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THE SECRET AGENT
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第2章
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Afterscoringovermycalmnessinthisgraphicwayhenoddedwisely。

IfIhadseenthesight,heassuredme,IwouldneverforgetitaslongasIlived。Theweatherwastoobadtogivethecorpseaproperseaburial。

Sonextdayatdawntheytookituponthepoop,coveringitsfacewithabitofbunting;hereadashortprayer,andthen,justasitwas,initsoilskinsandlongboots,theylauncheditamongstthosemountainousseasthatseemedreadyeverymomenttoswallowuptheshipherselfandtheterrifiedlivesonboardofher。

"Thatreefedforesailsavedyou,"Ithrewin。

"UnderGod——itdid,"heexclaimedfervently。"Itwasbyaspecialmercy,Ifirmlybelieve,thatitstoodsomeofthosehurricanesqualls。"

"Itwasthesettingofthatsailwhich——"Ibegan。

"God’sownhandinit,"heinterruptedme。"Nothinglesscouldhavedoneit。

Idon’tmindtellingyouthatIhardlydaredgivetheorder。

Itseemedimpossiblethatwecouldtouchanythingwithoutlosingit,andthenourlasthopewouldhavebeengone。"

Theterrorofthatgalewasonhimyet。Ilethimgoonforabit,thensaid,casually——asifreturningtoaminorsubject:

"Youwereveryanxioustogiveupyourmatetotheshorepeople,Ibelieve?"

Hewas。Tothelaw。Hisobscuretenacityonthatpointhadinitsomethingincomprehensibleandalittleawful;something,asitwere,mystical,quiteapartfromhisanxietythatheshouldnotbesuspectedof"countenancinganydoingsofthatsort。"

Seven-and-thirtyvirtuousyearsatsea,ofwhichovertwentyofimmaculatecommand,andthelastfifteenintheSephora,seemedtohavelaidhimundersomepitilessobligation。

"Andyouknow,"hewenton,gropingshame-facedlyamongsthisfeelings,"Ididnotengagethatyoungfellow。Hispeoplehadsomeinterestwithmyowners。Iwasinawayforcedtotakehimon。

Helookedverysmart,verygentlemanly,andallthat。

Butdoyouknow——Ineverlikedhim,somehow。Iamaplainman。

Yousee,hewasn’texactlythesortforthechiefmateofashipliketheSephora。"

IhadbecomesoconnectedinthoughtsandimpressionswiththesecretsharerofmycabinthatIfeltasifI,personally,werebeinggiventounderstandthatI,too,wasnotthesortthatwouldhavedoneforthechiefmateofashipliketheSephora。

Ihadnodoubtofitinmymind。

"Notatallthestyleofman。Youunderstand,"heinsisted,superfluously,lookinghardatme。

Ismiledurbanely。Heseemedatalossforawhile。

"IsupposeImustreportasuicide。"

"Begpardon?"

"Suicide!That’swhatI’llhavetowritetomyownersdirectlyIgetin。"

"Unlessyoumanagetorecoverhimbeforetomorrow,"

Iassented,dispassionately……"Imean,alive。"

HemumbledsomethingwhichIreallydidnotcatch,andIturnedmyeartohiminapuzzledmanner。Hefairlybawled:

"Theland——Isay,themainlandisatleastsevenmilesoffmyanchorage。"

"Aboutthat。"

Mylackofexcitement,ofcuriosity,ofsurprise,ofanysortofpronouncedinterest,begantoarousehisdistrust。

ButexceptforthefelicitouspretenseofdeafnessIhadnottriedtopretendanything。Ihadfeltutterlyincapableofplayingthepartofignoranceproperly,andthereforewasafraidtotry。

Itisalsocertainthathehadbroughtsomeready-madesuspicionswithhim,andthatheviewedmypolitenessasastrangeandunnaturalphenomenon。AndyethowelsecouldIhavereceivedhim?

Notheartily!Thatwasimpossibleforpsychologicalreasons,whichIneednotstatehere。Myonlyobjectwastokeepoffhisinquiries。Surlily?Yes,butsurlinessmighthaveprovokedapoint-blankquestion。Fromitsnoveltytohimandfromitsnature,punctiliouscourtesywasthemannerbestcalculatedtorestraintheman。

Buttherewasthedangerofhisbreakingthroughmydefensebluntly。

Icouldnot,Ithink,havemethimbyadirectlie,alsoforpsychological(notmoral)reasons。IfhehadonlyknownhowafraidIwasofhisputtingmyfeelingofidentitywiththeothertothetest!

But,strangelyenough——(Ithoughtofitonlyafterwards)——

Ibelievethathewasnotalittledisconcertedbythereversesideofthatweirdsituation,bysomethinginmethatremindedhimofthemanhewasseeking——suggestedamysterioussimilitudetotheyoungfellowhehaddistrustedanddislikedfromthefirst。

Howeverthatmighthavebeen,thesilencewasnotveryprolonged。

Hetookanotherobliquestep。

"IreckonIhadnomorethanatwo-milepulltoyourship。

Notabitmore。"

"Andquiteenough,too,inthisawfulheat,"Isaid。

Anotherpausefullofmistrustfollowed。Necessity,theysay,ismotherofinvention,butfear,too,isnotbarrenofingenioussuggestions。

AndIwasafraidhewouldaskmepoint-blankfornewsofmyotherself。

"Nicelittlesaloon,isn’tit?"Iremarked,asifnoticingforthefirsttimethewayhiseyesroamedfromonecloseddoortotheother。

"Andverywellfittedout,too。Here,forinstance,"Icontinued,reachingoverthebackofmyseatnegligentlyandflingingthedooropen,"ismybathroom。"

Hemadeaneagermovement,buthardlygaveitaglance。

Igotup,shutthedoorofthebathroom,andinvitedhimtohavealookround,asifIwereveryproudofmyaccomodation。

Hehadtoriseandbeshownround,buthewentthroughthebusinesswithoutanyraptureswhatever。

"Andnowwe’llhavealookatmystateroom,"Ideclared,inavoiceasloudasIdaredtomakeit,crossingthecabintothestarboardsidewithpurposelyheavysteps。

Hefollowedmeinandgazedaround。Myintelligentdoublehadvanished。

Iplayedmypart。

"Veryconvenient——isn’tit?"

Verynice。Verycomf……"Hedidn’tfinishandwentoutbrusquelyasiftoescapefromsomeunrighteouswilesofmine。

Butitwasnottobe。Ihadbeentoofrightenednottofeelvengeful;

IfeltIhadhimontherun,andImeanttokeephimontherun。

Mypoliteinsistencemusthavehadsomethingmenacinginit,becausehegaveinsuddenly。AndIdidnotlethimoffasingleitem;

mate’sroom,pantry,storerooms,theverysaillockerwhichwasalsounderthepoop——hehadtolookintothemall。WhenatlastI

showedhimoutonthequarter-deckhedrewalong,spiritlesssigh,andmumbleddismallythathemustreallybegoingbacktohisshipnow。

Idesiredmymate,whohadjoinedus,toseetothecaptain’sboat。

Themanofwhiskersgaveablastonthewhistlewhichheusedtowearhangingroundhisneck,andyelled,"Sephora’saway!"

Mydoubledownthereinmycabinmusthaveheard,andcertainlycouldnotfeelmorerelievedthanI。Fourfellowscamerunningoutfromsomewhereforwardandwentovertheside,whilemyownmen,appearingondecktoo,linedtherail。Iescortedmyvisitortothegangwayceremoniously,andnearlyoverdidit。

Hewasatenaciousbeast。Ontheveryladderhelingered,andinthatunique,guiltilyconscientiousmannerofstickingtothepoint:

"Isay……you……youdon’tthinkthat——"

Icoveredhisvoiceloudly:

"Certainlynot……Iamdelighted。Good-by。"

Ihadanideaofwhathemeanttosay,andjustsavedmyselfbytheprivilegeofdefectivehearing。Hewastooshakengenerallytoinsist,butmymate,closewitnessofthatparting,lookedmystifiedandhisfacetookonathoughtfulcast。

AsIdidnotwanttoappearasifIwishedtoavoidallcommunicationwithmyofficers,hehadtheopportunitytoaddressme。

"Seemsaveryniceman。Hisboat’screwtoldourchapsaveryextraordinarystory,ifwhatIamtoldbythestewardistrue。

Isupposeyouhaditfromthecaptain,sir?"

"Yes。Ihadastoryfromthecaptain。"

"Averyhorribleaffair——isn’tit,sir?"

"Itis。"

"BeatsallthesetaleswehearaboutmurdersinYankeeships。"

"Idon’tthinkitbeatsthem。Idon’tthinkitresemblesthemintheleast。"

"Blessmysoul——youdon’tsayso!ButofcourseI’venoacquaintancewhateverwithAmericanships,notIsoIcouldn’tgoagainstyourknowledge。It’shorribleenoughforme……Butthequeerestpartisthatthosefellowsseemedtohavesomeideathemanwashiddenaboardhere。Theyhadreally。

Didyoueverhearofsuchathing?"

"Preposterous——isn’tit?"

Wewerewalkingtoandfroathwartthequarter-deck。Nooneofthecrewforwardcouldbeseen(thedaywasSunday),andthematepursued:

"Therewassomelittledisputeaboutit。Ourchapstookoffense。

`Asifwewouldharborathinglikethat,’theysaid。

`Wouldn’tyouliketolookforhiminourcoal-hole?’Quiteatiff。

Buttheymadeitupintheend。Isupposehediddrownhimself。

Don’tyou,sir?"

"Idon’tsupposeanything。"

"Youhavenodoubtinthematter,sir?"

"Nonewhatever。"

Ilefthimsuddenly。IfeltIwasproducingabadimpression,butwithmydoubledownthereitwasmosttryingtobeondeck。Anditwasalmostastryingtobebelow。Altogetheranerve-tryingsituation。

ButonthewholeIfeltlesstornintwowhenIwaswithhim。

TherewasnooneinthewholeshipwhomIdaredtakeintomyconfidence。Sincethehandshadgottoknowhisstory,itwouldhavebeenimpossibletopasshimoffforanyoneelse,andanaccidentaldiscoverywastobedreadednowmorethanever……

Thestewardbeingengagedinlayingthetablefordinner,wecouldtalkonlywithoureyeswhenIfirstwentdown。

Laterintheafternoonwehadacautioustryatwhispering。

TheSundayquietnessoftheshipwasagainstus;thestillnessofairandwateraroundherwasagainstus;theelements,themenwereagainstus——everythingwasagainstusinoursecretpartnership;timeitself——forthiscouldnotgoonforever。

TheverytrustinProvidencewas,Isuppose,deniedtohisguilt。

ShallIconfessthatthisthoughtcastmedownverymuch?

Andastothechapterofaccidentswhichcountsforsomuchinthebookofsuccess,Icouldonlyhopethatitwasclosed。

Forwhatfavorableaccidentcouldbeexpected?

"Didyouheareverything?"weremyfirstwordsassoonaswetookupourpositionsidebyside,leaningovermybedplace。

Hehad。Andtheproofofitwashisearnestwhisper,"Themantoldyouhehardlydaredtogivetheorder。"

Iunderstoodthereferencetobetothatsavingforesail。

"Yes。Hewasafraidofitbeinglostinthesetting。"

"Iassureyouhenevergavetheorder。Hemaythinkhedid,buthenevergaveit。Hestoodtherewithmeonthebreakofthepoopafterthemaintopsailblewaway,andwhimperedaboutourlasthope——

positivelywhimperedaboutitandnothingelse——andthenightcomingon!

Tohearone’sskippergoonlikethatinsuchweatherwasenoughtodriveanyfellowoutofhismind。Itworkedmeupintoasortofdesperation。Ijusttookitintomyownhandsandwentawayfromhim,boiling,and——Butwhat’stheusetellingyou?

YOUknow!……DoyouthinkthatifIhadnotbeenprettyfiercewiththemIshouldhavegotthementodoanything?NotIt!

Thebo’s’nperhaps?Perhaps!Itwasn’taheavysea——itwasaseagonemad!Isupposetheendoftheworldwillbesomethinglikethat;

andamanmayhavethehearttoseeitcomingonceandbedonewithit——

buttohavetofaceitdayafterday——Idon’tblameanybody。

Iwaspreciouslittlebetterthantherest。Only——Iwasanofficerofthatoldcoalwagon,anyhow——"

"Iquiteunderstand,"Iconveyedthatsincereassuranceintohisear。

Hewasoutofbreathwithwhispering;Icouldhearhimpantslightly。

Itwasallverysimple。Thesamestrung-upforcewhichhadgiventwenty-fourmenachance,atleast,fortheirlives,had,inasortofrecoil,crushedanunworthymutinousexistence。

ButIhadnoleisuretoweighthemeritsofthematter——

footstepsinthesaloon,aheavyknock。"There’senoughwindtogetunderwaywith,sir。"Herewasthecallofanewclaimuponmythoughtsandevenuponmyfeelings。

"Turnthehandsup,"Icriedthroughthedoor。"I’llbeondeckdirectly。"

Iwasgoingouttomaketheacquaintanceofmyship。

BeforeIleftthecabinoureyesmet——theeyesoftheonlytwostrangersonboard。Ipointedtotherecessedpartwherethelittlecampstoolawaitedhimandlaidmyfingeronmylips。

Hemadeagesture——somewhatvague——alittlemysterious,accompaniedbyafaintsmile,asifofregret。

Thisisnottheplacetoenlargeuponthesensationsofamanwhofeelsforthefirsttimeashipmoveunderhisfeettohisownindependentword。Inmycasetheywerenotunalloyed。

Iwasnotwhollyalonewithmycommand;fortherewasthatstrangerinmycabin。Orrather,Iwasnotcompletelyandwhollywithher。

Partofmewasabsent。Thatmentalfeelingofbeingintwoplacesatonceaffectedmephysicallyasifthemoodofsecrecyhadpenetratedmyverysoul。Beforeanhourhadelapsedsincetheshiphadbeguntomove,havingoccasiontoaskthemate(hestoodbymyside)totakeacompassbearingofthepagoda,Icaughtmyselfreachinguptohisearinwhispers。

IsayIcaughtmyself,butenoughhadescapedtostartletheman。

Ican’tdescribeitotherwisethanbysayingthatheshied。

Agrave,preoccupiedmanner,asthoughhewereinpossessionofsomeperplexingintelligence,didnotleavehimhenceforth。

AlittlelaterImovedawayfromtherailtolookatthecompasswithsuchastealthygaitthatthehelmsmannoticedit——

andIcouldnothelpnoticingtheunusualroundnessofhiseyes。

Thesearetriflinginstances,thoughit’stonocommander’sadvantagetobesuspectedofludicrouseccentricities。

ButIwasalsomoreseriouslyaffected。Therearetoaseamancertainwords,gestures,thatshouldingivenconditionscomeasnaturally,asinstinctivelyasthewinkingofamenacedeye。

Acertainordershouldspringontohislipswithoutthinking;

acertainsignshouldgetitselfmade,sotospeak,withoutreflection。Butallunconsciousalertnesshadabandonedme。

Ihadtomakeaneffortofwilltorecallmyselfback(fromthecabin)totheconditionsofthemoment。

IfeltthatIwasappearinganirresolutecommandertothosepeoplewhowerewatchingmemoreorlesscritically。

And,besides,therewerethescares。Ontheseconddayout,forinstance,comingoffthedeckintheafternoon(Ihadstrawslippersonmybarefeet)Istoppedattheopenpantrydoorandspoketothesteward。Hewasdoingsomethingtherewithhisbacktome。

Atthesoundofmyvoicehenearlyjumpedoutofhisskin,asthesayingis,andincidentallybrokeacup。

"Whatonearth’sthematterwithyou?"Iasked,astonished。

Hewasextremelyconfused。"Begyourpardon,sir。Imadesureyouwereinyourcabin。"

"YouseeIwasn’t。"

"No,sir。IcouldhaveswornIhadheardyoumovingintherenotamomentago。It’smostextraordinary……verysorry,sir。"

Ipassedonwithaninwardshudder。IwassoidentifiedwithmysecretdoublethatIdidnotevenmentionthefactinthosescanty,fearfulwhispersweexchanged。

Isupposehehadmadesomeslightnoiseofsomekindorother。

Itwouldhavebeenmiraculousifhehadn’tatonetimeoranother。

Andyet,haggardasheappeared,helookedalwaysperfectlyself-controlled,morethancalm——almostinvulnerable。

Onmysuggestionheremainedalmostentirelyinthebathroom,which,uponthewhole,wasthesafestplace。

Therecouldbereallynoshadowofanexcuseforanyoneeverwantingtogointhere,oncethestewardhaddonewithit。

Itwasaverytinyplace。Sometimeshereclinedonthefloor,hislegsbent,hisheadsustainedononeelbow。

AtothersIwouldfindhimonthecampstool,sittinginhisgraysleepingsuitandwithhiscroppeddarkhairlikeapatient,unmovedconvict。AtnightIwouldsmugglehimintomybedplace,andwewouldwhispertogether,withtheregularfootfallsoftheofficerofthewatchpassingandrepassingoverourheads。

Itwasaninfinitelymiserabletime。Itwasluckythatsometinsoffinepreserveswerestowedinalockerinmystateroom;

hardbreadIcouldalwaysgetholdof;andsohelivedonstewedchicken,PATEDEFOIEGRAS,asparagus,cookedoysters,sardines——

onallsortsofabominableshamdelicaciesoutoftins。

Myearly-morningcoffeehealwaysdrank;anditwasallI

dareddoforhiminthatrespect。

Everydaytherewasthehorriblemaneuveringtogothroughsothatmyroomandthenthebathroomshouldbedoneintheusualway。Icametohatethesightofthesteward,toabhorthevoiceofthatharmlessman。

Ifeltthatitwashewhowouldbringonthedisasterofdiscovery。

Ithunglikeaswordoverourheads。

Thefourthdayout,Ithink(wewerethenworkingdowntheeastsideoftheGulfofSiam,tackfortack,inlightwindsandsmoothwater)——

thefourthday,Isay,ofthismiserablejugglingwiththeunavoidable,aswesatatoureveningmeal,thatman,whoseslightestmovementIdreaded,afterputtingdownthedishesranupondeckbusily。

Thiscouldnotbedangerous。Presentlyhecamedownagain;

andthenitappearedthathehadrememberedacoatofminewhichIhadthrownoverarailtodryafterhavingbeenwettedinashowerwhichhadpassedovertheshipintheafternoon。

SittingstolidlyattheheadofthetableIbecameterrifiedatthesightofthegarmentonhisarm。Ofcoursehemadeformydoor。

Therewasnotimetolose。

"Steward,"Ithundered。MynervesweresoshakenthatI

couldnotgovernmyvoiceandconcealmyagitation。

Thiswasthesortofthingthatmademyterrificallywhiskeredmatetaphisforeheadwithhisforefinger。

Ihaddetectedhimusingthatgesturewhiletalkingondeckwithaconfidentialairtothecarpenter。Itwastoofartohearaword,butIhadnodoubtthatthispantomimecouldonlyrefertothestrangenewcaptain。

"Yes,sir,"thepale-facedstewardturnedresignedlytome。

Itwasthismaddeningcourseofbeingshoutedat,checkedwithoutrhymeorreason,arbitrarilychasedoutofmycabin,suddenlycalledintoit,sentflyingoutofhispantryonincomprehensibleerrands,thataccountedforthegrowingwretchednessofhisexpression。

"Whereareyougoingwiththatcoat?"

"Toyourroom,sir。"

"Isthereanothershowercoming?"

"I’msureIdon’tknow,sir。ShallIgoupagainandsee,sir?"

"No!nevermind。"

Myobjectwasattained,asofcoursemyotherselfintherewouldhaveheardeverythingthatpassed。Duringthisinterludemytwoofficersneverraisedtheireyesofftheirrespectiveplates;butthelipofthatconfoundedcub,thesecondmate,quiveredvisibly。

Iexpectedthestewardtohookmycoatonandcomeoutatonce。

Hewasveryslowaboutit;butIdominatedmynervousnesssufficientlynottoshoutafterhim。SuddenlyIbecameaware(itcouldbeheardplainlyenough)thatthefellowforsomereasonorotherwasopeningthedoorofthebathroom。Itwastheend。

Theplacewasliterallynotbigenoughtoswingacatin。

MyvoicediedinmythroatandIwentstonyallover。

Iexpectedtohearayellofsurpriseandterror,andmadeamovement,buthadnotthestrengthtogetonmylegs。

Everythingremainedstill。Hadmysecondselftakenthepoorwretchbythethroat?Idon’tknowwhatIcouldhavedonenextmomentifIhadnotseenthestewardcomeoutofmyroom,closethedoor,andthenstandquietlybythesideboard。

"Saved,"Ithought。"But,no!Lost!Gone!Hewasgone!"

Ilaidmyknifeandforkdownandleanedbackinmychair。Myheadswam。

Afterawhile,whensufficientlyrecoveredtospeakinasteadyvoice,Iinstructedmymatetoputtheshiproundateighto’clockhimself。

"Iwon’tcomeondeck,"Iwenton。"IthinkI’llturnin,andunlessthewindshiftsIdon’twanttobedisturbedbeforemidnight。

Ifeelabitseedy。"

"Youdidlookmiddlingbadalittlewhileago,"thechiefmateremarkedwithoutshowinganygreatconcern。

Theybothwentout,andIstaredatthestewardclearingthetable。

Therewasnothingtobereadonthatwretchedman’sface。

Butwhydidheavoidmyeyes,Iaskedmyself。ThenIthoughtI

shouldliketohearthesoundofhisvoice。

"Steward!"

"Sir!"Startledasusual。

"Wheredidyouhangupthatcoat?"

"Inthebathroom,sir。"Theusualanxioustone。

"It’snotquitedryyet,sir。"

ForsometimelongerIsatinthecuddy。Hadmydoublevanishedashehadcome?Butofhiscomingtherewasanexplanation,whereashisdisappearancewouldbeinexplicable……Iwentslowlyintomydarkroom,shutthedoor,lightedthelamp,andforatimedarednotturnround。WhenatlastIdidI

sawhimstandingbolt-uprightinthenarrowrecessedpart。

ItwouldnotbetruetosayIhadashock,butanirresistibledoubtofhisbodilyexistenceflittedthroughmymind。

Canitbe,Iaskedmyself,thatheisnotvisibletoothereyesthanmine?Itwaslikebeinghaunted。Motionless,withagraveface,heraisedhishandsslightlyatmeinagesturewhichmeantclearly,"Heavens!whatanarrowescape!"

Narrowindeed。IthinkIhadcomecreepingquietlyasnearinsanityasanymanwhohasnotactuallygoneovertheborder。

Thatgesturerestrainedme,sotospeak。

Thematewiththeterrificwhiskerswasnowputtingtheshipontheothertack。InthemomentofprofoundsilencewhichfollowsuponthehandsgoingtotheirstationsIheardonthepoophisraisedvoice:"Hardalee!"andthedistantshoutoftheorderrepeatedonthemain-deck。Thesails,inthatlightbreeze,madebutafaintflutteringnoise。

Itceased。Theshipwascomingroundslowly:Iheldmybreathintherenewedstillnessofexpectation;onewouldn’thavethoughtthattherewasasinglelivingsoulonherdecks。

Asuddenbriskshout,"Mainsailhaul!"brokethespell,andinthenoisycriesandrushoverheadofthemenrunningawaywiththemainbracewetwo,downinmycabin,cametogetherinourusualpositionbythebedplace。

Hedidnotwaitformyquestion。"Iheardhimfumblinghereandjustmanagedtosquatmyselfdowninthebath,"hewhisperedtome。

"Thefellowonlyopenedthedoorandputhisarmintohangthecoatup。

Allthesame——"

"Ineverthoughtofthat,"Iwhisperedback,evenmoreappalledthanbeforeattheclosenessoftheshave,andmarvelingatthatsomethingunyieldinginhischaracterwhichwascarryinghimthroughsofinely。Therewasnoagitationinhiswhisper。

Whoeverwasbeingdrivendistracted,itwasnothe。Hewassane。

Andtheproofofhissanitywascontinuedwhenhetookupthewhisperingagain。

"Itwouldneverdoformetocometolifeagain。"

Itwassomethingthataghostmighthavesaid。Butwhathewasalludingtowashisoldcaptain’sreluctantadmissionofthetheoryofsuicide。

Itwouldobviouslyservehisturn——ifIhadunderstoodatalltheviewwhichseemedtogoverntheunalterablepurposeofhisaction。

"YoumustmaroonmeassoonaseveryoucangetamongsttheseislandsofftheCambodgeshore,"hewenton。

"Maroonyou!Wearenotlivinginaboy’sadventuretale,"Iprotested。

Hisscornfulwhisperingtookmeup。

"Wearen’tindeed!There’snothingofaboy’staleinthis。

Butthere’snothingelseforit。Iwantnomore。

Youdon’tsupposeIamafraidofwhatcanbedonetome?

Prisonorgallowsorwhatevertheymayplease。

Butyoudon’tseemecomingbacktoexplainsuchthingstoanoldfellowinawigandtwelverespectabletradesmen,doyou?WhatcantheyknowwhetherIamguiltyornot——

orofWHATIamguilty,either?That’smyaffair。

WhatdoestheBiblesay?`Drivenoffthefaceoftheearth。’

Verywell,Iamoffthefaceoftheearthnow。AsIcameatnightsoIshallgo。"

"Impossible!"Imurmured。"Youcan’t。"

"Can’t?……NotnakedlikeasoulontheDayofJudgment。

Ishallfreezeontothissleepingsuit。TheLastDayisnotyet——

and……youhaveunderstoodthoroughly。Didn’tyou?"

Ifeltsuddenlyashamedofmyself。ImaysaytrulythatIunderstood——

andmyhesitationinlettingthatmanswimawayfrommyship’ssidehadbeenamereshamsentiment,asortofcowardice。

"Itcan’tbedonenowtillnextnight,"Ibreathedout。

"Theshipisontheoff-shoretackandthewindmayfailus。"

"AslongasIknowthatyouunderstand,"hewhispered。

"Butofcourseyoudo。It’sagreatsatisfactiontohavegotsomebodytounderstand。Youseemtohavebeenthereonpurpose。"

Andinthesamewhisper,asifwetwowheneverwetalkedhadtosaythingstoeachotherwhichwerenotfitfortheworldtohear,headded,"It’sverywonderful。"

Weremainedsidebysidetalkinginoursecretway——

butsometimessilentorjustexchangingawhisperedwordortwoatlongintervals。Andasusualhestaredthroughtheport。

Abreathofwindcamenowandagainintoourfaces。

Theshipmighthavebeenmooredindock,sogentlyandonanevenkeelsheslippedthroughthewater,thatdidnotmurmurevenatourpassage,shadowyandsilentlikeaphantomsea。

AtmidnightIwentondeck,andtomymate’sgreatsurpriseputtheshiproundontheothertack。

Histerriblewhiskersflittedroundmeinsilentcriticism。

Icertainlyshouldnothavedoneitifithadbeenonlyaquestionofgettingoutofthatsleepygulfasquicklyaspossible。

Ibelievehetoldthesecondmate,whorelievedhim,thatitwasagreatwantofjudgment。Theotheronlyyawned。

Thatintolerablecubshuffledaboutsosleepilyandlolledagainsttherailsinsuchaslack,improperfashionthatI

camedownonhimsharply。

"Aren’tyouproperlyawakeyet?"

"Yes,sir!Iamawake。"

"Well,then,begoodenoughtoholdyourselfasifyouwere。

Andkeepalookout。Ifthere’sanycurrentwe’llbeclosingwithsomeislandsbeforedaylight。"

Theeastsideofthegulfisfringedwithislands,somesolitary,othersingroups。Onethebluebackgroundofthehighcoasttheyseemtofloatonsilverypatchesofcalmwater,aridandgray,ordarkgreenandroundedlikeclumpsofevergreenbushes,withthelargerones,amileortwolong,showingtheoutlinesofridges,ribsofgrayrockunderthedarkmantleofmattedleafage。

Unknowntotrade,totravel,almosttogeography,themanneroflifetheyharborisanunsolvedsecret。Theremustbevillages——

settlementsoffishermenatleast——onthelargestofthem,andsomecommunicationwiththeworldisprobablykeptupbynativecraft。

Butallthatforenoon,asweheadedforthem,fannedalongbythefaintestofbreezes,IsawnosignofmanorcanoeinthefieldofthetelescopeIkeptonpointingatthescatteredgroup。

AtnoonIhavenoordersforachangeofcourse,andthemate’swhiskersbecamemuchconcernedandseemedtobeofferingthemselvesundulytomynotice。AtlastIsaid:

"Iamgoingtostandrightin。Quitein——asfarasIcantakeher。"

Thestareofextremesurpriseimpartedanairofferocityalsotohiseyes,andhelookedtrulyterrificforamoment。

"We’renotdoingwellinthemiddleofthegulf,"Icontinued,casually。

"Iamgoingtolookforthelandbreezestonight。"

"Blessmysoul!Doyoumean,sir,inthedarkamongstthelotofallthemislandsandreefsandshoals?"

"Well——ifthereareanyregularlandbreezesatallonthiscoastonemustgetcloseinshoretofindthem,mustn’tone?"

"Blessmysoul!"heexclaimedagainunderhisbreath。

Allthatafternoonheworeadreamy,contemplativeappearancewhichinhimwasamarkofperplexity。AfterdinnerI

wentintomystateroomasifImeanttotakesomerest。

Therewetwobentourdarkheadsoverahalf-unrolledchartlyingonmybed。

"There,"Isaid。"It’sgottobeKoh-ring。I’vebeenlookingatiteversincesunrise。Ithasgottwohillsandalowpoint。

Itmustbeinhabited。Andonthecoastoppositethereiswhatlookslikethemouthofabiggishriver——withsometowns,nodoubt,notfarup。

It’sthebestchanceforyouthatIcansee。"

"Anything。Koh-ringletitbe。"

Helookedthoughtfullyatthechartasifsurveyingchancesanddistancesfromaloftyheight——andfollowingwithhiseyeshisownfigurewanderingontheblanklandofCochin-China,andthenpassingoffthatpieceofpapercleanoutofsightintounchartedregions。

Anditwasasiftheshiphadtwocaptainstoplanhercourseforher。

IhadbeensoworriedandrestlessrunningupanddownthatI

hadnothadthepatiencetodressthatday。Ihadremainedinmysleepingsuit,withstrawslippersandasoftfloppyhat。

Theclosenessoftheheatinthegulfhadbeenmostoppressive,andthecrewwereusedtoseeingmewanderinginthatairyattire。

"Shewillclearthesouthpointassheheadsnow,"Iwhisperedintohisear。

"Goodnessonlyknowswhen,though,butcertainlyafterdark。

I’lledgeherintohalfamile,asfarasImaybeabletojudgeinthedark——"

"Becareful,"hemurmured,warningly——andIrealizedsuddenlythatallmyfuture,theonlyfutureforwhichIwasfit,wouldperhapsgoirretrievablytopiecesinanymishaptomyfirstcommand。

Icouldnotstopamomentlongerintheroom。Imotionedhimtogetoutofsightandmademywayonthepoop。Thatunplayfulcubhadthewatch。

Iwalkedupanddownforawhilethinkingthingsout,thenbeckonedhimover。

"Sendacoupleofhandstoopenthetwoquarter-deckports,"

Isaid,mildly。

Heactuallyhadtheimpudence,orelsesoforgothimselfinhiswonderatsuchanincomprehensibleorder,astorepeat:

"Openthequarter-deckports!Whatfor,sir?"

"TheonlyreasonyouneedconcernyourselfaboutisbecauseItellyoutodoso。Havethemopenwideandfastenedproperly。"

Hereddenedandwentoff,butIbelievemadesomejeeringremarktothecarpenterastothesensiblepracticeofventilatingaship’squarter-deck。Iknowhepoppedintothemate’scabintoimpartthefacttohimbecausethewhiskerscameondeck,asitwerebychance,andstoleglancesatmefrombelow——

forsignsoflunacyordrunkenness,Isuppose。

Alittlebeforesupper,feelingmorerestlessthanever,Irejoined,foramoment,mysecondself。Andtofindhimsittingsoquietlywassurprising,likesomethingagainstnature,inhuman。

Idevelopedmyplaninahurriedwhisper。

"IshallstandinascloseasIdareandthenputherround。

Iwillpresentlyfindmeanstosmuggleyououtofhereintothesaillocker,whichcommunicateswiththelobby。

Butthereisanopening,asortofsquareforhaulingthesailsout,whichgivesstraightonthequarter-deckandwhichisneverclosedinfineweather,soastogiveairtothesails。

Whentheship’swayisdeadenedinstaysandallthehandsareaftatthemainbracesyouwillhaveaclearroadtoslipoutandgetoverboardthroughtheopenquarter-deckport。

I’vehadthembothfastenedup。Usearope’sendtoloweryourselfintothewatersoastoavoidasplash——youknow。

Itcouldbeheardandcausesomebeastlycomplication。"

Hekeptsilentforawhile,thenwhispered,"Iunderstand。"

"Iwon’tbetheretoseeyougo,"Ibeganwithaneffort。

"Therest……IonlyhopeIhaveunderstood,too。"

"Youhave。Fromfirsttolast"——andforthefirsttimethereseemedtobeafaltering,somethingstrainedinhiswhisper。

Hecaughtholdofmyarm,buttheringingofthesupperbellmademestart。Hedidn’tthough;heonlyreleasedhisgrip。

AftersupperIdidn’tcomebelowagaintillwellpasteighto’clock。Thefaint,steadybreezewasloadedwithdew;andthewet,darkenedsailsheldalltherewasofpropellingpowerinit。

Thenight,clearandstarry,sparkleddarkly,andtheopaque,lightlesspatchesshiftingslowlyagainstthelowstarswerethedriftingislets。Ontheportbowtherewasabigonemoredistantandshadowilyimposingbythegreatspaceofskyiteclipsed。

OnopeningthedoorIhadabackviewofmyveryownselflookingatachart。

Hehadcomeoutoftherecessandwasstandingnearthetable。

"Quitedarkenough,"Iwhispered。

Hesteppedbackandleanedagainstmybedwithalevel,quietglance。

Isatonthecouch。Wehadnothingtosaytoeachother。

Overourheadstheofficerofthewatchmovedhereandthere。

ThenIheardhimmovequickly。Iknewwhatthatmeant。

Hewasmakingforthecompanion;andpresentlyhisvoicewasoutsidemydoor。

"Wearedrawinginprettyfast,sir。Landlooksratherclose。"

"Verywell,"Ianswered。"Iamcomingondeckdirectly。"

Iwaitedtillhewasgoneoutofthecuddy,thenrose。Mydoublemovedtoo。

Thetimehadcometoexchangeourlastwhispers,forneitherofuswasevertoheareachother’snaturalvoice。

"Lookhere!"Iopenedadrawerandtookoutthreesovereigns。

"Takethisanyhow。I’vegotsixandI’dgiveyouthelot,onlyImustkeepalittlemoneytobuysomefruitandvegetablesforthecrewfromnativeboatsaswegothroughSundaStraits。"

Heshookhishead。

"Takeit,"Iurgedhim,whisperingdesperately。

"Noonecantellwhat——"

Hesmiledandslappedmeaninglytheonlypocketofthesleepingjacket。

Itwasnotsafe,certainly。ButIproducedalargeoldsilkhandkerchiefofmine,andtyingthethreepiecesofgoldinacorner,presseditonhim。

Hewastouched,Isupposed,becausehetookitatlastandtieditquicklyroundhiswaistunderthejacket,onhisbareskin。

Oureyesmet;severalsecondselapsed,till,ourglancesstillmingled,Iextendedmyhandandturnedthelampout。

ThenIpassedthroughthecuddy,leavingthedoorofmyroomwideopen……"Steward!"

Hewasstilllingeringinthepantryinthegreatnessofhiszeal,givingarub-uptoaplatedcruetstandthelastthingbeforegoingtobed。

Beingcarefulnottowakeupthemate,whoseroomwasopposite,Ispokeinanundertone。

Helookedroundanxiously。"Sir!"

"Canyougetmealittlehotwaterfromthegalley?"

"Iamafraid,sir,thegalleyfire’sbeenoutforsometimenow。"

"Goandsee。"

Heflewupthestairs。

"Now,"Iwhispered,loudly,intothesaloon——tooloudly,perhaps,butIwasafraidIcouldn’tmakeasound。

Hewasbymysideinaninstant——thedoublecaptainslippedpastthestairs——throughatinydarkpassage……aslidingdoor。

Wewereinthesaillocker,scramblingonourkneesoverthesails。

Asuddenthoughtstruckme。Isawmyselfwanderingbarefooted,bareheaded,thesunbeatingonmydarkpoll。

Isnatchedoffmyfloppyhatandtriedhurriedlyinthedarktoramitonmyotherself。Hedodgedandfendedoffsilently。

Iwonderwhathethoughthadcometomebeforeheunderstoodandsuddenlydesisted。Ourhandsmetgropingly,lingeredunitedinasteady,motionlessclaspforasecond……Nowordwasbreathedbyeitherofuswhentheyseparated。

Iwasstandingquietlybythepantrydoorwhenthestewardreturned。

"Sorry,sir。Kettlebarelywarm。ShallIlightthespiritlamp?"

"Nevermind。"

Icameoutondeckslowly。Itwasnowamatterofconsciencetoshavethelandascloseaspossible——fornowhemustgooverboardwhenevertheshipwasputinstays。Must!Therecouldbenogoingbackforhim。AfteramomentIwalkedovertoleewardandmyheartflewintomymouthatthenearnessofthelandonthebow。

UnderanyothercircumstancesIwouldnothaveheldonaminutelonger。

Thesecondmatehadfollowedmeanxiously。

IlookedontillIfeltIcouldcommandmyvoice。

"Shewillweather,"Isaidtheninaquiettone。

"Areyougoingtotrythat,sir?"hestammeredoutincredulously。

Itooknonoticeofhimandraisedmytonejustenoughtobeheardbythehelmsman。

"Keephergoodfull。"

"Goodfull,sir。"

Thewindfannedmycheek,thesailsslept,theworldwassilent。

Thestrainofwatchingthedarkloomofthelandgrowbiggeranddenserwastoomuchforme。Ihadshutmyeyes——becausetheshipmustgocloser。

Shemust!Thestillnesswasintolerable。Werewestandingstill?

WhenIopenedmyeyesthesecondviewstartedmyheartwithathump。

TheblacksouthernhillofKoh-ringseemedtohangrightovertheshiplikeatoweringfragmentofeverlastingnight。

Onthatenormousmassofblacknesstherewasnotagleamtobeseen,notasoundtobeheard。Itwasglidingirresistiblytowardsusandyetseemedalreadywithinreachofthehand。

Isawthevaguefiguresofthewatchgroupedinthewaist,gazinginawedsilence。

"Areyougoingon,sir?"inquiredanunsteadyvoiceatmyelbow。

Iignoredit。Ihadtogoon。

"Keepherfull。Don’tcheckherway。Thatwon’tdonow,"

Isaidwarningly。

"Ican’tseethesailsverywell,"thehelmsmanansweredme,instrange,quaveringtones。

Wasshecloseenough?Alreadyshewas,Iwon’tsayintheshadowoftheland,butintheveryblacknessofit,alreadyswallowedupasitwere,gonetooclosetoberecalled,gonefrommealtogether。

"Givethemateacall,"Isaidtotheyoungmanwhostoodatmyelbowasstillasdeath。"Andturnallhandsup。"

Mytonehadaborrowedloudnessreverberatedfromtheheightoftheland。

Severalvoicescriedouttogether:"Weareallondeck,sir。"

Thenstillnessagain,withthegreatshadowglidingcloser,toweringhigher,withoutalight,withoutasound。

SuchahushhadfallenontheshipthatshemighthavebeenabarkofthedeadfloatinginslowlyundertheverygateofErebus。

"MyGod!Wherearewe?"

Itwasthematemoaningatmyelbow。Hewasthunderstruck,andasitweredeprivedofthemoralsupportofhiswhiskers。

Heclappedhishandsandabsolutelycriedout,"Lost!"

"Bequiet,"Isaid,sternly。

Heloweredhistone,butIsawtheshadowygestureofhisdespair。

"Whatarewedoinghere?"

"Lookingforthelandwind。"

Hemadeasiftotearhishair,andaddressedmerecklessly。

"Shewillnevergetout。Youhavedoneit,sir。Iknewit’dendinsomethinglikethis。Shewillneverweather,andyouaretooclosenowtostay。

She’lldriftashorebeforeshe’sround。OmyGod!"

Icaughthisarmashewasraisingittobatterhispoordevotedhead,andshookitviolently。

"She’sashorealready,"hewailed,tryingtotearhimselfaway。

"Isshe?……Keepgoodfullthere!"

"Goodfull,sir,"criedthehelmsmaninafrightened,thin,childlikevoice。

Ihadn’tletgothemate’sarmandwentonshakingit。"Readyabout,doyouhear?Yougoforward"——shake——"andstopthere"——shake——"andholdyournoise"——shake——"andseethesehead-sheetsproperlyoverhauled"——

shake,shake——shake。

AndallthetimeIdarednotlooktowardsthelandlestmyheartshouldfailme。Ireleasedmygripatlastandheranforwardasiffleeingfordearlife。

Iwonderedwhatmydoublethereinthesaillockerthoughtofthiscommotion。Hewasabletoheareverything——andperhapshewasabletounderstandwhy,onmyconscience,ithadtobethusclose——noless。

Myfirstorder"Hardalee!"re-echoedominouslyunderthetoweringshadowofKoh-ringasifIhadshoutedinamountaingorge。

AndthenIwatchedthelandintently。Inthatsmoothwaterandlightwinditwasimpossibletofeeltheshipcoming-to。No!

Icouldnotfeelher。Andmysecondselfwasmakingnowreadytoshipoutandlowerhimselfoverboard。Perhapshewasgonealready……?

Thegreatblackmassbroodingoverourverymastheadsbegantopivotawayfromtheship’ssidesilently。AndnowIforgotthesecretstrangerreadytodepart,andrememberedonlythatIwasatotalstrangertotheship。

Ididnotknowher。Wouldshedoit?Howwasshetobehandled?

Iswungthemainyardandwaitedhelplessly。Shewasperhapsstopped,andherveryfatehunginthebalance,withtheblackmassofKoh-ringlikethegateoftheeverlastingnighttoweringoverhertaffrail。Whatwouldshedonow?Hadshewayonheryet?

Isteppedtothesideswiftly,andontheshadowywaterIcouldseenothingexceptafaintphosphorescentflashrevealingtheglassysmoothnessofthesleepingsurface。Itwasimpossibletotell——

andIhadnotlearnedyetthefeelofmyship。Wasshemoving?

WhatIneededwassomethingeasilyseen,apieceofpaper,whichIcouldthrowoverboardandwatch。Ihadnothingonme。

TorundownforitIdidn’tdare。Therewasnotime。

Allatoncemystrained,yearningstaredistinguishedawhiteobjectfloatingwithinayardoftheship’sside。

Whiteontheblackwater。Aphosphorescentflashpassedunderit。

Whatwasthatthing?……Irecognizedmyownfloppyhat。

Itmusthavefallenoffhishead……andhedidn’tbother。

NowIhadwhatIwanted——thesavingmarkformyeyes。

ButIhardlythoughtofmyotherself,nowgonefromtheship,tobehiddenforeverfromallfriendlyfaces,tobeafugitiveandavagabondontheearth,withnobrandofthecurseonhissaneforeheadtostayaslayinghand……tooproudtoexplain。

AndIwatchedthehat——theexpressionofmysuddenpityforhismereflesh。

Ithadbeenmeanttosavehishomelessheadfromthedangersofthesun。

Andnow——behold——itwassavingtheship,byservingmeforamarktohelpouttheignoranceofmystrangeness。Ha!Itwasdriftingforward,warningmejustintimethattheshiphadgatheredsternaway。

"Shiftthehelm,"Isaidinalowvoicetotheseamanstandingstilllikeastatue。

Theman’seyesglistenedwildlyinthebinnaclelightashejumpedroundtotheothersideandspunroundthewheel。

Iwalkedtothebreakofthepoop。Ontheover-shadoweddeckallhandsstoodbytheforebraceswaitingformyorder。

Thestarsaheadseemedtobeglidingfromrighttoleft。

AndallwassostillintheworldthatIheardthequietremark,"She’sround,"passedinatoneofintensereliefbetweentwoseamen。

"Letgoandhaul。"

Theforeyardsranroundwithagreatnoise,amidstcheerycries。

Andnowthefrightfulwhiskersmadethemselvesheardgivingvariousorders。

Alreadytheshipwasdrawingahead。AndIwasalonewithher。

Nothing!nooneintheworldshouldstandnowbetweenus,throwingashadowonthewayofsilentknowledgeandmuteaffection,theperfectcommunionofaseamanwithhisfirstcommand。

Walkingtothetaffrail,Iwasintimetomakeout,ontheveryedgeofadarknessthrownbyatoweringblackmassliketheverygatewayofErebus——yes,Iwasintimetocatchanevanescentglimpseofmywhitehatleftbehindtomarkthespotwherethesecretsharerofmycabinandofmythoughts,asthoughheweremysecondself,hadloweredhimselfintothewatertotakehispunishment:

afreeman,aproudswimmerstrikingoutforanewdestiny。

【推荐阅读】幽幽深宫,醒来一梦似千年,重生于下堂妃身躯中的她,将如何手刃仇人? 点击阅读

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