AsthemanagerofthePerformancesitsbeforethecurtainontheboardsandlooksintotheFair，afeelingofprofoundmelancholycomesoverhiminhissurveyofthebustlingplace。
Thereisagreatquantityofeatinganddrinking，makingloveandjilting，laughingandthecontrary，smoking，cheating，fighting，dancingandfiddling；therearebulliespushingabout，bucksoglingthewomen，knavespickingpockets，policemenonthelook-out，quacks(OTHERquacks，plaguetakethem！)
bawlinginfrontoftheirbooths，andyokelslookingupatthetinselleddancersandpooroldrougedtumblers，whilethelight-fingeredfolkareoperatingupontheirpocketsbehind。
Yes，thisisVANITYFAIR；notamoralplacecertainly；noramerryone，thoughverynoisy。Lookatthefacesoftheactorsandbuffoonswhentheycomeofffromtheirbusiness；andTomFoolwashingthepaintoffhischeeksbeforehesitsdowntodinnerwithhiswifeandthelittleJackPuddingsbehindthecanvas。Thecurtainwillbeuppresently，andhewillbeturningoverheadandheels，andcrying，“Howareyou？”
Amanwithareflectiveturnofmind，walkingthroughanexhibitionofthissort，willnotbeoppressed，Itakeit，byhisownorotherpeople’shilarity。Anepisodeofhumourorkindnesstouchesandamuseshimhereandthere——aprettychildlookingatagingerbreadstall；aprettygirlblushingwhilstherlovertalkstoherandchoosesherfairing；poorTomFool，yonderbehindthewaggon，mumblinghisbonewiththehonestfamilywhichlivesbyhistumbling；butthegeneralimpressionisonemoremelancholythanmirthful。Whenyoucomehomeyousitdowninasober，contemplative，notuncharitableframeofmind，andapplyyourselftoyourbooksoryourbusiness。
Ihavenoothermoralthanthistotagtothepresentstoryof“VanityFair。”SomepeopleconsiderFairsimmoralaltogether，andeschewsuch，withtheirservantsandfamilies：verylikelytheyareright。Butpersonswhothinkotherwise，andareofalazy，orabenevolent，orasarcasticmood，mayperhapsliketostepinforhalfanhour，andlookattheperformances。
Therearescenesofallsorts；somedreadfulcombats，somegrandandloftyhorse-riding，somescenesofhighlife，andsomeofverymiddlingindeed；somelove-makingforthesentimental，andsomelightcomicbusiness；thewholeaccompaniedbyappropriatesceneryandbrilliantlyilluminatedwiththeAuthor’sowncandles。
WhatmorehastheManagerofthePerformancetosay？——
ToacknowledgethekindnesswithwhichithasbeenreceivedinalltheprincipaltownsofEnglandthroughwhichtheShowhaspassed，andwhereithasbeenmostfavourablynoticedbytherespectedconductorsofthepublicPress，andbytheNobilityandGentry。HeisproudtothinkthathisPuppetshavegivensatisfactiontotheverybestcompanyinthisempire。ThefamouslittleBeckyPuppethasbeenpronouncedtobeuncommonlyflexibleinthejoints，andlivelyonthewire；theAmeliaDoll，thoughithashadasmallercircleofadmirers，hasyetbeencarvedanddressedwiththegreatestcarebytheartist；theDobbinFigure，thoughapparentlyclumsy，yetdancesinaveryamusingandnaturalmanner；theLittleBoys’Dancehasbeenlikedbysome；andpleasetoremarktherichlydressedfigureoftheWickedNobleman，onwhichnoexpensehasbeenspared，andwhichOldNickwillfetchawayattheendofthissingularperformance。
Andwiththis，andaprofoundbowtohispatrons，theManagerretires，andthecurtainrises。
ChiswickMallWhilethepresentcenturywasinitsteens，andononesunshinymorninginJune，theredroveuptothegreatirongateofMissPinkerton’sacademyforyoungladies，onChiswickMall，alargefamilycoach，withtwofathorsesinblazingharness，drivenbyafatcoachmaninathree-corneredhatandwig，attherateoffourmilesanhour。Ablackservant，whoreposedontheboxbesidethefatcoachman，uncurledhisbandylegsassoonastheequipagedrewupoppositeMissPinkerton’sshiningbrassplate，andashepulledthebellatleastascoreofyoungheadswereseenpeeringoutofthenarrowwindowsofthestatelyoldbrickhouse。Nay，theacuteobservermighthaverecognizedthelittlerednoseofgood-naturedMissJemimaPinkertonherself，risingoversomegeraniumpotsinthewindowofthatlady’sowndrawing-room。
“ItisMrs。Sedley’scoach，sister。”saidMissJemima。
“Sambo，theblackservant，hasjustrungthebell；andthecoachmanhasanewredwaistcoat。”
“HaveyoucompletedallthenecessarypreparationsincidenttoMissSedley’sdeparture，MissJemima？”askedMissPinkertonherself，thatmajesticlady；theSemiramisofHammersmith，thefriendofDoctorJohnson，thecorrespondentofMrs。Chaponeherself。
“Thegirlswereupatfourthismorning，packinghertrunks，sister。”repliedMissJemima；“wehavemadeherabow-pot。”
“Sayabouquet，sisterJemima，’tismoregenteel。”
“Well，abookyasbigalmostasahaystack；IhaveputuptwobottlesofthegillyflowerwaterforMrs。Sedley，andthereceiptformakingit，inAmelia’sbox。”
“AndItrust，MissJemima，youhavemadeacopyofMissSedley’saccount。Thisisit，isit？Verygood——ninety-
threepounds，fourshillings。BekindenoughtoaddressittoJohnSedley，Esquire，andtosealthisbilletwhichI
havewrittentohislady。”
InMissJemima’seyesanautographletterofhersister，MissPinkerton，wasanobjectofasdeepvenerationaswouldhavebeenaletterfromasovereign。Onlywhenherpupilsquittedtheestablishment，orwhentheywereabouttobemarried，andonce，whenpoorMissBirchdiedofthescarletfever，wasMissPinkertonknowntowritepersonallytotheparentsofherpupils；anditwasJemima’sopinionthatifanythingcouldconsoleMrs。
Birchforherdaughter’sloss，itwouldbethatpiousandeloquentcompositioninwhichMissPinkertonannouncedtheevent。
InthepresentinstanceMissPinkerton’s“billet“wastothefollowingeffect：——
TheMall，Chiswick，June15，18
MADAM，——Afterhersixyears’residenceattheMall，I
havethehonourandhappinessofpresentingMissAmeliaSedleytoherparents，asayoungladynotunworthytooccupyafittingpositionintheirpolishedandrefinedcircle。ThosevirtueswhichcharacterizetheyoungEnglishgentlewoman，thoseaccomplishmentswhichbecomeherbirthandstation，willnotbefoundwantingintheamiableMissSedley，whoseINDUSTRYandOBEDIENCE
haveendearedhertoherinstructors，andwhosedelightfulsweetnessoftemperhascharmedherAGEDandherYOUTHFULcompanions。
Inmusic，indancing，inorthography，ineveryvarietyofembroideryandneedlework，shewillbefoundtohaverealizedherfriends’fondestwishes。Ingeographythereisstillmuchtobedesired；andacarefulandundeviatinguseofthebackboard，forfourhoursdailyduringthenextthreeyears，isrecommendedasnecessarytotheacquirementofthatdignifiedDEPORTMENTAND
CARRIAGE，sorequisiteforeveryyoungladyoffashion。
Intheprinciplesofreligionandmorality，MissSedleywillbefoundworthyofanestablishmentwhichhasbeenhonouredbythepresenceofTHEGREATLEXICOGRAPHER，andthepatronageoftheadmirableMrs。Chapone。InleavingtheMall，MissAmeliacarrieswithhertheheartsofhercompanions，andtheaffectionateregardsofhermistress，whohasthehonourtosubscribeherself，Madam，Yourmostobligedhumbleservant，BARBARAPINKERTON
P。S——MissSharpaccompaniesMissSedley。ItisparticularlyrequestedthatMissSharp’sstayinRussellSquaremaynotexceedtendays。Thefamilyofdistinctionwithwhomsheisengaged，desiretoavailthemselvesofherservicesassoonaspossible。
Thislettercompleted，MissPinkertonproceededtowriteherownname，andMissSedley’s，inthefly-leafofaJohnson’sDictionary——theinterestingworkwhichsheinvariablypresentedtoherscholars，ontheirdeparturefromtheMall。Onthecoverwasinsertedacopyof“LinesaddressedtoayoungladyonquittingMissPinkerton’sschool，attheMall；bythelatereveredDoctorSamuelJohnson。”Infact，theLexicographer’snamewasalwaysonthelipsofthismajesticwoman，andavisithehadpaidtoherwasthecauseofherreputationandherfortune。
Beingcommandedbyhereldersistertoget“theDictionary“
fromthecupboard，MissJemimahadextractedtwocopiesofthebookfromthereceptacleinquestion。WhenMissPinkertonhadfinishedtheinscriptioninthefirst，Jemima，withratheradubiousandtimidair，handedherthesecond。
“Forwhomisthis，MissJemima？”saidMissPinkerton，withawfulcoldness。
“ForBeckySharp。”answeredJemima，tremblingverymuch，andblushingoverherwitheredfaceandneck，assheturnedherbackonhersister。”ForBeckySharp：
she’sgoingtoo。”
“MISSJEMIMA！”exclaimedMissPinkerton，inthelargestcapitals。”Areyouinyoursenses？ReplacetheDixonaryinthecloset，andneverventuretotakesuchalibertyinfuture。”
“Well，sister，it’sonlytwo-and-ninepence，andpoorBeckywillbemiserableifshedon’tgetone。”
“SendMissSedleyinstantlytome。”saidMissPinkerton。
Andsoventuringnottosayanotherword，poorJemimatrottedoff，exceedinglyflurriedandnervous。
MissSedley’spapawasamerchantinLondon，andamanofsomewealth；whereasMissSharpwasanarticledpupil，forwhomMissPinkertonhaddone，asshethought，quiteenough，withoutconferringuponheratpartingthehighhonouroftheDixonary。
Althoughschoolmistresses’lettersaretobetrustednomorenorlessthanchurchyardepitaphs；yet，asitsometimeshappensthatapersondepartsthislifewhoisreallydeservingofallthepraisesthestonecuttercarvesoverhisbones；whoISagoodChristian，agoodparent，child，wife，orhusband；whoactuallyDOESleaveadisconsolatefamilytomournhisloss；soinacademiesofthemaleandfemalesexitoccurseverynowandthenthatthepupilisfullyworthyofthepraisesbestowedbythedisinterestedinstructor。Now，MissAmeliaSedleywasayoungladyofthissingularspecies；anddeservednotonlyallthatMissPinkertonsaidinherpraise，buthadmanycharmingqualitieswhichthatpompousoldMinervaofawomancouldnotsee，fromthedifferencesofrankandagebetweenherpupilandherself。
Forshecouldnotonlysinglikealark，oraMrs。
Billington，anddancelikeHillisbergorParisot；andembroiderbeautifully；andspellaswellasaDixonaryitself；butshehadsuchakindly，smiling，tender，gentle，generousheartofherown，aswontheloveofeverybodywhocamenearher，fromMinervaherselfdowntothepoorgirlinthescullery，andtheone-eyedtart-woman’sdaughter，whowaspermittedtovendherwaresonceaweektotheyoungladiesintheMall。Shehadtwelveintimateandbosomfriendsoutofthetwenty-fouryoungladies。
EvenenviousMissBriggsneverspokeillofher；highandmightyMissSaltire(LordDexter’sgranddaughter)
allowedthatherfigurewasgenteel；andasforMissSwartz，therichwoolly-hairedmulattofromSt。Kitt’s，onthedayAmeliawentaway，shewasinsuchapassionoftearsthattheywereobligedtosendforDr。Floss，andhalftipsifyherwithsalvolatile。MissPinkerton’sattachmentwas，asmaybesupposedfromthehighpositionandeminentvirtuesofthatlady，calmanddignified；butMissJemimahadalreadywhimperedseveraltimesattheideaofAmelia’sdeparture；and，butforfearofhersister，wouldhavegoneoffindownrighthysterics，liketheheiress(whopaiddouble)ofSt。Kitt’s。Suchluxuryofgrief，however，isonlyallowedtoparlour-boarders。
HonestJemimahadallthebills，andthewashing，andthemending，andthepuddings，andtheplateandcrockery，andtheservantstosuperintend。Butwhyspeakabouther？Itisprobablethatweshallnothearofheragainfromthismomenttotheendoftime，andthatwhenthegreatfiligreeirongatesareonceclosedonher，sheandherawfulsisterwillneverissuetherefromintothislittleworldofhistory。
ButaswearetoseeagreatdealofAmelia，thereisnoharminsaying，attheoutsetofouracquaintance，thatshewasadearlittlecreature；andagreatmercyitis，bothinlifeandinnovels，which(andthelatterespecially)
aboundinvillainsofthemostsombresort，thatwearetohaveforaconstantcompanionsoguilelessandgood-naturedaperson。Assheisnotaheroine，thereisnoneedtodescribeherperson；indeedIamafraidthathernosewasrathershortthanotherwise，andhercheeksagreatdealtooroundandredforaheroine；butherfaceblushedwithrosyhealth，andherlipswiththefreshestofsmiles，andshehadapairofeyeswhichsparkledwiththebrightestandhonestestgood-humour，exceptindeedwhentheyfilledwithtears，andthatwasagreatdealtoooften；forthesillythingwouldcryoveradeadcanary-bird；oroveramouse，thatthecathaplyhadseizedupon；orovertheendofanovel，wereiteversostupid；andasforsayinganunkindwordtoher，wereanypersonshard-heartedenoughtodoso——why，somuchtheworseforthem。EvenMissPinkerton，thataustereandgodlikewoman，ceasedscoldingherafterthefirsttime，andthoughshenomorecomprehendedsensibilitythanshedidAlgebra，gaveallmastersandteachersparticularorderstotreatMissSedleywiththeutmostgentleness，asharshtreatmentwasinjurioustoher。
Sothatwhenthedayofdeparturecame，betweenhertwocustomsoflaughingandcrying，MissSedleywasgreatlypuzzledhowtoact。Shewasgladtogohome，andyetmostwoefullysadatleavingschool。Forthreedaysbefore，littleLauraMartin，theorphan，followedheraboutlikealittledog。Shehadtomakeandreceiveatleastfourteenpresents——tomakefourteensolemnpromisesofwritingeveryweek：“Sendmylettersundercovertomygrandpapa，theEarlofDexter。”saidMissSaltire(who，bytheway，wasrathershabby)。”Nevermindthepostage，butwriteeveryday，youdeardarling。”saidtheimpetuousandwoolly-headed，butgenerousandaffectionateMissSwartz；andtheorphanlittleLauraMartin(whowasjustinround-hand)，tookherfriend’shandandsaid，lookingupinherfacewistfully，“Amelia，whenIwritetoyouIshallcallyouMamma。”Allwhichdetails，Ihavenodoubt，JONES，whoreadsthisbookathisClub，willpronouncetobeexcessivelyfoolish，trivial，twaddling，andultra-sentimental。Yes；IcanseeJonesatthisminute(ratherflushedwithhisjointofmuttonandhalfpintofwine)，takingouthispencilandscoringunderthewords“foolish，twaddling。”&c。，andaddingtothemhisownremarkof“QUITETRUE。”Well，heisaloftymanofgenius，andadmiresthegreatandheroicinlifeandnovels；andsohadbettertakewarningandgoelsewhere。
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