Astothebeef，it’sshameful。It’sNOTbeef。Regularbeefisn’tveins。Youcanchewregularbeef。Besideswhich，there’sgravytoregularbeef，andyouneverseeadroptoours。Anotherofourfellowswenthomeill，andheardthefamilydoctortellhisfatherthathecouldn’taccountforhiscomplaintunlessitwasthebeer。
Ofcourseitwasthebeer，andwellitmightbe！
However，beefandOldCheesemanaretwodifferentthings。Soisbeer。ItwasOldCheesemanImeanttotellabout；notthemannerinwhichourfellowsgettheirconstitutionsdestroyedforthesakeofprofit。
Why，lookatthepie-crustalone。There’snoflakinessinit。It’ssolid——likedamplead。Thenourfellowsgetnightmares，andarebolsteredforcallingoutandwakingotherfellows。Whocanwonder！
OldCheesemanonenightwalkedinhissleep，puthishatonoverhisnight-cap，gotholdofafishing-rodandacricket-bat，andwentdownintotheparlour，wheretheynaturallythoughtfromhisappearancehewasaGhost。Why，heneverwouldhavedonethatifhismealshadbeenwholesome。Whenweallbegintowalkinoursleeps，Isupposethey’llbesorryforit。
OldCheesemanwasn’tsecondLatinMasterthen；hewasafellowhimself。Hewasfirstbroughtthere，verysmall，inapost-chaise，byawomanwhowasalwaystakingsnuffandshakinghim——andthatwasthemostherememberedaboutit。Heneverwenthomefortheholidays。Hisaccounts（heneverlearntanyextras）weresenttoaBank，andtheBankpaidthem；andhehadabrownsuittwicea-year，andwentintobootsattwelve。Theywerealwaystoobigforhim，too。
IntheMidsummerholidays，someofourfellowswholivedwithinwalkingdistance，usedtocomebackandclimbthetreesoutsidetheplaygroundwall，onpurposetolookatOldCheesemanreadingtherebyhimself。Hewasalwaysasmildasthetea——andTHAT’Sprettymild，Ishouldhope！——sowhentheywhistledtohim，helookedupandnodded；andwhentheysaid，"Halloa，OldCheeseman，whathaveyouhadfordinner？"hesaid，"Boiledmutton；"andwhentheysaid，"An’titsolitary，OldCheeseman？"hesaid，"Itisalittledullsometimes："andthentheysaid，"Wellgood-bye，OldCheeseman！"andclimbeddownagain。OfcourseitwasimposingonOldCheesemantogivehimnothingbutboiledmuttonthroughawholeVacation，butthatwasjustlikethesystem。Whentheydidn’tgivehimboiledmutton，theygavehimricepudding，pretendingitwasatreat。Andsavedthebutcher。
SoOldCheesemanwenton。Theholidaysbroughthimintoothertroublebesidestheloneliness；becausewhenthefellowsbegantocomeback，notwantingto，hewasalwaysgladtoseethem；whichwasaggravatingwhentheywerenotatallgladtoseehim，andsohegothisheadknockedagainstwalls，andthatwasthewayhisnosebled。
Buthewasafavouriteingeneral。Onceasubscriptionwasraisedforhim；and，tokeepuphisspirits，hewaspresentedbeforetheholidayswithtwowhitemice，arabbit，apigeon，andabeautifulpuppy。OldCheesemancriedaboutit——especiallysoonafterwards，whentheyallateoneanother。
OfcourseOldCheesemanusedtobecalledbythenamesofallsortsofcheeses——DoubleGlo’sterman，FamilyCheshireman，Dutchman，NorthWiltshireman，andallthat。Buthenevermindedit。AndIdon’tmeantosayhewasoldinpointofyears——becausehewasn’t——onlyhewascalledfromthefirst，OldCheeseman。
Atlast，OldCheesemanwasmadesecondLatinMaster。Hewasbroughtinonemorningatthebeginningofanewhalf，andpresentedtotheschoolinthatcapacityas"Mr。Cheeseman。"ThenourfellowsallagreedthatOldCheesemanwasaspy，andadeserter，whohadgoneovertotheenemy’scamp，andsoldhimselfforgold。Itwasnoexcuseforhimthathehadsoldhimselfforverylittlegold——twopoundtenaquarterandhiswashing，aswasreported。ItwasdecidedbyaParliamentwhichsataboutit，thatOldCheeseman’smercenarymotivescouldalonebetakenintoaccount，andthathehad"coinedourbloodfordrachmas。"TheParliamenttooktheexpressionoutofthequarrelscenebetweenBrutusandCassius。
WhenitwassettledinthisstrongwaythatOldCheesemanwasatremendoustraitor，whohadwormedhimselfintoourfellows’secretsonpurposetogethimselfintofavourbygivingupeverythingheknew，allcourageousfellowswereinvitedtocomeforwardandenrolthemselvesinaSocietyformakingasetagainsthim。ThePresidentoftheSocietywasFirstboy，namedBobTarter。HisfatherwasintheWestIndies，andheowned，himself，thathisfatherwasworthMillions。Hehadgreatpoweramongourfellows，andhewroteaparody，beginning-
"WhomadebelievetobesomeekThatwecouldhardlyhearhimspeak，YetturnedoutanInformingSneak？
OldCheeseman。"-
andoninthatwaythroughmorethanadozenverses，whichheusedtogoandsing，everymorning，closebythenewmaster’sdesk。Hetrainedoneofthelowboys，too，arosy-cheekedlittleBrasswhodidn’tcarewhathedid，togouptohimwithhisLatinGrammaronemorning，andsayitso：NOMINATIVUSPRONOMINUM——OldCheeseman，RARO
EXPRIMITUR——wasneversuspected，NISIDISTINCTIONIS——ofbeinganinformer，AUTEMPHASISGRATiA——untilheprovedone。UT——forinstance，VOSDAMNASTIS——whenhesoldtheboys。QUASI——asthough，DICAT——heshouldsay，PRETAEREANEMO——I’maJudas！AllthisproducedagreateffectonOldCheeseman。Hehadneverhadmuchhair；butwhathehad，begantogetthinnerandthinnereveryday。
Hegrewpalerandmoreworn；andsometimesofaneveninghewasseensittingathisdeskwithapreciouslongsnufftohiscandle，andhishandsbeforehisface，crying。ButnomemberoftheSocietycouldpityhim，evenifhefeltinclined，becausethePresidentsaiditwasOldCheeseman’sconscience。
SoOldCheesemanwenton，anddidn’theleadamiserablelife！OfcoursetheReverendturneduphisnoseathim，andofcourseSHE
did——becausebothofthemalwaysdothatatallthemasters——buthesufferedfromthefellowsmost，andhesufferedfromthemconstantly。Henevertoldaboutit，thattheSocietycouldfindout；buthegotnocreditforthat，becausethePresidentsaiditwasOldCheeseman’scowardice。
Hehadonlyonefriendintheworld，andthatonewasalmostaspowerlessashewas，foritwasonlyJane。Janewasasortofwardrobewomantoourfellows，andtookcareoftheboxes。Shehadcomeatfirst，Ibelieve，asakindofapprentice——someofourfellowssayfromaCharity，butIdon’tknow——andafterhertimewasout，hadstoppedatsomuchayear。Solittleayear，perhapsI
oughttosay，foritisfarmorelikely。However，shehadputsomepoundsintheSavings’Bank，andshewasaveryniceyoungwoman。
Shewasnotquitepretty；butshehadaveryfrank，honest，brightface，andallourfellowswerefondofher。Shewasuncommonlyneatandcheerful，anduncommonlycomfortableandkind。Andifanythingwasthematterwithafellow’smother，healwayswentandshowedthelettertoJane。
JanewasOldCheeseman’sfriend。ThemoretheSocietywentagainsthim，themoreJanestoodbyhim。Sheusedtogivehimagood-
humouredlookoutofherstill-roomwindow，sometimes，thatseemedtosethimupfortheday。Sheusedtopassoutoftheorchardandthekitchengarden（alwayskeptlocked，Ibelieveyou！）throughtheplayground，whenshemighthavegonetheotherway，onlytogiveaturnofherhead，asmuchastosay"Keepupyourspirits！"toOldCheeseman。Hisslipofaroomwassofreshandorderlythatitwaswellknownwholookedafteritwhilehewasathisdesk；andwhenourfellowssawasmokinghotdumplingonhisplateatdinner，theyknewwithindignationwhohadsentitup。
Underthesecircumstances，theSocietyresolved，afteraquantityofmeetinganddebating，thatJaneshouldberequestedtocutOldCheesemandead；andthatifsherefused，shemustbesenttoCoventryherself。Soadeputation，headedbythePresident，wasappointedtowaitonJane，andinformherofthevotetheSocietyhadbeenunderthepainfulnecessityofpassing。Shewasverymuchrespectedforallhergoodqualities，andtherewasastoryaboutherhavingoncewaylaidtheReverendinhisownstudy，andgotafellowofffromseverepunishment，ofherownkindcomfortableheart。Sothedeputationdidn’tmuchlikethejob。However，theywentup，andthePresidenttoldJaneallaboutit。UponwhichJaneturnedveryred，burstintotears，informedthePresidentandthedeputation，inawaynotatalllikeherusualway，thattheywereaparcelofmaliciousyoungsavages，andturnedthewholerespectedbodyoutoftheroom。ConsequentlyitwasenteredintheSociety’sbook（keptinastronomicalcypherforfearofdetection），thatallcommunicationwithJanewasinterdicted：andthePresidentaddressedthemembersonthisconvincinginstanceofOldCheeseman’sundermining。
ButJanewasastruetoOldCheesemanasOldCheesemanwasfalsetoourfellows——intheiropinion，atallevents——andsteadilycontinuedtobehisonlyfriend。ItwasagreatexasperationtotheSociety，becauseJanewasasmuchalosstothemasshewasagaintohim；
andbeingmoreinveterateagainsthimthanever，theytreatedhimworsethanever。Atlast，onemorning，hisdeskstoodempty，hisroomwaspeepedinto，andfoundtobevacant，andawhisperwentaboutamongthepalefacesofourfellowsthatOldCheeseman，unabletobearitanylonger，hadgotupearlyanddrownedhimself。
Themysteriouslooksoftheothermastersafterbreakfast，andtheevidentfactthatoldCheesemanwasnotexpected，confirmedtheSocietyinthisopinion。SomebegantodiscusswhetherthePresidentwasliabletohangingoronlytransportationforlife，andthePresident’sfaceshowedagreatanxietytoknowwhich。However，hesaidthatajuryofhiscountryshouldfindhimgame；andthatinhisaddressheshouldputittothemtolaytheirhandsupontheirheartsandsaywhethertheyasBritonsapprovedofinformers，andhowtheythoughttheywouldlikeitthemselves。SomeoftheSocietyconsideredthathehadbetterrunawayuntilhefoundaforestwherehemightchangeclotheswithawood-cutter，andstainhisfacewithblackberries；butthemajoritybelievedthatifhestoodhisground，hisfather——belongingashedidtotheWestIndies，andbeingworthmillions——couldbuyhimoff。
Allourfellows’heartsbeatfastwhentheReverendcamein，andmadeasortofaRoman，oraFieldMarshal，ofhimselfwiththeruler；ashealwaysdidbeforedeliveringanaddress。ButtheirfearswerenothingtotheirastonishmentwhenhecameoutwiththestorythatOldCheeseman，"solongourrespectedfriendandfellow-
pilgriminthepleasantplainsofknowledge，"hecalledhim——Oyes！
Idaresay！Muchofthat！——wastheorphanchildofadisinheritedyoungladywhohadmarriedagainstherfather’swish，andwhoseyounghusbandhaddied，andwhohaddiedofsorrowherself，andwhoseunfortunatebaby（OldCheeseman）hadbeenbroughtupatthecostofagrandfatherwhowouldneverconsenttoseeit，baby，boy，orman：whichgrandfatherwasnowdead，andservehimright——that’smyputtingin——andwhichgrandfather’slargeproperty，therebeingnowill，wasnow，andallofasuddenandforever，OldCheeseman’s！
Oursolongrespectedfriendandfellow-pilgriminthepleasantplainsofknowledge，theReverendwoundupalotofbotheringquotationsbysaying，would"comeamongusoncemore"thatdayfortnight，whenhedesiredtotakeleaveofushimself，inamoreparticularmanner。Withthesewords，hestaredseverelyroundatourfellows，andwentsolemnlyout。
TherewaspreciousconsternationamongthemembersoftheSociety，now。Lotsofthemwantedtoresign，andlotsmorebegantotrytomakeoutthattheyhadneverbelongedtoit。However，thePresidentstuckup，andsaidthattheymuststandorfalltogether，andthatifabreachwasmadeitshouldbeoverhisbody——whichwasmeanttoencouragetheSociety：butitdidn’t。ThePresidentfurthersaid，hewouldconsiderthepositioninwhichtheystood，andwouldgivethemhisbestopinionandadviceinafewdays。Thiswaseagerlylookedfor，asheknewagooddealoftheworldonaccountofhisfather’sbeingintheWestIndies。
Afterdaysanddaysofhardthinking，anddrawingarmiesalloverhisslate，thePresidentcalledourfellowstogether，andmadethematterclear。HesaiditwasplainthatwhenOldCheesemancameontheappointedday，hisfirstrevengewouldbetoimpeachtheSociety，andhaveitfloggedallround。Afterwitnessingwithjoythetortureofhisenemies，andgloatingoverthecrieswhichagonywouldextortfromthem，theprobabilitywasthathewouldinvitetheReverend，onpretenceofconversation，intoaprivateroom——saytheparlourintowhichParentswereshown，wherethetwogreatglobeswerewhichwereneverused——andwouldtherereproachhimwiththevariousfraudsandoppressionshehadenduredathishands。AtthecloseofhisobservationshewouldmakeasignaltoaPrizefighterconcealedinthepassage，whowouldthenappearandpitchintotheReverend，tillhewasleftinsensible。OldCheesemanwouldthenmakeJaneapresentoffromfivetotenpounds，andwouldleavetheestablishmentinfiendishtriumph。
ThePresidentexplainedthatagainsttheparlourpart，ortheJanepart，ofthesearrangementshehadnothingtosay；but，onthepartoftheSociety，hecounselleddeadlyresistance。Withthisviewherecommendedthatallavailabledesksshouldbefilledwithstones，andthatthefirstwordofthecomplaintshouldbethesignaltoeveryfellowtoletflyatOldCheeseman。TheboldadviceputtheSocietyinbetterspirits，andwasunanimouslytaken。ApostaboutOldCheeseman’ssizewasputupintheplayground，andallourfellowspractisedatittillitwasdintedallover。
Whenthedaycame，andPlaceswerecalled，everyfellowsatdowninatremble。TherehadbeenmuchdiscussinganddisputingastohowOldCheesemanwouldcome；butitwasthegeneralopinionthathewouldappearinasortoftriumphalcardrawnbyfourhorses，withtwoliveryservantsinfront，andthePrizefighterindisguiseupbehind。So，allourfellowssatlisteningforthesoundofwheels。
Butnowheelswereheard，forOldCheesemanwalkedafterall，andcameintotheschoolwithoutanypreparation。Prettymuchasheusedtobe，onlydressedinblack。
"Gentlemen，"saidtheReverend，presentinghim，"oursolongrespectedfriendandfellow-pilgriminthepleasantplainsofknowledge，isdesiroustoofferawordortwo。Attention，gentlemen，oneandall！"
EveryfellowstolehishandintohisdeskandlookedatthePresident。ThePresidentwasallready，andtakingaimatoldCheesemanwithhiseyes。
WhatdidOldCheesemanthen，butwalkuptohisolddesk，lookroundhimwithaqueersmileasiftherewasatearinhiseye，andbegininaquavering，mildvoice，"Mydearcompanionsandoldfriends！"
Everyfellow’shandcameoutofhisdesk，andthePresidentsuddenlybegantocry。
"Mydearcompanionsandoldfriends，"saidOldCheeseman，"youhaveheardofmygoodfortune。Ihavepassedsomanyyearsunderthisroof——myentirelifesofar，Imaysay——thatIhopeyouhavebeengladtohearofitformysake。Icouldneverenjoyitwithoutexchangingcongratulationswithyou。Ifwehaveevermisunderstoodoneanotheratall，pray，mydearboys，letusforgiveandforget。
Ihaveagreattendernessforyou，andIamsureyoureturnit。I
wantinthefulnessofagratefulhearttoshakehandswithyoueveryone。Ihavecomebacktodoit，ifyouplease，mydearboys。"
SincethePresidenthadbeguntocry，severalotherfellowshadbrokenouthereandthere：butnow，whenOldCheesemanbeganwithhimasfirstboy，laidhislefthandaffectionatelyonhisshoulderandgavehimhisright；andwhenthePresidentsaid"Indeed，Idon’tdeserveit，sir；uponmyhonourIdon’t；"therewassobbingandcryingallovertheschool。Everyotherfellowsaidhedidn’tdeserveit，muchinthesameway；butOldCheeseman，notmindingthatabit，wentcheerfullyroundtoeveryboy，andwoundupwitheverymaster——finishingofftheReverendlast。
Thenasnivellinglittlechapinacorner，whowasalwaysundersomepunishmentorother，setupashrillcryof"SuccesstoOldCheeseman！Hooray！"TheReverendglareduponhim，andsaid，"MR。
Cheeseman，sir。"But，OldCheesemanprotestingthathelikedhisoldnameagreatdealbetterthanhisnewone，allourfellowstookupthecry；and，forIdon’tknowhowmanyminutes，therewassuchathunderingoffeetandhands，andsucharoaringofOldCheeseman，asneverwasheard。
Afterthat，therewasaspreadinthedining-roomofthemostmagnificentkind。Fowls，tongues，preserves，fruits，confectionaries，jellies，neguses，barley-sugartemples，trifles，crackers——eatallyoucanandpocketwhatyoulike——allatOldCheeseman’sexpense。Afterthat，speeches，wholeholiday，doubleandtreblesetsofallmannersofthingsforallmannersofgames，donkeys，pony-chaisesanddriveyourself，dinnerforallthemastersattheSevenBells（twentypoundsa-headourfellowsestimateditat），anannualholidayandfeastfixedforthatdayeveryyear，andanotheronOldCheeseman’sbirthday——Reverendbounddownbeforethefellowstoallowit，sothathecouldneverbackout——allatOldCheeseman’sexpense。
Anddidn’tourfellowsgodowninabodyandcheeroutsidetheSevenBells？Ono！
Butthere’ssomethingelsebesides。Don’tlookatthenextstory-
teller，forthere’smoreyet。Nextday，itwasresolvedthattheSocietyshouldmakeitupwithJane，andthenbedissolved。WhatdoyouthinkofJanebeinggone，though！"What？Goneforever？"saidourfellows，withlongfaces。"Yes，tobesure，"wasalltheanswertheycouldget。Noneofthepeopleaboutthehousewouldsayanythingmore。Atlength，thefirstboytookuponhimselftoasktheReverendwhetherouroldfriendJanewasreallygone？TheReverend（hehasgotadaughterathome——turn-upnose，andred）
repliedseverely，"Yes，sir，MissPittisgone。"TheideaofcallingJane，MissPitt！SomesaidshehadbeensentawayindisgracefortakingmoneyfromOldCheeseman；otherssaidshehadgoneintoOldCheeseman’sserviceatariseoftenpoundsayear。
Allthatourfellowsknew，was，shewasgone。
Itwastwoorthreemonthsafterwards，when，oneafternoon，anopencarriagestoppedatthecricketfield，justoutsidebounds，withaladyandgentlemaninit，wholookedatthegamealongtimeandstooduptoseeitplayed。Nobodythoughtmuchaboutthem，untilthesamelittlesnivellingchapcamein，againstallrules，fromthepostwherehewasScout，andsaid，"It’sJane！"BothElevensforgotthegamedirectly，andrancrowdingroundthecarriage。ItWAS
Jane！Insuchabonnet！Andifyou’llbelieveme，JanewasmarriedtoOldCheeseman。
Itsoonbecamequitearegularthingwhenourfellowswerehardatitintheplayground，toseeacarriageatthelowpartofthewallwhereitjoinsthehighpart，andaladyandgentlemanstandingupinit，lookingover。ThegentlemanwasalwaysOldCheeseman，andtheladywasalwaysJane。
ThefirsttimeIeversawthem，Isawtheminthatway。Therehadbeenagoodmanychangesamongourfellowsthen，andithadturnedoutthatBobTarter’sfatherwasn’tworthMillions！Hewasn’tworthanything。Bobhadgoneforasoldier，andOldCheesemanhadpurchasedhisdischarge。Butthat’snotthecarriage。Thecarriagestopped，andallourfellowsstoppedassoonasitwasseen。
"SoyouhaveneversentmetoCoventryafterall！"saidthelady，laughing，asourfellowsswarmedupthewalltoshakehandswithher。"Areyounevergoingtodoit？"
"Never！never！never！"onallsides。
Ididn’tunderstandwhatshemeantthen，butofcourseIdonow。I
wasverymuchpleasedwithherfacethough，andwithhergoodway，andIcouldn’thelplookingather——andathimtoo——withallourfellowsclusteringsojoyfullyaboutthem。
Theysoontooknoticeofmeasanewboy，soIthoughtImightaswellswarmupthewallmyself，andshakehandswiththemastherestdid。Iwasquiteasgladtoseethemastherestwere，andwasquiteasfamiliarwiththeminamoment。
"Onlyafortnightnow，"saidOldCheeseman，"totheholidays。Whostops？Anybody？"
Agoodmanyfingerspointedatme，andagoodmanyvoicescried"Hedoes！"Foritwastheyearwhenyouwereallaway；andratherlowI
wasaboutit，Icantellyou。
"Oh！"saidOldCheeseman。"Butit’ssolitaryhereintheholidaytime。Hehadbettercometous。"
SoIwenttotheirdelightfulhouse，andwasashappyasIcouldpossiblybe。Theyunderstandhowtoconductthemselvestowardsboys，THEYdo。Whentheytakeaboytotheplay，forinstance，theyDOtakehim。Theydon’tgoinafterit’sbegun，orcomeoutbeforeit’sover。Theyknowhowtobringaboyup，too。Lookattheirown！Thoughheisverylittleasyet，whatacapitalboyheis！
Why，mynextfavouritetoMrs。CheesemanandOldCheeseman，isyoungCheeseman。
So，nowIhavetoldyouallIknowaboutOldCheeseman。Andit’snotmuchafterall，Iamafraid。Isit？
NOBODY’SSTORY
Helivedonthebankofamightyriver，broadanddeep，whichwasalwayssilentlyrollingontoavastundiscoveredocean。Ithadrolledon，eversincetheworldbegan。Ithadchangeditscoursesometimes，andturnedintonewchannels，leavingitsoldwaysdryandbarren；butithadeverbeenupontheflow，andeverwastoflowuntilTimeshouldbenomore。Againstitsstrong，unfathomablestream，nothingmadehead。Nolivingcreature，noflower，noleaf，noparticleofanimateorinanimateexistence，everstrayedbackfromtheundiscoveredocean。Thetideoftheriversetresistlesslytowardsit；andthetideneverstopped，anymorethantheearthstopsinitscirclingroundthesun。
Helivedinabusyplace，andheworkedveryhardtolive。Hehadnohopeofeverbeingrichenoughtoliveamonthwithouthardwork，buthewasquitecontent，GODknows，tolabourwithacheerfulwill。
Hewasoneofanimmensefamily，allofwhosesonsanddaughtersgainedtheirdailybreadbydailywork，prolongedfromtheirrisingupbetimesuntiltheirlyingdownatnight。Beyondthisdestinyhehadnoprospect，andhesoughtnone。
Therewasover-muchdrumming，trumpeting，andspeech-making，intheneighbourhoodwherehedwelt；buthehadnothingtodowiththat。
SuchclashanduproarcamefromtheBigwigfamily，attheunaccountableproceedingsofwhichrace，hemarvelledmuch。Theysetupthestrangeststatues，iniron，marble，bronze，andbrass，beforehisdoor；anddarkenedhishousewiththelegsandtailsofuncouthimagesofhorses。Hewonderedwhatitallmeant，smiledinaroughgood-humouredwayhehad，andkeptathishardwork。
TheBigwigfamily（composedofallthestateliestpeoplethereabouts，andallthenoisiest）hadundertakentosavehimthetroubleofthinkingforhimself，andtomanagehimandhisaffairs。
"Whytruly，"saidhe，"Ihavelittletimeuponmyhands；andifyouwillbesogoodastotakecareofme，inreturnforthemoneyIpayover"——fortheBigwigfamilywerenotabovehismoney——"Ishallberelievedandmuchobliged，consideringthatyouknowbest。"Hencethedrumming，trumpeting，andspeech-making，andtheuglyimagesofhorseswhichhewasexpectedtofalldownandworship。
"Idon’tunderstandallthis，"saidhe，rubbinghisfurrowedbrowconfusedly。"ButitHASameaning，maybe，ifIcouldfinditout。"
"Itmeans，"returnedtheBigwigfamily，suspectingsomethingofwhathesaid，"honourandgloryinthehighest，tothehighestmerit。"
"Oh！"saidhe。Andhewasgladtohearthat。
But，whenhelookedamongtheimagesiniron，marble，bronze，andbrass，hefailedtofindarathermeritoriouscountrymanofhis，oncethesonofaWarwickshirewool-dealer，oranysinglecountrymanwhomsoeverofthatkind。Hecouldfindnoneofthemenwhoseknowledgehadrescuedhimandhischildrenfromterrificanddisfiguringdisease，whoseboldnesshadraisedhisforefathersfromtheconditionofserfs，whosewisefancyhadopenedanewandhighexistencetothehumblest，whoseskillhadfilledtheworkingman’sworldwithaccumulatedwonders。Whereas，hedidfindotherswhomheknewnogoodof，andevenotherswhomheknewmuchillof。
"Humph！"saidhe。"Idon’tquiteunderstandit。"
So，hewenthome，andsatdownbyhisfiresidetogetitoutofhismind。
Now，hisfiresidewasabareone，allhemmedinbyblackenedstreets；butitwasapreciousplacetohim。Thehandsofhiswifewerehardenedwithtoil，andshewasoldbeforehertime；butshewasdeartohim。Hischildren，stuntedintheirgrowth，boretracesofunwholesomenurture；buttheyhadbeautyinhissight。Aboveallotherthings，itwasanearnestdesireofthisman’ssoulthathischildrenshouldbetaught。"IfIamsometimesmisled，"saidhe，"forwantofknowledge，atleastletthemknowbetter，andavoidmymistakes。Ifitishardtometoreaptheharvestofpleasureandinstructionthatisstoredinbooks，letitbeeasiertothem。"
But，theBigwigfamilybrokeoutintoviolentfamilyquarrelsconcerningwhatitwaslawfultoteachtothisman’schildren。Someofthefamilyinsistedonsuchathingbeingprimaryandindispensableaboveallotherthings；andothersofthefamilyinsistedonsuchanotherthingbeingprimaryandindispensableaboveallotherthings；andtheBigwigfamily，rentintofactions，wrotepamphlets，heldconvocations，deliveredcharges，orations，andallvarietiesofdiscourses；impoundedoneanotherincourtsLayandcourtsEcclesiastical；threwdirt，exchangedpummelings，andfelltogetherbytheearsinunintelligibleanimosity。Meanwhile，thisman，inhisshorteveningsnatchesathisfireside，sawthedemonIgnorancearisethere，andtakehischildrentoitself。Hesawhisdaughterpervertedintoaheavy，slatternlydrudge；hesawhissongomopingdownthewaysoflowsensuality，tobrutalityandcrime；
hesawthedawninglightofintelligenceintheeyesofhisbabiessochangingintocunningandsuspicion，thathecouldhaveratherwishedthemidiots。
"Idon’tunderstandthisanythebetter，"saidhe；"butIthinkitcannotberight。Nay，bythecloudedHeavenaboveme，Iprotestagainstthisasmywrong！"
Becomingpeaceableagain（forhispassionwasusuallyshort-lived，andhisnaturekind），helookedabouthimonhisSundaysandholidays，andhesawhowmuchmonotonyandwearinesstherewas，andthencehowdrunkennessarosewithallitstrainofruin。ThenheappealedtotheBigwigfamily，andsaid，"Wearealabouringpeople，andIhaveaglimmeringsuspicioninmethatlabouringpeopleofwhateverconditionweremade——byahigherintelligencethanyours，asIpoorlyunderstandit——tobeinneedofmentalrefreshmentandrecreation。Seewhatwefallinto，whenwerestwithoutit。Come！
Amusemeharmlessly，showmesomething，givemeanescape！"
But，heretheBigwigfamilyfellintoastateofuproarabsolutelydeafening。Whensomefewvoiceswerefaintlyheard，proposingtoshowhimthewondersoftheworld，thegreatnessofcreation，themightychangesoftime，theworkingsofnatureandthebeautiesofart——toshowhimthesethings，thatistosay，atanyperiodofhislifewhenhecouldlookuponthem——therearoseamongtheBigwigssuchroaringandraving，suchpulpitingandpetitioning，suchmaunderingandmemorialising，suchname-callinganddirt-throwing，suchashrillwindofparliamentaryquestioningandfeeblereplying——
where"Idarenot"waitedon"Iwould"——thatthepoorfellowstoodaghast，staringwildlyaround。
"HaveIprovokedallthis，"saidhe，withhishandstohisaffrightedears，"bywhatwasmeanttobeaninnocentrequest，plainlyarisingoutofmyfamiliarexperience，andthecommonknowledgeofallmenwhochoosetoopentheireyes？Idon’tunderstand，andIamnotunderstood。Whatistocomeofsuchastateofthings！"
Hewasbendingoverhiswork，oftenaskinghimselfthequestion，whenthenewsbegantospreadthatapestilencehadappearedamongthelabourers，andwasslayingthembythousands。Goingforthtolookabouthim，hesoonfoundthistobetrue。Thedyingandthedeadweremingledinthecloseandtaintedhousesamongwhichhislifewaspassed。Newpoisonwasdistilledintothealwaysmurky，alwayssickeningair。Therobustandtheweak，oldageandinfancy，thefatherandthemother，allwerestrickendownalike。
Whatmeansofflighthadhe？Heremainedthere，wherehewas，andsawthosewhoweredearesttohimdie。Akindpreachercametohim，andwouldhavesaidsomeprayerstosoftenhisheartinhisgloom，buthereplied：
"Owhatavailsit，missionary，tocometome，amancondemnedtoresidenceinthisfoetidplace，whereeverysensebestoweduponmeformydelightbecomesatorment，andwhereeveryminuteofmynumbereddaysisnewmireaddedtotheheapunderwhichIlieoppressed！But，givememyfirstglimpseofHeaven，throughalittleofitslightandair；givemepurewater；helpmetobeclean；lightenthisheavyatmosphereandheavylife，inwhichourspiritssink，andwebecometheindifferentandcallouscreaturesyoutoooftenseeus；gentlyandkindlytakethebodiesofthosewhodieamongus，outofthesmallroomwherewegrowtobesofamiliarwiththeawfulchangethatevenitssanctityislosttous；and，Teacher，thenIwillhear——noneknowbetterthanyou，howwillingly——
ofHimwhosethoughtsweresomuchwiththepoor，andwhohadcompassionforallhumansorrow！"
Hewasatworkagain，solitaryandsad，whenhisMastercameandstoodneartohimdressedinblack。He，also，hadsufferedheavily。
Hisyoungwife，hisbeautifulandgoodyoungwife，wasdead；so，too，hisonlychild。
"Master，’tishardtobear——Iknowit——butbecomforted。Iwouldgiveyoucomfort，ifIcould。"
TheMasterthankedhimfromhisheart，but，saidhe，"Oyoulabouringmen！Thecalamitybeganamongyou。Ifyouhadbutlivedmorehealthilyanddecently，IshouldnotbethewidowedandbereftmournerthatIamthisday。"
"Master，"returnedtheother，shakinghishead，"Ihavebeguntounderstandalittlethatmostcalamitieswillcomefromus，asthisonedid，andthatnonewillstopatourpoordoors，untilweareunitedwiththatgreatsquabblingfamilyyonder，todothethingsthatareright。Wecannotlivehealthilyanddecently，unlesstheywhoundertooktomanageusprovidethemeans。Wecannotbeinstructedunlesstheywillteachus；wecannotberationallyamused，unlesstheywillamuseus；wecannotbuthavesomefalsegodsofourown，whiletheysetupsomanyoftheirsinallthepublicplaces。Theevilconsequencesofimperfectinstruction，theevilconsequencesofperniciousneglect，theevilconsequencesofunnaturalrestraintandthedenialofhumanisingenjoyments，willallcomefromus，andnoneofthemwillstopwithus。Theywillspreadfarandwide。Theyalwaysdo；theyalwayshavedone——justlikethepestilence。Iunderstandsomuch，Ithink，atlast。"
ButtheMastersaidagain，"Oyoulabouringmen！Howseldomdoweeverhearofyou，exceptinconnectionwithsometrouble！"
"Master，"hereplied，"IamNobody，andlittlelikelytobeheardof（noryetmuchwantedtobeheardof，perhaps），exceptwhenthereissometrouble。Butitneverbeginswithme，anditnevercanendwithme。AssureasDeath，itcomesdowntome，anditgoesupfromme。"
Therewassomuchreasoninwhathesaid，thattheBigwigfamily，gettingwindofit，andbeinghorriblyfrightenedbythelatedesolation，resolvedtounitewithhimtodothethingsthatwereright——atallevents，sofarasthesaidthingswereassociatedwiththedirectprevention，humanlyspeaking，ofanotherpestilence。
But，astheirfearworeoff，whichitsoonbegantodo，theyresumedtheirfallingoutamongthemselves，anddidnothing。Consequentlythescourgeappearedagain——lowdownasbefore——andspreadavenginglyupwardasbefore，andcarriedoffvastnumbersofthebrawlers。Butnotamanamongthemeveradmitted，ifintheleastdegreeheeverperceived，thathehadanythingtodowithit。
SoNobodylivedanddiedintheold，old，oldway；andthis，inthemain，isthewholeofNobody’sstory。
Hadhenoname，youask？PerhapsitwasLegion。Itmatterslittlewhathisnamewas。LetuscallhimLegion。
IfyouwereeverintheBelgianvillagesnearthefieldofWaterloo，youwillhaveseen，insomequietlittlechurch，amonumenterectedbyfaithfulcompanionsinarmstothememoryofColonelA，MajorB，CaptainsC，DandE，LieutenantsFandG，EnsignsH，IandJ，sevennon-commissionedofficers，andonehundredandthirtyrankandfile，whofellinthedischargeoftheirdutyonthememorableday。ThestoryofNobodyisthestoryoftherankandfileoftheearth。
Theybeartheirshareofthebattle；theyhavetheirpartinthevictory；theyfall；theyleavenonamebutinthemass。Themarchoftheproudestofus，leadstothedustywaybywhichtheygo。O！
LetusthinkofthemthisyearattheChristmasfire，andnotforgetthemwhenitisburntout。
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