THEfirstrayoflightwhichilluminesthegloom，andconvertsintoadazzlingbrilliancythatobscurityinwhichtheearlierhistoryofthepubliccareeroftheimmortalPickwickwouldappeartobeinvolved，isderivedfromtheperusalofthefollowingentryintheTransactionsofthePickwickClub，whichtheeditorofthesepapersfeelsthehighestpleasureinlayingbeforehisreaders，asaproofofthecarefulattention，indefatigableassiduity，andnicediscrimination，withwhichhissearchamongthemultifariousdocumentsconfidedtohimhasbeenconducted。
May12，1827。JosephSmiggers，Esq。，P。V。P。M。P。C。，1presiding。Thefollowingresolutionsunanimouslyagreedto：——
ThatthisAssociationhasheardread，withfeelingsofunmingledsatisfaction，andunqualifiedapproval，thepapercommunicatedbySamuelPickwick，Esq。，G。C。M。P。C。，2entitled`SpeculationsontheSourceoftheHampsteadPonds，withsomeObservationsontheTheoryofTittlebats。’andthatthisAssociationdoesherebyreturnitswarmestthankstothesaidSamuelPickwick，Esq。，G。C。M。P。C。，forthesame。
ThatwhilethisAssociationisdeeplysensibleoftheadvantageswhichmustaccruetothecauseofsciencefromtheproductiontowhichtheyhavejustadverted，——nolessthanfromtheunweariedresearchesofSamuelPickwick，Esq。，G。C。M。P。C。，inHornsey，Highgate，Brixton，andCamberwell，——theycannotbutentertainalivelysenseoftheinestimablebenefitswhichmustinevitablyresultfromcarryingthespeculationsofthatlearnedmanintoawiderfield，fromextendinghistravels，andconsequentlyenlarginghissphereofobservation，totheadvancementofknowledge，andthediffusionoflearning。
That，withtheviewjustmentioned，thisAssociationhastakenintoitsseriousconsiderationaproposal，emanatingfromtheaforesaidSamuelPickwick，Esq。，G。C。M。P。C。，andthreeotherPickwickians，hereinafternamed，forforminganewbranchofUnitedPickwickians，underthetitleofTheCorrespondingSocietyofthePickwickClub。
ThatthesaidproposalhasreceivedthesanctionandapprovalofthisAssociation。
ThattheCorrespondingSocietyofthePickwickClubisthereforeherebyconstituted。andthatSamuelPickwick，Esq。，G。C。M。P。C。，TracyTupman，Esq。，M。P。C。，AugustusSnodgrass，Esq。，M。P。C。，andNathanielWinkle，Esq。，M。P。C。，areherebynominatedandappointedmembersofthesame。andthattheyberequestedtoforward，fromtimetotime，authenticatedaccountsoftheirjourneysandinvestigations，oftheirobservationsofcharacterandmanners，andofthewholeoftheiradventures，togetherwithalltalesandpaperstowhichlocalsceneryorassociationsmaygiverise，tothePickwickClub，stationedinLondon。
ThatthisAssociationcordiallyrecognisestheprincipleofeverymemberoftheCorrespondingSocietydefrayinghisowntravellingexpenses。andthatitseesnoobjectionwhatevertothemembersofthesaidsocietypursuingtheirinquiresforanylengthoftimetheyplease，uponthesameterms。
ThatthemembersoftheaforesaidCorrespondingSocietybe，andare，herebyinformed，thattheirproposaltopaythepostageoftheirletters，andthecarriageoftheirparcels，hasbeendeliberateduponbythisAssociation：
thatthisAssociationconsiderssuchproposalworthyofthegreatmindsfromwhichitemanated，andthatitherebysignifiesitsperfectacquiescencetherein。
Acasualobserver，addsthesecretary，towhosenotesweareindebtedforthefollowingaccount——acasualobservermightpossiblyhaveremarkednothingextraordinaryinthebaldhead，andcircularspectacles，whichwereintentlyturnedtowardshis(thesecretary’s)face，duringthereadingoftheaboveresolutions：tothosewhoknewthatthegiganticbrainofPickwickwasworkingbeneaththatforehead，andthatthebeamingeyesofPickwickweretwinklingbehindthoseglasses，thesightwasindeedaninterestingone。TheresatthemanwhohadtracedtotheirsourcethemightypondsofHampstead，andagitatedthescientificworldwithhisTheoryofTittlebats，ascalmandunmovedasthedeepwatersoftheoneonafrostyday，orasasolitaryspecimenoftheotherintheinmostrecessesofanearthenjar。
Andhowmuchmoreinterestingdidthespectaclebecome，when，startingintofulllifeandanimation，asasimultaneouscallforPickwickburstfromhisfollowers，thatillustriousmanslowlymountedintotheWindsorchair，onwhichhehadbeenpreviouslyseated，andaddressedtheclubhimselfhadfounded。Whatastudyforanartistdidthatexcitingscenepresent！
TheeloquentPickwick，withonehandgracefullyconcealedbehindhiscoattails，andtheotherwavinginair，toassisthisglowingdeclamation。
hiselevatedpositionrevealingthosetightsandgaiters，which，hadtheyclothedanordinaryman，mighthavepassedwithoutobservation，butwhich，whenPickwickclothedthem——ifwemayusetheexpression——inspiredvoluntaryaweandrespect。surroundedbythemenwhohadvolunteeredtosharetheperilsofhistravels，andwhoweredestinedtoparticipateinthegloriesofhisdiscoveries。OnhisrighthandsatMr。TracyTupman——thetoosusceptibleTupman，whotothewisdomandexperienceofmatureryearssuperaddedtheenthusiasmandardourofaboy，inthemostinterestingandpardonableofhumanweaknesses——love。Timeandfeedinghadexpandedthatonceromanticform。theblacksilkwaistcoathadbecomemoreandmoredeveloped。inchbyinchhadthegoldwatch-chainbeneathitdisappearedfromwithintherangeofTupman’svision。andgraduallyhadthecapaciouschinencroacheduponthebordersofthewhitecravat：butthesoulofTupmanhadknownnochange——admirationofthefairsexwasstillitsrulingpassion。OntheleftofhisgreatleadersatthepoeticSnodgrass，andnearhimagainthesportingWinkle，theformerpoeticallyenvelopedinamysteriousbluecoatwithacanine-skincollar，andthelattercommunicatingadditionallustretoanewgreenshootingcoat，plaidneckerchief，andclosely-fitteddrabs。
Mr。Pickwick’sorationuponthisoccasion，togetherwiththedebtthereon，isenteredontheTransactionsoftheClub。Bothbearastrongaffinitytothediscussionsofothercelebratedbodies。and，asitisalwaysinterestingtotracearesemblancebetweentheproceedingsofgreatmen，wetransfertheentrytothesepages。
Mr。Pickwickobserved(saystheSecretary)thatfamewasdeartotheheartofeveryman。PoeticfamewasdeartotheheartofhisfriendSnodgrass。
thefameofconquestwasequallydeartohisfriendTupman。andthedesireofearningfameinthesportsofthefield，theair，andthewater，wasuppermostinthebreastofhisfriendWinkle。He(Mr。Pickwick)wouldnotdenythathewasinfluencedbyhumanpassions，andhumanfeelings(cheers)——possiblybyhumanweaknesses——(loudcriesof`No’)。butthishewouldsay，thatifeverthefireofself-importancebrokeoutinhisbosom，thedesiretobenefitthehumanraceinpreferenceeffectuallyquenchedit。ThepraiseofmankindwashisSwing。philanthropywashisinsuranceoffice。(Vehementcheering。)Hehadfeltsomepride——heacknowledgeditfreely，andlethisenemiesmakethemostofit——hehadfeltsomepridewhenhepresentedhisTittlebatianTheorytotheworld。itmightbecelebratedoritmightnot。
(Acryof`Itis，’andgreatcheering。)HewouldtaketheassertionofthathonourablePickwickianwhosevoicehehadjustheard——itwascelebrated。
butifthefameofthattreatiseweretoextendtothefurthestconfinesoftheknownworld，thepridewithwhichheshouldreflectontheauthorshipofthatproductionwouldbeasnothingcomparedwiththepridewithwhichhelookedaroundhim，onthis，theproudestmomentofhisexistence。(Cheers。)
Hewasahumbleindividual。(No，no。)Stillhecouldnotbutfeelthattheyhadselectedhimforaserviceofgreathonour，andofsomedanger。
Travellingwasinatroubledstate，andthemindsofcoachmenwereunsettled。
Letthemlookabroadandcontemplatethesceneswhichwereenactingaroundthem。Stagecoacheswereupsettinginalldirections，horseswerebolting，boatswereoverturning，andboilerswerebursting。(Cheers——avoice`No。’)
No！(Cheers。)LetthehonourablePickwickianwhocried`No’soloudlycomeforwardanddenyit，ifhecould。(Cheers。)Whowasitthatcried`No’？
(Enthusiasticcheering。)Wasitsomevainanddisappointedman——hewouldnotsayhaberdasher——(loudcheers)——who，jealousofthepraisewhichhadbeen——perhapsundeservedly——bestowedonhis(Mr。Pickwick’s)researches，andsmartingunderthecensurewhichhadbeenheapeduponhisownfeebleattemptsatrivalry，nowtookthisvileandcalumniousmodeof——
Mr。BLOTTON(ofAldgate)rosetoorder。DidthehonourablePickwickianalludetohim？(Criesof`Order，’`Chair，’`Yes，’
`No，’`Goon，’`Leaveoff，’etc。)
Mr。PICKWICKwouldnotputuptobeputdownbyclamour。Hehadalludedtothehonourablegentleman。(Greatexcitement。)
Mr。BLOTTONwouldonlysaythen，thatherepelledthehon。gent。’sfalseandscurrilousaccusation，withprofoundcontempt。
(Greatcheering。)Thehon。gent。wasahumbug。(Immenseconfusion，andloudcriesof`Chair，’and`Order。’)
Mr。A。SNODGRASSrosetoorder。Hethrewhimselfuponthechair。(Hear。)Hewishedtoknowwhetherthisdisgracefulcontestbetweentwomembersofthatclubshouldbeallowedtocontinue。(Hear，hear。)
TheCHAIRMANwasquitesurethehon。Pickwickianwouldwithdrawtheexpressionhehadjustmadeuseof。
Mr。BLOTTON，withallpossiblerespectforthechair，wasquitesurehewouldnot。
TheCHAIRMANfeltithisimperativedutytodemandofthehonourablegentleman，whetherhehadusedtheexpressionwhichhadjustescapedhiminacommonsense。
Mr。BLOTTONhadnohesitationinsayingthathehadnot——hehadusedthewordinitsPickwickiansense。(Hear，hear。)Hewasboundtoacknowledgethat，personally，heentertainedthehighestregardandesteemforthehonourablegentleman。hehadmerelyconsideredhimahumbuginaPickwickianpointofview。(Hear，hear。)
Mr。PICKWICKfeltmuchgratifiedbythefair，candid，andfullexplanationofhishonourablefriend。Hebeggedittobeatonceunderstood，thathisownobservationshadbeenmerelyintendedtobearaPickwickianconstruction。(Cheers。)
Heretheentryterminates，aswehavenodoubtthedebatedidalso，afterarrivingatsuchahighlysatisfactoryandintelligiblepoint。Wehavenoofficialstatementofthefactswhichthereaderwillfindrecordedinthenextchapter，buttheyhavebeencarefullycollatedfromlettersandotherMS。authorities，sounquestionablygenuineastojustifytheirnarrationinaconnectedform。1PerpetualVice-President——MemberPickwickClub。
2GeneralChairman——MemberPickwickClub。
[NextChapter][TableofContents]ThePickwickPapers：Chapter2[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]CHAPTERIITHEFIRSTDAY’SJOURNEY，ANDTHEFIRSTEVENING’S
ADVENTURES。WITHTHEIRCONSEQUENCES
THATpunctualservantofallwork，thesun，hadjustrisen，andbeguntostrikealightonthemorningofthethirteenthofMay，onethousandeighthundredandtwenty-seven，whenMr。SamuelPickwickburstlikeanothersunfromhisslumbers，threwopenhischamberwindow，andlookedoutupontheworldbeneath。GoswellStreetwasathisfeet，GoswellStreetwasonhisrighthand——asfarastheeyecouldreach，GoswellStreetextendedonhisleft。andtheoppositesideofGoswellStreetwasovertheway。Such，thoughMr。Pickwick，arethenarrowviewsofthosephilosopherswho，contentwithexaminingthethingsthatliebeforethem，looknottothetruthswhicharehiddenbeyond。AswellmightIbecontenttogazeonGoswellStreetforever，withoutoneefforttopenetratetothehiddencountrieswhichoneverysidesurroundit。Andhavinggivenventtothisbeautifulreflection，Mr。Pickwickproceededtoputhimselfintohisclothes，andhisclothesintohisportmanteau。Greatmenareseldomoverscrupulousinthearrangementoftheirattire。theoperationofshaving，dressing，andcoffee-imbibingwassoonperformed：andinanotherhour，Mr。Pickwick，withhisportmanteauinhishand，histelescopeinhisgreat-coatpocket，andhisnote-bookinhiswaistcoat，readyforthereceptionofanydiscoveriesworthyofbeingnoteddown，hadarrivedatthecoachstandinSt。Martin’s-le-Grand。
Cab！saidMr。Pickwick。
Hereyouare，sir，shoutedastrangespecimenofthehumanrace，inasackclothcoat，andapronofthesame，whowithabrasslabelandnumberroundhisneck，lookedasifhewerecataloguedinsomecollectionofrarities。
Thiswasthewaterman。Hereyouare，sir。Now，then，fustcab！Andthefirstcabhavingbeenfetchedfromthepublic-house，wherehehadbeensmokinghisfirstpipe，Mr。Pickwickandhisportmanteauwerethrownintothevehicle。
GoldenCross，saidMr。Pickwick。
Onlyabob’svorth，Tommy，criedthedriver，sulkily，fortheinformationofhisfriendthewaterman，asthecabdroveoff。
Howoldisthathorse，myfriend？inquiredMr。Pickwick，rubbinghisnosewiththeshillinghehadreservedforthefare。
Forty-two，repliedthedriver，eyeinghimaskant。
What！ejaculatedMr。Pickwick，layinghishanduponhisnote-book。
Thedriverreiteratedhisformerstatement。Mr。Pickwicklookedveryhardattheman’sface，buthisfeatureswereimmovable，sohenoteddownthefactforth-with。
Andhowlongdoyoukeephimoutatatime？inquiredMr。Pickwick，searchingforfurtherinformation。
Twoorthreeveeks，repliedtheman。
Weeks！saidMr。Pickwickinastonishment——andoutcamethenote-bookagain。
HelivesatPentonwilwhenhe’sathome，observedthedriver，coolly，butweseldomtakeshimhome，onaccountofhisveakness。
Onaccountofhisweakness！reiteratedtheperplexedMr。Pickwick。
Healwaysfallsdownwhenhe’stookouto’thecab，continuedthedriver，butwhenhe’sinit，webearshimupwerrytight，andtakeshiminwerryshort，soashecan’twerrywellfalldown。andwe’vegotapairo’preciouslargewheelson，sovenhedoesmove，theyrunafterhim，andhemustgoon——hecan’thelpit。
Mr。Pickwickenteredeverywordofthisstatementinhisnote-book，withtheviewofcommunicatingittotheclub，asasingularinstanceofthetenacityoflifeinhorses，undertryingcircumstances。TheentrywasscarcelycompletedwhentheyreachedtheGoldenCross。Downjumpedthedriver，andoutgotMr。Pickwick。Mr。Tupman，Mr。Snodgrass，andMr。Winkle，whohadbeenanxiouslywaitingthearrivaloftheirillustriousleader，crowdedtowelcomehim。
Here’syourfare，saidMr。Pickwick，holdingouttheshillingtothedriver。
Whatwasthelearnedman’sastonishment，whenthatunaccountablepersonflungthemoneyonthepavement，andrequestedinfigurativetermstobeallowedthepleasureoffightinghim(Mr。Pickwick)fortheamount！
Youaremad，saidMr。Snodgrass。
Ordrunk，saidMr。Winkle。
Orboth，saidMr。Tupman。
Comeon！saidthecab-driver，sparringawaylikeclockwork。Comeon——allfouronyou。
Here’salark！shoutedhalf-a-dozenhackneycoachmen。Gotovork，Sam，——andtheycrowdedwithgreatgleeroundtheparty。
What’stherow，Sam？inquiredonegentlemaninblackcalicosleeves。
Row！repliedthecabman，whatdidhewantmynumberfor？
Ididn’twantyournumber，saidtheastonishedMr。Pickwick。
Whatdidyoutakeitfor，then？inquiredthecabman。
Ididn’ttakeit，saidMr。Pickwick，indignantly。
Wouldanybodybelieve，continuedthecab-driver，appealingtothecrowd，wouldanybodybelieveasaninformer’udgoaboutinaman’scab，notonlytakin’downhisnumber，butev’rywordhesaysintothebargain
(alightflasheduponMr。Pickwick——itwasthenote-book)。
Didhethough？inquiredanothercabman。
Yes，didhe，repliedthefirst。andthenarteraggerawatin’metoassaulthim，getsthreewitnessesheretoproveit。ButI’llgiveithim，ifI’vesixmonthsforit。Comeon！andthecabmandashedhishatupontheground，witharecklessdisregardofhisownprivateproperty，andknockedMr。Pickwick’sspectaclesoff，andfolloweduptheattackwithablowonMr。Pickwick’snose，andanotheronMr。Pickwick’schest，andathirdinMr。Snodgrass’seye，andafourth，bywayofvariety，inMr。
Tupman’swaistcoat，andthendancedintotheroad，andthenbackagaintothepavement，andfinallydashedthewholetemporarysupplyofbreathoutofMr。Winkle’sbody。andallinhalf-a-dozenseconds。
Where’sanofficer？saidMr。Snodgrass。
Put’emunderthepump，suggestedahot-pieman。
Youshallsmartforthis，gaspedMr。Pickwick。
Informers！shoutedthecrowd。
Comeon，criedthecabman，whohadbeensparringwithoutcessationthewholetime。
Themobhadhithertobeenpassivespectatorsofthescene，butastheintelligenceofthePickwickiansbeinginformerswasspreadamongthem，theybegantocanvasswithconsiderablevivacitytheproprietyofenforcingtheheatedpastry-vendor’sproposition。andthereisnosayingwhatactsofpersonalaggressiontheymighthavecommittedhadnottheaffraybeenunexpectedlyterminatedbytheinterpositionofanew-comer。
What’sthefun？saidarathertallthinyoungman，inagreencoat，emergingsuddenlyfromthecoach-yard。
Informers！shoutedthecrowdagain。
Wearenot，roaredMr。Pickwick，inatonewhich，toanydispassionatelistener，carriedconvictionwithit。
Ain’tyou，though，——ain’tyou？saidtheyoungman，appealingtoMr。
Pickwick，andmakinghiswaythroughthecrowdbytheinfallibleprocessofelbowingthecountenancesofitscomponentmembers。
Thatlearnedmaninafewhurriedwordsexplainedtherealstateofthecase。
Comealong，then，saidheofthegreencoat，luggingMr。Pickwickafterhimbymainforce，andtalkingthewholeway。Here，No。924，takeyourfare，andtakeyourselfoff——respectablegentleman，——knowhimwell——noneofyournonsense——thisway，sir，——where’syourfriends？——allamistake，Isee——nevermind——accidentswillhappen——bestregulatedfamilies——neversaydie——downuponyourluck——pullhimup——putthatinhispipe——liketheflavour——damnedrascals。Andwithalengthenedstringofsimilarbrokensentences，deliveredwithextraordinaryvolubility，thestrangerledthewaytothetravellers’waiting-room，whitherhewascloselyfollowedbyMr。Pickwickandhisdisciples。
Here，waiter！shoutedthestranger，ringingthebellwithtremendousviolence，glassesround，——brandyandwater，hotandstrong，andsweet，andplenty，——eyedamaged，sir？Waiter！rawbeef-steakforthegentleman’seye，——nothinglikerawbeef-steakforabruise，sir。coldlamp-postverygood，butlamp-postinconvenient——damnedoddstandingintheopenstreethalf-an-hour，withyoureyeagainstalamp-post——eh，——verygood——ha！ha！
Andthestranger，withoutstoppingtotakebreath，swallowedatadraughtfullhalf-a-pintofthereekingbrandyandwater，andflunghimselfintoachairwithasmucheaseasifnothinguncommonhadoccurred。
Whilehisthreecompanionswerebusilyengagedinprofferingtheirthankstotheirnewacquaintance，Mr。Pickwickhadleisuretoexaminehiscostumeandappearance。
Hewasaboutthemiddleheight，butthethinnessofhisbody，andthelengthofhislegs，gavehimtheappearanceofbeingmuchtaller。Thegreencoathadbeenasmartdressgarmentinthedaysofswallow-tails，buthadevidentlyinthosetimesadornedamuchshortermanthanthestranger，forthesoiledandfadedsleevesscarcelyreachedtohiswrists。Itwasbuttonedcloselyuptohischin，attheimminenthazardofsplittingtheback。andanoldstock，withoutavestigeofshirtcollar，ornamentedhisneck。Hisscantyblacktrousersdisplayedhereandtherethoseshinypatcheswhichbespeaklongservice，andwerestrappedverytightlyoverapairofpatchedandmendedshoes，asiftoconcealthedirtywhitestockings，whichwereneverthelessdistinctlyvisible。Hislongblackhairescapedinnegligentwavesfrombeneatheachsideofhisoldpinched-uphat。andglimpsesofhisbarewristsmightbeobservedbetweenthetopsofhisgloves，andthecuffsofhiscoatsleeves。Hisfacewasthinandhaggard。butanindescribableairofjauntyimpudenceandperfectself-possessionpervadedthewholeman。
SuchwastheindividualonwhomMr。Pickwickgazedthroughhisspectacles(whichhehadfortunatelyrecovered)，andtowhomheproceeded，whenhisfriendshadexhaustedthemselves，toreturninchosentermshiswarmestthanksforhisrecentassistance。
Nevermind，saidthestranger，cuttingtheaddressveryshort，saidenough，——nomore。smartchapthatcabman——handledhisfiveswell。butifI’dbeenyourfriendinthegreenjemmy——damnme——punchhishead，——’codIwould，——pig’swhisper——piemantoo，——nogammon。
ThiscoherentspeechwasinterruptedbytheentranceoftheRochestercoachman，toannouncethatTheCommodorewasonthepointofstarting。
Commodore！saidthestranger，startingup，mycoach，——placebooked，——oneoutside——leaveyoutopayforthebrandyandwater，——wantchangeforafive，——badsilver——Brummagembuttons——won’tdo——nogo——eh？andheshookhisheadmostknowingly。
NowitsohappenedthatMr。PickwickandhisthreecompanionshadresolvedtomakeRochestertheirfirsthalting-placetoo。andhavingintimatedtotheirnew-foundacquaintancethattheywerejourneyingtothesamecity，theyagreedtooccupytheseatatthebackofthecoach，wheretheycouldallsittogether。
Upwithyou，saidthestranger，assistingMr。Pickwickontotheroofwithsomuchprecipitationastoimpairthegravityofthatgentleman’sdeportmentverymaterially。
Anyluggage，sir？inquiredthecoachman。
Who——I？Brownpaperparcelhere，that’sall，——otherluggagegonebywater，——packingcases，nailedup——bigashouses——heavy，heavy，damnedheavy，
repliedthestranger，asheforcedintohispocketasmuchashecouldofthebrownpaperparcel，whichpresentedmostsuspiciousindicationsofcontainingoneshirtandahandkerchief。
Heads，heads——takecareofyourheads！criedtheloquaciousstranger，astheycameoutunderthelowarchway，whichinthosedaysformedtheentrancetothecoach-yard。Terribleplace——dangerouswork——otherday——fivechildren——mother——talllady，eatingsandwiches——forgotthearch——crash——knock——childrenlookround——mother’sheadoff——sandwichinherhand——nomouthtoputitin——headofafamilyoff——shocking，shocking！LookingatWhitehall，sir？——fineplace——littlewindow——somebodyelse’sheadoffthere，eh，sir？——hedidn’tkeepasharplook-outenougheither——eh，sir，eh？
Iamruminating，saidMr。Pickwick，onthestrangemutabilityofhumanaffairs。
Ah！Isee——inatthepalacedooroneday，outatthewindowthenext。
Philosopher，sir？
Anobserverofhumannature，sir，saidMr。Pickwick。
Ah，soamI。Mostpeoplearewhenthey’velittletodoandlesstoget。Poet，sir？
MyfriendMr。Snodgrasshasastrongpoeticturn，saidMr。Pickwick。
SohaveI，saidthestranger。Epicpoem，——tenthousandlines——revolutionofJuly——composeditonthespot——Marsbyday，Apollobynight，——bangthefield-piece，twangthelyre。
Youwerepresentatthatgloriousscene，sir？saidMr。Snodgrass。
Present！thinkIwas。1firedamusket，——firedwithanidea，——rushedintowineshop——wroteitdown——backagain——whiz，bang——anotheridea——wineshopagain——penandink——backagain——cutandslash——nobletime，sir。Sportsman，sir？abruptlyturningtoMr。Winkle。
Alittle，sir，repliedthatgentleman。
Finepursuit，sir，——finepursuit——Dogs，sir？
Notjustnow，saidMr。Winkle。
Ah！youshouldkeepdogs——fineanimals——sagaciouscreatures——dogofmyownonce——Pointer——surprisinginstinct——outshootingoneday——enteringenclosure——whistled——dogstopped——whistledagain——Ponto——nogo。stockstill——calledhim——Ponto，Ponto——wouldn’tmove——dogtransfixed——staringataboard——lookedup，sawaninscription——`Game-keeperhasorderstoshootalldogsfoundinthisenclosure’——wouldn’tpassit——wonderfuldog——valuabledogthat——very。
Singularcircumstancethat，saidMr。Pickwick。Willyouallowmetomakeanoteofit？
Certainly，sir，certainly——hundredmoreanecdotesofthesameanimal——Finegirl，sir(toMr。TracyTupman，whohadbeenbestowingsundryanti-Pickwickianglancesonayoungladybytheroadside)。
Very！saidMr。Tupman。
EnglishgirlsnotsofineasSpanish——noblecreatures——jethair——blackeyes——lovelyforms——sweetcreatures——beautiful。
YouhavebeeninSpain，sir？saidMr。TracyTupman。
Livedthere——ages。
Manyconquests，sir？inquiredMr。Tupman。
Conquests！Thousands。DonBolaroFizzgig——Grandee——onlydaughter——DonnaChristina——splendidcreature——lovedmetodistraction——jealousfather——high-souleddaughter——handsomeEnglishman——DonnaChristinaindespair——prussicacid——stomachpumpinmyportmanteau——operationperformed——oldBolaroinecstasies——consenttoourunion——joinhandsandfloodsoftears——romanticstory——very。
IstheladyinEnglandnow，sir？inquiredMr。Tupman，onwhomthedescriptionofhercharmshadproducedapowerfulimpression。
Dead，sir——dead，saidthestranger，applyingtohisrighteyethebriefremnantofaveryoldcambrichandker-chiefNeverrecoveredthestomachpump——underminedconstitution——fellavictim。
Andherfather？inquiredthepoeticSnodgrass。
Remorseandmisery，repliedthestranger。Suddendisappearance——talkofthewholecity——searchmadeeverywhere——withoutsuccess——publicfountaininthegreatsquaresuddenlyceasedplaying——weekselapsed——stillastoppage——workmenemployedtocleanit——waterdrawnoff——father-in-lawdiscoveredstickingheadfirstinthemainpipe，withafullconfessioninhisrightboot——tookhimout，andthefountainplayedawayagain，aswellasever。
Willyouallowmetonotethatlittleromancedown，sir？saidMr。
Snodgrass，deeplyaffected。
Certainly，sir，certainly，——fiftymoreifyouliketohear’em——strangelifemine——rathercurioushistory——notextraordinary，butsingular。
Inthisstrain，withanoccasionalglassofale，bywayofparenthesis，whenthecoachchangedhorses，didthestrangerproceed，untiltheyreachedRochesterbridge，bywhichtimethenote-books，bothofMr。PickwickandMr。Snodgrass，werecompletelyfilledwithselectionsfromhisadventures。
Magnificentruin！saidMr。AugustusSnodgrass，withallthepoeticfervourthatdistinguishedhim，whentheycameinsightofthefineoldcastle。
Whatastudyforanantiquarian！weretheverywordswhichfellfromMr。Pickwick’smouth，asheappliedhistelescopetohiseye。
Ah！fineplace，saidthestranger，gloriouspile——frowningwalls——totteringarches——darknooks——crumblingstaircases——Oldcathedraltoo——earthysmell——pilgrims’
feetwornawaytheoldsteps——littleSaxondoors——confessionalslikemoney-takers’
boxesattheatres——queercustomersthosemonks——Popes，andLordTreasurers，andallsortsofoldfellows，withgreatredfaces，andbrokennoses，turningupeveryday——buffjerkinstoo——match-locks——Sarcophagus——fineplace——oldlegendstoo——strangestories：capital。andthestrangercontinuedtosoliloquiseuntiltheyreachedtheBullInn，intheHighStreet，wherethecoachstopped。
Doyouremainhere，sir？inquiredMr。NathanielWinkle。
Here——notI——butyou’dbetter——goodhouse——nicebeds——Wright’snexthouse，dear——verydear——half-a-crowninthebillifyoulookatthewaiter——chargeyoumoreifyoudineatafriend’sthantheywouldifyoudinedinthecoffee-room——rumfellows——very。
Mr。WinkleturnedtoMr。Pickwick，andmurmuredafewwords。awhisperpassedfromMr。PickwicktoMr。Snodgrass，fromMr。SnodgrasstoMr。Tupman，andnodsofassentwereexchanged。Mr。Pickwickaddressedthestranger。
Yourenderedusaveryimportantservicethismorning，sir，saidhe，willyouallowustoofferaslightmarkofourgratitudebybeggingthefavourofyourcompanyatdinner？
Greatpleasure——notpresumetodictate，butbroiledfowlandmushrooms——capitalthing！whattime？
Letmesee，repliedMr。Pickwick，referringtohiswatch，itisnownearlythree。Shallwesayfive？
Suitmeexcellently，saidthestranger，fiveprecisely——tillthen——careofyourselves。andliftingthepinched-uphatafewinchesfromhishead，andcarelesslyreplacingitverymuchononeside，thestranger，withhalfthebrownpaperparcelstickingoutofhispocket，walkedbrisklyuptheyard，andturnedintotheHighStreet。
Evidentlyatravellerinmanycountries，andacloseobserverofmenandthings，saidMr。Pickwick。
Ishouldliketoseehispoem，saidMr。Snodgrass。
Ishouldliketohaveseenthatdog，saidMr。Winkle。
Mr。Tupmansaidnothing。buthethoughtofDonnaChristina，thestomachpump，andthefountain。andhiseyesfilledwithtears。
Aprivatesitting-roomhavingbeenengaged，bed-roomsinspected，anddinnerordered，thepartywalkedouttoviewthecityandadjoiningneighbourhood。
Wedonotfind，fromacarefulperusalofMr。Pickwick’snotesonthefourtowns，Stroud，Rochester，Chatham，andBrompton，thathisimpressionsoftheirappearancedifferinanymaterialpointfromthoseofothertravellerswhohavegoneoverthesameground。Hisgeneraldescriptioniseasilyabridged。
Theprincipalproductionsofthesetowns，saysMr。Pickwick，appeartobesoldiers，sailors，Jews，chalk，shrimps，officers，anddockyardmen。
Thecommoditieschieflyexposedforsaleinthepublicstreetsaremarinestores，hardbake，apples，flat-fish，andoysters。Thestreetspresentalivelyandanimatedappearance，occasionedchieflybytheconvivialityofthemilitary。Itistrulydelightfultoaphilanthropicmind，toseethesegallantmenstaggeringalongundertheinfluenceofanoverflow，bothofanimalandardentspirits。moreespeciallywhenwerememberthatthefollowingthemabout，andjestingwiththem，affordsacheapandinnocentamusementfortheboypopulation。Nothing(addsMr。Pickwick)canexceedtheirgoodhumour。Itwasbutthedaybeforemyarrivalthatoneofthemhadbeenmostgrosslyinsultedinthehouseofapublican。Thebarmaidhadpositivelyrefusedtodrawhimanymoreliquor。inreturnforwhichhehad(merelyinplayfulness)drawnhisbayonet，andwoundedthegirlintheshoulder。Andyetthisfinefellowwastheveryfirsttogodowntothehousenextmorning，andexpresshisreadinesstooverlookthematter，andforgetwhathadoccurred。
Theconsumptionoftobaccointhesetowns(continuesMr。Pickwick)
mustbeverygreat：andthesmellwhichpervadesthestreetsmustbeexceedinglydelicioustothosewhoareextremelyfondofsmoking。Asuperficialtravellermightobjecttothedirtwhichistheirleadingcharacteristic。buttothosewhoviewitasanindicationoftrafficandcommercialprosperity，itistrulygratifying。
Punctualtofiveo’clockcamethestranger，andshortlyafterwardsthedinner。Hehaddivestedhimselfofhisbrownpaperparcel，buthadmadenoalterationinhisattire。andwas，ifpossible，moreloquaciousthanever。
What’sthat？heinquired，asthewaiterremovedoneofthecovers。
Soles，sir。
Soles——ah！——capitalfish——allcomefromLondon——stagecoachproprietorsgetuppoliticaldinners——carriageofsoles——dozensofbaskets——cunningfellows。Glassofwine，sir。
Withpleasure，saidMr。Pickwick。andthestrangertookwine，firstwithhim，andthenwithMr。Snodgrass，andthenwithMr。Tupman，andthenwithMr。Winkle，andthenwiththewholepartytogether，almostasrapidlyashetalked。
Devilofamessonthestaircase，waiter，saidthestranger。Formsgoingup——carpenterscomingdown——lamps，glasses，harps。What’sgoingforward？
Ball，sir，saidthewaiter。
Assembly，eh？
No，sir，notAssembly，sir。Ballforthebenefitofacharity，sir。
Manyfinewomeninthistown，doyouknow，sir？inquiredMr。Tupman，withgreatinterest。
Splendid——capital。Kent，sir——everybodyknowsKent——applies，cherries，hops，andwomen。Glassofwine，sir？
Withgreatpleasure，repliedMr。Tupman。Thestrangerfilled，andemptied。
Ishouldverymuchliketogo，saidMr。Tupman，resumingthesubjectoftheball，verymuch。
Ticketsatthebar，sir，interposedthewaiter。half-a-guineaeach，sir。
Mr。Tupmanagainexpressedanearnestwishtobepresentatthefestivity。
butmeetingwithnoresponseinthedarkenedeyeofMr。Snodgrass，ortheabstractedgazeofMr。Pickwick，heappliedhimselfwithgreatinteresttotheportwineanddessert，whichhadjustbeenplacedonthetable。
Thewaiterwithdrew，andthepartywerelefttoenjoythecosycoupleofhourssucceedingdinner。
Begyourpardon，sir，saidthestranger，bottlestands——passitround——wayofthesun——throughthebutton-hole——noheeltaps，andheemptiedhisglass，whichhehadfilledabouttwominutesbefore，andpouredoutanother，withtheairofamanwhowasusedtoit。
Thewinewaspassed，andafreshsupplyordered。Thevisitortalked，thePickwickianslistened。Mr。Tupmanfelteverymomentmoredisposedfortheball。Mr。Pickwick’scountenanceglowedwithanexpressionofuniversalphilanthropy。andMr。WinkleandMr。Snodgrassfellfastasleep。
They’rebeginningup-stairs，saidthestranger——hearthecompany——fiddlestuning——nowtheharp——theretheygo。Thevarioussoundswhichfoundtheirwaydown-stairsannouncedthecommencementofthefirstquadrille。
HowIshouldliketogo，saidMr。Tupman，again。
SoshouldI，saidthestranger，——confoundedluggage——heavysmacks——nothingtogoin——odd，ain’tit？
NowgeneralbenevolencewasoneoftheleadingfeaturesofthePickwickiantheory，andnoonewasmoreremarkableforthezealousmannerinwhichheobservedsonobleaprinciplethanMr。TracyTupman。Thenumberofinstances，recordedontheTransactionsoftheSociety，inwhichthatexcellentmanreferredobjectsofcharitytothehousesofothermembersforleft-offgarmentsorpecuniaryreliefisalmostincredible。
Ishouldbeveryhappytolendyouachangeofapparelforthepurpose，
saidMr。TracyTupman，butyouareratherslim，andIam——
Ratherfat——grown-upBacchus——cuttheleaves——dismountedfromthetub，andadoptedkersey，eh？——notdoubledistilled，butdoublemilled——ha！ha！
passthewine。
WhetherMr。Tupmanwassomewhatindignantattheperemptorytoneinwhichhewasdesiredtopassthewinewhichthestrangerpassedsoquicklyaway。orwhetherhefeltveryproperlyscandalised，ataninfluentialmemberofthePickwickClubbeingignominiouslycomparedtoadismountedBacchus，isafactnotyetcompletelyascertained。Hepassedthewine，coughedtwice，andlookedatthestrangerforseveralsecondswithasternintensity。
asthatindividual，however，appearedperfectlycollected，andquitecalmunderhissearchingglance，hegraduallyrelaxed，andrevertedtothesubjectoftheball。
Iwasabouttoobserve，sir，hesaid，thatthoughmyapparelwouldbetoolarge，asuitofmyfriendMr。Winkle’swouldperhapsfityoubetter。
ThestrangertookMr。Winkle’smeasurewithhiseye。andthatfeatureglistenedwithsatisfactionashesaid——justthething。
Mr。Tupmanlookedroundhim。Thewine，whichhadexerteditssomniferousinfluenceoverMr。SnodgrassandMr。Winkle，hadstolenuponthesensesofMr。Pickwick。Thatgentlemanhadgraduallypassedthroughthevariousstageswhichprecedethelethargyproducedbydinner，anditsconsequences。
Hehadundergonetheordinarytransitionsfromtheheightofconvivialitytothedepthofmisery，andfromthedepthofmiserytotheheightofconviviality。
Likeagaslampinthestreet，withthewindinthepipe，hehadexhibitedforamomentanunnaturalbrilliancy。thensunksolowastobescarcelydiscernible：afterashortintervalhehadburstoutagain，toenlightenforamoment，thenflickeredwithanuncertain，staggeringsortoflight，andthengoneoutaltogether。Hisheadwassunkuponhisbosom。andperpetualsnoring，withapartialchokeoccasionally，weretheonlyaudibleindicationsofthegreatman’spresence。
Thetemptationtobepresentattheball，andtoformhisfirstimpressionsofthebeautyoftheKentishladies，wasstronguponMr。Tupman。Thetemptationtotakethestrangerwithhimwasequallygreat。Hewaswhollyunacquaintedwiththeplace，anditsinhabitants。andthestrangerseemedtopossessasgreataknowledgeofbothasifhehadlivedtherefromhisinfancy。
Mr。Winklewasasleep，andMr。Tupmanhadhadsufficientexperienceinsuchmatterstoknow，thatthemomentheawokehewould，intheordinarycourseofnature，rollheavilytobed。Hewasundecided。Fillyourglass，andpassthewine，saidtheindefatigablevisitor。
Mr。Tupmandidashewasrequested。andtheadditionalstimulusofthelastglasssettledhisdetermination。
Winkle’sbed-roomisinsidemine，saidMr。Tupman。Icouldn’tmakehimunderstandwhatIwanted，ifIwokehimnow，butIknowhehasadresssuit，inacarpet-bag，andsupposingyouworeittotheball，andtookitoffwhenwereturned，Icouldreplaceitwithouttroublinghimatallaboutthematter。
Capital，saidthestranger，famousplan——damnedoddsituation——fourteencoatsinthepackingcases，andobligedtowearanotherman’s——verygoodnotion，that——very。
Wemustpurchaseourtickets，saidMr。Tupman。
Notworthwhilesplittingaguinea，saidthestranger，tosswhoshallpayforboth——Icall。youspin——firsttime——woman——woman——bewitchingwoman，
anddowncamethesovereign，withtheDragon(calledbycourtesyawoman)
uppermost。
Mr。Tupmanrangthebell，purchasedthetickets，andorderedchambercandlesticks。InanotherquarterofanhourthestrangerwascompletelyarrayedinafullsuitofMr。NathanielWinkle’s。
It’sanewcoat，saidMr。Tupman，asthestrangersurveyedhimselfwithgreatcomplacencyinachevalglass。thefirstthat’sbeenmadewithourclubbutton，andhecalledhiscompanion’sattentiontothelargegiltbuttonwhichdisplayedabustofMr。Pickwickinthecentre，andthelettersP。C。oneitherside。
P。C。，saidthestranger——queersetout——oldfellow’slikeness，and`P。C。’——Whatdoes`P。C。’standfor——Peculiarcoat，eh？
Mr。Tupman，withrisingindignationandgreatimportance，explainedthemysticdevice。
Rathershortinthewaist，an’tit？saidthestranger，screwinghimselfroundtocatchaglimpseintheglassofthewaistbuttons，whichwerehalfwayuphisback。Likeageneralpostman’scoat——queercoatsthose——madebycontract——nomeasuring——mysteriousdispensationsofProvidence——alltheshortmengetlongcoats——allthelongmenshortones。Runningoninthisway，Mr。Tupman’snewcompanionadjustedhisdress，orratherthedressofMr。Winkle。and，accompaniedbyMr。Tupman，ascendedthestaircaseleadingtotheball-room。
Whatnames，sir？saidthemanatthedoor。Mr。TracyTupmanwassteppingforwardtoannouncehisowntitles，whenthestrangerpreventedhim。
Nonamesatall。andthenhewhisperedMr。Tupman，Nameswon’tdo——notknown——verygoodnamesintheirway，butnotgreatones——capitalnamesforasmallparty，butwon’tmakeanimpressioninpublicassemblies——incog。
thething——GentlemenfromLondon——distinguishedforeigners——anything。
Thedoorwasthrownopen。andMr。TracyTupman，andthestranger，enteredtheball-room。
Itwasalongroom，withcrimson-coveredbenches，andwaxcandlesinglasschandeliers。Themusiciansweresecurelyconfinedinanelevatedden，andquadrilleswerebeingsystematicallygotthroughbytwoorthreesetsofdancers。Twocard-tablesweremadeupintheadjoiningcard-room，andtwopairofoldladies，andacorrespondingnumberofstoutgentlemen，wereexecutingwhisttherein。
Thefinaleconcluded，thedancerspromenadedtheroom，andMr。Tupmanandhiscompanionstationedthemselvesinacorner，toobservethecompany。
Waitaminute，saidthestranger，funpresently——nobsnotcomeyet——queerplace——Dock-yardpeopleofupperrankdon’tknowDock-yardpeopleoflowerrank——Dock-yardpeopleoflowerrankdon’tknowsmallgentry——smallgentrydon’tknowtradespeople——Commissionerdon’tknowanybody。
Who’sthatlittleboywiththelighthairandpinkeyes，inafancydress？inquiredMr。Tupman。
Hush，pray——pinkeyes——fancydress——littleboy——nonsense——Ensign97th——HonourableWilmotSnipe——greatfamily——Snipes——very。
SirThomasClubber，LadyClubber，andtheMissClubbers！shoutedthemanatthedoorinastentorianvoice。Agreatsensationwascreatedthroughouttheroombytheentranceofatallgentlemaninabluecoatandbrightbuttons，alargeladyinbluesatin，andtwoyoungladies，onasimilarscale，infashionably-madedressesofthesamehue。
Commissioner——headoftheyard——greatman——remarkablygreatman，whisperedthestrangerinMr。Tupman’sear，asthecharitablecommitteeusheredSirThomasClubberandfamilytothetopoftheroom。TheHonourableWilmotSnipe，andotherdistinguishedgentlemencrowdedtorenderhomagetotheMissClubbers。andSirThomasClubberstoodboltupright，andlookedmajesticallyoverhisblacknecker-chiefattheassembledcompany。
Mr。Smithie，Mrs。Smithie，andtheMissesSmithie，wasthenextannouncement。
What’sMr。Smithie？inquiredMr。TracyTupman。
Somethingintheyard，repliedthestranger。Mr。SmithieboweddeferentiallytoSirThomasClubber。andSirThomasClubberacknowledgedthesalutewithconsciouscondescension。LadyClubbertookatelescopicviewofMrs。Smithieandfamilythroughhereye-glass，andMrs。SmithiestaredinehrturnatMrs。Somebodyelse，whosehusbandwasnotintheDock-yardatall。
ColonelBulder，Mrs。ColonelBulder，andMissBulder，werethenextarrivals。
HeadoftheGarrison，saidthestranger，inreplytoMr。Tupman’sinquiringlook。
MissBulderwaswarmlywelcomedbytheMissClubbers。thegreetingbetweenMrs。ColonelBulderandLadyClubberwasofthemostaffectionatedescription。
ColonelBulderandSirThomasClubberexchangedsnuff-boxes，andlookedverymuchlikeapairofAlexanderSelkirks——Monarchsofalltheysurveyed。
Whilethearistocracyoftheplace——theBulders，andClubbers，andSnipes——werethuspreservingtheirdignityattheupperendoftheroom，theotherclassesofsocietywereimitatingtheirexampleinotherpartsofit。Thelessaristocraticofficersofthe97thdevotedthemselvestothefamiliesofthelessimportantfunctionariesfromtheDockyard。Thesolicitors’wives，andthewine-merchant’swife，headedanothergrade(thebrewer’swifevisitedtheBulders)。andMrsTomlinson，thepost-officekeeper，seemedbymutualconsenttohavebeenchosentheleaderofthetradeparty。
Oneofthemostpopularpersonages，inhisowncircle，presentwasalittlefatman，witharingofuprightblackhairroundhishead，andanextensivebaldplainonthetopofit——DoctorSlammer，surgeontothe97th。
TheDoctortooksnuffwitheverybody，chattedwitheverybody，laughed，danced，madejokes，playedwhist，dideverything，andwaseverywhere。Tothesepursuits，multifariousastheywere，thelittleDoctoraddedamoreimportantonethanany——hewasindefatigableinpayingthemostunremittinganddevotedattentiontoalittleoldwidow，whoserichdressandprofusionofornamentbespokeheramostdesirableadditiontoalimitedincome。
UpontheDoctor，andthewidow，theeyesofbothMr。Tupmanandhiscompanionhadbeenfixedforsometime，whenthestrangerbrokesilence。
Lotsofmoney——oldgirl——pompousDoctor——notabadidea——goodfun，
weretheintelligiblesentenceswhichissuedfromhislips。Mr。Tupmanlookedinquisitivelyinhisface。
I’lldancewiththewidow，saidthestranger。
Whoisshe？inquiredMr。Tupman。
Don’tknow——neversawherinallmylife——cutouttheDoctor——heregoes。Andthestrangerforthwithcrossedtheroom。and，leaningagainstamantel-piece，commencedgazingwithanairofrespectfulandmelancholyadmirationonthefatcountenanceofthelittleoldlady。Mr。Tupmanlookedon，inmuteastonishment。Thestrangerprogressedrapidly。thelittleDoctordancedwithanotherlady。thewidowdroppedherfan，thestrangerpickeditupandpresentedit，——asmile——abow——acurtsey——afewwordsofconversation。
Thestrangerwalkedboldlyupto，andreturnedwith，themasteroftheceremonies。alittleintroductorypantomime。andthestrangerandMrs。
Budgertooktheirplacesinaquadrille。
ThesurpriseofMr。Tupmanatthissummaryproceeding，greatasitwas，wasimmeasurablyexceededbytheastonishmentoftheDoctor。Thestrangerwasyoung，andthewidowwasflattered。TheDoctor’sattentionswereunheededbythewidow。andtheDoctor’sindignationwaswhollylostonhisimperturbablerival。DoctorSlammerwasparalysed。He，DoctorSlammer，ofthe97th，tobeextinguishedinamoment，byamanwhomnobodyhadeverseenbefore，andwhomnobodyknewevennow！DoctorSlammer——DoctorSlammerofthe97threjected！Impossible！Itcouldnotbe！Yes，itwas。theretheywere。What！
introducinghisfriend！Couldhebelievehiseyes！Helookedagain，andwasunderthepainfulnecessityofadmittingtheveracityofhisoptics。
Mrs。BudgerwasdancingwithMr。TracyTupman，therewasnomistakingthefact。Therewasthewidowbeforehim，bouncingbodily，hereandthere，withunwontedvigour。andMr。TracyTupmanhoppingabout，withafaceexpressiveofthemostintensesolemnity，dancing(asagoodmanypeopledo)asifaquadrillewerenotathingtobelaughedat，butaseveretrialtothefeelings，whichitrequiresinflexibleresolutiontoencounter。
SilentlyandpatientlydidtheDoctorbearallthis，andallthehandingsofnegus，andwatchingforglasses，anddartingforbiscuits，andcoquetting，thatensued。but，afewsecondsafterthestrangerhaddisappearedtoleadMrs。Budgertohercarriage，hedartedswiftlyfromtheroomwitheveryparticleofhishitherto-bottled-upindignationeffervescing，fromallpartsofhiscountenance，inaperspirationofpassion。
Thestrangerwasreturning，andMr。Tupmanwasbesidehim。Hespokeinalowtone，andlaughed。ThelittleDoctorthirstedforhislife。Hewasexulting。Hehadtriumphed。
Sir！saidtheDoctor，inanawfulvoice，producingacard，andretiringintoanangleofthepassage，mynameisSlammer，DoctorSlammer，sir——97thRegiment——ChathamBarracks——mycard，sir，mycard。Hewouldhaveaddedmore，buthisindignationchokedhim。
Ah！repliedthestranger，coolly，Slammer——muchobliged——politeattention——notillnow，Slammer——butwhenIam——knockyouup。
You——you’reashuffler！sir，gaspedthefuriousDoctor，apoltroon——acoward——aliar——a——a——willnothinginduceyoutogivemeyourcard，sir？
Oh！Isee，saidthestranger，halfaside，negustoostronghere——liberallandlord——veryfoolish——very——lemonademuchbetter——hotrooms——elderlygentlemen——sufferforitinthemorning——cruel——cruel。andhemovedonasteportwo。
Youarestoppinginthishouse，sir，saidtheindignantlittleman。
youareintoxicatednow，sir。youshallhearfrommeinthemorning，sir。
Ishallfindyouout，sir。Ishallfindyouout。
Ratheryoufoundmeoutthanfoundmeathome，repliedtheunmovedstranger。
DoctorSlammerlookedunutterableferocity，ashefixedhishatonhisheadwithanindignantknock。andthestrangerandMr。TupmanascendedtothebedroomofthelattertorestoretheborrowedplumagetotheunconsciousWinkle。
Thatgentlemanwasfastasleep。therestorationwassoonmade。Thestrangerwasextremelyjocose。andMr。TracyTupman，beingquitebewilderedwithwine，negus，lights，andladies，thoughtthewholeaffairanexquisitejoke。Hisnewfrienddeparted。and，afterexperiencingsomeslightdifficultyinfindingtheorificeinhisnight-cap，originallyintendedforthereceptionofhishead，andfinallyoverturninghiscandlestickinhisstrugglestoputiton，Mr。TracyTupmanmanagedtogetintobedbyaseriesofcomplicatedevolutions，andshortlyafterwardssankintorepose。
Seveno’clockhadhardlyceasedstrikingonthefollowingmorningwhenMr。Pickwick’scomprehensivemindwasarousedfromthestateofunconsciousness，inwhichslumberhadplungedit，byaloudknockingathischamberdoor。
Who’sthere？saidMr。Pickwick，startingupinbed。
Boots，sir。
Whatdoyouwant？
Please，sir，canyoutellme，whichgentlemanofyourpartywearsabrightbluedresscoat，withagiltbuttonwithP。C。onit？
It’sbeengivenouttobrush，thoughtMr。Pickwick，andthemanhasforgottenwhomitbelongsto——Mr。Winkle，hecalledout，nextroombuttwo，ontherighthand。
Thank’eesir，saidtheBoots，andawayhewent。
What’sthematter？criedMr。Tupman，asaloudknockingathisdoorrousedhimfromhisobliviousrepose。
CanIspeaktoMr。Winkle，sir？repliedtheBootsfromtheoutside。
Winkle——Winkle！shoutedMr。Tupman，callingintotheinnerroom。
Hallo！repliedafaintvoicefromwithinthebed-clothes。
You’rewanted——someoneatthedoor——andhavingexertedhimselftoarticulatethusmuch，Mr。TracyTupmanturnedroundandfellfastasleepagain。
Wanted！saidMr。Winkle，hastilyjumpingoutofbed，andputtingonafewarticlesofclothing：wanted！atthisdistancefromtown——whoonearthcanwantme？
Gentlemaninthecoffee-room，sir，repliedtheBoots，asMr。Winkleopenedthedoor，andconfrontedhim。gentlemansayshe’llnotdetainyouamoment，sir，buthecantakenodenial。
Veryodd！saidMr。Winkle。I’llbedowndirectly。
Hehurriedlywrappedhimselfinatravelling-shawlanddressing-gown，andproceededdown-stairs。Anoldwomanandacoupleofwaiterswerecleaningthecoffee-room，andanofficerinundressuniformwaslookingoutofthewindow。HeturnedroundasMr。Winkleentered，andmadeastiffinclinationofthehead。Havingorderedtheattendantstoretire，andclosedthedoorverycarefully，hesaid，Mr。Winkle，Ipresume？
MynameisWinkle，sir。
Youwillnotbesurprised，sir，whenIinformyou，thatIhavecalledherethismorningonbehalfofmyfriend，Dr。Slammer，oftheNinety-seventh。
DoctorSlammer！saidMr。Winkle。
DoctorSlammer。Hebeggedmetoexpresshisopinionthatyourconductoflasteveningwasofadescriptionwhichnogentlemancouldendure：and(headded)whichnoonegentlemanwouldpursuetowardsanother。
Mr。Winkle’sastonishmentwastooreal，andtooevident，toescapetheobservationofDr。Slammer’sfriend。hethereforeproceeded——Myfriend，Dr。Slammer，requestedmetoadd，thathewasfirmlypersuadedyouwereintoxicatedduringaportionoftheevening，andpossiblyunconsciousoftheextentoftheinsultyouwereguiltyof。Hecommissionedmetosay，thatshouldthisbepleadedasanexcuseforyourbehaviour，hewillconsenttoacceptawrittenapology，tobepennedbyyou，frommydictation。
Awrittenapology！repeatedMr。Winkle，inthemostemphatictoneofamazementpossible。
Ofcourseyouknowthealternative，repliedthevisitor，coolly。
Wereyouentrustedwiththismessagetome，byname？inquiredMr。
Winkle，whoseintellectswerehopelesslyconfusedbythisextraordinaryconversation。
Iwasnotpresentmyself，repliedthevisitor，andinconsequenceofyourfirmrefusaltogiveyourcardtoDoctorSlammer，Iwasdesiredbythatgentlemantoidentifythewearerofaveryuncommoncoat——abrightbluedresscoat，withagiltbuttondisplayingabust，andtheletters`P。C。’
Mr。Winkleactuallystaggeredwithastonishmentasheheardhisowncostumethusminutelydescribed。Dr。Slammer’sfriendproceeded：——FromtheinquiriesImadeatthebar，justnow，Iwasconvincedthattheownerofthecoatinquestionarrivedhere，withthreegentlemen，yesterdayafternoon。
Iimmediatelysentuptothegentlemanwhowasdescribedasappearingtheheadoftheparty，andheatoncereferredmetoyou。
IftheprincipaltowerofRochesterCastlehadsuddenlywalkedfromitsfoundation，andstationeditselfoppositethecoffee-roomwindow，Mr。
Winkle’ssurprisewouldhavebeenasnothingcomparedwiththeprofoundastonishmentwithwhichhehadheardthisaddress。Hisfirstimpressionwas，thathiscoathadbeenstolen。Willyouallowmetodetainyouonemoment？saidhe。
Certainly，repliedtheunwelcomevisitor。
Mr。Winkleranhastilyup-stairs，andwithatremblinghandopenedthebag。Therewasthecoatinitsusualplace，butexhibiting，onacloseinspection，evidenttokensofhavingbeenwornontheprecedingnight。
Itmustbeso，saidMr。Winkle，lettingthecoatfallfromhishands。
Itooktoomuchwineafterdinner，andhaveaveryvaguerecollectionofwalkingaboutthestreetsandsmokingacigarafterwards。Thefactis，Iwasverydrunk——Imusthavechangedmycoat——gonesomewhere——andinsultedsomebody——Ihavenodoubtofit。andthismessageistheterribleconsequence。
Sayingwhich，Mr。Winkleretracedhisstepsinthedirectionofthecoffee-room，withthegloomyanddreadfulresolveofacceptingthechallengeofthewarlikeDoctorSlammer，andabidingbytheworstconsequencesthatmightensue。
TothisdeterminationMr。Winklewasurgedbyavarietyofconsiderations。
thefirstofwhichwas，hisreputationwiththeclub。Hehadalwaysbeenlookeduptoasahighauthorityonallmattersofamusementanddexterity，whetheroffensive，defensive，orinoffensive。andif，onthisveryfirstoccasionofbeingputtothetest，heshrunkbackfromthetrial，beneathhisleader’seye，hisnameandstandingwerelostforever。Besides，herememberedtohavehearditfrequentlysurmisedbytheuninitiatedinsuchmatters，thatbyanunderstoodarrangementbetweentheseconds，thepistolswereseldomloadedwithball。and，furthermore，hereflectedthatifheappliedtoMr。Snodgrasstoactashissecond，anddepictedthedangeringlowingterms，thatgentlemanmightpossiblycommunicatetheintelligencetoMr。Pickwick，whowouldcertainlylosenotimeintransmittingittothelocalauthorities，andthuspreventthekillingormaimingofhisfollower。
Suchwerehisthoughtswhenhereturnedtothecoffee-room，andintimatedhisintentionofacceptingtheDoctor’schallenge。
Willyourefermetoafriend，toarrangethetimeandplaceofmeeting？
saidtheofficer。
Quiteunnecessary，repliedMr。Winkle。namethemtome，andIcanprocuretheattendanceofafriendafterwards。
Shallwesay——sunsetthisevening？inquiredtheofficer，inacarelesstone。
Verygood，repliedMr。Winkle。thinkinginhisheartitwasverybad。
YouknowFortPitt？
Yes。Isawityesterday。
Ifyouwilltakethetroubletoturnintothefieldwhichbordersthetrench，takethefoot-pathtotheleftwhenyouarriveatanangleofthefortification，andkeepstraighton’tillyouseeme，Iwillprecedeyoutoasecludedplace，wheretheaffaircanbeconducted，withoutfearofinterruption。
Fearofinterruption！thoughtMr。Winkle。
Nothingmoretoarrange，Ithink，saidtheofficer。
Iamnotawareofanythingmore，repliedMr。Winkle。Goodmorning。
Goodmorning：andtheofficerwhistledalivelyairashestrodeaway。
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