Havingdoneupourhumanwash，andlaiditouttodry，thesecondsyllableofourversionofthewordwar—farewasenactedwithmuchsuccess。Greattraysofbread，meat，soupandcoffeeappeared；andbothnursesandattendantsturnedwaiters，servingbountifulrationstoallwhocouldeat。Icancallmypinaforetotestifytomygoodwillinthework，forintenminutesitwasreducedtoaperambulatingbilloffare，presentingsamplesofalltherefreshmentsgoingorgone。Itwasalivelyscene；thelongroomlinedwithrowsofbeds，eachfilledbyanoccupant，whomwater，shears，andcleanraiment，hadtransformedfromadismalragamuffinintoarecumbenthero，withacroppedhead。Toandfrorushedmatrons，maids，andconvalescent"boys，"skirmishingwithknivesandforks；retreatingwithemptyplates；

marchingandcounter—marching，withunvariedsuccess，whiletheclashofbusyspoonsmademostinspiringmusicforthechargeofourLightBrigade："Bedstothefrontofthem，Bedstotherightofthem，Bedstotheleftofthem，Nobodyblundered。

Beamedatbyhungrysouls，Screamedatwithbrimmingbowls，Steamedatbyarmyrolls，Butteredandsundered。

Withcoffeenotcannonplied，Eachmustbesatisfied，Whethertheylivedordied；

Allthemenwondered。"[Page40]

Verywelcomeseemedthegenerousmeal，afteraweekofsuffering，exposure，andshortcommons；soonthebrownfacesbegantosmile，asfood，warmth，andrest，didtheirpleasantwork；andthegrateful"Thankee’s"werefollowedbymoregraphicaccountsofthebattleandretreat，thananypaidreportercouldhavegivenus。Curiouscontrastsofthetragicandcomicmetoneeverywhere；andsometouchingaswellasludicrousepisodes，mighthavebeenrecordedthatday。AsixfootNewHampshireman，withalegbrokenandperforatedbyapieceofshell，solargethat，hadInotseenthewound，IshouldhaveregardedthestoryasaMunchausenism，beckonedmetocomeandhelphim，ashecouldnotsitup，andbothhisbedandbeardweregettingplentifullyanointedwithsoup。AsIfedmybignestlingwithcorrespondingmouthfuls，Iaskedhimhowhefeltduringthebattle。

"Well，’twasmyfust，yousee，soIaintashamedtosayIwasatrifleflusteredinthebeginnin’，therewassuchanallfiredracket；forefthere’sanythingIdospleenagin，it’snoise。Butwhenmymate，EphSylvester，caved，withabulletthroughhishead，Igotmad，andpitchedin，lickettycut。Ourpartofthefightdidn’tlastlong；soalotofuslarkedroundFredericksburg，andgivesomeofthemhousesaprettyconsid’ableofarummage，tillwewasorderedoutofthemess。Someofourfellowscutliketime；butIwarn’ta—goin’torunfornobody；and，fustthingIknew，ashellbust，rightinfrontofus，andIkeeledover，feelin’asifIwasblowedhigher’nakite。Isungout，andtheboyscomebackforme，doublequick；butthewaytheychuckedmeoverthemfenceswasacaution，Itellyou。NextdayIwasmostasblackasthatdarkeyyonder，lickin’platesonthesly。Thisisbullycoffee，ain’tit？Giveusanotherpullatit，andI’llbeobleegedtoyou。"[Page41]

Idid；and，asthelastgulpsubsided，hesaid，witharubofhisoldhandkerchiefovereyesaswellasmouth：

"Lookahere；I’vegotapairaearbobsandahandkercherpinI’magoin’togiveyou，ifyou’llhavethem；foryou’retheverymoralo’LizySylvester，poorEph’swife：that’swhyIsignalledyoutocomeoverhere。

Theyaintmuch，Iguess，butthey’lldotomemorizetherebsby。"

Burrowingunderhispillow，heproducedalittlebundleofwhathecalled"truck，"andgallantlypresentedmewithapairofearrings，eachrepresentingaclusterofcorpulentgrapes，andthepinabasketofastonishingfruit，thewholelargeandcopperyenoughforasmallwarming—pan。Feelingdelicateaboutdeprivinghimofsuchvaluablerelics，Iacceptedtheearringsalone，andwasobligedtodepart，somewhatabruptly，whenmyfriendstuckthewarming—paninthebosomofhisnight—gown，viewingitwithmuchcomplacency，and，perhaps，sometendermemory，inthatroughheartofhis，forthecomradehehadlost。

Observingthatthemannexthimhadlefthismealuntouched，IofferedthesameserviceIhadperformedforhisneighbor，butheshookhishead。

"Thankyou，ma’am；Idon’tthinkI’llevereatagain，forI’mshotinthestomach。ButI’dlikeadrinkofwater，ifyouainttoobusy。"

Irushedaway，butthewater—pailsweregonetoberefilled，anditwassometimebeforetheyreappeared。Ididnotforgetmypatientpatient，meanwhile，and，withthefirstmugful，hurriedbacktohim。Heseemedasleep；

butsomethinginthetiredwhitefacecausedmetolistenathislipsforabreath。Nonecame。Itouchedhisforehead；itwascold：andthenIknewthat，whilehewaited，abetternursethanIhadgivenhimacoolerdraught，andhealedhimwithatouch。Ilaid[Page42]

thesheetoverthequietsleeper，whomnonoisecouldnowdisturb；and，halfanhourlater，thebedwasempty。Itseemedapoorrequitalforallhehadsacrificedandsuffered，&shy；thathospitalbed，lonelyeveninacrowd；fortherewasnofamiliarfaceforhimtolookhislastupon；nofriendlyvoicetosay，Goodbye；nohandtoleadhimgentlydownintotheValleyoftheShadow；andhevanished，likeadropinthatredseauponwhoseshoressomanywomenstandlamenting。ForamomentIfeltbitterlyindignantatthisseemingcarelessnessofthevalueoflife，thesanctityofdeath；thenconsoledmyselfwiththethoughtthat，whenthegreatmusterrollwascalled，thesenamelessmenmightbepromotedabovemanywhosetallmonumentsrecordthebarrenhonorstheyhavewon。

Allhavingeaten，drank，andrested，thesurgeonsbegantheirrounds；

andItookmyfirstlessonintheartofdressingwounds。Itwasn’tafestivescene，byanymeans；forDrP。，whoseAidIconstitutedmyself，felltoworkwithavigorwhichsoonconvincedmethatIwasaweakervessel，thoughnothingwouldhaveinducedmetoconfessitthen。HehadservedintheCrimea，andseemedtoregardadilapidatedbodyverymuchasIshouldhaveregardedadamagedgarment；and，turninguphiscuffs，whippedoutaveryunpleasantlookinghousewife，cutting，sawing，patchingandpiecing，withtheenthusiasmofanaccomplishedsurgicalseamstress；explainingtheprocess，inscientificterms，tothepatient，meantime；which，ofcourse，wasimmenselycheeringandcomfortable。Therewasanuncannysortoffascinationinwatchinghim，ashepeeredandprobedintothemechanismofthosewonderfulbodies，whosemysteriesheunderstoodsowell。Themoreintricatethewound，thebetterhelikedit。Apoorprivate，withbothlegsoff，andshotthroughthelungs，possessedmore[Page43]

attractionsforhimthanadozengenerals，slightlyscratchedinsome"masterlyretreat；"andhadanyoneappearedinsmallpieces，requestingtobeputtogetheragain，hewouldhaveconsidereditaspecialdispensation。

Theamputationswerereservedtillthemorrow，andthemercifulmagicofetherwasnotthoughtnecessarythatday，sothepoorsoulshadtobeartheirpainsasbesttheymight。Itisallverywelltotalkofthepatienceofwoman；andfarbeitfrommetopluckthatfeatherfromhercap，for，heavenknows，sheisn’tallowedtowearmany；butthepatientenduranceofthesemen，undertrialsoftheflesh，wastrulywonderful。Theirfortitudeseemedcontagious，andscarcelyacryescapedthem，thoughIoftenlongedtogroanforthem，whenpridekepttheirwhitelipsshut，whilegreatdropsstoodupontheirforeheads，andthebedshookwiththeirrepressibletremoroftheirtorturedbodies。OneortwoIrishmenanathematizedthedoctorswiththefranknessoftheirnation，andorderedtheVirgintostandbythem，asifshehadbeentheweddedBiddytowhomtheycouldadministerthepoker，ifshedidn’t；but，asageneralthing，theworkwentoninsilence，brokenonlybysomequietrequestforroller，instruments，orplaster，asighfromthepatient，orasympathizingmurmurfromthenurse。

Itwaslongpastnoonbeforetheserepairswereevenpartiallymade；

and，havinggotthebodiesofmyboysintosomethinglikeorder，thenexttaskwastoministertotheirminds，bywritingletterstotheanxioussoulsathome；answeringquestions，readingpapers，takingpossessionofmoneyandvaluables；fortheeighthcommandmentwasreducedtoaveryfragmentarycondition，bothbytheblacksandwhites，whoornamentedourhospitalwiththeirpresence。Pocketbooks，purses，miniatures，andwatches，weresealedup，[Page44]labelled，andhandedovertothematron，tillsuchtimesastheownersthereofwerereadytodeparthomewardorcampwardagain。Thelettersdictatedtome，andrevisedbyme，thatafternoon，wouldhavemadeanexcellentchapterforsomefuturehistoryofthewar；for，likethatwhichThackeray’s"EnsignSpooney"wrotehismotherjustbeforeWaterloo，theywere"fullofaffection，pluck，andbadspelling；"nearlyallgivinglivelyaccountsofthebattle，andendingwithasomewhatsuddenplungefrompatriotismtoprovender，desiring"Marm，"

"MaryAnn，"or"AuntPeters，"tosendalongsomepies，pickles，sweetstuff，andapples，"toyourninhaste，"Joe，Sam，orNed，asthecasemightbe。

MylittleSergeantinsistedontryingtoscribblesomethingwithhislefthand，andpatientlyaccomplishedsomehalfdozenlinesofhieroglyphics，whichhegavemetofoldanddirect，withaboyishblush，thatrenderedaglimpseof"MyDearestJane，"unnecessary，toassuremethattheheroicladhadbeenmoresuccessfulintheserviceofCommander—in—ChiefCupidthanthatofGen。Mars；andacharminglittleromanceblossomedinstanterinNursePeriwinkle’sromanticfancy，thoughnofurtherconfidencesweremadethatday，forSergeantfellasleep，and，judgingfromhistranquilface，visitedhisabsentsweetheartinthepleasantlandofdreams。

Atfiveo’clockagreatbellrang，andtheattendantsflew，nottoarms，buttotheirtrays，tobringupsupper，whenaseconduproarannouncedthatitwasready。Thenewcomerswokeatthesound；andIpresentlydiscoveredthatittookaverybadwoundtoincapacitatethedefendersofthefaithfortheconsumptionoftheirrations；theamountthatsomeofthemsequesteredwasamazing；butwhenIsuggestedtheprobabilityofafaminehereafter，tothematron，thatmotherlyladycriedout："Blesstheirhearts，whyshouldn’ttheyeat？[Page45]It’stheironlyamusement；sofilleveryone，and，ifthere’snotenoughreadyto—night，I’lllendmysharetotheLordbygivingittotheboys。"And，whippinguphercoffee—potandplateoftoast，shegladdenedtheeyesandstomachsoftwoorthreedissatisfiedheroes，byservingthemwithaliberalhand；

andIhaven’ttheslightestdoubtthat，havingcastherbreaduponthewaters，itcamebackbuttered，asanotherlarge—heartedoldladywaswonttosay。

Thencamethedoctor’seveningvisit；theadministrationofmedicines；

washingfeverishfaces；smoothingtumbledbeds；wettingwounds；singinglullabies；andpreparationsforthenight。Bytwelve，thelastlaboroflovewasdone；thelast"goodnight"spoken；and，ifanyneededarewardforthatday’swork，theysurelyreceivedit，inthesilenteloquenceofthoselonglinesoffaces，showingpaleandpeacefulintheshadedrooms，aswequittedthem，followedbygratefulglancesthatlightedustobed，whererest，thesweetest，madeourpillowssoft，whileNightandNaturetookourplaces，fillingthatgreathouseofpainwiththehealingmiraclesofSleep，andhisdivinerbrother，Death。ChapterIV：ANight。ChapterIV：ANight。CHAPTERIV。ANIGHT。

Beingfondofthenightsideofnature，Iwassoonpromotedtothepostofnightnurse，witheveryfacilityforindulginginmyfavoritepastimeof"owling。"Mycolleague，ablack—eyedwidow，relievedmeatdawn，wetwotakingcareoftheward，betweenus，liketheimmortalSairyandBetsey，"turnandturnabout。"Iusuallyfoundmyboysinthejollieststateofmindtheirconditionallowed；foritwasaknownfactthatNursePeriwinkleobjectedtobluedevils，andentertainedabeliefthathewholaughedmostwassurestofrecovery。Atthebeginningofmyreign，dumpsanddismalsprevailed；thenurseslookedanxiousandtired，themengloomyorsad；

andageneral"Hark!—from—the—tombs—a—doleful—sound"styleofconversationseemedtobethefashion：astateofthingswhichcausedonecomingfromamerry，socialNewEnglandtown，tofeelasifshehadgotintoanexhaustedreceiver；andtheinstinctofself—preservation，tosaynothingofaphilanthropicdesiretoservetherace，causedaspeedychangeinWardNo。1。[Page47]

Moreflatteringthanthemostgracefullyturnedcompliment，moregratefulthanthemostadmiringglance，wasthesightofthoserowsoffaces，allstrangetomealittlewhileago，nowlightingup，withsmilesofwelcome，asIcameamongthem，enjoyingthatmomentheartily，withawomanlyprideintheirregard，amotherlyaffectionforthemall。Theeveningswerespentinreadingaloud，writingletters，waitingonandamusingthemen，goingtheroundswithDr。P。，ashemadehisseconddailysurvey，dressingmydozenwoundsafresh，givinglastdoses，andmakingthemcozyforthelonghourstocome，tillthenineo’clockbellrang，thegaswasturneddown，thedaynurseswentoffduty，thenightwatchcameon，andmynocturnaladventurebegan。

Mywardwasnowdividedintothreerooms；and，underfavorofthematron，IhadmanagedtosortoutthepatientsinsuchawaythatIhadwhatI

called，"mydutyroom，"my"pleasureroom，"andmy"patheticroom，"andworkedforeachinadifferentway。One，Ivisited，armedwithadressingtray，fullofrollers，plasters，andpins；another，withbooks，flowers，games，andgossip；athird，withteapots，lullabies，consolation，andsometimes，ashroud。

Whereverthesickestormosthelplessmanchancedtobe，thereIheldmywatch，oftenvisitingtheotherrooms，toseethatthegeneralwatchmanofthewarddidhisdutybythefiresandthewounds，thelatterneedingconstantwetting。NotonlyonthisaccountdidImeander，butalsotogetfresherairthanthecloseroomsafforded；for，owingtothestupidityofthatmysterious"somebody"whodoesallthedamageintheworld，thewindowshadbeencarefullynaileddownabove，andthelowersashescouldonlyberaisedinthemildestweather，forthemenlayjustbelow。Ihadsuggestedasummarysmashingofafewpaneshereandthere，whenfrequent[Page48]appealstoheadquartershadprovedunavailing，anddailyorderstolazyattendantshadcometonothing。Noonesecondedthemotion，however，andthenailswerefarbeyondmyreach；for，thoughbelongingtothesisterhoodof"ministeringangels，"Ihadnowings，andmightaswellhaveaskedforJacob’sladder，asapairofsteps，inthatcharitablechaos。

Oneoftheharmlessghostswhoboremecompanyduringthehauntedhours，wasDan，thewatchman，whomIregardedwithacertainawe；for，thoughsomuchtogether，Ineverfairlysawhisface，and，butforhislegs，shouldneverhaverecognizedhim，asweseldommetbyday。Theselegswereremarkable，aswashiswholefigure，forhisbodywasshort，rotund，anddoneupinabigjacket，andmuffler；hisbeardhidthelowerpartofhisface，hishat—brimtheupper；andallIeverdiscoveredwasapairofsleepyeyes，andaverymildvoice。Butthelegs!&shy；verylong，verythin，verycrookedandfeeble，lookinglikegreysausagesintheirtightcoverings，withoutarayofpegtopishnessaboutthem，andfinishedoffwithapairofexpansive，greenclothshoes，verylikeChinesejunks，withthesailsdown。Thisfigure，glidingnoiselesslyaboutthedimlylightedrooms，wasstronglysuggestiveofthespiritofabeerbarrelmountedoncork—screws，hauntingtheoldhotelinsearchofitslostmates，emptiedandstavedinlongago。

Anothergoblinwhofrequentlyappearedtome，wastheattendantofthepatheticroom，who，beingafaithfulsoul，wasoftenuptotendtwoorthreemen，weakandwanderingasbabies，afterthefeverhadgone。Theamiablecreaturebeguiledthewatchesofthenightbybrewingjorumsofafearfulbeverage，whichhecalledcoffee，andinsistedonsharingwithme；cominginwithagreatbowlofsomethinglikemudsoup，scaldinghot，guiltlessofcream，richinanall—pervading[Page49]flavorofmolasses，scorchandtinpot。Suchanamountofgoodwillandneighborlykindnessalsowentintothemess，thatInevercouldfindthehearttorefuse，butalwaysreceiveditwiththanks，sippeditwithhypocriticalrelishwhileheremained，andwhippeditintotheslop—jartheinstanthedeparted，therebygratifyinghim，securingonerousinglaughinthedoziesthourofthenight，andnoonewastheworseforthetransactionbutthepigs。Whethertheywere"cutoffuntimelyintheirsins，"ornot，Icarefullyabstainedfrominquiring。

Itwasastrangelife&shy；asleephalftheday，exploringWashingtontheotherhalf，andallnighthovering，likeamassivecherubim，inaredrigolette，overtheslumberingsonsofman。Ilikedit，andfoundmanythingstoamuse，instruct，andinterestme。Thesnoresalonewerequiteastudy，varyingfromthemildsnifftothestentoriansnort，whichstartledtheechoesandhoistedtheperformererecttoaccusehisneighborofthedeed，magnanimouslyforgivehim，andwrappingthedraperyofhiscouchabouthim，liedowntovocalslumber。Afterlisteningforaweektothisbandofwindinstruments，IindulgedinthebeliefthatIcouldrecognizeeachbythesnorealone，andwastemptedtojointhechorusbybreakingoutwithJohnBrown’sfavoritehymn："Blowyethetrumpet，blow!"

Iwouldhavegivenmuchtohavepossessedtheartofsketching，formanyofthefacesbecamewonderfullyinterestingwhenunconscious。Somegrewsternandgrim，themenevidentlydreamingofwar，astheygaveorders，groanedovertheirwounds，ordamnedtherebelsvigorously；somegrewsadandinfinitelypathetic，asifthepainbornesilentlyallday，revengeditselfbynowbetrayingwhattheman’spridehadconcealedsowell。Oftentheroughestgrewyoungandpleasant[Page50]

whensleepsmothedthehardlinesaway，lettingtherealnatureassertitself；manyalmostseemedtospeak，andIlearnedtoknowthesemenbetterbynightthanthroughanyintercoursebyday。Sometimestheydisappointedme，forfacesthatlookedmerryandgoodinthelight，grewbadandslywhentheshadowscame；andthoughtheymadenoconfidencesinwords，I

readtheirlives，leavingthemtowonderatthechangeofmannerthismidnightmagicwroughtintheirnurse。Afewtalkedbusily；onedrummerboysangsweetly，thoughnopersuasionscouldwinanotefromhimbyday；andseveraldependedonbeingtoldwhattheyhadtalkedofinthemorning。Evenmyconstitutionalsinthechillyhalls，possessedacertaincharm，forthehousewasneverstill。Sentinelstrampedrounditallnightlong，theirmusketsglitteringinthewintrymoonlightastheywalked，orstoodbeforethedoors，straightandsilent，asfiguresofstone，causingonetoconjureupromanticvisionsofguardedforts，suddensurprises，anddaringdeeds；

forinthesewartimesthehumdrumlifeofYankeedomhadvanished，andthemostprosaicfeelsomethrillofthatexcitementwhichstirsthenation’sheart，andmakesitscapitalacampofhospitals。Wanderingupanddowntheselowerhalls，Ioftenheardcriesfromabove，stepshurryingtoandfro，sawsurgeonspassingup，ormencomingdowncarryingastretcher，wherelayalongwhitefigure，whosefacewasshroudedandwhosefightwasdone。SometimesIstoppedtowatchthepassersinthestreet，themoonlightshiningonthespireopposite，orthegleamofsomevesselfloating，likeawhite—wingedsea—gull，downthebroadPotomac，whosefullestflowcanneverwashawaytheredstainoftheland。

ThenightwhoseeventsIhaveafancytorecord，openedwithalittlecomedy，andclosedwithagreattragedy；foravirtuousandusefullifeuntimelyendedisalwaystragicalto[Page51]

thosewhoseenotasGodsees。MyheadquarterswerebesidethebedofaNewJerseyboy，crazedbythehorrorsofthatdreadfulSaturday。Aslightwoundinthekneebroughthimthere；buthismindhadsufferedmorethanhisbody；somestringofthatdelicatemachinewasoverstrained，and，fordays，hehadbeenrelivinginimagination，thesceneshecouldnotforget，tillhisdistressbrokeoutinincoherentravings，pitifultohear。

AsIsatbyhim，endeavoringtosoothehispoordistractedbrainbytheconstanttouchofwethandsoverhishotforehead，helaycheeringhiscomradeson，hurryingthemback，thencountingthemastheyfellaroundhim，oftenclutchingmyarm，todragmefromthevicinityofaburstingshell，orcoveringuphisheadtoscreenhimselffromashowerofshot；

hisfacebrilliantwithfever；hiseyesrestless；hisheadneverstill；

everymusclestrainedandrigid；whileanincessantstreamofdefiantshouts，whisperedwarnings，andbrokenlaments，pouredfromhislipswiththatforcefulbewildermentwhichmakessuchwanderingssohardtooverhear。

Itwaspasteleven，andmypatientwasslowlywearyinghimselfintofitfulintervalsofquietude，when，inoneofthesepauses，acurioussoundarrestedmyattention。Lookingovermyshoulder，Isawaone—leggedphantomhoppingnimblydowntheroom；and，goingtomeetit，recognizedacertainPennsylvaniagentleman，whosewound—feverhadtakenaturnfortheworse，and，deprivinghimofthefewwitsadrunkencampaignhadlefthim，sethimliterallytrippingonthelight，fantastictoe"towardhome，"asheblandlyinformedme，touchingthemilitarycapwhichformedastrikingcontrasttotheseveresimplicityoftherestofhisdecidedlyundressuniform。Whensane，theleastmovementproducedaroarofpainoravolleyofoaths；butthedepartureofreasonseemedtohavewroughtanagreeablechange，bothinthemanandhis[Page52]

manners；for，balancinghimselfononeleg，likeameditativestork，heplungedintoananimateddiscussionofthewar，thePresident，lagerbeer，andEnfieldrifles，regardlessofanysuggestionsofmineastotheproprietyofreturningtobed，lesthebecourt—martialedfordesertion。

Anythingmoresupremelyridiculouscanhardlybeimaginedthanthisfigure，scantilydrapedinwhite，itsonefootcoveredwithabigbluesock，adingycapsetrakinglyaskewonitsshavenhead，andplacidsatisfactionbeaminginitsbroadredface，asitflourishedamuginonehand，anoldbootintheother，callingthemcanteenandknapsack，whileitskippedandflutteredinthemostunearthlyfashion。WhattodowiththecreatureIdidn’tknow；Danwasabsent，andifIwenttofindhim，theperambulatormightfestoonhimselfoutofthewindow，sethistogaonfire，ordosomeofhisneighborsamischief。TheattendantoftheroomwassleepinglikeanearrelativeofthecelebratedSeven，andnothingshortofpinswouldrousehim；forhehadbeenoutthatday，andwhiskeyasserteditssupremacyinbalmywhiffs。Stilldeclaiming，inafineflowofeloquence，thedementedgentlemanhoppedon，blindanddeaftomygraspingsandentreaties；andIwasabouttoslamthedoorinhisface，andrunforhelp，whenasecondandsanerphantom，"allinwhite，"cametotherescue，inthelikenessofabigPrussian，whospokenoEnglish，butdivinedthecrisis，andputanendtoit，bybundlingthelivelymonopedintohisbed，likeababy，withanauthoritativecommandto"stayput，"whichreceivedaddedweightfrombeingdeliveredinanoddconglomerationofFrenchandGerman，accompaniedbywarningwagsofaheaddecoratedwithayellowcottonnightcap，renderedmostimposingbyatassellikeabell—pull。Ratherexhaustedbyhisexcursion，thememberfromPennsylvaniasubsided；and，afteranirrepressible[Page53]laughtogether，myPrussianallyandmyselfwerereturningtoourplaces，whentheechoofasobcausedustoglancealongthebeds。

Itcamefromoneinthecorner&shy；suchalittlebed!&shy；andsuchatearfullittlefacelookedupatus，aswestoppedbesideit!Thetwelveyearsolddrummerboywasnotsingingnow，butsobbing，withamanlyeffortallthewhiletostiflethedistressfulsoundsthatwouldbreakout。

"Whatisit，Teddy？"Iasked，asherubbedthetearsaway，andcheckedhimselfinthemiddleofagreatsobtoanswerplaintively：

"I’vegotachill，ma’am，butIaintcryin’forthat，’causeI’musedtoit。IdreamedKitwashere，andwhenIwakeduphewasn’t，andIcouldn’thelpit，then。"

Theboycameinwiththerest，andthemanwhowastakendeadfromtheambulancewastheKithemourned。Wellhemight；for，whenthewoundedwerebroughtfromFredericksburg，thechildlayinoneofthecampsthereabout，andthisgoodfriend，thoughsorelyhurthimself，wouldnotleavehimtotheexposureandneglectofsuchatimeandplace；but，wrappinghiminhisownblanket，carriedhiminhisarmstothetransport，tendedhimduringthepassage，andonlyyieldeduphischargewhenDeathmethimatthedoorofthehospitalwhichpromisedcareandcomfortfortheboy。Fortendays，Teddyhadshiveredorburnedwithfeverandague，piningthewhileforKit，andrefusingtobecomforted，becausehehadnotbeenabletothankhimforthegenerousprotection，which，perhaps，hadcostthegiver’slife。

Thevividdreamhadwrungthechildishheartwithafreshpang，andwhenItriedthesolacefittedforhisyears，theremorsefulfearthathauntedhimfoundventinafreshburstoftears，ashelookedatthewastedhandsIwasendeavoringtowarm：

"Oh!ifI’donlybeenasthinwhenKitcarriedmeasIam[Page54]now，maybehewouldn’thavedied；butIwasheavy，hewashurtworserthanweknew，andsoitkilledhim；andIdidn’tseehim，tosaygoodbye。"

Thisthoughthadtroubledhiminsecret；andmyassurancesthathisfriendwouldprobablyhavediedatallevents，hardlyassuagedthebitternessofhisregretfulgrief。

Atthisjuncture，thedeliriousmanbegantoshout；theone—leggedroseupinhisbed，asifpreparingforanotherdart，Teddybewailedhimselfmorepiteouslythanbefore：andifeverawomanwasatherwit’send，thatdistractedfemalewasNursePeriwinkle，duringthespaceoftwoorthreeminutes，asshevibratedbetweenthethreebeds，likeanagitatedpendulum。

Likeamostopportunereinforcement，Dan，thebandy，appeared，anddevotedhimselftothelivelyparty，leavingmefreetoreturntomypost；forthePrussian，withanodandasmile，tooktheladawaytohisownbed，andlulledhimtosleepwithasoothingmurmur，likeamammothhumblebee。

IlikedthatinFritz，andifheeverwonderedafterwardatthedaintieswhichsometimesfoundtheirwayintohisrations，ortheextracomfortsofhisbed，hemighthavefoundasolutionofthemysteryinsundrypersons’

knowledgeofthefatherlyactionofthatnight。

HardlywasIsettledagain，whentheinevitablebowlappeared，anditsbearerdeliveredamessageIhadexpected，yetdreadedtoreceive：

"Johnisgoing，ma’am，andwantstoseeyou，ifyoucancome。"

"Themomentthisboyisasleep；tellhimso，andletmeknowifIamindangerofbeingtoolate。"

My。Ganymededeparted，andwhileIquietedpoorShaw，IthoughtofJohn。

Hecameinadayortwoaftertheothers；and，oneevening，whenIenteredmy"patheticroom，"I[Page55]foundalatelyemptiedbedoccupiedbyalarge，fairman，withafineface，andtheserenesteyesIevermet。Oneoftheearliercomershadoftenspokenofafriend，whohadremainedbehind，thatthoseapparentlyworsewoundedthanhimselfmightreachashelterfirst。ItseemedaDavidandJonathansortoffriendship。Themanfrettedforhismate，andwasnevertiredofpraisingJohn&shy；hiscourage，sobriety，self—denial，andunfailingkindlinessofheart；alwayswindingupwith："He’sanoutan’outfinefeller，ma’am；

youseeifheaint。"

Ihadsomecuriositytobeholdthispieceofexcellence，andwhenhecame，watchedhimforanightortwo，beforeImadefriendswithhim；for，totellthetruth，Iwasalittleafraidofthestatelylookingman，whosebedhadtobelengthenedtoaccommodatehiscommandingstature；whoseldomspoke，utterednocomplaint，askednosympathy，buttranquillyobservedwhatwentonabouthim；and，ashelayhighuponhispillows，nopictureofdyingstatemanorwarriorwaseverfullerofrealdignitythanthisVirginiablacksmith。Amostattractivefacehehad，framedinbrownhairandbeard，comelyfeaturedandfullofvigor，asyetunsubduedbypain；

thoughtfulandoftenbeautifullymildwhilewatchingtheafflictionsofothers，asifentirelyforgetfulofhisown。Hismouthwsgraveandfirm，withplentyofwillandcourageinitslines，butasmilecouldmakeitassweetasanywoman’s；andhiseyeswerechild’seyes，lookingonefairlyintheface，withaclear，straightforwardglance，whichpromisedwellforsuchasplacedtheirfaithinhim。Heseemedtoclingtolife，asifitwererichindutiesanddelights，andhehadlearnedthesecretofcontent。

TheonlytimeIsawhiscomposuredisturbed，waswhenmysurgeonbroughtanothertoexamineJohn，whoscrutinizedtheirfaceswithananxiouslook，askingofthe[Page56]elder："DoyouthinkIshallpullthrough，sir？""Ihopeso，myman。"And，asthetwopassedon，John’seyestillfollowedthem，withanintentnesswhichwouldhavewonacleareranswerfromthem，hadtheyseenit。Amomentaryshadowflittedoverhisface；thencametheusualserenity，asif，inthatbriefeclipse，hehadacknowledgedtheexistenceofsomehardpossibility，and，askingnothingyethopingallthings，lefttheissueinGod’shands，withthatsubmissionwhichistruepiety。

Thenextnight，asIwentmyroundswithDr。P。，Ihappenedtoaskwhichmanintheroomprobablysufferedmost；and，tomygreatsurprise，heglancedatJohn：

"Everybreathhedrawsislikeastab；fortheballpiercedtheleftlung，brokearib，anddidnoendofdamagehereandthere；sothepoorladcanfindneitherforgetfulnessnorease，becausehemustlieonhiswoundedbackorsuffocate。Itwillbeahardstruggle，andalongone，forhepossessesgreatvitality；butevenhistemperatelifecan’tsavehim；Iwishitcould。"

"Youdon’tmeanhemustdie，Doctor？"

"Blessyouthere’snottheslightesthopeforhim；andyou’dbettertellhimsobeforelong；womenhaveawayofdoingsuchthingscomfortably，soIleaveittoyou。Hewon’tlastmorethanadayortwo，atfurthest。"

Icouldhavesatdownonthespotandcriedheartily，ifIhadnotlearnedthewisdomofbottlingupone’stearsforleisuremoments。Suchanendseemedveryhardforsuchaman，whenhalfadozenwornout，worthlessbodiesroundhim，weregatheringuptheremnantsofwastedlives，tolingeronforyearsperhaps，burdenstoothers，dailyreproachestothemselves。

ThearmyneededmenlikeJohn，earest，brave，andfaithful；fightingforlibertyandjusticewithbothheart[Page57]

andhand，truesoldiersoftheLord。Icouldnotgivehimupsosoon，orthinkwithanypatienceofsoexcellentanaturerobbedofitsfulfillment，andblunderedintoeternitybytherashnessorstupidityofthoseatwhosehandssomanylivesmayberequired。ItwasaneasythingforDr。P。tosay："Tellhimhemustdie，"butacruellyhardthingtodo，andbynomeansas"comfortable"ashepolitelysuggested。Ihadnotthehearttodoitthen，andprivatelyindulgedthehopethatsomechangeforthebettermighttakeplace，inspiteofgloomyprophesies；so，renderingmytaskunnecessary。Afewminuteslater，asIcameinagain，withfreshrollers，IsawJohnsittingerect，withnoonetosupporthim，whilethesurgeondressedhisback。Ihadneverhithertoseenitdone；for，havingsimplerwoundstoattendto，andknowingthefidelityoftheattendant，IhadleftJohntohim，thinkingitmightbemoreagreeableandsafe；forbothstrengthandexperiencewereneededinhiscase。Ihadforgottenthatthestrongmanmightlongforthegentletendanceofawoman’shands，thesympatheticmagnetismofawoman’spresence，aswellasthefeeblersoulsabouthim。

TheDoctor’swordscausedmetoreproachmyselfwithneglect，notofanyrealdutyperhaps，butofthoselittlecaresandkindnessesthatsolacehomesickspirits，andmaketheheavyhourspasseasier。Johnlookedlonelyandforsakenjustthen，ashesatwithbenthead，handsfoldedonhisknee，andnooutwardsignofsuffering，till，lookingnearer，Isawgreattearsrolldownanddropuponthefloor。Itwasanewsightthere；for，thoughIhadseenmanysuffer，someswore，somegroaned，mostenduredsilently，butnonewept。Yetitdidnotseemweak，onlyverytouching，andstraightwaymyfearvanished，myheartopenedwideandtookhimin，as，gatheringthebentheadinmyarms，[Page58]asfreelyasifhehadbeenalittlechild，Isaid，"Letmehelpyoubearit，John。"

Never，onanyhumancountenance，haveIseensoswiftandbeautifulalookofgratitude，surpriseandcomfort，asthatwhichansweredmemoreeloquentlythanthewhispered&shy；

"Thankyou，ma’am，thisisrightgood!thisiswhatIwanted!"

"Thenwhynotaskforitbefore？"

"Ididn’tliketobeatrouble；youseemedsobusy，andIcouldmanagetogetonalone。"

"Youshallnotwantitanymore，John。"

Nordidhe；fornowIunderstoodthewistfullookthatsometimesfollowedme，asIwentout，afterabriefpausebesidehisbed，ormerelyapassingnod，whilebusiedwiththosewhoseemedtoneedmemorethanhe，becausemoreurgentintheirdemands；nowIknewthattohim，astosomany，I

wasthepoorsubstituteformother，wife，orsister，andinhiseyesnostranger，butafriendwhohithertohadseemedneglectful；for，inhismodesty，hehadneverguessedthetruth。Thiswaschangednow；and，throughthetediousoperationofprobing，bathing，anddressinghiswounds，heleanedagainstme，holdingmyhandfast，and，ifpainwrungfurthertearsfromhim，noonesawthemfallbutme。Whenhewaslaiddownagain，Ihoveredabouthim，inaremorsefulstateofmindthatwouldnotletmerest，tillIhadbathedhisface，brushedhis"bonnybrownhair，"setallthingssmoothabouthim，andlaidaknotofheathandheliotropeonhiscleanpollow。

Whiledoingthis，hewatchedmewiththesatisfiedexpressionIsolikedtosee；andwhenIofferedthelittlenosegay，helditcarefullyinhisgreathand，smoothedaruffledleafortwo，surveyedandsmeltitwithanairofgenuinedelight，andlaycontentedlyregardingtheglimmerof[Page59]thesunshineonthegreen。Althoughthemanliestmanamongmyforty，hesaid，"Yes，ma’am，"likealittleboy；receivedsuggestionsforhiscomfortwiththequicksmilethatbrightenedhiswholeface；andnowandthen，asIstoodtidyingthetablebyhisbed，Ifelthimsoftlytouchmygown，asiftoassurehimselfthatIwasthere。AnythingmorenaturalandfrankIneversaw，andfoundthisbraveJohnasbashfulasbrave，yetfullofexcellenciesandfineaspirations，which，havingnopowertoexpressthemselvesinwords，seemedtohavebloomedintohischaracterandmadehimwhathewas。

Afterthatnight，anhourofeacheveningthatremainedtohimwasdevotedtohiseaseorpleasure。Hecouldnottalkmuch，forbreathwasprecious，andhespokeinwhispers；butfromoccasionalconversations，IgleanedscrapsofprivatehistorywhichonlyaddedtotheaffectionandrespectIfeltforhim。Onceheaskedmetowritealetter，andasIsettledpenandpaper，Isaid，withanirrepressibleglimmeroffemininecuriosity，"Shallitbeaddressedtowife，ormother，John？"

"Neither，ma’am；I’vegotnowife，andwillwritetomothermyselfwhenIgetbetter。DidyouthinkIwasmarriedbecauseofthis？"heasked，touchingaplainringhewore，andoftenturnedthoughtfullyonhisfingerwhenhelayalone。

"Partlythat，butmorefromasettledsortoflookyouhave；alookwhichyoungmenseldomgetuntiltheymarry。"

"Ididn’tknowthat；butI’mnotsoveryyoung，ma’am，thirtyinMay，andhavebeenwhatyoumightcallsettledthistenyears；formother’sawidow，I’mtheoldestchildshehas，anditwouldn’tdoformetomarryuntilLizzyhasahomeofherown，andLaurie’slearnedhistrade；forwe’renotrich，andImustbefathertothechildrenandhusbandtothedearoldwoman，ifIcan。"[Page60]

"Nodoubtbutyouareboth，John；yethowcameyoutogotowar，ifyoufeltso？Wasn’tenlistingasbadasmarrying？"

"No，ma’am，notasIseeit，foroneishelpingmyneighbor，theotherpleasingmyself。IwentbecauseIcouldn’thelpit。Ididn’twantthegloryorthepay；Iwantedtherightthingdone，andpeoplekeptsayingthemenwhowereinearnestoughttofight。Iwasinearnest，theLordknows!butIheldoffaslongasIcould，notknowingwhichwasmyduty；mothersawthecase，gavemeherringtokeepmesteady，andsaid’Go：’soIwent。"

Ashortstoryandasimpleone，butthemanandthemotherwereportrayedbetterthanpagesoffinewritingcouldhavedoneit。

"Doyoueverregretthatyoucame，whenyoulieheresufferingsomuch？"

"Never，ma’am；Ihaven’thelpedagreatdeal，butI’veshownIwaswillingtogivemylife，andperhapsI’vegotto；butIdon’tblameanybody，andifitwastodooveragain，I’ddoit。I’malittlesorryIwasn’twoundedinfront；itlookscowardlytobehitintheback，butIobeyedorders，anditdon’tmatterintheend，Iknow。"

PoorJohn!itdidnotmatternow，exceptthatashotinthefrontmighthavesparedthelongagonyinstoreforhim。Heseemedtoreadthethoughtthattroubledme，ashespokesohopefullywhentherewasnohope，forhesuddenlyadded：

"Thisismyfirstbattle；dotheythinkit’sgoingtobemylast？"

"I’mafraidtheydo，John。"

ItwasthehardestquestionIhadeverbeencalledupontoanswer；doublyhardwiththosecleareyesfixedonmine，forcingatruthfulanswerbytheirowntruth。Heseemeda[Page61]

littlestartledatfirst，ponderedoverthefatefulfactamoment，thenshookhishead，withaglanceatthebroadchestandmuscularlimbsstretchedoutbeforehim：

"I’mnotafraid，butit’sdifficulttobelieveallatonce。I’msostrongitdon’tseempossibleforsuchalittlewoundtokillme。"

MerryMercutio’sdyingwordsglancedthroughmymemoryashespoke：

"’Tisnotsodeepasawell，norsowideasachurchdoor，but’tisenough。"

AndJohnwouldhavesaidthesamecouldhehaveseentheominousblackholesbetweenhisshoulders；heneverhad；and，seeingtheghastlysightsabouthim，couldnotbelievehisownwoundmorefatalthanthese，forallthesufferingitcausedhim。

"ShallIwritetoyourmother，now？"Iasked，thinkingthatthesesuddentidingsmightchangeallplansandpurposes；buttheydidnot；forthemanreceivedtheorderoftheDivineCommandertomarchwiththesameunquestioningobediencewithwhichthesoldierhadreceivedthatofthehumanone；doubtlessrememberingthatthefirstledhimtolife，andthelasttodeath。

"No，ma’am；toLauriejustthesame；he’llbreakittoherbest，andI’lladdalinetohermyselfwhenyougetdone。"

SoIwrotetheletterwhichhedictated，findingitbetterthananyIhadsent；for，thoughhereandtherealittleungrammaticalorinelegant，eachsentencecametomebrieflyworded，butmostexpressive；fullofexcellentcounseltotheboy，tenderlybequeathing"motherandLizzie"tohiscare，andbiddinghimgoodbyeinwordsthesadderfortheirsimplicity。Headdedafewlines，withsteadyhand，and，asIsealedit，said，withapatientsortofsigh，"Ihopetheanswerwillcomeintimeformetoseeit；"then，turningawayhisface，[Page62]laidtheflowersagainsthislips，asiftohidesomequiverofemotionatthethoughtofsuchasuddensunderingofallthedearhometies。

Thesethingshadhappenedtwodaysbefore；nowJohnwasdying，andtheletterhadnotcome。Ihadbeensummonedtomanydeathbedsinmylife，buttononethatmademyheartacheasitdidthen，sincemymothercalledmetowatchthedepartureofaspiritakintothisinitsgentlenessandpatientstrength。AsIwentin，Johnstretchedoutbothhands：

"Iknewyou’dcome!IguessI’mmovingon，ma’am。"

Hewas；andsorapidlythat，evenwhilehespoke，overhisfaceIsawthegreyveilfallingthatnohumanhandcanlift。Isatdownbyhim，wipedthedropsfromhisforehead，stirredtheairabouthimwiththeslowwaveofafan，andwaitedtohelphimdie。Hestoodinsoreneedofhelp&shy；andIcoulddosolittle；for，asthedoctorhadforetold，thestrongbodyrebelledagainstdeath，andfoughteveryinchoftheway，forcinghimtodraweachbreathwithaspasm，andclenchhishandswithanimploringlook，asifheasked，"HowlongmustIendurethis，andbestill!"Forhourshesuffereddumbly，withoutamoment’srespire，oramoment’smurmuring；

hislimbsgrewcold，hisfacedamp，hislipswhite，and，againandagain，hetorethecoveringoffhisbreast，asifthelightestweightaddedtohisagony；yetthroughitall，hiseyesneverlosttheirperfectserenity，andtheman’ssoulseemedtosittherein，undauntedbytheillsthatvexedhisflesh。

Onebyone，themenwoke，androundtheroomappearedacircleofpalefacesandwatchfuleyes，fullofaweandpity；for，thoughastranger，Johnwasbelovedbyall。Eachmantherehadwonderedathispatience，respectedhispiety，admiredhisfortitude，andnowlamentedhisharddeath；forthe[Page63]influenceofanuprightnaturehadmadeitselfdeeplyfelt，eveninonelittleweek。Presently，theJonathanwhosolovedthiscomelyDavid，camecreepingfromhisbedforalastlookandword。Thekindsoulwasfulloftrouble，asthechokeinhisvoice，thegraspofhishand，betrayed；buttherewerenotears，andthefarewellofthefriendswasthemoretouchingforitsbrevity。

"Oldboy，howareyou？"falteredtheone。

"Mostthrough，thankheaven!"whisperedtheother。

"CanIsayordoanythingforyouanywheres？"

"Takemythingshome，andtellthemthatIdidmybest。"

"Iwill!Iwill!"

"Goodbye，Ned。"

"Goodbye，John，goodbye!"

Theykissedeachother，tenderlyaswomen，andsoparted，forpoorNedcouldnotstaytoseehiscomradedie。Foralittlewhile，therewasnosoundintheroombutthedripofwater，fromastumportwo，andJohn’sdistressfulgasps，asheslowlybeathedhislifeaway。Ithoughthimnearlygone，andhadjustlaiddownthefan，believingitshelptobenolongerneeded，whensuddenlyheroseupinhisbed，andcriedoutwithabittercrythatbrokethesilence，sharplystartlingeveryonewithitsagonizedappeal：

"ForGod’ssake，givemeair!"

Itwastheonlycrypainordeathhadwrungfromhim，theonlyboonhehadasked；andnoneofuscouldgrantit，foralltheairsthatblewwereuselessnow。Danflungupthewindow。Thefirstredstreakofdawnwaswarmingthegreyeast，aheraldofthecomingsun；Johnsawit，andwiththeloveoflightwhichlingersinustotheend，seemedtoreadinitasignofhopeofhelp，for，overhiswholefacetherebrokethatmysteriousexpression，brighterthananysmile，which[Page64]oftencomestoeyesthatlooktheirlast。Helaidhimselfgentlydown；and，stretchingouthisstrongrightarm，asiftograspandbringtheblessedairtohislipsinafullerflow，lapsedintoamercifulunconsciousness，whichassuredusthatforhimsufferingwasforeverpast。

Hediedthen；for，thoughtheheavybreathsstilltoretheirwayupforalittlelonger，theywerebutthewavesofanebbingtidethatbeatunfeltagainstthewreck，whichanimmortalvoyagerhaddesertedwithasmile。

Heneverspokeagain，buttotheendheldmyhandclose，soclosethatwhenhewasasleepatlast，Icouldnotdrawitaway。Danhelpedme，warningmeashedidsothatitwasunsafefordeadandlivingfleshtoliesolongtogether；butthoughmyhandwasstrangelycoldandstiff，andfourwhitemarksremainedacrossitsback，evenwhenwarmthandcolorhadreturnedelsewhere，Icouldnotbutbegladthat，throughitstouch，thepresenceofhumansympathy，perhaps，hadlightenedthathardhour。

Whentheyhadmadehimreadyforthegrave，Johnlayinstateforhalfanhour，athingwhichseldomhappenedinthatbusyplace；butauniversalsentimentofreverenceandaffectionseemedtofilltheheartsofallwhohadknownorheardofhim；andwhentherumorofhisdeathwentthroughthehouse，alwaysastir，manycametoseehim，andIfeltatendersortofprideinmylostpatient；forhelookedamostheroicfigure，lyingtherestatelyandstillasthestatueofsomeyoungknightasleepuponhistomb。Thelovelyexpressionwhichsooftenbeautifiesdeadfaces，soonreplacedthemarksofpain，andIlongedforthosewholovedhimbesttoseehimwhenhalfanhour’sacquaintancewithDeathhadmadethemfriends。

Aswestoodlookingathim，thewardmasterhandedmealetter，sayingithadbeenforgottenthenightbefore。ItwasJohn’sletter，comejustanhourtoolatetogladdenthe[Page65]

eyesthathadlongedandlookedforitsoeagerly!yethehadit；for，afterIhadcutsomebrownlocksforhismother，andtakenofftheringtosendher，tellinghowwellthetalismanhaddoneitswork，Ikissedthisgoodsonforhersake，andlaidtheletterinhishand，stillfoldedaswhenIdrewmyownaway，feelingthatitsplacewasthere，andmakingmyselfhappywiththethought，that，eveninhissolitaryplaceinthe"GovernmentLot，"hewouldnotbewithoutsometokenofthelovewhichmakeslifebeautifulandoutlivesdeath。ThenIlefthim，gladtohaveknownsogenuineaman，andcarryingwithmeanenduringmemoryofthebraveVirginiablacksmith，ashelayserenelywaitingforthedawnofthatlongdaywhichknowsnonight。ChapterV：OffDuty。ChapterV：OffDuty。CHAPTERV。OFFDUTY。"Mydeargirl，weshallhaveyousickinyourbed，unlessyoukeepyourselfwarmandquietforafewdays。WidowWadmancantakecareofthewardalone，nowthemenaresocomfortable，andhavehervacationwhenyouareaboutagain。Nowdobeprudentintime，anddon’tletmehavetoaddaPeriwinkletomybouquetofpatients。"

Thisadvicewasdelivered，inapaternalmanner，bytheyoungestsurgeoninthehospital，akind—heartedlittlegentleman，whoseemedtoconsidermeafrailyoungblossom，thatneededmuchcherishing，insteadofatougholdspinster，whohadbeenknockingabouttheworldforthirtyyears。AtthetimeIwriteof，hediscoveredmesittingonthestairs，withanicecloudofunwholesomesteamrisingfromthewashroom；apartyofJanuarybreezesdisportingthemselvesinthehalls；andperfumes，bynomeansfrom"Arabytheblest，"keepingthemcompany；whileIenjoyedafitofcoughing，whichcausedmyheadtospininawaythatmadetheapplicationofacoolbanisterbothnecessaryandagreeable，asIwaitedfor[Page67]thefrolicsomewindtorestorethebreathI’dlost；cheeringmyself，meantime，withasecretconvictionthatpneumoniawaswaitingformeroundthecorner。Thispieceofadvicehadbeenofferedbyseveralpersonsforaweek，andrefusedbymewiththeobstinacywithwhichmysexissorichlygifted。Butthelastfewhourshaddevelopedseveralsurprisinginternalandexternalphenomena，whichimpresseduponmethefactthatifIdidn’tmakeamasterlyretreatverysoon，Ishouldtumbledownsomewhere，andhavetobeborneignominiouslyfromthefield。Myheadfeltlikeacannonball；myfeethadatendencytocleavetothefloor；thewallsattimesundulatedinamostdisagreeablemanner；peoplelookedunnaturallybig；andthe"verybottlesonthemankleshelf"appearedtodancederisivelybeforemyeyes。Takingthesethingsintoconsideration。whileblinkingstupidlyatDr。Z。，Iresolvedtoretiregracefully，ifImust；so，withavaledictorytomyboys，aprivatelecturetoMrs。Wadman，andaferventwishthatIcouldtakeoffmybodyandworkinmysoul，Imournfullyascendedtomyapartment，andNursePwasreportedoffduty。

Forthebenefitofanyardentdamselwhosepatrioticfancymayhavesurroundedhospitallifewithahaloofcharms，IwillbrieflydescribethebowertowhichIretired，inasomewhatruinouscondition。Itwaswellventilated，forfivepanesofglasshadsufferedcompoundfractures，whichallthesurgeonsandnurseshadfailedtoheal；thetwowindowsweredrapedwithsheets，thechurchhospitaloppositebeingabrickandmortarArgus，andthefemalemindcherishingaprejudiceinfavorofretiracyduringthenight—cappedperiodsofexistence。Abarefloorsupportedtwonarrowironbeds，spreadwiththinmattresseslikeplasters，furnishedwithpillowsinthelaststagesofconsumption。Inafireplace，guiltlessofshovel，[Page68]tongs，andirons，orgrate，burnedaloginchbyinch，beingtoolongtotogoonallatonce；so，whilethefireblazedawayatoneend，Ididthesameattheother，asItrippedoveritadozentimesaday，andflewuptopokeitadozentimesatnight。Amirror（letusbeelegant!）ofthedimensionsofamuffin，andaboutasreflective，hungoveratinbasin，bluepitcher，andabraceofyellowmugs。Twoinvalidtables，dittochairs，wanderedhereandthere，andtheclosetcontainedavariedcollectionofbonnets，bottles，bags，boots，breadandbutter，boxesandbugs。TheclosetwasaregularBlueBeardcupboardtome；Ialwaysopeneditwithfearandtrembling，owingtorats，andshutitinanguishofspirit；fortimeandspacewerenottobehad，andchaosreignedalongwiththerats。Ourchimney—piecewasdecoratedwithaflat—iron，aBible，acandleminusstick，alavenderbottle，anewtinpan，sobrilliantthatitservednicelyforapier—glass，andsuchoftheportlyblackbugsaspreferredawarmerclimatethantherubbishholeafforded。Twoarks，commonlycalledtrunks，lurkedbehindthedoor，containingtheworldlygoodsofthetwainwholaughedandcried，sleptandscrambled，inthisrefuge；whilefromthewhite—washedwallsaboveeitherbed，lookeddownthepicturedfacesofthosewhosememorycanmakeforus&shy；"Onelittleroomaneverywhere。"

ForadayortwoImanagedtoappearatmeals；forthehumangrubmusteattillthebutterflyisreadytobreakloose，andnoonehadtimetocomeuptwoflightswhileitwaspossibleformetocomedown。Farbeitfrommetoaddanotherafflictionorreproachtothatenduringman，thesteward；for，comparedwithhispredecessor，hewasahornofplenty；but&shy；I

putittoanycandidmind&shy；isnotthe[Page69]followingbilloffaresusceptibleofimprovement，withoutplungingthenationmadlyintodebt？Thethreemealswere"prettymuchofamuchness，"andconsistedofbeef，evidentlyputdownforthemenof’76；pork，justinfromthestreet；armybread，composedofsaw—dustandsaleratus；butter，saltasifchurnedbyLot’swife；stewedblackberries，somuchlikepreservedcockroaches，thatonlythosedevoidofimaginationcouldpartakethereofwithrelish；coffee，mildandmuddy；tea，threedriedhuckleberryleavestoaquartofwater&shy；flavoredwithlime&shy；alsoanimatedandunconsciousofanyapproachtoclearness。Varietybeingthespiceoflife，asmallpinchofthearticlewouldhavebeenappreciatedbythehungry，hard—workingsisterhood，oneofwhom，thoughaccustomedtoplainfare，soonfoundherselfreducedtobreadandwater；havinganinbornrepugnancetothefatoftheland，andthesaltoftheearth。

Anotherpeculiarityofthesehospitalmealswastherapiditywithwhichtheediblesvanished，andtheimpossibilityofgettingadroporcrumbaftertheusualtime。Atthefirstringofthebell，ageneralstampedetookplace；sometwentyhungrysoulsrushedtothedining—room，sweptoverthetablelikeaswarmoflocusts，andleftnofragmentforanytardycreaturewhoarrivedfifteenminuteslate。Thinkingitofmoreimportancethatthepatientsshouldbewellandcomfortablyfed，ItookmytimeaboutmyownmealsforthefirstdayortwoafterIcame，butwasspeedilyenlightenedbyIsaac，theblackwaiter，whoborewithmeafewtimes，andtheninformedme，lookingassternasfate：

"Isay，mam，efyoucomessolateyoucan’thavenovittles，&shy；’causeI’m’bleegedfertergitthingsreadyferdedoctors’mazin’spryarteryounussesandfolksisdone。Degen’lemendon’tkereferterwait，nomoredoesI；soyou[Page70]jes’pleasetercomeatdetime，andderewon’tbenofrettin’nowheres。"

Itwasanewsensationtostandlookingatafulltable，painfullyconsciousofoneofthevacuumswhichNatureabhors，andreceiveorderstorightaboutface，withoutpartakingofthenourishmentwhichyourinnerwomanclamorouslydemanded。Thedoctorsalwaysfaredbetterthanwe；andforamomentadesperateimpulsepromptedmetogivethemahint，bywalkingoffwiththemutton，orconfiscatingthepie。ButIke’seyewasonme，and，tomyshamebeitspoken，Iwalkedmeeklyaway；wentdinnerlessthatday，andthateveningwenttomarket，layinginasmallstockofcrackers，cheeseandapples，thatmyboysmightnotbeneglected，normyselfobligedtoboltsolidandliquiddyspepsias，orstarve。ThisplanwouldhavesucceededadmirablyhadnottheevilstarunderwhichIwasborn，beenintheascendantduringthatmonth，andcastitsmaligninfluencesevenintomy"’umble"larder；fortheratshadtheirdessertoffmycheese，thebugssetuphousekeepinginmycrackerbag，andtheappleslikeallworldlyriches，tooktothemselveswingsandflewaway；whithernomancouldtell，thoughcertainblackimpsmighthavethrownlightuponthematter，hadnottheplaintiffinthecasebeenlothtoaddanothertothemanytrialsoflong—suffering。

Africa。AfterthisfailureIresignedmyselftofate，and，rememberingthatbreadwascalledthestaffoflife，leanedprettyexclusivelyuponit；butitprovedabrokenreed，andIcametothegroundafterafewweeksofprisonfare，variedbyanoccasionalpotatoorsurreptitioussipofmilk。

Verysoonafterleavingthecareofmyward，IdiscoveredthatIhadnoappetite，andcutthebreadandbutterinterestsalmostentirely，tryingtheexerciseandsuncureinstead。[Page71]

FlatteringmyselfthatIhadplentyoftime，andcouldseeallthatwastobeseen，sofarasalonelornfemalecouldventureinacity，one—halfofwhosemalepopulationseemedtobetakingtheotherhalftotheguard—house，&shy；everymorningItookabriskruninonedirectionoranother；fortheJanuarydayswereasmildasSpring。Arollickingnorthwindandoccasionalsnowstormwouldhavebeenmoretomytaste，fortheonewouldhavebracedandrefreshedtiredbodyandsoul，theotherhavepurifiedtheair，andspreadacleancoverlidoverthebed，whereinthecapitaloftheseUnitedStatesappearedtobedozingprettysoundlyjustthen。

OneofthesetripswastotheArmoryHospital，theneatness，comfort，andconvenienceofwhichmakesitanhonortoitspresidinggenius，andarousesallthecovetouspropensitiesofsuchnursesascamefromotherhospitalstovisitit。

Thelong，clean，warm，andairywards，builtbarrack—fashion，withthenurse’sroomattheend，werefullyappreciatedbyNursePeriwinkle，whosewardandprivatebowerwerecold，dirty，inconvenient，upstairsanddownstairs，andineverybody’schamber。AttheArmory，inwardK，Ifoundacheery，bright—eyed，white—apronedlittlelady，readingatherpostnearthestove；mattingunderherfeet；adraftoffreshairflowinginaboveherhead；atablefulloftrays，glasses，andsuchmatters，ononeside，alarge，well—stockedmedicinechestontheother；andallherdutyseemedtobegoingaboutnowandthentogivedoses，issueorders，whichwell—trainedattendantsexecuted，andpet，advise，orcomfortTom，Dick，orHarry，asshefoundbest。AsIwatchedtheproceedings，Irecalledmyowntribulations，andcontrastedthetwohospitalsinawaythatwouldhavecausedmysummarydismissal，couldithavebeenreportedatheadquarters。Here，order，method，commonsenseandliberalityreignedandruled，inastyle[Page72]thatdidone’sheartgoodtosee；attheHurlyburlyHotel，disorder，discomfort，badmanagement，andnovisiblehead，reducedthingstoaconditionwhichIdespairofdescribing。Thecircumlocutionfashionprevailed，formsandfussestormentedoursouls，andunnecessarystrictnessinoneplacewascounterbalancedbyunpardonablelaxityinanother。Hereisasample：IamdressingSamDammer’sshoulder；and，havingcleansedthewound，lookaboutforsomestripsofadhesiveplastertoholdonthelittlesquareofwetlinenwhichistocoverthegunshotwound；thecaseisnotinthetray；Frank，thesleepy，half—sickattendant，knowsnothingofit；werummagehighandlow；Samistired，andfumes；Frankdawdlesandyawns；themenadviseandlaughattheflurry；Ifeellikeaboilingtea—kettle，withthelidreadytoflyoffanddamagesomebody。

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