CHAPTERXI
Andstilltherearoseinmenodesireforalcohol，nochemicaldemand。Inyearsandyearsofheavydrinking，drinkingdidnotbegetthedesire。DrinkingwasthewayofthelifeIled，thewayofthemenwithwhomIlived。Whileawayonmycruisesonthebay，Itooknodrinkalong；andwhileoutonthebaythethoughtofthedesirablenessofadrinknevercrossedmymind。ItwasnotuntilItiedtheRazzleDazzleuptothewharfandgotashoreinthecongregatingplacesofmen，wheredrinkflowed，thatthebuyingofdrinksforothermen，andtheacceptingofdrinksfromothermen，devolveduponmeasasocialdutyandamanhoodrite。
Then，too，therewerethetimes，lyingatthecitywharforacrosstheestuaryonthesand-spit，whentheQueen，andhersister，andherbrotherPat，andMrs。Hadleycameaboard。Itwasmyboat，I
washost，andIcouldonlydispensehospitalityinthetermsoftheirunderstandingofit。SoIwouldrushSpider，orIrish，orScotty，orwhoeverwasmycrew，withthecanforbeerandthedemijohnforredwine。Andagain，lyingatthewharfdisposingofmyoysters，therewereduskytwilightswhenbigpolicemenandplain-clothesmenstoleonboard。Andbecausewelivedintheshadowofthepolice，weopenedoystersandfedthemtothemwithsquirtsofpeppersauce，andrushedthegrowlerorgotstrongerstuffinbottles。
DrinkasIwould，Icouldn’tcometolikeJohnBarleycorn。I
valuedhimextremelywellforhisassociations，butnotforthetasteofhim。AllthetimeIwasstrivingtobeamanamongstmen，andallthetimeInursedsecretandshamefuldesiresforcandy。ButIwouldhavediedbeforeI’dletanybodyguessit。I
usedtoindulgeinlonelydebauches，onnightswhenIknewmycrewwasgoingtosleepashore。IwouldgouptotheFreeLibrary，exchangemybooks，buyaquarter’sworthofallsortsofcandythatchewedandlasted，sneakaboardtheRazzleDazzle，lockmyselfinthecabin，gotobed，andlietherelonghoursofbliss，readingandchewingcandy。AndthoseweretheonlytimesIfeltthatIgotmyrealmoney’sworth。Dollarsanddollars，acrossthebar，couldn’tbuythesatisfactionthattwenty-fivecentsdidinacandystore。
Asmydrinkinggrewheavier，Ibegantonotemoreandmorethatitwasinthedrinkingboutsthepurplepassagesoccurred。Drunkswerealwaysmemorable。Atsuchtimesthingshappened。MenlikeJoeGoosedatedexistencefromdrunktodrunk。ThelongshoremenalllookedforwardtotheirSaturdaynightdrunk。Weoftheoysterboatswaiteduntilwehaddisposedofourcargoesbeforewegotreallystarted，thoughascatteringofdrinksandameetingofachancefriendsometimesprecipitatedanaccidentaldrunk。
Inways，theaccidentaldrunkswerethebest。Strangerandmoreexcitingthingshappenedatsuchtimes。As，forinstance，theSundaywhenNelsonandFrenchFrankandCaptainSpinkstolethestolensalmonboatfromWhiskyBobandNickytheGreek。Changeshadtakenplaceinthepersonneloftheoysterboats。NelsonhadgotintoafightwithBillKelleyontheAnnieandwascarryingabullet-holethroughhislefthand。Also，havingquarrelledwithClamandbrokenpartnership，NelsonhadsailedtheReindeer，hisarminasling，withacrewoftwodeep-watersailors，andhehadsailedsomadlyastofrightenthemashore。Suchwasthetaleofhisrecklessnesstheyspread，thatnooneonthewater-frontwouldgooutwithNelson。SotheReindeer，crewless，layacrosstheestuaryatthesandspit。
BesideherlaytheRazzleDazzlewithaburnedmainsailandScottyandmeonboard。WhiskyBobhadfallenoutwithFrenchFrankandgoneonaraid"upriver"withNickytheGreek。
Theresultofthisraidwasabrand-newColumbiaRiversalmonboat，stolenfromanItalianfisherman。WeoysterpirateswereallvisitedbythesearchingItalian，andwewereconvinced，fromwhatweknewoftheirmovements，thatWhiskyBobandNickytheGreekweretheguiltyparties。Butwherewasthesalmonboat？
HundredsofGreekandItalianfishermen，upriveranddownbay，hadsearchedeverysloughandtulepatchforit。Whentheownerdespairinglyofferedarewardoffiftydollars，ourinterestincreasedandthemysterydeepened。
OneSundaymorningoldCaptainSpinkpaidmeavisit。Theconversationwasconfidential。HehadjustbeenfishinginhisskiffintheoldAlamedaferryslip。Asthetidewentdown，hehadnoticedaropetiedtoapileunderwaterandleadingdownward。Invainhehadtriedtoheaveupwhatwasfastontheotherend。Fartheralong，toanotherpile，wasasimilarrope，leadingdownwardandunheavable。Withoutdoubt，itwasthemissingsalmonboat。Ifwerestoredittoitsrightfulownertherewasfiftydollarsinitforus。ButIhadqueerethicalnotionsabouthonouramongstthieves，anddeclinedtohaveanythingtodowiththeaffair。
ButFrenchFrankhadquarrelledwithWhiskyBob，andNelsonwasalsoanenemy。（PoorWhiskyBob！——withoutviciousness，good-
natured，generous，bornweak，raisedpoorly，withanirresistiblechemicaldemandforalcohol，stillprosecutinghisvocationofbaypirate，hisbodywaspickedup，notlongafterward，besideadockwhereithadsunkfullofgunshotwounds。）WithinanhourafterI
hadrejectedCaptainSpink’sproposal，IsawhimsaildowntheestuaryonboardtheReindeerwithNelson。Also，FrenchFrankwentbyonhisschooner。
Itwasnotlongeretheysailedbackuptheestuary，curiouslysidebyside。Astheyheadedinforthesandspit，thesubmergedsalmonboatcouldbeseen，gunwalesawashandheldupfromsinkingbyropesfasttotheschoonerandthesloop。Thetidewashalfout，andtheysailedsquarelyinonthesand，groundinginarow，withthesalmonboatinthemiddle。
ImmediatelyHans，oneofFrenchFrank’ssailors，wasintoaskiffandpullingrapidlyforthenorthshore。Thebigdemijohninthestern-sheetstoldhiserrand。Theycouldn’twaitamomenttocelebratethefiftydollarstheyhadsoeasilyearned。ItisthewayofthedevoteesofJohnBarleycorn。Whengoodfortunecomes，theydrink。Whentheyhavenofortune，theydrinktothehopeofgoodfortune。Iffortunebeill，theydrinktoforgetit。Iftheymeetafriend，theydrink。Iftheyquarrelwithafriendandlosehim，theydrink。Iftheirlove-makingbecrownedwithsuccess，theyaresohappytheyneedsmustdrink。Iftheybejilted，theydrinkforthecontraryreason。Andiftheyhaven’tanythingtodoatall，why，theytakeadrink，secureintheknowledgethatwhentheyhavetakenasufficientnumberofdrinksthemaggotswillstartcrawlingintheirbrainsandtheywillhavetheirhandsfullwiththingstodo。Whentheyaresobertheywanttodrink；andwhentheyhavedrunktheywanttodrinkmore。
Ofcourse，asfellowcomrades，ScottyandIwerecalledinforthedrinking。Wehelpedtomakeaholeinthatfiftydollarsnotyetreceived。Theafternoon，fromjustanordinarycommonsummerSundayafternoon，becameagorgeous，purpleafternoon。Wealltalkedandsangandrantedandbragged，andeverFrenchFrankandNelsonsentmoredrinksaround。WelayinfullsightoftheOaklandwater-front，andthenoiseofourrevelsattractedfriends。Skiffafterskiffcrossedtheestuaryandhauleduponthesandspit，whileHans’workwascutoutforhim——evertorowbackandforthformoresuppliesofbooze。
ThenWhiskyBobandNickytheGreekarrived，sober，indignant，outragedinthattheirfellowpirateshadraisedtheirplant。
FrenchFrank，aidedbyJohnBarleycorn，oratedhypocriticallyaboutvirtueandhonesty，and，despitehisfiftyyears，gotWhiskyBoboutonthesandandproceededtolickhim。WhenNickytheGreekjumpedinwithashort-handledshoveltoWhiskyBob’sassistance，shortworkwasmadeofhimbyHans。Andofcourse，whenthebleedingremnantsofBobandNickyweresentpackingintheirskiff，theeventmustneedsbecelebratedinfurthercarousal。
Bythistime，ourvisitorsbeingnumerous，wewerealargecrowdcompoundedofmanynationalitiesanddiversetemperaments，allarousedbyJohnBarleycorn，allrestraintscastoff。Oldquarrelsrevived，ancienthatesflaredup。Fightwasintheair。Andwheneveralongshoremanrememberedsomethingagainstascow-
schoonersailor，orviceversa，oranoysterpiraterememberedorwasremembered，afistshotoutandanotherfightwason。Andeveryfightwasmadeupinmoreroundsofdrinks，whereinthecombatants，aidedandabettedbytherestofus，embracedeachotherandpledgedundyingfriendship。
And，ofalltimes，SoupKennedyselectedthistimetocomeandretrieveanoldshirtofhis，leftaboardtheReindeerfromthetriphesailedwithClam。HehadespousedClam’ssideofthequarrelwithNelson。Also，hehadbeendrinkingintheSt。LouisHouse，sothatitwasJohnBarleycornwholedhimtothesandspitinquestofhisoldshirt。Fewwordsstartedthefray。HelockedwithNelsoninthecockpitoftheReindeer，andinthemix-upbarelyescapedbeingbrainedbyanironbarwieldedbyirateFrenchFrank——iratebecauseatwo-handedmanhadattackedaone-
handedman。（IftheReindeerstillfloats，thedentoftheironbarremainsinthehard-woodrailofhercockpit。）
ButNelsonpulledhisbandagedhand，bullet-perforated，outofitssling，and，heldbyus，weptandroaredhisBerserkerbeliefthathecouldlickSoupKennedyone-handed。Andweletthemlooseonthesand。Once，whenitlookedasifNelsonweregettingtheworstofit，FrenchFrankandJohnBarleycornsprangunfairlyintothefight。ScottyprotestedandreachedforFrenchFrank，whowhirleduponhimandfellontopofhiminapummellingclinchafterasprawloftwentyfeetacrossthesand。Inthecourseofseparatingthesetwo，halfadozenfightsstartedamongsttherestofus。Thesefightswerefinished，onewayortheother，orweseparatedthemwithdrinks，whileallthetimeNelsonandSoupKennedyfoughton。Occasionallywereturnedtothemandgaveadvice，suchas，whentheylayexhaustedinthesand，unabletostrikeablow，"Throwsandinhiseyes。"Andtheythrewsandineachother’seyes，recuperated，andfoughtontosuccessiveexhaustions。
Andnow，ofallthisthatissqualid，andridiculous，andbestial，trytothinkwhatitmeanttome，ayouthnotyetsixteen，burningwiththespiritofadventure，fancy-filledwithtalesofbuccaneersandsea-rovers，sacksofcitiesandconflictsofarmedmen，andimagination-maddenedbythestuffIhaddrunk。Itwasliferawandnaked，wildandfree——theonlylifeofthatsortwhichmybirthintimeandspacepermittedmetoattain。Andmorethanthat。Itcarriedapromise。Itwasthebeginning。FromthesandspitthewayledoutthroughtheGoldenGatetothevastnessofadventureofalltheworld，wherebattleswouldbefought，notforoldshirtsandoverstolensalmonboats，butforhighpurposesandromanticends。
AndbecauseItoldScottywhatIthoughtofhislettinganoldmanlikeFrenchFrankgetawaywithhim，we，too，brawledandaddedtothefestivityofthesandspit。AndScottythrewuphisjobascrew，anddepartedinthenightwithapairofblanketsbelongingtome。Duringthenight，whiletheoysterpirateslaystupefiedintheirbunks，theschoonerandtheReindeerfloatedonthehighwaterandswungabouttotheiranchors。Thesalmonboat，stillfilledwithrocksandwater，restedonthebottom。
Inthemorning，early，IheardwildcriesfromtheReindeer，andtumbledoutinthechillgreytoseeaspectaclethatmadethewater-frontlaughfordays。Thebeautifulsalmonboatlayonthehardsand，squashedflatasapancake，whileonitwereperchedFrenchFrank’sschoonerandtheReindeer。UnfortunatelytwooftheReindeer’splankshadbeencrushedinbythestoutoakstemofthesalmonboat。Therisingtidehadflowedthroughthehole，andjustawakenedNelsonbygettingintohisbunkwithhim。Ilentahand，andwepumpedtheReindeeroutandrepairedthedamage。
ThenNelsoncookedbreakfast，andwhileweateweconsideredthesituation。Hewasbroke。SowasI。Thefiftydollarsrewardwouldneverbepaidforthatpitifulmessofsplintersonthesandbeneathus。Hehadawoundedhandandnocrew。Ihadaburnedmainsailandnocrew。
"Whatd’yesay，youandme？"Nelsonqueried。"I’llgoyou，"wasmyanswer。AndthusIbecamepartnerswith"YoungScratch"
Nelson，thewildest，maddestofthemall。WeborrowedthemoneyforanoutfitofgrubfromJohnnyHeinhold，filledourwater-
barrels，andsailedawaythatdayfortheoyster-beds。
CHAPTERXII
NorhaveIeverregrettedthosemonthsofmaddevilryIputinwithNelson。HeCOULDsail，evenifhedidfrighteneverymanthatsailedwithhim。Tosteertomissdestructionbyaninchoraninstantwashisjoy。Todowhateverybodyelsedidnotdareattempttodo，washispride。Nevertoreefdownwashismania，andinallthetimeIspentwithhim，blowhighorlow，theReindeerwasneverreefed。Norwassheeverdry。Westrainedheropenandsailedheropenandsailedheropencontinually。AndweabandonedtheOaklandwater-frontandwentwiderafieldforouradventures。
AndallthisgloriouspassageinmylifewasmadepossibleformebyJohnBarleycorn。AndthisismycomplaintagainstJohnBarleycorn。HereIwas，thirstingforthewildlifeofadventure，andtheonlywayformetowintoitwasthroughJohnBarleycorn’smediation。Itwasthewayofthemenwholivedthelife。DidI
wishtolivethelife，Imustliveitthewaytheydid。ItwasbyvirtueofdrinkingthatIgainedthatpartnershipandcomradeshipwithNelson。HadIdrunkonlythebeerhepaidfor，orhadI
declinedtodrinkatall，Ishouldneverhavebeenselectedbyhimasapartner。Hewantedapartnerwhowouldmeethimonthesocialside，aswellastheworksideoflife。
Iabandonedmyselftothelife，anddevelopedthemisconceptionthatthesecretofJohnBarleycornlayingoingonmaddrunks，risingthroughthesuccessivestagesthatonlyanironconstitutioncouldenduretofinalstupefactionandswinishunconsciousness。Ididnotlikethetaste，soIdrankforthesolepurposeofgettingdrunk，ofgettinghopelessly，helplesslydrunk。AndI，whohadsavedandscraped，tradedlikeaShylockandmadejunkmenweep；I，whohadstoodaghastwhenFrenchFrank，atasinglestroke，spenteightycentsforwhiskyforeightmen，I
turnedmyselfloosewithamorelavishdisregardformoneythananyofthem。
IremembergoingashoreonenightwithNelson。Inmypocketwereonehundredandeightydollars。Itwasmyintention，first，tobuymesomeclothes，afterthat，somedrinks。Ineededtheclothes。AllIpossessedwereonme，andtheywereasfollows：apairofsea-bootsthatprovidentiallyleakedthewateroutasfastasitranin，apairoffifty-centoveralls，aforty-centcottonshirt，andasou’wester。Ihadnohat，soIhadtowearthesou’wester，anditwillbenotedthatIhavelistedneitherunderclothesnorsocks。Ididn’townany。
Toreachthestoreswhereclothescouldbebought，wehadtopassadozensaloons。SoIboughtmethedrinksfirst。Inevergottotheclothingstores。Inthemorning，broke，poisoned，butcontented，Icamebackonboard，andwesetsail。IpossessedonlytheclothesIhadgoneashorein，andnotacentremainedoftheonehundredandeightydollars。Itmightwellbedeemedimpossible，bythosewhohavenevertriedit，thatintwelvehoursaladcanspendallofonehundredandeightydollarsfordrinks。
Iknowotherwise。
AndIhadnoregrets。Iwasproud。IhadshownthemIcouldspendwiththebestofthem。AmongststrongmenIhadprovedmyselfstrong。Ihadclinchedagain，asIhadoftenclinched，myrighttothetitleof"Prince。"Also，myattitudemaybeconsidered，inpart，asareactionfrommychildhood’smeagrenessandmychildhood’sexcessivetoil。Possiblymyinchoatethoughtwas：Bettertoreignamongbooze-fightersaprincethantotoiltwelvehoursadayatamachinefortencentsanhour。Therearenopurplepassagesinmachinetoil。Butifthespendingofonehundredandeightydollarsintwelvehoursisn’tapurplepassage，thenI’dliketoknowwhatis。
Oh，IskipmuchofthedetailsofmytraffickingwithJohnBarleycornduringthisperiod，andshallonlymentioneventsthatwillthrowlightonJohnBarleycorn’sways。Therewerethreethingsthatenabledmetopursuethisheavydrinking：first，amagnificentconstitutionfarbetterthantheaverage；second，thehealthyopen-airlifeonthewater；andthird，thefactthatI
drankirregularly。Whileoutonthewater，wenevercarriedanydrinkalong。
Theworldwasopeninguptome。AlreadyIknewseveralhundredmilesofthewater-waysofit，andofthetownsandcitiesandfishinghamletsontheshores。Camethewhispertorangefarther。
Ihadnotfoundityet。Therewasmorebehind。ButeventhismuchoftheworldwastoowideforNelson。HeweariedforhisbelovedOaklandwater-front，andwhenheelectedtoreturntoitweseparatedinallfriendliness。
InowmadetheoldtownofBenicia，ontheCarquinezStraits，myheadquarters。Inaclusteroffishermen’sarks，mooredinthetulesonthewater-front，dweltacongenialcrowdofdrinkersandvagabonds，andIjoinedthem。Ihadlongerspellsashore，betweenfoolingwithsalmonfishingandmakingraidsupanddownbayandriversasadeputyfishpatrolman，andIdrankmoreandlearnedmoreaboutdrinking。Iheldmyownwithanyone，drinkfordrink；
andoftendrankmorethanmysharetoshowthestrengthofmymanhood。When，onamorning，myunconsciouscarcasswasdisentangledfromthenetsonthedrying-frames，whitherIhadstupidly，blindlycrawledthenightbefore；andwhenthewater-
fronttalkeditoverwithmanyagiggleandlaughandanotherdrink，Iwasproudindeed。Itwasanexploit。
AndwhenIneverdrewasoberbreath，ononestretch，forthreesolidweeks，IwascertainIhadreachedthetop。Surely，inthatdirection，onecouldgonofarther。Itwastimeformetomoveon。Foralways，drunkorsober，atthebackofmyconsciousnesssomethingwhisperedthatthiscarousingandbay-adventuringwasnotalloflife。Thiswhisperwasmygoodfortune。IhappenedtobesomadethatIcouldhearitcalling，alwayscalling，outandawayovertheworld。Itwasnotcanninessonmypart。Itwascuriosity，desiretoknow，anunrestandaseekingforthingswonderfulthatIseemedsomehowtohaveglimpsedorguessed。Whatwasthislifefor，Idemanded，ifthiswereall？No；therewassomethingmore，awayandbeyond。（And，inrelationtomymuchlaterdevelopmentasadrinker，thiswhisper，thispromiseofthethingsatthebackoflife，mustbenoted，foritwasdestinedtoplayadirepartinmymorerecentwrestlingswithJohnBarleycorn。）
ButwhatgaveimmediacytomydecisiontomoveonwasatrickJohnBarleycornplayedme——amonstrous，incredibletrickthatshowedabyssesofintoxicationhithertoundreamed。Atoneo’clockinthemorning，afteraprodigiousdrunk，Iwastotteringaboardasloopattheendofthewharf，intendingtogotosleep。ThetidessweepthroughCarquinezStraitsasinamill-race，andthefullebbwasonwhenIstumbledoverboard。Therewasnobodyonthewharf，nobodyonthesloop。Iwasborneawaybythecurrent。I
wasnotstartled。Ithoughtthemisadventuredelightful。Iwasagoodswimmer，andinmyinflamedconditionthecontactofthewaterwithmyskinsoothedmelikecoollinen。
AndthenJohnBarleycornplayedmehismaniacaltrick。Somemaunderingfancyofgoingoutwiththetidesuddenlyobsessedme。
Ihadneverbeenmorbid。Thoughtsofsuicidehadneverenteredmyhead。Andnowthattheyentered，Ithoughtitfine，asplendidculminating，aperfectroundingoffofmyshortbutexcitingcareer。I，whohadneverknowngirl’slove，norwoman’slove，northeloveofchildren；whohadneverplayedinthewidejoy-fieldsofart，norclimbedthestar-coolheightsofphilosophy，norseenwithmyeyesmorethanapin-point’ssurfaceofthegorgeousworld；Idecidedthatthiswasall，thatIhadseenall，livedall，beenall，thatwasworthwhile，andthatnowwasthetimetocease。ThiswasthetrickofJohnBarleycorn，layingmebytheheelsofmyimaginationandinadrug-dreamdraggingmetodeath。
Oh，hewasconvincing。Ihadreallyexperiencedalloflife，anditdidn’tamounttomuch。TheswinishdrunkennessinwhichIhadlivedformonths（thiswasaccompaniedbythesenseofdegradationandtheoldfeelingofconvictionofsin）wasthelastandbest，andIcouldseeformyselfwhatitwasworth。Therewereallthebroken-downoldbumsandloafersIhadboughtdrinksfor。Thatwaswhatremainedoflife。DidIwanttobecomelikethem？A
thousandtimesno；andIwepttearsofsweetsadnessovermygloriousyouthgoingoutwiththetide。（Andwhohasnotseentheweepingdrunk，themelancholicdrunk？Theyaretobefoundinallthebar-rooms，iftheycanfindnootherlistenertellingtheirsorrowstothebarkeeper，whoispaidtolisten。）
Thewaterwasdelicious。Itwasaman’swaytodie。JohnBarleycornchangedthetuneheplayedinmydrink-maddenedbrain。
Awaywithtearsandregret。Itwasahero’sdeath，andbythehero’sownhandandwill。SoIstruckupmydeath-chantandwassingingitlustily，whenthegurgleandsplashofthecurrent-
rifflesinmyearsremindedmeofmymoreimmediatesituation。
BelowthetownofBenicia，wheretheSolanowharfprojects，theStraitswidenoutintowhatbay-farerscallthe"BightofTurner’sShipyard。"Iwasintheshore-tidethatsweptundertheSolanowharfandonintothebight。IknewofoldthepowerofthesuckwhichdevelopedwhenthetideswungaroundtheendofDeadMan’sIslandanddrovestraightforthewharf。Ididn’twanttogothroughthosepiles。Itwouldn’tbenice，andImightloseanhourinthebightonmywayoutwiththetide。
Iundressedinthewaterandstruckoutwithastrong，single-
overhandstroke，crossingthecurrentatright-angles。NordidI
ceaseuntil，bythewharflights，IknewIwassafetosweepbytheend。ThenIturnedoverandrested。Thestrokehadbeenatellingone，andIwasalittletimeinrecoveringmybreath。
Iwaselated，forIhadsucceededinavoidingthesuck。Istartedtoraisemydeath-chantagain——apurelyextemporisedfarragoofadrug-crazedyouth。"Don’tsing——yet，"whisperedJohnBarleycorn。
"TheSolanorunsallnight。Therearerailroadmenonthewharf。
Theywillhearyou，andcomeoutinaboatandrescueyou，andyoudon’twanttoberescued。"Icertainlydidn’t。What？Berobbedofmyhero’sdeath？Never。AndIlayonmybackinthestarlight，watchingthefamiliarwharf-lightsgoby，redandgreenandwhite，andbiddingsadsentimentalfarewelltothem，eachandall。
WhenIwaswellclear，inmid-channel，Isangagain。SometimesI
swamafewstrokes，butinthemainIcontentedmyselfwithfloatinganddreaminglongdrunkendreams。Beforedaylight，thechillofthewaterandthepassageofthehourshadsoberedmesufficientlytomakemewonderwhatportionoftheStraitsIwasin，andalsotowonderiftheturnofthetidewouldn’tcatchmeandtakemebackereIhaddriftedoutintoSanPabloBay。
NextIdiscoveredthatIwasverywearyandverycold，andquitesober，andthatIdidn’tintheleastwanttobedrowned。IcouldmakeouttheSelbySmelterontheContraCostashoreandtheMareIslandlighthouse。IstartedtoswimfortheSolanoshore，butwastooweakandchilled，andmadesolittleheadway，andatthecostofsuchpainfuleffort，thatIgaveitupandcontentedmyselfwithfloating，nowandthengivingastroketokeepmybalanceinthetide-ripswhichwereincreasingtheircommotiononthesurfaceofthewater。AndIknewfear。Iwassobernow，andIdidn’twanttodie。Idiscoveredscoresofreasonsforliving。
AndthemorereasonsIdiscovered，themoreliableitseemedthatIwasgoingtodrownanyway。
Daylight，afterIhadbeenfourhoursinthewater，foundmeinaparlousconditioninthetide-ripsoffMareIslandlight，wheretheswiftebbsfromVallejoStraitsandCarquinezStraitswerefightingwitheachother，andwhere，atthatparticularmoment，theywerefightingthefloodtidesettingupagainstthemfromSanPabloBay。Astiffbreezehadsprungup，andthecrisplittlewaveswerepersistentlylappingintomymouth，andIwasbeginningtoswallowsaltwater。Withmyswimmer’sknowledge，Iknewtheendwasnear。Andthentheboatcame——aGreekfishermanrunninginforVallejo；andagainIhadbeensavedfromJohnBarleycornbymyconstitutionandphysicalvigour。
And，inpassing，letmenotethatthismaniacaltrickJohnBarleycornplayedmeisnothinguncommon。AnabsolutestatisticofthepercentageofsuicidesduetoJohnBarleycornwouldbeappalling。Inmycase，healthy，normal，young，fullofthejoyoflife，thesuggestiontokillmyselfwasunusual；butitmustbetakenintoaccountthatitcameontheheelsofalongcarouse，whenmynervesandbrainwerefearfullypoisoned，andthatthedramatic，romanticsideofmyimagination，drink-maddenedtolunacy，wasdelightedwiththesuggestion。Andyet，theolder，moremorbiddrinkers，morejadedwithlifeandmoredisillusioned，whokillthemselves，dosousuallyafteralongdebauch，whentheirnervesandbrainsarethoroughlypoison-soaked。
CHAPTERXIII
SoIleftBenicia，whereJohnBarleycornhadnearlygotme，andrangedwiderafieldinpursuitofthewhisperfromthebackoflifetocomeandfind。AndwhereverIranged，thewaylayalongalcohol-drenchedroads。Menstillcongregatedinsaloons。Theywerethepoor-man’sclubs，andtheyweretheonlyclubstowhichI
hadaccess。Icouldgetacquaintedinsaloons。Icouldgointoasaloonandtalkwithanyman。InthestrangetownsandcitiesI
wanderedthrough，theonlyplaceformetogowasthesaloon。I
wasnolongerastrangerinanytownthemomentIhadenteredasaloon。
Andrighthereletmebreakinwithexperiencesnolaterthanlastyear。Iharnessedfourhorsestoalighttrap，tookCharmianalong，anddroveforthreemonthsandahalfoverthewildestmountainpartsofCaliforniaandOregon。EachmorningIdidmyregularday’sworkofwritingfiction。Thatcompleted，Idroveonthroughthemiddleofthedayandtheafternoontothenextstop。
Buttheirregularityofoccurrenceofstopping-places，coupledwithwidelyvaryingroadconditions，madeitnecessarytoplan，thedaybefore，eachday’sdriveandmywork。ImustknowwhenI
wastostartdrivinginordertostartwritingintimetofinishmyday’soutput。Thus，onoccasion，whenthedrivewastobelong，Iwouldbeupandatmywritingbyfiveinthemorning。OneasierdrivingdaysImightnotstartwritingtillnineo’clock。
Buthowtoplan？AssoonasIarrivedinatown，andputthehorsesup，onthewayfromthestabletothehotelIdroppedintothesaloons。Firstthing，adrink——oh，Iwantedthedrink，butalsoitmustnotbeforgottenthat，becauseofwantingtoknowthings，itwasinthisverywayIhadlearnedtowantadrink。
Well，thefirstthing，adrink。"Havesomethingyourself，"tothebarkeeper。Andthen，aswedrink，myopeningqueryaboutroadsandstopping-placesonahead。
"Letmesee，"thebarkeeperwillsay，"there’stheroadacrossTarwaterDivide。Thatusedtobegood。Iwasoveritthreeyearsago。Butitwasblockedthisspring。Say，I’lltellyouwhat。
I’llaskJerry————"Andthebarkeeperturnsandaddressessomemansittingatatableorleaningagainstthebarfartheralong，andwhomaybeJerry，orTom，orBill。"Say，Jerry，howabouttheTarwaterroad？YouwasdowntoWilkinslastweek。"
AndwhileBillorJerryorTomisbeginningtounlimberhisthinkingandspeakingapparatus，Isuggestthathejoinusinthedrink。Thendiscussionsariseabouttheadvisabilityofthisroadorthat，whatthebeststopping-placesmaybe，whatrunningtimeI
mayexpecttomake，wherethebesttroutstreamsare，andsoforth，inwhichothermenjoin，andwhicharepunctuatedwithmoredrinks。
Twoorthreemoresaloons，andIaccumulateawarmjingleandcomeprettyclosetoknowingeverybodyintown，allaboutthetown，andafairdealaboutthesurroundingcountry。Iknowthelawyers，editors，businessmen，localpoliticians，andthevisitingranchers，hunters，andminers，sothatbyevening，whenCharmianandIstrolldownthemainstreetandback，sheisastoundedbythenumberofmyacquaintancesinthattotallystrangetown。
AndthusisdemonstratedaserviceJohnBarleycornrenders，aservicebywhichheincreaseshispowerovermen。Andovertheworld，whereverIhavegone，duringalltheyears，ithasbeenthesame。ItmaybeacabaretintheLatinQuarter，acafeinsomeobscureItalianvillage，aboozingkeninsailor-town，anditmaybeupatthecluboverScotchandsoda；butalwaysitwillbewhereJohnBarleycornmakesfellowshipthatIgetimmediatelyintouch，andmeet，andknow。Andinthegooddayscoming，whenJohnBarleycornwillhavebeenbanishedoutofexistencealongwiththeotherbarbarisms，someotherinstitutionthanthesaloonwillhavetoobtain，someothercongregatingplaceofmenwherestrangemenandstrangermenmaygetintouch，andmeet，andknow。
Buttoreturntomynarrative。WhenIturnedmybackonBenicia，mywayledthroughsaloons。Ihaddevelopednomoraltheoriesagainstdrinking，andIdislikedasmuchaseverthetasteofthestuff。ButIhadgrownrespectfullysuspiciousofJohnBarleycorn。Icouldnotforgetthattrickhehadplayedonme——onmewhodidnotwanttodie。SoIcontinuedtodrink，andtokeepasharpeyeonJohnBarleycorn，resolvedtoresistallfuturesuggestionsofself-destruction。
InstrangetownsImadeimmediateacquaintancesinthesaloons。
WhenIhoboed，andhadn’tthepriceofabed，asaloonwastheonlyplacethatwouldreceivemeandgivemeachairbythefire。
Icouldgointoasaloonandwashup，brushmyclothes，andcombmyhair。Andsaloonswerealwayssodamnablyconvenient。Theywereeverywhereinmywesterncountry。
Icouldn’tgointothedwellingsofstrangersthatway。Theirdoorswerenotopentome；noseatswerethereformebytheirfires。Also，churchesandpreachersIhadneverknown。AndfromwhatIdidn’tknowIwasnotattractedtowardthem。Besides，therewasnoglamouraboutthem，nohazeofromance，nopromiseofadventure。Theywerethesortwithwhomthingsneverhappened。
Theylivedandremainedalwaysintheoneplace，creaturesoforderandsystem，narrow，limited，restrained。Theywerewithoutgreatness，withoutimagination，withoutcamaraderie。Itwasthegoodfellows，easyandgenial，daring，and，onoccasion，mad，thatIwantedtoknow——thefellows，generous-heartedand-handed，andnotrabbit-hearted。
AndhereisanothercomplaintIbringagainstJohnBarleycorn。Itisthesegoodfellowsthathegets——thefellowswiththefireandthegointhem，whohavebigness，andwarmness，andthebestofthehumanweaknesses。AndJohnBarleycornputsoutthefire，andsoddenstheagility，and，whenhedoesnotmoreimmediatelykillthemormakemaniacsofthem，hecoarsensandgrossensthem，twistsandmalformsthemoutoftheoriginalgoodnessandfinenessoftheirnatures。
Oh！——andIspeakoutoflaterknowledge——Heavenforefendmefromthemostoftheaveragerunofmalehumanswhoarenotgoodfellows，theonescoldofheartandcoldofheadwhodon’tsmoke，drink，orswear，ordomuchofanythingelsethatisbrase，andresentful，andstinging，becauseintheirfeeblefibrestherehasneverbeenthestirandprodoflifetowelloveritsboundariesandbedevilishanddaring。Onedoesn’tmeettheseinsaloons，norrallyingtolostcauses，norflamingontheadventure-paths，norlovingasGod’sownmadlovers。Theyaretoobusykeepingtheirfeetdry，conservingtheirheart-beats，andmakingunlovelylife-successesoftheirspirit-mediocrity。
AndsoIdrawtheindictmenthometoJohnBarleycorn。Itisjustthose，thegoodfellows，theworthwhile，thefellowswiththeweaknessoftoomuchstrength，toomuchspirit，toomuchfireandflameoffinedevilishness，thathesolicitsandruins。Ofcourse，heruinsweaklings；butwiththem，theworstwebreed，I
amnothereconcerned。MyconcernisthatitissomuchofthebestwebreedwhomJohnBarleycorndestroys。AndthereasonwhythesebestaredestroyedisbecauseJohnBarleycornstandsoneveryhighwayandbyway，accessible，law-protected，salutedbythepolicemanonthebeat，speakingtothem，leadingthembythehandtotheplaceswherethegoodfellowsanddaringonesforgatheranddrinkdeep。WithJohnBarleycornoutoftheway，thesedaringoneswouldstillbeborn，andtheywoulddothingsinsteadofperishing。
AlwaysIencounteredthecamaraderieofdrink。Imightbewalkingdownthetracktothewater-tanktolieinwaitforapassingfreight-train，whenIwouldchanceuponabunchof"alki-stiffs。"
Analki-stiffisatrampwhodrinksdruggist’salcohol。
Immediately，withgreetingandsalutation，Iamtakenintothefellowship。Thealcohol，shrewdlyblendedwithwater，ishandedtome，andsoonIamcaughtupintherevelry，withmaggotscrawlinginmybrainandJohnBarleycornwhisperingtomethatlifeisbig，andthatweareallbraveandfine——freespiritssprawlinglikecarelessgodsupontheturfandtellingthetwo-by-
four，cut-and-dried，conventionalworldtogohang。
CHAPTERXIV
BackinOaklandfrommywanderings，Ireturnedtothewater-frontandrenewedmycomradeshipwithNelson，whowasnowonshoreallthetimeandlivingmoremadlythanbefore。I，too，spentmytimeonshorewithhim，onlyoccasionallygoingforcruisesofseveraldaysonthebaytohelpoutonshort-handedscow-schooners。
TheresultwasthatIwasnolongerreinvigoratedbyperiodsofopen-airabstinenceandhealthytoil。Idrankeveryday，andwheneveropportunityofferedIdranktoexcess；forIstilllabouredunderthemisconceptionthatthesecretofJohnBarleycornlayindrinkingtobestialityandunconsciousness。I
becameprettythoroughlyalcohol-soakedduringthisperiod。I
practicallylivedinsaloons；becameabar-roomloafer，andworse。
AndrightherewasJohnBarleycorngettingmeinamoreinsidiousthoughnolessdeadlywaythanwhenhenearlysentmeoutwiththetide。IhadafewmonthsstilltorunbeforeIwasseventeen；I
scornedthethoughtofasteadyjobatanything；Ifeltmyselfaprettytoughindividualinagroupofprettytoughmen；andI
drankbecausethesemendrankandbecauseIhadtomakegoodwiththem。Ihadneverhadarealboyhood，andinthis，myprecociousmanhood，Iwasveryhardandwoefullywise。ThoughIhadneverknowngirl’sloveeven，IhadcrawledthroughsuchdepthsthatI
wasconvincedabsolutelythatIknewthelastwordaboutloveandlife。Anditwasn’taprettyknowledge。Withoutbeingpessimistic，Iwasquitesatisfiedthatlifewasarathercheapandordinaryaffair。
Yousee，JohnBarleycornwasbluntingme。Theoldstingsandprodsofthespiritwerenolongersharp。Curiositywasleavingme。Whatdiditmatterwhatlayontheothersideoftheworld？
Menandwomen，withoutdoubt，verymuchlikethemenandwomenI
knew；marryingandgivinginmarriageandallthepettyrunofpettyhumanconcerns；anddrinks，too。Buttheothersideoftheworldwasalongwaytogoforadrink。IhadbuttosteptothecornerandgetallIwantedatJoeVigy’s。JohnnyHeinholdstillrantheLastChance。Andthereweresaloonsonallthecornersandbetweenthecorners。
Thewhispersfromthebackoflifeweregrowingdimasmymindandbodysoddened。Theoldunrestwasdrowsy。ImightaswellrotanddiehereinOaklandasanywhereelse。AndIshouldhavesorottedanddied，andnotinverylongordereither，atthepaceJohnBarleycornwasleadingme，hadthematterdependedwhollyonhim。Iwaslearningwhatitwastohavenoappetite。Iwaslearningwhatitwastogetupshakyinthemorning，withastomachthatquivered，withfingerstouchedwithpalsy，andtoknowthedrinker’sneedforastiffglassofwhiskyneatinordertobraceup。（Oh！JohnBarleycornisawizarddopester。Brainandbody，scorchedandjangledandpoisoned，returntobetunedupbytheverypoisonthatcausedthedamage。）
ThereisnoendtoJohnBarleycorn’stricks。Hehadtriedtoinveiglemeintokillingmyself。Atthisperiodhewasdoinghisbesttokillmeatafairlyrapidpace。But，notsatisfiedwiththat，hetriedanotherdodge。Heverynearlygotme，too，andrightthereIlearnedalessonabouthim——becameawiser，amoreskilfuldrinker。Ilearnedtherewerelimitstomygorgeousconstitution，andthattherewerenolimitstoJohnBarleycorn。I
learnedthatinashorthourortwohecouldmastermystronghead，mybroadshouldersanddeepchest，putmeonmyback，andwithadevil’sgriponmythroatproceedtochokethelifeoutofme。
NelsonandIweresittingintheOverlandHouse。Itwasearlyintheevening，andtheonlyreasonweweretherewasbecausewewerebrokeanditwaselectiontime。Yousee，inelectiontimelocalpoliticians，aspirantsforoffice，haveawayofmakingtheroundsofthesaloonstogetvotes。Oneissittingatatable，inadrycondition，wonderingwhoisgoingtoturnupandbuyhimadrink，orifhiscreditisgoodatsomeothersaloonandifit’sworthwhiletowalkthatfartofindout，whensuddenlythesaloondoorsswingwide，andentersabevyofwell-dressedmen，themselvesusuallywideandexhalinganatmosphereofprosperityandfellowship。
Theyhavesmilesandgreetingsforeverybody——foryou，withoutthepriceofaglassofbeerinyourpocket，forthetimidhobowholurksinthecornerandwhocertainlyhasn’tavote，butwhomayestablishalodging-houseregistration。Anddoyouknow，whenthesepoliticiansswingwidethedoorsandcomein，withtheirbroadshoulders，theirdeepchests，andtheirgenerousstomachswhichcannothelpmakingthemoptimistsandmastersoflife，why，youperkrightup。It’sgoingtobeawarmeveningafterall，andyouknowyou’llgetasousestartedattheveryleast。
And——whoknows？——thegodsmaybekind，otherdrinksmaycome，andthenightculminateingloriousgreatness。Andthenextthingyouknow，youarelinedupatthebar，pouringdrinksdownyourthroatandlearningthegentlemen’snamesandtheofficeswhichtheyhopetofill。
Itwasduringthisperiod，whenthepoliticianswenttheirsaloonrounds，thatIwasgettingbitterbitsofeducationandhavingillusionspunctured——I，whohadporedandthrilledover"TheRail-
Splitter，"and"FromCanalBoytoPresident。"Yes，Iwaslearninghownoblepoliticsandpoliticiansare。
Well，onthisnight，broke，thirsty，butwiththedrinker’sfaithintheunexpecteddrink，NelsonandIsatintheOverlandHousewaitingforsomethingtoturnup，especiallypoliticians。AndthereenteredJoeGoose——heoftheunquenchablethirst，thewickedeyes，thecrookednose，thefloweredvest。
"Comeon，fellows——freebooze——allyouwantofit。Ididn’twantyoutomissit。"
"Where？"wewantedtoknow。
"Comeon。I’lltellyouaswegoalong。Wehaven’taminutetolose。"Andaswehurrieduptown，JoeGooseexplained："It’stheHancockFireBrigade。Allyouhavetodoisweararedshirtandahelmet，andcarryatorch。
They’regoingdownonaspecialtraintoHaywardstoparade。"
（IthinktheplacewasHaywards。ItmayhavebeenSanLeandroorNiles。And，tosaveme，Ican’trememberwhethertheHancockFireBrigadewasarepublicanorademocraticorganisation。Butanyway，thepoliticianswhoranitwereshortoftorch-bearers，andanybodywhowouldparadecouldgetdrunkifhewantedto。）
"Thetown’llbewideopen，"JoeGoosewenton。"Booze？It’llrunlikewater。Thepoliticianshaveboughtthestocksofthesaloons。There’llbenocharge。Allyougottodoiswalkrightupandcallforit。We’llraisehell。"
Atthehall，onEighthStreetnearBroadway，wegotintothefiremen’sshirtsandhelmets，wereequippedwithtorches，and，growlingbecauseweweren’tgivenatleastonedrinkbeforewestarted，wereherdedaboardthetrain。Oh，thosepoliticianshadhandledourkindbefore。AtHaywardstherewerenodrinkseither。
Paradefirst，andearnyourbooze，wastheorderofthenight。
Weparaded。Thenthesaloonswereopened。Extrabarkeepershadbeenengaged，andthedrinkersjammedsixdeepbeforeeverydrink-
drenchedandunwipedbar。Therewasnotimetowipethebar，norwashglasses，nordoanythingsavefillglasses。TheOaklandwater-frontcanberealthirstyonoccasion。
Thismethodofjammingandstrugglinginfrontofthebarwastooslowforus。Thedrinkwasours。Thepoliticianshadboughtitforus。We’dparadedandearnedit，hadn’twe？Sowemadeaflankattackaroundtheendofthebar，shovedtheprotestingbarkeepersaside，andhelpedourselvestobottles。
Outside，weknockedthenecksofthebottlesoffagainsttheconcretecurbs，anddrank。NowJoeGooseandNelsonhadlearneddiscretionwithstraightwhisky，drunkinquantity。Ihadn’t。I
stilllabouredunderthemisconceptionthatonewastodrinkallhecouldget——especiallywhenitdidn’tcostanything。Wesharedourbottleswithothers，anddrankagoodportionourselves，whileIdrankmostofall。AndIdidn’tlikethestuff。IdrankitasIhaddrunkbeeratfive，andwineatseven。Imasteredmyqualmsanddowneditlikesomuchmedicine。Andwhenwewantedmorebottles，wewentintoothersaloonswherethefreedrinkwasflowing，andhelpedourselves。
Ihaven’ttheslightestideaofhowmuchIdrank——whetheritwastwoquartsorfive。IdoknowthatIbegantheorgywithhalf-
pintdraughtsandwithnowaterafterwardtowashthetasteawayortodilutethewhisky。
Nowthepoliticiansweretoowisetoleavethetownfilledwithdrunksfromthewater-frontofOakland。Whentraintimecame，therewasaround-upofthesaloons。AlreadyIwasfeelingtheimpactofthewhisky。NelsonandIwerehustledoutofasaloon，andfoundourselvesintheverylastrankofadisorderlyparade。
Istruggledalongheroically，mycorrelationsbreakingdown，mylegstotteringunderme，myheadswimming，myheartpounding，mylungspantingforair。
MyhelplessnesswascomingonsorapidlythatmyreelingbraintoldmeIwouldgodownandoutandneverreachthetrainifI
remainedattherearoftheprocession。Ilefttheranksandrandownapathwaybesidetheroadunderbroad-spreadingtrees。
Nelsonpursuedme，laughing。Certainthingsstandout，asinmemoriesofnightmare。Irememberthosetreesespecially，andmydesperaterunningalongunderthem，andhow，everytimeIfell，roarsoflaughterwentupfromtheotherdrunks。TheythoughtI
wasmerelyanticdrunk。TheydidnotdreamthatJohnBarleycornhadmebythethroatinadeath-clutch。ButIknewit。AndI
rememberthefleetingbitternessthatwasmineasIrealisedthatIwasinastrugglewithdeath，andthattheseothersdidnotknow。ItwasasifIweredrowningbeforeacrowdofspectatorswhothoughtIwascuttinguptricksfortheirentertainment。
Andrunningthereunderthetrees，Ifellandlostconsciousness。
Whathappenedafterward，withoneglimmeringexception，Ihadtobetold。Nelson，withhisenormousstrength，pickedmeupanddraggedmeonandaboardthetrain。Whenhehadgotmeintoaseat，IfoughtandpantedsoterriblyforairthatevenwithhisobtusenessheknewIwasinabadway。Andrightthere，atanymoment，Iknownow，Imighthavedied。IoftenthinkitisthenearesttodeathIhaveeverbeen。IhaveonlyNelson’sdescriptionofmybehaviourtogoby。
Iwasscorchingup，burningaliveinternally，inanagonyoffireandsuffocation，andIwantedair。Imadlywantedair。Myeffortstoraiseawindowwerevain，forallthewindowsinthecarwerescreweddown。Nelsonhadseendrink-crazedmen，andthoughtIwantedtothrowmyselfout。Hetriedtorestrainme，butIfoughton。Iseizedsomeman’storchandsmashedtheglass。
Nowtherewerepro-Nelsonandanti-NelsonfactionsontheOaklandwater-front，andmenofbothfactions，withmoredrinkinthemthanwasgood，filledthecar。Mysmashingofthewindowwasthesignalfortheantis。Oneofthemreachedforme，anddroppedme，andstartedthefight，ofallofwhichIhavenoknowledgesavewhatwastoldmeafterward，andasorejawnextdayfromtheblowthatputmeout。Themanwhostruckmewentdownacrossmybody，Nelsonfollowedhim，andtheysaytherewerefewunbrokenwindowsinthewreckageofthecarthatfollowedasthefree-for-allfighthaditscourse。
Thisbeingknockedcoldandmotionlesswasperhapsthebestthingthatcouldhavehappenedtome。Myviolentstruggleshadonlyacceleratedmyalreadydangerouslyacceleratedheart，andincreasedtheneedforoxygeninmysuffocatinglungs。
AfterthefightwasoverandIcameto，Ididnotcometomyself。
Iwasnomoremyselfthanadrowningmaniswhocontinuestostruggleafterhehaslostconsciousness。Ihavenomemoryofmyactions，butIcried"Air！Air！"soinsistently，thatitdawnedonNelsonthatIdidnotcontemplateself-destruction。Soheclearedthejaggedglassfromthewindow-ledgeandletmestickmyheadandshouldersout。Herealised，partially，theseriousnessofmycondition。andheldmebythewaisttopreventmefromcrawlingfartherout。AndfortherestoftherunintoOaklandI
keptmyheadandshouldersout，fightinglikeamaniacwheneverhetriedtodrawmeinside。
Andheremyoneglimmeringstreakoftrueconsciousnesscame。Mysolerecollection，fromthetimeIfellunderthetreesuntilI
awokethefollowingevening，isofmyheadoutofthewindow，facingthewindcausedbythetrain，cindersstrikingandburningandblindingme，whileIbreathedwithwill。Allmywillwasconcentratedonbreathing——onbreathingtheairinthehugestlung-fullgulpsIcould，pumpingthegreatestamountofairintomylungsintheshortestpossibletime。Itwasthatordeath，andIwasaswimmeranddiver，andIknewit；andinthemostintolerableagonyofprolongedsuffocation，duringthosemomentsI
wasconscious，Ifacedthewindandthecindersandbreathedforlife。
Alltherestisablank。Icametothefollowingevening，inawater-frontlodging-house。Iwasalone。Nodoctorhadbeencalledin。AndImightwellhavediedthere，forNelsonandtheothers，deemingmemerely"sleepingoffmydrunk，"hadletmeliethereinacomatoseconditionforseventeenhours。Manyaman，aseverydoctorknows，hasdiedofthesuddenimpactofaquartormoreofwhisky。Usuallyonereadsofthemsodying，strongdrinkers，onaccountofawager。ButIdidn’tknow——then。AndsoIlearned；andbynovirtuenorprowess，butsimplythroughgoodfortuneandconstitution。AgainmyconstitutionhadtriumphedoverJohnBarleycorn。Ihadescapedfromanotherdeath-pit，draggedmyselfthroughanothermorass，andperilouslyacquiredthediscretionthatwouldenablemetodrinkwiselyformanyanotheryeartocome。
Heavens！Thatwastwentyyearsago，andIamstillverymuchandwiselyalive；andIhaveseenmuch，donemuch，livedmuch，inthatinterveningscoreofyears；andIshudderwhenIthinkhowcloseashaveIran，hownearIwastomissingthatsplendidfifthofacenturythathasbeenmine。And，oh，itwasn’tJohnBarleycorn’sfaultthathedidn’tgetmethatnightoftheHancockFireBrigade。
CHAPTERXV
Itwasduringtheearlywinterof1892thatIresolvedtogotosea。MyHancockFireBrigadeexperiencewasverylittleresponsibleforthis。Istilldrankandfrequentedsaloons——
practicallylivedinsaloons。Whiskywasdangerous，inmyopinion，butnotwrong。Whiskywasdangerouslikeotherdangerousthingsinthenaturalworld。Mendiedofwhisky；butthen，too，fishermenwerecapsizedanddrowned，hoboesfellundertrainsandwerecuttopieces。Tocopewithwindsandwaves，railroadtrains，andbar-rooms，onemustusejudgment。Togetdrunkafterthemannerofmenwasallright，butonemustdoitwithdiscretion。Nomorequartsofwhiskyforme。
WhatreallydecidedmetogotoseawasthatIhadcaughtmyfirstvisionofthedeath-roadwhichJohnBarleycornmaintainsforhisdevotees。Itwasnotaclearvision，however，andthereweretwophasesofit，somewhatjumbledatthetime。Itstruckme，fromwatchingthosewithwhomIassociated，thatthelifewewerelivingwasmoredestructivethanthatlivedbytheaverageman。
JohnBarleycorn，byinhibitingmorality，incitedtocrime。
EverywhereIsawmendoing，drunk，whattheywouldneverdreamofdoingsober。Andthiswasn’ttheworstofit。Itwasthepenaltythatmustbepaid。Crimewasdestructive。Saloon-matesIdrankwith，whoweregoodfellowsandharmless，sober，didmostviolentandlunaticthingswhentheyweredrunk。Andthenthepolicegatheredtheminandtheyvanishedfromourken。SometimesI
visitedthembehindthebarsandsaidgood-byeeretheyjourneyedacrossthebaytoputonthefelon’sstripes。AndtimeandagainIheardtheoneexplanation"IFIHADN’TBEENDRUNKIWOULDN’TA-
DONEIT。"Andsometimes，underthespellofJohnBarleycorn，themostfrightfulthingsweredone——thingsthatshockedevenmycase-
hardenedsoul。
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