Contents。
1。GermansatMeat。
2。TheBaron。
3。TheSisteroftheBaroness。
4。FrauFischer。
5。FrauBrechenmacherattendsaWedding。
6。TheModernSoul。
7。AtLehmann’s。
8。TheLuftBad。
9。ABirthday。
10。TheChild—Who—Was—Tired。
11。TheAdvancedLady。
12。TheSwingofthePendulum。
13。ABlaze。
1。GERMANSATMEAT。
Breadsoupwasplaceduponthetable。"Ah，"saidtheHerrRat，leaninguponthetableashepeeredintothetureen，"thatiswhatIneed。My’magen’hasnotbeeninorderforseveraldays。Breadsoup，andjusttherightconsistency。Iamagoodcookmyself"——heturnedtome。
"Howinteresting，"Isaid，attemptingtoinfusejusttherightamountofenthusiasmintomyvoice。
"Ohyes——whenoneisnotmarrieditisnecessary。Asforme，IhavehadallIwantedfromwomenwithoutmarriage。"Hetuckedhisnapkinintohiscollarandblewuponhissoupashespoke。"Nowatnineo’clockImakemyselfanEnglishbreakfast，butnotmuch。Fourslicesofbread，twoeggs，twoslicesofcoldham，oneplateofsoup，twocupsoftea——thatisnothingtoyou。"
HeassertedthefactsovehementlythatIhadnotthecouragetorefuteit。
Alleyesweresuddenlyturneduponme。IfeltIwasbearingtheburdenofthenation’spreposterousbreakfast——Iwhodrankacupofcoffeewhilebuttoningmyblouseinthemorning。
"Nothingatall，"criedHerrHoffmannfromBerlin。"Ach，whenIwasinEnglandinthemorningIusedtoeat。"
Heturneduphiseyesandhismoustache，wipingthesoupdrippingsfromhiscoatandwaistcoat。
"Dotheyreallyeatsomuch？"askedFrauleinStiegelauer。"Soupandbaker’sbreadandpig’sflesh，andteaandcoffeeandstewedfruit，andhoneyandeggs，andcoldfishandkidneys，andhotfishandliver？Alltheladieseat，too，especiallytheladies。"
"Certainly。Imyselfhavenoticedit，whenIwaslivinginahotelinLeicesterSquare，"criedtheHerrRat。"Itwasagoodhotel，buttheycouldnotmaketea——now——"
"Ah，that’sonethingICANdo，"saidI，laughingbrightly。"Icanmakeverygoodtea。Thegreatsecretistowarmtheteapot。"
"Warmtheteapot，"interruptedtheHerrRat，pushingawayhissoupplate。
"Whatdoyouwarmtheteapotfor？Ha!ha!that’sverygood!Onedoesnoteattheteapot，Isuppose？"
Hefixedhiscoldblueeyesuponmewithanexpressionwhichsuggestedathousandpremeditatedinvasions。
"SothatisthegreatsecretofyourEnglishtea？Allyoudoistowarmtheteapot。"
Iwantedtosaythatwasonlythepreliminarycanter，butcouldnottranslateit，andsowassilent。
Theservantbroughtinveal，withsauerkrautandpotatoes。
"Ieatsauerkrautwithgreatpleasure，"saidtheTravellerfromNorthGermany，"butnowIhaveeatensomuchofitthatIcannotretainit。Iamimmediatelyforcedto——"
"Abeautifulday，"Icried，turningtoFrauleinStiegelauer。"Didyougetupearly？"
"Atfiveo’clockIwalkedfortenminutesinthewetgrass。Againinbed。
Athalf—pastfiveIfellasleep，andwokeatseven，whenImadean’overbody’washing!Againinbed。Ateighto’clockIhadacold—waterpoultice，andathalfpasteightIdrankacupofminttea。AtnineI
dranksomemaltcoffee，andbeganmy’cure。’Passmethesauerkraut，please。Youdonoteatit？"
"No，thankyou。Istillfinditalittlestrong。"
"Isittrue，"askedtheWidow，pickingherteethwithahairpinasshespoke，"thatyouareavegetarian？"
"Why，yes；Ihavenoteatenmeatforthreeyears。"
"Im——possible!Haveyouanyfamily？"
"No。"
"Therenow，yousee，that’swhatyou’recomingto!Whoeverheardofhavingchildrenuponvegetables？Itisnotpossible。ButyouneverhavelargefamiliesinEnglandnow；Isupposeyouaretoobusywithyoursuffragetting。NowIhavehadninechildren，andtheyareallalive，thankGod。Fine，healthybabies——thoughafterthefirstonewasbornIhadto——"
"HowWONDERFUL!"Icried。
"Wonderful，"saidtheWidowcontemptuously，replacingthehairpinintheknobwhichwasbalancedonthetopofherhead。"Notatall!Afriendofminehadfouratthesametime。Herhusbandwassopleasedhegaveasupper—partyandhadthemplacedonthetable。Ofcourseshewasveryproud。"
"Germany，"boomedtheTraveller，bitingroundapotatowhichhehadspearedwithhisknife，"isthehomeoftheFamily。"
Followedanappreciativesilence。
Thedisheswerechangedforbeef，redcurrantsandspinach。Theywipedtheirforksuponblackbreadandstartedagain。
"Howlongareyouremaininghere？"askedtheHerrRat。
"Idonotknowexactly。ImustbebackinLondoninSeptember。"
"OfcourseyouwillvisitMunchen？"
"IamafraidIshallnothavetime。Yousee，itisimportantnottobreakintomy’cure。’"
"ButyouMUSTgotoMunchen。YouhavenotseenGermanyifyouhavenotbeentoMunchen。AlltheExhibitions，alltheArtandSoullifeofGermanyareinMunchen。ThereistheWagnerFestivalinAugust，andMozartandaJapanesecollectionofpictures——andthereisthebeer!YoudonotknowwhatgoodbeerisuntilyouhavebeentoMunchen。Why，Iseefineladieseveryafternoon，butfineladies，Itellyou，drinkingglassessohigh。"
Hemeasuredagoodwashstandpitcherinheight，andIsmiled。
"IfIdrinkagreatdealofMunchenbeerIsweatso，"saidHerrHoffmann。
"WhenIamhere，inthefieldsorbeforemybaths，Isweat，butIenjoyit；
butinthetownitisnotatallthesamething。"
Promptedbythethought，hewipedhisneckandfacewithhisdinnernapkinandcarefullycleanedhisears。
Aglassdishofstewedapricotswasplaceduponthetable。
"Ah，fruit!"saidFrauleinStiegelauer，"thatissonecessarytohealth。
ThedoctortoldmethismorningthatthemorefruitIcouldeatthebetter。"
Sheveryobviouslyfollowedtheadvice。
SaidtheTraveller："Isupposeyouarefrightenedofaninvasion，too，eh？
Oh，that’sgood。I’vebeenreadingallaboutyourEnglishplayinanewspaper。Didyouseeit？"
"Yes。"Isatupright。"Iassureyouwearenotafraid。"
"Well，then，yououghttobe，"saidtheHerrRat。"Youhavegotnoarmyatall——afewlittleboyswiththeirveinsfullofnicotinepoisoning。"
"Don’tbeafraid，"HerrHoffmannsaid。"Wedon’twantEngland。Ifwedidwewouldhavehadherlongago。Wereallydonotwantyou。"
Hewavedhisspoonairily，lookingacrossatmeasthoughIwerealittlechildwhomhewouldkeepordismissashepleased。
"WecertainlydonotwantGermany，"Isaid。
"ThismorningItookahalfbath。ThenthisafternoonImusttakeakneebathandanarmbath，"volunteeredtheHerrRat；"thenIdomyexercisesforanhour，andmyworkisover。Aglassofwineandacoupleofrollswithsomesardines——"
Theywerehandedcherrycakewithwhippedcream。
"Whatisyourhusband’sfavouritemeat？"askedtheWidow。
"Ireallydonotknow，"Ianswered。
"Youreallydonotknow？Howlonghaveyoubeenmarried？"
"Threeyears。"
"Butyoucannotbeinearnest!Youwouldnothavekepthouseashiswifeforaweekwithoutknowingthatfact。"
"Ireallyneveraskedhim；heisnotatallparticularabouthisfood。"
Apause。Theyalllookedatme，shakingtheirheads，theirmouthsfullofcherrystones。
"NowonderthereisarepetitioninEnglandofthatdreadfulstateofthingsinParis，"saidtheWidow，foldingherdinnernapkin。"Howcanawomanexpecttokeepherhusbandifshedoesnotknowhisfavouritefoodafterthreeyears？"
"Mahlzeit!"
"Mahlzeit!"
Iclosedthedoorafterme。
2。THEBARON。
"Whoishe？"Isaid。"Andwhydoeshesitalwaysalone，withhisbacktous，too？"
"Ah!"whisperedtheFrauOberregierungsrat，"heisaBARON。"
Shelookedatmeverysolemnly，andyetwiththeslightestpossiblecontempt——a"fancy—not—recognising—that—at—the—first—glance"expression。
"But，poorsoul，hecannothelpit，"Isaid。"Surelythatunfortunatefactoughtnottodebarhimfromthepleasuresofintellectualintercourse。"
IfithadnotbeenforherforkIthinkshewouldhavecrossedherself。
"Surelyyoucannotunderstand。HeisoneoftheFirstBarons。"
Morethanalittleunnerved，sheturnedandspoketotheFrauDoktoronherleft。
"Myomeletteisempty——EMPTY，"sheprotested，"andthisisthethirdIhavetried!"
IlookedattheFirstoftheBarons。Hewaseatingsalad——takingawholelettuceleafonhisforkandabsorbingitslowly，rabbit—wise——afascinatingprocesstowatch。
Smallandslight，withscantyblackhairandbeardandyellow—tonedcomplexion，heinvariablyworeblacksergeclothes，aroughlinenshirt，blacksandals，andthelargestblack—rimmedspectaclesthatIhadeverseen。
TheHerrOberlehrer，whosatoppositeme，smiledbenignantly。
"Itmustbeveryinterestingforyou，gnadigeFrau，tobeabletowatch……
ofcoursethisisaVERYFINEHOUSE。TherewasaladyfromtheSpanishCourthereinthesummer；shehadaliver。Weoftenspoketogether。"
Ilookedgratifiedandhumble。
"Now，inEngland，inyour’boarding’ouse’，onedoesnotfindtheFirstClass，asinGermany。"
"No，indeed，"Ireplied，stillhypnotisedbytheBaron，wholookedlikealittleyellowsilkworm。
"TheBaroncomeseveryyear，"wentontheHerrOberlehrer，"forhisnerves。
Hehasneverspokentoanyoftheguests——YET!Asmilecrossedhisface。
Iseemedtoseehisvisionsofsomesplendidupheavalofthatsilence——adazzlingexchangeofcourtesiesinadimfuture，asplendidsacrificeofanewspapertothisExaltedOne，a"dankeschon"tobehandeddowntofuturegenerations。
Atthatmomentthepostman，lookinglikeaGermanarmyofficer，cameinwiththemail。Hethrewmylettersintomymilkpudding，andthenturnedtoawaitressandwhispered。Sheretiredhastily。Themanagerofthepensioncameinwithalittletray。Apicturepostcardwasdepositedonit，andreverentlybowinghishead，themanagerofthepensioncarriedittotheBaron。
Myself，Ifeltdisappointedthattherewasnotasaluteoftwenty—fiveguns。
Attheendofthemealwewereservedwithcoffee。InoticedtheBarontookthreelumpsofsugar，puttingtwoinhiscupandwrappingupthethirdinacornerofhispocket—handkerchief。Hewasalwaysthefirsttoenterthedining—roomandthelasttoleave；andinavacantchairbesidehimheplacedalittleblackleatherbag。
Intheafternoon，leaningfrommywindow，Isawhimpassdownthestreet，walkingtremulouslyandcarryingthebag。Eachtimehepassedalamp—postheshrankalittle，asthoughexpectingittostrikehim，ormaybethesenseofplebeiancontamination……
Iwonderedwherehewasgoing，andwhyhecarriedthebag。NeverhadI
seenhimattheCasinoortheBathEstablishment。Helookedforlorn，hisfeetslippedinhissandals。IfoundmyselfpityingtheBaron。
Thateveningapartyofusweregatheredinthesalondiscussingtheday’s"kur"withfeverishanimation。TheFrauOberregierungsratsatbymeknittingashawlforheryoungestofninedaughters，whowasinthatveryinteresting，frailcondition……"Butitisboundtobequitesatisfactory，"
shesaidtome。"Thedearmarriedabanker——thedesireofherlife。"
Theremusthavebeeneightortenofusgatheredtogether，wewhoweremarriedexchangingconfidencesastotheunderclothingandpeculiarcharacteristicsofourhusbands，theunmarrieddiscussingtheover—clothingandpeculiarfascinationsofPossibleOnes。
"Iknitthemmyself，"IheardtheFrauLehrercry，"ofthickgreywool。Hewearsoneamonth，withtwosoftcollars。"
"Andthen，"whisperedFrauleinLisa，"hesaidtome，’Indeedyoupleaseme。
Ishall，perhaps，writetoyourmother。’"
Smallwonderthatwewerealittleviolentlyexcited，alittleexpostulatory。
SuddenlythedooropenedandadmittedtheBaron。
Followedacompleteanddeathlikesilence。
Hecameinslowly，hesitated，tookupatoothpickfromadishonthetopofthepiano，andwentoutagain。
Whenthedoorwasclosedweraisedatriumphantcry!Itwasthefirsttimehehadeverbeenknowntoenterthesalon。WhocouldtellwhattheFutureheld？
Dayslengthenedintoweeks。Stillweweretogether，andstillthesolitarylittlefigure，headbowedasthoughundertheweightofthespectacles，hauntedme。Heenteredwiththeblackbag，heretiredwiththeblackbag——andthatwasall。
AtlastthemanagerofthepensiontoldustheBaronwasleavingthenextday。
"Oh，"Ithought，"surelyhecannotdriftintoobscurity——belostwithoutoneword!SurelyhewillhonourtheFrauOberregierungsratoftheFrauFeldleutnantswitweONCEbeforehegoes。"
Intheeveningofthatdayitrainedheavily。Iwenttothepostoffice，andasIstoodonthesteps，umbrellaless，hesitatingbeforeplungingintotheslushyroad，alittle，hesitatingvoiceseemedtocomefromundermyelbow。
Ilookeddown。ItwastheFirstoftheBaronswiththeblackbagandanumbrella。WasImad？WasIsane？Hewasaskingmetosharethelatter。
ButIwasexceedinglynice，atriflediffident，appropriatelyreverential。
Togetherwewalkedthroughthemudandslush。
Now，thereissomethingpeculiarlyintimateinsharinganumbrella。
Itisapttoputoneonthesamefootingasbrushingaman’scoatforhim——alittledaring，naive。
Ilongedtoknowwhyhesatalone，whyhecarriedthebag，whathedidallday。Buthehimselfvolunteeredsomeinformation。
"Ifear，"hesaid，"thatmyluggagewillbedamp。Iinvariablycarryitwithmeinthisbag——onerequiressolittle——forservantsareuntrustworthy。"
"Awiseidea，"Ianswered。Andthen："Whyhaveyoudeniedusthepleasure——"
"IsitalonethatImayeatmore，"saidtheBaron，peeringintothedusk；
"mystomachrequiresagreatdealoffood。Iorderdoubleportions，andeattheminpeace。"
WhichsoundedfinelyBaronial。
"Andwhatdoyoudoallday？"
"Iimbibenourishmentinmyroom，"hereplied，inavoicethatclosedtheconversationandalmostrepentedoftheumbrella。
Whenwearrivedatthepensiontherewasverynearlyanopenriot。
Iranhalfwayupthestairs，andthankedtheBaronaudiblyfromthelanding。
Hedistinctlyreplied："Notatall!"
ItwasveryfriendlyoftheHerrOberlehrertohavesentmeabouquetthatevening，andtheFrauOberregierungsrataskedmeformypatternofababy’sbonnet!……
NextdaytheBaronwasgone。
SictransitgloriaGermanmundi。
3。THESISTEROFTHEBARONESS。
"Therearetwonewguestsarrivingthisafternoon，"saidthemanagerofthepension，placingachairformeatthebreakfasttable。"Ihaveonlyreceivedtheletteracquaintingmewiththefactthismorning。TheBaronessvonGallissendingherlittledaughter——thepoorchildisdumb——tomakethe’cure。’Sheistostaywithusamonth，andthentheBaronessherselfiscoming。"
"BaronessvonGall，"criedtheFrauDoktor，comingintotheroomandpositivelyscentingthename。"Cominghere？Therewasapictureofheronlylastweekin’SportandSalon。’Sheisafriendofthecourt：IhaveheardthattheKaiserinsays’du’toher。Butthisisdelightful!Ishalltakemydoctor’sadviceandspendanextrasixweekshere。Thereisnothinglikeyoungsociety。"
"Butthechildisdumb，"venturedthemanagerapologetically。
"Bah!Whatdoesthatmatter？Afflictedchildrenhavesuchprettyways。"
Eachguestwhocameintothebreakfast—roomwasbombardedwiththewonderfulnews。"TheBaronessvonGallissendingherlittledaughterhere；theBaronessherselfiscominginamonth’stime。"Coffeeandrollstookonthenatureofanorgy。Wepositivelyscintillated。AnecdotesoftheHighBornwerepouredout，sweetenedandsipped：wegorgedonscandalsofHighBirthgenerouslybuttered。
"Theyaretohavetheroomnexttoyours，"saidthemanager，addressingme。
"IwaswonderingifyouwouldpermitmetotakedowntheportraitoftheKaiserinElizabethfromaboveyourbedtohangovertheirsofa。"
"Yes，indeed，somethinghomelike"——theFrauOberregierungsratpattedmyhand——"andofnopossiblesignificancetoyou。"
Ifeltalittlecrushed。Notattheprospectoflosingthatvisionofdiamondsandbluevelvetbust，butatthetone——placingmeoutsidethepale——brandingmeasaforeigner。
Wedissipatedthedayinvalidspeculations。Decideditwastoowarmtowalkintheafternoon，solaydownonourbeds，musteringingreatforceforafternooncoffee。Andacarriagedrewupatthedoor。Atallyounggirlgotout，leadingachildbythehand。Theyenteredthehall，weregreetedandshowntotheirroom。Tenminuteslatershecamedownwiththechildtosignthevisitors’book。Sheworeablack，closelyfittingdress，touchedatthroatandwristswithwhitefrilling。Herbrownhair，braided，wastiedwithablackbow——unusuallypale，withasmallmoleonherleftcheek。
"IamtheBaronessvonGall’ssister，"shesaid，tryingthepenonapieceofblotting—paper，andsmilingatusdeprecatingly。Evenforthemostjadedofuslifeholdsitsthrillingmoments。TwoBaronessesintwomonths!Themanagerimmediatelylefttheroomtofindanewnib。
Tomyplebeianeyesthatafflictedchildwassingularlyunattractive。Shehadtheairofhavingbeenperpetuallywashedwithabluebag，andhairlikegreywool——dressed，too，inapinaforesostifflystarchedthatshecouldonlypeeratusoverthefrillofit——asocialbarrierofapinafore——andperhapsitwastoomuchtoexpectanobleaunttoattendtothemenialconsiderationofherniece’sears。Butadumbniecewithunwashedearsstruckmeasamostdepressingobject。
Theyweregivenplacesattheheadofthetable。Foramomentwealllookedatoneanotherwithaneena—deena—dina—doexpression。ThentheFrauOberregierungsrat：
"Ihopeyouarenottiredafteryourjourney。"
"No，"saidthesisteroftheBaroness，smilingintohercup。
"Ihopethedearchildisnottired，"saidtheFrauDoktor。
"Notatall。"
"Iexpect，Ihopeyouwillsleepwellto—night，"theHerrOberlehrersaidreverently。
"Yes。"
ThepoetfromMunichnevertookhiseyesoffthepair。Heallowedhistietoabsorbmostofhiscoffeewhilehegazedatthemexceedinglysoulfully。
UnyokingPegasus，thoughtI。DeathspasmsofhisOdestoSolitude!Therewerepossibilitiesinthatyoungwomanforaninspiration，nottomentionadedication，andfromthatmomenthissufferingtemperamenttookupitsbedandwalked。
Theyretiredafterthemeal，leavingustodiscussthematleisure。
"Thereisalikeness，"musedtheFrauDoktor。"Quite。Whatamannershehas。Suchreserve，suchatenderwaywiththechild。"
"Pityshehasthechildtoattendto，"exclaimedthestudentfromBonn。Hehadhithertorelieduponthreescarsandaribbontoproduceaneffect，butthesisterofaBaronessdemandedmorethanthese。
Absorbingdaysfollowed。Hadshebeenonewhitlessbeautifullybornwecouldnothaveenduredthecontinualconversationabouther，thesongsinherpraise，thedetailedaccountofhermovements。Butshegraciouslysufferedourworshipandweweremorethancontent。
Thepoetshetookintoherconfidence。Hecarriedherbookswhenwewentwalking，hejumpedtheafflictedoneonhisknee——poeticlicence，this——andonemorningbroughthisnotebookintothesalonandreadtous。
"ThesisteroftheBaronesshasassuredmesheisgoingintoaconvent，"hesaid。（ThatmadethestudentfromBonnsitup。）"Ihavewrittenthesefewlineslastnightfrommywindowinthesweetnightair——"
"Oh，yourDELICATEchest，"commentedtheFrauDoktor。
Hefixedastonyeyeonher，andsheblushed。
"Ihavewrittentheselines：
"’Ah，willyoutoaconventfly，Soyoung，sofresh，sofair？
SpringlikeadoeuponthefieldsAndfindyourbeautythere。’"
Nineversesequallylovelycommandedhertoequallyviolentaction。Iamcertainthathadshefollowedhisadvicenoteventheremainderofherlifeinaconventwouldhavegivenhertimetorecoverherbreath。
"Ihavepresentedherwithacopy，"hesaid。"Andto—daywearegoingtolookforwildflowersinthewood。"
ThestudentfromBonngotupandlefttheroom。Ibeggedthepoettorepeattheversesoncemore。AttheendofthesixthverseIsawfromthewindowthesisteroftheBaronessandthescarredyouthdisappearingthroughthefrontgate，whichenabledmetothankthepoetsocharminglythatheofferedtowritemeoutacopy。
Butwewerelivingattoohighpressureinthosedays。Swingingfromourhumblepensiontothehighwallsofpalaces，howcouldwehelpbutfall？
LateoneafternoontheFrauDoktorcameuponmeinthewriting—roomandtookmetoherbosom。
"Shehasbeentellingmeallaboutherlife，"whisperedtheFrauDoktor。
"Shecametomybedroomandofferedtomassagemyarm。Youknow，Iamthegreatestmartyrtorheumatism。And，fancynow，shehasalreadyhadsixproposalsofmarriage。SuchbeautifuloffersthatIassureyouIwept——andeveryoneofnoblebirth。Mydear，themostbeautifulwasinthewood。
NotthatIdonotthinkaproposalshouldtakeplaceinadrawing—room——itismorefittingtohavefourwalls——butthiswasaprivatewood。Hesaid，theyoungofficer，shewaslikeayoungtreewhosebrancheshadneverbeentouchedbytheruthlesshandofman。Suchdelicacy!"Shesighedandturneduphereyes。
"OfcourseitisdifficultforyouEnglishtounderstandwhenyouarealwaysexposingyourlegsoncricket—fields，andbreedingdogsinyourbackgardens。Thepityofit!Youthshouldbelikeawildrose。FormyselfI
donotunderstandhowyourwomenevergetmarriedatall。"
SheshookherheadsoviolentlythatIshookminetoo，andagloomsettledroundmyheart。Itseemedwewerereallyinaverybadway。DidthespiritofromancespreadherrosewingsonlyoveraristocraticGermany？
Iwenttomyroom，boundapinkscarfaboutmyhair，andtookavolumeofMorike’slyricsintothegarden。Agreatbushofpurplelilacgrewbehindthesummer—house。ThereIsatdown，findingasadsignificanceinthedelicatesuggestionofhalfmourning。Ibegantowriteapoemmyself。
"Theyswayandlanguishdreamily，Andwe，closepressed，arekissingthere。"
Itended!"Closepressed"didnotsoundatallfascinating。Savouredofwardrobes。Didmywildrosethenalreadytrailinthedust？Ichewedaleafandhuggedmyknees。Then——magicmoment——Iheardvoicesfromthesummer—house，thesisteroftheBaronessandthestudentfromBonn。
Second—handwasbetterthannothing；Iprickedupmyears。
"Whatsmallhandsyouhave，"saidthestudentfromBonn。"Theyarelikewhitelilieslyinginthepoolofyourblackdress。"Thiscertainlysoundedtherealthing。Herhigh—bornreplywaswhatinterestedme。
Sympatheticmurmuronly。
"MayIholdone？"
Iheardtwosighs——presumedtheyheld——hehadrifledthosedarkwatersofanobleblossom。
"Lookatmygreatfingersbesideyours。"
"Buttheyarebeautifullykept，"saidthesisteroftheBaronessshyly。
Theminx!Waslovethenaquestionofmanicure？
"HowIshouldadoretokissyou，"murmuredthestudent。"ButyouknowIamsufferingfromseverenasalcatarrh，andIdarenotriskgivingittoyou。
SixteentimeslastnightdidIcountmyselfsneezing。Andthreedifferenthandkerchiefs。"
IthrewMorikeintothelilacbush，andwentbacktothehouse。Agreatautomobilesnortedatthefrontdoor。Inthesalongreatcommotion。TheBaronesswaspayingasurprisevisittoherlittledaughter。Cladinayellowmackintoshshestoodinthemiddleoftheroomquestioningthemanager。Andeveryguestthepensioncontainedwasgroupedabouther，eventheFrauDoktor，presumablyexaminingatimetable，asneartotheaugustskirtsaspossible。
"Butwhereismymaid？"askedtheBaroness。
"Therewasnomaid，"repliedthemanager，"saveforyourgracioussisteranddaughter。"
"Sister!"shecriedsharply。"Fool，Ihavenosister。Mychildtravelledwiththedaughterofmydressmaker。"
Tableaugrandissimo!
4。FRAUFISCHER。
FrauFischerwasthefortunatepossessorofacandlefactorysomewhereonthebanksoftheEger，andonceayearsheceasedfromherlabourstomakea"cure"inDorschausen，arrivingwithadress—basketneatlycoveredinablacktarpaulinandahand—bag。Thelattercontainedamongstherhandkerchiefs，eaudeCologne，toothpicks，andacertainwoollenmufflerverycomfortingtothe"magen，"samplesofherskillincandle—making，tobeofferedupastokensofthanksgivingwhenherholidaytimewasover。
FouroftheclockoneJulyafternoonsheappearedatthePensionMuller。I
wassittinginthearbourandwatchedherbustlingupthepathfollowedbythered—beardedporterwithherdress—basketinhisarmsandasunflowerbetweenhisteeth。Thewidowandherfiveinnocentdaughtersstoodtastefullygroupeduponthestepsinappropriateattitudesofwelcome；andthegreetingsweresolongandloudthatIfeltasympatheticglow。
"Whatajourney!"criedtheFrauFischer。"Andnothingtoeatinthetrain——nothingsolid。Iassureyouthesidesofmystomachareflappingtogether。ButImustnotspoilmyappetitefordinner——justacupofcoffeeinmyroom。Bertha，"turningtotheyoungestofthefive，"howchanged!Whatabust!FrauHartmann，Icongratulateyou。"
OnceagaintheWidowseizedFrauFischer’shands。"Kathi，too，asplendidwoman；butalittlepale。PerhapstheyoungmanfromNurnbergishereagainthisyear。HowyoukeepthemallIdon’tknow。EachyearIcomeexpectingtofindyouwithanemptynest。It’ssurprising。"
FrauHartmann，inanashamed，apologeticvoice："Wearesuchahappyfamilysincemydearmandied。"
"Butthesemarriages——onemusthavecourage；andafterall，givethemtime，theyallmakethehappyfamilybigger——thankGodforthat……Aretheremanypeopleherejustnow？"
"Everyroomengaged。"
Followedadetaileddescriptioninthehall，murmuredonthestairs，continuedinsixpartsastheyenteredthelargeroom（windowsopeninguponthegarden）whichFrauFischeroccupiedeachsuccessiveyear。Iwasreadingthe"MiraclesofLourdes，"whichaCatholicpriest——fixingagloomyeyeuponmysoul——hadbeggedmetodigest；butitswonderswerecompletelyroutedbyFrauFischer’sarrival。NoteventhewhiterosesuponthefeetoftheVirgincouldflourishinthatatmosphere。
"……Itwasasimpleshepherd—childwhopasturedherflocksuponthebarrenfields……"
Voicesfromtheroomabove："Thewashstandhas，ofcourse，beenscrubbedoverwithsoda。"
"……Poverty—stricken，herlimbswithtatteredragshalfcovered……"
"Everystickofthefurniturehasbeensunninginthegardenforthreedays。Andthecarpetwemadeourselvesoutofoldclothes。Thereisapieceofthatbeautifulflannelpetticoatyouleftuslastsummer。"
"……Deafanddumbwasthechild；infact，thepopulationconsideredherhalfidiot……"
"Yes，thatisanewpictureoftheKaiser。Wehavemovedthethorn—crownedoneofJesusChristoutintothepassage。Itwasnotcheerfultosleepwith。DearFrauFischer，won’tyoutakeyourcoffeeoutinthegarden？"
"Thatisaveryniceidea。ButfirstImustremovemycorsetsandmyboots。Ah，whatarelieftowearsandalsagain。Iamneedingthe’cure’
verybadlythisyear。Mynerves!Iamamassofthem。DuringtheentirejourneyIsatwithmyhandkerchiefovermyhead，evenwhiletheguardcollectedthetickets。Exhausted!"
Shecameintothearbourwearingablackandwhitespotteddressing—gown，andacalicocappeakedwithpatentleather，followedbyKathi，carryingthelittlebluejugsofmaltcoffee。Wewereformallyintroduced。FrauFischersatdown，producedaperfectlycleanpockethandkerchiefandpolishedhercupandsaucer，thenliftedthelidofthecoffee—potandpeeredinatthecontentsmournfully。
"Maltcoffee，"shesaid。"Ah，forthefirstfewdaysIwonderhowIcanputupwithit。Naturally，absentfromhomeonemustexpectmuchdiscomfortandstrangefood。ButasIusedtosaytomydearhusband：
withacleansheetandagoodcupofcoffeeIcanfindmyhappinessanywhere。Butnow，withnerveslikemine，nosacrificeistooterribleformetomake。Whatcomplaintareyousufferingfrom？Youlookexceedinglyhealthy!"
Ismiledandshruggedmyshoulders。
"Ah，thatissostrangeaboutyouEnglish。Youdonotseemtoenjoydiscussingthefunctionsofthebody。Aswellspeakofarailwaytrainandrefusetomentiontheengine。Howcanwehopetounderstandanybody，knowingnothingoftheirstomachs？Inmyhusband’smostsevereillness——
thepoultices——"
Shedippedapieceofsugarinhercoffeeandwatcheditdissolve。
"YetayoungfriendofminewhotravelledtoEnglandforthefuneralofhisbrothertoldmethatwomenworebodicesinpublicrestaurantsnowaitercouldhelplookingintoashehandedthesoup。"
"ButonlyGermanwaiters，"Isaid。"Englishoneslookoverthetopofyourhead。"
"There，"shecried，"nowyouseeyourdependenceonGermany。Notevenanefficientwaitercanyouhavebyyourselves。"
"ButIpreferthemtolookoveryourhead。"
"Andthatprovesthatyoumustbeashamedofyourbodice。"
Ilookedoutoverthegardenfullofwall—flowersandstandardrose—treesgrowingstifflylikeGermanbouquets，feelingIdidnotcareonewayortheother。IratherwantedtoaskheriftheyoungfriendhadgonetoEnglandinthecapacityofwaitertoattendthefuneralbakedmeats，butdecideditwasnotworthit。Theweatherwastoohottobemalicious，andwhocouldbeuncharitable，victimisedbytheflappingsensationswhichFrauFischerwasenduringuntilsix—thirty？Asagiftfromheavenformyforbearance，downthepathtowardsuscametheHerrRat，angelicallycladinawhitesilksuit。HeandFrauFischerwereoldfriends。Shedrewthefoldsofherdressing—gowntogether，andmaderoomforhimonthelittlegreenbench。
"Howcoolyouarelooking，"shesaid；"andifImaymaketheremark——whatabeautifulsuit!"
"SurelyIworeitlastsummerwhenyouwerehere？IbroughtthesilkfromChina——smuggleditthroughtheRussiancustomsbyswathingitroundmybody。Andsuchaquantity：twodresslengthsformysister—in—law，threesuitsformyself，acloakforthehousekeeperofmyflatinMunich。HowI
perspired!Everyinchofithadtobewashedafterwards。"
"SurelyyouhavehadmoreadventuresthananymaninGermany。WhenIthinkofthetimethatyouspentinTurkeywithadrunkenguidewhowasbittenbyamaddogandfelloveraprecipiceintoafieldofattarofroses，I
lamentthatyouhavenotwrittenabook。"
"Time——time。Iamgettingafewnotestogether。Andnowthatyouarehereweshallrenewourquietlittletalksaftersupper。Yes？Itisnecessaryandpleasantforamantofindrelaxationinthecompanyofwomenoccasionally。"
"IndeedIrealisethat。Evenhereyourlifeistoostrenuous——youaresosoughtafter——soadmired。Itwasjustthesamewithmydearhusband。Hewasatall，beautifulman，andsometimesintheeveninghewouldcomedownintothekitchenandsay：’Wife，Iwouldliketobestupidfortwominutes。’Nothingrestedhimsomuchthenasformetostrokehishead。"
TheHerrRat’sbaldpateglisteninginthesunlightseemedsymbolicalofthesadabsenceofawife。
Ibegantowonderastothenatureofthesequietlittleafter—suppertalks。HowcouldoneplayDelilahtososhornaSamson？
"HerrHoffmannfromBerlinarrivedyesterday，"saidtheHerrRat。
"ThatyoungmanIrefusetoconversewith。HetoldmelastyearthathehadstayedinFranceinanhotelwheretheydidnothaveserviettes；whataplaceitmusthavebeen!InAustriaeventhecabmenhaveserviettes。AlsoIhaveheardthathediscussed’freelove’withBerthaasshewassweepinghisroom。Iamnotaccustomedtosuchcompany。Ihadsuspectedhimforalongtime。"
"Youngblood，"answeredtheHerrRatgenially。"Ihavehadseveraldisputeswithhim——youhaveheardthem——isitnotso？"turningtome。
"Agreatmany，"Isaid，smiling。
"Doubtlessyoutooconsidermebehindthetimes。Imakenosecretofmyage；Iamsixty—nine；butyoumusthavesurelyobservedhowimpossibleitwasforhimtospeakatallwhenIraisedmyvoice。"
Irepliedwiththeutmostconviction，and，catchingFrauFischer’seye，suddenlyrealisedIhadbettergobacktothehouseandwritesomeletters。
Itwasdarkandcoolinmyroom。Achestnuttreepushedgreenboughsagainstthewindow。Ilookeddownatthehorsehairsofasoopenlyfloutingtheideaofcurlingupasimmoral，pulledtheredpillowontothefloorandlaydown。AndbarelyhadIgotcomfortablewhenthedooropenedandFrauFischerentered。
"TheHerrRathadabathingappointment，"shesaid，shuttingthedoorafterher。"MayIcomein？Praydonotmove。YoulooklikealittlePersiankitten。Now，tellmesomethingreallyinterestingaboutyourlife。WhenI
meetnewpeopleIsqueezethemdrylikeasponge。Tobeginwith——youaremarried。"
Iadmitthefact。
"Then，dearchild，whereisyourhusband？"
Isaidhewasasea—captainonalongandperilousvoyage。
"Whatapositiontoleaveyouin——soyoungandsounprotected。"
Shesatdownonthesofaandshookherfingeratmeplayfully。
"Admit，now，thatyoukeepyourjourneyssecretfromhim。Forwhatmanwouldthinkofallowingawomanwithsuchawealthofhairtogowanderinginforeigncountries？Now，supposingthatyoulostyourpurseatmidnightinasnowboundtraininNorthRussia？"
"ButIhaven’ttheslightestintention——"Ibegan。
"Idon’tsaythatyouhave。Butwhenyousaidgood—byetoyourdearmanI
ampositivethatyouhadnointentionofcominghere。Mydear，Iamawomanofexperience，andIknowtheworld。Whileheisawayyouhaveafeverinyourblood。Yoursadheartfliesforcomforttotheseforeignlands。Athomeyoucannotbearthesightofthatemptybed———itislikewidowhood。SincethedeathofmydearhusbandIhaveneverknownanhour’speace。"
"Ilikeemptybeds，"Iprotestedsleepily，thumpingthepillow。
"Thatcannotbetruebecauseitisnotnatural。Everywifeoughttofeelthatherplaceisbyherhusband’sside——sleepingorwaking。Itisplaintoseethatthestrongesttieofalldoesnotyetbindyou。Waituntilalittlepairofhandsstretchesacrossthewater——waituntilhecomesintoharbourandseesyouwiththechildatyourbreast。"
Isatupstiffly。
"ButIconsiderchild—bearingthemostignominiousofallprofessions，"I
said。
Foramomenttherewassilence。ThenFrauFischerreacheddownandcaughtmyhand。
"Soyoungandyettosuffersocruelly，"shemurmured。"Thereisnothingthatsoursawomansoterriblyastobeleftalonewithoutaman，especiallyifsheismarried，forthenitisimpossibleforhertoaccepttheattentionofothers——unlesssheisunfortunatelyawidow。Ofcourse，I
knowthatsea—captainsaresubjecttoterribletemptations，andtheyareasinflammableastenorsingers——thatiswhyyoumustpresentabrightandenergeticappearance，andtryandmakehimproudofyouwhenhisshipreachesport。"
ThishusbandthatIhadcreatedforthebenefitofFrauFischerbecameinherhandssosubstantialafigurethatIcouldnolongerseemyselfsittingonarockwithseaweedinmyhair，awaitingthatphantomshipforwhichallwomenlovetosupposetheyhunger。RatherIsawmyselfpushingaperambulatorupthegangway，andcountingupthemissingbuttonsonmyhusband’suniformjacket。
"Handfulsofbabies，thatiswhatyouarereallyinneedof，"musedFrauFischer。"Then，asthefatherofafamilyhecannotleaveyou。Thinkofhisdelightandexcitementwhenhesawyou!"
Theplanseemedtomesomethingofarisk。ToappearsuddenlywithhandfulsofstrangebabiesisnotgenerallycalculatedtoraiseenthusiasmintheheartoftheaverageBritishhusband。IdecidedtowreckmyvirginconceptionandsendhimdownsomewhereoffCapeHorn。
Thenthedinner—gongsounded。
"Comeuptomyroomafterwards，"saidFrauFischer。"ThereisstillmuchthatImustaskyou。"
Shesqueezedmyhand，butIdidnotsqueezeback。
5。FRAUBRECHENMACHERATTENDSAWEDDING。
Gettingreadywasaterriblebusiness。AftersupperFrauBrechenmacherpackedfourofthefivebabiestobed，allowingRosatostaywithherandhelptopolishthebuttonsofHerrBrechenmacher’suniform。Thensheranoverhisbestshirtwithahotiron，polishedhisboots，andputastitchortwointohisblacksatinnecktie。
"Rosa，"shesaid，"fetchmydressandhangitinfrontofthestovetogetthecreasesout。Now，mind，youmustlookafterthechildrenandnotsituplaterthanhalf—pasteight，andnottouchthelamp——youknowwhatwillhappenifyoudo。"
"Yes，Mamma，"saidRosa，whowasnineandfeltoldenoughtomanageathousandlamps。"Butletmestayup——the’Bub’maywakeandwantsomemilk。"
"Half—pasteight!"saidtheFrau。"I’llmakethefathertellyoutoo。"
Rosadrewdownthecornersofhermouth。
"But……but……"
"Herecomesthefather。Yougointothebedroomandfetchmybluesilkhandkerchief。YoucanwearmyblackshawlwhileI’mout——therenow!"
Rosadraggeditoffhermother’sshouldersandwounditcarefullyroundherown，tyingthetwoendsinaknotattheback。Afterall，shereflected，ifshehadtogotobedathalfpasteightshewouldkeeptheshawlon。
Whichresolutioncomfortedherabsolutely。
"Now，then，wherearemyclothes？"criedHerrBrechenmacher，hanginghisemptyletter—bagbehindthedoorandstampingthesnowoutofhisboots。
"Nothingready，ofcourse，andeverybodyattheweddingbythistime。I
heardthemusicasIpassed。Whatareyoudoing？You’renotdressed。Youcan’tgolikethat。"
"Heretheyare——allreadyforyouonthetable，andsomewarmwaterinthetinbasin。Dipyourheadin。Rosa，giveyourfatherthetowel。
Everythingreadyexceptthetrousers。Ihaven’thadtimetoshortenthem。
Youmusttucktheendsintoyourbootsuntilwegetthere。"
"Nu，"saidtheHerr，"thereisn’troomtoturn。Iwantthelight。Yougoanddressinthepassage。"
DressinginthedarkwasnothingtoFrauBrechenmacher。Shehookedherskirtandbodice，fastenedherhandkerchiefroundherneckwithabeautifulbroochthathadfourmedalstotheVirgindanglingfromit，andthendrewonhercloakandhood。
"Here，comeandfastenthisbuckle，"calledHerrBrechenmacher。Hestoodinthekitchenpuffinghimselfout，thebuttonsonhisblueuniformshiningwithanenthusiasmwhichnothingbutofficialbuttonscouldpossiblypossess。"HowdoIlook？"
"Wonderful，"repliedthelittleFrau，strainingatthewaistbuckleandgivinghimalittlepullhere，alittletugthere。"Rosa，comeandlookatyourfather。"
HerrBrechenmacherstrodeupanddownthekitchen，washelpedonwithhiscoat，thenwaitedwhiletheFraulightedthelantern。
"Now，then——finishedatlast!Comealong。"
"Thelamp，Rosa，"warnedtheFrau，slammingthefrontdoorbehindthem。
Snowhadnotfallenallday；thefrozengroundwasslipperyasanicepond。
Shehadnotbeenoutofthehouseforweekspast，andthedayhadsoflurriedherthatshefeltmuddledandstupid——feltthatRosahadpushedheroutofthehouseandhermanwasrunningawayfromher。
"Wait，wait!"shecried。
"No。I’llgetmyfeetdamp——youhurry。"
Itwaseasierwhentheycameintothevillage。Therewerefencestoclingto，andleadingfromtherailwaystationtotheGasthausalittlepathofcindershadbeenstrewnforthebenefitoftheweddingguests。
TheGasthauswasveryfestive。Lightsshoneoutfromeverywindow，wreathsoffirtwigshungfromtheledges。Branchesdecoratedthefrontdoors，whichswungopen，andinthehallthelandlordvoicedhissuperioritybybullyingthewaitresses，whoranaboutcontinuallywithglassesofbeer，traysofcupsandsaucers，andbottlesofwine。
"Upthestairs——upthestairs!"boomedthelandlord。"Leaveyourcoatsonthelanding。"
HerrBrechenmacher，completelyoverawedbythisgrandmanner，sofarforgothisrightsasahusbandastobeghiswife’spardonforjostlingheragainstthebanistersinhiseffortstogetaheadofeverybodyelse。
HerrBrechenmacher’scolleaguesgreetedhimwithacclamationasheenteredthedooroftheFestsaal，andtheFraustraightenedherbroochandfoldedherhands，assumingtheairofdignitybecomingtothewifeofapostmanandthemotheroffivechildren。BeautifulindeedwastheFestsaal。Threelongtablesweregroupedatoneend，theremainderofthefloorspaceclearedfordancing。Oillamps，hangingfromtheceiling，shedawarm，brightlightonthewallsdecoratedwithpaperflowersandgarlands；shedawarmer，brighterlightontheredfacesoftheguestsintheirbestclothes。
Attheheadofthecentretablesatthebrideandbridegroom，sheinawhitedresstrimmedwithstripesandbowsofcolouredribbon，givinghertheappearanceofanicedcakeallreadytobecutandservedinneatlittlepiecestothebridegroombesideher，whoworeasuitofwhiteclothesmuchtoolargeforhimandawhitesilktiethatrosehalfwayuphiscollar。Groupedaboutthem，withafineregardfordignityandprecedence，sattheirparentsandrelations；andperchedonastoolatthebride’srighthandalittlegirlinacrumpledmuslindresswithawreathofforget—me—notshangingoveroneear。Everybodywaslaughingandtalking，shakinghands，clinkingglasses，stampingonthefloor——astenchofbeerandperspirationfilledtheair。
FrauBrechenmacher，followinghermandowntheroomaftergreetingthebridalparty，knewthatshewasgoingtoenjoyherself。Sheseemedtofilloutandbecomerosyandwarmasshesniffedthatfamiliarfestivesmell。
Somebodypulledatherskirt，and，lookingdown，shesawFrauRupp，thebutcher’swife，whopulledoutanemptychairandbeggedhertositbesideher。
"Fritzwillgetyousomebeer，"shesaid。"Mydear，yourskirtisopenattheback。Wecouldnothelplaughingasyouwalkeduptheroomwiththewhitetapeofyourpetticoatshowing!"
"Buthowfrightful!"saidFrauBrechenmacher，collapsingintoherchairandbitingherlip。
"Na，it’sovernow，"saidFrauRupp，stretchingherfathandsoverthetableandregardingherthreemourningringswithintenseenjoyment；"butonemustbecareful，especiallyatawedding。"
"Andsuchaweddingasthis，"criedFrauLedermann，whosatontheothersideofFrauBrechenmacher。"FancyTheresabringingthatchildwithher。
It’sherownchild，youknow，mydear，andit’sgoingtolivewiththem。
That’swhatIcallasinagainsttheChurchforafree—bornchildtoattenditsownmother’swedding。"
Thethreewomensatandstaredatthebride，whoremainedverystill，withalittlevacantsmileonherlips，onlyhereyesshiftinguneasilyfromsidetoside。
"Beerthey’vegivenit，too，"whisperedFrauRupp，"andwhitewineandanice。Itneverdidhaveastomach；sheoughttohaveleftitathome。"
FrauBrechenmacherturnedroundandlookedtowardsthebride’smother。Shenevertookhereyesoffherdaughter，butwrinkledherbrownforeheadlikeanoldmonkey，andnoddednowandagainverysolemnly。Herhandsshookassheraisedherbeermug，andwhenshehaddrunkshespatonthefloorandsavagelywipedhermouthwithhersleeve。ThenthemusicstartedandshefollowedTheresawithhereyes，lookingsuspiciouslyateachmanwhodancedwithher。
"Cheerup，oldwoman，"shoutedherhusband，diggingherintheribs；"thisisn’tTheresa’sfuneral。"Hewinkedattheguests，whobrokeintoloudlaughter。
"IAMcheerful，"mumbledtheoldwoman，andbeatuponthetablewithherfist，keepingtimetothemusic，provingshewasnotoutofthefestivities。
"Shecan’tforgethowwildTheresahasbeen，"saidFrauLedermann。"Whocould——withthechildthere？IheardthatlastSundayeveningTheresahadhystericsandsaidthatshewouldnotmarrythisman。Theyhadtogetthepriesttoher。"
"Whereistheotherone？"askedFrauBrechenmacher。"Whydidn’themarryher？"
Thewomanshruggedhershoulders。
"Gone——disappeared。Hewasatraveller，andonlystayedattheirhousetwonights。Hewassellingshirtbuttons——Iboughtsomemyself，andtheywerebeautifulshirtbuttons——butwhatapigofafellow!Ican’tthinkwhathesawinsuchaplaingirl——butyouneverknow。Hermothersaysshe’sbeenlikefireeversinceshewassixteen!"
FrauBrechenmacherlookeddownatherbeerandblewalittleholeinthefroth。
"That’snothowaweddingshouldbe，"shesaid；"it’snotreligiontolovetwomen。"
"Nicetimeshe’llhavewiththisone，"FrauRuppexclaimed。"HewaslodgingwithmelastsummerandIhadtogetridofhim。Heneverchangedhisclothesonceintwomonths，andwhenIspoketohimofthesmellinhisroomhetoldmehewassureitfloatedupfromtheshop。Ah，everywifehashercross。Isn’tthattrue，mydear？"
FrauBrechenmachersawherhusbandamonghiscolleaguesatthenexttable。
Hewasdrinkingfartoomuch，sheknew——gesticulatingwildly，thesalivasplutteringoutofhismouthashetalked。
"Yes，"sheassented，"that’strue。Girlshavealottolearn。"
Wedgedinbetweenthesetwofatoldwomen，theFrauhadnohopeofbeingaskedtodance。Shewatchedthecouplesgoingroundandround；sheforgotherfivebabiesandhermanandfeltalmostlikeagirlagain。Themusicsoundedsadandsweet。Herroughenedhandsclaspedandunclaspedthemselvesinthefoldsofherskirt。Whilethemusicwentonshewasafraidtolookanybodyintheface，andshesmiledwithalittlenervoustremorroundthemouth。
"But，myGod，"FrauRuppcried，"they’vegiventhatchildofTheresa’sapieceofsausage。It’stokeepherquiet。There’sgoingtobeapresentationnow——yourmanhastospeak。"
FrauBrechenmachersatupstiffly。Themusicceased，andthedancerstooktheirplacesagainatthetables。
HerrBrechenmacheraloneremainedstanding——heheldinhishandsabigsilvercoffee—pot。Everybodylaughedathisspeech，excepttheFrau；
everybodyroaredathisgrimaces，andatthewayhecarriedthecoffee—pottothebridalpair，asifitwereababyhewasholding。
Sheliftedthelid，peepedin，thenshutitdownwithalittlescreamandsatbitingherlips。Thebridegroomwrenchedthepotawayfromheranddrewforthababy’sbottleandtwolittlecradlesholdingchinadolls。AshedandledthesetreasuresbeforeTheresathehotroomseemedtoheaveandswaywithlaughter。
FrauBrechenmacherdidnotthinkitfunny。Shestaredroundatthelaughingfaces，andsuddenlytheyallseemedstrangetoher。Shewantedtogohomeandnevercomeoutagain。Sheimaginedthatallthesepeoplewerelaughingather，morepeoplethantherewereintheroomeven——alllaughingatherbecausetheyweresomuchstrongerthanshewas……
Theywalkedhomeinsilence。HerrBrechenmacherstrodeahead，shestumbledafterhim。Whiteandforsakenlaytheroadfromtherailwaystationtotheirhouse——acoldrushofwindblewherhoodfromherface，andsuddenlysherememberedhowtheyhadcomehometogetherthefirstnight。Nowtheyhadfivebabiesandtwiceasmuchmoney；BUT——
"Na，whatisitallfor？"shemuttered，andnotuntilshehadreachedhome，andpreparedalittlesupperofmeatandbreadforhermandidshestopaskingherselfthatsillyquestion。
HerrBrechenmacherbrokethebreadintohisplate，smeareditroundwithhisforkandchewedgreedily。
"Good？"sheasked，leaningherarmsonthetableandpillowingherbreastagainstthem。
"Butfine!"
Hetookapieceofthecrumb，wipeditroundhisplateedge，andheldituptohermouth。Sheshookherhead。
"Nothungry，"shesaid。
"Butitisoneofthebestpieces，andfullofthefat。"
Heclearedtheplate；thenpulledoffhisbootsandflungthemintoacorner。
"Notmuchofawedding，"hesaid，stretchingouthisfeetandwrigglinghistoesintheworstedsocks。
"N——no，"shereplied，takingupthediscardedbootsandplacingthemontheoventodry。
HerrBrechenmacheryawnedandstretchedhimself，andthenlookedupather，grinning。
"Rememberthenightthatwecamehome？Youwereaninnocentone，youwere。"
"Getalong!SuchatimeagoIforget。"Wellsheremembered。
"Suchacloutontheearasyougaveme……ButIsoontaughtyou。"
"Oh，don’tstarttalking。You’vetoomuchbeer。Cometobed。"
Hetiltedbackinhischair，chucklingwithlaughter。
"That’snotwhatyousaidtomethatnight。God，thetroubleyougaveme!"
ButthelittleFrauseizedthecandleandwentintothenextroom。Thechildrenwereallsoundlysleeping。Shestrippedthemattressoffthebaby’sbedtoseeifhewasstilldry，thenbeganunfasteningherblouseandskirt。
"Alwaysthesame，"shesaid——"allovertheworldthesame；but，Godinheaven——butSTUPID。
Theneventhememoryoftheweddingfadedquite。ShelaydownonthebedandputherarmacrossherfacelikeachildwhoexpectedtobehurtasHerrBrechenmacherlurchedin。
6。THEMODERNSOUL。
"Good—evening，"saidtheHerrProfessor，squeezingmyhand；"wonderfulweather!Ihavejustreturnedfromapartyinthewood。Ihavebeenmakingmusicforthemonmytrombone。Youknow，thesepine—treesprovidemostsuitableaccompanimentforatrombone!Theyaresighingdelicacyagainstsustainedstrength，asIremarkedonceinalectureonwindinstrumentsinFrankfort。MayIbepermittedtositbesideyouonthisbench，gnadigeFrau？"
Hesatdown，tuggingatawhite—paperpackageinthetailpocketofhiscoat。
"Cherries，"hesaid，noddingandsmiling。"Thereisnothinglikecherriesforproducingfreesalivaaftertromboneplaying，especiallyafterGrieg’s’IchLiebeDich。’Thosesustainedblastson’liebe’makemythroatasdryasarailwaytunnel。Havesome？"Heshookthebagatme。
"Ipreferwatchingyoueatthem。"
"Ah，ha!"Hecrossedhislegs，stickingthecherrybagbetweenhisknees，toleavebothhandsfree。"PsychologicallyIunderstoodyourrefusal。Itisyourinnatefemininedelicacyinpreferringetherealisedsensations……Orperhapsyoudonotcaretoeattheworms。Allcherriescontainworms。
OnceImadeaveryinterestingexperimentwithacolleagueofmineattheuniversity。Webitintofourpoundsofthebestcherriesanddidnotfindonespecimenwithoutaworm。Butwhatwouldyou？AsIremarkedtohimafterwards——dearfriend，itamountstothis：ifonewishestosatisfythedesiresofnatureonemustbestrongenoughtoignorethefactsofnature……Theconversationisnotoutofyourdepth？IhavesoseldomthetimeoropportunitytoopenmyhearttoawomanthatIamapttoforget。"
Ilookedathimbrightly。
"Seewhatafatone!"criedtheHerrProfessor。"Thatisalmostamouthfulinitself；itisbeautifulenoughtohangfromawatch—chain。"Hecheweditupandspatthestoneanincredibledistance——overthegardenpathintotheflowerbed。Hewasproudofthefeat。Isawit。"ThequantityoffruitIhaveeatenonthisbench，"hesighed；"apricots，peachesandcherries。Onedaythatgardenbedwillbecomeanorchardgrove，andI
shallallowyoutopickasmuchasyouplease，withoutpayingmeanything。"
Iwasgrateful，withoutshowingundueexcitement。
"Whichremindsme"——hehitthesideofhisnosewithonefinger——"themanagerofthepensionhandedmemyweeklybillafterdinnerthisevening。
Itisalmostimpossibletocredit。Idonotexpectyoutobelieveme——hehaschargedmeextraforamiserablelittleglassofmilkIdrinkinbedatnighttopreventinsomnia。Naturally，Ididnotpay。Butthetragedyofthestoryisthis：Icannotexpectthemilktoproducesomnolenceanylonger；mypeacefulattitudeofmindtowardsitiscompletelydestroyed。I
knowIshallthrowmyselfintoafeverinattemptingtoplumbthiswantofgenerosityinsowealthyamanasthemanagerofapension。Thinkofmeto—night。"——hegroundtheemptybagunderhisheel——"thinkthattheworstishappeningtomeasyourheaddropsasleeponyourpillow。"
Twoladiescameonthefrontstepsofthepensionandstood，arminarm，lookingoverthegarden。Theone，oldandscraggy，dressedalmostentirelyinblackbeadtrimmingandasatinreticule；theother，youngandthin，inawhitegown，heryellowhairtastefullygarnishedwithmauvesweetpeas。
TheProfessordrewinhisfeetandsatupsharply，pullingdownhiswaistcoat。
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