首页
Painted Windows
书架
书页 | 目录
加书签

第2章
18671字

"Good-bye,Norah,"saidshe。

IsawNorahturnandrunupamongthetrees,almostasswiftlyandsilentlyasahare。Once,sheturnedtolookback。Iwaswatching,andcaughtthechancetowavemyhandtoher。

"Come!"commandedmother,andwewentbacktowherefatherwassit-

ting。

"Whatdoyouthink!"saidmother。

"IfoundthechildplayingwithoneoftheBadMadigans。Isn’tsheasight!"

Thelumpinmythroatswelledtoaterriblesize;somethingbuzzedinmyears,andIheardsomeoneweeping。

ForasecondortwoIdidn’trealisethatitwasmyself。

"Well,nevermind,dear,"saidmother’svoicesoothingly。"Thefrockwillwash,andthetearwillmend,andtheshoeswillblack。Yes,andthescratcheswillheal。"

"Itisn’tthat,"Isobbed。"Oh,oh,itisn’tthat!"

"Whatisit,then,forgoodnesssake?"askedmother。

ButIwouldnottell。Icouldnottell。HowcouldIsaythatthedaughteroftheBadMadiganswasthefirstrealandsatisfyingplaymateIhadeverhad?

IV

FAME

ASIremembertheboysandgirlswhogrewupwithme,Ithinkofthemasartists,oractors,ortravellers,orrichmerchants。Eachofus,bythetimewewerehalfthroughgrammarschool,hadselectedacareer。SofarasIrecollect,thiscareerhadverylit-

tletodowithourabilities。Wemerelychosesomethingthatsuitedus。Ourenergyandourvanitycrystallisedintoparticularshapes。TherewasasortofreligionabroadintheWestatthattimethatapersoncoulddoalmostanythinghesetouttodo。Theolderpeople,aswellasthechildren,hadanideathattheworldwastheirs——theyallwereMonteCristosinthatrespect。

Asforme,Ihaddecidedtobeanorator。

Atthetimeofmakingthisdecision,Iwasnineyearsofage,decidedlythinandlongdrawnout,withtwobrownbraidsdownmyback,andaterrificshynesswhichIoccasionallyovercamewithsuchamagnificentsplurgethatthosewhowerenotacquaintedwithmypeculiaritiesprobablythoughtmeashamefullyassertivechild。

Ibasedmyoratoricalaspirationsuponmyhavingtakentheprizeanum-

beroftimesinSunday-schoolforlearn-

ingthemostNewTestamentverses,anduponthefactthatIalwayscouldmakemyselfheardtothefarthestcor-

neroftheroom。IalsofeltthatIhadagreatmessagetodelivertotheworldwhenIgotaroundit,thoughinthis,I

wasinnowaydifferentfromseveralofmyfriends。Ihadnoticedanumberofthingsintheworldthatwerenotquiteright,andwhichIthoughtneededattention,andIbelievedthatifIwerequitegoodandstudiedelocution,inalittlewhileIshouldbeabletosetmypartoftheworldright,andperhapsevenextendmyinfluencetoadjoiningdistricts。

MeantimeIpractisedterriblevocalexercises,chieflyconsistingofarau-

cous"caw"somethinglikeacrow’sfavouriteremark,andadvocatedbymyteacherinelocutionfornoreasonthatIcannowremember;andIstoodbe-

foretheglassforhoursatatimemak-

inggrimacessoastoacquirethe"ac-

tor’sface,"tillmyfrightenedlittlesis-

tersimploredmetoturnbackintomy-

selfagain。

ItwasagreatdayformewhenI

wasaskedtoparticipateintheHarvestHomeFestivalatourchurchonThanksgivingDay。Ilookeduponitasthebeginningofmycareer,andboughtcrimpingpaperssothatmyhaircouldbeproperlyfluted。Ofcourse,Iwantedanewdressfortheoccasion,andI

spentseveraldaysinplanningthekindofaoneIthoughtbestsuitedtosuchamemorableevent。IevenpickedouttheparticularlacepatternIwantedfortheruffles。ThiswasbeforeIsubmittedthepropositiontoMother,however。WhenItoldheraboutitshesaidshecouldseenouseingettinganewdressandgoingtoallthetroubleofmakingitwhenmywhiteonewiththegreenharpswasperfectlygood。

Thiswassuchanunusualdressandhadgonethroughsomanyvicissitudes,thatIreallywasdevotedlyattachedtoit。Ithad,inthebeginning,belongedtomyAuntBess,andinthedaysofitsfirstgloryhadbeenasheerIrishlinenlawn,withtinygreenharpsonitatagreeableintervals。Butinthecourseoftime,ithadtobesenttothewash-tub,andthen,behold,allthelit-

tlelovelyharpsfollowedtheexampleoftheharpthat"oncethroughTara’shallthesoulofmusicshed,"anddis-

appeared!Onlyvague,dirty,yellowremindersoftheirbeautyremained,nottodecorate,buttodisfigurethefinefabric。

AuntBess,naturallyenough,feltir-

ritated,andshegavethegoodstomother,sayingthatshemightbeabletoboiltheyellowstainsoutofitandmakemeadress。Ihadgoneaboutmanyatime,likeloveamidtheruins,inthefragmentsofAuntBess’ssplen-

dour,andIwasnothappyinthethoughtofdanglingthesedimmedre-

mindersofIreland’spastaroundwithme。ButmothersaidshethoughtI’dhaveareallytrulywhiteSundaybestdressoutofitbythetimeshewasthroughwithit。Soshepreparedastrongsolutionofsodiumandthings,andboiledthebreadths,andeverylittlegreenharpcamedancingbackasifawaitingthehandofanewDublinpoet。

Thegreenofthemwasevenmorecharmingthanithadbeenatfirst,andI,ashappyasifIhadacquiredthegoldenharpforwhichIthenvaguelylonged,wenttoSunday-schoolallthatsummerinthismiraculousdressofnow-you-see-them-and-now-you-don’t,andbecamesousedtobeingaskedifI

wereIrishthatmyheartexultedwhenIfoundthatImight——fractionally——

claimtobe,andthatoneoftheFenianmartyrshadbeenanancestor。Forayear,even,afterthatdiscoveryoftheFenianmartyr,ancestorswereafa-

voritestudyofmine。

Well,thoughthedressbecamesome-

thingmorethanfamiliartotheeyesofmyassociates,IwassoattachedtoitthatIfeltnoobjectiontowearingitonthegreatoccasion;and,thatbe-

ingsettled,allthatremainedwastoselectthepiecewhichwastorevealmytalentstoahithertounappreciative——

or,perhapsIshouldsay,unsuspecting——groupoffriendsandrelatives。ItseemedtomethatIknewbetterthanmyteacher(whohadagreedtoselectthepiecesforherpupils)possiblycouldwhatsortofathingbestrepre-

sentedmytalents,andso,aftersomethought,Iselected"AntonyandCleo-

patra,"andasIlaggedalongthetoo-

familiarroadtoschool,avoidingthecompanionshipofmyacquaintances,I

repeated:

Iamdying,Egypt,dying!

Ebbsthecrimsonlife-tidefast,AndthedarkPlutonianshadowsGatherontheeveningblast。

SometimesIgrewsoimpassioned,soheedlessofallsavemymimicsorrowandtheswingofthepurplelines,thatIcouldnotbringmyselftomodifymyvoice,andthepassers-byheardmyshrilltonesvibratingwith:

Asforthee,star-eyedEgyptian!

GlorioussorceressoftheNile!

LightthepathtoStygianhorrorsWiththesplendourofthysmile。

Iwipeddishestotherhythmofsuchphrasesas"scarredandveteranle-

gions,"andlacedmyshoestothemusicof"Thoughnoglitteringguardssur-

roundme。"

Confidentthatnoonecouldfailtoseethebeautyoftheselines,orthepro-

prietyoftheidentificationofmyselfwithAntony,IcalleduponmySunday-

schoolteacher,MissGoss,toreport。I

neverhadthoughtofMissGossasablithespirit。Shewasassociatedinmymindwithnumeroussolemnoccasions,andIwassurprisedtofindthatonthisdaysheunexpectedlydevelopedatraitofbreakingintonervouslaughter。I

hadgotasfaras"Shouldthebaseple-

beianrabble——"whenMissGossbrokedowninwhatIcouldnotbutregardasafitofgiggles,andIceasedabruptly。

Shepulledherselftogetherafteramomentortwo,andsaidifIwouldfol-

lowhertothelibraryshethoughtshecouldfindsomething——hereshehesi-

tated,toconcludewith,"morewithintheunderstandingoftheotherchil-

dren。"Isawthatshethoughtmyfeel-

ingswerehurt,andasIpassedamir-

rorIfearedshehadsomereasontothinkso。Myfacewasuncommonlyflushed,andalookofindignationhadcrept,somehow,evenintomybraids,which,havingbeenplaitedtootightly,stuckoutincrooksandkinksfromthesideofmyhead。Incidentally,IwashorrifiedtonoticehowthinIwas——

thin,evenforadyingAntony——andmyfrockwassooutgrownthatithardlycoveredmyknees。"Ridiculous!"I

saidundermybreath,asIconfrontedthismiserablefigure——soshamefullyin-

significantforthevicariousemotionswhichithadbeenhousing。"Ridicu-

lous!"

IhatedMissGoss,andmusthaveshownitinmystonystare,forsheputherarmaroundmeandsaiditwasapityIhadbeentoallthetroubletolearnapoemwhichwas——well,atrifletoo——tooold——butthatshehopedtofindsomethingequally"pretty"formetospeak。AttheuseofthatadjectiveinconnectionwithWilliamLytle’slines,I

wrenchedawayfromhergraspandstoodinwhatIwaspleasedtothinkahaughtycalm,awaitingherdirections。

Shetookfromtheshelvesalittlevol-

umeofWhittier,boundincalf,hand-

lingitastenderlyasifitwereaprice-

lesspossession。Somepressedvioletsdroppedoutassheopenedit,andshereplacedthemwithdevotionalfingers。

Aftersometimeshedecideduponalyriclamententitled"Eva。"Iwasaskedtorunovertheverses,andfoundthemremarkablyeasytolearn;fatallyimpossibletoforget。Ipresentlyaroseandwithanimpishbetrayalofthepov-

ertyofrhymeandtheplethoraofsen-

timent,repeatedthethingrelentlessly。

Oforfaithlikethine,sweetEva,Lightingallthesolemnreevah[river],Andtheblessingsofthepoor,Waftingtotheheavenlyshoor[shore]。

"Idothink,"saidMissGossgently,"thatifyoutried,mychild,youmightmanagetherhymesjustalittlebetter。"

"Butifyou’reborninMichigan,"I

protested,"howcanyoupossiblymake’Eva’rhymewith’never’and’be-

liever’?"

"Perhapsitisalittlehard,"MissGossagreed,andstillclingingtoherWhittier,sheexhumed"ThePump-

kin,"whichshethoughtpreciselyfittedforourHarvestHomefestival。Thiswasquiteanotherthingfrom"Eva,"

andIsawthatonlyhoursofstudywouldfixitinmymind。Iwenttomyhome,therefore,with"ThePumpkin"

delicatelytranscribedinMissGoss’srunninghand,andItriedtogetsomecomfortfromtheforeignallusionsglit-

teringthroughWhittier’skindlyverse。

AsthedayswentbyIcametohaveacertainfondnessforthosehomelylines:

O——fruitlovedofboyhood!——theolddaysre-

calling,Whenwoodgrapeswerepurplingandbrownnutswerefalling!

Whenwild,uglyfaceswecarvedintheskin,Glaringoutthroughthedarkwithacandlewithin!

Whenwelaughedroundthecorn-heap,withheartsallintune,Ourchairabroadpumpkin——ourlanternthemoon,TellingtalesofthefairywhotravelledlikesteamInapumpkin-shellcoach,withtworatsforherteam!

Onallsidesthispoemwasconsideredveryfitting,andIwenttothefestivalwiththatcomfortablefeelingonehaswhenoneismovingwiththemajorityandiswearingone’sbestclothes。

Isatrigidwithexpectancywhilemyschoolmatesspoketheir"pieces"andsangtheirsongs。Withfrozenfacestheyfacedeachotherindialogues,losttheirquaveringvoices,andstumbleddownthestairsintheiranguishofspirit。Ipitiedthem,andthoughthowluckyitwasthatmymemoryneverfailedme,andthatmyvoicecarriedsowellthatIcouldarouseevenoldElderWaitefromhisslumbers。

Thenmyturncame。Mycrimpswerebeautiful;thegreenharpsdancedonmyfreshly-ironedfrock,andIhadonmynewchainandlocket。Irelieduponasortofmechanisminmetosay:

Ogreenlyandfairinthelandsofthesun,Thevinesofthegourdandtherichmelonrun。

InthisseemlymannerWhittier’sodetothepumpkinbegan。ImeanttogoontoverseswhichIknewwouldde-

lightmyaudience——toreferencestothe"crook-necks"ripeningundertheSep-

tembersun;andtoThanksgivinggath-

eringsatwhichallsmiledatthereun-

ionoffriendsandthebountyoftheboard。

Whatmoistensthelipandbrightenstheeye!

Whatcallsbackthepastliketherichpumpkinpie!

Iwassuretheselineswouldmeetwithapproval,andhaving"comedowntothepopulartaste,"Iwaspreparedtodomybesttoplease。

Afterafewseconds,whenthegoldenpumpkinsthatlinedthestagehadceasedtodancebeforemyeyes,I

thoughtIoughttobeginto"getholdofmyaudience。"Ofcourse,mymem-

orywouldbegivingmetherightwords,andmyfaciletonguerunningalongre-

liably,butIwishedtodemonstratethat"ability"whichwastobringmefa-

vourandfame。Ilistenedtomyownwordsandwasshiveredintosilence。I

wastalkingabout"darkPlutonianshadows";Iwasbegging"Egypt"toletherarmsenfoldme——Iwas,indeed,intheverythickoftheforbiddenpoem。

Icouldhearmythin,aspiringvoicereachingoutoverthatparalysedaudi-

encewith:

ThoughmyscarredandveteranlegionsBeartheireagleshighnomore;

AndmywreckedandscatteredgalleysStrewdarkActium’sfatalshore。

Mytongueseemedfrozen,orsomekindofaratchetatthebaseofithadgotoutoforder。Foramoment——amomentcanbethelittlesisterofeter-

nity——Icouldsaynothing。ThenI

foundmyselfintheclutchesofthein-

stinctforself-preservation。Ifeltitinmetostopthegigglesofthegirlsonthefrontseat;totakethepatronisingsmilesoutofthetoleranteyesofthegrownpeople。Maybemyvoicelostsomethingofitspipinginsistenceandwastouchedwithgenuinefeeling;per-

hapssomefaint,faintsparkofthedi-

vinefirewhichIlongedtofanintoaflamedidflickerinmeforthatonetime。

Ihadtheindescribablehappinessofseeingthesmilesdieonthefacesofmyelders,andofhearingthegigglesofmyfriendscease。

IwenttomyseatamidwhatIwaspleasedtoconsider"thundersofap-

plause,"andbywayofacknowledg-

ment,Ispoke,withchastenedpropri-

ety,Whittier’sodetothepumpkin。

IcannotrememberwhetherornotI

wasscolded。I’mafraid,afterward,somepeoplestilllaughed。Asforme,oddlyenough,myoratoricalaspira-

tionsdied。Idecidedtherewereothercareersbetterfittedtooneofmyphysique。SoIhadtogotothetroubleoffindinganothercareer;butjustwhatitwasIhaveforgotten。

V

REMORSE

ITisextraordinary,whenyoucometothinkofit,howveryfewdays,outofallthethousandsthathavepassed,lifttheirheadsfromthegreyplainoftheforgotten——likebowldersinalevelstretchofcountry。Itisnotalonetheunimportantonesthatarefor-

gotten;but,accordingtoone’selders,manyimportantoneshaveleftnomarkinthememory。Itseemstome,asI

thinkitover,thatitwasthedaysthataffectedtheemotionsthatdwellwithme,andIsupposeallofusmustbethesameinthisrespect。

AmongthosewhichIamnevertoforgetisthedaywhenAuntCordeliacametovisitus——mymother’saunt,shewas——andwhenIdiscoveredevil,andtriedtounderstandwhattheuseofitwas。

Great-auntCordeliawas,asIoftenandoftenhadbeentold,notonlymuchtravelled,richandhandsome,butgoodalso。Shewas,indeed,animportantpersonageinherowncity,anditseemedtoberegardedasanevidenceofunusualfamilyfealtythatsheshouldgoabout,nowandthen,brieflyvisitingallofherkinfolktoseehowtheyfaredintheworld。Ioughttohavelookedforwardtomeetingher,butthis,forsomeperversereason,Ididnotdo。IwishedImightrunawayandhidesomewheretillhervisitwasover。Itannoyedmetohavetocleanuptheplay-roomonheraccount,andtohelppolishthesilver,andtocomboutthefringeoftheteanapkins。I

likedtohelpinthesetasksordinarily,buttodoitforthepurposeofcominguptoavisiting——andprobably,acon-

descending——goddess,somehowmademecross。

Amongotherhardships,IhadtotakecareofmylittlesisterJulieallday。I

lovedJulie。Shehadsoftgolden-

browncurlsfuzzingaroundonherhead,andmischievousbrowneyes——

warm,extra-humaneyes。Therewasaplaceinthebackofherneck,justbelowthepointofhercurls,whichitwasaprivilegetokiss;andthoughshecouldnotyettalk,shehadathroaty,beauti-

fullittleexclamation,whichcannotbespelledanymorethanabirdnote,withwhichshegreetedallthethingssheliked——aflower,oratoy,ormother。

ButlovingJulieasshesatinmother’slap,andhavingtocareforherallofashiningSaturday,weretwoquitedif-

ferentthings。AsthehoursworealongIbecameboredwithlookingatthegoldencurlsofmybabysister;Ihadnoinclinationtokissthe"honey-spot"

inthebackofherneck;andwhenshefrettedfromheatandteethingandmyperfunctorycare,Igrewangry。

Iknewmotherwasbusymakingcus-

tardsandcakesforAuntCordelia,andIlongedtobeinwatchingthesepleas-

ingoperations。Ithought——butwhatdoesitmatterwhatIthought?Iwasbad!IwassobadthatIwasgladI

wasbad。Perhapsitwasnerves。May-

beIreallyhadtakencareofthebabytoolong。Buthoweverthatmaybe,forthefirsttimeinmylifeIenjoyedtheconsciousnessofhavingabaddisposi-

tion——orperhapsIoughttosaythatI

feltafiendishsatisfactioninthediscov-

erythatIhadone。

Alonginthemiddleoftheafternoonthreeofthegirlsintheneighbourhoodcameovertoplay。Theyhadtheirdolls,andtheywantedto"keephouse"

inthe"newpart"ofourhome。Wewerelivinginaroomyandcomfortable"addition,"whichhad,oddlyenough,beenbuiltbeforethebuildingtowhichitwasfinallytoserveasanannex。Thatistosay,ithadbeentheadditionbe-

foretherewasanythingtoadditto。

Bythistime,however,thenewhousewasgettingatrifleold,asitwaitedforthecompletionofitsratherdispropor-

tionatesplendours;splendourswhichrepresentedtheambitionsratherthantheachievementsofthefamily。Ittow-

ered,large,square,imposing,withhintsofM。Mansard’sgrandiosearchitectu-

ralideasinitsstyle,intheverycentreofavillageblockofland。Fromthefirst,itexercisedasortof"IdreamtI

dweltinmarblehalls"effectuponme,andinavagueway,atthebackofmymind,floatedtheideathatwhenwepassedfromourmodesthomeintothiscommandingedifice,well-trainedservantsmysteriouslywouldappear,beautifulgownswouldbefoundawait-

ingmyuseintheclosets,andfatherandmotherwouldbeabletotaketheirease,somethingafterthefashionofthe"landedgentry"ofwhomIhadreadinScotchandEnglishbooks。Theceil-

ingsofthenewhouseweresohigh,thesweepofthestairssodramatic,thesizeofthedrawing-roomssocopious,thatperhapsIhardlywastobeblamedforexpectingatransformationscene。

Butuntilthisnewlifewasrealised,theclean,bareroomsmadethebestofallpossibleplay-rooms,andwiththelightstreaminginthroughthetrees,andfalling,delicatelytingedwithgreen,uponthenewfloors,andwiththescentofthenewwoodallabout,itwasaplaceofindefinableenchantment。

IwasallowedtoplaythereallIpleased——exceptwhenIhadJulie。Therewereunguardedwindowsandyawningstair-

holes,andnostepsasyetleadingfromthegroundtothegreatopeningwherethecarvedfrontdoorwassometimetobe。Instead,therewereplanks,in-

clinedatasteepangle,beneathwhichlaythestonesofwhichthefoundationtotheporchweretobemade。Jaggedpiecesofyetunhewnsandstonetheywere,withcrueledges。

Butto-daywhenthegirlssaid,"Oh,come!"mynewlydiscoveredbadnessechoedtheirwords。Iwantedtogowiththem。SoIwent。

OutofthecornerofmyeyeIcouldseefatherinthedistance,butI

wouldn’tlookathimforfearhewouldbemagnetisedintoturningmyway。

Thegirlshadgoneup,andIfollowed,withJulieinmyarms。DidIhearfathercalltometostop?HealwayssaidIdid,butIthinkhewasmistaken。

PerhapsImerelydidn’twishtohearhim。Anyway,Iwenton,balancingmyselfasbestIcould。Theothergirlshadreachedthetop,andturnedtolookatus,andIknewtheywereafraid。I

thinktheywouldhaveheldouttheirhandstohelpme,butIhadbotharmsclaspedaboutJulie。SoIstaggeredon,gotalmosttothetop,thenseemedsub-

mergedbeneathawaveoffears——mineandthoseofthegirls——andfell!AsIwent,IcurledlikeasquirrelaroundJulie,andwhenIstruck,shewasstillinmygraspandontopofme。Butsherolledoutofmyrelaxingclutchafterthat,andwhenfatherandmothercamerunning,shewaslyingonthestones。

Theythoughtshehadfallenthatway,andasthebreathhadbeenfairlyknockedoutofherlittlebody,sothatshewasnotcrying,theyweremorefrightenedthanever,andranwithhertothehouse,wildwithapprehension。

Asforme,Igotupsomehowandfol-

owed。Idecidednoboneswerebroken,butIwasdizzyandfaint,andachingfrombruises。Isawmylittlefriendsrunningdowntheplankandmakingoffalongthepoplardrive,white-facedandpanting。IknewtheythoughtJuliewasdeadandthatI’dbehung。Ihadthesameidea。

Whenwegottothesitting-roomI

hadastrangefeelingofneverhavingseenitbefore。Thetallstove,thegreenandoakingraincarpet,thegreenrepchairs,thewhat-notwithitsshells,thesteelengravingsonthewalls,seemedabsolutelystrange。Isatdownandcountedthediamond-shapedfiguresontheoilclothinfrontofthestove;

andafteralongtimeIheardJuliecry,andmothersaywithimmeasurablere-

lief:

"Asidefromashakingup,Idon’tbelieveshe’sabittheworse。"

ThensomeonebroughtmeacupfulofcoldwaterandaskedmeifIwashurt。Ishookmyheadandwouldnotspeak。Ithenheard,insimpleandem-

phaticAnglo-Saxontheopinionsofmyfatherandmotheraboutagirlwhowouldputherlittlesister’slifeindan-

ger,andwoulddisobeyherparents。

AndafterthatIwasputinmymoth-

er’sbedroomtopasstherestoftheday,andwastoldIneedn’texpecttocometothetablewiththeothers。

Iacceptedmyfatestoically,andbe-

ingpermittedtocarrymyownchairintotheroom,Iputitbythewesternwindow,whichlookedacrosstwomilesofmeadowswavinginbuckwheat,incloverandgrass,andsatthereinacu-

rioustorporofspirit。Iwasgladtobealone,forIhaddiscoveredanewidea——theideaofsin。IwishedtobelefttomyselftillIcouldthinkoutwhatitmeant。IbelievedIcoulddothatbynight,and,afterIhadgottotherootofthematter,Icouldcastthewholeuglythingoutofmysoulandbegoodalltherestofmylife。

Therewasalargeupholsteredchairstandinginfrontofme,andIputmyheaddownontheseatofthatandthoughtandthought。MythoughtsreachedsofarthatIgrewfrightened,andIwasrelievedwhenIfeltthelittlesoftgreyveilsdrawingaboutmewhichIknewmeantsleep。ItseemedtomethatIreallyoughttoweep——thatthecircumstancesweresuchthatIshouldweep。Butsleepwassweeterthantears,andnotonlythepaininmymindbutthejarandbruiseofmybodyseemedtodemandthatoblivion。SoI

gavewaytotheimpulse,andthegreyveilswrappedaroundandaroundmeasaspider’swebenwrapsafly。AndforhoursIknewnothing。

WhenIawokeitwasthecloseofday。

Longtendershadowslayacrossthefields,theskyhadthatwonderfulclear-

nessandkindnesswhichislikeahu-

maneye,andthesoftwindpuffinginatthewindowwassweetwithfieldfragrance。Aglassofmilkandaplatewithtwoslicesofbreadlayonthewin-

dowsillbyme,asifsomeonehadplacedthemtherefromtheoutside。I

couldhearbirdssettlingdownforthenight,andcheepingdrowsilytoeachother。Mycatcameonthesceneand,seeingme,lookedatmewithserious,expandingeyes,twitchedherwhiskerscynically,andpassedon。PresentlyI

heardthevoicesofmyfamily。Theywerere-enteringthesitting-room。Sup-

perwasover——supper,withitscoldmeatsandshiningjellies,its"floatingisland"anditsfigcake。Icouldhearavoicethatwasnewtome。Itwasdeeperthanmymother’s,anditsac-

centwasdifferent。Itwasthesortofavoicethatmadeyoufeelthatitsownerhadtalkedwithmanydifferentkindsofpeople,andhadcontrivedtoholdherownwithallofthem。IknewitbelongedtoAuntCordelia。AndnowthatIwasnottoseeher,Ifeltmycuri-

osityarisinginme。Iwantedtolookather,andstillmoreIwishedtoaskheraboutgoodness。Shewasrichandgood!Wasonetheresultoftheother?

Andwhichcamefirst?Idimlyper-

ceivedthatiftherehadbeenmoremoneyinourhousetherewouldhavebeenmorehelp,andIwouldnothavebeenledintotemptation——babywouldnothavebeenlefttoolonguponmyhands。However,afterafewmomentsofself-pity,Irejectedthisthought。I

knewIreallywastoblame,anditoc-

curredtomethatIwouldaddtomyfaultsifItriedtoputtheblameonany-

bodyelse。

Nowthatthefirstshockwasoverandthatmysleephadrefreshedme,Ibe-

gantoseewhatterriblesorrowhadbeenmineifthefallhadreallyinjuredJulie;andasuddenthoughtshookme。

Shemight,afterall,havebeenhurtinsomewaythatwouldshowitselflateron。Iyearnedtolookuponher,toseeifallhersweetnessandsoftnesswasin-

tact。ItseemedtomethatifIcouldnotseehertherisinggriefinmewouldbreak,andIwouldsobaloud。Ididn’twanttodothat。Ihadnonotiontocallanyattentiontomyselfwhatever,butseethebabyImust。So,softly,andlikeathief,Iopenedthedoorcom-

municatingwiththelittledressing-

roominwhichJulie’scradlestood。Thecurtainhadbeendrawnanditwasal-

mostdark,butIfoundmywaytoJulie’sbassinet。Icouldnotquiteseeher,butthedelicateodourofherbreathcameuptome,andIfoundherlittlehandandslippedmyfingerinit。

Itwasgrippedinababypressure,andIstoodthereenraptured,feelingasifaflowerhadcaressedme。Iwasthrilledthroughandthroughwithhap-

piness,andwithloveforthislittlecrea-

ture,whommyselfishnessmighthavedestroyed。TherewasnothinginwhathadhappenedduringthismomentortwowhenIstoodbyhersidetoassuremethatallwaswellwithher;butIdidsobelieve,andIsaidoverandover:

"Thankyou,God!Thankyou,God!"

Andnowmytearsbegantoflow。

Theycameinastorm——astormIcouldnotcontrol,andIfledbacktomother’sroom,andstoodtherebeforethewestwindowweepingasIneverhadweptbefore。

Thequietlovelinessoftheclosingdayhadpassedintothesplendouroftheafterglow。Mightywingsasofbrightangels,pinkandshiningwhite,reachedupoverthesky。Thevaultwaspurpleaboveme,andpaledtolilac,thentogreenofunimaginabletenderness。

NowIquenchedmytearstolook,andthenIweptagain,weepingnomoreforsorrowandlonelinessandshamethanforgratitudeanddelightinbeauty。Sofairaworld!Whathadsintodowithit?Icouldnotmakeitout。

Theshiningwingsgrewpaler,faded,thendarkened;themelancholysoundofcow-bellsstoleupfromthecommon。

Thebirdswerestill;alowwindrustledthetrees。Isatthinkingmyyoung"nightthoughts"ofhowmarvellousitwasforthesuntoset,torise,tokeepitsplaceinheaven——ofhowwrappedaboutwithmysterieswewere。Whatiftheworldshouldstarttofallingthroughspace?Wherewoulditland?

Wasthereevenabottomtotheuni-

verse?"Worldwithoutend"mightmeanthattherewasneitheranendtospacenoryettotime。Ishiveredatthoughtofsuchvastness。

Suddenlylightstreamedaboutme,warmarmsenfoldedme。

"Mother!"Imurmured,andslippedfromtheunknowntothedearfamiliar-

ityofhershoulder。

Itwas,Isoonperceived,asilk-cladshoulder。Motherhadonherbestdress;nay,sheworehercoralpinandear-rings。HerlacecollarwasscentedwithJockeyClub,andherneck,intowhichIwasburrowing,hadtheinde-

scribablesomethingthatwasnotquiteodour,notallsoftness,butwascom-

poundedoftheseandmeantmother。

Shesaidlittletomeasshedrewmeawayandbathedmyface,brushedandplaitedmyhair,andputonmycleanfrock。Butwefelthappytogether。I

knewshewasasgladtoforgiveasI

wastobeforgiven。

Inalittlewhilesheledme,blinking,intothelight。Atallstranger,aladyinprune-colouredsilk,satinthehigh-

backedchair。

"Thisismyeldestgirl,AuntCor-

delia,"saidmymother。Iwentfor-

wardtimidly,wonderingifIwerereallygoingtobegreetedbythisper-

sonwhomusthaveheardsuchterriblereportsofme。Ifoundmyselfcaughtbythehandsanddrawnintotheem-

braceofthisnew,grandacquaintance。

"Well,I’vebeenwantingtoseeyou,"saidtherich,kindvoice。"TheysayyoulookasIdidatyourage。Theysayyouarelikeme!"

Likeher——whowasgood!Butnoonereferredtothisdifferenceorsaidanythingaboutmysins。Whenweweresorry,wasevil,then,forgottenandsinforgiven?Aweightasofirondroppedfrommyspirit。Isankwithasighonthehassockatmyaunt’sfeet。Iwasoncemoreamemberofsociety。

VI

TRAVEL

ITwastimetosaygood-bye。

Ihadbeendowntomylittlebrother’sgraveandwateredthesorrelthatgrewonit——Ithoughtitwassor-

row,andsotendedit;andIhadwalkedaroundthehouseandsaidgood-byetoeverywindow,andtotherobin’snest,andtomyplayhouseintheshed。I

hadputacleanribbononthecat’sneck,andkissedmydoll,andgivenpresentstomylittlesisters。Now,shiveringbe-

neathmynewgreyjacketinthechilloftheMaymorningair,Istoodreadytopartwithmymother。Shewasalittleflurriedwithhavingjustironedmypinaforesandcollars,andwithhav-

ingputthelasthookonmynewStuartplaidfrock,andshelookedmeoverwithratherananxiouseye。Asforme,Ithoughtmyclothescharming,andI

lovedthescarletquillinmygreyhat,andthesetofmynewshoes。Ihoped,aboveall,thatnoonewouldnoticethatIwastremblingandlayitdowntofear。

Ofcourse,Ihadbeenawaybefore。

ItwasnotthefirsttimeIhadlefteverythingtotakecareofitself。ButthistimeIwasgoingalone,andthatgaveratheradifferentaspecttothings。

Togointothecountryforafewdays,oreventoDetroit,inthecompanyofawatchfulparent,mightbecalleda"visit";buttogoalone,partlybytrainandpartlybystage,andtoarrivebyone’sself,amountedto"travel。"I

hadanauntwhohadtravelled,andI

feltthismorningthatloveoftravelraninthefamily。ProbablyevenAuntCordeliahadbeenatriflenervous,atfirst,whenshestartedoutforHa-

waii,say,orforEgypt。

MotherandIwerebothfearfulthatthedriverofthestation’bushadn’treallyunderstoodthathewastocall。

Firstshewouldaskfather,andthenI

wouldaskhim,ifhewasquitesurethemanunderstood,andfathersaidthatifthemancouldunderstandEnglishatall——andhesupposedhecould——hehadunderstoodthat。Fatherwasrightaboutit,too,forjustwhenwe——thatis,motherandI——werealmostgivingup,the’bushorsesswunginthebiggateandcamepoundingupthedrivebe-

tweentheLombardypoplars,whichwereoutintheiryellow-greenspringdress。Theywereabayteamwithayellowharnesswhichclinkedsplendidlywithbonerings,andthe’buswasasyellowasapumpkin,andshapednotunlikeone,sothatIgaveitmyinstantapproval。ItwaspreciselythesortofvehicleinwhichIwouldhavechosentogoaway。SoabsorbedwasIinitthat,thoughImusthavekissedmother,Ihavereallynorecollectionofit;anditwasonlywhenwewereswingingoutofthegate,andIlookedbackandsawherstandinginthedoorwatchingus,thataterriblepangcameoverme,sothatforonecrazymomentIthoughtIwasgoingtojumpoutandrunbacktoher。

ButIheldontofather’shandandturnedmyfaceawayfromhomewithallthecourageIcouldsummon,andwewentonthroughthetownandoutacrossalonelystretchofcountrytotherailroad。Forwewereanobstinatelit-

tletown,andwouldnotbuilduptotherailroadbecausetherailroadhadre-

fusedtorunuptous。Itwasanewstationwithafineechoinit,andthemanwhocalledoutthetrainshadabeautifulvoiceforechoes。Itwascre-

atedtoinspirethemandtoencouragethem,andIstoodfascinatedbythethunderousnoiseshewasmakingtillfatherseizedmebythehandandthrustmeintothecareofthetrainconductor。

Theysaidsomethingtoeachotherinthesharp,explosivewaymenhave,andtheconductortookmetoaseatandtoldmeIwashisgirlforthetimebe-

ing,andtostayrighttheretillhecameformeatmystation。

Whatamazedmewasthatthecarshouldbefullofpeople。Icouldnotimaginewheretheyallcouldbegoing。

Itwasallverywellforme,whobe-

longedtoafamilyoftravellers——aswit-

nessAuntCordelia——tobegoingonajourney,butfortheseothers,thesemany,manyothers,tobewanderingaround,heavenknowswhere,struckmeasbeingnotright。Itseemedtotakesomewhatfromthegloryofmyadven-

ture。

However,Inoticedthatmostofthemlookedpoor。Theirclotheswereoldandugly;theirfacesnotthoseofpleas-

ure-seekers。Itwasverydifficulttoimaginethattheycouldaffordajour-

ney,whichwas,asIbelieved,agreatluxury。Atfirst,thepeoplelookedtobeallofasort,butafteralittleIbe-

gantoseethedifferences,andtono-

ticethatthisonelookedhappy,andthatonesad,andanotherasifhehadmuchtodoandlikedit,andseveralothersasiftheyhadverylittleideawheretheyweregoingorwhy。

ButIlikedbettertolookfromthewindowsandtoseetheworld。ThehousesseemedquitefamiliarandasifIhadseenthemoftenbefore。IhardlycouldbelievethatIhadn’twalkedupthosepaths,openedthosedoorsandseatedmyselfatthetables。IfeltthatifIwentinthosehousesIwouldknowwhereeverythingwas——justwherethedisheswerekept,andtheBible,andthejam。Itstruckmethathouseswereverymuchalikeintheworld,andthatledtothethoughtthatpeople,too,wereprobablyalike。SoIforgotwhattheconductorhadsaidtomeaboutkeepingstill,andIcrossedovertheaisleandsatdownbesidealittlegirlwhowasregrettablyyoung,butwholookedpleasant。Hermotherandgrand-

motherweresittingopposite,andtheysmiledatmeinawaterysortofwayasiftheythoughtasmilewasexpectedofthem。Imeanttotalktothelittlegirl,butIsawshewasalmostonthevergeoftears,anditdidn’ttakemelongtodiscoverwhatwasthematter。

Herlittlepinkhatwasheldonbyanelasticband,which,beingputbehindherearsandunderherchin,wascut-

tinghercruelly。Iknewbyexperiencethatifthebandwereplacedinfrontofherearsthetensionwouldbelessened;

so,withthemostbenevolentintentionsintheworld,Iinsertedmyfingersbe-

tweentherubberandherchubbycheeks,drewitoutwithnervousbutfriendlyfingers,somehowletgoofit,andsnapacrosshertworedcheeksandherprettypugnosewentthelacerat-

ingelastic,leavingaweltbehindit!

"Whatdoyoumean,youbadgirl?"

criedthemother,takingmebytheshoulderswithasortofgripIhadneverfeltbefore。"Ineversawsuchachild——never!"

Anoldwomanwithafacelikeahenleanedoverthebackoftheseat。

"What’sshedone?What’sshedone?"shedemanded。Themothertoldher,asthegrandmothercomfortedthehurtbaby。

"Gobacktoyourseatandstaythere!"commandedthemother。"Seeyoudon’tcomenearhereagain!"

MylipstrembledwiththeanguishI

couldhardlyrestrain。Neverhadanoblesoulbeenmoremisunderstood。

Stupidbeings!Howdarethey!Yet,nottobelikedbythem——nottobeun-

derstood!Thatwasunendurable。

Wouldtheylistentothegentlewordthatturnethawaywrath?Iwasin-

clinedtothinknot。Iwasfairlypant-

ingundermyloadofdismayandde-

spondency,whenalargemanwithanextraordinarilycleanappearancesatdownoppositeme。Hewasastudyingrey——greysuit,tie,socks,gloves,hat,top-coat——yes,andeyes!Heleanedforwardingratiatingly。

"WhatdoyouthinkAuntEllensentmelastweek?"heinquired。

Weseemedtobeoldacquaintances,andinmysecondofperplexityIde-

cidedthatitwasmereforgetfulnessthatmademeunabletorecalljustwhomhewastalkingabout。SoIonlysaidpolitely:"Idon’tknow,I’msure,sir。"

"Why,yes,youdo!"helaughed。

"Couldn’tyouguess?WhatshouldAuntEllensendbutsomeofthatwhitemaplesugarofhers;betterthanever,too。I’veapoundofitalongwithme,andI’dbegladtopryoffafewpiecesifyou’dliketoeatit。YoualwaysweresofondofAuntEllen’smaplesugar,youknow。"

Thetonecarriedconviction。OfcourseImusthavebeenfondofit;

indeed,uponreflection,IfeltthatIhadbeen。Bythetimethemanwasbackwithaparallelogramofthemaplesugarinhishand,Iwasconvincedthathehadspokenthetruth。

"AuntEllencertainlyisadear,"hewenton。"IrundowntoseehereverytimeIgetachance。Sameoldrain-

barrel!Sameoldbeehives!Sameoldwell-sweep!Wouldn’ttradethemforanyothersintheworld。Ilikeevery-

thingabouttheplace——likethe’OldMan’thatgrowsbythegate;andthetomatotrellis——nobodyelsetreatsto-

matoeslikeflowers;andtheherbgar-

den,andthecupboardwiththelittlewood-carvingsinitthatUncleBenmade。YourememberUncleBen?

Beenasailor——brokebothlegs——had’emcutoff——andsataroundandcarvedwhileAuntEllentaughtschool。Happytheywere——noonehappier。Broughtmeup,youknow。Didn’thaveafatherormother——justgatheredmein。Goodsort,those。UncleBen’sgone,butAuntEllen’samothertomeyet。

Thinksofme,travelling,travelling,neverputtingmyheaddowninthesamebedtwonightsrunning;andhereandthereandeverywheresheovertakesmewithlittlescrapsoutofhome。That’sAuntEllenforyou!"

Asthedelicioussugarmeltedonmytongue,thesorrowsmeltedinmysoul,andIwasjustabouttomakesomein-

quiriesaboutAuntEllen,whoseper-

sonalqualitiesseemedtobegrowingclearerandclearerinmymind,whenmyconductorcamestridingdowntheaisle。

"Where’smylittlegirl?"hede-

mandedheartily。"Ah,theresheis,justwhereIlefther,ingoodcompanyandeatingmaplesugar,asIlive。"

"Well,shehain’tbinthereallthetimenow,Ikentellyethat!"criedtheoldwomanwithafacelikeahen。

"Indeed,sheain’t!"theotherwomenjoinedin。"She’samischief-

makin’child,that’swhatsheis!"saidthemother。Thelittlegirlwaslook-

ingoverhergrandmother’sshoulder,andsheranoutaveryred,serpent-

liketongueatme。

"She’sagoodgirl,andalmostasfondofAuntEllenasIam,"saidthelargeman,findingmypocket,andput-

tingahugepieceofmaplesugarinit。

Theconductor,meantime,wasgath-

eringmythings,andwitha"Comealong,now!Thisiswhereyouchange,"heledmefromthecar。I

glancedbackonce,andthehen-facedwomanshookherwitheredbrownfistatme,andthelargemanwavedandsmiled。TheconductorandIranashardaswecould,hecarryingmylightluggage,toastagethatseemedtobewaitingforus。Heshoutedsomedi-

rectionstothedriver,depositedmewithin,andranbacktohistrain。AndI,aloneagain,lookedaboutme。

Wewereintheheartofalittletown,andanumberofmenwerestandingaroundwhilethehorsestooktheirfillatthewatering-trough。Thisaccom-

plished,thedrivercheckedupthehorses,mountedtohishighseat,wasjoinedbyaheavyyoungman;twogen-

tlemenenteredtheinsideofthecoach,andwewereoff。

Oneofthesegentlemenwasveryold。

Hissilverhairhungonhisshoulders;

hehadabeautifulflowingheardwhichgleamedinthelight,thekindestoffaces,litwithlaughingblueeyes,andheleanedforwardonhisheavystickandseemedtomindtheplungingofourvehicle。Theothermanwasmid-

dle-aged,dark,silent-looking,and,I

decided,ratherlikeaking。Weallrodeinsilenceforawhile,butbyandbytheoldmansaidkindly:

"Whereareyougoing,mychild?"

Itoldhim。

"Andwhosedaughterareyou?"heinquired。Itoldhimthatwithpride。

"Iknowpeopleallthroughthestate,"

hesaid,"butIdon’tseemtorememberthatname。"

"Don’tyouremembermyfather,sir?"Icried,anxiously,edgingupclosertohim。"Notthatgreatandgoodman!Why,AbrahamLincolnandmyfatherarethegreatestmenthateverlived!"

Hisheadnoddedstrangely,ashelifteditandlookedatmewithhislaughingeye。

"It’sapityIdon’tknowhim,thatbeingthecase,"hesaidgently。"But,anyway,you’realuckylittlegirl。"

"Yes,"Isighed,"Iam,indeed。"

ButmyattentionwastakenbyourapproachtowhatIrecognisedasan"estate。"Agreatgatewithhighposts,flatontop,metmygaze,andthroughthisgatewayIcouldseeadriveandmanybeautifultrees。Alittleboywassittingontopofoneoftheposts,watchingus,andIthoughtIneverhadseenaplacebetteradaptedtoviewingthepassingprocession。Ilongedtobeontheothergatepost,exchangingconfi-

dencesacrosstheharmlessgulfwiththisnice-lookingboy,when,mostunex-

pectedly,thehorsesbegantoplunge。

Thenextsecondtheairwasfilledwithbuzzingblackobjects。

"Bees!"saidtheking。Itwasthefirstwordhehadspoken,andatrueworditwas。Swarmingbeeshadset-

tledintheroad,andwehaddrivenun-

awareintothemidstofthem。Thehorsesweredistracted,andmadeblind-

lyforthegate,thoughtheyseemedmuchmorelikelytorunintothepoststhantogetthroughthegate,Ithought。

Theboyseemedtothinkthis,too,forheshotbackward,turnedasomersaultin。theair,anddisappearedfromview。

"Godblessme!"saidtheking。

Theheavyyoungmanonthefrontseatjumpedfromhisplaceandbeganbeatingawaythebeesandholdingthehorsesbythebridles,andinafewmin-

uteswewereonourway。Thehorseshadbeenbadlystung,andtheheavyyoungmanlookedratherbumpy。Asforus,thekinghadshutthestagedooratthefirstapproachoftrouble,andwewereunharmed。

Afterthis,weallfeltquitewellac-

quainted,andtheoldgentlemantoldmesomewonderfulstoriesaboutgoingaboutamongtheIndiansandaboutthemeninthelumbercampsandtheset-

tlersonthelakeislands。AfterwardI

learnedthathewasabishop,andabraveandholymanwhomitwasagreathonourtomeet,but,atthetime,Ionlythoughtofhowkindhewastopareapplesformeandtotellmetales。

Thekingseldomspokemorethanonewordatatime,buthewaskind,too,inhisway。Oncehesaid,"Sleepy?"tome。And,again,"Hungry?"Hedidn’tlookoutatthelandscapeatall,andneitherdidthebishop。ButIranfromonesidetotheother,andthelastofthejourneyIwastakenupbetweenthedriverandtheheavymanonthehighseat。

Presentlywewereinalittletownwithcottagesalmosthiddenamongthetrees。Abluestreamranthroughgreenfields,andthewaterdashedoveradam。Icouldhearthesongofthemillandtherippingoftheboards。

"We’rehere!"saidthedriver。

Theheavymanliftedmedown,andmyyoungunclecamerunningoutwithhisarmsopentoreceiveme。"Whatatraveller!"hesaid,kissingme。

"It’sbeenatremendouslylongandinterestingjourney,"Isaid。

"Yes,"heanswered。"Tenmilesbyrailandtenbystage。Isupposeyou’vehadagreatmanyadventures!"

"Oh,yes!"Icried,andachedtotellthem,butfearedthiswasnottheplace。

Isawmyunclerespectfullyhelpingthebishoptoalight,andheardhiminquir-

ingforhishealth,andthebishopan-

sweringinhiskind,deepvoice,andsayingIwasindeedagoodtravellerandsawalltherewastosee——andalit-

tlemore。Thekingshookhandswithme,andthistimesaidtwowords:

"Goodluck。"Unclehadnoideawhohewas——noonehadseenhimbefore。

Uncledidn’tquitelikehislooks。ButIdid。Hewasuncommon;hewasdif-

ferent。Ithoughtofallthosepeopleinthetrainwhohadbeensoalike。AndthenIrememberedwhatunexpecteddifferencestheyhadshown,andturnedtosmileatmyuncle。

"IshouldsayIhavehadadven-

tures!"Icried。

"We’llgethometoyouraunt,"hesaid,"andthenwe’llhearallaboutthem。"

Wecrossedabridgeabovetheroar-

ingmill-race,wentupalane,anden-

teredArcadia。Thatwasthewayitseemedtome。Itwasreallyacottageaboveastream,whereyouthandlovedwelt,andhonourandhospitality,andthelittlehousewastobeexchangedforagreateronewhere——thoughyouthde-

parted——loveandhonourandhospital-

itywerestilltodwell。

"Travel’sagreatthing,"saidmyuncle,ashehelpedmeoffwithmyjacket。

"Yes,"Ianswered,solemnly,"itisagreatprivilegetoseetheworld。"

Istillamofthatopinion。Ihaveseensomeoddbitsofit,andIcannotunderstandwhyitisthatotherjour-

neyshavenotquitecomeuptothatfirstone,whenIheardofAuntEllen,andsawtheboyturnthesurprisedsomersault,andwaswelcomedbytwoloversinalittleArcadia。

【推荐阅读】幽幽深宫,醒来一梦似千年,重生于下堂妃身躯中的她,将如何手刃仇人? 点击阅读

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