Dorset’stoils,showedhimtobesocompletelyfreefromthemthathewasnotafraidofherproximity。
Thesethoughtssoengagedherthatshefellintoagaithardlylikelytocarryhertochurchbeforethesermon,andatlength,havingpassedfromthegardenstothewood-pathbeyond,sofarforgotherintentionastosinkintoarusticseatatabendofthewalk。Thespotwascharming,andLilywasnotinsensibletothecharm,ortothefactthatherpresenceenhancedit;butshewasnotaccustomedtotastethejoysofsolitudeexceptincompany,andthecombinationofahandsomegirlandaromanticscenestruckherastoogoodtobewasted。Noone,however,appearedtoprofitbytheopportunity;andafterahalfhouroffruitlesswaitingsheroseandwanderedon。Shefeltastealingsenseoffatigueasshewalked;thesparklehaddiedoutofher,andthetasteoflifewasstaleonherlips。Shehardlyknewwhatshehadbeenseeking,orwhythefailuretofindithadsoblottedthelightfromhersky:shewasonlyawareofavaguesenseoffailure,ofaninnerisolationdeeperthanthelonelinessabouther。
Herfootstepsflagged,andshestoodgazinglistlesslyahead,diggingthefernyedgeofthepathwiththetipofhersunshade。
Asshedidsoastepsoundedbehindher,andshesawSeldenatherside。
"Howfastyouwalk!"heremarked。"IthoughtIshouldnevercatchupwithyou。"
Sheansweredgaily:"Youmustbequitebreathless!I’vebeensittingunderthattreeforanhour。"
"Waitingforme,Ihope?"herejoined;andshesaidwithavaguelaugh:
"Well——waitingtoseeifyouwouldcome。"
"Iseizethedistinction,butIdon’tmindit,sincedoingtheoneinvolveddoingtheother。Butweren’tyousurethatIshouldcome?"
"IfIwaitedlongenough——butyouseeIhadonlyalimitedtimetogivetotheexperiment。"
"Whylimited?Limitedbyluncheon?"
"No;bymyotherengagement。"
"YourengagementtogotochurchwithMurielandHilda?"
"No;buttocomehomefromchurchwithanotherperson。"
"Ah,Isee;Imighthaveknownyouwerefullyprovidedwithalternatives。Andistheotherpersoncominghomethisway?"
Lilylaughedagain。"That’sjustwhatIdon’tknow;andtofindout,itismybusinesstogettochurchbeforetheserviceisover。"
"Exactly;anditismybusinesstopreventyourdoingso;inwhichcasetheotherperson,piquedbyyourabsence,willformthedesperateresolveofdrivingbackintheomnibus。"
Lilyreceivedthiswithfreshappreciation;hisnonsensewaslikethebubblingofherinnermood。"Isthatwhatyouwoulddoinsuchanemergency?"sheenquired。
Seldenlookedatherwithsolemnity。"Iamheretoprovetoyou,"
hecried,"whatIamcapableofdoinginanemergency!"
"Walkingamileinanhour——youmustownthattheomnibuswouldbequicker!"
"Ah——butwillhefindyouintheend?That’stheonlytestofsuccess。"
Theylookedateachotherwiththesameluxuryofenjoymentthattheyhadfeltinexchangingabsurditiesoverhistea-table;butsuddenlyLily’sfacechanged,andshesaid:"Well,ifitis,hehassucceeded。"
Selden,followingherglance,perceivedapartyofpeopleadvancingtowardthemfromthefartherbendofthepath。LadyCressidahadevidentlyinsistedonwalkinghome,andtherestofthechurch-goershadthoughtittheirdutytoaccompanyher。Lily’scompanionlookedrapidlyfromonetotheotherofthetwomenoftheparty;WetherallwalkingrespectfullyatLadyCressida’ssidewithhislittlesidelonglookofnervousattention,andPercyGrycebringinguptherearwithMrs。
WetherallandtheTrenors。
"Ah——nowIseewhyyouweregettingupyourAmericana!"Seldenexclaimedwithanoteofthefreestadmirationbuttheblushwithwhichthesallywasreceivedcheckedwhateveramplificationshehadmeanttogiveit。
ThatLilyBartshouldobjecttobeingbanteredabouthersuitors,orevenabouthermeansofattractingthem,wassonewtoSeldenthathehadamomentaryflashofsurprise,whichlitupanumberofpossibilities;butsherosegallantlytothedefenceofherconfusion,bysaying,asitsobjectapproached:"ThatwaswhyI
waswaitingforyou——tothankyouforhavinggivenmesomanypoints!"
"Ah,youcanhardlydojusticetothesubjectinsuchashorttime,"saidSelden,astheTrenorgirlscaughtsightofMissBart;andwhileshesignalledaresponsetotheirboisterousgreeting,headdedquickly:"Won’tyoudevoteyourafternoontoit?YouknowImustbeofftomorrowmorning。We’lltakeawalk,andyoucanthankmeatyourleisure。"
Theafternoonwasperfect。Adeeperstillnesspossessedtheair,andtheglitteroftheAmericanautumnwastemperedbyahazewhichdiffusedthebrightnesswithoutdullingit。
Inthewoodyhollowsoftheparktherewasalreadyafaintchill;
butasthegroundrosetheairgrewlighter,andascendingthelongslopesbeyondthehigh-road,Lilyandhercompanionreachedazoneoflingeringsummer。Thepathwoundacrossameadowwithscatteredtrees;thenitdippedintoalaneplumedwithastersandpurplingspraysofbramble,whence,throughthelightquiverofash-leaves,thecountryunrolleditselfinpastoraldistances。
Higherup,thelaneshowedthickeningtuftsoffernandofthecreepingglossyverdureofshadedslopes;treesbegantooverhangit,andtheshadedeepenedtothecheckeredduskofabeech-grove。Thebolesofthetreesstoodwellapart,withonlyalightfeatheringofundergrowth;thepathwoundalongtheedgeofthewood,nowandthenlookingoutonasunlitpastureoronanorchardspangledwithfruit。
Lilyhadnorealintimacywithnature,butshehadapassionfortheappropriateandcouldbekeenlysensitivetoascenewhichwasthefittingbackgroundofherownsensations。Thelandscapeoutspreadbelowherseemedanenlargementofherpresentmood,andshefoundsomethingofherselfinitscalmness,itsbreadth,itslongfreereaches。Onthenearerslopesthesugar-mapleswaveredlikepyresoflight;lowerdownwasamassingofgreyorchards,andhereandtherethelingeringgreenofanoak-grove。
Twoorthreeredfarm-housesdozedundertheapple-trees,andthewhitewoodenspireofavillagechurchshowedbeyondtheshoulderofthehill;whilefarbelow,inahazeofdust,thehigh-roadranbetweenthefields。
"Letussithere,"Seldensuggested,astheyreachedanopenledgeofrockabovewhichthebeechesrosesteeplybetweenmossyboulders。
Lilydroppeddownontherock,glowingwithherlongclimb。Shesatquiet,herlipspartedbythestressoftheascent,hereyeswanderingpeacefullyoverthebrokenrangesofthelandscape。Seldenstretchedhimselfonthegrassatherfeet,tiltinghishatagainstthelevelsun-rays,andclaspinghishandsbehindhishead,whichrestedagainstthesideoftherock。
Hehadnowishtomakehertalk;herquick-breathingsilenceseemedapartofthegeneralhushandharmonyofthings。Inhisownmindtherewasonlyalazysenseofpleasure,veilingthesharpedgesofsensationastheSeptemberhazeveiledthesceneattheirfeet。ButLily,thoughherattitudewasascalmashis,wasthrobbinginwardlywitharushofthoughts。Therewereinheratthemomenttwobeings,onedrawingdeepbreathsoffreedomandexhilaration,theothergaspingforairinalittleblackprison-houseoffears。Butgraduallythecaptive’sgaspsgrewfainter,ortheotherpaidlessheedtothem:thehorizonexpanded,theairgrewstronger,andthefreespiritquiveredforflight。
Shecouldnotherselfhaveexplainedthesenseofbuoyancywhichseemedtoliftandswingherabovethesun-suffusedworldatherfeet。Wasitlove,shewondered,oramerefortuitouscombinationofhappythoughtsandsensations?Howmuchofitwasowingtothespelloftheperfectafternoon,thescentofthefadingwoods,thethoughtofthedulnessshehadfledfrom?Lilyhadnodefiniteexperiencebywhichtotestthequalityofherfeelings。
Shehadseveraltimesbeeninlovewithfortunesorcareers,butonlyoncewithaman。Thatwasyearsago,whenshefirstcameout,andhadbeensmittenwitharomanticpassionforayounggentlemannamedHerbertMelson,whohadblueeyesandalittlewaveinhishair。Mr。Melson,whowaspossessedofnoothernegotiablesecurities,hadhastenedtoemploytheseincapturingtheeldestMissVanOsburgh:sincethenhehadgrownstoutandwheezy,andwasgiventotellinganecdotesabouthischildren。IfLilyrecalledthisearlyemotionitwasnottocompareitwiththatwhichnowpossessedher;theonlypointofcomparisonwasthesenseoflightness,ofemancipation,whichsherememberedfeeling,inthewhirlofawaltzortheseclusionofaconservatory,duringthebriefcourseofheryouthfulromance。
Shehadnotknownagaintilltodaythatlightness,thatglowoffreedom;butnowitwassomethingmorethanablindgropingoftheblood。ThepeculiarcharmofherfeelingforSeldenwasthatsheunderstoodit;shecouldputherfingeroneverylinkofthechainthatwasdrawingthemtogether。Thoughhispopularitywasofthequietkind,feltratherthanactivelyexpressedamonghisfriends,shehadnevermistakenhisinconspicuousnessforobscurity。Hisreputedcultivationwasgenerallyregardedasaslightobstacletoeasyintercourse,butLily,whopridedherselfonherbroad-mindedrecognitionofliterature,andalwayscarriedanOmarKhayaminhertravelling-bag,wasattractedbythisattribute,whichshefeltwouldhavehaditsdistinctioninanoldersociety。Itwas,moreover,oneofhisgiftstolookhispart;tohaveaheightwhichliftedhisheadabovethecrowd,andthekeenly-modelleddarkfeatureswhich,inalandofamorphoustypes,gavehimtheairofbelongingtoamorespecializedrace,ofcarryingtheimpressofaconcentratedpast。Expansivepersonsfoundhimalittledry,andveryyounggirlsthoughthimsarcastic;butthisairoffriendlyaloofness,asfarremovedaspossiblefromanyassertionofpersonaladvantage,wasthequalitywhichpiquedLily’sinterest。Everythingabouthimaccordedwiththefastidiouselementinhertaste,eventothelightironywithwhichhesurveyedwhatseemedtohermostsacred。Sheadmiredhimmostofall,perhaps,forbeingabletoconveyasdistinctasenseofsuperiorityastherichestmanshehadevermet。
Itwastheunconsciousprolongationofthisthoughtwhichledhertosaypresently,withalaugh:"Ihavebrokentwoengagementsforyoutoday。Howmanyhaveyoubrokenforme?"
"None,"saidSeldencalmly。"MyonlyengagementatBellomontwaswithyou。"
Sheglanceddownathim,faintlysmiling。
"DidyoureallycometoBellomonttoseeme?"
"OfcourseIdid。"
Herlookdeepenedmeditatively。"Why?"shemurmured,withanaccentwhichtookalltingeofcoquetryfromthequestion。
"Becauseyou’resuchawonderfulspectacle:Ialwaysliketoseewhatyouaredoing。"
"HowdoyouknowwhatIshouldbedoingifyouwerenothere?"
Seldensmiled。"Idon’tflattermyselfthatmycominghasdeflectedyourcourseofactionbyahair’sbreadth。"
"That’sabsurd——since,ifyouwerenothere,Icouldobviouslynotbetakingawalkwithyou。"
"No;butyourtakingawalkwithmeisonlyanotherwayofmakinguseofyourmaterial。YouareanartistandIhappentobethebitofcolouryouareusingtoday。It’sapartofyourclevernesstobeabletoproducepremeditatedeffectsextemporaneously。"
Lilysmiledalso:hiswordsweretooacutenottostrikehersenseofhumour。Itwastruethatshemeanttousetheaccidentofhispresenceaspartofaverydefiniteeffect;orthat,atleast,wasthesecretpretextshehadfoundforbreakingherpromisetowalkwithMr。Gryce。Shehadsometimesbeenaccusedofbeingtooeager——evenJudyTrenorhadwarnedhertogoslowly。
Well,shewouldnotbetooeagerinthiscase;shewouldgivehersuitoralongertasteofsuspense。Wheredutyandinclinationjumpedtogether,itwasnotinLily’snaturetoholdthemasunder。Shehadexcusedherselffromthewalkonthepleaofaheadache:thehorridheadachewhich,inthemorning,hadpreventedherventuringtochurch。Herappearanceatluncheonjustifiedtheexcuse。Shelookedlanguid,fullofasufferingsweetness;shecarriedascent-bottleinherhand。Mr。Grycewasnewtosuchmanifestations;hewonderedrathernervouslyifsheweredelicate,havingfar-reachingfearsaboutthefutureofhisprogeny。Butsympathywontheday,andhebesoughthernottoexposeherself:healwaysconnectedtheouterairwithideasofexposure。
Lilyhadreceivedhissympathywithlanguidgratitude,urginghim,sincesheshouldbesuchpoorcompany,tojointherestofthepartywho,afterluncheon,werestartinginautomobilesonavisittotheVanOsburghsatPeekskill。Mr。Grycewastouchedbyherdisinterestedness,and,toescapefromthethreatenedvacuityoftheafternoon,hadtakenheradviceanddepartedmournfully,inadust-hoodandgoggles:asthemotor-carplungeddowntheavenueshesmiledathisresemblancetoabaffledbeetle。Seldenhadwatchedhermanoeuvreswithlazyamusement。Shehadmadenoreplytohissuggestionthattheyshouldspendtheafternoontogether,butasherplanunfoldeditselfhefeltfairlyconfidentofbeingincludedinit。Thehousewasemptywhenatlengthheheardhersteponthestairandstrolledoutofthebilliard-roomtojoinher。
Shehadonahatandwalking-dress,andthedogswereboundingatherfeet。
"Ithought,afterall,theairmightdomegood,"sheexplained;
andheagreedthatsosimplearemedywasworthtrying。
Theexcursionistswouldbegoneatleastfourhours;LilyandSeldenhadthewholeafternoonbeforethem,andthesenseofleisureandsafetygavethelasttouchoflightnesstoherspirit。Withsomuchtimetotalk,andnodefiniteobjecttobeledupto,shecouldtastetherarejoysofmentalvagrancy。
Shefeltsofreefromulteriormotivesthatshetookuphischargewithatouchofresentment。
"Idon’tknow,"shesaid,"whyyouarealwaysaccusingmeofpremeditation。"
"Ithoughtyouconfessedtoit:youtoldmetheotherdaythatyouhadtofollowacertainline——andifonedoesathingatallitisamerittodoitthoroughly。"
"Ifyoumeanthatagirlwhohasnoonetothinkforherisobligedtothinkforherself,Iamquitewillingtoaccepttheimputation。ButyoumustfindmeadismalkindofpersonifyousupposethatIneveryieldtoanimpulse。"
"Ah,butIdon’tsupposethat:haven’tItoldyouthatyourgeniusliesinconvertingimpulsesintointentions?"
"Mygenius?"sheechoedwithasuddennoteofweariness。"Isthereanyfinaltestofgeniusbutsuccess?AndIcertainlyhaven’tsucceeded。"
Seldenpushedhishatbackandtookaside-glanceather。
"Success——whatissuccess?Ishallbeinterestedtohaveyourdefinition。"
"Success?"Shehesitated。"Why,togetasmuchasonecanoutoflife,Isuppose。It’sarelativequality,afterall。Isn’tthatyourideaofit?"
"Myideaofit?Godforbid!"Hesatupwithsuddenenergy,restinghiselbowsonhiskneesandstaringoutuponthemellowfields。"Myideaofsuccess,"hesaid,"ispersonalfreedom。"
"Freedom?Freedomfromworries?"
"Fromeverything——frommoney,frompoverty,fromeaseandanxiety,fromallthematerialaccidents。Tokeepakindofrepublicofthespirit——that’swhatIcallsuccess。"
Sheleanedforwardwitharesponsiveflash。"Iknow——Iknow——it’sstrange;butthat’sjustwhatI’vebeenfeelingtoday。"
Hemethereyeswiththelatentsweetnessofhis。"Isthefeelingsorarewithyou?"hesaid。
Sheblushedalittleunderhisgaze。"Youthinkmehorriblysordid,don’tyou?Butperhapsit’sratherthatIneverhadanychoice。Therewasnoone,Imean,totellmeabouttherepublicofthespirit。"
"Thereneveris——it’sacountryonehastofindthewaytoone’sself。"
"ButIshouldneverhavefoundmywaythereifyouhadn’ttoldme。"
"Ah,therearesign-posts——butonehastoknowhowtoreadthem。"
"Well,Ihaveknown,Ihaveknown!"shecriedwithaglowofeagerness。"WheneverIseeyou,Ifindmyselfspellingoutaletterofthesign——andyesterday——lasteveningatdinner——I
suddenlysawalittlewayintoyourrepublic。"
Seldenwasstilllookingather,butwithachangedeye。Hithertohehadfound,inherpresenceandhertalk,theaestheticamusementwhichareflectivemanisapttoseekindesultoryintercoursewithprettywomen。Hisattitudehadbeenoneofadmiringspectatorship,andhewouldhavebeenalmostsorrytodetectinheranyemotionalweaknesswhichshouldinterferewiththefulfilmentofheraims。Butnowthehintofthisweaknesshadbecomethemostinterestingthingabouther。Hehadcomeonherthatmorninginamomentofdisarray;herfacehadbeenpaleandaltered,andthediminutionofherbeautyhadlentherapoignantcharm。THATISHOWSHELOOKSWHENSHEISALONE!hadbeenhisfirstthought;andthesecondwastonoteinherthechangewhichhiscomingproduced。Itwasthedanger-pointoftheirintercoursethathecouldnotdoubtthespontaneityofherliking。Fromwhateverangleheviewedtheirdawningintimacy,hecouldnotseeitaspartofherschemeoflife;andtobetheunforeseenelementinacareersoaccuratelyplannedwasstimulatingeventoamanwhohadrenouncedsentimentalexperiments。
"Well,"hesaid,"diditmakeyouwanttoseemore?Areyougoingtobecomeoneofus?"
Hehaddrawnouthiscigarettesashespoke,andshereachedherhandtowardthecase。
"Oh,dogivemeone——Ihaven’tsmokedfordays!"
"Whysuchunnaturalabstinence?EverybodysmokesatBellomont。"
"Yes——butitisnotconsideredbecominginaJEUNEFILLEA
MARIER;andatthepresentmomentIamaJEUNEFILLEAMARIER。
"Ah,thenI’mafraidwecan’tletyouintotherepublic。"
"Whynot?Isitacelibateorder?"
"Notintheleast,thoughI’mboundtosaytherearenotmanymarriedpeopleinit。Butyouwillmarrysomeoneveryrich,andit’sashardforrichpeopletogetintoasthekingdomofheaven。"
"That’sunjust,Ithink,because,asIunderstandit,oneoftheconditionsofcitizenshipisnottothinktoomuchaboutmoney,andtheonlywaynottothinkaboutmoneyistohaveagreatdealofit。"
"Youmightaswellsaythattheonlywaynottothinkaboutairistohaveenoughtobreathe。Thatistrueenoughinasense;butyourlungsarethinkingabouttheair,ifyouarenot。Andsoitiswithyourrichpeople——theymaynotbethinkingofmoney,butthey’rebreathingitallthewhile;takethemintoanotherelementandseehowtheysquirmandgasp!"
Lilysatgazingabsentlythroughtheblueringsofhercigarette-smoke。
"Itseemstome,"shesaidatlength,"thatyouspendagooddealofyourtimeintheelementyoudisapproveof。"
Seldenreceivedthisthrustwithoutdiscomposure。"Yes;butI
havetriedtoremainamphibious:it’sallrightaslongasone’slungscanworkinanotherair。Therealalchemyconsistsinbeingabletoturngoldbackagainintosomethingelse;andthat’sthesecretthatmostofyourfriendshavelost。"
Lilymused。"Don’tyouthink,"sherejoinedafteramoment,"thatthepeoplewhofindfaultwithsocietyaretooapttoregarditasanendandnotameans,justasthepeoplewhodespisemoneyspeakasifitsonlyuseweretobekeptinbagsandgloatedover?Isn’titfairertolookatthembothasopportunities,whichmaybeusedeitherstupidlyorintelligently,accordingtothecapacityoftheuser?"
"Thatiscertainlythesaneview;butthequeerthingaboutsocietyisthatthepeoplewhoregarditasanendarethosewhoareinit,andnotthecriticsonthefence。It’sjusttheotherwaywithmostshows——theaudiencemaybeundertheillusion,buttheactorsknowthatreallifeisontheothersideofthefootlights。Thepeoplewhotakesocietyasanescapefromworkareputtingittoitsproperuse;butwhenitbecomesthethingworkedforitdistortsalltherelationsoflife。"Seldenraisedhimselfonhiselbow。"Goodheavens!"hewenton,"Idon’tunderratethedecorativesideoflife。Itseemstomethesenseofsplendourhasjustifieditselfbywhatithasproduced。Theworstofitisthatsomuchhumannatureisusedupintheprocess。Ifwe’realltherawstuffofthecosmiceffects,onewouldratherbethefirethattempersaswordthanthefishthatdyesapurplecloak。Andasocietylikeourswastessuchgoodmaterialinproducingitslittlepatchofpurple!LookataboylikeNedSilverton——he’sreallytoogoodtobeusedtorefurbishanybody’ssocialshabbiness。There’saladjustsettingouttodiscovertheuniverse:isn’titapityheshouldendbyfindingitinMrs。Fisher’sdrawing-room?"
"Nedisadearboy,andIhopehewillkeephisillusionslongenoughtowritesomenicepoetryaboutthem;butdoyouthinkitisonlyinsocietythatheislikelytolosethem?"
Seldenansweredherwithashrug。"Whydowecallallourgenerousideasillusions,andthemeanonestruths?Isn’titasufficientcondemnationofsocietytofindone’sselfacceptingsuchphraseology?IverynearlyacquiredthejargonatSilverton’sage,andIknowhownamescanalterthecolourofbeliefs。"
Shehadneverheardhimspeakwithsuchenergyofaffirmation。
Hishabitualtouchwasthatoftheeclectic,wholightlyturnsoverandcompares;andshewasmovedbythissuddenglimpseintothelaboratorywherehisfaithswereformed。
"Ah,youareasbadastheothersectarians,"sheexclaimed;
"whydoyoucallyourrepublicarepublic?Itisaclosedcorporation,andyoucreatearbitraryobjectionsinordertokeeppeopleout。"
"ItisnotMYrepublic;ifitwere,IshouldhaveaCOUPD’ETAT
andseatyouonthethrone。"
"Whereas,inreality,youthinkIcanneverevengetmyfootacrossthethreshold?Oh,Iunderstandwhatyoumean。Youdespisemyambitions——youthinkthemunworthyofme!"
Seldensmiled,butnotironically。"Well,isn’tthatatribute?I
thinkthemquiteworthyofmostofthepeoplewholivebythem。"
Shehadturnedtogazeonhimgravely。"Butisn’titpossiblethat,ifIhadtheopportunitiesofthesepeople,Imightmakeabetteruseofthem?Moneystandsforallkindsofthings——itspurchasingqualityisn’tlimitedtodiamondsandmotor-cars。"
"Notintheleast:youmightexpiateyourenjoymentofthembyfoundingahospital。"
"ButifyouthinktheyarewhatIshouldreallyenjoy,youmustthinkmyambitionsaregoodenoughforme。"
Seldenmetthisappealwithalaugh。"Ah,mydearMissBart,IamnotdivineProvidence,toguaranteeyourenjoyingthethingsyouaretryingtoget!"
"Thenthebestyoucansayformeis,thatafterstrugglingtogetthemIprobablyshan’tlikethem?"Shedrewadeepbreath。
"Whatamiserablefutureyouforeseeforme!"
"Well——haveyouneverforeseenitforyourself?"Theslowcolourrosetohercheek,notablushofexcitementbutdrawnfromthedeepwellsoffeeling;itwasasiftheeffortofherspirithadproducedit。
"Oftenandoften,"shesaid。"Butitlookssomuchdarkerwhenyoushowittome!"
Hemadenoanswertothisexclamation,andforawhiletheysatsilent,whilesomethingthrobbedbetweentheminthewidequietoftheair。
Butsuddenlysheturnedonhimwithakindofvehemence。"Whydoyoudothistome?"shecried。"WhydoyoumakethethingsIhavechosenseemhatefultome,ifyouhavenothingtogivemeinstead?"
ThewordsrousedSeldenfromthemusingfitintowhichhehadfallen。Hehimselfdidnotknowwhyhehadledtheirtalkalongsuchlines;itwasthelastusehewouldhaveimaginedhimselfmakingofanafternoon’ssolitudewithMissBart。Butitwasoneofthosemomentswhenneitherseemedtospeakdeliberately,whenanindwellingvoiceineachcalledtotheotheracrossunsoundeddepthsoffeeling。
"No,Ihavenothingtogiveyouinstead,"hesaid,sittingupandturningsothathefacedher。"IfIhad,itshouldbeyours,youknow。"
Shereceivedthisabruptdeclarationinawayevenstrangerthanthemannerofitsmaking:shedroppedherfaceonherhandsandhesawthatforamomentshewept。
Itwasforamomentonly,however;forwhenheleanedneareranddrewdownherhandswithagesturelesspassionatethangrave,sheturnedonhimafacesoftenedbutnotdisfiguredbyemotion,andhesaidtohimself,somewhatcruelly,thatevenherweepingwasanart。
Thereflectionsteadiedhisvoiceasheasked,betweenpityandirony:"Isn’titnaturalthatIshouldtrytobelittleallthethingsIcan’tofferyou?"
Herfacebrightenedatthis,butshedrewherhandaway,notwithagestureofcoquetry,butasthoughrenouncingsomethingtowhichshehadnoclaim。
"ButyoubelittleME,don’tyou,"shereturnedgently,"inbeingsosuretheyaretheonlythingsIcarefor?"
Seldenfeltaninnerstart;butitwasonlythelastquiverofhisegoism。Almostatonceheansweredquitesimply:"Butyoudocareforthem,don’tyou?Andnowishingofminecanalterthat。"
Hehadsocompletelyceasedtoconsiderhowfarthismightcarryhim,thathehadadistinctsenseofdisappointmentwhensheturnedonhimafacesparklingwithderision。
"Ah,"shecried,"forallyourfinephrasesyou’rereallyasgreatacowardasIam,foryouwouldn’thavemadeoneofthemifyouhadn’tbeensosureofmyanswer。"
TheshockofthisretorthadtheeffectofcrystallizingSelden’swaveringintentions。
"Iamnotsosureofyouranswer,"hesaidquietly。"AndIdoyouthejusticetobelievethatyouarenoteither。"
Itwasherturntolookathimwithsurprise;andafteramoment——"Doyouwanttomarryme?"sheasked。
Hebrokeintoalaugh。"No,Idon’twantto——butperhapsIshouldifyoudid!"
"That’swhatItoldyou——you’resosureofmethatyoucanamuseyourselfwithexperiments。"Shedrewbackthehandhehadregained,andsatlookingdownonhimsadly。
"Iamnotmakingexperiments,"hereturned。"OrifIam,itisnotonyoubutonmyself。Idon’tknowwhateffecttheyaregoingtohaveonme——butifmarryingyouisoneofthem,Iwilltaketherisk。"
Shesmiledfaintly。"Itwouldbeagreatrisk,certainly——Ihaveneverconcealedfromyouhowgreat。"
"Ah,it’syouwhoarethecoward!"heexclaimed。
Shehadrisen,andhestoodfacingherwithhiseyesonhers。Thesoftisolationofthefallingdayenvelopedthem:theyseemedliftedintoafinerair。Alltheexquisiteinfluencesofthehourtrembledintheirveins,anddrewthemtoeachotherastheloosenedleavesweredrawntotheearth。
"It’syouwhoarethecoward,"herepeated,catchingherhandsinhis。
Sheleanedonhimforamoment,asifwithadropoftiredwings:
hefeltasthoughherheartwerebeatingratherwiththestressofalongflightthanthethrillofnewdistances。Then,drawingbackwithalittlesmileofwarning——"Ishalllookhideousindowdyclothes;butIcantrimmyownhats,"shedeclared。
Theystoodsilentforawhileafterthis,smilingateachotherlikeadventurouschildrenwhohaveclimbedtoaforbiddenheightfromwhichtheydiscoveranewworld。Theactualworldattheirfeetwasveilingitselfindimness,andacrossthevalleyaclearmoonroseinthedenserblue。
Suddenlytheyheardaremotesound,likethehumofagiantinsect,andfollowingthehigh-road,whichwoundwhiterthroughthesurroundingtwilight,ablackobjectrushedacrosstheirvision。
Lilystartedfromherattitudeofabsorption;hersmilefadedandshebegantomovetowardthelane。
"Ihadnoideaitwassolate!Weshallnotbebacktillafterdark,"shesaid,almostimpatiently。
Seldenwaslookingatherwithsurprise:ittookhimamomenttoregainhisusualviewofher;thenhesaid,withanuncontrollablenoteofdryness:"Thatwasnotoneofourparty;
themotorwasgoingtheotherway。"
"Iknow——Iknow——"Shepaused,andhesawherreddenthroughthetwilight。"ButItoldthemIwasnotwell——thatIshouldnotgoout。Letusgodown!"shemurmured。
Seldencontinuedtolookather;thenhedrewhiscigarette-casefromhispocketandslowlylitacigarette。Itseemedtohimnecessary,atthatmoment,toproclaim,bysomehabitualgestureofthissort,hisrecoveredholdontheactual:hehadanalmostpuerilewishtolethiscompanionseethat,theirflightover,hehadlandedonhisfeet。
Shewaitedwhilethesparkflickeredunderhiscurvedpalm;thenheheldoutthecigarettestoher。
Shetookonewithanunsteadyhand,andputtingittoherlips,leanedforwardtodrawherlightfromhis。Intheindistinctnessthelittleredgleamlitupthelowerpartofherface,andhesawhermouthtrembleintoasmile。
"Wereyouserious?"sheasked,withanoddthrillofgaietywhichshemighthavecaughtup,inhaste,fromaheapofstockinflections,withouthavingtimetoselectthejustnote。
Selden’svoicewasunderbettercontrol。"Whynot?"hereturned。
"YouseeItooknorisksinbeingso。"Andasshecontinuedtostandbeforehim,alittlepaleundertheretort,headdedquickly:"Letusgodown。"
ItspokemuchforthedepthofMrs。Trenor’sfriendshipthathervoice,inadmonishingMissBart,tookthesamenoteofpersonaldespairasifshehadbeenlamentingthecollapseofahouse-party。
"AllIcansayis,Lily,thatIcan’tmakeyouout!"Sheleanedback,sighing,inthemorningabandonoflaceandmuslin,turninganindifferentshouldertotheheaped-upimportunitiesofherdesk,whilesheconsidered,withtheeyeofaphysicianwhohasgivenupthecase,theerectexteriorofthepatientconfrontingher。
"Ifyouhadn’ttoldmeyouweregoinginforhimseriously——butI’msureyoumadethatplainenoughfromthebeginning!Whyelsedidyouaskmetoletyouoffbridge,andtokeepawayCarryandKateCorby?Idon’tsupposeyoudiditbecauseheamusedyou;wecouldnoneofusimagineyourputtingupwithhimforamomentunlessyoumeanttomarryhim。AndI’msureeverybodyplayedfair!Theyallwantedtohelpitalong。EvenBerthakeptherhandsoff——Iwillsaythat——tillLawrencecamedownandyoudraggedhimawayfromher。Afterthatshehadarighttoretaliate——whyonearthdidyouinterferewithher?You’veknownLawrenceSeldenforyears——whydidyoubehaveasifyouhadjustdiscoveredhim?IfyouhadagrudgeagainstBerthaitwasastupidtimetoshowit——youcouldhavepaidherbackjustaswellafteryouweremarried!ItoldyouBerthawasdangerous。Shewasinanodiousmoodwhenshecamehere,butLawrence’sturningupputherinagoodhumour,andifyou’donlyletherthinkhecameforHERitwouldhaveneveroccurredtohertoplayyouthistrick。Oh,Lily,you’llneverdoanythingifyou’renotserious!"
MissBartacceptedthisexhortationinaspiritofthepurestimpartiality。Whyshouldshehavebeenangry?ItwasthevoiceofherownconsciencewhichspoketoherthroughMrs。Trenor’sreproachfulaccents。Buteventoherownconscienceshemusttrumpupasemblanceofdefence。"Ionlytookadayoff——I
thoughthemeanttostayonallthisweek,andIknewMr。Seldenwasleavingthismorning。"
Mrs。Trenorbrushedasidethepleawithagesturewhichlaidbareitsweakness。
"Hedidmeantostay——that’stheworstofit。Itshowsthathe’srunawayfromyou;thatBertha’sdoneherworkandpoisonedhimthoroughly。"
Lilygaveaslightlaugh。"Oh,ifhe’srunningI’llovertakehim!"
Herfriendthrewoutanarrestinghand。"Whateveryoudo,Lily,donothing!"
MissBartreceivedthewarningwithasmile。"Idon’tmean,literally,totakethenexttrain。Thereareways——"Butshedidnotgoontospecifythem。
Mrs。Trenorsharplycorrectedthetense。"ThereWEREways——plentyofthem!Ididn’tsupposeyouneededtohavethempointedout。
Butdon’tdeceiveyourself——he’sthoroughlyfrightened。Hehasrunstraighthometohismother,andshe’llprotecthim!"
"Oh,tothedeath,"Lilyagreed,dimplingatthevision。
"HowyoucanLAUGH——"herfriendrebukedher;andshedroppedbacktoasobererperceptionofthingswiththequestion:"WhatwasitBerthareallytoldhim?"
"Don’taskme——horrors!Sheseemedtohaverakedupeverything。
Oh,youknowwhatImean——ofcoursethereisn’tanything,REALLY;
butIsupposeshebroughtinPrinceVarigliano——andLordHubert——andtherewassomestoryofyourhavingborrowedmoneyofoldNedVanAlstyne:didyouever?"
"Heismyfather’scousin,"MissBartinterposed。
"Well,ofcoursesheleftTHATout。ItseemsNedtoldCarryFisher;andshetoldBertha,naturally。They’reallalike,youknow:theyholdtheirtonguesforyears,andyouthinkyou’resafe,butwhentheiropportunitycomestheyremembereverything。"
Lilyhadgrownpale:hervoicehadaharshnoteinit。"ItwassomemoneyIlostatbridgeattheVanOsburghs’。Irepaidit,ofcourse。"
"Ah,well,theywouldn’trememberthat;besides,itwastheideaofthegamblingdebtthatfrightenedPercy。Oh,Berthaknewherman——sheknewjustwhattotellhim!"
InthisstrainMrs。Trenorcontinuedfornearlyanhourtoadmonishherfriend。MissBartlistenedwithadmirableequanimity。Hernaturallygoodtemperhadbeendisciplinedbyyearsofenforcedcompliance,sinceshehadalmostalwayshadtoattainherendsbythecircuitouspathofotherpeople’s;and,beingnaturallyinclinedtofaceunpleasantfactsassoonastheypresentedthemselves,shewasnotsorrytohearanimpartialstatementofwhatherfollywaslikelytocost,themoresoasherownthoughtswerestillinsistingontheothersideofthecase。PresentedinthelightofMrs。Trenor’svigorouscomments,thereckoningwascertainlyaformidableone,andLily,asshelistened,foundherselfgraduallyrevertingtoherfriend’sviewofthesituation。Mrs。Trenor’swordsweremoreoveremphasizedforherhearerbyanxietieswhichsheherselfcouldscarcelyguess。Affluence,unlessstimulatedbyakeenimagination,formsbutthevaguestnotionofthepracticalstrainofpoverty。Judyknewitmustbe"horrid"forpoorLilytohavetostoptoconsiderwhethershecouldaffordreallaceonherpetticoats,andnottohaveamotor-carandasteam-yachtatherorders;butthedailyfrictionofunpaidbills,thedailynibbleofsmalltemptationstoexpenditure,weretrialsasfaroutofherexperienceasthedomesticproblemsofthechar-woman。Mrs。
Trenor’sunconsciousnessoftherealstressofthesituationhadtheeffectofmakingitmoregallingtoLily。Whileherfriendreproachedherformissingtheopportunitytoeclipseherrivals,shewasoncemorebattlinginimaginationwiththemountingtideofindebtednessfromwhichshehadsonearlyescaped。Whatwindoffollyhaddrivenheroutagainonthosedarkseas?
Ifanythingwasneededtoputthelasttouchtoherself-abasementitwasthesenseofthewayheroldlifewasopeningitsrutsagaintoreceiveher。Yesterdayherfancyhadflutteredfreepinionsaboveachoiceofoccupations;nowshehadtodroptothelevelofthefamiliarroutine,inwhichmomentsofseemingbrilliancyandfreedomalternatedwithlonghoursofsubjection。
Shelaidadeprecatinghandonherfriend’s。"DearJudy!I’msorrytohavebeensuchabore,andyouareverygoodtome。Butyoumusthavesomelettersformetoanswer——letmeatleastbeuseful。"
Shesettledherselfatthedesk,andMrs。Trenoracceptedherresumptionofthemorning’staskwithasighwhichimpliedthat,afterall,shehadprovedherselfunfitforhigheruses。
Theluncheontableshowedadepletedcircle。ALIthemenbutJackStepneyandDorsethadreturnedtotown(itseemedtoLilyalasttouchofironythatSeldenandPercyGryceshouldhavegoneinthesametrain),andLadyCressidaandtheattendantWetherallshadbeendespatchedbymotortolunchatadistantcountry-house。
AtsuchmomentsofdiminishedinterestitwasusualforMrs。
Dorsettokeepherroomtilltheafternoon;butonthisoccasionshedriftedinwhenluncheonwashalfover,hollowed-eyedanddrooping,butwithanedgeofmaliceunderherindifference。
Sheraisedhereyebrowsasshelookedaboutthetable。"Howfewofusareleft!Idosoenjoythequiet——don’tyou,Lily?Iwishthemenwouldalwaysstopaway——it’sreallymuchnicerwithoutthem。Oh,youdon’tcount,George:onedoesn’thavetotalktoone’shusband。ButIthoughtMr。Grycewastostayfortherestoftheweek?"sheaddedenquiringly。"Didn’theintendto,Judy?
He’ssuchaniceboy——Iwonderwhatdrovehimaway?Heisrathershy,andI’mafraidwemayhaveshockedhim:hehasbeenbroughtupinsuchanold-fashionedway。Doyouknow,Lily,hetoldmehehadneverseenagirlplaycardsformoneytillhesawyoudoingittheothernight?Andhelivesontheinterestofhisincome,andalwayshasalotleftovertoinvest!"
Mrs。Fisherleanedforwardeagerly。"Idobelieveitissomeone’sdutytoeducatethatyoungman。Itisshockingthathehasneverbeenmadetorealizehisdutiesasacitizen。Everywealthymanshouldbecompelledtostudythelawsofhiscountry。"
Mrs。Dorsetglancedatherquietly。"IthinkheHASstudiedthedivorcelaws。HetoldmehehadpromisedtheBishoptosignsomekindofapetitionagainstdivorce。"
Mrs。Fisherreddenedunderherpowder,andStepneysaidwithalaughingglanceatMissBart:"Isupposeheisthinkingofmarriage,andwantstotinkeruptheoldshipbeforehegoesaboard。"
Hisbetrothedlookedshockedatthemetaphor,andGeorgeDorsetexclaimedwithasardonicgrowl:"Poordevil!Itisn’ttheshipthatwilldoforhim,it’sthecrew。"
"Orthestowaways,"saidMissCorbybrightly。"IfIcontemplatedavoyagewithhimIshouldtrytostartwithafriendinthehold。"
MissVanOsburgh’svaguefeelingofpiquewasstrugglingforappropriateexpression。"I’msureIdon’tseewhyyoulaughathim;Ithinkhe’sverynice,"sheexclaimed;"and,atanyrate,agirlwhomarriedhimwouldalwayshaveenoughtobecomfortable。"
Shelookedpuzzledattheredoubledlaughterwhichhailedherwords,butitmighthaveconsoledhertoknowhowdeeplytheyhadsunkintothebreastofoneofherhearers。
Comfortable!AtthatmomentthewordwasmoreeloquenttoLilyBartthananyotherinthelanguage。Shecouldnotevenpausetosmileovertheheiress’sviewofacolossalfortuneasamereshelteragainstwant:hermindwasfilledwiththevisionofwhatthatsheltermighthavebeentoher。Mrs。Dorset’spin-pricksdidnotsmart,forherownironycutdeeper:noonecouldhurtherasmuchasshewashurtingherself,fornooneelse——notevenJudyTrenor——knewthefullmagnitudeofherfolly。
Shewasrousedfromtheseunprofitableconsiderationsbyawhisperedrequestfromherhostess,whodrewherapartastheylefttheluncheon-table。
"Lily,dear,ifyou’venothingspecialtodo,mayItellCarryFisherthatyouintendtodrivetothestationandfetchGus?Hewillbebackatfour,andIknowshehasitinhermindtomeethim。OfcourseI’mverygladtohavehimamused,butIhappentoknowthatshehasbledhimratherseverelysinceshe’sbeenhere,andsheissokeenaboutgoingtofetchhimthatIfancyshemusthavegotalotmorebillsthismorning。Itseemstome,"Mrs。
Trenorfeelinglyconcluded,"thatmostofheralimonyispaidbyotherwomen’shusbands!"
MissBart,onherwaytothestation,hadleisuretomuseoverherfriend’swords,andtheirpeculiarapplicationtoherself。
Whyshouldshehavetosufferforhavingonce,forafewhours,borrowedmoneyofanelderlycousin,whenawomanlikeCarryFishercouldmakealivingunrebukedfromthegood-natureofhermenfriendsandthetoleranceoftheirwives?Itallturnedonthetiresomedistinctionbetweenwhatamarriedwomanmight,andagirlmightnot,do。Ofcourseitwasshockingforamarriedwomantoborrowmoney——andLilywasexpertlyawareoftheimplicationinvolved——butstill,itwasthemereMALUMPROHIBITUM
whichtheworlddecriesbutcondones,andwhich,thoughitmaybepunishedbyprivatevengeance,doesnotprovokethecollectivedisapprobationofsociety。ToMissBart,inshort,nosuchopportunitieswerepossible。Shecouldofcourseborrowfromherwomenfriends——ahundredhereorthere,attheutmost——buttheyweremorereadytogiveagownoratrinket,andlookedalittleaskancewhenshehintedherpreferenceforacheque。Womenarenotgenerouslenders,andthoseamongwhomherlotwascastwereeitherinthesamecaseasherself,orelsetoofarremovedfromittounderstanditsnecessities。TheresultofhermeditationswasthedecisiontojoinherauntatRichfield。ShecouldnotremainatBellomontwithoutplayingbridge,andbeinginvolvedinotherexpenses;andtocontinueherusualseriesofautumnvisitswouldmerelyprolongthesamedifficulties。Shehadreachedapointwhereabruptretrenchmentwasnecessary,andtheonlycheaplifewasadulllife。ShewouldstartthenextmorningforRichfield。
AtthestationshethoughtGusTrenorseemedsurprised,andnotwhollyunrelieved,toseeher。Sheyieldedupthereinsofthelightrunaboutinwhichshehaddrivenover,andasheclimbedheavilytoherside,crushingherintoascantthirdoftheseat,hesaid:"Halloo!Itisn’toftenyouhonourme。Youmusthavebeenuncommonlyhardupforsomethingtodo。"
Theafternoonwaswarm,andpropinquitymadehermorethanusuallyconsciousthathewasredandmassive,andthatbeadsofmoisturehadcausedthedustofthetraintoadhereunpleasantlytothebroadexpanseofcheekandneckwhichheturnedtoher;
butshewasawarealso,fromthelookinhissmalldulleyes,thatthecontactwithherfreshnessandslendernesswasasagreeabletohimasthesightofacoolingbeverage。
Theperceptionofthisfacthelpedhertoanswergaily:"It’snotoftenIhavethechance。Therearetoomanyladiestodisputetheprivilegewithme。"
"Theprivilegeofdrivingmehome?Well,I’mgladyouwontherace,anyhow。ButIknowwhatreallyhappened——mywifesentyou。Nowdidn’tshe?"
Hehadthedullman’sunexpectedflashesofastuteness,andLilycouldnothelpjoininginthelaughwithwhichhehadpouncedonthetruth。
"Yousee,JudythinksI’mthesafestpersonforyoutobewith;
andshe’squiteright,"sherejoined。
"Oh,isshe,though?Ifsheis,it’sbecauseyouwouldn’twasteyourtimeonanoldhulklikeme。Wemarriedmenhavetoputupwithwhatwecanget:alltheprizesareforthecleverchapswho’vekeptafreefoot。Letmelightacigar,willyou?I’vehadabeastlydayofit。"
Hedrewupintheshadeofthevillagestreet,andpassedthereinstoherwhileheheldamatchtohiscigar。Thelittleflameunderhishandcastadeepercrimsononhispuffingface,andLilyavertedhereyeswithamomentaryfeelingofrepugnance。Andyetsomewomenthoughthimhandsome!
Asshehandedbackthereins,shesaidsympathetically:"Didyouhavesuchalotoftiresomethingstodo?"
"Ishouldsayso——rather!"Trenor,whowasseldomlistenedto,eitherbyhiswifeorherfriends,settleddownintotherareenjoymentofaconfidentialtalk。"Youdon’tknowhowafellowhastohustletokeepthiskindofthinggoing。"HewavedhiswhipinthedirectionoftheBellomontacres,whichlayoutspreadbeforetheminopulentundulations。"Judyhasnoideaofwhatshespends——notthatthereisn’tplentytokeepthethinggoing,"heinterruptedhimself,"butamanhasgottokeephiseyesopenandpickupallthetipshecan。Myfatherandmotherusedtolivelikefighting-cocksontheirincome,andputbyagoodbitofittoo——luckilyforme——butatthepacewegonow,Idon’tknowwhereIshouldbeifitweren’tfortakingaflyernowandthen。
Thewomenallthink——ImeanJudythinks——I’venothingtodobuttogodowntownonceamonthandcutoffcoupons,butthetruthisittakesadevilishlotofhardworktokeepthemachineryrunning。NotthatIoughttocomplainto-day,though,"hewentonafteramoment,"forIdidaveryneatstrokeofbusiness,thankstoStepney’sfriendRosedale:bytheway,MissLily,Iwishyou’dtrytopersuadeJudytobedecentlyciviltothatchap。He’sgoingtoberichenoughtobuyusalloutoneofthesedays,andifshe’donlyaskhimtodinenowandthenIcouldgetalmostanythingoutofhim。Themanismadtoknowthepeoplewhodon’twanttoknowhim,andwhenafellow’sinthatstatethereisnothinghewon’tdoforthefirstwomanwhotakeshimup。"
Lilyhesitatedamoment。Thefirstpartofhercompanion’sdiscoursehadstartedaninterestingtrainofthought,whichwasrudelyinterruptedbythementionofMr。Rosedale’sname。Sheutteredafaintprotest。
"ButyouknowJackdidtrytotakehimabout,andhewasimpossible。"
"Oh,hangit——becausehe’sfatandshiny,andhasasloppymanner!Well,allIcansayisthatthepeoplewhoarecleverenoughtobeciviltohimnowwillmakeamightygoodthingofit。Afewyearsfromnowhe’llbeinitwhetherwewanthimornot,andthenhewon’tbegivingawayahalf-a-milliontipforadinner。"
Lily’smindhadrevertedfromtheintrusivepersonalityofMr。
RosedaletothetrainofthoughtsetinmotionbyTrenor’sfirstwords。ThisvastmysteriousWallStreetworldof"tips"and"deals"——mightshenotfindinitthemeansofescapefromherdrearypredicament?Shehadoftenheardofwomenmakingmoneyinthiswaythroughtheirfriends:shehadnomorenotionthanmostofhersexoftheexactnatureofthetransaction,anditsvaguenessseemedtodiminishitsindelicacy。Shecouldnot,indeed,imagineherself,inanyextremity,stoopingtoextracta"tip"fromMr。Rosedale;butathersidewasamaninpossessionofthatpreciouscommodity,andwho,asthehusbandofherdearestfriend,stoodtoherinarelationofalmostfraternalintimacy。
InherinmostheartLilyknewitwasnotbyappealingtothefraternalinstinctthatshewaslikelytomoveGusTrenor;butthiswayofexplainingthesituationhelpedtodrapeitscrudity,andshewasalwaysscrupulousaboutkeepingupappearancestoherself。Herpersonalfastidiousnesshadamoralequivalent,andwhenshemadeatourofinspectioninherownmindtherewerecertaincloseddoorsshedidnotopen。
AstheyreachedthegatesofBellomontsheturnedtoTrenorwithasmile。"Theafternoonissoperfect——don’tyouwanttodriveme<p85>alittlefarther?I’vebeenratheroutofspiritsallday,andit’ssorestfultobeawayfrompeople,withsomeonewhowon’tmindifI’malittledull。"
Shelookedsoplaintivelylovelyassheprofferedtherequest,sotrustfullysureofhissympathyandunderstanding,thatTrenorfelthimselfwishingthathiswifecouldseehowotherwomentreatedhim——notbatteredwire-pullerslikeMrs。Fisher,butagirlthatmostmenwouldhavegiventheirbootstogetsuchalookfrom。
"Outofspirits?Whyonearthshouldyoueverbeoutofspirits?
IsyourlastboxofDoucetdressesafailure,ordidJudyrookyououtofeverythingatbridgelastnight?"
Lilyshookherheadwithasigh。"IhavehadtogiveupDoucet;
andbridgetoo——Ican’taffordit。InfactIcan’taffordanyofthethingsmyfriendsdo,andIamafraidJudyoftenthinksmeaborebecauseIdon’tplaycardsanylonger,andbecauseIamnotassmartlydressedastheotherwomen。ButyouwillthinkmeaboretooifItalktoyouaboutmyworries,andIonlymentionthembecauseIwantyoutodomeafavour——theverygreatestoffavours。"
Hereyessoughthisoncemore,andshesmiledinwardlyatthetingeofapprehensionthatshereadinthem。
"Why,ofcourse——ifit’sanythingIcanmanage——"Hebrokeoff,andsheguessedthathisenjoymentwasdisturbedbytheremembranceofMrs。Fisher’smethods。
"Thegreatestoffavours,"sherejoinedgently。"Thefactis,Judyisangrywithme,andIwantyoutomakemypeace。"
"Angrywithyou?Oh,come,nonsense——"hisreliefbrokethroughinalaugh。"Why,youknowshe’sdevotedtoyou。"
"SheisthebestfriendIhave,andthatiswhyImindhavingtovexher。ButIdaresayyouknowwhatshehaswantedmetodo。Shehassetherheart——poordear——onmymarrying——marryingagreatdealofmoney。"
Shepausedwithaslightfalterofembarrassment,andTrenor,turningabruptly,fixedonheralookofgrowingintelligence。
"Agreatdealofmoney?Oh,byJove——youdon’tmeanGryce?
What——youdo?Oh,no,ofcourseIwon’tmentionit——youcantrustmetokeepmymouthshut——butGryce——<p86>goodLord,GRYCE!DidJudyreallythinkyoucouldbringyourselftomarrythatportentouslittleass?Butyoucouldn’t,eh?Andsoyougavehimthesack,andthat’sthereasonwhyhelitoutbythefirsttrainthismorning?"Heleanedback,spreadinghimselffartheracrosstheseat,asifdilatedbythejoyfulsenseofhisowndiscernment。"HowonearthcouldJudythinkyouwoulddosuchathing?Icouldhavetoldheryou’dneverputupwithsuchalittlemilksop!"
Lilysighedmoredeeply。"Isometimesthink,"shemurmured,"thatmenunderstandawoman’smotivesbetterthanotherwomendo。"
"Somemen——I’mcertainofit!IcouldhaveTOLDJudy,"herepeated,exultingintheimpliedsuperiorityoverhiswife。
"Ithoughtyouwouldunderstand;that’swhyIwantedtospeaktoyou,"MissBartrejoined。"Ican’tmakethatkindofmarriage;
it’simpossible。ButneithercanIgoonlivingasallthewomeninmysetdo。Iamalmostentirelydependentonmyaunt,andthoughsheisverykindtomeshemakesmenoregularallowance,andlatelyI’velostmoneyatcards,andIdon’tdaretellheraboutit。Ihavepaidmycarddebts,ofcourse,butthereishardlyanythingleftformyotherexpenses,andifIgoonwithmypresentlifeIshallbeinhorribledifficulties。Ihaveatinyincomeofmyown,butI’mafraidit’sbadlyinvested,foritseemstobringinlesseveryyear,andIamsoignorantofmoneymattersthatIdon’tknowifmyaunt’sagent,wholooksafterit,isagoodadviser。"Shepausedamoment,andaddedinalightertone:"Ididn’tmeantoboreyouwithallthis,butIwantyourhelpinmakingJudyunderstandthatIcan’t,atpresent,goonlivingasonemustliveamongyouall。IamgoingawaytomorrowtojoinmyauntatRichfield,andIshallstaytherefortherestoftheautumn,anddismissmymaidandlearnhowtomendmyownclothes。"
Atthispictureoflovelinessindistress,thepathosofwhichwasheightenedbythelighttouchwithwhichitwasdrawn,amurmurofindignantsympathybrokefromTrenor。Twenty-fourhoursearlier,ifhiswifehadconsultedhimonthesubjectofMissBart’sfuture,hewouldhavesaidthatagirlwithextravaganttastesandnomoneyhadbettermarrythefirstrichmanshecouldget;butwiththesubjectofdis<p87>cussionathisside,turningtohimforsympathy,makinghimfeelthatheunderstoodherbetterthanherdearestfriends,andconfirmingtheassurancebytheappealofherexquisitenearness,hewasreadytoswearthatsuchamarriagewasadesecration,andthat,asamanofhonour,hewasboundtodoallhecouldtoprotectherfromtheresultsofherdisinterestedness。ThisimpulsewasreinforcedbythereflectionthatifshehadmarriedGryceshewouldhavebeensurroundedbyflatteryandapproval,whereas,havingrefusedtosacrificeherselftoexpediency,shewaslefttobearthewholecostofherresistance。Hangit,ifhecouldfindawayoutofsuchdifficultiesforaprofessionalspongelikeCarryFisher,whowassimplyamentalhabitcorrespondingtothephysicaltitillationsofthecigaretteorthecock-tail,hecouldsurelydoasmuchforagirlwhoappealedtohishighestsympathies,andwhobroughthertroublestohimwiththetrustfulnessofachild。
TrenorandMissBartprolongedtheirdrivetilllongaftersunset;andbeforeitwasoverhehadtried,withsomeshowofsuccess,toprovetoherthat,ifshewouldonlytrusthim,hecouldmakeahandsomesumofmoneyforherwithoutendangeringthesmallamountshepossessed。Shewastoogenuinelyignorantofthemanipulationsofthestock-markettounderstandhistechnicalexplanations,orevenperhapstoperceivethatcertainpointsinthemwereslurred;thehazinessenvelopingthetransactionservedasaveilforherembarrassment,andthroughthegeneralblurherhopesdilatedlikelampsinafog。Sheunderstoodonlythathermodestinvestmentsweretobemysteriouslymultipliedwithoutrisktoherself;andtheassurancethatthismiraclewouldtakeplacewithinashorttime,thattherewouldbenotediousintervalforsuspenseandreaction,relievedherofherlingeringscruples。
Againshefeltthelighteningofherload,andwithitthereleaseofrepressedactivities。Herimmediateworriesconjured,itwaseasytoresolvethatshewouldneveragainfindherselfinsuchstraits,andastheneedofeconomyandself-denialrecededfromherforegroundshefeltherselfreadytomeetanyotherdemandwhichlifemightmake。EventheimmediateoneoflettingTrenor,astheydrovehomeward,leanalittlenearerandresthishandreassuringlyonhers,costheronlyamomentaryshiverofreluctance。Itwaspartofthegametomakehimfeelthatherappealhadbeenanuncalculatedimpulse,provokedbythelikingheinspired;andtherenewedsenseofpowerinhandlingmen,whileitconsoledherwoundedvanity,helpedalsotoobscurethethoughtoftheclaimatwhichhismannerhinted。Hewasacoarsedullmanwho,underallhisshowofauthority,wasameresupernumeraryinthecostlyshowforwhichhismoneypaid:
surely,toaclevergirl,itwouldbeeasytoholdhimbyhisvanity,andsokeeptheobligationonhisside。
ThefirstthousanddollarchequewhichLilyreceivedwithablottedscrawlfromGusTrenorstrengthenedherself-confidenceintheexactdegreetowhichiteffacedherdebts。
Thetransactionhadjustifieditselfbyitsresults:shesawnowhowabsurditwouldhavebeentoletanyprimitivescrupledepriveherofthiseasymeansofappeasinghercreditors。Lilyfeltreallyvirtuousasshedispensedthesuminsopstohertradesmen,andthefactthatafreshorderaccompaniedeachpaymentdidnotlessenhersenseofdisinterestedness。Howmanywomen,inherplace,wouldhavegiventheorderswithoutmakingthepayment!
ShehadfounditreassuringlyeasytokeepTrenorinagoodhumour。Tolistentohisstories,toreceivehisconfidencesandlaughathisjokes,seemedforthemomentallthatwasrequiredofher,andthecomplacencywithwhichherhostessregardedtheseattentionsfreedthemoftheleasthintofambiguity。Mrs。TrenorevidentlyassumedthatLily’sgrowingintimacywithherhusbandwassimplyanindirectwayofreturningherownkindness。
"I’msogladyouandGushavebecomesuchgoodfriends,"shesaidapprovingly。"It’stoodelightfulofyoutobesonicetohim,andputupwithallhistiresomestories。Iknowwhattheyare,becauseIhadtolistentothemwhenwewereengaged——I’msureheistellingthesameonesstill。AndnowIshan’talwayshavetobeaskingCarryFisherheretokeephiminagood-humour。She’saperfectvulture,youknow;andshehasn’ttheleastmoralsense。
SheisalwaysgettingGustospeculateforher,andI’msuresheneverpayswhensheloses。"
MissBartcouldshudderatthisstateofthingswithouttheembarrassmentofapersonalapplication。Herownpositionwassurelyquitedifferent。Therecouldbenoquestionofhernotpayingwhenshelost,sinceTrenorhadassuredherthatshewascertainnottolose。InsendingherthechequehehadexplainedthathehadmadefivethousandforheroutofRosedale’s"tip,"
andhadputfourthousandbackinthesameventure,astherewasthepromiseofanother"bigrise";sheunderstoodthereforethathewasnowspeculatingwithherownmoney,andthatsheconsequentlyowedhimnomorethanthegratitudewhichsuchatriflingservicedemanded。Shevaguelysupposedthat,toraisethefirstsum,hehadborrowedonhersecurities;butthiswasapointoverwhichhercuriositydidnotlinger。Itwasconcentrated,forthemoment,ontheprobabledateofthenext"bigrise。"
Thenewsofthiseventwasreceivedbyhersomeweekslater,ontheoccasionofJackStepney’smarriagetoMissVanOsburgh。Asacousinofthebridegroom,MissBarthadbeenaskedtoactasbridesmaid;butshehaddeclinedonthepleathat,sinceshewasmuchtallerthantheotherattendantvirgins,herpresencemightmarthesymmetryofthegroup。Thetruthwas,shehadattendedtoomanybridestothealtar:whennextseenthereshemeanttobethechieffigureintheceremony。Sheknewthepleasantriesmadeattheexpenseofyounggirlswhohavebeentoolongbeforethepublic,andshewasresolvedtoavoidsuchassumptionsofyouthfulnessasmightleadpeopletothinkherolderthanshereallywas。
TheVanOsburghmarriagewascelebratedinthevillagechurchnearthepaternalestateontheHudson。Itwasthe"simplecountrywedding"towhichguestsareconvoyedinspecialtrains,andfromwhichthehordesoftheuninvitedhavetobefendedoffbytheinterventionofthepolice。Whilethesesylvanritesweretakingplace,inachurchpackedwithfashionandfestoonedwithorchids,therepresentativesofthepresswerethreadingtheirway,note-bookinhand,throughthelabyrinthofweddingpresents,andtheagentofacinematographsyndicatewassettinguphisapparatusatthechurchdoor。ItwasthekindofsceneinwhichLilyhadoftenpicturedherselfastakingtheprincipalpart,andonthisoccasionthefactthatshewasoncemoremerelyacasualspectator,insteadofthemysticallyveiledfigureoccupyingthecentreofattention,strengthenedherresolvetoassumethelatterpartbeforetheyearwasover。Thefactthatherimmediateanxietieswererelieveddidnotblindhertoapossibilityoftheirrecurrence;itmerelygaveherenoughbuoyancytoriseoncemoreaboveherdoubtsandfeelarenewedfaithinherbeauty,herpower,andhergeneralfitnesstoattractabrilliantdestiny。Itcouldnotbethatoneconsciousofsuchaptitudesformasteryandenjoymentwasdoomedtoaperpetuityoffailure;andhermistakeslookedeasilyreparableinthelightofherrestoredself-confidence。
Aspecialappositenesswasgiventothesereflectionsbythediscovery,inaneighbouringpew,oftheseriousprofileandneatly-trimmedbeardofMr。PercyGryce。Therewassomethingalmostbridalinhisownaspect:hislargewhitegardeniahadasymbolicairthatstruckLilyasagoodomen。Afterall,seeninanassemblageofhiskindhewasnotridiculous-looking:afriendlycriticmighthavecalledhisheavinessweighty,andhewasathisbestintheattitudeofvacantpassivitywhichbringsouttheodditiesoftherestless。Shefanciedhewasthekindofmanwhosesentimentalassociationswouldbestirredbytheconventionalimageryofawedding,andshepicturedherself,intheseclusionoftheVanOsburghconservatories,playingskillfullyuponsensibilitiesthuspreparedforhertouch。Infact,whenshelookedattheotherwomenabouther,andrecalledtheimageshehadbroughtawayfromherownglass,itdidnotseemasthoughanyspecialskillwouldbeneededtorepairherblunderandbringhimoncemoretoherfeet。
ThesightofSelden’sdarkhead,inapewalmostfacingher,disturbedforamomentthebalanceofhercomplacency。Theriseofherbloodastheireyesmetwassucceededbyacontrarymotion,awaveofresistanceandwithdrawal。Shedidnotwishtoseehimagain,notbecauseshefearedhisinfluence,butbecausehispresencealwayshadtheeffectofcheapeningheraspirations,ofthrowingherwholeworldoutoffocus。Besides,hewasalivingreminderoftheworstmistakeinhercareer,andthefactthathehadbeenitscausedidnotsoftenherfeelingstowardhim。Shecouldstillimagineanidealstateofexistenceinwhich,allelsebeingsuperadded,intercoursewithSeldenmightbethelasttouchofluxury;butintheworldasitwas,suchaprivilegewaslikelytocostmorethanitwasworth。
"Lily,dear,Ineversawyoulooksolovely!Youlookasifsomethingdelightfulhadjusthappenedtoyou!"
Theyoungladywhothusformulatedheradmirationofherbrilliantfrienddidnot,inherownperson,suggestsuchhappypossibilities。MissGertrudeFarish,infact,typifiedthemediocreandtheineffectual。Iftherewerecompensatingqualitiesinherwidefrankglanceandthefreshnessofhersmile,thesewerequalitieswhichonlythesympatheticobserverwouldperceivebeforenoticingthathereyeswereofaworkadaygreyandherlipswithouthauntingcurves。Lily’sownviewofherwaveredbetweenpityforherlimitationsandimpatienceathercheerfulacceptanceofthem。ToMissBart,astohermother,acquiescenceindinginesswasevidenceofstupidity;andthereweremomentswhen,intheconsciousnessofherownpowertolookandtobesoexactlywhattheoccasionrequired,shealmostfeltthatothergirlswereplainandinferiorfromchoice。Certainlynooneneedhaveconfessedsuchacquiescenceinherlotaswasrevealedinthe"useful"colourofGertyFarish’sgownandthesubduedlinesofherhat:itisalmostasstupidtoletyourclothesbetraythatyouknowyouareuglyastohavethemproclaimthatyouthinkyouarebeautiful。
Ofcourse,beingfatallypooranddingy,itwaswiseofGertytohavetakenupphilanthropyandsymphonyconcerts;buttherewassomethingirritatinginherassumptionthatexistenceyieldednohigherpleasures,andthatonemightgetasmuchinterestandexcitementoutoflifeinacrampedflatasinthesplendoursoftheVanOsburghestablishment。Today,however,herchirpingenthusiasmsdidnotirritateLily。Theyseemedonlytothrowherownexceptionalnessintobecomingrelief,andgiveasoaringvastnesstoherschemeoflife。
"Doletusgoandtakeapeepatthepresentsbeforeeveryoneelseleavesthedining-room!"suggestedMissFarish,linkingherarminherfriend’s。Itwascharacteristicofhertotakeasentimentalandunenviousinterestinallthedetailsofawedding:shewasthekindofpersonwhoalwayskeptherhandkerchiefoutduringtheservice,anddepartedclutchingaboxofwedding-cake。
"Isn’teverythingbeautifullydone?"shepursued,astheyenteredthedistantdrawing-roomassignedtothedisplayofMissVanOsburgh’sbridalspoils。"IalwayssaynoonedoesthingsbetterthancousinGrace!DidyouevertasteanythingmoredeliciousthanthatMOUSSEoflobsterwithchampagnesauce?ImadeupmymindweeksagothatIwouldn’tmissthiswedding,andjustfancyhowdelightfullyitallcameabout。WhenLawrenceSeldenheardIwascoming,heinsistedonfetchingmehimselfanddrivingmetothestation,andwhenwegobackthiseveningIamtodinewithhimatSherry’s。IreallyfeelasexcitedasifI
weregettingmarriedmyself!"
Lilysmiled:sheknewthatSeldenhadalwaysbeenkindtohisdullcousin,andshehadsometimeswonderedwhyhewastedsomuchtimeinsuchanunremunerativemanner;butnowthethoughtgaveheravaguepleasure。
"Doyouseehimoften?"sheasked。
"Yes;heisverygoodaboutdroppinginonSundays。Andnowandthenwedoaplaytogether;butlatelyIhaven’tseenmuchofhim。Hedoesn’tlookwell,andheseemsnervousandunsettled。
Thedearfellow!Idowishhewouldmarrysomenicegirl。Itoldhimsotoday,buthesaidhedidn’tcareforthereallyniceones,andtheotherkinddidn’tcareforhim——butthatwasjusthisjoke,ofcourse。HecouldnevermarryagirlwhoWASN’Tnice。
Oh,mydear,didyoueverseesuchpearls?"
Theyhadpausedbeforethetableonwhichthebride’sjewelsweredisplayed,andLily’sheartgaveanenviousthrobasshecaughttherefractionoflightfromtheirsurfaces——themilkygleamofperfectlymatchedpearls,theflashofrubiesrelievedagainstcontrastingvelvet,theintenseblueraysofsapphireskindledintolightbysurroundingdiamonds:alltheseprecioustintsenhancedanddeepenedbythevariedartoftheirsetting。TheglowofthestoneswarmedLily’sveinslikewine。Morecompletelythananyotherexpressionofwealththeysymbolizedthelifeshelongedtolead,thelifeoffastidiousaloofnessandrefinementinwhicheverydetailshouldhavethefinishofajewel,andthewholeformaharmonioussettingtoherownjewel-likerareness。
"Oh,Lily,dolookatthisdiamondpendant——it’sasbigasadinner-plate!Whocanhavegivenit?"MissFarishbentshort-sightedlyovertheaccompanyingcard。"MR。SIMONROSEDALE。
What,thathorridman?Oh,yes——Irememberhe’safriendofJack’s,andIsupposecousinGracehadtoaskhimheretoday;butshemustratherhatehavingtoletGwenacceptsuchapresentfromhim。"
Lilysmiled。ShedoubtedMrs。VanOsburgh’sreluctance,butwasawareofMissFarish’shabitofascribingherowndelicaciesoffeelingtothepersonsleastlikelytobeencumberedbythem。
"Well,ifGwendoesn’tcaretobeseenwearingitshecanalwaysexchangeitforsomethingelse,"sheremarked。
"Ah,hereissomethingsomuchprettier,"MissFarishcontinued。
"Dolookatthisexquisitewhitesapphire。I’msurethepersonwhochoseitmusthavetakenparticularpains。Whatisthename?
PercyGryce?Ah,thenI’mnotsurprised!"Shesmiledsignificantlyasshereplacedthecard。"Ofcourseyou’veheardthathe’sperfectlydevotedtoEvieVanOsburgh?CousinGraceissopleasedaboutit——it’squitearomance!HemetherfirstattheGeorgeDorsets’,onlyaboutsixweeksago,andit’sjustthenicestpossiblemarriagefordearEvie。Oh,Idon’tmeanthemoney——ofcourseshehasplentyofherown——butshe’ssuchaquietstay-at-homekindofgirl,anditseemshehasjustthesametastes;sotheyareexactlysuitedtoeachother。"
Lilystoodstaringvacantlyatthewhitesapphireonitsvelvetbed。EvieVanOsburghandPercyGryce?Thenamesrangderisivelythroughherbrain。EVIEVANOSBURGH?Theyoungest,dumpiest,dullestofthefourdullanddumpydaughterswhomMrs。VanOsburgh,withunsurpassedastuteness,had"placed"onebyoneinenviablenichesofexistence!Ah,luckygirlswhogrowupintheshelterofamother’slove——amotherwhoknowshowtocontriveopportunitieswithoutconcedingfavours,howtotakeadvantageofpropinquitywithoutallowingappetitetobedulledbyhabit!Thecleverestgirlmaymiscalculatewhereherowninterestsareconcerned,mayyieldtoomuchatonemomentandwithdrawtoofaratthenext:ittakesamother’sunerringvigilanceandforesighttolandherdaughterssafelyinthearmsofwealthandsuitability。