When，inMarch，1832，thefirstvolumeofthenowfamousContesDrolatiqueswaspublishedbyGosselinofParis，Balzac，inashortpreface，writteninthepublisher'sname，repliedtothoseattackswhichheanticipatedcertaincriticswouldmakeuponhishardyexperiment。Heclaimedforhisbooktheprotectionofallthosetowhomliteraturewasdear，becauseitwasaworkofart——andaworkofart，inthehighestsenseoftheword，itundoubtedlyis。LikeBoccaccio，Rabelais，theQueenofNavarre，Ariosto，andVerville，thegreatauthorofTheHumanComedyhaspaintedanepoch。InthefreshandwonderfullanguageoftheMerryVicarOfMeudon，hehasgivenusamarvellouspictureofFrenchlifeandmannersinthesixteenthcentury。ThegallantknightsandmerrydamesofthateventfulperiodofFrenchhistorystandoutinboldreliefuponhiscanvas。Thebackgroundintheselife-likefiguresis，asitwere，“sketcheduponthespot。“AfterreadingtheContesDrolatiques，onecouldalmostfindone'swayaboutthetownsandvillagesofTouraine，unassistedbymaporguide。Notonlyisthisbookaworkofartfromitshistoricalinformationandtopographicalaccuracy；itsclaimstothatdistinctionrestuponabroaderfoundation。Writteninthenineteenthcenturyinimitationofthestyleofthesixteenth，itisatriumphofliteraryarchaeology。Itisamodelofthatwhichitprofessestoimitate；theproductionofawriterwho，toaccomplishit，musthavebeenatoncehistorian，linguist，philosopher，archaeologist，andanatomist，andeachinnoordinarydegree。InFrance，hisworkhaslongbeenregardedasaclassic——asafaithfulpictureofthelastdaysofthemoyenage，whenkingsandprincesses，bravegentlemenandhaughtyladieslaughedopenlyatstoriesandjokeswhichareconsidereddisgracefulbytheirmorefastidiousdescendants。InEnglandthedifficultiesofthelanguageemployed，andthequaintnessandpeculiarityofitsstyle，haveplaceditbeyondthereachofallbutthosethoroughlyacquaintedwiththeFrenchofthesixteenthcentury。Takingintoconsiderationthevastamountofhistoricalinformationenshrinedinitspages，thearchaeologicalvaluewhichitmustalwayspossessforthestudent，andthedramaticinterestofitsstories，thetranslatorhasthoughtthatanEnglisheditionofBalzac'schef-d'oeuvrewouldbeacceptabletomany。Ithas，ofcourse，beenimpossibletoreproduceinallitsvigourandfreshnessthelanguageoftheoriginal。ManyofthequipsandcranksandpunshavebeenlostintheprocessofAnglicising。
Theseunavoidableblemishesapart，thewriterventurestohopethathehastreatedthisgreatmasterpieceinareverentspirit，toucheditwithnosacrilegioushand，but，onthecontrary，givenascloseatranslationasthedissimilaritiesofthetwolanguagespermit。Withthisidea，noattempthadbeenmadetopolishorroundmanyoftheawkwardlyconstructedsentenceswhicharecharacteristicofthisvolume。Rough，andoccasionallyobscure，theyarefarmoreinkeepingwiththespiritoftheoriginalthanthepolishedperiodsofmodernromance。Takingintoconsiderationthemanydifficultieswhichhehashadtoovercome，andwhichthosebestacquaintedwiththeFrencheditionwillbestappreciate，thetranslatorclaimstheindulgenceofthecriticalreaderforanyshortcomingshemaydiscover。Thebestpleathatcanbeofferedforsuchindulgenceisthefactthat，althoughLesContesDrolatiqueswascompletedandpublishedin1837，thepresentisthefirstEnglishversioneverbroughtbeforethepublic。
London，January，1874
FIRSTTENTALES
PROLOGUE
Thisisabookofthehighestflavour，fullofrightheartymerriment，spicedtothepalateoftheillustriousandveryprecioustosspotsanddrinkers，towhomourworthycompatriot，FrancoisRabelais，theeternalhonourofTouraine，addressedhimself。Beitneverthelessunderstood，theauthorhasnootherdesirethantobeagoodTouranian，andjoyfullytochroniclethemerrydoingsofthefamouspeopleofthissweetandproductiveland，morefertileincuckolds，dandiesandwittywagsthananyother，andwhichhasfurnishedagoodshareofmenofrenowninFrance，aswitnessthedepartedCourierofpiquantmemory；Verville，authorofMoyendeParvenir，andothersequallywellknown，amongwhomwewillspeciallymentiontheSieurDescartes，becausehewasamelancholygenius，anddevotedhimselfmoretobrownstudiesthantodrinksanddainties，amanofwhomallthecooksandconfectionersofTourshaveawisehorror，whomtheydespise，andwillnothearspokenof，andsay，“Wheredoeshelive？”
ifhisnameismentioned。Nowthisworkistheproductionofthejoyousleisureofgoodoldmonks，ofwhomtherearemanyvestigesscatteredaboutthecountry，atGrenadiere-les-St-Cyr，inthevillageofSacche-les-Azay-le-Rideau，atMarmoustiers，Veretz，Roche-Cobon，andthecertainstorehousesofgoodstories，whichstorehousesaretheupperstoriesofoldcanonsandwisedames，whorememberthegoodolddayswhentheycouldenjoyaheartylaughwithoutlookingtoseeiftheirhilaritydisturbedthesitofyourruffle，asdotheyoungwomenofthepresentday，whowishtotaketheirpleasuregravely——acustomwhichsuitsourGayFranceasmuchasawaterjugwouldtheheadofaqueen。Sincelaughterisaprivilegegrantedtomanalone，andhehassufficientcausesfortearswithinhisreach，withoutaddingtothembybooks，Ihaveconsidereditathingmostpatriotictopublishadrachmofmerrimentforthesetimes，whenwearinessfallslikeafinerain，wettingus，soakingintous，anddissolvingthoseancientcustomswhichmakethepeopletoreappublicamusementfromtheRepublic。ButofthoseoldpantagruelistswhoallowedGodandthekingtoconducttheirownaffairswithoutputtingoftheirfingerinthepieoftenerthantheycouldhelp，beingcontenttolookonandlaugh，thereareveryfewleft。TheyaredyingoutdaybydayinsuchmannerthatIfeargreatlytoseetheseillustriousfragmentsoftheancientbreviaryspatupon，staledupon，setatnaught，dishonoured，andblamed，thewhichIshouldbeloathtosee，sinceIhaveandbeargreatrespectfortherefuseofourGallicantiquities。
Bearinmindalso，yewildcritics，youscrapers-upofwords，harpieswhomangletheintentionsandinventionsofeveryone，thataschildrenonlydowelaugh，andaswetravelonwardlaughtersinksdownanddiesout，likethelightoftheoil-litlamp。Thissignifies，thattolaughyoumustbeinnocent，andpureofaheart，lackingwhichqualitiesyoupurseyourlips，dropyourjaws，andknityourbrow，afterthemannerofmenhidingvicesandimpurities。Take，then，thisworkasyouwouldtakeagroupofstatue，certainfeaturesofwhichanartistcouldomit，andhewouldbethebiggestofallbigfoolsifheputsleavesuponthem，seeingthatthesesaidworksarenot，anymorethanisthisbook，intendedfornunneries。Nevertheless，Ihavetakencare，muchtomyvexation，toweedfromthemanuscriptstheoldwords，which，inspiteoftheirage，werestillstrong，andwhichwouldhaveshockedtheears，astonishedtheeyes，reddenedthecheeksandsulliedthelipsoftrouseredmaidens，andMadameVirtuewiththreelovers；forcertainthingsmustbedonetosuitthevicesoftheage，andaperiphraseismuchmoreagreeablethantheword。Indeed，weareold，andfindlongtrifles，betterthantheshortfolliesofouryouth，becauseatthattimeourtastewasbetter。Thensparemeyourslanders，andreadthisratheratnightthaninthedaytimeandgiveitnottoyoungmaidens，iftherebeany，becausethisbookisinflammable。Iwillnowridyouofmyself。ButIfearnothingfromthisbook，sinceitisextractedfromahighandsplendidsource，fromwhichallthathasissuedhashadagreatsuccess，asisamplyprovedbytheroyalordersoftheGoldenFleece，oftheHolyGhost，oftheGarter，oftheBath，andbymanynotablethingswhichhavebeentakentherefrom，undershelterofwhichIplacemyself。
'Nowmakeyemerry，myhearties，andgaylyreadwitheaseofbodyandrestofreins，andmayacancercarryyouifyoudisownmeafterhavingreadme。'ThesewordsarethoseofourgoodMasterRabelais，beforewhomwemustalsostand，hatinhand，intokenofreverenceandhonourtohim，princeofallwisdom，andkingofComedy。
THEFAIRIMPERIA
TheArchbishopofBordeauxhadaddedtohissuitewhengoingtotheCouncilatConstancequiteagood-lookinglittlepriestofTourainewhosewaysandmannerofspeechwassocharmingthathepassedforasonofLaSoldeeandtheGovernor。TheArchbishopofTourshadwillinglygivenhimtohisconfrereforhisjourneytothattown，becauseitwasusualforarchbishopstomakeeachotherpresents，theywellknowinghowsharparetheitchingsoftheologicalpalms。ThusthisyoungpriestcametotheCouncilandwaslodgedintheestablishmentofhisprelate，amanofgoodmoralsandgreatscience。
PhilippedeMala，ashewascalled，resolvedtobehavewellandworthilytoservehisprotector，buthesawinthismysteriousCouncilmanymenleadingadissolutelifeandyetnotmakingless，nay——
gainingmoreindulgences，goldcrownsandbeneficesthanalltheothervirtuousandwell-behavedones。Nowduringonenight——dangeroustohisvirtue——thedevilwhisperedintohisearthatheshouldlivemoreluxuriously，sinceeveryonesuckedthebreastsofourHolyMotherChurchandyettheywerenotdrained，amiraclewhichprovedbeyonddoubttheexistenceofGod。AndthepriestofTourainedidnotdisappointthedevil。Hepromisedtofeasthimself，toeathisbellyfulofroastmeatsandotherGermandelicacies，whenhecoulddosowithoutpayingforthemashewaspoor。Asheremainedquitecontinent(inwhichhefollowedtheexampleofthepooroldarchbishopwhosinnednolongerbecausehewasunableto，andpassedforasaint，)hehadtosufferfromintolerabledesiresfollowedbyfitsofmelancholy，sincethereweresomanysweetcourtesans，welldeveloped，butcoldtothepoorpeople，whoinhabitedConstance，toenlightentheunderstandingoftheFathersoftheCouncil。Hewassavagethathedidnotknowhowtomakeuptothesegallantsirens，whosnubbedcardinals，abbots，councillors，legates，bishops，princesandmargravesjustasiftheyhavebeenpennilessclerks。Andintheevening，afterprayers，hewouldpracticespeakingtothem，teachinghimselfthebreviaryoflove。Hetaughthimselftoanswerallpossiblequestions，butonthemorrowifbychancehemetoneoftheaforesaidprincessesdressedout，seatedinalitterandescortedbyherproudandwell-armedpages，heremainedopen-mouthed，likeadogintheactofcatchingflies，atthesightofsweetcountenancethatsomuchinflamedhim。ThesecretaryofaMonseigneur，agentlemanofPerigord，havingclearlyexplainedtohimthattheFathers，procureurs，andauditorsoftheRotaboughtbycertainpresents，notrelicsorindulgences，butjewelsandgold，thefavourofbeingfamiliarwiththebestofthesepamperedcatswholivedundertheprotectionofthelordsoftheCouncil；thepoorTouranian，allsimpletonandinnocentashewas，treasuredupunderhismattressthemoneygivenhimbythegoodarchbishopforwritingsandcopying——hopingonedaytohaveenoughjusttoseeacardinal'slady-love，andtrustingtoGodfortherest。Hewashairlessfromtoptotoeandresembledamanaboutasmuchasagoatwithanight-dressonresemblesayounglady，butpromptedbyhisdesireshewanderedintheeveningsthroughthestreetsofConstance，carelessofhislife，and，attheriskofhavinghisbodyhalberdedbythesoldiers，hepeepedatthecardinalsenteringthehousesoftheirsweethearts。Thenhesawthewax-candleslightedinthehousesandsuddenlythedoorsandthewindowsclosed。
Thenheheardtheblessedabbotsorothersjumpingabout，drinking，enjoyingthemselves，love-making，singingAlleluiaandapplaudingthemusicwithwhichtheywerebeingregaled。Thekitchenperformedmiracles，theOfficessaidwerefinerichpots-full，theMatinssweetlittlehams，theVesperslusciousmouthful，andtheLauhesdelicatesweetmeats，andaftertheirlittlecarouses，thesebravepriestsweresilent，theirpagesdiceduponthestairs，theirmulesstampedrestivelyinthestreets；everythingwentwell——butfaithandreligionwasthere。ThatishowitcametopassthegoodmanHusswasburned。
Andthereason？Heputhisfingerinthepiewithoutbeingasked。Thenwhywasheahuguenotbeforetheothers？
Toreturn，howevertooursweetlittlePhilippe，notunfrequentlydidhereceivemanyathumpandhardblow，butthedevilsustainedhim，incitinghimtobelievethatsoonerorlateritwouldcometohisturntoplaythecardinaltosomelovelydame。Thisardentdesiregavehimtheboldnessofastaginautumn，somuchsothatoneeveninghequietlytrippedupthestepsandintooneofthefirsthousesinConstancewhereoftenhehadseenofficers，seneschals，valets，andpageswaitingwithtorchesfortheirmasters，dukes，kings，cardinalsandarchbishops。
“Ah！”saidhe，“shemustbeverybeautifulandamiable，thisone。“
Asoldierwellarmedallowedhimtopass，believinghimtobelongtothesuiteoftheElectorofBavaria，whohadjustleft，andthathewasgoingtodeliveramessageonbehalfoftheabove-mentionednobleman。PhilippedeMalamountedthestairsaslightlyasagreyhoundinlove，andwasguidedbydelectableodourofperfumetocertainchamberwhere，surroundedbyherhandmaidens，theladyofthehousewasdivestingherselfofherattire。Hestoodquitedumbfoundedlikeathiefsurprisedbysergeants。Theladywaswithoutpetticoatorhead-dress。Thechambermaidandtheservants，busytakingoffherstockingsandundressingher，soquicklyanddextrouslyhadherstripped，thatthepriest，overcome，gaveventtoalongAh！whichhadtheflavourofloveaboutit。
“Whatwantyou，littleone？”saidtheladytohim。
“Toyieldmysoultoyou，“saidhe，flashinghiseyesuponher。
“Youcancomeagainto-morrow，“saidshe，inordertoberidofhim。
TowhichPhilippereplied，blushing，“Iwillnotfail。“
Thensheburstoutlaughing。Philippe，struckmotionless，stoodquiteathisease，lettingwanderoverherhiseyesthatglowedandsparkledwiththeflameoflove。Whatlovelythickhairhunguponherivorywhiteback，showingsweetwhiteplaces，fairandshiningbetweenthemanytresses！Shehaduponhersnow-whitebrowarubycirclet，lessfertileinraysoffirethanherblackeyes，stillmoistwithtearsfromherheartylaugh。Sheeventhrewherslipperatastatuegildedlikeashrine，twistingherselfaboutfromveryribaldryandallowedherbarefoot，smallerthanaswan'sbill，tobeseen。Thiseveningshewasinagoodhumour，otherwiseshewouldhavehadthelittleshaven-cropputoutbythewindowwithoutmoreadothanherfirstbishop。
“Hehasfineeyes，Madame，“saidoneofherhandmaids。
“Wheredoeshecomesfrom？”askedanother。
“Poorchild！”criedMadame，“hismothermustbelookingforhim。Showhimhiswayhome。“
TheTouranian，stillsensible，gaveamovementofdelightatthesightofthebrocadedbedwherethesweetformwasabouttorepose。Thisglance，fullofamorousintelligence，awokethelady'sfantasy，who，halflaughingandhalfsmitten，repeated“To-morrow，“anddismissedhimwithagesturewhichthePopeJehanhimselfwouldhaveobeyed，especiallyashewaslikeasnailwithoutashell，sincetheCouncilhadjustdeprivedhimoftheholykeys。
“Ah！Madame，thereisanothervowofchastitychangedintoanamorousdesire，“saidoneofherwomen；andthechucklescommencedagainthickashail。
Philippewenthisway，bumpinghisheadagainstawalllikeahoodedrookashewas。Sogiddyhadhebecomeatthesightofthiscreature，evenmoreenticingthanasirenrisingfromthewater。Henoticedtheanimalscarvedoverthedoorandreturnedtothehouseofthearchbishopwithhisheadfullofdiabolicallongingsandhisentrailssophisticated。
Onceinhislittleroomhecountedhiscoinsallnightlong，butcouldmakenomorethanfourofthem；andasthatwasallhistreasure，hecounteduponsatisfyingthefaironebygivingherallhehadintheworld。
“Whatisitailsyou？”saidthegoodarchbishop，uneasyatthegroansand“oh！oh's！”ofhisclerk。
“Ah！myLord，“answeredthepoorpriest，“Iamwonderinghowitisthatsolightandsweetawomancanweighsoheavilyuponmyheart。“
“Whichone？”saidthearchbishop，puttingdownhisbreviarywhichhewasreadingforothers——thegoodman。
“Oh！MotherofGod！Youwillscoldme，Iknow，mygoodmaster，myprotector，becauseIhaveseentheladyofacardinalattheleast，andIamweepingbecauseIlackmorethanonecrowntoenablemetoconverther。“
Thearchbishop，knittingthecircumflexaccentthathehadabovehisnose，saidnotaword。Thentheveryhumblepriesttrembledinhisskintohaveconfessedsomuchtohissuperior。Buttheholymandirectlysaidtohim，“Shemustbeverydearthen——“
“Ah！”saidhe，“shehasswallowedmanyamitreandstolenmanyacross。“
“Well，Philippe，ifthouwillrenounceher，Iwillpresenttheewiththirtyangelsfromthepoor-box。“
“Ah！mylord，Ishouldbelosingtoomuch，“repliedthelad，emboldenedbythetreathepromisedhimself。
“Ah！Philippe，“saidthegoodprelate，“thouwiltthengotothedevilanddispleaseGod，likeallourcardinals，“andthemaster，withsorrow，begantopraySt。Gatien，thepatronsaintofInnocents，tosavehisservant。Hemadehimkneeldownbesidehim，tellinghimtorecommendhimselfalsotoSt。Philippe，butthewretchedpriestimploredthesaintbeneathhisbreathtopreventhimfromfailingifonthemorrowthattheladyshouldreceivehimkindlyandmercifully；
andthegoodarchbishop，observingthefervourofhisservant，criedouthim，“Couragelittleone，andHeavenwillexorcisethee。“
Onthemorrow，whileMonsieurwasdeclaimingattheCouncilagainsttheshamelessbehaviouroftheapostlesofChristianity，PhilippedeMalaspenthisangels——acquiredwithsomuchlabour——inperfumes，baths，fomentations，andotherfooleries。Heplayedthefopsowell，onewouldhavethoughthimthefancycavalierofagaylady。Hewanderedaboutthetowninordertofindtheresidenceofhisheart'squeen；andwhenheaskedthepassers-bytowhombelongedtheaforesaidhouse，theylaughedinhisface，saying——
“WhencecomesthispreciousfellowthathasnotheardofLaBelleImperia？”
Hewasverymuchafraidheandhisangelsweregonetothedevilwhenheheardthename，andknewintowhatanicemesshehadvoluntarilyfallen。
Imperiawasthemostprecious，themostfantasticgirlintheworld，althoughshepassedforthemostdazzlingandthebeautiful，andtheonewhobestunderstoodtheartofbamboozlingcardinalsandsofteningthehardiestsoldiersandoppressorsofthepeople。Shehadbravecaptains，archers，andnobles，readytoserveherateveryturn。Shehadonlytobreatheaword，andthebusinessofanyonewhohadoffendedherwassettled。Afreefightonlybroughtasmiletoherlips，andoftentheSiredeBaudricourt——oneoftheKing'sCaptains——
wouldaskheriftherewereanyonehecouldkillforherthatday——alittlejokeattheexpenseoftheabbots。WiththeexceptionofthepotentatesamongthehighclergywithwhomMadameImperiamanagedtoaccommodateherlittletempers，sheruledeveryonewithahighhandinvirtueofherprettybabbleandenchantingways，whichenthralledthemostvirtuousandthemostunimpressionable。Thusshelivedbelovedandrespected，quiteasmuchastherealladiesandprincesses，andwascalledMadame，concerningwhichthegoodEmperorSigismundrepliedtoaladywhocomplainedofittohim，“Thatthey，thegoodladies，mightkeeptotheirownproperwayandholyvirtues，andMadameImperiatothesweetnaughtinessofthegoddessVenus“——Christianwordswhichshockedthegoodladies，totheircreditbeitsaid。
Philippe，thenthinkingoveritinhismindthatwhichontheprecedingeveninghehadseenwithhiseyes，doubtedifmoredidnotremainbehind。Thenwashesad，andwithouttakingbiteorsup，strolledaboutthetownwaitingtheappointedhour，althoughhewaswell-favouredandgallantenoughtofindotherslessdifficulttoovercomethanwasMadameImperia。
Thenightcame；thelittleTouranian，exaltedwithpridecaparisonedwithdesire，andspurredbyhis“alacks“and“alases“whichnearlychokedhim，glidedlikeaneelintothedomicileoftheveritableQueenoftheCouncil——forbeforeherbowedhumblyalltheauthority，science，andwisdomofChristianity。Themajordomodidnotknowhim，andwasgoingtobundlehimoutagain，whenoneofthechamber-womencalledhimfromthetopofthestairs——“EhM。Imbert，itisMadame'syoungfellow，“andpoorPhilippe，blushinglikeaweddingnight，ranupthestairs，shakingwithhappinessanddelight。TheservanttookhimbythehandandledintothechamberwheresatMadame，lightlyattiredlikeabravewomanwhoawaitsherconqueror。
ThedazzlingImperiawasseatednearatablecoveredwithashaggyclothornamentedwithgold，andwithalltherequisitesforadaintycarouse。Flagonsofwine，variousdrinkingglasses，bottlesofthehippocras，flasksfullofgoodwineofCyprus，prettyboxesfullofspices，roastpeacocks，greensauces，littlesalthams——allthatwouldgladdentheeyesofthegallantifhehadnotsomadlylovedMadameImperia。
Shesawwellthattheeyesoftheyoungpriestwereallforher。
Althoughaccustomedtothecurl-paperdevotionofthechurchmen，shewaswellsatisfiedthatshehadmadeaconquestoftheyoungpriestwhoalldaylonghadbeeninherhead。
Thewindowshadbeenclosed；MadamewasdeckedoutinamannerfittodohonourstoaprinceoftheEmpire。Thentherogue，beatifiedbytheholybeautyofImperia，knewthatEmperor，burgraf，nay，evenacardinalabouttobeelectedpope，wouldwillinglyforthatnighthavechangedplaceswithhim，alittlepriestwho，beneathhisgown，hadonlythedevilandlove。
Heputonalordlyair，andsalutedherwithacourtesybynomeansungraceful；andthenthesweetladysaidtohim，regalingwithapiercingglance——
“Comeandsitclosetome，thatImayseeifyouhavealteredsinceyesterday。“
“Ohyes，“saidhe。
“Andhow？”saidshe。
“Yesterday，“repliedtheartfulfellow，“Ilovedyou；today，weloveeachother，andfromapoorsinnerIhavebecomericherthanaking。“
“Oh，littleone，littleone！”criedshe，merrily；“yes，youareindeedchanged，forfromayoungpriestIseewellyouhaveturnedintoanolddevil。“
Andsidebysidetheysatdownbeforealargefire，whichhelpedtospreadtheirecstasyaround。Theyremainedalwaysreadytobegineating，seeingthattheyonlythoughtofgazingintoeachother'seyes，andnevertouchedadish。Justastheywerebeginningtofeelcomfortableandattheirease，therecameagreatnoiseatMadame'sdoor，asifpeoplewerebeatingagainstit，andcryingout。
“Madame，“criedthelittleservanthastily，“here'sanotherofthem。“
“Whoisit？”criedsheinahaughtymanner，likeatyrant，savageatbeinginterrupted。
“TheBishopofCoirewishestospeakwithyou。“
“Maythedeviltakehim！”saidshe，lookingatPhilippegently。
“Madamehehasseenthelightthroughthechinks，andismakingagreatnoise。“
“TellhimIhavethefever，andyouwillbetellinghimnolie，forI
amillofthislittlepriestwhoistorturingmybrain。“
Butjustasshehadfinishedspeaking，andwaspressingwithdevotionthehandofPhilippewhotrembledinhisskin，appearedthefatBishopofCoire，indignantandangry。Theofficersfollowedhim，bearingatroutcanonicallydressed，freshfromtheRhine，andshininginagoldenplatter，andspicescontainedinlittleornamentalboxes，andathousanddainties，suchasliqueursandjams，madebytheholynunsathisAbbey。
“Ah，ah！”saidhe，withhisdeepvoice，“Ihaven'ttimetogotothedevil，butyoumustgivemeatouchofhiminadvance，eh！mylittleone。“
“Yourbellywillonedaymakeanicesheathforasword，“repliedshe，knittingherbrowsabovehereyes，whichfrombeingsoftandgentlehadbecomemischievousenoughtomakeonetremble。
“Andthislittlechorussingerisheretoofferthat？”saidthebishop，insolentlyturninghisgreatrubicundfacetowardsPhilippe。
“Monseigneur，I'mheretoconfessMadame。“
“Oh，oh，doyounotknowthecanons？Toconfesstheladiesatthistimeofnightisarightreservedtobishops，sotakeyourselfoff；goandherdwithsimplemonks，andnevercomebackhereagainunderpainofexcommunication。“
“Donotmove，“criedtheblushingImperia，morelovelywithpassionthanshewaswithlove，becausenowshewaspossessedbothwithpassionandlove。“Stop，myfriend。Hereyouareinyourownhouse。“
Thenheknewthathewasreallylovedbyher。
“Itisitnotinthebreviary，andanevangelicalregulation，thatyoushouldbeequalwithGodinthevalleyofJehoshaphat？”askedsheofthebishop。
“'Tisisaninventionofthedevil，whohasadulteratedtheholybook，“repliedthegreatnumskullofabishopinahurrytofallto。
“Wellthen，beequalnowbeforeme，whoamherebelowyourgoddess，“
repliedImperia，“otherwiseoneofthesedaysIwillhaveyoudelicatelystrangledbetweentheheadandshoulders；Iswearitbythepowerofmytonsurewhichisasgoodasthepope's。“Andwishingthatthetroutshouldbeaddedtothefeastaswellasthesweetsandotherdainties，sheadded，cunningly，“Sityoudownanddrinkwithus。“Buttheartfulminx，beinguptoatrickortwo，gavethelittleoneawinkwhichtoldhimplainlynottomindtheGerman，whomshewouldsoonfindameanstoberidof。
Theservant-maidseatedtheBishopatthetable，andtuckedhimup，whilePhilippe，wildwithragethatclosedhismouth，becausehesawhisplansendinginsmoke，gavethearchbishoptomoredevilsthaneverweremonksalive。Thustheygothalfwaythroughtherepast，whichtheyoungpriesthadnotyettouched，hungeringonlyforImperia，nearwhomhewasalreadyseated，butspeakingthatsweetlanguagewhichtheladiessowellunderstand，thathasneitherstops，commas，accents，letters，figures，characters，notes，norimages。Thefatbishop，sensualandcarefulenoughofthesleek，ecclesiasticalgarmentofskinforwhichhewasindebtedtohislatemother，allowedhimselftobeplentifullyservedwithhippocrasbythedelicatehandofMadame，anditwasjustathisfirsthiccoughthatthesoundofanapproachingcavalcadewasheardinthestreet。Thenumberofhorses，the“Ho，ho！”
ofthepages，showedplainlythatsomegreatprincehotwithlove，wasabouttoarrive。Infact，amomentafterwardstheCardinalofRagusa，againstwhomtheservantsofImperiahadnotdaredtobarthedoor，enteredtheroom。Atthisterriblesightthepoorcourtesanandheryoungloverbecameashamedandembarrassed，likefreshcuredlepers；
foritwouldbetemptingthedeviltotryandoustthecardinal，themoresoasatthattimeitwasnotknownwhowouldbepope，threeaspirantshavingresignedtheirhoodsforthebenefitofChristianity。
Thecardinal，whowasacunningItalian，longbearded，agreatsophist，andthelifeandsouloftheCouncil，guessed，bythefeeblestexerciseofthefacultiesofhisunderstanding，thealphaandomegaoftheadventure。Heonlyhadtoweighinhismindonelittlethoughtbeforeheknewhowtoproceedinordertobeabletohypothecatehismanlyvigour。Hearrivedwiththeappetiteofahungrymonk，andtoobtainitssatisfactionhewasjustthemantostabtwomonksandsellhisbitofthetruecross，whichwerewrong。
“Hulloa！friend，“saidhetoPhilippe，callinghimtowardshim。ThepoorTourainian，moredeadthanalive，andexpectingthedevilwasabouttointerfereseriouslywithhisarrangements，roseandsaid，“Whatisit？”totheredoubtablecardinal。
Hetakinghimbythearmledhimtothestaircase，lookedhiminthewhiteoftheeyeandsaidwithoutanynonsense——“Ventredieu！Youareanicelittlefellow，andIshouldnotliketohavetoletyourmasterknowtheweightofyourcarcass。Myrevengemightcausemecertainpiousexpensesinmyoldage，sochoosetoespouseanabbeyfortheremainderofyourdays，ortomarryMadameto-nightanddietomorrow。“
ThepoorlittleTourainianindespairmurmured，“MayIcomebackwhenyourpassionisover？”
Thecardinalcouldscarcelykeephiscountenance，buthesaidsternly，“Choosethegallowsoramitre。“
“Ah！”saidthepriest，maliciously；“agoodfatabbey。“
Thereuponthecardinalwentbackintotheroom，openedanescritoire，andscribbleduponapieceofparchmentanordertotheenvoyofFrance。
“Monseigneur，“saidtheTourainiantohimwhilehewasspellingouttheorder，“youwillnotgetridoftheBishopofCoiresoeasilyasyouhavegotridofme，forhehasasmanyabbeysasthesoldiershavedrinkingshopsinthetown；besides，heisinthefavourofhislord。
NowIfancytoshowyoumygratitudeforthissofineAbbeyIoweyougoodpieceofadvice。YouknowhowfatalhasbeenandhowrapidlyspreadthisterriblepestilencewhichhascruellyharassedParis。TellhimthatyouhavejustleftthebedsideofyouroldfriendtheArchbishopofBordeaux；thusyouwillmakehimscutterawaylikestrawbeforeawhirl-wind。
“Oh，oh！”criedthecardinal，“thoumeritestmorethananabbey。Ah，Ventredieu！myyoungfriend，hereare100goldencrownsforthyjourneytotheAbbeyofTurpenay，whichIwonyesterdayatcards，andofwhichImakeyouafreegift。“
Hearingthesewords，andseeingPhilippedeMaladisappearwithoutgivinghertheamorousglancessheexpected，thebeautifulImperia，puffinglikeadolphin，denouncedallthecowardiceofthepriest。ShewasnotthenasufficientlygoodCatholictopardonherloverdeceivingher，bynotknowinghowtodieforherpleasure。ThusthedeathofPhilippewasforeshadowedintheviper'sglanceshecastathimtoinsulthim，whichglancepleasedthecardinalmuch，forthewilyItaliansawhewouldsoongethisabbeybackagain。TheTouranian，heedingnotthebrewingstormavoideditbywalkingoutsilentlywithhisearsdown，likeawetdogbeingkickedoutofaChurch。Madamedrewasighfromherheart。Shemusthavehadherownideasofhumanityforthelittlevaluesheheldinit。Thefirewhichpossessedherhadmountedtoherhead，andscintillatedinraysabouther，andtherewasgoodreasonforit，forthiswasthefirsttimethatshehadbeenhumbuggedbypriest。Thenthecardinalsmiled，believingitwasalltohisadvantage：wasnotheacunningfellow？
Yes，hewasthepossessorofaredhat。
“Ah，ah！myfriend，“saidhetotheBishop，“Icongratulatemyselfonbeinginyourcompany，andIamgladtohavebeenabletogetridofthatlittlewretchunworthyofMadame，themoresoasifyouhadgonenearhim，mylovelyandamiablecreature，youwouldhaveperishedmiserablythroughthedeedofasimplepriest。“
“Ah！How？”
“HeisthesecretaryoftheArchbishopofBordeaux。Thegoodmanwasseizedthismorningwiththepestilence。“
ThebishopopenedhismouthwideenoughtoswallowaDutchcheese。
“Howdoyouknowthat？”askedhe。
“Ah！”saidthecardinal，takingthegoodGerman'shand，“Ihavejustadministeredtohim，andconsoledhim；atthismomenttheholymanhasafairwindtowafthimtoparadise。“
TheBishopofCoiredemonstratedimmediatelyhowlightfatmanare；
forwhenmenarebig-bellied，amercifulprovidence，intheconsiderationoftheirworks，oftenmakestheirinternaltubesaselasticasballoons。Theaforesaidbishopsprangbackwardswithonebound，burstintoaperspirationandcoughedlikeacowwhofindsfeathersmixedwithherhay。Thenbecomingsuddenlypale，herusheddownthestairswithoutevenbiddingMadameadieu。Whenthedoorhadcloseduponthebishop，andhewasfairlyinthestreet，theCardinalofRagusabeganlaughingfittosplithissides。
“Ah！myfairone，amInotworthytobePope，andbetterthanthat，thyloverthisevening？”
ButseeingImperiathoughtfulheapproachedhertotakeherinhisarms，andpetheraftertheusualfashionofcardinals，menwhoembracebetterthanallothers，eventhesoldiers，becausetheyarelazy，anddonotsparetheiressentialproperties。
“Ha！”saidshe，drawingback，“youwishtocausemydeath，youecclesiasticalidiot。Theprincipalthingforyouistoenjoyyourself；mysweetcarcass，athingaccessory。Yourpleasurewillbemydeath，andthenyou'llcanonisemeperhaps？Ah，youhavetheplague，andyouwouldgiveittome。Gosomewhereelse，youbrainlesspriest。Ah！touchmenot，“saidshe，seeinghimabouttoadvance，“orIwillstabyouwiththisdagger。“
Andthecleverhussydrewfromherarmoirealittledagger，whichsheknewhowtousewithgreatskillwhennecessary。
“Butmylittleparadise，mysweetone，“saidtheother，laughing，“don'tyouseethetrick？Wasn'titnecessarytobegetridofthatoldbullockofCoire？”
“Wellthen，ifyouloveme，showit“repliedshe。“Idesirethatyouleavemeinstantly。Ifyouaretouchedwiththediseasemydeathwillnotworryyou。Iknowyouwellenoughtoknowatwhatpriceyouwillputamomentofpleasureatyourlasthour。Youwoulddrowntheearth。
Ah，ah！youhaveboastedofitwhendrunk。Iloveonlymyself，mytreasures，andmyhealth。Go，andiftomorrowyourveinsarenotfrozenbythedisease，youcancomeagain。Today，Ihateyou，goodcardinal，“saidshe，smiling。
“Imperia！”criedthecardinalonhisknees，“myblessedImperia，donotplaywithmethus。“
“No，“saidshe，“Ineverplaywithblessedandsacredthings。“
“Ah！ribaldwoman，Iwillexcommunicatetheetomorrow。“
“Andnowyouareoutofyourcardinalsense。“
“Imperia，curseddaughterofSatan！Oh，mylittlebeauty——mylove——！”
“Respectyourselfmore。Don'tkneeltome，fieforshame！”
“Wiltthouhaveadispensationinarticulomortis？Wiltthouhavemyfortune——orbetterstill，abitoftheveritabletrueCross？——Wiltthou？”
“Thisevening，allthewealthofheavenaboveandearthbeneathwouldnotbuymyheart，“saidshe，laughing。“Ishouldbetheblackestofsinners，unworthytoreceivetheBlessedSacramentifIhadnotmylittlecaprices。“
“I'llburnthehousedown。Sorceress，youhavebewitchedme。Youshallperishatthestake。Listentome，mylove，——mygentleDove——Ipromiseyouthebestplaceinheaven。Eh？No。Deathtoyouthen——deathtothesorceress。“
“Oh，oh！Iwillkillyou，Monseigneur。“
Andthecardinalfoamedwithrage。
“Youaremakingafoolofyourself，“saidshe。“Goaway，you'lltireyourself。“
“Ishallbepope，andyoushallpayforthis！”
“Thenyouarenolongerdisposedtoobeyme？”
“WhatcanIdothiseveningtopleaseyou？”
“Getout。“
Andshespranglightlylikeawagtailintoherroom，andlockedherselfin，leavingthecardinaltostormthathewasobligedtogo。
WhenthefairImperiafoundherselfalone，seatedbeforethefire，andwithoutherlittlepriest，sheexclaimed，snappingangrilythegoldlinksofherchain，“Bythedoubletriplehornonthedevil，ifthelittleonehasmademehavethisrowwiththeCardinal，andexposedmetothedangerofbeingpoisonedtomorrow，unlessIpayhimovertomyheart'scontent，IwillnotdietillIhaveseenhimburnedalivebeforemyeyes。Ah！”saidshe，weeping，thistimerealtears，“Ileadamostunhappylife，andthelittlepleasureIhavecostsmethelifeofadog，letalonemysalvation。“
Asshefinishedthisjeremiad，wailinglikeacalfthatisbeingslaughtered，shebeheldtheblushingfaceoftheyoungpriest，whohadhiddenhimself，peepingatherfrombehindherlargeVenetianmirror。
“Ah！”saidshe，“ThouartthemostperfectmonkthateverdweltinthisblessedandamoroustownofConstance。Ah，ah！Comemygentlecavalier，mydearboy，mylittlecharm，myparadiseofdelectation，letmedrinkthineeyes，eatthee，killtheewithmylove。Oh！myever-flourishing，ever-green，sempiternalgod；fromalittlemonkI
wouldmakeaking，emperor，pope，andhappierthaneither。There，thoucanstputanythingtofireandsword，Iamthine，andthoushaltseeitwell；forthoushaltbeallacardinal，evenwhentoreddenthyhoodIshedallmyheart'sblood。“AndwithhertremblinghandsalljoyouslyshefilledwithGreekwinethegoldencup，broughtbytheBishopofCoire，andpresentedittohersweetheart，whomsheserveduponherknee，shewhoseslipperprincesfoundmoretotheirtastethanthatofthepope。
Buthegazedatherinsilence，withhiseyesolustrouswithlove，thatshesaidtohim，tremblingwithjoy“Ah！bequiet，littleone。
Letushavesupper。“
THEVENIALSIN
HOWTHEGOODMANBRUYNTOOKAWIFE。
MessireBruyn，hewhocompletedtheCastleofRoche-Corbon-les-
Vouvray，onthebanksoftheLoire，wasaboisterousfellowinhisyouth。Whenquitelittle，hesqueezedyoungladies，turnedthehouseoutofwindows，andplayedthedevilwitheverything，whenhewascalledupontoputhisSiretheBaronofRoche-Corbonsomefewfeetundertheturf。Thenhewashisownmaster，freetoleadalifeofwilddissipation，andindeedheworkedveryhardtogetasurfeitofenjoyment。Nowbymakinghiscrownssweatandhisgoodsscarce，draininghisland，andableedinghishogsheads，andregalingfrailbeauties，hefoundhimselfexcommunicatedfromdecentsociety，andhadforhisfriendsonlytheplunderersoftownsandtheLombardians。Buttheusurersturnedroughandbitteraschestnuthusks，whenhehadnoothersecuritytogivethemthanhissaidestateofRoche-Corbon，sincetheRupesCarboniswasheldfromourLordtheking。ThenBruynfoundhimselfjustinthehumourtogiveablowhereandthere，tobreakacollar-boneortwo，andquarrelwitheveryoneabouttrifles。
Seeingwhich，theAbbotofMarmoustiers，hisneighbour，andamanliberalwithhisadvice，toldhimthatitwasanevidentsignoflordlyperfection，thathewaswalkingintherightroad，butifhewouldgoandslaughter，tothegreatgloryofGod，theMahommedanswhodefiledtheHolyLand，itwouldbebetterstill，andthathewouldundoubtedlyreturnfullofwealthandindulgencesintoTouraine，orintoParadise，whenceallbaronsformerlycame。
ThesaidBruyn，admiringthegreatsenseoftheprelate，leftthecountryequippedbythemonastery，andblessedbytheabbot，tothegreatdelightofhisfriendsandneighbours。ThenheputtothesackenoughmanytownsofAsiaandAfrica，andfellupontheinfidelswithoutgivingthemwarning，burningtheSaracens，theGreeks，theEnglish，andothers，caringlittlewhethertheywerefriendsorenemies，orwheretheycamefrom，sinceamonghismeritshehadthatofbeinginnowaycurious，andheneverquestionedthemuntilafterhehadkilledthem。Atthisbusiness，agreeabletoGod，totheKingandtohimself，BruyngainedrenownasagoodChristianandloyalknight，andenjoyedhimselfthoroughlyintheselandsbeyondtheseas，sincehemorewillinglygaveacrowntothegirlsthantothepoor，althoughhemetmanymorepoorpeoplethanperfectmaids；butlikeagoodTouranianhemadesoupofanything。Atlength，whenhewassatiatedwiththeTurks，relics，andotherblessingsoftheHolyLand，Bruyn，tothegreatastonishmentofthepeopleofVouvrillons，returnedfromtheCrusadesladenwithcrownsandpreciousstones；
ratherdifferentlyfromsomewho，richwhentheysetout，camebackheavywithleprosy，butlightwithgold。OnhisreturnfromTunis，ourLord，KingPhilippe，madehimaCount，andappointedhimhisseneschalinourcountryandthatofPoitou。Therehewasgreatlybelovedandproperlythoughtwellof，sinceoverandabovehisgoodqualitieshefoundedtheChurchoftheCarmes-Deschaulx，intheparishofEgrignolles，asthepeace-offeringtoHeavenforthefolliesofhisyouth。ThuswashecardinallyconsignedtothegoodgracesoftheChurchandofGod。Fromawickedyouthandrecklessman，hebecameagood，wiseman，anddiscreetinhisdissipationsandpleasures；rarelywasinanger，unlesssomeoneblasphemedGodbeforehim，thewhichhewouldnottoleratebecausehehadblasphemedenoughforeveryoneinhiswildyouth。Inshort，heneverquarrelled，because，beingseneschal，peoplegaveuptohiminstantly。Itistruethatheatthattimebeheldallhisdesiresaccomplished，thewhichwouldrenderevenanimpofSatancalmandtranquilfromhishornstohisheels。Andbesidesthishepossessedacastlealljaggedatthecorners，andshapedandpointedlikeaSpanishdoublet，situateduponabankfromwhichitwasreflectedintheLoire。Intheroomswereroyaltapestries，furniture，Saracenpomps，vanities，andinventionswhichweremuchadmiredbypeopleofTours，andevenbythearchbishopandclerksofSt。Martin，towhomhesentasafreegiftabannerfringedwithfinegold。Intheneighbourhoodofthesaidcastleaboundedfairdomains，wind-mills，andforests，yieldingaharvestofrentsofallkinds，sothathewasoneofthestrongestknights-banneretoftheprovince，andcouldeasilyhaveledtobattleforourlordthekingathousandmen。Inhisolddays，ifbychancehisbailiff，adiligentmanathanging，broughtbeforehimapoorpeasantsuspectedofsomeoffence，hewouldsay，smiling——
“Letthisonego，Brediff，hewillcountagainstthoseI
inconsideratelyslaughteredacrosstheseas“；oftentimes，however，hewouldletthembravelyhangonachestnuttreeorswingonhisgallows，butthiswassolelythatjusticemightbedone，andthatthecustomshouldnotlapseinhisdomain。Thusthepeopleonhislandsweregoodandorderly，likefreshveilednuns，andpeacefulsinceheprotectedthemfromtherobbersandvagabondswhomheneverspared，knowingbyexperiencehowmuchmischiefiscausedbythesecursedbeastsofprey。Fortherest，mostdevout，finishingeverythingquickly，hisprayersaswellasgoodwine，hemanagedtheprocessesaftertheTurkishfashion，havingathousandlittlejokesreadyforthelosers，anddiningwiththemtoconsolethem。Hehadallthepeoplewhohadbeenhangedburiedinconsecratedgroundlikegodlyones，somepeoplethinkingtheyhadbeensufficientlypunishedbyhavingtheirbreathstopped。HeonlypersecutedtheJewsnowandthen，andwhentheyweregluttedwithusuryandwealth。Heletthemgathertheirspoilasthebeesdohoney，sayingthattheywerethebestoftax-gatherers。Andneverdidhedespoilthemsavefortheprofitanduseofthechurchmen，theking，theprovince，orhimself。
Thisjovialwaygainedforhimtheaffectionandesteemofeveryone，greatandsmall。Ifhecamebacksmilingfromhisjudicialthrone，theAbbotofMarmoustiers，anoldmanlikehimself，wouldsay，“Ho，ha！
messire，thereissomehangingonsinceyoulaughthus！”AndwhencomingfromRoche-CorbontoTourshepassedonhorsebackalongtheFauborgSt。Symphorien，thelittlegirlswouldsay，“Ah！thisisthejusticeday，thereisthegoodmanBruyn，“andwithoutbeingafraidtheywouldlookathimastrideonabigwhitehack，thathehadbroughtbackwithhimfromtheLevant。Onthebridgethelittleboyswouldstopplayingwiththeball，andwouldcallout，“Goodday，Mr。
Seneschal“andhewouldreply，jokingly，“Enjoyyourselves，mychildren，untilyougetwhipped。““Yes，Mr。Seneschal。“
Alsohemadethecountrysocontentedandsofreefromrobbersthatduringtheyearofthegreatover-flowingoftheLoiretherewereonlytwenty-twomalefactorshangedthatwinter，notcountingaJewburnedintheCommuneofChateau-Neufforhavingstolenaconsecratedwafer，orboughtit，somesaid，forhewasveryrich。
Oneday，inthefollowingyearaboutharvesttime，ormowingtime，aswesayinTouraine，therecameEgyptians，Bohemians，andotherwanderingtroupeswhostoletheholythingsfromtheChurchofSt。
Martin，andintheplaceandexactsituationofMadamtheVirgin，leftbywayofinsultandmockerytoourHolyFaith，anabandonedprettylittlegirl，abouttheageofanolddog，starknaked，anacrobat，andofMoorishdescentlikethemselves。Forthisalmostnamelesscrimeitwasequallydecidedbytheking，people，andthechurchmenthattheMooress，topayforall，shouldbeburnedandcookedaliveinthesquarenearthefountainwheretheherbmarketis。ThenthegoodmanBruynclearlyanddextrouslydemonstratedtotheothersthatitwouldbeathingmostprofitableandpleasanttoGodtogainoverthisAfricansoultothetruereligion，andifthedevilwerelodgedinthisfemininebodythefaggotswouldbeuselesstoburnhim，assaidthesaidorder。TowhichthearchbishopsagelythoughtmostcanonicalandconformabletoChristiancharityandthegospel。Theladiesofthetownandotherpersonsofauthoritysaidloudlythattheywerecheatedofafineceremony，sincetheMooresswascryinghereyesoutinthejailandwouldcertainlybeconvertedtoGodinordertoliveaslongasacrow，ifshewereallowedtodoso，towhichtheseneschalrepliedthatiftheforeignerwouldwhollycommitherselftotheChristianreligiontherewouldbeagallantceremonyofanotherkind，andthathewouldundertakethatitshouldberoyallymagnificent，becausehewouldbehersponsoratthebaptismalfont，andthatavirginshouldbehispartnerintheaffairinorderthebettertopleasetheAlmighty，whilehimselfwasreputednevertohavelostthebloomorinnocence，infacttobeacoquebin。InourcountryofTourainethusarecalledtheyoungvirginmen，unmarriedorsoesteemedtodistinguishthemfromthehusbandsandthewidowers，butthegirlsalwayspickthemwithoutthename，becausetheyaremorelight-heartedandmerrythanthoseseasonedinmarriage。
TheyoungMooressdidnothesitatebetweentheflamingfaggotsandthebaptismalwater。ShemuchpreferredtobeaChristianandlivethanbeEgyptianandbeburned；thustoescapeamoment'sbaking，herheartwouldburnunquenchedthroughallherlife，sinceforthegreatersuretyofherreligionshewasplacedintheconventofnunsnearChardonneret，whereshetookthevowofsanctity。Thesaidceremonywasconcludedattheresidenceofthearchbishop，whereonthisoccasion，inhonouroftheSaviourormen，thelordsandladiesofTourainehopped，skippedanddanced，forinthiscountrythepeopledance，skip，eat，flirt，havemorefeastsandmakemerrierthananyinthewholeworld。ThegoodoldseneschalhadtakenforhisassociatethedaughterofthelordofAzay-le-Ridel，whichafterwardsbecameAzay-le-Brusle，thewhichlordbeingaCrusaderwasleftbeforeAcre，afardistanttown，inthehandsofaSaracenwhodemandedaroyalransomforhimbecausethesaidlordwasofhighposition。
TheladyofAzayhavinggivenhisestateassecuritytotheLombardsandextortionersinordertoraisethesum，remained，withoutapennyinthetheworld，awaitingherlordinapoorlodginginthetown，withoutacarpettositupon，butproudastheQueenofShebaandbraveasamastiffwhodefendsthepropertyofhismaster。Seeingthisgreatdistresstheseneschalwentdelicatelytorequestthislady'sdaughtertobethegodmotherofthesaidEgyptian，inorderthathemighthavetherightofassistingtheLadyofAzay。And，infact，hekeptaheavychainofgoldwhichhehadpreservedsincethecommencementofthetakingofCyprus，andthewhichhedeterminedtoclaspabouttheneckofhisprettyassociate，buthehungthereatthesametimehisdomain，andhiswhitehairs，hismoneyandhishorses；
inshort，heplacedthereeverythinghepossessed，directlyhehadseenBlancheofAzaydancingapavanamongtheladiesofTours。
AlthoughtheMoorishgirl，makingthemostofherlastday，hadastonishedtheassemblybyhertwists，jumps，steps，springs，andelevationsandartisticefforts，Blanchehadtheadvantageofher，aseveryoneagreed，sovirginallyanddelicatelydidshedance。
NowBruyn，admiringthisgentlemaidenwhosetoesseemedtofeartheboards，andwhoamusedherselfsoinnocentlyforherseventeenyears——
likeagrasshoppertryingherfirstnote——wasseizedwithanoldman'sdesire；adesireapoplecticandvigorousfromweakness，whichheatedhimfromthesoleoffoottothenapeofhisneck——forhisheadhadtoomuchsnowonthetopofittoletlovelodgethere。Thenthegoodmanperceivedthatheneededawifeinhismanor，anditappearedmorelonelytohimthanitwas。Andwhatthenwasacastlewithoutachatelaine？Aswellhaveaclapperwithoutitsbell。Inshort，awifewastheonlythingthathehadtodesire，sohewishedtohaveonepromptly，seeingthatiftheLadyofAzaymadehimwait，hehadjusttimetopassoutofthisworldintotheother。Butduringthebaptismalentertainment，hethoughtlittleofhisseverewounds，andstilllessoftheeightyyearsthathadstrippedhishead；hefoundhiseyesclearenoughtoseedistinctlyhisyoungcompanion，who，followingtheinjunctionsoftheLadyofAzay，regaledhimwellwithglanceandgesture，believingtherecouldbenodangernearsooldafellow，insuchwisethatBlanche——naiveandniceasshewasincontradistinctiontothegirlsofTouraine，whoareaswide-awakeasaspringmorning——permittedthegoodmanfirsttokissherhand，andafterwardsherneck，ratherlow-down；atleastsosaidthearchbishopwhomarriedthemtheweekafter；andthatwasabeautifulbridal，andastillmorebeautifulbride。
ThesaidBlanchewasslenderandgracefulasnoothergirl，andstillbetterthanthat，moremaidenlythanevermaidenwas；amaidenallignorantoflove，whoknewnotwhyorwhatitwas；amaidenwhowonderedwhycertainpeoplelingeredintheirbeds；amaidenwhobelievedthatchildrenwerefoundinparsleybeds。Hermotherhadthusrearedherininnocence，withoutevenallowinghertoconsider，trifleasitwas，howshesuckedinhersoupbetweenherteeth。Thusshewasasweetflower，andintact，joyousandinnocent；anangel，whoneededbutthewingstoflyawaytoParadise。WhensheleftthepoorlodgingofherweepingmothertoconsummateherbetrothalatthecathedralofSt。GatienandSt。Maurice，thecountrypeoplecametoafeasttheireyesuponthebride，andonthecarpetswhichwerelaiddownallalongthetheRuedelaScellerie，andallsaidthatneverhadtinierfeetpressedthegroundofTouraine，prettiereyesgazeduptoheaven，oramoresplendidfestivaladornedthestreetswithcarpetsandwithflowers。TheyounggirlsofSt。MartinandoftheboroughsofChateau-
Neuf，allenviedthelongbrowntresseswithwhichdoubtlessBlanchehadfishedforacount，butmuchmoredidtheydesirethegoldembroidereddress，theforeignstones，thewhitediamonds，andthechainswithwhichthelittledarlingplayed，andwhichboundherforevertothesaidseneschal。Theoldsoldierwassomerrybyherside，thathishappinessshoweditselfinhiswrinkles，hislooks，andhismovements。Althoughhewashardlyasstraightasabillhook，heheldhimselfsobythesideofBlanche，thatonewouldhavetakenhimforasoldieronparadereceivinghisofficer，andheplacedhishandonhisdiaphragmlikeamanwhosepleasurestiflesandtroubleshim。
Delightedwiththesoundoftheswingingbells，theprocession，thepomps，andthevanitiesofthesaidmarriage，whichwastalkedoflongaftertheepiscopalrejoicings，thewomendesiredaharvestofMoorishgirls，adelugeofoldseneschals，andbasketsfullofEgyptianbaptisms。ButthiswastheonlyonethateverhappenedinTouraine，seeingthatthecountryisfarfromEgyptandfromBohemia。TheLadyofAzayreceivedalargesumofmoneyaftertheceremony，whichenabledhertostartimmediatelyforAcretogotoherspouse，accompaniedbythelieutenantandsoldiersoftheCountofRoche-
Corbon，whofurnishedthemwitheverythingnecessary。Shesetoutonthedayofthewedding，afterhavingplacedherdaughterinthehandsoftheseneschal，enjoininghimtotreatherwell；andlateronshereturnedwiththeSired'Azay，whowasleprous，andshecuredhim，tendinghimherself，runningtheriskofbeingcontaminated，thewhichwasgreatlyadmired。
Themarriageceremonyfinishedandatanend——foritlastedthreedays，tothegreatcontentmentofthepeople——MessireBruynwithgreatpompledthelittleonetohiscastle，and，accordingtothecustomofhusbands，hadherputsolemnlytobedinhiscouch，whichwasblessedbytheAbbotofMarmoustiers；thencameandplacedhimselfbesideherinthegreatfeudalchamberofRoche-Corbon，whichhadbeenhungwithgreenblockadeandribbonofgoldenwire。WhenoldBruyn，perfumedallover，foundhimselfsidebysidewithhisprettywife，hekissedherfirstupontheforehead，andthenuponthelittleround，whitebreast，onthesamespotwhereshehadallowedhimtoclaspthefasteningsofthechain，butthatwasall。Theoldfellowhadtoogreatconfidenceinhimselfinfancyinghimselfabletoaccomplishmore；sothenheabstainedfromloveinspiteofthemerrynuptialsongs，theepithalamiumsandjokeswhichweregoingonintheroomsbeneathwherethedancingwasstillkeptup。Herefreshedhimselfwithadrinkofthemarriagebeverage，whichaccordingtocustom，hadbeenblessedandplacedneartheminagoldencup。Thespiceswarnedhisstomachwellenough，butnottheheartofhisdeadardour。Blanchewasnotatallastonishedatthedemeanourofherspouse，becauseshewasavirgininmind，andinmarriageshesawonlythatwhichisvisibletotheeyesofyounggirls——namelydresses，banquets，horses，tobealadyandmistress，tohaveacountryseat，toamuseoneselfandgiveorders；
so，likethechildthatshewas，sheplayedwiththegoldtasselsonthebed，andmarvelledattherichnessoftheshrineinwhichherinnocenceshouldbeinterred。Feeling，alittlelaterintheday，hisculpability，andrelyingonthefuture，which，however，wouldspoilalittleeverydaythatwithwhichhepretendedtoregalehiswife，theseneschaltriedtosubstitutethewordforthedeed。Soheentertainedhiswifeinvariousways，promisedherthekeysofhissideboards，hisgranariesandchests，theperfectgovernmentofhishousesanddomainswithoutanycontrol，hangingroundherneck“theotherhalfoftheloaf，“whichisthepopularsayinginTouraine。Shebecamelikeayoungchargerfullofhay，foundhergoodmanthemostgallantfellowintheworld，andraisingherselfuponherpillowbegantosmile，andbeheldwithgreaterjoythisbeautifulgreenbrocadedbed，wherehenceforwardshewouldbepermitted，withoutanysin，tosleepeverynight。Seeingshewasgettingplayful，thecunninglord，whohadnotbeenusedtomaidens，butknewfromexperiencethelittletricksthatwomenwillpractice，seeingthathehadmuchassociatedwithladiesofthetown，fearedthosehandytricks，littlekisses，andminoramusementsoflovewhichformerlyhedidnotobjectto，butwhichatthepresenttimewouldhavefoundhimcoldastheobitofapope。Thenhedrewbacktowardstheendofthebed，afraidofhishappiness，andsaidtohistoodelectablespouse，“Well，darling，youareaseneschal'swifenow，andverywellseneschaledaswell。“
“Ohno！”saidshe。
“Howno！”repliedheingreatfear；“areyounotawife？”
“No！”saidshe。“NorshallIbetillIhavehadachild。“
“Didyouwhilecominghereseethemeadows？”beganagaintheoldfellow。
“Yes，“saidshe。
“Well，theyareyours。“
“Oh！Oh！”repliedshelaughing，“Ishallamusemyselfmuchtherecatchingbutterflies。“
“That'sagoodgirl，“saysherlord。“Andthewoods？”
“Ah！Ishouldnotliketobetherealone，youwilltakemethere。
But，“saidshe，“givemealittleofthatliquorwhichLaPonneusehastakensuchpainstoprepareforus。“
“Andwhy，mydarling？Itwouldputfireinyourbody。“
“Oh！That'swhatIshouldlike，“saidshe，bitingherlipwithvexation，“becauseIdesiretogiveyouachildassoonaspossible；
andI'msurethatliquorisgoodforthepurpose。“
“Ah！mylittleone，“saidtheseneschal，knowingbythisthatBlanchewasavirginfromheadtofoot，“thegoodwillofGodisnecessaryforthisbusiness，andwomenmustbeinastateofharvest。“
“AndwhenshouldIbeinastateofharvest？”askedshe，smiling。
“Whennaturesowillsit，“saidhe，tryingtolaugh。
“Whatisitnecessarytodoforthis？”repliedshe。
“Ah！Acabalisticalandalchemicaloperationwhichisverydangerous。“
“Ah！”saidshe，withadreamylook，“that'sthereasonwhymymothercriedwhenthinkingofthesaidmetamorphosis；butBerthadeBreuilly，whoissothankfulforbeingmadeawife，toldmeitwastheeasiestthingintheworld。“
“That'saccordingtotheage，“repliedtheoldlord。“ButdidyouseeatthestablethebeautifulwhitemaresomuchspokenofinTouraine？”
“Yes，sheisverygentleandnice。“
“Well，Igivehertoyou，andyoucanrideherasoftenasthefancytakesyou。“
“Oh，youareverykind，andtheydidnotliewhentheytoldmeso。“
“Here，“continuedhe，“sweetheart；thebutler，thechaplain，thetreasurer，theequerry，thefarrier，thebailiff，eventheSiredeMontsoreau，theyoungvarletwhosenameisGauttierandbearsmybanner，withhismenatarms，captains，followers，andbeasts——allareyours，andwillinstantlyobeyyourordersunderpainofbeingincommodedwithahempencollar。“
“But，“repliedshe，“thismysteriousoperation——cannotitbeperformedimmediately？”
“Ohno！”repliedtheseneschal。“BecauseitisnecessaryaboveallthingsthatboththeoneandtheotherofusshouldbeinastateofgracebeforeGod；otherwiseweshouldhaveabadchild，fullofsin；
whichisforbiddenbythecanonsofthechurch。Thisisthereasonthattherearesomanyincorrigiblescapegracesintheworld。Theirparentshavenotwiselywaitedtohavetheirsoulspure，andhavegivenwickedsoulstotheirchildren。Thebeautifulandthevirtuouscomeofimmaculatefathers；thatiswhywecauseourbedstobeblessed，astheAbbotofMarmoustiershasdonethisone。HaveyounottransgressedtheordinancesoftheChurch？”
“Ohno，“saidshe，quickly，“IreceivedbeforeMassabsolutionforallmyfaultsandhaveremainedsincewithoutcommittingtheslightestsin。“
“Youareveryperfect，“saidthecunninglord，“andIamdelightedtohaveyouforawife；butIhaveswornlikeaninfidel。“
“Oh！andwhy？”
“Becausethedancingdidnotfinish，andIcouldnothaveyoutomyselftobringyouhereandkissyou。“
Thereuponhegallantlytookherhandsandcoveredthemwithkisses，whisperingtoherlittleendearmentsandsuperficialwordsofaffectionwhichmadeherquitepleasedandcontented。
Then，fatiguedwiththedanceandalltheceremonies，shesettleddowntoherslumbers，sayingtotheseneschal——
“Iwilltakecaretomorrowthatyoushallnotsin，“andshelefttheoldmanquitesmittenwithherwhitebeauty，amorousofherdelicatenature，andasembarrassedtoknowhowheshouldbeabletokeepherinherinnocenceastoexplainwhyoxenchewtheirfoodtwiceover。
Althoughhedidnotaugurtohimselfanygoodtherefrom，itinflamedhimsomuchtoseetheexquisiteperfectionsofBlancheduringherinnocentandgentlesleep，thatheresolvedtopreserveanddefendthisprettyjeweloflove。Withtearsinhiseyeshekissedhersweetgoldentresses，thebeautifuleyelids，andherriperedmouth，andhediditsoftlyforfearofwakingher。Therewasallhisfruition，thedumbdelightwhichstillinflamedhisheartwithoutintheleastaffectingBlanche。Thenhedeploredthesnowsofhisleaflessoldage，thepooroldman，thathesawclearlythatGodhadamusedhimselfbygivinghimnutswhenhisteethweregone。
HOWTHESENESCHALSTRUGGLEDWITHHISWIFE'SMODESTY。
Duringthefirstdaysofhismarriagetheseneschalimprintedmanyfibstotellhiswife，whosesoestimableinnocenceheabused。
Firstly，hefoundinhisjudicialfunctionsgoodexcusesforleavingherattimesalone；thenheoccupiedhimselfwiththepeasantsoftheneighbourhood，andtookthemtodressthevinesonhislandsatVouvray，andatlengthpamperedherupwithathousandabsurdtales。
Atonetimehewouldsaythatlordsdidnotbehavelikecommonpeople，thatthechildrenwereonlyplantedatcertaincelestialconjunctionsascertainedbylearnedastrologers；atanotherthatoneshouldabstainfrombegettingchildrenonfeastdays，becauseitwasagreatundertaking；andheobservedthefeastslikeamanwhowishedtoenterintoParadisewithoutconsent。Sometimeshewouldpretendthatifbychancetheparentswerenotinastateofgrace，thechildrencommencedonthedateofSt。Clairewouldbeblind，ofSt。Gatienhadthegout，ofSt。Agneswerescaldheaded，ofSt。Rochhadtheplague；
sometimesthatthosebegotteninFebruarywerechilly；inMarch，tooturbulent；inApril，wereworthnothingatall；andthathandsomeboyswereconceivedinMay。Inshort，hewishedhischildtobeperfect，tohavehishairoftwocolours；andforthisitwasnecessarythatalltherequiredconditionsshouldbeobserved。AtothertimeshewouldsaytoBlanchethattherightofamanwastobestowachilduponhiswifeaccordingtohissoleanduniquewill，andthatifshepretendedtobeavirtuouswomansheshouldconformtothewishesofherhusband；infactitwasnecessarytoawaitthereturnoftheLadyofAzayinorderthatsheshouldassistattheconfinement；fromallofwhichBlancheconcludedthattheseneschalwasannoyedbyherrequests，andwasperhapsright，sincehewasoldandfullofexperience；soshesubmittedherselfandthoughtnomore，excepttoherself，ofthissomuch-desiredchild，thatistosay，shewasalwaysthinkingofit，likeawomanwhohasadesireinherhead，withoutsuspectingthatshewasbehavinglikeagayladyoratown-walkerrunningafterherenjoyment。Oneevening，byaccident，Bruynspokeofchildren，adiscoursethatheavoidedascatsavoidwater，buthewascomplainingofaboycondemnedbyhimthatmorningforgreatmisdeeds，sayingforcertainhewastheoffspringofpeopleladenwithmortalsins。
“Alas！”saidBlanche，“ifyouwillgivemeone，althoughyouhavenotgotabsolution，Iwillcorrectsowellthatyouwillbepleasedwithhim。“
Thenthecountsawthathiswifewasbittenbyawarmdesire，andthatitwastimetodissipateherinnocenceinordertomakehimselfmasterofit，toconquerit，tobeatit，ortoappeaseandextinguishit。
“What，mydear，youwishtobeamother？”saidhe；“youdonotyetknowthebusinessofawife，youarenotaccustomedtobeingmistressofthehouse。“
“Oh！Oh！”saidshe，“tobeaperfectcountess，andhaveinmyloinsalittlecount，mustIplaythegreatlady？Iwilldoit，andthoroughly。“
ThenBlanche，inordertoobtainissue，begantohuntthefawnsandstags，leapingtheditches，gallopinguponhermareovervalleysandmountain，throughthewoodsandthefields，takinggreatdelightinwatchingthefalconsfly，inunhoodingthemandwhilehuntingalwayscarriedthemgracefullyuponherlittlewrist，whichwaswhattheseneschalhaddesired。Butinthispursuit，Blanchegainedanappetiteofnunandprelate，thatistosay，wishedtoprocreate，hadherdesireswhetted，andcouldscarcelyrestrainherhunger，whenonherreturnshegaveplaytoherteeth。Nowbyreasonofreadingthelegendswrittenbytheway，andofseparatingbydeaththeembracesofbirdsandwildbeasts，shediscoveredamysteryofnaturalalchemy，whilecolouringhercomplexion，andsuperagitatingherfeebleimagination，whichdidlittletopacifyherwarlikenature，andstronglytickledherdesirewhichlaughed，played，andfriskedunmistakably。Theseneschalthoughttodisarmtherebelliousvirtueofhiswifebymakingherscourthecountry；buthisfraudturnedoutbadly，fortheunknownlustthatcirculatedintheveinsofBlancheemergedfromtheseassaultsmorehardythanbefore，invitingjoustsandtourneysastheheraldthearmedknight。
Thegoodlordsawthenthathehadgrosslyerredandthathewasnowuponthehornsofadilemma；alsohenolongerknewwhatcoursetoadopt；thelongerheleftitthemoreitwouldresist。Fromthiscombat，theremustresultoneconqueredandonecontused——adiabolicalcontusionwhichhewishedtokeepdistantfromhisphysiognomybyGod'shelpuntilafterhisdeath。Thepoorseneschalhadalreadygreattroubletofollowhisladytothechase，withoutbeingdismounted；hesweatedundertheweightofhistrappings，andalmostexpiredinthatpursuitwhereinhisfriskywifecheeredherlifeandtookgreatpleasure。Manytimesintheeveningshewishedtodance。Nowthegoodman，swathedinhisheavyclothing，foundhimselfquitewornoutwiththeseexercises，inwhichhewasconstrainedtoparticipateeitheringivingherhishand，whensheperformedthevaultsoftheMoorishgirl，orinholdingthelightedfagotforher，whenshehadafancytodothetorchlightdance；andinspiteofhissciaticas，accretions，andrheumatisms，hewasobligedtosmileandsaytohersomegentlewordsandgallantriesafteralltheevolutions，mummeries，andcomicpantomimes，whichsheindulgedintodivertherself；forhelovedhersomadlythatifshehadaskedhimforanimpossibilityhewouldhavesoughtoneforherimmediately。
Nevertheless，onefinedayherecognisedthefactthathisframewasinastateoftoogreatdebilitytostrugglewiththevigorousnatureofhiswife，andhumiliatinghimselfbeforehiswife'svirtueheresolvedtoletthingstaketheircourse，relyingalittleuponthemodesty，religion，andbashfulnessofBlanche，buthealwayssleptwithoneeyeopen，forhesuspectedthatGodhadperhapsmadevirginitiestobetakenlikepartridges，tobespittedandroasted。
Onewetmorning，whentheweatherwasthatinwhichthesnailsmaketheirtracks，amelancholytime，andsuitabletoreverie，Blanchewasinthehousesittinginherchairindeepthought，becausenothingproducesmorelivelyconcoctionsofthesubstantiveessences，andnoreceipt，specificorphilterismorepenetrating，transpiercingordoublytranspiercingandtitillatingthanthesubtlewarmthwhichsimmersbetweenthenapofthechairandamaidensittingduringcertainweather。
NowwithoutknowingittheCountesswasincommodedbyherinnocence，whichgavemoretroublethanitwasworthtoherbrain，andgnawedherallover。Thenthegoodman，seriouslygrievedtoseeherlanguishing，wishedtodriveawaythethoughtswhichwereultra-conjugalprinciplesoflove。
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