`Andwhatdidyoudecide？'askedGerald，atonceprickinguphisearsatthethoughtofametaphysicaldiscussion。
`Youdon'twantasoultoday，myboy，'saidMarshall。`It'dbeinyourroad。'
`Christ！Marshall，goandtalktosomebodyelse，'criedGerald，withsuddenimpatience。
`ByGod，I'mwilling，'saidMarshall，inatemper。`Toomuchbloodysoulandtalkaltogether——'
Hewithdrewinadudgeon，Geraldstaringafterhimwithangryeyes，thatgrewgraduallycalmandamiableasthestoutly—builtformoftheothermanpassedintothedistance。
`There'sonething，Lupton，'saidGerald，turningsuddenlytothebridegroom。
`Laurawon'thavebroughtsuchafoolintothefamilyasLottiedid。'
`Comfortyourselfwiththat，'laughedBirkin。
`Itakenonoticeofthem，'laughedthebridegroom。
`Whataboutthisracethen——whobeganit？'Geraldasked。
`Wewerelate。Laurawasatthetopofthechurchyardstepswhenourcabcameup。ShesawLuptonboltingtowardsher。Andshefled。Butwhydoyoulooksocross？Doesithurtyoursenseofthefamilydignity？'
`Itdoes，rather，'saidGerald。`Ifyou'redoingathing，doitproperly，andifyou'renotgoingtodoitproperly，leaveitalone。'
`Veryniceaphorism，'saidBirkin。
`Don'tyouagree？'askedGerald。
`Quite，'saidBirkin。`Onlyitboresmerather，whenyoubecomeaphoristic。'
`Damnyou，Rupert，youwantalltheaphorismsyourownway，'saidGerald。
`No。Iwantthemoutoftheway，andyou'realwaysshovingtheminit。'
Geraldsmiledgrimlyatthishumorism。Thenhemadealittlegestureofdismissal，withhiseyebrows。
`Youdon'tbelieveinhavinganystandardofbehaviouratall，doyou？'
hechallengedBirkin，censoriously。
`Standard——no。Ihatestandards。Butthey'renecessaryforthecommonruck。Anybodywhoisanythingcanjustbehimselfanddoashelikes。'
`Butwhatdoyoumeanbybeinghimself？'saidGerald。`Isthatanaphorismoracliche？'
`Imeanjustdoingwhatyouwanttodo。IthinkitwasperfectgoodforminLauratoboltfromLuptontothechurchdoor。Itwasalmostamasterpieceingoodform。It'sthehardestthingintheworldtoactspontaneouslyonone'simpulses——andit'stheonlyreallygentlemanlythingtodo——
providedyou'refittodoit。'
`Youdon'texpectmetotakeyouseriously，doyou？'askedGerald。
`Yes，Gerald，you'reoneoftheveryfewpeopleIdoexpectthatof。'
`ThenI'mafraidIcan'tcomeuptoyourexpectationshere，atanyrate。
Youthinkpeopleshouldjustdoastheylike。'
`Ithinktheyalwaysdo。ButIshouldlikethemtolikethepurelyindividualthinginthemselves，whichmakesthemactinsingleness。Andtheyonlyliketodothecollectivething。'
`AndI，'saidGeraldgrimly，`shouldn'tliketobeinaworldofpeoplewhoactedindividuallyandspontaneously，asyoucallit。Weshouldhaveeverybodycuttingeverybodyelse'sthroatinfiveminutes。'
`Thatmeansyouwouldliketobecuttingeverybody'sthroat，'
saidBirkin。
`Howdoesthatfollow？'askedGeraldcrossly。
`Noman，'saidBirkin，`cutsanotherman'sthroatunlesshewantstocutit，andunlesstheothermanwantsitcutting。Thisisacompletetruth。
Ittakestwopeopletomakeamurder:amurdererandamurderee。Andamurdereeisamanwhoismurderable。Andamanwhoismurderableisamanwhoinaprofoundifhiddenlustdesirestobemurdered。'
`Sometimesyoutalkpurenonsense，'saidGeraldtoBirkin。`Asamatteroffact，noneofuswantsourthroatcut，andmostotherpeoplewouldliketocutitforus——sometimeorother——'
`It'sanastyviewofthings，Gerald，'saidBirkin，`andnowonderyouareafraidofyourselfandyourownunhappiness。'
`HowamIafraidofmyself？'saidGerald;`andIdon'tthinkIamunhappy。'
`Youseemtohavealurkingdesiretohaveyourgizzardslit，andimagineeverymanhashisknifeuphissleeveforyou，'Birkinsaid。
`Howdoyoumakethatout？'saidGerald。
`Fromyou，'saidBirkin。
Therewasapauseofstrangeenmitybetweenthetwomen，thatwasveryneartolove。Itwasalwaysthesamebetweenthem;alwaystheirtalkbroughtthemintoadeadlynearnessofcontact，astrange，perilousintimacywhichwaseitherhateorlove，orboth。Theypartedwithapparentunconcern，asiftheirgoingapartwereatrivialoccurrence。Andtheyreallykeptittotheleveloftrivialoccurrence。Yettheheartofeachburnedfromtheother。Theyburnedwitheachother，inwardly。Thistheywouldneveradmit。Theyintendedtokeeptheirrelationshipacasualfree—and—easyfriendship，theywerenotgoingtobesounmanlyandunnaturalastoallowanyheart—burningbetweenthem。Theyhadnotthefaintestbeliefindeeprelationshipbetweenmenandmen，andtheirdisbeliefpreventedanydevelopmentoftheirpowerfulbutsuppressedfriendliness。
WomenInLove:Chapter3CHAPTERIIIClass—roomASCHOOL—DAYwasdrawingtoaclose。Intheclass—roomthelastlessonwasinprogress，peacefulandstill。Itwaselementarybotany。Thedeskswerelitteredwithcatkins，hazelandwillow，whichthechildrenhadbeensketching。Buttheskyhadcomeoverdark，astheendoftheafternoonapproached:therewasscarcelylighttodrawanymore。
Ursulastoodinfrontoftheclass，leadingthechildrenbyquestionstounderstandthestructureandthemeaningofthecatkins。
Aheavy，copper—colouredbeamoflightcameinatthewestwindow，gildingtheoutlinesofthechildren'sheadswithredgold，andfallingonthewalloppositeinarich，ruddyillumination。Ursula，however，wasscarcelyconsciousofit。Shewasbusy，theendofthedaywashere，theworkwentonasapeacefultidethatisatflood，hushedtoretire。
Thisdayhadgonebylikesomanymore，inanactivitythatwaslikeatrance。Attheendtherewasalittlehaste，tofinishwhatwasinhand。
Shewaspressingthechildrenwithquestions，sothattheyshouldknowalltheyweretoknow，bythetimethegongwent。Shestoodinshadowinfrontoftheclass，withcatkinsinherhand，andsheleanedtowardsthechildren，absorbedinthepassionofinstruction。
Sheheard，butdidnotnoticetheclickofthedoor。Suddenlyshestarted。
Shesaw，intheshaftofruddy，copper—colouredlightnearher，thefaceofaman。Itwasgleaminglikefire，watchingher，waitingforhertobeaware。Itstartledherterribly。Shethoughtshewasgoingtofaint。Allhersuppressed，subconsciousfearsprangintobeing，withanguish。
`DidIstartleyou？'saidBirkin，shakinghandswithher。`Ithoughtyouhadheardmecomein。'
`No，'shefaltered，scarcelyabletospeak。Helaughed，sayinghewassorry。Shewonderedwhyitamusedhim。
`Itissodark，'hesaid。`Shallwehavethelight？'
Andmovingaside，heswitchedonthestrongelectriclights。Theclass—roomwasdistinctandhard，astrangeplaceafterthesoftdimmagicthatfilleditbeforehecame。BirkinturnedcuriouslytolookatUrsula。Hereyeswereroundandwondering，bewildered，hermouthquiveredslightly。Shelookedlikeonewhoissuddenlywakened。Therewasaliving，tenderbeauty，likeatenderlightofdawnshiningfromherface。Helookedatherwithanewpleasure，feelinggayinhisheart，irresponsible。
`Youaredoingcatkins？'heasked，pickingupapieceofhazelfromascholar'sdeskinfrontofhim。`Aretheyasfaroutasthis？Ihadn'tnoticedthemthisyear。'
Helookedabsorbedlyatthetasselofhazelinhishand。
`Theredonestoo！'hesaid，lookingattheflickersofcrimsonthatcamefromthefemalebud。
Thenhewentinamongthedesks，toseethescholars'books。Ursulawatchedhisintentprogress。Therewasastillnessinhismotionthathushedtheactivitiesofherheart。Sheseemedtobestandingasideinarrestedsilence，watchinghimmoveinanother，concentratedworld。Hispresencewassoquiet，almostlikeavacancyinthecorporateair。
Suddenlyheliftedhisfacetoher，andherheartquickenedattheflickerofhisvoice。
`Givethemsomecrayons，won'tyou？'hesaid，`sothattheycanmakethegynaeciousflowersred，andtheandrogynousyellow。I'dchalktheminplain，chalkinnothingelse，merelytheredandtheyellow。Outlinescarcelymattersinthiscase。Thereisjusttheonefacttoemphasise。'
`Ihaven'tanycrayons，'saidUrsula。
`Therewillbesomesomewhere——redandyellow，that'sallyouwant。'
Ursulasentoutaboyonaquest。
`Itwillmakethebooksuntidy，'shesaidtoBirkin，flushingdeeply。
`Notvery，'hesaid。`Youmustmarkinthesethingsobviously。It'sthefactyouwanttoemphasise，notthesubjectiveimpressiontorecord。
What'sthefact？——redlittlespikystigmasofthefemaleflower，danglingyellowmalecatkin，yellowpollenflyingfromonetotheother。Makeapictorialrecordofthefact，asachilddoeswhendrawingaface——twoeyes，onenose，mouthwithteeth——so——'Andhedrewafigureontheblackboard。
Atthatmomentanothervisionwasseenthroughtheglasspanelsofthedoor。ItwasHermioneRoddice。Birkinwentandopenedtoher。
`Isawyourcar，'shesaidtohim。`Doyoumindmycomingtofindyou？
Iwantedtoseeyouwhenyouwereonduty。'
Shelookedathimforalongtime，intimateandplayful，thenshegaveashortlittlelaugh。AndthenonlysheturnedtoUrsula，who，withalltheclass，hadbeenwatchingthelittlescenebetweenthelovers。
`Howdoyoudo，MissBrangwen，'sangHermione，inherlow，odd，singingfashion，thatsoundedalmostasifshewerepokingfun。`Doyoumindmycomingin？'
Hergrey，almostsardoniceyesrestedallthewhileonUrsula，asifsummingherup。
`Ohno，'saidUrsula。
`Areyousure？'repeatedHermione，withcompletesangfroid，andanodd，half—bullyingeffrontery。
`Ohno，Ilikeitawfully，'laughedUrsula，alittlebitexcitedandbewildered，becauseHermioneseemedtobecompellingher，comingveryclosetoher，asifintimatewithher;andyet，howcouldshebeintimate？
ThiswastheanswerHermionewanted。SheturnedsatisfiedtoBirkin。
`Whatareyoudoing？'shesang，inhercasual，inquisitivefashion。
`Catkins，'hereplied。
`Really！'shesaid。`Andwhatdoyoulearnaboutthem？'Shespokeallthewhileinamocking，halfteasingfashion，asifmakinggameofthewholebusiness。Shepickedupatwigofthecatkin，piquedbyBirkin'sattentiontoit。
Shewasastrangefigureintheclass—room，wearingalarge，oldcloakofgreenishcloth，onwhichwasaraisedpatternofdullgold。Thehighcollar，andtheinsideofthecloak，waslinedwithdarkfur。Beneathshehadadressoffinelavender—colouredcloth，trimmedwithfur，andherhatwasclose—fitting，madeoffurandofthedull，green—and—goldfiguredstuff。Shewastallandstrange，shelookedasifshehadcomeoutofsomenew，bizarrepicture。
`Doyouknowthelittleredovaryflowers，thatproducethenuts？Haveyouevernoticedthem？'heaskedher。Andhecamecloseandpointedthemouttoher，onthesprigsheheld。
`No，'shereplied。`Whatarethey？'
`Thosearethelittleseed—producingflowers，andthelongcatkins，theyonlyproducepollen，tofertilisethem。'
`Dothey，dothey！'repeatedHermione，lookingclosely。
`Fromthoselittleredbits，thenutscome;iftheyreceivepollenfromthelongdanglers。'
`Littleredflames，littleredflames，'murmuredHermionetoherself。
Andsheremainedforsomemomentslookingonlyatthesmallbudsoutofwhichtheredflickersofthestigmaissued。
`Aren'ttheybeautiful？Ithinkthey'resobeautiful，'shesaid，movingclosetoBirkin，andpointingtotheredfilamentswithherlong，whitefinger。
`Hadyounevernoticedthembefore？'heasked。
`No，neverbefore，'shereplied。
`Andnowyouwillalwaysseethem，'hesaid。
`NowIshallalwaysseethem，'sherepeated。`Thankyousomuchforshowingme。Ithinkthey'resobeautiful——littleredflames——'
Herabsorptionwasstrange，almostrhapsodic。BothBirkinandUrsulaweresuspended。Thelittleredpistillateflowershadsomestrange，almostmystic—passionateattractionforher。
Thelessonwasfinished，thebookswereputaway，atlasttheclasswasdismissed。AndstillHermionesatatthetable，withherchininherhand，herelbowonthetable，herlongwhitefacepushedup，notattendingtoanything。Birkinhadgonetothewindow，andwaslookingfromthebrilliantly—lightedroomontothegrey，colourlessoutside，whererainwasnoiselesslyfalling。
Ursulaputawayherthingsinthecupboard。
AtlengthHermioneroseandcameneartoher。
`Yoursisterhascomehome？'shesaid。
`Yes，'saidUrsula。
`AnddoesshelikebeingbackinBeldover？'
`No，'saidUrsula。
`No，Iwondershecanbearit。Ittakesallmystrength，tobeartheuglinessofthisdistrict，whenIstayhere。Won'tyoucomeandseeme？
Won'tyoucomewithyoursistertostayatBreadalbyforafewdays？——
do——'
`Thankyouverymuch，'saidUrsula。
`ThenIwillwritetoyou，'saidHermione。`Youthinkyoursisterwillcome？Ishouldbesoglad。Ithinksheiswonderful。Ithinksomeofherworkisreallywonderful。Ihavetwowater—wagtails，carvedinwood，andpainted——perhapsyouhaveseenit？'
`No，'saidUrsula。
`Ithinkitisperfectlywonderful——likeaflashofinstinct。'
`Herlittlecarvingsarestrange，'saidUrsula。
`Perfectlybeautiful——fullofprimitivepassion——'
`Isn'titqueerthatshealwayslikeslittlethings？——shemustalwaysworksmallthings，thatonecanputbetweenone'shands，birdsandtinyanimals。Shelikestolookthroughthewrongendoftheoperaglasses，andseetheworldthatway——whyisit，doyouthink？'
HermionelookeddownatUrsulawiththatlong，detachedscrutinisinggazethatexcitedtheyoungerwoman。
`Yes，'saidHermioneatlength。`Itiscurious。Thelittlethingsseemtobemoresubtletoher——'
`Buttheyaren't，arethey？Amouseisn'tanymoresubtlethanalion，isit？'
AgainHermionelookeddownatUrsulawiththatlongscrutiny，asifshewerefollowingsometrainofthoughtofherown，andbarelyattendingtotheother'sspeech。
`Idon'tknow，'shereplied。
`Rupert，Rupert，'shesangmildly，callinghimtoher。Heapproachedinsilence。
`Arelittlethingsmoresubtlethanbigthings？'sheasked，withtheoddgruntoflaughterinhervoice，asifsheweremakinggameofhiminthequestion。
`Dunno，'hesaid。
`Ihatesubtleties，'saidUrsula。
Hermionelookedatherslowly。
`Doyou？'shesaid。
`Ialwaysthinktheyareasignofweakness，'saidUrsula，upinarms，asifherprestigewerethreatened。
Hermionetooknonotice。Suddenlyherfacepuckered，herbrowwasknitwiththought，sheseemedtwistedintroublesomeeffortforutterance。
`Doyoureallythink，Rupert，'sheasked，asifUrsulawerenotpresent，`doyoureallythinkitisworthwhile？Doyoureallythinkthechildrenarebetterforbeingrousedtoconsciousness？'
Adarkflashwentoverhisface，asilentfury。Hewashollow—cheekedandpale，almostunearthly。Andthewoman，withherserious，conscience—harrowingquestiontorturedhimonthequick。
`Theyarenotrousedtoconsciousness，'hesaid。`Consciousnesscomestothem，willy—nilly。'
`Butdoyouthinktheyarebetterforhavingitquickened，stimulated？
Isn'titbetterthattheyshouldremainunconsciousofthehazel，isn'titbetterthattheyshouldseeasawhole，withoutallthispullingtopieces，allthisknowledge？'
`Wouldyourather，foryourself，knowornotknow，thatthelittleredflowersarethere，puttingoutforthepollen？'heaskedharshly。Hisvoicewasbrutal，scornful，cruel。
Hermioneremainedwithherfaceliftedup，abstracted。Hehungsilentinirritation。
`Idon'tknow，'shereplied，balancingmildly。`Idon'tknow。'
`Butknowingiseverythingtoyou，itisallyourlife，'hebrokeout。
Sheslowlylookedathim。
`Isit？'shesaid。
`Toknow，thatisyourall，thatisyourlife——youhaveonlythis，thisknowledge，'hecried。`Thereisonlyonetree，thereisonlyonefruit，inyourmouth。'
Againshewassometimesilent。
`Isthere？'shesaidatlast，withthesameuntouchedcalm。Andtheninatoneofwhimsicalinquisitiveness:`Whatfruit，Rupert？'
`Theeternalapple，'herepliedinexasperation，hatinghisownmetaphors。
`Yes，'shesaid。Therewasalookofexhaustionabouther。Forsomemomentstherewassilence。Then，pullingherselftogetherwithaconvulsedmovement，Hermioneresumed，inasing—song，casualvoice:
`Butleavingmeapart，Rupert;doyouthinkthechildrenarebetter，richer，happier，forallthisknowledge;doyoureallythinktheyare？
Orisitbettertoleavethemuntouched，spontaneous。Hadn'ttheybetterbeanimals，simpleanimals，crude，violent，anything，ratherthanthisself—consciousness，thisincapacitytobespontaneous。'
Theythoughtshehadfinished。Butwithaqueerrumblinginherthroatsheresumed，`Hadn'ttheybetterbeanythingthangrowupcrippled，crippledintheirsouls，crippledintheirfeelings——sothrownback——soturnedbackonthemselves——incapable——'Hermioneclenchedherfistlikeoneinatrance——`ofanyspontaneousaction，alwaysdeliberate，alwaysburdenedwithchoice，nevercarriedaway。'
Againtheythoughtshehadfinished。Butjustashewasgoingtoreply，sheresumedherqueerrhapsody——`nevercarriedaway，outofthemselves，alwaysconscious，alwaysself—conscious，alwaysawareofthemselves。Isn'tanythingbetterthanthis？Betterbeanimals，mereanimalswithnomindatall，thanthis，thisnothingness——'
`Butdoyouthinkitisknowledgethatmakesusunlivingandselfconscious？'
heaskedirritably。
Sheopenedhereyesandlookedathimslowly。
`Yes，'shesaid。Shepaused，watchinghimallthewhile，hereyesvague。
Thenshewipedherfingersacrossherbrow，withavagueweariness。Itirritatedhimbitterly。`Itisthemind，'shesaid，`andthatisdeath。'
Sheraisedhereyesslowlytohim:`Isn'tthemind——'shesaid，withtheconvulsedmovementofherbody，`isn'titourdeath？Doesn'titdestroyallourspontaneity，allourinstincts？Arenottheyoungpeoplegrowinguptoday，reallydeadbeforetheyhaveachancetolive？'
`Notbecausetheyhavetoomuchmind，buttoolittle，'hesaidbrutally。
`Areyousure？'shecried。`Itseemstomethereverse。Theyareoverconscious，burdenedtodeathwithconsciousness。'
`Imprisonedwithinalimited，falsesetofconcepts，'hecried。
Butshetooknonoticeofthis，onlywentonwithherownrhapsodicinterrogation。
`Whenwehaveknowledge，don'tweloseeverythingbutknowledge？'sheaskedpathetically。`IfIknowabouttheflower，don'tIlosetheflowerandhaveonlytheknowledge？Aren'tweexchangingthesubstancefortheshadow，aren'tweforfeitinglifeforthisdeadqualityofknowledge？Andwhatdoesitmeantome，afterall？Whatdoesallthisknowingmeantome？Itmeansnothing。'
`Youaremerelymakingwords，'hesaid;`knowledgemeanseverythingtoyou。Evenyouranimalism，youwantitinyourhead。Youdon'twanttobeananimal，youwanttoobserveyourownanimalfunctions，togetamentalthrilloutofthem。Itisallpurelysecondary——andmoredecadentthanthemosthide—boundintellectualism。Whatisitbuttheworstandlastformofintellectualism，thisloveofyoursforpassionandtheanimalinstincts？Passionandtheinstincts——youwantthemhardenough，butthroughyourhead，inyourconsciousness。Italltakesplaceinyourhead，underthatskullofyours。Onlyyouwon'tbeconsciousofwhatactuallyis:youwanttheliethatwillmatchtherestofyourfurniture。'
Hermionesethardandpoisonousagainstthisattack。Ursulastoodcoveredwithwonderandshame。Itfrightenedher，toseehowtheyhatedeachother。
`It'sallthatLadyofShalottbusiness，'hesaid，inhisstrongabstractvoice。Heseemedtobechargingherbeforetheunseeingair。`You'vegotthatmirror，yourownfixedwill，yourimmortalunderstanding，yourowntightconsciousworld，andthereisnothingbeyondit。There，inthemirror，youmusthaveeverything。Butnowyouhavecometoallyourconclusions，youwanttogobackandbelikeasavage，withoutknowledge。Youwantalifeofpuresensationand"passion。"'
Hequotedthelastwordsatiricallyagainsther。Shesatconvulsedwithfuryandviolation，speechless，likeastrickenpythonessoftheGreekoracle。
`Butyourpassionisalie，'hewentonviolently。`Itisn'tpassionatall，itisyourwill。It'syourbullyingwill。Youwanttoclutchthingsandhavetheminyourpower。Youwanttohavethingsinyourpower。
Andwhy？Becauseyouhaven'tgotanyrealbody，anydarksensualbodyoflife。Youhavenosensuality。Youhaveonlyyourwillandyourconceitofconsciousness，andyourlustforpower，toknow。'
Helookedatherinmingledhateandcontempt，alsoinpainbecauseshesuffered，andinshamebecauseheknewhetorturedher。Hehadanimpulsetokneelandpleadforforgiveness。Butabittererredangerburneduptofuryinhim。Hebecameunconsciousofher，hewasonlyapassionatevoicespeaking。
`Spontaneous！'hecried。`Youandspontaneity！You，themostdeliberatethingthateverwalkedorcrawled！You'dbeverilydeliberatelyspontaneous——that'syou。Becauseyouwanttohaveeverythinginyourownvolition，yourdeliberatevoluntaryconsciousness。Youwantitallinthatloathsomelittleskullofyours，thatoughttobecrackedlikeanut。Foryou'llbethesametillitiscracked，likeaninsectinitsskin。Ifonecrackedyourskullperhapsonemightgetaspontaneous，passionatewomanoutofyou，withrealsensuality。Asitis，whatyouwantispornography——lookingatyourselfinmirrors，watchingyournakedanimalactionsinmirrors，sothatyoucanhaveitallinyourconsciousness，makeitallmental。'
Therewasasenseofviolationintheair，asiftoomuchwassaid，theunforgivable。YetUrsulawasconcernednowonlywithsolvingherownproblems，inthelightofhiswords。Shewaspaleandabstracted。
`Butdoyoureallywantsensuality？'sheasked，puzzled。
Birkinlookedather，andbecameintentinhisexplanation。
`Yes，'hesaid，`thatandnothingelse，atthispoint。Itisafulfilment——thegreatdarkknowledgeyoucan'thaveinyourhead——thedarkinvoluntarybeing。Itisdeathtoone'sself——butitisthecomingintobeingofanother。'
`Buthow？Howcanyouhaveknowledgenotinyourhead？'sheasked，quiteunabletointerprethisphrases。
`Intheblood，'heanswered;`whenthemindandtheknownworldisdrownedindarknesseverythingmustgo——theremustbethedeluge。Thenyoufindyourselfapalpablebodyofdarkness，ademon——'
`ButwhyshouldIbeademon——？'sheasked。
`"Womanwailingforherdemonlover"——'hequoted——`why，I
don'tknow。'
Hermionerousedherselfasfromadeath——annihilation。
`Heissuchadreadfulsatanist，isn'the？'shedrawledtoUrsula，inaqueerresonantvoice，thatendedonashrilllittlelaughofpureridicule。Thetwowomenwerejeeringathim，jeeringhimintonothingness。
Thelaughoftheshrill，triumphantfemalesoundedfromHermione，jeeringhimasifhewereaneuter。
`No，'hesaid。`Youaretherealdevilwhowon'tletlifeexist。'
Shelookedathimwithalong，slowlook，malevolent，supercilious。
`Youknowallaboutit，don'tyou？'shesaid，withslow，cold，cunningmockery。
`Enough，'hereplied，hisfacefixingfineandclearlikesteel。Ahorribledespair，andatthesametimeasenseofrelease，liberation，cameoverHermione。SheturnedwithapleasantintimacytoUrsula。
`YouaresureyouwillcometoBreadalby？'shesaid，urging。
`Yes，Ishouldliketoverymuch，'repliedUrsula。
Hermionelookeddownather，gratified，reflecting，andstrangelyabsent，asifpossessed，asifnotquitethere。
`I'msoglad，'shesaid，pullingherselftogether。`Sometimeinaboutafortnight。Yes？Iwillwritetoyouhere，attheschool，shallI？Yes。
Andyou'llbesuretocome？Yes。Ishallbesoglad。Good—bye！Good—bye！'
Hermioneheldoutherhandandlookedintotheeyesoftheotherwoman。
SheknewUrsulaasanimmediaterival，andtheknowledgestrangelyexhilaratedher。Alsoshewastakingleave。Italwaysgaveherasenseofstrength，advantage，tobedepartingandleavingtheotherbehind。Moreovershewastakingthemanwithher，ifonlyinhate。
Birkinstoodaside，fixedandunreal。Butnow，whenitwashisturntobidgood—bye，hebegantospeakagain。
`There'sthewholedifferenceintheworld，'hesaid，`betweentheactualsensualbeing，andtheviciousmental—deliberateprofligacyourlotgoesinfor。Inournight—time，there'salwaystheelectricityswitchedon，wewatchourselves，wegetitallinthehead，really。You'vegottolapseoutbeforeyoucanknowwhatsensualrealityis，lapseintounknowingness，andgiveupyourvolition。You'vegottodoit。You'vegottolearnnot—to—be，beforeyoucancomeintobeing。
`Butwehavegotsuchaconceitofourselves——that'swhereitis。
Wearesoconceited，andsounproud。We'vegotnopride，we'reallconceit，soconceitedinourownpapier—macherealisedselves。We'dratherdiethangiveupourlittleself—righteousself—opinionatedself—will。'
Therewassilenceintheroom。Bothwomenwerehostileandresentful。
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