommandingofficer；hekeptsendinginpetitionsforthemtohavemercyonhimandlethimgobackhome；andheusedtosaythathehadspentsometwohundredroublesontelegramsalone。HesoldhislandandmortgagedhishousetotheJews。Hegrewgrayandbent，andyellowintheface，asthoughhewasinconsumption。Ifhetalkedtoyouhewouldgo，khee——khee——khee，……andthereweretearsinhiseyes。Hekeptrushingaboutlikethiswithpetitionsforeightyears，butnowhehasgrownbrighterandmorecheerfulagain：hehasfoundanotherwhimtogivewayto。
Yousee，hisdaughterhasgrownup。Helooksather，andsheistheappleofhiseye。Andtotellthetruthsheisallright，good-looking，withblackeyebrowsandalivelydisposition。
EverySundayheusedtoridewithhertochurchinGyrino。Theyusedtostandontheferry，sidebyside，shewouldlaughandhecouldnottakehiseyesoffher。’Yes，Semyon，’sayshe，’peoplecanliveeveninSiberia。EveninSiberiathereishappiness。
Look，’sayshe，’whatadaughterIhavegot！Iwarrantyouwouldn’tfindanotherlikeherforathousandverstsround。’
’Yourdaughterisallright，’saysI，’that’strue，certainly。’
ButtomyselfIthought：’Waitabit，thewenchisyoung，herbloodisdancing，shewantstolive，andthereisnolifehere。’Andshedidbegintopine，mylad……
Shefadedandfaded，andnowshecanhardlycrawlabout。
Consumption。
"SoyouseewhatSiberianhappinessis，damnitssoul！YouseehowpeoplecanliveinSiberia……Hehastakentogoingfromonedoctortoanotherandtakingthemhomewithhim。Assoonashehearsthattwoorthreehundredmilesawaythereisadoctororasorcerer，hewilldrivetofetchhim。Aterriblelotofmoneyhespentondoctors，andtomythinkinghehadbetterhavespentthemoneyondrink……She’lldiejustthesame。
Sheiscertaintodie，andthenitwillbealloverwithhim。
He’llhanghimselffromgrieforrunawaytoRussia——that’sasurething。He’llrunawayandthey’llcatchhim，thenhewillbetried，senttoprison，hewillhaveatasteofthelash……"
"Good！good！"saidtheTatar，shiveringwithcold。
"Whatisgood？"askedCanny。
"Hiswife，hisdaughter……Whatofprisonandwhatofsorrow！
——anyway，hedidseehiswifeandhisdaughter……Yousay，wantnothing。But’nothing’isbad！Hiswifelivedwithhimthreeyears——thatwasagiftfromGod。’Nothing’isbad，butthreeyearsisgood。Hownotunderstand？"
Shiveringandhesitating，witheffortpickingouttheRussianwordsofwhichheknewbutfew，theTatarsaidthatGodforbidoneshouldfallsickanddieinastrangeland，andbeburiedinthecoldanddarkearth；thatifhiswifecametohimforoneday，evenforonehour，thatforsuchhappinesshewouldbereadytobearanysufferingandtothankGod。Betteronedayofhappinessthannothing。
Thenhedescribedagainwhatabeautifulandcleverwifehehadleftathome。Then，clutchinghisheadinbothhands，hebegancryingandassuringSemyonthathewasnotguilty，andwassufferingfornothing。Histwobrothersandanunclehadcarriedoffapeasant’shorses，andhadbeatentheoldmantillhewashalfdead，andthecommunehadnotjudgedfairly，buthadcontrivedasentencebywhichallthethreebrothersweresenttoSiberia，whiletheuncle，arichman，wasleftathome。
"Youwillgetusedtoit！"saidSemyon。
TheTatarwassilent，andstaredwithtear-stainedeyesatthefire；hisfaceexpressedbewildermentandfear，asthoughhestilldidnotunderstandwhyhewashereinthedarknessandthewet，besidestrangers，andnotintheSimbirskprovince。
Cannylaynearthefire，chuckledatsomething，andbeganhummingasonginanundertone。
"Whatjoyhasshewithherfather？"hesaidalittlelater。"Helovesherandherejoicesinher，that’strue；but，mate，youmustmindyourpsandqswithhim，heisastrictoldman，aharsholdman。Andyoungwenchesdon’twantstrictness。Theywantpettingandha-ha-ha！andho-ho-ho！andscentandpomade。
Yes……Ech！life，life，"sighedSemyon，andhegotupheavily。"Thevodkaisallgone，soitistimetosleep。Eh？Iamgoing，mylad……"
Leftalone，theTatarputonmoretwigs，laydownandstaredatthefire；hebeganthinkingofhisownvillageandofhiswife。
Ifhiswifecouldonlycomeforamonth，foraday；andthenifshelikedshemightgobackagain。Betteramonthorevenadaythannothing。Butifhiswifekeptherpromiseandcame，whatwouldhehavetofeedheron？Wherecouldshelivehere？
"Iftherewerenotsomethingtoeat，howcouldshelive？"theTataraskedaloud。
Hewaspaidonlytenkopecksforworkingalldayandallnightattheoar；itistruethattravelersgavehimtipsforteaandforvodkasbutthemensharedalltheyreceivedamongthemselves，andgavenothingtotheTatar，butonlylaughedathim。
Andfrompovertyhewashungry，cold，andfrightened……Now，whenhiswholebodywasachingandshivering，heoughttogointothehutandliedowntosleep；buthehadnothingtocoverhimthere，anditwascolderthanontheriver-bank；herehehadnothingtocoverhimeither，butatleasthecouldmakeupthefire……
Inanotherweek，whenthefloodswerequiteoverandtheysettheferrygoing，noneoftheferrymenbutSemyonwouldbewanted，andtheTatarwouldbegingoingfromvillagetovillagebeggingforalmsandforwork。Hiswifewasonlyseventeen；shewasbeautiful，spoilt，andshy；couldshepossiblygofromvillagetovillagebeggingalmswithherfaceunveiled？No，itwasterribleeventothinkofthat……
Itwasalreadygettinglight；thebarge，thebushesofwillowonthewater，andthewavescouldbeclearlydiscerned，andifonelookedroundtherewasthesteepclayslope；atthebottomofitthehutthatchedwithdingybrownstraw，andthehutsofthevillagelayclusteredhigherup。Thecockswerealreadycrowinginthevillage。
Therustyredclayslope，thebarge，theriver，thestrange，unkindpeople，hunger，cold，illness，perhapsallthatwasnotreal。Mostlikelyitwasalladream，thoughttheTatar。Hefeltthathewasasleepandheardhisownsnoring……OfcoursehewasathomeintheSimbirskprovince，andhehadonlytocallhiswifebynameforhertoanswer；andinthenextroomwashismother……Whatterribledreamsthereare，though！Whataretheyfor？TheTatarsmiledandopenedhiseyes。Whatriverwasthis，theVolga？
Snowwasfalling。
"Boat！"wasshoutedonthefurtherside。"Boat！"
TheTatarwokeup，andwenttowakehismatesandrowovertotheotherside。Theferrymencameontotheriver-bank，puttingontheirtornsheepskinsastheywalked，swearingwithvoiceshuskyfromsleepinessandshiveringfromthecold。Onwakingfromtheirsleep，theriver，fromwhichcameabreathofpiercingcold，seemedtostrikethemasrevoltingandhorrible。
Theyjumpedintothebargewithouthurryingthemselves……TheTatarandthethreeferrymentookthelong，broad-bladedoars，whichinthedarknesslookedliketheclawsofcrabs；Semyonleanedhisstomachagainstthetiller。Theshoutontheothersidestillcontinued，andtwoshotswerefiredfromarevolver，probablywiththeideathattheferrymenwereasleeporhadgonetothepot-houseinthevillage。
"Allright，youhaveplentyoftime，"saidSemyoninthetoneofamanconvincedthattherewasnonecessityinthisworldtohurry——thatitwouldleadtonothing，anyway。
Theheavy，clumsybargemovedawayfromthebankandfloatedbetweenthewillow-bushes，andonlythewillowsslowlymovingbackshowedthatthebargewasnotstandingstillbutmoving。Theferrymenswungtheoarsevenlyintime；Semyonlaywithhisstomachonthetillerand，describingasemicircleintheair，flewfromonesidetotheother。Inthedarknessitlookedasthoughthemenweresittingonsomeantediluviananimalwithlongpaws，andweremovingonitthroughacold，desolateland，thelandofwhichonesometimesdreamsinnightmares。
Theypassedbeyondthewillowsandfloatedoutintotheopen。Thecreakandregularsplashoftheoarswasheardonthefurthershore，andashoutcame："Makehaste！makehaste！"
Anothertenminutespassed，andthebargebangedheavilyagainstthelanding-stage。
"Anditkeepssprinklingandsprinkling，"mutteredSemyon，wipingthesnowfromhisface；"andwhereitallcomesfromGodonlyknows。"
Onthebankstoodathinmanofmediumheightinajacketlinedwithfoxfurandinawhitelambskincap。Hewasstandingatalittledistancefromhishorsesandnotmoving；hehadagloomy，concentratedexpression，asthoughheweretryingtoremembersomethingandangrywithhisuntrustworthymemory。WhenSemyonwentuptohimandtookoffhiscap，smiling，hesaid：
"IamhasteningtoAnastasyevka。Mydaughter’sworseagain，andtheysaythatthereisanewdoctoratAnastasyevka。"
Theydraggedthecarriageontothebargeandfloatedback。ThemanwhomSemyonaddressedasVassilySergeyitchstoodallthetimemotionless，tightlycompressinghisthicklipsandstaringoffintospace；whenhiscoachmanaskedpermissiontosmokeinhispresencehemadenoanswer，asthoughhehadnotheard。
Semyon，lyingwithhisstomachonthetiller，lookedmockinglyathimandsaid：
"EveninSiberiapeoplecanlive——canli-ive！"
TherewasatriumphantexpressiononCanny’sface，asthoughhehadprovedsomethingandwasdelightedthatthingshadhappenedashehadforetold。Theunhappyhelplessnessofthemaninthefoxskincoatevidentlyaffordedhimgreatpleasure。
"It’smuddydrivingnow，VassilySergeyitch，"hesaidwhenthehorseswereharnessedagainonthebank。"Youshouldhaveputoffgoingforanotherfortnight，whenitwillbedrier。Orelsenothavegoneatall……Ifanygoodwouldcomeofyourgoing——
butasyouknowyourself，peoplehavebeendrivingaboutforyearsandyears，dayandnight，andit’salway’sbeennouse。
That’sthetruth。"
VassilySergeyitchtippedhimwithoutaword，gotintohiscarriageanddroveoff。
返回顶部