P。R。
LETTER：FromHaroldSkimpole，Esq。，totheRev。CharlesHoneyman，M。A。
TheseletterstelltheirowntaleofGeniusandVirtueindigentandinchains。TheeloquenceofaHoneyman，theaccomplishmentsofaSkimpole，leadonlytoCursitorStreet。
Coavins’s，CursitorStreet，May1。
MyDearHoneyman，——ItisMay—day，wheneventhechimney—sweeper，developingthepleasantunconsciouspoetryofhisnature，forgetstheflues，wreathestheflowers，andpersuadeshimselfthatheisJack—in—the—Green。Jackwho？WasheJackSprat，ortheyoungswainwhomatedwithJill!Whoknows？Thechimney—sweeperhasallIask，allthatthebutterfliespossess，allthatCommon—senseandBusinessandSocietydenytoHaroldSkimpole。Helives，heisfree，heis"inthegreen!"IaminCoavins’s!InCursitorStreetIcannothearthestreamswarble，thebirdschant，themusicrollthroughthestatelyfane，letussay，ofLadyWhittlesea’s。
Coavins’s（asCoavins’smansays）is"a’ouse；"buthowunlike，forexample，thehospitablehomeofourfriendJarndyce!IcansketchCoavins’s，butIcannotalterit：Icansetittomusic，onCoavins’spiano；buthowmelancholyarethejinglingstrainsofthatdilapidatedinstrument!AtJarndyce’shouse，whenIamthere，Iaminpossessionofit：hereCoavins’sisinpossessionofme——
ofthepersonofHaroldSkimpole。
AndwhyamIhere？WhyamIfarfromlandscape，music，conversation？Why，merelybecauseIwillfollowneitherFamenorFortunenorFaith。Theycalltousinthemarket—place，butIwillnotdance。Fameblowshertrumpet，andoffershershilling（theQueen’s）。Faithpealsherbells，andasksforMYshilling。
Fortunerattlesherbanking—scales。Theycall，andtheworldjoinsthewaltz；butIwillnotmarchwiththem。"Goafterglory，commerce，creeds，"Icry；"onlyletHaroldSkimpolelive!"{16}
Theworldpursuesthejanglingmusic；butinmyearsoundthepipesofPan，thevoicesoftheriverandthewood。
YetIcannotbeintheplayground，whithertheyinviteme。HaroldSkimpoleisfettered——bywhat？Byitems!Iregretmyincapacityfordetails。ItmaybethetinkerorthetailoratwhosesuitIamdetained。Iamcertainitisnotatthatofthesoldier，orthesailor，ortheploughboy，orthethief。But，fortheapothecary——
why，yes——itMAYbetheapothecary!InthedawnoflifeIloved——
whohasnot？——Iwedded。Isetaboutsurroundingmyselfwithrosycheeks。Thesecheeksgrowpallid。IcallfortheaidofScience——
Sciencesendsinherbill!"TotheMixtureasBefore，"somuchto"theTonic，"somuch。Thecheeksarerosyagain。Ipourforththeblessingsofafather’sheart；buttherestandsScienceinexorable，withherbill，heritems。Ivainlypointoutthatthemixturehasplayeditspart，thetonichasplayedITSpart；andthat，inthenatureofthings，thetransactionisended。Thebillisunappeasable。Iforgetthedetails；acertainnumberofpiecesofyellowandwhitedrossarespokenof。Ah，Iseeitisfifteenandsomeoddshillingsandcoppers。Letussaytwenty。
MydearHoneyman，youwho，asIhear，areabouttofollowtheflutesofAphroditeintoatemplewhereHymengildsthehornsofthevictims{17}——you，Iamsure，willhurrytomyrescue。Youmaynothavethespecieactuallyinyourcoffers；butwithyourprospects，surelyyoucansignsomething，ormakeoversomething，orbacksomething，sayapostobitorpostvincula，oremploysomeotherinstrument？Excusemyinexperience；or，Ishouldsay，excusemycongenitalinabilitytoprofitbyexperience，nowconsiderable，ofDIFFICULTIES——andoffriendship。LetnotthesunofMay—daygodownonHaroldSkimpoleinCoavins’s!——Yoursever，H。S。
P。S。——AyouthfulmyrmidonofCoavins’swillwaitforareply。
Shallwesay，whileweareaboutit，Twenty—five？
FromtheRev。CharlesHoneymantoHaroldSkimpole，Esq。
CursitorStreet，May1。
MyDearSkimpole，——HowwouldIhavejoyed，hadProvidenceplaceditwithinmypowertorelieveyourdistress!Butitcannotbe。LiketheCarthaginianQueenofwhomwereadinhappierdaysatdearoldBorhambury，ImaysaythatIamhaudignarusmali。But，alas!theveryevilsinwhichIamnotunlearned，makeitimpossibleformetoaddmiserissuccurreredisco!RatheramImyselfinneedofsuccour。You，mydearHarold，havefallenamongthieves；ImaytootrulyaddthatinthisIamyourneighbour。Thedensinwhichwearelodgedarecontiguous；weareseparatedonlybythebars。YournotewassentonhitherfrommyroomsinWalpoleStreet。SincewemetIhaveknowntheutmostthatwoman’sperfidyandtherichman’scontumelycaninflict。ButIcanbearmypunishment。Iloved，I
trusted。ShetowhosehandIaspired，sheonwhoseaffectionsI
hadbasedhopesatonceofhappinessinlifeandofextendedusefulnessintheclericalprofession，SHEwaslessconfiding。ShesummonedtohercouncilaminionoftheLaw，oneBriggs。HIS
estimateofmypositionandprospectscouldnotpossiblytallywiththatofonewhoseHOPESarenotsetwheretheworldlingplacesthem。Lethim，andsuchashe，takethoughtforthemorrowandchafferaboutsettlements。Idonotregretthegoldtowhichyousodelicatelyallude。Isorrowonlyforthebloomthathasbeenbrushedfromthesoaringpinionsofapureanddisinterestedaffection。Suntlacrymaererum，andthehandkerchiefinwhichI
burymyfaceisdankwiththem。
NoristhisdisappointmentmyonlyCROSS。Thecarrion—birdsofcommercehavemarkeddownthestrickendeerfromtheireyriesinBondStreetandJermynStreet。ToknowhowSolomonshasbehaved，andtheBLACKcoloursinwhichMoss（ofWardourStreet）hasshownhimself，istoreceiveanewlightonthecharacterofaPeoplechosenunderaverydifferentDispensation!Detainersflockin，likeravenstoafeast。AtthismomentIhaveenduredthehumiliationofmeetingasneeringchildofthisworld——Mr。ArthurPendennis——theemissaryofone{18}towhomIgaveinotherdaysthesweetestblossominthegardenofmyaffections——mysister——ofonewhohas，indeed，behavedlikeabrother——INLAW!Myworddistrusted，mystatementsreceivedwithachillingscepticismbythisNABOBNewcome，Iamurgedtomakesome"composition"withmycreditors。Theworldisverycensorious，theearofaBishopiseasilywon；whoknowshowthosewhohaveENVIEDtalentsnotmisusedmayturnmycircumstancestomydisadvantage？Youwillseethat，farfromaidinganother，Iamratherobligedtoseeksuccourmyself。Butthatsayingaboutthesparrowsabideswithmetomycomfort。Couldaughtbedone，thinkyou，withabillbackedbyourjointnames？OnJuly12mypew—rentswillcomein。IsweartoyouthattheyHAVENOTBEENANTICIPATED。Yoursafflictedly，CHARLESHONEYMAN。
P。S。——WouldJarndycelendhisnametoasmallbillatthreemonths？
Youknowhimwell，andIhaveheardthatheisamanofbenevolentcharacter，andofsubstance。But"howhardlyshallarichman"——
yourememberthetext。——C。H。
LETTER：FromMissHarriettoM。GuydeMaupassant。
Thisnote，fromoneoftheEnglishdamselswhomM。GuydeMaupassantdislikessomuch，iswritteninsuchFrenchastheladycouldmuster。Itexplainsthatrecurrentmystery，WHYENGLISHWOMEN
ABROADSMELLOFGUTTA—PERCHA。Thereasonisnotdiscreditabletoourcountrywomen，butifM。deMaupassantasks，asheoftendoes，whyEnglishwomendresslikescarecrowswhentheyareontheContinent，MissHarrietdoesnotprovidetheanswer。
MissPinkerton’s，Stratford—atte—Bowe，Mars12。
Monsieur，——Vousdevezmeconnaitre，quoiquejenevousconnaispaslemoinsdumonde。Ilm’estdefendudelirevosromans，jenesaistroppourquoi；maisj’aibienlulanoticequeM。HenryJamesaconsacree，dansleFortnightlyReview，avotreaimabletalent。
Vousn’aimezpas，acequ’ilparait，ni"lasaleAngleterre"nilesfillesdecepaysimmonde。Jefiguremoi—memedansvosromans（oumoa—meme，"carlesAnglais，ilestconvenu，prononcentcepronomcommelenomd’unoiseaumonstrueuxetmemeprehistoriquedeNewZealand）——oui，"MissHarriet"serisqueassezsouventdansvoscontesassezrisques。
Vousavezpose，Monsieur，lesublimeprobleme，"Commentseprennentelleslesdemoisellesanglaisespoursentirtoujourslecaoutchouc？"（"tosmellofindia—rubber"：traductionHenryJames）。
Enpremierlieu，Monsieur，ellesne"smellofindia—rubber"quandellessetrouventchezelles，danslesbougesinfectesqu’onappelleles"statelyhomesofEngland。"{19}C’estseulemental’etrangerquenousrepandonsl’odeursaineetrejouissantedecaoutchouc。Etpourquoi？Parceque，Monsieur，MissHarriettientasontub——outob——lachoseestanglaise；c’estpermispourtantaungalanthommed’enprononcerlenomcommeilveut，oucommeilpeutOr，quandellevoyage，MissHarriettrouve，assezsouvent，quele"tub"estuneinstitutiontout—a—faitinconnueaseshotes。Quefait—elledonc？Elleportedanssamalleuntubdecaoutchouc，"patentcompressibleindia—rubbertub!"Inutileadirequesesvetementssetrouventimpregnesdu"smellofindia—rubber。"Voici，Monsieur，lasolutionnaturelle，etmemefortlouable，d’unequestionquiestfaitepourdesespererlessavantsdelaFrance!
Vous，Monsieur，quietesunstylisteaccompli，veuillezbienmepardonnerlestortsquejeviensdefairealabellelanguefrancaise。Dame，onfaitcequ’onpeut（commeonditdanslesromanspoliciers）pouretreintelligibleaunecrivainsicelebre，quinelitcouramment，peut—etre，l’idiomebarbareetmalsonnantdelasaleAngleterre。M。PaulBourgetlui—memenelitplusleGrec。
Nonomniapossumusomnes。
Agreez，Monsieur，messentimentslesplusdistingues。
MISSHARRIET。
LETTER：FromS。Gandish，Esq。，tothe"NewcomeIndependent。"
THEROYALACADEMY。
ItappearsthatMr。Gandish，atagreatage——thoughhewasnotolderthanseveralindustriousAcademicans——withdrewfromtheactiveexerciseofhisartandemployedhislearningandexperienceasArtCriticofthe"NewcomeIndependent。"ThefollowingcritiqueappearstoshowtracesofdecliningmentalvigourintheveteranGandish。
Ourgreatgalleryhasoncemoreopenedherdoors，ifnottothepublic，noreventothefashionableelite，atleasttothecritics。
TheyareamotleythrongwholoungeonPressDaysinthesumptuoushalls；ladies，smallboys，clergymenarethere，andamongthembutfew，perhaps，whohavereceivedthetraininginHighArtofyourcorrespondent，andhavehadtheireye，throughalifetimemorethancommonlyprolonged，onthegloriousAntique。AndwhatshallwesayofthepresentAcademy？Insomeways，thingshaveimprovedalittlesincemy"Boadishia"camebackonmyhands（1839）atatimewhenHighArtandtheAntiquewouldnotdointhiscountry：theywouldnotdo。Asfarasthenewexhibitionshows，theydobetternowthanwhenthecenturywasyoungerand"PortraitoftheArtist，byS。Gandish"——atthirty—threeyearsofage——wasofferedinvaintothejealouslyPapistcliquewhothencontrolledtheUffizi。
Foreignersaremoreaffablenow；theyhavetakenMr。Poynter’sofhimself。
ToreturntotheAntique，whatthePresident’s"CaptiveAndromache"
musthavecostinmodelsaloneisdifficulttoreckon。Whentimeswerecheaper，fiftyyearssince，myancientBritonsin"Boadishia"
stoodmeinthirtypounds：thecentralfigures，however，weremembersofmyownfamily。Togiveeveryonehisdue，"Andromache"
ishighart——yes，itishigh——andtheAntiquehasnotbeenoverlooked。Abouttheback—viewoftheyoungpartyatthefountainMr。Horsleymayhavesomethingtosay。Formypart，thereseemsawantofmuscleinvigorousaction：wherearetheBICEPS，wherearethethewsofMichaelAngelo？ThePresidentisatouchtooquietforatasteframedinthebestschools。Astohiscolour，whereisthatnuttybrowntoneoftheflesh？ButthedesignsontheGreekvasearecarefullyrendered；thoughIhavehearditremarkedbyaclassicalscholarthatthesekindofvaseswerenotinuseaboutHomer’stime。Still，theintentionisgood，thoughthecostumesarenotwhatWEshouldhavecalledAncientRomanwhenthePresidentwasaboy——ay，orearlier。
Then，Mr。Alma—Tadema，hehasnotturnedHISbackonthegloriousAntique。"TheRosesofHeliogabalus"arenotexplainedinthecatalogue。AsfarasIunderstand，therehasbeenanearthquakeatabanquetofthisunprincipledmonarch。TheKinghimself，andhisfriends，aresafeenoughatakindofhightable；thoughwhichIS
Heliogabalus（hebeingaconsumptive—lookingcharacterinhiscoinsintheClassicalDictionary）yourcritichasnotmadeout。Theearthhavingopeneddownbelow，theheadsofsomewomen，andofamanwithabeardandhishairdoneuplikeagirl，aretossingaboutinaquantityofrose—leaves，whichhaddoubtlessbeenstrownonthefloor，asMartialtellsuswasthecustom，dumregnatrosa。
SoIoverheardaveryeruditecriticremarking。Thecompositionofthepiecewouldbethusaccountedfor；butIcannotpretendthatMr。TademaremindsoneofeitherPoussinorAnnibaleCarracci。
However，rumourwhispersthatahighpricehasbeenpaidforthiscuriousperformance。TomythinkingthefriendsofHeliogabalusarealittleflatandleatheryinthehandlingoftheflesh。Thesilverwork，andthemarble，willpleaseadmirersofthiseccentricartist；butIcanhardlycallthewholeeffect"High。"ButMr。
Armitage’s"Siren"willconsolepeoplewhoremembertheoldschool。
Thisbeautifulgirl（somewhatcarelessinherattitude，thoughshehasbeensensibleenoughNOTtositdownonthedamprockwithoutputtingherdraperybeneathher）wouldhavebeenatruegeminoneoftheoldBooksofBeauty，suchastheHonourablePercyPopjoyandmyoldfriend，MissBunnion，usedtocontributetointhepalmydaysoftheEnglishschool。Mr。Armitage’s"Juno，"standinginmid—air，withthemoonintheneighbourhood，isalsoanexampletoyouth，andveryunlikethewaysuchthingsaregenerallydonenow。
Mr。Burne—Jones（whodoesnotexhibit）neverdidanythinglikethis。PoorHaydon，withwhomIhavesmokedmanyapipe，wouldhaveacknowledgedthatMr。Goodall’s"David’sPromisetoBathsheba"and"BytheSeaofGalilee"provethathisaspirationsarenearlyfulfilled。Theseareextremelylargepictures，yetwellhung。ThefigureofAbishagisalittletoomuchintheFrenchtasteforanold—fashionedpainter。Arslonga，nudaveritas!Ihope（andsowilltheLiberalreadersofthe"NewcomeIndependent"）thatitisbyanaccidentthecataloguereads——"TheTraitor。""EarlSpencer，K。G。""TheMoonlighters。"（Nos。220，221，225。）SomeToryWAG
amongtheHangingCommitteemayhavetakenthisjuxtapositionforwit：ourreaderswilladoptadifferentview。
ThereisafinedoginMr。BritonRiviere’s"Requiescat，"buthowdidtherelationsofthedeadknightinplatearmouracquiretheembroidery，atleastthreecenturieslater，onwhichheislaidtohislastrepose？Thisdestroystheillusion，butdoesnotdiminishthepathosintheattitudeofthefaithfulhound。Mr。Long’slargepictureappearstoexhibitanOrientalgirlbeingtriedbyajuryofmatrons——atleast，nothavingmyDiodorusScriblerusbyme，I
canarriveatnootherconclusion。Fromthenumberofmodelsengaged，thispicturemusthavebeendesignedquiteregardlessofexpense。ItisastudyoftheAntique，butIdoubtifSmeewouldhavecalleditHighArt。
SpeakingofSmeeremindsmeofportraits。Imiss"PortraitofaLady，""PortraitofaGentleman；"thenamesofthesittersarenowalwaysgiven——aconcessiontothenotoriety—huntingproclivitiesofthepresentperiod。Fewportraitsaremoreinthestyleofthepalmydaysofourschool（justafterLawrence）thanastudyofaladybyMr。Goodall（687）。Ontheotherhand，youngMr。RichmondgoesbacktotheantiquatedmannerofReynoldsinoneofhisrepresentations。ImustadmitthatIhearthisworkmuchadmiredbymany；tomeitseemsold—fashionedandlackinginblandnessandaffability。MrWaterhousehasastudyofasubjectfromapoemthatMr。Pendennis，thenovelist（whomIknewwell），wasveryfondofwhenhefirstcameonthetown："TheLadyofShalott。"Itrepresentsaverydelicateinvalid，inaboat，underacounterpane。
Irememberthepoemran（itwasbyyoungMr。Tennyson）：—
Theycrossedthemselves，theirstarstheyblest，Knight，minstrel，abbot，squire，andguest。
TherelayaparchmentonherbreastThatpuzzledmorethanalltherestThewell—fedwitsofCamelot：
"Thewebwaswovencuriously，Thecharmisbrokenutterly；
Drawnearandfearnot，thisisI
TheLadyofShalott。"
Iadmitthatthewonderanddismayofthe"well—fedwits，"iftheLadywaslikeMr。Waterhouse’spictureofher，donotsurpriseme。
ButIconfessIdonotunderstandmodernpoetry，nor，perhaps，modernpainting。WhereishistoricalArt？WhereisAlfredandtheCake——asubjectwhich，asiswellknown，Idiscoveredinmyresearchesinhistory。Whereis"UdolphointheTower"？orthe"DukeofRothsaytheFourthDayafterHewasDeprivedofhisVictuals"？or"KingJohnSigningMagnaCharta"？Theyaregonewiththeredcurtain，thebrowntree，thestorminthebackground。
Artisrevolutionary，likeeverythingelseinthesetimes，whenTreasonitself，intheformofahoaryapostateandreviewerofcontemporaryfiction，glaresfromthewalls，andispaintedbyRoyal——markROYAL!——Academicians!……
FromThomasPotts，Esq。，ofthe"NewcomeIndependent，"toS。
Gandish，Esq。
Newcome，May3。
MyDearSir，——Iamtrulysorrytohavetointerruptaconnectionwithsooldandrespectedacontributor。ButIthinkyouwillacknowledge，onreadingtheproofofyourarticleontheAcademy，whichIenclose，thatthetimehasarrivedwhenpubliccriticismisnolongeryourprovince。Idonotsomuchrefertotheold—
fashionedtoneofyourobservationsonmodernart。Iknowlittleaboutit，andcarenotmuchmore。Butyouhaveentirelyforgotten，towardstheendofthenotice，thatthe"NewcomeIndependent，"asbecomesitsname，isajournalofLibertyandProgress。TheveryproperremarksonLordSpencer’sportraitelsewhereshowthatyouarenotunacquaintedwithourpolitics；but，attheclose（expressing，Ifear，yourtruesentiments），youglideintolanguagewhichmakesmeshudder，andwhich，ifprintedinthe"Independent，"
wouldspellruin。Sendit，byallmeans，tothe"Sentinel，"ifyoulike。SendyourToryviews，Imean。Asforyourquotationfromthe"LadyofShalott，"Icanfinditnowhereinthepoemofthatnamebytheauthoryoustrangelystyle"youngMr。Tennyson。"{20}
Iencloseachequeforaquarter’ssalary，and，whilealwayshappytomeetyouasmanwithman，mustgetthenoticeoftheAcademywrittenupintheofficefromthe"DailyTelegraph，""Standard，"
and"Times。"{21}——Faithfullyandwithdeepregretyours，THOMASPOTTS。
LETTER：FromMonsieurLecoq，RueJerusalem，Paris，toInspectorBucket，ScotlandYard。
Thiscorrespondenceappearstoprovethatmistakesmaybemadebythemostastuteofficersofpolice，andthatevensomanifestaBritonasMr。Pickwickmightchancetofindhimselfinthetoilsofinternationalconspiracy。
（Translated。）May19，1852。
SirandDearFellow—Brother（confrere）。——Thesocordialunderstandingbetweenourcountriesoughttoexpanditselfintoacommunityofthepoliticalpolice。ButthejustsusceptibilitiesoftheOldEnglandforbidatthismomenttherestorationtoafriendlyPowerofpoliticaloffenders。InthenameoftheFrenchpoliceofsuretyIventuretopresenttothefamousofficerBucketaprayerthathewillshuthiseyes，foronce，ontheletter，andopenhishearttothespiritofthelaws。
NooneneedstoteachMonsieurBucketthataforeignmiscreantcanbegivenup，underallreserves，tothejustice!Asmallvialofaharmlesssoporific，aclosedcarriage，aprivatecabinonboardaChannelsteamer——withtheseandalittleoftheadroitnesssoremarkedinthecelebratedBucket，theaffairisinthebag!（danslesac）。Allthesethingsareinthecords（danslescordes）ofmyesteemedEnglishfellow—brother；willhenotemploythemintheinterestofadevotedcolleagueandafriendlyAdministration？Weseekamalefactoroftheworstspecies（unchenapandelapireespece）。Thisfunnyfellow（drole）callshimselfCountofFosco，andheresidesinWoodRoad5，St。John’sForest；worthabodeofamiscreantfitfortheForestofBondy!Heisamanbald，stout，fair，andpayingwellincountenance（ilpaiedemine），conceivinghimselftoresemblethegreatNapoleon。Atthefirstsightyouwouldsayaphilanthrope，afriendofman。Onhisrightarmhebearsasmallredmark，round，thebrandofasocietyofthemostdangerous。DearSir，youwillnotmisshim？Whenonceheisinourhands，faithofLecoq，youshalltellusyournewsastowhetherFrancecanbegrateful。Ofmorewordsthereisnoneed。——I
remain，alltoyou，withtheassuranceofmymostdistinguishedconsideration，LECOQ。
FromInspectorBuckettoM。Lecoq。
May22。
DearSir，——Yourpolitefavourtohand，andcontentsnoted。Youareamanoftheworld；Iamamanoftheworld，andproudtodealwithyouasbetweenmanandman。Thelittleirregularityshallbenoconsideration，allshallbesquared，andthemanwantedruninwithpunctualityanddespatch。ExpecthimatCalaisonthe26thcurrent，——Faithfullyyours，C。BUCKET。
FromCountFoscotoSamuelPickwick，Esq。，G。C。M。P。C。，GoswellRoad。
5ForestRoad，St。John’sWood，May23。
DearSir，——Whenwemetlatelyatthehospitableboardofourcommonfriend，BenjaminAllen，Esq。，latelyelectedProfessorofChemistryintheUniversityofLondon，ourconversationturned（ifyoucanpassmetheintoxicatingfavourofrememberingit）onthegloriousscienceofchemistry。Formethisknowledgehaseverpossessedirresistibleattractions，fromtheenormouspowerwhichitconfersofheapingbenefitsonthesufferingraceofmankind。Othersmayrejoiceintheadvantageswhichaknowledgeofitbestows——thepowerwhichcanreduceaHannibaltothelevelofadrummerboy，oranall—pervadingShakspearetotheintellectualestateofavestryman，thoughitcannotatpresentreversethoseprocesses。
Theconsiderationofthedestructiveascomparedwiththeconstructiveforcesofchemistrywaspresent，asIrecollect，toyourpowerfulintellectonthefestiveoccasiontowhichIrefer。
"Yes!"yousaid（permitmetorepeatyourverywords）——"Yes，CountFosco，Alexander’smorningdraughtshallmakeAlexanderrunforhislifeatthefirstsoundoftheenemy’strumpet。Somuchchemistrycanachieve；butcanshehelpaswellasharm？Nay，cansheanswerforitthatthelemonwhichProfessorAllen，fromthebestandpurestofmotives，hasblendedwiththismilk—punch，shallnotdisagreewithmeto—morrowmorning？Canchemistry，CountFosco，thusthwartmalignconstitutionaltendency？"
Thesewereyourwords，sir，andIamnowreadytoansweryourdeep—
searchingquestionintheaffirmative。ProlongedassiduousapplicationtomyArthasshownmehowtopreservethelemoninMilkPunch，andyetdestroy，ordisengage，thedeleteriouselements。Willyousogreatlyhonourscience，andFoscoherservant，astosupwithmeonthenightofthetwenty—fifth，atnineo’clock，andprove（youneednotdreadthetest）whetheratruefollowerofknowledgeoravainbabblersigns——inexile——thenameofISIDOROTTAVIOBALDASSAREFOSCO？
FromMr。PickwicktotheCountFosco。
May24。
MyDearSir，——Manythanksforyourverykindinvitation。Apartfromtheinterestsofscience，thepleasureofyourcompanyalonewouldbemorethanenoughtomakemegladlyacceptit。Ishallhavetheenjoymentoftestingyourmilk—punchto—morrownightatnine，withtheconfidentexpectationthatyouradmirablestudieswillhaveovercomeatendencywhichformanyyearshaspreventedmefromrelishing，asIcouldwish，oneofthebestthingsinthisgoodworld。Lemon，infact，hasalwaysdisagreedwithme，asProfessorAllenorSirRobertSawyerwillbeabletoassureyou；soyourvaluableexperimentcanbeput，inmycase，toacrucialtest。——Veryfaithfullyyours，SAMUELPICKWICK。
FromInspectorBuckettoM。Lecoq。
May26，1A。M。
MyDearSir，——Wehavetakenyourmanwithoutdifficulty。Bald，benevolent—looking，stout，perhapsfancieshimselflikeNapoleon；
ifso，isdeceived。Wenabbedhimasleepoverhisliquorandalone，attheaddressyoumeanttogive，5ForestRoad，St。John’sWood。Thehousewasempty，servantsout，notasoulbuthimathome。HespeaksEnglishwellforaforeigner，andtriestomakeoutheisaBritishsubject。Wasratherconfusedwhentook，andkeptejaculating"ColdPunch，"apparentlywiththehopeofpersuadingusthatsuchwashisnameoralias。HealsocalledforoneSam——probablyanaccomplice。HetravelstoCalaisto—dayasalunaticpatientinastrait—waistcoat，underchargeoffour"keepers"belongingtotheforce；andItrustthatyouhavemadepreparationsforreceivingyourprisoner，andthatourmanagementofthecasehasgivensatisfaction。WhatIlikeisdoingbusinesswithamanlikeyou。WemaynotbesosmartnorsocleveratdisguisesastheFrenchprofession，butweflatterourselveswearepunctualandcautious。——Faithfullyyours，C。BUCKET。
FromMr。PickwicktoMr。Perker，Solicitor，Gray’sInn。
SaintePelagie，May28。
DearPerker，——Forheaven’ssakecomeoverhereatonce，bringingsomeonewhocanspeakFrench，andbailmeout，orwhatevertheprocessoftheirlawmaybe。Ihavebeenarrested，illegallyandwithoutwarrant，atthehouseofascientificfriend，CountFosco，whereIhadbeensupping。AsfarasIcanunderstand，IamaccusedofaplotagainstthelifeoftheEmperoroftheFrench；butthewholeproceedingshavebeenunintelligibleandarbitrarytoadegree。IcannotthinkthatanEnglishcitizenwillbeallowedtoperishbytheguillotine——innocentandpracticallyunheard!Pleasebringlinenandbrushes，&c。，butnotSam，whowouldbecertaintoembroilhimselfwiththeFrenchpolice。IamwritingtotheTimesandLordPalmerston。——Sincerelyyours，SAMUELPICKWICK。
FromMonsieurLecoqtoInspectorBucket。
May27。
Sir，——Therehasarrivedafrightfulmisunderstanding。ThemanyouhavesentusisnotFosco。OfFoscohehasonlythebaldness，theairbenevolent，andthegirth。Thebrandonhisrightarmisnomorethanthemarkofvaccination。BroughtbeforetheCommissaryofPolice，theprisoner，whohasnotonewordofFrench，washeardthroughaninterpreter。HegiveshimselfthenameofPiquouique，rentier，English；andheappealstohisAmbassador。OfpapershehadlettersbearingthenameSamuelPickwick，and，onhisbuttons，thelettersP。C。，whichwesuspectarethebadgeofasecretsociety。Butthisisnottothepoint；foritiscertainthat，whateverthecrimesofthisbrigand，heisNOTFosco，butanEnglishman。ThatheshouldbefoundinthedomicileofFoscowhenthatdrollhadevadedissuspicious（louche），andhisexplanationdoesnotpermititselftobeunderstood。Ihavefearthatweenjoybadluck，andthatM。Palmerstonwillmakehimselftobeheardonthismatter。
Accept，Monsieur，theassuranceofmyhighconsideration。
LECOQ。
P。S。——Ourcomrade，theCountSmorltork，ofthePoliceofManners（policedesmoeurs），hascometopresenthimself。Confrontedwiththebandit，hegiveshimreason，andoffershisfaiththatthemanisPiquouique，withwhomheencounteredhimselfwhenonamissionofsecrecytoEnglanditisnowsomeyears。Whattodo？（Quefaire？）
LETTER：FromMr。AllanQuatermaintoSirHenryCurtis。
Mr。Quatermainoffersthecorrectaccountoftwocelebratedrightandleftshots，alsoanadventureofthestrangerintheStoryofanAfricanFarm。
DearCurtis，——Youaskmetogiveyouthetrueaccount，inwriting，ofthoserightandleftshotsofmineatthetwolions，thecrocodile，andtheeagle。Thebrutesarestuffednow，inthehallathome——thelionseachonapedestal，andthealligatoronthefloorwiththeeagleinhisjaws——muchastheywerewhenIsettledthemandsavedtheStranger。Allsortsofstorieshavegotintothepapersaboutthebusiness，whichwassimpleenough；so，thoughnohandwithapen，Imayaswellwriteitallout。
IwasupontheKnobkerryRiver，prospectingfordiamonds，inOmomborombunga’scountry。IhadnobodywithmebutpoorJim—jim，whoafterwardsmetwithanawfuldeath，otherwisehewouldhavebeengladtocorroboratemytale，ifitneededit。OnenightIhadcomebacktiredtocamp，whenIfoundastrangersittingbythefire。Hewasadark，fat，Frenchifiedlittlechap，andyouwon’tbelieveme，butitisafactthatheworegloves。Iaskedhimtostaythenight，ofcourse，andinspannedthewaggonsinlaager，forOmomborombunga’simpiswereout，swearingtowashtheirspearsinthebloodofTheGreatWhiteLiar——aPortuguesetravellerprobably；
ifnot，Idon’tknowwhohecanhavebeen；perhapsthisstranger：
hegavenoname。Well，wehadourbiltongtogether，andtheStrangerputhimselfoutsideagooddealoftheverylittlebrandyIhadleft。Wegotyarning，sotospeak，andItoldhimafewofthecuriousadventuresthatnaturallyfalltothelotofamaninthosewildcountries。TheStrangerdidnotsaymuch，butkeptplayingwithahugecarvedwalking—stickthathehad。Presentlyhesaid，"Lookatthisstick；IboughtitfromaboyonaSouthAfricanFarm。Doyouunderstandwhatthecarvingsmean？"
"HangedifIdo!"Isaid，afterturningitabout。
"Well，doyouseethatfigure？"andhetouchedathinglikeaNoahoutofachild’sark。"Thatwasahunterlikeyou，myfriend，butnotinallrespects。Thathunterpursuedavastwhitebirdwithsilverwings，sailingintheeverlastingblue。"
"Everlastingbosh!"saidI；"thereisnobirdofthekindontheveldt。"
"ThatbirdwasTruth，"saystheStranger，"and，judgingfromtheanecdoteyoutellmeabouttheBabyanwomanandtheZulumedicine—
man，itisabirdYOUdon’ttroubleyourselfwithmuch，myfriend。"
ThiswasaprettycoolthingtosaytoamanwhoseveracityisknownlikeaproverbfromSheba’sBreaststotheZambesi。
FoideMacumazahn，theZulussay，meaningastrueasayarnofAllanQuatermain’s。Well，mybloodwasup；nomanshallcallAllanQuatermainaliar。ThefellowwasgoingonwithaprodigiouspalaveraboutawhitefeatherofTruth，andMountSinai，andtheLandofAbsoluteNegation，andIdon’tknowwhat，butIsignifiedtohimthatifhedidnotbelievemyyarnsIdidnotwanthiscompany。"I’msorrytoturnyouout，"Isaid，"fortherearelionsaround"——indeedtheywereroaringtoeachother——"andyouwillhaveaparrotytime。Butyouapologise，oryougo!"
Helaughedhisshortthicklaugh。"Iamamanwhohopesnothing，feelsnothing，fearsnothing，andbelievesnothingthatyoutellme!"
Igotupandwentforhimwithmyfists，andwhetherhefearednothingornotIdon’tknow；buthescooted，droppingayellowFrenchnovel，byoneCatulleMendes，thatIcouldmakeneitherheadnortailof。Iafterwardsheardthattherewassomethingaboutthisstrangerinabookcalled"TheStoryofanAfricanFarm，"
whichIoncebegan，butneverfinished，notbeingabletounderstandmostofit，andbeingvexedbythegrossimprobabilityofthegirlnotmarryingthebaby’sfather，hebeingreadyandwillingtomakeheranhonestwoman。However，Iamnocritic，butaplainmanwhotellsaplaintale，andIbelievepersonsofsouladmirethebookverymuch。Anyway，itdoesnotsaywhotheStrangerwas——anallegoricalkindofbagmanIfancy；butIamnotdonewithhimyet。
Outhewentintothedark，wherehundredsoflionscouldbeplainlyseenmakinglove（atwhichseasontheyareverydangerous）bytheflashesoflightning。
Itwasaterrificyetbeautifulspectacle，andonewhichIcanneverforget。Theblackofnightwouldsuddenlyopenlikeahugesilverflower，deepwithindeep，tillyoualmostfanciedyoucouldseewithinthegatesofheaven。Thehillsstoodoutdarkagainsttheillimitablesplendour，andoneverykoppieyousawthehugelions，likekittensatplay，roaringtillyoucouldscarcelyhearthethunder。Therainwasrushinglikeariver，allglitteringlikediamonds，andthen，inthetwinklingofaneye，allwasblackasawolf’smouthtillthenextflash。Thelightning，comingfromallquarters，appearedtomeetaboveme，andnowwasred，nowgolden，nowsilveragain，whilethegreatcat—likebeasts，astheyleapedorlay，lookedlikegold，red，andsilverlions，remindingmeofthesignsofpublic—housesinoldEngland，faraway。
MeantimethedongabeneathroaredwiththefloodedtorrentthattherainwasbringingdownfromtheheightsofUmbopobekatanktshiu。
Istoodwatchingthegrandspectacleforsometime，ratherpityingtheStrangerwhowasoutinit，bynofaultofmine。ThenI
knockedtheashesoutofmypipe，ateamealyortwo，andcreptintomykartel，{22}andsleptthesleepofthejust。
AboutdawnIwoke。Thethunderhadrolledawaylikeabaddream。
Thelonglevelsilvershaftsofthedawnwerefloodingtheheights，raindropsglitteredlikediamondsoneverykopjeandkarroobush，leavingthedeepdongabathedinthesolemnpallofmysteriousnight。
Mythoughtswentrapidlyoverthemillionsofleaguesoflandandsea，wherelife，thatperpetualproblem，wasnowawakingtoanotherdayofstruggleandtemptation。Thenthegoldenarrowsofthedayfollowedfast。Thesilverandblueskygrewroseatewiththatwidewildblushwhichtestifiestothemodestdelightofnature，satisfiedandgratefulforhersilentexistenceandheramorousrepose。Ibreakfasted，wentdownintothedongawithablackboy，poorJim—jim，whowasafterwards，asIsaid，toperishbyanawfulfate，otherwisehewouldtestifytothetruthofmyplainstory。I
beganpokingamongtherocksinthedrybasinofthedonga，{23}
andhadjustpickedupapebble——Iknewitbythesoapyfeelforadiamond。Uncutitwasaboutthreetimesthesizeofthekoh—i—
noor，say1，000carats，andIwasrejoicinginmyluckwhenIheardthescreamofahumanbeinginthelastagonyofterror。Lookingup，Isawthatoneithersideofthedonga，whichwasabouttwentyfeetwide，agreatblacklionandlionesswerestandingwithopenjaws，whilesomefiftyyardsinfrontofmeanalligator，inadeeppoolofthefloodeddonga，wasstretchinghisopensnoutandgleamingteethgreedilyupwards。Overheadflewaneagle，andIN
MID—AIRBETWEEN，asIamalivingandhonourableman，ahumanbeingwasleapingthechasm。Hehadbeenpursuedbytheliononmyleft，andhadbeendriventoattempttheterribleleap；butifhecrossedhewascertaintofallintothejawsoftheliononmyright，whileifhefellshortinhisjump，doyousee，thealligatorwasreadyforhimbelow，andthegreatgoldeneaglewatchedthebusinessfromabove，incaseheattemptedtoescapeTHATway。
Allthistakeslongtotell，thoughitwaspassinginaflashoftime。Droppingthediamond（whichmusthaverolledintoacreviceoftherock，forIneversawitagain），Icaughtupmydouble—
barrelledrifle（oneofWesson&Smith’s），aimedatthelionontherighthandofthedongawithmyrightbarrel，andthenhastilyfiredmyleftatthealligator。Whenthesmokeclearedaway，themanhadreachedtherightsideofthedongasafeandsound。Seeingthatthealligatorwasdying，Iloadedagain，bowledoverthelionessontheleft，settledtheeagle’sbusiness（hefelldeadintothejawsofthedyingalligator，whichclosedonhimwithasnap）。Ithenclimbedthewallofthedonga，andtherelay，fainting，theStrangeroflastnight——themanwhofearednothing——
thebloodofthedeadliontricklingoverhim。Hiscelebratedallegoricalwalking—stickfromtheAfricanFarmhadbeenbrokenintotwopiecesbythebulletafterit（thebullet）hadpassedthroughtheheadofthelion。And，asthe"IngoldsbyLegends"say，"nobodywasonepennytheworse，"exceptthewildbeasts。Theman，however，hadhadaparrotytime，anditwasagoodhourbeforeI
couldbringhimround，duringwhichhefinishedmybrandy。Hestillworegloves。WhathewasdoinginOmuborumbunga’scountryI
donotknowtothisday。Ineverfoundthediamondagain，thoughI
huntedlong。ButImustsaythattwobetterrightandleftshots，consideringthatIhadnotimetoaim，andthattheywerereallysnapshots，Ineverremembertohavemadeinmylongexperience。
Thisistheshortandthelongofthematter，whichwastalkedofagooddealintheColony，andaboutwhich，Iamtold，someinaccurateaccountshavegotintothenewspapers。Ihatewriting，asyouknow，anddon’tpretendtogivealiterarycolourtothislittlebusinessoftheshots，butmerelytella"plain，unvarnishedtale，"asthe"IngoldsbyLegends"say。
AstotheStranger，whathewasdoingthere，orwhohewas，orwhereheisnow，Icantellyounothing。Hetoldmehewasboundfor"thealmightymountainsofDry—factsandRealities，"whichhekindlypointedouttomeamongthecarvingsofhiswalking—stick。
Hethensighedwearily，verywearily，andscooted。Ithinkhecametonogood；buthenevercameinmywayagain。
Andnowyouknowtheyarnofthetwostuffedlionsandthealligatorwiththeeagleinhisjaws。
Everyours，ALLANQUATERMAIN。
LETTER：FromtheBaronBradwardinetoEdwardWaverley，Esq。，ofWaverleyHonour。
TheBaronexplainsthemysteriouscircumstancesofhisaffairwithhisthirdcousin，SirHewHalbert。——"Waverley，"chap。xiv。
TullyVeolan，May17，1747。
SonEdward，——TouchingmyquarrelwithSirHewHalbert，anentwhichItoldyounomorethanthatitwas"settledinafittingmanner，"
youhavelongteasedmeforanamplerexplanation。ThisIhavewithheld，asconceivingthatittendedrathertovainquolibetsandjesting，thantothatrespectinwhichtheduello，orsinglecombat，shouldberegardedbygentlemenofnameandcoatarmour。
ButSirHewbeingdead，andburiedwithhisfathers，themattermaybebroachedasamongfriendsandpersonsofhonour。Thegroundofourdispute，asyeknow，wasanunthinkingscoffofSirHew’s，hebeingmyownthirdcousinbythemother’sside，AndersonofEttrickHallhavingintermarried，aboutthetimeoftheSolemnLeagueandCovenant，withAndersonofTushielaw，bothofwhichhousesareconnectedwiththeHalbertsofDinniewuddieandwiththeBradwardines。Butstemmataquidfaciunt？SirHew，beingayoungman，andthemaut，asthevulgarsay，abovethemeal，afterafuneralofoneofourkinintheCathedralKirkyardofSt。Andrews，wemetatGlass’sInn，where，inthepresenceofmanygentlemen，occurredourunfortunatedissension。
Weencounteredbetimesnextmorning，onasecludedspotofthesandshardbythetown，attheEden—mouth。{24}Theweaponswerepistols，SirHew，byaslightpassinginfirmity，beingdisabledfromtheuseofthesword。Inchgrabbitwasmysecond，andStrathtyrumdidthesameofficeformykinsman，SirHew。Thepistolsbeingchargedandprimed，andwealignedforenenteachotherattheconvenientdistanceoftwelvepaces，thewordwasgiventofire，andbothweaponshavingbeendischarged，andthesmokehavingclearedaway，SirHewwasdiscoveredfallentotheground，procumbushumi，andexanimate。Thebloodwasflowingfreelyfromaface—wound，andmyunhappykinsmanwassenseless。Atthismomentweheardavoice，asofoneclamantisineremo，cry"Fore!"towhichpayingnoheedinthenaturalagitationofourspirits，wehurriedtoliftmyfallenopponentandexaminehiswound。Uponaclosersearchitprovedtobenoshot—wound，butamereclour，orbruise，whereofthereasonwasnowapparent，hehavingbeenstruckbytheballofagolfer（fromusconcealedbythedunes，orbunkers，ofsand）andnotbythedischargeofmyweapon。Atthismomentaplebeianfellowappearedwithhisarmacampestria，orclubs，cleeks，irons，andthelike，underhisarm，who，withoutpayinganyattentiontooursituation，strucktheballwherewithhehadfelledmykinsmaninthedirectionofthehole。
Reflectiondirectedustotheconclusionthatbothpistolshadmissedtheiraim，andthatSirHewhadfallenbeneathachanceblowfromthisfellow’sgolf—ball。Butasmykinsmanwasstillhorsdecombat，andincapableoffurtheraction，beingunwitting，too，oftherealcauseofhisdisaster，InchgrabbitandStrathtyrum，intheirdiscretionasseconds，orbellijudices，deemeditbetterthatweshouldkeepastillsough，andthatSirHewshouldneverbeinformedconcerningthecauseofhisdiscomfiture。Thisresolutionwekept，andSirHewwore，tillthedayofhislatelamenteddecease，abulletamongthesealsofhiswatch，hebeingpersuadedbyStrathtyrumthatithadbeenextractedfromhisbrain—pan，whichcertainlywasofthethickest。Butthiswasallabam，orbite，amongyoungmen，andasploretolaughoverbyourthreeselves，norwouldIhaveittogoabroadnowthatSirHewisdead，asbeingprejudicialtothememoryofaworthyman，andanhonourablefamilyconnectedwithourown。WhereforeIprayyoukeepastillsoughhereanent，asyouloveme，whoremain——Yourlovinggoodfather，BRADWARDINE。
APPENDIX
NoteonLetterofMr。SurteestoMr。JonathanOldbuck，p。64。
NoliteraryforgerieswereevermuchbetterdonethantheshamballadswhichSurteesofMainsforthimposedonSirWalterScott。
Thepoemswerespiritedandgoodoftheirkind；andthoughwewondernowthatsomeofthemcouldtakeinanexpert，itisbynomeansassuredthatweareevento—dayacquaintedwiththewholeofSurtees’frauds。Whyamanotherwisehonourable，kindly，charitable，andlearned，exercisedhisingenuitysocruellyuponatrustingcorrespondentandastaunchfriend，itishardlypossibletoguess。ThebiographersofSurteesmaintainthathewantedtotryhisskillonScott，thenonlyknowntohimbycorrespondence；
andthat，havingsucceeded，hewasafraidtoriskScott’sfriendshipbyaconfession。Thisisplausible；andifgoodmaycomeoutofevil，wemayrememberthattwopicturesquepartsof"Marmion"areduetooneconfessedandanothercertainsupercherieofSurtees。Itcannotbesaidinhisdefencethathehadnoconceptionofthemischiefofliteraryfrauds；inmorethanonepassageofhiscorrespondencehementionsRitson’sdetestationofthesepractices。"Toliteraryimposition，astendingtoobscurethepathofinquiry，Ritsongavenoquarter，"saysthisarchliteraryimpostor。
AbriefaccountofSurtees’labourinthefieldofshamballadwritingmaybefreshtomanypeoplewhomerelyknowhimastherealauthorof"Barthram’sDirge"andof"TheSlayingofAnthonyFeatherstonhaugh。"Inanundatedletterof1806，Scott，writingfromAshestiel，thanksSurteesforhis"obligingcommunications。"
Surteesmanifestlybeganthecorrespondence，beingattractedbythe"BorderMinstrelsy。"ThusitappearsthatSurteesdidNOTforge"HobbieNoble"inthefirsteditionofthe"Minstrelsy"；forhemakessomesuggestionsastothe"EarlofWhitfield，"dreadedbytheheroofthatballad，whichScotthadalreadypublished。ButhewasalreadydeceivingScott，whowritestohimabout"RalphEure，"
or"LordEure，"andabouta"Goth，whomeltedLordEure’sgoldchain。"ThisLordEureisdoubtlessthe"LordEurie"oftheballadinthelatereditionsofthe"BorderMinstrelsy，"aballadactuallycomposedbySurtees。ThatwilypersonimmediatelysentScottaballadon"TheFeudbetweentheRidleysandFeatherstones，"inwhichScottbelievedtothedayofhisdeath。Heintroduceditin"Marmion。"
ThewhilesaNorthernharperrudeChauntedarhymeofdeadlyfeud，HowthefierceThirlwallsandRidleysall，&c。
Inhisnote（"BorderMinstrelsy，"secondedition，1808，p。xxi。）
Scottsaystheballadwastakendownfromanoldwoman’srecitationattheAlstonMoorlead—mines"bytheagentthere，"andsentbyhimtoSurtees。Consequently，whenSurteessaw"Marmion"inprinthehadtoaskScottnottoprint"THEagent，"ashedoesnotknoweventhenameofColonelBeaumont’schiefagentthere，but"anagent。"
Thushehedgedhimselffromanotimpossibledisclaimerbytheagentatthemines。
Readersof"Marmion"willrememberhowOnce，nearNorham，theredidfightAspectrefell，offiendishmight，InlikenessofaScottishknight，WithBrianBulmerbold，AndtrainedhimnightodisallowTheaidofhisbaptismalvow。
ThislegendismoreofSurtees’fun。"Themostsingulartaleofthiskind，"saysSirWalter，"iscontainedinanextractcommunicatedtomebymyfriendMr。Surtees，ofMainsforth，whocopieditfromaMS。noteinacopyofBurthogge"OntheNatureofSpirits，1694，8vo，"whichhadbeenthepropertyofthelateMr。
Gill。ItwasnotinMr。Gill’sownhand：butprobablyanhundredyearsolder，andwassaidtobe"ElibroConvent。Dunelm。perT。
C。extract。；"thisT。C。beingThomasCradocke，Esq。Scottadds，thatthepassage，whichhegivesintheLatin，suggestedtheintroductionofthetourneywiththeFairyKnightin"Marmion。"
Well，WHEREisCradocke’sextract？Theoriginalwas"lost"beforeSurteessenthis"copy"toSirWalter。"Thenoteshadbeencarelesslyorinjudiciouslyshakenoutofthebook。"Surteesadds，anothereditorconfirmsit，thatnosuchstoryexistsinanyMS。oftheDeanandChapterofDurham。Nodoubtheinventedthewholestory，andwroteithimselfinmediaevalLatin。
Notcontentwithtwo"whoppers，"asMr。JoGargerymightcallthem，Surteesgoesontoinventaperfectlyincredibleheraldicbearing。
HefounditinaMS。noteinthe"Gwillim’sHeraldry"ofMr。GyllorGill——thenameiswrittenbothways。"Hebearethperpaleorandarg。，overallaspectrepassant，SHROUDEDSABLE"——"he"beingNewton，ofBeverley，inYorkshire。SirWalteractuallyswallowedthisamazingfib，andalludestoitin"RobRoy"（1818）。ButMr。
Raine，theeditorofSurtees’Life，inheritedorboughthiscopyofGwillim，thatofMr。GillorGyll；"andIfindinitnotraceofsuchanentry。""LordDerwentwater’sGood—Night"isprobablyentirelybySurtees。"AfriendofMr。Taylor’s"gavehimaTynedaleballad，"Hey，WillyRidley，winnayoustay？"whichisalso"autDiabolusautRobertus。"Asto"Barthram’sDirge，""fromAnnDouglas，awitheredcronewhoweedsmygarden，"copieswithvarioustentativeversesinSurtees’handhavebeenfound。Oddlyenough，SirWalterhadoncediscoveredasmallsepulchralcross，upset，inLiddesdale，nearthe"NineStaneRig；"andthisprobablymadehimmoreeasilydeceived。Surteesverycleverlyputsomelines，whichCOULDnothavebeenoriginal，inbrackets，ashisownattempttofilluplacunae。Suchare[Whenthedewfellcoldandstill，Whentheaspengreyforgettoplay，Andthemistclungtothehill。]
Anyonereadingthepiecewouldsay，"Itmustbegenuine，fortheCONFESSEDinterpolationsarenotintheballadstyle，whichtheinterpolator，therefore，couldnotwrite。"AnattemptwhichSurteesmadewhencomposingthesong，andwhichhewiselyrejected，couldnothavefailedtoexciteScott’ssuspicions。Itran—
TheyburiedhimwhenthebonnymayWasontheflow’ringthorn；
AndshewakedhimtilltheforestgreyOfeveryleafwaslorn；
TilltherowantreeofgramaryeItsscarletclustersshed，AndthehollingreenalonewasseenWithitsberriesglisteningred。
WhetherSurtees’"BrownManoftheMuirs，"towhichScottalsogaveaplaceinhisownpoetry，wasatruelegendornot，thereadermaydecideforhimself。
Concerninganotherballadinthe"Minstrelsy"——"AuldMaitland"——
ProfessorChildhasexpressedasuspicionwhichmostreadersfeel。
WhatScotttoldEllisaboutit（Autumn，1802）was，thathegotitintheForest，"copieddownfromtherecitationofanoldshepherdbyacountryfarmer。"Whowasthefarmer？WillLaidlawhademployedJamesHogg，asshepherd。Hogg’smotherchanted"AuldMaitland。"HoggfirstmetScottinthesummerof1801。Theshepherdhadalreadyseenthefirstvolumeofthe"Minstrelsy。"
Didhe，thereupon，write"AuldMaitland，"teachhismotherit，andinduceLaidlawtotakeitdownfromherrecitation？TheoldladysaidshegotitfromAndrewMoir，whohadit"fraeauldBabyMettlin，whowassaidtohavebeenanothernoragudeane。"ButwehaveHogg’sownstatementthat"aiblinsmagran’—mitherwasanuncoleear，"andthisqualitymayhavebeenhereditary。Ontheotherside，Hoggcouldhardlyhaveheldhistongueabouttheforgery，ifforgeryitwas，whenhewrotehis"DomesticMannersandPrivateLifeofSirWalterScott"（1834）。Thewholeinvestigationisalittledepressing，andmakesoneveryshyofunauthenticatedballads。
Footnotes：
{1}Whoknowswhatmayhappen？Imaydiebeforeheseesthelight；soIwilladdamongmyfriendsSKALAGRIMLAMB’S—TAIL。
{2}CanMrs。Gampmean"dial"？
{3}1887。
{4}Inhisfamiliarcorrespondence，itwillbeobserved，Herodotusdoesnottroublehimselftomaintainthedignityofhistory。
{5}Mr。FlindersPetriehasjustdiscoveredandsenttoMr。Holly，ofTrinity，Cambridge，thewell—knowntraveller，awall—paintingofabeautifulwoman，excavatedbytheEgyptExplorationSociety，fromtheruinedsiteoftheTempleofAphroditeinNaucratis。Mr。
Holly，inanaffectinglettertotheACADEMY，statesthatherecognisesinthispicture"anadmirablethoughsomewhatarchaicportraitofSHE。"TherecanthusbelittleornodoubtthatSHE
wasRhodopis，andthereforeseveralhundredyearsolderthanshesaid。Butfewwillblameherforbeinganxiousnottoclaimherfullage。
ThisunexpectedrevelationappearstothrowlightonsomefascinatingpeculiaritiesinthebehaviourofSHE。
{6}ThegreatintimacybetweenMrs。ProudieandMrs。Quiverful，indicatedbyMrs。Proudie’suseoftheBishop’sChristianname——andthatabbreviated——hasamazedthediscovererandeditorofhercorrespondence。
{7}ThissignatureofMrs。Proudie’sissounusualanassumptionoftheepiscopalstyle，thatitmightwellcastadoubtontheauthenticityofherletter。Butexpertspronounceitgenuine。
"Barnum，"ofcourse，is"BaronumCastrum，"theratheroddRomannameofBarchester。
{8}IthasbeenseenthatMrs。Quiverfuldidnotobeythisinjunction。
{9}ThismanwaswellknowntoSirWalterScott，whospeaksofhiscurioushabitsinanunpublishedmanuscript。
{10}Mr。Forth，wearesure，isquitewrong，andnoneofthescholarshequoteshassaidanythingofthekind。
{11}"He"clearlymeans，notAddison，butProfessorForth，thelady’shusband。
{12}ItwasnotAsiatics，butAztecs；notPittites，butHittites!
Womancareslittleforthesestudies!——A。L。
{13}Theeditorhasnodoubtthatsomeonewas——MissWatson。Cf。
’Belinda。’
{14}OwingtothesuddendeceaseoftheDeaninwell—knownandmelancholycircumstances，thisletterwasnotdelivered。
{15}Alas，notwisely!Butanycarefulreaderof"TheSilenceofDeanMaitland"willseethattheBabywasananachronism。——ED。
{16}ThisappearstohavebeenafavouriteremarkofMr。
Skimpole’s。Itwillbenoticedthat，quitewithoutintendingit，Mr。SkimpolewasthefounderofourNewCyrenaicSchool。
{17}Mr。Skimpole’srecollectionsofclassicalritualarealittlemixedhereabouts。HereferstoMr。Honeyman’sprojectedunionwiththewidowofMr。Bromley，thefamoushatter。
{18}ColonelNewcome，indeed。
{19}Non，Monsieur，jeneciteni"Woodsworth"ni"levieuxWilliams。"
{20}Mr。Pottsoughttohaveconsultedtheeditionof1833，wherehewouldhavefoundtheverseasquotedbyMr。Gandish。
{21}Andanicemixtureitmusthavebeen!——A。L。
{22}Thewoodenbedfastenedinanox—waggon。
{23}Mr。Quatermainhasjustsaidthatthedongawasfilledbyaroaringtorrent。Istherenotsomeinconsistencyhere？
{24}AttheHIGHHOLE，indeed。——A。L。
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