TheSchoolThatCompletesOurEducation"Hethatovercomethshallinheritallthings;andIwillbehisGod，andheshallbemyson"——Revelation21：7。
"Sweetaretheusesofadversity;
Which，likethetoad，uglyandvenomous，Wearsyetapreciousjewelinhishead;
Andthusourlife，exemptfrompublichaunt，Findstonguesintrees，booksinrunningbrooksSermonsinstones，andgoodineverything。"
ShakespeareWhyItIsPrintedMOREthanamillionpeoplehavesatinaudiencesinallpartsoftheUnitedStatesandhavelistenedto"TheUniversityofHardKnocks。"Ithasbeendeliveredtodatemorethantwenty-fivehundredtimesuponlyceumcourses，atchautauquas，teachers’
institutes，clubgatherings，conventionsandbeforevariousotherkindsofaudiences。RalphParletteiskeptbusyyearafteryearlecturing，becausehislecturesdealwithuniversalhumanexperience。
"CanIgetthelectureinbookform？"Thatcontinuousquestionfromaudiencesbroughtoutthisbookinresponse。Hereistheoverflowofmanydeliveries。
"WhatiswrittenhereisnotthewayIwouldwriteit，wereI
writingabook，"saysRalphParlette。"ItisthewayIsayit。Thelecturetookthisunconsciouscolloquialformbeforeaudiences。Anaudiencemakesalecture，ifthelecturesurvives。IwishIcouldshakethehandofeverypersonwhohassatinmyaudiences。AndI
wishIcouldtellthelecturecommitteesofAmericahowI
appreciatethevastamountofaltruisticworktheyhavedoneinbringingtheaudiencesofAmericatogether。Forlectureaudiencesarenotdrawntogether，theyarepushedtogether。"
Thewarmreceptiongiven"TheUniversityofHardKnocks"bythepublic，hasencouragedthepublisherstoputmoreofMr。Parlette’slecturesintobookform，"BigBusiness"and"PocketsandParadises"
arenowinpreparationasthis，thethirdeditionof"TheUniversityofHardKnocks"comesfromthepress。
ContentsSOMEPRELIMINARYREMARKS——Thelecturerthedeliverywagon——Thesorghumbarrel——Audiencemusthaveplacetoputlecture——WhysomanywordsTheUniversityofHardKnocksI。THEBOOKSAREBUMPS——Everybumpalesson——Whythetwokindsofbumps——DescriptionofUniversity——"SweetaretheusesofAdversity"——WhychildrenarenotinterestedII。THECOLLEGEOFNEEDLESSKNOCKS，thebumpsthatwebumpinto——Gettingthecoffee-pot——Teachingawilfulchild——Bumpsmakeus"stop，look，listen"——Blindmanlearnswithonebump——Goinguprequireseffort——Prodigalsmustbebumped——Theflyandthestickyfly-paper——"Removed"and"knockedout"
III。THECOLLEGEOFNEEDFULKNOCKS，thebumpsthatbumpintous——Oursorrowsanddisappointments——Howthepianowasmade——Howthe"redmud"becomesrazor-blades——Theworldourmirror——Thecrippletaughtbythebumps——Everybumpbringsablessing——YouareneverdownandoutIV。"SHAKETHEBARREL"——Howwedecideourdestinies——Whythebigonesshakeupandthelittleonesshakedown——Thebarreloflifesortingpeople——Howweholdourplaces，godown，goup——Goodluckandbadluck——Thegirlwhowentup——Themanwhowentdown——Thefatalrattle——Wemustgetreadytoget——Testimonialsandpressnotices——Youcannotupliftpeoplewithderrick——Nolawscanequalize——Helppeopletohelpthemselves——WecannotgetthingstillwegetreadyforthemV。GOINGUP——Howwebecomegreat——Wemustgetinsidegreatness——
Thereisnotop——Wemakeourselvesgreatbyservice——thefirststepathand——Allcanbegreatest——Wheretofindgreatpeople——AglimpseofGunsaulusVI。THEPROBLEMOF"PREPAREDNESS"——Preparingchildrenforlife——Most"advantages"aredisadvantages——Buyingeducationforchildren——Thestoryof"Gussie"and"BillWhackem"——Schoolsandbooksonlygivebettertoolsforservice——"Hardknocks"graduates——
MenaceofAmericanotswollenfortunesbutshrunkensouls——
Childrenmusthavestruggletogetstrength——Notpackhorsework——
Helpingtheturkeyskilledthem——thehappinessofworkwelove——
Amusementdrunkards——Lureofthecity——Strongmenfromthecountry——
Mustsavethehometowns——Aschoolofstruggle——NewSchoolexperimentVII。THESALVATIONOFA"SUCKER"——Youcan’tgetsomethingfornothing——Thefiddleandthetuning——Howweknowthings——Trimmedattheshellgame——My"fooldrawer"——Getting"selectedtoreceive1，000percent"——Youmustearnwhatyouown——Commencementorations——Mymaidensermon——Thebooksthatlivehavebeenlived——Singermustlivesongs——Successfulsongswrittenfromexperience——Theoryandpractice——TuningthestringsoflifeVIII。LOOKINGBACKWARD——Memoriesofthepricewepay——Myfirstschoolteaching——Loaningthedeaconmymoney——Callingtherollofmyschoolmates——AtthegraveoftheboyIhadenvied——WhyBenHurwonthechariotrace——PullingontheoarIX。GOONSOUTH！——Thebookintherunningbrook——TheMississippikeepsongoingsouthandgrowinggreater——Wegenerallystartwell，butstop——Fewgoonsouth——Theplagueofincompetents——Todayourbestday，tomorrowtobebetter——Birthdaysarepromotions——Iamjustbeginning——Bernhardt，Davis，Edison——Mosesbeginsateighty——Toobusytobury——Sympathyforthe"sobsquad"——Childseesworstdays，notbest——Waitingforthesecondtable——Betterdaysonsouth——Overcomingobstaclesdevelopspower——Goonsouthfromprinciple，notpraise——Doingdutyforthejoyofit——Becomingthe"FatherofWaters"——Goonsouthforever！
X。GOINGUPLIFE’SMOUNTAIN——Thedefeatsthatarevictories——
ClimbingMountLowe——Gettingabovethecloudsintothesunshine——
Eachdaywerisetolargervision——Gettingabovethenightintotheeternalday——GoingsouthisgoingupwardSomePreliminaryRemarksLADIESandGentlemen：
Idonotwanttobeseeninthislecture。Iwanttobeheard。Iamonlythedeliverywagon。Whenthedeliverywagoncomestoyourhouse，youarenotmuchinterestedinhowitlooks;youareinterestedinthegoodsitbringsyou。Youknowsomeverygoodgoodsaresometimesdeliveredtoyouinsomeverypoordeliverywagons。
Sointhislecture，pleasedonotpayanyattentiontothedeliverywagon——howmuchitsqueaksandwheezesandrattlesandwabbles。Donotpaymuchattentiontothewrappingsandstrings。Getinsidetothegoods。
Really，Ibelievethegoodsaregood。IbelieveIamtorecitetoyousomeofthemultiplicationtableoflife——notmine，notyoursalone，buteverybody’s。
CanOnlyPullthePlug！
Everyaudiencehasadifferenttemperature，andthatmakesalecturegodifferentlybeforeeveryaudience。Thekindofanaudienceisjustasimportantasthekindofalecture。Acoldaudiencewillmakeagoodlecturepoor，whileawarmaudiencewillmakeapoorlecturegood。
Letmeillustrate：
WhenIwasaboywehadabarrelofsorghuminthewoodshed。Whenmotherwantedtomakeginger-breadorcookies，shewouldsendmetothewoodshedtogetabucketofsorghumfromthatbarrel。
SomewarmSeptemberdayIwouldpulltheplugfromthebarrelandthesorghumwouldfairlysquirtintomybucket。Laterinthefallwhenitwascolder，Iwouldpulltheplugbutthesorghumwouldnotsquirt。Itwouldcomeoutslowlyandreluctantly，sothatIwouldhavetowaitalongwhiletogetalittlesorghum。AndonsomerealcoldwinterdayIwouldpulltheplug，butthesorghumwouldnotrunatall。Itwouldjustlookoutatme。
Idiscovereditwasthetemperature。
Ihavebroughtabarrelofsorghumtothisaudience。Thenameofthesorghumis"TheUniversityofHardKnocks。"Icanonlypulltheplug。Icannotmakeitrun。Thatwilldependuponthetemperatureofthisaudience。Youcanhaveallyouwantofit，buttogetittorunningfreely，youwillhavetowarmup。
DidYouBringaBucket？
Nomatterhowthesorghumruns，youhavetohaveabuckettogetit。Howmuchanyonegetsoutofalecturedependsalsouponthesizeofthebuckethebringstogetitin。Abigbucketcangetfilledataverysmallstream。Alittlebucketgetslittleatthegreateststream。WithnobucketyoucangetnothingatNiagara。
Thatoftenexplainswhyonepersonsaysalectureisgreat，whilethenextpersonsayshegotnothingoutofit。
WhatIt’sAllAboutHereisagreatmassofwordsandsentencesandpicturestoexpresstwoorthreesimplelittleideasoflife，thatoureducationisourgrowingupfromtheFinitetotheInfinite，andthatitisdonebyourownpersonalovercoming，andthatweneverfinishit。
Haveyounoticedthatnosentence，noramillionsentences，canboundlife？Haveyounoticedthateverystatementdoesnotquitecoverit？Nostatement，nolibrary，cantellallaboutlife。Nosuccessrulecanalonesolvetheproblem。Youmustaverageitallandstruggleuptoahighervision。
Wearetoldthatthestomachneedsbulkaswellasnutriment。Itwouldnotprosperwiththenecessaryelementsintheircondensedform。Soabstracttruthsintheirlowesttermsdonotalwayspromotementaldigestionlikemorebulkinthewayofpicturesanddiscussionsofthesetruths。Hereisbulkaswellasnutriment。
Ifyougetthefeelingthatthefirstpersonalpronounisbeingoverworked，Iremindyouthatthisismoreaconfessionthanalecture。Youcannotconfesswithoutreferringtotheconfesser。
ToEverybodyinMyAudienceIlikeyoubecauseIamlikeyou。
IbelieveinyoubecauseIbelieveinmyself。Weareallonefamily。IbelieveinyourInside，notinyourOutside，whoeveryouare，whateveryouare，whereveryouare。
IbelieveintheAngelofGoodinsideeveryblockofhumanmarble。
IbelieveitmustbecarvedoutinTheUniversityofHardKnocks。
Ibelieveallthispride，vanity，selfishness，self-righteousness，hypocrisyandhumanfrailtyaretheOutsidethatmustbechippedaway。
IbelievetheHardKnockscannotinjuretheAngel，butcanonlyrevealit。
IhopeyouaregettingyourHardKnocks。
Icarelittleaboutyourgloriousoringloriouspast。Icarelittleaboutyourpresent。IcaremuchaboutyourfutureforthatistoseemoreoftheAngelinyou。
TheUniversityofHardKnocksChapterI
TheBooksAreBumpsTHEgreatestschoolistheUniversityofHardKnocks。Itsbooksarebumps。
Everybumpisalesson。Ifwelearnthelessonwithonebump，wedonotgetthatbumpagain。Wedonotneedit。Wehavetraveledpastit。Theydonotwastethebumps。Wegetpromotedtothenextbump。
Butifweare"naturallybright，"orthereissomethingelsethematterwithus，sothatwedonotlearnthelessonofthebumpwehavejustgotten，thenthatbumpmustcomebackandbumpusagain。
Someofuslearntogoforwardwithafewbumps，butmostofusare"naturallybright"andhavetobepulverized。
ThetuitionintheUniversityofHardKnocksisnotfree。
Experienceisthedearestteacherintheworld。MostofusspendourlivesintheA-B-C’sofgettingstarted。
Wematriculateinthecradle。
Wenevergraduate。Whenwestoplearningwearedueforanotherbump。
Therearetwokindsofpeople——wisepeopleandfools。Thefoolsarethepeoplewhothinktheyhavegraduated。
TheplaygroundisallofGod’suniverse。
Theuniversitycolorsareblackandblue。
Theyellis"ouch"repeatedadlib。
TheNeedoftheBumpsWhenIwasthirteenIknewagreatdealmorethanIdonow。Therewasasentenceinmygrammarthatdisgustedme。ItwasbysomeforeignerIhadnevermet。HisnamewasShakespeare。Itwasthis：
"Sweetaretheusesofadversity;
Which，likethetoad，uglyandvenomous，Wearsyetapricelessjewelinitshead;
Andthusourlife，exemptfrompublichaunt，Findstonguesintrees，booksinrunningbrooks，Sermonsinstones，andgoodineverything。"
"Tonguesintrees，"Ithought。"Treescan’ttalk！Thatmaniscrazy。Booksinrunningbrooks！Whynobodyneverputsnobooksinnorunningbrooks。They’dgetwet。Andthatsermonsinstones！Theygetpreacherstopreachsermons，andtheybuildhousesoutofstones。"
IwassorryforShakespeare——whenIwasthirteen。
ButIamhappytodaythatIhavetraveledalittlefarther。IamhappythatIhavebeguntolearnthelessonsfromthebumps。IamhappythatIamlearningthesweetthopainfullessonsoftheUniversityofAdversity。IamhappythatIambeginningtolisten。
ForasIlearntolisten，Iheareverytreespeaking，everystonepreachingandeveryrunningbrooktheunfoldingofabook。
Children，Ifearyouwillnotbegreatlyinterestedinwhatistofollow。
Perhapsyouare"naturallybright"andfeelsorryforShakespeare。
Iwasnotinterestedwhenfatherandmothertoldmethesethings。
Iknewtheymeantallright，buttheworldhadmovedsincetheywereyoung，andnowtwoandtwomadeseven，becausewelivedsomuchfaster。
Itissohardtotellyoungpeopleanything。Theyknowbetter。Sotheyhavetogetbumpedjustwherewegotbumped，tolearnthattwoandtwoalwaysmakesfour，and"whatsoeveramansoweth，thatshallhealsoreap。"
Butifyouwillremembersomeofthesethings，theywillfeellikepoulticesbyandbywhenthebumpscome。
TheTwoCollegesAswegetbumpedandbatteredonlife’spathway，wediscoverwegettwokindsofbumps——bumpsthatweneedandbumpsthatwedonotneed。
Bumpsthatwebumpintoandbumpsthatbumpintous。
Wediscover，inotherwords，thatTheUniversityofHardKnockshastwocolleges——TheCollegeofNeedlessKnocksandTheCollegeofNeedfulKnocks。
Weattendbothcolleges。
ChapterII
TheCollegeofNeedlessKnocksTheBumpsThatWeBumpIntoNEARLYallthebumpswegetareNeedlessKnocks。
TherecomesavividmemoryofoneofmyearlyNeedlessKnocksasI
saythat。ItwasbackatthetimewhenIwastryingtorunourhometosuitmyself。Isatinthehighestchairinthefamilycircle。I
wasthreeyearsoldandreadytograduate。
Thatdaytheyhadthelittlejoyandsunshineofthefamilyinhishigh-chairthronerightupbesidethedinnertable。Thecoffee-potwaswithingrabbingdistance。
Ibecameenamoredwiththatcoffee-pot。IdecidedIneededthatcoffee-potinmybusiness。Ireachedovertogetthecoffee-pot。
ThenIdiscoveredawomanbesideme，mymother。ShewasthemostmeddlesomewomanIhadeverknown。Ihadnottriedtodoonethinginthreeyearsthatthatwomanhadnotmeddledinto。
AndthatdaywhenIwantedthecoffee-pot——Ididwantit。NobodyknowshowIdesiredthatcoffee-pot。"Onethingthoulackest，"acoffee-pot——
Iwasreachingovertogetit，thatwomansaid，"Don’ttouchthat！"
ThelongerIthoughtaboutitthemoreangryIbecame。Whatrighthasthatwomantomeddleintomyaffairsallthetime？Ihavestoodthispetticoattyrannythreeyears，anditistimetostopit！
Istoppedit。Igotthecoffee-pot。IknowIgotthecoffee-pot。I
gotitunanimously。IknowwhenIgotitandIalsoknowwhereI
gotit。Igotaboutagallonofthereddest，hottestcoffeeabadboyeverspilledoverhimself。
O-o-o-o-o-o！Icanfeelityet！
TherewereweeksafterthatwhenIwasupholstered。Theyputapplebutteronme——andcoaloilandwhite-of-an-eggandstarchandanythingelsetheneighborscouldthinkof。Theywouldbringitoverandrubitonthelittlejoyandsunshineofthefamily，whohadgottentemporarilyeclipsed。
TeachingaWilfulChildYousee，mymother’swaywastotellmeandthenletmedoasI
pleased。Shetoldmenottogetthecoffee-potandthenletmegetit，knowingthatitwouldburnme。Shewouldsay，"Don’t。"ThenshewouldgoonwithherknittingandletmedoasIpleased。
Whydon’tmothersknittoday？
Motherwouldsay，"Don’tfallinthewell。"Icouldgoandjumpinthewellafterthatandshewouldnotlookatme。Idonotarguethatthisisthewaytoraisechildren，butIinsistthatthiswasthemostkindandeffectivewaytorearonestubbornboyIknowof。
Theneighborsandtheladies’aidsocietyoftensaidmymotherwascruelwiththatangelchild。Buttheneighborsdidnotknowwhatkindofaninsectmotherwastryingtoraise。Motherdidknow。Sheknewhowstubbornandself-willedIwas。Itcamefromfather’s"sideofthehouse。"
Motherknewthattoarguewithmewastoflatterme。Tellme，servenoticeuponme，andthenletmegoaheadandgetmycoffee-pot。
Thatwasthequickestandkindestwaytoteachme。
IlearnedveryquicklythatifIdidnothearmother，andheed，acoffee-potwouldspilluponme。IcannotrememberwhenIdisobeyedmymotherthatacoffee-potofsomekinddidnotspilluponme，andI
gotmyblisters。Motherdidnotinflictthem。Motherwasnotmuchofaninflicter。Fatherattendedtothatinthelaboratorybehindtheparsonage。
"Stop，Look，Listen"
AndthruthebumpswelearnthatTheCollegeofNeedlessKnocksrunsonthesameplan。TheVoiceofWisdomsaystoeachofus，"Childofhumanity，doright，walkintherightpath。Youwillbewiserandhappier。"Thetonguesinthetrees，thebooksintherunningbrooksandthesermonsinthestonesallrepeatit。
Butwearenotcompelledtowalkintherightpath。Wearefreeim-moralagents。
Wegetofftherightpath。Wegodownforbiddenpaths。Theyseemeasierandmoreattractive。Itissoeasytogodownward。Weslidedownward，butwehavetomakeefforttogoupward。
Anythingthatgoesdownwardwillrunitself。Anythingthatgoesupwardhastobepushed。
Andgoingdownthewrongpath，wegetbumpedharderandharderuntilwelisten。
Weareluckyifwelearnthelessonwithonebump。Weareunluckywhenwegetbumpedtwiceinthesameplace，foritmeanswearemakingnoprogress。
Whenwearebumped，weshould"stop，look，listen。""Safetyfirst！"
OnetimeIpaidaseeresstwodollarstolookintomyhonestpalm。
Shesaid，"Ithain’tyourfault。Youwasn’tbornright。Youwasbornunderanunluckystar。"Youdon’tknowhowthatcomfortedme。
Itwasn’tmyfault——allmybumpsandcoffee-pots！Iwasjustunluckyandithadtobe。
HowIhadtobebumpedtolearnbetter！NowwhenIgetbumpedItrytolearnthelessonofthebumpandfindtherightpath，sothatwhenIseethatbumpcomingagainIcansay，"Excuseme;ithathafamiliarlook，"anddodgeit。
Theseeressisthesoothingsyrupformentalinfants。
BlindMan’sFineSightTheotherdayIwatchedablindmangodowntheaisleofthecartogetoffthetrain。Didyoueverstudythewalkofablindman？He"pussyfooted"italongsocarefully。Hebumpedhishandagainstaseat。Thenhedidwhateveryblindmandoes，heliftedhishandhigheranddidn’tbumpanymoreseats。
Ilookeddownmynose。"RalphParlette，"Isaidtomyself，"whenareyougoingtolearntoseeaswellasthatblindman？Helearnshislessonwithonebump，andyouhavetogobumpingintothesamethingsdayafterdayandwonderwhyyouhavesomuch`badluck’！"
AreYouGoingUporDown？
Letmerepeat，thingsthatgodownwardwillrunthemselves。Thingsthatgoupwardhavetobepushed。Goingupwardisovercoming。
Noticethatchurches，schools，lyceums，chautauquas，reformmovements——thingsthatgoupward——neverrunthemselves。Theymustbepushedallthetime。
Andsowithourownlives。Reallivingisconsciousefforttogoupwardtolargerlife。
Ifyouaremakingnoeffortinyourlife，ifyouaremovinginthelineofleastresistance，dependuponityouaregoingdownward。
Lookoutforthebumps！
Lookoveryourcommunity。Notethehandfulofbrave，faithful，unselfishsoulswhoarecarryingthecommunityburdensandpushingupward。Notethemultitudemakinglittleornoeffort，andevengettinginthewayofthepushers。
Majoritiesdonotrule。Majoritiesneverhaveruled。Itisthebraveminorityofthinking，self-sacrificingpeoplethatdecidesthetomorrowofcommunitiesthatgoupward。Majoritiesarenotwillingtomaketheefforttorulethemselves。Theyarecontenttodriftandbeamusedandfollowfalsegodsthatpromisesomethingfornothing。Theymustbeled——sometimesdriven——byminorities。
Peoplearelikesheep。Theshepherdcanleadthemtoheaven——ortohell。
BumpingtheProdigalsHumanlifeisthestoryoftheProdigalSon。Welookoverthefenceofgoodnessintothemysteryofthegreatunknownworldbeyondandinthatunknownrealmwefondlyimagineishappiness。
Downthegreatwhitewayoftheworldgothemillionprodigals，seekinghappinesswherenobodyeverfoundhappiness。Theirdaysfillupwithdisappointment，theirvisionbecomesdulled。Theybecomeanaemicfeedinguponthehusks。
Theyjustmustgettheircoffee-pot！
Howtheymustbebumpedtothinkupontheirways。EverytimewedowrongwegetaNeedlessKnock。Everytime！Wemaynotalwaysgetbumpedontheoutside，butwealwaysgetbumpedontheinside。A
bumpontheconscienceisworsethanabumponthe"noodle。"
"Icandowrongandnotgetbumped。Ihavenofeelingsuponthesubject，"somebodysays，Youcan？Youpooroldsinner，youhavebumpedyourconsciencenumb。Thatiswhyyouhavenofeelingsonthesubject。Youhavepoundedyoursoulintoajelly。Youdon’tknowhowbadlyyouarehurt。
Howtheolddevilworksdayandnighttokeeppeopleamusedanddopedsothattheywillnotthinkupontheirways！Howhekeepsthemusicandthedazzlegoingsotheywillnotseetheyarebumpingthemselves！
ConsidertheStickyFlypaperDidyoueverwatchaflygethisNeedlessKnocksonthestickyflypaper？
ThelastthingMammaFlysaidasJohnnywentofftothecitywas，"Remember，son，tostayawayfromthestickyflypaper。Thatiswhereyourpoordearfatherwaslost。"AndJohnnyFlyremembersforseveralminutes。Butwhenheseesallthesmartyoungfliesofhissetgoovertotheflypaper，hegoesover，too。Hegazesdownathisfaceinthestickiness。"Ah！howprettyIam！Thisstickyflypapershowsmeupbetterthananythingathome。Whatafineplacetoskate。JustseehowcloseIcanflyoveritandnotgetstuckabit。Motherissuchasillyoldworryer。Shemeansallright，ofcourse，butsheisn’tup-to-date。Weyoungsetofmodernfliesarenaturallybrightandhavesomanymoreadvantages。Youcan’tcatchus。Theyweretoostrictwithmebackhome。"
YouseeJohnnyflybackandforthandhavethetimeofhisnaturallybrightyounglife。Afterwhile，tho，hestubshistoeandlandsinthestickiness。"Well，well，hownicethisisonthefeet，sosoftandsoothing！"
Firstheputsonefootdownandpullsitout。Thatisalotoffun。
Itshowsheisnotaprisoner。Heisastrong-mindedfly。Hecanquititorplayinit，justashepleases。Afterwhileheputstwofeetdowninthestickiness。Itishardertopullthemout。Thenheputsthreedownandputsdownafewmoretryingtopullthemout。
"Really，"saysJohnnyFlybowingtohiscomradesalsostuckaroundhim，"really，boys，you’llhavetoexcusemenow。Good-bye！"Buthedoesn’tpullloose。Hefeelstiredandhesitsdowninthestickyflypaper。Itisafineplacetostickaround。Allhisyoungsetoffliesarearoundhim。Hedoeslikethecompany。Theyallfeelthesameway——theycanplayinthestickyflypaperorletitalone，justastheyplease，fortheyarestrong-mindedflies。Theyhaveanotherdrinkandsing，"Wewon’tgohometillmorning。"
Johnnymaygethome，buthewillleaveawingoraleg。
Mostofthemstay。Theyjustsettledownintothestickinesswithsleepingsickness。
ThetuitioninTheCollegeofNeedlessKnocksisveryhighindeed！
"Removed"or"KnockedOut"？
Themanwhogoestojailoughttocongratulatehimselfifheisguilty。Itisthemanwhodoesnotgetdiscoveredwhoistobepitied，forhemustgetsomemoreknocks。
Theworldlovestowriteresolutionsofrespect。Howoftenwewrite，"Whereas，ithaspleasedanall-wiseProvidencetoremove，"
whenwemightreasonablyaskwhetherthevictimwas"removed"ormerely"knockedout。"
ThereisagooddealofsuicidechargeduptoProvidence。
ChapterIII
TheCollegeofNeedfulKnocksTheBumpsThatBumpIntoUsBUToccasionallyallofusgetbumpsthatwedonotbumpinto。Theybumpintous。Theyaretheguideboardknocksthatpointustothehigherpathway。
Youwerebumpedyesterdayoryearsago。Maybethewoundhasnotyethealed。Maybeyouthinkitneverwillheal。Youwonderedwhyyouwerebumped。Someofyouinthisaudiencearejustnowwonderingwhy。
Youweredoingright——doingjustthebestyouknewhow——andyetsomeblowcamecrushinguponyouandgaveyoucruelpain。
Itbrokeyourheart。Youhavehadyourheartbroken。IhavehadmyheartbrokenmoretimesthanIcaretotalkaboutnow。Yourhomewasdarkened，yourplanswerewrecked，youthoughtyouhadnothingmoretolivefor。
Iamlikeyou。Ihavehadmoretroublethananybodyelse。Ihaveneverknownanyonewhohadnothadmoretroublethananyoneelse。
ButIamdiscoveringthatlifeonlygetsgoodafterwehavebeenkilledafewtimes。Eachdeathisalargerbirth。
Weallmustlearn，ifwehavenotalreadylearned，thattheseblowsarelessonsinTheCollegeofNeedfulKnocks。Theypointupwardtoahigherpaththanwehavebeentraveling。
Inotherwords，wearerawmaterial。Youknowwhatrawmaterialis——materialthatneedsmoreNeedfulKnockstomakeitmoreusefulandvaluable。
Theclothingwewear，thefoodweeat，thehousewelivein，allhavetohavetheNeedfulKnockstobecomeuseful。Andsodoeshumanityneedthesamepreparationforgreaterusefulness。
Ishouldliketoknoweverypersoninthisaudience。ButtheonesIshouldmostappreciateknowingaretheoneswhohaveknownthemostoftheseknocks——whohavefacedthegreatcrisesoflifeandhavebeentriedinthecruciblesofaffliction。ForIamlearningthattheselivesarethegoldtriedinthefire。
TheSorrowsofthePianoSeethepianoonthisstage？Goodevening，Mr。Piano。Iamgladtoseeyou。Youaresoshiny，beautiful，valuableandfullofmusic，ifproperlytreated。
Doyouknowhowyougotuponthisstage，Mr。Piano？Youwerebumpedhere。Thisisnoreflectionuponthejanitor。YoubecameapianobytheNeedfulKnocks。
Icanseeyoubackinyourcallowbeginnings，whenyouwerejustatree——atall，greentree。Youweregreen！Onlygreenthingsgrow。
Didyougetthemeaningofthat，children？Ihopeyouaregreen。
Thereyoustoodintheforest，aperfectlygood，greenyoungtree。
Yougotyourlessons，combedyourhair，wenttoSundayschoolandwerethebestyoungtreeyoucouldbe。
Thatiswhyyouwerebumped——becauseyouweregood！Therecameamanintothewoodswithanax，andhelookedforthebesttreestheretobump。Hebumpedyou——hityouwiththeax！Howithurtyou！
Andhowunjustitwas！Hekeptonhittingyou。"Theoperationwasjustterrible。"Finallyyoufell，crushed，broken，bleeding。
Itisaverysadstory。Theytookyouallbumpedandbleedingtothesawmillandtheybumpedandrippedyoumore。Theycutyouinpiecesandhammeredyoudaybyday。
Theydidnotbumpthelittle，crooked，dissipated，cigaret-stuntedtrees。Theywerenotworthbumping。
Butshake，Mr。Piano。Thatiswhyyouareonthisstage。Youwerebumpedhere。Allthebeauty，harmonyandvaluewerebumpedintoyou。
TheSufferingsoftheRedMudOnedayIwasuptheMissaberoadaboutahundredmilesnorthofDuluth，Minnesota，andcametoaholeintheground。Itwasabighole——aboutahalf-mileofhole。Thereweresteam-shovelsatworkthrowingoutofthatholewhatIthoughtwasredmud。
"Kindsir，whyaretheythrowingthatredmudoutofthathole？"I
askedanative。
"Thathain’tredmud。That’sironore，an’it’sthebestironoreintheworld。"
"Whatisitworth？"
"Ithain’tworthnothin’here;that’swhythey’removin’itaway。"
There’sredmudaroundeverycommunitythat"hain’tworthnothin’"
untilyoumoveit——sendittocollegeorsomewhere。
Notverylongafterthis，nearPittsburgh，Pennsylvania，Isawsomeofthissameredmud。IthadbeenmovedovertheGreatLakesandtherailstowhattheycallablastfurnace，thetechnologicalnameofwhichbeingTheCollegeofNeedfulKnocksforRedMud。
Iwatchedthisredmudmatriculateintoagreathopperwithlimestone，charcoalandothertextbooks。Thentheycorkeditupandschoolbegan。Theyroastedit。Itisagreatthingtoberoasted。
Whenitwasdoneroastingtheystopped。Haveyounoticedthattheyalwaysstopwhenanythingisdoneroasting？Ifweareyetgettingroasted，perhapswearenotdone！
Thentheypulledtheplugoutofthebottomofthecollegeandheldpromotionexercises。Theredmudsquirtedoutintothesand。Itwasnotredmudnow，becauseithadbeenroasted。Itwasafreshman——
pigiron，worthmorethanredmud，becauseithadbeenroasted。
Someofthepigironwentintoanotherdepartment，abigteakettle，whereitwasagainroasted，andnowitcameoutasophomore——steel，worthmorethanpigiron。
Someofthesophomoresteelwentupintoanothergradewhereitwasroastedyetagainandrolledthinintoajunior。Someofthatwentonupandup，ateverystepgettingmorepoundingandroastingandaffliction。
ItseemedasthoIcouldhearthesufferingredmudcryingout，"O，whydidtheytakemeawayfrommyhappyhole-in-the-ground？Whydotheypoundmeandbreakmyheart？Ihavebeengoodandfaithful。O，whydotheyroastme？O，I’llnevergetoverthis！"
Butaftertheyhadgivenitadiploma——apricemarktellinghowmuchithadbeenroasted——theytookitproudlyallovertheworld，labeled"MadeinAmerica。"Theyhungitinshowwindows，theyputitinglasscases。Manypeopleadmireditandsaid，"Isn’tthatfinework！"Theypaidmuchmoneyforitnow。Theypaidthemostmoneyforwhathadbeenroastedthemost。
Ifatonofthatredmudhadbecomewatch-springsorrazor-blades，thepricehadgoneupintothousandsofdollars。
Myfriends，youandIaretherawmaterial，thegreentrees，theredmud。TheNeedfulKnocksarenecessarytomakeusserviceable。
Everybumpisraisingourprice。Everybumpisdisclosingapathtoalargerlife。Thediamondandthechunkofsoftcoalareexactlythesamematerial，saythechemists。ButthediamondhasgonetoTheCollegeofNeedfulKnocksmorethanhashercrudesisterofthecoal-scuttle。
Thereisnohumandiamondthathasnotbeencrystallizedinthecruciblesofaffliction。Thereisnogoldthathasnotbeenrefinedinthefire。
CrippleTaughtbyBumpsOneeveningwhenIwastryingtolectureinachautauquatentinIllinois，acrippledwomanwaswheeledintothetentandbroughtrightdowntothefootoftheplatform。ThesubjectwasTheUniversityofHardKnocks。Presentlythecripple’sfacewasshiningbrighterthanthefootlights。
Sheknewabouttheknocks！
AfterwardsIwenttoher。"Littlelady，Iwanttothankyouforcominghere。IhavethefeelingthatIspokethewords，butyouarethelectureitself。"
Whatasmileshegaveme！"Yes，Iknowaboutthehardknocks，"shesaid。"Ihavebeeninpainmostofmylife。ButIhavelearnedallthatIknowsittinginthischair。Ihavelearnedtobepatientandkindandlovingandbrave。"
Theytoldmethiscrippledwomanwasthesweetest-spirited，best-lovedpersoninthetown。
Buthermotherpetulantlyinterruptedme。Shehadwheeledthecrippleintothetent。Shewastallandstately。Shewaswell-gowned。Shelivedinoneofthefinesthomesinthecity。Shehadeverythingthatmoneycouldbuy。Buthermoneyseemedunabletobuythefrownfromherface。
"Mr。LectureMan，"shesaid，"whyiseverybodyinterestedinmydaughterandnobodyinterestedinme？WhyismydaughterhappyandwhyamInothappy？Mydaughterisalwayshappyandshehasn’tasinglethingtomakeherhappy。Iamnothappy。Ihavenotbeenhappyforyears。WhyamInothappy？"
Whatwouldyouhavesaid？Justonthespurofthemoment——Isaid，"Madam，Idon’twanttobeunkind，butIreallythinkthereasonyouarenothappyisthatyouhaven’tbeenbumpedenough。"
IdiscoverwhenIamunhappyandselfishandpeopledon’tusemeright，Ineedanotherbump。
Thecripplegirlhadtraveledaheadofherjealousmother。Forselfishnesscripplesusmorethanparalysis。
SchoolsofSympathyWhenIseealongrowofcotsinahospitalorsanitarium，Iwanttocongratulatethepatientslyingthere。Theyarelearningthepreciouslessonsofpatience，sympathy，love，faithandcourage。
Theyaregettingtheeducationinthehumanitiestheworldneedsmorethantablesoflogarithms。Onlythosewhohavesufferedcansympathize。Theyaretobecomeapreciouspartofourpopulation。
Theworldneedsthemmorethanlibrariesandfoundations。
TheSilverLiningThereisnobackwardstepinlife。Whateverexperiencescometousaretrulynewchaptersofoureducationifwearewillingtolearnthem。
Wethinkthisistrueofthegoodthingsthatcometous，butwedonotwanttothinksoofthebadthings。Yetwegrowmoreinleanyearsthaninfatyears。Infatyearsweputitinourpockets。Inleanyearsweputitinourhearts。Materialandspiritualprosperitydonotoftentravelhand-in-hand。Whenwebecomemateriallyveryprosperous，somanyofusbegintosay，"IsnotthisBabylonthatIhavebuilded？"Andaboutthattimetherecomessomehandwritingonthewallandabumptosaveus。
Thinkofwhatmighthappentoyoutoday。Yourhomemightburn。Wedon’twantyourhometoburn，butsomebody’shomeisburningjustnow。Aconflagrationmightsweepyourtownfromthemap。Yourbusinessmightwreck。Yourfortunemightbesweptaway。Yourgoodnamemightbetarnished。Bereavementmighttakefromyoutheoneyoulovemost。
Youwouldneverknowhowmanyrealfriendsyouhaveuntilthen。Butlookout！Someofyourfriendswouldsay，"Iamsosorryforyou。
Youaredownandout。"Donotbelievethatyouaredownandout，foritisnottrue。Theoldenemyofhumanitywantsyoutobelieveyouaredownandout。Hewantsyoutosympathizewithyourself。Youareneverdownandout！
Thetruthis，anotherchapterofyourrealeducationhasbeenopened。WillyoureadthelessonoftheNeedfulKnocks？
Agreatconflagration，acyclone，arailroadwreck，anepidemicorotherpublicdisasterbringssympathy，bravery，brotherhoodandloveinitswake。
Thereisasilverliningtoeveryhardknockscloud。
OutofthetrenchesoftheGreatWarcomenationschastenedbysacrificeandpurgedoftheirdross。
ChapterIV
"ShakeTheBarrel"
HowWeDecideOurDestiniesNOWaswelearnthelessonsoftheNeedlessandtheNeedfulKnocks，wegetwisdom，understanding，happiness，strength，successandgreatness。Wegoupinlife。Webecomeeducated。Letmebringyouapictureofit。
Onedaythetrainstoppedatastationtotakewater。Besidethetrackwasagrocerywitharowofbarrelsofapplesinfront。Therewasonebarrelfullofbig，red，fatapples。Irushedoverandgotasackofthebig，red，fatapples。Laterasthetrainwasunderway，Ilookedinthesackanddiscoveredtherewasnotabig，red，fatapplethere。
AllIcouldfigureoutwasthattherewasonlyonelayerofthebig，red，fatapplesonthetop，andthegroceryman，notdesiringtospoilhissign，hadreacheddownunderthetoplayer。Hemusthavereachedtothebottom，forhegavemetheworstmessofruntsandwindfallsIeversawinonesack。ThethingsIsaidaboutthegrocerybusinessmusthavekepttherecordingangelbusy。
ThenIcalmeddown。Didthegrocerymandothatonpurpose？Doesthegrocerymaneverputthebigapplesontopandthelittleonesdownunderneath？
Doyou？Isthereagrocerymanintheaudience？
Manofsorrows，youhavebeenslandered。Itneveroccurredtomeuntilthatdayonthetrainthatthegrocerymandoesnotputthebigonesontopandthelittleonesdownunderneath。Hedoesnotneedtodoit。Itdoesitself。Itistheshakingofthebarrelthatpushesthebigonesupandthelittleonesdown。
ShaketoTheirPlacesYoulaugh？Youdon’tbelievethat？Maybeyourroadsaresogoodandsmooththatthingsdonotshakeontheroadtotown。ButbackintheBlackSwampofOhiowehadcorduroyroads。Didyoueverseeacorduroyroad？Itwasalayeroflogsinthemud。Ridingoveritwasthepoetryofmotion！Thewagon"hitthehighspots。"AndasI
hauledawagon-bedfullofapplestothecider-milloveracorduroyroad，theapplessortedoutbythejolting。Thebigappleswouldtrytogettothetop。Thelittle，runtyappleswouldtrytoholdamassmeetingatthebottom。
IsawthatforthirtyyearsbeforeIsawit。Didyouevernoticehowlongyouhavetoseemostthingsbeforeyouseethem？IsawthatwhenIplayedmarbles。Thebigmarbleswouldshaketothetopofmypocketandthelittleoneswouldrattledowntothebottom。
Youchildrentrythattomorrow。Donotwaitthirtyyearstolearnthatthebigonesshakeupandthelittleonesshakedown。Putsomebigonesandsomelittlethingsofaboutthesamedensityinaboxorothercontainerandshakethem。Youwillseethelargerthingsshakeupwardandthesmallershakedownward。Youwillseeeverythingshaketotheplaceitssizedetermines。Alittlelargeroneshakesalittlehigher，andalittlesmalleronealittlelower。
Whenthingsfindtheirplace，youcanshakeontilldoomsday，butyoucannotchangetheplaceofoneoftheobjects。
Mixthemupagainandshake。Watchthemallshakebackastheywerebefore，thelargestontopandthesmallestatthebottom。
LecturesinCansAtthisplacethelecturerexhibitsaglassjarmorethanhalf-filledwithsmallwhitebeansandafewwalnuts。
Letustrythatrightontheplatform。Hereisaglassjarandinsideofityouseetwosizesofobjects——alotoflittlewhitebeansandsomewalnuts。Youwillpardonmeforbringingsuchasimpleandcrudeapparatusbeforeyouinalecture，butIaskyourforbearance。Iamdiscoveringthatwecanhearfasterthrutheeyethanthrutheear。Iwanttomakethissovividthatyouwillneverforgetit，andIdonotwanttheseyoungpeopletolivethirtyyearsbeforetheyseeit。
Iftherearesermonsinstones，theremustbelecturesincans。
Thisisacannedlecture。Letthecantalktoyouawhile。
YounoteasIshakethejarthelittlebeansquicklysettledownandthebigwalnutsshakeup。Notonebeanasks，"WhichwaydoI
go？"Notonewalnutasks，"WhichwaydoIgo？"Eachoneautomaticallygoestherightway。Thelittleonesgodownandthebigonesgoup。
NotethatImixthemallupandthenshake。Notethattheyarrangethemselvesjustastheywerebefore。
Supposethoseobjectscouldtalk。IthinkIhearthatlittlestbeandowninthebottomsaying，"Helpme！Helpme！Iamsounfortunateandlowdown。Ineverhadnochancelikethembigonesupthere。
Helpmeup。"
Isay，"Yes，youlittlebean，I’llhelpyou。"SoIlifthimuptothetop。See！Ihaveboostedhim。Ihaveupliftedhim。
See，thecanshakes。Backtothebottomshakesthelittlebean。AndIhearhimsay，"King’sex！Islipped。TrythatagainandI’llstayontop。"SoIputhimbackagainontop。
Thecanshakes。Thelittlebeanagainshakesbacktothebottom。Heistoosmalltostayup。Hecannotstandprosperity。
ThenIhearLittleBeansay，"Well，ifIcannotgettothetop，youmakethembigonescomedown。Giveeveryoneanequalchance。"
SoIsay，"Yes，sir，LittleBean。Here，youbigonesontop，getdown。YouBigNutsgetrightdownthereonalevelwithLittleBean！"AndyouseeIputthemdown。
ButIshakethecan，andthebigonesgorightbacktothetopwiththesameshakesthatsendthelittleonesbacktothebottom。
Thereisonlyonewayforthoseobjectstochangetheirplaceinthecan。Liftingthemuporputtingthemdownwillnotdoit。Butchangetheirsize！
Equalityofpositiondemandsqualityofsize。Letthelittleonegrowbiggerandhewillshakeup。Letthebigonegrowsmallerandhewillshakedown。
TheShakingBarrelofLifeO，fellowapples！Weareallapplesinthebarreloflifeonthewaytothemarketplaceofthefuture。Itisacorduroyroadandthebarrelshakesallthetime。
Inthebarrelarebigapples，littleapples，freckledapples，speckledapples，greenapples，anddriedapples。Abadboyonthefrontrowshoutedtheothernight，"Androttenapples！"
Inotherwords，allthepeopleoftheworldareinthegreatbarreloflife。Thatbarrelisshakingallthetime。Everycommunityisshaking，everyplaceisshaking。Theoffices，theshops，thestores，theschools，thepulpits，thehomes——everyplacewhereweliveorworkisshaking。Lifeisaconstantsurvivalofthefittest。
Thesamelawthatshakesthelittleonesdownandthebigonesupinthatcanisshakingeverypersontotheplacehefitsinthebarreloflife。Itissendingsmallpeopledownandgreatpeopleup。
Anddoyounotseethatweareveryfoolishwhenwewanttobelifteduptosomebigplace，orwhenwewantsomebigpersontobeputdowntosomelittleplace？Wearefoolishlytryingtooverturntheeternallawoflife。
Weshakerightbacktotheplacesoursizedetermines。Wemustgetreadyforplacesbeforewecangetthemandkeepthem。
Theveryworstthingthatcanhappentoanybodyistobeartificiallyboostedupintosomeplacewhereherattles。
Ihearagooddealaboutdestiny。Somepeopleseemtothinkdestinyissomethinglikeatrainandifwedonotgettothedepotintimeourtrainofdestinywillrunoffandleaveus，andwewillhavenodestiny。Thereisdestiny——thatjar。
Ifwearesmallweshallhaveasmalldestiny。Ifwearegreatweshallhaveagreatdestiny。Wecannotdodgeourdestiny。
KingsandQueensofDestinyTheobjectsinthatjarcannotchangetheirsize。ButthankGod，youandIarenothelplessvictimsofblindfate。Wearenotcreaturesofchance。Wehaveitinourhandstodecideourdestinyaswegroworrefusetogrow。
Weshakedownifwebecomesmall;weshakeupifwebecomegreat。
Andwhenwehavereachedtheplaceoursizedetermines，westaytheresolongaswestaythatsize。
Ifwewishtochangeourplace，wemustfirstchangeoursize。Ifwewishtogodown，wemustgrowsmallerandweshallshakedown。
Ifwewishtogoup，wemustgrowgreater，andweshallshakeup。
Eachpersonisdoingoneofthreethingsconsciouslyorunconsciously。
1。Heisholdinghisplace。
2。Heisgoingdown。
3。Heisgoingup。
Inordertoholdhisplacehemustholdhissize。Hemustfilltheplace。Ifheshrinksuphewillrattle。Nobodycanstaylongwhereherattles。Natureabhorsarattler。Heshakesdowntoasmallerplace。
Inordertostaythesamesizehemustgrowenougheachdaytosupplythelossbyevaporation。Evaporationisgoingsteadilyoninlivesaswellasinliquids。Ifwearenotgrowingany，wearerattling。
WeCompelPromotionSoyouyoungpeopleshouldkeepinmindthatyouwillshakeintotheplacesyoufit。Andwhenyouareinyourplaces——instores，shops，officesorelsewhere，ifyouwanttoholdyourplaceyoumustkeepgrowingenoughtokeepittightlyfilled。
Ifyouwantagreaterplace，yousimplygrowgreaterandtheycannotkeepyoudown。Youdonotaskforpromotion，youcompelpromotion。Yougrowgreater，enlargeyourdimensions，developnewcapabilities，domorethanyouarepaidtodo——overfillyourplace，andyoushakeuptoagreaterplace。
IbelieveifIweresofortunateorunfortunateastohaveanumberofpeopleworkingforme，Iwouldhaveajarinmyofficefilledwithvarioussizesofobjects。Whenanemployeewouldcomeintotheofficeandsay，"Isn’titabouttimeIwasgettingaraise？"I
wouldsay，"Goshakethejar，Charlie。Thatisthewayyougetraised。Asyougrowgreateryouwon’tneedtoasktobepromoted。
Youwillpromoteyourself。"
"GoodLuck"and"BadLuck"
Thisjartellsmesomuchaboutluck。Ihavenotedthattheluckypeopleshakeupandtheunluckypeopleshakedown。Thatis，theluckypeoplegrowgreatandtheunluckypeopleshrivelandrattle。
NoticeasIbumpthisjar。Twothingshappened。Thelittleonesshookdownandthebigonesshookup。Thebumpthatwasbadlucktothelittleoneswasgoodlucktothebigones。Thesamebumpwasbothgoodluckandbadluck。
Luckdoesnotdependuponthedirectionofthebump，butuponthesizeofthebump-ee！
The"Lucky"OneSoeverywhereyoulookyouseethebarrelsortingpeopleaccordingtosize。EverybusinessconcerncantellyoustorieslikethatoftheChicagohousewhereanumberofyoungladiesworked。Someofthemhadbeenthereforalongtime。Therecamearaw，greenDutchgirlfromthecountry。Itwasherfirstofficeexperience，andshegotthebottomjob。
Theothergirlspokedfunatherandplayedjokesuponherbecauseshewassogreen。
返回顶部