"Nothingofitappearsinallthatissaidanddone。Noonehasanyfaithnowinabaptismofthechild，andyetthatwasnothingbutareminderofthehumansignificanceofthenewbornbabe。
"Theyhaverejectedallthat，buttheyhavenotreplacedit，andthereremainonlythedresses，thelaces，thelittlehands，thelittlefeet，andwhateverexistsintheanimal。Buttheanimalhasneitherimagination，norforesight，norreason，noradoctor。
No！notevenadoctor！Thechickendroopsitshead，overwhelmed，orthecalfdies；thehenclucksandthecowlowsforatime，andthenthesebeastscontinuetolive，forgettingwhathashappened。
Withus，ifthechildfallssick，whatistobedone，howtocareforit，whatdoctortocall，wheretogo？Ifitdies，therewillbenomorelittlehandsorlittlefeet，andthenwhatistheuseofthesufferingsendured？Thecowdoesnotaskallthat，andthisiswhychildrenareasourceofmisery。Thecowhasnoimagination，andforthatreasoncannotthinkhowitmighthavesavedthechildifithaddonethisorthat，anditsgrief，foundedinitsphysicalbeing，lastsbutaveryshorttime。Itisonlyacondition，andnotthatsorrowwhichbecomesexaggeratedtothepointofdespair，thankstoidlenessandsatiety。Thecowhasnotthatreasoningfacultywhichwouldenableittoaskthewhy。Whyendureallthesetortures？Whatwastheuseofsomuchlove，ifthelittleonesweretodie？Thecowhasnologicwhichtellsittohavenomorechildren，and，ifanycomeaccidentally，toneitherlovenornursethem，thatitmaynotsuffer。Butourwivesreason，andreasoninthisway，andthatiswhyIsaidthat，whenamandoesnotliveasaman，heisbeneaththeanimal。"
"Butthen，howisitnecessarytoact，inyouropinion，inordertotreatchildrenhumanly？"Iasked。
"How？Why，lovethemhumanly。"
"Well，donotmotherslovetheirchildren？"
"Theydonotlovethemhumanly，orveryseldomdo，andthatiswhytheydonotlovethemevenasdogs。Markthis，ahen，agoose，awolf，willalwaysremaintowomaninaccessibleidealsofanimallove。Itisararethingforawomantothrowherself，attheperilofherlife，uponanelephanttosnatchherchildaway，whereasahenorasparrowwillnotfailtoflyatadogandsacrificeitselfutterlyforitschildren。Observethis，also。
Womanhasthepowertolimitherphysicalloveforherchildren，whichananimalcannotdo。Doesthatmeanthat，becauseofthis，womanisinferiortotheanimal？No。Sheissuperior（andeventosaysuperiorisunjust，sheisnotsuperior，sheisdifferent），butshehasotherduties，humanduties。Shecanrestrainherselfinthematterofanimallove，andtransferherlovetothesoulofthechild。Thatiswhatwoman’sroleshouldbe，andthatispreciselywhatwedonotseeinoursociety。Wereadoftheheroicactsofmotherswhosacrificetheirchildreninthenameofasuperioridea，andthesethingsseemtousliketalesoftheancientworld，whichdonotconcernus。AndyetI
believethat，ifthemotherhasnotsomeideal，inthenameofwhichshecansacrificetheanimalfeeling，andifthisforcefindsnoemployment，shewilltransferittochimericalattemptstophysicallypreserveherchild，aidedinthistaskbythedoctor，andshewillsufferasshedoessuffer。
"Soitwaswithmywife。Whethertherewasonechildorfive，thefeelingremainedthesame。Infact，itwasalittlebetterwhentherehadbeenfive。Lifewasalwayspoisonedwithfearforthechildren，notonlyfromtheirrealorimaginarydiseases，butevenbytheirsimplepresence。Formypart，atleast，throughoutmyconjugallife，allmyinterestsandallmyhappinessdependeduponthehealthofmychildren，theircondition，theirstudies。
Children，itisneedlesstosay，areaseriousconsideration；butalloughttolive，andinourdaysparentscannolongerlive。
Regularlifedoesnotexistforthem。Thewholelifeofthefamilyhangsbyahair。WhataterriblethingitistosuddenlyreceivethenewsthatlittleBasileisvomiting，orthatLisehasacrampinthestomach！Immediatelyyouabandoneverything，youforgeteverything，everythingbecomesnothing。Theessentialthingisthedoctor，theenema，thetemperature。YoucannotbeginaconversationbutlittlePierrecomesrunninginwithananxiousairtoaskifhemayeatanapple，orwhatjacketheshallputon，orelseitistheservantwhoenterswithascreamingbaby。
"Regular，steadyfamilylifedoesnotexist。Whereyoulive，andconsequentlywhatyoudo，dependsuponthehealthofthelittleones，thehealthofthelittleonesdependsuponnobody，and，thankstothedoctors，whopretendtoaidhealth，yourentirelifeisdisturbed。Itisaperpetualperil。Scarcelydowebelieveourselvesoutofitwhenanewdangercomes：moreattemptstosave。Alwaysthesituationofsailorsonafounderingvessel。Sometimesitseemedtomethatthiswasdoneonpurpose，thatmywifefeignedanxietyinordertoconquerme，sincethatsolvedthequestionsosimplyforherbenefit。Itseemedtomethatallthatshedidatthosetimeswasdoneforitseffectuponme，butnowIseethatsheherself，mywife，sufferedandwastorturedonaccountofthelittleones，theirhealth，andtheirdiseases。
"Atorturetobothofus，buttoherthechildrenwerealsoameansofforgettingherself，likeanintoxication。Ioftennoticed，whenshewasverysad，thatshewasrelieved，whenachildfellsick，atbeingabletotakerefugeinthisintoxication。Itwasinvoluntaryintoxication，becauseasyettherewasnothingelse。OneverysideweheardthatMrs。
So-and-sohadlostchildren，thatDr。So-and-sohadsavedthechildofMrs。So-and-so，andthatinacertainfamilyallhadmovedfromthehouseinwhichtheywereliving，andtherebysavedthelittleones。Andthedoctors，withaseriousair，confirmedthis，sustainingmywifeinheropinions。Shewasnotpronetofear，butthedoctordroppedsomeword，likecorruptionoftheblood，scarlatina，orelse——heavenhelpus——diphtheria，andoffshewent。
"Itwasimpossibleforittobeotherwise。Womenintheolddayshadthebeliefthat’Godhasgiven，Godhastakenaway，’thatthesoulofthelittleangelisgoingtoheaven，andthatitisbettertodieinnocentthantodieinsin。Ifthewomenofto-dayhadsomethinglikethisfaith，theycouldenduremorepeacefullythesicknessoftheirchildren。Butofallthattheredoesnotremainevenatrace。Andyetitisnecessarytobelieveinsomething；consequentlytheystupidlybelieveinmedicine，andnoteveninmedicine，butinthedoctor。OnebelievesinX，anotherinZ，and，likeallbelievers，theydonotseetheidiocyoftheirbeliefs。Theybelievequiaabsurdum，because，inreality，iftheydidnotbelieveinastupidway，theywouldseethevanityofallthatthesebrigandsprescribeforthem。
Scarlatinaisacontagiousdisease；so，whenonelivesinalargecity，halfthefamilyhastomoveawayfromitsresidence（wedidittwice），andyeteverymaninthecityisacentrethroughwhichpassinnumerablediameters，carryingthreadsofallsortsofcontagions。Thereisnoobstacle：thebaker，thetailor，thecoachman，thelaundresses。
"AndIwouldundertake，foreverymanwhomovesonaccountofcontagion，tofindinhisnewdwelling-placeanothercontagionsimilar，ifnotthesame。
"Butthatisnotall。Everyoneknowsrichpeoplewho，afteracaseofdiphtheria，destroyeverythingintheirresidences，andthenfallsickinhousesnewlybuiltandfurnished。Everyoneknows，likewise，numbersofmenwhocomeincontactwithsickpeopleanddonotgetinfected。Ouranxietiesareduetothepeoplewhocirculatetallstories。Onewomansaysthatshehasanexcellentdoctor。’Pardonme，’answerstheother，’hekilledsuchaone，’orsuchaone。Andviceversa。Bringheranother，whoknowsnomore，wholearnedfromthesamebooks，whotreatsaccordingtothesameformulas，butwhogoesaboutinacarriage，andasksahundredroublesavisit，andshewillhavefaithinhim。
"Itallliesinthefactthatourwomenaresavages。TheyhavenobeliefinGod，butsomeofthembelieveintheevileye，andtheothersindoctorswhochargehighfees。Iftheyhadfaiththeywouldknowthatscarlatina，diphtheria，etc。，arenotsoterrible，sincetheycannotdisturbthatwhichmancanandshouldlove，——thesoul。Therecanresultfromthemonlythatwhichnoneofuscanavoid，——diseaseanddeath。WithoutfaithinGod，theyloveonlyphysically，andalltheirenergyisconcentrateduponthepreservationoflife，whichcannotbepreserved，andwhichthedoctorspromisethefoolsofbothsexestosave。Andfromthattimethereisnothingtobedone；thedoctorsmustbesummoned。
"Thusthepresenceofthechildrennotonlydidnotimproveourrelationsashusbandandwife，but，onthecontrary，disunitedus。Thechildrenbecameanadditionalcauseofdispute，andthelargertheygrew，themoretheybecameaninstrumentofstruggle。
Onewouldhavesaidthatweusedthemasweaponswithwhichtocombateachother。Eachofushadhisfavorite。ImadeuseoflittleBasile（theeldest），sheofLise。Further，whenthechildrenreachedanagewheretheircharactersbegantobedefined，theybecameallies，whichwedreweachinhisorherowndirection。Theysufferedhorriblyfromthis，thepoorthings，butwe，inourperpetualhubbub，werenotclear-headedenoughtothinkofthem。Thelittlegirlwasdevotedtome，buttheeldestboy，whoresembledmywife，hisfavorite，ofteninspiredmewithdislike。
CHAPTERXVII。
"Welivedatfirstinthecountry，theninthecity，and，ifthefinalmisfortunehadnothappened，IshouldhavelivedthusuntilmyoldageandshouldthenhavebelievedthatIhadhadagoodlife，——nottoogood，but，ontheotherhand，notbad，——anexistencesuchasotherpeoplelead。IshouldnothaveunderstoodtheabyssofmisfortuneandignoblefalsehoodinwhichIflounderedabout，feelingthatsomethingwasnotright。I
felt，inthefirstplace，thatI，aman，who，accordingtomyideas，oughttobethemaster，worethepetticoats，andthatI
couldnotgetridofthem。Theprincipalcauseofmysubjectionwasthechildren。Ishouldhavelikedtofreemyself，butI
couldnot。Bringingupthechildren，andrestinguponthem，mywiferuled。Ididnotthenrealizethatshecouldnothelpruling，especiallybecause，inmarrying，shewasmorallysuperiortome，aseveryyounggirlisincomparablysuperiortotheman，sincesheisincomparablypurer。Strangething！Theordinarywifeinoursocietyisaverycommonplacepersonorworse，selfish，gossiping，whimsical，whereastheordinaryyounggirl，untiltheageoftwenty，isacharmingbeing，readyforeverythingthatisbeautifulandlofty。Whyisthisso？
Evidentlybecausehusbandspervertthem，andlowerthemtotheirownlevel。
"Intruth，ifboysandgirlsarebornequal，thelittlegirlsfindthemselvesinabettersituation。Inthefirstplace，theyounggirlisnotsubjectedtothepervertingconditionstowhichwearesubjected。Shehasneithercigarettes，norwine，norcards，norcomrades，norpublichouses，norpublicfunctions。
Andthenthechiefthingisthatsheisphysicallypure，andthatiswhy，inmarrying，sheissuperiortoherhusband。Sheissuperiortomanasayounggirl，andwhenshebecomesawifeinoursociety，wherethereisnoneedtoworkinordertolive，shebecomessuperior，also，bythegravityoftheactsofgeneration，birth，andnursing。
"Woman，inbringingachildintotheworld，andgivingitherbosom，seesclearlythatheraffairismoreseriousthantheaffairofman，whositsintheZemstvo，inthecourt。Sheknowsthatinthesefunctionsthemainthingismoney，andmoneycanbemadeindifferentways，andforthatveryreasonmoneyisnotinevitablynecessary，likenursingachild。Consequentlywomanisnecessarilysuperiortoman，andmustrule。Butman，inoursociety，notonlydoesnotrecognizethis，but，onthecontrary，alwayslooksuponherfromtheheightofhisgrandeur，despisingwhatshedoes。
"ThusmywifedespisedmeformyworkattheZemstvo，becauseshegavebirthtochildrenandnursedthem。I，inturn，thoughtthatwoman’slaborwasmostcontemptible，whichonemightandshouldlaughat。
"Apartfromtheothermotives，wewerealsoseparatedbyamutualcontempt。Ourrelationsgrewevermorehostile，andwearrivedatthatperiodwhen，notonlydiddissentprovokehostility，buthostilityprovokeddissent。Whatevershemightsay，Iwassureinadvancetoholdacontraryopinion；andshethesame。Towardthefourthyearofourmarriageitwastacitlydecidedbetweenusthatnointellectualcommunitywaspossible，andwemadenofurtherattemptsatit。Astothesimplestobjects，weeachheldobstinatelytoourownopinions。Withstrangerswetalkeduponthemostvariedandmostintimatematters，butnotwitheachother。Sometimes，inlisteningtomywifetalkwithothersinmypresence，Isaidtomyself：’Whatawoman！Everythingthatshesaysisalie！’AndIwasastonishedthatthepersonwithwhomshewasconversingdidnotseethatshewaslying。Whenweweretogether；wewerecondemnedtosilence，ortoconversationswhich，Iamsure，mighthavebeencarriedonbyanimals。
"’Whattimeisit？Itisbed-time。Whatistherefordinnerto-day？Whereshallwego？Whatisthereinthenewspaper？Thedoctormustbesentfor，Lisehasasorethroat。’
"Unlesswekeptwithintheextremelynarrowlimitsofsuchconversation，irritationwassuretoensue。Thepresenceofathirdpersonrelievedus，forthroughanintermediarywecouldstillcommunicate。Sheprobablybelievedthatshewasalwaysright。Asforme，inmyowneyes，Iwasasaintbesideher。
"Theperiodsofwhatwecalllovearrivedasoftenasformerly。
Theyweremorebrutal，withoutrefinement，withoutornament；buttheywereshort，andgenerallyfollowedbyperiodsofirritationwithoutcause，irritationfedbythemosttrivialpretexts。Wehadspatsaboutthecoffee，thetable-cloth，thecarriage，gamesofcards，——trifles，inshort，whichcouldnotbeoftheleastimportancetoeitherofus。Asforme，aterribleexecrationwascontinuallyboilingupwithinme。Iwatchedherpourthetea，swingherfoot，liftherspoontohermouth，andblowuponhotliquidsorsipthem，andIdetestedherasifthesehadbeensomanycrimes。
"Ididnotnoticethattheseperiodsofirritationdependedveryregularlyupontheperiodsoflove。Eachofthelatterwasfollowedbyoneoftheformer。Aperiodofintenselovewasfollowedbyalongperiodofanger；aperiodofmildloveinducedamildirritation。Wedidnotunderstandthatthisloveandthishatredweretwooppositefacesofthesameanimalfeeling。Tolivethuswouldbeterrible，ifoneunderstoodthephilosophyofit。Butwedidnotperceivethis，wedidnotanalyzeit。Itisatoncethetortureandthereliefofmanthat，whenhelivesirregularly，hecancherishillusionsastothemiseriesofhissituation。Sodidwe。Shetriedtoforgetherselfinsuddenandabsorbingoccupations，inhouseholdduties，thecareofthefurniture，herdressandthatofherchildren，intheeducationofthelatter，andinlookingaftertheirhealth。Thesewereoccupationsthatdidnotarisefromanyimmediatenecessity，butsheaccomplishedthemasifherlifeandthatofherchildrendependedonwhetherthepastrywasallowedtoburn，whetheracurtainwashangingproperly，whetheradresswasasuccess，whetheralessonwaswelllearned，orwhetheramedicinewasswallowed。
"Isawclearlythattoherallthiswas，morethananythingelse，ameansofforgetting，anintoxication，justashunting，card-playing，andmyfunctionsattheZemstvoservedthesamepurposeforme。ItistruethatinadditionIhadanintoxicationliterallyspeaking，——tobacco，whichIsmokedinlargequantities，andwine，uponwhichIdidnotgetdrunk，butofwhichItooktoomuch。Vodkabeforemeals，andduringmealstwoglassesofwine，sothataperpetualmistconcealedtheturmoilofexistence。
"Thesenewtheoriesofhypnotism，ofmentalmaladies，ofhysteriaarenotsimplestupidities，butdangerousorevilstupidities。
Charcot，Iamsure，wouldhavesaidthatmywifewashysterical，andofmehewouldhavesaidthatIwasanabnormalbeing，andhewouldhavewantedtotreatme。Butinustherewasnothingrequiringtreatment。Allthismentalmaladywasthesimpleresultofthefactthatwewerelivingimmorally。Thankstothisimmorallife，wesuffered，and，tostifleoursufferings，wetriedabnormalmeans，whichthedoctorscallthe’symptoms’ofamentalmalady，——hysteria。
"TherewasnooccasioninallthistoapplyfortreatmenttoCharcotortoanybodyelse。Neithersuggestionnorbromidewouldhavebeeneffectiveinworkingourcure。Theneedfulthingwasanexaminationoftheoriginoftheevil。Itisaswhenoneissittingonanail；ifyouseethenail，youseethatwhichisirregularinyourlife，andyouavoidit。Thenthepainstops，withoutanynecessityofstiflingit。Ourpainarosefromtheirregularityofourlife，andalsomyjealousy，myirritability，andthenecessityofkeepingmyselfinastateofperpetualsemi-intoxicationbyhunting，card-playing，and，aboveall，theuseofwineandtobacco。Itwasbecauseofthisirregularitythatmywifesopassionatelypursuedheroccupations。Thesuddenchangesofherdisposition，fromextremesadnesstoextremegayety，andherbabble，arosefromtheneedofforgettingherself，offorgettingherlife，inthecontinualintoxicationofvariedandverybriefoccupations。
"Thuswelivedinaperpetualfog，inwhichwedidnotdistinguishourcondition。Wewereliketwogalley-slavesfastenedtothesameball，cursingeachother，poisoningeachother’sexistence，andtryingtoshakeeachotheroff。Iwasstillunawarethatninety-ninefamiliesoutofeveryhundredliveinthesamehell，andthatitcannotbeotherwise。Ihadnotlearnedthisfactfromothersorfrommyself。Thecoincidencesthataremetinregular，andeveninirregularlife，aresurprising。Attheveryperiodwhenthelifeofparentsbecomesimpossible，itbecomesindispensablethattheygotothecitytolive，inordertoeducatetheirchildren。Thatiswhatwedid。"
Posdnicheffbecamesilent，andtwicethereescapedhim，inthehalf-darkness，sighs，whichatthatmomentseemedtomelikesuppressedsobs。Thenhecontinued。
CHAPTERXVIII。
"Sowelivedinthecity。Inthecitythewretchedfeellesssad。Onecanlivethereahundredyearswithoutbeingnoticed，andbedeadalongtimebeforeanybodywillnoticeit。Peoplehavenotimetoinquireintoyourlife。Allareabsorbed。
Business，socialrelations，art，thehealthofchildren，theireducation。Andtherearevisitsthatmustbereceivedandmade；
itisnecessarytoseethisone，itisnecessarytohearthatoneortheotherone。Inthecitytherearealwaysone，two，orthreecelebritiesthatitisindispensablethatoneshouldvisit。
Nowonemustcareforhimself，orcareforsuchorsuchalittleone，nowitistheprofessor，theprivatetutor，thegovernesses，……andlifeisabsolutelyempty。Inthisactivitywewerelessconsciousofthesufferingsofourcohabitation。Moreover，inthefirstofit，wehadasuperboccupation，——thearrangementofthenewdwelling，andthen，too，themovingfromthecitytothecountry，andfromthecountrytothecity。
"Thuswespentawinter。Thefollowingwinteranincidenthappenedtouswhichpassedunnoticed，butwhichwasthefundamentalcauseofallthathappenedlater。Mywifewassuffering，andtherascals（thedoctors）wouldnotpermithertoconceiveachild，andtaughtherhowtoavoidit。Iwasprofoundlydisgusted。Istruggledvainlyagainstit，butsheinsistedfrivolouslyandobstinately，andIsurrendered。Thelastjustificationofourlifeaswretcheswastherebysuppressed，andlifebecamebaserthanever。
"Thepeasantandtheworkingmanneedchildren，andhencetheirconjugalrelationshaveajustification。Butwe，whenwehaveafewchildren，havenoneedofanymore。Theymakeasuperfluousconfusionofexpensesandjointheirs，andareanembarrassment。
Consequentlywehavenoexcusesforourexistenceaswretches，butwearesodeeplydegradedthatwedonotseethenecessityofajustification。Themajorityofpeopleincontemporarysocietygivethemselvesuptothisdebaucherywithouttheslightestremorse。Wehavenoconscienceleft，except，sotospeak，theconscienceofpublicopinionandofthecriminalcode。Butinthismatterneitheroftheseconsciencesisstruck。Thereisnotabeinginsocietywhoblushesatit。Eachonepracticesit，——X，Y，Z，etc。Whatistheuseofmultiplyingbeggars，anddeprivingourselvesofthejoysofsociallife？Thereisnonecessityofhavingconsciencebeforethecriminalcode，oroffearingit：
lowgirls，soldiers’wiveswhothrowtheirchildrenintopondsorwells，thesecertainlymustbeputinprison。Butwithusthesuppressioniseffectedopportunelyandproperly。
"Thuswepassedtwoyearsmore。Themethodprescribedbytherascalshadevidentlysucceeded。Mywifehadgrownstouterandhandsomer。Itwasthebeautyoftheendofsummer。Shefeltit，andpaidmuchattentiontoherperson。Shehadacquiredthatprovokingbeautythatstirsmen。Shewasinallthebrilliancyofthewifeofthirtyyears，whoconceivesnochildren，eatsheartily，andisexcited。Theverysightofherwasenoughtofrightenone。Shewaslikeaspiritedcarriage-horsethathaslongbeenidle，andsuddenlyfindsitselfwithoutabridle。Asformywife，shehadnobridle，asforthatmatter，ninety-ninehundredthsofourwomenhavenone。"
CHAPTERXIX。
Posdnicheff’sfacehadbecometransformed；hiseyeswerepitiable；theirexpressionseemedstrange，likethatofanotherbeingthanhimself；hismoustacheandbeardturneduptowardthetopofhisface；hisnosewasdiminished，andhismouthenlarged，immense，frightful。
"Yes，"heresumed"shehadgrownstoutersinceceasingtoconceive，andheranxietiesaboutherchildrenbegantodisappear。Noteventodisappear。Onewouldhavesaidthatshewaswakingfromalongintoxication，thatoncomingtoherselfshehadperceivedtheentireuniversewithitsjoys，awholeworldinwhichshehadnotlearnedtolive，andwhichshedidnotunderstand。
"’Ifonlythisworldshallnotvanish！Whentimeispast，whenoldagecomes，onecannotrecoverit。’Thus，Ibelieve，shethought，orratherfelt。Moreover，shecouldneitherthinknorfeelotherwise。Shehadbeenbroughtupinthisideathatthereisintheworldbutonethingworthyofattention，——love。Inmarrying，shehadknownsomethingofthislove，butveryfarfromeverythingthatshehadunderstoodaspromisedher，everythingthatsheexpected。Howmanydisillusions！Howmuchsuffering！
Andanunexpectedtorture，——thechildren！Thistorturehadtolduponher，andthen，thankstotheobligingdoctor，shehadlearnedthatitispossibletoavoidhavingchildren。Thathadmadeherglad。Shehadtried，andshewasnowrevivedfortheonlythingthatsheknew，——forlove。Butlovewithahusbandpollutedbyjealousyandill-naturewasnolongerherideal。Shebegantothinkofsomeothertenderness；atleast，thatiswhatI
thought。Shelookedaboutherasifexpectingsomeeventorsomebeing。Inoticedit，andIcouldnothelpbeinganxious。
"Always，now，ithappenedthat，intalkingwithmethroughathirdparty（thatis，intalkingwithothers，butwiththeintentionthatIshouldhear），sheboldlyexpressed，——notthinkingthatanhourbeforeshehadsaidtheopposite，——halfjoking，halfseriously，thisideathatmaternalanxietiesareadelusion；thatitisnotworthwhiletosacrificeone’slifetochildren。Whenoneisyoung，itisnecessarytoenjoylife。Sosheoccupiedherselflesswiththechildren，notwiththesameintensityasformerly，andpaidmoreandmoreattentiontoherself，toherface，——althoughsheconcealedit，——toherpleasures，andeventoherperfectionfromtheworldlypointofview。Shebegantodevoteherselfpassionatelytothepiano，whichhadformerlystoodforgotteninthecorner。There，atthepiano，begantheadventure。
"TheMANappeared。"
Posdnicheffseemedembarrassed，andtwiceagainthereescapedhimthatnasalsoundofwhichIspokeabove。IthoughtthatitgavehimpaintorefertotheMAN，andtorememberhim。Hemadeaneffort，asiftobreakdowntheobstaclethatembarrassedhim，andcontinuedwithdetermination。
"Hewasabadmaninmyeyes，andnotbecausehehasplayedsuchanimportantroleinmylife，butbecausehewasreallysuch。
Fortherest，fromthefactthathewasbad，wemustconcludethathewasirresponsible。Hewasamusician，aviolinist。Notaprofessionalmusician，buthalfmanoftheworld，halfartist。
Hisfather，acountryproprietor，wasaneighborofmyfather’s。
Thefatherhadbecomeruined，andthechildren，threeboys，wereallsentaway。Ourman，theyoungest，wassenttohisgodmotheratParis。TheretheyplacedhimintheConservatory，forheshowedatasteformusic。Hecameoutaviolinist，andplayedinconcerts。"
Onthepointofspeakingeviloftheother，Posdnicheffcheckedhimself，stopped，andsaidsuddenly：
"Intruth，Iknownothowhelived。IonlyknowthatthatyearhecametoRussia，andcametoseeme。Moisteyesofalmondshape，smilingredlips，alittlemoustachewellwaxed，hairbrushedinthelatestfashion，avulgarlyprettyface，——whatthewomencall’notbad，’——feeblybuiltphysically，butwithnodeformity；withhipsasbroadasawoman’s；correct，andinsinuatinghimselfintothefamiliarityofpeopleasfaraspossible，buthavingthatkeensensethatquicklydetectsafalsestepandretiresinreason，——aman，inshort，observantoftheexternalrulesofdignity，withthatspecialParisianismthatisrevealedinbuttonedboots，agaudycravat，andthatsomethingwhichforeignerspickupinParis，andwhich，initspeculiarityandnovelty，alwayshasaninfluenceonourwomen。Inhismannersanexternalandartificialgayety，away，youknow，ofreferringtoeverythingbyhints，byunfinishedfragments，asifeverythingthatonesaysyouknewalready，recalledit，andcouldsupplytheomissions。Well，he，withhismusic，wasthecauseofall。
"Atthetrialtheaffairwassorepresentedthateverythingseemedattributabletojealousy。Itisfalse，——thatis，notquitefalse，buttherewassomethingelse。TheverdictwasrenderedthatIwasadeceivedhusband，thatIhadkilledindefenceofmysulliedhonor（thatisthewaytheyputitintheirlanguage），andthusIwasacquitted。Itriedtoexplaintheaffairfrommyownpointofview，buttheyconcludedthatI
simplywantedtorehabilitatethememoryofmywife。Herrelationswiththemusician，whatevertheymayhavebeen，arenowofnoimportancetomeortoher。TheimportantpartiswhatI
havetoldyou。Thewholetragedywasduetothefactthatthismancameintoourhouseatatimewhenanimmenseabysshadalreadybeendugbetweenus，thatfrightfultensionofmutualhatred，inwhichtheslightestmotivesufficedtoprecipitatethecrisis。Ourquarrelsinthelastdaysweresomethingterrible，andthemoreastonishingbecausetheywerefollowedbyabrutalpassionextremelystrained。Ifithadnotbeenhe，someotherwouldhavecome。Ifthepretexthadnotbeenjealousy，Ishouldhavediscoveredanother。Iinsistuponthispoint，——thatallhusbandswholivethemarriedlifethatIlivedmusteitherresorttooutsidedebauchery，orseparatefromtheirwives，orkillthemselves，orkilltheirwivesasIdid。Ifthereisanyoneinmycasetowhomthisdoesnothappen，heisaveryrareexception，for，beforeendingasIended，Iwasseveraltimesonthepointofsuicide，andmywifemadeseveralattemptstopoisonherself。
CHAPTERXX。
"Inorderthatyoumayunderstandme，Imusttellyouhowthishappened。Wewerelivingalong，andallseemedwell。Suddenlywebegantotalkofthechildren’seducation。Idonotrememberwhatwordseitherofusuttered，butadiscussionbegan，reproaches，leapsfromonesubjecttoanother。’Yes，Iknowit。
Ithasbeensoforalongtime。’……’Yousaidthat。’……
’No，Ididnotsaythat。’……’ThenIlie？’etc。
"AndIfeltthatthefrightfulcrisiswasapproachingwhenI
shoulddesiretokillherorelsemyself。Iknewthatitwasapproaching；Iwasafraidofitasoffire；Iwantedtorestrainmyself。Butragetookpossessionofmywholebeing。Mywifefoundherselfinthesamecondition，perhapsworse。Sheknewthatsheintentionallydistortedeachofmywords，andeachofherwordswassaturatedwithvenom。Allthatwasdeartomeshedisparagedandprofaned。Thefartherthequarrelwent，themorefuriousitbecame。Icried，’Besilent，’orsomethinglikethat。
Sheboundedoutoftheroomandrantowardthechildren。Itriedtoholdherbacktofinishmyinsults。Igraspedherbythearm，andhurther。Shecried：’Children，yourfatherisbeatingme。’
Icried：’Don’tlie。’Shecontinuedtoutterfalsehoodsforthesimplepurposeofirritatingmefurther。’Ah，itisnotthefirsttime，’orsomethingofthatsort。Thechildrenrushedtowardherandtriedtoquiether。Isaid：’Don’tsham。’Shesaid：’Youlookuponeverythingasasham。Youwouldkillapersonandsayhewasshamming。NowIunderstandyou。Thatiswhatyouwanttodo。’’Oh，ifyouwereonlydead！’Icried。
"Irememberhowthatterriblephrasefrightenedme。NeverhadI
thoughtthatIcouldutterwordssobrutal，sofrightful，andI
wasstupefiedatwhathadjustescapedmylips。Ifledintomyprivateapartment。Isatdownandbegantosmoke。Iheardhergointothehallandpreparetogoout。Iaskedher：’Whereareyougoing？Shedidnotanswer。’Well，maythedeviltakeyou！’
saidItomyself，goingbackintomyprivateroom，whereIlaydownagainandbegansmokingafresh。Thousandsofplansofvengeance，ofwaysofgettingridofher，andhowtoarrangethis，andactasifnothinghadhappened，——allthispassedthroughmyhead。Ithoughtofthesethings，andIsmoked，andsmoked，andsmoked。Ithoughtofrunningaway，ofmakingmyescape，ofgoingtoAmerica。Iwentsofarastodreamhowbeautifulitwouldbe，aftergettingridofher，toloveanotherwoman，entirelydifferentfromher。IshouldberidofherifsheshoulddieorifIshouldgetadivorce，andItriedtothinkhowthatcouldbemanaged。IsawthatIwasgettingconfused，but，inordernottoseethatIwasnotthinkingrightly，Ikeptonsmoking。
"Andthelifeofthehousewentonasusual。Thechildren’steachercameandasked：’WhereisMadame？Whenwillshereturn？’
Theservantsaskediftheyshouldservethetea。Ienteredthedining-room。Thechildren，Lise，theeldestgirl，lookedatmewithfright，asiftoquestionme，andshedidnotcome。Thewholeeveningpassed，andstillshedidnotcome。Twosentimentskeptsucceedingeachotherinmysoul，——hatredofher，sinceshetorturedmyselfandthechildrenbyherabsence，butwouldfinallyreturnjustthesame，andfearlestshemightreturnandmakesomeattemptuponherself。ButwhereshouldIlookforher？
Athersister’s？Itseemedsostupidtogotoaskwhereone’swifeis。Moreover，mayGodforbid，Ihoped，thatsheshouldbeathersister’s！Ifshewishestotormentanyone，lethertormentherselffirst。Andsupposeshewerenotathersister’s。
Supposesheweretodo，orhadalreadydone，something。
"Eleveno’clock，midnight，oneo’clock……Ididnotsleep。I
didnotgotomychamber。Itisstupidtoliestretchedoutallalone，andtowait。ButinmystudyIdidnotrest。Itriedtobusymyself，towriteletters，toread。Impossible！Iwasalone，tortured，wicked，andIlistened。TowarddaylightIwenttosleep。Iawoke。Shehadnotreturned。Everythinginthehousewentonasusual，andalllookedatmeinastonishment，questioningly。Thechildren’seyeswerefullofreproachforme。
Andalwaysthesamefeelingofanxietyabouther，andofhatredbecauseofthisanxiety。
"Towardeleveno’clockinthemorningcamehersister，herambassadress。Thenbegantheusualphrases：’Sheisinaterriblestate。Whatisthematter？’’Why，nothinghashappened。’Ispokeofherasperityofcharacter，andIaddedthatIhaddonenothing，andthatIwouldnottakethefirststep。Ifshewantsadivorce，somuchthebetter！Mysister-in-lawwouldnotlistentothisidea，andwentawaywithouthavinggainedanything。Iwasobstinate，andIsaidboldlyanddeterminedly，intalkingtoher，thatIwouldnottakethefirststep。ImmediatelyshehadgoneIwentintotheotherroom，andsawthechildreninafrightenedandpitifulstate，andthereIfoundmyselfalreadyinclinedtotakethisfirststep。
ButIwasboundbymyword。AgainIwalkedupanddown，alwayssmoking。AtbreakfastIdrankbrandyandwine，andIreachedthepointwhichIunconsciouslydesired，thepointwhereInolongersawthestupidityandbasenessofmysituation。
"Towardthreeo’clockshecame。Ithoughtthatshewasappeased，oradmittedherdefeat。IbegantotellherthatIwasprovokedbyherreproaches。Sheansweredme，withthesamesevereandterriblydowncastface，thatshehadnotcomeforexplanations，buttotakethechildren，thatwecouldnotlivetogether。I
answeredthatitwasnotmyfault，thatshehadputmebesidemyself。Shelookedatmewithasevereandsolemnair，andsaid：
’Saynomore。Youwillrepentit。’IsaidthatIcouldnottoleratecomedies。ThenshecriedoutsomethingthatIdidnotunderstand，andrushedtowardherroom。Thekeyturnedinthelock，andsheshutherselfup。Ipushedatthedoor。Therewasnoresponse。Furious，Iwentaway。
"AhalfhourlaterLisecamerunningallintears。’What！Hasanythinghappened？WecannothearMamma！’Wewenttowardmywife’sroom。Ipushedthedoorwithallmymight。Theboltwasscarcelydrawn，andthedooropened。Inaskirt，withhighboots，mywifelayawkwardlyonthebed。Onthetableanemptyopiumphial。Werestoredhertolife。Tearsandthenreconciliation！Notreconciliation；internallyeachkeptthehatredfortheother，butitwasabsolutelynecessaryforthemomenttoendthesceneinsomeway，andlifebeganagainasbefore。Thesescenes，andevenworse，camenowonceaweek，noweverymonth，noweveryday。Andinvariablythesameincidents。
OnceIwasabsolutelyresolvedtofly，butthroughsomeinconceivableweaknessIremained。
"SuchwerethecircumstancesinwhichwewerelivingwhentheMAN
came。Themanwasbad，itistrue。Butwhat！Noworsethanwewere。
CHAPTERXXI。
"WhenwemovedtoMoscow，thisgentleman——hisnamewasTroukhatchevsky——cametomyhouse。Itwasinthemorning。I
receivedhim。Informertimeswehadbeenveryfamiliar。Hetried，byvariousadvances，tore-establishthefamiliarity，butIwasdeterminedtokeephimatadistance，andsoonhegaveitup。Hedispleasedmeextremely。AtthefirstglanceIsawthathewasafilthydebauche。Iwasjealousofhim，evenbeforehehadseenmywife。But，strangething！someoccultfatalpowerkeptmefromrepulsinghimandsendinghimaway，and，onthecontrary，inducedmetosufferthisapproach。Whatcouldhavebeensimplerthantotalkwithhimafewminutes，andthendismisshimcoldlywithoutintroducinghimtomywife？Butno，asifonpurpose，Iturnedtheconversationuponhisskillasaviolinist，andheansweredthat，contrarytowhatIhadheard，henowplayedtheviolinmorethanformerly。HerememberedthatI
usedtoplay。IansweredthatIhadabandonedmusic，butthatmywifeplayedverywell。
"Singularthing！Why，intheimportanteventsofourlife，inthoseinwhichaman’sfateisdecided，——asminewasdecidedinthatmoment，——whyintheseeventsisthereneitherapastnorafuture？MyrelationswithTroukhatchevskythefirstday，atthefirsthour，weresuchastheymightstillhavebeenafterallthathashappened。Iwasconsciousthatsomefrightfulmisfortunemustresultfromthepresenceofthisman，and，inspiteofthat，Icouldnothelpbeingamiabletohim。I
introducedhimtomywife。Shewaspleasedwithhim。Inthebeginning，Isuppose，becauseofthepleasureoftheviolinplaying，whichsheadored。Shehadevenhiredforthatpurposeaviolinistfromthetheatre。Butwhenshecastaglanceatme，sheunderstoodmyfeelings，andconcealedherimpression。Thenbeganthemutualtrickeryanddeceit。Ismiledagreeably，pretendingthatallthispleasedmeextremely。He，lookingatmywife，asalldebaucheslookatbeautifulwomen，withanairofbeinginterestedsolelyinthesubjectofconversation，——thatis，inthatwhichdidnotinteresthimatall。
"Shetriedtoseemindifferent。Butmyexpression，myjealousorfalsesmile，whichsheknewsowell，andthevoluptuousglancesofthemusician，evidentlyexcitedher。Isawthat，afterthefirstinterview，hereyeswerealreadyglittering，glitteringstrangely，andthat，thankstomyjealousy，betweenhimandherhadbeenimmediatelyestablishedthatsortofelectriccurrentwhichisprovokedbyanidentityofexpressioninthesmileandintheeyes。
"Wetalked，atthefirstinterview，ofmusic，ofParis，andofallsortsoftrivialities。Herosetogo。Pressinghishatagainsthisswayinghip，hestooderect，lookingnowatherandnowatme，asifwaitingtoseewhatshewoulddo。Irememberthatminute，preciselybecauseitwasinmypowernottoinvitehim。Ineednothaveinvitedhim，andthennothingwouldhavehappened。ButIcastaglancefirstathim，thenather。’Don’tflatteryourselfthatIcanbejealousofyou，’Ithought，addressingmyselftohermentally，andIinvitedtheothertobringhisviolinthatveryevening，andtoplaywithmywife。
Sheraisedhereyestowardmewithastonishment，andherfaceturnedpurple，asifshewereseizedwithasuddenfear。Shebegantoexcuseherself，sayingthatshedidnotplaywellenough。Thisrefusalonlyexcitedmethemore。IrememberthestrangefeelingwithwhichIlookedathisneck，hiswhiteneck，incontrastwithhisblackhair，separatedbyaparting，when，withhisskippinggait，likethatofabird，heleftmyhouse。I
couldnothelpconfessingtomyselfthatthisman’spresencecausedmesuffering。’Itisinmypower，’thoughtI，’tosoarrangethingsthatIshallneverseehimagain。ButcanitbethatI，_I_，fearhim？No，Idonotfearhim。Itwouldbetoohumiliating！’
"Andthereinthehall，knowingthatmywifeheardme，Iinsistedthatheshouldcomethatveryeveningwithhisviolin。Hepromisedme，andwentaway。Intheeveninghearrivedwithhisviolin，andtheyplayedtogether。Butforalongtimethingsdidnotgowell；wehadnotthenecessarymusic，andthatwhichwehadmywifecouldnotplayatsight。Iamusedmyselfwiththeirdifficulties。Iaidedthem，Imadeproposals，andtheyfinallyexecutedafewpieces，——songswithoutwords，andalittlesonatabyMozart。Heplayedinamarvellousmanner。Hehadwhatiscalledtheenergeticandtendertone。Asfordifficulties，therewerenoneforhim。Scarcelyhadhebeguntoplay，whenhisfacechanged。Hebecameserious，andmuchmoresympathetic。Hewas，itisneedlesstosay，muchstrongerthanmywife。Hehelpedher，headvisedhersimplyandnaturally，andatthesametimeplayedhisgamewithcourtesy。Mywifeseemedinterestedonlyinthemusic。Shewasverysimpleandagreeable。ThroughouttheeveningIfeigned，notonlyfortheothers，butformyself，aninterestsolelyinthemusic。Really，Iwascontinuallytorturedbyjealousy。Fromthefirstminutethatthemusician’seyesmetthoseofmywife，Isawthathedidnotregardherasadisagreeablewoman，withwhomonoccasionitwouldbeunpleasanttoenterintointimaterelations。
"IfIhadbeenpure，Ishouldnothavedreamedofwhathemightthinkofher。ButIlookedatwomen，andthatiswhyI
understoodhimandwasintorture。Iwasintorture，especiallybecauseIwassurethattowardmeshehadnootherfeelingthanofperpetualirritation，sometimesinterruptedbythecustomarysensuality，andthatthisman，——thankstohisexternaleleganceandhisnovelty，and，aboveall，thankstohisunquestionablyremarkabletalent，thankstotheattractionexercisedundertheinfluenceofmusic，thankstotheimpressionthatmusicproducesuponnervousnatures，——thismanwouldnotonlyplease，butwouldinevitably，andwithoutdifficulty，subjugateandconquerher，anddowithherasheliked。
"Icouldnothelpseeingthis。Icouldnothelpsuffering，orkeepfrombeingjealous。AndIwasjealous，andIsuffered，andinspiteofthat，andperhapsevenbecauseofthat，anunknownforce，inspiteofmywill，impelledmetobenotonlypolite，butmorethanpolite，amiable。IcannotsaywhetherIdiditformywife，ortoshowhimthatIdidnotfearHIM，ortodeceivemyself；butfrommyfirstrelationswithhimIcouldnotbeatmyease。Iwasobliged，thatImightnotgivewaytoadesiretokillhimimmediately，to’caress’him。Ifilledhisglassatthetable，Igrewenthusiasticoverhisplaying，Italkedtohimwithanextremelyamiablesmile，andIinvitedhimtodinnerthefollowingSunday，andtoplayagain。ItoldhimthatIwouldinvitesomeofmyacquaintances，loversofhisart，tohearhim。
"TwoorthreedayslaterIwasenteringmyhouse，inconversationwithafriend，wheninthehallIsuddenlyfeltsomethingasheavyasastoneweighingonmyheart，andIcouldnotaccountforit。Anditwasthis，itwasthis：inpassingthroughthehall，IhadnoticedsomethingwhichremindedmeofHIM。NotuntilIreachedmystudydidIrealizewhatitwas，andI
returnedtothehalltoverifymyconjecture。Yes，Iwasnotmistaken。Itwashisovercoat（everythingthatbelongedtohim，I，withoutrealizingit，hadobservedwithextraordinaryattention）。Iquestionedtheservant。Thatwasit。Hehadcome。
Ipassedneartheparlor，throughmychildren’sstudy-room。
Lise，mydaughter，wassittingbeforeabook，andtheoldnurse，withmyyoungestchild，wasbesidethetable，turningthecoverofsomethingorother。IntheparlorIheardaslowarpeggio，andhisvoice，deadened，andadenialfromher。Shesaid：’No，no！Thereissomethingelse！’Anditseemedtomethatsomeonewaspurposelydeadeningthewordsbytheaidofthepiano。
"MyGod！Howmyheartleaped！Whatweremyimaginations！WhenIrememberthebeastthatlivedinmeatthatmoment，Iamseizedwithfright。Myheartwasfirstcompressed，thenstopped，andthenbegantobeatlikeahammer。Theprincipalfeeling，asineverybadfeeling，waspityformyself。’Beforethechildren，beforetheoldnurse，’thoughtI，’shedishonorsme。Iwillgoaway。Icanendureitnolonger。GodknowswhatIshoulddoif……ButImustgoin。’
Theoldnurseraisedhereyestomine，asifsheunderstood，andadvisedmetokeepasharpwatch。’Imustgoin，’Isaidtomyself，and，withoutknowingwhatIdid，Iopenedthedoor。Hewassittingatthepianoandmakingarpeggioswithhislong，white，curvedfingers。Shewasstandingintheangleofthegrandpiano，beforetheopenscore。Shesaworheardmefirst，andraisedhereyestomine。Wasshestunned，wasshepretendingnottobefrightened，orwasshereallynotfrightenedatall？
Inanycase，shedidnottremble，shedidnotstir。Sheblushed，butonlyalittlelater。
"’HowgladIamthatyouhavecome！WehavenotdecidedwhatwewillplaySunday，’saidshe，inatonethatshewouldnothavehadifshehadbeenalonewithme。
"Thistone，andthewayinwhichshesaid’we’inspeakingofherselfandofhim，revoltedme。Isalutedhimsilently。Heshookhandswithmedirectly，withasmilethatseemedtomefullofmockery。Heexplainedtomethathehadbroughtsomescores，inordertopreparefortheSundayconcert，andthattheywerenotinaccordastothepiecetochoose，——whetherdifficult，classicthings，notablyasonatabyBeethoven，orlighterpieces。
Andashespoke，helookedatme。Itwasallsonatural，sosimple，thattherewasabsolutelynothingtobesaidagainstit。
AndatthesametimeIsaw，Iwassure，thatitwasfalse，thattheywereinaconspiracytodeceiveme。
"Oneofthemosttorturingsituationsforthejealous（andinoursociallifeeverybodyisjealous）arethosesocialconditionswhichallowaverygreatanddangerousintimacybetweenamanandawomanundercertainpretexts。Onemustmakehimselfthelaughingstockofeverybody，ifhedesirestopreventassociationsintheball-room，theintimacyofdoctorswiththeirpatients，thefamiliarityofartoccupations，andespeciallyofmusic。Inorderthatpeoplemayoccupythemselvestogetherwiththenoblestart，music，acertainintimacyisnecessary，inwhichthereisnothingblameworthy。Onlyajealousfoolofahusbandcanhaveanythingtosayagainstit。Ahusbandshouldnothavesuchthoughts，andespeciallyshouldnotthrusthisnoseintotheseaffairs，orpreventthem。Andyet，everybodyknowsthatpreciselyintheseoccupations，especiallyinmusic，manyadulteriesoriginateinoursociety。
"Ihadevidentlyembarrassedthem，becauseforsometimeIwasunabletosayanything。Iwaslikeabottlesuddenlyturnedupsidedown，fromwhichthewaterdoesnotrunbecauseitistoofull。Iwantedtoinsulttheman，andtodrivehimaway，butI
coulddonothingofthekind。Onthecontrary，IfeltthatIwasdisturbingthem，andthatitwasmyfault。Imadeapresenceofapprovingeverything，thistimealso，thankstothatstrangefeelingthatforcedmetotreathimthemoreamiablyinproportionashispresencewasmorepainfultome。IsaidthatI
trustedtohistaste，andIadvisedmywifetodothesame。Heremainedjustaslongasitwasnecessaryinordertoeffacetheunpleasantimpressionofmyabruptentrancewithafrightenedface。Hewentawaywithanairofsatisfactionattheconclusionsarrivedat。Asforme，Iwasperfectlysurethat，incomparisonwiththatwhichpreoccupiedthem，thequestionofmusicwasindifferenttothem。Iaccompaniedhimwithespecialcourtesytothehall（howcanonehelpaccompanyingamanwhohascometodisturbyourtranquillityandruinthehappinessoftheentirefamily？），andIshookhiswhite，softhandwithferventamiability。
CHAPTERXXII。
"AllthatdayIdidnotspeaktomywife。Icouldnot。HerproximityexcitedsuchhatredthatIfearedmyself。Atthetablesheaskedme，inpresenceofthechildren，whenIwastostartuponajourney。IwastogothefollowingweektoanassemblyoftheZemstvo，inaneighboringlocality。Inamedthedate。SheaskedmeifIwouldneedanythingforthejourney。Ididnotanswer。Isatsilentatthetable，andsilentlyIretiredtomystudy。Inthoselastdayssheneverenteredmystudy，especiallyatthathour。SuddenlyIheardhersteps，herwalk，andthenaterriblybaseideaenteredmyheadthat，likethewifeofUri，shewishedtoconcealafaultalreadycommitted，andthatitwasforthisreasonthatshecametoseemeatthisunseasonablehour。’Isitpossible，’thoughtI，’thatsheiscomingtoseeme？’Onhearingherstepasitapproached：’Ifitistoseemethatsheiscoming，thenIamright。’
"Aninexpressiblehatredinvadedmysoul。Thestepsdrewnearer，andnearer，andneareryet。Wouldshepassbyandgoontotheotherroom？No，thehingescreaked，andatthedoorhertall，graceful，languidfigureappeared。Inherface，inhereyes，atimidity，aninsinuatingexpression，whichshetriedtohide，butwhichIsaw，andofwhichIunderstoodthemeaning。Icamenearsuffocating，suchweremyeffortstoholdmybreath，and，continuingtolookather，Itookmycigarette，andlightedit。
"’Whatdoesthismean？Onecomestotalkwithyou，andyougotosmoking。’
"Andshesatdownbesidemeonthesofa，restingagainstmyshoulder。Irecoiled，thatImightnottouchher。
"’IseethatyouaredispleasedwithwhatIwishtoplayonSunday，’saidshe。
"’Iamnotatalldispleased，’saidI。
"’CanInotsee？’
"’Well，Icongratulateyouonyourclairvoyance。Onlytoyoueverybasenessisagreeable，andIabhorit。’
"’Ifyouaregoingtoswearlikeatrooper，Iamgoingaway。’
"’Thengoaway。Onlyknowthat，ifthehonorofthefamilyisnothingtoyou，tomeitisdear。Asforyou，thedeviltakeyou！’
"’What！Whatisthematter？’
"’Goaway，inthenameofGod。’
"Butshedidnotgoaway。Wasshepretendingnottounderstand，ordidshereallynotunderstandwhatImeant？Butshewasoffendedandbecameangry。
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